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1
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:44,499
We gotta go, guys. Mike said we're dead
if we're not in his office by 9:00.
2
00:01:44,566 --> 00:01:45,966
Relax. He's not
even here yet.
3
00:01:46,033 --> 00:01:48,832
O.K., you got one lap to get
in my office. Thanks, Carter.
4
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,332
Hey, don't mind
if I do.
5
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:53,299
Aw, who puts tomato juice
in a coffee cup?
6
00:01:55,166 --> 00:01:57,265
...and said "I'm sorry"
7
00:01:57,333 --> 00:01:59,732
5 days since I laughedat you...
8
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,599
all right,
clear a Lane, people.
9
00:02:01,666 --> 00:02:04,032
3 days sincethe living room
10
00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:05,999
we're both to blamebut what could we do?
11
00:02:06,066 --> 00:02:07,966
Yesterdayyou just smiled at me
12
00:02:08,033 --> 00:02:11,499
'cause it'll still be 2 daystill we say we're sorry
13
00:02:11,566 --> 00:02:14,932
it'll still be 2 daystill we say we're sorry
14
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,932
listen. I had
a very relaxing weekend.
15
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,165
I'd like to ease into this.
Everybody please be gentle.
16
00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:22,532
(ALL OVERLAPPING)
17
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,699
D.J.: Here's onefrom the spin doctors.
18
00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:28,232
Uno, dos,tres, cuatro!
19
00:02:56,233 --> 00:02:59,798
We gotta come up with a new spot for
the mayor's reelection announcement.
20
00:02:59,866 --> 00:03:02,598
Someplace inspiring,
that says "America."
21
00:03:02,666 --> 00:03:04,565
Mount rushmore.
22
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,332
Someplace accessible.
23
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,798
Mount Stacey.
24
00:03:15,333 --> 00:03:17,665
Sorry. I was
thinking out loud.
25
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,731
How about the zoo? We just
dumped, like, $5 million
26
00:03:21,799 --> 00:03:23,631
into refurbishing
the monkey house.
27
00:03:23,699 --> 00:03:25,266
$5 million?
28
00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:28,898
Who do I have to fling crap at
to get my computer fixed?
29
00:03:28,966 --> 00:03:31,466
Having said that,
I like the zoo. That's good...
30
00:03:31,534 --> 00:03:34,499
central park, beautiful day,
cute critters. Set that up.
31
00:03:34,566 --> 00:03:38,232
Hey, sir, you all pumped up for
the reelection announcement?
32
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,132
Well, actually, Mike...
33
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,632
I've decided not to run.
34
00:03:42,699 --> 00:03:44,432
Sir?
35
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:47,898
I always get you with that one,
don't I, Mike? (CACKLES)
36
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,932
Stacey, remember that sick day
you took on Friday?
37
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,298
(COUGHS)
38
00:03:57,366 --> 00:03:59,599
(CLEARS THROAT)
Yeah, Mike?
39
00:03:59,666 --> 00:04:02,732
My friend Sebastian saw you
at a dance club Friday night.
40
00:04:02,799 --> 00:04:04,165
How'd he know it was me?
41
00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:07,432
You had your tongue
in his mouth.
42
00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:14,132
Wanna change that
to a vacation day?
43
00:04:14,199 --> 00:04:17,565
(MIMICKING STACEY COUGHING)
You are so bush league.
44
00:04:17,633 --> 00:04:20,765
Please! Like you
can do better.
45
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,965
Don't even talk to me!
46
00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:32,165
Hey, that's 2 extra days
on my honeymoon, blondie,
47
00:04:32,233 --> 00:04:35,265
all on Uncle Sam's dollar!
48
00:04:39,433 --> 00:04:41,532
What the hell is that?
49
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,032
It's my family dog, rags.
50
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,799
Oh, he's so cute!
(GIGGLING)
51
00:04:46,866 --> 00:04:48,799
Aw.
52
00:04:48,866 --> 00:04:50,799
Ugh!
53
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:02,166
How old is that thing?
54
00:05:02,233 --> 00:05:04,199
He's only 19.
55
00:05:04,266 --> 00:05:07,232
My parents were thinking
of putting him to sleep,
56
00:05:07,300 --> 00:05:09,765
and he's not ready for that!
Not ready?
57
00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:14,132
When you said "put him to sleep," his
eyes lit up like he heard a can opener.
58
00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:21,965
Come on, Stuart. You take this
little guy out for a walk,
59
00:05:22,033 --> 00:05:24,599
and the women
are gonna go crazy.
60
00:05:24,667 --> 00:05:27,199
Oh, yeah.
"Hey, look at that guy
61
00:05:27,266 --> 00:05:30,332
dragging the partially
shaved sheep fetus.
62
00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:34,132
Someone help me
get my panties off."
63
00:05:37,433 --> 00:05:41,266
Stuart, come on. Have you seen
a face that beautiful before,
64
00:05:41,333 --> 00:05:43,699
huh?
Hey, Carter.
65
00:05:43,766 --> 00:05:45,831
Nice bat.
66
00:05:50,032 --> 00:05:53,499
Now, regarding our plan to announce
the mayor's bid for reelection...
67
00:05:53,567 --> 00:05:55,132
(ALL WHINING)
68
00:05:55,199 --> 00:05:58,366
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Does this topic bore you?
69
00:05:58,433 --> 00:06:01,332
Let me paint a picture
of what your futures hold
70
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,666
if the mayor does not
get reelected.
71
00:06:03,734 --> 00:06:06,798
James, you'll be writing
gags for Charlie Cheddar,
72
00:06:06,866 --> 00:06:11,299
the talking cheese block
at the Wisconsin state fair.
73
00:06:12,333 --> 00:06:14,499
Mike, he writes
his own material.
74
00:06:14,567 --> 00:06:19,466
Stacey, back in Brooklyn living
with your parents. Married, 3 kids.
75
00:06:19,533 --> 00:06:22,798
Nikki, back in
Westchester, also 3 kids.
76
00:06:22,866 --> 00:06:23,998
Married?
77
00:06:27,166 --> 00:06:29,765
Paul... 2 words.
78
00:06:29,832 --> 00:06:32,599
Press secretary?
Freak show!
79
00:06:32,667 --> 00:06:34,998
Shoving pool balls
in your mouth.
80
00:06:35,066 --> 00:06:38,831
Mike, I can't fit
a pool ball in my mouth.
81
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,266
Paulie.
82
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:42,800
Well...
83
00:06:42,866 --> 00:06:45,433
It's really
not that weird.
84
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:48,433
Stuart, I see you
in a strip club.
85
00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:51,165
Keep talking.
86
00:06:51,233 --> 00:06:54,199
You're completely naked.
I'm loving this.
87
00:06:54,266 --> 00:06:56,998
You're dancing in front
of a room full of sailors,
88
00:06:57,066 --> 00:07:00,399
and it's "don't ask,
don't tell" week.
89
00:07:00,467 --> 00:07:03,666
Now, regarding our plan to announce
the mayor's bid for reelection!
90
00:07:03,734 --> 00:07:05,433
(CHEERING)
91
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,932
Ow! Ow! Ow!
92
00:07:07,999 --> 00:07:10,832
Ow. Ow. Ow.
93
00:07:10,899 --> 00:07:12,165
Ow.
94
00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:14,998
(CHORTLING)
95
00:07:15,066 --> 00:07:17,566
You know, Paul,
I am no snitch,
96
00:07:17,634 --> 00:07:20,700
but when Mike gets back,
I'm telling.
97
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:23,199
Yeah, you sing
all you want, sweet cakes.
98
00:07:23,266 --> 00:07:26,865
'Cause I got doctor's notes. I got x-rays.
I got sworn affidavits.
99
00:07:26,933 --> 00:07:29,466
I'm like eliot ness.
I'm unreachable.
100
00:07:29,534 --> 00:07:30,898
It's "untouchable".
101
00:07:30,966 --> 00:07:32,733
Yeah, whatever.
102
00:07:33,567 --> 00:07:34,666
Hey, Paul.
103
00:07:34,734 --> 00:07:37,265
Oh, yeah. Uh, what is it?
What do you want?
104
00:07:37,334 --> 00:07:39,832
Relax. I was just wondering
how you hurt your ankle.
105
00:07:39,899 --> 00:07:41,899
Oh, yeah.
I did it cliff diving.
106
00:07:41,966 --> 00:07:43,999
Cliff diving? Why?
107
00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:46,665
Did someone drop a quarter
on the ocean floor?
108
00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:49,399
(NIKKI AND STACEY GIGGLING)
109
00:07:49,466 --> 00:07:51,499
MAYOR: They've got me
set up by the sea lions.
110
00:07:51,566 --> 00:07:53,465
I was leaning
more towards the penguins.
111
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:57,499
I thought it added an air of formality
to the event, but I was outvoted.
112
00:07:57,566 --> 00:07:59,032
Well, sir?
Yeah?
113
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:01,532
Ready to stake your claim
on the next 4 years? Ready.
114
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,599
You'll be happy to know I set up a celebrity
photo op for you later this afternoon.
115
00:08:05,666 --> 00:08:07,499
Ooh! You know
who it should be?
116
00:08:07,566 --> 00:08:10,866
Sir, we've had the Ann-Margret
discussion many times.
117
00:08:10,933 --> 00:08:14,065
If it's not Ann-Margret, I'm not doing it.
It's Heidi Klum.
118
00:08:14,133 --> 00:08:16,965
Sports illustrated swimsuit
edition cover girl.
119
00:08:17,033 --> 00:08:19,065
Ann-Margret's a dinosaur.
120
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,599
Well, sir, this is it.
Go get 'em.
121
00:08:23,666 --> 00:08:26,632
Oh, you know, I shouldn't
have worn this wool suit.
122
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:30,599
Feels like burlap against
the old twig and berries.
123
00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:42,766
It's your first lunch
in your new home...
124
00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:45,232
A home filled with love.
125
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:49,099
That geriatric dog of yours
left a gift in my room.
126
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:51,099
Aw, did rags have
an accident? Did he?
127
00:08:51,167 --> 00:08:54,766
Yeah. He accidentally dropped a of
couple of teeth on my bedspread.
128
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,833
(PLINKING)
129
00:08:58,367 --> 00:09:01,766
Why do you insist on keeping
this poor creature alive?
130
00:09:01,834 --> 00:09:04,632
Stuart! Rags is
perfectly happy.
131
00:09:04,700 --> 00:09:08,433
Oh, yeah? Then why is he trying to
stick his tongue in that outlet?
132
00:09:10,533 --> 00:09:12,632
Rags!
133
00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,366
So, when's he going back
to your parents' house?
134
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:20,966
He isn't.
This is his home now.
135
00:09:21,033 --> 00:09:24,599
You can't bring home some old dog without
checking with your roommate first.
136
00:09:24,667 --> 00:09:26,966
Did I not call you
last Saturday night
137
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:29,132
when I met Tina
at the buffet?
138
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,833
Stuart, rags may be
a little old,
139
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:36,132
but he is as young
and vibrant as a puppy.
140
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:38,866
(BABY-TALK VOICE)
Isn't that true?
141
00:09:38,934 --> 00:09:41,865
Aren't you just filled with
life and love and laughter?
142
00:09:41,933 --> 00:09:45,032
(SOUND SLOWED DOWN) Aren't
you just the sweetest thing?
143
00:09:45,099 --> 00:09:47,765
Don't you just have
lots of good stuff left?
144
00:09:47,833 --> 00:09:50,532
He's got lots of
good stuff left inside.
145
00:09:50,599 --> 00:09:54,565
(FALSETTO VOICE) You're just a smoochie
baby with a big smoochie-smoochie face,
146
00:09:54,633 --> 00:09:57,632
with smoochie lips
and smoochie eyes...
147
00:09:59,233 --> 00:10:02,399
Way to go, Mr. mayor. That'll
get us on the front page.
148
00:10:02,466 --> 00:10:04,698
Let's get out of here.
My whole body's chafing.
149
00:10:04,766 --> 00:10:06,632
Oh! Vote Winston!
150
00:10:06,699 --> 00:10:09,565
I'll be right
with you, sir.
151
00:10:10,699 --> 00:10:13,065
Hey, hey! Somebody stop that!
152
00:10:18,833 --> 00:10:19,933
Whoa!
153
00:10:36,266 --> 00:10:38,232
Agh!
154
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,132
(BARKING)
155
00:10:41,200 --> 00:10:42,966
(GRUNTS)
Seals!
156
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:45,132
Seals! Seals!
157
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,999
Actually,
they're sea lions.
158
00:10:47,066 --> 00:10:50,732
Seals have more
pronounced ear flaps.
159
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,966
I wish I had ear flaps.
160
00:10:54,967 --> 00:10:57,132
Hey, buddy.
You're a hero!
161
00:10:57,200 --> 00:10:59,299
Let me get some
reporters over here.
162
00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:02,232
No! No, no, don't do that.
I'll get in trouble.
163
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,299
You don't work
at the zoo, do you?
164
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,999
You're nuts, right?
165
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,232
A LITTLE.
166
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:13,265
(SEA LION BARKS LOUDLY)
167
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:15,699
The guys want you
to cover for me.
168
00:11:15,766 --> 00:11:18,032
You sure about that?
Sure about that?
169
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:20,965
(HOWLING)
170
00:11:21,033 --> 00:11:23,966
My baby! My baby!
171
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:27,432
Hey, buddy, wait.
172
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,366
Give us a picture
with the baby.
173
00:11:29,433 --> 00:11:31,265
(PEOPLE SHOUTING)
Mike! Mike! Mike!
174
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:44,752
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
175
00:11:47,352 --> 00:11:50,685
Thank you. I only have
one thing to say.
176
00:11:50,753 --> 00:11:53,018
If you have not yet
saved a baby,
177
00:11:53,086 --> 00:11:55,018
I strongly suggest
you do so.
178
00:11:55,086 --> 00:11:57,652
Can I get you to sign this
copy of your newspaper cover?
179
00:11:57,719 --> 00:11:59,918
Sure.
You know, for my mom.
180
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:03,151
What's her name?
James.
181
00:12:04,486 --> 00:12:06,485
Hey, this is amazing.
I'm on the subway...
182
00:12:06,552 --> 00:12:08,918
some woman tries to steal
a pair of my underwear.
183
00:12:08,986 --> 00:12:10,918
From your gym bag?
184
00:12:10,986 --> 00:12:13,385
No.
185
00:12:13,452 --> 00:12:15,385
That's why I wear 2 pair.
186
00:12:16,452 --> 00:12:18,785
Funny. I thought
that was a court order.
187
00:12:22,019 --> 00:12:24,218
Last night was
the greatest night of my life.
188
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:26,885
I walked into that bar,
I... I was like a magnet.
189
00:12:26,952 --> 00:12:30,252
People were coming up to me,
buying me drinks, shaking my hand.
190
00:12:30,319 --> 00:12:33,085
I woke up this morning... I had
a hangover and a sore wrist.
191
00:12:33,153 --> 00:12:35,152
Ha. Been there.
192
00:12:44,052 --> 00:12:45,984
O.K. I gotta go do this
TV show with the mayor.
193
00:12:46,052 --> 00:12:49,051
Reschedule my conference call
with the governor for 3:00.
194
00:12:49,118 --> 00:12:52,184
But if the DNC can't push back to
8:00, make the governor at 5:00.
195
00:12:52,252 --> 00:12:55,652
I'll stop by the dnc on my way
back from coffee at the a.C.L.U.
196
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:59,051
Got it?
Yeah, whatever.
197
00:12:59,118 --> 00:13:02,117
I want you
to watch Paul.
198
00:13:03,219 --> 00:13:05,785
First one to my desk
gets a free mallomar!
199
00:13:09,052 --> 00:13:10,884
Thanks!
200
00:13:10,952 --> 00:13:14,585
Mike, I'm gonna need a couple
of hours off this afternoon.
201
00:13:14,653 --> 00:13:16,652
Gotta get an MRI.
202
00:13:18,118 --> 00:13:20,017
Don't get stuck
in the tube.
203
00:13:20,085 --> 00:13:22,552
Ha ha ha.
"Stuck in the tube."
204
00:13:22,619 --> 00:13:24,752
Ha ha ha.
That's a good one, boss.
205
00:13:24,820 --> 00:13:26,652
Untouchable.
206
00:13:27,952 --> 00:13:30,284
You're not
getting an MRI.
207
00:13:30,353 --> 00:13:32,685
Yes, I am. MRI...
208
00:13:32,753 --> 00:13:35,951
Movie, round of golf,
209
00:13:36,018 --> 00:13:38,951
and if she's in the mood,
intercourse with my wife.
210
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,184
Ugh.
211
00:13:40,252 --> 00:13:41,786
I will get you.
212
00:13:41,853 --> 00:13:45,419
Yeah. And if she's not
in the mood, igloo pop!
213
00:13:53,185 --> 00:13:55,184
Concerned mayor.
214
00:13:58,386 --> 00:14:00,385
Thoughtful mayor.
215
00:14:01,887 --> 00:14:04,084
Itty-bitty mayor.
216
00:14:07,119 --> 00:14:09,819
All right, sir. We're going
on earlier than we thought.
217
00:14:09,887 --> 00:14:11,951
The good samaritan
of the year can't make it.
218
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,218
Why not?
He's in jail.
219
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:16,951
Apparently, he got all
that good samaritan energy
220
00:14:17,019 --> 00:14:19,552
from his cocaine
importing business.
221
00:14:19,620 --> 00:14:21,351
This city,
I'll tell ya.
222
00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:24,185
Somebody ought
to do something.
223
00:14:24,252 --> 00:14:26,685
Well, I'll see you onstage.
224
00:14:32,019 --> 00:14:35,452
Mike, about this
whole baby thing, uh...
225
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:39,251
Never got a chance to tell you
how proud I am of you.
226
00:14:39,319 --> 00:14:42,418
Yeah, well, you know.
That's all right.
227
00:14:42,486 --> 00:14:44,418
Mike?
228
00:14:44,486 --> 00:14:46,551
Proud of you.
229
00:14:46,619 --> 00:14:49,151
This is what I hear.
230
00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:52,618
I know it sounds silly, but I
grew up without an older brother,
231
00:14:52,686 --> 00:14:56,018
and I guess I need... someone
in my life to look up to.
232
00:14:58,286 --> 00:15:00,285
Mike, you complete me.
233
00:15:02,586 --> 00:15:04,718
James?
234
00:15:04,786 --> 00:15:07,118
You had me at "proud."
235
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:14,018
I'm serious. There are
a lot of fake heroes out there,
236
00:15:14,086 --> 00:15:17,318
but it means a lot to me
that my boss is a real one.
237
00:15:17,386 --> 00:15:19,218
All right.
238
00:15:27,286 --> 00:15:29,685
Oh, what are you looking at?
239
00:15:32,486 --> 00:15:36,218
(WHISTLING "In the hall
of the mountain king")
240
00:15:38,086 --> 00:15:40,218
(WHISTLING A TUNE)
241
00:15:41,420 --> 00:15:43,785
(BOTH STOP WHISTLING)
242
00:15:43,853 --> 00:15:45,885
What ya doing, Stu?
243
00:15:45,953 --> 00:15:48,118
You get a dog,
I get a poster.
244
00:15:48,186 --> 00:15:50,318
Just pretend
the girl's a guy...
245
00:15:50,386 --> 00:15:52,718
Mm-hmm.
And the Ferrari's...
246
00:15:53,819 --> 00:15:56,685
Some method
of gay transportation.
247
00:15:56,753 --> 00:15:58,952
Ha ha ha.
Not in this house!
248
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:00,952
What are you doing?
Leave it alone.
249
00:16:01,020 --> 00:16:03,885
Coming down.
Leave my poster...
250
00:16:03,953 --> 00:16:07,118
Carter! I've had that poster
since the seventh grade!
251
00:16:07,186 --> 00:16:09,751
- What did you do?
- (KNOCKING)
252
00:16:12,319 --> 00:16:15,885
Do you know between your place
and my place there are 9 bars?
253
00:16:15,953 --> 00:16:20,718
Well, uh, 10,
if... if you count the tenth.
254
00:16:20,786 --> 00:16:23,218
Mike, it's not a
good ti... thanks.
255
00:16:23,286 --> 00:16:25,118
Carter, let me
ask you a question.
256
00:16:25,186 --> 00:16:27,419
What is your
definition of a hero?
257
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:31,452
If you accept the classical Greek
interpretation vis-a-vis homer in the iliad...
258
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,419
Carter, I know
you're smart, O.K.?
259
00:16:33,486 --> 00:16:36,919
Please don't
vis-a-vis me tonight. Ah-ah!
260
00:16:39,753 --> 00:16:42,318
Sorry, Mike.
What's on your mind?
261
00:16:42,385 --> 00:16:46,485
If all I'd done was skate after the
baby, but I didn't catch the baby,
262
00:16:46,552 --> 00:16:49,251
that would still be
a heroic act, right?
263
00:16:49,319 --> 00:16:50,885
No.
264
00:16:50,953 --> 00:16:53,619
That would
just be skating.
265
00:16:53,686 --> 00:16:55,251
Well, I'm outta here.
266
00:16:55,319 --> 00:16:58,184
No tears, no drama. Let's do
this with class and dignity.
267
00:16:58,252 --> 00:16:59,885
O.K.
That's my suitcase.
268
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:01,986
Oh, I just knew
you'd take the low road.
269
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:04,251
Stuart, what makes
someone a hero?
270
00:17:04,319 --> 00:17:07,451
I'd have to go
with X-ray vision.
271
00:17:09,586 --> 00:17:11,919
O.K. 0 for 2.
Anybody else here?
272
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:13,652
No, just Carter.
273
00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,652
Come on, Stuart!
274
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,251
Co...
275
00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:20,451
what's that
supposed to mean?
276
00:17:20,519 --> 00:17:22,284
Look at this from
his point of view.
277
00:17:22,352 --> 00:17:26,451
This is obviously your apartment to begin with.
You decorated this place yourself.
278
00:17:26,519 --> 00:17:28,819
You have a... a dog.
279
00:17:31,352 --> 00:17:34,952
He just feels like you're
not treating him as an equal.
280
00:17:35,020 --> 00:17:37,284
Mike, it's me, Carter.
281
00:17:37,352 --> 00:17:39,685
Remember? I'm Mr. Equal.
282
00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:43,118
(BEEP) CARTER: Hey.You've reached Carter's place.
283
00:17:43,186 --> 00:17:46,052
Leave a message for Carterafter the beep,
284
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,385
and Carterwill get back to you.
285
00:17:48,452 --> 00:17:50,552
Carter, out.
286
00:17:50,619 --> 00:17:53,385
Maybe I can
still catch him.
287
00:17:53,452 --> 00:17:57,251
Hey, wait. We were
having a conversation here.
288
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:08,218
Kill me.
289
00:18:19,553 --> 00:18:21,218
What?
290
00:18:21,286 --> 00:18:24,318
Help me out here, will ya?
I'll hop down off the couch,
291
00:18:24,386 --> 00:18:27,418
and you can push
the TV over on me.
292
00:18:31,286 --> 00:18:35,018
Lis... listen, uh...
Little talking doggy.
293
00:18:36,553 --> 00:18:38,351
I got my own
problems here.
294
00:18:38,419 --> 00:18:41,884
You have got
to come clean, Mike.
295
00:18:43,519 --> 00:18:47,184
You know what? You're right.
You're absolutely right.
296
00:18:48,419 --> 00:18:50,318
I owe you one.
297
00:18:50,386 --> 00:18:52,518
Then kill me.
298
00:18:56,818 --> 00:18:59,652
So... so that's it.
That's the whole story.
299
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:01,552
The only thing
I left out was that
300
00:19:01,620 --> 00:19:06,084
sea lions eat herring all day, and
yet their breath is minty fresh.
301
00:19:06,152 --> 00:19:08,017
Makes you wonder.
302
00:19:08,085 --> 00:19:11,118
Now, before you jump
all over me,
303
00:19:11,185 --> 00:19:14,084
I would just like it duly noted
that I did try to save the baby,
304
00:19:14,152 --> 00:19:17,017
and I only took credit
as a favor to the other guy.
305
00:19:17,085 --> 00:19:21,051
When you look at it that way, I don't
even know what I'm apologizing for.
306
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:24,784
Mike, you spent the last 2 days milking
this thing for all it was worth.
307
00:19:24,852 --> 00:19:27,051
Let's not nitpick.
308
00:19:28,653 --> 00:19:31,218
The bottom line is, if you're
looking for a hero to write about,
309
00:19:31,286 --> 00:19:35,385
the guy on the right puts his butt
on the line for this city every day.
310
00:19:35,453 --> 00:19:38,518
Of course, I mean
my right, your left.
311
00:19:40,885 --> 00:19:43,185
So now there's nothing
left to do but introduce
312
00:19:43,252 --> 00:19:47,518
the present and future mayor of
New York City, Randall Winston.
313
00:19:47,585 --> 00:19:51,084
I think the important thing here
is not who did the saving,
314
00:19:51,152 --> 00:19:53,351
but that a little life
was saved...
315
00:19:53,419 --> 00:19:56,518
The life of little baby...
316
00:19:56,585 --> 00:19:58,884
Baby.
317
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:03,884
Now, any questions
about my reelection?
318
00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:05,751
ALL: Mr. mayor?
319
00:20:05,819 --> 00:20:07,651
WOMAN:
I have a question.
320
00:20:10,852 --> 00:20:12,518
My crutches.
321
00:20:12,585 --> 00:20:14,285
Where are my crutches?
322
00:20:14,352 --> 00:20:16,285
Looking for these?
323
00:20:16,352 --> 00:20:18,685
Give me those crutches, you witch!
No. No way.
324
00:20:18,752 --> 00:20:20,185
No way! No.
Give them to me!
325
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:23,418
Mike, come here! See what
Paul's really made out of!
326
00:20:23,485 --> 00:20:25,018
You're dead.
327
00:20:25,085 --> 00:20:27,751
Gaaghh!
328
00:20:27,819 --> 00:20:29,818
(GROANING)
329
00:20:31,152 --> 00:20:34,051
Ow. Ow. Ow!
330
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:36,884
Jeez, Paul, that ankle
isn't looking any better.
331
00:20:36,952 --> 00:20:40,951
Why don't you, uh, take
the rest of the day off?
332
00:20:41,019 --> 00:20:44,151
Ha! I win again!
333
00:20:44,219 --> 00:20:47,451
That's right, Paul,
you're a big winner.
334
00:20:47,519 --> 00:20:49,352
You freak.
335
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,085
You O.K., Michael?
336
00:20:56,152 --> 00:20:58,818
Oh, yeah, sure.
Why wouldn't I be?
337
00:20:58,886 --> 00:21:01,852
Well, because that
reporter did refer to you
338
00:21:01,919 --> 00:21:04,651
as the Milli Vanilli
of modern politics.
339
00:21:07,452 --> 00:21:10,185
Actually, sir,
I... I had already left,
340
00:21:10,253 --> 00:21:12,352
so I hadn't heard that.
341
00:21:13,686 --> 00:21:15,951
Until now.
342
00:21:16,019 --> 00:21:18,252
(CLEARS THROAT)
I would imagine it's...
343
00:21:18,319 --> 00:21:21,418
It... it's hard being
behind the scenes
344
00:21:21,486 --> 00:21:25,451
while I'm... up front
getting all the attention.
345
00:21:25,519 --> 00:21:28,418
Well,
you know what, sir?
346
00:21:28,486 --> 00:21:30,385
I like this chair.
347
00:21:30,452 --> 00:21:33,018
You know?
I... I... I'm comfortable in it.
348
00:21:33,086 --> 00:21:35,818
But, you know, you sit
in one chair long enough,
349
00:21:35,886 --> 00:21:38,352
you do start to wonder
what other chairs feel like,
350
00:21:38,419 --> 00:21:41,285
even though
you know your chair...
351
00:21:41,353 --> 00:21:43,252
Is the right chair for you.
352
00:21:43,319 --> 00:21:47,852
Are you trying to tell me to get back with my ex-wife?
'Cause I'm not gonna do it.
353
00:21:47,919 --> 00:21:50,185
Anyway, sir,
what I'm saying...
354
00:21:50,253 --> 00:21:53,585
Is even though
I love my job,
355
00:21:53,652 --> 00:21:55,752
you know,
sometimes I... I... I...
356
00:21:55,819 --> 00:21:58,618
I do wonder
if I'm missing anything.
357
00:21:58,686 --> 00:22:01,485
Mike, look out that window.
358
00:22:01,552 --> 00:22:03,818
We preside...
359
00:22:03,886 --> 00:22:06,451
Over the greatest
city in the world.
360
00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:10,051
Sir, that's new Jersey.
361
00:22:13,286 --> 00:22:16,185
Mr. mayor, Heidi Klum
is here to see you.
362
00:22:16,253 --> 00:22:18,785
Mr. mayor,
it is an honor.
363
00:22:18,853 --> 00:22:20,885
Well, the pleasure's
all mine.
364
00:22:20,952 --> 00:22:24,785
Why, you're even
lovelier in person than...
365
00:22:24,853 --> 00:22:27,252
I've never
seen you before.
366
00:22:29,486 --> 00:22:31,185
Let's get this photo.
367
00:22:31,253 --> 00:22:35,252
O.K., just, uh,
smile and say "jeez."
368
00:22:36,919 --> 00:22:39,084
Mike, uh, why don't
you get in this picture?
369
00:22:39,152 --> 00:22:41,785
Oh, no, you go ahead, sir.
No, no, I insist.
370
00:22:41,853 --> 00:22:43,785
(CHUCKLES)
371
00:22:44,820 --> 00:22:46,819
It's a little better
composition.
372
00:22:46,886 --> 00:22:48,585
How're we doing?
Are we comfy?
373
00:22:48,653 --> 00:22:50,652
Sure. And who
are you again?
374
00:22:50,719 --> 00:22:52,752
Oh, I'm just the guy
behind the guy.
375
00:22:52,820 --> 00:22:55,618
See, sir?
My 15 minutes are up.
376
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:08,151
Is it straight?
377
00:23:08,218 --> 00:23:09,852
I'd say it's so straight
378
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:13,585
it's probably overcompensating
for something.
379
00:23:13,653 --> 00:23:16,284
Hey, where's
our little flea bag?
380
00:23:16,353 --> 00:23:18,718
Mom, I'm comin' home.
381
00:23:18,786 --> 00:23:21,085
Oh! Rags!
382
00:23:21,153 --> 00:23:22,819
Rags?
383
00:23:24,353 --> 00:23:27,051
You could've
killed yourself.
384
00:23:27,118 --> 00:23:28,919
Aw...
385
00:23:30,185 --> 00:23:33,117
I'm gonna take an enormous
dump on your shirt.
386
00:23:35,185 --> 00:23:36,685
MAN: Sit, ubu, sit.Good dog.
387
00:23:36,753 --> 00:23:37,984
(BARKING)
388
00:23:39,319 --> 00:23:40,652
Moo.
389
00:23:40,702 --> 00:23:45,252
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