Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,134 --> 00:00:02,501
Good morning, Mike.
2
00:00:02,569 --> 00:00:05,437
Morning, sir.
You all ready for the big book signing?
3
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,574
Are we sure that this is the
best title for my autobiography?
4
00:00:08,641 --> 00:00:11,310
Winston on Winston?
5
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:15,014
As long as there's not 2 guys on
the cover, I think we're o. k.
6
00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:21,620
Who'd we end up getting to
ghostwrite this thing for me?
7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:24,623
Jennifer Goldman.
Remember, she hung out with you for months,
8
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,558
asked those questions
about your life?
9
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:29,528
I thought we were dating.
10
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:33,332
Well, I guess that explains
why she stopped calling.
11
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:38,037
Great book, sir.
I wept openly.
12
00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:39,705
I appreciate that, Stuart.
13
00:00:42,709 --> 00:00:45,210
You haven't read it, have you?
14
00:00:45,278 --> 00:00:48,313
You kidding? I fell asleep
looking at the book jacket.
15
00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:51,316
Hey, Mike, do you listen to
Drew West in the mornings?
16
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:54,153
Radio guy?
He's a loudmouthed, offensive jerk
17
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:58,223
who taints the airwaves with his filth and
appeals to the lowest levels of society.
18
00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:00,125
Yeah. So, do you
listen to him?
19
00:01:00,193 --> 00:01:02,127
Sometimes.
20
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,763
He is also signing copies
of his autobiography today.
21
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:07,466
Traffic's already backed up.
We gotta cancel the mayor's.
22
00:01:07,534 --> 00:01:11,003
This city is big enough to support 2
celebrity book signings on the same day.
23
00:01:14,874 --> 00:01:16,809
Today's Wednesday, right?
24
00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:46,038
It went great. The mayor signed
over 200 copies of his book.
25
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,439
That's amazing.
26
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,241
James, learn to listen.
27
00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,777
The mayor signed
over 200 copies.
28
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,846
He didn't sell any.
29
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:56,982
That's not true.
He sold over 150 copies.
30
00:01:57,050 --> 00:01:59,251
Just to the people
in this room.
31
00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,922
Simple payroll deduction.
You won't even notice it.
32
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:05,557
Is the mayor upset?
33
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,559
No, he realizes
it's a momentary setback.
34
00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,896
I've arranged to have his book reviewed
by a hand-picked political figure
35
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,765
who will give us
a favorable review.
36
00:02:12,832 --> 00:02:15,734
And I'm honored, Mike.
37
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:18,704
But I pride myself on
being a man of principle.
38
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,306
I can't guarantee
a favorable review.
39
00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,276
I'm gonna love it, aren't I?
40
00:02:24,344 --> 00:02:25,878
I'm here!
Sorry, I'm late.
41
00:02:25,945 --> 00:02:27,946
If you're gonna be
this late without calling
42
00:02:28,014 --> 00:02:30,049
you better have
a damn good excuse.
43
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:33,085
That's a damn good excuse.
44
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,920
Rollerblading accident?
45
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,389
I was running to catch a
cab in my new High heels.
46
00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:40,392
That happened
to a Buddy of mine.
47
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:43,696
We should turn on Drew West.
He's talking about us.
48
00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:46,498
And how about
the mayor's book signing?
49
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:49,401
I had more people there
when I lost my virginity.
50
00:02:49,469 --> 00:02:51,870
And I was alone!
51
00:02:53,073 --> 00:02:55,140
Meanwhile, I even signed
one of my books
52
00:02:55,208 --> 00:02:56,942
for a member
of the mayor's staff.
53
00:02:57,010 --> 00:03:00,012
Oh, that guy will just
make up whatever he wants!
54
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:03,182
Drew West is talking
about me on the radio.
55
00:03:03,249 --> 00:03:07,052
Hey, let's see what witticism
Drew came up with.
56
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,790
"Dear Stacey,
nice rack. "
57
00:03:15,428 --> 00:03:17,062
All right, what's the response?
58
00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,997
I said thank you.
59
00:03:19,065 --> 00:03:22,568
I know what we can do.
We could demand that he bring over
60
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,170
all his girls from his
"ask a stripper" segment.
61
00:03:25,238 --> 00:03:26,905
How is that gonna
help us, Stuart?
62
00:03:26,973 --> 00:03:29,308
I'm just saying...
63
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:31,143
It's something we could do.
64
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:34,313
Why can't we just
ignore the guy?
65
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,814
That's a good instinct, James.
66
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,884
Most trivial nuisances in the
world of politics will go away
67
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,019
if you just ignore 'em.
68
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,221
Mike?
69
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:44,156
Mike?
70
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,059
Mike?
71
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,896
Still, I can't help
but feel that...
72
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:53,532
We're missing
an opportunity here.
73
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,536
This guy reaches thousands of potential
voters we could never reach.
74
00:03:57,604 --> 00:04:00,339
Who cares?
He's an over-bearing, unpredictable
75
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,441
sexist jackass.
76
00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:04,576
Oh, and you're perfect?
77
00:04:05,645 --> 00:04:06,945
I can use this guy.
78
00:04:07,013 --> 00:04:09,581
I can turn this
into a positive.
79
00:04:09,649 --> 00:04:11,684
We'll put the mayor
on his show.
80
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,018
Mike?
81
00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,988
So, unless anyone
has something to add.
82
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,322
Mike?
83
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:19,425
Let's get going on this!
84
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,296
Happy water day!
85
00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:26,498
Happy water day!
86
00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,401
Why are you two so excited
about a beverage?
87
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:32,838
Trust me.
You don't want to miss this.
88
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:35,174
Good morning, ladies.
89
00:04:35,241 --> 00:04:37,409
Good morning!
90
00:04:37,477 --> 00:04:41,914
H2... oh, would you
look at that butt?
91
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:44,249
How often does he deliver?
92
00:04:44,317 --> 00:04:47,386
For me, just about every time
he walks through that door.
93
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,491
Excuse me.
94
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,827
Would you mind moving
the jug over a little
95
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,929
so it's not so close
to the file cabinet?
96
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:01,400
How's that?
97
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,402
Perfect.
98
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,472
I think we should celebrate
water day a little more often.
99
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:09,742
There's been a mistake in our order.
We're supposed to have 2 of those.
100
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:12,378
Oh, it says here one.
101
00:05:12,445 --> 00:05:14,546
Yeah, and now it says 2.
102
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:18,283
Here's my review
of your book, sir.
103
00:05:18,351 --> 00:05:20,219
Oh! Great.
104
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:23,288
"A fast-paced
thrill ride. "
105
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,526
"A spectacle the whole
family will enjoy. "
106
00:05:28,995 --> 00:05:31,764
Paul, did you just take this
stuff from movie reviews?
107
00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:32,998
No, of course not, sir.
108
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,801
"Stallone
is pure adrenaline. "
109
00:05:40,173 --> 00:05:42,107
Paul, did you even
read my book?
110
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,809
Not exactly, no.
No, sir.
111
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:46,512
No, I didn't want it
to taint my objectivity.
112
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,981
But I'm gonna go
read it right now.
113
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,984
After all, I understand
I bought 75 copies.
114
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:56,121
Sir, did you get a chance to listen to
that Drew West tape I made up for you?
115
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:59,825
I don't need to, Mike. I've done a lot
of volatile interviews. Just fill me in.
116
00:05:59,893 --> 00:06:02,995
Well, a lot of tough questions,
a lot of bare breasts.
117
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:06,231
Think of it as
topless Jeopardy!, sir.
118
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:09,968
Remember, when you're in there tomorrow,
he's gonna say anything to rattle you.
119
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:12,004
Don't let him suck you in.
120
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,706
I'm unflappable.
121
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:16,308
What's your favorite
sexual position, sir?
122
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,277
You're fired.
123
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:21,580
See, that's exactly the kind of
question he's gonna ask you.
124
00:06:21,648 --> 00:06:24,116
That's just the kind of
zippy answer he'll get.
125
00:06:26,986 --> 00:06:30,289
Well, that was refreshing.
126
00:06:30,357 --> 00:06:34,326
I can't believe you refused to
take your spanking, mr. Mayor.
127
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:37,363
That's one of the perks of having a deputy.
Right, Mike?
128
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,539
I just pray you aren't
naughty again, sir.
129
00:06:47,607 --> 00:06:50,576
I think mistress Tina here
knocked a filling loose.
130
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,013
But I deserved it.
131
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:58,417
All right! The fun and games are over.
Let's get down to business.
132
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:02,654
So, mr. Mayor, how did you
and mr. Flaherty get together?
133
00:07:02,722 --> 00:07:04,023
Well, let's see, uh...
134
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,358
We met at a rally,
and we really hit it off,
135
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,260
so we went back
to my hotel room and...
136
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,830
hey, hey!
This is a family show.
137
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:14,733
We can't have
that type of language.
138
00:07:14,801 --> 00:07:17,736
We talked, Drew, we talked.
He was gonna say we talked.
139
00:07:17,804 --> 00:07:20,973
Anyway, when I told him
that I admired his long...
140
00:07:22,475 --> 00:07:24,443
Record in public service...
141
00:07:24,511 --> 00:07:26,111
Thank you.
142
00:07:26,179 --> 00:07:28,614
He knew that I wasn't
just stroking his...
143
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:35,587
ego.
144
00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:37,790
So, Randy!
145
00:07:39,392 --> 00:07:41,326
What was the deal
with your book signing?
146
00:07:41,394 --> 00:07:44,730
I heard that the only person to show
up was your ex-wife, and, uh...
147
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,299
She just wanted directions
to my book signing.
148
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:50,369
see, she already
knows the way to my house.
149
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:54,840
Yes, well, Helen always did
love doing charity work.
150
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,378
Oh, I think I just
got slammed by the mayor.
151
00:07:59,446 --> 00:08:01,547
Helen used to love that, too.
152
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,986
O.k.!
Gloves are off.
153
00:08:08,054 --> 00:08:09,855
Mr. Mayor,
154
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,990
what's your favorite
sexual position?
155
00:08:12,058 --> 00:08:14,460
Well, that's none
of your business.
156
00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:17,329
But I hear yours is man on top,
157
00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:19,398
woman in magazine.
158
00:08:26,806 --> 00:08:29,074
And for those of you
keeping score at home,
159
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:32,544
that's the mayor 3,
Drew West, nothing.
160
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:34,113
Ow!
161
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:41,620
He's on his way up
with another bottle.
162
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,525
How do I look?
163
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,193
Desperate.
164
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,828
Jealous?
165
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,930
Of what?!
The guy delivers water.
166
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:56,669
You know what you need to have on
your resume to get that job? Limbs.
167
00:08:56,736 --> 00:08:58,570
Do you even know
this guy's name?
168
00:08:58,638 --> 00:09:01,874
I'm not sure.
I call him...
169
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:04,376
Damn!
170
00:09:04,444 --> 00:09:06,512
So, after all the years
women have fought
171
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:08,947
to not be objectified,
you're doing it.
172
00:09:09,015 --> 00:09:10,983
Meanwhile, this guy
could be an idiot.
173
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,218
He could be mean.
He could be...
174
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,059
Damn!
175
00:09:21,494 --> 00:09:23,495
Hi, ladies.
There's your water.
176
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,764
That's so sweet of you.
Thanks, um...
177
00:09:25,832 --> 00:09:26,932
Brent.
178
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,267
Thanks. Stacey.
179
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,535
Janelle.
180
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:30,936
Nikki.
181
00:09:31,004 --> 00:09:32,338
Carter.
182
00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:38,577
Guess I should've spent a little less time
in college, a little more time in a quarry.
183
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,646
Duh!
Here's your water.
184
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,416
Does anyone know what the
word "mercurial" means?
185
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,352
"Quixotic. "
186
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,987
You know,
"capricious. "
187
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:50,489
Duh!
188
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:52,491
"Quixotic. "
189
00:09:56,329 --> 00:09:59,565
So, Mike, the mayor came off
pretty well on Drew West's show.
190
00:09:59,632 --> 00:10:01,934
The mayor was prepared,
quick on his feet.
191
00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,336
And since this was radio,
take my word for it-
192
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,438
he was drop-dead gorgeous.
193
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,540
I could understand
how you'd be desperate
194
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,443
for anything you could call
a victory around here.
195
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:14,847
Ah, mr. West. You're just upset
'cause you couldn't beat the mayor
196
00:10:14,914 --> 00:10:16,682
even if he went
down to your level.
197
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,384
Oh, and what level is that?
198
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:22,121
Best-selling author?
Nationally syndicated radio host?
199
00:10:22,188 --> 00:10:24,356
I was thinking loud, fat guy.
200
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:29,962
I'll tell you what, Buddy. I got
a loud, fat challenge for you.
201
00:10:30,030 --> 00:10:31,530
We accept.
202
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,098
You don't know what it is yet!
203
00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,567
Well, unless it's
a pie-eating contest...
204
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:40,239
A phone-in election!
Me against the mayor.
205
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:42,941
Let's see who the people
of new York really want.
206
00:10:43,009 --> 00:10:45,244
This is city hall.
We don't have time for this.
207
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,313
Oh, what a cop-out!
But I don't blame ya.
208
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:51,050
I wouldn't run that stiff
against me, either.
209
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,418
That's it.
That's it.
210
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:56,155
Nobody insults the mayor
and then just... waddles away.
211
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,559
You're on, Buddy,
and I will crush you.
212
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,932
make sure you get my
best side, fellas.
213
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,201
Oh!
Whoo!
214
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:10,969
Ha ha ha!
215
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:13,138
For the record,
that's not a rash.
216
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,207
He was spanked earlier today.
217
00:11:19,879 --> 00:11:23,415
Sir, we've got 17 media events
scheduled for the next 3 hours.
218
00:11:23,483 --> 00:11:25,651
That's once
every 10 minutes, Mike.
219
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,586
It'll be like
you're 18 again, sir.
220
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,188
We are getting
national attention.
221
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,457
We win this baby,
sir, maybe someday...
222
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,825
President, Mike?
223
00:11:32,892 --> 00:11:35,661
President Mike.
It's got a nice ring to it.
224
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:42,568
oh, mr. Mayor!
I finished your book.
225
00:11:42,635 --> 00:11:44,837
As did I, Paul.
226
00:11:44,904 --> 00:11:46,739
as did I.
227
00:11:46,806 --> 00:11:49,041
Once I started,
I couldn't put it down.
228
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,410
Your life is like
a bag of chips!
229
00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:53,112
That's kind of you, Paul.
230
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:56,482
But don't you see this book is
about missed opportunities?
231
00:11:56,549 --> 00:11:58,484
Look at chapter...
Well, 7.
232
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,419
"Mary locklin. "
233
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,021
My first true love.
234
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:04,289
She could have been
the one for me.
235
00:12:04,357 --> 00:12:06,325
Why would I just
let her slip away?
236
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:10,429
Because as you said in chapter 8, your
mother was lonely. She needed you.
237
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:13,832
Well, she would have been fine.
She had the bottle.
238
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:17,469
Oh, Paul, I've just never
been able to take chances.
239
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,638
Oh, no, no, no, sir.
That's not true!
240
00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:23,409
Oh? Well, lo-look.
Page 1...
241
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,644
"I was a cesarean
baby. "
242
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,548
Too scared to leave.
243
00:12:30,884 --> 00:12:32,985
I just sat there...
244
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:38,223
Till they came in and got me.
245
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:42,795
So, ladies, which one of you
got the date with brent?
246
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:44,229
No one.
247
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:46,432
Yeah. We're gonna wait
for him to ask us out.
248
00:12:46,499 --> 00:12:50,035
Well, I'm gonna wait.
I don't know about you guys.
249
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,671
What is that supposed to mean?
I'm not saying anything!
250
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:55,240
Ladies, please.
What are you doing?
251
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:57,643
You're letting a man
come between you...
252
00:12:57,711 --> 00:12:59,912
A damn fine man!
253
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,082
But still a man...
254
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,684
And no real guy can
live up to your expectations.
255
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:08,287
That is the beauty
of the fantasy man.
256
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:11,357
He's pure. He's perfect. He's
whatever you want him to be.
257
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:13,759
Do yourselves a favor.
Leave your dream alone.
258
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:17,396
O.k. You first.
259
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,099
Four seasons.
Silk sheets. Champagne.
260
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,134
He's wearing his uniform.
261
00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,471
Secluded beach.
262
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,373
Full moon.
263
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,975
He's wearing his uniform.
264
00:13:30,043 --> 00:13:32,144
Right here. Right now.
265
00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:34,646
I'm wearing his uniform.
266
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:38,183
We shouldn't mess with this.
267
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,119
Let's just leave him
the way he is.
268
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:42,154
Maybe we can
get him back up here.
269
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:45,991
He's busy. Apparently, the girls from
accounting are pretty thirsty, too.
270
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,893
Sluts!
271
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:53,165
I gotta
be honest with you.
272
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,101
I don't listen to your show.
Will I still like this book?
273
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,203
Absolutamente, reg.
274
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:01,340
Drew West has something
in it for everybody.
275
00:14:01,408 --> 00:14:04,810
Yeah, my grandmother was just asking
me how to pick up a stripper.
276
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,945
Listen, what's this
I hear about an election
277
00:14:07,013 --> 00:14:09,481
between you and the
mayor of new York city?
278
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,050
I'll take that one, regis.
279
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,851
Oh, look who's here, everybody.
280
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,354
Our old friend deputy
mayor Michael Flaherty.
281
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:16,822
Michael!
282
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:20,693
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Time out!
Time out! This is my interview.
283
00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:24,863
I'm sorry, Drew. I thought it was over when
I saw the audience running for the exits.
284
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:27,399
I can come back later
if you like, reg.
285
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:30,836
He's here to stay. This is gettin' a
little nuts and I don't know what to do.
286
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:33,772
Let me leave it up to the
audience here in the studio.
287
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,176
Who stays? Mike Flaherty, the
hardest working deputy mayor
288
00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:38,977
in new York city history?
289
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,183
or Drew West,
the man who called me
290
00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:47,019
television's answer to muzak
on his show last week?
291
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,389
thought you didn't
listen to my show.
292
00:14:50,457 --> 00:14:53,959
Well, I lied.
And your book stinks.
293
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:57,029
I'm not going anywhere.
I got 5 minutes, I'm using it. I ain't goin'.
294
00:14:57,097 --> 00:15:01,200
That's good, Drew, 'cause we got something
special just for you. Hit it, sir!
295
00:15:02,702 --> 00:15:07,039
# How sweet it is
to be loved by you #
296
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:10,275
# it's like honey
from the bee, baby #
297
00:15:10,343 --> 00:15:14,646
# how sweet it is
to be loved by you #
298
00:15:14,714 --> 00:15:16,515
# and singin' with the mayor #
299
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:17,883
# oh, yeah #
300
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:21,887
# how sweet it is
to be loved by you #
301
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:24,790
# 24.95, baby #
302
00:15:24,858 --> 00:15:28,894
# how sweet it is
to be loved by you #
303
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:31,196
# available at your
book store now #
304
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,664
# yeah! #
305
00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:36,335
# how sweet it is
to be loved by you... #
306
00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:39,471
we're still 500 votes behind.
307
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,808
I thought making homemade
lollipops with regis
308
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:45,611
was gonna put us over the top.
309
00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:48,647
Have one of the sour apple.
They're lovely.
310
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:50,549
Mike, why are you doing this,
311
00:15:50,617 --> 00:15:54,620
running around town making
lollipops, getting spanked?
312
00:15:54,688 --> 00:15:58,424
Little jealous, are we, Carter?
313
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:02,594
No. I'm also not crazy about
the win-at-all-costs attitude.
314
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:06,265
You must have been a real inspiration
to your High school football team.
315
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:11,003
I was an all-state halfback, and no offense,
but three of you couldn't take me down.
316
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:14,406
Why don't you just admit that
you're obsessed with winning, man?
317
00:16:14,474 --> 00:16:17,042
No. 'Cause then
you would win this argument.
318
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,911
I was born to win.
319
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:22,014
Were I to lose, it would upset
the balance of the universe.
320
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:25,951
But that's good, because my priority is
helping the mayor win this election.
321
00:16:26,019 --> 00:16:27,753
Mike, he's already the mayor!
322
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,956
This isn't about him.
This is about you.
323
00:16:31,024 --> 00:16:34,326
Mike! I got it, Mike.
I know how we can win this.
324
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,328
God bless you, Stuart.
You have nude photos.
325
00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:39,531
Of course I do,
but that's not the point.
326
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,668
We cannot
out-sleaze this guy.
327
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:45,571
We have got to make this
a contest about issues.
328
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:49,108
Did that sentence just
come out of my mouth?
329
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,710
Carter, set up a rally site.
330
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:55,114
Stuart, round up all the usual suspects.
I'm gonna go prep the mayor.
331
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,416
I am gonna win this thing.
332
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,984
Not that it matters.
333
00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:02,821
This is such a waste of time.
I feel like sisyphus.
334
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:04,223
Who?
335
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:07,860
From greek mythology.
336
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,329
The man's life's work
was the fruitless task
337
00:17:10,397 --> 00:17:12,965
of pushing
the same rock up a Hill.
338
00:17:13,033 --> 00:17:14,867
Sisyphus!
339
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:18,470
Could you be...
340
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,472
Any gayer?
341
00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:31,717
Well, according to this,
the ph level's fine.
342
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:35,320
Really? 'Cause I could've sworn
it was a little too ph-y.
343
00:17:36,456 --> 00:17:39,124
Well, if there's, uh...
Nothing else...
344
00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:43,395
Would you mind demonstrating how those taps work again?
One's hot, one's cold...
345
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:46,298
You know damn well
how they work!
346
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:50,436
I'm tired of coming up here
and parading around for you.
347
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:54,606
I can feel your eyes on me.
I have a mind, too, you know?
348
00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:58,110
You go, brother.
You don't have to take this!
349
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:03,282
Come on, sweetie...
350
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:06,318
I'm not your sweetie.
I'm just trying to do my job.
351
00:18:06,386 --> 00:18:08,587
You know, I'm tempted
to file a complaint.
352
00:18:08,655 --> 00:18:12,825
You'll have nothing but women delivering
water up here for the next 10 years.
353
00:18:12,892 --> 00:18:15,527
Go ahead. And you do
what you have to do.
354
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:19,732
You three should be ashamed.
355
00:18:21,735 --> 00:18:23,836
If it makes you
feel any better,
356
00:18:23,903 --> 00:18:26,572
I put up with this
all day long.
357
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,911
New York is a cleaner...
358
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,414
Happier, safer place
359
00:18:35,482 --> 00:18:37,383
since I took office.
360
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,351
Drew, Drew, Drew, Drew!
361
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,988
True, true, true, true, true!
362
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,560
Look, we know
you guys love Drew West.
363
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:51,196
But don't you also
love new York city?
364
00:18:53,299 --> 00:18:55,000
don't you love
that mayor Winston
365
00:18:55,068 --> 00:18:57,202
has reduced crime by 40%
366
00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,072
and your taxes by 15%?
367
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,674
Yeah!
Whoo!
368
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,208
Don't you love
that he cleaned up
369
00:19:03,276 --> 00:19:07,246
all the sleazy smut
shops on 42nd street?
370
00:19:08,782 --> 00:19:10,783
And moved them
to eighth avenue?
371
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,685
Yeah!
Whoo!
372
00:19:12,752 --> 00:19:15,320
This election is about...
373
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:18,090
Well, this-this
election is-is-
374
00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:20,292
is-is about...
375
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,261
I don't know what the
hell it's about.
376
00:19:22,328 --> 00:19:24,396
I'll tell you.
377
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:27,733
I'll tell you what
this election is about.
378
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:31,437
It's about the people of new York
loving me and not the mayor!
379
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:34,840
nah, it's about you
picking a fight with me
380
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,109
that I was too stupid
to walk away from.
381
00:19:37,177 --> 00:19:39,978
The only reason
this guy is here
382
00:19:40,046 --> 00:19:42,648
is because he loves
being your mayor!
383
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:46,418
And there is nothing that he
wouldn't do to prove that to you!
384
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,555
Then jump in the Hudson!
You're out of your mind.
385
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:53,258
You said that there's nothing you
wouldn't do, so jump in the Hudson.
386
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,860
Jump! Jump!
387
00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:58,030
jump, jump,
jump, jump, jump, jump!
388
00:19:58,098 --> 00:19:59,665
You don't have to do this.
389
00:19:59,733 --> 00:20:02,301
It's time I start taking some
chances in my life, Mike.
390
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:04,036
Jump, jump, jump, jump!
391
00:20:04,104 --> 00:20:06,872
Remind me, sir.
Did we actually clean up the Hudson,
392
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:09,842
or did we just say
we were going to?
393
00:20:09,909 --> 00:20:11,944
Take my hand, Mike.
394
00:20:12,012 --> 00:20:13,779
Because we're
a team, right, sir?
395
00:20:13,847 --> 00:20:15,981
Because I'm not
a strong swimmer.
396
00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,616
Jump, jump, jump, jump!
397
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,552
Jump, jump, jump, jump, jump!
398
00:21:03,830 --> 00:21:05,764
we won.
399
00:21:05,832 --> 00:21:08,267
Still undefeated, sir.
400
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:10,169
Excellent.
401
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:18,844
I betray no emotion as I receive
the news of my victory.
402
00:21:20,647 --> 00:21:23,182
Sir, is there a reason
why you're narrating?
403
00:21:23,249 --> 00:21:25,551
I'm thinking how
my next book could start.
404
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:30,389
It's quite a responsibility knowing everything
you say or do could be recorded for posterity.
405
00:21:33,860 --> 00:21:35,828
It was at that moment
406
00:21:35,895 --> 00:21:40,065
that I realized the
responsibility of public office.
407
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:41,767
The mayor was...
408
00:21:41,835 --> 00:21:44,269
Making
the deputy mayor nervous.
409
00:21:44,337 --> 00:21:46,572
So slowly...
410
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,507
He backed away...
411
00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:50,309
And went home.
412
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,981
And then I was alone.
413
00:21:57,617 --> 00:21:59,251
Sit, ubu, sit.
Good dog.
414
00:22:01,855 --> 00:22:03,022
moo.
415
00:22:03,072 --> 00:22:07,622
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31739
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof