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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,131 --> 00:00:07,924 [birds chirping] 2 00:00:08,633 --> 00:00:09,634 [bell dings] 3 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,103 This feels just so right. 4 00:00:22,939 --> 00:00:25,942 ♪ Turkey leg, chicken leg, turkey leg Turkey, turkey, turkey leg ♪ 5 00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:27,444 ♪ Chicken leg, chicken leg... ♪ 6 00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:30,613 -You sing that song a lot. -Sure do. 7 00:00:30,697 --> 00:00:32,907 ♪ Chicken leg, turkey leg ♪ 8 00:00:32,990 --> 00:00:36,203 ♪ Chicken leg, turkey leg, chicken leg ♪ 9 00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:40,623 It's so fun, you know, just noticing all these things about you, 10 00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:45,087 uh, now that we've lived together for seven-and-a-half days. 11 00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,215 -I'm gonna go take a shower. -Don't take too long. 12 00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:51,384 I won't, my cinnamon sugar boba bodkin. 13 00:00:52,469 --> 00:00:58,766 ♪ Turkey leg, chicken leg Turkey leg, chicken leg ♪ 14 00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:00,352 Whoa, that was fast. 15 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:01,853 We're in a drought, Scott. 16 00:01:01,936 --> 00:01:04,856 It's not just the almond industry that needs to change its methods. 17 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,694 -You thirsty? -No, I think I'm good. 18 00:01:09,777 --> 00:01:10,862 Okay. 19 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:18,120 Oh. Whoa. Ah, ah, ah. Oh. 20 00:01:18,203 --> 00:01:20,288 [Bert] Why is she avoiding her pixilation? 21 00:01:20,372 --> 00:01:22,290 [Blueberry] Because she's body positive. 22 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,710 Do you want a towel, maybe? 23 00:01:25,793 --> 00:01:29,547 Don't need one. Drip dry. It's fun, and it's carbon neutral. 24 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:32,467 [Bert] It's my own personal slip and slide. 25 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:33,885 Whee! 26 00:01:33,968 --> 00:01:35,678 -[raccoon chitters] -Oh, hey! 27 00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:38,515 It's Randall, the raccoon I've been telling you about. 28 00:01:38,598 --> 00:01:40,683 He's so cute. 29 00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:44,146 Once I gave him this raspberry, and he rolled it around in his little hands. 30 00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:47,064 And it was almost like he was trying to do close-up magic. 31 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,526 Maybe he was trying to pull rabies out of your ear. 32 00:01:49,609 --> 00:01:51,653 Randall would never do that. 33 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:53,655 He's not that type of raccoon. He's totally cool. 34 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:58,118 You know you're not doing a wild animal any favors by feeding it, right? 35 00:01:58,201 --> 00:02:01,246 Absolutely. Ugh. 36 00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:05,750 I only gave him that one raspberry that one time. 37 00:02:05,833 --> 00:02:08,461 Randall, I made it just for you. 38 00:02:09,296 --> 00:02:11,548 You know what I'm thankful for? Your friendship. 39 00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,051 Happy birthday, Randall. It's your favorite. 40 00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:18,012 It's mollusk-oyster-sardine cake. 41 00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,766 I'm so glad we had this... this talk. 42 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:23,685 [chuckles] Gotta go. 43 00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:27,647 Whoo! 44 00:02:27,730 --> 00:02:29,732 [theme music playing] 45 00:02:36,864 --> 00:02:39,409 I'm a pterodactyl! 46 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,078 Corn! 47 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:50,378 Randall. Bandido magnifico! 48 00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:52,589 Aye, aye, aye, aye. 49 00:02:55,717 --> 00:02:57,594 Aye, aye, aye, aye! 50 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,606 Don't tell Scott. 51 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:13,276 And yet, there are no secrets in this family. 52 00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:15,903 [chittering] 53 00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:21,659 ♪ Turkey leg, turkey leg, turk... ♪ 54 00:03:25,079 --> 00:03:26,706 What the fuck happened here? 55 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:32,128 Oh, shit. 56 00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,511 That raccoon's in here, isn't he? 57 00:03:39,594 --> 00:03:42,096 -[Bert] No comment. -[Blueberry] I'll tell you what happened. 58 00:03:42,179 --> 00:03:43,473 [Bert] Zip it, princess. 59 00:03:45,308 --> 00:03:46,393 Shit. 60 00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:57,362 -Bruce, you wanted to see me? -Ah, yes. Come in, come in. 61 00:03:57,445 --> 00:03:59,322 -All right. -Thank you so much for coming. 62 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:01,658 You look good. Beachy, one might even say. 63 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,160 Apparently, cohabitation agrees with my queen. 64 00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:07,455 I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so lucky. 65 00:04:07,539 --> 00:04:09,957 Living with Scott, my best friend. 66 00:04:10,041 --> 00:04:15,505 And we just sing the same two words over and over again to different melodies. 67 00:04:15,588 --> 00:04:18,258 Just over, and over, and over, and over, and over and over again. 68 00:04:18,341 --> 00:04:23,388 [chuckles] I'm lucky. I'm very, very, very, very lucky. 69 00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:24,806 Yes. Yes, absolutely. 70 00:04:24,889 --> 00:04:27,642 Coupling up, extremely important. Absolutely. 71 00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:29,852 But let us not forget the third wheels in this life, 72 00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,480 for they are the wheels that give one stability. 73 00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,816 Exhibit A, the glorious tricycle. 74 00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:37,485 Bruce, you bought me a tricycle? 75 00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:39,236 God, no. This is for me. It's mine. 76 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:43,408 Yes, Excelsior's been a real godsend to me since I had to give up the van. 77 00:04:43,491 --> 00:04:46,494 Look, my therapist said I should just come out and say it. 78 00:04:46,578 --> 00:04:49,664 -Are you firing me? -[chuckling] I'm not firing you, Bruce. 79 00:04:49,747 --> 00:04:53,250 Oh, thank the Lord. [sighs] I'm so relieved. 80 00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:56,170 I had this whole speech planned about third wheels and tricycles. 81 00:04:56,253 --> 00:04:58,047 Yeah, I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch. 82 00:04:58,130 --> 00:05:02,344 I'm finally in a healthy relationship, and my mentals are pretty stable. 83 00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:06,306 And I just feel like I wanna spend time focusing on my personal life, 84 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:08,891 and even less focused on career than ever. [chuckles] 85 00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,685 So, is this code that you want a movie? 86 00:05:10,768 --> 00:05:14,021 Because Judd keeps calling. I mean, at least I think it's Judd. 87 00:05:14,105 --> 00:05:16,399 I usually wind up just hanging up the phone out of fear. 88 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,692 Bruce, I really don't want a movie. 89 00:05:17,775 --> 00:05:20,528 I just want a quiet life with just enough work. 90 00:05:20,612 --> 00:05:22,405 I'm happy just the way I am. 91 00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:26,242 Oh, sweet relief! You're just in love. That's all it is. 92 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,620 I understand. It robs people of all ambition. 93 00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,748 Makes your blood lazy. I relate to that from my own life. 94 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:34,542 I remember I didn't change my bike shorts for almost two months. 95 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:38,045 It's pretty great. [laughs] 96 00:05:38,129 --> 00:05:43,843 I'm lucky. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so lucky. 97 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:47,972 No movies, I understand. Post-it in place. 98 00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:51,142 Great. Bruce, I'm so glad we had this talk. 99 00:05:51,225 --> 00:05:52,560 Absolutely. 100 00:05:54,646 --> 00:05:56,272 -[intercom beeps] -Chantrelle? 101 00:05:56,355 --> 00:05:59,442 Red alert. We've gotta get Maria a movie. She's leaving me. 102 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:02,445 [Judd] Bruce, this is Judd. You know which one. 103 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,113 -Oh! -You've had me on hold for an hour. 104 00:06:04,196 --> 00:06:06,198 [Maria] It felt good to be back on track with Bruce. 105 00:06:06,282 --> 00:06:08,826 Taking care of me, my mind and body. 106 00:06:09,577 --> 00:06:11,746 Oh, wait. What's this? 107 00:06:14,999 --> 00:06:16,918 [breathes deeply] 108 00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:22,840 [inhales deeply] 109 00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,179 [exhales] 110 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,267 [inhales deeply] 111 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:38,815 Are you sensing my aura? 112 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,652 It's quite different now, don't you think? 113 00:06:42,735 --> 00:06:43,820 I guess. What, uh... 114 00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:47,364 Um, how long is this gonna be taking? 'Cause I have... 115 00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,576 I own my aura. 116 00:06:50,660 --> 00:06:52,286 I own this town. 117 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:58,626 I also own a huge piece of Elon Musk's new streaming service Muskvision 118 00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,587 as a settlement for my car accident. 119 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,839 You read about my car accident in the trades, right? 120 00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:04,507 [Maria] I think so. 121 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,554 [Karen] I was heading home from the Westworld Season 3 premiere party. 122 00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:12,890 You know what's at the center of that fucking maze? Boredom. 123 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,392 Anyway, my Tesla reminded me I was out of creamer, 124 00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:18,480 so I sent my other Tesla to go get some at Gelson's. 125 00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,649 Not that fucking gross one in West Hollywood. Ew! 126 00:07:22,274 --> 00:07:24,235 The real nice one. It's on San Vicente. 127 00:07:25,194 --> 00:07:27,697 Next thing I know, my motherfucking goddamn self-driving car 128 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:30,366 goes fucking Broken Arrow on me. What the fuck? 129 00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,244 $100,000 piece of shit. 130 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:42,629 -[crashing] -[screaming] Fuck you, Elon Musk! 131 00:07:43,254 --> 00:07:45,923 And I get creamed all over my face. 132 00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,680 [sirens wailing] 133 00:07:54,724 --> 00:07:57,184 [Maria] That's horrible. I'm so sorry. 134 00:07:57,268 --> 00:08:00,396 It was a full-face shot. And now, I'm a changed woman. 135 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,983 I went full-on, wide-open-cunt spiritual. 136 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,611 -Oh, boy. -When I was in the hospital, 137 00:08:06,694 --> 00:08:09,906 I thought to myself, "Who else got creamed like this?" 138 00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:15,537 And one name popped right into my head: Maria motherfucking Bamford. 139 00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:20,291 My body got creamed, just like your brain got creamed. 140 00:08:20,374 --> 00:08:23,460 We're the same. Except that my scars are on the outside. 141 00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,713 But I took aloe, and now they're gone. 142 00:08:26,631 --> 00:08:28,299 I want us to work together again, Maria. 143 00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:30,802 I want to tell the story of your fucking life 144 00:08:30,885 --> 00:08:32,887 in bingeable fucking installments. 145 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:35,389 So, what do you say, Maria? Let's change the fucking world. 146 00:08:35,472 --> 00:08:39,727 Here's how we do it. Minority directors. All-female crew. 147 00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:43,147 You will shoot for four hours a day. Eight hours of napping. 148 00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:44,982 Twelve cameras, six will be on dogs. 149 00:08:45,066 --> 00:08:47,109 -Where's my fucking dog? -[dog barks] 150 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:48,319 -Meet Tucker. -[Maria] Oh! 151 00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:50,947 Your new D-O-G-D-P. The D-O-G stands for "dog." 152 00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,991 The D-P stands for "director of photography." 153 00:08:55,492 --> 00:08:56,953 -Is he union? -Fuck yes! 154 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:58,871 -Okay. -This little rug pisser 155 00:08:58,955 --> 00:09:01,165 was in a kill shelter. There was a needle in his neck. 156 00:09:01,248 --> 00:09:03,125 Now he's a fucking teamster. 157 00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:05,461 His brother Caramel was the Steadicam operator 158 00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:06,546 for the pilot of Black-ish. 159 00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,923 We will use recycled hard drives for the cameras. 160 00:09:09,006 --> 00:09:11,050 Locally-sourced greens for craft services. 161 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:13,636 Ex-gang members will be running the day care center. 162 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:17,389 Your life story will be told with such tenderness and attentiveness 163 00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,100 that we will end women's homelessness. 164 00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:22,645 It will be so unbelievably inventive and groundbreaking in its comedy, 165 00:09:22,729 --> 00:09:25,439 that alt-comedy Twitter will choke on its own jizz. 166 00:09:25,522 --> 00:09:28,525 And here is the cherry on the streaming sundae. 167 00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:33,239 We will focus on mental illness and we will destigmatize it forever! 168 00:09:33,322 --> 00:09:34,365 -Yes! -[growls] 169 00:09:34,448 --> 00:09:36,325 [screams and growls] 170 00:09:36,408 --> 00:09:38,786 So, what do you say, Maria? Are you ready to change the world? 171 00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:39,829 -Yes! -Fuck, yes! 172 00:09:40,872 --> 00:09:46,377 I just ask one thing from you to show me that you are committed. 173 00:09:46,460 --> 00:09:50,923 As I wear the sacred orange robes of Ooonga Lahnga, 174 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:57,513 I ask you to don a sartorial expression of your own power. 175 00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,849 A business robe, if you will. 176 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:02,977 The most sacred Lady Blazer. 177 00:10:03,060 --> 00:10:05,104 [blazer growls] 178 00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,189 Oh... 179 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:14,196 Wait. So you're saying I can only save the world if I put this blazer on? 180 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,322 [blazer growls] 181 00:10:15,406 --> 00:10:17,241 That's the idea, Jack. 182 00:10:17,324 --> 00:10:20,662 How about it, Maria? Are you ready to Lady Blaze? 183 00:10:20,745 --> 00:10:22,664 [inhales sharply] 184 00:10:24,290 --> 00:10:25,416 [inhales sharply] 185 00:10:26,709 --> 00:10:27,752 Uh... 186 00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:38,387 Aw. 187 00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,688 [blazer growls] 188 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,480 What's... What was that? 189 00:10:48,564 --> 00:10:51,734 That's your blazer expressing its power. Now shut up. 190 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,527 [gasps] 191 00:10:53,610 --> 00:10:55,196 [machine whirring] 192 00:10:55,279 --> 00:10:56,447 What's happening? 193 00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:59,200 Shut your fucking fat fucking mouth. 194 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:03,620 You're being scanned by Don Jr. He makes all decisions for Muskvision. 195 00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,749 [Don Jr.] Your series idea has been approved. 196 00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:12,671 You have received a 13-episode order. Congratulations, talent. 197 00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:18,094 This content will fulfill many quadrants of our algorithm. Enjoy. 198 00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,847 We haven't even pitched our idea yet. 199 00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,808 Is this how streaming television works? 200 00:11:23,891 --> 00:11:27,061 It does now, so shut your fucking fat genius mouth. 201 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:29,063 And what's the deal with that baby voice? It's horrible. 202 00:11:29,146 --> 00:11:30,189 What else can you do? 203 00:11:30,272 --> 00:11:32,358 [in fancy voice] The only other voice I can do is this one. 204 00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:36,153 Jackpot! Titties to the sky! Namaste, motherfuckers! 205 00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,905 Titties to the sky! 206 00:11:37,989 --> 00:11:40,241 Titties to the sky. Namaste, motherfuckers! 207 00:11:40,324 --> 00:11:41,575 [in baby voice] Namaste, motherfuckers. 208 00:11:41,658 --> 00:11:42,869 Don't do that voice. Don't do the baby voice. 209 00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:44,578 [in fancy voice] Namaste, motherfuckers. 210 00:11:44,661 --> 00:11:47,456 Woo-hoo! Yeehaw! 211 00:11:47,539 --> 00:11:49,876 Namaste, motherfucker. 212 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:51,335 [Don Jr.] Oh, yeah. Titties up. 213 00:11:51,418 --> 00:11:52,503 Titties to the sky. 214 00:11:52,586 --> 00:11:55,131 [laughs] We got ourselves a television show. 215 00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:57,674 [laughs] 216 00:12:02,721 --> 00:12:04,098 Here, kitty, kitty. 217 00:12:05,307 --> 00:12:07,601 Raccoonie. Here, raccy, raccy. 218 00:12:07,684 --> 00:12:10,146 Hi, bran muffin Bundt cake. 219 00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:12,064 What are you doing? A little housekeeping? 220 00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,775 [chuckles] 221 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,568 It seems like your little friend Randall, um, 222 00:12:16,652 --> 00:12:18,988 got in the house and trashed the whole kitchen. 223 00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:21,240 Oh, yeah? It doesn't look that bad. 224 00:12:21,323 --> 00:12:23,910 No. Uh, maybe that's because, my little jelly jeans, 225 00:12:23,993 --> 00:12:25,787 I've been spending the last three hours cleaning it. 226 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,830 Oh, thank you so much. 227 00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,165 [both chuckle] 228 00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,875 -It's my pleasure. -Yeah. 229 00:12:30,958 --> 00:12:32,418 And now, if you have a couple of minutes, 230 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:36,088 I'd be really thankful if you can help me lure that raccoon out of here. 231 00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:41,302 Absolutely, my Icelandic fudge pop. I know just the thing to lure him out. 232 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:45,222 Randall loves my sweet acoustic stylings. 233 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,474 [guitar strumming] 234 00:12:47,558 --> 00:12:51,520 ♪ Sunshine falls on your little paws ♪ 235 00:12:51,603 --> 00:12:54,731 ♪ You like pizza, I like dogs ♪ 236 00:12:54,816 --> 00:13:01,238 ♪ Except to eat, unless they're hot dogs ♪ 237 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:03,574 He's not here. We're good. 238 00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,703 You know what? [sighs] I don't think we're good. 239 00:13:08,495 --> 00:13:11,623 -Maria, did you feed Randall today? -No-ish. 240 00:13:11,707 --> 00:13:13,792 Really? I'd say yes-ish. 241 00:13:13,876 --> 00:13:15,586 I smelled fajitas this morning. 242 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,671 I looked out the window and I saw you feeding him. 243 00:13:17,754 --> 00:13:19,298 And now we have a raccoon problem. 244 00:13:19,381 --> 00:13:22,551 I don't consider Randall a problem. He's my friend. 245 00:13:22,634 --> 00:13:24,887 Look, that's absolutely insane, Maria. 246 00:13:24,971 --> 00:13:27,098 And singing "turkey leg, chicken leg" all day isn't? 247 00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:30,977 Hey, that's my mantra. By the way, I hate your drip dry. 248 00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,354 -That's for the planet. -Hey, it takes way more energy 249 00:13:33,437 --> 00:13:35,356 to fix the floors than it does to wash a towel. 250 00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,025 [scoffs] Okay, Mother Jones. 251 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:39,360 We are getting rid of this raccoon, 252 00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:42,029 'cause I'm not having that thing piss in my Cheerios. 253 00:13:42,113 --> 00:13:44,949 Randall would never do that. He's a gentleman. 254 00:13:45,032 --> 00:13:47,659 Well, this gentleman is about to move to the country. 255 00:13:47,743 --> 00:13:50,079 And I'm gonna help him. He'll be way happier there. 256 00:13:50,162 --> 00:13:52,915 You have no idea what would make Randall happy. 257 00:13:52,999 --> 00:13:55,960 Mmm, well, eating, shitting, sleeping. He's a raccoon! 258 00:13:56,043 --> 00:13:58,462 Okay. Randall's my friend. 259 00:13:58,545 --> 00:14:01,757 And if you can't live with that, then I can't live with you! 260 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,093 Maria. Hey. 261 00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,137 -Really? -Yes. 262 00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:07,889 You're choosing the raccoon over me? 263 00:14:07,972 --> 00:14:10,933 Yeah. He's tons of fun and has funny hands. 264 00:14:11,017 --> 00:14:13,269 [Maria] I've never known how to fight in a relationship. 265 00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:15,771 I guess that comes from growing up in the Midwest. 266 00:14:17,814 --> 00:14:20,484 Thank you, Barb, so much for coming over. 267 00:14:21,068 --> 00:14:22,987 So, here's the deal. 268 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:26,157 Maria has a project on women's lib 269 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:28,117 -in her social studies class. -Oh. 270 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:32,038 And so, since you are a wonderful Duluth lady entrepreneur, 271 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,123 I said, "Maria, you should talk to Barb. 272 00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:38,002 Because besides her day job as a very successful Amway representative, 273 00:14:38,085 --> 00:14:40,462 she's also volunteering to raise money 274 00:14:40,546 --> 00:14:43,674 for the abused women's shelter's cake auction this weekend." 275 00:14:43,757 --> 00:14:47,303 -And we sure hope to see you there, Maria. -Oh, unfortunately, she can't make it. 276 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:51,848 Her father insists that she go with him to that dang model train convention, 277 00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:54,768 ChoochCon, or whatever the heck the name of it is. 278 00:14:54,851 --> 00:14:56,353 -Boys and their toys. -[laughs] 279 00:14:56,437 --> 00:14:58,064 Maria, go on. Busy lady. 280 00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,984 Uh, how does working full-time affect your relationship with your husband? 281 00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:06,113 Mmm, that's a mighty good question. Well, I'll tell you how, Maria. 282 00:15:06,197 --> 00:15:08,532 There's less relationships happening in the bedroom. 283 00:15:08,615 --> 00:15:11,327 When Rodge comes at me with that half-flaccid stink stick, 284 00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,038 I say, "Hey, Rodge, get that thing out of my face, 285 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:18,584 put a sponge on it, and do the dishes, for criminy wickets. I'm tired from work." 286 00:15:18,667 --> 00:15:21,337 [sardonic sitcom music playing] 287 00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:22,588 [door opens] 288 00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:25,216 -No more questions. -Oh. Okay. 289 00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,843 Well, the old furniture's cleared out of the garage. 290 00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,346 -Oh. -Marilyn, you can check that off 291 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:31,638 your honey-do list. 292 00:15:31,722 --> 00:15:33,265 -Hey there, Joel. -[chuckles] 293 00:15:33,349 --> 00:15:34,934 [sitcom music playing] 294 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:40,772 God, this one. You would think I asked him to cut off a limb. 295 00:15:40,856 --> 00:15:44,401 [laughs] I know which limb I'd ask Rodge to cut off. 296 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:47,154 Ding-dong, who's there? Just ding. No more dong. 297 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:48,614 No argument. [chuckles] 298 00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,825 [Marilyn] Joel, please, get a glass. 299 00:15:51,908 --> 00:15:56,788 Jeez Louise! You'd think I had two kids, Maria and this one over here. 300 00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,374 [laughs] 301 00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,293 Well, I certainly do feel like I have a mother. 302 00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,503 [sardonic music playing] 303 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:06,298 Well, I'll be in the garage, rearranging my tools if anybody needs me. 304 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:09,635 -Great to see you, Joel. -You too, Barb. My best to Rodge. 305 00:16:09,718 --> 00:16:12,179 -For sure. -[door opens and closes] 306 00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:13,472 -[Barb] Hmm. -[crashing] 307 00:16:13,555 --> 00:16:15,807 -Oh, my God! -[oven dings] 308 00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,560 Oh! French pizza bread's done, it sounds like. 309 00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:20,980 Delicious. Can you get me some pop with that? 310 00:16:22,023 --> 00:16:24,816 -Isn't this fun? -Yeah. 311 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:27,903 Can't wait to see Rod Carew's face when I present him 312 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:32,283 with these scale O model cabooses with his face and number painted on it. 313 00:16:32,366 --> 00:16:35,452 I call 'em the Rod Caboo... Carew... The Rewd Caboose. 314 00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,662 The Rod Carewboose. 315 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:39,040 -Aw, fudge nickels! -Dad, he's gonna love 'em. 316 00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:42,668 -They're totally tubular to the max. -Thanks, kiddo. 317 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:44,920 I don't know what that means, but it sounds positive. 318 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,798 You know, I know how much these scale model trains mean to you, 319 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,175 and that's why I didn't bat an eye 320 00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:52,553 when the ticket price skyrocketed to $13 apiece, 321 00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,471 up from $12.50. 322 00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,140 Dad, you shouldn't have wasted that money on me. 323 00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:58,850 I could just go over to the cake auction with Mom. 324 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:02,438 [scoffs] Yeah, and have you miss your favorite day of the year? 325 00:17:02,521 --> 00:17:04,940 Heck no. You know what I was thinking? 326 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:06,525 -Next year... -[gasps] 327 00:17:06,608 --> 00:17:10,154 ...send you up to model train camp in Baraboo. Huh? 328 00:17:10,237 --> 00:17:11,780 What do you think about that, jellybean? 329 00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:15,992 [distorted] Just six weeks of nothing but trains, trains, trains, and what else? 330 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:18,037 -Trains? -[normal] More trains. 331 00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,996 Yeah! Just a lot of trains. [chuckles] 332 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:21,998 Dad, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. 333 00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:26,002 I... I don't really like trains. 334 00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:27,213 [train whistle blows] 335 00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,800 What? You always get so toot-toot-tootin' excited 336 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:34,553 every time ChoochCon chugs into town. 337 00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,347 That's because you like trains, 338 00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:38,682 and that means we get to spend the day together. 339 00:17:38,765 --> 00:17:42,769 And I don't like trains. I just love you, Dad. 340 00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:48,984 Well... [sniffles] I feel as silly as a billy goat. 341 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:51,487 You wanna head on over to that cake auction, 342 00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:52,821 you just go right ahead. 343 00:17:52,904 --> 00:17:55,116 That'd be totally awesome. [chuckles] 344 00:17:55,199 --> 00:17:58,119 But let's go together. Mom will be so pumped. 345 00:17:58,202 --> 00:18:00,246 No, you run along and have fun. 346 00:18:00,329 --> 00:18:04,708 You know what, I'm proud of you. I'm proud you told me how you really feel. 347 00:18:04,791 --> 00:18:06,960 You're a real women's libber. 348 00:18:07,461 --> 00:18:09,171 -Thanks, Dad. -Mmm-hmm. 349 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,758 [laughs] 350 00:18:13,967 --> 00:18:17,346 One in four women are victims of severe domestic violence. 351 00:18:17,429 --> 00:18:18,972 -Ooh. -Could be me. 352 00:18:19,055 --> 00:18:22,017 You know, that fella's gonna be a victim of Dad abuse. 353 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,353 [chuckles] The cycle of violence continues. 354 00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:25,896 Sometimes it can't end. 355 00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:29,858 -[Barb] And sold! -[all applauding] 356 00:18:29,941 --> 00:18:32,486 Danke schön for Candy Coombs' German chocolate cake, 357 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:35,364 at a healthy $14.75. 358 00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:38,534 Now, that is gonna buy a lot of bandages for our gals 359 00:18:38,617 --> 00:18:40,952 who've taken it on the chin and elsewheres. 360 00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:43,997 Maria, what a nice surprise. 361 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:45,707 -Thank you for joining me. -[Barb] Up next, 362 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:48,710 Marilyn Bamford's strawberry shortcake delight. 363 00:18:48,794 --> 00:18:49,961 It's like a punch in the mouth. 364 00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,423 Of flavor. And that's not a backhanded compliment. 365 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:55,509 And... hibbidy-dibbidy, hibbidy-dibbidy. 366 00:18:55,592 --> 00:18:57,428 We've got Marilyn Bamford's strawberry shortcake. 367 00:18:57,511 --> 00:18:59,346 Hibbidy-dibbidy. Do I see $1? $1? 368 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,639 Hibbidy-dibbidy, hibbidy-dibbidy. Nobody? 369 00:19:00,722 --> 00:19:02,098 Hibbidy-dibbidy-dibbidy. 75 cents. 370 00:19:02,183 --> 00:19:05,186 Hibbidy-dibbidy. 50 cents? 50 cents? Nobody? 371 00:19:05,269 --> 00:19:08,147 Oh, my God. Nobody's bidding for her cake. I feel so terrible for her. 372 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,567 Oh, my God. That's awful. Uh, hibbidy-dibbidy-hibbidy. 12 cents? 373 00:19:11,650 --> 00:19:16,280 No bid for Marilyn Bamford's cake that she worked so hard on all week? 374 00:19:16,363 --> 00:19:18,699 -Oh, this is so embarrassing. -Hibbidy-dibbidy. No bid? No bid? 375 00:19:18,782 --> 00:19:20,576 -No bid. No... no bid. -[all murmuring] 376 00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:23,078 I guess this could be a pass. Hibbidy-dibbidy? 377 00:19:23,162 --> 00:19:26,207 -$1.29. -[all gasp] 378 00:19:26,290 --> 00:19:30,336 That's $1.29 from the great Rod Carew. 379 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,128 Hibbidy-dibbidy-hibbidy. Any other bidders? 380 00:19:32,213 --> 00:19:34,423 Any other bidders? Okay. Going once, going twice-- 381 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,217 [blowing whistle] 382 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:39,094 -Toot-toot! $4! -[all gasp] 383 00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,263 -Whoa! Joel! -We've got ourselves a bidding war. 384 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:43,765 Hibbidy-dibbidy, hibbidy-dibbidy. Can I get five? Hibbidy-dibbidy. 385 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:46,477 -$5.29. -[Marilyn] Oh, my goodness! 386 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:47,769 $8! 387 00:19:47,853 --> 00:19:49,563 -[screams] -Hibbidy-dibbidy! 388 00:19:49,646 --> 00:19:53,275 -$15.29. -Hibbidy-dibbidy! 389 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:56,487 -$25! -Hibbidy-flippin'-dibbidy! 390 00:19:56,570 --> 00:20:00,241 Pull out, Joel! This is suicide! You're headed straight for Rod Carew! 391 00:20:01,658 --> 00:20:05,621 $329.29! 392 00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:07,581 -Joel! -Hibbidy-dibbidy, going once. 393 00:20:07,664 --> 00:20:11,252 Hibbidy-dibbidy, going twice. Hibbidy-dibbidy, sold! 394 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,669 [all applauding] 395 00:20:15,046 --> 00:20:16,047 [blows] 396 00:20:20,844 --> 00:20:23,680 Joel, you are my hero. 397 00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:28,227 I'm sorry I gave you all that sass about cleaning out the garage 398 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:32,022 and taking Maria to ChoochCon. Can you forgive me? 399 00:20:32,105 --> 00:20:36,443 I have 329 reasons and 29 cents to try. 400 00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:39,738 [chuckles] Great. Now, if you'll excuse me, 401 00:20:39,821 --> 00:20:43,284 I gotta go get my cake and eat it, too. 402 00:20:43,367 --> 00:20:44,535 Joel. 403 00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:48,289 -[Barb] Hey there, Joel. -[all applauding] 404 00:20:48,372 --> 00:20:50,666 And I'm gonna give these to you later. 405 00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:53,544 'Cause I heard you were a caboose guy. [chuckles] 406 00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:59,466 [Maria] In that moment, my pa was the best pa in the whole world. 407 00:21:01,718 --> 00:21:02,928 Papa! 408 00:21:04,054 --> 00:21:08,600 Papa! Papa! [panting] I have your train whistle! 409 00:21:09,685 --> 00:21:10,936 What's that, Papa? 410 00:21:12,729 --> 00:21:13,605 Papa... 411 00:21:18,109 --> 00:21:19,611 [groaning] 412 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:33,750 -Maria, you want some marriage advice? -What's that, Papa? 413 00:21:33,834 --> 00:21:37,212 Never show your true feelings. Hide your anger. 414 00:21:37,296 --> 00:21:41,883 And when you get a chance to unleash your rage, do it... 415 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,135 privately. 416 00:21:48,181 --> 00:21:53,520 I shalls, Papa! I shalls! 417 00:21:53,604 --> 00:21:55,439 [Maria] That advice would haunt me for years. 418 00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:57,649 But luckily, Scott and I could talk about everything, 419 00:21:57,733 --> 00:22:02,070 and I felt totally free to express how I felt to Judd Apatow. 420 00:22:02,153 --> 00:22:03,822 "Chicken leg, turkey leg"? 421 00:22:03,905 --> 00:22:06,367 Yeah, I can see how that could be annoying. 422 00:22:06,450 --> 00:22:07,618 Thank you. [laughs] 423 00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:11,497 Arbiter of all things right and Judd-st. 424 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,832 Anybody could've told you that. Church could've told you that. 425 00:22:13,915 --> 00:22:15,751 -It's really annoying. -I know. 426 00:22:15,834 --> 00:22:17,753 Remember when I told you I wasn't talking to you anymore? 427 00:22:17,836 --> 00:22:19,630 -I know. -That's still happening. 428 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,131 My little brown Judd. 429 00:22:21,214 --> 00:22:24,718 My Judd of Green Gables. My Juddsucker Proxy. 430 00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:26,512 Maria, you're making me very uncomfortable. 431 00:22:26,595 --> 00:22:28,013 -I know. -Why are you here? 432 00:22:28,096 --> 00:22:31,266 Oh! Because... That's a great question. 433 00:22:31,349 --> 00:22:33,602 -You're the king of all romantic films. -Mmm-hmm. 434 00:22:33,685 --> 00:22:35,771 Especially ones that star blonde, 435 00:22:35,854 --> 00:22:37,814 -kooky ladies like myself... -Mmm-hmm. Yes. 436 00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,484 ...who are dating a lovable schlub of a guy. 437 00:22:40,567 --> 00:22:43,319 And so naturally, I thought you could solve my problem 438 00:22:43,404 --> 00:22:45,947 the way you solve story problems in your love movies. 439 00:22:46,615 --> 00:22:49,367 Maybe he has a condition. Nothing too serious. 440 00:22:49,451 --> 00:22:51,578 Maybe something like gout. Maybe like gout. 441 00:22:51,662 --> 00:22:52,746 -Who, Scott? -No, no, no. 442 00:22:52,829 --> 00:22:54,247 We were talking about a movie before. 443 00:22:54,330 --> 00:22:57,125 But she was talking about that thing, the lovable schlub thing. 444 00:22:57,208 --> 00:23:01,337 We haven't done that in a while. Maybe it's animated, like Schlubbable. 445 00:23:01,422 --> 00:23:04,174 Schlubbable. That sounds like a Pixar movie. 446 00:23:04,257 --> 00:23:07,886 Like, I would go to that. Schlubbable. Right? We'll send that to Lasseter. 447 00:23:07,969 --> 00:23:10,305 Then maybe in the movie, they learn how to do math or some shit, 448 00:23:10,388 --> 00:23:11,765 so it's, like, a Disney thing. 449 00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:12,891 Yeah, that's very good. 450 00:23:12,974 --> 00:23:14,810 Okay, here's the thing. 451 00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:19,189 Living with someone is hard. It's all about how you handle it. 452 00:23:19,272 --> 00:23:23,819 I have a saying. "Embrace it to erase it." 453 00:23:23,902 --> 00:23:25,529 Like, I hated needlepoint. 454 00:23:25,612 --> 00:23:28,114 So, I had Church make this needlepoint pillow, 455 00:23:28,198 --> 00:23:32,619 and now I don't mind anymore. I embraced it to erase it. 456 00:23:32,703 --> 00:23:34,455 Now I got needlepoints everywhere. 457 00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:37,958 -[Maria gasps] -That's the secret to life. 458 00:23:38,041 --> 00:23:39,793 If you resist, it'll persist. 459 00:23:39,876 --> 00:23:42,337 -Wow. -Needlepoint that. 460 00:23:42,420 --> 00:23:45,591 Okay, so I just need to embrace the "chicken leg, turkey leg"? 461 00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:48,134 Embrace it like you embrace that weird raccoon 462 00:23:48,218 --> 00:23:50,721 that's eating the shit out of your whole house. 463 00:23:50,804 --> 00:23:55,391 But seriously, don't feed raccoons. They look cute, but they will mess you up. 464 00:23:55,476 --> 00:23:57,894 Mmm. Thank you so much, Judd. 465 00:23:57,978 --> 00:24:00,313 I mean, once again, you've solved all my problems. 466 00:24:00,396 --> 00:24:04,317 I would do anything to repay you. 467 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:06,152 Will you do a small part in my next movie? 468 00:24:07,488 --> 00:24:09,990 With the greatest of love and deference, 469 00:24:10,073 --> 00:24:12,450 -that's a no-torito. -What's a no-torito? 470 00:24:12,534 --> 00:24:14,745 It's a "no" crossed with a Dorito. I haven't had lunch yet. 471 00:24:14,828 --> 00:24:16,955 I love you so much, Judd-- 472 00:24:17,038 --> 00:24:19,541 -Just go eat. Just go eat. Go eat. -Okay, okay, okay, okay. 473 00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:22,377 [screaming] I love you, Judd! 474 00:24:23,837 --> 00:24:26,339 I think Schlubbable is a raccoon. 475 00:24:26,422 --> 00:24:28,592 -Ah, that's good. -Yeah, a raccoon. 476 00:24:28,675 --> 00:24:29,801 -Never seen that. -Yeah. 477 00:24:30,886 --> 00:24:32,345 [Scott] I'm sure Randall's in here somewhere. 478 00:24:32,428 --> 00:24:34,598 Yes! He's right here in the floor. 479 00:24:34,681 --> 00:24:36,266 -Got it. -[Scott] Whoa, where did you... 480 00:24:36,349 --> 00:24:38,393 -All right, here we go. -No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 481 00:24:38,476 --> 00:24:39,520 All right. 482 00:24:39,603 --> 00:24:41,772 What is it with women wanting to destroy hardwood floors? 483 00:24:41,855 --> 00:24:44,858 What, you wanna keep the floor? Okay, here's what we're gonna do. 484 00:24:44,941 --> 00:24:46,693 -You got some peanut butter? -Yeah. 485 00:24:46,777 --> 00:24:48,111 Great. Hope it's chunky. 486 00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:50,781 You're gonna take this peanut butter, 487 00:24:50,864 --> 00:24:52,407 you're gonna spread it all over my titties, 488 00:24:52,490 --> 00:24:54,117 and then you're gonna stand the fuck back. 489 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,328 'Cause raccoons cannot resist some peanut butter titties. 490 00:24:57,412 --> 00:25:00,415 They also love it when you shove candy bars up your asshole. 491 00:25:00,498 --> 00:25:02,500 Or at least that's what the candy store guy told me. 492 00:25:02,584 --> 00:25:06,171 [chuckles] He's fun. Lots of ideas. Lots of ass-based ideas. 493 00:25:06,254 --> 00:25:08,298 All right, where's the last place you saw him in this house 494 00:25:08,381 --> 00:25:09,883 so I can calibrate these titties? 495 00:25:09,966 --> 00:25:12,594 -I haven't actually seen him in the house. -What? 496 00:25:12,678 --> 00:25:14,429 I saw Maria feeding him in the driveway this morning. 497 00:25:14,512 --> 00:25:16,640 And then later, I saw the aftermath here in the kitchen. 498 00:25:16,723 --> 00:25:19,685 You know, milk strewn all over the place, cereal bags torn open, 499 00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:22,478 -chewed-up granola bars everywhere. -Front door wide open? 500 00:25:22,563 --> 00:25:25,356 -Oh, shit. -Oh, shit. 501 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:26,983 [both] Oh, shit. 502 00:25:27,067 --> 00:25:28,234 Uh, "shit," why? 503 00:25:28,318 --> 00:25:30,528 -Your pest is Maria, dude. -Hard truth. 504 00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:32,197 You know, she stayed with me one time. 505 00:25:32,280 --> 00:25:35,867 I spent $370 trying to "get rid of the possum." 506 00:25:35,951 --> 00:25:37,953 -You know what I mean? -It's not what you're thinking. 507 00:25:38,036 --> 00:25:40,914 Look, she's never shared her space with another human as an adult. 508 00:25:40,997 --> 00:25:44,835 She's basically like a skinny, hairless half-Sasquatch. 509 00:25:44,918 --> 00:25:47,003 -So, Maria did this to the kitchen? -[Dagmar] Fuck yeah. 510 00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:48,922 You should've seen what she did to my yurt. 511 00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:50,465 Fur and feces everywhere. 512 00:25:50,548 --> 00:25:53,009 Two baby wolves still in their placental sacks. 513 00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,597 Actually, that time it could've been some kind of animal. 514 00:25:57,388 --> 00:26:00,558 You guys, I really feel like we should ax this floor wide open, okay? 515 00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:03,604 There's a spirit trapped in the foundation that wants to come out. 516 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:06,272 We're coming for you! It's a Civil War general. 517 00:26:06,356 --> 00:26:08,566 [in Southern accent] General! We're coming for you! 518 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:11,402 ♪ Turkey leg, chicken leg ♪ 519 00:26:11,486 --> 00:26:12,528 ♪ Turk, turk, chick ♪ 520 00:26:12,613 --> 00:26:14,072 Maria, what are you doing? 521 00:26:14,155 --> 00:26:19,577 ♪ I'm embracing it and erasing it Like needlepoint ♪ 522 00:26:19,661 --> 00:26:22,163 And, I don't wanna force Randall on you. 523 00:26:22,247 --> 00:26:25,834 If he needs to go to the country, he needs to go to the country. 524 00:26:25,917 --> 00:26:30,631 It turns out that Randall doesn't need to go to the country. You do. 525 00:26:31,172 --> 00:26:34,009 -What? -You're the raccoon, you giant maroon! 526 00:26:34,092 --> 00:26:37,387 -[gasps] Aye, aye, aye, aye! -[whip cracks] 527 00:26:37,470 --> 00:26:39,055 [Western music plays] 528 00:26:40,306 --> 00:26:42,225 You wanna learn to put caps on things, like a human? 529 00:26:42,308 --> 00:26:44,269 -Huh? Shut the door behind you? -[whip cracks] 530 00:26:44,352 --> 00:26:47,397 -[gruffly] Aye, aye, aye, aye! -[whip cracks] 531 00:26:49,107 --> 00:26:51,151 Yo soy la bandida? [gasps] 532 00:26:51,234 --> 00:26:53,069 Okay, what's going on? I'm terrified. 533 00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:55,071 -[whip cracks] -Ah! 534 00:26:55,155 --> 00:26:57,407 You trashed the kitchen, Maria. 535 00:26:57,490 --> 00:26:59,450 [gasps] 536 00:26:59,534 --> 00:27:00,994 [crickets chirping] 537 00:27:03,579 --> 00:27:04,706 [gruffly] Aye, aye, aye, aye! 538 00:27:04,790 --> 00:27:07,083 -[whip cracks] -[Western music plays] 539 00:27:08,168 --> 00:27:09,878 You're a filthy, wet animal. 540 00:27:10,837 --> 00:27:13,882 But I love you. And I never wanna domesticate you. 541 00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:16,259 Scott, that's beautiful. 542 00:27:16,342 --> 00:27:19,137 But, correction, I am a very clean, wet animal. 543 00:27:19,220 --> 00:27:20,931 Yeah, but you're filthy in the way you live. 544 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,933 -What are you doing? -[Larissa] Oh, my God! 545 00:27:23,016 --> 00:27:25,686 He's gonna rape us! I told you this day would come. 546 00:27:25,769 --> 00:27:27,228 [screaming] 547 00:27:29,605 --> 00:27:31,149 Scott, the floors! 548 00:27:31,232 --> 00:27:33,484 -You're messing them all up! -Fuck the floors! 549 00:27:33,568 --> 00:27:37,739 So what if our house is messy and wild? Love is messy and wild. 550 00:27:37,823 --> 00:27:40,701 And sure, the floors might get ruined, but who cares? 551 00:27:40,784 --> 00:27:42,160 -[gasps] -As long as we're together. 552 00:27:42,911 --> 00:27:43,829 [chitters] 553 00:27:43,912 --> 00:27:45,038 -[screams] -Oh! 554 00:27:45,872 --> 00:27:48,709 -Oh, hey, it's Randall! -He's really cute. 555 00:27:48,792 --> 00:27:51,669 I told you you'd come around to Randall. 556 00:27:51,753 --> 00:27:54,214 As long as he's out there and you're in here. 557 00:27:54,297 --> 00:27:57,550 -[Randall] Thank God she found somebody. -[Peggy] Yeah, it's sweet. 558 00:27:57,633 --> 00:28:00,095 [Randall] She's lucky Scott can cook, because her cooking sucks. 559 00:28:00,178 --> 00:28:01,346 I only ate it to make her feel good. 560 00:28:01,429 --> 00:28:04,599 Those fajitas this morning gave me the shits something awful. Ha! 561 00:28:04,682 --> 00:28:07,602 I left that guy a hell of an art project in the middle of his studio, though. 562 00:28:07,685 --> 00:28:09,771 [Peggy] Randall, you rascal. 563 00:28:10,772 --> 00:28:11,898 [Uncle Bubba] I heard there was gonna be 564 00:28:11,982 --> 00:28:15,485 some peanut butter on some motherfucking titties! 565 00:28:15,568 --> 00:28:17,070 [both] Uncle Bubba! 566 00:28:17,153 --> 00:28:19,322 Now, who wants to eat some garbage and fuck? 567 00:28:19,405 --> 00:28:21,992 -[all laughing] -[studio audience laughing] 568 00:28:24,577 --> 00:28:25,829 [audience applauding] 569 00:28:28,498 --> 00:28:29,875 [Peggy] You're hilarious. 570 00:28:31,042 --> 00:28:34,045 [woman] Schlubbable, scene 26, take one. A mark. 571 00:28:34,921 --> 00:28:37,548 [Judd] Okay, Schlubba, you're great at math, you're a raccoon, 572 00:28:37,632 --> 00:28:39,009 and you love pie. 573 00:28:39,092 --> 00:28:41,261 Let's rock this one, okay? Action. 574 00:28:41,970 --> 00:28:44,222 All right, good, good. Yep. Yep, yep, very good. 575 00:28:44,305 --> 00:28:46,808 All right, lick the grass. Lick it, lick it. 576 00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:49,435 Now you're searching for the cure for gout. 577 00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:52,105 No, no, no, wrong way. Wrong way. No, back to your mark. 578 00:28:52,188 --> 00:28:54,941 No, no, not that way. No, Schlubba, not that way. 579 00:28:55,025 --> 00:28:58,236 Let's reset. Let's reset. Ah, fuck. Cut! 580 00:28:58,319 --> 00:29:00,321 [orchestral music playing] 581 00:29:00,371 --> 00:29:04,921 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 47119

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