Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,018 --> 00:00:06,603
[doorbell rings]
2
00:00:09,397 --> 00:00:12,442
Oh, Gabriel! Hey!
3
00:00:12,525 --> 00:00:14,557
Shane's old boyfriend, right?
4
00:00:14,641 --> 00:00:16,718
Wow! Good to see you.
5
00:00:16,801 --> 00:00:17,951
What a coincidence.
6
00:00:18,034 --> 00:00:20,572
- That'll be $26.50.
- Okay.
7
00:00:20,597 --> 00:00:23,328
Oh, right.
Well, I'm sure I'll see you around.
8
00:00:23,411 --> 00:00:25,413
- I'll see you around.
- Okay.
9
00:00:25,496 --> 00:00:26,497
Okay, great.
10
00:00:26,581 --> 00:00:28,666
[phone] Your driver is approaching.
11
00:00:30,365 --> 00:00:32,742
Hey! It's you again.
12
00:00:32,826 --> 00:00:33,910
Wanna... get in?
13
00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:35,536
Uh, should I just get in the front, or...
14
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,372
- Hop in the back.
- Okay, cool.
15
00:00:37,455 --> 00:00:38,068
[dogs barking]
16
00:00:38,151 --> 00:00:40,426
Blueberry and Bert.
My two favorite people.
17
00:00:40,451 --> 00:00:42,627
Oh. Oh, my God!
18
00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,420
[stammers] And then we meet again.
19
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:49,300
[screams]
20
00:00:49,948 --> 00:00:53,054
What are you doing here? This is insane!
21
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:55,348
What? A black man can't be in the pool?
22
00:00:55,431 --> 00:00:57,272
Wanna call the mayor, have him drain it?
23
00:00:57,355 --> 00:00:59,185
No. It's just that...
24
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:00,895
[Maria stammering]
25
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:03,647
We've been running into each other...
Now you're here.
26
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,441
- You know...
- I'm just kidding.
27
00:01:05,524 --> 00:01:07,901
Oh. [laughing] Oh, my God.
28
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:08,986
Oh, I was...
29
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:12,407
I love humor. Uh, yeah.
30
00:01:12,490 --> 00:01:14,117
Oh, my gosh...
31
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,202
- I was scared there, for a second.
- Why?
32
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,578
'Cause I'm black?
33
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,288
No.
34
00:01:19,372 --> 00:01:21,916
- I was kidding again.
- Oh, my God.
35
00:01:21,999 --> 00:01:23,125
You need to lighten up.
36
00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:25,169
- That was good.
- Like I wish I could...
37
00:01:25,253 --> 00:01:27,964
- but I'm black.
- Oh... [softly] I don't know.
38
00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:32,092
Am I supposed to laugh at that?
39
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:33,969
Depends if you're racist or not.
40
00:01:34,053 --> 00:01:35,763
Do you think I'm racist?
41
00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:38,015
Is asking that racist?
42
00:01:38,099 --> 00:01:40,935
There's no right answer.
Things aren't black and white.
43
00:01:41,859 --> 00:01:43,527
Or are they?
44
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:48,651
Oh... Oh, no.
45
00:01:50,014 --> 00:01:52,196
[theme music playing]
46
00:01:52,268 --> 00:01:58,009
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
47
00:02:00,913 --> 00:02:03,082
[Maria] I'm a pterodactyl.
48
00:02:05,082 --> 00:02:07,501
[Maria] Gabriel really got me thinking.Was I a racist?
49
00:02:07,584 --> 00:02:09,461
I've secured my lady a part,
50
00:02:09,545 --> 00:02:12,089
which meets all her
prescribed requirements...
51
00:02:12,172 --> 00:02:14,257
sans audition.
52
00:02:15,509 --> 00:02:16,719
Requirements?
53
00:02:16,802 --> 00:02:20,306
It's a sitcom. Easy hours.
You'll be home every day by 4:00.
54
00:02:20,681 --> 00:02:23,684
Stupid money. Plus, you said you wanted
55
00:02:23,767 --> 00:02:25,018
more diversity in your life?
56
00:02:25,143 --> 00:02:26,144
Well, get this...
57
00:02:26,228 --> 00:02:27,479
it's a black show.
58
00:02:27,563 --> 00:02:29,440
The leads are these two black comics
59
00:02:29,523 --> 00:02:31,817
you can't tell one from the other.
60
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:34,486
- Bruce.
- No! They're twins.
61
00:02:34,570 --> 00:02:36,739
Oh, no, I...
62
00:02:36,822 --> 00:02:39,491
I will like to have more diversity
in my life.
63
00:02:39,575 --> 00:02:43,662
I'm just worried about everything I do
or say lately, racially.
64
00:02:43,745 --> 00:02:45,580
Oh, are you a racist?
65
00:02:45,664 --> 00:02:49,710
- No! Do I seem like a racist?
- No, of course not.
66
00:02:49,793 --> 00:02:52,087
- Do I?
- No!
67
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:54,964
Let's see what
Ask Jeeves has to say about it.
68
00:02:55,048 --> 00:02:56,258
Uh, Chantrelle?
69
00:02:56,341 --> 00:02:57,259
[Chantrelle] Yeah?
70
00:02:57,342 --> 00:03:00,804
Ask Jeeves for groups in LA
for people who hate being racist.
71
00:03:00,888 --> 00:03:04,558
- I don't hate being racist. That's...
- You should.
72
00:03:04,641 --> 00:03:05,934
[Chantrelle] How about this?
73
00:03:06,018 --> 00:03:08,687
"Are you nervous
you're a full blown racist?"
74
00:03:08,770 --> 00:03:10,230
Yes.
75
00:03:10,314 --> 00:03:13,734
"Are your ethnic friends annoyed
you ask too many questions about race?"
76
00:03:13,817 --> 00:03:15,527
Yes!
77
00:03:15,611 --> 00:03:17,238
"Bring questions about black people
78
00:03:17,321 --> 00:03:22,660
and other minorities to LA P.U.R.E.,
People United for Racial Equality."
79
00:03:22,743 --> 00:03:28,040
That's exactly what I need.
A group to talk about racial issues.
80
00:03:28,123 --> 00:03:30,108
I knew Chantrelle could handle
your issues de coeur.
81
00:03:30,191 --> 00:03:32,567
She does possess the name
of a black lady.
82
00:03:32,651 --> 00:03:34,546
- Chantrelle!
- [Chantrelle] What?
83
00:03:34,630 --> 00:03:36,173
Nothing, my sweet.
84
00:03:36,256 --> 00:03:37,883
Bruce, this is great. Thank you.
85
00:03:37,966 --> 00:03:40,969
And... I'll do the pilot.
I need the money.
86
00:03:41,053 --> 00:03:44,848
And America needs to see your face
on its tiny tube screens.
87
00:03:44,932 --> 00:03:46,934
- [chuckling]
- And we're back!
88
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:48,935
[Bruce laughing]
89
00:03:49,645 --> 00:03:54,608
So amazing to have such a diverse turnout
for our LA P.U.R.E. meeting.
90
00:03:59,071 --> 00:04:01,323
I'm sorry. I have a question.
91
00:04:01,406 --> 00:04:04,659
Oh, names first.
We always start with names first.
92
00:04:04,743 --> 00:04:06,495
Okay, my name is Maria.
93
00:04:10,082 --> 00:04:11,417
And... I'm white.
94
00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,918
[all] Hi, Maria.
95
00:04:13,001 --> 00:04:17,506
Okay. I don't have
many friends who are black,
96
00:04:17,589 --> 00:04:22,969
and I just wanna be more cognizant
of racism and white privilege.
97
00:04:23,053 --> 00:04:27,975
And I have this job next week,
and it's a TV pilot with a diverse cast,
98
00:04:28,058 --> 00:04:30,269
and I'm just really anxious.
99
00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:33,480
I don't want to say or do anything wrong.
100
00:04:33,563 --> 00:04:35,190
What's the show about?
101
00:04:35,273 --> 00:04:38,860
It's about two African American brothers
who are garbage people.
102
00:04:38,944 --> 00:04:41,238
[all exclaiming]
103
00:04:41,321 --> 00:04:45,659
Maria, we don't call them
garbage people anymore.
104
00:04:45,742 --> 00:04:48,787
No, no. That's... their job.
105
00:04:48,870 --> 00:04:51,790
Wait... you called them garbage people?
106
00:04:51,873 --> 00:04:55,418
Of course, I did. We all did.
107
00:04:55,502 --> 00:04:56,837
Just by being white.
108
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:58,964
- Get it?
- Uh...
109
00:04:59,047 --> 00:05:00,257
- No.
- No.
110
00:05:00,340 --> 00:05:03,176
That's the right attitude.
You don't get it.
111
00:05:03,260 --> 00:05:05,220
That's the point of our group.
112
00:05:05,303 --> 00:05:08,640
We believe that interfering,
or even trying to relate,
113
00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:11,644
is an implicit insult
to people whose struggles
114
00:05:11,727 --> 00:05:13,604
we couldn't possibly understand.
115
00:05:13,687 --> 00:05:16,231
Right. Okay.
116
00:05:16,314 --> 00:05:19,389
Look, I really use to wanna relate.
117
00:05:19,414 --> 00:05:21,802
I practically wanted
to be a black person.
118
00:05:22,988 --> 00:05:25,824
But we can't burden them anymore
with our issues.
119
00:05:25,907 --> 00:05:27,575
- Keep it light.
- [Maria] Okay.
120
00:05:27,659 --> 00:05:31,100
You know, weather, sports...
121
00:05:31,183 --> 00:05:32,464
"Is that a new car?"
122
00:05:32,489 --> 00:05:33,910
- That type of stuff.
- Okay.
123
00:05:33,970 --> 00:05:36,835
- Remember, if you're
white, keep it light.
124
00:05:36,918 --> 00:05:37,760
Okay.
125
00:05:37,844 --> 00:05:41,355
[Sheri] They've already been burdened
with our shenanigans.
126
00:05:41,438 --> 00:05:44,342
Especially our nation's
ultimate shenanigan...
127
00:05:44,426 --> 00:05:45,427
slavery.
128
00:05:47,262 --> 00:05:48,847
[Maria] Yeah.
129
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:51,307
[Maria] That seemed like solid advice.
130
00:05:51,391 --> 00:05:53,424
Groups have helped me a lot in the past.
131
00:05:53,508 --> 00:05:55,395
[Maria] I have great news.
132
00:05:55,479 --> 00:05:58,273
My agent, Karen Grisham, got me a job!
133
00:05:58,356 --> 00:06:00,358
A commercial for a huge superstore.
134
00:06:00,442 --> 00:06:01,777
It's not about the money.
135
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,278
It's what it represents.
136
00:06:03,361 --> 00:06:06,406
Which is a huge amount of money.
137
00:06:06,490 --> 00:06:09,493
I should be able to pay off
my debt in four months.
138
00:06:09,576 --> 00:06:11,620
Yay!
139
00:06:11,703 --> 00:06:12,787
[sighing]
140
00:06:15,996 --> 00:06:18,919
But it probably won't work out.
141
00:06:19,002 --> 00:06:20,837
I mean... nothing ever does.
142
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:23,590
They'll look at me,
and be like, "You're fired."
143
00:06:23,673 --> 00:06:25,689
You know, super-agent
144
00:06:25,714 --> 00:06:28,410
Karen Grisham, she'll let me
go as a client. [chuckling]
145
00:06:28,470 --> 00:06:29,846
I don't even have a character
146
00:06:29,971 --> 00:06:31,306
for the commercial yet.
147
00:06:31,389 --> 00:06:34,851
And I probably won't be able
to think of one in time.
148
00:06:34,935 --> 00:06:38,063
You know what?
It'll never last. [chuckles]
149
00:06:38,146 --> 00:06:40,273
Time! All right.
150
00:06:40,357 --> 00:06:43,755
I don't wanna cross talk here,
but that's great, Maria.
151
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:46,488
- [shrieks quietly]
- Okay, who wants to share next?
152
00:06:48,365 --> 00:06:52,703
I know this is wrong,
but when I'm in a store,
153
00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:56,498
there are things that
I see that I have to buy.
154
00:06:56,581 --> 00:06:59,793
It's like there's electricity
going through my body,
155
00:06:59,876 --> 00:07:03,505
and every molecule is vibrating.
156
00:07:03,588 --> 00:07:06,049
It feels so good!
157
00:07:06,133 --> 00:07:09,261
[Maria] And there it was.Inspiration for my character.
158
00:07:09,344 --> 00:07:12,430
Oh, I love just running
up and down the aisles,
159
00:07:12,514 --> 00:07:14,558
looking at all the new stuff.
160
00:07:14,641 --> 00:07:16,518
And at the ends of the aisles...
161
00:07:16,643 --> 00:07:19,229
that's where they put
the hot goods! [laughs]
162
00:07:19,312 --> 00:07:21,564
[Maria] Like Elvis was King of Rock and Roll,
163
00:07:21,648 --> 00:07:23,817
I would be the Queen of Checklist.
164
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:27,862
Oh, the euphoria like never before! Oh!
165
00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:31,324
[gasping] All the shopping.
I can't get enough!
166
00:07:31,408 --> 00:07:34,244
I'm plugged into bargain power.
167
00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:35,578
[laughing]
168
00:07:35,662 --> 00:07:38,331
All my shopping molecules are vibrating!
169
00:07:38,415 --> 00:07:39,625
- [laughing manically]
- [bell ringing]
170
00:07:39,708 --> 00:07:41,126
[screaming]
171
00:07:41,209 --> 00:07:44,003
End caps.
This is where they keep the good stuff.
172
00:07:44,087 --> 00:07:46,506
[gasps and screams]
173
00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:48,634
[screaming] Jewelry!
174
00:07:48,717 --> 00:07:51,637
[laughing] Oh, no.
175
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:53,430
[crying]
176
00:07:57,142 --> 00:07:59,603
[screaming] There are so many bargains!
177
00:07:59,686 --> 00:08:02,981
Hot goods. Euphoria! [screaming]
178
00:08:03,064 --> 00:08:04,524
[laughing]
179
00:08:05,692 --> 00:08:06,776
[screaming]
180
00:08:09,863 --> 00:08:11,198
- [cat meowing]
- [woman] Cut!
181
00:08:11,281 --> 00:08:12,491
Bruce, what'd you think?
182
00:08:12,574 --> 00:08:14,451
Well, we gave it a great shot.
183
00:08:14,534 --> 00:08:17,454
As your manager,
I will manage Karen's disappointment.
184
00:08:17,537 --> 00:08:19,789
How shall I fall
upon my sword, my queen?
185
00:08:19,873 --> 00:08:20,874
You don't think it went well?
186
00:08:20,957 --> 00:08:23,960
Great angle. That's exactly the way
we're gonna play it.
187
00:08:26,463 --> 00:08:29,841
So, here's the plan.
I'm gonna say, "Hello. How are you?"
188
00:08:29,925 --> 00:08:31,009
Handshake. Handshake.
189
00:08:31,092 --> 00:08:32,628
"Did you see the recent sports game?"
190
00:08:32,712 --> 00:08:35,180
A mention of an article
in The New Yorker
191
00:08:35,263 --> 00:08:36,639
on artisanal meats. That's it.
192
00:08:36,723 --> 00:08:39,267
Bruce, get your thumb out of your ass!
193
00:08:39,351 --> 00:08:41,728
The New Yorker, artisanal, sports, meat.
194
00:08:41,811 --> 00:08:44,272
- Let's talk Checklist.
- Yes.
195
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:47,317
First of all, let me say
an old-fashioned apology.
196
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:48,818
And let's not say goodbye.
197
00:08:48,902 --> 00:08:52,364
Let's say, as the French do,
please don't drop us as a client.
198
00:08:52,447 --> 00:08:53,823
What's this fuck-brain saying?
199
00:08:53,907 --> 00:08:56,368
Bruce is concerned
that it didn't go well.
200
00:08:56,451 --> 00:08:59,955
Are you out of your fucking mind?
Checklist loved what you did.
201
00:09:00,038 --> 00:09:02,958
Their pants are full of
their own reproductive fluid,
202
00:09:03,041 --> 00:09:04,793
and they love that feeling.
203
00:09:04,876 --> 00:09:07,504
They're willing to pay 150K
for the first campaign.
204
00:09:07,587 --> 00:09:09,547
You are the one filling their pants.
205
00:09:09,631 --> 00:09:11,508
Their full pants, our full pockets.
206
00:09:11,591 --> 00:09:13,802
You know what I would
like for you to do right now?
207
00:09:14,844 --> 00:09:16,387
What is that, Karen?
208
00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:19,683
Cradle the balls and work the shaft
209
00:09:19,766 --> 00:09:21,601
Cradle the balls and work...
210
00:09:21,685 --> 00:09:23,103
The shaft
Sing it with me.
211
00:09:23,186 --> 00:09:25,855
[both sing]
Cradle the balls and work the shaft
212
00:09:25,939 --> 00:09:29,092
Cradle the balls and work the shaft
213
00:09:29,175 --> 00:09:32,195
Cradle the balls and work the shaft
214
00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:35,240
[all]
Cradle the ballsAnd work the shaft
215
00:09:35,323 --> 00:09:38,409
Cradle the balls and work the shaft!
216
00:09:38,493 --> 00:09:43,081
Cradle the balls and work the shaft
217
00:09:43,164 --> 00:09:45,792
This is gonna be fucking amazing
for you, Maria.
218
00:09:45,875 --> 00:09:49,003
[both]
Cradle the ballsAnd work the shaft
219
00:09:49,087 --> 00:09:50,997
Oh, God. The thing is...
220
00:09:51,022 --> 00:09:53,216
I just wanna be a good person and...
221
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,010
I wanna make people happy, you know?
222
00:09:55,093 --> 00:09:56,636
[Karen] Yeah, absolutely. You know what?
223
00:09:56,720 --> 00:09:58,263
You're gonna be so fucking rich,
224
00:09:58,346 --> 00:10:02,016
even if anybody thinks you're a bad
person, you can tell them to fuck off.
225
00:10:02,100 --> 00:10:03,727
[all laughing]
226
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,723
Cradle the balls...
227
00:10:05,807 --> 00:10:07,022
Get the fuck out of here.
I got a meeting.
228
00:10:07,105 --> 00:10:10,022
[Maria] Oh, okay.
[Maria] I was on top of the world.
229
00:10:10,047 --> 00:10:11,901
My career was a rocketship to the moon.
230
00:10:11,926 --> 00:10:15,471
And I was being a good person.
I had it all.
231
00:10:15,530 --> 00:10:17,782
You know her as the crazy shopper
232
00:10:17,866 --> 00:10:21,953
who gets people to buy merchandise
made for pennies by forced child labor.
233
00:10:22,037 --> 00:10:23,580
[all laughing]
234
00:10:23,663 --> 00:10:27,542
Put your hands together for the sellout,
Maria Bamford.
235
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:29,418
[audience applauding]
236
00:10:33,214 --> 00:10:34,382
Oh, my gosh.
237
00:10:34,466 --> 00:10:36,343
- Uh... yeah.
- [feedback]
238
00:10:36,426 --> 00:10:39,804
I have done a series
of commercials, and, uh...
239
00:10:39,888 --> 00:10:41,264
[blowing]
240
00:10:41,348 --> 00:10:43,934
[laughter]
241
00:10:44,684 --> 00:10:47,812
I am a radical, militant...
242
00:10:47,896 --> 00:10:50,732
Green Party socialist
and a hypocrite, it turns out.
243
00:10:52,317 --> 00:10:54,986
Oh, boy...
244
00:10:55,070 --> 00:10:56,697
I will be taking that money
245
00:10:56,780 --> 00:10:59,491
and redecorating my house
in shades of gray.
246
00:10:59,574 --> 00:11:03,745
- [all laughing]
- I don't feel good about myself.
247
00:11:03,828 --> 00:11:08,666
[Maria] Yes, I was a sellout,and I would never let that happen again.
248
00:11:11,211 --> 00:11:13,714
[audience cheering]
249
00:11:17,342 --> 00:11:19,469
Hi, Kenny. Hi, Keith.
250
00:11:19,552 --> 00:11:21,220
Oh, hey, Mrs. White.
251
00:11:21,846 --> 00:11:24,932
If you're free tomorrow,
you should come to the Comedy Store.
252
00:11:25,016 --> 00:11:27,393
That's where me and Kenny
are doing stand-up.
253
00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:31,356
Yeah, as if we don't do
enough standing up... all day long.
254
00:11:31,439 --> 00:11:34,275
- [laughs] Aren't they funny?
- [chuckles nervously]
255
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:36,862
Hey, have you seen
my baby's favorite blanky?
256
00:11:36,945 --> 00:11:40,907
My "assistant" threw it away by accident.
257
00:11:40,990 --> 00:11:45,036
[in Russian accent] I'm from Russia.
I don't speak English.
258
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,914
Know what I like to say?
The reason they call it Russia
259
00:11:47,997 --> 00:11:50,082
is everyone's rushin'
to get out of there.
260
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:52,126
You know where I'd like to be rushin'?
261
00:11:52,210 --> 00:11:54,838
Across the street
to Gabrielle Union's pool house.
262
00:11:54,921 --> 00:11:56,631
- She's fine.
- She fine.
263
00:12:03,263 --> 00:12:05,640
- [audience laughing]
- [sighs]
264
00:12:06,850 --> 00:12:07,934
All right, boys.
265
00:12:08,017 --> 00:12:10,853
If you do see that blanky,
please tell my assistant.
266
00:12:10,937 --> 00:12:12,814
You might have to tell her a few times,
267
00:12:12,897 --> 00:12:14,857
'cause she's dumb as a bowl of borscht.
268
00:12:14,941 --> 00:12:16,359
[Keith] You got it, Mrs. White.
269
00:12:16,443 --> 00:12:17,861
Off to the Browns.
270
00:12:17,944 --> 00:12:19,112
[Mrs. White] Bye, boys.
271
00:12:19,195 --> 00:12:23,366
[in Russian accent] I'm from Russia.
I don't speak English.
272
00:12:23,450 --> 00:12:24,993
- [bell ringing]
- [man] Cut!
273
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,869
[laughing] That was fucking awesome!
274
00:12:26,953 --> 00:12:29,831
Absolutely amazing, you guys.
You're geniuses.
275
00:12:29,914 --> 00:12:31,290
Maria, amazing!
276
00:12:31,374 --> 00:12:33,126
[Maria] It felt great to get laughs,
277
00:12:33,209 --> 00:12:36,003
but I wondered if this show
was racially insensitive.
278
00:12:36,087 --> 00:12:39,215
This time, I wouldn't roll over,
like I did with Checklist.
279
00:12:39,299 --> 00:12:41,134
- Hey.
- [gasping] Oh!
280
00:12:41,217 --> 00:12:42,260
Oh!
281
00:12:43,761 --> 00:12:44,804
[crunching] Hi, Maria.
282
00:12:44,888 --> 00:12:47,974
- I'm just eating carrots.
- Oh, hey, Jennipher Nickles.
283
00:12:48,057 --> 00:12:49,183
No, I'm fine.
284
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:51,311
Listen, I was wondering...
285
00:12:51,394 --> 00:12:53,229
does this show make you uncomfortable?
286
00:12:54,397 --> 00:12:59,319
I mean, the two lead minority characters
are playing garbage people,
287
00:12:59,402 --> 00:13:01,446
and all the producers are white.
288
00:13:01,529 --> 00:13:03,489
I've been out of the swing of things,
289
00:13:03,573 --> 00:13:05,366
but it seems a little demeaning.
290
00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,119
Is that weird? I mean, are we sellouts?
291
00:13:08,203 --> 00:13:10,414
Jesus! Is this a fucking racist show?
292
00:13:10,497 --> 00:13:12,666
My brand can't handle another fuck-up.
293
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,752
Let's just ask Kenny and Keith.
They'll know.
294
00:13:15,835 --> 00:13:18,504
Right? If it is,
they'll be the ones to know.
295
00:13:18,588 --> 00:13:21,132
No. We can't bother them
with our problems.
296
00:13:21,216 --> 00:13:23,927
It's like, we... just keep it light.
297
00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:25,261
- Light?
- Yeah.
298
00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:27,889
- White, keep it light.
- Hey, Kenny, Keith.
299
00:13:28,806 --> 00:13:29,849
Hey, what's up.
300
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:33,812
How are the kids? Thank you so much
for letting me be a part of this show.
301
00:13:33,895 --> 00:13:35,271
Did you have a new car?
302
00:13:35,355 --> 00:13:37,482
- What?
- Uh, I... I don't know.
303
00:13:37,565 --> 00:13:39,317
[stammering]
304
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,193
[in accent] Me no speak English.
305
00:13:41,277 --> 00:13:42,737
[Maria chuckling]
306
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:44,822
Method actor. Party of one.
307
00:13:44,906 --> 00:13:46,241
[chuckling]
308
00:13:48,409 --> 00:13:51,329
- All right, we will... see you later?
- Oh, yes.
309
00:13:51,412 --> 00:13:55,041
- [chuckling] Hi. I mean, bye.
- [Maria] Still look nice.
310
00:13:55,124 --> 00:13:57,293
God, they're great guys.
They're so great.
311
00:13:57,377 --> 00:13:58,587
They are great.
312
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:01,214
Somebody's got to stand up
and say something.
313
00:14:01,297 --> 00:14:02,882
I mean, this is not right.
314
00:14:02,966 --> 00:14:05,635
Children have to see
a positive representation of race.
315
00:14:06,970 --> 00:14:09,598
- I'm gonna go talk to the head heeb.
- [gasps]
316
00:14:11,391 --> 00:14:13,268
[grunting] Making a difference.
317
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,731
[Maria] I wasn't as far down my recovery path
318
00:14:17,814 --> 00:14:20,066
as I thought,
but my family was there for me.
319
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:22,360
It even inspired my dad
to develop a hobby,
320
00:14:22,485 --> 00:14:25,863
where he was able to take
a young local teen under his wing.
321
00:14:28,366 --> 00:14:31,578
Jeremy, no matter what happens
with this apprenticeship,
322
00:14:31,744 --> 00:14:33,621
it's been an honor cobbling next to you.
323
00:14:34,747 --> 00:14:35,998
Suck a dick, monkey-fucker.
324
00:14:36,833 --> 00:14:39,210
Hey, buddy. Can we talk for a second?
325
00:14:39,294 --> 00:14:41,505
Can you talk with my dick in your mouth?
326
00:14:41,588 --> 00:14:43,090
- Ooh...
- [knocking on door]
327
00:14:43,172 --> 00:14:44,840
[Marilyn] Hi. Hi.
328
00:14:44,924 --> 00:14:46,467
Oh.
329
00:14:46,551 --> 00:14:51,473
Well, I sure feel like a heel...
stopping by the cobble shop unannounced.
330
00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:52,724
Get it?
331
00:14:52,807 --> 00:14:55,935
Marilyn what are you doing here?
I'm getting through to this tough nut.
332
00:14:56,019 --> 00:14:58,021
[Marilyn] I wanted to see
what was so important
333
00:14:58,104 --> 00:15:02,483
that you'd leave your daughter sitting
in a pool of her own drool for.
334
00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:06,029
You know, Maria Bamford,
your one and only loin-fruit?
335
00:15:06,112 --> 00:15:09,449
- Marilyn, this is not a good time.
- Oh...
336
00:15:09,532 --> 00:15:13,745
So, this is the famous Jeremy. Hi.
337
00:15:13,828 --> 00:15:17,665
I'm Marilyn Bamford, Joel's wife
and good friend. It's a pleasure.
338
00:15:17,749 --> 00:15:19,876
I thought you were
strictly-dickly on Grindr.
339
00:15:20,668 --> 00:15:23,296
It's a gay app. Uh, listen, pally,
340
00:15:23,379 --> 00:15:26,757
you better hope that bullpucky
of yours comes in a six-pack,
341
00:15:26,841 --> 00:15:28,676
'cause you're gonna have to can it.
342
00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:30,595
Eat a bowl of dog shit.
343
00:15:31,888 --> 00:15:33,014
Whoa!
344
00:15:33,097 --> 00:15:34,473
[man] Jeremy, we gotta get going.
345
00:15:35,391 --> 00:15:37,518
Is that your father?
346
00:15:37,602 --> 00:15:41,022
Would you tell him Marilyn Bamford
would like a word with him?
347
00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:42,898
Me, too. Joel Bamford.
348
00:15:42,982 --> 00:15:44,775
Uh, Dad.
349
00:15:44,859 --> 00:15:48,321
Some geezer faggot
and his dyke beard wanna talk to you.
350
00:15:48,404 --> 00:15:49,697
Whoa! No feet.
351
00:15:50,657 --> 00:15:52,576
[gasps] Double no feet.
352
00:15:52,659 --> 00:15:54,953
We have feet, you cocklicker.
They don't work.
353
00:15:55,036 --> 00:15:58,706
I'm Marilyn Bamford,
and this is Joel Bamford,
354
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:01,459
- my husband and good friend.
- Fag.
355
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:05,796
And your son, here, has a sailor mouth
that belongs on the poop deck.
356
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,425
[crying] Nothing sadder than
a cobbler making shoes for no feet.
357
00:16:09,509 --> 00:16:12,887
What's going on?
Jeremy, we're late for your DUI class.
358
00:16:13,846 --> 00:16:15,097
I get it, Jeremy.
359
00:16:15,181 --> 00:16:16,683
I get your rage now.
360
00:16:16,766 --> 00:16:19,018
I should have asked about your home life.
361
00:16:19,936 --> 00:16:22,897
I'm withdrawing from the apprenticeship.
You can have it.
362
00:16:22,980 --> 00:16:24,732
I'd no idea what you'd been through.
363
00:16:24,816 --> 00:16:26,067
What he's been through?
364
00:16:26,945 --> 00:16:28,819
What the fuck's he been through?
365
00:16:28,903 --> 00:16:32,573
I?m sorry, what you've been through
with your feet, or useful lack thereof.
366
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,409
You feel sorry for us?
367
00:16:35,618 --> 00:16:37,078
We feel sorry for you
368
00:16:37,161 --> 00:16:38,954
with the crazy fuck-nut at home.
369
00:16:39,038 --> 00:16:40,790
You take that back!
370
00:16:40,873 --> 00:16:43,036
That what you said
when your cuckoo-retard-daughter
371
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:45,337
squirted out your wife's smelly rot box?
372
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:47,631
- [screams] Whoa!
- Whoa!
373
00:16:47,714 --> 00:16:49,341
She is not a cuckoo-retard.
374
00:16:49,424 --> 00:16:51,176
Even if she was, that would be fine.
375
00:16:51,259 --> 00:16:53,636
She has a mental illness. Bipolar II,
376
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:56,819
defined as long-term depression
with agitated hypomania.
377
00:16:56,844 --> 00:16:59,559
- But it does not define her.
- No, it does not define her.
378
00:16:59,642 --> 00:17:03,187
- Oh, suck a dick. Jeez!
- No, you suck a dick, young man.
379
00:17:03,271 --> 00:17:04,118
My dick.
380
00:17:04,201 --> 00:17:06,858
My giant, grown-up,
I-served-in-the-navy dick.
381
00:17:07,668 --> 00:17:09,652
Poop talk begins at home.
382
00:17:09,736 --> 00:17:11,279
Come on, let's get out of here.
383
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:13,781
This crap sandwich
doesn't deserve our attention.
384
00:17:13,865 --> 00:17:16,326
And there's a little girl
at home that needs me.
385
00:17:25,877 --> 00:17:27,128
[Joel] Hey, jelly bean.
386
00:17:28,296 --> 00:17:30,340
I think I owe you an apology.
387
00:17:31,299 --> 00:17:32,926
I threw myself into Jeremy's life,
388
00:17:33,009 --> 00:17:35,720
so I'd have an excuse
for not dealing with yours.
389
00:17:36,512 --> 00:17:38,222
And in the process...
390
00:17:38,306 --> 00:17:41,184
I lost track of what
I had always loved about cobbling.
391
00:17:42,018 --> 00:17:43,186
Which is everything.
392
00:17:44,353 --> 00:17:45,813
I'm so sorry.
393
00:17:47,133 --> 00:17:49,677
Turns out,
your father is a big, giant sellout.
394
00:17:50,818 --> 00:17:52,278
No.
395
00:17:52,361 --> 00:17:54,280
Aw, that's sweet of you to say.
396
00:17:55,364 --> 00:17:57,867
But I just want you to know
that I love you...
397
00:17:57,950 --> 00:17:59,743
and I'm always here for you.
398
00:18:01,162 --> 00:18:04,248
So, what do you say we go
get a piece of pie, cake, or...
399
00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,167
Dairy Queen or somethin'?
400
00:18:06,250 --> 00:18:07,752
[sniffles]
401
00:18:07,835 --> 00:18:10,504
[whispering] Peanut Buster Parfait.
402
00:18:10,588 --> 00:18:13,174
Dairy Queen, it is.
403
00:18:13,257 --> 00:18:15,801
Come on, little lady,
let's get you dressed.
404
00:18:15,885 --> 00:18:17,553
[sighing and muttering]
405
00:18:20,848 --> 00:18:24,935
[Maria] My dad showed me it was possibleto make up for selling out,
406
00:18:25,019 --> 00:18:28,981
so I was proud to have abolished
offensive stereotypes on my new show.
407
00:18:30,066 --> 00:18:31,150
Hey, guys.
408
00:18:31,234 --> 00:18:35,613
Got anything you wanna unload
into our receptacles?
409
00:18:35,696 --> 00:18:37,031
[audience] Ooh.
410
00:18:37,114 --> 00:18:39,366
Doesn't matter what size it is.
411
00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:42,370
We've got plenty of room in our dumpers.
412
00:18:42,453 --> 00:18:43,955
[audience laughing]
413
00:18:44,038 --> 00:18:45,456
And if it doesn't fit...
414
00:18:47,083 --> 00:18:49,460
we'll just take it in the alley
415
00:18:49,544 --> 00:18:51,004
[all laughing]
416
00:18:51,087 --> 00:18:52,839
Liquids are fine.
417
00:18:52,922 --> 00:18:56,801
Feel free to spray your stuff
all over our brand new cans.
418
00:18:56,884 --> 00:18:58,594
- [audience laughing]
- [bell ringing]
419
00:18:58,678 --> 00:19:02,390
[laughing] Oh, that was so great,
you guys. That was so damn funny.
420
00:19:02,473 --> 00:19:03,641
We're gonna take a break.
421
00:19:03,724 --> 00:19:05,476
We got standards issues to go over,
422
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,562
but I love the trash tits. [laughs]
423
00:19:07,645 --> 00:19:09,230
- That felt good.
- Yeah.
424
00:19:09,313 --> 00:19:11,315
- What did you feel?
- It felt really good.
425
00:19:11,399 --> 00:19:12,567
[audience cheering]
426
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:15,278
Hey, is everybody excited
to see some White Trash?
427
00:19:15,361 --> 00:19:16,404
[cheering continues]
428
00:19:16,487 --> 00:19:18,114
So, are you guys excited?
429
00:19:18,197 --> 00:19:20,282
Not really.
We're thinking about quitting.
430
00:19:20,366 --> 00:19:24,036
What? I thought the run-through
went so well today.
431
00:19:24,120 --> 00:19:27,290
- We felt totally minimized.
- We lost all our lines.
432
00:19:27,373 --> 00:19:30,001
This was a show
about how we started stand-up.
433
00:19:30,084 --> 00:19:32,295
- But you were so funny.
- [Kenny] Doing what?
434
00:19:32,378 --> 00:19:34,589
- Wearing a suit?
- That's not funny.
435
00:19:34,672 --> 00:19:38,217
Aren't you happy about representing
your race in a powerful way?
436
00:19:38,301 --> 00:19:41,304
No, we don't wanna represent anything.
We're comedians.
437
00:19:41,387 --> 00:19:44,557
- We just wanna be funny.
- Yeah, we love laughter.
438
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:45,891
Oh...
439
00:19:46,809 --> 00:19:48,728
I did a bad, bad thing.
440
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:51,188
- You did this?
- Yeah.
441
00:19:51,272 --> 00:19:55,109
I... I put a birdie
in somebody's writing ear,
442
00:19:55,192 --> 00:19:56,985
- and I... oh...
- [sighing]
443
00:19:57,069 --> 00:19:58,904
To sabotage us. You wanna be the star.
444
00:19:58,988 --> 00:19:59,822
You sold us out.
445
00:19:59,906 --> 00:20:02,784
I was trying to un-sell you out,
that's the thing.
446
00:20:02,867 --> 00:20:04,243
Hey. Fuckin' check it, dudes.
447
00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:05,537
NBC was at the run-through,
448
00:20:05,620 --> 00:20:08,248
they got a major chub
over the show's new direction.
449
00:20:08,331 --> 00:20:11,292
We got 13 episodes.
We're going straight to series!
450
00:20:12,376 --> 00:20:14,753
- Dope. That's great.
- Awesome. That's fantastic.
451
00:20:14,837 --> 00:20:15,713
I can't do it.
452
00:20:16,672 --> 00:20:20,759
I can't look sexy as hell
on the back of a trash truck if it means
453
00:20:20,843 --> 00:20:22,470
selling out people I respect.
454
00:20:23,232 --> 00:20:25,109
Yes, of course I want a pony!
455
00:20:26,415 --> 00:20:30,311
But that pony's cuteness wouldn't
override the ugliness I feel inside.
456
00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:33,355
I thought I was righting an injustice.
457
00:20:33,472 --> 00:20:37,351
But, in fact, I was making
an injustice even worse.
458
00:20:38,486 --> 00:20:39,862
The fuck is she talking about?
459
00:20:40,613 --> 00:20:44,742
Listen, they should be garbage people.
Not me and Jennipher Nickles.
460
00:20:44,825 --> 00:20:45,951
Right, Jennipher?
461
00:20:46,035 --> 00:20:48,371
You know I never
have to work again, right?
462
00:20:48,454 --> 00:20:51,624
I was on a hit sitcom for 11 years.
463
00:20:51,707 --> 00:20:53,751
I was the voice of Kitten the Car.
464
00:20:53,834 --> 00:20:57,087
That is NBC-you-later money.
465
00:20:57,171 --> 00:20:59,423
I am only here for the craft services...
466
00:21:00,591 --> 00:21:02,718
and the camaraderie.
467
00:21:02,802 --> 00:21:04,721
[laughing]
468
00:21:04,804 --> 00:21:06,097
Josh...
469
00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:07,890
we quit!
470
00:21:07,974 --> 00:21:12,145
And everyone, there's something
that's a lot more important than money.
471
00:21:12,228 --> 00:21:14,897
- [yells] It's justice!
- Whoo-hoo!
472
00:21:15,606 --> 00:21:18,150
We did it! We did it!
473
00:21:18,234 --> 00:21:19,986
- Whoo!
- We didn't sell out!
474
00:21:20,069 --> 00:21:22,238
- [all laughing]
- Wait.
475
00:21:22,321 --> 00:21:24,490
- [Maria] Oh. What?
- [man] Cut!
476
00:21:24,573 --> 00:21:26,658
Is that how we're gonna end the show?
477
00:21:26,742 --> 00:21:28,786
Yeah, and then I was gonna ride off
478
00:21:28,869 --> 00:21:32,539
[sing-song] triumphantly...
[normal] off the back of a garbage truck.
479
00:21:32,623 --> 00:21:36,377
- But you didn't solve anything.
- Yeah, I thought we... did.
480
00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:38,837
We said a lot of
important things about race.
481
00:21:38,921 --> 00:21:40,214
Like what?
482
00:21:40,297 --> 00:21:43,342
Well... like...
483
00:21:43,426 --> 00:21:45,011
You know, just a...
484
00:21:45,094 --> 00:21:46,846
Uh...
485
00:21:47,930 --> 00:21:49,348
Little help...
486
00:21:49,432 --> 00:21:52,393
Academy Award-winning
screenwriter John Ridley?
487
00:21:52,476 --> 00:21:56,230
Oh, I wish I could help you on this one,
but you're on your own.
488
00:21:56,313 --> 00:21:58,565
Okay, but you see
what I'm trying to do here.
489
00:21:58,649 --> 00:22:02,319
You know, trying to say something
about race.
490
00:22:02,403 --> 00:22:04,030
I... I wanna do the right thing.
491
00:22:04,113 --> 00:22:08,367
I don't think what you're doing is
malicious, it's just recklessly ignorant.
492
00:22:08,451 --> 00:22:11,287
Really? Okay, all right.
493
00:22:12,455 --> 00:22:15,708
But that... that's a place to start.
494
00:22:15,791 --> 00:22:17,209
- Enough!
- Oh, God!
495
00:22:17,293 --> 00:22:22,673
[in British accent]
I do not need this meta-bollocks rubbish.
496
00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:25,551
I am a two-time BAFTA award winner.
497
00:22:26,302 --> 00:22:29,388
I know the Queen,
and I know the Queen's corgis.
498
00:22:29,472 --> 00:22:31,057
Let me tell you, Miss Maria.
499
00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:33,517
They are both lesser bitches than you.
500
00:22:33,642 --> 00:22:35,310
You think this is material?
501
00:22:35,436 --> 00:22:36,896
I have been Medea...
502
00:22:37,688 --> 00:22:39,315
Lady Macbeth...
503
00:22:39,398 --> 00:22:41,942
[Maria] Why is Mira Sorvinospeaking in a British accent?
504
00:22:42,026 --> 00:22:43,903
"All the perfumes of Arabia..."
505
00:22:43,986 --> 00:22:46,572
She didn't wanna play herself.
Who is she playing?
506
00:22:46,655 --> 00:22:49,575
...job is because Benedict Cumberbatch
told me...
507
00:22:49,658 --> 00:22:52,077
[Maria] I love Mira Sorvino so much.
508
00:22:52,161 --> 00:22:53,829
I wonder if we'll end up being friends.
509
00:22:53,913 --> 00:22:56,416
...so all you cunts can get stuffed!
510
00:22:58,292 --> 00:23:00,461
- [Maria] Probably not.
- She's a good actress.
511
00:23:00,544 --> 00:23:02,171
- Yeah.
- [Keith] Great actress.
512
00:23:02,254 --> 00:23:03,110
[Maria] She really is.
513
00:23:03,193 --> 00:23:04,733
I should go do
that garbage truck scene.
514
00:23:04,758 --> 00:23:06,365
Oh, yeah.
515
00:23:06,425 --> 00:23:08,260
I can't believe this episode was
516
00:23:08,344 --> 00:23:11,097
about race. They introduced me,
then I just disappeared.
517
00:23:11,180 --> 00:23:13,557
Well, it was written by a bunch
of white people
518
00:23:13,641 --> 00:23:15,601
who I think were good-intentioned.
519
00:23:15,726 --> 00:23:16,852
I don't know.
520
00:23:16,936 --> 00:23:18,438
They got a problem with the Jews.
521
00:23:18,521 --> 00:23:20,565
It's a daunting task for anybody
522
00:23:20,648 --> 00:23:24,318
to try to tackle an examination
of race relations in America.
523
00:23:24,401 --> 00:23:26,987
I barely scratched the surface
in 12 Years a Slave,
524
00:23:27,071 --> 00:23:27,905
an entire movie.
525
00:23:27,988 --> 00:23:29,948
The key thing about race is...
526
00:23:30,032 --> 00:23:32,243
- is that we...
- Later, gators!
527
00:23:32,326 --> 00:23:34,411
Oh, boy.
528
00:23:34,495 --> 00:23:37,331
Did... did I interrupt?
What were you saying?
529
00:23:37,414 --> 00:23:39,583
- I've lost my thought.
- [Maria] Ah...
530
00:23:40,334 --> 00:23:43,003
I am so sorry, John Ridley.
531
00:23:43,087 --> 00:23:46,549
This show could have been
about something, and I blew it.
532
00:23:47,633 --> 00:23:49,635
- I'm a horrible person.
- No.
533
00:23:49,718 --> 00:23:53,805
You know what? Maria, you're fine.
You tried and that's something.
534
00:23:53,889 --> 00:23:57,184
Thank you. That is something!
535
00:23:57,268 --> 00:24:00,396
- It's not that much.
- And that's enough for me!
536
00:24:00,479 --> 00:24:02,106
[laughing]
537
00:24:06,735 --> 00:24:09,321
Hey, gang, we did it!
538
00:24:09,405 --> 00:24:14,619
We told a story about
very sensitive racial issues in America!
539
00:24:14,702 --> 00:24:16,704
And we hit it out of the park!
540
00:24:16,787 --> 00:24:18,622
Highland Park!
541
00:24:18,706 --> 00:24:23,211
Hope you enjoyed the lesson!
Go out and spread it!
542
00:24:23,294 --> 00:24:26,964
I love you! You're welcome!
543
00:24:29,091 --> 00:24:31,468
Mira Sorvino! Hi.
544
00:24:31,552 --> 00:24:34,346
I am so thankful that you could be
on the show.
545
00:24:34,430 --> 00:24:37,058
Thanks, Maria.
It was really fun, I loved it.
546
00:24:37,141 --> 00:24:39,435
Oh... I just had a quick acting question.
547
00:24:39,518 --> 00:24:42,688
How many layers were you playing
during that part?
548
00:24:42,771 --> 00:24:45,649
So there is Millicent Pratt,
the British actress,
549
00:24:45,733 --> 00:24:48,027
playing American actress,
Jennipher Nickles,
550
00:24:48,110 --> 00:24:50,154
playing herself playing Mrs. White
551
00:24:50,237 --> 00:24:51,905
on the sitcom, White Trash.
552
00:24:51,989 --> 00:24:53,949
Wow, that is deep. All right.
553
00:24:54,033 --> 00:24:58,162
And now, another layer,
Mira Sorvino, the real one.
554
00:24:58,954 --> 00:25:02,249
Well... who's to say what is real, Maria?
555
00:25:03,209 --> 00:25:06,629
Yeah. Yeah! [laughing]
556
00:25:06,712 --> 00:25:08,964
- [engine starts]
- [gasping]
557
00:25:15,179 --> 00:25:20,142
[choir singing]
I don't know what I'm doing
558
00:25:20,267 --> 00:25:21,935
More than half of the time
559
00:25:22,061 --> 00:25:24,188
Bye, Mira Sorvino!
560
00:25:26,941 --> 00:25:28,943
[upbeat music playing]
561
00:25:29,062 --> 00:25:34,880
Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
562
00:25:34,930 --> 00:25:39,480
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
42923
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.