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1
00:00:00,217 --> 00:00:02,480
CHARLIE:
Come on, hurry up, guys. I want to get a good seat.
2
00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:04,091
DENNIS:
What do you mean you want to get...
3
00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,397
Charlie, this is a sexual
harassment seminar.
4
00:00:06,441 --> 00:00:07,833
There are no "good seats."
Where are you going?
5
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:09,400
-Up front.
-This is so unfair.
6
00:00:09,444 --> 00:00:11,054
I mean, I'm not saying
it doesn't happen to, like,
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loads of women all the time,
8
00:00:12,490 --> 00:00:14,710
but I don't harass anybody,
so why am I here?
9
00:00:14,753 --> 00:00:17,408
Because some Internet warrior
put Paddy's on a list
10
00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:19,062
of unsafe places for women.
11
00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,629
And we can't have that, okay?
12
00:00:20,672 --> 00:00:22,152
-Not in this climate.
-Right.
13
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,894
Ugh! You kids and your climates.
14
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:28,289
Back in the day,
I banged all my secretaries.
15
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:29,638
-Frank.
-That's the way you did it.
16
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:32,293
You hire some girl
with no experience,
17
00:00:32,336 --> 00:00:34,295
you bang her, you promote her.
18
00:00:34,338 --> 00:00:36,427
It's a win-win situation
for everybody,
19
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,081
except for the wives.
20
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:41,302
Frank, modulate your volume,
okay? This is serious, okay?
21
00:00:41,345 --> 00:00:44,305
The future of Paddy's depends
on us completing this seminar.
22
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,697
You guys should be
really worried.
23
00:00:45,741 --> 00:00:47,438
I'm not worried about anything,
man. If anyone should be
24
00:00:47,482 --> 00:00:49,440
worried about weird shit
with women, it's you, bro.
25
00:00:49,484 --> 00:00:51,312
-[Frank chuckles]
-The only reason we're here
26
00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:53,227
is because you DENNIS'd
someone, probably,
27
00:00:53,270 --> 00:00:55,664
and she put us on the list.
We're only here 'cause of you.
28
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,492
Yeah, you perv. You happy now?
29
00:00:57,535 --> 00:00:59,102
-You happy?
-Happy?
30
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,104
[scoffs]
You guys, this isn't about me.
31
00:01:01,148 --> 00:01:02,671
I don't know if you noticed,
32
00:01:02,714 --> 00:01:04,455
but women are on a little bit
of a rampage right now
33
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:06,718
and anyone could be
taken down at any moment,
34
00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:09,286
so, you know, no,
I'm not happy right now.
35
00:01:09,330 --> 00:01:11,332
Who could possibly
be happy right now?
36
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:12,550
Hey-o!
37
00:01:12,594 --> 00:01:14,465
Who's ready to party?!
38
00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:16,119
♪ Time's up, time's up,
time's up♪
39
00:01:16,163 --> 00:01:18,513
♪ Time's up, time's up,
time's up.♪ [laughs]
40
00:01:18,556 --> 00:01:21,168
♪
41
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:43,146
Hello. I'm Kate.
42
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,583
And I want to begin today
by addressing the reason
43
00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:47,368
that we're all here,
the so-called
44
00:01:47,411 --> 00:01:51,023
"Shitty Bar List"
of unsafe places for women.
45
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,373
Ah, yes.
Uh, just a quick question.
46
00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:54,157
How many points do we need?
47
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:55,941
I'm sorry, points?
48
00:01:55,985 --> 00:01:57,334
Yeah, how many points
do we need to score
49
00:01:57,378 --> 00:01:59,336
to get our name
taken off the list?
50
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:01,556
Oh. No, there's no points.
51
00:02:01,599 --> 00:02:03,166
Everything is graded
by points, right?
52
00:02:03,210 --> 00:02:04,385
I mean, otherwise,
how could the Eagles
53
00:02:04,428 --> 00:02:05,386
have won the Super Bowl, right?
54
00:02:05,429 --> 00:02:07,388
All you have to do
is complete the seminar
55
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:09,955
and then your bar will have
its name removed from the list.
56
00:02:09,999 --> 00:02:11,392
-There you go. Simple.
-CHARLIE: Yeah, but our-our name
57
00:02:11,435 --> 00:02:13,176
shouldn't even be
on that list 'cause, like,
58
00:02:13,220 --> 00:02:16,397
we don't really have any history
of misbehavior at Paddy's Pub.
59
00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,747
Well, I'm sure a lot of people
here today feel that way,
60
00:02:18,790 --> 00:02:21,793
but I encourage you
to keep your minds open...
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00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:24,361
And your dicks in your pants.
[laughs]
62
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:26,189
Ma'am, that kind of language
is inappropriate
63
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,235
in a professional setting.
64
00:02:28,278 --> 00:02:31,194
That's one of the things that
you'll learn in the seminar.
65
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:32,848
Uh, yes? Do you have a question?
66
00:02:32,891 --> 00:02:35,590
Statute of limitations.
67
00:02:35,633 --> 00:02:37,374
Okay. I'm just trying to get
through the introduction here,
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00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:41,248
but since you asked,
the federal law is 300 days
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00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:44,294
from the last act,
depending on the state and...
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00:02:44,338 --> 00:02:46,209
Sir, are you leaving?
71
00:02:46,253 --> 00:02:47,602
-Frank!
-What?
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00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:50,431
They got nothing on me
past '92, tops.
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00:02:50,474 --> 00:02:52,215
DENNIS:
Hold on a second there.
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00:02:52,259 --> 00:02:54,435
Uh, pardon me, Kate, but, um,
aren't some states considering
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00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:58,047
doing away with the statute
of limitations altogether?
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00:02:58,090 --> 00:03:00,876
Some states like, uh, Nevada?
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00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,486
KATE:
Yes, that's right.
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00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:03,792
Can they do that?
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00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,576
It's possible. Yes.
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00:03:05,620 --> 00:03:06,795
FRANK:
Nevada, huh?
81
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:10,059
Ah, it's getting warm in here.
82
00:03:10,102 --> 00:03:12,801
Uh, got to make
some calls. Shit.
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00:03:12,844 --> 00:03:16,239
You can continue now.
84
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:20,025
I promise you there will be
no further interruptions.
85
00:03:20,069 --> 00:03:21,592
Right. We're gonna jump
right into the group work.
86
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:23,246
Half of you are gonna go with me
87
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,640
and the rest will be led
by my associate Alan.
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00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,468
Hello, everyone. I'm Alan.
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00:03:27,511 --> 00:03:29,034
Oh! Here comes the boss man.
90
00:03:29,078 --> 00:03:30,427
-Finally, a dude.
-Yeah.
91
00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:31,689
Yeah, okay, cool.
He's in charge.
92
00:03:31,733 --> 00:03:35,476
Uh, ma'am? Could we go
with Alan, please?
93
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:38,261
Actually, I think we should
split your group up.
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00:03:38,305 --> 00:03:41,090
That's, uh, that's gonna
be a lot harder for me
95
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:43,353
-to keep tabs on you guys.
-Don't worry, Dennis.
96
00:03:43,397 --> 00:03:44,659
I'm gonna make you so proud.
97
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,443
I'm gonna work really hard
and get all the points and...
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00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:47,488
What is with you and the points?
99
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:49,054
There are no points.
We established that.
100
00:03:49,098 --> 00:03:50,839
Well, that's how the Eagles
won the Super Bowl.
101
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:51,840
I know that's how
the Eagles won the...
102
00:03:51,883 --> 00:03:53,276
but this isn't the Eagles. Okay?
103
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:54,669
-This is a seminar.
-MAC: Go Birds, though.
104
00:03:54,712 --> 00:03:56,627
-Oh, go Birds, go Birds.
-All right, fine, go Birds. Yes.
105
00:03:56,671 --> 00:03:58,281
I know. Go Birds.
Get your hand off my knee.
106
00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,674
Look, just sit here
and do nothing.
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00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,284
ALAN:
So, in this room
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00:04:01,328 --> 00:04:03,068
we're going to be talking
about harassment
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00:04:03,112 --> 00:04:04,418
in the workplace.
110
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:07,290
And thank you to Elliot
who's agreed to play our boss.
111
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,423
I'll just need another volunteer
from the group.
112
00:04:09,466 --> 00:04:10,859
-Oh! Oh! Alan!
-Alan! Alan! Alan!
113
00:04:10,902 --> 00:04:12,556
-Uh, so, uh...
-Alan! Alan!
114
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,080
Sir, would you mind
just jumping in for me?
115
00:04:15,124 --> 00:04:16,430
-Thank you.
-[Charlie groans]
116
00:04:16,473 --> 00:04:17,909
Um, great.
So just read from the script
117
00:04:17,953 --> 00:04:20,347
and I'll jump in as and when.
118
00:04:20,390 --> 00:04:22,436
"Good morning, boss."
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00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:26,440
"Hello, Johnson. Have that
report on my desk by 5:00.
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00:04:26,483 --> 00:04:29,660
-"Hey, did you see the boobs
on that new intern?" -And stop.
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00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:32,446
Now, can anyone tell me
what the boss did wrong there?
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00:04:32,489 --> 00:04:34,448
Yeah. He mumbled his lines.
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00:04:34,491 --> 00:04:35,927
I didn't believe a word
out of his mouth.
124
00:04:35,971 --> 00:04:38,539
Uh, no, sorry.
I mean in the scenario.
125
00:04:38,582 --> 00:04:40,889
-He-he used vulgar language.
-That is correct.
126
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,325
B-But she didn't hear it.
127
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,892
This is just locker room talk
between guys.
128
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,111
Now, that's actually
a common misconception, okay?
129
00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:47,678
Lewd comments can be
a form of harassment
130
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,767
even if directed
to a third party.
131
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,943
But it's not for her.
It's about her.
132
00:04:51,987 --> 00:04:53,597
No, sorry. It's-it's actually,
133
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:55,120
it's the employee
who's talking to the boss
134
00:04:55,164 --> 00:04:56,557
that is the one
that was offended.
135
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:57,601
-What? Why?
-No, no, no, the employee
136
00:04:57,645 --> 00:04:59,429
-would find it hilarious.
-Yeah.
137
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:01,605
I mean, not this guy 'cause
the boss sucks at telling jokes.
138
00:05:01,649 --> 00:05:03,781
-No offense to you, sir.
-Well, also, we really don't know how funny the joke is yet
139
00:05:03,825 --> 00:05:05,783
'cause we haven't seen the
girl's boobs. Can we see them?
140
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:08,003
Okay. Uh, let's... [laughs]
...let's switch gears.
141
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,222
Maybe try a different scenario.
Thanks, gents.
142
00:05:10,266 --> 00:05:11,920
Just, uh, uh, take a seat.
143
00:05:11,963 --> 00:05:15,924
Um, so, uh, Mac, what is it
that you do at the bar?
144
00:05:15,967 --> 00:05:18,579
-I am the head of security
at Paddy's Pub. -He's our doorman.
145
00:05:18,622 --> 00:05:20,711
-No, he's just, like,
our gay guy now. -No, well...
146
00:05:20,755 --> 00:05:22,713
Great. So, you check IDs.
That-that sort of thing.
147
00:05:22,757 --> 00:05:24,976
-He should.
-Not once has he ever checked an ID.
148
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:26,717
-It's one aspect of the job.
-Yeah, he should.
149
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:29,764
Why don't you, why don't you hop
up here and we'll do a little
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00:05:29,807 --> 00:05:31,635
scenario that-that might be
a little more familiar to you.
151
00:05:31,679 --> 00:05:33,594
-You are very tall.
-Yes, I am.
152
00:05:33,637 --> 00:05:35,509
Now, should I take my shirt off
for the scenario?
153
00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,858
Because I feel like
standing next to you,
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00:05:36,901 --> 00:05:38,425
they're not gonna be
as intimidated,
155
00:05:38,468 --> 00:05:39,948
but if I were to take my shirt
off, they would be intimidated.
156
00:05:39,991 --> 00:05:41,253
I'm not in the scenario.
157
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:42,820
-We're good. We're good.
-Yeah, we're okay.
158
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:44,518
-We get it. We get it.
-That's him doing his gay guy thing.
159
00:05:44,561 --> 00:05:46,520
So, uh, can we also get
a female customer?
160
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:48,043
-Ooh, yeah.
-A volunteer?
161
00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:50,437
-I will be the young
female customer. -[groans]
162
00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,613
Young female customer.
Great, good. Yes.
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00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:56,181
Okay. Well, um, just, uh, do
your job as you would normally
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00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,183
and I will, um,
you know, jump in
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00:05:58,227 --> 00:05:59,620
if you cross over
into any gray areas.
166
00:05:59,663 --> 00:06:00,969
Okay. So what's my character?
167
00:06:01,012 --> 00:06:02,405
Uh, you're just trying
to get into the bar.
168
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:03,972
Yeah, but why?
169
00:06:04,015 --> 00:06:06,191
To get a drink, I suppose.
170
00:06:06,235 --> 00:06:07,758
Why? I just drank three beers
on the way over.
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00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:09,804
You don't show up
at a bar sober.
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00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,545
What a waste of money.
What are you gonna...
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00:06:11,588 --> 00:06:13,503
Just you're trying
to get into the bar.
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00:06:13,547 --> 00:06:15,200
-I'm here for revenge.
-Okay. Sure.
175
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:16,637
Alan, what's my character again?
176
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,423
-You're the doorman.
-Right.
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00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,816
And how many drinks
have I had at this point?
178
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,426
You are... you're not
in the scenario.
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00:06:23,470 --> 00:06:25,559
-I've had five.
-Okay. Marvelous.
180
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,561
Let's, uh, let's begin
whenever you're ready.
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00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,085
[clears throat]
Excuse me, sir, have you...
182
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,826
-I got your cargo!
-[all shouting]
183
00:06:31,869 --> 00:06:33,871
-Whoa!
-Wow.
184
00:06:33,915 --> 00:06:36,657
-[Charlie laughs]
-ALAN: Jesus Christ.
185
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:37,788
Why did you do that?
186
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:39,573
Oh, well, well, she came at me,
187
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:41,618
-and it was sort of my instinct.
-That was amazing.
188
00:06:41,662 --> 00:06:44,012
-That was great, right?
-You got me, like, a foot off the ground.
189
00:06:44,055 --> 00:06:46,580
-A-Are you okay?
-Yeah, yeah. No, it doesn't hurt.
190
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:48,451
Did it-did it make you
feel humiliated?
191
00:06:48,495 --> 00:06:50,018
Did it make you-make you
feel small?
192
00:06:50,061 --> 00:06:51,672
That's what it is,
it made me feel teeny-tiny.
193
00:06:51,715 --> 00:06:53,500
-Like Thumbelina.
-That's what I was going for. Thumbelina!
194
00:06:53,543 --> 00:06:54,457
That's the highest
I've ever gotten.
195
00:06:54,501 --> 00:06:55,893
He's never gotten me
that high before.
196
00:06:55,937 --> 00:06:57,678
You're lucky I haven't
called the police.
197
00:06:57,721 --> 00:06:59,070
Why-why would you call
the police?
198
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:01,725
Oh, wait. H-Hold on.
Is that sexual harassment?
199
00:07:01,769 --> 00:07:03,510
No, that is sexual assault.
200
00:07:03,553 --> 00:07:05,033
-Really?
-Assault? -[clock ticking]
201
00:07:05,076 --> 00:07:07,688
No. Dee, Dee.
I did not assault you.
202
00:07:07,731 --> 00:07:10,168
Please tell Alan
that I did not assault you.
203
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,474
Well, now that I've
204
00:07:11,518 --> 00:07:13,476
gotten a little distance
from the event...
205
00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:15,609
Wha... No, Alan, we do this
kind of stuff all the time.
206
00:07:15,652 --> 00:07:18,133
W... Charlie,
would you tell him?
207
00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:20,483
-He's gone.
-If you do this all the time,
208
00:07:20,527 --> 00:07:21,658
you-you've got
a big problem, all right?
209
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,051
She could press charges.
210
00:07:23,094 --> 00:07:25,706
-Could I?
-No. -[clock ticking faster]
211
00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,490
No! Dee. No.
212
00:07:27,534 --> 00:07:29,623
-He just said I could, so...
-Oh, God.
213
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:31,625
It just, i-it...
did somebody turn up the heat?
214
00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:33,104
Yeah, you sweating? You sweating
a little bit, Ronald?
215
00:07:33,148 --> 00:07:35,455
-Yeah?
-No, it's just the climate is...
216
00:07:40,155 --> 00:07:41,983
KATE: But the term
"sexual harassment"
217
00:07:42,026 --> 00:07:45,160
wasn't coined until 1975,
218
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:47,641
-by a woman named Carmita Wood.
-Carmita Wood. Oh. I'm sorry.
219
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:49,860
-Sorry.
-[chuckles] You really know your history.
220
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:52,341
-Well, this is important stuff.
-DEE: Oh, please.
221
00:07:52,384 --> 00:07:54,735
-God, get lost, Dee.
-No way, I'm on a roll.
222
00:07:54,778 --> 00:07:56,519
-So who could tell me...
-DEE: [clears throat] Hey.
223
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:58,521
Is it sexual harassment
when a man
224
00:07:58,565 --> 00:08:01,524
constantly calls
his female coworker a bird?
225
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:04,919
That depends. Is that
a sexual innuendo of some kind?
226
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:07,095
Just a big dumb flightless bird.
227
00:08:07,138 --> 00:08:10,533
Well, it's not very nice,
but it's not sexual harassment.
228
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,796
[laughs quietly]
Nice try, you dumb bitch.
229
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,798
[regular volume]:
Um, Kate, if I may, yeah.
230
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,583
Um, federal law
really only recognizes
231
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:18,541
two types of sexual harassment:
232
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:22,545
quid pro quo
and hostile work environment.
233
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,112
That is very good, Dennis.
234
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:25,766
-Thank you.
-No, no, don't do that.
235
00:08:25,809 --> 00:08:27,681
This man is a monster.
Believe you me.
236
00:08:27,724 --> 00:08:29,770
-[chuckles]: What?
-He is the worst person I know.
237
00:08:29,813 --> 00:08:32,337
You got to protect me
on this, Larry.
238
00:08:32,381 --> 00:08:34,775
I... Start with the secretaries.
239
00:08:34,818 --> 00:08:36,777
Oh, Jesus Christ, Frank. Pants.
240
00:08:36,820 --> 00:08:37,995
I was sweating
through my clothes.
241
00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,823
It's this damn climate.
242
00:08:39,867 --> 00:08:41,564
Sir, that robe is inappropriate.
243
00:08:41,608 --> 00:08:44,175
-And I don't think...
-Hon, I'm on the phone, you see?
244
00:08:44,219 --> 00:08:47,831
I don't know.
I bought her a Camaro. No,
245
00:08:47,875 --> 00:08:49,572
you know I don't go Chinese.
246
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:51,008
I don't know why, I just don't.
247
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,967
Korean?
248
00:08:53,010 --> 00:08:54,969
Oh, put her on the list.
249
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:56,666
I really did a number on her.
250
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,450
-[laughs]
-Yeah...
251
00:08:58,494 --> 00:08:59,800
Why don't we take a break?
252
00:09:01,845 --> 00:09:03,630
Got to get your shit
together, Frank.
253
00:09:03,673 --> 00:09:05,675
-You...
-Oh, I wish I was dead.
254
00:09:05,719 --> 00:09:07,590
These vultures are picking
my carcass clean.
255
00:09:07,634 --> 00:09:09,592
Whoa, Frank. Hey, stop talking.
256
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,376
-Where'd you get that robe?
-Upstairs.
257
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,161
I got to get one
of them, man. Nice.
258
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,989
Whoa. Wait, Jesus, Mac.
What the hell happened to you?
259
00:09:15,032 --> 00:09:18,383
I'm gonna be honest. The first
half has not gone well.
260
00:09:18,427 --> 00:09:20,821
-You got exposed, too?
-Oh, yeah, he did. Big time.
261
00:09:20,864 --> 00:09:22,823
He did a role-play thing,
it went bad.
262
00:09:22,866 --> 00:09:24,651
Wait, role-playing thing? Y-You
were supposed to do nothing.
263
00:09:24,694 --> 00:09:26,696
I mean, n-now you're all
sweaty and twitchy?
264
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:28,176
Well, it's-it's so hot in here.
265
00:09:28,219 --> 00:09:29,743
I mean, I feel like
they crank up the heat.
266
00:09:29,786 --> 00:09:31,614
Oh, they cranked it up.
I'm roasting.
267
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:35,618
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Which one
of you just grabbed my ass?
268
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:36,837
[laughs]
269
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,013
Did you see that?
Did you see...
270
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,841
[whispers]:
Th-That is a problem for us.
271
00:09:40,884 --> 00:09:42,799
Their powers
are growing. Okay?
272
00:09:42,843 --> 00:09:45,410
Now, we got to start taking this
more seriously, okay?
273
00:09:45,454 --> 00:09:47,848
Can you guys just go back
in there and do nothing, okay?
274
00:09:47,891 --> 00:09:49,763
Just don't say or do anything.
275
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:51,503
KATE:
Can anyone tell me
276
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,767
the two types
of sexual harassment?
277
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:56,639
Oh. Oh, oh. Uh, uh,
flirting and groping.
278
00:09:56,683 --> 00:09:59,468
No! Uh, groping
and-and dick pics.
279
00:09:59,511 --> 00:10:01,470
Yeah, I-I know that sending
dick pics is one of them.
280
00:10:01,513 --> 00:10:03,994
You're kidding. Christ.
281
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:06,736
-I got to shoot some texts.
-KATE: Actually,
282
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:09,696
it's quid pro quo
and hostile work environment.
283
00:10:09,739 --> 00:10:11,088
Would you please stop
interrupting me? Because...
284
00:10:11,132 --> 00:10:13,787
-[laughs]: Ooh, ooh, burn.
-And you.
285
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:15,658
Could you please sit down?
286
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:16,703
No, it's cool. I'm on your side.
287
00:10:16,746 --> 00:10:18,269
There are no sides.
288
00:10:18,313 --> 00:10:20,271
Shit, I just looked at her tits.
289
00:10:20,315 --> 00:10:22,447
-Frank! Don't tell her that.
-Okay, don't panic.
290
00:10:22,491 --> 00:10:24,928
A passing glance
is not sexual harassment.
291
00:10:24,972 --> 00:10:26,713
Oh. I like your tactic here.
292
00:10:26,756 --> 00:10:28,279
Get them all horny
with your titties.
293
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:29,890
That's when they make
their mistakes.
294
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,892
Ma'am, that's victim blaming.
295
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:33,937
No, I'm blaming Frank.
He's been staring at your boobs
296
00:10:33,981 --> 00:10:35,722
this whole time. Still doing it.
297
00:10:35,765 --> 00:10:37,158
MAC:
Frank!
298
00:10:37,201 --> 00:10:40,727
What? I'm not allowed
to like things anymore?
299
00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,817
-It's a compliment.
-How is that a compliment?
300
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,167
Well, they're not thatgreat.
301
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:47,734
Make her feel good.
302
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:49,387
-Hey, hey, hey.
Don't let them get to you. -Okay...
303
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:50,867
Okay? Your tits are fine.
304
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:52,739
ALAN:
Okay, everybody,
305
00:10:52,782 --> 00:10:54,828
if, uh, you could
take a seat, please.
306
00:10:54,871 --> 00:10:57,526
So, now what
we're gonna do is, uh,
307
00:10:57,569 --> 00:11:00,050
imagine
a-a hypothetical scenario,
308
00:11:00,094 --> 00:11:02,183
uh, based right here
in Philadelphia.
309
00:11:02,226 --> 00:11:04,968
So, uh, imagine a-a woman,
we'll call her "the waitress,"
310
00:11:05,012 --> 00:11:07,057
-who works at
a local coffee shop. -[clock ticking]
311
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:09,756
Now, i-in this particular
instance, this waitress
312
00:11:09,799 --> 00:11:12,541
is being harassed
by one of her customers.
313
00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:14,325
He's following her home
from work, uh,
314
00:11:14,369 --> 00:11:17,415
digging through her trash
and calling her repeatedly,
315
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:19,635
until she complains
to her boss about it.
316
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,506
Now, the boss does nothing.
317
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:24,509
Can anyone tell me
who's legally at fault here?
318
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,773
-Ooh. Wow, what
do you think, Charlie? -Yeah.
319
00:11:26,816 --> 00:11:28,775
I-I think the waitress is.
320
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,559
Y-You know, 'cause, for...
She doesn't realize
321
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:32,953
that, like, true love is
in front of her stupid face.
322
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:34,781
-Well...
-Why would she say that's an assault?
323
00:11:34,824 --> 00:11:36,870
Hold on a second.
Now, this is just a-this is just
324
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:39,220
a hypothetical, uh,
scenario that he's painting.
325
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:40,874
He's not getting
the whole big picture, right?
326
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:42,876
-Well, of course,
it's a hypothetical. -I know, but maybe
327
00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:44,094
she, like, only thought, like,
328
00:11:44,138 --> 00:11:45,661
she wasn't into him,
but then, like,
329
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,358
15 years later,
when she needed a baby, like,
330
00:11:47,402 --> 00:11:49,143
really bad, and she'd been
in and out of, like,
331
00:11:49,186 --> 00:11:51,014
-a women's shelter,
he banged her. -ALAN: Sorry.
332
00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:54,670
That-that doesn't mean that
the customer didn't harass.
333
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,672
All right, well then, I think
all of the customers' friends
334
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:57,934
harassed her, too,
because they all banged her.
335
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:59,370
-I mean, he did.
-That's true.
336
00:11:59,414 --> 00:12:00,894
Oh, well, don't
bring me into th...
337
00:12:00,937 --> 00:12:03,157
This is a hypothetical scenario.
I'm not involved.
338
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,246
-Neither are you.
-She also did hand stuff to Mac.
339
00:12:05,289 --> 00:12:07,248
She did. I-It wasn't
very good, though.
340
00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:09,337
All right, look, are you trying
to tell me that no matter what,
341
00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:11,818
it's always just gonna be
the customer's fault?
342
00:12:11,861 --> 00:12:14,821
It is, in fact,
the boss's fault.
343
00:12:14,864 --> 00:12:16,823
The boss.
344
00:12:16,866 --> 00:12:18,912
Well, that makes sense.
I always hated Seth.
345
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,957
-He's a real creep.
-Well, you don't know his name
346
00:12:21,001 --> 00:12:23,003
because this is hypothetical,
and he didn't say t-that...
347
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,700
Well, it doesn't matter anyway,
'cause she just said
348
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,832
what I-what I did to her
wasn't harassment
349
00:12:25,875 --> 00:12:27,485
because Seth did it to her.
350
00:12:27,529 --> 00:12:29,009
Sorry. I... Can I just
make this very clear, okay?
351
00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:31,359
What the customer
did was harassment.
352
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:32,839
-Right.
-Yes. Ifit were you.
353
00:12:32,882 --> 00:12:34,710
And so, take in the information,
but don't take it personally.
354
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,494
Uh, yeah, technically, don't,
like, I get, like, a free pass
355
00:12:36,538 --> 00:12:38,801
and stuff?
'Cause I mean, I was molested.
356
00:12:38,845 --> 00:12:40,498
-[audience murmuring]
-Ah... W-Well, now, actually, that is true.
357
00:12:40,542 --> 00:12:42,022
He did get molested
by his Uncle Jack.
358
00:12:42,065 --> 00:12:43,588
His-his Uncle Jack
got to him pretty good.
359
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:44,851
-No, Uncle Jack
never molested me. -Oh.
360
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:46,591
-I dodged him.
-Oh, no, he got you. He got you.
361
00:12:46,635 --> 00:12:48,593
-He got you big time.
-You weren't there.
362
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:49,986
-You wrote a whole play
about it. -Yeah, you did write a play.
363
00:12:50,030 --> 00:12:52,510
-I got molested by Dee.
-What?!
364
00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:54,861
What? Oh, c...
That's ludicrous.
365
00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:56,732
No, it's true.
Like, a couple years ago,
366
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,516
she banged me,
and I didn't want to do it.
367
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,867
-There you go.
-Wait, wait. You had sex with Charlie?
368
00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:02,085
-Oh, God.
-You had sex with Dee?
369
00:13:02,129 --> 00:13:03,652
-Yeah.
-Yeah, yeah.
370
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,654
We, okay, it was a mistake.
371
00:13:05,697 --> 00:13:08,222
-Yeah, I'll say.
-I-It... I re-I regret every second of it,
372
00:13:08,265 --> 00:13:09,745
-but it was consensual.
-It was not!
373
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,747
I totally wanted her
to stop, and, like,
374
00:13:11,791 --> 00:13:14,184
I was very intimidated
by her larger frame.
375
00:13:14,228 --> 00:13:16,099
-Oh, yeah, I can see that. Yeah.
-So, you know.
376
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:18,101
I have a petite frame.
I... I-It's a Thumbelina frame.
377
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:20,103
-I don't... Not to me.
-Y-You didn't tell me to stop.
378
00:13:20,147 --> 00:13:22,105
Yeah, and I kept saying...
[muffled protests]
379
00:13:22,149 --> 00:13:23,890
And you're like, "Shut up!
Stop talking! Be still.
380
00:13:23,933 --> 00:13:26,327
"Let me do my thing.
I can't, I can't get off
381
00:13:26,370 --> 00:13:27,894
with you moving
and talking and shit."
382
00:13:27,937 --> 00:13:29,896
Oh, shit. Yup.
That's ringing a bell.
383
00:13:29,939 --> 00:13:31,636
Jesus, Dee. Ugh, God.
384
00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:33,116
All right, but, yeah...
[stammers]
385
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,770
Either way, It does...
I can't molest you, you know?
386
00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:37,120
It doesn't work that way, 'cause
I'm a woman and you're the man.
387
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:38,774
Right, right?
Back me up, girlfriend.
388
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:41,777
Actually, a woman cansexually
harass and even rape a man.
389
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,039
Is that what happened here?
390
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:45,563
-[bell dings, clock ticking]
-Gosh, I mean, maybe.
391
00:13:45,607 --> 00:13:48,001
No, no, no, no. You don't,
you don't just throw around
392
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:49,959
the-the "R" word, Kate.
It's hot, right?
393
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:51,265
FRANK:
Yello?
394
00:13:51,308 --> 00:13:55,138
What? Wha... Well, find her
through the abortion records.
395
00:13:55,182 --> 00:13:57,575
Can the group from Paddy's Pub
please focus up.
396
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:58,925
You guys have been
very disruptive.
397
00:13:58,968 --> 00:14:00,796
Well, maybe you should
explain it more better,
398
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,232
because I'm totally
confused about...
399
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:04,017
Maybe if you stopped
interrupting.
400
00:14:04,060 --> 00:14:06,019
Maybe if you two stopped
sucking a fat dick.
401
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:09,152
-You do suck a fat dick.
-You've sucked a dick through this process.
402
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,893
What? Are you kidding me?
After all of this,
403
00:14:10,937 --> 00:14:12,242
I ended up firing her?
404
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:13,765
[all groaning]
405
00:14:13,809 --> 00:14:15,158
Oh, my God.
406
00:14:15,202 --> 00:14:17,944
Hey, Larry? How soon
can you get to the Hyatt?
407
00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:20,076
My dong fell out.
Some woman saw it.
408
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:21,164
Well, goddamn it.
409
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:22,905
DENNIS:
All right, calm down, calm down.
410
00:14:22,949 --> 00:14:24,124
It's o...
Everybody take it easy,
411
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:25,255
everybody take a deep breath.
412
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:26,822
You know, we're gonna
get through this, I-I think.
413
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,128
Look, Kate, uh,
you two are clearly
414
00:14:28,171 --> 00:14:29,956
a little in
over your heads, here.
415
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:32,045
Right? Yeah. You're never
gonna be able to rein in
416
00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:33,611
this particular group,
so I tell you what--
417
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:36,136
I have some experience
running, uh,
418
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:37,833
little educational
seminars like this,
419
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,835
so why don't I take over
for a little bit?
420
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,968
You guys, scoot. All right?
On your bikes.
421
00:14:45,362 --> 00:14:47,060
Here's a statistic for you:
422
00:14:47,103 --> 00:14:49,976
100% of men are capable
of being sexual harassers.
423
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,760
And 100% of women
424
00:14:51,803 --> 00:14:54,502
are capable of being
sexually harassed.
425
00:14:54,545 --> 00:14:56,199
Now, am I saying that all men
426
00:14:56,243 --> 00:14:58,854
are sexual harassers?
No, no, no, no. No, no.
427
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,421
Of course not. No.
Absolutely not. No.
428
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:02,075
Yes, some men are, uh, well,
429
00:15:02,118 --> 00:15:03,554
they're-they're
sexual harassers,
430
00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:05,513
but they don't represent
all men, you know,
431
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,080
just like all women
aren't represented
432
00:15:07,123 --> 00:15:09,082
by a few bad ones, you know?
Women like, uh...
433
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,561
[dramatic music plays]
434
00:15:10,605 --> 00:15:12,999
You know, and of course...
435
00:15:13,042 --> 00:15:14,739
And then we got...
436
00:15:14,783 --> 00:15:16,437
Point is,
437
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:19,527
that gender really doesn't have
anything to do with it.
438
00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,790
There's really only one thing
that determines
439
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,879
whether a person will be accused
of sexual harassment,
440
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,185
and that is...
441
00:15:25,228 --> 00:15:27,013
ugliness.
442
00:15:27,056 --> 00:15:29,363
-[all gasping]
-Let me explain.
443
00:15:29,406 --> 00:15:31,756
Now, see, here's a,
here's a graph of ugliness
444
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:33,802
as it relates to time.
445
00:15:33,845 --> 00:15:35,673
Now, you see how the,
how the arrow plunges
446
00:15:35,717 --> 00:15:38,111
pretty steeply downward
as your ugliness increases.
447
00:15:38,154 --> 00:15:40,591
Now, I want you to imagine
a scenario for me.
448
00:15:40,635 --> 00:15:42,680
This man walks
into work one day,
449
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,813
sees a woman, and says,
"I like your dress."
450
00:15:44,856 --> 00:15:48,034
Oh. Mildly sexual,
but innocuous enough, yeah.
451
00:15:48,077 --> 00:15:52,821
Now imagine the same sentence
spoken by this man.
452
00:15:52,864 --> 00:15:55,215
-[groans, gasps]
-Yeah.
453
00:15:55,258 --> 00:15:56,259
Suddenly,
you're very uncomfortable.
454
00:15:56,303 --> 00:15:58,609
We're all uncomfortable
just looking at him now.
455
00:15:58,653 --> 00:16:02,222
Because he's gross, he's ugly,
he's a little bit of a monster.
456
00:16:02,265 --> 00:16:04,702
Now, is it this man's fault
that he looks this way?
457
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:07,488
No. He was, he was born
this way, but the point is,
458
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,055
I know it's not myfault,
you know?
459
00:16:09,098 --> 00:16:10,926
Is it your fault?
I don't think so.
460
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,493
It's certainly not the woman's
fault, you know?
461
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:15,235
Point is, know your place,
monster man. Your time's up.
462
00:16:15,278 --> 00:16:16,279
[bell dings]
463
00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:17,628
Now, I know
what you're thinking.
464
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:20,153
You're thinking,
"How do I know if I'm ugly?
465
00:16:20,196 --> 00:16:21,937
Well, if you're not sure,
466
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,286
probably best to assume
that you are.
467
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,375
Everyone in this room is.
I-I did a scan.
468
00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:26,942
Now here's the part
where you say,
469
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,944
"But, Dennis, I can't be ugly,
470
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,815
I'm rich."
471
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:34,297
And, yes, money can offset
and reduce ugliness,
472
00:16:34,341 --> 00:16:36,734
but it actually
increases your risk.
473
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,736
You see, a construction worker,
he can can catcall women
474
00:16:38,780 --> 00:16:40,303
all day long, right?
And he gets away with it
475
00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:44,090
'cause nobody gives a shit,
but a rich guy...
476
00:16:44,133 --> 00:16:46,092
-A rich guy's fun to take down.
-[clock ticking]
477
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:47,093
Time's up.
478
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:49,965
-[bell dings]
-"But, Dennis," you're saying,
479
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,445
"I can't be ugly,
and-and it doesn't matter,
480
00:16:51,488 --> 00:16:52,968
because I'm gay."
481
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,187
-[chuckles]
-Well, guess what, pal?
482
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:55,884
You-you are ugly,
483
00:16:55,927 --> 00:16:57,103
and it doesn't matter how much
484
00:16:57,146 --> 00:16:59,105
you work out. It's never
gonna change that fact.
485
00:16:59,148 --> 00:17:01,324
You've also objectified
tons of men, including me.
486
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:03,196
You know, you got to stop
kissing me, man.
487
00:17:03,239 --> 00:17:05,328
I don't want it. I don't want
you touching me at all.
488
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:07,113
Okay, it's never gonna happen.
All right?
489
00:17:07,156 --> 00:17:09,071
Not willingly. Your time's up.
490
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,681
[bell dings]
491
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:14,337
"But Dennis, I can't be ugly.
I'm a hopeless romantic."
492
00:17:14,381 --> 00:17:16,470
-[clock ticking]
-But no, you're-you're not.
493
00:17:16,513 --> 00:17:18,472
Okay, you're-you're a sad,
pathetic wretch of a man,
494
00:17:18,515 --> 00:17:20,126
so desperate to be loved
495
00:17:20,169 --> 00:17:22,780
that you'll actually go rifling
through somebody's garbage.
496
00:17:22,824 --> 00:17:24,782
[chuckles]:
And there's nothing--
497
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:28,134
nothing--more unattractive
than desperation.
498
00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:30,092
Yeah, so you te...
No, not him.
499
00:17:30,136 --> 00:17:31,093
No, talking about you. No.
500
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:32,660
Not him, either.
Yeah, I am talking
501
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,879
about y... You know what,
never mind. Your time's up.
502
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:37,317
-[bell dings]
-"But Dennis...
503
00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,362
"I-I... See, I can't be ugly,
all right?
504
00:17:39,406 --> 00:17:40,668
I'm a woman."
505
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:42,104
-[clock ticking]
-Well, no, women can be ugly,
506
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,366
and you are one of them.
507
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:45,151
One of the ugly ones.
You're lanky, and your hair's--
508
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:47,805
well, it looks like a wig.
Yeah. What's going on?
509
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:49,807
Is it a wig? Doesn't matter.
Your time's up.
510
00:17:49,851 --> 00:17:52,027
-[bell dings]
-But guys,
511
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,594
I got some good news for you.
512
00:17:53,637 --> 00:17:56,249
Okay?
It's not a crime to be ugly.
513
00:17:56,292 --> 00:17:58,164
But you can't be ugly
514
00:17:58,207 --> 00:18:00,166
andsloppy.
515
00:18:00,209 --> 00:18:02,385
So, take me, for example.
516
00:18:02,429 --> 00:18:05,171
I'm neither. Yeah, you see that?
517
00:18:05,214 --> 00:18:08,391
That is 11% body fat. Now,
the only place you're gonna...
518
00:18:08,435 --> 00:18:10,350
-What year was that photo taken?
-No, no, no.
519
00:18:10,393 --> 00:18:11,960
Not taking questions
right now, Mac.
520
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,266
So just... Yeah.
521
00:18:13,309 --> 00:18:15,181
Point is, I keep my body tight.
522
00:18:15,224 --> 00:18:18,401
But I also keep my life tight.
523
00:18:18,445 --> 00:18:21,187
I got the tapes.
I got the receipts.
524
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,405
They're all time-stamped
and coded.
525
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,190
After every encounter,
I received a text
526
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:26,670
confirming each partner's
consent and enjoyment.
527
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,413
Now, you may ask, "Well...
528
00:18:30,457 --> 00:18:33,286
would a woman really-really
text that, Dennis?"
529
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:35,375
Their phones did.
530
00:18:38,117 --> 00:18:40,554
I got the documents to prove it,
so don't try coming at me.
531
00:18:40,597 --> 00:18:43,426
But some of you--
532
00:18:43,470 --> 00:18:45,733
you just haven't been
careful enough.
533
00:18:45,776 --> 00:18:49,389
So you're asking yourself, "What
can I do to save myself now?"
534
00:18:49,432 --> 00:18:51,434
You got to clean up your act.
Otherwise, you're going down,
535
00:18:51,478 --> 00:18:53,001
and you're gonna
take me down with you,
536
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:54,307
and I ain't going down.
537
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,961
You understand? I've been
telling you this for years,
538
00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,224
but you refused to listen.
539
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:00,530
And so that's why I had to find
a way to make you listen,
540
00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:03,359
which is why Icreated
the Shitty Bar List.
541
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,448
-[crowd murmuring]
-What?
542
00:19:05,492 --> 00:19:06,667
That's right.
543
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,451
I made the spreadsheet,
I posted it online,
544
00:19:08,495 --> 00:19:10,323
and I even hired these two bozos
to host the seminar.
545
00:19:10,366 --> 00:19:11,715
Wait, youhired us?
546
00:19:13,152 --> 00:19:14,414
You're a monster.
547
00:19:14,457 --> 00:19:16,981
-[clock ticking]
-Oh, yeah? Prove it.
548
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:19,549
[bell dings]
549
00:19:19,593 --> 00:19:21,682
Oh, wow!
I feel like we should clap.
550
00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:23,031
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
551
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:24,380
-That was pretty good.
-That was awesome.
552
00:19:24,424 --> 00:19:26,469
Yeah. I'm gonna be honest,
I didn't follow most of it,
553
00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:28,689
-but so cool, man.
-Yeah.
554
00:19:28,732 --> 00:19:31,257
Pretty drastic move
to publicly expose us,
555
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,433
but I see why you did it.
556
00:19:33,476 --> 00:19:35,565
Yeah, but it's true.
I mean, women are out to get us.
557
00:19:35,609 --> 00:19:37,132
Well, well, no, no.
Women are right.
558
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,439
I mean, men are monsters.
We're constantly harassing them.
559
00:19:39,482 --> 00:19:41,136
I'm just saying
we need to be more careful
560
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,485
so we don't get accused.
561
00:19:42,529 --> 00:19:44,139
And we should probably
stop harassing them.
562
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,489
Uh, well, you know, I don't
know. One step at a time.
563
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:47,708
We don't want the whole system
to collapse,
564
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:49,362
-you know what I mean?
-Ease-ease into it.
565
00:19:49,405 --> 00:19:50,928
-It'd be chaotic. Yeah, yeah.
-Ease into it. -Yeah.
566
00:19:50,972 --> 00:19:51,929
Yeah, yeah.
You guys want to go
567
00:19:51,973 --> 00:19:52,930
grab some margaritas
by the pool?
568
00:19:52,974 --> 00:19:54,497
-I do.
-Booze.
569
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:55,716
-I'm ready for some booze.
-DEE: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
570
00:19:55,759 --> 00:19:57,021
-Let's go.
-Yeah. -Me, too.
571
00:19:57,065 --> 00:19:58,284
-Oh!
-[all laugh]
572
00:19:58,327 --> 00:20:00,590
-Oh, "MeToo."
-Very good.
573
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:03,376
-That's great.
-Very good, and for a woman, a good joke.
574
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:05,378
Hey, you guys think
that Alan guy's got a big dick?
575
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,292
-DENNIS: Oh, yeah.
-Huge.
576
00:20:06,335 --> 00:20:08,076
I saw it in the bathroom.
I sought it out.
577
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:47,115
[trio chanting backwards]
578
00:20:50,118 --> 00:20:52,120
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
579
00:20:52,170 --> 00:20:56,720
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
45938
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