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1
00:00:01,560 --> 00:00:03,660
You need, like, is this
seven hands to do this.
2
00:00:05,097 --> 00:00:06,496
Ow!
3
00:00:06,565 --> 00:00:09,066
Uh-oh, men, has this
ever happened to you?
4
00:00:09,134 --> 00:00:12,102
You're a good guy, but you're
frustrated with your life,
5
00:00:12,171 --> 00:00:15,505
Your family, or a piece
of cheap swedish furniture.
6
00:00:15,574 --> 00:00:16,907
Of course it has!
7
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,309
You're constantly seething
with impotent rage.
8
00:00:19,378 --> 00:00:22,346
Hi, i'm martin daniels,
of martin daniels products,
9
00:00:22,414 --> 00:00:24,948
And i'm introducing
new punchables!
10
00:00:25,017 --> 00:00:27,984
It's the first product
ever invented that allows you
11
00:00:28,053 --> 00:00:31,321
To fruitlessly punch a wall
while doing limited damage
12
00:00:31,390 --> 00:00:34,291
To both the wall
and the skeleture of your hand!
13
00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:37,194
Using our unpatented
"dish sponge" technology,
14
00:00:37,262 --> 00:00:39,930
Punchables absorb
and distribute impact.
15
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:42,933
That's salt, marco.
16
00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:48,105
Now, that didn't
hurt so much, did it?
17
00:00:48,173 --> 00:00:49,473
I mean, it hurt a little.
18
00:00:49,541 --> 00:00:52,542
And get a load of these other
satisfied customer.
19
00:00:52,611 --> 00:00:54,444
My dad never told me
that he was proud of me,
20
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,380
Which makes me
a moderate anger case.
21
00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:58,014
But i'm also a renter.
22
00:00:58,083 --> 00:01:00,784
With punchables, i can vent
my endless frustration
23
00:01:00,853 --> 00:01:02,552
And still get
my security deposit back.
24
00:01:02,621 --> 00:01:04,721
You mean the security deposit
i loaned you.
25
00:01:04,790 --> 00:01:06,256
Why don't you ever tell me
you love me?!
26
00:01:06,325 --> 00:01:07,624
This is why
your mother left.
27
00:01:09,595 --> 00:01:11,161
Thanks, punchables.
28
00:01:11,230 --> 00:01:14,231
And now for the man on the go,
there's new portable punchables!
29
00:01:14,299 --> 00:01:16,833
I'm a sales rep,
and i travel a lot.
30
00:01:16,902 --> 00:01:18,635
Despite constant temptation,
31
00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:20,737
I can't help but be loyal
to my dumb wife,
32
00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:22,205
And it infuriates me.
33
00:01:22,274 --> 00:01:24,040
With portable punchables,
34
00:01:24,109 --> 00:01:29,112
I'm able to take out my useless
bullshit on any wall anywhere.
35
00:01:29,181 --> 00:01:30,714
Hey.
Hey.
36
00:01:30,783 --> 00:01:33,049
I was wondering if you wanna
come have a drink in my room?
37
00:01:33,118 --> 00:01:36,153
I can't, but...
38
00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,121
Um, maybe some other time?
39
00:01:38,190 --> 00:01:40,657
Yeah, thanks.
40
00:01:41,827 --> 00:01:44,094
Ahh!
41
00:01:44,163 --> 00:01:45,328
Thanks, punchables!
42
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:46,730
I think you could
have banged her
43
00:01:46,799 --> 00:01:48,265
Without getting caught,
but you're welcome!
44
00:01:48,333 --> 00:01:51,368
Punchables!
45
00:01:51,437 --> 00:01:52,436
Puncha...
46
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,582
Good day to you, sir.
47
00:02:05,651 --> 00:02:07,250
How may i help you?
48
00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:10,687
The barber said i have
"delirium of the bowels,"
49
00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:13,190
But the bloodletting's
just made it worse.
50
00:02:13,258 --> 00:02:16,026
Well, you've come
to the right place, sir.
51
00:02:16,094 --> 00:02:19,296
No need for any more barbaric
or outdated procedures.
52
00:02:19,364 --> 00:02:21,131
Our chief of surgery
and his team,
53
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:23,400
They are the best
in the nation.
54
00:02:23,469 --> 00:02:25,202
If you come right this way.
55
00:02:27,172 --> 00:02:32,108
Dr. Thackery, i have
your next patient here.
56
00:02:34,146 --> 00:02:38,148
Then the game is on.
57
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,785
junior!
58
00:02:46,258 --> 00:02:49,259
The patient is
a 38-year-old man
59
00:02:49,328 --> 00:02:52,095
With an acute infection
in his lower bowel.
60
00:02:52,164 --> 00:02:55,265
Untreated, his condition
will quickly deteriorate.
61
00:02:55,334 --> 00:02:58,335
I'll make an incision thusly.
62
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,840
Ahh.
63
00:03:03,909 --> 00:03:06,743
And then operate using
a revolutionary method
64
00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:08,411
Of my own design.
65
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:10,413
Nurse elkins, scalpel.
66
00:03:19,191 --> 00:03:20,924
Pulse increasing.
Scissors.
67
00:03:29,601 --> 00:03:31,401
Pulse stability dropping!
We're losing him, thackery.
68
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:34,337
Let's hope to god this works.
69
00:03:34,406 --> 00:03:35,639
we've lost his pulse!
70
00:03:37,409 --> 00:03:38,475
thackery, it's over.
71
00:03:38,544 --> 00:03:39,576
No!
72
00:03:39,645 --> 00:03:41,011
He just needs more glue!
73
00:03:41,079 --> 00:03:42,779
We've lost him.
74
00:03:47,252 --> 00:03:49,152
Damn it!
75
00:03:55,894 --> 00:03:58,261
You're not supposed to have
those before dinner.
76
00:03:58,330 --> 00:04:01,464
Shut up!
I want more pixy stix!
77
00:04:04,303 --> 00:04:05,969
Oh, dear.
78
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,504
Right this way.
79
00:04:07,573 --> 00:04:11,074
Dr. Thackery, in light
of today's... Events...
80
00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:13,476
The board of directors saw fit
81
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:15,912
To hire an additional
chief of surgery.
82
00:04:15,981 --> 00:04:19,049
Like hell!
The knick is mine!
83
00:04:19,117 --> 00:04:20,317
Dr. Thackery, please.
84
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:21,384
Mine!
85
00:04:21,453 --> 00:04:22,552
No, it is mine.
86
00:04:22,621 --> 00:04:24,321
Mine!
Mine!
87
00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:26,890
Doctors, doctors, doctors!
In this hospital, we share.
88
00:04:26,959 --> 00:04:29,259
We share.
89
00:04:29,328 --> 00:04:32,562
is this a bad time?
90
00:04:34,066 --> 00:04:35,599
Hello, john.
91
00:04:35,667 --> 00:04:37,167
Amy?
92
00:04:45,444 --> 00:04:46,910
Who got your nose?
93
00:04:46,979 --> 00:04:49,346
After we parted ways,
94
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:52,449
It was ravaged by cooties.
95
00:04:52,517 --> 00:04:54,985
We can sew your face
to your arm.
96
00:04:55,053 --> 00:04:59,022
Sew my face to my arm?
97
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:00,290
That's the cure?
98
00:05:00,359 --> 00:05:02,392
Yeah.
99
00:05:02,461 --> 00:05:05,295
Are you looking at my nose?
100
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,099
right this way, amy,
101
00:05:09,167 --> 00:05:10,133
Already looking good.
102
00:05:10,202 --> 00:05:11,801
Awesome.
That is so cool.
103
00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:13,403
Cool.
104
00:05:13,472 --> 00:05:15,138
how did you do that? Great job.
105
00:05:17,476 --> 00:05:19,476
So that's... that's it?
106
00:05:19,544 --> 00:05:23,613
I just... Stay like this with
my face attached to my arm?
107
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:27,717
You guys are here 'cause you're,
you're walking me out or...
108
00:05:27,786 --> 00:05:29,219
Yup.
Yup.
109
00:05:29,287 --> 00:05:32,422
Oh, and don't pull
your... Arm out.
110
00:05:32,491 --> 00:05:33,890
It'll, like, rip it off.
111
00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:37,927
Any sort of home care,
i should... Worry about or...
112
00:05:37,996 --> 00:05:39,129
Nope.
Just go.
113
00:05:39,197 --> 00:05:40,397
All right.
All right, bye.
114
00:05:40,465 --> 00:05:41,464
We're gonna keep in touch,
all right, or...
115
00:05:41,533 --> 00:05:43,400
Yeah.
Okay.
116
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:45,068
oh, you guys,
it does not look weird?
117
00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:46,503
no, no, no.
118
00:05:46,571 --> 00:05:48,171
'cause it feels weird,
119
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,506
I mean, it honestly...
120
00:05:49,574 --> 00:05:50,640
Ow!
121
00:05:50,709 --> 00:05:52,742
Ooh...
122
00:05:55,013 --> 00:05:56,946
Ooh.
123
00:05:57,015 --> 00:06:00,183
Be careful!
Bye!
124
00:06:06,216 --> 00:06:07,916
Thanks, girls,
for doing this with me.
125
00:06:07,985 --> 00:06:09,451
Ohh...
Stop.
126
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,054
You know, my sponsor said
in order for me to be sober,
127
00:06:12,122 --> 00:06:13,955
I have to avoid temptation.
Good.
128
00:06:14,024 --> 00:06:15,557
it's totally our pleasure.
129
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:18,126
I mean, we don't have
to always meet up at a bar.
130
00:06:18,195 --> 00:06:19,928
Yeah, and we went to one
before we came here anyway.
131
00:06:19,997 --> 00:06:21,463
Yeah, and we're gonna
go to one after, so...
132
00:06:21,532 --> 00:06:23,532
Yeah, definitely.
It's not a big deal.
133
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:24,599
Oh...
134
00:06:25,669 --> 00:06:27,135
Ooh, who's that?
135
00:06:27,204 --> 00:06:28,603
Yeah, are you gettin' some?
136
00:06:28,672 --> 00:06:29,705
Ooh...
137
00:06:31,075 --> 00:06:32,774
I wish, it's my dog walker
138
00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:34,176
Telling me
i need more baggies.
139
00:06:34,244 --> 00:06:37,345
My phone is dry
as [BLEEP]
140
00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:39,114
Are you guys getting any?
141
00:06:39,183 --> 00:06:40,182
Uh...
Oh, my god.
142
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:41,817
Nothing.
Nada.
143
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:43,351
No, i don't even remember
what a dick looks like.
144
00:06:43,420 --> 00:06:44,586
Are they round?
145
00:06:44,655 --> 00:06:46,121
Are there spikes
coming out of them?
146
00:06:46,190 --> 00:06:48,990
Seriously, i haven't
gotten laid in forever.
147
00:06:49,059 --> 00:06:51,326
You have no idea,
it's like i'm a virgin again.
148
00:06:51,395 --> 00:06:53,428
My hymen has basically
grown back.
149
00:06:53,497 --> 00:06:55,464
Same.
It's been so long,
150
00:06:55,532 --> 00:06:57,265
It's like i have
vaginal atrophy.
151
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:58,400
Like, check this out.
152
00:06:59,737 --> 00:07:01,069
Ow... Oh, my god.
153
00:07:01,138 --> 00:07:02,537
You're gonna hurt yourself.
No, i feel nothing.
154
00:07:02,606 --> 00:07:05,440
Oh. Well, you know what,
gymnasts use my pussy
155
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,309
To, like, clap their hands on
156
00:07:07,377 --> 00:07:08,443
Before they go on
the uneven bars.
157
00:07:08,512 --> 00:07:10,212
I can't even
talk about this.
158
00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,013
My lady parts look
like a wasteland.
159
00:07:12,082 --> 00:07:13,682
You know, they shot
"mad max" down there.
160
00:07:13,751 --> 00:07:14,716
Oh.
161
00:07:14,785 --> 00:07:16,585
The original one.
Oh.
162
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:19,454
My pussy's, like, at risk of,
like, a forest fire right now.
163
00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:21,656
You can't smoke
within 500 yards of it.
164
00:07:21,725 --> 00:07:24,259
am i, like, even
a woman at this point?
165
00:07:24,328 --> 00:07:26,294
It's like a "frasier"
marathon between my legs.
166
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:27,863
Oh, stop, seriously?
167
00:07:27,931 --> 00:07:29,531
Like, if my pussy
had a voice,
168
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:30,832
It would sound like terry gross
169
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:32,834
With just a mouthful
of crackers.
170
00:07:32,903 --> 00:07:34,269
It'd just be, like...
171
00:07:35,939 --> 00:07:38,406
My pussy is so angry,
it's trolling me on twitter.
172
00:07:38,475 --> 00:07:39,508
Oh.
173
00:07:39,576 --> 00:07:40,942
Some of that stuff's
really hurtful.
174
00:07:41,011 --> 00:07:43,378
My pubes left,
they just up and left.
175
00:07:43,447 --> 00:07:45,280
Like, they just moved
to california
176
00:07:45,349 --> 00:07:46,848
To start a better life.
177
00:07:46,917 --> 00:07:49,284
They didn't even leave
a note, they just, like...
178
00:07:49,353 --> 00:07:50,852
They just bounced.
179
00:07:50,921 --> 00:07:52,154
I'm so sorry.
180
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,156
Well, i'm having
the opposite experience.
181
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:56,892
My pubes are
so overgrown, my pussy
182
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:58,393
Is a "beast of no nation."
183
00:07:58,462 --> 00:08:00,162
I just love child soldiers.
184
00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:01,329
So cute.
185
00:08:04,001 --> 00:08:06,468
My asshole's
on fire, though.
186
00:08:06,537 --> 00:08:08,036
Oh, my god,
so stretched out.
187
00:08:08,105 --> 00:08:09,204
Can't even sit down.
188
00:08:09,273 --> 00:08:11,173
My taint looks like
a chew toy.
189
00:08:12,543 --> 00:08:14,176
Do you think
this needs more blue?
190
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,210
Hmm...
191
00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:20,515
What was your favorite episode
of "sex and the city"?
192
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:23,819
I don't have a favorite
episode of that.
193
00:08:23,887 --> 00:08:24,886
They're all your favorite?
194
00:08:24,955 --> 00:08:27,389
None of 'em.
Why?
195
00:08:27,457 --> 00:08:30,325
No, because they're just broads,
like, running around...
196
00:08:30,394 --> 00:08:32,561
Being promiscuous.
197
00:08:32,629 --> 00:08:34,996
You're gonna say that
to me and bridget?
198
00:08:35,065 --> 00:08:36,565
Hello?
You're not like them.
199
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:39,067
You mean, we dress better
and we're thinner.
200
00:08:39,136 --> 00:08:40,669
No. And you have personality.
201
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:42,304
Yeah, we got personality
for weeks!
202
00:08:42,372 --> 00:08:43,371
Oh, that's right,
cheers.
203
00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,577
We're gonna have the best time
of our lives today.
204
00:08:48,645 --> 00:08:49,711
Yes.
Okay?
205
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:51,446
Didn't i tell you, okay?
Yeah.
206
00:08:51,515 --> 00:08:53,415
You are such
a good friend, and i...
207
00:08:53,483 --> 00:08:55,851
You know, this annulment
is really taking a toll on me.
208
00:08:55,919 --> 00:08:57,052
And i'm, i'm just...
209
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:58,787
I am so glad that
you got the tickets!
210
00:08:58,856 --> 00:09:01,890
Oh, no, look, this is why
we're in new york, right?
211
00:09:01,959 --> 00:09:04,192
Right.
We are going on this tour.
212
00:09:04,261 --> 00:09:06,094
And i am so glad that i bought
you these tickets
213
00:09:06,163 --> 00:09:07,963
With my money
that i worked for.
214
00:09:08,031 --> 00:09:09,731
All right, ladies!
215
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:12,033
Are you ready
to see the places
216
00:09:12,102 --> 00:09:15,270
From your favorite scenes
from your favorite show,
217
00:09:15,339 --> 00:09:17,606
"sex and...
218
00:09:17,674 --> 00:09:18,940
...The city"!
219
00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:20,709
"sex and the city,"
that's right!
220
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:23,378
I can't, i can't, i can't,
i can't, i can't.
221
00:09:23,447 --> 00:09:25,146
who's with me?
222
00:09:25,215 --> 00:09:27,315
we went for a walk,
but we are first.
223
00:09:27,384 --> 00:09:29,551
We were here,
but we went for a walk.
224
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,720
Are you excited for your
"sex and the city" tour today?
225
00:09:33,490 --> 00:09:35,657
All right, when i say sex,
you say and the city.
226
00:09:35,726 --> 00:09:37,492
Sex.
And the city!
227
00:09:37,561 --> 00:09:38,860
Sex!
And the city!
228
00:09:38,929 --> 00:09:40,528
You guys get it.
229
00:09:40,597 --> 00:09:43,365
Okay, does anyone
recognize where we are?
230
00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:44,699
Is this where carrie decided
231
00:09:44,768 --> 00:09:45,767
That she didn't
want to marry aiden?
232
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,535
Definitely!
Good guess.
233
00:09:47,604 --> 00:09:50,705
Actually, this is where
steve and miranda
234
00:09:50,774 --> 00:09:54,509
Finally tied the knot in
a small, but tasteful ceremony.
235
00:09:54,578 --> 00:09:56,177
Ohh...
Oh, okay.
236
00:09:56,246 --> 00:09:58,847
Oh, i want that
for me someday again.
237
00:09:58,916 --> 00:10:01,616
This is a really
good tour i bought you.
238
00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:04,452
oh, oh, my gosh,
is that where carrie
239
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,788
Put on those hoop earrings
and that doo rag,
240
00:10:06,857 --> 00:10:08,623
And then she made everybody
feel racially uncomfortable?
241
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:11,459
Yes! With the hoops,
yeah, definitely.
242
00:10:11,528 --> 00:10:14,663
no, these are the courts where
steve played basketball.
243
00:10:14,731 --> 00:10:17,098
That's one of the many great
things about steve.
244
00:10:17,167 --> 00:10:19,134
He played basketball, cool.
245
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:21,736
He also owns a bar,
that's cool.
246
00:10:21,805 --> 00:10:23,338
So cute, i love that.
Oh, okay.
247
00:10:23,407 --> 00:10:25,507
And let's not forget,
he is reliable.
248
00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:27,375
All right, he's short,
i'll give you that.
249
00:10:27,444 --> 00:10:29,210
The glasses? Yeah.
250
00:10:29,279 --> 00:10:31,046
But always reliable.
251
00:10:31,114 --> 00:10:34,082
Is that magnolia bakery
where carrie told miranda
252
00:10:34,151 --> 00:10:36,484
About a huge crush
while scarfing down
253
00:10:36,553 --> 00:10:38,286
One of that bakery's
signature cupcakes?
254
00:10:38,355 --> 00:10:39,421
definitely.
255
00:10:39,489 --> 00:10:40,722
Are we gonna get cupcakes?
256
00:10:40,791 --> 00:10:41,723
No, we're not,
and nobody look over...
257
00:10:41,792 --> 00:10:43,191
Do not look over there!
258
00:10:43,260 --> 00:10:44,960
That is not part
of our tour, okay?
259
00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:46,962
Actually, if you look
right over there,
260
00:10:47,030 --> 00:10:48,563
That's the area where steve
261
00:10:48,632 --> 00:10:50,231
Was once carrying
groceries in the rain
262
00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:51,933
And the bottom fell
out of the bag.
263
00:10:52,002 --> 00:10:53,201
Stuff went everywhere,
264
00:10:53,270 --> 00:10:55,003
It led to a lot of shenanigans.
265
00:10:56,273 --> 00:10:57,238
That sucks.
I don't remember that.
266
00:10:57,307 --> 00:10:58,707
I remember that.
267
00:10:58,775 --> 00:10:59,774
It was actually...
it was deleted
268
00:10:59,843 --> 00:11:01,109
From the deleted scenes.
269
00:11:01,178 --> 00:11:03,912
Ooh, deleted scenes.
270
00:11:03,981 --> 00:11:08,149
Is this tour just gonna
be all about steve?
271
00:11:08,218 --> 00:11:13,254
Yeah, um, it was...
this tour was $6 cheaper,
272
00:11:13,323 --> 00:11:16,658
So, altogether
$12 cheaper, so...
273
00:11:16,727 --> 00:11:19,427
But it won't be all about
steve, you know, right?
274
00:11:19,496 --> 00:11:21,463
Come on.
Okay.
275
00:11:21,531 --> 00:11:23,398
oh, the doctor's office!
276
00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:25,800
This is where charlotte found
out that she couldn't have kids.
277
00:11:25,869 --> 00:11:27,836
Definitely!
Wrong, that was wrong.
278
00:11:27,904 --> 00:11:31,172
This is actually where
miranda's housekeeper magda
279
00:11:31,241 --> 00:11:32,507
Got her bone medicine.
280
00:11:32,576 --> 00:11:34,509
Ooh, magda!
281
00:11:34,578 --> 00:11:36,978
And then every tuesday,
steve would pick her up.
282
00:11:37,047 --> 00:11:39,714
Super solid,
classic steve behavior.
283
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:42,550
Big would never do that.
Big would never do that!
284
00:11:42,619 --> 00:11:43,985
Big!
285
00:11:44,054 --> 00:11:47,188
See, this is still really
heavily about steve.
286
00:11:47,257 --> 00:11:49,891
Next stop, ladies,
grab your panties
287
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:52,660
Because we're gonna see where
charlotte and her gay friend
288
00:11:52,729 --> 00:11:55,096
Go shopping for blouses!
289
00:11:55,165 --> 00:11:56,798
But before that,
290
00:11:56,867 --> 00:12:00,835
We're gonna see where samantha
got in the ass!
291
00:12:00,904 --> 00:12:02,837
Yeah!
292
00:12:02,906 --> 00:12:04,139
I say cosmos,
you say anal.
293
00:12:04,207 --> 00:12:05,206
Cosmos!
Anal!
294
00:12:05,275 --> 00:12:06,274
Cosmos!
Anal!
295
00:12:06,343 --> 00:12:07,842
Cosmos!
Anal!
296
00:12:07,911 --> 00:12:09,044
Cosmos!
Anal!
297
00:12:09,112 --> 00:12:10,578
This sucks.
298
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:14,215
We want to see where samantha
got in the ass, too!
299
00:12:14,284 --> 00:12:16,217
Yeah... Yeah, we do.
300
00:12:16,286 --> 00:12:19,320
Guys! Samantha was
a one-note character!
301
00:12:19,389 --> 00:12:22,424
All she did was get
all the time!
302
00:12:22,492 --> 00:12:26,327
Steve is the only character
on the show with any layers.
303
00:12:26,396 --> 00:12:28,663
You turn to steve
when you need some laughs.
304
00:12:28,732 --> 00:12:31,800
You turn to steve when you need
some pathos, okay?
305
00:12:31,868 --> 00:12:33,501
He owned a bar!
306
00:12:33,570 --> 00:12:36,104
He was a good dad, all right?
307
00:12:36,173 --> 00:12:37,605
He even had cancer!
308
00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:40,475
Samantha got cancer, too.
309
00:12:40,544 --> 00:12:42,844
She knew what
she was paying for!
310
00:12:44,281 --> 00:12:46,848
Happy annulment.
311
00:12:46,917 --> 00:12:48,850
Six more dollars.
312
00:12:48,919 --> 00:12:51,553
So, who's ready to visit
the home of janet miller.
313
00:12:51,621 --> 00:12:54,856
She's the mother of one of
the four sets of twins
314
00:12:54,925 --> 00:12:57,192
Who portrayed
steve's son, brady hobbes?
315
00:12:57,260 --> 00:12:59,594
Oh, we are!
316
00:12:59,663 --> 00:13:03,598
this is fun,
and i don't regret it!
317
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:15,460
Have you ever changed the way
you act around certain guys.
318
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:16,594
Like, you sort of have
to flirt with them
319
00:13:16,663 --> 00:13:18,162
To get what you
want out of them?
320
00:13:18,231 --> 00:13:21,232
Look, i never know when
someone's attracted to me.
321
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,733
Like, it's really bad.
322
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,268
Like, when do you realize
they're attracted to you?
323
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,571
Uh, when they're
me out, but...
324
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:34,245
Should we have sex?
It's up to you.
325
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:35,313
I definitely want to.
326
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,881
Okay, i can...
327
00:13:36,950 --> 00:13:39,951
Oh, wow, you've got condoms.
328
00:13:40,019 --> 00:13:43,788
Oh, yeah, they're
left over from my ex.
329
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,356
Is that weird?
330
00:13:45,425 --> 00:13:47,258
No, it's not like i think
you're a virgin or anything.
331
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,428
No, definitely not.
332
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,431
It's kind of nice not to have
to jump through a bunch of hoops
333
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,465
To get you into it.
334
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:56,801
Kinda.
335
00:13:58,571 --> 00:14:01,339
Will you excuse me
one moment?
336
00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,541
Sure.
337
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,010
Where you going?
338
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:08,446
I'm just gonna go make
sure there's no, like,
339
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,681
Stray toilet paper
in my pussy.
340
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:12,183
Oh, cool.
341
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:14,185
342
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:15,953
Greta...
343
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,321
I'm about to sleep with this guy
and i, like, really like him.
344
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:19,156
What do i do?
345
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:21,359
First of all, get the toiletpaper out of your pussy.
346
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:22,994
I know, no, i, i mean,
347
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,062
I'm getting mixed signals in,
like, what he wants.
348
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,031
Anal, he wants anal.
349
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:30,201
No, i mean like the madonna
or the whore thing.
350
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,369
Just read his vibe.
351
00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:33,304
He'll communicate to you.
352
00:14:33,373 --> 00:14:34,338
Okay.
353
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,510
Oh, okay, so, should
i not put on this bag?
354
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,078
Um, well, i mean,
355
00:14:41,147 --> 00:14:42,647
I definitely don't
have anything.
356
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,382
So, you don't want
me to wear this?
357
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:45,516
Look, okay,
this is so embarrassing.
358
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:47,718
I've never not
used a condom.
359
00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:52,223
It might be neat to...
Try without it once.
360
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,758
Okay, cool.
361
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,826
All right.
Are you nervous?
362
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:56,894
About what?
363
00:14:56,963 --> 00:14:58,095
That it'll hurt, dummy.
364
00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:02,733
So nervous.
365
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:04,502
Oh, well, i'll take it
easy on you.
366
00:15:04,571 --> 00:15:05,937
Please, just...
367
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:07,405
How long has it been?
368
00:15:07,473 --> 00:15:11,208
Oh... A month?
369
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:15,413
Uh, uh, a month
and six months,
370
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:16,747
Seven months.
371
00:15:16,816 --> 00:15:18,082
Wow, that's a long time.
372
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,717
It's so long.
373
00:15:19,786 --> 00:15:21,686
How many guys
have you been with?
374
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:26,324
Two doz... Does that count,
two guys?
375
00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:27,725
Two?
Like, is that a lot?
376
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,560
Oh, man,
i love girls like you.
377
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,028
You're like a diamond
in the rug.
378
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,030
When i met you at that
after-hours party
379
00:15:33,099 --> 00:15:34,599
For that bartending class,
380
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:35,866
I kind of thought you were,
like, a dirty girl.
381
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,535
But you're like
a little baby sheep.
382
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,970
Basically.
383
00:15:39,038 --> 00:15:40,404
What do you want,
dirty girl?
384
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:41,706
I don't know...
385
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:46,544
Well, i want you to
me so h...
386
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,112
...Softly.
387
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:51,048
So softly,
bunny slopes.
388
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,216
Okay, yeah.
389
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,317
Bunny, okay.
390
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,152
Oh, nice and easy.
Yeah, okay.
391
00:15:55,221 --> 00:15:57,054
Wait, wait.
392
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,756
I wanna look at you.
393
00:15:58,825 --> 00:16:01,726
Will you strip for me?
394
00:16:01,794 --> 00:16:03,561
Yeah...
i'm pretty naked already.
395
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:05,796
You want me to put
my clothes back on?
396
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:06,831
Yeah.
397
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,400
Okay, okay.
398
00:16:13,806 --> 00:16:14,805
Okay.
399
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,108
Put on the coat, too.
400
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,609
You want me to put
the coat on?
401
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,977
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
402
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:21,078
Can you put the hood up?
403
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:23,614
Oh, yeah.
404
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:29,920
How are you so good at this?
405
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:33,124
I'm not, i just...
406
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:34,325
I mean, i took, like,
407
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:36,260
A pole dancing class
once at crunch.
408
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,294
I'm, like, awkward.
409
00:16:38,931 --> 00:16:40,564
Erm.
410
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,700
Erm, i don't know
what i'm doing.
411
00:16:42,769 --> 00:16:44,268
Oh-ho.
Bla.
412
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:47,304
Oh, come here,
you filthy angel.
413
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,875
Get ready for this, you sweet,
innocent whore bag.
414
00:16:50,943 --> 00:16:51,976
Okay, i'm sorry.
415
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:54,612
I don't understand
what you want.
416
00:16:54,681 --> 00:16:56,280
Do you want the madonna
or the whore?
417
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:57,515
Yeah.
418
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,016
Which one?
419
00:16:59,085 --> 00:17:00,451
Both.
420
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,119
Look, it's not hard
to understand.
421
00:17:02,188 --> 00:17:04,388
I need you to be like
a sexual "good will hunting."
422
00:17:04,457 --> 00:17:05,756
You've no formal education,
423
00:17:05,825 --> 00:17:07,858
But then you see my dick
and you just get it.
424
00:17:07,927 --> 00:17:10,394
Now, i need you to be, like,
a combination of, like,
425
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,863
Hermione from the third movie
and nicki minaj.
426
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:14,331
You're, like,
dora the explorer,
427
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,133
But your passport's
filled to the brim.
428
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,469
Right, you're, like, maria
from "the sound of music,"
429
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,705
But also the sex nazi
from "indiana jones."
430
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:23,741
Also, would it kill you
to do a boston accent?
431
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:26,010
i'm gonna get you wicked hard.
432
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:27,078
Perfect.
433
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,185
Did i cum?
434
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:35,519
Did you what?
435
00:17:42,328 --> 00:17:43,995
So, mary alice,
you are a nun.
436
00:17:44,064 --> 00:17:45,596
yes, i am.
437
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:46,931
Let's talk about it.
Okay.
438
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:51,436
So, uh, do you know "how do you
solve a problem like maria?"
439
00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:55,706
In a way, people could say
i am like a maria.
440
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,141
You are totally like a maria.
441
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:58,543
yeah.
442
00:17:58,611 --> 00:18:00,611
You don't seem, like,
how we picture a nun.
443
00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,846
Like, you don't...
you're not wearing a habit.
444
00:18:01,915 --> 00:18:03,014
Where's your habit?
445
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:04,916
Here's my pin.
Oh, you got a pin?
446
00:18:04,984 --> 00:18:06,050
Yeah, i got a pin.
Okay, that checks out.
447
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:07,185
That checks out.
That checks out.
448
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:08,486
You can come behind the rope.
449
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,988
Um, what called you to...
450
00:18:11,057 --> 00:18:13,357
This journey, this life?
Um...
451
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:15,626
You know, i entered
the convent in 1958.
452
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:16,994
And, um...
How old were you?
453
00:18:17,063 --> 00:18:19,797
18, and i wanted
to be a do-gooder.
454
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:23,000
In those days, you became
a nurse, you got married
455
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,635
Or you were a secretary.
Yeah.
456
00:18:24,704 --> 00:18:27,705
Or you became a nun.
And i became the nun.
457
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,140
That actually sounds good
of that list.
458
00:18:29,209 --> 00:18:31,676
Yeah, that's right.
Did you ever date anyone?
459
00:18:31,744 --> 00:18:35,513
Yes, i was engaged to be
married prior to entering.
460
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:36,814
When you were 17 or 18?
And i entered the convent
461
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,349
'cause i knew i could
get out of that
462
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:39,951
And i couldn't get
out of the marriage.
463
00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,319
I'm catholic, you know.
464
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:42,453
That's right,
that's why you went...
465
00:18:42,522 --> 00:18:44,055
Uh, you're great.
466
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,090
I'm gonna take a vow
of celibacy, peace.
467
00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:48,493
Did i understand
what it was? No. -Yeah.
468
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:50,261
But did i take it? Yes.
Yeah.
469
00:18:50,330 --> 00:18:53,164
So, your last relationship with
someone other than god was...
470
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,699
18.
18.
471
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,502
Now, have i had male
friends in between? Yes.
472
00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:59,737
Have you made out?
No.
473
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,139
You're not even allowed
to make out?
474
00:19:01,207 --> 00:19:02,874
No.
475
00:19:02,942 --> 00:19:04,675
Well, i guess you could
but you might get in trouble
476
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,277
After you do that, yeah. You
could get in trouble, right.
477
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,513
Are nuns allowed
to have orgasms?
478
00:19:08,581 --> 00:19:10,348
Oh, to masturbate,
you mean, uh...
479
00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:13,417
If you're gonna follow the
letter of the law... -Yeah.
480
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,853
And the church guideline,
it would be a no-no.
481
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,688
It would be a no-no.
482
00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:19,090
I'm not gonna go and ask
anybody if they're having one
483
00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:20,391
Or not having them...
I hear ya.
484
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,526
Or if they're doing it
or why.
485
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:22,727
That's on them.
Yeah.
486
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:25,029
That's in them.
If it works.
487
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:26,631
Um, did you ever
have doubts?
488
00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:27,899
Have you ever thought
about leaving?
489
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:29,100
Yes, often.
490
00:19:29,169 --> 00:19:30,701
How often?
491
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:32,904
When i was in my 30s,
it was very hard. -Why?
492
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,505
You know, you didn't know
if you wanted to jump into bed
493
00:19:34,574 --> 00:19:36,274
With the next person
that came along or, uh...
494
00:19:36,342 --> 00:19:38,976
You're singing
my song, sister.
495
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,112
Coming or going
or being a parent.
496
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:43,080
But i don't know a lot
of people
497
00:19:43,149 --> 00:19:44,515
That can follow
their dreams.
498
00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:45,950
I don't know a lot of people
499
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,419
That aren't worried
about their 401k.
500
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,887
Yeah.
501
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,222
And they're the gifts
that i have.
502
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:54,592
Hearing you explain that
does make a lot of sense.
503
00:19:54,661 --> 00:19:56,394
And i would've never
thought of it that way.
504
00:19:56,462 --> 00:19:58,729
Yeah. -Um, you seem like
you'd be really hard to shock,
505
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,098
And i'm definitely not
gonna try, but do you...
506
00:20:01,167 --> 00:20:03,568
When you're around, like,
we're in a bar.
507
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:05,469
When you're around
family or friends,
508
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,839
And they're drinking or maybe
smoking pot or something,
509
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,275
How do you feel
being near that?
510
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,477
Well, fine.
511
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,547
It's a party,
i'm irish.
512
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,016
Oh.
513
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:22,253
We have family members
that own bars. -Right.
514
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,921
But you're not gonna be
on anyone's shoulders
515
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,189
At the st. Patty's day
parade in times square.
516
00:20:25,258 --> 00:20:26,624
No, right, yeah.
Right.
517
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:27,858
What is something you would
want people to know
518
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,493
About nuns
that they don't?
519
00:20:29,562 --> 00:20:31,262
That we're real.
Yeah.
520
00:20:31,331 --> 00:20:33,431
I don't think we're any
different than anybody else. -Yeah.
521
00:20:33,499 --> 00:20:35,032
We have warts like
everybody else.
522
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,134
Right, but not the kind
that i got in college.
523
00:20:37,203 --> 00:20:38,202
no.
524
00:20:38,271 --> 00:20:40,104
You missed out, girl.
525
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,276
and could you do one more
when you say,
526
00:20:45,345 --> 00:20:46,978
"my taint looks like
a chew toy"?
527
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:51,482
Right?
solid.
528
00:20:51,551 --> 00:20:53,217
Ugh.
My...
529
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,286
Amy, wait.
530
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,787
so easy.
531
00:20:56,837 --> 00:21:01,387
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