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1
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To an awesome night
2
00:00:04,806 --> 00:00:05,835
at Cooper's concert.
3
00:00:05,860 --> 00:00:07,330
Yay. Cheers.
4
00:00:07,355 --> 00:00:08,573
Mm.
5
00:00:14,315 --> 00:00:16,390
Oh, that takes me back.
6
00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:19,100
To what?
7
00:00:19,125 --> 00:00:21,421
Uh, our last HOA meeting.
8
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:25,601
Oh, I can already tell I'm gonna
get into a fight tonight.
9
00:00:28,306 --> 00:00:29,698
Ooh, I'm so excited.
10
00:00:29,723 --> 00:00:31,054
We get full VIP treatment,
11
00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:33,007
- which means free drinks.
- Yeah.
12
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,773
And... Oh, my God.
13
00:00:34,798 --> 00:00:36,576
How is it already 8:40?
14
00:00:36,601 --> 00:00:37,585
8:40?
15
00:00:37,610 --> 00:00:40,171
That's practically 9:15!
16
00:00:40,478 --> 00:00:42,122
- Crazy.
- No. No.
17
00:00:43,676 --> 00:00:45,226
Not tonight.
18
00:00:45,413 --> 00:00:47,054
We won't let you do that
thing where you get tired
19
00:00:47,079 --> 00:00:48,863
and talk yourselves out of going out.
20
00:00:48,888 --> 00:00:50,890
You're right, you're right. I'm sorry.
21
00:00:51,046 --> 00:00:52,830
Okay. Full VIP treatment.
22
00:00:52,855 --> 00:00:54,595
- Backstage. Sold-out concert.
- Yeah. Yep!
23
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,490
Yeah, it sounds great!
24
00:00:56,515 --> 00:00:58,212
Yeah.
25
00:00:58,237 --> 00:01:00,382
- But I did just get a new pillow.
- Mm-hmm.
26
00:01:01,006 --> 00:01:03,428
And we're going grocery
shopping tomorrow, you know?
27
00:01:03,453 --> 00:01:06,500
With all the driving and the parking
28
00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:07,562
and then you forget to validate
29
00:01:07,587 --> 00:01:09,445
and then you got to go back inside.
30
00:01:09,765 --> 00:01:10,781
And they're all like,
31
00:01:10,806 --> 00:01:12,417
"Validation's for customers only."
32
00:01:12,455 --> 00:01:14,762
And you're like, "I was
just in here, Janine!"
33
00:01:15,181 --> 00:01:16,565
Yeah, plus,
34
00:01:16,590 --> 00:01:17,937
we got to be fresh tomorrow,
35
00:01:17,962 --> 00:01:20,079
'cause we're meeting with
a life insurance agent.
36
00:01:21,642 --> 00:01:23,522
Why do you guys need life insurance?
37
00:01:23,555 --> 00:01:25,417
You're zero risk.
38
00:01:27,064 --> 00:01:28,564
Well, actually,
39
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,209
we have been talking about...
40
00:01:31,234 --> 00:01:33,710
starting a family soon.
41
00:01:35,383 --> 00:01:36,800
Uh...
42
00:01:36,825 --> 00:01:38,218
you're not excited?
43
00:01:38,407 --> 00:01:41,013
We're just tired of
getting our hopes up.
44
00:01:41,057 --> 00:01:42,541
You two have been dangling that carrot
45
00:01:42,566 --> 00:01:43,803
in front of us for so long
46
00:01:43,828 --> 00:01:46,423
we've got baby blue balls.
47
00:01:51,264 --> 00:01:53,263
No, I-I mean, we'd love to have kids.
48
00:01:53,288 --> 00:01:55,944
It's just, you know, it's been
really crazy at work, you know?
49
00:01:55,969 --> 00:01:58,755
Um, but after tax season,
it's gonna be, uh,
50
00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:01,002
"tax that ass" season.
51
00:02:03,352 --> 00:02:05,710
Well, trust us, it's good
to get your party days in
52
00:02:05,735 --> 00:02:07,256
before you have kids.
53
00:02:07,639 --> 00:02:10,460
Or someday you will find
yourself retired early
54
00:02:10,485 --> 00:02:12,921
and sneaking so much rosé
into your cornflakes
55
00:02:12,946 --> 00:02:15,043
you end up hitting on the mailman.
56
00:02:16,633 --> 00:02:18,809
All I said is Jeff has nice calves.
57
00:02:18,834 --> 00:02:21,288
What, now I can't say facts?
58
00:02:21,313 --> 00:02:22,864
I don't want to fight about it.
59
00:02:22,889 --> 00:02:24,208
Hey, guys.
60
00:02:24,233 --> 00:02:25,311
Who's ready to party?
61
00:02:25,336 --> 00:02:26,788
All right.
62
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,225
- Um...
- Eh...
63
00:02:32,021 --> 00:02:34,194
So... yeah.
64
00:02:34,219 --> 00:02:36,436
Is it okay if we take a rain check?
65
00:02:36,530 --> 00:02:38,155
Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure.
66
00:02:38,180 --> 00:02:39,085
I'll hit you up the next time
67
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:40,119
I've sold out the Forum
three nights in a row
68
00:02:40,144 --> 00:02:42,335
and convinced Post
Malone to open for me.
69
00:02:43,577 --> 00:02:45,884
Great, man. Sounds good.
70
00:02:47,097 --> 00:02:50,057
Any idea what a Post Malone is?
71
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:51,421
Uh...
72
00:02:52,562 --> 00:02:56,543
I think it's what you do when
you're finished Maloning.
73
00:03:10,757 --> 00:03:15,304
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
74
00:03:21,981 --> 00:03:23,876
Wow.
75
00:03:23,901 --> 00:03:29,716
All that sleep we got was
amaz-z-z-zing. Yeah.
76
00:03:29,741 --> 00:03:32,091
I added a few extra Zs
'cause I caught so many.
77
00:03:32,116 --> 00:03:33,421
Oh.
78
00:03:33,446 --> 00:03:34,622
I know. I tried to wake you up,
79
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:36,497
and you flipped me off in your sleep.
80
00:03:37,749 --> 00:03:40,167
Oh, my God.
81
00:03:44,309 --> 00:03:45,623
Wow.
82
00:03:45,648 --> 00:03:48,710
I guess Cooper's after-party
must've been cray.
83
00:03:49,747 --> 00:03:51,895
Do people still say "cray"?
84
00:03:53,006 --> 00:03:55,955
I think only when they're
describing "how a bitch be,"
85
00:03:55,980 --> 00:03:57,460
but...
86
00:04:00,022 --> 00:04:01,458
All right, baby.
87
00:04:01,502 --> 00:04:03,286
Let's take out the trash.
88
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:05,208
Okay. Yeah, I'll try to wake 'em up.
89
00:04:05,233 --> 00:04:06,513
Um...
90
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:08,419
Okay. Mommy. Dad.
91
00:04:12,415 --> 00:04:14,215
Can I talk to 'em?
92
00:04:16,539 --> 00:04:18,063
'Scuse me, uh,
93
00:04:18,088 --> 00:04:19,497
Bonnie,
94
00:04:19,935 --> 00:04:21,418
Gerald.
95
00:04:22,290 --> 00:04:24,127
Can you, uh...
96
00:04:30,725 --> 00:04:32,509
All right, folks,
97
00:04:32,534 --> 00:04:35,711
time to get up and get goin', please.
98
00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,075
Your house is way more comfortable,
99
00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,731
and it's also...
100
00:04:39,756 --> 00:04:40,844
a lot quieter.
101
00:04:47,159 --> 00:04:48,247
Soo!
102
00:04:48,272 --> 00:04:49,403
Okay.
103
00:04:49,598 --> 00:04:51,049
All cards on the table...
104
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:52,720
Either I dreamt about
peeing on your couch
105
00:04:52,745 --> 00:04:54,585
or I peed on your couch.
106
00:05:06,826 --> 00:05:07,904
Oh, hey, buddy.
107
00:05:07,929 --> 00:05:08,930
How was the concert?
108
00:05:09,091 --> 00:05:10,667
Well, I thought it went well, but...
109
00:05:10,958 --> 00:05:12,829
according to this L.A. Times review,
110
00:05:12,854 --> 00:05:15,053
"the venue was full, but
the songs were empty."
111
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,012
And then he gave it
112
00:05:17,182 --> 00:05:19,418
four out of five poop emojis.
113
00:05:20,556 --> 00:05:23,068
Why do you care what this reviewer says?
114
00:05:23,093 --> 00:05:26,357
Because.... 'cause I
kind of agree with him.
115
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,167
You know, I'm 40 days into my tour,
116
00:05:28,192 --> 00:05:29,961
and I feel like I just sing
117
00:05:29,986 --> 00:05:32,293
the same shallow songs
over and over again.
118
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:33,376
Dude, you're 21.
119
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:34,638
What are you gonna sing about,
120
00:05:34,682 --> 00:05:36,682
opening a Roth IRA?
121
00:05:37,064 --> 00:05:39,920
Why don't you try writing a song
that's more meaningful to you?
122
00:05:39,945 --> 00:05:40,946
Well, I have.
123
00:05:40,971 --> 00:05:42,534
Most of my songs start out sincere.
124
00:05:42,559 --> 00:05:44,344
But then I'd get scared that
my fans won't like them,
125
00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:46,346
so I increase the tempo, add a beat,
126
00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:48,540
and then change the
word "heart" to "butt."
127
00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:50,251
Huh.
128
00:05:50,620 --> 00:05:52,439
That does explain...
129
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,823
♪ Girl, relax your butt,
let my lovin' flow ♪
130
00:05:54,848 --> 00:05:58,628
♪ Entwine your butt with
mine, let the lovin' grow. ♪
131
00:06:02,444 --> 00:06:04,402
Claire, I-I knew you could sing,
132
00:06:04,427 --> 00:06:05,870
but you have a really amazing voice.
133
00:06:05,895 --> 00:06:08,277
Oh, come on. I mean, I
don't know if that's...
134
00:06:08,302 --> 00:06:10,261
♪ True... ♪
135
00:06:10,293 --> 00:06:11,886
♪ Yeah. ♪
136
00:06:12,090 --> 00:06:13,657
Claire, I'm serious.
137
00:06:13,682 --> 00:06:14,839
Well, uh, you know,
138
00:06:14,864 --> 00:06:16,213
if you want to sing a
more personal song,
139
00:06:16,238 --> 00:06:17,767
why don't you test it out
at your next concert?
140
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,837
Because fans hate new music at concerts.
141
00:06:19,862 --> 00:06:21,370
Have you ever been booed
by thousands of people?
142
00:06:21,395 --> 00:06:22,604
Yes.
143
00:06:25,269 --> 00:06:27,053
At Dodger Stadium,
144
00:06:27,078 --> 00:06:29,017
when I snagged a foul
ball from a small man
145
00:06:29,042 --> 00:06:30,760
who turned out to be a kid.
146
00:06:32,562 --> 00:06:34,558
In a wheelchair.
147
00:06:36,672 --> 00:06:39,448
Well, why don't you try doing a
smaller, more intimate show?
148
00:06:39,473 --> 00:06:40,561
What, alone?
149
00:06:40,586 --> 00:06:42,718
No-no backup dancers? No pyrotechnics?
150
00:06:42,743 --> 00:06:45,002
Guys, I'll feel naked
without my laser tuxedo.
151
00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:47,816
I mean, you could make it a duet,
152
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,712
and then you'll have
someone up there with you.
153
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:52,128
That's actually a great idea.
154
00:06:52,153 --> 00:06:54,120
I can't wait to start
changing my lyrics back
155
00:06:54,145 --> 00:06:56,002
from "butt" to "heart."
156
00:06:56,740 --> 00:06:58,011
Oh!
157
00:06:58,036 --> 00:07:01,573
Your latest single was supposed
to be "Eat Your HeartOut."
158
00:07:06,223 --> 00:07:08,835
Gosh, I can't believe how
healthy and safe you guys are.
159
00:07:08,878 --> 00:07:09,854
You're on track for the lowest
160
00:07:09,879 --> 00:07:11,729
life insurance rate I've ever seen.
161
00:07:13,339 --> 00:07:15,624
So, just a few more questions.
162
00:07:15,668 --> 00:07:18,010
Do you have any pre-existing
medical conditions?
163
00:07:18,036 --> 00:07:21,039
Well, I've been told I
have too big a heart.
164
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:23,371
Oh.
165
00:07:23,414 --> 00:07:25,901
You suffer from hypertrophic
cardiomyopathy?
166
00:07:26,588 --> 00:07:28,111
No.
167
00:07:28,136 --> 00:07:29,784
No, I was just being cute.
168
00:07:30,978 --> 00:07:32,652
Now, do you have any kids?
169
00:07:32,677 --> 00:07:34,323
Not that I know of.
170
00:07:34,348 --> 00:07:36,628
Wait.
171
00:07:39,061 --> 00:07:41,368
That only works for guys.
172
00:07:41,623 --> 00:07:42,980
Oh. Hey, guys.
173
00:07:43,005 --> 00:07:44,920
Don't mind me. I'm
just grabbing a snack.
174
00:07:44,945 --> 00:07:46,468
Which, in this house, are all...
175
00:07:46,493 --> 00:07:49,168
"low in sodium and high in fiber."
176
00:07:50,187 --> 00:07:51,918
How... W...
177
00:07:52,110 --> 00:07:54,168
Was that Cooper James?
178
00:07:54,193 --> 00:07:56,418
Um, does he live here?
179
00:07:56,991 --> 00:08:00,886
Yeah, it's your, uh, standard
"millionaire pop star moves in
180
00:08:00,911 --> 00:08:02,128
"with his accountant because he craves
181
00:08:02,153 --> 00:08:03,959
a sense of normalcy" situation.
182
00:08:04,352 --> 00:08:08,459
But-but he could live anywhere.
183
00:08:08,484 --> 00:08:10,026
Why would he choose here?
184
00:08:10,051 --> 00:08:11,792
Is... You're, like...
185
00:08:11,817 --> 00:08:13,863
Well, how do I say this politely?
186
00:08:14,255 --> 00:08:16,252
Immensely boring.
187
00:08:17,226 --> 00:08:19,011
- Okay.
- Um...
188
00:08:19,036 --> 00:08:21,152
- We are not boring.
- Yeah.
189
00:08:21,177 --> 00:08:23,424
I mean, if you really knew how we were,
190
00:08:23,449 --> 00:08:27,175
I mean, you'd be hitting
us with a higher rate.
191
00:08:27,556 --> 00:08:29,645
So you're committing insurance fraud?
192
00:08:29,670 --> 00:08:31,972
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
- No, no.
193
00:08:31,997 --> 00:08:34,682
All... No, no. All the... all
the answers we gave were true.
194
00:08:34,707 --> 00:08:35,511
- Yeah.
- You know?
195
00:08:35,536 --> 00:08:36,503
It just... But they don't paint
196
00:08:36,528 --> 00:08:38,443
the full picture of who we are.
197
00:08:38,467 --> 00:08:39,859
- Like, we're cool. Right?
- We're cool.
198
00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:41,756
I mean, Claire, tell her one
of our awesome stories.
199
00:08:41,781 --> 00:08:43,464
- Hit her, man.
- Oh. Awesome. So,
200
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,904
- yeah, there's, uh, the one ti... um...
- Right?
201
00:08:45,929 --> 00:08:48,127
- Get ready.
- Oh! Oh.
202
00:08:49,873 --> 00:08:51,284
There was that one time
203
00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:54,877
that we almost committed
insurance fraud.
204
00:08:55,721 --> 00:08:57,894
Look, I'm sorry I called you boring.
205
00:08:57,919 --> 00:08:58,823
It's just that
206
00:08:58,848 --> 00:09:00,316
Cooper James is Cooper James.
207
00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:01,917
And, you know, you're...
208
00:09:02,244 --> 00:09:04,459
See, I already forgot your names.
209
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:06,855
No, but, seriously,
210
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,969
you two don't need life insurance.
211
00:09:08,994 --> 00:09:11,042
You need get-a-life insurance.
212
00:09:13,789 --> 00:09:16,337
You know what, you might want to
look into fire insurance, too,
213
00:09:16,362 --> 00:09:18,495
after that sick burn.
214
00:09:19,351 --> 00:09:21,502
Oh, this is fun!
215
00:09:22,264 --> 00:09:24,048
Man, I guess we don't
have to try so hard
216
00:09:24,073 --> 00:09:26,316
at being boring, 'cause we just are.
217
00:09:26,341 --> 00:09:28,050
Relax, Claire. That's just the opinion
218
00:09:28,075 --> 00:09:30,034
of someone who evaluates
the relative excitement
219
00:09:30,059 --> 00:09:32,252
of people's lives for a living.
220
00:09:33,716 --> 00:09:35,605
Jake, last night, we got
invited to a concert
221
00:09:35,630 --> 00:09:38,102
by the biggest pop star in music.
222
00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:39,385
And, instead, we stayed home
223
00:09:39,409 --> 00:09:41,808
and ranked the months of the year.
224
00:09:42,572 --> 00:09:44,443
Yeah, yeah, I guess you're right.
225
00:09:44,468 --> 00:09:47,346
I, uh, guess we have
gotten into a bad habit
226
00:09:47,371 --> 00:09:48,979
of saying no to adventure.
227
00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:50,315
Great news, guys.
228
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,745
I took your advice, and, as of tonight,
229
00:09:51,770 --> 00:09:53,685
I'm doing a small show
at the Troubadour.
230
00:09:53,710 --> 00:09:55,363
- Oh, that's awesome, man.
- Yeah.
231
00:09:55,388 --> 00:09:57,216
Yeah, I'm doing a duet
with Laurel Tyson.
232
00:09:57,411 --> 00:09:59,222
- What?
- Huh?
233
00:10:00,195 --> 00:10:01,936
The lead singer of Human Disco.
234
00:10:01,961 --> 00:10:04,058
- Uh...
- Come again?
235
00:10:04,873 --> 00:10:06,614
They had that hit song, "Loser Police."
236
00:10:06,639 --> 00:10:08,597
- Uh...
- Uh...
237
00:10:09,266 --> 00:10:11,268
That they used in that
Nespresso commercial.
238
00:10:11,293 --> 00:10:12,120
- Oh!
- Oh!
239
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,538
Yeah!
240
00:10:13,563 --> 00:10:15,362
- I love that song.
- That is such a good s...
241
00:10:15,387 --> 00:10:17,151
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- So good. I would get it.
242
00:10:17,177 --> 00:10:19,377
You know, as usual, you
guys are welcome to come.
243
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,126
But you probably have an
excuse as to why you can't.
244
00:10:23,151 --> 00:10:24,549
- Nope. Not this time.
- No, I'm pretty sure
245
00:10:24,574 --> 00:10:26,184
- we can think of something.
- No, I mean...
246
00:10:26,924 --> 00:10:28,260
I mean we should go.
247
00:10:28,285 --> 00:10:29,128
- We're gonna go.
- Oh.
248
00:10:29,153 --> 00:10:30,391
- Right. We're gonna go. Yeah.
- We're in!
249
00:10:30,423 --> 00:10:31,385
- Really?
- Yeah!
250
00:10:31,410 --> 00:10:32,976
Amazing. All right, well, my
driver will be here soon,
251
00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:35,198
- if you want to come with me.
- Okay. Yay!
252
00:10:35,223 --> 00:10:36,579
I guess we should change.
253
00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:37,839
No way. You guys are amazing.
254
00:10:37,864 --> 00:10:39,940
Oh. You mean clothes.
255
00:10:43,161 --> 00:10:45,377
Uh, yeah. Yeah, definitely.
256
00:10:51,070 --> 00:10:53,261
I've got to say, Jake,
you look pretty sexy
257
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:54,651
in Cooper's skinny jeans.
258
00:10:54,676 --> 00:10:56,230
Yeah, Claire, too sexy.
259
00:10:56,255 --> 00:10:59,355
Feels like I'm smuggling grapes.
260
00:11:00,270 --> 00:11:01,605
Hey, there she is.
261
00:11:01,630 --> 00:11:03,456
Guys, this is my duet partner, Laurel.
262
00:11:03,481 --> 00:11:05,628
So, are you excited to
sing with Cooper tonight?
263
00:11:05,653 --> 00:11:07,002
His new song is so good.
264
00:11:07,396 --> 00:11:09,152
Ah...
265
00:11:09,177 --> 00:11:10,386
Do you have, like, a
whole bunch of signs
266
00:11:10,411 --> 00:11:12,752
for different situations,
or just the one sign?
267
00:11:13,702 --> 00:11:16,065
- Oh.
- It's just the one sign, okay.
268
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:17,613
We're gonna go warm up.
You guys have fun.
269
00:11:17,638 --> 00:11:18,726
Those VIP bracelets
270
00:11:18,751 --> 00:11:20,579
give you access to everything.
271
00:11:20,604 --> 00:11:22,823
- Ooh.
- Oh...
272
00:11:24,045 --> 00:11:25,722
Hello.
273
00:11:31,075 --> 00:11:32,686
Oh...
274
00:11:32,711 --> 00:11:34,017
Jake, this is, like,
one of those parties
275
00:11:34,042 --> 00:11:35,392
where the prostitutes are so fancy
276
00:11:35,417 --> 00:11:37,730
you can't tell them apart
from just a regular skank.
277
00:11:38,912 --> 00:11:40,784
Oh, God, this is so fun.
278
00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:42,245
Yeah, this was just such a great call
279
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:43,894
to come out tonight.
280
00:11:44,199 --> 00:11:46,020
No, Jake. You lock it up.
281
00:11:46,045 --> 00:11:47,019
Come on.
282
00:11:47,044 --> 00:11:48,393
Cool people don't yawn.
283
00:11:48,418 --> 00:11:50,808
They do awesome things,
like walk into a party
284
00:11:50,833 --> 00:11:52,347
and say, "I'm bored."
285
00:11:52,372 --> 00:11:53,547
You're right. You're right.
286
00:11:53,572 --> 00:11:55,531
Time to go huge. Tonight we say good-bye
287
00:11:55,556 --> 00:11:58,198
to the old Jake and Claire who
get excited over simple things.
288
00:11:58,223 --> 00:11:59,745
Oh, jumbo shrimp.
289
00:12:00,419 --> 00:12:01,886
Look at all these jumbo shrimp.
290
00:12:01,911 --> 00:12:03,495
Oh. Oh.
291
00:12:03,625 --> 00:12:05,409
Hey, man.
292
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:06,994
Don't sleep on that garlic shrimp.
293
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,721
You know what I'm saying? Ha-ha!
294
00:12:08,746 --> 00:12:11,026
- I'm cool.
- Hey, you guys want to hit
295
00:12:11,059 --> 00:12:12,234
one of these?
296
00:12:12,259 --> 00:12:13,739
Oh?
297
00:12:13,764 --> 00:12:15,495
Oh, my God, these are real live drugs.
298
00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:18,706
What do we do? Drug people hate it
when you don't take their drugs.
299
00:12:19,385 --> 00:12:21,987
Okay, obviously, there's
only one thing to do here.
300
00:12:22,385 --> 00:12:24,011
- Ah.
- Mm-hmm.
301
00:12:24,036 --> 00:12:26,081
Let me get one of them things, man.
302
00:12:26,106 --> 00:12:28,128
I don't care if it's a weekday.
303
00:12:28,153 --> 00:12:30,487
You know what I'm saying?
304
00:12:30,512 --> 00:12:32,471
See you on the other side, girl.
305
00:12:32,496 --> 00:12:34,917
Mmm.
306
00:12:35,740 --> 00:12:37,402
Okay, you can spit yours out.
307
00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:38,732
What? I swallowed mine.
308
00:12:38,764 --> 00:12:40,066
What? Why?
309
00:12:40,091 --> 00:12:41,940
Because we said we were
gonna go huge tonight.
310
00:12:41,965 --> 00:12:44,768
That doesn't include taking
random drugs from a stranger.
311
00:12:44,793 --> 00:12:47,402
And we just shared the
"we'd fake it" look.
312
00:12:47,744 --> 00:12:49,854
That wasn't a "fake it" look,
that was a "take it" look.
313
00:12:49,879 --> 00:12:52,464
- Okay, this is a "fake it" look.
- Right.
314
00:12:52,489 --> 00:12:54,667
This is a "take it" look.
315
00:12:55,593 --> 00:12:57,722
That's the exact same look.
316
00:12:57,747 --> 00:12:59,831
My God, Claire, I'm gonna die.
317
00:12:59,856 --> 00:13:01,466
It's already burning my throat.
318
00:13:01,491 --> 00:13:02,792
Okay, okay, you know what?
319
00:13:02,817 --> 00:13:04,745
Relax.
320
00:13:05,030 --> 00:13:06,945
It's a small pill. You're a big guy.
321
00:13:06,970 --> 00:13:09,728
I'm sure that you can
handle whatever drug it is.
322
00:13:09,753 --> 00:13:11,675
Oh. Did you not want that?
323
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,311
I guess they're a little strong.
324
00:13:13,545 --> 00:13:15,605
Wha... Who, me?
325
00:13:15,630 --> 00:13:17,299
I already took mine, girl.
326
00:13:17,324 --> 00:13:19,237
This is his.
327
00:13:19,262 --> 00:13:21,090
He's mine.
328
00:13:24,178 --> 00:13:26,180
- Mmm.
- Okay, you can spit that out now.
329
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:28,355
- I swallowed that one, too.
- Why?!
330
00:13:28,387 --> 00:13:30,041
I panicked. Oh, my God,
Claire, what did I...
331
00:13:30,066 --> 00:13:31,355
what did I take?
332
00:13:31,380 --> 00:13:33,792
What if it's one of those drugs where
I end up eating someone's face?
333
00:13:33,817 --> 00:13:35,917
Okay, you know what?
Just-just try to stay calm.
334
00:13:35,942 --> 00:13:37,726
I'm gonna go ask him what you took.
335
00:13:37,751 --> 00:13:40,729
It's probably bath salts.
336
00:13:41,748 --> 00:13:45,042
Oh, no. I've become addicted
to my favorite way to relax.
337
00:13:50,874 --> 00:13:53,331
Guys, I'll be straight with you.
338
00:13:53,356 --> 00:13:55,409
I took a narcotic tablet, and, uh,
339
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,392
I'm dealing with the real-world
consequences right now.
340
00:13:57,417 --> 00:13:59,183
You, uh, seem fine.
341
00:13:59,208 --> 00:14:01,917
And even if I'm not,
it's okay, it's okay.
342
00:14:02,247 --> 00:14:05,480
Okay, Jake, I asked the
dude what drug he gave you.
343
00:14:05,505 --> 00:14:07,511
What was it? Yayo? Smack?
344
00:14:07,536 --> 00:14:10,168
Fleck? Nurp-nurp? Quam?
345
00:14:10,364 --> 00:14:11,365
It was a mint.
346
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:12,292
A mint!
347
00:14:12,317 --> 00:14:13,318
Oh, I've never even heard of that!
348
00:14:14,761 --> 00:14:16,327
Is this, like, a Class A narcotic?
349
00:14:16,352 --> 00:14:17,875
Yeah, "A" for Altoids.
350
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,605
- "A" for...
- He gave you a mint
351
00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:23,917
because your breath was so bad
from eating the garlic shrimp.
352
00:14:25,455 --> 00:14:27,252
I see.
353
00:14:28,310 --> 00:14:31,667
Ha! Yeah, man, I knew that.
354
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,937
I assume the patient-paramedic
confidentiality agreement
355
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,073
will be honored?
356
00:14:37,511 --> 00:14:38,964
Well, that's not a thing.
357
00:14:38,989 --> 00:14:41,268
And I'm definitely
telling all my friends.
358
00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:43,340
Okay.
359
00:14:47,163 --> 00:14:48,382
Uh...
360
00:14:48,407 --> 00:14:49,844
Sorry, you need a wristband.
361
00:14:49,869 --> 00:14:51,784
Um, uh, the medic just ripped mine off.
362
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:54,472
I was just in here, man. It's me.
363
00:14:54,770 --> 00:14:56,585
Come on, man, I know Coop.
364
00:14:56,610 --> 00:14:58,917
That's my guy. Like, we're best friends.
365
00:14:59,060 --> 00:15:00,566
He's gonna sleep in my attic tonight.
366
00:15:00,591 --> 00:15:03,019
I'm wearing his pants.
Come on, let me in.
367
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,511
- We got a live one here.
- Oh...
368
00:15:05,536 --> 00:15:08,245
Hi, guys. Will you watch
from the side stage?
369
00:15:08,270 --> 00:15:10,533
Knowing you're here will
help ease my nerves.
370
00:15:10,558 --> 00:15:12,511
Yeah, of course we'll be there, Cooper.
371
00:15:12,536 --> 00:15:13,752
These guys are with me.
372
00:15:15,070 --> 00:15:16,419
Yeah.
373
00:15:16,444 --> 00:15:17,573
Uh-huh-huh.
374
00:15:17,598 --> 00:15:20,573
Look who's in the VIP area.
375
00:15:20,598 --> 00:15:22,339
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
376
00:15:22,364 --> 00:15:25,193
"We got a live one here."
Shut your ass up, man.
377
00:15:25,218 --> 00:15:26,793
I'm up in your space!
378
00:15:36,426 --> 00:15:38,428
Can I have my microphone?
379
00:15:38,453 --> 00:15:40,194
Oh, yeah. Sorry.
380
00:15:40,499 --> 00:15:43,362
- Warmed it up for you. A little wet.
- Yeah.
381
00:15:43,387 --> 00:15:44,799
Thank you.
382
00:15:45,073 --> 00:15:46,355
Guys.
383
00:15:46,380 --> 00:15:48,556
I'm nervous. What if my fans hate it?
384
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,980
What if they love it?
385
00:15:50,005 --> 00:15:51,292
You'll never know if you don't try.
386
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,472
Thanks, guys.
387
00:15:55,585 --> 00:15:57,282
Hey.
388
00:15:58,018 --> 00:15:59,807
People said I was crazy when I told them
389
00:15:59,832 --> 00:16:02,052
I was moving in with
my accountant, but...
390
00:16:02,077 --> 00:16:04,210
it's the best decision I've ever made.
391
00:16:05,063 --> 00:16:07,252
Except for when I was
12 and I posted a video
392
00:16:07,277 --> 00:16:09,752
of me singing on YouTube
that got a billion views.
393
00:16:09,777 --> 00:16:11,252
Yeah.
394
00:16:11,452 --> 00:16:13,367
That was a good decision.
395
00:16:13,392 --> 00:16:14,956
Well, the feeling's mutual.
396
00:16:14,981 --> 00:16:16,761
Kill it, buddy.
397
00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:18,510
Cooper! Cooper!
398
00:16:18,535 --> 00:16:19,979
What's up, Los Angeles!?
399
00:16:27,192 --> 00:16:28,862
All right, tonight I'd like to try
400
00:16:28,887 --> 00:16:30,042
something a little bit different.
401
00:16:30,067 --> 00:16:31,815
I'd actually like to bring
out a special guest.
402
00:16:34,973 --> 00:16:36,214
I...
403
00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:37,245
I can't... breathe.
404
00:16:37,270 --> 00:16:39,405
Did someone... have shellfish?
405
00:16:39,430 --> 00:16:41,362
I did. And it was breathtaking.
406
00:16:41,387 --> 00:16:43,635
You must have gotten it on... the mike.
407
00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:45,271
I-I'm super allergic.
408
00:16:45,296 --> 00:16:48,277
Well, why didn't you put that on a card?
409
00:16:49,338 --> 00:16:51,235
Okay?
410
00:16:51,799 --> 00:16:56,084
♪ I could never write a love song ♪
411
00:16:56,670 --> 00:17:00,085
♪ Till I met you... ♪
412
00:17:02,096 --> 00:17:03,707
Let me try that again.
413
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,007
♪ I could never write a love song... ♪
414
00:17:07,032 --> 00:17:08,591
Claire, you got to get out there.
Cooper needs you.
415
00:17:08,616 --> 00:17:10,052
♪ Till I met you... ♪
416
00:17:10,077 --> 00:17:12,435
No, I couldn't. It's crazy.
417
00:17:12,725 --> 00:17:14,248
♪ And I couldn't ♪
418
00:17:14,273 --> 00:17:17,390
♪ Sing a love song ♪
419
00:17:17,415 --> 00:17:21,667
♪ Till I loved you ♪
420
00:17:24,539 --> 00:17:27,589
♪ Well, our hearts are beatin' faster ♪
421
00:17:27,614 --> 00:17:30,567
♪ 'Cause we found something true ♪
422
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:34,552
♪ I have never loved someone ♪
423
00:17:34,865 --> 00:17:38,668
♪ The way that I love you ♪
424
00:17:38,693 --> 00:17:40,334
That's my wife.
425
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,067
Not anymore.
426
00:17:42,386 --> 00:17:46,817
♪ I have never loved someone ♪
427
00:17:46,842 --> 00:17:51,085
♪ The way that I love you ♪
428
00:17:52,062 --> 00:17:54,880
♪ Well, our hearts are beatin' faster ♪
429
00:17:54,905 --> 00:17:57,865
♪ 'Cause we found something true ♪
430
00:17:57,890 --> 00:18:01,942
♪ I have never loved someone ♪
431
00:18:02,438 --> 00:18:06,880
♪ The way that I love you... ♪
432
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,576
Goodness.
433
00:18:15,138 --> 00:18:17,156
Ah, there's my sexy little rock star.
434
00:18:17,181 --> 00:18:20,223
Yeah, last night was totally nuts.
435
00:18:20,248 --> 00:18:21,544
Oh, yeah.
436
00:18:21,569 --> 00:18:24,267
Woke up to a million texts
about you singing with Cooper.
437
00:18:24,677 --> 00:18:28,146
One text from my bank asking me
if I spent $104 at Taco Bell.
438
00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:33,396
Man, my head is killing me.
439
00:18:33,958 --> 00:18:35,971
How are you not hungover?
440
00:18:35,996 --> 00:18:38,357
'Cause I was fake drinking all night.
441
00:18:38,382 --> 00:18:41,005
Cool, coo... Wait, what?
442
00:18:41,325 --> 00:18:43,789
Okay, Jake, here goes.
443
00:18:43,830 --> 00:18:45,888
So, one of the reasons that I wanted us
444
00:18:45,913 --> 00:18:49,286
to go out and have a
big night was, um...
445
00:18:49,981 --> 00:18:52,113
I might have...
446
00:18:52,375 --> 00:18:53,998
huge news.
447
00:18:54,023 --> 00:18:56,504
Wait. What's that?
448
00:18:57,060 --> 00:18:59,177
Are we... are we pregnant?
449
00:18:59,202 --> 00:19:01,819
Okay, I-I'm not sure. Um,
but I've been feeling weird
450
00:19:01,844 --> 00:19:03,442
and nauseous all week,
so I just, I went out
451
00:19:03,467 --> 00:19:05,169
and I bought the test
and I just took it,
452
00:19:05,194 --> 00:19:06,263
but I haven't checked the results yet.
453
00:19:06,288 --> 00:19:08,421
This is so exciting. I just can't...
454
00:19:10,780 --> 00:19:12,013
Okay, can you just please check,
455
00:19:12,038 --> 00:19:13,200
- because I'm freaking out.
- Oh, right, right, right, right.
456
00:19:13,225 --> 00:19:14,183
Okay.
457
00:19:21,282 --> 00:19:22,849
We're gonna have a baby.
458
00:19:23,957 --> 00:19:25,919
We're having a baby.
459
00:19:25,944 --> 00:19:27,161
We're gonna have a baby.
460
00:19:27,186 --> 00:19:31,341
We're gonna have a baby!
461
00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:35,143
Oh, my God!
462
00:19:35,168 --> 00:19:37,412
Claire? What-what's going on?
I heard you guys screaming.
463
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:38,974
I'm pregnant.
464
00:19:38,999 --> 00:19:41,466
What?! Oh, my God!
465
00:19:41,491 --> 00:19:42,626
That's incredible.
466
00:19:43,651 --> 00:19:45,218
Claire!
467
00:19:45,243 --> 00:19:46,853
You're in the newspaper again.
468
00:19:48,122 --> 00:19:49,567
This is amazing! I can't believe
469
00:19:49,592 --> 00:19:50,985
our baby girl's a rock star!
470
00:19:51,010 --> 00:19:53,247
Oh, okay, whoa, okay, calm down.
471
00:19:53,272 --> 00:19:55,505
You're spilling your breakfast margs.
472
00:19:55,707 --> 00:19:56,969
You're all over the Internet.
473
00:19:56,994 --> 00:19:58,904
In Touch, Us Weekly,
474
00:19:58,929 --> 00:20:00,474
- everywhere.
- Oh.
475
00:20:00,499 --> 00:20:02,591
"Cooper James reunites
with mystery cougar
476
00:20:02,616 --> 00:20:03,849
to sing beautiful duet."
477
00:20:03,874 --> 00:20:05,398
Mm.
478
00:20:07,015 --> 00:20:09,654
- Yeah, last night was truly amazing.
- Well...
479
00:20:09,679 --> 00:20:12,614
we actually have something
even cooler to share with you.
480
00:20:13,397 --> 00:20:15,399
Oh, yeah.
481
00:20:15,443 --> 00:20:16,716
Oh, my God.
482
00:20:16,741 --> 00:20:18,771
Gerald! We did it!
483
00:20:18,796 --> 00:20:21,451
We've been trying for years!
484
00:20:22,356 --> 00:20:24,619
Honey, I'm so happy.
We're gonna have a baby!
485
00:20:24,644 --> 00:20:26,490
I know! I love you!
486
00:20:26,515 --> 00:20:29,193
- I'll drink to this.
- Oh.
487
00:20:31,269 --> 00:20:34,306
No, honey. Our drinking days are over.
488
00:20:34,331 --> 00:20:36,412
We are gonna be grandparents.
489
00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:40,728
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
490
00:20:40,753 --> 00:20:42,973
Do I have to move out of the attic?
491
00:20:42,998 --> 00:20:45,349
No. Cooper, the baby
will get the guest room.
492
00:20:45,679 --> 00:20:47,763
Yay!
493
00:20:47,788 --> 00:20:49,951
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
494
00:20:49,976 --> 00:20:51,804
You guys have a guest room?
495
00:20:52,461 --> 00:20:53,982
Get in here!
496
00:20:54,023 --> 00:20:56,724
♪ Baby, I ♪
497
00:20:56,749 --> 00:20:58,864
♪ Love you. ♪
498
00:20:58,889 --> 00:21:04,911
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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