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MAN'S JOB

-Hey, wake up. -Okay.

...5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10...

Patient Ms. Katja Hakala, 1 pill 1-3 times a day for depression

Hello, this is Juha Hakala. I called earlier about a job.

020968...Yeah...P... Yeah...

Yeah... I'll call back later.

Well, I use my son's PC sometimes. Excel?

The ski pole? Oh, the computer program.

You think one's enough?

-Are they all the same as this? -They're all a bit different.

Then what?

Then we cut them up and spread 'em around town.

-Why'd you put my number here? -My phone was disconnected.

Repairs from floor to ceiling. Expertise inexpensivel.

Inexpensivel?

-Free greppraisal. -Appraisal.

-You're doing that for free? -You think I shouldn't?

Must be ten years since we last greppraised. Time for it already?

Not for you in a long time yet.

Your moustache hairs are so wispy they'd be greppraised curly.

But hey, I could loan you a baby greppraiser.

You can't use this.

-Looks like a kid wrote it. -But it has your phone number.

-What are these? -Pokemons.

-Are they for me? -Akseli collects them.

-No he doesn't. -Yes he does.

-Does not. -Katja just told me so.

He doesn't anymore.

Then what does he collect?

Why are you always buying him things? He's got enough.

-Because he's my son. -But he doesn't know it.

He'll just get confused. Don't...

What's his account number?

He doesn't even have one...

-He collects license plates. -License plates?

Okay, look. Look!

-Shouldn't you just say it? -I don't have anything to say.

How about that you were fired? Maybe tell that to Katja.

-This is good like this. -This is good like this?

You coming in here for coffee and cigarettes?

What do you think when you leave the house in the morning?

You don't know what it's been like for us.

-Leaving your family home asleep. -Go drive your cab.

You've been sitting here two months now.

I'm not screwing this up. It's all under control.

-I have an extra microwave. -Don't need one.

-Nice day? -Where's the car?

-Over there. -Why do you always leave it there?

-Because there's too much traffic. -Or because it's a piece of shit.

No, because of the traffic.

Can't you buy that Chevy Caprice?

Ice-cream!

-I want chocolate! -I want strawberry.

-You get vanilla. -No, I want strawberry.

Is this what we're eating?

Hey, cheers. Cheers!

-I'll get it. -A welcome change from potatoes.

It's Moustache Olli.

-Okay. Here it is. -What is that?

A microwave oven.

-Is that for us? -Yeah.

Look dad, Uncle Scrooge is fishing for money.

-What do we owe you? -Some ice-cream will do.

-Have you changed her diaper? -No.

Should we change it then?

-What did you say? -Nothing.

Uh, who's gonna change the monster poo? Akseli? Olli?

Olli?

-No. Really. -You're the godfather.

Olli, change the diaper!

He doesn't have the guts.

I do have the guts.

Are you attending that group?

What group?

That group for adults. You don't have to lie to me.

I'm not lying.

-Is Olli lying? -No.

It's Swedish.

Maybe it's calibrated to their stricter standards or something...

Don't know what's causing it then. It could be...

-I know you don't believe me. -The mints.

Yeah, but I noticed it's just these Fisherman's Friends.

Not if you take just one, but any more than that...

I don't get it. I don't know how...

-Should you stop eating them? -I've considered it.

-Can you drive? -Hey.

-So, did anyone call? -One has. Asked your age.

I said you'd be there by noon tomorrow. That OK?

Asked my age?

My life is full of shit.

I thought that meathead was fired. What's he still doing here?

-He works for free. -Why?

-He can't just be. -Can't be?

Hey, Tirkkonen, try to waddle on down to the cafeteria.

Now we strike.

-Katja called. -Today? What'd you tell her?

That you're in the toilet.

Again? I told you to think of another excuse.

-Tell her you don't know. -That I don't know.

Yeah. Say I was just here but I left to run errands.

Or that you just saw me but I went somewhere.

Hold it!

Nobody else here knows?

I'm gonna buy one of those myself, but an even better one.

You'll get it all back.

-This wall? -Yeah.

-This wall? -Yeah.

So you want to get rid of this and put up a new one?

-Or that. -The other one.

Are there going to be alterations?

Like a hole?

Yeah, an opening. A window might be fun.

-So just a window there? -You decide.

I think so. This wall's in good shape.

This room I like just the way it is, so...

So the other wall after all?

If there's a window here, you can see into the other room.

But then there's a kitchen behind the other one.

Do you want to think whether or not there's anything here to do?

I'm sure there is. Let's think about it a moment.

That shed in the yard is slanting. I could...

Brush my hair naked for an hour and I'll give you 300.

A thousand?

...and 100 feet downstream a huge salmon jumped out of the water.

The surprise added to it. It was only a ten-pounder -

but it had just risen to the river and it was strong.

It mostly struggled above water, tried to shake off the lure...

-I told you about it. -And I forgot. Sorry.

-We do have that gift for him. -Some fucking pieces of bark.

We can get him something else. Let's buy something small.

How small were you thinking?

This small? Or this? Maybe something even smaller.

-What are we willing to invest? -Let's buy something big.

Something fucking huge. Something too huge.

Like your head.

Or our medicine cabinet.

What do you want to get him?

For fuck's sake, let's not stress about this.

Of course not.

-Let's not bring anything. Let's not go. -Give it a rest.

You try staying home yourself for just one day.

-I thought you wanted to stay home. -I did too.

-I'll quit. If that helps. -Go ahead.

Hey, Handyman. Wake up. You're late.

-What time is it? -Eleven o'clock.

-No fucking way. -No, it's only seven.

-Sorry, I got upset. -What?

Yesterday.

Don't quit your job.

-Who's gonna take care of these? -You do it if you have time.

-Put 1 200 on my bank account. -I'll take care of it then.

-You checked for a hidden camera? -What camera?

So you didn't. I'll tell you. She taped the whole thing.

She and her husband jerk off to it.

-No, that's your footage. -Think your ad needs rewording?

She also has friends who might want company.

-No. -And they have friends.

What are you? Okay, I get it.

This hair-brush chick of yours was good-looking?

The next one won't be. Or the one after that.

You won't get to choose them. And brushing hair won't be enough.

Sooner or later they'll want to have sex.

Then we'll have sex.

One per day. 100, minimum rate. I'll take weekends off.

-Yeah, with the family. -Fuck you.

That'd be two grand a month plus a welfare check.

That'd be like making five grand a month minimum.

Think of all the free time.

-How much do you make? -What would they pay you for?

How much money do you end up with at the end of each month?

What do you think your specialty would be?

-Fucking. -That's not enough.

-You don't know women. -Fuck it. I know more than you.

But you don't know the women who use these services.

There's the spiritual side. Some don't even want to fuck.

-They just want to talk. -Then we'll talk.

-What would you talk about? -Whatever they want.

Ok, and what happens...

...when they wheel in some fat cripple with CP...

-Keep your fantasies. -No, listen.

Someone who hasn't been able to wash for two weeks.

Some smelly disabled person who has never had sex.

And everyone's waiting for you to give her...

...the first orgasm of her life. You think you could do it?

Yes, I could.

-Yeah? -Is Ritva in?

-Pardon? -Ritva.

You probably have the wrong address.

He's looking for someone named Ritva.

I just came to say that you can recommend me to a friend.

-If you want. -Okay.

This is the one?

Hiya. I'm Mikael.

-Are you in a hurry? -Not really.

Would you take a look at something for me?

Sure.

Name?

-Michael. -Michael. Then e-mail?

I don't have fucking e-mail. Just put the ad up there.

Text?

Athletic, age 35, 188 centimetres, 85 kilos.

-Finnish man offers company... -Hold on.

Finnish.

Offers company to older women. Or should it say mature?

Put down that I provide company for mature women.

-Then I need your photo. -There you go.

This is good.

Take Akseli out of the picture.

Are you going to wear a suit from now on?

You get 10 % for every hour you book for me.

Just send me a text message with the time and place.

Mention if there are any special requests.

I'll phone you if I have any questions.

Is your phone working?

I took out a quick loan for a couple of grand.

Why don't you wear this yourself? Why me?

Katja would bust me in no time.

And what if I'm with someone just then?

I don't even know how to answer that.

-Just use the name Michael. -Michael?

You should put up a new ad.

Write on it Michael's hot dogs in kid's handwriting.

Don't clown around.

Yes.

-What if a man calls? -This service is for women.

-But what if a man calls? -Tell him, no deal.

What if he wants to watch?

I've read interviews with these guys on the Internet.

This is about raising a woman's self-esteem.

Improving their lives.

They want company. They want compliments.

It's your fantasies talking again.

No one who's normal will want some guy watching them.

What are you going to take with you?

What?

Gear. Your sex briefcase. You have to have one.

The barracuda begins its descent. Bring your rod up.

It's caught, yells Thorbj�rn. Oh god, what's happening?

Cardinal 44 squeals and... The line just disappears.

There can only be a few meters left. This can't be real.

-Is she coming here? -No, Central Square.

She wants to see you first. And talk.

If she likes you, it'll go from there.

-You're a pimp. -This is how the system works.

You wait at the square.

If she doesn't show up, it means she didn't like you.

Fuck, it's cold here.

-Are you listening to me? -Yeah. Wait at the square.

A lot of stuff in here. For role-playing. Condoms.

All brands. I wasn't sure what you wanted.

A couple of movies. To give inspiration.

-Take it with you. -This is a necessity.

Towels, little ones for wiping the ass.

You can't lick the big one but you can lick the small ones.

We can call it off, return the stuff, I kept the receipts.

What is this? No big deal.

How's Katja? What did you tell her?

I told her I was going to renovate your aunt's place.

Okay. Where does my aunt live? I think I should know.

You decide.

Lock the car doors. Put the keys on the tire.

-You have beautiful eyes. -Thanks.

-What should we drink to? -Your eyes.

Very good.

You'll shower first, right?

So we start with this? Very good.

Oops, it spurted out.

Would you mind taking your ring off?

-Leave it. -I'll get it off.

-Oh no, what happened? -Got it off. No worries.

The lights have to be on. Katri wants to watch and participate.

The lights have to be on. Katri wants to watch and participate.

She wants to touch you and... You state your boundaries.

Katri's not very... Just say if it goes too far.

Katri has been waiting very eagerly for this.

If you get along, we can do this twice a month.

For two hundred, maybe two-fifty an hour.

Come here, Katri.

-Say hi to Michael. -Hi, Michael.

-Juha. -I'm sorry?

-My name is Juha. -Hi, Juha.

Move closer to Juha so you'll both fit.

-So would she be...? -Katri is nineteen.

Let's take a photo for Katri's parents so they know you're...

...the same man as on the Net. Let's see if you'll do.

How about that hand? Is it usable?

Should be.

Okay.

-Be nice, Katri. -I will.

-So what do you want to do? -Don't know.

Aren't you tired?

Watch where you step. There was some pest in here.

It wasn't a rat. Something skinnier.

Don't you have to work tomorrow.

The berry bushes don't grow, because it eats all the roots.

There we go!

-Where should I drop you off? -You're my driver tonight.

That's not enough. -A hundred euros.

You'll also get commission. It's enough.

Commission...

Answer the phone. Answer.

Yes, I can speak Finnish. No, I'm not.

I forward the information to him.

He's athletic, sociable, a good listener and clean.

Yes, he can do that.

She doesn't want to go to a hotel or her own place.

Why the fuck were you speaking English?

-It's part of the system. -What does she want?

-I don't know. -Ask her.

I'll have to get more precise information about the type of...

...service you require so we can see if we can squeeze it in.

Let's use Jamppa's place.

I mean, so we can fit you somewhere in the schedule.

He has an opening at five.

You have a voluptuous, gorgeous, mature woman...

...in a luxury hotel...

...who pays you to make love to her.

I have a client at home now. Not me, that is. My colleague.

To think they're doing it now, as we speak.

Could you repeat that?

When did it happen?

March?

What do you have in mind?

We can just sit if you want but you'll have to pay the same price.

I'm married. His name is Arto. We've been married 14 years.

I don't think I can please him.

Maybe you could as a man and professional offer some tips.

Okay. So you don't do it that often then.

-That's right. -So what do you do?

Normal things that normal people do.

So you want to learn something extra?

-Sort of. -Okay, so what do you like?

Could you just tell me what men like?

Give him a blow job. Arto might like it.

-I don't know how. -What?

What you just said.

Here, this is Arto.

It's clean. Give him a couple of kisses.

Like that. Then you gently slide it into your mouth.

Keep your lips tightly around it and watch those teeth.

Good. Not too deep. Otherwise it's going well.

-What then? -Then you can caress his balls.

-And then? -You can lick it.

Good.

Lick the shaft.

Thanks. Did you get the car?

Did you get the car?

-Final paycheck! -What? What final paycheck?

-Final paycheck! -Were you at work today?

-No. -You weren't at work today?

-No! -What if Katja called there?

We're like this!

I'll just go on a little fast.

-Got a date? -Yeah.

I can tell from the way you're dressed.

A man will do anything for some nookie.

-Have you tried to call him? -There's no answer.

He probably didn't hear it. He's drilling or sanding.

-What should I do? -You know where your aunt lives.

Go and get him. Now.

-It's just that there's something... -Give me the address. I'll go.

I'm busy but I'll cancel it.

You have the kids to take care of. I'll get him.

Everything's fine. I'll tell him you're worried.

Hide! Go and hide!

And watch her belly.

-But I don't strip. -You have to!

-Or the whole thing's ruined. -We didn't plan anything else.

-Phone a stripper. -They're all so ugly.

No way. I don't know how.

That's all right. Strip as good as you can.

Take your clothes off and dance at the same time.

-No fucking way! -150 for 3 minutes.

Fucking ape, you ruined our party.

I had a bag.

Hey. Where are you? Are you in a hurry?

Can you come and get me?

Maritime, near the harbor. Okay. Hurry!

If she has called, you say there's two companies.

I was fired and transferred to the other company.

They're two totally different companies.

And no one knows anything at this new place.

And a week from now I don't work there either.

We'll be working full time on your aunt's place by then.

Could you stop by our place? Take some good food with you.

Tell them it's from me. Something really good.

Say hi from me. Tell them my cell phone battery's dead.

Buy Akseli one of those Donald Duck comics.

Tell them good night from me and I'll be home by morning.

Wish them all good night and then get out of there.

You won't stay there. Did you hear me?

Hello again.

-When's Dad coming home? -Did you see him?

Can you open a Coke bottle? You strong enough?

-I brushed my teeth already. -This is sugar free.

Be really quiet so Oona doesn't wake up.

Look.

-What's that? -License plates.

Did you make those up?

No. They're real.

-I collect them, just like you. -I don't collect them.

The police cars and fire engines are specially marked.

What's the biggest fish you've caught?

Something this big. Or even smaller.

My dad caught a gull once.

He had to drown it like this.

He pushed the rod into the water until it died.

Don't...

I can't breathe.

You were a disappointment. I'm not paying you.

-Yes you are. -What for?

I was told you're nice, sociable and neat.

A great lover.

That your penis is bigger than average.

-You're none of those things. -But you're still paying.

Look at this fucking pillow.

Hey, don't touch it!

From what Juha said, I understood that there are two companies.

What two companies? There's no two companies!

I called them. They would know.

Hello? Olli?

Hello.

I was finishing with the bathroom when Jamppa asked for a ride.

He's got a date and wants to make a good first impression.

So he wanted a driver with a suit.

-The same Jamppa we know? -The very same.

He's been going on about it for a month now.

He even booked a hotel room. I took him grapes and cider.

You hear me, Olli? Then I left the room.

Then the lights went out and I slipped or something.

-Or something. -Or were there some guys there?

I don't know.

Oh shit, I have to call work.

They're somewhere.

Maybe they're all at the other company.

Seeing as you were fired from the other place on March 19.

-Why didn't you say anything? -There was nothing to say.

What's with you?

I was going to tell you when I got a new job.

You did. The renovation.

Lie once more and you're dead.

I'll get it.

Hello? When?

Yeah, but I need more tiles for that.

And dust masks.

Hello.

Washing machine. Car.

-Do we have a fancy car or what? -Not a Chevy Caprice.

How does the new reel feel?

-It might feel a little stiff. -It won't go.

Does it catch on top there? No. It's a fish!

Tighten the brake. Here. Now reel it in. Like that.

-Hold on tight. Don't ease up. -Mom! Net!

Katja, get us a net!

Come here Akseli. We're going to eat this fish now.

Champion fisherman!

We're going to eat that fish and be happy.

Please be nice and sit down.

-What's on your mind? -I'm not driving you anymore.

You know what? Even if Katja knew, nothing would change.

Really? Then you can go tell her right away.

Would it change anything if Akseli knew?

Would it matter if his friends found out his dad's a whore?

Let's go tell them right now. What all should we tell them?

Olli, thanks for the advice.

Just keep driving that taxi.

Keep drinking and eating mints -

but don't start playing dad.

Beer, please.

-What are you doing? -I don't know.

-Go home. -Soon. You want a beer?

My treat. No, a cider. Olli doesn't drink beer.

-Go home. -Yeah yeah.

...what I look like. I'm a witch.

-I used to be good-looking. -You still are.

I could have had any guy.

The last time we were in Turkey, he wouldn't even swim with me.

Why won't you talk to him?

You can't talk to him. He won't understand.

If he could just stand in front of me, look me in the eye...

...and ask me how I'm doing.

Is that too much to ask? To ask me how I'm doing.

-No, it's not. -Is it?

-No. -Is that unreasonable?

No, it isn't.

Is it unreasonable to want to be asked how I'm doing?

Can I fall asleep here?

You might get cold.

But then you can keep me warm.

Mom, look.

Hi.

-Akseli found your briefcase. -It's Jamppa's.

I've been looking for it. So I can drop it off.

It's some gear for his date.

-I should take a shower. -I guess so.

Do we have any antiseptic?

Let me see.

Cut it on someone's pussy?

What happened?

They're old women bawling about old men.

Or they complain about not being touched for years.

Then I touch their backs and massage their feet.

In the worst case I take a pill and close my eyes.

And then?

What are you getting at?

I'm doing this for you.

-I don't enjoy it. -What all don't you enjoy?

-I don't enjoy anything at all. -Right.

It pays well. But I'll be happy to quit.

But I don't know what we'd do.

Unless you want to trade places.

We can't both stay home popping pills.

Yeah, take two.

Then you won't have to keep sighing all night.

One adult, one 8-year old to Fuerteventura, Coralejo, Hotel King.

Can you add one more adult?

-One adult. -And two more children.

What are their dates of birth?

One is four and the other is still in diapers.

I need exact dates of birth.

-Sorry, you want some? -No.

I ate all your mints. You left them at our place.

-Oh yeah, Akseli caught a fish. -I know.

He's afraid of you. You showed him some license plates.

Don't show him license plates. He doesn't want them.

He said you'd been staring at him at night.

Here!

Hey, watch it!

Here!

Fuck!

-Are you after Katja? -Of course.

That's the deal now.

Have you fucked her?

We're going on a vacation.

-Where? -Canary Islands.

Where on the islands?

-You don't know it. -I might know.

Fuerteventura. Coralejo.

-Which hotel? -Hotel King.

You're going to the King?

So the King it is.

Akseli, wake up. We're going for a visit. Get dressed.

Hey, Oona. We're going to visit Olli.

Did you come to massage my mother?

Hi.

They're going to sleep. Of course they're bugging out.

They're usually asleep by now. There's beer in the fridge.

I'm putting Jonsku to sleep. It won't take long.

-Go brush your teeth! -No.

Did you come to massage mom?

-Are you staying the night? -Shouldn't you go to sleep?

I'm also going to eat bread. Then a bedtime story.

No story tonight. Mom's tired.

Could you read me the story? If I show you where we left off?

-Just finish up, will you. -I'll get the book.

It's open and it's fine.

"Sleep little baby bird, be weary my little warbler..."

Put those toys away now! Okko, get in bed! Now!

-I'm only telling you once! -He promised.

You get to bed now! What's the problem here again?

Mommy's back will never get better if this continues.

You can have a smoke if you want. This won't take long.

Go to bed right this minute!

Really, bedtime now!

-Hey. -I'll be right there.

-I can read. To the boy. -You don't need to.

I'll read to him.

Okko, where are you going? Go to bed.

-Akseli. Come here. -Hi.

-What happened to you? -Nothing. I just told Juha.

-Told him what? -I told him about us.

-What about us? -I have more surprises too.

Here's one for all of us.

They've got those shark fishing boats. We're going.

Akseli. Come over here.

It'll be fun. Are you coming in? I made a bed for you.

We can watch TV if you want. Let's not tell your mom.

The youngest boy sat in the corner and listened.

He didn't know what it meant. You keep saying you're afraid.

It must be a special skill I don't know about.

His father once told him: You'll learn to be afraid.

But it won't pay the bills. Soon after that the parish clerk...

...came and complained how dumb his youngest son was.

He'd never amount to anything.

Soon after that the parish clerk came...

-What now? -The man's crying.

Maybe it's better you left.

I'm calling someone if you don't leave now.

When you're with my kids, you don't drink!

When you're with my kids, you don't drink!

I haven't been drinking.

We're not going on a vacation. Got it?

I'll go crazy, for god's sake.

You're not sleepy?

-What are you thinking? -Why did we have to come here?

-Can you keep a secret? -What secret?

I can't tell you if I'm not sure you can keep a secret.

-Can't I tell my mom? -No.

-What about Dad? -No.

What if I tell them?

You'll end up in a gypsy's snotbag.

-Is it a good secret? -Yes. I think it is.

But I don't want to know it if I can't tell anyone.

-I have mints. -Is that the secret?

-Yes. Can you keep it? -Yes.

I don't like them.

Neither do I.

-Was this full? -Yes.

-Full? -Yes.

Male, forties, and a bottle of pills...

-What happened to his ankle? -The TV fell on him.

Is that normal?

That he's so out of it?

Hard to say how much of this Tenox he took.

-What happened? -He dropped the TV...

We'll operate as soon as we can. The ankle bones are shattered.

It will take months for this to heal.

He'll be on disability leave until the end of the year.

How are you?

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