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(eerie music playing)
2
00:00:30,162 --> 00:00:32,782
(theme from
( the twilight zoneplaying)
3
00:00:41,107 --> 00:00:43,726
(heartbeat)
4
00:00:56,172 --> 00:00:58,674
woman:
john, one egg or two?
5
00:01:00,826 --> 00:01:03,996
honey, one egg or two?
6
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two.
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introduction to mr. john selig,
8
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a reasonably average man
9
00:01:10,336 --> 00:01:11,837
who goes through life
10
00:01:11,837 --> 00:01:13,389
with both eyes open
11
00:01:13,389 --> 00:01:16,392
and both hands
firmly on the wheel.
12
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mr. john selig--
13
00:01:18,144 --> 00:01:19,829
practical and steady--
14
00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:22,164
who is about
to be blindsided
15
00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:24,033
by the twilight zone.
16
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:40,349
les?
17
00:01:40,349 --> 00:01:42,401
les?
18
00:01:42,401 --> 00:01:44,086
leslie?
19
00:01:46,839 --> 00:01:48,507
leslie?
20
00:01:48,507 --> 00:01:49,525
all right, sir.
21
00:01:49,525 --> 00:01:51,410
don't worry
about a thing.
22
00:01:51,410 --> 00:01:52,661
be fixed
in a jiffy.
23
00:01:52,661 --> 00:01:53,913
but it fell...
24
00:01:53,913 --> 00:01:55,781
yes, shoddy workmanship.
25
00:01:55,781 --> 00:01:57,533
i'm sorry
about this, sir.
26
00:01:57,533 --> 00:01:59,952
it's the way things
are these days.
27
00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:01,787
always rush, rush, rush.
28
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:04,206
nobody giving a fig for quality.
29
00:02:05,191 --> 00:02:07,059
not like the old days.
30
00:02:07,059 --> 00:02:08,944
what are
you doing?
31
00:02:08,944 --> 00:02:10,446
fixing your mirror.
32
00:02:10,446 --> 00:02:11,597
what's it look like?
33
00:02:11,597 --> 00:02:13,766
but there's
a camera back there.
34
00:02:13,766 --> 00:02:14,850
where?
35
00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:16,552
i don't see a camera.
36
00:02:17,186 --> 00:02:19,638
that's because
you've covered it up.
37
00:02:19,638 --> 00:02:20,823
did i?
38
00:02:20,823 --> 00:02:23,108
well, that's one job done.
39
00:02:23,108 --> 00:02:24,627
good day.
40
00:02:24,627 --> 00:02:25,878
hey, come back here.
41
00:02:25,878 --> 00:02:29,014
where the hell do you
think you're going?
42
00:02:29,014 --> 00:02:30,266
back to work.
43
00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:32,101
may i suggest
you do the same?
44
00:02:32,101 --> 00:02:33,302
it's nearly 9:00
45
00:02:33,302 --> 00:02:36,188
and you know how
mr. weatherall gets...
46
00:02:36,188 --> 00:02:37,356
never mind.
47
00:02:37,356 --> 00:02:38,607
never said a thing.
48
00:02:38,607 --> 00:02:39,859
good day.
49
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:42,695
how do you know
my boss's name?
50
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:43,262
i don't.
51
00:02:43,262 --> 00:02:44,396
you said it.
52
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:45,948
no, i didn't.
53
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:48,701
you must have mistaken me
for someone else.
54
00:02:48,701 --> 00:02:49,952
good day.
55
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:52,638
are you going
to stand there all day?
56
00:02:52,638 --> 00:02:55,307
what were you
doing up there?
57
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:56,442
up where?
upstairs.
58
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,761
the mirror?
the camera?
59
00:02:58,761 --> 00:02:59,812
ah, yes, that.
60
00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:02,181
nothing whatsoever.
61
00:03:02,181 --> 00:03:04,033
a little
routine maintenance.
62
00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:05,200
it's a camera.
63
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,869
you've been
spying on me.
64
00:03:06,869 --> 00:03:07,953
i have not.
65
00:03:08,537 --> 00:03:11,423
look, it's all just
part of the job.
66
00:03:11,423 --> 00:03:14,510
be a good fellow
and let me get to it.
67
00:03:14,510 --> 00:03:16,262
no, i'm calling
the police.
68
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:18,581
you wouldn't want
to do that.
69
00:03:18,581 --> 00:03:20,466
no, i don't think so.
70
00:03:20,466 --> 00:03:21,033
why not?
71
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:22,251
false complaint.
72
00:03:22,885 --> 00:03:26,005
show me where fixing
a camera's against the law.
73
00:03:26,005 --> 00:03:27,256
that's not
the point.
74
00:03:27,256 --> 00:03:29,642
i didn't put
that camera there
75
00:03:29,642 --> 00:03:31,343
in the first place.
76
00:03:31,343 --> 00:03:33,796
i don't even know
how it got there.
77
00:03:33,796 --> 00:03:35,598
then you want
installation.
78
00:03:35,598 --> 00:03:38,517
i'm sorry, that's not
my department.
79
00:03:38,517 --> 00:03:40,986
have a nice day.
80
00:03:40,986 --> 00:03:42,605
oh...
81
00:03:42,605 --> 00:03:46,275
you're not as pleasant in person
as you are on tv.
82
00:03:46,275 --> 00:03:47,876
that's it.
83
00:03:47,876 --> 00:03:49,745
iamcalling
the police.
84
00:03:49,745 --> 00:03:52,247
there's really no need
to do that.
85
00:03:52,247 --> 00:03:53,499
look, john...
86
00:03:53,499 --> 00:03:54,733
may i call you john?
87
00:03:54,733 --> 00:03:58,887
we don't want to make
too big a scene over this.
88
00:03:58,887 --> 00:04:01,657
it makes everything
too complicated.
89
00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:03,208
i'd tell you, but...
90
00:04:03,208 --> 00:04:04,259
look...
91
00:04:04,259 --> 00:04:06,712
all right,
i'll tell you
92
00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:10,299
but we've got
to stand right...
93
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:10,933
in there.
94
00:04:10,933 --> 00:04:13,202
in the closet?
95
00:04:13,202 --> 00:04:13,769
shh.
96
00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:15,487
why there?
97
00:04:15,487 --> 00:04:17,172
it's outside camera range.
98
00:04:17,172 --> 00:04:19,525
but it's in
the bathroom.
99
00:04:19,525 --> 00:04:21,160
no, the other cameras.
100
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,674
john:
all right, talk.
101
00:04:35,674 --> 00:04:38,811
archie:
i'm risking my job
telling you this.
102
00:04:38,811 --> 00:04:41,313
you're not supposed
to know, see?
103
00:04:41,313 --> 00:04:43,649
it takes all
the fun out of it.
104
00:04:43,649 --> 00:04:46,251
all the fun
out of what?
105
00:04:46,251 --> 00:04:48,053
look at my chest.
106
00:04:48,053 --> 00:04:49,805
excuse me?
107
00:04:49,805 --> 00:04:51,006
here.
108
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:52,891
you see those letters?
109
00:04:52,891 --> 00:04:56,478
j-s-t-v in big friendly letters?
110
00:04:56,478 --> 00:04:58,230
what about it?
111
00:04:58,230 --> 00:05:01,517
it stands for
john selig television.
112
00:05:01,517 --> 00:05:05,671
you're on television.
113
00:05:06,171 --> 00:05:06,672
i am?
114
00:05:06,672 --> 00:05:07,823
yes.
115
00:05:07,823 --> 00:05:09,508
24 hours a day.
116
00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:11,160
you've got quite a following.
117
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,277
people tune in
118
00:05:12,277 --> 00:05:14,613
in the middle
of the night
119
00:05:14,613 --> 00:05:16,315
just to watch
you sleep.
120
00:05:16,315 --> 00:05:17,516
extraordinary.
121
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:18,567
who's watching?
122
00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:19,635
oh, everybody.
123
00:05:19,635 --> 00:05:21,387
everyone who subscribes.
124
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:22,521
everyone?
125
00:05:22,521 --> 00:05:23,122
my neighbors?
126
00:05:23,122 --> 00:05:25,324
all the people i know?
127
00:05:25,324 --> 00:05:26,925
they were quite helpful.
128
00:05:26,925 --> 00:05:30,496
helped us set up cameras
for maximum coverage.
129
00:05:30,496 --> 00:05:32,998
your job, your car,
the office...
130
00:05:32,998 --> 00:05:35,567
living room,
den, bathroom...
131
00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:37,770
that one was less than perfect.
132
00:05:37,770 --> 00:05:38,854
bedroom, kitchen...
133
00:05:38,854 --> 00:05:41,040
bedroom?
134
00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,826
well, it is a cable service.
135
00:05:44,376 --> 00:05:46,378
adults only,
that sort of thing.
136
00:05:46,378 --> 00:05:47,880
well, now you know.
137
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,749
so if you'll excuse me...
138
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:52,951
i don't
believe you.
139
00:05:53,569 --> 00:05:54,820
how could
this happen
140
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,705
without someone
telling me?
141
00:05:56,705 --> 00:05:57,956
shh!
142
00:05:57,956 --> 00:06:00,375
if you knew, you'd
act differently.
143
00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:03,796
it would take all
the fun out, like i said.
144
00:06:03,796 --> 00:06:05,781
everyone on the service
signs a contract
145
00:06:05,781 --> 00:06:08,167
specifying they won't
spill the beans.
146
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,785
gives folks you know
147
00:06:09,785 --> 00:06:10,953
a chance
to be on tv.
148
00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,488
(beeping)
149
00:06:12,488 --> 00:06:15,958
(on radio):
archie, call nine.
150
00:06:15,958 --> 00:06:16,508
i have to go.
151
00:06:16,508 --> 00:06:18,377
now be a good fellow
152
00:06:18,377 --> 00:06:20,579
and don't tell anyone
i told you.
153
00:06:21,096 --> 00:06:22,214
all right?
154
00:06:29,521 --> 00:06:32,124
leslie:
john?
155
00:06:32,124 --> 00:06:34,159
your breakfast
is ready.
156
00:06:34,159 --> 00:06:36,662
you better eat it
before it gets cold.
157
00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:39,798
haven't you finished
dressing yet?
158
00:06:39,798 --> 00:06:41,667
did you see
that man?
159
00:06:41,667 --> 00:06:42,885
what man?
160
00:06:42,885 --> 00:06:44,136
he came right
into the bathroom.
161
00:06:44,136 --> 00:06:45,387
i spent ten minutes with him
in the closet.
162
00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:47,256
did you sleep
all right?
163
00:06:47,256 --> 00:06:48,507
i slept fine.
164
00:06:48,507 --> 00:06:50,392
this morning
is the problem.
165
00:06:50,392 --> 00:06:54,146
i have no idea what
you're talking about.
166
00:06:54,146 --> 00:06:55,397
oh, i got to go.
167
00:06:55,397 --> 00:06:57,266
have a nice day, honey.
168
00:06:57,266 --> 00:07:00,302
(whispering)
don't blow it for us.
169
00:07:00,302 --> 00:07:01,937
the ratings
are terrific.
170
00:07:03,188 --> 00:07:03,822
bye.
171
00:07:13,582 --> 00:07:15,367
let's see.
172
00:07:15,367 --> 00:07:19,988
gee, i think i left my car keys
around here somewhere.
173
00:07:20,489 --> 00:07:22,674
i think i'll look for them.
174
00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:46,982
(camera shuts down)
175
00:08:11,590 --> 00:08:13,458
(camera shuts down)
176
00:08:23,302 --> 00:08:25,170
(camera shuts down)
177
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:30,809
(phone ringing)
178
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:32,678
yes?
179
00:08:32,678 --> 00:08:33,929
woman:
this is to inform you
180
00:08:33,929 --> 00:08:35,180
that destruction
of company property
181
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,065
is to be avoided at all costs.
182
00:08:37,065 --> 00:08:38,317
please inform maintenance
183
00:08:38,317 --> 00:08:40,819
and do not touch
the equipment again.
184
00:08:40,819 --> 00:08:42,688
thank you.
185
00:08:42,688 --> 00:08:44,573
try and stop me!
186
00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:56,468
(phone ringing)
187
00:08:57,269 --> 00:08:59,721
(camera shuts down)
188
00:08:59,721 --> 00:09:02,024
(ringing)
189
00:09:02,024 --> 00:09:03,242
hello.
190
00:09:03,242 --> 00:09:05,127
you were warned.
191
00:09:05,127 --> 00:09:06,962
(dial tone)
192
00:09:06,962 --> 00:09:09,464
(doorbell rings)
193
00:09:12,668 --> 00:09:13,919
mr. selig?
yes?
194
00:09:13,919 --> 00:09:14,553
you're to
come with us.
195
00:09:15,170 --> 00:09:15,804
hey, let me go.
196
00:09:15,804 --> 00:09:17,673
where are you taking me?
197
00:09:17,673 --> 00:09:18,924
my-my coat.
198
00:09:18,924 --> 00:09:20,559
come on, guys.
199
00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:24,413
i don't know who you are
but you can't do this to me.
200
00:09:24,413 --> 00:09:26,915
you should have
told us sooner.
201
00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:35,007
you've gone and done
it now, haven't you?
202
00:09:35,007 --> 00:09:35,557
done what?
203
00:09:36,058 --> 00:09:37,175
where are we going?
204
00:09:37,175 --> 00:09:39,311
into some very
big trouble.
205
00:09:42,264 --> 00:09:46,134
yes, some very
serious trouble indeed.
206
00:09:47,252 --> 00:09:50,238
smile at the birdie, mr. selig.
207
00:10:02,434 --> 00:10:04,236
john:
who are they?
208
00:10:04,236 --> 00:10:05,420
archie:
fans.
209
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:06,054
john:
whose?
210
00:10:06,054 --> 00:10:07,105
yours.
211
00:10:07,105 --> 00:10:08,357
now that the secrets out,
212
00:10:08,357 --> 00:10:10,242
they can all come
out of the woodwork.
213
00:10:10,492 --> 00:10:12,961
(excited screaming)
214
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:15,530
all those hormones
repressed for five years.
215
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:18,367
disgusting, isn't it?
216
00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,202
they'd rip the clothes
217
00:10:20,202 --> 00:10:22,704
right off you in a
second, just like that.
218
00:10:24,373 --> 00:10:26,541
do you really think so?
219
00:10:31,997 --> 00:10:34,199
(excited screaming)
220
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:03,462
go ahead.
221
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:05,113
try it.
222
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:18,643
archie:
typical,
isn't it?
223
00:11:19,661 --> 00:11:23,448
all these channels,
nothing interesting on.
224
00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:27,836
(phone rings)
225
00:11:27,836 --> 00:11:29,988
yes, i'll bring him in.
226
00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:38,497
if you please,
mr. selig.
227
00:11:38,497 --> 00:11:39,231
this way.
228
00:11:56,214 --> 00:11:56,915
ah, mr. selig.
229
00:11:57,466 --> 00:11:58,049
arthur spence.
230
00:11:58,667 --> 00:11:59,918
nice to meet you.
231
00:11:59,918 --> 00:12:01,803
please, take a seat.
232
00:12:01,803 --> 00:12:03,638
make yourself
comfortable.
233
00:12:04,723 --> 00:12:07,392
would you care for a cigar?
234
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:08,894
something to drink?
235
00:12:08,894 --> 00:12:11,897
no, thank you.
236
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,031
comfortable?
237
00:12:13,031 --> 00:12:14,649
yes, thanks.
238
00:12:14,649 --> 00:12:16,518
good, good.
239
00:12:19,287 --> 00:12:20,405
now, then, mr. selig.
240
00:12:21,022 --> 00:12:22,073
what the hell
241
00:12:22,073 --> 00:12:23,875
are you trying
to do to us?
242
00:12:23,875 --> 00:12:24,993
what am i...?
243
00:12:24,993 --> 00:12:26,678
what are you doing to me?
244
00:12:26,678 --> 00:12:27,679
to you?
245
00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:30,182
my dear mr. selig,
look around you.
246
00:12:30,182 --> 00:12:33,185
this is a multimillion-dollar
business.
247
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:34,186
when we first...
248
00:12:34,686 --> 00:12:36,688
whenyoufirst went on,
we couldn't get
249
00:12:36,688 --> 00:12:38,690
$100 for a 30-second commercial.
250
00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:42,727
now we're right up there--
$100,000 for a 30-second spot.
251
00:12:42,727 --> 00:12:45,881
this was accomplished
through long, hard hours
252
00:12:45,881 --> 00:12:47,632
of careful work.
253
00:12:47,632 --> 00:12:50,769
now when we're just
about to break even,
254
00:12:50,769 --> 00:12:53,071
when we're just
clearing our deficits,
255
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:54,139
you pull this?
256
00:12:56,858 --> 00:12:59,311
soyoudecided
to do all this.
257
00:12:59,311 --> 00:12:59,895
me?
258
00:12:59,895 --> 00:13:01,146
no, wasn't me.
259
00:13:01,146 --> 00:13:02,397
then who?
260
00:13:02,397 --> 00:13:04,232
who?
261
00:13:04,232 --> 00:13:06,117
who decided
you should pay taxes?
262
00:13:06,117 --> 00:13:10,155
who decided you should get up
at 8:00 to go to work?
263
00:13:10,155 --> 00:13:11,540
who decides
what money you use?
264
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:12,541
fashions you wear?
265
00:13:12,541 --> 00:13:13,792
i don't know.
266
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:15,043
same guy.
267
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:17,362
you can't put my life
on television.
268
00:13:17,362 --> 00:13:18,497
i have rights.
269
00:13:18,497 --> 00:13:20,015
oh, yeah?
270
00:13:20,015 --> 00:13:21,900
this is the constitution
of the united states
271
00:13:22,517 --> 00:13:23,768
and the bill of rights.
272
00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:25,237
show me where it says
273
00:13:25,237 --> 00:13:28,223
that i can't
put you on tv.
274
00:13:28,223 --> 00:13:29,474
that's a technicality.
275
00:13:31,176 --> 00:13:32,961
aw, mr. selig.
276
00:13:32,961 --> 00:13:37,048
let's cut right through
to the heart of the matter,
277
00:13:37,048 --> 00:13:38,700
shall we?
278
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,752
during the past five years,
279
00:13:40,752 --> 00:13:45,090
you have become an institution
on american television.
280
00:13:45,090 --> 00:13:46,224
people like you.
281
00:13:46,224 --> 00:13:51,162
hell, i watch you play bridge
every friday with the clearsons.
282
00:13:51,162 --> 00:13:52,597
he cheats by the way.
283
00:13:52,597 --> 00:13:53,782
we have a better
view of his hand.
284
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,751
i always thought as much.
285
00:13:56,751 --> 00:13:57,886
no, wait a minute.
286
00:13:57,886 --> 00:13:59,754
i don't understand.
287
00:13:59,754 --> 00:14:00,906
why me?
288
00:14:01,473 --> 00:14:03,225
what's so interesting about me?
289
00:14:03,225 --> 00:14:05,310
you know marilyn carstairs?
290
00:14:05,310 --> 00:14:07,979
the woman on all
the tv game shows.
291
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:09,214
okay.
292
00:14:09,214 --> 00:14:10,432
you tell me.
293
00:14:10,432 --> 00:14:12,934
what was the last thing
she actually did
294
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,185
that made her famous?
295
00:14:14,819 --> 00:14:18,023
can't come up
with a thing, can you?
296
00:14:18,557 --> 00:14:20,375
don't feel badly.
297
00:14:20,375 --> 00:14:22,711
neither can anybody else.
298
00:14:22,711 --> 00:14:24,596
but she's on tv.
299
00:14:24,596 --> 00:14:26,881
you see,
some people are famous
300
00:14:26,881 --> 00:14:28,533
just for being famous.
301
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:30,602
you put their face
on tv often enough
302
00:14:30,602 --> 00:14:33,638
and before you know it
they become a celebrity.
303
00:14:33,638 --> 00:14:35,640
we took that
bet on you.
304
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,343
and it paid off.
305
00:14:38,343 --> 00:14:40,211
there were down times.
306
00:14:40,211 --> 00:14:42,063
you have to expect that.
307
00:14:42,063 --> 00:14:45,183
like when you lost your job
two years ago.
308
00:14:45,183 --> 00:14:46,368
at first, the
ratings went up.
309
00:14:46,368 --> 00:14:48,787
everybody wanted to know
what was going to happen.
310
00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:53,091
but when you stayed unemployed,
the ratings went down.
311
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:54,342
so we stepped in
312
00:14:54,342 --> 00:14:57,228
and arranged that job
for you at teldar.
313
00:14:57,228 --> 00:14:58,296
you did that?
314
00:14:58,296 --> 00:14:59,948
of course.
315
00:15:00,448 --> 00:15:01,533
mr. selig...
316
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:06,037
you don't actually think
things happen by accident.
317
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:09,174
haven't you
ever noticed
318
00:15:09,174 --> 00:15:12,177
how sometimes things
justseemto go your way?
319
00:15:12,177 --> 00:15:15,680
something will happen
and you'll find yourself saying,
320
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,182
"gosh,thatwas lucky"
321
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:18,683
or "gee, wasn'tthat
322
00:15:18,683 --> 00:15:20,685
a coincidence."
323
00:15:20,685 --> 00:15:23,188
thatwould be us.
324
00:15:23,188 --> 00:15:25,290
we have
a whole department
325
00:15:25,290 --> 00:15:28,326
that looks after
happy coincidences.
326
00:15:28,326 --> 00:15:30,328
how do you think
you met leslie?
327
00:15:30,328 --> 00:15:33,098
my wife?
328
00:15:33,214 --> 00:15:35,216
hired by us.
329
00:15:35,216 --> 00:15:37,218
though i suppose
330
00:15:37,218 --> 00:15:41,206
we'll have to find
her a new spot now
331
00:15:41,206 --> 00:15:43,742
if you make
a federal case of this.
332
00:15:46,578 --> 00:15:49,114
there you have it, mr. selig.
333
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,116
thousands of jobs.
334
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,117
people's livelihood.
335
00:15:52,117 --> 00:15:55,620
millions of dollars of income.
336
00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:57,622
it's all riding on you.
337
00:15:57,622 --> 00:16:00,625
can't you just forget it?
338
00:16:00,625 --> 00:16:03,328
go back to living
your life
339
00:16:03,328 --> 00:16:05,830
just the way
you did before?
340
00:16:05,830 --> 00:16:06,331
no.
341
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:07,999
no, i can't.
342
00:16:07,999 --> 00:16:09,701
i want my privacy back.
343
00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,670
you have no right!
344
00:16:15,173 --> 00:16:16,174
as you wish.
345
00:16:16,174 --> 00:16:19,978
i'll have the car brought
around to take you home.
346
00:16:30,805 --> 00:16:31,823
(knocking)
347
00:16:47,238 --> 00:16:48,740
can i help you?
348
00:16:48,740 --> 00:16:49,741
it's you, isn't it?
349
00:16:49,741 --> 00:16:52,761
oh, mr. selig,
i'm your biggest fan.
350
00:16:52,761 --> 00:16:54,596
i watch you all the time.
351
00:16:54,596 --> 00:16:55,847
you're wonderful.
352
00:16:55,847 --> 00:16:57,098
thank you.
353
00:16:57,098 --> 00:16:58,983
can i have your autograph?
354
00:16:58,983 --> 00:17:00,235
i guess it couldn't hurt.
355
00:17:00,852 --> 00:17:02,654
it's all over with now.
356
00:17:02,654 --> 00:17:04,823
i want to have your baby.
357
00:17:04,823 --> 00:17:06,357
i beg your pardon?
358
00:17:06,357 --> 00:17:07,575
then a lock of hair.
359
00:17:07,575 --> 00:17:08,827
a jacket!
360
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:11,329
i think maybe you'd better go.
361
00:17:11,329 --> 00:17:11,946
please, mr. selig.
362
00:17:11,946 --> 00:17:15,083
i've come all this way.
363
00:17:15,083 --> 00:17:21,339
(excited screaming)
364
00:17:21,339 --> 00:17:23,842
i'm supposed to take you home.
365
00:17:25,093 --> 00:17:26,344
call me.
366
00:17:30,715 --> 00:17:34,352
we'll have to go out
the back way.
367
00:17:34,352 --> 00:17:36,221
and i want you to know
368
00:17:36,221 --> 00:17:38,106
i got sacked
because of this.
369
00:17:38,106 --> 00:17:41,626
two weeks notice, and out--
just as cold as you please.
370
00:17:41,626 --> 00:17:44,529
i didn't mean to cause
you any trouble.
371
00:17:44,529 --> 00:17:47,549
i wish there was
something i could do.
372
00:17:49,384 --> 00:17:50,435
you just did.
373
00:17:50,435 --> 00:17:51,486
come on.
374
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:21,416
hi.
375
00:18:21,416 --> 00:18:24,552
come on in.
376
00:18:24,552 --> 00:18:27,672
i was just going over
the fan mail.
377
00:18:27,672 --> 00:18:30,742
i had no idea so much
had been collected.
378
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:33,244
gifts, offers of marriage...
379
00:18:33,244 --> 00:18:34,496
it's amazing.
380
00:18:34,496 --> 00:18:37,615
i just came to drop this by.
381
00:18:37,615 --> 00:18:41,369
it's a check... back pay
for the last five years.
382
00:18:41,369 --> 00:18:44,339
oh, yes, they always
intended to pay you.
383
00:18:44,339 --> 00:18:47,458
they kept it in a trust fund
until you found out
384
00:18:47,458 --> 00:18:49,961
or the show got cancelled.
385
00:18:49,961 --> 00:18:53,198
but that's a lot of money.
386
00:18:54,415 --> 00:18:56,951
yes, i suppose it is.
387
00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,971
what are you doing?
388
00:18:59,971 --> 00:19:01,172
company equipment.
389
00:19:01,172 --> 00:19:04,209
not needed around here
much more, is it?
390
00:19:04,209 --> 00:19:06,094
the show's been cancelled.
391
00:19:06,094 --> 00:19:09,214
now that you know,
it's not much fun anymore.
392
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,199
then it's really over?
393
00:19:11,199 --> 00:19:14,285
sorry, not my department.
394
00:19:14,285 --> 00:19:16,788
but the money... the women.
395
00:19:16,788 --> 00:19:20,325
you wanted your life back
just the way it was.
396
00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,644
well, that's what you've got.
397
00:19:22,644 --> 00:19:24,495
and i hope you're satisfied.
398
00:19:26,464 --> 00:19:27,715
sorry about your job.
399
00:19:27,715 --> 00:19:30,218
that's the way it goes.
400
00:19:30,218 --> 00:19:31,386
thanks, though.
401
00:19:31,386 --> 00:19:33,171
that makes two of us.
402
00:19:33,171 --> 00:19:36,174
i was just
getting used to it.
403
00:19:36,174 --> 00:19:38,726
not much can be done now,
i suppose.
404
00:19:38,726 --> 00:19:40,511
no, i suppose not.
405
00:19:44,032 --> 00:19:45,266
here.
406
00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:48,403
come here.
407
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,125
archie:
look...
408
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:55,226
i was thinking.
409
00:19:55,226 --> 00:19:57,312
if you were the guy in charge
410
00:19:57,312 --> 00:19:59,581
and i were you,
what would you do?
411
00:19:59,581 --> 00:20:02,216
maybe you'd tell me
i was off the air
412
00:20:02,216 --> 00:20:03,351
so i'd think i was,
413
00:20:03,351 --> 00:20:07,055
but i'm really on television
without knowing it.
414
00:20:07,055 --> 00:20:11,359
this way, i'd go back
to acting normal--
415
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,162
which is what everyone wants
in the first place.
416
00:20:20,251 --> 00:20:22,136
well, then, john.
417
00:20:22,136 --> 00:20:23,388
good luck.
418
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,890
break a leg, as they say.
419
00:20:36,217 --> 00:20:39,220
my, but isn't it
a wonderful day.
420
00:20:40,888 --> 00:20:45,843
(humming "me and my shadow")
421
00:20:55,153 --> 00:20:56,404
the next time you think
422
00:20:56,404 --> 00:20:58,272
people are talking about you
behind your back,
423
00:20:58,272 --> 00:21:02,343
or a happy coincidence seems
a little too good to be true,
424
00:21:02,343 --> 00:21:05,079
check behind
the bathroom mirror
425
00:21:05,079 --> 00:21:08,666
or see if there are any
channels missing from your tv.
426
00:21:08,666 --> 00:21:09,851
it just might be
427
00:21:09,851 --> 00:21:12,403
that john selig's ratings
have dropped
428
00:21:12,403 --> 00:21:14,072
and you've become a star
429
00:21:14,072 --> 00:21:20,595
in the phosphor-dot world
of the twilight zone.
430
00:21:21,595 --> 00:21:31,595
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