All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S03E05 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

AND THEN THE RABBIT SAYS,
"HOW ABOUT THAT SCHNITZEL?"

WELL?
WELL WHAT?
THERE'S NO PUNCH LINE.

THAT IS THE PUNCH LINE.
"HOW ABOUT THAT SCHNITZEL,"
THAT'S THE PUNCH LINE?

NOT WHEN YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT.
HOW SHOULD I SAY IT?

LIKE A PUNCH LINE.
"HOW ABOUT THAT SCHNITZEL?!"

OH, FORGET IT.
WHAT?

YOU RUINED MY JOKE.

NO, THE PUNCH LINE
RUINED YOUR JOKE.

HA!
WHAT?

YOU ADMIT
IT'S A PUNCH LINE.

OH, MY GOD.
HA!

I AM VINDICATED.
"HOW ABOUT THAT SCHNITZEL"

HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN
DECLARED A PUNCH LINE.

A REALLY BAD PUNCH LINE.
NO ONE ASKED FOR
THE NORTON CRITICAL EDITION.

ALL THE SCHNITZEL AND I WANTED
WAS RECOGNITION, NOW WE HAVE IT.

MAN, IT'S PACKED IN HERE.

I GUESS WE COUNTER IT.
I GUESS WE DO.

[ SIGHS ] WHAT?

WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOUR FACE
REALLY CAN FREEZE THAT WAY.

ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, I'M FINE. I'M GREAT.

IT'S BIG, FAT, HAPPY
SUNSHINE DAY FOR ME.

BUSINESS LOOKS GOOD.
YEAH, THE PLACE IS PACKED.

SURE, IT'S BEEN TAKEN OVER
BY THE J. CREW CATALOG.

LOOK, BABIES!
I NEVER WANNA HEAR THAT
COME OUTTA YOUR MOUTH AGAIN.

BOB, THE YELLOW BALL.
YELLOW BALL, YELLOW BALL,
YELLOW BALL.

AH, YELLOW DUCK.
BALL.

YELLOW BALL, YELLOW BALL,
YELLOW BALL.

EVERY WEEKEND, THE SAME
STUPID GROUP COMES IN HERE,

TAKE UP ALL MY TABLES AND CHAIRS
THEY CAN GET THEIR HANDS ON.

AND THEY DO THAT.
THEY SIT, THEY STAND.

ONE PERSON HOLDS A KID,
ANOTHER PERSON HOLDS A KID.

I'VE GOT CHOO-CHOO JOE.
THIS GUY RUNS IN AND OUT
AND BACK AND FORTH.

HE NEVER TAKES
HIS HEAD OUT OF THAT BAG.

THE WOMEN CAN'T FIGURE OUT
WHICH KID IS WHICH, AND THEY
DO IT ALL MORNING,

THEN ORDER TWO ICED TEAS
TO GO, AND THAT IS IT.

I'M SURE
YOU'RE EXAGGERATING.
I AM NOT EXAGGERATING.

OH, GOD.
OH, NOW, THIS IS GOOD.

YOU SEE, CHOO-CHOO JOE
WILL NOT BE WORKING.

GET THE BONGO BEAR.
GET THE BONGO BEAR.

HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
JOE HAS NOT BEEN WORKING
FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS.

I DON'T THINK HE'S BROKEN.
I THINK HE KILLED HIMSELF
TO GET AWAY FROM THAT FAMILY.

THAT KID'S
A MAJOR DROOLER.
YEAH, IT'S LIKE A FOUNTAIN.

OKAY, THAT'S IT.
THEY HAVE TO GO.

IT'S JUST SPIT. PRETEND
YOU'RE AT A BASEBALL GAME.

NO, NO, NO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

LET THEM GO NOT SPEND MONEY
AT AL'S. I'M THROUGH.

IS THAT WOMAN DOING
WHAT I THINK SHE'S DOING?

OH, WELL,
I CAN'T BE 100% SURE, BUT...

YEAH, THAT'S LUNCH.
WHY? THIS IS A PUBLIC PLACE.

PEOPLE ARE EATING HERE.
THEY SURE ARE.

THIS CANNOT BE SANITARY.
YOU DON'T KNOW
WHERE THAT THING'S BEEN.

WHEN DID THAT BECOME ACCEPTABLE?
IN THE OLD DAYS,

A WOMAN WOULD NEVER CONSIDER
DOING THAT IN PUBLIC.

THEY'D GO FIND A BARN
OR A CAVE OR SOMETHING.

IT'S INDECENT. THIS IS
A DINER, NOT A PEEP SHOW.

CONSIDER MAKING IT A COMBO.
YOU COULD CHARGE MORE
FOR YOUR CHEESEBURGERS.

NO ONE WOULD EVER FEEL THE SAME
ORDERING A GLASS OF MILK AGAIN.

I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.
I JUST CAN'T STAND HERE
AND LET THE LACTATING CONTINUE.

LUKE.
GROSS!

I'M NOT THE ONE EXPOSING MYSELF
FOR THE ENTIRE WORLD TO SEE.

THAT'S IT.

YOU GO MAKE HER STOP.
I'M NOT GOING OVER THERE.

WHY NOT? YOU'RE A WOMAN.
SO WHAT?

SO YOU HAVE THE SAME PARTS.
WHAT?

YOU SHOULDN'T BE SCARED OF IT.
SCARED OF IT?

YOU'RE GONNA BE A BACHELOR
FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

I AM BEING TAKEN
ADVANTAGE OF HERE,

AND I DO NOT LIKE BEING
TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. I HATE THIS.

OH, JEEZ!

OKAY, WELL...

THAT WAS KIND OF FUN.

* IF YOU'RE OUT
ON THE ROAD *

* FEELIN' LONELY
AND SO COLD *

* ALL YOU HAVE TO DO
IS CALL MY NAME *

* AND I'LL BE THERE
ON THE NEXT TRAIN *

* WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW *

* ANYWHERE THAT YOU TELL ME TO *

* IF YOU NEED *
* IF YOU NEED *

* YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU *

* I WILL FOLLOW *

* OH, OH, OH *

* WHERE YOU LEAD,
I WILL FOLLOW *

* ANYWHERE
THAT YOU TELL ME TO *

* IF YOU NEED *
* IF YOU NEED *

* YOU NEED ME TO BE WITH YOU *

* I WILL FOLLOW WHERE YOU LEAD *

OH, IS IT YOUR NAP TIME?

THE TYLERS IN 12 ASKED TO HAVE
THEIR TOXIC PILLOWS REMOVED.

OUR PILLOWS AREN'T TOXIC.

ACCORDING TO THE TRAVEL MAGAZINE
THAT WE PUT IN THEIR ROOM,

DOWN PILLOWS CAN CARRY
AIRBORNE DISEASES AND MOLD.

UNBELIEVABLE.
I DIDN'T THINK ANYBODY
EVER READ THOSE MAGAZINES.

SHE HAD TO. THERE WAS A PICTURE
OF A ROAST CHICKEN ON THE COVER.

MICHEL.
SHE IS LARGE.

MICHEL!
AND HER HUSBAND IS UGLY.

HEY!
THEY THREW PILLOWS AT ME!

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]
INDEPENDENCE INN.

YOU SHOULD IDENTIFY YOURSELF
WHEN YOU ANSWER THE PHONE.

SORRY. INDEPENDENCE INN,
MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT SPEAKING.

BETTER?
YES, THANK YOU.

I WANNA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT SOMETHING.

SHOOT.
I'M IN CHARGE OF
THE SOCIETY MATRONS LEAGUE'S

ANNUAL ANTIQUE AUCTION
NEXT TUESDAY, I THOUGHT
YOU'D LIKE TO COME.

SOCIETY MATRONS LEAGUE --
THAT'S QUITE A NAME.

WHAT IS WRONG
WITH THAT NAME?

NOTHING.
IT JUST SOUNDS SO SERIOUS.

BRINGS TO MIND A ROOMFUL OF OLD
LADIES WEARING BLACK DRESSES

AND CAMEOS, PUSHING SPOONFULS
OF COD LIVER OIL ON THE KIDS.

THAT'S A VERY FLATTERING
PORTRAIT OF MY FRIENDS.

I MEANT THE OTHER OLD LADIES IN
THE LEAGUE, THE ONES WHO DON'T
LIKE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS

'CAUSE YOU GUYS ARE SO YOUNG.
KINDLY WRAP THIS UP SOON.

CONSIDER IT WRAPPED.
THANK YOU.

ALL THE PROCEEDS FROM
THE AUCTION GO TO
THE CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL

AND WE'RE GOING TO BE OFFERING
SOME LOVELY PIECES

WHICH I THINK WOULD LOOK
NICE IN YOUR INN.

WHAT SORT OF PIECES?
BASICALLY A LOT OF CANES

AND SHAWLS, A COUPLE
OF WALKERS.

I BELIEVE WE FINALLY TALKED
OLD LADY ROLLINS INTO
GIVING UP HER TEETH.

WHAT SORT OF PIECES, MOM?
WE HAVE A COUPLE OF WONDERFUL
WRITING DESKS

AND SOME FRENCH END TABLES,
ROCKING CHAIRS, PICTURE FRAMES,

LAMPS, DAVENPORTS.
WELL.

YOU PROBABLY WON'T FIND ANYTHING
YOU LIKE AND YOU'VE WASTED
A COUPLE OF HOURS.

AND WHO KNOWS, YOU MIGHT FIND
SOMETHING YOU LOVE.

I'LL BE WAY TOO BUSY TO SIT
WITH YOU, IF THAT IS OF CONCERN.
THAT IS NOT A CONCERN.

DEFINE "WAY TOO BUSY."
ARE YOU INTERESTED OR NOT?

WHEN IS THIS AUCTION?
TUESDAY AT 1:00.

I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
I'LL SEE YOU TUESDAY.

BYE.

I'M SORRY. DID I HEAR
YOU MENTION SOMETHING
ABOUT AN AUCTION?

MY MOTHER'S WOMEN'S GROUP IS
HAVING ONE NEXT WEEK.

OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
I LOVE A GOOD AUCTION --

THE DRAMA, THE STRATEGY.

STRATEGY?
OH, YES.

FIRST, YOU MUSTN'T
BE TOO EAGER,

BECAUSE THAT DRIVES
THE PRICE WAY UP.

DON'T BE TOO EAGER --
GOT IT.

YOU MUST ALWAYS BE EXTREMELY
CAREFUL OF YOUR PADDLE MOVEMENT.

WELL, THAT CERTAINLY CALLS
FOR A "DIRTY."

HOW'S YOUR ARM RAISE, GOOD?
PRETTY GOOD.

I HAVE AN EXCELLENT
ARM RAISE.

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS
ON THE BATHROOM WALL.

YES, WELL,
IF YOU NEED SOME TIPS...

I'LL GIVE YOU A CALL.
GOOD.

TAKE ME TO THE AUCTION!
MICHEL.

TAKE ME! I INSIST YOU TAKE ME.
YOU DON'T KNOW IF
IT'S GONNA BE GOOD.

IT'S A BUNCH
OF SOCIETY WOMEN.

IF YOUR MOTHER'S INVOLVED,
IT WILL BE IMPECCABLE.

I HAVEN'T BEEN TO ONE
IN OVER A YEAR.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I DON'T WANT ANYTHING.
STOP PLAYING COY WITH ME.
I WANT INTO THAT AUCTION.

YOU NAME YOUR PRICE.
OKAY. YOU HAVE TO WORK
ALL WEEKENDS THIS MONTH.

DONE.
AND YOU HAVE TO
ANSWER THE PHONE.

DONE.
AND YOU HAVE TO
ANSWER IT IN ENGLISH

UNLESS THE PERSON
IS ACTUALLY FOREIGN.

DONE.
AND YOU HAVE TO OVERSEE
THE NATURE HIKERS NEXT WEEK.

NO.
MICHEL, IF YOU WANT
TO GO TO THIS AUCTION,

YOU HAVE TO BE IN THE LOBBY
AT 6:00 FRIDAY MORNING.

YOU HAVE TO HAND OUT TOWELS
AND WATER BOTTLES.

YOU HAVE TO SHOW THEM THE HIKING
TRAILS, AND LET THEM GIVE
YOU A NATURE NAME.

FINE. I WILL LET THEM
GIVE ME A NATURE NAME.

ALRIGHT, THEN,
YOU CAN COME.
THANK YOU.

BUTTERCUP.
YOU CANNOT GIVE THEM
SUGGESTIONS!

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT INTO
A FIGHT WITH PETE.

YOU DO NOT SUDDENLY DECIDE THAT
GARLIC IS AN EXTRA TOPPING --

NOT AFTER FIVE YEARS, NOT
AFTER ALL WE'VE BEEN THROUGH.

WE SINGLE-HANDEDLY HELPED PETE
PAY FOR THAT NEW DELIVERY TRUCK,

I THOUGHT HE NEEDED
TO BE REMINDED OF THAT.

VERY LOUDLY.
NOT THAT LOUDLY.

DOGS STARTED BARKING.
BECAUSE THEY HEARD ABOUT
THE GARLIC INCIDENT.

NO ONE LIKES GETTING SCREWED.
PETE'S A SWINDLER.

HE TAKES ADVANTAGE OF
SINGLE MOTHERS

AND THEIR INNOCENT CHILDREN,
AND FOR THAT, HE MUST PAY.

HE GAVE US
FREE CHEESY BREAD.

HE DID?

OH.
YEAH.

I LOVE THE CHEESY BREAD.
I KNOW YOU DO.

IT'S ALL HOT, TOO.
NOW, DOESN'T SOMEONE FEEL
A LITTLE SILLY?

ME?
SHOULD WE CALL PETE TONIGHT?

OKAY --
AFTER CHEESY BREAD.

FINE, AFTER
THE CHEESY BREAD.

I'M GONNA GO GET THE MAIL.
GO INSIDE.

I'M GONNA GO MELT
SOME MORE CHEESE ON THE PIZZA.
MELT AWAY.

HEY!
HELLO THERE, NEIGHBOR!

HI. I'M SORRY,
ARE WE NEIGHBORS?

YES. YES, WE ARE.
I JUST MOVED IN ACROSS THE WAY.

OH! OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
BEENIE MORRISON'S OLD PLACE.

THAT'S RIGHT.
BEENIE MORRISON'S OLD PLACE.

I LIVE IN BEENIE MORRISON'S
OLD PLACE. ISN'T THAT GREAT?!

ONLY IF BEENIE MORRISON DIDN'T
WANT TO LIVE THERE ANYMORE.

OH, NO. I PAID HIM A VERY GOOD
PRICE -- OVERPAID, ACTUALLY.
BUT IT WAS WORTH IT.

I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT A PLACE
LIKE BEENIE MORRISON'S.

FOR A LONG TIME,
AND THEN I FOUND IT.

I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST REALLY EXCITED.
THAT'S OKAY. IT'S NICE.

IT'S A GREAT NEIGHBORHOOD.
YES, IT IS.

EVERYONE'S SO FRIENDLY.
BABETTE -- DO YOU KNOW BABETTE?

EVERYBODY KNOWS BABETTE.
OH, SHE'S A GREAT LADY.

OH, UH, ANYHOW, I'M DWIGHT.
I'M LORELAI, AND IF YOU SEE
A TEEN WALKING AROUND

WITH A HALO AND A BOOK,
THAT'S MY DAUGHTER, RORY.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU, LORELAI.
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO, DWIGHT.
WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN DO
TO HELP OUT, LET ME KNOW.

REALLY?
SURE.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT.

ACTUALLY, I HAVE THIS LITTLE
FAVOR I'D LOVE TO ASK.

OH. RIGHT NOW?

WELL, THIS WEEK.

I JUST GOT THIS
BEAUTIFUL LAWN PUT IN --

REALLY AMAZING SHADE OF GREEN,
THE GUY WHO PUT IT IN FOR ME,

HE TOLD ME THAT I HAVE TO KEEP
EACH BLADE OF GRASS

VERY MOIST FOR THE FIRST FEW
DAYS WHILE THE ROOTS TAKE,

BUT I HAVE TO GO ON A BUSINESS
TRIP FOR A FEW DAYS --

LAST MINUTE,
I TRIED TO GET OUT OF IT,

BUT MY BOSS SAID,
"DWIGHT, GET OFF YOUR KEISTER

AND GO MAKE US SOME MONEY,"
SO I GOTTA GO.

WHEN "KEISTER'S" BEING THROWN
AROUND, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

EXACTLY. SO I WAS WONDERING IF
MAYBE YOU COULD WATER MY LAWN.

OH.
ONLY FOR A FEW DAYS -- YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE IN THE MORNING,

A LITTLE IN THE LATE AFTERNOON
OR EVENING.

DEPENDING ON YOUR SCHEDULE.
IT WOULD BE A REALLY BIG FAVOR.

UH, WELL, I...GUESS I-I COULD
WATER YOUR LAWN, DWIGHT.

SURE.
BOY. THAT IS SOMETHING.

IF I WOULD'VE ASKED SOMEBODY
BACK WHERE I USED TO LIVE
TO WATER MY LAWN

I WOULD'VE GOTTEN A MUCH MORE
"HBO" KIND OF ANSWER.

I LOVE IT HERE!
SO, CAN YOU COME ON OVER NOW?

EXCUSE ME?
SO I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE
THE ON-OFF NOZZLE IS.

IT'LL ONLY TAKE A SECOND.
MY DAUGHTER'S WAITING
INSIDE FOR ME.

WELL, WE CAN DO IT TOMORROW
BEFORE I LEAVE.

GREAT.
WHAT TIME ARE YOU LEAVING?

6:00 A.M.
NOW SOUNDS FINE.

THAT'S SO TERRIFIC.
UH, FOLLOW ME.

OKAY.

WE'RE JUST GONNA GO OVER HERE...
OH, YEAH, I KNOW WHERE IT IS.

WELCOME TO THE OASIS!

THAT'S WHAT I NAMED THIS
PLACE -- THE OASIS. MY OASIS.

A LITTLE SLICE OF HEAVEN
RIGHT HERE ON EARTH.

GOSH, I SWEAR I STILL CAN'T
BELIEVE I'M HERE.

I WAS IN A TERRIBLE MARRIAGE,
YOU KNOW.
ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T.

HORRIBLE -- LIKE A PUNISHMENT
OUT OF GREEK MYTHOLOGY.

THE WOMAN HAD FIVE HEADS --
SUFFERING, AGONY.

I USED TO BE TALLER.
REALLY? SHE SHRUNK YOU?

I USED TO HAVE MORE HAIR, TOO,
AND HIGHER ARCHES.
WELL.

BUT THROUGH ALL THE SCREAMING
AND THE NAME-CALLING,

THE BERATING AND THE
HUMILIATION, SOMEWHERE
IN THE BACK OF MY MIND,

I KNEW SOMEDAY I WOULD
HAVE IT -- MY OASIS.

[ CHUCKLES ]
THAT'S WHAT GOT ME THROUGH.

THAT'S WHAT KEPT ME FROM
STICKING MY HEAD THROUGH
A PLATE-GLASS WINDOW

EVERY NIGHT WHEN I GOT HOME.
WELL, THAT'S A REALLY...NICE...
STORY, DWIGHT.

IT'S VERY INSPIRING
AND --

OH, HEY! THIS LOOKS LIKE
IT DOES SOMETHING.

HUH? OH, YEAH. THIS IS
THE ON-OFF SPIGOT.

AH-HA!
YOU JUST TURN IT
TO THE RIGHT FOR "ON"...

OH.

AND THE LEFT FOR "OFF."

SEEMS SIMPLE.
IT'S VERY SIMPLE.

OKAY, SO TWICE A DAY.
YEAH, FOR A GOOD
15-MINUTE SOAKING.

I WILL SOAK MY BEST.
I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

OKAY,
YOU HAVE A GOOD TRIP.

I OWE YA.
HEH HEH.

[ INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
GET IN THE HOUSE!

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
GETTING THE MAIL.
DON'T LOOK AROUND.

STARE STRAIGHT AHEAD. NO MORE
TALKING TO PEOPLE EVER.
MOM!

NEXT UP, WE HAVE
AN OCCASIONAL TABLE

FROM A DISTINGUISHED
FAMILY-OWNED COMPANY IN VERMONT,

CIRCA 1912.

WE SHALL START
THE BIDDING AT $250.

DO I HEAR $250?
250, THANK YOU.

WOW. LOTS OF GARBAGE
AT THESE THINGS.

ALWAYS --
YOU'VE GOT TO BE PATIENT

AND WAIT FOR WHAT YOU WANT
TO APPEAR, THEN POUNCE.

HMM. TRUE AT AN AUCTION,
TRUE AT A SINGLES BAR.

TO PUT IT CRUDELY, YES.
CRAP, CRAP...

CRAP THAT MAKES THE PREVIOUS TWO
ITEMS NOT SEEM LIKE CRAP.

COULD YOU KEEP YOUR CRAP
COMMENTARIES TO YOURSELF?

$400. WE HAVE 400.

400 GOING ONCE...
GOING TWICE...
SOLD TO BIDDER NUMBER...

WOW, THAT WAS A GREAT TABLE.
IT'S A GOOD TABLE,
NOT A GREAT TABLE.

WE SHOULD'VE GONE FOR IT.
TOO EXPENSIVE
AND MANY SCRATCHES.

WE COULD'VE BUFFED
THE SCRATCHES OUT.
IF YOU WANT IT THAT BAD,

IT'S OBVIOUS THAT THE BUYER'S
CHILDREN WILL SELL IT AT HIS
PROBATE IN THE VERY NEAR FUTURE.

YOU'RE AWFUL.
AND HE'S OLD. NOW BE QUIET.

LORELAI.

OH, HEY, MOM.
YOU REMEMBER MICHEL.

YES, FROM THE INN.
HELLO, MRS. GILMORE.

DIDN'T YOU SEE ME
WAVING AT YOU BEFORE?

YEAH.
YOU DIDN'T WAVE BACK.

IT'S DANGEROUS TO WAVE
AT AN AUCTION.

WHEN YOU WAVED, YOU BOUGHT
A MOTORCYCLE AND A SIDECAR.

I DID NOT.
CIRCA 1912.

WOULD YOU DRIVE IT OR WOULD
YOU SIT IN THE SIDECAR?

THERE SHE IS --
THE COBRA.

OH, NOW, NATALIE.
THE WHAT?

THIS WOMAN GETS HER WAY
OR SHE SQUEEZES TILL YOU COMPLY.

LIKE A SUPERHERO.
IGNORE HER.
NATALIE IS JUST BEING NATALIE.

MY DAUGHTER, LORELAI.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

YOUR MOTHER'S GOT SUCH SPUNK.
YOU MUST LOVE HER.

I THINK SHE'D SQUEEZE ME
TO DEATH IF I DIDN'T.

NATALIE, YOU'RE
EMBARRASSING ME.
OH, HUSH, EMILY. LISTEN TO THIS.

OUR AUCTIONEER CALLS IN SICK
THIS MORNING --

THEY ARE SUCH FLAKES --

AND WHAT IS AN AUCTION
WITHOUT AN AUCTIONEER?

JUST A BUNCH OF NUTS WITH
PADDLES SURROUNDED BY
MISMATCHED FURNITURE.

EXACTLY. BUT YOUR MOTHER GOT ON
THE HORN WITH THAT LAZY CHARLIE,

AND SHE SQUEEZED
AND SQUEEZED

TILL -- VOILA --
HE SUDDENLY FELT BETTER.

THE COBRA.
THE COBRA.

OH, NOW, STOP IT.

YOU'RE HUMBLE. DON'T BE.
NICE TO MEET YOU.

SAME HERE.
EDNA'S GROUP WANTS TO GIVE
YOU KUDOS, TOO, EMILY.

MAKE SURE TO SWING BY.
I WILL.

I SHOULD MAKE THE ROUNDS.
SAY GOODBYE BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

HMM, I WILL, COBRA.
STOP IT!

GOES WITH THE MOTORCYCLE
THING, TOO.

Auctioneer: 250, THANK YOU.
DO I HAVE 300? 300?

OH, IS THIS OUR END TABLE?
SHH!

350. DO WE HAVE 400?

LET ME DO THE PADDLE.
NO.

I JUST WANNA HOLD IT.
IT'S STILL YOUR THING.

I'M LOSING
MY CONCENTRATION.

FINE. I'M GONNA GO
GET A DRINK.

OH, PLEASE.

DO WE HAVE $500?

CAN I GET
A MERLOT, PLEASE?
YES, SIR.

THAT SOUNDS GREAT. MAKE IT TWO.
GOT JUST ENOUGH FOR ONE, THIS IS
THE LAST OF THE RED. SORRY.

OHH. I'LL GIVE YOU
TWO BUCKS FOR IT.

THEY'RE FREE.
WHICH MAKES TWO BUCKS
A GREAT OFFER,

AND THIS IS
AN AUCTION, RIGHT?

YES.
I'LL GIVE YOU $3 FOR IT.

$4.
$5.

$6.
$6.50.

OOH, LOSING STEAM.
I'M JUST WEIGHING COST
VERSUS BENEFIT.

YOU GOT TO THINK
ABOUT THESE THINGS.

HOW ABOUT THIS --
CAN I GET AN EMPTY GLASS?

YES, SIR.

AWWW.

YOU'RE THE SOLOMON
OF WINE.

EVERYBODY'S
GOT TO BE SOMETHING.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I GOT A FEW THINGS COMING UP
THAT I'M BIDDING ON.

GREAT -- BARTENDER AND I ARE
THE ONLY ONES IN THE BUILDING

WHO DON'T GET TO HOLD A PADDLE.
WHY DON'T YOU BID
ON ONE OF THEM?

WHAT WOULD I USE TO BID ON IT?
I'M SOLOMON, NOT EINSTEIN.

BYE, SOLOMON.

OOPS. I HAD A SPARE BOTTLE
ALL THE TIME.

OH, THANKS.
THIS WAS BETTER.

HI, YES, I WAS AT YOUR AUCTION
YESTERDAY. I WAS WONDERING
IF YOU COULD HELP ME.

UM, I MET A MAN THERE, AND I-I
WOULD LIKE TO CONTACT HIM,
I DIDN'T GET HIS NAME,

AND I WONDERED IF YOU COULD
LOOK IT UP FOR ME.
HE WAS PADDLE NUMBER 17 --

OH, RIGHT.
C-CONFIDENTIAL. GOT IT.

YOU KNOW, ACTUALLY,
I MISSPOKE EARLIER,

BECAUSE THIS ISN'T A COMPLETE
STRANGER I'M TRYING TO CONTACT.

HE'S AN OLD FRIEND
FROM SCHOOL.

GOOD QUESTION.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW HIS NAME

BECAUSE I ONLY KNEW HIM
BY HIS NICKNAME.

UH...SHAMU.
WE CALLED HIM SHAMU.

HE WAS KIND OF A BIG GUY
IN HIGH SCHOOL,

BUT HE'S SLIMMED DOWN
QUITE A BIT.

NO, SEE, I DON'T HAVE TIME

TO CONTACT THE HIGH SCHOOL
ALUMNI COMMITTEE,

BECAUSE TIME
IS OF THE ESSENCE.

SHAMU AND I WENT TO A LIQUOR
STORE AFTER THE AUCTION,

AND WE BOUGHT A LOTTERY TICKET
TOGETHER, AND WE TORE IT,

AND I TOOK HALF,
AND HE TOOK HALF,

AND I'LL BE DAMNED
IF THE THING DIDN'T WIN!

$14 MILLION!
REALLY.

BUT, SEE, WE HAVE TO CLAIM IT
BY 4:00 P.M. TODAY
OR WE FORFEIT --

AH, YES. OH --

WELL, BUT THERE'S ONE MORE THING
THAT I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

SEE, UM...

MY BLOOD TYPE IS O-NEGATIVE
AND HE'S O-NEGATIVE,

AND I HAVE A MEDICAL
CONDITION THAT --

ALRIGHT, THEN.
WELL, THANK YOU, ANYWAY.

BYE.

SO...

YES?
YOU RAN INTO
YOUR OLD FRIEND SHAMU?

AND YOU WON MILLIONS OF DOLLARS?
AND YOU NEED A TRANSFUSION?
I'M TRYING TO GET THE NAME

OF A GUY I MET, BUT THEY
WON'T GIVE IT TO ME.

WOW. THAT'S EFFORT.
HE MUST HAVE BEEN CUTE.

AND WITTY. YOU DON'T
MEET THAT EVERY DAY.

YOU KNOW WHO WOULD
HAVE HIS NAME? GRANDMA.

SHE ONLY KNOWS THE BIDDIES,
NOT THE YOUNG ONES.

SHE KNOWS EVERYONE
AT THESE KINDS OF THINGS.

I CANNOT ASK HER FOR THIS.
THEN KISS SHAMU GOODBYE.

BUT MAYBE
YOU COULD ASK HER.

WHAT?
COME ON, ASK HER.
DO ME A FAVOR.

YOU WANT ME TO ASK THE NAME OF A
MAN I DIDN'T MEET AT A FUNCTION?

I'LL SHARE MY LOTTERY
WINNINGS WITH YOU.
IT'S RIDICULOUSLY TRANSPARENT.

$14 MILLION.
YOU'RE SHARING HALF WITH HIM,
TAXES WILL TAKE A HUGE CHUNK,

AND -- YOU DIDN'T
WIN THE LOTTERY.

ASK HER YOURSELF.
YOU'RE MEAN!

DID YOU CALL INFORMATION
AND ASK FOR PADDLE 17's LISTING?

WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF THE PORK? RORY?

IT'S GOOD.

I'M NOT SURE.
RICHARD?

IT'S FINE.
I'M NOT SURE.

IT'S REALLY GOOD, MOM.
YES, WELL, I'M NOT SURE.

PORK IS BRED LEANER THESE DAYS.
IT HAS A DIFFERENT TASTE.

LESS FAT EQUALS LESS FLAVOR.

YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF THE GREAT
ADVANCES MAN HAS MADE --

FLAVORLESS PORK.

HURRAH
FOR THE OPPOSABLE THUMBS.

ENOUGH TALK ABOUT PORK. PLEASE,
SOMEONE CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

MOM HAD A REALLY GOOD TIME
AT THE AUCTION THE OTHER DAY.

DID YOU?
YES. YES, I DID.

I'M GLAD.
DID YOU SEE ANYTHING YOU LIKED?

YEAH, MOM.
ANYTHING LOOK GOOD TO YOU THERE?

YES, ACTUALLY, I BOUGHT A COUPLE
OF END TABLES FOR THE INN.

I WAS VERY IMPRESSED
WITH THE SELECTION THIS YEAR.

I EVEN WOUND UP PURCHASING
A COUPLE OF PIECES FOR MYSELF.

YES. HOW NICE TO HAVE YET
ANOTHER CHAIR YOU CAN'T SIT IN.

IT'S 100-YEARS-OLD.

WE CAN PUT IT
NEXT TO THE

200-YEAR-OLD FOOTSTOOL
YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR FOOT ON.

RICHARD, PLEASE.
I'M ONLY TEASING.

IT'S A GREAT PLEASURE TO BE ABLE

TO SURROUND YOU WITH A HOUSE
FULL OF USELESS OBJECTS.

NO, I-I'M NEVER HAPPIER
THAN WHEN WE'RE STANDING IN THE
CORNER STARING AT OUR FURNITURE.

EAT YOUR PORK, PLEASE.
I BELIEVE THERE WAS SOMETHING
AT THE AUCTION

THAT MOM WANTED,
BUT SHE DIDN'T GET.
OH, REALLY? WHAT WAS THAT?

GUESS IT WAS A STEAMER TRUNK
FOR RORY TO TAKE WITH HER TO
MILITARY SCHOOL, RIGHT?

I DON'T REMEMBER IT, BUT I CAN
CHECK ON IT FOR YOU IF YOU LIKE.
THAT'S NOT NECESSARY, MOM.

SO, MOM, IT WAS A VERY NICE
BUNCH OF PEOPLE YOU
HAD AT THAT AUCTION.

YES, VERY NICE.

I WAS SURPRISED AT HOW MANY
YOUNG PEOPLE WERE THERE.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
YOUNGER PEOPLE.

UM, IN FACT, LIKE,
FOR INSTANCE,

THIS GUY THAT I TALKED TO FOR
QUITE A WHILE. HE WAS...YOUNGER.

WHAT MAN WAS THAT?
I DIDN'T GET HIS NAME,
BUT HE WAS A NICE-LOOKING GUY.

HE HAD A GRAY SUIT,
AND HE WAS PADDLE NUMBER 17.
HE LIKES MERLOT.

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT
PEYTON SANDERS?

I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE.

WAIT ONE SECOND.
I'LL LOOK IT UP.

OH, NO, MOM.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO --

SHE'S LOOKING IT UP.

PADDLE NUMBER 17 --
PEYTON SANDERS.

OH, GREAT.
OH, PEYTON SANDERS.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT
THAT IT'S PEYTON SANDERS

BECAUSE THAT'S...UH...GREAT.
HOW WELL DO YOU KNOW
THIS PEYTON SANDERS?

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW
HOW WELL I KNOW PEYTON SANDERS?
WHAT?

I DON'T WANT TO KNOW.
I WAS JUST MENTIONING THAT
HE WAS, YOU KNOW, SEEMED --

YOUNG.
YES, YOUNG.

OKAY, MOM, UH, PEYTON AND I
KIND OF HIT IT OFF,

AND I WONDERED IF...
YOU POSSIBLY HAD HIS NUMBER.

OKAY, THERE, I SAID IT.
PASS THE FLAVORLESS PORK.

YOU'RE ASKING ME
FOR HIS NUMBER.
IF IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL, YES.

WELL, WELL, WELL.
RICHARD, LORELAI'S ASKING ME
FOR A MAN'S NUMBER.

SO I HEARD.
IF IT'S A BIG DEAL,
FORGET IT.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL AT ALL.
I DON'T HAVE HIS NUMBER.
OKAY. NEVER MIND.

I CAN GET HIS NUMBER.
YOU WANT ME TO?
IT'S UP TO YOU.

I DIDN'T ASK FOR HIS NUMBER.
YOU ASKED FOR HIS NUMBER.

THEREFORE,
IT HAS TO BE UP TO YOU.

OKAY, MOM.
DO YOU WANT HIS NUMBER?

IF YOU DON'T MIND.
I DON'T MIND AT ALL.

THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

I WASN'T KIDDING ABOUT
THAT MILITARY SCHOOL.

IF WE HURRY, WE STILL
HAVE TIME TO HIT LUKE'S
FOR BREAKFAST.

WHAT DID I FORGET?
PANTS.

DON'T DO THAT.
LET'S GO.

I CAN'T.
YOU GOTTA HAVE BREAKFAST.

THE CLOCK IS WRONG.
I'LL MISS MY BUS.
I'LL DRIVE YOU TO SCHOOL.

YOU WILL?
YES. OH, SHOOT!
DWIGHT'S LAWN.

OH, THERE GOES
THE BREAKFAST SANDWICH.

NO. LET'S HURRY.
WE CAN STILL DO LUKE'S.

MOM!
LET'S GO!

MY SHOES.
YOU DON'T NEED SHOES.

IN MY DAY, WE WALKED
20 MILES IN THE SNOW
JUST TO GET TO OUR SHOES.

OKAY, COME ON.
SPRINKLE.

DRINK UP. WE GOT
A BREAKFAST TO GET TO.

MOM, I THINK
THIS IS FOR YOU.

"LORELAI" -- NO,
MUST BE SOMEONE ELSE.

HEY, DON'T READ THAT.
DO NOT READ THAT.

I'M TELLING YOU,
IT'S NO GOOD.

"DEAR LORELAI" --
AND SHE'S READING IT.

"JUST A FEW THINGS THAT
CAME TO MIND AFTER WE TALKED.
OH, GREAT.

"THANK YOU FOR
THE VERY KIND FAVOR.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT ANYBODY WOULD BE

SO KIND TO SOMEONE
THEY JUST MET."

APPARENTLY DWIGHT'S
LAST HOME WAS OZ, AND NOT
AS IN "THE WIZARD OF."

"SECOND, SINCE YOU
ARE ALREADY COMING OVER,

"I WAS HOPING YOU WOULDN'T
MIND STOPPING INSIDE

"AND WATERING
MY AFRICAN VIOLETS.

"I HAVE WRITTEN THE DIRECTIONS
ON A SEPARATE PIECE OF PAPER.

"THERE'S A KEY IN
THE PLANTER BY THE DOOR.

"PLEASE GO IN.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.

"I HAVE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE,
SATELLITE TV,

"AND A GREAT COLLECTION
OF BOARD GAMES.

MY OASIS IS YOUR OASIS."
I'M NOT GOING
IN THAT HOUSE.

RORY, DO NOT
PICK UP THAT KEY.

BUT WE HAVE TO WATER
THE VIOLETS.
NO, HE THREW THE VIOLETS IN

AFTER HE'D ALREADY ROOKED ME
INTO WATERING HIS LAWN.

DON'T YOU AT LEAST WANT TO SEE
WHAT HIS HOUSE LOOKS LIKE?
ABSOLUTELY NOT.

[ SIGHS ] KEY, PLEASE.

LET ME JUST SAY
IF WE WALK IN THERE

AND HIS DEAD MOTHER IS SITTING
IN A ROCKING CHAIR,
NOT A BIT SURPRISED.

OH, YEAH, DWIGHT.
THIS PLACE IS GREAT.

SOMEONE TOOK THE WHOLE
LOUNGE CRAZE VERY SERIOUSLY.

OH, MY!
OH, JEEZ.
HE WASN'T KIDDING.

I'VE NEVER SEEN
THIS MANY BOARD GAMES.

HE'S GOT MONOPOLY FROM
EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.

WHEN YOU FINALLY MEET HIM,
REMEMBER HE OWNS TWISTER.

THERE'S A GREAT VISUAL
AWAITING YOU.
GOT IT.

HEY, HOW COME WE DON'T
HAVE A TIKI BAR?

WELL, WE ARE NOT
TWO WILD AND CRAZY GUYS.

YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS.
AND GETTING LOST
IN THE RAIN.

I LOVE IT HERE.
IT'S QUITE A STATEMENT.

HEY, AFRICAN VIOLETS.
OH, YEAH, RIGHT.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]
OOH. JUST A SEC.

HELLO? HI, PEYTON.
THANKS FOR CALLING ME BACK.

WELL, I HOPE IT WAS
A GOOD SURPRISE.

IT WAS A GOOD SURPRISE.
YAY!

YOU JUST FLEW BACK
ON YOUR JET, HUH?

FROM MAUI?
SOUNDS GREAT.

YES, I WOULD LOVE
TO GET TOGETHER WITH YOU.

UM, I'M PRETTY FLEXIBLE
NEXT WEEK.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE
IN MIND?

DAVID BOWIE?
WHAT?

I LOVE DAVID BOWIE.
I WOULD LOVE TO GO.

WELL, YEAH,
IT IS A WAYS AWAY, BUT --

NO, I THINK THAT SOUNDS
JUST CRAZY ENOUGH.

WHAT SOUNDS CRAZY ENOUGH?

WELL, THAT SOUNDS GREAT, PEYTON.
IT'S A PLAN.

I'LL SEE YOU THEN.
OKAY, BYE.

WE'RE HAVING DINNER TOMORROW.
WHAT WERE YOU SAYING
ABOUT DAVID BOWIE?

HE ASKED ME TO
THE BOWIE CONCERT.

YOU'RE SO LUCKY.
I KNOW.

LATER, HE SAID A WEEK
WAS TOO LONG TO WAIT.

HE DID NOT.
SO WE'RE HAVING
DINNER TOMORROW.

AND BOWIE NEXT WEEK?
AND BOWIE NEXT WEEK.

TWO DATES IN ONE PHONE CALL.
TALK ABOUT NOT WASTING ANY TIME.

HE SOUNDS COOL, NOT JUST 'CAUSE
HE OWNS HIS OWN JET.

TO TELL HIM THAT THE WAY
TO GET TO YOU IS THROUGH ME,

WHO DESPERATELY WANTS
TO GO TO AMSTERDAM.
I WILL REMEMBER.

I THINK THIS PLACE
IS LUCKY.
YOU MAY BE RIGHT.

[ INDISTINCT SINGING ]

'COURSE, "CREEPY" IS THE OTHER
WORD THAT COMES TO MIND.

THE RED SKIRT
IS NOT WORKING.

TRY THE BLUE.
BLUE LET ME DOWN 10 MINUTES AGO.
IT'S CONSPIRING WITH THE RED.

WEAR THE DRESS
WE PICKED OUT THIS MORNING.

THE MORNING BUTT
AND EVENING BUTT ARE TWO
COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BUTTS.

WHATEVER BUTT YOU'VE GOT TONIGHT
HAD BETTER HURRY, BECAUSE HE'S
GONNA BE HERE ANY MINUTE.

OKAY, STRIPED SKIRT,
BURGUNDY SWEATER -- THAT'S IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
I'M WEARING THIS ANYWAY
BECAUSE I CANNOT SPEND

ANOTHER MOMENT DECIDING
WHAT TO WEAR, IT HAS TO BE
"YOU LOOK FANTASTIC."

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.

PINK AND BLACK.
WITH THE FLIPPY SKIRT.

GRAB A NECKLACE.

UM, OKAY,
HERE'S MY CONCERN.
VOICE IT.

WELL, I ONLY SAW THIS GUY ONCE
FOR, LIKE, 10 MINUTES,

AND THE LIGHTING
WAS ONLY SO-SO,

AND I HADN'T EATEN
ANYTHING.

WHAT IF I'M REMEMBERING HIM
A LOT CUTER THAN HE WAS?

I'M SURE YOU'RE NOT.
BUT WHAT IF I AM?
YOU KNOW HOW THESE THINGS ARE --

YOU GET BORED,
YOU NEED A DIVERSION,

SO YOU SUPERIMPOSE
A REALLY CUTE GUY'S FACE

OVER A REALLY
SCARY-LOOKING GUY.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO STRIKE UP
A CONVERSATION WITH HIM

AND FIND OUT WHAT KIND OF MAN
HE IS BENEATH THE SURFACE.

WHAT? ON A FIRST DATE?
WHAT WILL HE THINK OF ME?
JUST ORDER AN EXTRA DESSERT.

OKAY, FINE. WELL?
I LIKED THE BROWN.

COME HERE. YOU'VE GOT DIRT
ON YOUR FOREHEAD.

I'M SORRY.
IT'S THE SIGN OF THE DEVIL.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.

[ CAR ENGINE REVVING ]

THAT'S HIM.

WELL,
THE CAR SURE IS PRETTY.

COME ON.

[ SQUEALS ]

NOW, IF HE DOES HAVE A HORN
IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FOREHEAD,

YOU WILL CALL ME IN
ONE HOUR WITH FEVER.

DEAL.
GOD, I'M NERVOUS.
WHY AM I NERVOUS?

BECAUSE YOU'RE CRAZY.
YES. GOOD. THANK YOU.

HI.

[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
YOU'RE FEELING JUST FINE.

HEY, PEYTON.
AM I EARLY?

RIGHT ON TIME. I WANT YOU
TO MEET MY DAUGHTER, RORY.

IT'S A PLEASURE, RORY.
HI.

DON'T WAIT UP. AND ONLY TWO
OR THREE CRACKHEADS AT THE MOST.

THEY EAT ALL THE GOOD CEREAL.
DEAL. HAVE FUN.

NICE MEETING YOU, RORY.
YOU LOOK WONDERFUL.

OH, SO DO YOU, PEYTON.
SO DO YOU.

[ INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]

[ CAR ENGINE STARTS ]

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

ARE YOU UP?

WHAT TIME IS IT?
10:15.

OOPS.
YUP.

WHAT HAPPENED?
HE WAS HORNLESS.

NO, HE HAD NO HORNS --
HE ALSO HAD NO PERSONALITY,

NO SENSE OF HUMOR,
AND NO IDEA HOW BORING HE WAS.

I'M SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY.

THE EVENING STARTED WELL --
UNTIL WE GOT TO THE CAR,

A JAGUAR XJ8 CONVERTIBLE
WITH A 290-HORSEPOWER ENGINE,

IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.
YOU WEREN'T?
FUNNY -- NEITHER WAS I.

HOWEVER, HE TOLD ME ANYHOW.
HE TOLD ME A LOT OF OTHER THINGS
ABOUT THE CAR ALSO.

DID YOU KNOW HOW MANY INCHES
THE PISTONS ARE? I DO.

I KNOW THE CORRECT OIL
FOR IT, HOW TO TREAT
THE LEATHER INTERIOR,

HOW TO LOAD IT ONTO A
FLATBED TRUCK IN CASE OF A FLAT.

JEEZ. DID HE TALK ABOUT
ANYTHING ELSE?

NOT UNTIL WE GOT TO THE
RESTAURANT...AND THE WINE LIST.

OH, NO! HE'S A WINEY?
YES -- HE SNIFFED,
SWIRLED, SWISHED,

AND DID EVERY OTHER PRETENTIOUS
AND BORDERLINE-DISGUSTING THING

YOU CAN DO WITH WINE
IN A PUBLIC PLACE,

AND HE DID IT WHILE DESCRIBING
TO ME THE VINTAGE DISCREPANCIES

AND THE WOOD THEY USE
FOR THE BARRELS IN PALERMO

AND THE GRAPE-CROP PROJECTIONS
FOR THE FOLLOWING YEAR.

AND I, IN TURN,
CHIMED IN WITH MY STORY

ABOUT GETTING SICK ON ANDRE
COLD DUCK IN THE BACK OF
PETER CUTLER'S CAR IN 9th GRADE.

HE DIDN'T FIND THAT
QUITE AS CHARMING.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT.

THAT IS ONE
OF YOUR BEST ANECDOTES.
I KNOW. SO I STOPPED TALKING.

HE CONTINUED TALKING,
AND I JUST SAT THERE,

THINKING ABOUT PETER CUTLER --
HOW WAS PETER CUTLER?
WHERE WAS PETER CUTLER?

WAS THERE ANY CHANCE THAT
PETER CUTLER WOULD APPEAR

AND KILL THE MAN
TALKING ABOUT TORQUE?

WAS THE FOOD GOOD?
TINY PORTIONS, WEIRD SAUCES.

I'M SORRY.
THAT'S OKAY. YOU DON'T KNOW
UNTIL YOU TRY, RIGHT?

ANYHOW, I AM GOING TO GO TO BED
AND DREAM OF PETER CUTLER.
HOPEFULLY, IT WILL BE DIRTY.

WHAT ABOUT BOWIE?
UNH-UNH! I'M NOT SHARING
PETER CUTLER WITH BOWIE.

ARE YOU STILL GOING?
NO. THERE'S NO WAY I COULD STAND
THIS GUY FOR ANOTHER NIGHT.

I'LL CATCH BOWIE THE NEXT TIME
HE DOES A FAREWELL TOUR.
BUMMER.

I KNOW.

NIGHT, MOM.
NIGHT, BABE.

AND TOMORROW, I'LL FILL YOU IN
ON HOW MANY HOURS

YOU HAVE TO CLOCK
TO GET YOUR PILOT'S LICENSE.
I CANNOT WAIT.

WELL, THE QUILTING CONVENTION
IS SITTING DOWN TO TEA.

I'M DOING
INTERNAL CARTWHEELS.

ANY MESSAGES?
YOUR MOTHER CALLED.

THE AUCTION PEOPLE DROPPED
THE LAMP WE BOUGHT

AND DROPPED HERS OFF HERE,
AND SHE'S DESPERATE TO HAVE IT

FOR SOME SOIREE
AT HER HOUSE THIS EVENING.

I CAN TAKE IT TO HER
WHEN I DO MY OTHER ERRANDS.
I CAN PICK UP RORY, TOO.

THIS IS COOL.
YES, IT WAS
A PERSONAL PURCHASE.

I WANT IT. WHAT IS IT?
AN 18th CENTURY
BLEEDING BOWL.

A BLEEDING BOWL?

WHEN DOCTORS BLED PATIENTS,

THE BLOOD HAD TO GO
SOMEWHERE, NO?

OKAY, RETURN LAMP, PICK UP RORY,
BOIL RIGHT HAND.

UGH.

[ DOORBELL DINGS ]

HEY, MOM.
I THINK THIS IS YOURS.
AH! YES, IT IS.

AND I BELIEVE THIS IS YOURS.
YES, IT IS.

THAT AUCTION HOUSE IS USUALLY
SO GOOD WITH DELIVERIES.

I'M SURPRISED AT THE MIX-UP.
WELL, GILMORE AND GILMORE --
THERE'S KIND OF A CONNECTION.

YES, I SUPPOSE THERE IS.
WELL, I HAVE TO PICK UP RORY,
SO WE'LL SEE YOU FRIDAY.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME COFFEE?
OH, I DON'T WANT TO
LEAVE HER STANDING THERE.

RORY DOESN'T GET OUT
FOR ANOTHER HALF AN HOUR.

OKAY. I GUESS
I CAN STAY A MINUTE.
WONDERFUL!

I'LL GET YOU A STOPWATCH
SO YOU CAN KEEP EXACT TIME.
THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY, MOM.

SO, HOW IS EVERYTHING?
EVERYTHING'S FINE.

AND HOW'S EVERYTHING WITH RORY?
EVERYTHING WITH RORY'S FINE.

AND HOW'S EVERYTHING AT THE INN?
EVERYTHING AT THE INN IS FINE.

AND HOW WAS YOUR DATE?
[ CHUCKLES ] MY WHAT?

YOUR DATE WITH PEYTON.
WELL, MY DATE WAS,
SHOCKINGLY ENOUGH, FINE.

HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?
HIS MOTHER TOLD ME.

YOU KNOW HIS MOTHER?
A LITTLE.

OH, GOOD.
TELL ME --
WHAT DID YOU DO?

WHEN?
ON YOUR DATE.

OH, WELL...WE JUST WENT
TO DINNER, THAT'S ALL.

I HEARD YOU WENT
DRIVING AROUND AFTERWARD.

[ CHUCKLES ]
WELL...SURE, UH, WE DROVE
IN THE DIRECTION OF MY HOUSE.

I GUESS YOU COULD CALL
THAT DRIVING AROUND.

I HEARD
PEYTON HAD A LOVELY TIME.

WELL, THAT'S NICE. I'M GLAD.
I SHOULD REALLY GET GOING, MOM.

YOU HAVE TIME.
I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR DATE.

WELL, IT WAS JUST A DATE,
NOTHING SPECIAL --

TWO PEOPLE EATING AND TALKING,
ONE TALKING MORE THAN THE OTHER.

HAS HE CALLED YOU SINCE?
NO, BUT --

WELL, IT WAS ONLY LAST NIGHT.
THERE'S TIME.

I JUST THINK
THIS IS SO EXCITING!

I WOULDN'T GET TOO EXCITED
IF I WERE YOU.
WHY NOT?

WE DIDN'T REALLY HIT IT OFF
THAT WELL.

WHAT?
HE'S JUST NOT MY TYPE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WE DON'T HAVE
THE SAME INTERESTS,

WE DIDN'T FIND MUCH
TO TALK ABOUT.
THE DATE WAS KIND OF A DUD.

OH.
WELL, THAT'S TOO BAD.
YEAH.

YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TRY
HARDER ON THE NEXT DATE.
EXCUSE ME?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO A CONCERT
TOGETHER NEXT WEEK?

HE'S A REAL
MAMA'S BOY, ISN'T HE?
JUST BECAUSE HE SHARES HIS LIFE

WITH HIS MOTHER IT DOESN'T
MAKE HIM A MAMA'S BOY.
I'M NOT GONNA GOING.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD A PLAN.
THAT WAS BEFORE
WE SPENT TIME TOGETHER

AND REALIZED
WE CAN'T SPEND TIME TOGETHER.
YOU'RE NOT GONNA CANCEL?

BELIEVE ME,
HE WON'T BE SURPRISED. HE DIDN'T
HAVE A GREAT TIME EITHER.

YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE CONCERT.
YOU MADE A COMMITMENT.
YOU HAVE TO HONOR IT.

MOM, THIS IS MY BUSINESS, OKAY?
OH! THIS IS SO LIKE YOU!

WHAT IS SO LIKE ME?
YOU SPEND FIVE SECONDS
WITH A PERSON,

IF THEY SAY ONE WRONG THING,
YOU TURN ON THEM.

WHAT?
YOU ARE EXTREMELY
JUDGMENTAL, LORELAI.

I'M NOT JUDGMENTAL OF THE POT
CALLING THE KETTLE BLACK.

I SPENT TIME WITH A MAN
WHO TALKED ABOUT NOTHING
BUT HIMSELF, HIS PLACE...

HE'S PROUD OF HIS
ACCOMPLISHMENTS.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
HE DIDN'T END WORLD HUNGER.

HE MADE THE GRUELING DECISION
TO SPRING FOR THE BIGGER TIRES.

LORELAI --
MOM, I HAVE TO GO.

WE'RE NOT FINISHED
DISCUSSING THIS.
THERE'S NOTHING TO DISCUSS.

RORY'S WAITING.
I'LL SEE YOU FRIDAY.

[ SIGHS ]

OOH! I GOT YOU A PRESENT.
WHAT?

IN MY PURSE.

"CARDIO SALSA."

YEAH, THEY PLAY
THE MIAMI SOUND MACHINE,

AND YOU DANCE AROUND
AND GET A GREAT WORKOUT.

WHY'D YOU BUY ME THIS?
I'LL FEEL STUPID
DOING IT ALONE.

TOO BAD.
COME ON!

NO WAY.
SALSA WITH ME.
PRETEND I'M ANTONIO BANDERAS.

IF YOU WERE STANDING IN BACK
OF HIM, I COULDN'T PRETEND
THAT YOU'RE ANTONIO BANDERAS.

DON'T YOU WANT ME TO LIVE
A HEALTHY LIFE?

NOT IF I HAVE TO DO CARDIO
SALSA. NICE KNOWING YOU,
SENORA. ADIOS.

I WOULD SALSA FOR YOU.
WELL, LUCKILY,
YOU'LL NEVER HAVE TO.

HELLO? OH, DWIGHT. HI. IT'S NICE
TO...HEAR FROM YOU, TOO.

HOW DID YOU GET
MY CELLPHONE NUMBER?

OH, YEAH, GOT TO LOVE
THAT BABETTE, HUH?

OH, THE LAWN'S FINE.
OKAY.

OKAY.

S-SURE, DWIGHT.
YOU HAVE A SAFE TRIP.

YEAH. BYE.
IT SEEMS THAT DWIGHT HAS BEEN
CHECKING THE WEATHER REPORTS,

AND STARS HOLLOW
IS GOING TO BE EXTRA-SUNNY,

SO HE THOUGHT,
INSTEAD OF WATERING THE LAWN
TWICE A DAY FOR 15 MINUTES,

WE COULD WATER IT THREE TIMES
FOR 10 MINUTES.
HE SHOULD GET A DOG.

ONLY IF THAT DOG USES
THE BATHROOM AT THE GAS STATION,
'CAUSE THAT LAWN IS OFF-LIMITS.

TRUE.
I HAVE TO GET BACK TO THE INN.
COULD YOU, UM, WATER FOR ME?

IT WAS YOUR IDEA TO DO IT.
I HAVE A CHINA SHIPMENT
COMING IN.

DO IT TONIGHT.
IT NEEDS IT NOW,
IF WE LET THAT LAWN DIE,

HE'S GONNA VIBE US FOREVER.
NOT ME. I'M GOING OFF
TO COLLEGE.

YOU'LL BE HOME FOR HOLIDAYS.
MAYBE NOT NOW.

YOU WOULD STAY AWAY
JUST BECAUSE OF DWIGHT?

HEY, NOBODY WANTS VIBING
ON THE HOLIDAYS.

I'M GONNA BE SERIOUSLY LATE
IF I HAVE TO GO HOME.

FINE.
THANK YOU. YOU'RE
MY FAVORITE DAUGHTER.

YOU SAY THAT
TO ALL YOUR DAUGHTERS.
YES, I ONLY MEAN IT WITH YOU.

BYE.
BYE.

OH, DWIGHT, PLEASE!

YOU'RE ON A BUSINESS TRIP.
GET A HOOKER.

HELLO?
LORELAI. GOOD.
I'M GLAD I GOT YOU.

I WANTED YOU TO KNOW
THAT I'M PLAYING GOLF

WITH PEYTON'S FATHER,
BRENNON, ON SUNDAY.

OKAY.
WEAR SUNSCREEN.

I WILL CALL YOU AFTERWARD AND
WE CAN EVALUATE HOW TO PROCEED.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
I'M NOT SURE
HOW MUCH DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE,

I NEED TIME WITH THE MAN TO
ASSESS IF AN APOLOGY WILL WORK.

APOLOGY FROM WHO?
FROM YOU.

FOR WHAT?
THE WAY YOU TREATED PEYTON.

AR-- ARE YOU SERIOUS?

OF COURSE I'M SERIOUS.

DAD, THIS IS
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
IT CERTAINLY IS MY BUSINESS.

NO, WHO I DO OR DO NOT DATE
IS ABSOLUTELY
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

PEYTON'S MOTHER IS IN THE D.A.R.
WITH YOUR MOTHER.
I KNOW.

SHE'S ALSO ON
THE OPERA COMMITTEE.

THE HOSPITAL BOARD,
THE HORTICULTURAL SOCIETY.
I GET IT. WHAT'S THE POINT?

THIS WOMAN IS A VERY IMPORTANT
PERSON IN OUR SOCIAL CIRCLE.

SHE MAY HAVE TAKEN WHAT YOU DID
THE WRONG WAY,

WHICH COULD AFFECT HER
RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MOTHER.

ALL I DID WAS NOT GO ON A SECOND
DATE WITH HER FULLY GROWN SON.

SHE'S NOT GONNA
BE MAD FOR THAT.

LORELAI, YOU OBVIOUSLY
DO NOT UNDERSTAND

THE WAY THINGS WORK
IN YOUR MOTHER'S WORLD.

THERE IS A CERTAIN PROTOCOL
THAT MUST BE FOLLOWED,

SOCIAL RULES
THAT DICTATE PROPER BEHAVIOR,

AND THESE RULES MUST BE
VERY STRICTLY ADHERED TO.

DAD, I'M NOT GOING OUT
WITH PEYTON AGAIN -- PERIOD.

LORELAI, LET ME TELL YOU
A LITTLE STORY.

NOW, TWO YEARS AGO,
SALLY WALLINGTON'S CHECK
FOR THE WINTER FORMAL BOUNCED.

SO?
IT TOOK HER TWO WEEKS
TO REPLACE THE CHECK.

[ SIGHS ] SO?

WHEN SALLY ATTENDED
THE NEXT D.A.R. MEETING,

SHE WAS SERVED
THE LAST CUP OF TEA.

SO?!
BEFORE THIS
UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT,

SALLY WALLINGTON ALWAYS RECEIVED
THE FIRST CUP OF TEA.

WHEN SHE WAS SUDDENLY DEMOTED,
YOUR MOTHER MOVED UP
TO THE PRIME TEA SPOT,

AND SHE'S HELD THAT SPOT
EVER SINCE.

NOW, SHE'S VERY PROUD
OF THAT SPOT,

AND NOW SHE'S AFRAID THIS LITTLE
INCIDENT MAY JEOPARDIZE IT.

I EXPLAINED THIS TO MOM,
AND I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU --
I'M NOT 16.

I DON'T LIVE WITH YOU ANYMORE.
I'VE BEEN MAKING MY OWN
DECISIONS FOR A LONG TIME,

YOU CAN PLAY ALL THE GOLF
YOU WANT, BUT THE SUBJECT
BETTER BE LETTING CHICKS

INTO THE AUGUSTA GOLF CLUB,
BECAUSE MY LOVE LIFE
IS OFFICIALLY OFF-LIMITS.

DIDN'T YOU HEAR
WHAT I JUST SAID?
YES, I HEARD IT,

I'M SORRY,
BUT IT SOUNDS INSANE.

OF COURSE! IT IS INSANE!
THAT IS NOT THE POINT!

OKAY, WHAT'S THE POINT?
YOUR MOTHER IS UPSET, AND
I DON'T WANT HER TO BE UPSET.

YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND
HER WORLD,

I MAY NOT UNDERSTAND
HER WORLD,

BUT IT IS HER WORLD,
AND IN HER WORLD,

IT IS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT THAT
SHE HAVE THE FIRST CUP OF TEA.

AND I DON'T CARE
ABOUT YOUR INDEPENDENCE

OR WHAT YOU TOLD YOUR MOTHER OR
WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

IF MY WIFE WANTS
THE FIRST CUP OF TEA,
SHE'S GOING TO HAVE IT!

THAT'S IT!

NOW, I WILL CALL YOU
AFTER I PLAY GOLF.

[ SIGHS ]

[ INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]

* LA LA LA *

* LA LA LA LA *

* LA LA LA LA *

[ INDISTINCT SINGING ]

[ TELEPHONE RINGING ]

HEY, IT'S DWIGHT.
LEAVE A MESSAGE. NAMASTE.

DWIGHT?
HI, IT'S DORIS --

DORIS, YOUR WIFE!
REMEMBER ME?!

THE WOMAN WHO WAS ASLEEP
IN BED WHEN YOU SNUCK OUT
LIKE A SPINELESS WORM?!

HOW DARE YOU SNEAK OUT,
YOU SNIVELING POND-SCUM SAMPLE!

I SHOULD CALL ERIN BROCKOVICH
TO BRING A LAWSUIT

AGAINST YOUR PARENTS, YOU
STEAMING LUMP OF TOXIC WASTE!

YOU REALLY THOUGHT YOU COULD GET
AWAY FROM ME?! FROM ME?!

I WOULD'VE FOUND YOU SOONER
IF I'D BOTHERED TO LOOK,
BUT NOW I HAVE -- I FOUND YOU.

I WANT MY BOARD GAMES BACK!
I WANT THEM BACK,
I WANT THEM BACK NOW!

I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN UNTIL I
GET THEM BACK, ESPECIALLY
THE TRIVIAL PURSUIT!

WHOA!

AAAH!

[ GRUNTS ]

WHOA!

GROSS!

UGH!

[ PANTING ]

DEAN, PLEASE HAVE
YOUR PAGER WITH YOU.

PLEASE, COME ON.

DEAN! COME ON!

DAMN YOU
AND YOUR UNABOMBER TENDENCIES!

AW, MAN!

WHOA, WHOA!
SLOW DOWN!

GET OUT OF MY WAY!
I LIKE THE NEW LOOK.
IT'S VERY "BLUE CRUSH."

HILARIOUS.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NOTHING.

YOU'RE WALKING PRETTY FAST
FOR NOTHING.

OUR PRESIDENT SAID "EXERCISE,"
AND I AM VERY PATRIOTIC.

AND COMPLETELY SOAKED.
WHERE IS EVERYONE?!

WHO ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?
NO ONE!

WHAT'S THE MATTER -- OTHER THAN
YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY OUT OF TOWELS?

THIS GUY MOVED IN ACROSS
THE WAY, WE SAID
WE'D WATER HIS LAWN,

AND THE GRASS CAN ONLY BE
WATERED IN 10-MINUTE INCREMENTS.

AND THE THING IS STUCK,
AND I HAVE TO FIND SOMEONE --

LUKE OR TAYLOR OR --
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

JESS?

YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS!

I DIDN'T ASK YOU
TO DO THIS!

I CAN JUST FIND SOMEONE ELSE
TO DO IT!

[ GRUNTS ]

YOU MADE IT LOOK SO EASY.
IT WAS LOOSE.

YOU JUST...HAD TO PRESS DOWN
AND GIVE IT A GOOD TWIST.

WELL, THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.

SO, THINGS ARE GOOD?

OH, YEAH -- REALLY GOOD.

SCHOOL?
GOOD.

STILL GONNA DO
THE HARVARD THING?
YEAH.

GOOD.

YEAH -- GOOD.

SO...

[ PAGER BEEPING ]

MY PAGER.

I FIGURED.

WHO IS IT?
IT'S, UM...DEAN.

I PAGED HIM EARLIER
TO COME OVER AND HELP ME,

AND HE JUST GOT THE MESSAGE,
SO HE'S...

COMING OVER TO HELP.

YEAH.

OKAY.

[ INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC ]

[ DOORBELL DINGS ]

HI, MOM.

HELLO, LORELAI.

HI, GRANDMA.

HELLO, RORY.

THAT'S A PRETTY SWEATER.
THANK YOU.

I DO LOVE YOU IN BLUE.
YOU SHOULD WEAR BLUE MORE OFTEN.

BUY HER MORE BLUE, LORELAI.
OH, I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT.

I BROUGHT YOU
SOMETHING, MOM.

OH, REALLY?
SODA, RORY?

YES, PLEASE.
UM, THESE ARE PICTURES
FROM SOOKIE'S WEDDING.

THERE'S A GREAT ONE
OF YOU AND DAD DANCING.
I PUT THEM IN AN ALBUM.

THAT'S VERY NICE.
THANK YOU.

YOU WANT TO SEE?
I'M MAKING DRINKS, LORELAI.

RIGHT. LATER IT IS.

[ Sweetly ] HERE YOU GO.

[ Sternly ] HERE.
OH.
GUESS I'M HAVING WINE.

YOU DIDN'T WANT WINE?
WINE'S FINE.

I'LL GET YOU SOMETHING ELSE.
NO, I'M GOOD.

WOULD YOU LIKE A MARTINI?
YOU USUALLY ASK ME WHAT I WANT,
AND TONIGHT, YOU DIDN'T ASK,

SO I COULDN'T TELL YOU HOW MUCH
I WOULD LOVE SOME WINE.

I BOUGHT SOME CHEESE
TO HAVE BEFORE DINNER.

GREAT. WE LOVE CHEESE.
IT GOES GREAT WITH WINE.

I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

MNGH!
BOY, IT'S COLD IN HERE.

IT'S A LOT COLDER
WHERE YOU'RE SITTING.

OHH...SHE'S MAD AT ME.
YEP.

THINK SHE'LL BE
MAD ALL NIGHT?
YEP.

I GUESS I SHOULD
TALK TO HER.
YEP.

YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO
TALK TO HER FOR ME?
NOPE.

LUCKILY YOU DON'T GET
PAID BY THE WORD.

FAST, SO YOU CAN HAVE CHEESE.
FINE.

NEED SOME HELP?
NO, I'M FINE, THANK YOU.

[ SIGHS ] MOM, I JUST WANTED
TO SAY I'M SORRY.

SORRY FOR WHAT?
SORRY ABOUT
THE WHOLE PEYTON THING.

WHEN I ASKED YOU FOR HIS NUMBER,
I DIDN'T...THINK.

THINK ABOUT WHAT?
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THINGS
DIDN'T WORK OUT WITH US.

I KNOW HIS MOM IS YOUR FRIEND,
AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN
MIXED UP WITH THIS

IF I WASN'T PREPARED TO REMEMBER
THAT WHAT I DO WILL AFFECT YOU.

AND TO ME,
IT'S JUST A BOWIE CONCERT,

BUT TO YOU, IT'S...NOT.

I WAS A LITTLE THOUGHTLESS,
AND I'M SORRY.

BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
THAT I WAS NOT LYING WHEN I
SAID WE HAD A BAD TIME.

WE HAD A REALLY, REALLY,
REALLY, REALLY, REALLY BAD TIME.

IT WAS ONE OF THE WORST TIMES
I'VE EVER HAD. IT WAS AWFUL.

DO YOU REMEMBER SKIING WITH
THE DANNERS AND THEIR DOBERMANS?

OH, GOD, YES.
THIS WAS WORSE.

NOT JUST FOR ME.
IT WAS BAD FOR HIM, TOO.

IT WASN'T LIKE HE WAS IN LOVE
AND I WAS MISERABLE.

WE WERE BOTH IN PAIN --
DEEP PAIN,

"MARATHON MAN"
KIND OF PAIN.

[ SIGHS ]

BUT DESPITE ALL THIS HORRIBLE
PAIN THAT WE WERE BOTH IN,

AND WOULD BE IN AGAIN
IF WE HAD TO SPEND
ONE MORE SECOND TOGETHER,

IF YOU REALLY WANT ME TO,

I WILL GO TO THE BOWIE CONCERT
WITH HIM.

WELL, YOUR SAYING THAT
MEANS A LOT.

HMM.

THANK YOU, LORELAI.

BORROW RORY'S SWEATER
WHEN YOU GO.

* GROUND CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM *

[ THEME MUSIC ]