All language subtitles for Gilmore Girls S02E16 1080p WEB-DL DD+ 2.0 x264-TrollHD_track3_[und]

[ pounding ]

Here you go.

Jeez!
Oh, sorry, folks.

Uh, here -- there we go.

Free coffee all around.

Might want to put your hand
Over that.

There we go.

Tom, what the hell is
Going on up there?

We're redoing your apartment.

I got customers eating
Drywall here.

Well, that can't be good.

You said
Minimal disruptions.

This is minimal disruptions.

I need you to sign
This change order.

What happened now?

We broke through this wall
And found some pipes.

We gotta move them.
Move them where?

We gotta find out
What they do first.

You're kidding.
Oh, yeah.

There's nothing I like more
Than a good moving-a-pipe joke.

One more week.
That's it.

Oh, sure, construction
Ultimatum.

Ha! That's even funnier
Than my moving-a-pipe joke.

Hey.
Jeez, look at this place.

It's a mess.

No, can't sit here.

Three people got nailed
In the head here earlier.

Their food was okay,
Right?

Will you just move?

[ cellphone ringing ]

Outside.

If I sit here
One more second,

I just might be outside.

Order me some coffee.

Oh, you are really funny.

You and tom should
Put an act together.

I'd leave it open.

Go ahead, mom.
I hear you.

I wanted to know if you'd like
A gift certificate

For a weekend
At the birchgrove spa.

Are you serious?

I bid on it at the symphony
Fundraiser, and I won.

That's supposedly an amazing
Place. Why don't you go?

I've never had any
Desire to go to a spa.

Why did you bid on it?

It was for charity.
I had to bid on something.

I didn't want another portrait
Of george washington.

I've got four in the attic
Already.

I'd love it.
Good.

Two days of total mind-numbing
Pampering --

Massages, facials,
Aromatherapy.

You make it sound like heaven.

It's closest you'll come
To being a dog.

I beg your pardon?

A life of nothing
But eating, sleeping,

Lying on your back
And getting rubbed.

I'd love the comparison
To stop there.

Hey, when's it for?

This weekend, actually.
Well, I'll be there.

So will I.

Excuse me?

The certificate's for two,
And since you make it sound

Like the most wonderful place
In the world, I'll try it.

Oh...But --

That's alright
If I join you?

You don't mind?

No, I don't mind at all.

Wonderful. I'll pick you up
Tomorrow morning.

You know, I'm actually looking
Forward to this.

Oh, yeah, me too.

Thanks, mom. Bye-bye.

[ pounding ]

[ sighs ]

I'm going to a spa
With my mother.

Move forward.

[ saw buzzes ]

* if you're out
On the road *

* feelin' lonely
And so cold *

* all you have to do
Is call my name *

* and I'll be there
On the next train *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* anywhere that you tell me to *

* if you need *
* if you need *

* you need me to be with you *

* I will follow *

* oh, oh, oh *

* where you lead,
I will follow *

* any, anywhere
That you tell me to *

* if you need *
* if you need *

* you need me to be with you *

* I will follow where you lead *

So, then we're all
Confirmed.

Oh, great.
Thanks so much for your help.

Okay. Bye.

Yes!

That was an evil "Yes."

It's a "Yes, I'm pretty, but,
Hello, I'm smart" kind of a yes.

Oh, my mistake.

So here's the deal.

I'm going to my facial

Just as my mother is finishing
Her salt glow,

Which will end 10 minutes

After I've hit
My scalp treatment,

Which puts me
In the massage pool

At least six minutes
Into her facial.

The day is so well-planned,
I won't see her until dinner,

Which will be cut
Tragically short

By the food poisoning
I plan to contract.

You are 12 and disgusting.
I'm trapped and desperate.

You really think you can avoid
Grandma the entire weekend?

Hey, I'm nothing if not
A great organizer.

Now, let's talk about what
You're gonna do tonight.

Throwing a party...I hope.

Inviting hundreds of bikers
And lowlifes

Who are gonna trash the place.

I am going to do laundry,
Watch tv, order indian food,

And go to bed early.

And then come the bikers
And lowlifes?

I may even fall asleep on
The couch with the tv on.

When do the bikers and lowlifes
Get to trash the place?

You're all packed.

You have to do something
Bad when mommy's out of town.

It's the law.

You've seen "Risky business,"
Right?

Now, I'm not asking for
A prostitution ring,

But how about a floating craps
Game or something?

I'll see what I can do.
I'd greatly appreciate it.

[ horn honks ]

Grandma's here.

What's she honking for?
She hates honking.

She calls it a mechanical
Bodily function.

Ugh, jeez!

Oh, cool!

Hello, hello, hello.

Are we going to the prom?

I just thought since this
Weekend is all about relaxing,

We should start with the ride.

This is cool, grandma.
Thank you, rory.

Are we all ready to go?

I guess so, miss daisy.
Bye, sweets.

Bye.
Bye, grandma.

Goodbye, rory.

Have a good time.

Bikers and lowlifes.
I'll get right on it.

In general, the lab reports
Weren't bad,

But they weren't great either,
Which leads me to question

Whether everyone has the grasp
On electrochemistry I'd prefer

Before we move on.

To that end, I will be giving
Another test on tuesday

Covering chapters 14 through 18
In your textbooks

As well as the material
From lab.

Now, please proceed
With the assignment

We all started yesterday,

As that, too, will be included
On the test.

Madeline.
What?

What are you guys
Doing tonight?

It's friday night.

So you've got dates?

Well, yeah, why?

I was hoping you could
Study with me.

On a friday night?
Yes.

We've got dates.

What is she saying?

She wants us to study
With her.

On a friday night?
But we've got dates.

I was hoping maybe
You'd cancel them.

To study?
On a friday night?

She wants us to cancel
Our dates to study.

On a friday night?
But we have --

Oh, my god! Forget it!

So, I suppose that you have
Big friday-night plans also?

Well, kind of.

So, the fact that I'm seeing my
Entire harvard career slip away

Is of no interest to anyone?

What are you talking about?

I got an a-minus, okay?

So?
What do you mean, "So?"

I have never gotten
An a-minus.

I just can't focus lately.

Things are so weird
At my house.

My dad finally figured out
How much it was gonna cost

To divorce my mom,
So now he's back.

It's bad enough
I wasted time

Crunching the numbers
With him,

But now that he's back, they're
Fighting and redecorating.

I need help.

Look, I can't tonight,

But if you're still freaked out
After the quiz on tuesday,

I will spend every day
Next week

Helping you prepare
For the final, okay?

I guess.

Relax. It will be fine.
I promise.

All I had to do was move
A decimal point,

And none of this would
Have happened.

Oh, look at this place.
It's lovely.

And that smell -- what is that,
Eucalyptus?

I don't know.
Well, it's lovely.

Oh, lorelai, look.

They have cucumber slices
In the water.

Oh, wow. Now if they have ranch
Dressing in the soap dispensers,

This place is great.

You know what?
I love it here.

Careful, mom. That's how they
Get you in the moonies.

I feel more relaxed already.

Mmm. That's the most delicious
Water I've ever had.

Have a sip.

Let's just check in,
Shall we?

Okay.

Hello. I'm emily gilmore.

This is my daughter lorelai.

Yes, welcome to birchgrove.

My name is bobby.

I have everything
Set for you.

Do you have luggage?

Yes. It's out front.

We can take care
Of that for you.

Here are your room keys

And a copy of all of your
Spa activities.

You ladies are booked
Solid, I see.

We intend to leave here
Completely different people.

Yes, I'm going to be
Ted nugent.

Anyhow, your rooms are right
Down this hall.

Fruit and yogurt is served by
The pool in the mornings,

Lunch and dinner seatings
Are on the itinerary.

Any questions?
Yes.

Where can one get a cup
Of coffee around here?

Ah, we don't serve anything
With caffeine here.

And you think that's safe?
Thank you, bobby.

We're sure we're going to have
A wonderful time.

Mom, there's no coffee.

It won't kill you to go
Two days without coffee.

No, I think it will.

Focus on all the pampering
We're going to have.

Look at the wonderful things
We have to look forward to.

Oh, no.
What?

Oh, I'll be right back --

They screwed up our
Appointments.

Again?

What do you mean, "Again"?

Well, I called to confirm
Our schedule

And found out they had
Booked us separately

For every single one
Of our treatments.

Luckily, I insisted on
Speaking to a manager

And straightened
Everything out.

Yes, those are right.
They are?

I even had them move
The pedicure tubs

Together in the same room
So we can talk during it.

Okay, I'm really gonna need
A cup of coffee.

Have some cucumber water.

No, see, that's not gonna
Do it --

Well, your lung capacity
Certainly has improved.

Well, I've been playing
A lot more basketball lately.

Yet another reason
To continue the fight

To keep physical education
In schools.

So, tonight...
Yes?

I was thinking...
Yes?

Since your mother's
Gonna to be gone...

Maybe I'd come over.

Oh.
What?

Actually, I was thinking of
Pulling a hermit thing tonight.

Why?
I don't know.

J.D. Salinger
Seems to dig it.

You don't want me
To come over?

No, I just -- I almost never
Get the house all to myself,

And I thought
With my mom gone,

I can finally do my laundry
Exactly the way I like it --

Not just separating
Into whites and colors,

But the colors separated into
Darks, mediums, and lights,

With a separate pile
For white t-shirts

And t-shirts with some kind
Of writing on them.

You want to be alone to do
Laundry?

And watch tv, and eat
The indian food that I love,

But my mom
Hates the smell of,

And go to bed early,
And...Are you mad?

Why would I be mad?

You want to spend tonight
Alone.

But, hey, tomorrow,
The whole day is all about you.

I mean it -- from morning
Till night.

You plan it, or I'll plan it,
Whatever you want.

Just don't be mad.

I'm not.

[ sighs ]
I'm not mad.

Good.

I'm confused,
But I'm not mad.

I'm a saint,
But I'm not mad.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

So, deep breath, and...

[ knock on door ]

[ knocking ]

How do I look?

Like a landlady.
What is this?

I got adjoining rooms
So we don't have to go out

In the hallway
To get to each other.

This robe is fabulous.
How do they get it so soft?

Having 40 other people wear it
First is part of the secret.

Oh, stop it.

Are you all ready

For our skin-rejuvenating and
Revitalizing collagen facial

And eye treatment?

Almost.

It has vitamin c and plant
Extracts in it,

Which is the hottest thing
In skin care these days.

And the eye treatment is
Supposed to reduce puffiness

And minimize the appearance
Of fine lines.

Okay, no more brochures
For you.

I'm ready. Let's go.

Aren't you going to wear
Your robe?

You're supposed to wear
Your robe.

I'm sure they'll
Give me one there.

But these robes
Are wonderful.

We're late, mom.

They're wonderful,
Relaxing robes.

[ sighs heavily ]
Oh, my gosh.

And yet you stand there like
It's some badge of honor

Not to put on your robe like
Everyone else in this place.

This isn't for me,
It's for you.

I already have on my robe.
I am already relaxed.

What are you doing?
You're kidding me, right?

Well, hurry up.
We're going to be late.

Happy?

Apparently, you didn't see
The matching slippers.

So, how are we doing?
So good.

I'm gonna leave you to sit
For a few minutes,

So just relax and enjoy,
And I'll be right back.

Thanks.

[ woman singing new-age melody ]

Are your feet sweating?

Mom?

Those booties
Make my feet sweat.

What are you doing
In my room?

Magda left me sitting
For 20 minutes.

Fine time to take
A coffee break.

She's not taking
A coffee break.

Your skin is supposed to be

Absorbing the moisture
In your mask...In your room.

Let's see what's next
On our agenda, shall we?

Stop moving, lorelai.

You'll electrocute yourself.

Ooh! The egyptian mud bath.

I wonder if a mud bath
Is one of those things

Where they wrap you in towels

Like you're in a cocoon
Of some sort.

That might be nice --

Especially if their towels are
As good as their robes.

Because I just love
These robes.

Wonder where they get
These robes.

Shouldn't be so hard to find
The manufacturer.

I could order a few of them.

I still can't get over it.
It really was mud.

I didn't really think they meant
A real mud bath.

And the odd thing is, I should
Have been more repulsed by it.

Sitting in a tub of hot dirt
Should have made me ill,

And yet,
I really enjoyed it.

Did yours have twigs?
Mine had twigs.

And when I asked the woman
About them,

She told me they were there

Because of the healing
Qualities...

What are you doing?

Lorelai, stop it.
You're pushing me!

[ sighs ]

How's the pressure...
Too much?

Yep.

Sorry. I'll go lighter.

Your hands are amazing.

Compliment your masseur's
Hands, lorelai.

[ muttering ]

Excuse me?
Nothing.

You were muttering
Under your breath.

Years of experience
Have taught me

That when you do that,
It's usually about me.

[ sighs ]

Mom, you signed us up
For a couples massage.

A couples massage
Is for a couple,

Not a couple of people.
It's more efficient.

We'll both be finished
At the same time.

Do you know what most people
Who get these massages do

About 5 minutes
After it's over?

They have sex, together,

Probably while wearing
Their robes.

Could the two of you excuse us
For a moment, please?

Well, that was appalling.
That was true.

You're just determined to spoil
This, aren't you, lorelai?

Why, because I want a quiet,
Private massage?

You've been pouting and sulking
And sighing...

Rolling your eyes, mumbling.

That's how I detox.

You've made it your mission to
Be as miserable as possible.

That's not true.

If you don't care that
You're hurting my feelings,

Maybe you care that you're
Wasting all your relaxing time

Acting like a petulant
4-year-old.

I'm sorry.

Do you want me to get
Myself another room?

No.

I saw a supply closet
Down the hall.

Maybe my masseur
Could finish me in there.

Or perhaps I could roll myself
Against a stucco wall --

Eliminate the need for
A masseur altogether.

Lie down, mom, please?

If you say so.

Lorelai?

Yes, mom.

Would you go get the boys,
Please?

Three samosas,
And a chicken vindaloo.

And rice. And the green sauce.
And no salad.

Oh, wait.
Can you hold on a sec?

[ beeps ]
Hello?

[ deep voice ]
This is phil's liquor.

I'm supposed to deliver
A keg there tonight.

Hold on.

Hi. Sorry.
Yeah, that's it.

40 minutes. Great.
Bye.

[ beeps ]
Hey.

Who was that?
Sandeep's.

Oh, you're ordering
The indian food.

Can you burn the house down
Afterward?

That's the only way
To rid the smell.

Absolutely.
How's the spa?

Tranquil.
Really?

I wasn't done.

Tranquilizers will be required

If I have to spend one more
Minute with my mother.

Please tell me
You're trying to get along.

Oh, I'm being a peach.
Well, I smell like a peach.

Was that the doorbell?
Yeah, I'll call you later.

The sooner you get back
To your weekend,

The sooner it'll be over.

Before you go, can you get out
My address book

And count how many friends
I have?

Bye.
Mean.

Steal me soap.

Paris, what...

I tried to stay at home
And study myself, but I can't.

I can't even read my own
Handwriting.

The person who wrote this should
Be dressed in a clown suit,

Stuffing bodies
Under their porch.

You're in your pajamas.
I know.

This is the big night
You had planned?

A rendezvous
With mr. Peanut?

You're doing laundry.

You're doing laundry
In your pajamas!

My mom's out of town, I never
Get the house all to myself.

You mean you never go months
Without seeing your parents --

Getting an occasional
Postcard?

That does suck.

Paris, wait.

I don't want to get in the way
Of your big night.

Fine, I'll study with you --
For one hour. That's it.

We can do a quick review
And a pop quiz,

And then you are going home.

Deal?
Deal.

So, go sit on the couch.
I'll be out in a minute.

Where are you going?
I'm going to go change.

Okay, but my hour
Doesn't start

Till you get back out here,
Right?

[ knock on door ]

You ready?

Wow, you look great, mom.

Are you being sarcastic?

No, I'm being completely
Serious.

Oh, well, thank you.

That's a pretty color.
What is that?

It's called
"Vicious trollop."

Oh, stop it.

Now, why would you name a
Lipstick something like that?

'cause "Dirty whore"
Was taken?

You frighten me.
You wanna try some?

No, thank you.
Go on, mom, try it.

It won't look good on me.
Sure it will.

Well, alright, but if I look
Ridiculous...

I'll be the first one
To point it out.

[ chanting ]
You're a vicious trollop.

Lorelai.
Sorry.

Well?
I like it.

You do? I like it, too.

Good, let's go then.
I'm starving.

Oh, me too. What are they
Serving for dinner tonight?

Well, let's see.

Hmm.

They certainly do like their
Tofu here, don't they?

And the word "Steamed."

Well, they have dessert
At least --

Cookies sweetened with sprouted
Mung bean.

That sounds dreadful.

Yes, it does.

Where are you going?
Our seating's in 10 minutes.

Get your coat.

I don't need a coat.
We're not going there.

Where are we going?
Out.

We're going to leave the spa,
Find a restaurant,

And have a steak.

A steak?
Who's gonna stop us?

A steak.

Come on, mom, what's it
Gonna be --

Vicious trollop or
The wide world of mung beans?

Let's go.
I'm right behind you.

Given that those are
The reactions

Occurring in the two
Half-cells,

What do you do next?

If we add them together,
Doubling the coefficients,

We get the equation
For the complete reaction.

You're in much better shape than
You want to think you are.

[ doorbell rings ]

Where are you going?
That's my food.

Another half-hour. Please.

No. You got your hour,
And you need to go.

Fine!

Delivery.
What are you doing here?

Luke figured since you're
Alone tonight,

You wouldn't have food
In the house, he sent this over.

I ordered food
From sandeep's.

Planning on burning down
The house afterwards?

Yes.
Only way to kill the smell.

Where should I put this?
Kitchen?

Um...Sure.

[ sighs ]

How much food is in there?

This could feed 12.

Excuse me,
I've seen you eat.

Fine, six.

Well, he wanted you
Taken care of.

Wasn't sure how long
She'd be gone.

Just tonight.
Oh, he didn't know that.

Now you can tell him.
I will.

So, how come caesar didn't
Bring this over?

I volunteered.
Why?

Just wanted to get out of
The construction zone.

There's nothing but banging
And yelling.

Place gives me a headache.

Why, did you think I wanted to
Come over here and see you?

No.
I just needed some quiet.

Fine.
That is all.

Got it.
Clear my head.

I understand.

So, aren't you gonna eat?

Eventually.
It gets cold fast.

I can heat it up.

Reheated french fries
Really suck.

Oh, they do suck.

So, eat.

Okay, I will.

You're still standing there.

I know. You didn't
Give me a tip.

You want money?
No. I'll take a fry, though.

Okay. Have as much
As you want.

Okay, great.

What are you doing?
Getting ready to eat.

You're staying?
Didn't you just invite me?

No, I --

You told me to have
All I wanted.

That sounded
Invitation-like.

You want to stay here
And eat?

Beats being at luke's.

I can't find my flashcards.

I didn't know
You had company.

This is paris.
We were just studying.

I was just leaving.

If you find my flashcards,
Call me, okay?

No, stay for dinner.
But I thought --

We have lots of food,
We can go over the notes later.

You sure?

Positive.

Is that mac and cheese?
Sure.

I love mac and cheese.
Great.

I'm not allowed to.

Splurge.
Come on, paris, stay.

Do you have a 24-hour pharmacy

In case I have
An allergic reaction?

Believe it or not, we do.

Okay.
Can I borrow your phone?

It's by the door.

Interesting.
What is?

We need a chaperone?
No, I don't.

You just invited one.

Paris is alone tonight,

And you yourself said we have
Enough food for six.

With me around,
It's down to four.

With paris around,
It's down to two.

Works out well.
I think so.

Hola, es paris.

Voy a comer la cena
En la casa de rory...

* I can't give you anything
But love *

* baby, that's the only thing *

* the only thing
I'm planning on *

My goodness,
Look at this place.

I bet there's no cucumber slices
In the water here.

Hi, there.
Party of two.

Okay. But I probably won't have
A table for about an hour.

An hour?

I can't wait an hour.
I'll pass out.

Go first.
You can break my fall.

Can we bribe you?
Sorry.

Please? She's loaded.
Lorelai!

A couple of stools just opened
Up at the bar, we serve there.

That is a great idea.
Thanks. Come on.

We can't eat dinner at a bar.

I'm wearing the wrong shoes
For a drive-thru.

What are people
Going to think?

That we're loose women
With questionable morals.

Doesn't seem right
To eat dinner

When your feet
Aren't touching the floor.

What can I get you, ladies?

Hi, steve.
Nice to meet you.

We will have two...Martinis?

Why not.

Two vodka martinis straight up
With a twist,

And a couple of menus,
Please.

And some peanuts.
Good idea.

Here you go.
I'll get your drinks.

Thank you.
You're a good man, steve.

Okay, I'm thinking steak
And caesar salad,

If it's not too anchovy-y.

Do you want to split
A shrimp cocktail?

That sounds fine.

I just love the idea
Of shrimp cocktail

With a steak dinner,
You know?

It's so casino, big joe,
Steak and shrimp.

Hey, save some for winter.

I never realized how wonderful
Peanuts were before.

Want a refill?
Oh, yes, please.

Cheers, mom.

Cheers.

Mmm. I must tell you,
I never expected this.

What?

Me inhaling peanuts
At a singles bar.

This isn't a singles bar.
It's a 60/40 bar.

A what?

60-year-old men hitting on
40-year-old women.

Really?

Look around.

Hmm.

Oh, now, she can do
Better than that.

What does she see in him?

Big will, short life span --
The usual draw.

Hey, mom --

I wonder if they have
Pretzels, too.

Don't look now, but I think
You're passing

For a 40-year-old woman.

2:00, silver fox, totally
Checking you out.

Oh, he is not.

He's not staring
At steve.

You're being ridiculous.

[ sighs ]

He's definitely not
Looking at me.

He's still looking.

Drink your martini, lorelai.

A tragic waste of paper.

I can't believe you just
Said that.

The beats' writing was
Completely self-indulgent.

One word for jack kerouac --
Edit.

It was not self-indulgent.

The beats believed
In shocking people,

Stirring things up.

They believed in drugs,
Booze, and petty crime.

You could say they expose you
To a world

You wouldn't have
Otherwise known.

That what great writing's
All about.

Not great writing. That was the
National enquirer of the '50s.

Typical guy response.

Worship kerouac and bukowski.

God forbid you pick up
Anything by jane austin.

Hey, I've read jane austin,
You have?

And I think she would have
Liked bukowski.

What are you doing?
Salt and peppered it.

Only way to eat a fry.
Really?

It's fast-food gospel.

Mmm, that's good.
That's really really good.

[ telephone ringing ]

Do you like hot sauce?

I don't know. Should I?
I think it's wise.

Hello?

Hey.

Oh, hi.
Where are you?

On my way to see you --
If that's okay.

I'll only stay a minute.
I just want to say "Hi."

You said "Hi."

I want to say "Hi" closer.

But I'm a mess.

It's not pretty.
You won't recognize me.

Put a name tag on,
'cause I miss you.

I miss you, too, but --
But what?

But...Paris is here.
Why?

She freaked out about a grade,
Wanted to go over notes.

And you know how paris is.

Okay, then I'm not really
Ruining your alone night.

Yes, but --

I'll see you in a sec.

Can't get into poetry.

It's like, "Jeez, just say it
Already. We're dying here."

I just noticed the time,
And it's getting really late.

It's 7:00.

But paris and I still
Have a lot more studying to do.

Jess, please thank luke
For me.

Who was that on the phone?
No one.

No one wouldn't happen to be
Heading over here?

What's going on?
Dean's on his way.

Rory doesn't want him
To find me.

Why?
Yeah, why?

You know why.
I'm just eating dinner.

Jess, I'm asking you
As a friend. Please leave now.

You really want me to go?

I really want to avoid
A fight with dean.

Okay, I'm going.

Thank you.

Ow!
What?

I just twisted my ankle.
I better go lie down.

Jess!

You're no fun
When you're tense.

You sure
You want me to go?

Maybe this thing
Can be solved

If we just sat down,
Had a little heart-to-heart.

He could tell me his issues.
I'll tell him mine.

I promise I'll speak slowly.
Bye!

Well, give him my best,
Would you?

Actually, I guess
I could do that myself.

Dean, jess just came by
To bring me some food.

He wanted to make sure I ate.
Luke did.

Personally,
I could care less.

Yeah, true.
He could care less.

I see you brought a little
Something, too.

Is that ice cream?
That's so nice!

A tiny little ice cream package
Just big enough for two.

Are you guys gonna feed
Each other?

'cause that's just
So darn cute.

Oops. You're doing that
Towering-over-me thing.

You've really got that down.

It helps that
You're 12 feet tall.

But this frankenstein scowl
Really adds to the whole --

Jess!

Okay, I'm going.

Look, man, I really was just
Dropping off some food,

So don't get all
"West side story" on me, okay?

[ sighs ]
So, do you want to...

Come in?

What the hell is going on?

Hi.

Dean, you remember paris,
Right?

Yeah, hi.

So, jess just
Dropped this off, huh?

I know you eat fast,

But this is a lot of food
To put away that quickly,

Even on your best day.

So he didn't
Just drop it off.

You told me you were doing
Laundry tonight,

And now you're here
With jess.

And paris.
Jess, rory!

I swear, I didn't --

You didn't what -- you didn't
Know he was coming over?

It just happened.
How does that just happen?

He was --
And the diner was --

And I...

And you what?!
Say something!

Stop yelling!
You totally lied to me.

I didn't.

Turn the situation around,
Rory. How's it looking?

It's looking complicated,
I'm trying to explain it to you.

It's my fault.

What?

It's my fault
That jess was here.

I saw him in the diner the day
I came to stars hollow,

And I thought he was cute,

And since I'm not great
At the whole

"Batting the eyelashes,
Look at my belly shirt" thing

I asked rory to help me.

I thought if she could get him
Over here,

We'd have a chance to talk,
And I don't know --

It seems totally stupid now,
And it obviously didn't work,

But that's why he was here.

Thanks for covering for me.
That's okay.

Anyway, I should get going.

I'm probably going to break out
In some sort of rash

Any second now.

So paris likes jess.

Yeah.

Rory, is this true?

Yes, it is.

Paris and jess?

I know. There's no
Explaining attraction.

Dean, listen to me.

If I was going to have anyone
Over tonight,

It definitely
Would have been you.

Okay.
Really?

If you say so, then I have to
Believe it, don't I?

Yes.

Okay, then.
Sorry that I yelled.

Completely justified
Under the circumstances.

I gotta get going.

No, wait.

Don't you want to stay
For ice cream?

No, I'm just gonna go.

I'm still seeing you
Tomorrow, right?

Yeah, sure.

Hey...

See you tomorrow.

What was that?
What?

That -- the story.
The save.

Why did you do that?

I don't know.
It just came out.

You have no idea
What you did.

It was no big deal.

No, it was a very big deal.
It was a huge deal.

You helped me tonight when you
Didn't want to, so I owed you.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

Okay, well, I'll let you get
Back to your alone night.

You should stay.
Stay?

Yeah. We could hang out,
Watch some tv.

You can spend the night
If you don't want to drive back.

Like a slumber party?
Sort of.

You're doing this 'cause
I lied to dean?

I'm doing this because
It's what you do with friends.

We're friends?

I'm not sure there's an exact
Definition for what we are,

But I do think it falls
Somewhere

In the bizarro
Friends-ish realm.

Come on, stay.

Okay.

But if you're doing this
To freeze my bra,

I'll kill you.

Duly noted.

This is either the greatest
Steak I've ever eaten,

Or I'm so hungry
I'm delirious.

Pass the horseradish,
Please.

I never knew you were
A spicy girl.

Oh, believe me,
I can handle my heat.

One summer when we were
First married,

Your father and I stayed in this
Little village in thailand

Where we spent two weeks eating
Viciously hot chilies

And skinny-dipping.

You couldn't put your clothes
On after eating that.

Stop it! I like to think of
Parents the old-fashioned way --

In separate bedrooms.

And now it's time for my
Favorite part of the evening --

Our salute to the chairman
Of the board.

I sure hope that's not
B-o-r-e-d.

[ mid-tempo jazz music plays ]

* come on and fly with me *

* let's fly,
Let's fly away... *

Mom?

Yes?

Remember the man who wasn't
Staring at you?

He wasn't staring at me.

Well, he's coming over.
What?

Excuse me.
I hope I'm not interrupting.

I couldn't help but notice that
You two are having a lot of fun.

Well, that's true.
We are.

Well, good.
I've come to the right place.

Hi, I'm chad.

Hi, chad. I'm lorelai.

This is my mother, emily.

Your mother?!

If the next words out
Of your mouth are,

"You can't possibly be old
Enough to be her mother,"

I'll cause
Severe physical pain.

Emily, do you share
This rather extreme opinion?

I think
I'll stay out of it.

In that case,
Let me just say

That I think you look more
Like sisters

Than mother and daughter.

I went for a variation.

I'll let it slide this time.

You two local
Or just visiting?

Visiting. Mom's from hartford,
And I'm from --

Hartford? Great town.

Little of the old,
Little of the new.

You like living there?

Yes, I do.

And where do you live?

Here.

And by here, I mean
This very bar stool.

Admitting right off the bat that
You spend your life in a bar --

Do you find that people are
Impressed by that?

Until now.

Oh, I love this song.

It's a great song
For dancing.

Yes, it is.

Help me out here,
Would you?

I think he's asking you
To dance.

What?

Oh, no, I-I couldn't.

Rumor has it
You love this song.

Oh, well, yes,
But I don't dance.

I can't believe that.

And I shouldn't leave my
Daughter alone.

That's okay.

Really. I'm serious.
You should ask someone else.

You two can work out
Some kind of "Save me" signal

In case I really
Embarrass you.

Go ahead, mom.
It'll be fun.

Come on, the song's
Almost over.

You'll hardly have to spend any
Time at all with me.

Oh, alright.

* ...Please be true *

* in other words,
Oh, I love you *

[ woman scatting ]

* in other words,
Please be true *

* in other words *

* in other words... *

Hey, your mom
Looks good out there.

Yeah, she sure does.

[ music ends ]

[ laughs ]

[ slow music plays ]

* there's a somebody
I'm longing to see *

* I hope that he
Turns out to be *

* someone to watch over me *

I'm sorry, I have to go.

Mom?

* I'm a little lamb... *

Mom, what's wrong?

We're leaving.
What happened?

I shouldn't have been
Doing this.

Doing what?
Fraternizing with other men.

What are you talking about?

I practically cheated
On your father.

You did not cheat on dad.

I danced with another man.

You've danced
With other men before.

Not without
Your father present.

It was just a dance.
You were having fun.

I need to get out of here.

Mom, you didn't do
Anything wrong.

I don't know why I let you take
Me to this chop house at all.

What were you thinking?
Need food now?

And I certainly
Don't eat at bars.

Hookers eat at bars.
Only if they can't get a table.

You knew I was uncomfortable,
And yet you kept pushing.

I was trying to do
Everything right.

You manipulated me
Into taking this trip.

You told me I was acting
Childish, I tried to be nicer.

You needed to eat,
I made that happen.

By sitting me at a bar
Where you practically forced me

To engage
In inappropriate behavior.

You let me get 60/40'd.

You are crazy!
Do you know that?

We were having dinner, mom.
A nice dinner.

We were talking.
Hell, we were having fun.

Watching your mother make an ass
Of herself is fun for you.

You don't have any right to
Complain about this relationship

If you're not willing to let
Your guard down once in awhile.

There's a way for a mother to
Behave in front of her daughter.

I'm sorry if you don't like it,
But that's how it is.

[ knock on door ]

Come in.

I called the bellman
To get the bags.

He said it would be around
10 minutes.

Thank you for agreeing
To leave early.

No problem.

This whole thing
Was a silly idea anyway.

I don't know why I pushed it.

What was I thinking, putting us
Together for a weekend?

It was a nice thought, mom.

Well, I guess it's the thought
That counts, isn't it?

You know, if you want, I can
Just bring our bags down.

They're not that heavy. And then
We don't have to wait.

Well, that sounds fine.

Why can't we have
What you and rory have?

Rory and I
Are different, mom.

We're mother and daughter,
You're mother and daughter.

It shouldn't be
That different.

It couldn't be
More different.

But why?

I grew up in a different
Environment.

You mean an oppressive
Environment.

No, mom, I mean a different
Environment.

And plus, I was so young
When I had rory.

So because I waited until
I was grown and married,

I can't have a relationship
With my daughter.

No.

Well, then, why?

[ sighs ]

Rory and I
Are best friends, mom.

We are best friends first

And mother and daughter
Second.

And you and I are mother
And daughter always.

I wasn't taught to be best
Friends with my daughter.

I was taught to be
A role model for my daughter.

I did what I thought was right.
I did it to protect you,

And because of this,
We have no relationship.

Oh, mom, we have
A relationship.

We do? What?
What is our relationship?

Well, we --

Exactly.

Maybe an intense weekend
Together

Was not the best idea
For us.

Maybe we need to start
With something simpler.

Like what, a brisk walk
Around the block?

No, I hate exercise.

Oh, well, as long
As you find this amusing.

Mom, come on, there has to be
Something else --

Something small.

Like what?

Where are you going?
Lorelai, come back here.

You don't just walk out
On a person. That's rude.

That's a robe.

Yes. This is my robe.

And I want you to go into
Your room and get your robe.

And then, exactly
At the same time,

We are gonna shove these robes
In our suitcases.

We are gonna walk out that
Door and leave with them.

That's stealing!
Yes, it is.

That's how we're
Going to bond?

Mom, you love this robe.

You've talked about nothing
But this robe.

So this robe will be symbolic
Of our trip together.

Once they check the room,
They'll know the robes are gone,

And then they'll
Charge our credit card.

How do you know?

Because that's what
The little tag

On the hanger says.

The little tag on the hanger
Could be right,

Or the tag could just be there

Trying to scare us away
From trying.

Whether we get away with it
Or not,

It's something we did --
You and I.

You're serious.

I'm folding this robe up.

Lorelai.

I'm putting this robe
In my bag.

That's lunacy.

I am zipping up the bag
That contains the robe.

I have a perfectly good robe
At home.

The only question is,
Am I doing it alone?

Did you ever steal a robe
With rory?

No, rory would never steal.
She's far too moral for that.

You, however,
Vicious trollop...

What's it gonna be?

I should have my head
Examined.

We'll make an appointment
When we get back.

In the course
Of one night,

You've turned me into
An adulterer and a thief.

You'll work at the chicken ranch
By the end of the month.

I cannot believe
I'm doing this.

[ pounding ]

You actually got grandma
To steal a bathrobe?

Although I did catch her
Trying to return it

While I was getting the car.

Life with my mother --
One step forward,

5,000 steps back.

It's kind of like
The spastic polka.

Excuse me. Are you done?
No, sorry, not yet.

You're gonna eat that bacon

That's been sitting there
For 10 minutes?

You must be if you're not done.

Because that's the only thing
That's left in front of you.

Go away.
You're hogging the table.

Keep it up, I'll order seconds.
Fine.

Paris looked a little green
This morning.

She had a sugar-carb hangover
Of monumental proportions.

People don't realize it,

But it takes years of training

To be able to eat like us.

What's on the agenda
For today?

Dean, dean, and,
Oh, did I mention dean?

Wow, he must've been
Crazy mad last night.

I'd say that was a fair
Assessment.

I gotta get to the inn.

Okay, well, I'm probably gonna
Have dinner with dean...

I'll have the house to myself
Tonight.

Life's funny, isn't it?

I simply cannot
Stop laughing.

I'll get the check.

Thanks, hon.

Hey, luke.

What, you find a nail
In your food?

Tom, you are dead.
You hear me? Dead!

There's nothing wrong
With the food, luke.

Oh. Sorry, tom.

I just wanted to thank you.
For what?

For the care package.
What care package?

Hey, luke, I think they hit
The water line again.

Tom, you're dead.
You hear me? Dead!

Huh, interesting.
You wanna pay?

I don't think luke knew
Anything

About the food last night.

That'll be $12.50.

Which means you lied
About why you came over.

I'm gonna have to
Give you nickles.

Now, why would you lie
About something like that?

Here's your change.
Come again soon.

You wanted to come over.
I have to get back to work.

You're squirming.
It's entertaining.

Oh, yeah?
Yeah.

Dean. Hey.
Hi.

Rory's just inside paying.

She's coming out
To meet you after.

Yeah, we're gonna spend
The day together.

That's great.

Yeah, it is.

So, listen, rory told me

Everything that happened
Last night.

She feels just terrible
About it.

I know.

Good. You should.

'cause it's just one of those
Freaky, unfortunate things

That happens.

Freaky and unfortunate.
Yeah.

She had nothing to do with jess
Coming over, believe me.

She did not
Want him there.

That's what she told me.

Rory wouldn't lie, right?

No, rory wouldn't lie.