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Welcome, welcome,
welcome to Last Week Tonight.
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00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:37,635
Im John Oliver, thank you so much for
joining us. It has been a busy week.
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00:00:37,719 --> 00:00:40,035
A Texas judge moved to suspend FDA
approval
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00:00:40,119 --> 00:00:42,275
of a key drug for medication abortions,
5
00:00:42,359 --> 00:00:45,436
a rich white man suffered the beginning
of a potential consequence,
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00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:49,035
and WWE sold a controlling stake in
itself,
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00:00:49,119 --> 00:00:52,836
a decision that Vince McMahon went on
CNBC to explain.
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00:00:52,920 --> 00:00:57,075
You are the WWE, and the WWE is you.
So, why?
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00:00:57,159 --> 00:01:01,715
It-its the right time. Its the right
time to do the right thing.
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00:01:01,799 --> 00:01:05,155
Okay, I am so glad that he is saying
nothing there,
11
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:08,916
because I am exclusively interested in
what is happening on his face.
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00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:12,756
If you have never seen Vince McMahon
before, dont worry, you still havent.
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00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:16,155
Because this is what hes looked like
for the last 30 years or so,
14
00:01:16,239 --> 00:01:21,316
whereas this is clearly an AI-generated
response to the prompt snake tycoon.
15
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,715
Look, sadly, I cant devote the rest of
this show to talking about
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00:01:24,799 --> 00:01:28,715
the decisions on display here, so Ill
just devote 30 more seconds to it.
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00:01:28,799 --> 00:01:30,116
He looks like the answer to the question,
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00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,400
What if Salvador Dali chose to live
without imagination?
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00:01:34,079 --> 00:01:36,275
He looks like hes about to
challenge someone to a balloon race
20
00:01:36,359 --> 00:01:37,836
around the world.
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00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:39,916
He looks like Vincent Price having
an allergic reaction
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00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,515
to being stung by bees.
23
00:01:41,599 --> 00:01:43,956
He looks like a circus owner from the
1930s
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00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,396
who harasses the dancers,
mistreats the animals for fun,
25
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,396
and is eventually murdered by a lion
while the whole town cheers.
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And sadly, that is my time.
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And the reason that we cannot talk more
about this mans face
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is that we need to discuss the events
in Tennessee.
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00:01:57,719 --> 00:02:00,515
After last weeks mass shooting at
Covenant School,
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00:02:00,599 --> 00:02:02,556
young activists have been at the state
Capitol
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00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:04,875
protesting the lack of response from
the legislature,
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00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:09,036
while engaging in some catchy chants
concerning Governor Bill Lee.
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{\an8}Fuck Bill Lee! Fuck Bill Lee! Fuck Bill
Lee! Fuck Bill Lee!
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Look, you can try and get clever with
it, but at the end of the day,
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00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:21,196
theres just nothing like a chant that
goes fuck,
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00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,555
And then the name of the person that
youre mad at.
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00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:27,439
Its short, its sweet, its to the
point, its Fuck Bill Lee.
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00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,115
And that anger is totally justified,
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as the response from Lee and his fellow
Republicans
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has been deeply underwhelming.
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Here is one representative arguing to
young peoples faces
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00:02:37,479 --> 00:02:40,476
that it would be pointless be to ban
AR-15s.
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00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,476
{\an8}Youre not gonna like my answer, and
look, Im gonna say that straight up.
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{\an8}Its not about this one gun.
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00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:49,476
{\an8}If there is a firearm out there that
youre comfortable being shot with,
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00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:51,110
{\an8}please show me which one it is.
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00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:54,276
I mean, that is a hall-of-fame shitty
response,
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00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:57,675
but also, if your opener is,
Youre not gonna like my answer,
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maybe start thinking of some better ones.
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00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,276
And for the record,
I dont want to be shot by any guns.
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00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:05,515
I dont even want to get shot by a Nerf
gun.
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00:03:05,599 --> 00:03:08,355
And not because they sting my paper
bones-which they do-
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00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:12,955
but just based on the fact that this is
Murph, Nerfs actual mascot,
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00:03:13,039 --> 00:03:14,835
and Im pretty sure that every Nerf dart
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00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:19,036
is one of the many penises
that make up Murphs nude body.
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00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,115
Some protesters actually made their way
into the House gallery last week,
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and three state representatives
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took to the floor
to voice their support for them.
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That, in turn, led to Republicans
introducing resolutions
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00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,835
to expel those lawmakers,
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00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:35,276
which the House speaker supported after
claiming they were inciting violence.
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Although, when pressed for proof of
that, he didnt have much to offer.
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00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:40,996
{\an8}Theres no doubt they were disruptive,
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{\an8}but whats the evidence that they were
trying to incite violence?
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{\an8}Well, they were trying to jazz people up.
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00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,276
{\an8}- When we have representatives-
- But, incite violence.
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00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,395
{\an8}When we had representatives trying to
go to the restroom, they got spit on.
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00:03:52,479 --> 00:03:55,436
{\an8}Do you have any evidence that these
three members
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{\an8}were encouraging protesters
to spit on members or troopers?
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00:03:58,759 --> 00:04:00,159
{\an8}I mean, you cant prove that.
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00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:03,916
Oh, okay. So, you cant prove they were
inciting violence,
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00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:06,635
but in the interest of safety, you feel
you have a responsibility
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00:04:06,719 --> 00:04:09,115
to take their dangerous platform away
from them.
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00:04:09,199 --> 00:04:11,436
But if instead of megaphones, they had,
say,
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00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:14,756
something that can fire 100 rounds
in a matter of minutes, then, sadly,
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00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:16,836
its literally impossible to do
anything to prevent that
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because we asked the prematurely
embalmed mayor of Whoville
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00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:21,916
and he said no.
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00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,636
Also, to the extent
that this is about decorum,
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00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,675
its worth knowing, the legislature has
apparently seen far worse behavior.
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00:04:28,759 --> 00:04:32,396
As Gloria Johnson, one of the lawmakers
threatened with expulsion, pointed out,
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00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,995
We had a child molester on the floor
for years,
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00:04:35,079 --> 00:04:38,036
they helped him get reelected and did
nothing to expel him,
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00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:40,396
Weve had members pee in each others
chairs,
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00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,396
Weve had members prescribe drugs to
their cousin-mistress,
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00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,920
and nothing happened.
And sorry-cousin-mistress?
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00:04:47,759 --> 00:04:50,435
Do you know how crazy a list of
allegations has to be
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00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:52,755
for someone to go, There was that
child molester for years,
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00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:55,435
but honestly dont even bother writing
that down because wait until you hear
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00:04:55,519 --> 00:04:58,875
about the next couple of things that
Im about to say.
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The House voted on whether to expel the
three members on Thursday,
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00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,836
and there was a pattern to the results
that was pretty hard to miss.
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00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,675
{\an8}The GOP-controlled House voting
Thursday to oust State Representatives
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00:05:09,759 --> 00:05:11,795
{\an8}Justin Jones and Justin Pearson,
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00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:14,916
{\an8}while a motion to expel
Representative Gloria Johnson
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00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,439
{\an8}narrowly failed by just one vote.
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{\an8}When asked why she was spared,
Johnson saying this.
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{\an8}It might have to do
with the color of our skin.
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{\an8}But state House Republicans
denying that claim.
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{\an8}Our members literally didnt look at
the ethnicity of the members
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{\an8}that were up for expulsion.
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Okay. Now, legally, I cant say that
guy is lying,
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which is why its going to be an
interesting day for our lawyers
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tomorrow when they find out I said that
guy is definitely lying.
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We literally dont even see color
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is the universal tell for people who
spend all day thinking
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about how theyd like to see less color.
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00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:54,956
Now, fortunately, Pearson and Jones
could be re-appointed fairly soon,
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00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:58,516
or re-elected down the road. And while
Republicans claimed, gallingly,
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00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,435
that this was to teach them a lesson
about grandstanding,
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00:06:01,519 --> 00:06:06,476
Pearson wanted to make it clear exactly
why this escalated in the first place.
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{\an8}I dont personally want attention.
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{\an8}What I want is attention on the issue
of gun violence.
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{\an8}But instead, were here with
the resolution you put up,
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{\an8}talking about expelling me
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00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:22,115
{\an8}for advocating for ending gun violence
in the state of Tennessee.
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Exactly. And it is not a great sign for
Tennessee
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when they punish the ones speaking out
against gun violence,
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while keeping the ones who ask,
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Which gun would you be comfortable
being shot with?
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Look, there are pretty clearly two big
issues going on here,
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racism and gun violence-which,
incidentally,
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will in all likelihood be the name of
the next Kid Rock album.
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And Tennessee lawmakers can continue
to brush both of those issues aside,
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saying, Guns arent the problem, or,
We dont see color.
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But the young people of Tennessee are
making it very clear
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they are sick of waiting, and that
change is long overdue.
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Or if I may put that in the words of
this Sega Genesis video game villain.
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{\an8}Its the right time to do the right thing.
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00:07:02,079 --> 00:07:05,916
Thank you, French Dracula-I couldnt
have said it better myself.
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And now, this.
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And now.
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Its Easter, The Most Terrifying Time
of the Year.
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{\an8}It is almost time to meet
the Easter Bunny. Are you ready?
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{\an8}Sometimes the Easter Bunny
is a little scary animal.
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{\an8}I saw one at the mall the other day
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{\an8}and I was like,
eh, I wouldnt sit-Im not doing that.
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{\an8}I always thought the Easter Bunny
was creepy.
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{\an8}- Yeah, a little.
- Yeah, I agree.
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{\an8}Santa I can deal with.
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{\an8}I have yet to see
a really cute Easter Bunny.
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{\an8}Not a cute Easter Bunny there.
Its kind of scary.
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{\an8}They have a creepy effect.
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{\an8}I was scared a little bit
of the Easter Bunny as a kid.
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{\an8}If the eyes are dead up there, no thanks.
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{\an8}Youre taking about a six-foot-tall-
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{\an8}I was just gonna say,
the visual of a bunny.
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{\an8}Gigantic bunny.
Does anyone like that?
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{\an8}Cute bunny.
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{\an8}Terrifying bunny.
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{\an8}Cute bunny.
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{\an8}Nightmare bunny.
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{\an8}So many of the tiny-little ones were
afraid of the big bunny.
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{\an8}Many encounters with the Easter Bunny
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{\an8}provide children with their first
intimate understanding of the concept
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{\an8}of fight or flight.
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Moving on. Our main story tonight
concerns homeownership.
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So, if you are under 35, honestly, this
story isnt for you.
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00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,235
Itll never be for you. You will never
own a home.
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00:08:20,319 --> 00:08:24,315
Sorry, that is the deal that you made
when you decided to be born after 1988.
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00:08:24,399 --> 00:08:27,115
But we didnt want you to feel left
out, so weve actually prepared
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00:08:27,199 --> 00:08:31,235
a full, alternative story for you
tonight about Chuck E. Cheese,
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00:08:31,319 --> 00:08:34,156
a different crumbling American institution
164
00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:35,835
that you should go watch now instead.
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00:08:35,919 --> 00:08:38,516
This is real. It is 25 minutes long,
166
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,156
{\an8}and you can find it at
Last-Squeak-Tonight-dot-com.
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00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:47,116
{\an8}Please go do that now because there is
genuinely nothing for you to see here.
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Okay,
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for everyone who remains,
this story is about HOAs,
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which stands for homeowners associations.
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Not, as you mightve thought, Horse on
Adderall,
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which I believe is the potential sequel
to Cocaine Bear.
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HOAs-also sometimes known
as community associations,
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00:09:05,159 --> 00:09:07,116
are entities set up to govern groups of
homes,
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00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,276
like a suburban neighborhood
developments or condos-
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00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:14,555
and often make local news as the
villains in stories like this.
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00:09:14,639 --> 00:09:17,835
{\an8}Its a simple story of a man
with some simple needs.
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00:09:17,919 --> 00:09:22,955
{\an8}Sit down and have his little chips
and a soda if he wants,
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00:09:23,039 --> 00:09:24,236
{\an8}and say hello to some people.
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00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,315
{\an8}Tanyas talking about her neighbor Ted.
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00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,036
{\an8}Ill be 92 in September.
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00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,036
{\an8}And the bench outside his door.
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00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:31,876
{\an8}I have a place I like to come out here
and sit and relax.
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{\an8}Notices from his HOA, the Bethany Villa
Association, saying simply,
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00:09:36,279 --> 00:09:39,756
{\an8}Remove your bench from
the common area, or it will be removed.
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00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,356
{\an8}The man deserves a place to rest
and enjoy nature
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{\an8}and eat his little snacks
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00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:49,039
{\an8}and say hello to people and pet puppies.
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Yeah! Let that man have his fucking bench!
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He deserves to eat snacks and pet puppies!
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Which is, by the way, the single
greatest way you could spend a day.
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Nothing tops that.
If on the day that your baby was born,
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a friend came and told you that they
spent the afternoon
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00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:08,396
eating snacks and petting puppies,
they had a better day than you did.
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00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,595
The miracle of life cant compete with
the simple joy of munchin snacks
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00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:13,075
and scratchin backs.
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00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:16,279
Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom-and this is
true-a rub, rub.
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00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,396
Also, quick shoutout to Tanya there,
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the neighbor billed by that local
station as simply,
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Neighbor and Ted Fan.
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00:10:23,879 --> 00:10:26,756
She may be a Ted fan, but I, for one,
am a Tanya fan,
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00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:29,790
because I see the effort that it takes
to put on a full face
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00:10:29,840 --> 00:10:32,396
first thing in the morning and go on
the news, just to say,
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00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,756
Stop fucking with Ted!
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00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:39,835
But that is not a one-off.
Stories of HOAs being petty are legion.
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00:10:39,919 --> 00:10:42,595
{\an8}A valley homeowner says her HOA
wants to fine her
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00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,795
{\an8}because she installed artificial grass.
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00:10:44,879 --> 00:10:47,835
A homeowners association told one
San Antonio family
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00:10:47,919 --> 00:10:51,595
their holiday decorations are up too
early, so theyve gotta come down.
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00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:57,195
I got lots and lots of letters from the
HOA
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00:10:57,279 --> 00:10:59,876
telling me to stop feeding the ducks.
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00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:04,600
I mean, when you receive a violation
for a tree not being tree-shaped,
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00:11:06,159 --> 00:11:08,600
it boggles your mind.
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00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:13,396
Yeah, of course, it does. Because what
does not tree-shaped even mean?
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00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,475
If it has branches, bark, and a place
for a squirrel to store some nuts
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00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:20,799
and get some fucks, its a tree. Its
tree-shaped, by definition.
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00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:24,715
The fact is, a lot of people live in
HOAs-
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00:11:24,799 --> 00:11:29,396
29% of the U.S. population
lives in a community association.
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00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:33,276
And its actually increasingly hard to
find a home that doesnt come with one.
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00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,916
As of all the new single-family homes
sold in 2021,
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00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,475
82% were in an HOA.
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00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:44,356
Thats up from around just 40% in 1990.
Which is pretty remarkable,
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00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,795
given that, when one local station
asked viewers how they felt about HOA,
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00:11:47,879 --> 00:11:52,516
the results were nearly universally
negative, with one notable exception.
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00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:56,435
{\an8}This was a rare comment. I like our
HOA. I guess Im the lucky one?
226
00:11:56,519 --> 00:11:59,756
{\an8}But it was quickly followed with,
Don't count yourself lucky too soon.
227
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:04,675
{\an8}Every HOA is just one vote away
from hellish nightmares.
228
00:12:04,759 --> 00:12:05,795
Wow.
229
00:12:05,879 --> 00:12:09,715
One vote away from hellish nightmares
is a pretty intense comment.
230
00:12:09,799 --> 00:12:10,795
Its also, incidentally,
231
00:12:10,879 --> 00:12:14,756
the DNCs sole campaign message
for the last two elections.
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00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:18,876
So, if they are this widely used, and
this widely loathed, tonight,
233
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:22,075
lets look at HOAs-what they are, what
purpose they serve,
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00:12:22,159 --> 00:12:26,276
and the surprising powers they have to
wreak havoc in peoples lives.
235
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:30,315
And lets start with the basics,
courtesy of this old explainer video.
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00:12:30,399 --> 00:12:33,195
Just what is a community association?
237
00:12:33,279 --> 00:12:35,595
The association is a legal entity
238
00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,315
created as a result of a planned
community.
239
00:12:38,399 --> 00:12:42,195
A board of directors is responsible for
governing your association.
240
00:12:42,279 --> 00:12:45,315
Working together with the board
members and committee members
241
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:49,315
can ensure that your community will run
smoothly and effectively.
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00:12:49,399 --> 00:12:52,919
After all, board members are owners,
just like yourself.
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00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:55,835
Okay, you can really tell that video is
from the 90s,
244
00:12:55,919 --> 00:12:58,715
not just because its shot with a
quality that can only be described as
245
00:12:58,799 --> 00:13:02,116
after-school porno, but also because
the board in question
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00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:04,800
is just three men and one woman that
they all ignore.
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00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:07,675
In other words, almost every 90s sitcom.
248
00:13:07,759 --> 00:13:12,156
The point is, HOAs are run by elected
boards of your fellow homeowners.
249
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:13,876
And they require the payment of dues,
250
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,356
which average around two to $300 a month
251
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,996
but can be much more,
depending on where you live.
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00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:23,195
And in return, the HOA covers upkeep of
the common areas and amenities
253
00:13:23,279 --> 00:13:25,876
in the neighborhood, like playgrounds
or swimming pools.
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00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,236
They also, crucially,
255
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,516
enforce architectural and landscaping
guidelines, like
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00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,795
no benches or trees must be tree-shaped,
257
00:13:33,879 --> 00:13:36,276
which are often trying to push
aesthetic uniformity
258
00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,795
and preserve property values.
You can find HOA rules like,
259
00:13:39,879 --> 00:13:44,315
homes may display a maximum of two
exterior decorative objects, or,
260
00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:48,879
All garage doors must be painted
Benjamin Moore Mayonnaise OC-85.
261
00:13:49,519 --> 00:13:51,435
And one Arizona HOA required that
262
00:13:51,519 --> 00:13:55,916
front yard landscaping must contain
a minimum of one 36-inch box tree,
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00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:00,236
one 24-inch box tree, ten five-gallon
shrubs, and ten one-gallon shrubs.
264
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,020
And I genuinely cant tell if those are
HOA requirements
265
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:06,720
for taking care of your lawn
or rules to Settlers of Catan.
266
00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:11,396
And those rules arent just advisory,
theyre enforced through fines.
267
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:14,876
And HOAs can be pretty unforgiving
about handing them out.
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00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:17,876
{\an8}Take a close look at
Debra Blues Wake County home.
269
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:20,075
{\an8}The color of her shutters had her facing
270
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:22,435
{\an8}steep fines
with her homeowners association.
271
00:14:22,519 --> 00:14:25,276
{\an8}They decided to fine me $25 a day.
272
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:29,636
{\an8}Debra paid close to two grand in fines
and took down her plum shutters.
273
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,435
{\an8}Which was immediately met with a
response that now
274
00:14:32,519 --> 00:14:36,996
{\an8}they were going to find me in violation
of taking the shutters off the house
275
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,555
{\an8}and start fining me again.
276
00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:43,315
That is absurd. She got fined for the
color of her shutters, took them down,
277
00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:45,996
and then got in trouble for the absence
of shutters.
278
00:14:46,080 --> 00:14:49,195
Its one of those situations where no
matter what you do you lose,
279
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:51,075
sort of like going on The Voice.
280
00:14:51,159 --> 00:14:55,396
Sure, there are technically winners,
but name a single one.
281
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,756
This show has been on for a
conservative 50 years
282
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,156
and not a single winner is a household
name.
283
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:04,675
Seriously, tell me the first and last
name of just one winner. You cant.
284
00:15:04,759 --> 00:15:08,559
No one can. Not even honky-tonk
Frankenstein can do it.
285
00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:12,075
And some HOAs can be surprisingly
aggressive
286
00:15:12,159 --> 00:15:16,475
about actively seeking out
rule violators, as this man discovered.
287
00:15:16,559 --> 00:15:18,835
{\an8}Three years after buying this property,
288
00:15:18,919 --> 00:15:22,516
{\an8}the Henrys received a letter from their
homeowners' association.
289
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,756
Saying that they were doing an audit
290
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,675
{\an8}and they noticed that I had a shed in
my backyard,
291
00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:29,399
{\an8}and it wasn't approved by my
homeowners' association.
292
00:15:30,159 --> 00:15:33,916
{\an8}Gavin, who is a disabled veteran,
told the HOA the shed was there
293
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:37,595
{\an8}before he bought the property and none
of his neighbors have ever complained.
294
00:15:37,679 --> 00:15:40,236
{\an8}Since you can't see the shed
from the front yard
295
00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,820
{\an8}and no one came knocking
at the Henrys' front door,
296
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,955
{\an8}they asked their homeowners association
297
00:15:45,039 --> 00:15:47,236
{\an8}how they were able to perform an audit.
298
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,835
{\an8}That's when they were told over
the phone that
299
00:15:48,919 --> 00:15:51,759
{\an8}Google Maps was used
to scope out their backyard.
300
00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:56,236
Yeah, they spied on him with Google
Maps. Which feels extreme.
301
00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:58,955
If you're relying on the achievements
of the space program
302
00:15:59,039 --> 00:16:01,156
to find out what is in someone's backyard,
303
00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,835
it's probably not your business.
304
00:16:03,919 --> 00:16:07,475
And if you're wondering how HOAs get
the authority to do all of this,
305
00:16:07,559 --> 00:16:09,835
the answer is, they're basically born
with it.
306
00:16:09,919 --> 00:16:12,036
HOAs are typically created by developers
307
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:13,756
when they build a new neighborhood.
308
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,435
They write the HOA into deed restrictions,
309
00:16:16,519 --> 00:16:19,396
with membership automatic upon
purchasing your home.
310
00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,795
And they're set up as not-for-profit
private corporations
311
00:16:22,879 --> 00:16:25,236
that can often function like a local
government.
312
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,356
Some HOAs handle street paving,
snow plowing, lighting,
313
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:30,876
and run private sewer and water systems.
314
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,835
And others even dabble in traffic
enforcement.
315
00:16:33,919 --> 00:16:35,795
{\an8}In the Parkview Community
in Spring Valley,
316
00:16:35,879 --> 00:16:40,036
{\an8}an HOA board email says they
installed this-a speed camera.
317
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,396
{\an8}They say more are coming.
318
00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,955
{\an8}Neighbor Ted Morris says what worries
him and some other neighbors is
319
00:16:44,039 --> 00:16:49,236
{\an8}how much a violation will cost you for
going slightly over 15 miles an hour.
320
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:53,955
{\an8}The notice says it's 250 for the first
ticket, $500 for the second,
321
00:16:54,039 --> 00:16:59,715
{\an8}$1,000 for the third, and any more
violations for you and your guests.
322
00:16:59,799 --> 00:17:02,315
$1,000 speeding tickets,
323
00:17:02,399 --> 00:17:04,916
given out not by the city, but by the
HOA!
324
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,156
Basically, the way HOAs work is,
325
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:11,876
they get to set the rules, and select
the punishment for breaking them.
326
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,195
Think of it like Disney World.
327
00:17:13,279 --> 00:17:16,916
When you walk into the mouse's house,
you play by the mouse's rules,
328
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:21,319
and if you step out of line, Goofy is
allowed to break your fucking knees.
329
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:26,955
And the existence of HOAs is something
that many local governments appreciate.
330
00:17:27,039 --> 00:17:30,715
Cash-strapped municipalities like them
because developers build roads
331
00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,755
and parks and pass the costs along to
the homeowners.
332
00:17:33,839 --> 00:17:37,636
In fact, many municipalities even
mandate the creation of HOAs
333
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,396
in new residential developments.
334
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,275
Which might be why the rise of HOAs has
been called
335
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:46,116
the most significant privatization of
local government responsibilities
336
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:47,596
in recent times.
337
00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,195
And that gets to an important point here,
338
00:17:49,279 --> 00:17:52,156
because HOAs can have the authority of
a government,
339
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:54,356
and collect fees and fines like one,
340
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,515
but when it comes to accountability,
they can actively resist it,
341
00:17:57,599 --> 00:18:00,556
in ways that government officials could
only dream about.
342
00:18:00,640 --> 00:18:02,475
After the residents of one HOA in
Arizona
343
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:05,916
posted some social media comments
about an upcoming board election,
344
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:09,916
the HOA demanded they remove posts
that were critical of its board-
345
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:14,156
and threatened to fine them as much as
$250 a day if they didn't.
346
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,755
And while they eventually walked that
back,
347
00:18:16,839 --> 00:18:20,596
that is a pretty striking level of
hostility toward basic scrutiny,
348
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:22,596
even before you learn that this is how
349
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,836
one board member dealt with press
inquiries as the story unfolded.
350
00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,035
{\an8}- I got to ask you--
- No comment.
351
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:29,916
{\an8}- No, I'm sorry. Get away from me.
- No, you've got a lot of--
352
00:18:30,000 --> 00:18:31,195
{\an8}Get away from me!
353
00:18:31,279 --> 00:18:34,275
{\an8}That's Valvista Lakes board director
Todd McCoy
354
00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:37,959
{\an8}following a private board meeting
tonight in Gilbert. After being shoved,
355
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:41,515
{\an8}we reiterated to McCoy that
the community was very upset.
356
00:18:41,599 --> 00:18:42,749
{\an8}To which, he replied...
357
00:18:42,759 --> 00:18:44,755
{\an8}I don't care about them right now.
358
00:18:44,839 --> 00:18:46,515
Holy shit!
359
00:18:46,599 --> 00:18:50,279
He came at that reporter with the fire
of a thousand Mel Gibsons.
360
00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:52,715
There is almost no scenario where
361
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,435
yelling get away from me
that aggressively is called for,
362
00:18:55,519 --> 00:18:59,076
aside from maybe bumping into
Ezra Miller in Hawaii.
363
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:01,675
And at this point, you probably won't
be surprised to learn that
364
00:19:01,759 --> 00:19:04,636
private associations designed to have
the force of law
365
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,020
in suburban neighborhoods,
366
00:19:06,079 --> 00:19:09,316
have a history of being used to exclude
certain groups.
367
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:11,796
As we discussed in our housing
discrimination piece,
368
00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,116
many neighborhoods had racial covenants
369
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,636
barring the sale of housing to
Black Americans.
370
00:19:16,720 --> 00:19:19,836
And in some cases, HOAs tried to
enforce those covenants,
371
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:23,396
even after the Supreme Court ruled them
unconstitutional.
372
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,396
But even today, there are cases where
HOAs are used
373
00:19:26,480 --> 00:19:29,435
to actively exclude
certain types of residents.
374
00:19:29,519 --> 00:19:30,556
Just last June,
375
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,275
the board of the Providence HOA in
Denton County, Texas-
376
00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:36,316
which oversees a community made up of
2,200 homes-
377
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,916
passed a rule that would ban renting
a house
378
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,715
to anyone using a publicly financed or
subsidized housing program,
379
00:19:42,799 --> 00:19:47,116
such as Section eight.
And the impacts of that were immediate.
380
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,200
Revisha Threat fears being homeless soon.
381
00:19:49,279 --> 00:19:51,435
That's because the rules have changed
382
00:19:51,519 --> 00:19:52,995
in their Providence Village subdivision.
383
00:19:53,079 --> 00:19:57,076
I sit in my living room and cry cause
I just don't know what to do.
384
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,955
Now that is terrible.
But it's not just her-
385
00:20:00,039 --> 00:20:03,396
that new rule threatened to
displace more than 150 families
386
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:04,475
renting in the neighborhood,
387
00:20:04,559 --> 00:20:08,316
with Black families making up 93% of
those households.
388
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,316
And I know that those HOA officials
389
00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:12,400
might not think of themselves as racists,
390
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:16,079
but 93% is a pretty solid A for racism.
391
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:18,636
That HOAs policy is now under
investigation,
392
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,916
but the fact is, there is nothing in
state or federal law
393
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:25,556
that explicitly forbids HOAs from
enacting bans like this.
394
00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:27,836
It's basically a segregation loophole,
395
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:32,275
which, by the way, would be a pretty
good slogan for the suburbs.
396
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,109
And if you are thinking,
Well, this all seems fucked up,
397
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:38,515
but thank God there aren't private
companies making this worse!
398
00:20:38,599 --> 00:20:41,275
Hold on-Ive got some bad news.
399
00:20:41,359 --> 00:20:44,156
Because at this point, we should probably
discuss management companies.
400
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,790
You see, while, as I mentioned,
401
00:20:45,839 --> 00:20:50,675
all the big decision-making in HOAs is
done by elected boards of homeowners,
402
00:20:50,759 --> 00:20:54,955
they may not have the time or skills to
do everything running an HOA entails,
403
00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:58,995
or they may not want to get their hands
dirty policing their neighbors.
404
00:20:59,079 --> 00:21:03,435
That is why the majority of HOAs hire
professional companies
405
00:21:03,519 --> 00:21:06,715
to handle their day-to-day needs, under
the board's direction.
406
00:21:06,799 --> 00:21:10,475
Here is how one of the biggest,
Associa, pitches itself.
407
00:21:10,559 --> 00:21:14,076
{\an8}The people who serve on our boards
are volunteers,
408
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:18,356
and for most of them,
they have other full-time jobs.
409
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,755
So, our role is to come alongside them
410
00:21:21,839 --> 00:21:25,640
and help do the heavy lifting of what
it takes to manage that neighborhood
411
00:21:26,319 --> 00:21:29,675
that they may not have the time for or
the expertise for.
412
00:21:29,759 --> 00:21:32,640
Our role is really to help them achieve
that vision.
413
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,396
Now, in theory, that sounds pretty
good, doesnt it?
414
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,876
But in practice, it can get much
messier than that.
415
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,460
Remember Ted, who was getting
his bench taken away?
416
00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:43,796
His neighborhood was run by Associa.
417
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,235
So, if all they want to do is help
a neighborhood achieve a vision,
418
00:21:47,319 --> 00:21:50,116
as long as that vision includes
Ted doesn't get to sit down,
419
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,556
I guess, mission accomplished.
420
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:53,636
The problem is,
421
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:58,356
when you introduce for-profit companies
to find problems in your neighborhood,
422
00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,396
things can change fast.
423
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,235
Many of these management companies
have people whose job it is
424
00:22:03,319 --> 00:22:06,475
to drive around neighborhoods, looking
for infractions.
425
00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:09,509
If you look at that letter that Ted got
regarding his bench,
426
00:22:09,559 --> 00:22:11,556
you'll see that it says the infraction
was noted
427
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,156
by the Associa Arizona
Inspection Team.
428
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:18,740
And just watch as one woman explains
just how quickly things snowballed
429
00:22:18,759 --> 00:22:21,955
after a new management company took
over her HOA.
430
00:22:22,039 --> 00:22:25,876
First, the HOA told her her trash cans
couldn't be visible from the street.
431
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,475
{\an8}You have to turn your head
so far over like this
432
00:22:29,559 --> 00:22:33,515
{\an8}to see it for the second
that you are passing my house.
433
00:22:33,599 --> 00:22:34,955
So, she moved them inside.
434
00:22:35,039 --> 00:22:36,836
Which is very hard to get them in and out.
435
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,755
Then the problem was her hose.
436
00:22:38,839 --> 00:22:42,636
It was, you know, all wrapped up, so it
really didn't look bad.
437
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:44,076
Then it was her lawn art.
438
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,396
You can't have those.
439
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:48,556
Then they wanted her to power wash her
house and sweep up her driveway.
440
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,596
But when she didn't get it done fast
enough,
441
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,916
she got late fees on top of late fees,
442
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,156
$25 a day for each infraction.
443
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,435
These are things that are so
incidental, they're not important!
444
00:22:58,519 --> 00:23:02,759
They're asinine. And you're charging me
$17,000?!
445
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:05,796
$17,000!
446
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:09,035
That is clearly ridiculous.
I adore everything about that women
447
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:13,796
including her world-class delivery of
asinine. Although, I will say,
448
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:16,715
I do think she could do a little bit
better with her lawn art.
449
00:23:16,799 --> 00:23:19,316
It's not $17,000 fine bad, of course not.
450
00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:22,275
Its just a bit of a waste when you
could have something spectacular,
451
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:26,636
like these ducks wearing boots,
or these ducks made of bananas.
452
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:31,876
Your lawn is a canvas, Pat. Fill it
with whatever duck art speaks to you.
453
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:32,955
The point is,
454
00:23:33,039 --> 00:23:37,195
this is a system that can quickly trap
people in a vicious cycle of debt.
455
00:23:37,279 --> 00:23:41,235
Here-heres how it works. Let's say you
fall behind on HOA payments.
456
00:23:41,319 --> 00:23:44,396
You might be charged interest and have
to pay additional penalties.
457
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,475
But that is just the beginning here
458
00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:48,955
because once the management company
starts pursuing payment,
459
00:23:49,039 --> 00:23:52,556
they can involve lawyers, whose fees
can be astronomical,
460
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,596
and things can get out of hand fast.
461
00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:58,515
Here is the bill of just one
88-year-old homeowner in Texas.
462
00:23:58,599 --> 00:24:00,435
She fell ill, and was in a nursing home,
463
00:24:00,519 --> 00:24:05,435
so she missed an annual dues payment
at the start of 2021, of $423.
464
00:24:05,519 --> 00:24:08,715
Her HOA then started charging interest
and fees for missed payments,
465
00:24:08,799 --> 00:24:12,675
and just five months later,
her bill was already up to $682.
466
00:24:12,759 --> 00:24:14,596
But things really started escalating
467
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,930
when lawyers' fees started getting
introduced.
468
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,715
Because there are a lot of them-and
over the course of just two years,
469
00:24:20,799 --> 00:24:24,156
she suddenly owed over $8,000,
470
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,715
well over half of which was lawyers' fees.
471
00:24:26,799 --> 00:24:29,156
And if you're wondering why lawyers are
even getting involved here,
472
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,076
it's because they often come in
when HOAs are ready to exercise
473
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:35,316
a truly incredible power that they have
over homeowners,
474
00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:38,556
which this woman found out about the
hard way.
475
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,675
{\an8}There was a process server who came
and knocked on my door
476
00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:44,076
and served me with a foreclosure notice.
477
00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,475
And of course, you know, I freaked out.
478
00:24:46,559 --> 00:24:48,755
Miesha had fallen behind on a lot of
her bills,
479
00:24:48,839 --> 00:24:51,275
but she said she'd work something out
with the mortgage company.
480
00:24:51,359 --> 00:24:55,279
But this was the HOA, and I had no idea
that an HOA could foreclose on you.
481
00:24:55,799 --> 00:24:59,515
Its true.
HOAs can foreclose on your home.
482
00:24:59,599 --> 00:25:01,596
Which is one of those things that
sounds ridiculous
483
00:25:01,680 --> 00:25:02,916
but is absolutely true.
484
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:06,076
Like how there are four times as many
chickens as people on Earth,
485
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,035
or Lenny Kravitz is Al Roker's second
cousin,
486
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,916
or that the first song Charlie Puth
ever masturbated to
487
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,995
was This Love by Maroon five.
488
00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:16,995
That's a true fact! And I hate that
I know it!
489
00:25:17,079 --> 00:25:19,599
But I love that you now know it, too.
490
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,515
And this power gets deployed all over
the country.
491
00:25:23,599 --> 00:25:28,515
Colorado's HOAs alone filed more than
2,400 foreclosure cases
492
00:25:28,599 --> 00:25:31,596
from January 2018 to February of last
year.
493
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,435
And to make matters worse, those homes
can then be sold at auction-
494
00:25:35,519 --> 00:25:38,275
sometimes without the homeowner even
realizing.
495
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:39,916
Just listen to this woman explain how-
496
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,356
despite desperately trying to pay
her late HOA fees-
497
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:45,475
she wound up losing everything.
498
00:25:45,559 --> 00:25:48,076
{\an8}Walked in, paid off the 2,700.
And when I walked out, I said,
499
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,636
{\an8}This is all I owe, right? Yes.
500
00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:52,916
Then here comes the next set of letters,
501
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,156
and now it's up to 6,400.
502
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:59,515
Turns out there were post-judgment
legal fees and 18% back interest.
503
00:25:59,599 --> 00:26:02,836
So, even after she'd paid more than
$9,000,
504
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:06,116
she was still somehow behind on her dues.
505
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:10,916
But in 2018, she received the
most shocking letter of all:
506
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:12,880
an eviction notice.
507
00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,156
You know, its-you lose your home.
That's hard.
508
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,675
But sadness turned to anger when she
realized
509
00:26:19,759 --> 00:26:22,356
the HOA had purchased her home
through foreclosure
510
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:27,035
for $3.24 a year before she was evicted.
511
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,715
That happened!
512
00:26:28,799 --> 00:26:32,556
They bought her whole house for $3.24.
513
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,035
And losing your home alone is horrifying,
514
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:38,675
but seeing it sold for so little is
genuinely insulting.
515
00:26:38,759 --> 00:26:42,796
Because $3.24 is significantly less
than what it costs
516
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,076
to buy just one of those banana ducks.
517
00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:48,995
They cost $17.98.
And the reason I know that is...
518
00:26:49,079 --> 00:26:53,359
I bought one. And yes, I, too, was
surprised by how small it is.
519
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,675
But much less surprised than I was to
learn that
520
00:26:56,759 --> 00:27:00,755
it technically costs more than
someone's entire fucking house.
521
00:27:00,839 --> 00:27:04,396
Most states don't even require HOAs to
offer a payment plan
522
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:06,675
before taking legal action against a
homeowner.
523
00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:07,836
And the reason for that is simple:
524
00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,195
remember, HOAs are private organizations.
525
00:27:11,279 --> 00:27:16,556
That means that the nation's 350,000
HOAs are largely unregulated.
526
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:19,515
And the government sees any disputes
as private matters.
527
00:27:19,599 --> 00:27:21,195
The Californias AGs office says that
528
00:27:21,279 --> 00:27:24,556
it does not handle most homeowners
associations complaints.
529
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:26,235
The Texas secretary of state says that,
530
00:27:26,319 --> 00:27:30,076
No state agency regulates home or
property owners' associations.
531
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:32,035
And the New York state AG says,
532
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,475
In most cases there is no government
agency
533
00:27:34,559 --> 00:27:37,435
that can help unhappy homeowners
who are having problems with
534
00:27:37,519 --> 00:27:41,275
their homeowners association, adding,
Good luck!
535
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:44,636
Which is basically just a cute way to
say, You're fucked!
536
00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:48,755
It's like you're fucked washed her
hair and put on a little church dress.
537
00:27:48,839 --> 00:27:51,596
And if after all this you're thinking,
Well, I have learned my lesson-
538
00:27:51,680 --> 00:27:53,876
I'll never buy a house in an HOA,
539
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:58,755
remember over 80% of new homes
that are sold, come with one.
540
00:27:58,839 --> 00:28:02,275
Also, you might not know that you are
dealing with a bad HOA
541
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:04,475
until it is too late. As in most places,
542
00:28:04,559 --> 00:28:07,715
you aren't legally required to be
granted access to all of its rules
543
00:28:07,799 --> 00:28:11,396
until after your offer to buy a home
is accepted.
544
00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:13,116
Which seems a bit weird, doesnt it?
545
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:16,636
If your HOA can see your backyard from
space,
546
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:19,916
you should probably be able to see your
HOA documents before you sign.
547
00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:24,715
And look, Im not saying that all HOAs
should immediately be gone.
548
00:28:24,799 --> 00:28:28,515
For a start, some people do like
theirs. And besides, right now,
549
00:28:28,599 --> 00:28:31,636
local governments just aren't equipped
to suddenly take over the services like
550
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,195
trash collection or maintenance
that they provide.
551
00:28:34,279 --> 00:28:36,515
But at the very least,
552
00:28:36,599 --> 00:28:39,515
states should be looking for ways to
avoid the worst possible outcome
553
00:28:39,599 --> 00:28:42,796
for homeowners who simply find
themselves in a tough spot,
554
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:47,035
like mandating HOAs offer payment plans
on unpaid debt
555
00:28:47,119 --> 00:28:48,636
before they take legal action,
556
00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:52,556
and banning foreclosures based solely
on fines, and attorneys fees.
557
00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:54,035
Because at their best,
558
00:28:54,119 --> 00:28:56,596
HOAs are annoying student council adults
559
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,480
telling you to trim your shrubs
and move your trash cans,
560
00:28:59,559 --> 00:29:02,836
but at their worst
they are glorified debt collectors
561
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:06,755
with the power to upend your life and
expel people from a neighborhood.
562
00:29:06,839 --> 00:29:09,715
And at absolute minimum, from now on,
563
00:29:09,799 --> 00:29:13,475
HOAs should probably be forced to be
much clearer with people
564
00:29:13,559 --> 00:29:16,480
about what they are potentially getting
themselves into.
565
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,000
Good morning, Stephanie and Chloe.
566
00:29:22,559 --> 00:29:25,396
Hi, there. Welcome to Cedar Paradise.
567
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:26,995
The moment you purchased your home,
568
00:29:27,079 --> 00:29:29,515
you joined our wonderful homeowners
association,
569
00:29:29,599 --> 00:29:31,049
whether you wanted to or not.
570
00:29:31,079 --> 00:29:34,435
The HOA is here to take care of you.
You give us money,
571
00:29:34,519 --> 00:29:37,995
and in return, we maintain all the
beauty you see around us.
572
00:29:38,079 --> 00:29:42,160
And if you don't pay up, we'll turn
your fucking life upside down.
573
00:29:43,119 --> 00:29:45,116
So, let me show you the neighborhood!
574
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,356
Here at Cedar Paradise,
each of our lawns requires,
575
00:29:48,440 --> 00:29:50,515
somewhere on the property, one tree,
576
00:29:50,599 --> 00:29:53,156
six three-gallon shrubs, one birdbath,
577
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,475
a garden gnome, a second gnome
for that one to talk to,
578
00:29:56,559 --> 00:29:58,556
a third one they ignore,
579
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:01,076
one Victorian child playing hopscotch,
580
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:02,675
and an American flag.
581
00:30:02,759 --> 00:30:04,000
But no benches.
582
00:30:06,039 --> 00:30:07,235
Please! No!
583
00:30:07,319 --> 00:30:08,559
Eat shit, Ted!
584
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:10,916
When you join an HOA,
585
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:14,000
youre really joining a community that
looks after each other.
586
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:18,359
And as your elected representative, I
make sure to take a hands-on approach.
587
00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:21,556
Ah, novelty mailbox.
588
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:22,759
That's a violation.
589
00:30:23,799 --> 00:30:26,275
Oh, yeah.
That's a violation.
590
00:30:26,359 --> 00:30:29,559
Wind chimes. Gross.
Three violations.
591
00:30:30,319 --> 00:30:33,960
Nope. I don't care for that tree.
That's a violation.
592
00:30:34,960 --> 00:30:37,275
Oh, 16 in a 15.
593
00:30:37,359 --> 00:30:40,039
- That's another thousand dollars, Ken!
- Fuck you!
594
00:30:41,799 --> 00:30:45,796
And Ken isn't the only one who
appreciates everything the HOA does.
595
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,675
Fuck the HOA.
596
00:30:47,759 --> 00:30:50,076
Fascist sons of bitches.
597
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:53,640
They found my shed by strapping
a GoPro to a raccoon.
598
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:55,599
A damn raccoon.
599
00:30:56,400 --> 00:30:58,079
Some white people bullshit.
600
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,955
Apparently, my cans are too visible
when they're parked up there,
601
00:31:02,039 --> 00:31:04,755
but you'd have to turn your neck like
this to even see them,
602
00:31:04,839 --> 00:31:06,755
and I don't know what else I'm supposed
to do at this point.
603
00:31:06,839 --> 00:31:08,596
- Ah!
- Hey, Pam.
604
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:12,396
Cans aren't allowed to go down to the
curb until 4:00 PM on trash day.
605
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:14,076
It's 3:57.
606
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:17,755
- How long have you been in there?
- Pam, this is recycle only.
607
00:31:17,839 --> 00:31:19,316
- I know, but-
- Pam.
608
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:21,035
- I know.
- You know this, Pam.
609
00:31:21,119 --> 00:31:22,279
I know.
610
00:31:24,039 --> 00:31:26,916
No broken glass on the driveway.
That's another fine.
611
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,396
Are you allowed to do that?
612
00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:30,916
There's nothing in the rules that says
I can't.
613
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:33,876
- These rules are stupid. I don't-
- What did you say?
614
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,156
Nothing. Nothing.
Have a good day.
615
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:38,995
Bob!?
616
00:31:39,079 --> 00:31:42,400
And, hey, if you fall behind on your
payments, we get it.
617
00:31:43,359 --> 00:31:44,440
We're not monsters.
618
00:31:45,559 --> 00:31:48,435
- Oh, hello.
- I'm here for the debt.
619
00:31:48,519 --> 00:31:49,916
I didn't know I owed anything.
620
00:31:50,000 --> 00:31:52,596
Well, we sent you a $20 fine
three months ago,
621
00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:54,035
and we haven't heard from you since.
622
00:31:54,119 --> 00:31:56,275
Well, here. Heres 20 bucks.
623
00:31:56,359 --> 00:31:59,636
Thank you, but that's not all.
There's this bill now, too.
624
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:02,035
- Wait, what is this now?
- I'll let our lawyer explain.
625
00:32:02,119 --> 00:32:04,876
And that starts my hour.
626
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,316
- Wait, wait, whered you come from?
- Right there. Now, you've got fees.
627
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:12,396
Late fees, late late fees,
lawyer fees. That's me.
628
00:32:12,480 --> 00:32:15,195
Fees for this conversation we're having
right now fees,
629
00:32:15,279 --> 00:32:16,636
there's a raccoon fee, there-there-
630
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:18,796
- A raccoon fee?
- Yeah. A raccoon fee.
631
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:23,515
Anyway, it comes to $11,067.38.
632
00:32:23,599 --> 00:32:27,076
- Hey, wait. I-I can't afford that.
- Well, great news, then.
633
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:30,599
During this conversation,
we foreclosed on your house.
634
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,519
- I just bought it! Oh. Four bucks.
- Wow!
635
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:38,275
- Can you break a 20?
- Wait, wait. This all feels illegal.
636
00:32:38,359 --> 00:32:40,755
- Oh, that's what's so great about it.
- Yeah! It's not!
637
00:32:40,839 --> 00:32:44,916
- It's not illegal at all.
- Its not! It's completely legal!
638
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:46,755
- I'm a lawyer!
- He knows!
639
00:32:46,839 --> 00:32:48,035
- I know!
- You know?
640
00:32:48,119 --> 00:32:51,675
- Yes!
- Wait, wait. What the fuck? Yo! Hey!
641
00:32:51,759 --> 00:32:53,599
Damn, yall are strong!
642
00:32:57,079 --> 00:32:58,880
I never get sick of that.
643
00:32:59,839 --> 00:33:02,596
- XYou want to come into my new house?
- Yeah. Please.
644
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,675
Lets have a drink.
645
00:33:03,759 --> 00:33:05,515
Yeah, let's see what he's got in the
refrigerator.
646
00:33:05,599 --> 00:33:08,440
- Yeah. Good call.
- Oh, there's a lot of fun art.
647
00:33:09,319 --> 00:33:12,636
So, welcome to the HOA.
I think you're going to like it here.
648
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:16,480
And if you don't, tough nuts, you've
got no other choice.
649
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:18,715
Bye!
650
00:33:18,799 --> 00:33:21,636
Cedar Paradise. A family community with
impossible standards
651
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:23,396
{\an8}That's our show,
thanks so much for watching.
652
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,759
{\an8}Well see you next week, good night!
653
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,480
{\an8}Guess whos eating raccoon tonight?
654
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,119
{\an8}Delicious.
655
00:33:48,039 --> 00:33:49,200
Get away from me!
59412
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