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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:28,469 --> 00:01:30,095 Come on. 2 00:01:30,262 --> 00:01:33,140 Come on, man. Come on, let him through. Come on. 3 00:01:33,307 --> 00:01:37,478 Come on, hold him back, man, hold him back, man. Back off, man. 4 00:01:38,562 --> 00:01:40,397 I told you to stay off the boardwalk. 5 00:01:46,070 --> 00:01:48,239 Okay, boys, let's go. 6 00:01:56,956 --> 00:01:59,250 You too, off the boardwalk. 7 00:03:17,954 --> 00:03:19,789 - Keep going. - Hey, I like that song. 8 00:03:21,458 --> 00:03:22,500 Keep going, Mom. 9 00:03:23,877 --> 00:03:25,545 - Oh, how about this? - Hang on. 10 00:03:25,712 --> 00:03:28,298 I don't see any bogeymen or nasty guys. 11 00:03:30,884 --> 00:03:33,762 Pretty cool, Mom, you know. You wanna switch the dial? 12 00:03:35,930 --> 00:03:37,557 - Oh, this jams. - Quite right. 13 00:03:37,724 --> 00:03:39,351 Gosh, you guys are rough. 14 00:03:39,517 --> 00:03:41,811 - His pain, discomfort, manipulation... - No, no. 15 00:03:44,064 --> 00:03:45,440 No. 16 00:03:45,607 --> 00:03:47,025 - Oh! - Keep going. 17 00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,943 Oh, wait, wait, wait. That's from my era. 18 00:03:53,156 --> 00:03:55,200 - Keep going. - Keep going, okay. 19 00:03:57,994 --> 00:03:59,204 Hey, we're almost there. 20 00:03:59,371 --> 00:04:01,122 Mom, what's that smell? 21 00:04:01,289 --> 00:04:04,125 - Ah, that's the ocean air. - It smells like someone died. 22 00:04:04,292 --> 00:04:05,752 Aw, honey. 23 00:04:05,919 --> 00:04:08,296 Look, guys, I know the last year hasn't been easy... 24 00:04:08,463 --> 00:04:12,384 ...but I think you're really gonna like living in Santa Carla. 25 00:04:54,051 --> 00:04:56,345 Mom, there's an amusement park right on the beach. 26 00:04:56,512 --> 00:04:59,348 Sam, tell those kids to get something to eat. 27 00:05:00,141 --> 00:05:02,810 - Is there any jobs around here? - Nothing legal. 28 00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:36,571 Come on, Nanook. 29 00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:02,305 Dad? Dad? 30 00:07:02,472 --> 00:07:05,433 - Looks like he's dead. - No, he's just a deep sleeper. 31 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,311 If he's dead, can we go back to Phoenix? 32 00:07:09,020 --> 00:07:10,313 Playing dead. 33 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,441 And from what I heard, doing a damn good job of it too. 34 00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:16,319 Dad. Oh, Dad. 35 00:07:23,201 --> 00:07:26,788 - This is a pretty cool place. - For The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. 36 00:07:26,955 --> 00:07:29,249 Come on, Sam, give Mom a break. 37 00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,376 What's wrong with this picture? 38 00:07:31,543 --> 00:07:35,755 There's no TV. Have you seen a TV? I haven't seen a TV, Mike. 39 00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:38,842 You know what it means when there's no TV? No MTV. 40 00:07:39,009 --> 00:07:41,095 Sammy, we're flat broke. 41 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:47,101 Lucy, you're the only woman I ever knew... 42 00:07:47,268 --> 00:07:50,062 ...who didn't improve her situation by getting divorced. 43 00:07:50,229 --> 00:07:52,690 Yeah, I know. 44 00:07:53,190 --> 00:07:57,653 But a big legal battle wasn't gonna improve anybody's situation. 45 00:07:57,820 --> 00:08:00,531 You know, Dad, we've all been through enough. You know. 46 00:08:00,698 --> 00:08:02,825 Anyway, I was raised better than that. 47 00:08:02,992 --> 00:08:04,994 Hey, ouch! My hair. 48 00:08:07,413 --> 00:08:10,499 - Mom. Mom, you've gotta help me. - Soon. 49 00:08:10,666 --> 00:08:13,753 Hey, guys, no running in the house. 50 00:08:21,594 --> 00:08:24,930 Talk about The Texas Chain Saw Massacre. 51 00:08:25,598 --> 00:08:26,807 Rules. 52 00:08:27,391 --> 00:08:30,561 We've got some rules around here. 53 00:08:30,728 --> 00:08:32,938 Second shelf is mine. 54 00:08:33,105 --> 00:08:37,151 That's where I keep my root beers and my double-thick Oreo cookies. 55 00:08:37,318 --> 00:08:40,488 Nobody touches the second shelf but me. 56 00:08:40,655 --> 00:08:44,742 Now, there's another rule around here, and I want you to pay close attention. 57 00:08:44,909 --> 00:08:46,410 Don't touch anything. 58 00:08:47,203 --> 00:08:49,038 Everything is exactly where I want it to be. 59 00:08:49,205 --> 00:08:53,250 Hey, Grandpa, is it true that Santa Carla's the murder capital of the world? 60 00:08:53,417 --> 00:08:56,253 Well, there are some bad elements around here. 61 00:08:56,420 --> 00:08:57,880 Wait, let me get this straight. 62 00:08:58,047 --> 00:09:00,925 Are you telling me we moved to the murder capital of the world? 63 00:09:01,092 --> 00:09:04,178 - Are you serious, Grandpa? - Well, let me put it this way. 64 00:09:04,345 --> 00:09:08,099 If all the corpses buried around here were to stand up all at once... 65 00:09:08,265 --> 00:09:10,351 ...we'd have one hell of a population problem. 66 00:09:12,770 --> 00:09:13,771 Great, Dad. 67 00:09:13,938 --> 00:09:18,025 Now, on Wednesdays, when the mailman brings the TV Guide... 68 00:09:18,192 --> 00:09:21,404 ...sometimes the address label is curled up just a little like that. 69 00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:24,533 Now, you'll be tempted to tear it off. Don't. 70 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:27,911 You'll only wind up ripping the cover, and I don't like that. 71 00:09:28,078 --> 00:09:31,039 - And stay out of here. - Wait, wait. 72 00:09:31,206 --> 00:09:32,833 - You have a TV? - No. 73 00:09:32,999 --> 00:09:35,127 I just like to read the TV Guide. 74 00:09:35,293 --> 00:09:38,296 Read the TV Guide, you don't need a TV. 75 00:11:51,347 --> 00:11:53,599 Mom. Mom. 76 00:11:53,766 --> 00:11:55,101 I can't find my mom. 77 00:11:57,395 --> 00:11:59,272 What's the matter? 78 00:12:01,274 --> 00:12:02,608 Are you lost? 79 00:12:12,201 --> 00:12:13,953 Let's go in here and we can ask, okay? 80 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,038 Excuse me, I wonder if you could help us. 81 00:12:16,205 --> 00:12:19,375 This boy is lost and we're wondering if his mother might be in here. 82 00:12:19,542 --> 00:12:20,877 I don't really know. 83 00:12:21,043 --> 00:12:22,837 - Well, if... - Terry. 84 00:12:23,004 --> 00:12:25,298 - I was so worried. - Great. 85 00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:27,425 - Don't run off like that. - There you are. 86 00:12:27,592 --> 00:12:28,968 - Thank you. - Thank you. 87 00:12:29,135 --> 00:12:30,428 Bye, Terry. 88 00:12:31,012 --> 00:12:33,973 Hey, we only come here to watch one thing. 89 00:12:35,308 --> 00:12:37,602 - Well done. - No, thanks. 90 00:12:37,768 --> 00:12:39,979 Well, on second thought... 91 00:12:41,522 --> 00:12:43,941 I told you not to come in here anymore. 92 00:12:53,911 --> 00:12:54,953 Wild kids. 93 00:12:55,412 --> 00:12:58,498 Oh, they're just young. We were that age, too, once. 94 00:13:02,461 --> 00:13:04,630 Only they dress better. Bye-bye. 95 00:13:04,796 --> 00:13:08,175 You have a generous nature. I like that in a person. 96 00:13:08,550 --> 00:13:10,010 - My name's Max. - I'm Lucy. 97 00:13:10,177 --> 00:13:11,762 - How are you? - Hello. 98 00:13:11,929 --> 00:13:13,805 - That's my dog, Thorn. - Hi, Thorn. 99 00:13:13,972 --> 00:13:17,017 Say hello, Thorn. Well, how may I help you this evening? 100 00:13:17,184 --> 00:13:20,479 We have it all. The best selection of videotapes in Santa Carla. 101 00:13:20,646 --> 00:13:23,190 No. Actually, I'm not looking for a tape. 102 00:13:23,357 --> 00:13:25,233 What I need is... 103 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,694 - A job? - Is a job. 104 00:13:27,861 --> 00:13:29,863 Yeah. I look that needy, huh? 105 00:13:37,454 --> 00:13:39,581 - So where are we going? - Nowhere. 106 00:13:39,748 --> 00:13:43,210 So, what's our rush? You're chasing that girl, aren't you? 107 00:13:43,377 --> 00:13:45,545 Come on, come on, admit it. You're chasing her. 108 00:13:45,712 --> 00:13:47,547 I'm at the mercy of your sex glands. 109 00:13:47,714 --> 00:13:51,760 Sam, don't you have something better to do than follow me around all night? 110 00:13:51,927 --> 00:13:53,512 Yeah. 111 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:55,806 Actually, I do. 112 00:14:32,427 --> 00:14:33,970 Got a problem, guys? 113 00:14:34,137 --> 00:14:36,931 Just scoping your civilian wardrobe. 114 00:14:37,098 --> 00:14:38,808 Pretty cool, huh? 115 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:41,310 For a fashion victim. 116 00:14:41,477 --> 00:14:44,188 Listen, if you're looking for the diet frozen-yogurt bar... 117 00:14:44,355 --> 00:14:46,482 ...it went out of business last summer. 118 00:14:46,649 --> 00:14:49,360 Actually, I'm looking for a Batman, Number 14. 119 00:14:49,527 --> 00:14:52,447 - That's a very serious book, man. - Only five in existence. 120 00:14:52,613 --> 00:14:54,490 Four, actually. 121 00:14:54,657 --> 00:14:56,909 I'm always looking out for the other three. 122 00:14:58,953 --> 00:15:02,457 Look. You can't put the Superman Number 77s with the 200s. 123 00:15:02,623 --> 00:15:04,792 They haven't even discovered red kryptonite yet. 124 00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:08,796 And you can't put the Number 98s with the 300s. 125 00:15:08,963 --> 00:15:11,382 Lori Lemaris hasn't even been introduced. 126 00:15:11,549 --> 00:15:13,301 Where the hell are you from? Krypton? 127 00:15:13,468 --> 00:15:18,389 Phoenix, actually. But lucky me, we moved... 128 00:15:18,681 --> 00:15:20,141 ...here. 129 00:15:24,145 --> 00:15:25,480 Take this. 130 00:15:27,815 --> 00:15:32,320 - I don't like horror comics. - You'll like this one, Mr. Phoenix. 131 00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:33,780 It could save your life. 132 00:15:35,740 --> 00:15:37,658 - Hey! - Hey! 133 00:15:37,825 --> 00:15:40,495 - Come back here! - Hey, let's go! 134 00:15:40,661 --> 00:15:43,289 Hey, wait a minute! Come back here! 135 00:16:17,116 --> 00:16:19,535 Come on, she stiffed you. Ha. 136 00:16:44,393 --> 00:16:46,145 - What was that? - What was what? 137 00:16:46,311 --> 00:16:49,690 - I thought I heard something. - Forget it. 138 00:17:10,419 --> 00:17:13,255 - Well, how do you like that baby, huh? - It's a beauty. 139 00:17:13,422 --> 00:17:15,883 - Come on, let's get in. - All right. 140 00:17:16,049 --> 00:17:17,759 Hey, can I drive it on the way back? 141 00:17:17,926 --> 00:17:21,013 Fat chance. Nobody drives this baby but me. 142 00:17:30,606 --> 00:17:32,900 Yeah. 143 00:17:33,066 --> 00:17:35,068 You gotta let it warm up a little. 144 00:17:35,235 --> 00:17:38,906 Hear that sound? Just like a baby pussycat. 145 00:17:39,072 --> 00:17:41,909 - Okay, let's go to town. - All right. 146 00:17:47,539 --> 00:17:48,916 Are we having fun, or what? 147 00:17:49,082 --> 00:17:53,212 - I thought we were going to town. - That's as close to town as I like to get. 148 00:17:54,129 --> 00:17:56,341 What a weirdo, man. 149 00:18:00,929 --> 00:18:02,847 It means you gotta bounce, man. 150 00:18:03,097 --> 00:18:04,974 Did you see that? Where did he come from? 151 00:18:05,141 --> 00:18:07,101 Oh, he turned green. 152 00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:20,907 Notice anything unusual about Santa Carla yet? 153 00:18:21,074 --> 00:18:24,077 No, it's a pretty cool place. 154 00:18:24,327 --> 00:18:26,621 - If you're a Martian. - Or a vampire. 155 00:18:27,664 --> 00:18:29,916 Are you guys sniffing old newsprint or something? 156 00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,627 You think you really know what's happening around here? 157 00:18:32,794 --> 00:18:35,588 Well, I'll tell you something. You don't know shit, buddy. 158 00:18:35,755 --> 00:18:39,717 Yeah. You think we just work in a comic-book store for our folks, huh? 159 00:18:39,884 --> 00:18:43,263 - Actually, I thought it was a bakery. - This is just our cover. 160 00:18:44,514 --> 00:18:46,849 We're dedicated to a higher purpose. 161 00:18:47,016 --> 00:18:52,939 We're fighters for truth, justice and the American way. 162 00:18:53,106 --> 00:18:54,941 Right. 163 00:18:56,818 --> 00:19:00,196 Hey, man. Read this. 164 00:19:00,571 --> 00:19:02,907 I told you I don't like horror comics. 165 00:19:03,074 --> 00:19:05,910 Think of it more as a survival manual. 166 00:19:06,077 --> 00:19:07,829 There's our number on the back. 167 00:19:07,996 --> 00:19:11,207 And pray you never need to call us. 168 00:19:11,708 --> 00:19:13,501 I'll pray... 169 00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:15,878 ...I never need to call you. 170 00:19:16,045 --> 00:19:17,588 Sure. 171 00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:32,478 It looks great. Definitely. Enjoy it, for sure. 172 00:19:32,645 --> 00:19:34,772 - Thanks. - Night. 173 00:19:34,939 --> 00:19:38,736 Step right up, folks... 174 00:19:40,487 --> 00:19:41,530 Excuse me. 175 00:19:43,907 --> 00:19:46,702 All right, it won't hurt. It won't. 176 00:19:49,038 --> 00:19:50,998 It's a rip-off. 177 00:19:54,918 --> 00:19:56,420 Hi. 178 00:19:57,087 --> 00:20:00,049 If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it. 179 00:20:00,924 --> 00:20:02,760 What's your name? 180 00:20:02,926 --> 00:20:05,220 - Star. - Oh, your folks too, huh? 181 00:20:05,929 --> 00:20:08,265 - What do you mean? - Ex-hippies. 182 00:20:08,432 --> 00:20:11,769 I came this close to being called Moonbeam or Moonchild. 183 00:20:11,935 --> 00:20:13,979 Or something like that. 184 00:20:14,938 --> 00:20:17,191 But Star's great. I like Star. 185 00:20:17,358 --> 00:20:18,942 Me too. 186 00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:23,530 - I'm Michael. - Michael. Michael's great. I like Michael. 187 00:20:26,116 --> 00:20:29,870 - Wanna get something to eat? - Okay. 188 00:20:39,296 --> 00:20:40,631 Where are you going, Star? 189 00:20:41,423 --> 00:20:44,134 For a ride. This is Michael. 190 00:20:45,052 --> 00:20:47,096 - Let's go. - Star. 191 00:21:03,237 --> 00:21:06,615 You know where Hudson's Bluff is, overlooking the point? 192 00:21:07,616 --> 00:21:08,992 I can't beat your bike. 193 00:21:09,159 --> 00:21:12,830 You don't have to beat me, Michael. You just have to try and keep up. 194 00:21:15,499 --> 00:21:17,167 We're going for a ride. 195 00:21:54,873 --> 00:21:56,374 Whoo! 196 00:22:47,217 --> 00:22:48,760 Come on! 197 00:22:59,604 --> 00:23:01,189 Come on, Michael! 198 00:23:20,543 --> 00:23:23,295 - What the hell are you doing? - No! 199 00:23:24,964 --> 00:23:27,007 Just you. Come on. 200 00:23:27,174 --> 00:23:29,093 Just you. 201 00:23:30,469 --> 00:23:32,888 Come on. Just you. 202 00:23:34,473 --> 00:23:36,642 How far are you willing to go, Michael? 203 00:23:51,448 --> 00:23:53,909 - Hit the rock box, buddy. - Yeah. 204 00:24:01,750 --> 00:24:03,752 Not bad, huh? 205 00:24:04,253 --> 00:24:07,923 This was the hottest resort in Santa Carla about 85 years ago. 206 00:24:08,507 --> 00:24:11,010 Too bad they built it on the fault. 207 00:24:11,635 --> 00:24:13,971 In 1906... 208 00:24:14,221 --> 00:24:16,932 ...when the big one hit San Francisco... 209 00:24:17,099 --> 00:24:20,269 ...the ground opened up and this place took a header... 210 00:24:20,436 --> 00:24:22,438 ...right into the crack. 211 00:24:25,149 --> 00:24:26,191 So now it's ours. 212 00:24:26,358 --> 00:24:28,110 So check it out, Mikey. 213 00:24:29,486 --> 00:24:31,030 Marko. 214 00:24:31,196 --> 00:24:32,740 Food. 215 00:24:33,949 --> 00:24:36,035 That's what I love about this place. 216 00:24:36,535 --> 00:24:38,120 You ask, and then you get. 217 00:24:38,787 --> 00:24:40,873 - Thank you. - Yeah. 218 00:24:43,208 --> 00:24:45,003 Appetizer. 219 00:24:49,507 --> 00:24:51,676 You'll like it here, Michael. 220 00:24:54,888 --> 00:24:56,056 Ten o'clock. Lights out. 221 00:24:57,182 --> 00:24:58,600 - Did you brush your teeth? - Uh-huh. 222 00:24:58,767 --> 00:25:00,060 Okay, night-night, sweetheart. 223 00:25:00,226 --> 00:25:01,394 - Mom? - Uh-huh? 224 00:25:02,812 --> 00:25:04,439 Oh. 225 00:25:04,606 --> 00:25:06,441 Sorry. 226 00:25:07,025 --> 00:25:09,819 You know, I can never sleep with the closet door open either. 227 00:25:09,986 --> 00:25:11,863 Not even a crack. 228 00:25:12,030 --> 00:25:16,826 Sam, this is a terrible thing to admit, but I think that... 229 00:25:16,993 --> 00:25:19,537 ...one of the reasons I divorced your father... 230 00:25:19,704 --> 00:25:23,249 ...was because he never believed in the closet monster. 231 00:25:26,670 --> 00:25:30,215 Dad. Dad, you shouldn't sneak up on people like that. 232 00:25:30,382 --> 00:25:33,760 Brought you something to dress up your room with, Sam. 233 00:25:34,511 --> 00:25:36,054 How do you like that? 234 00:25:36,221 --> 00:25:39,683 - Thanks, Grandpa. - Dad, really. You shouldn't have. 235 00:25:39,849 --> 00:25:42,769 Yeah. Lots more where he comes from. 236 00:25:42,936 --> 00:25:45,814 - Good night, Sam. - Good night, Grandpa. 237 00:25:47,857 --> 00:25:50,777 - Lights, Sam. - As soon as I finish this comic, okay? 238 00:25:50,944 --> 00:25:55,532 - Okay. Night-night, honey. - Good night, Mom. 239 00:26:06,459 --> 00:26:08,795 You're history, buddy. 240 00:26:19,389 --> 00:26:21,516 Feeding time. Come and get it, boys. 241 00:26:21,683 --> 00:26:24,936 - All right. Food time. - All right. 242 00:26:25,353 --> 00:26:27,773 Chinese. Good choice. 243 00:26:28,816 --> 00:26:29,817 Over here, bud. 244 00:26:31,861 --> 00:26:32,903 Guests first. 245 00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:34,238 No. No, thanks. 246 00:26:34,405 --> 00:26:35,656 You don't like rice? 247 00:26:36,115 --> 00:26:39,368 Tell me, Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong? 248 00:26:41,912 --> 00:26:43,497 Come on. 249 00:26:52,047 --> 00:26:53,090 How are those maggots? 250 00:26:55,801 --> 00:26:57,011 Maggots, Michael. 251 00:26:57,178 --> 00:26:59,847 You're eating maggots. How do they taste? 252 00:27:06,854 --> 00:27:07,855 Leave him alone. 253 00:27:10,191 --> 00:27:13,319 Pretty sad. Pretty sad. 254 00:27:22,161 --> 00:27:23,287 Sorry about that. 255 00:27:24,038 --> 00:27:25,206 No hard feelings, huh? 256 00:27:27,082 --> 00:27:28,709 No. 257 00:27:29,752 --> 00:27:31,670 Why don't you try some noodles? 258 00:27:34,215 --> 00:27:36,509 - They're worms. - What do you mean, they're worms? 259 00:27:38,385 --> 00:27:39,845 Don't eat... 260 00:27:42,890 --> 00:27:44,308 They're only noodles, Michael. 261 00:27:48,062 --> 00:27:49,647 Nice worms. 262 00:27:49,814 --> 00:27:52,983 - That's enough. - Chill out, girl. 263 00:28:34,818 --> 00:28:37,279 Drink some of this, Michael. 264 00:28:38,905 --> 00:28:40,282 Be one of us. 265 00:28:55,463 --> 00:28:57,799 Michael, Michael. 266 00:28:58,341 --> 00:29:00,760 - Don't. You don't have to, Michael. - Take a chance. 267 00:29:00,927 --> 00:29:03,054 - Michael. Take a chance. - Michael. 268 00:29:03,221 --> 00:29:05,640 Michael, Michael. 269 00:29:05,807 --> 00:29:08,727 - Michael, Michael, Michael. - It's blood. 270 00:29:08,894 --> 00:29:12,647 - Yeah, sure. Blood. - Michael, drink it. 271 00:29:12,939 --> 00:29:14,774 Bravo. 272 00:29:19,654 --> 00:29:21,156 Give me a ride, Marko. 273 00:29:21,323 --> 00:29:27,829 Michael, Michael, Michael... 274 00:29:28,663 --> 00:29:32,417 You're one of us, bud. Let the good times roll. 275 00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:15,169 Michael. 276 00:30:15,336 --> 00:30:20,091 Michael. Michael. 277 00:30:36,691 --> 00:30:38,776 Perfect timing. 278 00:30:40,695 --> 00:30:41,988 What's going on? 279 00:30:44,198 --> 00:30:46,367 Michael wants to know what's going on. 280 00:30:48,244 --> 00:30:49,412 Marko? 281 00:30:49,912 --> 00:30:51,622 What's going on? 282 00:30:51,789 --> 00:30:54,166 I don't know. What's going on, Paul? 283 00:30:54,333 --> 00:30:58,295 - Wait a minute, who wants to know? - Michael wants to know. 284 00:30:58,754 --> 00:31:01,090 I think we should let Michael know what's going on. 285 00:31:01,257 --> 00:31:02,758 Yeah. 286 00:31:05,344 --> 00:31:06,971 Marko. 287 00:31:07,138 --> 00:31:10,641 Good night, Michael. Bombs away. 288 00:31:11,392 --> 00:31:14,603 Bottoms up, man. Whoa! 289 00:31:20,151 --> 00:31:22,111 Come with us, Michael. 290 00:31:32,246 --> 00:31:33,457 Hey, Michael. 291 00:31:33,623 --> 00:31:35,709 Michael Emerson! 292 00:31:36,334 --> 00:31:38,462 Come on down! 293 00:31:38,628 --> 00:31:42,799 - Come on, Michael. - Come on. 294 00:31:45,802 --> 00:31:48,722 - Hey, Michael. - Way to go, Michael. 295 00:31:52,392 --> 00:31:55,395 Welcome aboard, Michael. 296 00:31:55,562 --> 00:31:57,814 - Fun, huh? - How do you like it? 297 00:32:11,661 --> 00:32:13,413 Hold on! 298 00:32:13,580 --> 00:32:14,956 Jesus Christ! 299 00:32:23,131 --> 00:32:24,966 Yeah. 300 00:32:25,342 --> 00:32:28,136 - Jesus Christ! - Don't be scared, Michael. 301 00:32:36,186 --> 00:32:39,147 Michael, you're one of us. Let go! 302 00:32:39,898 --> 00:32:40,982 And do what? 303 00:32:41,358 --> 00:32:42,984 You are one of us, Michael. 304 00:32:43,151 --> 00:32:44,194 What? 305 00:32:48,031 --> 00:32:50,158 David! 306 00:33:06,925 --> 00:33:11,721 - Michael, let go. - Michael, let go. 307 00:33:11,888 --> 00:33:13,306 Michael. 308 00:33:15,393 --> 00:33:18,563 Michael. Michael. 309 00:34:08,279 --> 00:34:11,490 Mike, wake up. 310 00:34:12,950 --> 00:34:14,744 It's Mom. 311 00:34:15,453 --> 00:34:18,623 - Mom's home? - No, on the phone, Mike. 312 00:34:18,956 --> 00:34:21,918 - What time is it? - It's 2:00. 313 00:34:22,585 --> 00:34:24,462 Give me those sunglasses. 314 00:34:24,629 --> 00:34:27,089 You need your sunglasses to talk on the phone? 315 00:34:27,256 --> 00:34:30,968 Are you freebasing? Inquiring minds wanna know. 316 00:34:31,552 --> 00:34:32,595 Ooh. 317 00:34:35,973 --> 00:34:38,267 - Hello? - Michael, are you still in bed? 318 00:34:38,434 --> 00:34:40,144 No. I'm up. 319 00:34:40,311 --> 00:34:42,104 Michael, would you do me a favor? 320 00:34:42,271 --> 00:34:44,899 Max asked me to go to dinner with him after work tonight. 321 00:34:45,066 --> 00:34:48,819 - Would you stay home with Sam? - Sam is old enough to stay by himself. 322 00:34:48,986 --> 00:34:50,988 I don't need a babysitter, Mike. 323 00:34:51,155 --> 00:34:53,699 Michael, you come home in the middle of the night... 324 00:34:53,866 --> 00:34:54,909 ...you sleep all day. 325 00:34:55,576 --> 00:34:58,664 I work all day. Sam is always alone. 326 00:34:59,206 --> 00:35:02,084 It's been a long time since somebody asked me to go to dinner. 327 00:35:02,251 --> 00:35:04,920 I'd like to go. Okay? 328 00:35:06,255 --> 00:35:07,547 Okay, Mom. 329 00:35:07,714 --> 00:35:11,510 Thanks, honey. It's a real favor. Bye-bye. 330 00:35:26,525 --> 00:35:29,695 Hey, anything around here that might pass for an aftershave? 331 00:35:32,823 --> 00:35:35,492 How about some Windex, Grandpa? 332 00:35:35,659 --> 00:35:37,369 Yeah, yeah, let me try some of that. 333 00:35:42,165 --> 00:35:44,126 Yeah. 334 00:35:46,837 --> 00:35:48,463 You have a big date tonight? 335 00:35:48,964 --> 00:35:51,049 Ah, ha-ha-ha. 336 00:35:52,050 --> 00:35:55,721 Just going to drop by some of my handiwork to the Widow Johnson. 337 00:35:55,887 --> 00:35:59,016 What did you stuff for her? Mr. Johnson? 338 00:35:59,558 --> 00:36:01,893 Yeah, well, I'll see you two guys later. 339 00:36:02,769 --> 00:36:04,229 That wasn't funny, Mike. 340 00:36:17,492 --> 00:36:19,661 I'm gonna make you a sandwich. 341 00:36:20,579 --> 00:36:21,580 Don't bother. 342 00:36:21,747 --> 00:36:25,167 Lose the earring, Michael. It's not you. It's definitely not you. 343 00:36:25,334 --> 00:36:26,376 Piss off. 344 00:36:26,543 --> 00:36:30,672 All you do is give attitude lately. You watching too much Dynasty, bud? 345 00:36:34,176 --> 00:36:35,719 What the hell...? 346 00:37:00,536 --> 00:37:02,955 Michael, Michael. 347 00:37:06,584 --> 00:37:09,212 Michael, Michael, Michael... 348 00:37:09,379 --> 00:37:13,007 No, Mike. Mike, don't open the door. Mike! 349 00:37:14,384 --> 00:37:16,219 Mike, don't. 350 00:37:30,316 --> 00:37:32,443 What's going on, Mike? 351 00:37:32,652 --> 00:37:34,112 Go take your bath. 352 00:39:45,452 --> 00:39:46,954 Mike? 353 00:39:50,624 --> 00:39:52,584 Michael, are you there? 354 00:39:54,753 --> 00:39:56,421 Nanook? 355 00:40:04,973 --> 00:40:06,683 Michael? 356 00:40:13,439 --> 00:40:14,899 Mike, what happened? 357 00:40:15,316 --> 00:40:17,151 - Nanook. - What about Nanook? 358 00:40:17,318 --> 00:40:18,945 What did you do to my dog, asshole? 359 00:40:19,112 --> 00:40:22,574 Nothing. I didn't hurt him. He bit me. This is my blood. 360 00:40:22,740 --> 00:40:25,493 Why did he bite you, Mike? What did you do to him? 361 00:40:30,331 --> 00:40:32,292 He was protecting you. 362 00:40:34,127 --> 00:40:36,504 Look at your reflection in the mirror. 363 00:40:44,971 --> 00:40:48,766 You're a creature of the night, Michael. Just like out of a comic book. 364 00:40:48,933 --> 00:40:50,435 You're a vampire, Michael. 365 00:40:50,602 --> 00:40:53,104 My own brother, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire. 366 00:40:53,271 --> 00:40:55,106 You wait till Mom finds out, buddy. 367 00:40:55,273 --> 00:40:56,691 Sammy, wait. Sam! 368 00:40:56,858 --> 00:40:58,526 - Stay back. - Just let me talk... 369 00:40:58,693 --> 00:41:00,862 Wait a minute. Sam! 370 00:41:03,197 --> 00:41:05,199 Get away from me, Mike! 371 00:41:09,662 --> 00:41:13,041 Sammy. Sammy, open the door. 372 00:41:38,775 --> 00:41:42,028 You did the right thing by calling us. Does your brother sleep a lot? 373 00:41:42,195 --> 00:41:43,655 Yeah, all day. 374 00:41:43,821 --> 00:41:47,534 - Does the sunlight freak him out? - He wears sunglasses in the house. 375 00:41:47,701 --> 00:41:50,287 Bad breath? Long fingernails? 376 00:41:50,454 --> 00:41:54,416 Yeah, his fingernails are a bit longer. He always had bad breath, though. 377 00:41:55,918 --> 00:41:57,086 He's a vampire, all right. 378 00:41:57,961 --> 00:41:59,421 All right, here's what you do. 379 00:41:59,838 --> 00:42:04,093 Get yourself a good, sharp stake and drive it right through his heart. 380 00:42:04,259 --> 00:42:05,636 I can't do that. He's my brother. 381 00:42:05,803 --> 00:42:07,763 Okay, we'll come over and do it for you. 382 00:42:07,930 --> 00:42:11,392 - No. - You better get yourself a garlic T-shirt. 383 00:42:11,558 --> 00:42:13,727 Or it's your funeral. 384 00:43:16,498 --> 00:43:19,418 - Hello. - Sam, is everything all right? 385 00:43:19,585 --> 00:43:22,212 Mom, I think we have to have a long talk about something. 386 00:43:23,130 --> 00:43:24,173 Help! 387 00:43:24,339 --> 00:43:25,841 - What's going on there? - Mom? 388 00:43:26,008 --> 00:43:28,343 - Sam, I'm starting to get worried. - Mom... Uh-oh. 389 00:43:29,137 --> 00:43:33,141 What's that noise? That's not Michael. Why is he screaming like that? 390 00:43:33,975 --> 00:43:36,686 - Now, we should stay calm. - Calm? Calm about what? 391 00:43:37,520 --> 00:43:40,690 - Nothing, nothing. - Listen, just who's making that noise? 392 00:43:40,857 --> 00:43:43,318 I can't talk about it on the phone. It's Michael. 393 00:43:43,485 --> 00:43:46,237 Don't listen to him, Mom. He doesn't know what he's saying. 394 00:43:46,404 --> 00:43:47,447 - Ah! - Shut up, Sam. 395 00:43:47,614 --> 00:43:49,199 Mom! Help! He's coming to get me! 396 00:43:49,365 --> 00:43:50,492 Oh, my God! 397 00:43:50,658 --> 00:43:52,035 - Mom! - Sam! 398 00:43:52,202 --> 00:43:54,370 - He's gonna kill me! - Honey, I'm coming. 399 00:43:54,537 --> 00:43:58,124 No! No! Tell him to get away! No! No! Mom! 400 00:44:11,054 --> 00:44:12,722 Open up! 401 00:44:12,889 --> 00:44:14,265 Stay back! Stay back! 402 00:44:14,432 --> 00:44:16,392 Sammy, help me! Open up! 403 00:44:16,559 --> 00:44:18,937 Help me! Sammy, open the window! 404 00:44:19,103 --> 00:44:21,397 - You're a vampire! I knew it! - I am not! 405 00:44:21,564 --> 00:44:23,817 So, what are you, the Flying Nun? 406 00:44:24,359 --> 00:44:26,861 I'm your brother, Sammy. Help me! 407 00:44:28,238 --> 00:44:30,156 Sammy, open up! 408 00:44:40,583 --> 00:44:41,668 Please. 409 00:44:43,378 --> 00:44:44,796 Please. 410 00:44:49,676 --> 00:44:51,469 Thank you, Sam. 411 00:44:52,929 --> 00:44:56,766 We've gotta stick together, Sam. We've gotta stick together, bro. 412 00:44:56,933 --> 00:45:00,937 - What about Mom? - Just don't tell her anything. 413 00:45:01,104 --> 00:45:03,940 I don't know, Mike. It's not like getting a D in school. 414 00:45:07,777 --> 00:45:10,947 We're gonna work this out. I'm gonna work this out. Trust me, okay? 415 00:45:11,115 --> 00:45:13,284 - Sam. - Okay. 416 00:45:13,450 --> 00:45:16,704 Sam! Sam! 417 00:45:18,914 --> 00:45:24,461 Sam. Sam, are you all right? You had me scared to death. 418 00:45:24,628 --> 00:45:27,798 I'm okay. I was reading a horror comic and I thought I saw someone... 419 00:45:27,965 --> 00:45:30,718 ...out my window, but I guess I got carried away. 420 00:45:30,885 --> 00:45:32,678 You got carried away by a comic book? 421 00:45:34,305 --> 00:45:36,140 It was a scary comic, Mom. I'm sorry. 422 00:45:38,517 --> 00:45:42,104 You know, I've just about had it with the both of you. 423 00:45:42,271 --> 00:45:44,064 You know that? 424 00:45:45,816 --> 00:45:47,818 What is this mess? 425 00:45:47,985 --> 00:45:50,988 You spill milk all over and don't even bother to clean it up? 426 00:45:51,155 --> 00:45:52,156 I didn't spill it. 427 00:45:52,323 --> 00:45:55,200 I can't believe you people. The refrigerator door's wide open. 428 00:45:55,367 --> 00:45:57,828 Are you trying to refrigerate the whole neighborhood? 429 00:45:57,995 --> 00:46:01,040 You know, it's not fair. I would like to have a personal life too. 430 00:46:01,206 --> 00:46:04,251 - Where's Michael? - He went to bed early, Mom. 431 00:46:28,317 --> 00:46:30,819 Mom? Can I sleep in here with you tonight? 432 00:46:30,986 --> 00:46:33,155 In here? Are you sure you're all right? 433 00:46:33,322 --> 00:46:35,532 I'm fine. It was a real scary comic, that's all. 434 00:46:35,699 --> 00:46:38,202 - Do you mind? - No, I don't mind. 435 00:46:39,870 --> 00:46:42,706 - Have you been eating pizza? - No. Why? 436 00:46:42,873 --> 00:46:45,751 Whew! You smell like garlic. 437 00:47:27,961 --> 00:47:29,587 Who's there? 438 00:47:32,424 --> 00:47:34,259 Hello, Thorn. 439 00:47:34,426 --> 00:47:37,095 Is that you, Thorn? Is that you making all that noise? 440 00:48:05,415 --> 00:48:07,167 Star. 441 00:48:14,132 --> 00:48:15,717 Star. 442 00:48:36,322 --> 00:48:38,032 I'm over here, Michael. 443 00:48:38,199 --> 00:48:41,827 - What's happening to me, Star? - Michael. 444 00:48:42,244 --> 00:48:46,373 - What's happening to me, Star? - Oh, Michael. 445 00:48:46,540 --> 00:48:50,169 Michael, I can't tell you. I don't know how to help you. 446 00:48:50,336 --> 00:48:52,129 What's happening? 447 00:48:52,671 --> 00:48:55,508 I can't. I can't. 448 00:50:58,048 --> 00:50:59,466 Hi. 449 00:51:01,384 --> 00:51:03,136 Hey, aren't we friends anymore? 450 00:51:03,678 --> 00:51:06,264 - Sure. - "Sure." 451 00:51:06,431 --> 00:51:09,893 Does that mean we are, or...? 452 00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:12,145 - We are. - We are. 453 00:51:12,312 --> 00:51:15,315 Well, then let's act like friends. Let's talk. 454 00:51:18,777 --> 00:51:21,071 Michael, take off your glasses. 455 00:51:27,160 --> 00:51:29,329 Michael, look at me. 456 00:51:30,580 --> 00:51:32,958 - If there's a girl... - I'm tired, Mom. 457 00:51:33,124 --> 00:51:34,668 - We could talk about... - I'm tired. 458 00:51:34,834 --> 00:51:37,295 We could talk about anything you want to talk about. 459 00:51:37,462 --> 00:51:40,924 I have more serious things on my mind than girls and school. Things that... 460 00:51:41,091 --> 00:51:42,509 Things I wouldn't understand? 461 00:51:51,685 --> 00:51:54,145 Eh... 462 00:51:54,312 --> 00:51:57,357 Looks like I wasn't the only one who got lucky last night. 463 00:51:59,985 --> 00:52:02,280 Did you take care of everything, Michael? 464 00:52:22,216 --> 00:52:23,259 What's the wine for? 465 00:52:23,426 --> 00:52:26,304 My apology to Max for running out on him last night... 466 00:52:26,470 --> 00:52:28,848 ...which, young man, you should be making. 467 00:52:29,015 --> 00:52:30,558 Mom. 468 00:52:33,686 --> 00:52:37,189 Honey, I better bring this up to the house or somebody's just gonna take it. 469 00:52:37,356 --> 00:52:39,442 All right, I'll be here. 470 00:52:51,162 --> 00:52:52,204 Hi, Thorn. 471 00:52:54,582 --> 00:52:55,875 Oh! 472 00:52:56,584 --> 00:52:58,711 Sam. Sam. 473 00:52:59,045 --> 00:53:00,379 Stop. Sam! 474 00:53:00,588 --> 00:53:02,673 - Help, Sam! - Mom! 475 00:53:04,091 --> 00:53:05,926 God, no! Sam! Help, Sam! 476 00:53:07,094 --> 00:53:08,512 No! No! 477 00:53:08,679 --> 00:53:09,847 Sam, no! 478 00:53:10,014 --> 00:53:11,766 Mom! 479 00:53:13,517 --> 00:53:15,436 Oh, my God! 480 00:53:16,937 --> 00:53:20,441 Honey, get in the car. Get in the car. 481 00:53:21,859 --> 00:53:25,529 Then dog started chasing my mom like the Hounds of Hell in Vampires Everywhere. 482 00:53:25,696 --> 00:53:29,533 We've been aware of some serious vampire activity in this town for a long time. 483 00:53:29,700 --> 00:53:32,161 Santa Carla has become a haven for the undead. 484 00:53:32,328 --> 00:53:34,413 As a matter of fact, we're almost certain... 485 00:53:34,580 --> 00:53:38,125 ...that ghouls and werewolves occupy high positions at City Hall. 486 00:53:38,292 --> 00:53:40,878 Kill your brother. You'll feel better. 487 00:53:42,296 --> 00:53:44,508 Look, guys, my brother is not a bloodsucker. 488 00:53:44,674 --> 00:53:47,219 Look, it says here that if you kill the head vampire... 489 00:53:47,386 --> 00:53:49,388 ...all half-vampires will return to normal. 490 00:53:49,805 --> 00:53:52,974 Guys, if my brother's a vampire, believe me, he's only half. 491 00:53:53,141 --> 00:53:55,268 Does your brother know who the head vampire is? 492 00:53:55,435 --> 00:53:57,062 No, I don't think so. 493 00:53:57,229 --> 00:54:01,066 Then you'll have to kill him. And if you don't... 494 00:54:01,483 --> 00:54:03,318 ...then we will. 495 00:54:03,652 --> 00:54:07,906 This all started when my mom went to work at Max's video store. 496 00:54:08,365 --> 00:54:10,242 Max never comes in till after it's dark. 497 00:54:10,951 --> 00:54:13,620 The dog who chased my mom this morning was his. 498 00:54:13,787 --> 00:54:17,916 "Vampires require a daytime protector, a guardian... 499 00:54:18,083 --> 00:54:19,793 ...to watch over them as they sleep. 500 00:54:19,960 --> 00:54:23,547 Fierce dogs, the Hounds of Hell, are often employed for this purpose." 501 00:54:24,089 --> 00:54:25,132 No shit. 502 00:54:25,298 --> 00:54:28,260 Yeah? Well, what happens if my mom is dating the head vampire? 503 00:54:29,177 --> 00:54:31,555 You guys could nail him and save Santa Carla. 504 00:54:31,721 --> 00:54:35,183 Truth, justice, the American way triumphs. 505 00:54:35,350 --> 00:54:36,518 Thanks to you two. 506 00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:39,855 We'll check out Max. 507 00:55:03,879 --> 00:55:05,213 Sam. 508 00:55:09,801 --> 00:55:11,970 Hey! Smells good. When do we eat? 509 00:55:12,137 --> 00:55:14,097 I told Max 8:00. 510 00:55:14,264 --> 00:55:16,641 Max? Are we gonna have company again? 511 00:55:16,808 --> 00:55:19,686 Again? Dad, you haven't had company in this house... 512 00:55:19,853 --> 00:55:21,438 ...since Mom died eight years ago. 513 00:55:21,605 --> 00:55:23,565 Right. Now we're gonna have company again. 514 00:55:23,732 --> 00:55:27,236 Michael, Max is coming to dinner. I'd like you to meet him. 515 00:55:27,403 --> 00:55:29,071 I can't, I have plans. 516 00:55:29,739 --> 00:55:31,240 Michael. 517 00:55:31,407 --> 00:55:35,244 You know, things are gonna change around this house when school starts. 518 00:55:36,496 --> 00:55:37,872 Hey. 519 00:55:38,039 --> 00:55:40,583 How you doing? You must be Michael, right? 520 00:55:42,335 --> 00:55:44,587 And you must be Max. 521 00:55:45,087 --> 00:55:46,756 Right. How are you? 522 00:55:52,386 --> 00:55:54,680 Well, you're the man of the house... 523 00:55:54,847 --> 00:55:57,141 ...and I'm not coming in until you invite me. 524 00:55:57,308 --> 00:55:58,351 You're invited. 525 00:55:59,644 --> 00:56:01,437 Thanks very much. 526 00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:14,367 - Hello. - Oh, hi. I didn't hear you come in. 527 00:56:14,534 --> 00:56:17,286 Is it all right for the guest to see the food before dinner? 528 00:56:17,453 --> 00:56:20,665 You're thinking of the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding. 529 00:56:20,831 --> 00:56:23,793 Oh, yeah, I always get those confused. 530 00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:27,129 - Thorn sends his apologies. - Oh, well, tell him I'm walking again. 531 00:56:28,881 --> 00:56:31,801 He promises to behave if you come back. 532 00:56:32,718 --> 00:56:35,972 Oh, well, that's so sweet. 533 00:56:37,598 --> 00:56:39,183 Mom? 534 00:56:39,767 --> 00:56:44,105 These are my dinner guests. Edgar and Alan, the Frog brothers. 535 00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:46,440 Oh, I didn't know you were having guests. 536 00:56:46,941 --> 00:56:50,403 Mom, if we're in your way, we can go eat some peanut butter in the kitchen. 537 00:56:50,570 --> 00:56:52,697 No, there's plenty for everybody. 538 00:56:52,863 --> 00:56:56,784 Max, this is my son Sam, and Edgar and Alan Frog? 539 00:56:57,118 --> 00:56:58,703 Mm-hm. 540 00:56:59,245 --> 00:57:01,664 - Lucy, this looks terrific. - I hope it tastes good. 541 00:57:01,831 --> 00:57:04,500 Mmm. It tastes wonderful. 542 00:57:04,667 --> 00:57:09,339 Mmm! Boy, somebody around here has bad breath. 543 00:57:15,387 --> 00:57:17,431 Nanook, would you quit breathing on me? 544 00:57:17,598 --> 00:57:19,433 Nanook, get upstairs. Go on. 545 00:57:25,689 --> 00:57:28,025 You want some Parmesan cheese on that? 546 00:57:28,191 --> 00:57:29,985 Yeah, Sam. Thank you very much. 547 00:57:30,694 --> 00:57:33,447 - Sam grated the cheese himself. My son. - Ah. 548 00:57:37,576 --> 00:57:39,661 Another budding chef in the family. 549 00:57:46,668 --> 00:57:47,711 Are you all right? 550 00:57:49,296 --> 00:57:52,674 No. It's not cheese, it's garlic. 551 00:57:52,841 --> 00:57:57,804 - You hate garlic, don't you? - No, I like garlic. It's just a little much. 552 00:57:57,971 --> 00:57:59,181 It's raw garlic. 553 00:58:00,140 --> 00:58:02,059 Garlic? How did that happen? 554 00:58:02,225 --> 00:58:03,810 Guys, he likes garlic. 555 00:58:03,977 --> 00:58:05,228 Sorry. 556 00:58:05,395 --> 00:58:06,813 Here. Quick, drink some water. 557 00:58:06,980 --> 00:58:08,690 - Hey, wait a minute! - Oh! 558 00:58:08,857 --> 00:58:11,360 Sam, what's the matter with you? 559 00:58:11,526 --> 00:58:14,613 - Does it burn? - Burn? What are you, nuts? 560 00:58:14,780 --> 00:58:15,864 It's freezing. 561 00:58:16,031 --> 00:58:18,909 Oh, look at your suit, Max. And your pants. 562 00:58:19,076 --> 00:58:22,120 - I'm so sorry. Gosh. - It's all right. 563 00:58:22,287 --> 00:58:25,248 - Now what? - Must be a circuit breaker, Mom. 564 00:58:25,415 --> 00:58:28,126 - He's not glowing. - I know. Hit the lights. 565 00:58:29,211 --> 00:58:30,796 - Ah! - Oh! 566 00:58:30,962 --> 00:58:33,507 Sam, what has gotten into you tonight? 567 00:58:33,674 --> 00:58:35,425 I think I know what's going on here. 568 00:58:35,801 --> 00:58:38,762 - You do? - Yeah. 569 00:58:38,929 --> 00:58:41,348 I know what you're thinking, Sam, but you're wrong. 570 00:58:41,515 --> 00:58:43,141 - I am? - Yeah. 571 00:58:43,308 --> 00:58:45,435 I'm not trying to replace your father. 572 00:58:45,602 --> 00:58:47,270 Or steal your mother away from you. 573 00:58:47,437 --> 00:58:49,607 I would just like to be your friend, that's all. 574 00:58:50,775 --> 00:58:52,610 Good night, Lucy. 575 00:58:52,777 --> 00:58:55,697 - Thanks a lot. - I'm sorry, Mom. 576 00:58:55,863 --> 00:58:59,117 Max, I'm so sorry. I mean, nothing like this has ever happened. 577 00:58:59,283 --> 00:59:01,244 Major mistake. 578 00:59:02,578 --> 00:59:05,998 Our batting average isn't terrific, is it? 0 for 2. 579 00:59:06,165 --> 00:59:07,792 You were so sweet to him just now. 580 00:59:07,959 --> 00:59:10,962 I don't know what got into him. He's not like that. 581 00:59:11,129 --> 00:59:14,757 Well, kids Sam's age need discipline, otherwise they run all over you. 582 00:59:14,924 --> 00:59:16,801 He doesn't run over me. 583 00:59:17,635 --> 00:59:18,845 Protecting mother. 584 00:59:19,637 --> 00:59:22,974 Listen, let's try it once more. 585 00:59:23,433 --> 00:59:26,644 Dinner, my house, tomorrow night. 586 00:59:26,811 --> 00:59:29,147 - I'm cooking. - Okay. 587 00:59:33,151 --> 00:59:34,652 Bye. 588 00:59:45,037 --> 00:59:46,956 Hey, whoa! 589 00:59:48,499 --> 00:59:50,168 Where is she? 590 00:59:52,754 --> 00:59:54,046 Take it easy, Michael. 591 00:59:54,213 --> 00:59:57,592 Where's Star, David? 592 00:59:57,884 --> 01:00:00,344 Michael, if you ever wanna see Star again... 593 01:00:01,012 --> 01:00:03,723 ...you better come with us now. 594 01:00:48,060 --> 01:00:53,315 - Michael, over here. - Go on, Michael. 595 01:00:57,986 --> 01:00:59,738 You don't wanna miss this. 596 01:01:23,303 --> 01:01:25,347 Initiation's over, Michael. 597 01:01:26,682 --> 01:01:28,433 Time to join the club. 598 01:01:39,278 --> 01:01:40,612 Hi, Michael. 599 01:02:19,569 --> 01:02:21,613 Michael. 600 01:02:29,495 --> 01:02:31,748 - Michael. - No! 601 01:02:59,400 --> 01:03:01,027 So. 602 01:03:02,737 --> 01:03:04,030 Now you know what we are. 603 01:03:04,989 --> 01:03:07,033 Now you know what you are. 604 01:03:07,533 --> 01:03:09,869 You'll never grow old, Michael... 605 01:03:10,870 --> 01:03:11,996 ...and you'll never die. 606 01:03:14,540 --> 01:03:16,834 But you must feed. 607 01:03:37,313 --> 01:03:39,148 Ah! Ah! 608 01:03:42,235 --> 01:03:45,738 I wish Grandpa would stop giving me these stupid things. 609 01:03:53,079 --> 01:03:55,623 - Ah! - It's okay. 610 01:03:56,625 --> 01:03:58,252 I know who I am now, Sam. 611 01:03:58,419 --> 01:04:00,170 Don't kill me, Mike. 612 01:04:00,337 --> 01:04:02,548 I'm basically a good kid, so just don't kill me. 613 01:04:03,507 --> 01:04:04,550 I can help you. 614 01:04:04,717 --> 01:04:07,052 Just tell me who the head vampire is. 615 01:04:07,219 --> 01:04:09,054 I thought it was Max, but I was wrong. 616 01:04:09,221 --> 01:04:11,932 Just work with me, and I can help you. You'll be okay. 617 01:04:12,099 --> 01:04:14,852 Michael. Michael. 618 01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:19,023 It's that girl. Is she one of them? 619 01:04:19,189 --> 01:04:22,443 - I have to talk to you. Can I come up? - No. 620 01:04:22,609 --> 01:04:25,112 You shut the window and lock your door. 621 01:04:28,407 --> 01:04:29,950 She's one of them! 622 01:04:30,617 --> 01:04:33,954 And don't tell me it doesn't make her a bad person, Mike. 623 01:04:34,830 --> 01:04:37,624 You know where David took me tonight, don't you, Star? 624 01:04:37,791 --> 01:04:40,544 - Who's David? - Yes, and it's my fault. 625 01:04:41,211 --> 01:04:44,006 If you hadn't met me, if I hadn't liked you... 626 01:04:44,506 --> 01:04:45,716 I tried to warn you. 627 01:04:46,216 --> 01:04:48,761 It was that night in the cave, wasn't it? 628 01:04:48,927 --> 01:04:51,388 That wasn't wine they gave me to drink. It was blood. 629 01:04:52,473 --> 01:04:53,891 That was David's blood. 630 01:04:54,058 --> 01:04:56,685 You drank someone's blood? Are you crazy? 631 01:04:56,894 --> 01:04:59,104 I'm just like David now, Star. 632 01:04:59,271 --> 01:05:01,607 No, you're not. You're like Laddie and me. 633 01:05:01,774 --> 01:05:04,485 - We're not one of them... - Until you make your first kill. 634 01:05:06,361 --> 01:05:08,155 Why didn't you kill me last night? 635 01:05:09,531 --> 01:05:12,159 You were supposed to be my first. 636 01:05:12,326 --> 01:05:13,994 That's what David wanted. 637 01:05:17,498 --> 01:05:20,918 - But I couldn't, Michael. - Why? 638 01:05:21,502 --> 01:05:26,173 - Because you care so much about me? - Yes, I do. 639 01:05:35,057 --> 01:05:37,768 What are you doing here? What do you want from me? 640 01:05:39,062 --> 01:05:41,981 I wanted to tell you that it's not too late for you. 641 01:05:44,359 --> 01:05:47,028 But for me it gets harder and harder to resist. 642 01:05:47,195 --> 01:05:48,696 I'm weak. 643 01:05:48,863 --> 01:05:50,865 Why did you come here tonight, Star? 644 01:05:51,991 --> 01:05:54,327 I was hoping you'd help Laddie and me. 645 01:06:05,380 --> 01:06:06,798 Star! 646 01:06:06,965 --> 01:06:09,717 Don't kill anybody until we get back to you. 647 01:06:11,386 --> 01:06:14,889 - What are you doing? - I've got connections. 648 01:06:28,903 --> 01:06:30,738 Okay. Where's Nosferatu? 649 01:06:30,905 --> 01:06:32,240 - Who? - The Prince of Darkness. 650 01:06:32,407 --> 01:06:35,076 - The night crawler. The bloodsucker. - El Vampiro. 651 01:06:35,243 --> 01:06:37,579 Mike, they're here! 652 01:06:49,674 --> 01:06:53,595 Hey, Grandpa, is it okay if we borrow your car? 653 01:07:18,870 --> 01:07:20,830 Weapons check. 654 01:07:26,837 --> 01:07:29,381 - I don't want you going down there. - I'm going. 655 01:07:29,548 --> 01:07:32,426 This isn't a comic book, Sammy. These guys are brutal killers. 656 01:07:32,593 --> 01:07:34,845 So are the Frog brothers. 657 01:07:35,262 --> 01:07:36,639 Check me. 658 01:07:36,805 --> 01:07:39,391 Who would you rather go down there with you? Them or me? 659 01:07:39,558 --> 01:07:42,770 If something happens, I'm not gonna have the strength to protect you. 660 01:07:42,937 --> 01:07:45,522 Well, this time I'll protect you, bud. 661 01:07:45,689 --> 01:07:48,901 Even though you're a vampire, you're still my brother. 662 01:07:49,944 --> 01:07:51,612 Listen, just so you know... 663 01:07:51,779 --> 01:07:54,281 ...if you try to stop us or vamp out in any way... 664 01:07:54,448 --> 01:07:57,493 ...then I'll stake you without even thinking twice about it. 665 01:07:57,660 --> 01:07:58,994 Chill out, Edgar. 666 01:07:59,370 --> 01:08:01,413 Yeah. Come on. 667 01:08:02,414 --> 01:08:04,458 Where did you say you met these guys? 668 01:08:08,963 --> 01:08:12,341 - Holy shit. - Vampire hotel. 669 01:08:15,177 --> 01:08:17,096 Here's one. Come on, let's stake her, man. 670 01:08:17,263 --> 01:08:20,182 Don't you touch her! You stay away from her! 671 01:08:20,349 --> 01:08:22,518 Come on. Vampires have such rotten tempers. 672 01:08:24,645 --> 01:08:25,688 Star. 673 01:08:25,854 --> 01:08:29,316 The rest of them have gotta be around here some place. Let's find them. 674 01:08:29,483 --> 01:08:31,902 - There must be something in the corner. - Star. 675 01:08:32,069 --> 01:08:34,446 Look up there, man. You gotta look everywhere. 676 01:08:34,613 --> 01:08:38,659 - I'm taking you out of here. - No, take Laddie first. Please. 677 01:08:40,202 --> 01:08:42,997 I feel a draft. I think there's something up here. 678 01:08:43,163 --> 01:08:45,874 - Let's check it out, Sam. - Come on. 679 01:08:49,044 --> 01:08:50,713 Let's go. 680 01:08:51,922 --> 01:08:54,216 I'll be right back, Mike! 681 01:08:54,925 --> 01:08:55,968 I hope. 682 01:08:56,135 --> 01:08:59,888 Come on, Sam, let's go! Move, Alan! Move! 683 01:09:02,391 --> 01:09:04,394 Ah. Ugh. Ugh. 684 01:09:04,561 --> 01:09:06,604 - Flies. - We're on the right trail. 685 01:09:06,771 --> 01:09:09,441 Flies and the undead go together, like bullets and guns. 686 01:09:09,607 --> 01:09:10,734 Come on. 687 01:09:32,422 --> 01:09:34,299 What's that smell? 688 01:09:34,841 --> 01:09:38,887 Vampires, my friend. Vampires. 689 01:09:55,987 --> 01:09:57,489 Come on. 690 01:09:57,947 --> 01:10:00,867 It's freezing in here. Ah! 691 01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:06,122 It looks like a dead end. Let's head back. 692 01:10:06,289 --> 01:10:09,542 They must have hidden the coffins around here some place. 693 01:10:09,709 --> 01:10:11,461 There's nothing here. Let's go, guys. 694 01:10:11,628 --> 01:10:14,130 - Jesus! - Aah! 695 01:10:20,887 --> 01:10:23,139 I thought they were supposed to be in coffins. 696 01:10:23,306 --> 01:10:26,559 That's what this cave is. It's one giant coffin. 697 01:10:29,896 --> 01:10:31,856 Right now they're at their most vulnerable. 698 01:10:32,023 --> 01:10:33,233 Easy pickings. 699 01:10:33,400 --> 01:10:35,235 Remember, you have to kill the leader. 700 01:10:35,402 --> 01:10:37,404 We don't know which one the leader is. 701 01:10:37,570 --> 01:10:39,781 I guess we'll just have to kill them all. 702 01:10:39,948 --> 01:10:43,910 Let's start with the little one. First come, first staked. 703 01:10:44,077 --> 01:10:48,457 What was that, a little vampire humor? It wasn't funny. 704 01:10:50,459 --> 01:10:51,627 Oh, my God. 705 01:10:53,796 --> 01:10:55,756 No! Don't even. 706 01:10:55,923 --> 01:10:57,591 Good night, bloodsucker. 707 01:10:58,509 --> 01:10:59,927 No! 708 01:11:19,530 --> 01:11:21,031 You're dead meat! 709 01:11:22,366 --> 01:11:24,201 Let's get out of here! Let's go! 710 01:11:33,586 --> 01:11:38,883 Go! Get out of here! Run! Go! Fast! Come on! 711 01:11:43,554 --> 01:11:45,473 Grab him! Get him into the light! 712 01:11:50,394 --> 01:11:53,189 Get him into the sun! Get him into the sunlight! 713 01:12:12,750 --> 01:12:14,919 Tonight. 714 01:12:16,128 --> 01:12:18,589 Mike, start the car! 715 01:12:19,673 --> 01:12:25,846 Mike! Mike! Start the car. Mike. Mike. 716 01:12:27,431 --> 01:12:29,226 - We blew it, man. We lost it. - Shut up. 717 01:12:29,392 --> 01:12:31,144 We unraveled in the face of the enemy. 718 01:12:31,311 --> 01:12:33,146 They pulled a mind-scramble on us. 719 01:12:33,313 --> 01:12:36,107 - They opened their eyes and talked. - I'll drive. 720 01:12:36,608 --> 01:12:39,444 - We don't ride with vampires. - Fine. Stay here. 721 01:12:41,947 --> 01:12:43,198 - We do now. - Yeah. 722 01:12:44,574 --> 01:12:46,952 Come on! Sam, let's get out of here. 723 01:12:47,619 --> 01:12:49,037 Burn rubber. 724 01:12:53,625 --> 01:12:55,418 Christ! 725 01:12:55,585 --> 01:12:58,588 Burn rubber does not mean warp speed. 726 01:13:09,391 --> 01:13:10,433 Cool it, Nanook. 727 01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:13,478 - Your dog knows a flesh-eater. - Take him outside, Sam. 728 01:13:14,729 --> 01:13:15,772 Come on, Nanook. 729 01:13:19,317 --> 01:13:20,819 Michael. 730 01:13:21,653 --> 01:13:24,573 Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas... 731 01:13:24,739 --> 01:13:26,783 ...when you take it without asking? 732 01:13:26,950 --> 01:13:28,326 No, Grandpa. 733 01:13:28,493 --> 01:13:30,829 Well, now you do. 734 01:13:40,005 --> 01:13:42,424 - We definitely blew Plan A. - Time to activate Plan B. 735 01:13:42,591 --> 01:13:44,217 - Okay, what's Plan B? - We don't have one yet. 736 01:13:44,384 --> 01:13:46,052 We only have two and a half hours to come up with one. 737 01:13:46,219 --> 01:13:47,262 Why? What's in two and a half hours? 738 01:13:47,429 --> 01:13:50,181 The sun will go down. They'll be looking for us. 739 01:13:55,186 --> 01:13:56,313 Mom. 740 01:13:56,479 --> 01:13:58,440 This is... What are you doing with the bike? 741 01:13:58,607 --> 01:14:01,067 I gotta tell you something. It's real important. Shh. 742 01:14:01,234 --> 01:14:03,778 - Santa Carla is crawling with vampires. - Excuse me. 743 01:14:03,945 --> 01:14:04,988 Mom, I'm serious. 744 01:14:05,155 --> 01:14:07,699 Listen, Edgar staked one. It was screaming and fizzing. 745 01:14:07,866 --> 01:14:09,576 Look, there's evidence on my sweater. 746 01:14:09,743 --> 01:14:12,079 - Mom, you gotta tell someone. - Come on, honey. 747 01:14:12,246 --> 01:14:14,206 - You gotta tell someone. - This isn't funny. 748 01:14:14,373 --> 01:14:17,001 I'm not kidding mother! They're coming as soon as it gets dark. 749 01:14:17,168 --> 01:14:19,920 Okay, stop it. Right now. Just stop it. 750 01:14:20,087 --> 01:14:21,380 - Mom... - No, not another word. 751 01:14:21,547 --> 01:14:23,174 I don't believe you're doing this. 752 01:14:23,341 --> 01:14:25,468 I'm gonna see Max tonight and you're trying to ruin it for me. 753 01:14:25,635 --> 01:14:26,677 No, I'm not. 754 01:14:26,844 --> 01:14:29,847 There's nothing wrong with Max. I don't know why don't you want me to see...? 755 01:14:30,014 --> 01:14:32,642 I'm not talking about Max, all right? To hell with Max. 756 01:14:34,810 --> 01:14:36,687 I'll deal with you later, young man. 757 01:14:39,899 --> 01:14:41,901 - Mom. - No. 758 01:14:42,902 --> 01:14:44,779 Guys, we're on our own. 759 01:14:44,945 --> 01:14:47,031 Good. That's just the way we like it. 760 01:15:18,896 --> 01:15:20,272 Grandpa? 761 01:15:20,439 --> 01:15:23,901 The Widow Johnson called. She said to pick her up at 7 instead of 8, okay? 762 01:15:24,068 --> 01:15:25,111 We got a date tonight? 763 01:15:25,695 --> 01:15:27,405 I guess so. She said not to be late. 764 01:15:27,571 --> 01:15:31,242 Well, I better get cleaned up, then. 765 01:15:48,968 --> 01:15:51,053 Go, let's go, come on. 766 01:15:53,265 --> 01:15:55,642 Die, Mr. Vampire. 767 01:16:04,651 --> 01:16:07,320 Go, come on, come on. Let's move. 768 01:16:16,913 --> 01:16:19,833 They'll be coming for Laddie and me, won't they? 769 01:16:20,959 --> 01:16:23,462 They'll be coming for all of us. 770 01:16:25,005 --> 01:16:27,674 - Laddie, wake up. - Hm? 771 01:17:40,915 --> 01:17:43,000 - It's okay? Thank you. - Oh, it's delicious. 772 01:17:44,377 --> 01:17:45,878 Oh! 773 01:17:46,087 --> 01:17:47,088 Thorn, stop that. 774 01:17:49,757 --> 01:17:51,092 What's the matter, Lucy? 775 01:17:51,551 --> 01:17:54,095 Oh, just old memories coming back. 776 01:17:54,262 --> 01:17:56,264 No, seriously. Why are you so jumpy tonight? 777 01:17:56,430 --> 01:17:58,182 No, well, it's something Sam... 778 01:17:58,349 --> 01:17:59,976 He came into the store, and... 779 01:18:00,142 --> 01:18:03,062 You know, it was just a kid's imagination, I'm sure, but... 780 01:18:03,229 --> 01:18:06,023 ...he seemed so sincere, but... 781 01:18:06,190 --> 01:18:10,444 - It's insane. - Tell me. I promise not to laugh. Honest. 782 01:18:16,284 --> 01:18:17,702 I think I should warn you all. 783 01:18:17,869 --> 01:18:20,580 When a vampire buys it, it's never a pretty sight. 784 01:18:20,746 --> 01:18:23,374 No two bloodsuckers go out the same way. 785 01:18:23,541 --> 01:18:25,793 Some yell and scream. Some go quietly. 786 01:18:25,960 --> 01:18:28,296 Some explode. Some implode. 787 01:18:28,462 --> 01:18:30,673 But all will try to take you with them. 788 01:18:48,149 --> 01:18:51,569 - Nanook. I left him outside. - Don't go out there. Stop him. 789 01:18:52,028 --> 01:18:53,237 Sam! 790 01:18:53,404 --> 01:18:56,240 - Sam, stop. Sam, come back. - No, wait. 791 01:18:56,407 --> 01:18:58,034 - Sam. Come back. - Sam. 792 01:18:58,200 --> 01:18:59,702 Sam, you're in danger, man. 793 01:18:59,869 --> 01:19:00,912 Nanook. 794 01:19:03,581 --> 01:19:05,291 Come on. 795 01:19:06,918 --> 01:19:09,045 - Michael! - Come on, come back! 796 01:19:09,503 --> 01:19:10,630 - No. - Come on back. 797 01:19:10,796 --> 01:19:12,757 - Michael, get back, man. - Mike. 798 01:19:14,175 --> 01:19:16,844 Hurry! Michael, hurry! 799 01:19:17,596 --> 01:19:19,932 Hurry, Michael. 800 01:19:20,974 --> 01:19:22,684 Michael, they're coming! 801 01:19:25,646 --> 01:19:27,022 Come on, hurry! 802 01:19:29,316 --> 01:19:31,234 Hurry up, man! 803 01:19:35,197 --> 01:19:36,865 Come on, come on. 804 01:19:38,450 --> 01:19:40,118 They're coming now! 805 01:19:43,705 --> 01:19:45,165 Take them upstairs! 806 01:19:45,332 --> 01:19:47,542 Go. Come on, move it, move it. 807 01:20:01,556 --> 01:20:04,893 - I say we terminate them right now. - Laddie, run! 808 01:20:09,731 --> 01:20:11,149 - Hey! - Aah! 809 01:20:12,985 --> 01:20:14,027 You're mine! 810 01:20:15,737 --> 01:20:18,323 - You killed Marko! - Yeah. You're next. 811 01:20:18,490 --> 01:20:19,825 No. You're next. 812 01:20:25,580 --> 01:20:27,541 Garlic don't work, boys. 813 01:20:27,708 --> 01:20:29,876 Try the holy water, dead breath! 814 01:21:03,911 --> 01:21:05,747 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 815 01:21:31,814 --> 01:21:34,442 Mike. Mike. 816 01:22:00,885 --> 01:22:02,762 Mike. Mike. Mike, wake up. 817 01:22:42,761 --> 01:22:45,639 - You missed, sucker. - Only once, pal. 818 01:23:16,461 --> 01:23:19,256 Death by stereo. 819 01:23:19,423 --> 01:23:20,841 Come on. 820 01:23:23,886 --> 01:23:25,596 What the hell? 821 01:23:27,347 --> 01:23:28,390 Come on. 822 01:23:50,954 --> 01:23:53,790 - Hey, hey, shh. It's me, it's me. - Are you okay? 823 01:23:53,957 --> 01:23:55,959 I nailed one of them with a bow and arrow. 824 01:23:56,126 --> 01:23:57,961 All right, Sam-o. 825 01:23:58,128 --> 01:24:00,380 We trashed the one that looks like Twisted Sister. 826 01:24:00,547 --> 01:24:03,300 We totally annihilated his night-stalking ass. 827 01:24:03,467 --> 01:24:05,719 Well, Nanook helped a little. 828 01:24:05,886 --> 01:24:07,304 All right, Nanook. 829 01:24:07,471 --> 01:24:10,807 Death to all vampires. Maximum body count. 830 01:24:10,974 --> 01:24:12,476 We are awesome monster-bashers. 831 01:24:12,643 --> 01:24:15,562 - The meanest. - The baddest. 832 01:24:34,290 --> 01:24:37,418 Holy shit! It's the attack of Eddie Munster. Get him. 833 01:24:37,877 --> 01:24:40,755 Stop! Get away from him. You just stay away from him. 834 01:24:40,922 --> 01:24:42,340 He's just a little boy. 835 01:25:01,317 --> 01:25:04,070 You afraid to face me, David? 836 01:25:04,487 --> 01:25:05,947 Huh? 837 01:25:08,491 --> 01:25:09,826 Come on. 838 01:25:09,993 --> 01:25:11,536 I tried to make you immortal. 839 01:25:11,703 --> 01:25:14,706 You tried to make me a killer! 840 01:25:23,840 --> 01:25:25,258 You are a killer. 841 01:25:47,780 --> 01:25:48,823 My turn. 842 01:25:58,541 --> 01:26:02,712 Stop fighting me, Michael. I don't want to kill you. 843 01:26:03,379 --> 01:26:04,422 Join us. 844 01:26:05,423 --> 01:26:07,051 Never. 845 01:26:09,762 --> 01:26:12,514 It's too late. My blood is in your veins. 846 01:26:16,060 --> 01:26:17,936 So is mine! 847 01:26:23,901 --> 01:26:25,694 No! 848 01:27:12,074 --> 01:27:14,159 Michael! 849 01:27:18,664 --> 01:27:19,915 Mike! 850 01:27:20,082 --> 01:27:23,168 - Don't let them see me like this. - Michael. 851 01:27:25,087 --> 01:27:26,130 Yeah. 852 01:27:26,296 --> 01:27:28,173 Get away, Sam. 853 01:27:28,340 --> 01:27:31,218 - Mike, what's wrong? - I said, get away! 854 01:27:36,014 --> 01:27:38,434 What's the big deal? You destroyed the head vampire. 855 01:27:38,600 --> 01:27:41,353 - It's all over. - Nothing's changed. 856 01:27:41,520 --> 01:27:43,856 He's right. I don't feel any different. 857 01:27:44,022 --> 01:27:46,191 Then there's still one more. 858 01:27:50,488 --> 01:27:52,657 Sam? Michael? 859 01:27:53,158 --> 01:27:55,201 I'll handle Mom. Come on, go. 860 01:27:55,577 --> 01:27:57,078 Don't let her see the bodies. 861 01:27:57,245 --> 01:27:58,872 - Sam? Michael? - Mom? 862 01:27:59,038 --> 01:28:00,665 - What is going on? - What's happened? 863 01:28:00,832 --> 01:28:03,376 - We have to have a heavy conversation. - Where's Michael? 864 01:28:03,543 --> 01:28:06,713 - What happened to your face? - I think I can explain what's going on. 865 01:28:06,880 --> 01:28:09,507 Remember the food fight Michael and I got into last year? 866 01:28:09,674 --> 01:28:13,219 This has nothing to do with the food fight. I think I should cover this. 867 01:28:13,386 --> 01:28:16,389 - I think you should sit down. - What happened to your face? 868 01:28:31,321 --> 01:28:35,074 I don't want to hear another word from you until I talk to Michael. 869 01:28:35,241 --> 01:28:37,076 I'm sorry, Lucy. 870 01:28:37,243 --> 01:28:39,579 This is all my fault. 871 01:28:39,746 --> 01:28:42,540 David and my boys misbehaved. 872 01:28:42,999 --> 01:28:45,418 I told you, boys need a mother. 873 01:28:45,585 --> 01:28:47,253 Max, what are you talking about? 874 01:28:49,589 --> 01:28:52,091 I knew it. You're the head vampire. 875 01:28:52,258 --> 01:28:53,760 Sam, don't start this again. 876 01:28:54,177 --> 01:28:56,221 You're the secret that David was protecting. 877 01:28:56,930 --> 01:28:58,389 Mm-hm. 878 01:28:58,598 --> 01:29:00,558 - Who's this? - But you passed the test. 879 01:29:02,477 --> 01:29:05,897 Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. 880 01:29:06,356 --> 01:29:07,607 It renders you powerless. 881 01:29:09,025 --> 01:29:12,654 - Did you know that? - Of course. Everyone knows that. 882 01:29:12,862 --> 01:29:16,574 Has everyone gone crazy here? What's the matter with all of you? 883 01:29:17,534 --> 01:29:20,036 It was you I was after all along, Lucy. 884 01:29:20,203 --> 01:29:21,246 What? 885 01:29:21,412 --> 01:29:26,834 I knew that if I could get Sam and Michael into the family... 886 01:29:27,001 --> 01:29:28,753 ...there's no way you could say no. 887 01:29:28,920 --> 01:29:30,296 Where's Michael? 888 01:29:30,463 --> 01:29:33,050 It was all going to be so perfect, Lucy. 889 01:29:36,887 --> 01:29:38,931 Just like one big happy family. 890 01:29:42,184 --> 01:29:44,144 Your boys... 891 01:29:45,020 --> 01:29:46,230 ...and my boys. 892 01:29:46,397 --> 01:29:49,441 Great. The bloodsucking Brady Bunch. 893 01:29:50,359 --> 01:29:52,152 But I still want you, Lucy. 894 01:29:54,321 --> 01:29:56,865 I haven't changed my mind about that. 895 01:29:57,199 --> 01:29:59,660 I didn't invite you this time, Max. 896 01:29:59,827 --> 01:30:01,453 Michael. 897 01:30:03,330 --> 01:30:04,540 Michael, no! 898 01:30:08,544 --> 01:30:10,004 Michael. 899 01:30:18,679 --> 01:30:20,639 - Don't you touch my mother. - Sam, don't! 900 01:30:22,266 --> 01:30:24,977 Ah! Ow. 901 01:30:25,144 --> 01:30:26,353 Damn it. 902 01:30:30,357 --> 01:30:33,277 Don't fight, Lucy. It's so much better if you don't fight. 903 01:30:33,861 --> 01:30:36,488 Mom! Mom, don't! 904 01:30:36,655 --> 01:30:39,199 Mom. Don't do it, Mom. Mom, don't do it. 905 01:30:40,367 --> 01:30:42,328 - Sam... - Mom, no. 906 01:30:43,329 --> 01:30:45,122 - Mom, no! Mom! - Sam! 907 01:30:45,331 --> 01:30:46,373 Mom! 908 01:31:32,545 --> 01:31:34,255 Jesus. 909 01:31:37,801 --> 01:31:41,304 - Are you okay? - Yeah. Yeah. 910 01:31:41,554 --> 01:31:43,932 - Yeah, right. - Yeah. We kicked their ass, man. 911 01:32:00,407 --> 01:32:02,283 It's over. 912 01:32:04,452 --> 01:32:06,121 Star! Star! 913 01:32:06,788 --> 01:32:08,498 Laddie. 914 01:32:12,752 --> 01:32:14,713 Is everybody okay? 915 01:32:15,463 --> 01:32:17,132 Oh, Michael. 916 01:32:17,298 --> 01:32:18,591 - Are you okay? - Yes. 917 01:32:18,758 --> 01:32:22,721 - Oh, Michael. - I was so scared. 918 01:32:22,971 --> 01:32:25,014 Oh, my boys. 919 01:32:25,473 --> 01:32:28,518 How much do you think we should charge them for this? 920 01:32:31,521 --> 01:32:33,481 Dad. 921 01:32:36,317 --> 01:32:37,986 Dad? 922 01:32:43,908 --> 01:32:45,910 Dad, are you all right? 923 01:32:51,166 --> 01:32:55,713 The one thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach: 924 01:32:56,005 --> 01:32:58,174 All the damn vampires. 67475

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