All language subtitles for The West Wing (1999) - S01E21 - Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 ImE)_track3_[eng]

Previously on the west wing.

C.J....

They're pissed at me,
That's how pissed
They are at you.

They want to know how the hell
I didn't know about the memo.

These amateur mistakes
Make me crazy.

I just called amateur
Twice in ten seconds.

The white house
Chief of staff

Can do it to me
Wherever he wants.

You don't do it
In front of people.

Josh, get leo two candidates

Who back aggressive
Campaign finance reform.

To fight to restore
American democracy

Begins right here right now
In this room.

Anytime you're into something,
You don't keep it from me.

I'm friendly with a woman.

You can't spend time
With a call girl, sam.

You're going to get caught.

Donna:
They got to start the poll,
Josh-- it's 7:05.

Josh:
It's ten to 7:00.

No, it's really not.

Josh:
It's 7:05?

Yeah.

That's ridiculous.

I'm not making it up.

My watch says
Ten to 7:00.

That's 'cause
Your watch sucks.

My watch is fine.

Your watch says
Ten to 7:00.

How do I know it
Isn't ten to 7:00?

Because those large clocks
In the hall run by the navy

Say your watch sucks
In four different time zones.

Question six is asymmetrical.

Question six is fine.

Would you say, "Things in
This country are going

In the right direction,
Or do you think they've gotten
Off on the wrong track?"

He's got a good point.

No, he doesn't.

Do you know
It's five after 7:00?

It should be right direction
Or wrong direction.

"Direction" and "Track"
Are different words.

Thank you, funk
& wagnalls.

What did she call me?

They make the dictionary.

I know who funk
& wagnalls are.

Then why did
You ask her?

Guys, it's five
After 7:00.

The question is asymmetrical.

That may be so, but the question
Originated two decades ago

And has proven to be
A consistent predictor

Of the voters'
Potential behavior,
So it stays the way it is.

I have a problem with 14.

What's your problem?

"When making
Policy decisions

"Do you think
That president bartlet

Puts the needs
Of average people first?"

"Average people"
Is a pejorative phrase.

It occurs about six times
In the polling model.

This may come
As a shock to you

But 80% of the people
In this country

Would use the
Word "Average"

To describe themselves.

They do not find
The term deprecating.

Being considered
An "Average american"

Is something they
Find to be positive
And comforting.

Leo:
C.J.?

Yes.

"Jed bartlet cares
About people like me."

Leo, we went over this.

We need to talk about
Question six.

We really don't.

Since when are you
An expert on language?

In polling models?

Okay.
1993.

Since when are you
A pain in the ass?

Since long before that.

"Jed bartlet cares

About people like me.
Agree or disagree?"

Again, we went
Over that.

Can't "People like me"

Be taken to mean
People like the interviewer?

When we ask that question,
We say

"People like yourself."

Or "People like you."

I've seen it both ways.

"Yourself" is
A little softer.

Ed:
And softer is bad?

Softer is better.
The point is...

The respondent isn't confused
And separating

The respondent
From the

Interviewer with
"People like yourself"

Is pejorative

So, ed, larry, you can
Take this up with josh.

Leo, eastern standard time
Is sitting down to dinner.

The poll is fine.

It's an important poll, c.J.

I'm aware of its importance.

And if we don't start

The phone banks,
I might not have

Time to leak the internals
To media outlets

Before we hit
The weekends

So, it turns out

That over the last three weeks

We've managed
To climb out of the hole

Only we can't tell anybody
About it till monday

Because we stood here all night
Arguing about asymmetry.

( sighs )

It's time.

Anybody want
To make a prediction?

We'll hold at 42%
Job approval.

We'll hold steady.

I'll be happy
If we hold steady.

We'll drop a few points

But it will be inside
The plus or minus.

C.J.?

We're going to go up
Five points.

President thinks
We're going to hold steady.

The president is wrong.

You think?

Yes.

Let's find out.

Toby, tell sam
To start the banks.

( phone rings )

Sam seaborn.

Okay.

Let's get our
Report card.

Okay, here we go...

Hey, sam.
Hey, ginger.

How's it going
In there?

I popped mandy with
My tranquilizer gun.

She's doing fine.

Bonnie wanted to know
Why it takes 48 hours.

We need 1,500 responses.

It takes 30 people
48 hours

To make 1,500 calls?

It takes them about 12 hours
To make 1,500 calls.

We need 1,500 responses

Which means we need
To make 6,000 calls.

Sam?
Yeah?

Only one in four people
Don't hang up?

That's if you're lucky.

The g.W. Law school
Graduation is tomorrow.

Yeah.

Were you going
To go see your friend?

Laurie?

Yeah.

I wish you'd
Call her laurie.

Were you going to go see her
Graduate law school tomorrow?

Yeah.

You can't.

Okay.

I really do believe
Steve onorato knows and he's...

Yeah.

He'll try and use it
To embarrass us.

Okay.

They know who this girl is.

They know she's graduating
Law school tomorrow.

They know it's someplace
You're likely to be.

Maybe they want
To snap a picture...

Laurie.
What?

You called her "This girl."

Sam, you can't.

I said okay, toby.

Do you see me
Arguing with you?

No.

Anything else?

Nope.

( sighs )

Biggest day of her life.

Huge day.

I mean, she
Put herself

Through law school,
And I know that there are people

In south carolina that don't
Like how she did it...

Not just south carolina, sam.

Then both carolinas, toby

Though I've never understood
What business it is...

You can't go, sam.

I'm not going.

Thank you.

Leo.

Is he here?
Yeah.

Wait in here
For a minute

Then go back out
And send him in.

Okay. Why do you want me
To wait in here?

Because I do.

Okay.

It feels weird not
Doing anything.

Yeah...

It feels weird, you know,
'cause the instinct...

Okay, go out and send him in.

Okay.

Barry.

Yes.

Leo mcgarry.

Barry haskel.

Good to meet you.

Is this your first time
In the white house?

It's my first time
In the west wing.

You've been on the federal
Election commission
For nine years

And no one's ever invited you
To the white house?

Not to the west wing.

There have been...

I go to the annual
Christmas party at o.E.O.B.

And last christmas
The vice president

Stopped in for a moment
And it was very nice.

Barry.

Mm-hmm.

I wanted to talk to you
About campaign finance reform

And, specifically,
Soft money contributions.

Right. I had a hunch.

Could I possibly have
A glass of fruit juice?

Are you thirsty?

I'll be perfectly
Honest, mr. Mcgarry.

This is the first time
I've been called

To the office of the white house
Chief of staff.

You're a little nervous?

You know you walk
Past a dress marine

When you come in here?

Rodney.

I didn't catch his name, but...

Oh, rodney's great.

Rodney!

Yes, mr. Mcgarry.

Could you do that thing
You were doing before?

Thanks, rodney.

Any time, sir.

It's amazing, and that rifle's
Really loaded, too.

Mr. Mcgarry...

Call me leo.

Leo...

There's no need
To be nervous, barry.

We know you're one of us.

I'm sorry?

I say

We know you're one of us.

Six commissioners
On the f.E.C.

Two just resigned,
Leaving four, including you.

The belief has always been
That none of the four of you

Favor a ban on soft money
Contributions

But the truth is, you do.

That's not true.

Yes, it is.

And the way that I know
That it is

Is 'cause you said so.

You said so
To the newark star-ledger

On march 13th, 1995--

"Money isn't speech."

And you said so
Two years before that

To the detroit free press.

"We must reverse the 1978
Regulatory decision

Allowing soft money."

Those quotes were anonymous.

Not anymore.

I gave those quotes

On the condition
Of anonymity.

I know how you feel.

I went to drug rehab
On the condition of anonymity.

Maybe you read about it
In the papers.

Barry, barry!

You want to ban soft money,
You're one of us.

You've been outed.

It never made much.

Being outnumbered five to one
On the f.E.C.

It never made much sense to me
To swim against the grain.

I would have been...
I understand.

I would have been
Irrelevant...

Plus, you'd have
Had a hard time
Getting re-upped

By the senate when
Your term expired.

Exactly.
On the other hand

If we hadn't gone
Out and found you

You probably never
Would have been invited
To the white house.

See, now... When I got the call
From your office

My wife and her friends said

This is what
Was going to happen.

What's that?

That you were going to use

The trappings
Of the white house.

That there was going to be
A sort of, um... Intimidation.

No one's intimidating you,
Barry.

You're with us.

You were wandering for
Years in the darkness

But we came and found you.

And welcome back to the pack.

Coercion, then?

And I noticed that
I'm sitting here

In the chief of staff's office

With all the trappings
Of the white house

And my wife
And her friends say

Its not uncommon for people to
Get lightheaded and starstruck.

And I've heard the same thing
From other people, too.

Nonsense.

Let me show you
Around the place.

If I could just get
A glass of water.

No problem. We keep it in here.

( men laughing and talking )

Mr. President, I'm
So sorry to interrupt.

Not at all.
We're just having a nightcap.

I'd like you to meet
Barry haskel from the f.E.C.

Oh, may I present
Treasury secretary kenneth...

How are you?

Mr. Attorney general.

Dan larson.

Of course, cia director,
Rob konrad.

It's good to see you.

Barry, I'm jed bartlet.

I understand you're thinking
About helping us out.

That makes me so happy.

It's an honor
To meet you, sir.

Barry's a
Little thirsty.

Well, let's get him a drink.

They'll take
Good care of you.

Come on, barry.

Sit down and
Have a drink with us.

Leo...

Just put him in the boat.

This could all be
For nothing.

Yeah.

I mean, if the numbers...

Yeah.

Did we start?

We put the poll
In the field three hours ago.

All right.

Did the guys make
Any predictions?

No, I didn't ask.

Yes, you did.

They think we're going
To hold at 42.

Toby thinks we dropped
A few points

But inside the margin.

It could be worse.
Yeah.

I mean, it could be worse
Than holding at 42.

'cause if these numbers
Keep going down

I'm just a guy with
Barry haskel in his office.

I'll stop back
In ten minutes.

A dress marine
Guarding your door?

To showy?

My thing is what's
He supposed

To be guarding right now?

I'll be right in here.

Thanks.

Thank you, mr. President.

Woman:
You are graduating
Tomorrow.

Shh.

You're graduating tomorrow.

Janeane...

And yet you are in
A library studying.

There's something called
The bar exam.

Oh, are you
Taking it tonight?

No.

Well...

Then let's go out.

Just give me
Ten more minutes.

( phone rings )

Oh, god, is that me?

That's me.

See the advantages of
Being a waitress?

You don't have
To take the bar exam?

That's right.

You're not going
To be a waitress forever.

Answer your phone.

Hello.

Sam:
Are you in the library?

It's you.

Are you in the library

On the night before?

Three years of law school--
I do not understand real estate.

Nobody does. Listen...

You can't come tomorrow.

No.

I understand.

There's reason to believe

A staffer in the majority
Leader's office knows about you.

He knows that I know you

And he's probably known
The information for some time

But has been waiting
For the moment

When that information will cause
The most trouble.

And that moment's now?

Yeah.

That's okay.

No, it's not okay, but...

Baby, don't guilt yourself
Over this.

I know you'll be thinking
About me.

I will.

You go knock 'em dead tomorrow.

Okay.

Okay.

He can't make it.

Yeah, I kind of guessed.

Don't worry about it.

That's right.
It's your week.

( chuckles )

You know what's fun?

The potomac
In the morning.

Jogging along
The potomac
Or sculling.

Were you jogging
This morning?

No.

Were you
Sculling?

No, I was sitting on a
Bench having a bagel.

But from where I was,
Both jogging and sculling

Looked good to me.

Bonnie, I need you to arrange
A meeting with ross kassenbach.

For when?
Soon as possible.

Also, I need the next two
Minutes the president's got.

You found one?
Yeah.

Ambassador to the federated
States of micronesia.

Is that a real country?

Yep.
The federated
States

Of micronesia?
Yes.

'cause it sounds
Like a place

The marx brothers...
Real country.

Toby, the president's got
Two minutes in two minutes.

Come with me for this.

President:
Based on what?

Based on what is he
Making that claim?

Based on a memo...

We've been out there
For three weeks.

Good morning, charlie.

We've been out
There for three weeks.

Crossfire, meet the press,
Charlie rose

The today show,
The tonight show

Good morning, scottsdale.

Time, newsweek,
Popular mechanics.

We've been out there saying

We're not talking
About legalization--

We are talking about treatment.

Sir, there's a memo.

It's the same memo
That's been generated

By every administration
For 30 years.

Well, how do you
Want to handle it?

By saying it's the same
That's been generated

By every administration
For 30 years.

It sounds like
We're soft

On the issue.
Good morning, mr. President.

Steve onorato's saying
I want to legalize drugs.

Sam:
That's the same memo
That's been

Generated by every
Administration for 30 years.

C.J., that's exactly
What you should say.

Thanks.

Leo was in here last night.

He said you guys
Predicted

We'd hold steady at 42.

Were you just being
Optimistic

Or you really think
We held our ground?

Toby:
I said we might
Drop a couple

But inside the margin.

I think we held our ground.

I didn't say that, sir.

Sorry?

I didn't say we'd
Hold steady at 42.

I said we'd gain
Five points.

Yeah?

Yes, sir.

Well, okay.

Anybody want to offer
C.J. The odds?

Talk to the press.

Yes, sir.

Tell them every
Administration

For the past 30
Years has generated
That memo.

Yes, sir.
That's it.

Thank you, mr. President.

Thank you.

What do you got?

The federated states
Of micronesia.

Toby says it's a country.

It is. You know where?

I assume it's
A small island

In the south pacific.

It's actually
607 small islands

In the south pacific.

Interestingly, while its
Total land mass

Is only 270 square miles

It occupies more than
A million square miles

Of the pacific ocean.

Population's
127,000

And the u.S. Embassy is located
In the state of pohnpei

And not, as many people believe,
On the island of yap.

Why would a person
Have that information
At their disposal?

Parties.

Toby:
Um, sir?

I looked at the federated states
Of micronesia.

I can't fire our ambassador.

Why not?
Somebody's
Going to ask me

Why I fired him
And I won't be able to come up

With the answer
They're looking for.

Sam's got you covered.

How?

You're not going to
Fire the ambassador.

You're going to promote him.

To what?

Ambassador to paraguay.

And what happens to the
Ambassador to paraguay?

You make him ambassador
To bulgaria.

Hey, I like this.

Of course, if everybody
Keeps moving up one

Then I get
To go home.

The bulgarian
Ambassador's

Believed to be
Having an affair

With the daughter
Of prime minister

Toder lukanov.

That ambassador
Is ken cochran?

Yes, sir.

He's having an affair
With the daughter

Of the bulgarian
Prime minister?

Who the state department
Is saying is upset.

I can imagine.

Do you know him, sir?

The prime minister of bulgaria?

Ambassador cochran.

I know his wife.

Ouch.

I got to fire
Ken cochran?

Yes, sir.

I don't want it to be
Because of the girl.

Why not?

I know his wife.

We can create legitimate grounds
For incompetence.

Well, it
Looks to me

Like there are legitimate
Grounds for incompetence

But come up with
Different ones, would you?

Yes, sir.

All right, let's do it.

Both:
Thank you, mr. President.

Charlie.

Yes, sir.

I need to meet
With ambassador cochran.

He can be found
In his office

At the u.S. Embassy
In bulgaria, or not.

Either way, I'd like
The state department to put

His ass on a plane and have it
In this office tomorrow.

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Is that ken cochran,
Mr. President?

Yeah.

Okay.

What?

I'm sorry, sir?

It looked like
When I said ken cochran

That you knew who he was.

No, sir.

Okay.

Thank you, mr. President.

Josh:
They might put it
On the table.

They won't put it
On the table.

They might.

They won't.
I'm saying

If they do put it
On the table...

They won't.
Is there

Any possibility
You'll let me

Finish a sentence?

Any chance at all?

You don't have to raise
Your voice to me.

How the hell do you know
If I'm raising my voice at you?

I guessed.

You're here to give me
A counterargument on english

As the official language
Of the united states;
You are not here

To speculate on whether or not
The republicans

Will put the issue
On the table.

Okay.

Good.

What did she say?

They won't.

Okay, look...

Josh.
What?

You wanted me
To let you know
When c.J. Started

Talking about
The drug memo.

C.J. Started
Already?

A half hour ago.

The briefing's
Not supposed to
Start till 11:00.

Guess what?
My watch sucks?

When I get back,
You're going to argue with me.

We're going to argue
About things I want
To argue about

And you'll do your best
Not to annoy me.

It's almost hard
To believe you're
Not married.

Oh-ho-ho!

Many have tried.

Did toby find a country?

The federated states
Of micronesia.

Is that a real country?

Yes, it's located 2,500 miles
Southwest of hawaii

Where you've never taken me.

When was I supposed
To take you to hawaii?

Anytime. It's
Something
Bosses do.

The federated states
Of micronesia.

They have some of the best
Scuba diving in the world.

The mantas, for instance,
On the island of yap

Are prized
Among those who...

Stop talking now.

...With the point being

That the mandatory minimum
Sentencing guidelines

Applied to crack cocaine
As opposed to powder cocaine

Are fairly transparently racist.

A guy takes his assistant
On a quick trip to maui.

It's not, like,
Unheard of.
Shh.

Hang on.

Woman:
C.J.

Hang on.

Mandatory minimums require
A federal judge

To sentence anyone convicted of
Possessing five grams of crack

To at least five years
In prison.

It takes 100 times
As much powder cocaine

And 20 times as much heroin
To get that sentence.

70% of all drug users are white.

80% of all crack users
Are black.

Federal mandatory minimums
For crack users

Are a war
On the black community.

Danny.

Is the white house
Making a crusade

Out of defending the rights
Of drug users?

Oh, please. Katie,
You had a question.

Do you have...?
Hang on, c.J.
I was asking if...

The white house
Is committed to reversing

The devastating effects
Of drug abuse.

We believe the best way

Is to treat drug
Addiction

As what the a.M.A.
Has said it is-- a
Medical problem.

We do not believe
In a phony war on drugs

The chief accomplishment
Of which would be

To either kill or incarcerate
Black drug users.

C.J., are you aware...?
Steve onorato's
Saying

The white house
Supports legalization?

Yes.
How surprising
That in the midst

Of an important debate,
The president would be accused
Of being soft on drugs.

Steve onorato has a memo
Written by the assistant
Surgeon general.

I'd be happy
To produce
Similar memos

Written for
Every president

In the last 30 years

Including four
Republicans.

That's all.
Thank you, everybody.

Hi. There wasn't,
I don't think

A huge reason
To snap at me.

It was a
Ridiculous
Question.

No, it wasn't.
Is the white house

Crusading for the
Rights of drug users?

You know that's
Not what I meant.

I do, but I don't
Count on everybody
Always understanding

What the hell comes out
Of your mouth

When I can't
Half the time.

So you were just
Helping out.

Yes. You can't stay
Pissed at me forever.

Let's find out.
Mandy's thing
Went away.

See anybody writing
Or talking about it?

Is there really a need
To continue punishing me...?

Hang on.

They talk about it
Here, danny.

They talk about it here.

And they blame you?

They don't say it.

But they blame you.

Yes.

And you think
You've let
Them down.

( knocking )

C.J., you're late
For the g-7 briefing.

I have to go
Back to work.

Okay.

C.J.?

Call the phone banks,
Check in with the poll.

I checked in
With the poll
A half hour ago.

Check again.

Leo...

Yeah?

C.J.'s here.

Okay.

Want to hear a joke?

Uh... Okay.

You know why

They eat only one egg
For breakfast in france?

Why?

'cause in france,
One egg is an oeuf.

Okay, c.J.'s here.

Okay.

Hi.

Hey.

The lid is on.

You told me.
Hmm?

You called me an hour ago
And told me it was a full lid.

Yeah.

I'm going
To go over

To the phone banks,
Check in with the poll.

Okay.

Leo, this is a small thing
And I hate to bring it up...

What?

I was in with the president
This morning

And he mentioned
That you told him

That when you asked
For predictions

Everyone said we'd hold steady
At 42.

Yeah?

But I didn't say that.

I said we'd go up five points.

I meant in general...
On average.

Yeah...

C.J., like lopping
Off the score

From the east
German judge.

It wasn't woman's intuition.

Don't read too much...

I'm saying it's strange
My take wasn't...

I'm saying, don't read
Too much into it.

All right?

Okay.

Anything else?

No. I'm going to go check
The phone banks.

Josh:
Theodore roosevelt said...

Josh...

Let me tell you
What roosevelt said.

What do I care
What theodore roosevelt said?

Because the republicans
Are going to bring it up.

They aren't going
To put it on the table.

He said "We have room for
But one language here

"And that is the
English language

"For we intend to see
That the crucible

"Turns our people
Out as americans

"And not as dwellers

In polyglot
Boarding house."

What kind
Of boarding house?

Polyglot.
It means...

Having knowledge
Of or speaking...

I know what polyglot means.

Then why did
You ask me?

He asked you.

My point is...

Would the two of you

Shut up--
Or the three of you?

However many of you
Are talking

Could half of you stop?

Mandy's wound a little tight
During polling windows.

C.J.:
What are you doing here?

Another laid-back member
Of our team.

What are you all doing here?

Mandy's here

'cause she's
Supposed to be.

Joey's here because
Al kiefer...

What are you doing here?

I'm kind of in charge
Of morale.

Calls are going great.

I'm trying to meet
A deadline, josh.

I've got a 48 hour window

And you can't stand here
Distracting the female callers.

Have I been distracting

The female callers?

All:
No.

Not even a little bit?
This is what I'm saying.

The window's fine;
It's a good response rate.

They're making their quotas.
Stop bothering me.

Did josh mention
He's in charge of morale?

Yes, I am, and as such

I'm going out to get coffee
For everyone

'cause a few hundred volts
Of caffeine

Is just what the doctor ordered
Around here.

And you should've been
More impressed

That I was able to quote
Theodore roosevelt.

I was impressed that you knew

What polyglot meant.

760 s.A.T. Word, baby.

( women laughing )

You are both
Drunk and disorderly.

Oh, my god.

Happy graduation.

How did you...

Surprise!
Janeane?

We worked in cahoots.

We did.
You planned this?

This is why you
Dragged me back
To your apartment?

Are you glad
That I dragged you back?

Yes.

Well, then, be quiet.

And I'll be upstairs.

Good night, janeane.

Good night, janeane.

What did you get me?

A graduation gift.

Is it a briefcase?

Did I just ruin it?

I only asked

Because a briefcase

Is the typical law
School graduation gift

And when I say typical

I don't mean boring,
I just mean basic.

And when I say
Basic I don't
Mean boring either.

Open the box.

You bought me a pen?

It's a good one.

It writes upside-down
And you can use that pen

In outer space.

( chuckles )

Where's my present?

Happy graduation,
Counselor.

Thank you.

Way to go, laurie.

Thank you.

I have to go.

You spending
The night here?

No, I'm going to go
Upstairs...

( car engine starts )

Did you see anybody
Get into that car?

( tires squealing
In the distance )

He's ready to see us.

What'd he say?

He said, "Get your
Ass over here."

I've drafted a letter
Of resignation.

You're not going to
Give it to him, sam

'cause that would
Deny me the pleasure

Of throwing you out
Through a plate
Glass window.

You have every right
To say that.

Thank you for
Acknowledging
That right.

I should keep
You on a leash...

Leo?

I'm talking to c.J.,
Then I'm talking to you.

Ten foot chain
Around your neck

I bolt you to your desk

I have someone come in
And feed you.

I'm going to check,
But I'm almost certain

The president was referring to
The nasdaq composite

And not the 30-year
Treasury yield.

Not the dow industrials,
The nasdaq composite.

Okay, someone here's
Going to get back to you.

How do you not tell me
Until this morning?

Leo...

How do you not call me
Last night?

We didn't know
Anything last night.

He met the girl and
Saw a suspicious car.

I'm not going to call
Up the white house
Chief of staff

In the middle
Of the night

Because someone
Started a car.

I was handling it, leo.

It took me three hours

To confirm there
Was a picture

And another hour to
Find out who has it.

Who has it?

The london daily mirror.

They paid a waitress
Friend of hers

$50,000 to
Set it up

And confirm she
Was a call girl.

When is it running?

It'll run later today.

American press has
It tomorrow morning.

He was giving her

A graduation present?
Yeah.

Work the post and the times.

Yeah.

President:
You never paid this girl

To have sex?
No, sir.

Toby:
They didn't have that kind
Of relationship, sir.

Except once
And that time

He didn't know
What was happening.

That makes two of us.

Sam has always been
Completely above board

About his relationship
With laurie...

Laurie's
The girl?
Yes, sir.

He told us about it right
After his first contact

With her
Nine months ago.

The fact that she
Was putting herself
Through law school

Under circumstances that
Were less than good

Has to mean something,
As does the fact

That sam's word
Is unimpeachable.

Toby, are you in here
Sticking up for sam?

I know,
It's strange, sir.

But I'm feeling

A certain big brotherly
Connection right now.

You know, obviously
I'd like that feeling

To go away as soon as possible

But for the moment

I think there's no danger in
The white house standing by sam

And aggressively going after
The people who set him up.

( sighs )

Sam, you're going to spend
The morning

In the white house
Counsel's office

Finding out
If you broke any laws.

Yes, sir.

You should call the girl--
What's her name?

Laurie.
Laurie.

You should call
Her and tell her

The white house deeply regrets

The phenomenal inconvenience
She's about to experience.

Yes, sir.

You might want to
Point out to her
She probably

Has a cause of action
Against the paper.

Yes, sir.

You should tell
Her that if she
Passes the bar exam

The u.S. Attorney general

Will personally see
To it that she's
Admitted to the bar.

Yes, sir.

Tell her the president
Of the united states

Says congratulations
On getting her degree.

Yes, sir.

That's all.

Thank you, mr. President.

It's nice when we can do
Something for prostitutes

Once in a while, isn't it?

Yes, sir.

Mr. President...
We ready to go?

Ambassador cochran's
In the mural room

And ted mitchel's
Waiting outside.

Where are we putting lobell
And his people?

In the roosevelt room.

He's going to have

A lot of staff with him.

I don't know what any of them do

But there they are
Wherever lobell goes

14-15 guys.

I'll take care of this first.

I'll see you
Across the hall.

Thank you, mr. President.

Who's in the
Mural room?
Ken cochran.

You did it again.

When you said
The name cochran

It was like
You knew him.
No, sir.

I have a sense
About these things.
Yes, sir.

A finely
Honed sense.

It's failing you, sir.

Cochran's in
The mural room?

Yes, sir.

Why don't you
Go sit with him

And send in
Ted mitchel.

Yes, sir.
Thank you.

Mr. President...

Yes, of course.

Thanks.

Thank you.
Thank you, sir.

Ted.

Hey, mr. President.

Thank you
For coming.

Oh, it's my pleasure.

You're looking good.

Oh, I feel good.

How is mary?

She sends her love.

I have something
To do in the next room.

Let me just tell you
That I need a favor.

Oh, of course, sir.

I need you
To hire a guy.
Who, sir?

The former ambassador
To bulgaria.

Who is that, sir?

Ken cochran.

Isn't cochran the
Current ambassador?

Not for long.

He's a good man--
A smart man.

I think he'd make
A good corporate officer.

Why is he being fired?

Gross incompetence.

I'll be right back.

Good morning, sir.

Good morning, nancy.

Senator lobell's
In the roosevelt room.

Yeah, I'll be right in.

Mr. President.
Ken.

It's good
To see you again, sir.

Thank you for flying in
On such short notice.

Of course,
Mr. President.

What can I do for you?

Resign.

Excuse me?

You've been
Having an affair

With the daughter
Of the prime minister

And that doesn't
Work for me

But neither does
A newspaper article

Saying you're
Having an affair

With the daughter of
The prime minister

So I need you
To resign.

You're getting a job
Offer from ted mitchel

For a lot more money
Than you're making now.

That's why you
Left the embassy.

I'll be back
In a minute.

Well...

This is outrageous.

This is outrageous

And I'll explain that to him
When he comes back in here.

Yes, sir.

Have we met?

Sir?

You look very familiar to me.

Have we met?

Yes, sir.

Where?

I was a waiter
At the gramercy club.

Charlie?

Yes, sir.

( laughing )

Charlie...

Yes, sir?

It's good to see you again.

Yes, sir.

Under strange circumstances

Which, when the president
Comes back, I'll...

Yes, sir.

I resigned my membership
In that club, by the way.

Did you?

Oh, yeah.

I find exclusive clubs
To be repugnant.

I couldn't help but notice

It didn't stop you from
Joining up in the first place.

Now, that's out of line.

That's out of line and that
Shouldn't have been said

You've forgotten
That you're addressing
A u.S. Ambassador.

I apologize, sir.

I'm sorry to do this

But I'd like to speak
To your supervisor.

Well, I'm personal aide
To the president

So my supervisor's a
Little busy right now

Looking for a back door to this
Place to shove you out of.

But I'll let him know you'd
Like to lodge a complaint.

( door opens )

Thanks for
Waiting.

Mr. President...

Clearly, this young man
Who works for you

Has told you
Something

About our past and I'd like
To say here and now...

It doesn't have
Anything to do
With that.

Wait a second...

You two have a past?

Charlie:
Sir...

You mocked my
Finely honed sense.

Yes, sir.
You stood there
In my face--

Sir...

It's done, ken--
Ted mitchel's

Going to put you
On the board of directors.

And please
Remember

That I have a lot of affection
For your wife

And I would hate to see her

Be made
A fool of.

I think it would be appropriate
At this time, mr. President

To make a confession.

What's that?

I never voted for you.

Well, thanks for trying,
But here I am, anyway.

Gotta go.

( door closes )

All set?

Look at that--
14 staffers in there.

You have quite a large staff,
Too, mr. President.

Yeah, but I don't
Walk around with
Them, you know?

Good morning.

Good morning,
Mr. President.

Please allow me to introduce
Bob simons, peter rathburn...

Max, I don't need to
Know all the names.

That's okay.
Please sit down.

Lobell:
All right, then.

You know what we're
Doing here, right?

We're going to talk
About soft money.

We're going to do more

Than talk
About it.
Okay.

We agree on nothing, max.

Yes, sir.

Education, guns, drugs

School prayer, gays,
Defense spending, taxes--

You name it, we disagree.

You know why?

'cause I'm a lily-livered,
Bleeding-heart liberal,
Egghead communist.

Yes, sir.

And I'm a gun-totin',
Redneck son of a bitch.

Yes, you are.

We agree on that.

We also agree
On campaign finance.

Yes, sir.

So, max...
Yes, sir?

Let's work together
On campaign finance.

You don't have the votes
In the house.

I don't need them.

1978, the f.E.C. Voted
A regulatory rule

That opened the door
To soft money.

The f.E.C. Can close it again
With four of the six votes.

We don't need a law.

And how are you going to get
The four votes?

Two seats opened up.

I nominated bacon and calhoun.

That's two.

Barry haskel was
With us already.

We took him out of the closet.

How you going to get
The fourth seat to open up?

Toby's going
To take care of
That right away.

Max...

Can I count on your support
To confirm my candidates?

And what do I get in exchange?

The thanks
Of a grateful president.

Good answer, sir.

Go.

Thank you.

Mr. Kassenbach.

Yes.

Hi, I'm toby ziegler.

Very nice
To meet you.

The president thinks
You've done an excellent job

On the federal
Election commission

And would like to extend
His warmest congratulations.

On what?

On being named
The next ambassador

To the federated states
Of micronesia.

It's in.

Yeah.

You talk to him?

They sealed it
In an envelope

And sent it
By courier.

So, joey mentioned
She talked to you.

Yeah.

She said you think
You only have so many times left

You can walk into
The oval office and sing a song.

She said, "Sing a song"?

No, that's what I
Thought she said.

I'm trying to pick up some sign

And right now we're
Doing it by letters
Of the alphabet.

So I had kenny come over
And interpret it

And it turns out that she said

You think you only have
So many times left

You can come into the
Oval office and say,
"You're wrong."

He hasn't been calling my number
That much, josh.

He did on this--
This last three weeks

The media strategy was yours.

I know.

Joey says holding at
42 is a good number.

You shouldn't expect
A five-point bump.

I do expect it.

Okay.

He thinks of you
Like a daughter, c.J.

That's not a good enough reason
To keep me here.

You'll come as soon
As you get it?
Yeah.

'cause we're all waiting
Over there.

Yeah.

They're delivering it
To her.

Yeah.

And then she's going
To bring it right here.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you.

Kassenbach
Was okay?

I'm sorry, sir?

Kassenbach
Was okay.

He's going to be
An ambassador.

He feels
Pretty good.

Did you tell him
About the weather?

Yes, sir.

Scuba diving?

( chuckling ):
Yes, sir.

Full diplomatic
Immunity?

Yes, sir.

Though there really
Aren't a...

A lot of laws
In micronesia, sir.

Sure.

Good evening.

Evening, josh.

I just saw c.J.

She'll be here with it
In a minute.

Okay.

Joey and I have been working

On a counterargument
To alexis de tocqueville.

We're having
A fight

With alexis de tocqueville?

Mr. President,
Please don't get him started.

Joey, what say you
To the position

That, with ethnic warfare
Spreading around the globe

And particularly,
In eastern europe

It's only a matter of time
Before it reaches our shores

And making english the
Official language of
The united states

With safeguard against
The destruction

Of our national identity

And help us avoid
Ethnic strife?

What say you
To that?

You see that?

That's what I been dealing with
All week.

Mr. President,
72% of hispanics

Are strongly opposed
To such a law.

The republicans will never
Put it on the table

Because they'll
Risk losing

The second largest
Ethnic bloc

Of voters
In the country.

But, if you did need
A counterargument

Then I'd mention

To monsieur de tocqueville
Over here

That, aside from it
Being bigoted and
Unconstitutional

It's ludicrous to think
That laws need to be created

To help protect the language
Of shakespeare.

There, that's all
I was looking for--
That one line.

It took you
Four days.

She did it again.

Yeah.

What kind of briefcase
Did you get her, sam?

Sir?

What kind of
Briefcase?

The coach beekman in british tan
With brass hardware.

That's nice.

Yes, sir.

Andare makes a nice model.

Comes in black or brown.

Hand-stained.

You can fit
A laptop,
Notebooks...

This conversation is surreal.

Trieste in milan
Makes a nice briefcase.

Good evening,
Mr. President.

The full polling book
Is 400 pages long

And it's still
Being put together.

I have the top
Sheet results.

What does it say?

I was wrong.

We went up nine points.

Okay.

What's next?

( all talking )