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[bright tone]
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Official YIFY movies site:
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- 'Bout to get it started, man.
Gonna be good.
5
00:00:10,220 --> 00:00:12,130
Here we go, baby!
- Hey, George!
6
00:00:12,150 --> 00:00:14,039
- All right!
- How y'all doin', what's up?
7
00:00:14,060 --> 00:00:15,220
- What's happening?
Everybody all right?
8
00:00:15,240 --> 00:00:17,079
- What's up, boy?
- Kennedy Center, man.
9
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:18,149
- Yeah, that's it.
10
00:00:18,170 --> 00:00:20,010
- Hey, we're live on HBO
right now!
11
00:00:20,030 --> 00:00:21,179
- Yeah, baby!
- You been to
12
00:00:21,199 --> 00:00:23,149
the Kennedy Center before?
- This place is the greatest.
13
00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:24,179
That's why it's named after JFK.
14
00:00:24,199 --> 00:00:25,280
Where you from, Ben?
15
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,280
- From Koreatown, L.A., baby.
- What's up?
16
00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,260
- Yeah, man, all right.
- K-town, dog.
17
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,239
- And your moms?
- Mom's from Seoul, South Korea.
18
00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,229
She came here...20 bucks,
you know what I'm saying?
19
00:00:33,250 --> 00:00:36,039
- That's how we do it.
That's how the immigrants do it.
20
00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:37,259
That's what makes America great.
- It is, man.
21
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,140
It's what it's all about.
Great right here.
22
00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:42,119
I'm just glad
to be at the Kennedy Center,
23
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:44,140
you know, where
I came through the back.
24
00:00:44,159 --> 00:00:46,070
I came in the back door,
25
00:00:46,090 --> 00:00:48,289
but I chose to be stopped.
It was...
26
00:00:49,009 --> 00:00:50,289
- I went through the kitchen.
Nobody ever stopped me.
27
00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:52,270
- [laughs] You know what,
seriously, though?
28
00:00:52,289 --> 00:00:54,219
We're meant to be here.
- Yeah, man.
29
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:57,009
- Homies. You're my homies.
- You got work to do, bro.
30
00:00:57,030 --> 00:00:58,219
- What's up, Carlos Santana?
Hope you're watching, man.
31
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,100
- Yeah, man.
- Let's go.
32
00:01:00,119 --> 00:01:02,289
- Ready to do this?
We're live right here.
33
00:01:03,009 --> 00:01:04,280
Ladies and gentlemen...
34
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,049
[crowd screaming]
35
00:01:07,069 --> 00:01:09,150
Welcome to the stage...
36
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:12,200
live from D.C.
at the Kennedy Center...
37
00:01:12,219 --> 00:01:16,099
[cheers and applause]
38
00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,170
George Lopez!
39
00:01:18,189 --> 00:01:21,250
[cheers and applause]
40
00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,259
- Hi!
41
00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:52,129
[cheers and applause]
42
00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:55,049
The Mexican flag right there!
43
00:01:55,069 --> 00:01:58,049
Orale!
44
00:01:58,069 --> 00:02:01,090
[Valley accent]
I mean, oh, my God, hi.
45
00:02:06,269 --> 00:02:08,250
[speaking Spanish]
46
00:02:08,270 --> 00:02:11,030
[crowd responds, cheers]
47
00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:15,039
I better be speaking
some Spanish tonight.
48
00:02:15,060 --> 00:02:18,110
[loud cheers]
49
00:02:18,129 --> 00:02:20,099
[laughter]
50
00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,240
I'll sprinkle in
some English...
51
00:02:23,259 --> 00:02:25,150
for the seven Caucasians
that are here.
52
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:27,280
Thank you so much.
[laughter]
53
00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,280
[Anglo voice]
I married into the family,
54
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,240
so I have to be here.
55
00:02:33,219 --> 00:02:38,079
This is one of
the greatest places
56
00:02:38,099 --> 00:02:41,110
to perform anywhere
in the world,
57
00:02:41,129 --> 00:02:43,189
the Kennedy Center.
58
00:02:49,199 --> 00:02:51,129
I've been here...
59
00:02:51,150 --> 00:02:54,189
[cheers and applause continue]
60
00:02:59,129 --> 00:03:03,120
I know.
I know, huh?
61
00:03:03,139 --> 00:03:05,080
I've been here ten times
62
00:03:05,099 --> 00:03:08,169
and standing here
looking at who's here,
63
00:03:08,189 --> 00:03:13,000
this fucking place
has never looked like this.
64
00:03:13,020 --> 00:03:15,270
Calor!
65
00:03:15,289 --> 00:03:18,039
Afro-Americano, Dominicano,
66
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:20,270
Boricua, Mejicano,
67
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:23,039
Chino, Latino!
68
00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:25,189
[mouthing]
69
00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:27,240
[laughter]
70
00:03:27,259 --> 00:03:28,259
- We love you, George!
71
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:30,030
We love you!
- Thank you.
72
00:03:30,050 --> 00:03:31,199
I love you too.
[speaking Spanish]
73
00:03:31,219 --> 00:03:33,000
You might meet somebody
better, though.
74
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:35,139
Save it.
75
00:03:35,159 --> 00:03:37,020
Listen...
76
00:03:37,039 --> 00:03:38,170
this is my fourth live--
77
00:03:38,189 --> 00:03:40,050
but here's what happened
today.
78
00:03:40,069 --> 00:03:42,189
Like, you get in the elevator
and, you know, you're there,
79
00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:45,139
and this lady's looking at me
and she's like,
80
00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:47,210
"I know you."
And I'm like...
81
00:03:47,229 --> 00:03:50,229
I'm like, "Yeah."
She goes, "Yes, I...
82
00:03:50,250 --> 00:03:55,129
God, I don't have a signal,
or I would Google you. Ah..."
83
00:03:58,270 --> 00:04:01,060
She goes, "Yes, I know you."
You know what I told her?
84
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:03,199
I told her,
"I put in your driveway."
85
00:04:03,219 --> 00:04:06,219
[laughter]
86
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,120
You know what
that fucking lady said?
87
00:04:08,139 --> 00:04:12,169
"Yes! Yes, you did.
88
00:04:12,189 --> 00:04:14,129
"Yes!
89
00:04:14,150 --> 00:04:16,170
I never got a chance
to thank you."
90
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:19,170
I said, "Yeah,
but I didn't do it alone."
91
00:04:19,189 --> 00:04:23,019
[muttering]
92
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,230
She said, "Can you put in
a fountain on Monday?"
93
00:04:25,250 --> 00:04:27,250
I said...
94
00:04:27,269 --> 00:04:32,009
I say what all the workers say:
[speaking Spanish]
95
00:04:32,029 --> 00:04:34,100
You can do it.
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00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,259
So I'm doing this
special live tonight.
97
00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:40,199
Then tomorrow...
[loud cheering]
98
00:04:40,220 --> 00:04:43,090
Then tomorrow I'm off...
99
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:46,170
and then Monday I'm putting in
the fountain [speaks Spanish].
100
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,290
Let me tell you something
about this fuckin'--
101
00:04:53,009 --> 00:04:54,259
First of all, let me
tell you something about--
102
00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:57,250
I know everybody is--but
Donald Trump--fuck that puto.
103
00:04:57,269 --> 00:04:59,079
[loud cheers, screams]
Fuck him.
104
00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,180
Fuck him.
105
00:05:00,199 --> 00:05:04,240
In case there was any
question, fuck him!
106
00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:09,040
Fuck him today,
fuck him tomorrow,
107
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:11,139
and fuck him 3 1/2 years
from now.
108
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,170
[cheers and applause]
109
00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:22,220
And if you voted for him,
fuck you today,
110
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,279
fuck you tomorrow,
111
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:27,019
and fuck you
three years from now.
112
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:35,050
[Anglo voice] Oh, my God,
it's so exciting.
113
00:05:35,069 --> 00:05:37,079
So if you hear I died
tomorrow morning,
114
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,129
I didn't O.D., all right?
115
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:45,110
Listen, that's what you get
when you're an American.
116
00:05:45,129 --> 00:05:47,259
You get freedom of speech,
you get the First Amendment,
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00:05:47,279 --> 00:05:50,040
you're wrapped around the flag,
everybody's created equal.
118
00:05:50,060 --> 00:05:55,029
There are no minorities
because we're all equal!
119
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:58,230
[cheers and applause]
120
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:01,220
The word "minority"
needs to disappear.
121
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,240
If we're all created equal,
take "minority" out.
122
00:06:03,259 --> 00:06:05,060
I don't wanna be called
a minority,
123
00:06:05,079 --> 00:06:06,259
because that means
I'm less than you.
124
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:09,180
You're calling me a minority,
you think I'm less than you.
125
00:06:09,199 --> 00:06:10,269
I'ma tell you something
right now.
126
00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:12,199
You call me a minority,
you will lose
127
00:06:12,220 --> 00:06:15,129
a majority of your
fuckin' dientes, all right?
128
00:06:15,149 --> 00:06:17,069
I'll knock your fucking
teeth out.
129
00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:18,290
How about that one?
130
00:06:19,009 --> 00:06:21,019
You can smile like that.
131
00:06:25,029 --> 00:06:27,110
There's tension in the air.
Mira.
132
00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:29,089
There's tension.
133
00:06:29,110 --> 00:06:32,060
I'm a Mexican-American.
134
00:06:32,079 --> 00:06:34,100
We're in D.C.
135
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,149
You got a guy that's president
136
00:06:36,170 --> 00:06:40,250
that questioned Barack Obama's
citizenship for eight years.
137
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:43,009
He said he wasn't a citizen.
It's like, you know what?
138
00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:46,050
You're not really orange,
so sit the fuck down.
139
00:06:46,069 --> 00:06:48,000
[laughter]
140
00:06:48,019 --> 00:06:50,269
All right?
Orale, spray tan. Orale.
141
00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:52,159
Donald Trump is so orange,
142
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:56,000
the first time my tio saw him,
he tried to pick him.
143
00:06:56,019 --> 00:06:58,029
He was like, "That's...
144
00:06:58,050 --> 00:06:59,199
"That's the biggest
orange I've ever seen."
145
00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:01,250
"Tio, that's not an orange."
[speaking Spanish]
146
00:07:01,269 --> 00:07:03,220
"Where's that tree?
Where's that tree?
147
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,009
Because I'm going.
Where's that tree?"
148
00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:11,100
The wall. Everybody's
talking about the wall.
149
00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:13,139
They ask me, "How do you
feel about the wall?"
150
00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,269
I say, "You know what?
We'll get over it."
151
00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:18,279
[murmurs]
152
00:07:20,279 --> 00:07:22,290
[cheers and applause]
153
00:07:23,009 --> 00:07:26,160
You think that's the answer?
A fucking wall?
154
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:28,009
Listen, people in Mexico,
155
00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:30,240
they got the Internet
and airplanes, puto.
156
00:07:30,259 --> 00:07:32,189
They got...
157
00:07:32,209 --> 00:07:35,040
We can fly over the wall.
158
00:07:38,180 --> 00:07:40,029
What about
the President of Mexico?
159
00:07:40,050 --> 00:07:42,019
Donald Trump told
the President of Mexico,
160
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:46,079
"Stop saying that
you won't pay for the wall...
161
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:48,259
'cause it makes me look bad.
Just say you're gonna do it."
162
00:07:48,279 --> 00:07:50,100
And the President of Mexico
said...
163
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,139
[speaking Spanish]
164
00:07:53,209 --> 00:07:55,180
[speaking Spanish]
165
00:07:55,199 --> 00:07:58,170
And Donald Trump's like,
"Great, we agree."
166
00:08:02,050 --> 00:08:03,199
I'ma tell Donald Trump
something right now--
167
00:08:03,220 --> 00:08:05,019
"Hey, you wanna make
America great?
168
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:07,079
Fuckin' resign."
169
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:09,230
[loud cheering]
170
00:08:09,250 --> 00:08:13,029
Resign!
171
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:17,019
And take the fuckin'
rugrats with you, ese.
172
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:21,189
The stork and the two sons.
173
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,029
And the son-in-law, vato,
174
00:08:24,050 --> 00:08:27,189
fuckin'...Jack Scary.
175
00:08:27,209 --> 00:08:30,290
[laughter]
176
00:08:31,009 --> 00:08:33,120
Listen.
Latinos always hire people
177
00:08:33,139 --> 00:08:35,039
when they work but
they're not as fucked up
178
00:08:35,059 --> 00:08:36,190
as that four.
179
00:08:36,210 --> 00:08:38,200
Least we have a skill.
180
00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:40,029
Let me tell you something,
181
00:08:40,049 --> 00:08:41,210
this wall right here--
30 million.
182
00:08:41,230 --> 00:08:43,049
I'ma tell you something
right now.
183
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:45,269
I can do it cheaper,
all right?
184
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:54,120
I just put a driveway in.
185
00:08:54,139 --> 00:08:57,190
I'm putting in
a fountain on Monday.
186
00:08:57,210 --> 00:09:00,100
I'm your man!
187
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:05,279
Really, I'm not--I'm not the
man, because we're assimilated.
188
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,279
Here's the thing.
I have a lot of respect.
189
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,269
I'm assimilated because,
you know, I was born here.
190
00:09:10,289 --> 00:09:13,059
But I have respect for people
who come from other countries,
191
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,269
who come to America
who want to live a better life.
192
00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:18,029
That's what made America
America--
193
00:09:18,049 --> 00:09:20,169
immigrants.
Your great-grandfathers.
194
00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:23,070
Your great-great-grandfathers.
195
00:09:26,129 --> 00:09:29,210
How can anyone seriously
stand there and say,
196
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:31,210
"Go back
to where you came from"?
197
00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:34,029
Why don't you fucking go back
to where you came from?
198
00:09:34,049 --> 00:09:37,240
"I'm from Connecticut."
"No, no.
199
00:09:37,259 --> 00:09:39,269
Further back."
200
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,159
"Maine?"
201
00:09:44,179 --> 00:09:47,240
Immigrants are not the problem
that America has, okay?
202
00:09:47,259 --> 00:09:49,210
We're not the problem.
203
00:09:49,230 --> 00:09:51,259
You have to stop blaming
America's troubles
204
00:09:51,279 --> 00:09:53,230
on immigrants
205
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:57,179
because they do the shit
that nobody wants to do.
206
00:09:57,200 --> 00:10:00,190
You think that we're lazy?
Let me tell you something.
207
00:10:00,210 --> 00:10:03,070
First they say
fucking immigrants are lazy
208
00:10:03,090 --> 00:10:04,230
and they're stealing jobs.
209
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:07,179
You can't be both.
210
00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:11,250
So...decide which one
it is.
211
00:10:11,269 --> 00:10:15,120
'Cause you can't be lazy
and steal a job.
212
00:10:18,289 --> 00:10:20,129
But if you wanted
to steal a job,
213
00:10:20,149 --> 00:10:24,059
there's one about a mile away
you could fucking snatch.
214
00:10:27,169 --> 00:10:29,139
Lazy and--we're not lazy.
215
00:10:29,159 --> 00:10:32,000
Let me tell you something.
It's hard to convince Latinos
216
00:10:32,019 --> 00:10:35,139
the shit that other people
miss work for.
217
00:10:39,070 --> 00:10:42,070
Chronic fatigue syndrome.
218
00:10:42,090 --> 00:10:44,279
[laughter]
219
00:10:46,070 --> 00:10:49,149
"Que es eso?"
220
00:10:49,169 --> 00:10:52,159
"I have
chronic fatigue syndrome."
221
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:02,139
"You're always tired?"
222
00:11:02,159 --> 00:11:03,220
"Yes!"
223
00:11:08,080 --> 00:11:10,210
"And you only have one job?"
224
00:11:10,230 --> 00:11:12,220
[laughter]
225
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,159
[cheers and applause]
226
00:11:20,169 --> 00:11:23,149
Repetitive motion.
227
00:11:23,169 --> 00:11:26,139
You're missing work because you
have to do a repetitive motion.
228
00:11:26,159 --> 00:11:28,289
[chuckles]
229
00:11:29,009 --> 00:11:32,009
"My boss just expects
so much for me."
230
00:11:32,029 --> 00:11:35,210
"Yeah, fuck, mine too."
231
00:11:35,230 --> 00:11:37,070
Don't fuck with those people,
232
00:11:37,090 --> 00:11:39,070
because
they can't be taking jobs.
233
00:11:39,090 --> 00:11:40,279
Let me tell you something.
Just 'cause you don't
234
00:11:41,009 --> 00:11:42,210
wanna work the hours they work,
235
00:11:42,230 --> 00:11:45,169
don't say
that they're stealing jobs.
236
00:11:45,190 --> 00:11:47,200
I got on an elevator
at 2:30 in the morning
237
00:11:47,220 --> 00:11:49,090
and I said,
"Ah, you're working late."
238
00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:50,289
[speaking Spanish]
239
00:11:51,009 --> 00:11:54,100
Why would I even assume that
somebody at 2:30 spoke English?
240
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,000
Come on!
[laughter]
241
00:11:57,019 --> 00:12:00,019
[speaking Spanish]
242
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,000
"Can you please number five?"
"Five?
243
00:12:03,019 --> 00:12:05,110
Okay, five!"
[speaking Spanish]
244
00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:11,200
For $30 billion,
245
00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:14,080
you could
get Latinos in Mexico
246
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,289
to line up
and be their own wall.
247
00:12:18,009 --> 00:12:19,269
"You get paid.
Aguanta right here.
248
00:12:19,289 --> 00:12:23,220
"You want $500?
Stand right here.
249
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:27,289
"Line up! $500.
500, 500, 500.
250
00:12:28,009 --> 00:12:29,200
"Don't let nobody pass,
or they're gonna get mad.
251
00:12:29,220 --> 00:12:32,080
That man's gonna get mad."
252
00:12:32,100 --> 00:12:33,250
After eight hours...
[speaking Spanish]
253
00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:35,169
"You're next.
Go right there."
254
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,169
The wall.
That's the answer.
255
00:12:41,190 --> 00:12:43,159
That's the big answer.
That's the big...
256
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,039
that's gonna cost $30 billion.
257
00:12:45,059 --> 00:12:46,259
We're gonna build a wall.
258
00:12:46,279 --> 00:12:49,059
Why don't you take
that $30 billion
259
00:12:49,080 --> 00:12:51,139
and give some fresh water
for people to drink
260
00:12:51,159 --> 00:12:54,139
and give everybody
health care
261
00:12:54,159 --> 00:12:57,279
and take care of the elderly
262
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:01,159
and fix the schools?
263
00:13:01,179 --> 00:13:04,279
And then the rest of us
will throw a fucking party.
264
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,009
Wanna throw a party?
How much is left over,
265
00:13:07,029 --> 00:13:08,110
18 billion?
All right, then.
266
00:13:08,129 --> 00:13:11,090
We can throw a nice
party with everything.
267
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:14,149
No.
That's not the answer.
268
00:13:14,169 --> 00:13:16,080
First of all,
they say there's
269
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:19,200
11 million undocumented people
in the--
270
00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:21,179
First of all,
no one is illegal.
271
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,039
That's number one.
No one is illegal.
272
00:13:24,059 --> 00:13:26,059
[cheers and applause]
273
00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,149
And it's amazing to me
how documented
274
00:13:29,169 --> 00:13:31,210
the undocumented are.
275
00:13:31,230 --> 00:13:34,080
[laughter]
276
00:13:37,029 --> 00:13:38,090
If you're undocumented,
277
00:13:38,110 --> 00:13:40,240
you're not supposed
to have documents.
278
00:13:40,259 --> 00:13:42,019
Well, we have documents.
279
00:13:42,039 --> 00:13:43,110
What do you want,
my birth certificate?
280
00:13:43,129 --> 00:13:45,169
From what year?
Dime.
281
00:13:45,190 --> 00:13:48,120
How old do you want me to be?
282
00:13:48,139 --> 00:13:50,149
Orale. I'm gonna
make myself younger.
283
00:13:50,169 --> 00:13:52,080
Stay right there.
284
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:55,110
Here, take this one and make
a copy for everybody over there.
285
00:13:57,169 --> 00:14:00,269
11 million.
And the answer...is a wall.
286
00:14:00,289 --> 00:14:03,019
11 million.
You know what that's like?
287
00:14:03,039 --> 00:14:06,159
That's like putting
a condom on after you fuck.
288
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,159
[laughter]
289
00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:15,059
It's out.
290
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,159
It's out. Ya salio.
It's out.
291
00:14:18,179 --> 00:14:22,080
"Put it back."
"I...
292
00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:25,139
I can't put it back."
293
00:14:25,159 --> 00:14:29,009
"Well, turn the pillow over.
Come on, let's go."
294
00:14:31,029 --> 00:14:33,129
You don't need less immigrants
in this country.
295
00:14:33,149 --> 00:14:36,210
You need more...okay?
You need more.
296
00:14:36,230 --> 00:14:38,110
[applause]
297
00:14:38,129 --> 00:14:43,009
Or...raise your own kids,
cook your own food.
298
00:14:43,029 --> 00:14:45,250
Pick the grapes
for your own fucking wine.
299
00:14:48,210 --> 00:14:51,039
Do Latino lives matter?
You're fuckin' right.
300
00:14:51,059 --> 00:14:54,110
If you ever wanna fuckin'
eat again, they matter.
301
00:14:54,129 --> 00:14:56,070
You like strawberries?
"Don't hurt 'em!"
302
00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:58,000
All right, then.
303
00:15:01,059 --> 00:15:03,200
When I was 13, my grandfather
told me, "I got you a job
304
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:05,259
for the summer."
I said, "What is it?"
305
00:15:05,279 --> 00:15:08,230
And he said, "You'll see."
And I'm like...
306
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:11,159
It's never good
when he says you'll see.
307
00:15:11,179 --> 00:15:13,159
He said, "You'll see."
I said, "Doing what?"
308
00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:15,120
[speaking Spanish]
"The van comes, you get in."
309
00:15:15,139 --> 00:15:17,200
Said, "Oh, I'm not getting in."
"Yeah, you are."
310
00:15:17,220 --> 00:15:20,220
It was picking tomatoes
in Sacramento for the summer.
311
00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,139
And I said, "I'm not doing it."
He goes, "You are."
312
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:25,049
He said, "You're not Mexican?"
and I'm like,
313
00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:27,100
"Yeah, but not like that."
314
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,029
[laughter]
"All right?
315
00:15:30,049 --> 00:15:32,269
Not like that."
316
00:15:35,190 --> 00:15:37,100
Somebody told me
to go back to Mexico.
317
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:39,139
I'm fourth-generation.
318
00:15:39,159 --> 00:15:42,129
I don't know anybody
in Mexico!
319
00:15:42,149 --> 00:15:46,049
Be wandering around...
"Hey.
320
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,269
How's it goin'?"
321
00:15:48,289 --> 00:15:51,090
"I know you."
"Yeah?"
322
00:15:51,110 --> 00:15:53,049
"You look like Cheech
fucked Chong."
323
00:15:53,070 --> 00:15:55,139
"What?"
324
00:15:58,029 --> 00:16:00,039
I go to Mexico--
You don't realize
325
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,190
how American you are
when you go to Mexico.
326
00:16:02,210 --> 00:16:04,019
You're right there
eating in a restaurant.
327
00:16:04,039 --> 00:16:05,149
Everybody's drinking
and having fun.
328
00:16:05,169 --> 00:16:07,009
Mariachis and shit.
You're the only one...
329
00:16:07,029 --> 00:16:09,269
[Valley accent]
"Hi, um...
330
00:16:09,289 --> 00:16:13,230
there's a lot of flies...
in here."
331
00:16:13,250 --> 00:16:15,279
[applause]
332
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:19,220
"You don't have screens
for any of these windows.
333
00:16:19,240 --> 00:16:22,070
"All right, uh...
334
00:16:22,090 --> 00:16:24,049
"and can you tell that kid
to stop singing?
335
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:27,090
"I'm not paying for any
of those fuckin' songs.
336
00:16:27,110 --> 00:16:30,110
And I don't want any gum,
God damn it!"
337
00:16:33,039 --> 00:16:35,269
We can't go back to Mexico.
338
00:16:35,289 --> 00:16:39,129
That's like taking a lion
from the zoo
339
00:16:39,149 --> 00:16:42,159
who's only known
the zoo life
340
00:16:42,179 --> 00:16:44,090
and taking the lion
to the jungle.
341
00:16:44,110 --> 00:16:46,059
That fucking lion
would be...
342
00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,240
[laughter]
343
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:56,289
How come it don't
smell like popcorn no more?
344
00:16:59,169 --> 00:17:02,009
You hear another lion.
[growls]
345
00:17:02,029 --> 00:17:04,049
Fuck...I fuckin'...
346
00:17:04,069 --> 00:17:06,220
I fucking peed.
Shit. What's that?
347
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,210
That's a lion.
Fuck, I don't sound like that.
348
00:17:08,230 --> 00:17:10,230
He's mad.
349
00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:13,089
Where's the lady with the bucket
and the meat and the kids?
350
00:17:13,109 --> 00:17:16,170
Hey!
351
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:18,039
No.
352
00:17:18,059 --> 00:17:20,029
Let me tell you something,
this is beautiful--
353
00:17:20,049 --> 00:17:23,079
The stuff that people
have now is really ridiculous.
354
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:25,069
The way the world is,
you know?
355
00:17:25,089 --> 00:17:27,119
Everybody's got shit
you give to yourself--
356
00:17:27,140 --> 00:17:30,200
Anxiety.
Everybody has anxiety.
357
00:17:30,220 --> 00:17:33,069
Except Latinos, we don't.
358
00:17:33,089 --> 00:17:37,009
And we're the ones that should.
"Who's out--who's out there?"
359
00:17:38,279 --> 00:17:40,230
You see people and you're like,
"Are you all right?"
360
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:43,049
"I have anxiety, all right?"
[murmurs] "Fuck...
361
00:17:43,069 --> 00:17:44,119
"Fuckin' take it easy.
362
00:17:44,140 --> 00:17:47,130
You're fucking giving me
anxiety--relax"
363
00:17:47,150 --> 00:17:49,220
Then you have anxiety,
you either take a pill
364
00:17:49,240 --> 00:17:51,220
or you go to the doctor,
and they let you
365
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:55,009
carry a fuckin' dog
everywhere you go.
366
00:17:55,029 --> 00:17:58,250
That's the cure?
A fucking...Pomeranian?
367
00:18:02,069 --> 00:18:03,269
"I'm better."
368
00:18:03,289 --> 00:18:06,039
[mouthing]
369
00:18:06,059 --> 00:18:09,069
[laughter]
370
00:18:10,230 --> 00:18:13,119
[mouthing]
371
00:18:13,140 --> 00:18:15,019
[grunts unintelligibly]
372
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:18,210
You know what Latinos
use for anxiety,
373
00:18:18,230 --> 00:18:20,039
African-American people?
[speaks Spanish]
374
00:18:20,059 --> 00:18:22,009
Right here.
375
00:18:22,029 --> 00:18:24,279
[laughter, applause]
376
00:18:30,039 --> 00:18:32,130
"Where's your dog?"
"Huh?
377
00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:34,240
My dog? Oh..."
378
00:18:39,289 --> 00:18:44,009
"Oh! Chinga!
I sold him and I bought weed."
379
00:18:45,269 --> 00:18:49,039
"The fucker
was giving me anxiety."
380
00:18:50,109 --> 00:18:53,210
Chinga with the barkin'!
381
00:18:53,230 --> 00:18:56,049
None of that stuff works.
Listen...
382
00:18:56,069 --> 00:18:57,269
this is a great country.
383
00:18:57,289 --> 00:19:00,049
Everybody's different,
but you have to live.
384
00:19:00,069 --> 00:19:02,230
Everybody's worried about
what the fuck they're eating,
385
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:05,009
what's in it.
You go to a restaurant--
386
00:19:05,029 --> 00:19:09,029
"Hi, what kind of oil
is that?"
387
00:19:09,049 --> 00:19:11,289
"Culo."
"Oh.
388
00:19:12,009 --> 00:19:14,250
"Culo. Uh...
389
00:19:14,269 --> 00:19:17,200
Is it fresh?"
"Ah..."
390
00:19:21,029 --> 00:19:24,130
"I'm making some right now."
391
00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:29,269
I'm gonna let you in
on a trade secret.
392
00:19:29,289 --> 00:19:31,269
I might as well tell you
guys, because...
393
00:19:31,289 --> 00:19:35,170
like magicians, Mexicans keep
their secrets to themselves.
394
00:19:35,190 --> 00:19:37,069
When you go to
a Mexican restaurant
395
00:19:37,089 --> 00:19:40,160
and they tell you
that the tostada salad
396
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:42,279
is gluten-free...
397
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:46,059
[laughter]
398
00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:49,130
It's not.
Look at all of--"Shh!"
399
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:52,259
[speaking Spanish]
400
00:19:55,039 --> 00:19:59,059
I'ma tell you, gluten hasn't
hit the Mexican community yet.
401
00:19:59,079 --> 00:20:00,279
But if it's free,
fuck it, we'll take it.
402
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,240
"It's free?
It's free?
403
00:20:02,259 --> 00:20:05,079
"Get the truck
and go get the gluten.
404
00:20:05,099 --> 00:20:06,230
"The man said
the gluten is free.
405
00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:08,099
"Go get the gluten!
406
00:20:08,119 --> 00:20:10,190
And ask him if he wants that
chair that's on the porch."
407
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:12,170
[speaking Spanish]
408
00:20:15,099 --> 00:20:17,130
Gluten-free.
409
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,150
Allergies.
I was at Disneyland.
410
00:20:19,170 --> 00:20:22,240
This little kid
was freaking out, crying,
411
00:20:22,259 --> 00:20:24,200
throwing himself on the ground.
412
00:20:24,220 --> 00:20:27,000
Swallowed his tongue.
413
00:20:27,019 --> 00:20:31,250
Took his helmet off
and threw it in disgust...
414
00:20:31,269 --> 00:20:34,230
because his dinner roll
415
00:20:34,250 --> 00:20:37,140
touched the chicken.
416
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,289
That's what you're allowing
your kids to get away with.
417
00:20:41,009 --> 00:20:43,160
His dinner roll touched
the chicken,
418
00:20:43,180 --> 00:20:46,059
and the mom was getting him
another dinner
419
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:49,059
because he doesn't like it
when the food touches.
420
00:20:49,079 --> 00:20:52,190
That's the fucking
problem with kids today.
421
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,200
That's the fucking problem.
422
00:20:54,220 --> 00:20:57,009
Fuck him and his dinner roll.
423
00:20:57,029 --> 00:20:59,059
[cheers and applause]
424
00:20:59,079 --> 00:21:03,029
We wanted our food to touch,
'cause it looked like more.
425
00:21:03,049 --> 00:21:05,029
Put it all together--
put it like a mountain
426
00:21:05,049 --> 00:21:08,130
or something,
it'll make it look like more.
427
00:21:08,150 --> 00:21:10,130
Freaked out.
And you know what?
428
00:21:10,150 --> 00:21:14,039
Ask yourselves could you have
gotten away with that shit?
429
00:21:14,059 --> 00:21:16,160
- No!
- Your mom puts down some food.
430
00:21:16,180 --> 00:21:18,140
She walks by once.
431
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:20,170
She walks by twice.
432
00:21:25,269 --> 00:21:29,029
[speaking Spanglish]
"What's--what happened?"
433
00:21:29,049 --> 00:21:30,230
"I..."
434
00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:32,150
[laughter]
435
00:21:32,170 --> 00:21:34,230
"I can't hear you.
What?"
436
00:21:34,250 --> 00:21:36,240
"I don't--I don't..."
437
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,250
"I don't like it
when the corn tortilla..."
438
00:21:41,269 --> 00:21:45,000
[laughter]
439
00:21:46,200 --> 00:21:48,279
"Touches the carnitas."
440
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,009
[laughter]
441
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:57,059
"Come over here.
You gotta hear this one."
442
00:21:57,079 --> 00:21:58,269
And this is when you know
you're fucked:
443
00:21:58,289 --> 00:22:01,039
"I didn't hear you.
What?"
444
00:22:01,059 --> 00:22:03,279
If they make you say it again,
you're fucked.
445
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,240
"I don't like it...
446
00:22:09,259 --> 00:22:13,029
"when the corn tortilla...
447
00:22:13,049 --> 00:22:16,150
touches the carnitas."
448
00:22:16,170 --> 00:22:19,089
"You don't like it...
449
00:22:19,109 --> 00:22:22,279
"when the corn tortilla
touches the carnitas.
450
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,190
"Well, then you're really
not going to like it
451
00:22:24,210 --> 00:22:28,240
"when my foot
touches your culo.
452
00:22:28,259 --> 00:22:31,190
Eat.
Eat."
453
00:22:31,210 --> 00:22:33,170
They say it like five times.
454
00:22:33,190 --> 00:22:35,180
"Eat!"
"I'm eating."
455
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,210
"Eat!"
456
00:22:39,039 --> 00:22:41,259
"Son of a bitch.
457
00:22:41,279 --> 00:22:44,049
[muttering]
Huh?"
458
00:22:44,069 --> 00:22:47,140
Ivanka Trump,
la cabrona.
459
00:22:50,180 --> 00:22:52,230
Listen, in our culture,
we eat.
460
00:22:52,250 --> 00:22:56,269
We're not so concerned
with fructose
461
00:22:56,289 --> 00:22:58,000
and...
462
00:22:59,150 --> 00:23:02,180
You know, now kids go shopping
with their parents
463
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:05,210
to make healthy choices.
464
00:23:05,230 --> 00:23:07,039
[laughs]
465
00:23:07,059 --> 00:23:09,170
I almost can't say it
with a straight face...
466
00:23:09,190 --> 00:23:12,049
to tell you the truth.
Like, I know what I'm gonna say,
467
00:23:12,069 --> 00:23:15,099
and I'm already laughing.
468
00:23:15,119 --> 00:23:17,160
Like the little kid's like,
"Mom, this is great!
469
00:23:17,180 --> 00:23:20,190
it has omega-3s."
470
00:23:20,210 --> 00:23:24,130
"Wonderful.
Put it in the basket, Cameron."
471
00:23:24,150 --> 00:23:27,089
[laughter]
472
00:23:27,109 --> 00:23:30,029
There you are with your mom.
"Mom, mira.
473
00:23:30,049 --> 00:23:33,099
This one is high
in saturated fat."
474
00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:37,200
"Well, fuck it, so are you.
Throw it in there.
475
00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:39,140
"Son of a bitch.
476
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,230
"He don't want to learn
in school,
477
00:23:41,250 --> 00:23:44,140
but at the fucking market--
'saturated fats.'"
478
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,029
That was my nickname
for five years.
479
00:23:46,049 --> 00:23:48,049
"Hey, saturated fat,
vamos, cabron.
480
00:23:48,069 --> 00:23:50,279
Satch, let's go."
481
00:23:54,089 --> 00:23:56,109
Our kids are--listen.
482
00:23:56,130 --> 00:23:58,160
Our kids are kids.
You don't baby 'em.
483
00:23:58,180 --> 00:24:00,029
Here's the difference,
because...
484
00:24:00,049 --> 00:24:02,160
our parents
and our culture shows us
485
00:24:02,180 --> 00:24:05,029
that it's not all compliments.
486
00:24:05,049 --> 00:24:07,009
It's not everything
you do is amazing.
487
00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:08,210
It's not
you throw the trash away--
488
00:24:08,230 --> 00:24:12,029
"Hey, high five!"
489
00:24:12,049 --> 00:24:14,089
If you have a kid now,
you have to pretend like
490
00:24:14,109 --> 00:24:16,049
everything
that motherfucker does
491
00:24:16,069 --> 00:24:19,000
is the best thing
you've ever seen.
492
00:24:19,019 --> 00:24:23,190
At Thanksgiving,
he comes home, "Oh, my God!
493
00:24:23,210 --> 00:24:27,000
"Did you trace the outside...
494
00:24:27,019 --> 00:24:30,160
of your hand...
495
00:24:30,180 --> 00:24:34,109
and did you make me
a turkey?"
496
00:24:34,130 --> 00:24:36,170
[weird laugh]
"I did.
497
00:24:36,190 --> 00:24:39,059
"I did. I put my hand--
I did my hand around it,
498
00:24:39,079 --> 00:24:40,269
and I..."
[mumbling]
499
00:24:40,289 --> 00:24:42,190
"I'm putting on Facebook,
God damn it.
500
00:24:42,210 --> 00:24:44,069
"I'm sending it to
'The Washington Post.'
501
00:24:44,089 --> 00:24:46,029
They'll run it."
502
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:48,240
I gave one to my grandma.
503
00:24:48,259 --> 00:24:50,279
She says,
"What's this bullshit?
504
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:54,259
"Mira, make me one
like this, all right?
505
00:24:54,279 --> 00:24:57,240
And stop using
my fucking eyebrow pencil."
506
00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:07,109
But you don't have
a distorted view of life.
507
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:09,019
Not everything is wonderful.
508
00:25:09,039 --> 00:25:12,109
Sometimes you make mistakes.
That's how you learn.
509
00:25:12,130 --> 00:25:14,150
You know, kids wake up
and the parents are there:
510
00:25:14,170 --> 00:25:16,230
"Good morning.
511
00:25:16,250 --> 00:25:19,289
"You woke up awesome.
512
00:25:20,009 --> 00:25:24,279
You're gonna have an awesome day
because you woke up awesome."
513
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,220
When did our
parents compliment us?
514
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,130
You take the car out,
you scratch it,
515
00:25:28,150 --> 00:25:31,059
the next morning, "Hey!
516
00:25:31,079 --> 00:25:33,220
"Beautiful!
517
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,039
"Fuckin' beautiful.
518
00:25:37,059 --> 00:25:40,150
"You're a genius.
I don't know how you did it.
519
00:25:40,170 --> 00:25:42,130
"Mira, I'm so proud of you,
Einstein.
520
00:25:42,150 --> 00:25:43,240
"Mira,
you're a fucking genius.
521
00:25:43,259 --> 00:25:46,269
"I didn't know until right now.
522
00:25:46,289 --> 00:25:50,089
"You scratched
both sides of my car.
523
00:25:50,109 --> 00:25:51,200
Brilliant!"
524
00:25:51,220 --> 00:25:53,259
[applause]
525
00:25:53,279 --> 00:25:56,180
"I wish I had
two of you right now...
526
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,019
"so I could choke one
527
00:25:58,039 --> 00:26:01,049
and get the other one
to rub out these scratches."
528
00:26:03,029 --> 00:26:05,089
We're not there on purpose.
529
00:26:05,109 --> 00:26:06,269
You could take away
Planned Parenthood.
530
00:26:06,289 --> 00:26:10,269
That doesn't affect Latinos.
531
00:26:10,289 --> 00:26:13,000
We're not planned.
532
00:26:15,170 --> 00:26:18,190
Planned Weddinghood--
now, the weddings we plan.
533
00:26:18,210 --> 00:26:20,240
You know, it's the difference
between somebody having babies,
534
00:26:20,259 --> 00:26:22,109
like, you know--
Here's the thing.
535
00:26:22,130 --> 00:26:23,259
You think that
there's a lot of Latinos
536
00:26:23,279 --> 00:26:25,259
and African-American people.
We have big families.
537
00:26:25,279 --> 00:26:28,109
We have seven, five kids,
nine kids.
538
00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:31,130
We're make making people
for the future.
539
00:26:31,150 --> 00:26:32,269
[laughter]
540
00:26:32,289 --> 00:26:36,119
Don't get mad at us 'cause
you only had one kid...
541
00:26:36,140 --> 00:26:40,049
and you'll fuckin'
lose him in the market.
542
00:26:40,069 --> 00:26:42,079
Don't get mad at us.
543
00:26:42,099 --> 00:26:45,190
Fuckin' Amber Alerts,
all of you.
544
00:26:45,210 --> 00:26:48,109
You lose your kid,
and we have to look.
545
00:26:48,130 --> 00:26:50,279
Fuck that.
I don't gotta look.
546
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:52,269
I got my seven.
You're on your own, cabrona.
547
00:26:52,289 --> 00:26:55,109
Hey...
pay attention!
548
00:26:55,130 --> 00:26:59,210
Take one of those--
those Adderalls.
549
00:26:59,230 --> 00:27:02,160
If a Latino kid goes missing,
no one notices, you know?
550
00:27:02,180 --> 00:27:05,029
Three days go by,
and then somebody...
551
00:27:10,289 --> 00:27:13,150
"Que paso con Ruben?"
552
00:27:18,049 --> 00:27:20,140
"I don't know.
553
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,220
I haven't see him
como like three days."
554
00:27:27,140 --> 00:27:29,279
"He fucking has my change."
555
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:33,009
That's all we're worried about.
He's got the change.
556
00:27:33,029 --> 00:27:34,059
You get home--
"It was awful--"
557
00:27:34,079 --> 00:27:35,150
"I don't want to
hear that bullshit.
558
00:27:35,170 --> 00:27:36,250
"Gimme the change.
559
00:27:36,269 --> 00:27:39,130
It was a 20.
Give me that change."
560
00:27:42,039 --> 00:27:45,089
That's the reality--listen.
That's the reality of life.
561
00:27:45,109 --> 00:27:48,240
You live your life,
you have fun,
562
00:27:48,259 --> 00:27:51,190
your doctor tells you,
you know, not to drink
563
00:27:51,210 --> 00:27:54,269
and not to eat
and not to enjoy your life.
564
00:27:54,289 --> 00:27:56,099
And you believe him.
565
00:27:56,119 --> 00:28:00,009
That's why
we don't go to the doctor.
566
00:28:00,029 --> 00:28:03,029
I don't want to hear
that shit.
567
00:28:03,049 --> 00:28:06,150
I had a uncle
that had diabetes.
568
00:28:06,170 --> 00:28:08,109
And I'm always the one
that they say,
569
00:28:08,130 --> 00:28:10,099
"Take me to the doctor."
570
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,220
And the doctor says,
"You will lose your leg
571
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,250
if you continue to drink,"
and my uncle's like...
572
00:28:19,289 --> 00:28:22,069
"What about Crown Royal?"
573
00:28:22,089 --> 00:28:25,119
"He said...
574
00:28:25,140 --> 00:28:26,210
Yes."
"Well, no, let him--
575
00:28:26,230 --> 00:28:30,000
"I don't wanna talk to--
Let him tell me.
576
00:28:30,019 --> 00:28:33,000
What about Crown Royal?"
"Yes."
577
00:28:33,019 --> 00:28:35,009
"Oh, because I thought
because it's good
578
00:28:35,029 --> 00:28:37,210
that it was over the line,
that...[mumbles]"
579
00:28:38,210 --> 00:28:41,279
"Wow, it is serious, huh?"
580
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,289
He drank.
They amputated his leg.
581
00:28:45,009 --> 00:28:48,029
Everybody went to go see him.
He's in there laughing.
582
00:28:48,049 --> 00:28:50,089
I'm like, "What happened?"
"Eh, hey, mira.
583
00:28:50,109 --> 00:28:54,119
"Don't be sad about my leg,
I already walked a lot already."
584
00:28:56,250 --> 00:28:59,269
"They can have a travel ban.
I ain't goin' nowhere."
585
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:06,029
It's different, you know?
It's the way to grow up.
586
00:29:06,049 --> 00:29:07,230
I think it's the way
to grow up.
587
00:29:07,250 --> 00:29:09,140
I think that, you know,
life isn't like that.
588
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:12,119
You just need some adversity
sometimes and, you know,
589
00:29:12,140 --> 00:29:15,089
none of the stories
of how we meet are amazing.
590
00:29:15,109 --> 00:29:19,240
They're not like oh, my God,
that's a beautiful story.
591
00:29:19,259 --> 00:29:24,059
"We were at the Smithsonian
at the butterfly exhibit...
592
00:29:24,079 --> 00:29:28,069
"and the butterfly
landed on our fingertips,
593
00:29:28,089 --> 00:29:31,150
and that's how I knew
he was the one for me."
594
00:29:34,089 --> 00:29:36,160
They'll tell you how they met.
You don't even wanna know.
595
00:29:36,180 --> 00:29:39,039
"Hey, you wanna know
how me and your mom..."
596
00:29:41,170 --> 00:29:44,130
[laughter, applause]
597
00:29:44,150 --> 00:29:47,190
"Let me talk.
Mira.
598
00:29:47,210 --> 00:29:50,079
I wanted to fuck
her older sister."
599
00:29:50,099 --> 00:29:52,170
[laughter]
600
00:29:55,140 --> 00:29:57,220
"But she said no.
601
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:01,180
"So then I went one down.
602
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,079
And that's your mom."
603
00:30:08,140 --> 00:30:10,099
"And thank God
that she say yes,
604
00:30:10,119 --> 00:30:11,259
because the next one
was your Tio Larry.
605
00:30:11,279 --> 00:30:13,240
[muttering]
606
00:30:16,180 --> 00:30:18,160
That's how we live.
Listen.
607
00:30:18,180 --> 00:30:22,240
We don't live sheltered.
We don't live with fear.
608
00:30:22,259 --> 00:30:26,119
You know, kids are--
they're afraid of clowns
609
00:30:26,140 --> 00:30:28,230
and they're afraid of,
you know, mariachis
610
00:30:28,250 --> 00:30:31,000
and they're afraid of
loud noises.
611
00:30:31,019 --> 00:30:32,109
People who grew up poor,
612
00:30:32,130 --> 00:30:34,269
they're afraid of shit
they can't see.
613
00:30:34,289 --> 00:30:37,279
Their dad's car coming down.
614
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:43,019
[speaking Spanglish]
615
00:30:43,039 --> 00:30:47,039
Mexican monsters
that nobody's ever seen.
616
00:30:47,059 --> 00:30:49,119
ICE.
We're afraid of real shit.
617
00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:51,170
[laughter]
618
00:30:51,190 --> 00:30:52,279
Fucking ICE.
619
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:54,210
I'm telling you,
it's affecting--
620
00:30:54,230 --> 00:30:56,089
On Father's Day
I had a party.
621
00:30:56,109 --> 00:30:58,000
I said, "We need to get
ice over here."
622
00:30:58,019 --> 00:30:59,289
Fuckin' everybody took off!
"Hey!
623
00:31:00,009 --> 00:31:04,000
"Come back!
Ice!"
624
00:31:04,019 --> 00:31:06,220
[yelling in Spanish]
"Ice!"
625
00:31:09,109 --> 00:31:13,049
Now we have to say, "Hey,
let's get some frozen water."
626
00:31:18,210 --> 00:31:21,140
"In cubed form," you know?
627
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:24,150
Frozen water.
628
00:31:24,170 --> 00:31:26,250
So, in the neighborhood
that I live in,
629
00:31:26,269 --> 00:31:29,250
I set my alarm one day,
and I didn't know the code.
630
00:31:29,269 --> 00:31:32,059
I forget--I'm dyslexic,
so I don't know the code.
631
00:31:32,079 --> 00:31:34,009
And it's going off--
beep, beep, beep, beep.
632
00:31:34,029 --> 00:31:36,210
Goin' off.
And I finally turned it off.
633
00:31:36,230 --> 00:31:38,279
I go inside, watching TV.
20 minutes later...
634
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:40,109
[knock knock knock knock]
635
00:31:40,130 --> 00:31:41,240
Open the door.
L.A.P.D.
636
00:31:41,259 --> 00:31:45,009
Like, a white cop
and a Latino cop, you know.
637
00:31:45,029 --> 00:31:46,220
And I'm right there
and they look at me
638
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,069
and they're like,
"Hey, I know you."
639
00:31:49,089 --> 00:31:53,150
I say,
"I'm putting in a fountain."
640
00:31:53,170 --> 00:31:56,180
[laughter]
641
00:31:57,250 --> 00:31:59,069
There was this awkwardness,
642
00:31:59,089 --> 00:32:01,140
like the dude couldn't believe
that I lived there.
643
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:02,180
Well, it's a nice house.
644
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,180
I mean, come on,
I'm George Lopez.
645
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,279
[loud cheering]
Where am I gonna live?
646
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:10,019
Where am I gonna live?
647
00:32:10,039 --> 00:32:13,269
So...the Latino guy is like--
648
00:32:13,289 --> 00:32:17,029
[stammering]
"I know--can we see some I.D.?"
649
00:32:17,049 --> 00:32:19,009
I'm like, "Ah..."
I look at the Latino guy.
650
00:32:19,029 --> 00:32:22,089
"Listen,
I don't believe it either."
651
00:32:22,109 --> 00:32:24,259
So I let 'em in the house.
652
00:32:24,279 --> 00:32:27,049
I'm walking to find my wallet,
and they're looking around,
653
00:32:27,069 --> 00:32:28,240
and there's nothing
in that house
654
00:32:28,259 --> 00:32:30,150
that looks like
a Latino lives there.
655
00:32:30,170 --> 00:32:33,119
Because we like nice shit,
you know.
656
00:32:34,279 --> 00:32:37,140
So the cop is looking around,
and I'm looking at the cop
657
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,220
and I'm looking at my house.
I'm like,
658
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:42,269
"Fuck.
This..."
659
00:32:42,289 --> 00:32:44,180
He goes,
"You get that I.D.?"
660
00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,190
"I can't--I can't--
661
00:32:46,210 --> 00:32:48,130
I can't find it."
662
00:32:48,150 --> 00:32:50,049
And then I remember.
663
00:32:50,069 --> 00:32:53,009
So I opened up
the refrigerator.
664
00:32:53,029 --> 00:32:56,230
I had corn tortillas,
665
00:32:56,250 --> 00:32:58,200
flour tortillas,
666
00:32:58,220 --> 00:33:01,069
frijoles de la olla,
667
00:33:01,089 --> 00:33:06,069
salsa with a mayonnaise jar with
the foil and the rubber band.
668
00:33:06,089 --> 00:33:10,059
Wedding cake from
like five fucking years ago.
669
00:33:10,079 --> 00:33:13,099
With the candle still in it.
670
00:33:13,119 --> 00:33:15,109
And they were like,
"Sorry to bother you.
671
00:33:15,130 --> 00:33:17,279
Enjoy your day."
672
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,009
[cheers and applause]
673
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,059
Don't apologize
for being successful.
674
00:33:26,079 --> 00:33:27,210
Live your life
and don't worry about it.
675
00:33:27,230 --> 00:33:29,190
Don't worry about
everybody bringing you down--
676
00:33:29,210 --> 00:33:31,130
all the haters right now.
It's all haters.
677
00:33:31,150 --> 00:33:33,140
Be successful.
Don't worry about it.
678
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:34,180
Don't worry.
679
00:33:37,089 --> 00:33:39,009
That's what we're made for.
680
00:33:39,029 --> 00:33:40,180
That's why we don't
get the positive shit.
681
00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,160
You get the--
"I'm gonna go to college,
682
00:33:42,180 --> 00:33:44,039
and I'ma graduate."
"I'll fucking believe that
683
00:33:44,059 --> 00:33:46,180
"when I see it!
Vas a ver, cabron.
684
00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,279
Mark it down right now."
685
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,029
That's how we grew up.
We're not allergic to shit.
686
00:33:51,049 --> 00:33:53,099
You know, we can eat peanuts.
Are you kidding me?
687
00:33:53,119 --> 00:33:57,029
A Latino allergic to peanuts?
[speaking Spanglish]
688
00:33:57,049 --> 00:33:59,119
Salted--we do more shit
with peanuts
689
00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:01,150
than a monkey could, I mean...
690
00:34:01,170 --> 00:34:03,250
We got different ways
to eat peanuts,
691
00:34:03,269 --> 00:34:05,240
and we're
not allergic to peanuts.
692
00:34:05,259 --> 00:34:08,210
Chile peanuts, roasted peanuts.
Chile.
693
00:34:08,230 --> 00:34:10,289
Different flavor...
[speaking Spanish]
694
00:34:11,010 --> 00:34:12,139
Just eating peanuts--
695
00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:16,059
We're not allergic.
696
00:34:16,079 --> 00:34:18,179
Now, if somebody
has a peanut allergy,
697
00:34:18,199 --> 00:34:22,099
the whole world has to change
for that one person.
698
00:34:22,119 --> 00:34:24,059
When they fly on a plane,
699
00:34:24,079 --> 00:34:28,030
no one in the airport
can have peanuts...
700
00:34:28,050 --> 00:34:30,050
because of that one person.
701
00:34:30,070 --> 00:34:31,179
You're on the airplane--
702
00:34:31,199 --> 00:34:35,199
peanut-free flight
because of that one person.
703
00:34:35,219 --> 00:34:37,019
You're drinking,
having a good time.
704
00:34:37,039 --> 00:34:38,130
"Hey, can we have
some peanuts?"
705
00:34:38,150 --> 00:34:43,119
[low voice] "I'm sorry,
there's a passenger
706
00:34:43,139 --> 00:34:45,079
"in coach
707
00:34:45,099 --> 00:34:48,000
"in the middle seat
708
00:34:48,019 --> 00:34:50,179
"that has a peanut allergy.
709
00:34:50,199 --> 00:34:53,170
In 23A."
710
00:34:53,190 --> 00:34:54,260
"Fuck him.
Gimme the microphone.
711
00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,260
[blows]
"Orale. Hey, 23A.
712
00:34:57,280 --> 00:34:59,119
"Go hide in the bathroom,
713
00:34:59,139 --> 00:35:02,070
"because we're gonna be
eating some peanuts right now.
714
00:35:02,090 --> 00:35:04,230
"All right?
And next time, go Greyhound
715
00:35:04,250 --> 00:35:07,250
with all the other
fuckin' nuts."
716
00:35:07,269 --> 00:35:12,110
Why do we have to change because
somebody has a fucking allergy?
717
00:35:12,130 --> 00:35:16,219
They have peanut-free schools.
No peanuts in the school.
718
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:20,039
You can take a gun,
but don't bring no peanuts.
719
00:35:21,170 --> 00:35:23,239
You don't even need a gun.
Just walk in with some walnuts.
720
00:35:23,260 --> 00:35:26,030
"I'll crack these
motherfuckers right here.
721
00:35:26,050 --> 00:35:27,269
"Get on the ground!
Get on the ground!
722
00:35:27,289 --> 00:35:31,110
"I'll crack--I'll crack it!
And don't try to run,
723
00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:34,030
"'cause I threw cashews
all over the parking lot.
724
00:35:34,050 --> 00:35:35,139
"Want me to throw
some fucking--
725
00:35:35,159 --> 00:35:37,070
"Want me to put some
almonds in your shirt?
726
00:35:37,090 --> 00:35:39,099
Want me to put some almonds
down your shirt?"
727
00:35:43,210 --> 00:35:45,190
Here's what you need
to understand about Latinos,
728
00:35:45,210 --> 00:35:47,070
if I haven't already
explained it.
729
00:35:47,090 --> 00:35:48,210
We love this country.
730
00:35:48,230 --> 00:35:51,110
We will never hurt this country.
731
00:35:51,130 --> 00:35:52,289
We love this country.
732
00:35:53,010 --> 00:35:55,210
[cheers and applause]
733
00:35:58,170 --> 00:36:01,130
That new immigration law,
the RISE Act?
734
00:36:01,150 --> 00:36:05,030
You have to already speak
English to come over here.
735
00:36:05,050 --> 00:36:07,119
You have to already have a job
736
00:36:07,139 --> 00:36:10,280
and provide to the economy
before you can come here.
737
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,030
Fuck--I was looking
at that shit.
738
00:36:13,050 --> 00:36:14,219
I'm like, "Fuck,
I'm only one of three.
739
00:36:14,239 --> 00:36:17,260
God damn!"
740
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:21,110
They're trying to keep us out
of this country, but they can't.
741
00:36:21,130 --> 00:36:23,260
This country
was made by immigrants
742
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:26,000
and continues to be
made by immigrants,
743
00:36:26,019 --> 00:36:28,280
and all of it makes it great.
744
00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,159
That's what makes America great.
745
00:36:31,179 --> 00:36:33,210
[applause]
746
00:36:33,230 --> 00:36:36,239
Not some fuckin' fat
wobbly-haired fuckin' puto.
747
00:36:36,260 --> 00:36:38,250
Not that--
[laughter]
748
00:36:40,030 --> 00:36:42,010
Donald Trump,
let me tell you something.
749
00:36:42,030 --> 00:36:45,099
[scoffs]
And let me tell you, huh?
750
00:36:45,119 --> 00:36:46,199
He wants to crackdown
on immigration?
751
00:36:46,219 --> 00:36:47,250
He don't like immigrants?
752
00:36:47,269 --> 00:36:50,119
Well, then,
stop marrying them.
753
00:36:50,139 --> 00:36:53,019
Stop marrying them, vato!
754
00:36:53,039 --> 00:36:54,119
[scoffs]
755
00:36:54,139 --> 00:36:57,119
[cheers and applause]
756
00:36:57,139 --> 00:36:58,239
She doesn't speak English.
757
00:36:58,260 --> 00:37:00,099
Does it bother anybody
758
00:37:00,119 --> 00:37:02,239
that the First Lady
of the United States
759
00:37:02,260 --> 00:37:05,019
doesn't speak English?
760
00:37:05,039 --> 00:37:08,059
And it hurts to watch her try.
761
00:37:08,079 --> 00:37:09,150
[thick accent]
"And then my husband,
762
00:37:09,170 --> 00:37:11,250
after he'll get it, he'll..."
763
00:37:11,269 --> 00:37:13,139
[laughter]
764
00:37:13,159 --> 00:37:16,280
[with accent]
"Pobrecita. She can't talk.
765
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:18,110
"She's trying.
[speaking Spanish]
766
00:37:18,130 --> 00:37:20,090
"But she cannot talk.
767
00:37:20,110 --> 00:37:22,079
How come somebody
don't talk for her?"
768
00:37:22,099 --> 00:37:23,289
[speaking Spanish]
769
00:37:24,010 --> 00:37:25,269
[unintelligible, harsh voice]
770
00:37:27,159 --> 00:37:29,000
Even Arnold Schwarzenegger's
at home...
771
00:37:29,019 --> 00:37:32,000
[with accent]
"Get it out!
772
00:37:32,019 --> 00:37:34,170
Spit it out, do it!"
773
00:37:36,260 --> 00:37:38,260
You know how hard it is
to learn English?
774
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,239
Arnold Schwarzenegger's
been in this country...
775
00:37:41,260 --> 00:37:45,280
50 years, and he don't
fucking speak English.
776
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,289
He tries to talk slow,
like you won't know.
777
00:37:48,010 --> 00:37:51,139
"And then we got..."
[muttering with thick accent]
778
00:37:51,159 --> 00:37:54,059
You see that commercial
for that app "Mobile Strike"?
779
00:37:54,079 --> 00:37:57,090
[with accent] "Download it now
in the app store!"
780
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,019
"What did he say?
Up store?
781
00:38:03,039 --> 00:38:05,079
"Que es eso,
the Up store?
782
00:38:05,099 --> 00:38:07,239
Download it in the Up store."
783
00:38:10,269 --> 00:38:12,219
No, no.
784
00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:15,039
We make America great,
people who sacrifice.
785
00:38:15,059 --> 00:38:17,030
Listen, health care?
786
00:38:17,050 --> 00:38:19,050
You can have health care,
okay?
787
00:38:19,070 --> 00:38:21,199
Let me tell you something.
If this country
788
00:38:21,219 --> 00:38:25,010
wants to elect somebody
who's racially insensitive
789
00:38:25,030 --> 00:38:29,079
with no political experience,
here I am.
790
00:38:29,099 --> 00:38:30,219
[cheers and applause]
791
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,050
Here I am.
792
00:38:32,070 --> 00:38:34,260
Here I am!
793
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:37,050
George Lopez for president.
794
00:38:37,070 --> 00:38:40,070
[cheers and applause]
795
00:38:41,139 --> 00:38:43,079
I golf.
796
00:38:43,099 --> 00:38:46,159
I got a kid
I hardly talk to.
797
00:38:52,070 --> 00:38:55,119
Under the Lopez Administration,
798
00:38:55,139 --> 00:38:58,079
in my first 100 days,
799
00:38:58,099 --> 00:39:01,010
I will make Taco Tuesday
the law.
800
00:39:01,030 --> 00:39:02,159
[loud cheering]
801
00:39:02,179 --> 00:39:05,059
For everyone.
802
00:39:05,079 --> 00:39:07,000
For everyone!
803
00:39:09,150 --> 00:39:12,219
You want health care?
It's free for everyone.
804
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:14,059
Free.
805
00:39:14,079 --> 00:39:17,079
The Latinos are passing
it to you--we don't need it.
806
00:39:17,099 --> 00:39:18,269
[speaking Spanish]
807
00:39:18,289 --> 00:39:22,000
"I don't want to know what's
wrong with me--take it."
808
00:39:25,039 --> 00:39:28,050
I will legalize...
809
00:39:28,070 --> 00:39:30,179
marijuana.
[loud cheering]
810
00:39:30,199 --> 00:39:34,079
And put pharmaceutical
companies out of business.
811
00:39:34,099 --> 00:39:36,079
Same shit.
Not only will I legalize it,
812
00:39:36,099 --> 00:39:38,059
if you vote for me,
I'll come over your house
813
00:39:38,079 --> 00:39:40,099
and smoke it with you.
814
00:39:40,119 --> 00:39:43,099
[cheers and applause]
815
00:39:43,119 --> 00:39:45,059
Look at this guy.
"I hope that's the truth.
816
00:39:45,079 --> 00:39:47,110
"I hope that's the truth.
Is that jokes,
817
00:39:47,130 --> 00:39:49,039
"or is he telling the truth?
[stammering]
818
00:39:49,059 --> 00:39:51,019
I'ma go right now."
819
00:39:52,150 --> 00:39:54,139
Everything during the day
820
00:39:54,159 --> 00:39:56,210
is all medicine commercials.
821
00:39:56,230 --> 00:39:59,139
Nothing's about having fun.
It's all about medicine--
822
00:39:59,159 --> 00:40:04,219
Asthma, AFib, heart disease,
colon cancer.
823
00:40:04,239 --> 00:40:08,130
There's a test where you can
shit in a envelope
824
00:40:08,150 --> 00:40:11,010
and send it in the mail.
825
00:40:11,030 --> 00:40:13,179
That's how lazy Americans
are getting.
826
00:40:13,199 --> 00:40:16,210
You don't even wanna
go to the doctor.
827
00:40:16,230 --> 00:40:21,170
No, just shit in the envelope
and put it in there.
828
00:40:21,190 --> 00:40:24,019
And then they'll open your shit
and they'll examine it
829
00:40:24,039 --> 00:40:26,010
and send that shit
back to you.
830
00:40:26,030 --> 00:40:28,230
[laughter]
831
00:40:28,250 --> 00:40:30,059
That's how lazy Americans are.
832
00:40:30,079 --> 00:40:32,210
You don't want us here?
We work.
833
00:40:32,230 --> 00:40:34,269
We don't have a chair
that helps us get upstairs
834
00:40:34,289 --> 00:40:38,019
or a walk-in fucking tub.
835
00:40:38,039 --> 00:40:40,199
Your nephew helps you.
836
00:40:42,039 --> 00:40:44,099
Our elderly fall down too,
but when they fall down,
837
00:40:44,119 --> 00:40:46,050
they don't fall down
in an empty house.
838
00:40:46,070 --> 00:40:47,210
They don't fall down
in a nursing home.
839
00:40:47,230 --> 00:40:50,130
They fall down in a house
surrounded by family,
840
00:40:50,150 --> 00:40:52,269
because that's how you take
care of your elderly people.
841
00:40:52,289 --> 00:40:54,110
You don't take care of
your elderly people
842
00:40:54,130 --> 00:40:56,059
by putting them
in a place for Mom
843
00:40:56,079 --> 00:40:58,130
and fucking nursing homes
and convalescent homes
844
00:40:58,150 --> 00:40:59,289
and never visiting them.
845
00:41:00,010 --> 00:41:02,170
That's what I did
to my grandmother--I know.
846
00:41:02,190 --> 00:41:06,070
[laughter]
847
00:41:06,090 --> 00:41:08,099
Take care of those
elderly people.
848
00:41:08,119 --> 00:41:10,119
They took care of you.
849
00:41:10,139 --> 00:41:12,159
If you got a grandmother
that's in her 80s or 90s
850
00:41:12,179 --> 00:41:14,170
or a tia, take pictures of them,
take videos of them,
851
00:41:14,190 --> 00:41:17,010
because when they're gone,
that generation is gone.
852
00:41:17,030 --> 00:41:20,190
That real hard-working,
you don't need a man providing,
853
00:41:20,210 --> 00:41:23,219
put your kids through college--
those ladies are gone.
854
00:41:23,239 --> 00:41:26,159
[applause]
855
00:41:28,139 --> 00:41:29,269
What are they
going to be replaced with?
856
00:41:29,289 --> 00:41:31,059
What are those stories?
857
00:41:31,079 --> 00:41:34,059
"Remember when we
used to do pilates?
858
00:41:34,079 --> 00:41:36,219
In 2012 we started."
859
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:38,239
They got good stories.
860
00:41:38,260 --> 00:41:40,139
They got good stories.
My grandmother--
861
00:41:40,159 --> 00:41:41,260
amazing stories.
862
00:41:41,280 --> 00:41:44,190
My grandmother tried to
homeschool me one day.
863
00:41:44,210 --> 00:41:47,079
One day.
My grandmother was like,
864
00:41:47,099 --> 00:41:49,099
"Mira. Today...
865
00:41:49,119 --> 00:41:52,119
we're gonna study
American history."
866
00:41:52,139 --> 00:41:54,110
[laughter]
867
00:41:54,130 --> 00:41:58,010
"Hey, start getting ready
to write it down.
868
00:41:58,030 --> 00:42:00,119
"Mira, my sister,
you know her,
869
00:42:00,139 --> 00:42:02,139
"when she was young...
[speaking Spanish]
870
00:42:02,159 --> 00:42:04,219
She went with everybody."
871
00:42:07,139 --> 00:42:09,280
"Write it down."
872
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:11,119
"How's that
American history?"
873
00:42:11,139 --> 00:42:16,139
"Well, she's American,
and it happened a long time.
874
00:42:16,159 --> 00:42:18,079
History."
875
00:42:21,059 --> 00:42:25,090
Nobody teaches us
that we learn by ourselves.
876
00:42:25,110 --> 00:42:27,010
You know,
you learn by your mistakes.
877
00:42:27,030 --> 00:42:28,179
When you're riding a bike,
878
00:42:28,199 --> 00:42:30,000
you're riding
a bike by yourself.
879
00:42:30,019 --> 00:42:31,099
You hit your head
on the sidewalk,
880
00:42:31,119 --> 00:42:33,250
you know: slow down.
881
00:42:33,269 --> 00:42:36,010
No helmet, no pads,
no supervision.
882
00:42:36,030 --> 00:42:38,070
You're riding.
[thunk]
883
00:42:43,070 --> 00:42:46,199
You learn.
You learn.
884
00:42:46,219 --> 00:42:49,110
To swim--you almost have
to drown to learn how to swim.
885
00:42:49,130 --> 00:42:51,130
You know that.
886
00:42:51,150 --> 00:42:53,289
That's what the kids learn.
887
00:42:54,010 --> 00:42:55,210
Nobody teaches us about sex.
888
00:42:55,230 --> 00:42:57,030
You know how you learn
about sex?
889
00:42:57,050 --> 00:43:00,150
You come home
early from school one day.
890
00:43:00,170 --> 00:43:03,039
[laughter]
891
00:43:03,059 --> 00:43:04,289
And you put your books down
892
00:43:05,010 --> 00:43:07,219
and in the back of the house
you hear, "Ay...
893
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:10,039
[moaning]
"Ay...
894
00:43:10,059 --> 00:43:11,230
Ahh..."
895
00:43:19,179 --> 00:43:22,079
"Ay..."
896
00:43:22,099 --> 00:43:24,079
You go around the house.
You look through the window.
897
00:43:24,099 --> 00:43:25,260
It's your tio taking
his socks off.
898
00:43:25,280 --> 00:43:29,230
[moaning]
"Ahh...ay!"
899
00:43:33,010 --> 00:43:36,090
"Tio!"
"Ay!"
900
00:43:36,110 --> 00:43:38,059
"I thought you were
in here making love."
901
00:43:38,079 --> 00:43:41,260
"Shit, I wish--I can't
even take my socks off."
902
00:43:47,280 --> 00:43:50,110
We don't go to the doctor.
903
00:43:50,130 --> 00:43:52,090
When women have babies,
they've had babies before.
904
00:43:52,110 --> 00:43:54,150
It's not as new
to other people
905
00:43:54,170 --> 00:43:57,119
like they're pregnant,
they're like, "Oh, my God!"
906
00:43:57,139 --> 00:43:59,010
They go get an ultrasound
every hour.
907
00:43:59,030 --> 00:44:01,289
"You've been here..."
[imitating electronic sounds]
908
00:44:03,170 --> 00:44:05,199
Latinos are pregnant, they're
like, "You're pregnant."
909
00:44:05,219 --> 00:44:07,139
"Uh-huh.
910
00:44:07,159 --> 00:44:11,110
All right, ah..."
911
00:44:11,130 --> 00:44:13,019
"Don't you want
to know what it is?"
912
00:44:13,039 --> 00:44:15,269
"No, I got clothes
for either one."
913
00:44:15,289 --> 00:44:18,219
[laughter]
914
00:44:18,239 --> 00:44:20,239
"I don't need vitamins,
because I still got vitamins
915
00:44:20,260 --> 00:44:23,039
from the other kids."
916
00:44:25,150 --> 00:44:27,250
It's not as exciting.
917
00:44:27,269 --> 00:44:30,010
You know,
everybody documents everything.
918
00:44:30,030 --> 00:44:32,230
You know,
moms still work out.
919
00:44:32,250 --> 00:44:35,090
When the baby's born,
they give them prenatal.
920
00:44:35,110 --> 00:44:38,159
They clean their nose
with that--pfft--you know.
921
00:44:38,179 --> 00:44:41,190
Little white kids,
they talk--seven months.
922
00:44:41,210 --> 00:44:42,289
You go in the room,
923
00:44:43,010 --> 00:44:45,010
they're leaning
against the chair, "Hey.
924
00:44:45,030 --> 00:44:49,059
"Come on in.
Yeah.
925
00:44:49,079 --> 00:44:52,170
"I'm seven months
yesterday.
926
00:44:52,190 --> 00:44:54,079
"Yeah, my mom told me
you were comin' in.
927
00:44:54,099 --> 00:44:56,079
"Come on in.
928
00:44:56,099 --> 00:44:58,130
"I been talking for
about a couple of weeks,
929
00:44:58,150 --> 00:45:01,000
"I don't know,
ten days maybe.
930
00:45:01,019 --> 00:45:03,280
"Yeah, I know, she's making me
wear the helmet
931
00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,260
"'cause the top of my head
isn't formed and...
932
00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:09,269
I'm self-conscious."
933
00:45:13,130 --> 00:45:17,000
"I'll be driving in a month."
"What?"
934
00:45:17,019 --> 00:45:19,030
You go to a Latino house,
you knock on the door,
935
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:20,159
a Latino kid opens the door.
936
00:45:20,179 --> 00:45:23,110
He just stands there
with that look on his face.
937
00:45:23,130 --> 00:45:26,139
[laughter]
938
00:45:29,010 --> 00:45:32,260
"Is your dad home?"
939
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,010
"My dad?"
940
00:45:37,230 --> 00:45:40,190
"Is...your dad home?"
941
00:45:44,059 --> 00:45:46,130
"He's not here.
942
00:45:46,150 --> 00:45:49,150
"He was here,
and then he left.
943
00:45:49,170 --> 00:45:52,289
"That's why--that's--
that's why he's not here.
944
00:45:53,010 --> 00:45:54,190
"But when his car's here,
945
00:45:54,210 --> 00:45:56,289
"that means that he's here,
but right now...
946
00:45:57,010 --> 00:46:00,000
"but right now--but right now
his car's not here.
947
00:46:00,019 --> 00:46:02,230
So that means
that he's not here."
948
00:46:02,250 --> 00:46:05,230
"How old are you?"
"29."
949
00:46:05,250 --> 00:46:07,070
[laughter, applause]
950
00:46:13,119 --> 00:46:16,019
"Don't tell him
I got outta the crib."
951
00:46:20,199 --> 00:46:23,090
We're taught respect.
Listen...
952
00:46:23,110 --> 00:46:27,039
Therapy is not for us.
We don't go to therapy.
953
00:46:27,059 --> 00:46:29,219
Do we need it?
Yeah.
954
00:46:31,170 --> 00:46:34,260
We don't feel comfortable
telling a stranger.
955
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:38,230
We'll wait till there's a party
956
00:46:38,250 --> 00:46:40,119
and the mariachis
are playing
957
00:46:40,139 --> 00:46:42,210
and they're getting ready
to cut the wedding cake
958
00:46:42,230 --> 00:46:45,130
and just say, "Let me tell you,
everybody, something.
959
00:46:45,150 --> 00:46:48,019
Everybody!"
960
00:46:48,039 --> 00:46:49,099
[sniffles]
961
00:46:49,119 --> 00:46:52,159
"Nobody loves me."
962
00:46:52,179 --> 00:46:53,289
"Tio."
"No, no, no.
963
00:46:54,010 --> 00:46:57,050
Let me talk."
964
00:46:57,070 --> 00:46:59,219
[sobbing]
965
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:03,090
"Tell him you love him,
and take him to the car."
966
00:47:03,110 --> 00:47:05,000
We don't go to therapy.
I tried.
967
00:47:05,019 --> 00:47:06,269
You go, you know,
and if you go early enough,
968
00:47:06,289 --> 00:47:08,239
you can hear through the--
you know, you see somebody...
969
00:47:08,260 --> 00:47:11,269
[sniffling]
970
00:47:15,070 --> 00:47:17,210
[voice breaking]
"My father never told me
971
00:47:17,230 --> 00:47:20,070
that he loved me."
972
00:47:22,099 --> 00:47:23,150
That's it?
I open the door.
973
00:47:23,170 --> 00:47:25,000
My father told me
he wasn't my father.
974
00:47:25,019 --> 00:47:27,269
How 'bout that one?
You don't see me cry.
975
00:47:27,289 --> 00:47:30,260
And fuck him--
he'll never see me cry.
976
00:47:34,090 --> 00:47:37,179
They all drink and,
you know, they all over-drink.
977
00:47:37,199 --> 00:47:39,170
My grandfather--
I love my grandfather.
978
00:47:39,190 --> 00:47:42,030
He taught me a lotta things,
but when he drank, he was mean.
979
00:47:42,050 --> 00:47:44,219
And since I was an only child,
he would look for me.
980
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:48,039
And he didn't speak English,
but when he was drunk,
981
00:47:48,059 --> 00:47:50,179
he'd try to speak English.
982
00:47:50,199 --> 00:47:52,050
And I had to sit there--
983
00:47:52,070 --> 00:47:54,090
"Hey!"
984
00:47:56,050 --> 00:47:58,260
"Who do ju thing ju are?"
985
00:48:02,269 --> 00:48:05,150
[shouting]
"Who do you thing j'are?"
986
00:48:07,030 --> 00:48:09,090
[mouthing]
987
00:48:10,179 --> 00:48:12,010
Then my grandmother
would try to jump in.
988
00:48:12,030 --> 00:48:15,110
[speaking Spanish]
"Chut up!
989
00:48:15,130 --> 00:48:18,099
Chut ju mouse!"
990
00:48:20,130 --> 00:48:23,119
"Chut up you fucking mouse!"
991
00:48:30,119 --> 00:48:31,280
And then he would hit me.
992
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,099
[thwack, thwack]
993
00:48:34,119 --> 00:48:36,019
In my temple.
[thwack]
994
00:48:36,039 --> 00:48:38,030
[thwack]
Like 40 times.
995
00:48:38,050 --> 00:48:39,070
[thwack]
996
00:48:39,090 --> 00:48:41,190
And every time--
I was like eight--
997
00:48:41,210 --> 00:48:44,230
and every time
I'd be like, "One day..."
998
00:48:44,250 --> 00:48:48,219
[thwack, thwack]
One day."
999
00:48:48,239 --> 00:48:52,010
April 4th, 1988.
1000
00:48:52,030 --> 00:48:53,030
[laughter]
1001
00:48:53,050 --> 00:48:54,239
He died.
1002
00:48:54,260 --> 00:48:58,059
We're having a ceremony there,
the open casket.
1003
00:48:58,079 --> 00:49:02,210
The mortician says, "Would
anyone like to say good-bye?"
1004
00:49:07,219 --> 00:49:09,110
[thwack]
1005
00:49:09,130 --> 00:49:11,079
[laughter]
1006
00:49:11,099 --> 00:49:14,239
Fuck you
and fuck Erik Estrada.
1007
00:49:16,139 --> 00:49:18,000
That puto.
1008
00:49:18,019 --> 00:49:21,110
Come and get me, vato.
I can knock you out.
1009
00:49:23,059 --> 00:49:26,219
Spite.
That's what motivates me.
1010
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,119
Somebody says,
"That's not healthy."
1011
00:49:28,139 --> 00:49:31,070
"Uh...
1012
00:49:31,090 --> 00:49:33,269
I think I'm doing all right!"
1013
00:49:36,230 --> 00:49:39,179
Find love and be happy
1014
00:49:39,199 --> 00:49:41,110
and find somebody
that you love
1015
00:49:41,130 --> 00:49:44,059
and be honest and be truthful
to them,
1016
00:49:44,079 --> 00:49:47,190
because love is the most
difficult thing to find
1017
00:49:47,210 --> 00:49:49,039
in this world.
1018
00:49:49,059 --> 00:49:51,070
I know, because
I'm by myself right there.
1019
00:49:51,090 --> 00:49:53,099
[whistles through teeth]
1020
00:49:56,289 --> 00:49:59,230
And my grandmother, she knew.
When I was 12, she knew.
1021
00:49:59,250 --> 00:50:02,210
"Cochino, I know
what you're doing in there."
1022
00:50:02,230 --> 00:50:04,110
I said, "What?"
"You don't think I know,
1023
00:50:04,130 --> 00:50:07,010
but I know."
She didn't know medical terms.
1024
00:50:07,030 --> 00:50:08,219
She would say shit.
I knew what she meant.
1025
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:10,010
"I know you're in there
throwing your
1026
00:50:10,030 --> 00:50:12,039
[speaking Spanglish]
all over the room."
1027
00:50:12,059 --> 00:50:14,010
[mouthing]
What?
1028
00:50:16,130 --> 00:50:18,199
"Your tres leches
all over the place."
1029
00:50:18,219 --> 00:50:20,260
[laughter]
1030
00:50:28,199 --> 00:50:29,250
My grandmother got sick.
1031
00:50:29,269 --> 00:50:31,260
I hate when elderly people
get sick.
1032
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,119
But we keep them
in the house.
1033
00:50:33,139 --> 00:50:35,010
All those places,
1034
00:50:35,030 --> 00:50:38,090
all those nursing homes
and stuff like that--listen.
1035
00:50:38,110 --> 00:50:40,079
Filipino, Asian people,
1036
00:50:40,099 --> 00:50:42,280
Middle Eastern people,
Indian people,
1037
00:50:43,000 --> 00:50:46,090
Latinos--we all run
the health care industry
1038
00:50:46,110 --> 00:50:50,050
if you've been
around a hospital.
1039
00:50:50,070 --> 00:50:51,269
Maybe not all of us are doctors,
1040
00:50:51,289 --> 00:50:54,059
but we're the ones that are
there in middle of the night.
1041
00:50:54,079 --> 00:50:55,190
[crowd whooping]
1042
00:50:55,210 --> 00:50:57,159
So, when you end up
in a convalescent home,
1043
00:50:57,179 --> 00:50:59,010
if I were you,
I'd be shaking hands
1044
00:50:59,030 --> 00:51:01,230
with every Latino,
person of color,
1045
00:51:01,250 --> 00:51:03,179
because in the middle
of the night,
1046
00:51:03,199 --> 00:51:06,250
when you're in there...
"My heart.
1047
00:51:06,269 --> 00:51:08,059
My heart!"
1048
00:51:08,079 --> 00:51:11,230
This is the last thing
you're gonna see.
1049
00:51:11,250 --> 00:51:15,210
[laughter]
1050
00:51:18,110 --> 00:51:20,219
[cheers and applause]
1051
00:51:29,119 --> 00:51:32,250
"What happened to the lady?"
"Oh, the lady?
1052
00:51:32,269 --> 00:51:35,179
"She die.
1053
00:51:35,199 --> 00:51:38,230
"But we got married last night,
her and I, before she die.
1054
00:51:38,250 --> 00:51:40,230
"I got the marriage certificate.
1055
00:51:40,250 --> 00:51:43,030
I keep all these documents
Wait a minute."
1056
00:51:48,059 --> 00:51:51,050
It goes by like that, too.
It goes by like that.
1057
00:51:51,070 --> 00:51:53,179
You know?
So, eat, have fun, you know,
1058
00:51:53,199 --> 00:51:56,239
don't be a vegetarian,
don't be a vegan.
1059
00:51:56,260 --> 00:51:58,019
[laughter]
1060
00:51:58,039 --> 00:52:00,130
Have you--
that's not helping you.
1061
00:52:00,150 --> 00:52:02,289
"I can only have
400 calories a day.
1062
00:52:03,010 --> 00:52:04,090
"That's why I don't breathe,
because..."
1063
00:52:04,110 --> 00:52:06,119
[inhales]
"That's 20."
1064
00:52:10,099 --> 00:52:11,179
We eat.
1065
00:52:11,199 --> 00:52:12,289
Lettuce?
We don't eat lettuce.
1066
00:52:13,010 --> 00:52:15,059
Latinos work
in the produce industry,
1067
00:52:15,079 --> 00:52:17,130
but we don't eat lettuce,
all right?
1068
00:52:17,150 --> 00:52:19,210
You don't work all day
picking lettuce
1069
00:52:19,230 --> 00:52:21,280
and on your day off
make yourself a fucking salad.
1070
00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:23,010
That's not...
1071
00:52:24,159 --> 00:52:26,190
Kale.
1072
00:52:26,210 --> 00:52:29,099
[speaking Spanish]
We don't know...
1073
00:52:29,119 --> 00:52:32,059
we don't know what kale is.
1074
00:52:32,079 --> 00:52:33,190
But I think it's a little boy
1075
00:52:33,210 --> 00:52:36,210
your tia watches
three days a week.
1076
00:52:40,219 --> 00:52:42,119
"When does kale come?"
"Oh, kale? Viene--
1077
00:52:42,139 --> 00:52:44,000
"Right now,
he change the schedule--
1078
00:52:44,019 --> 00:52:46,269
"Viene los Monday,
Wednesday, los Fri--
1079
00:52:46,289 --> 00:52:48,269
El kale?"
1080
00:52:50,039 --> 00:52:52,079
That would almost be like
if you're a prostitute
1081
00:52:52,099 --> 00:52:55,210
and on your day off somebody
put a dick in your cornflakes.
1082
00:52:55,230 --> 00:52:56,260
You'd be like...
1083
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:03,150
"It's my day off.
1084
00:53:03,170 --> 00:53:06,099
Take that dick
out of my cornflakes."
1085
00:53:10,210 --> 00:53:12,090
We ain't looked at the shit.
1086
00:53:12,110 --> 00:53:13,170
Milk.
Let me tell you something.
1087
00:53:13,190 --> 00:53:17,170
Milk--whole--
we all grew up
1088
00:53:17,190 --> 00:53:20,010
on whole milk.
1089
00:53:20,030 --> 00:53:22,210
God gave women the ability
1090
00:53:22,230 --> 00:53:26,079
to have milk
to feed their children
1091
00:53:26,099 --> 00:53:28,000
from the beginning of time.
1092
00:53:28,019 --> 00:53:31,099
Milk was created
to nurture our families.
1093
00:53:31,119 --> 00:53:34,230
And now milk is bad.
1094
00:53:34,250 --> 00:53:37,159
Why?
1095
00:53:37,179 --> 00:53:40,010
Whole milk--
nobody drinks whole milk.
1096
00:53:40,030 --> 00:53:41,190
If you go to Starbucks
and you say,
1097
00:53:41,210 --> 00:53:44,139
"Can I have some whole milk?"
"Get the fuck out of here.
1098
00:53:44,159 --> 00:53:46,050
"Son of a bitch.
1099
00:53:46,070 --> 00:53:48,079
We're working!"
1100
00:53:50,059 --> 00:53:53,059
When you grow up poor,
you don't want 2% of the milk.
1101
00:53:53,079 --> 00:53:56,019
You want the whole milk.
1102
00:53:56,039 --> 00:53:58,139
I want all the milk.
1103
00:53:58,159 --> 00:54:01,269
I don't want 2% of it.
1104
00:54:01,289 --> 00:54:05,170
Then people have peanut
allergies and nut allergies
1105
00:54:05,190 --> 00:54:08,070
and they're allergic to milk,
but then there's almond milk.
1106
00:54:08,090 --> 00:54:11,039
What the fuck is that?
1107
00:54:11,059 --> 00:54:13,210
Even you don't even know!
1108
00:54:13,230 --> 00:54:18,070
"I'm lactose-intolerant."
"No you're not--you can't hang."
1109
00:54:18,090 --> 00:54:21,269
[speaking Spanish]
1110
00:54:21,289 --> 00:54:24,250
You wanna be another asshole
in line bitching about milk?
1111
00:54:24,269 --> 00:54:28,019
"Is this 2%?
Because I can only have 1%.
1112
00:54:28,039 --> 00:54:30,179
"Is this 2%?
You're not the manager.
1113
00:54:30,199 --> 00:54:32,280
"Are you the manager?
Hi, is this 2%?
1114
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:34,170
Because I can only have 1%."
1115
00:54:34,190 --> 00:54:36,079
I got outta line.
I grabbed that dude's latte.
1116
00:54:36,099 --> 00:54:37,170
I spill half.
"Here, motherfucker.
1117
00:54:37,190 --> 00:54:41,110
"Now it's 1%.
Get your ass outta line!
1118
00:54:41,130 --> 00:54:45,230
You don't look like you're a
2% anything, you fat bastard."
1119
00:54:47,059 --> 00:54:48,179
I didn't say it.
I tweeted it,
1120
00:54:48,199 --> 00:54:50,210
'cause then it doesn't count.
1121
00:54:52,039 --> 00:54:54,119
Tweets.
1122
00:54:54,139 --> 00:54:56,099
Let me tell you--
my grandfather's brother
1123
00:54:56,119 --> 00:54:57,269
had a ranch in Mexico.
1124
00:54:57,289 --> 00:54:59,230
We used to go.
The most disgusting thing
1125
00:54:59,250 --> 00:55:02,280
I've ever seen was
my grandfather milking a goat.
1126
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,250
[gagging]
1127
00:55:05,269 --> 00:55:08,050
And that goat wasn't clean.
Ugh.
1128
00:55:08,070 --> 00:55:10,199
[speaking Spanglish]
In his eyes.
1129
00:55:10,219 --> 00:55:12,179
He didn't even wave 'em off
with his ears anymore.
1130
00:55:12,199 --> 00:55:14,119
He was like, "Hey..."
[mutters]
1131
00:55:14,139 --> 00:55:16,059
And my grandfather's
milking this goat,
1132
00:55:16,079 --> 00:55:18,000
and we're like...
[gagging]
1133
00:55:18,019 --> 00:55:19,250
[retches]
1134
00:55:21,250 --> 00:55:23,039
He had that much milk.
1135
00:55:23,059 --> 00:55:25,179
Even the goat came out
of the barn and looked...
1136
00:55:27,250 --> 00:55:30,159
"He's not gonna
drink that shit, is he?"
1137
00:55:30,179 --> 00:55:33,070
He tried to warn him.
[bleating]
1138
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:38,070
[bleating]
1139
00:55:38,090 --> 00:55:39,199
Ah!
1140
00:55:45,210 --> 00:55:46,289
We make America great.
1141
00:55:47,010 --> 00:55:50,070
Everybody that gets up
and works hard every day
1142
00:55:50,090 --> 00:55:51,199
makes America great.
1143
00:55:51,219 --> 00:55:54,130
It's already great.
It's the greatest place to live.
1144
00:55:54,150 --> 00:55:56,030
Go live somewhere else!
1145
00:55:56,050 --> 00:55:57,170
[applause]
1146
00:55:57,190 --> 00:56:00,239
We love this country.
We're not terrorists, okay?
1147
00:56:00,260 --> 00:56:02,289
Latinos aren't terrorists.
But I'ma tell you right now,
1148
00:56:03,010 --> 00:56:06,130
if we were,
we'd be the best.
1149
00:56:06,150 --> 00:56:10,070
The number one ingredient
in making a bomb:
1150
00:56:10,090 --> 00:56:12,090
fertilizer.
1151
00:56:12,110 --> 00:56:14,119
[laughter]
1152
00:56:19,079 --> 00:56:21,269
"You want 10 tons."
1153
00:56:23,289 --> 00:56:26,019
"We're doin' a big yard."
1154
00:56:26,039 --> 00:56:28,079
[laughter]
1155
00:56:28,099 --> 00:56:31,000
"And we're putting in
a fountain."
1156
00:56:32,289 --> 00:56:34,199
We can't be terrorists.
1157
00:56:34,219 --> 00:56:36,099
Because terrorists
take responsibility.
1158
00:56:36,119 --> 00:56:38,070
Latinos?
"No.
1159
00:56:38,090 --> 00:56:40,090
"It was already like that
when I got there.
1160
00:56:40,110 --> 00:56:42,130
"I didn't--
I didn't do it.
1161
00:56:42,150 --> 00:56:44,289
It was like that."
1162
00:56:45,010 --> 00:56:46,289
They'll be talking on the news.
"What happened?
1163
00:56:47,010 --> 00:56:49,039
"I heard a boom, and then
somebody yelled, 'Raiders!'
1164
00:56:49,059 --> 00:56:50,230
and they ran off."
1165
00:56:50,250 --> 00:56:54,159
That's how you know we did it.
"Raiders!"
1166
00:56:54,179 --> 00:56:57,099
So, try to build a wall.
Go ahead, try to build it.
1167
00:56:57,119 --> 00:56:59,150
Use taxpayer money
even though you said
1168
00:56:59,170 --> 00:57:01,070
you were gonna get Mexico
to pay for it.
1169
00:57:01,090 --> 00:57:04,000
Mexico ain't paying for shit.
I coulda told you that.
1170
00:57:04,019 --> 00:57:06,179
We can't even split
a fuckin' check.
1171
00:57:09,119 --> 00:57:11,070
You get the check:
"I-I don't even eat.
1172
00:57:11,090 --> 00:57:14,090
"What's this bullshit?
I didn't even eat!
1173
00:57:14,110 --> 00:57:17,179
Kale--I don't eat Kale,
vato, I don't eat kale!"
1174
00:57:20,090 --> 00:57:22,059
I'ma tell you something
right now.
1175
00:57:22,079 --> 00:57:25,050
As long as George Lopez
is alive--
1176
00:57:25,070 --> 00:57:28,239
and my cholesterol level's
pretty high, so I don't know--
1177
00:57:28,260 --> 00:57:31,050
but as long as George Lopez
is alive,
1178
00:57:31,070 --> 00:57:34,010
I promise you,
I will never, ever
1179
00:57:34,030 --> 00:57:37,230
let anyone disparage
Latinos or Mexicans
1180
00:57:37,250 --> 00:57:39,179
as long as I'm alive.
1181
00:57:39,199 --> 00:57:42,210
[loud cheers and applause]
1182
00:57:49,050 --> 00:57:50,139
- We love you, George!
1183
00:57:50,159 --> 00:57:52,119
- I love you, baby, thank you.
1184
00:57:52,139 --> 00:57:53,199
When Donald Trump announced
1185
00:57:53,219 --> 00:57:55,019
he was running for president,
1186
00:57:55,039 --> 00:57:57,050
he called Mexicans rapists
and criminals.
1187
00:57:57,070 --> 00:58:00,030
When I see him, I'm gonna
rob him and fuck him.
1188
00:58:00,050 --> 00:58:03,059
[laughter, applause]
1189
00:58:14,059 --> 00:58:17,280
[laughter]
1190
00:58:18,000 --> 00:58:19,099
And let me tell you something.
1191
00:58:19,119 --> 00:58:21,250
You better build that wall
in one day.
1192
00:58:21,269 --> 00:58:23,269
One day,
you better build that wall,
1193
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:27,130
because if you leave all that
material out there overnight...
1194
00:58:27,150 --> 00:58:29,219
[laughter]
1195
00:58:29,239 --> 00:58:32,250
[cheers and applause]
1196
00:58:40,179 --> 00:58:43,150
[rock music]
1197
00:58:43,170 --> 00:58:50,179
♪ ♪
1198
00:58:54,239 --> 00:58:57,260
[cheers and applause continue]
1199
00:59:01,250 --> 00:59:08,260
♪ ♪
1200
00:59:22,070 --> 00:59:24,030
[inaudible]
1201
00:59:24,050 --> 00:59:27,059
[cheers and applause continue]
1202
00:59:38,239 --> 00:59:41,239
[cheers and applause continue]
1203
00:59:41,260 --> 00:59:43,239
♪ ♪
1204
00:59:43,260 --> 00:59:46,210
[bright tone]
82362
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