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1
00:00:07,914 --> 00:00:10,184
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:10,221 --> 00:00:13,271
Pros and cons of living
in St. Louis vs L.A...
3
00:00:13,311 --> 00:00:15,441
St. Louis pros--less traffic.
4
00:00:15,487 --> 00:00:18,357
Less people who are k-uh.
5
00:00:18,403 --> 00:00:20,753
- Less anxiety.
- Throw Chris on there.
6
00:00:20,797 --> 00:00:22,097
Cons, um...
7
00:00:22,146 --> 00:00:23,886
I feel removed
from show business.
8
00:00:23,930 --> 00:00:25,670
I miss a lot of my friends.
9
00:00:25,715 --> 00:00:28,275
I can't get
onstage every single night.
10
00:00:28,326 --> 00:00:30,066
I don't even
think about L.A. right now.
11
00:00:30,111 --> 00:00:32,071
- Think about it right now.
- Okay.
12
00:00:32,113 --> 00:00:34,123
- What are you thinking?
- Like, dirty streets.
13
00:00:34,158 --> 00:00:35,638
Okay. Con.
14
00:00:35,681 --> 00:00:38,551
[both laughing]
15
00:00:38,597 --> 00:00:41,507
♪ I wanna miss my flight
16
00:00:41,557 --> 00:00:43,517
♪ I feel so all alone
17
00:00:43,559 --> 00:00:46,609
♪ Out on the road
18
00:00:46,649 --> 00:00:49,909
♪ Can you welcome me home?
19
00:00:49,956 --> 00:00:53,526
[rock music]
20
00:00:53,569 --> 00:00:55,529
[car horn honks]
- Oh,----.
21
00:00:55,571 --> 00:00:56,831
Ooh.
22
00:00:56,876 --> 00:00:58,396
I don't know
why I'm trying to, like, drive
23
00:00:58,443 --> 00:01:02,273
like someone's tailing me
and I have to, like, lose them.
24
00:01:02,317 --> 00:01:05,277
So I finally went
to therapy with Chris,
25
00:01:05,320 --> 00:01:07,710
which is, like,------.
- Good.
26
00:01:07,757 --> 00:01:10,587
I was so excited and nearly
cried at his willingness.
27
00:01:10,629 --> 00:01:12,239
Marriage--
28
00:01:12,283 --> 00:01:16,373
like, those are things that
I've been definitely reluctant.
29
00:01:16,418 --> 00:01:19,508
But I'm not closed off to it
like I was.
30
00:01:19,551 --> 00:01:22,551
Like, where are you feeling
right now you guys stand...
31
00:01:22,598 --> 00:01:24,768
- Well, it was so good.
- Literally today?
32
00:01:24,817 --> 00:01:28,387
He's, like, emotionally
open and going to places
33
00:01:28,430 --> 00:01:31,740
that he never could even go
alone with me before.
34
00:01:31,781 --> 00:01:33,221
But I want commitment,
35
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:35,441
and I want to know
where we're going,
36
00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,920
where we're headed,
what the goal is.
37
00:01:37,961 --> 00:01:40,571
I hate this limbo.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:40,616 --> 00:01:42,266
Do you think
that you can imagine
39
00:01:42,313 --> 00:01:43,623
yourself staying here
without Chris?
40
00:01:43,662 --> 00:01:46,452
If Chris and I
don't work out
41
00:01:46,491 --> 00:01:49,451
for some------- reason,
I'll probably want to leave,
42
00:01:49,494 --> 00:01:52,764
because this town
reminds me of him so much.
43
00:01:52,802 --> 00:01:56,242
As much as I want to just take
control right now and be like,
44
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:57,854
"Chris, be my boyfriend,
come on,"
45
00:01:57,894 --> 00:02:00,244
I want to be
wanted and I really,
46
00:02:00,288 --> 00:02:02,638
really want him
to define the relationship.
47
00:02:02,681 --> 00:02:06,291
Like, it's weird with you
and Chris because it literally
48
00:02:06,337 --> 00:02:08,247
is putting on the line,
like, whether you stay
49
00:02:08,296 --> 00:02:09,986
in St. Louis
or you go somewhere else,
50
00:02:10,036 --> 00:02:11,556
whether it works out here.
51
00:02:11,603 --> 00:02:13,563
So it's like, I kind of want
it to work out with you guys.
52
00:02:13,605 --> 00:02:15,385
I want so badly
to be able to say, like,
53
00:02:15,433 --> 00:02:16,833
"Let's just------- do it
and get married.
54
00:02:16,869 --> 00:02:19,439
"We've been doing this off
and on for eight years.
55
00:02:19,481 --> 00:02:20,961
Like, what are we doing?"
- Seriously.
56
00:02:21,004 --> 00:02:24,624
If he can't do that, I'm
not gonna stay in St. Louis.
57
00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:28,360
I don't want to have to see
his charming, gorgeous face
58
00:02:28,403 --> 00:02:31,453
pop up on my Bumble
as, like, a top pick for me.
59
00:02:31,493 --> 00:02:32,763
And I'm like,
"You're right, Bumble.
60
00:02:32,798 --> 00:02:35,448
He was, but he didn't want
what I wanted."
61
00:02:35,497 --> 00:02:37,147
You know we're building,
like, a sex dungeon
62
00:02:37,194 --> 00:02:39,284
in his basement, perhaps?
63
00:02:39,327 --> 00:02:41,457
- [laughing] A dungeon.
- Yeah.
64
00:02:41,503 --> 00:02:43,113
I know, people are being like,
65
00:02:43,157 --> 00:02:44,807
"Should we have kids
and buy a house?"
66
00:02:44,854 --> 00:02:48,554
And I'm like, "Should I buy
this chain restraint
67
00:02:48,597 --> 00:02:51,597
that costs $1,000 if
he's not gonna commit first?"
68
00:02:51,643 --> 00:02:53,213
Like, it's so stupid.
- Oh, my God.
69
00:02:55,212 --> 00:02:56,692
What up, dogs?
How you doing?
70
00:02:56,735 --> 00:02:59,215
- What's up?
- What's that?
71
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:01,350
- This is a gift.
- Babe, what?
72
00:03:01,392 --> 00:03:02,742
- This is your own label maker.
- Aw.
73
00:03:02,785 --> 00:03:04,475
You said
you wanted to borrow mine,
74
00:03:04,526 --> 00:03:05,876
and even though I love a world
75
00:03:05,918 --> 00:03:08,008
where you always need
my label maker,
76
00:03:08,051 --> 00:03:09,491
I just thought you'd like this.
- Oh, my God.
77
00:03:09,531 --> 00:03:11,051
Will you set it up for me?
- Of course.
78
00:03:11,097 --> 00:03:13,007
Andrew, do you have anything
you want to label?
79
00:03:13,056 --> 00:03:16,226
Everything.
- Man, I love labeling things!
80
00:03:16,277 --> 00:03:18,757
Everything
but relationship status.
81
00:03:18,801 --> 00:03:20,281
Hey-oh.
82
00:03:20,324 --> 00:03:24,334
[upbeat music]
83
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,422
♪ Going to L.A.
84
00:03:26,461 --> 00:03:28,511
♪ Not gonna wear
85
00:03:28,550 --> 00:03:31,900
♪ 80% of the clothes I bring
86
00:03:33,076 --> 00:03:34,336
Wednesday.
87
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,252
You didn't bring
a toothbrush last trip.
88
00:03:36,297 --> 00:03:37,907
Yeah, I did.
89
00:03:37,950 --> 00:03:39,910
You're gonna get Alzheimer's
from not brushing your teeth.
90
00:03:39,952 --> 00:03:42,132
- What?
- Disease starts in the gums.
91
00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:44,702
- Aziz Ansari?
92
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:48,700
- Disease Ansari!
- Disease starts in the gums.
93
00:03:48,744 --> 00:03:52,444
If you don't brush
your teeth and you use floss,
94
00:03:52,487 --> 00:03:54,227
you're gonna die sooner!
95
00:03:54,271 --> 00:03:57,061
[both laughing]
96
00:03:57,100 --> 00:04:01,020
Keep.
97
00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:02,240
Wash.
98
00:04:02,279 --> 00:04:04,409
How many leopard things
do you have?
99
00:04:04,455 --> 00:04:06,365
This is my suitcase
from last week,
100
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:07,854
and I'm just going through
101
00:04:07,893 --> 00:04:11,033
and seeing if these things
will hold up in L.A.
102
00:04:11,070 --> 00:04:14,900
I'm headed to L.A. to do
some work, as I do frequently.
103
00:04:14,944 --> 00:04:17,564
What are you doing in L.A.,
other than our show?
104
00:04:17,599 --> 00:04:19,559
Deciding if I'm gonna move
there or not?
105
00:04:19,601 --> 00:04:21,041
You know, the whole time,
106
00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:23,130
I'm gonna be having that
in the back of my mind.
107
00:04:23,169 --> 00:04:24,429
As much as I love St. Louis,
108
00:04:24,475 --> 00:04:26,695
as someone who kind of wants
to slow down,
109
00:04:26,738 --> 00:04:30,258
there are things I really miss
about L.A., and I'm torn.
110
00:04:30,307 --> 00:04:32,657
[sniffs] Keep.
111
00:04:32,701 --> 00:04:34,141
[sniffs]
112
00:04:34,180 --> 00:04:35,970
How do you check if underwear
is clean or not for you?
113
00:04:36,008 --> 00:04:38,748
Do you smell yours?
- Oh, my God.
114
00:04:38,794 --> 00:04:40,324
[whines]
115
00:04:40,361 --> 00:04:43,451
Luigi, I wish you could come.
I want you to go with me.
116
00:04:43,494 --> 00:04:46,284
Being in L.A. is beneficial
to me for my career,
117
00:04:46,323 --> 00:04:48,333
because you're not
a flight away.
118
00:04:48,369 --> 00:04:49,889
You're within
driving distance.
119
00:04:49,935 --> 00:04:51,755
And although those take
the same amount of time
120
00:04:51,807 --> 00:04:53,767
to get there
because of traffic,
121
00:04:53,809 --> 00:04:56,029
when you're in L.A.,
people think of you more
122
00:04:56,072 --> 00:04:57,332
for different jobs.
123
00:04:57,378 --> 00:04:59,028
Oh, Lu.
124
00:04:59,075 --> 00:05:02,465
Why do you look at me
with such curiosity and disdain
125
00:05:02,513 --> 00:05:04,653
at the same time?
126
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:08,353
Do we need to go to therapy?
[smooching]
127
00:05:08,389 --> 00:05:11,779
♪
128
00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:12,997
[dog barks]
129
00:05:13,045 --> 00:05:14,955
Oh, Marion's eye gunk--ew.
130
00:05:15,004 --> 00:05:17,184
Why do you have it
on your wrist?
131
00:05:17,223 --> 00:05:19,403
It just got on my finger.
132
00:05:19,443 --> 00:05:20,793
We need to clean
her eyes every day.
133
00:05:20,836 --> 00:05:22,926
- It's contagious.
- Oh, come here, Marion.
134
00:05:22,968 --> 00:05:24,188
Let's get your eye gunk.
135
00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:25,540
She says,
"I don't want to touch that."
136
00:05:25,580 --> 00:05:28,540
Dirty girl, girl, come here.
There you go.
137
00:05:28,583 --> 00:05:31,063
Oh, that's so gunky.
138
00:05:31,107 --> 00:05:32,497
I remember one time
139
00:05:32,543 --> 00:05:34,893
I was over at a famous
friend's house,
140
00:05:34,937 --> 00:05:37,327
and Emma Stone came by,
and I didn't know Emma Stone,
141
00:05:37,374 --> 00:05:38,384
and she walks in the door.
142
00:05:38,419 --> 00:05:39,459
I'm like,
"Oh, my God, it's Emma."
143
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:40,727
And Marion is on my lap.
144
00:05:40,769 --> 00:05:41,989
And Emma doesn't even see me.
145
00:05:42,031 --> 00:05:43,601
She just looks
at the dog and goes,
146
00:05:43,641 --> 00:05:46,081
"Oh, my God, is she 100?"
147
00:05:46,122 --> 00:05:47,652
And I was like, "She's two."
148
00:05:47,689 --> 00:05:49,649
And she was like,
"That's insane."
149
00:05:49,691 --> 00:05:51,481
That's what I love
about Marion--
150
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:54,999
is that she is so ugly
that she's cute.
151
00:05:55,044 --> 00:05:58,184
♪
152
00:05:58,221 --> 00:06:00,441
She looks like
a starving polar bear.
153
00:06:00,484 --> 00:06:02,144
So what do
you got planned in L.A.?
154
00:06:02,181 --> 00:06:03,841
I'm gonna do a couple spots
around town,
155
00:06:03,879 --> 00:06:06,799
maybe Comedy Store,
Laugh Factory,
156
00:06:06,838 --> 00:06:09,188
dinner with Spade,
Kelly Clarkson.
157
00:06:09,232 --> 00:06:10,972
Kelly?
158
00:06:11,016 --> 00:06:14,186
- Machine Gun Kelly.
- Machine Gun Kelly Clarkson.
159
00:06:14,237 --> 00:06:15,797
[laughter]
160
00:06:15,847 --> 00:06:17,677
There's more action
on both coasts
161
00:06:17,719 --> 00:06:18,979
than there is in St. Louis.
162
00:06:19,024 --> 00:06:20,644
But she's
in the middle of the country.
163
00:06:20,678 --> 00:06:22,638
But right now she might miss
some of the other,
164
00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,680
more exciting parts
of her career.
165
00:06:24,726 --> 00:06:25,766
I think she's torn.
166
00:06:25,814 --> 00:06:26,954
Hanging out with Lizzie,
167
00:06:26,989 --> 00:06:28,469
hopefully hanging out
with Carlisle.
168
00:06:28,512 --> 00:06:32,212
I sure would miss Nikki
if she decided to move to L.A.
169
00:06:32,255 --> 00:06:34,475
I would, too.
170
00:06:34,518 --> 00:06:36,088
Well, it sounds
like a whirlwind time.
171
00:06:36,128 --> 00:06:39,218
I mean, it's going to be
exhaustive, but it'll be fun.
172
00:06:39,262 --> 00:06:42,482
When she's home, she's like,
"Oh, I need to get out to L.A."
173
00:06:42,526 --> 00:06:44,616
And when she's in L.A.,
174
00:06:44,659 --> 00:06:47,749
she probably feels
like she's missing something,
175
00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:49,662
like us.
[both laughing]
176
00:06:49,707 --> 00:06:51,187
Just kiddi--just kidding.
177
00:06:51,230 --> 00:06:53,760
So how long will you be gone?
Just for--
178
00:06:53,798 --> 00:06:55,578
Um...
179
00:06:55,626 --> 00:06:57,976
I think I come back on Sunday.
- Okay.
180
00:06:58,020 --> 00:06:59,940
Get some nice meals
for yourselves.
181
00:06:59,978 --> 00:07:02,498
Take yourselves out.
- We're gonna--livin' large.
182
00:07:02,546 --> 00:07:04,156
Go get a massage.
Go treat yourselves.
183
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,460
I'll pay for it.
184
00:07:05,506 --> 00:07:08,636
I might
if I found a good deal.
185
00:07:08,683 --> 00:07:10,733
No, it doesn't need to be
a good deal.
186
00:07:10,772 --> 00:07:12,472
- If I find a Groupon for it.
- No.
187
00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:14,653
You've never once
bought yourself a massage.
188
00:07:14,689 --> 00:07:17,869
You only get them as presents.
- That's not true at all.
189
00:07:17,909 --> 00:07:19,559
Have I?
- No. Never.
190
00:07:19,607 --> 00:07:21,437
- Sure you have.
- Yeah, I have.
191
00:07:21,478 --> 00:07:22,868
When?
192
00:07:22,914 --> 00:07:26,314
It was about two years ago,
and it was...
193
00:07:26,352 --> 00:07:28,752
- A deal.
- A deal.
194
00:07:28,790 --> 00:07:31,100
Find me
a massage parlor, okay?
195
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:34,450
- Pfft, God.
- You're not getting anything.
196
00:07:34,491 --> 00:07:37,451
You're getting zero Gs.
[laughter]
197
00:07:41,803 --> 00:07:45,203
[upbeat music]
198
00:07:45,241 --> 00:07:47,161
Yes. Cali, baby.
199
00:07:47,199 --> 00:07:51,639
♪
200
00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:53,472
You ready to do this?
- Yeah.
201
00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:54,860
Welcome to L.A.
202
00:07:54,903 --> 00:07:57,433
One thing I love
about being in L.A.
203
00:07:57,471 --> 00:08:00,521
is that I'm constantly
in motion.
204
00:08:00,561 --> 00:08:01,781
I'm doing
the Kelly Clarkson Show.
205
00:08:01,823 --> 00:08:03,003
I'm doing an appearance
206
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:05,391
on my friend Ben Gleib's
live fundraiser.
207
00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:08,865
Yeah, someone said, from
behind, I look like a model,
208
00:08:08,917 --> 00:08:10,957
and then I turn around, they
go, "Oh, no, she's a comedian."
209
00:08:11,006 --> 00:08:13,486
And so that hurt
my feelings a lot.
210
00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:16,490
And I'm trying
to get a show off the ground.
211
00:08:16,533 --> 00:08:18,843
My friend, Bill Lawrence--
he created "Spin City,"
212
00:08:18,883 --> 00:08:21,893
"Scrubs," "Ted Lasso."
213
00:08:21,930 --> 00:08:23,760
I get to work with almost
whoever I want to, right?
214
00:08:23,801 --> 00:08:25,851
And yet, still, even for me,
215
00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:27,720
there's certain people
that are elusive.
216
00:08:27,762 --> 00:08:29,112
George Clooney--
217
00:08:29,154 --> 00:08:30,944
I've always wanted to actually
work with him.
218
00:08:30,982 --> 00:08:33,382
Also can't seem to make working
with Nikki Glaser happen.
219
00:08:33,419 --> 00:08:34,549
So it's like--
- [laughs]
220
00:08:34,595 --> 00:08:36,505
I have something
in common with Clooney?
221
00:08:36,553 --> 00:08:37,903
Do you think,
though, that the project
222
00:08:37,946 --> 00:08:39,686
that we're kind
of talking about--
223
00:08:39,730 --> 00:08:41,560
Do I think it'll happen
if you live in St. Louis?
224
00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,212
- Yeah.
- I always tell people,
225
00:08:43,255 --> 00:08:45,205
if you're thinking about diving
into something,
226
00:08:45,257 --> 00:08:47,647
diving into a show,
diving into a movie, okay?
227
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,305
Your career is at a place,
228
00:08:49,348 --> 00:08:51,258
as long as you don't get caught
in the permanence of it,
229
00:08:51,307 --> 00:08:52,867
right now you can live
in St. Louis.
230
00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:54,697
- Yeah.
- Everybody out here
231
00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:57,005
puts this feeling
of permanence on it.
232
00:08:57,052 --> 00:08:58,532
It's like, "I don't know--what
if my whole life's ruined?"
233
00:08:58,575 --> 00:09:00,705
I'm like, "Well, then you sell
your place and move back.
234
00:09:00,751 --> 00:09:01,971
Yeah, what are you doing?"
235
00:09:02,013 --> 00:09:03,713
The project
I'm working on with Bill
236
00:09:03,754 --> 00:09:05,234
is one that my friend
Jamie Lee,
237
00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:07,367
who is a writer on "Ted Lasso,"
came up with.
238
00:09:07,410 --> 00:09:09,110
And I can't go into details,
239
00:09:09,151 --> 00:09:12,241
but it involves her and I
as the stars of this show.
240
00:09:12,284 --> 00:09:15,034
I'm not gonna not do
this show with you
241
00:09:15,070 --> 00:09:17,030
'cause you live in St. Louis,
'cause I know you'll move back
242
00:09:17,072 --> 00:09:18,512
when you have to.
- Yes.
243
00:09:18,552 --> 00:09:20,682
I've never done
scripted entertainment before,
244
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:23,078
but because Bill Lawrence
believes in me,
245
00:09:23,121 --> 00:09:25,381
I'm just like,
"I must be good enough,"
246
00:09:25,428 --> 00:09:27,688
because he knows
better than I do--I know that.
247
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,255
As long as you accept
248
00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:33,311
that in the inevitable peaks
and valleys of your career,
249
00:09:33,349 --> 00:09:35,389
in the peaks, you can be
wherever you want,
250
00:09:35,438 --> 00:09:37,608
and in the valleys, you have to
be here
251
00:09:37,658 --> 00:09:38,918
and do whatever you want.
- Okay.
252
00:09:38,963 --> 00:09:40,273
- Does that make sense?
- Yeah.
253
00:09:40,312 --> 00:09:42,452
It means a lot to me,
and I really--
254
00:09:42,488 --> 00:09:43,838
I cherish our friendship.
255
00:09:43,881 --> 00:09:45,621
And even though I really
appreciate having you
256
00:09:45,666 --> 00:09:47,146
in my life,
I'm not going to St. Louis.
257
00:09:47,189 --> 00:09:49,579
I'm not going to St. Louis,
no matter what.
258
00:09:49,626 --> 00:09:51,016
Thank you, Bill.
259
00:09:52,324 --> 00:09:53,464
I want it all.
260
00:09:53,499 --> 00:09:54,719
Career, dogs.
261
00:09:54,762 --> 00:09:56,372
- Birds.
- Birds.
262
00:09:56,415 --> 00:09:58,025
Kids. Husband.
263
00:09:58,069 --> 00:09:59,639
Friends.
264
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,860
[both laugh]
265
00:10:01,899 --> 00:10:06,209
♪
266
00:10:06,251 --> 00:10:08,911
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
267
00:10:08,950 --> 00:10:10,390
Come on in, Heather.
- Look at you.
268
00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:12,779
You go in there--I want
to be closer to the edamame.
269
00:10:12,823 --> 00:10:15,573
Tony, can I order?
- Yeah, of course.
270
00:10:15,609 --> 00:10:17,519
I'll do
the crispy ones, yeah.
271
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:19,997
- Actually, do two of those.
- I'm gonna do shishitos.
272
00:10:20,048 --> 00:10:21,878
- Shishitos.
- The seaweed salad.
273
00:10:21,919 --> 00:10:23,619
You got the salad section.
274
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:24,840
Let's have some fun.
275
00:10:24,879 --> 00:10:26,659
- Thank you.
- Got it. You're welcome.
276
00:10:26,707 --> 00:10:29,267
America's favorite
Midwest comic.
277
00:10:29,318 --> 00:10:32,018
It's a niche, but...
- [laughs]
278
00:10:32,060 --> 00:10:33,980
We want you here.
We want you here.
279
00:10:34,018 --> 00:10:36,108
I used to only hang out
with comedians
280
00:10:36,151 --> 00:10:38,981
every single night of my life
for the past 17 years.
281
00:10:39,023 --> 00:10:40,903
So, until I moved back
to St. Louis,
282
00:10:40,938 --> 00:10:42,638
that was all I knew.
283
00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:47,339
Yeah, you should be out here,
mostly to hang out, but also...
284
00:10:47,379 --> 00:10:50,599
Actually, no other reason.
[laughter]
285
00:10:50,644 --> 00:10:52,524
But as much as I love seeing
my friends and, like,
286
00:10:52,558 --> 00:10:54,388
getting a lot of work done
and feeling productive,
287
00:10:54,430 --> 00:10:57,000
there's a part of me
that's missing being at home
288
00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,831
in a way that I haven't
felt before.
289
00:10:59,870 --> 00:11:03,830
Okay, I feel like most
people in sha-biz
290
00:11:03,874 --> 00:11:05,834
are, like, kind of unhappy.
291
00:11:05,876 --> 00:11:07,836
But I'm serious
when I say that you're one
292
00:11:07,878 --> 00:11:09,268
of the most even-keeled people
I know.
293
00:11:09,314 --> 00:11:12,934
Do you think
that's because you are single?
294
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:16,370
Well, it's always
"grass is greener" syndrome.
295
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:17,798
Yeah.
296
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,455
Some people are bluffing it
when they're happy,
297
00:11:19,498 --> 00:11:21,538
and it's all for those photos
and you just watch them fight,
298
00:11:21,587 --> 00:11:23,717
and you go, "Goddamn,
they hate each other."
299
00:11:23,764 --> 00:11:26,854
But I think being single is
hard to switch and be married.
300
00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:28,417
And I think being married,
301
00:11:28,464 --> 00:11:30,604
the idea of being single
is very tough.
302
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:31,860
You're right.
303
00:11:31,902 --> 00:11:33,032
Because they go,
"What am I gonna do--
304
00:11:33,077 --> 00:11:34,777
go to clubs every night?"
305
00:11:34,818 --> 00:11:36,778
I'm starting
to think the grass is browner.
306
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:39,390
- [laughing]
- That's hilarious.
307
00:11:39,431 --> 00:11:41,221
I run into,
where guys are like,
308
00:11:41,259 --> 00:11:42,699
"It's whatever
you want it to be."
309
00:11:42,739 --> 00:11:44,919
And I'm like, "No, no, no.
I want you to want me."
310
00:11:44,959 --> 00:11:46,829
'Cause with my ex-boyfriend,
he's like,
311
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,224
"All right, cool,
whatever you want."
312
00:11:48,266 --> 00:11:50,006
And I'm like, "I want you
to be the one to be like,
313
00:11:50,051 --> 00:11:51,401
'Be my girlfriend.'"
314
00:11:51,443 --> 00:11:53,493
It scares me that Chris
is never definitive
315
00:11:53,532 --> 00:11:54,802
about what he wants.
316
00:11:54,838 --> 00:11:57,668
When we were together in L.A.,
he still kept
317
00:11:57,711 --> 00:11:59,841
his apartment just in case
things didn't work out.
318
00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,847
And then we broke up.
319
00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:03,589
You don't want to be
a shoulder shrugger.
320
00:12:03,629 --> 00:12:06,019
I don't want a guy that's
just like, "I mean, yeah."
321
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,627
Shortly after that breakup,
322
00:12:07,677 --> 00:12:09,067
I had to leave town
323
00:12:09,113 --> 00:12:10,993
because I just needed, like,
start anew.
324
00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:14,508
So there is something
about commitment that makes
325
00:12:14,553 --> 00:12:16,163
the other person,
326
00:12:16,207 --> 00:12:19,777
whether it's your leasing
company or your girlfriend,
327
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,820
feel safe.
328
00:12:21,865 --> 00:12:23,995
How do you feel about feelings,
being asked by your feelings?
329
00:12:24,041 --> 00:12:25,831
I don't even
like the question.
330
00:12:25,869 --> 00:12:27,389
[laughing]
331
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:34,489
[upbeat music]
332
00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:36,050
This is what I used to do
as a kid.
333
00:12:36,097 --> 00:12:39,007
I even knew as a kid that
I needed to keep my face young.
334
00:12:39,056 --> 00:12:40,576
You know
how I would lay out, honestly?
335
00:12:40,623 --> 00:12:42,673
If I was, like,
in Miami or something
336
00:12:42,712 --> 00:12:44,152
and I had to take my shirt off,
337
00:12:44,192 --> 00:12:48,072
I would lay on my stomach
for, like, 95% of the time.
338
00:12:48,109 --> 00:12:50,549
Wait, do you still leave
on your shirt with Brenna?
339
00:12:50,589 --> 00:12:53,979
I don't know. Lately, I haven't
been thrilled with my body.
340
00:12:54,028 --> 00:12:56,598
I'm like, "Let's do candlelight
for the shower."
341
00:12:56,639 --> 00:12:58,339
And you only want
to have sex in the shower
342
00:12:58,380 --> 00:12:59,950
'cause it's
dimmer light in there?
343
00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:01,340
I don't know.
344
00:13:01,383 --> 00:13:03,083
Who likes to have sex
in the bright daylight?
345
00:13:03,124 --> 00:13:05,134
Yeah, the other night
Chris filmed us
346
00:13:05,169 --> 00:13:06,689
doing some stuff,
and I was like,
347
00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:10,346
"I don't want
to see that side of myself."
348
00:13:10,392 --> 00:13:13,792
And then I saw it,
and I was like, "That's me?
349
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:15,350
That's my best side."
350
00:13:15,397 --> 00:13:17,567
I was like,
"Now when people are like,
351
00:13:17,616 --> 00:13:19,176
'Which side do you
want to stand on?'
352
00:13:19,227 --> 00:13:21,187
I'll just bend over
and spread my cheeks."
353
00:13:21,229 --> 00:13:23,139
- [chuckles]
- I'm gonna call Chris.
354
00:13:23,187 --> 00:13:24,487
Please don't mention it.
355
00:13:24,536 --> 00:13:26,356
I don't want him
knowing that I told you that.
356
00:13:26,408 --> 00:13:28,628
I was gonna talk about it.
[laughs]
357
00:13:28,671 --> 00:13:29,721
[line trilling]
358
00:13:29,759 --> 00:13:31,199
Hi.
359
00:13:31,239 --> 00:13:32,199
[laughing]
What are you doing?
360
00:13:32,240 --> 00:13:34,810
I'm laying out.
It's Cali, baby.
361
00:13:34,851 --> 00:13:36,641
Yeah, you are. Oh man.
362
00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:38,899
It's like a 1950s swimsuit.
363
00:13:38,942 --> 00:13:42,472
Like, I'm, like,
Marilyn Monroe style.
364
00:13:42,511 --> 00:13:44,381
Yeah, you look
like a pinup girl.
365
00:13:44,426 --> 00:13:46,856
- Yes, that's right. Thank you.
- And I like it.
366
00:13:46,907 --> 00:13:50,207
It just went from,
like, 70 degrees to, like, 55.
367
00:13:50,258 --> 00:13:53,218
- Oh. Andrew's here.
- How are you?
368
00:13:53,261 --> 00:13:56,261
- I'm just yo-yo'ing.
- Yeah, you are.
369
00:13:56,307 --> 00:13:59,087
- I'm bringing it back.
- Do you yo-yo?
370
00:13:59,136 --> 00:14:01,836
- Do I yo-yo?
- Have you yo-yo'd?
371
00:14:01,878 --> 00:14:04,048
I want nothing
to do with this yo-yo joke.
372
00:14:04,098 --> 00:14:05,928
- [laughs]
- I wish you were here.
373
00:14:05,969 --> 00:14:07,409
You're so handsome.
374
00:14:07,449 --> 00:14:09,149
You are.
I mean, you know what I mean.
375
00:14:09,190 --> 00:14:11,060
No, a woman can be handsome.
376
00:14:11,105 --> 00:14:12,235
Okay,
then you're handso--
377
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:13,890
Well, no,
you're better than that.
378
00:14:13,934 --> 00:14:15,114
Okay, thank you.
379
00:14:15,152 --> 00:14:16,722
I do love Nikki.
380
00:14:16,762 --> 00:14:18,812
And, like, when things
are good, it's amazing.
381
00:14:18,852 --> 00:14:20,202
It's the best.
It's so much fun.
382
00:14:20,244 --> 00:14:21,774
I'm gonna screenshot
your face
383
00:14:21,811 --> 00:14:23,071
'cause you're such a cutie.
384
00:14:23,117 --> 00:14:25,247
Yes! Mwah.
- Don't do it.
385
00:14:25,293 --> 00:14:27,253
I'm gonna drown
in the pool right now.
386
00:14:27,295 --> 00:14:29,115
But, like, we've broken up
387
00:14:29,166 --> 00:14:31,816
and gotten back together
100 times,
388
00:14:31,865 --> 00:14:34,385
and 99 of those times
she would have been, like,
389
00:14:34,432 --> 00:14:36,042
"I was ready to get married
390
00:14:36,086 --> 00:14:37,566
and spend the rest
of my life with you."
391
00:14:37,609 --> 00:14:39,349
I can't wait
to kiss your face.
392
00:14:39,394 --> 00:14:40,964
Aw.
Look at you.
393
00:14:41,004 --> 00:14:42,924
You can try now--I'll get
really close to the camera.
394
00:14:42,963 --> 00:14:44,573
Mmm-wah!
395
00:14:44,616 --> 00:14:46,916
We've thought we were
ready for more before,
396
00:14:46,967 --> 00:14:48,227
and we were wrong.
397
00:14:48,272 --> 00:14:49,972
Are we were wrong this time?
398
00:14:50,013 --> 00:14:51,583
[goofy voice]
I don't know.
399
00:14:51,623 --> 00:14:53,153
[normal voice]
All right, I miss you.
400
00:14:53,190 --> 00:14:54,840
- I miss you, too.
- You guys have fun-fun.
401
00:14:54,888 --> 00:14:56,668
- All right. [laughs]
- Yo-yo!
402
00:14:56,715 --> 00:14:58,625
I got to run.
Here comes the po-po.
403
00:14:58,674 --> 00:15:00,204
[laughs].
404
00:15:00,241 --> 00:15:05,681
♪
405
00:15:05,724 --> 00:15:07,864
So this is Laurel Canyon, Andrew.
406
00:15:07,901 --> 00:15:09,211
Oh, nice.
407
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:11,080
This is where, like,
you know, Joni Mitchell
408
00:15:11,121 --> 00:15:12,561
wrote something once.
409
00:15:12,601 --> 00:15:14,861
[laughter]
410
00:15:14,908 --> 00:15:18,478
All right, let's get that
enthusiastic L.A. energy up.
411
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,830
Give it up for Nikki Glaser,
everybody!
412
00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:22,000
[cheers and applause]
413
00:15:22,045 --> 00:15:23,955
Hi, guys, how are you?
414
00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:25,484
When I used to live in L.A.
415
00:15:25,527 --> 00:15:27,827
and was doing multiple spots
every single night,
416
00:15:27,877 --> 00:15:28,967
I loved it.
417
00:15:29,009 --> 00:15:30,139
It was the dream.
418
00:15:30,184 --> 00:15:32,014
My vagina
collects toilet paper,
419
00:15:32,055 --> 00:15:34,445
like, more than the average.
420
00:15:34,492 --> 00:15:38,322
Just finely rolled joints,
like, the most--
421
00:15:38,366 --> 00:15:40,316
Like, I'm so impressed
422
00:15:40,368 --> 00:15:42,498
with how perfectly
they're rolled.
423
00:15:42,544 --> 00:15:45,724
I'm like, "Is my pussy
the Wu-Tang Clan?"
424
00:15:45,764 --> 00:15:48,034
When I first started comedy,
I remember one night
425
00:15:48,071 --> 00:15:51,031
I was onstage, and they kept
yelling to take my shirt off.
426
00:15:51,074 --> 00:15:52,474
Before I go on a date,
I, like, scour it.
427
00:15:52,510 --> 00:15:54,380
Like, I'll go page by page,
and I'll try to--
428
00:15:54,425 --> 00:15:55,595
Sometimes I don't get
through it all.
429
00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:57,694
And I ended up
running offstage,
430
00:15:57,733 --> 00:16:02,003
and I hid in the storage closet
and called my mom crying
431
00:16:02,042 --> 00:16:06,742
while sitting on a, you know,
a gigantic can of tomato paste.
432
00:16:08,309 --> 00:16:10,179
Make some noise
for Nikki Glaser!
433
00:16:10,224 --> 00:16:13,014
[cheers and applause]
434
00:16:13,053 --> 00:16:14,883
Nikki Glaser!
435
00:16:14,924 --> 00:16:16,974
So it feels really good
436
00:16:17,013 --> 00:16:20,893
to have a crowd, like, erupt
in, like, applause.
437
00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:22,190
I have to go, you guys.
438
00:16:22,236 --> 00:16:24,366
Thank you very much.
Thank you guys very much.
439
00:16:24,412 --> 00:16:25,852
I have to go.
Thank you guys very much.
440
00:16:25,891 --> 00:16:28,721
That's my time.
[cheers and applause]
441
00:16:28,764 --> 00:16:30,074
Thank you.
442
00:16:30,113 --> 00:16:32,683
But as good
as I feel right now,
443
00:16:32,724 --> 00:16:35,084
it's never going to be
as satisfying
444
00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:37,428
as being with people that,
like, love you no matter what,
445
00:16:37,468 --> 00:16:39,078
which is what I have
in St. Louis.
446
00:16:39,122 --> 00:16:40,912
I cannot go back to this life.
447
00:16:40,950 --> 00:16:44,560
But I need Chris to actually
pursue our relationship
448
00:16:44,606 --> 00:16:47,906
and work towards marriage
and kids and...
449
00:16:47,957 --> 00:16:49,517
weekly owl prowls.
450
00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:50,997
- Good show.
- Yay, thank you.
451
00:16:51,047 --> 00:16:52,177
So good.
452
00:16:52,222 --> 00:16:54,362
But, like,
also with, like, hot sex.
453
00:16:54,398 --> 00:16:57,488
Holy----, I am tired.
454
00:17:02,058 --> 00:17:04,968
[upbeat music]
455
00:17:05,018 --> 00:17:08,978
♪
456
00:17:09,022 --> 00:17:11,462
Every time I get in a plaza,
I want to do,
457
00:17:11,502 --> 00:17:14,552
like, Peter Venkman
in "Ghostbusters."
458
00:17:14,592 --> 00:17:17,602
- I've never seen that movie.
- Bad reference, then.
459
00:17:17,639 --> 00:17:20,029
Hi.
460
00:17:20,076 --> 00:17:21,596
When Nikki goes out of town,
461
00:17:21,643 --> 00:17:23,473
you get that little hint
of like,
462
00:17:23,514 --> 00:17:26,344
"I miss--I'm missing Glaze."
463
00:17:26,387 --> 00:17:28,217
Wait, look at these I got us.
464
00:17:28,258 --> 00:17:29,828
These are masks
so we can see each other.
465
00:17:29,868 --> 00:17:31,518
This is the dumbest thing
I've ever seen.
466
00:17:31,566 --> 00:17:32,916
We're like doctors...
467
00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:35,308
- We're not like doctors.
- Or, like, sociopaths.
468
00:17:35,352 --> 00:17:38,662
And her coming back
is like a--
469
00:17:38,703 --> 00:17:39,793
[insect buzzing]
470
00:17:39,835 --> 00:17:41,835
[buzzing stops]
471
00:17:41,880 --> 00:17:43,060
Um...
472
00:17:43,099 --> 00:17:44,099
it's a bit of a celebration.
473
00:17:44,144 --> 00:17:45,974
I love this place
more than I love
474
00:17:46,015 --> 00:17:47,495
basically everything.
475
00:17:47,538 --> 00:17:50,888
- Give me an Arch fact.
- It is 630 feet high.
476
00:17:50,933 --> 00:17:53,113
Do you know how wide it is?
477
00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:56,333
Um, 36, 25, 34.
478
00:17:56,373 --> 00:17:58,203
That's the Nelly song.
479
00:17:58,245 --> 00:18:00,155
Didn't he give
the Arch measurements?
480
00:18:00,203 --> 00:18:02,953
- No, it's not that.
- Oh.
481
00:18:02,988 --> 00:18:04,118
I love these pods.
482
00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:05,994
The things we
would do in here.
483
00:18:06,035 --> 00:18:09,035
Don't ever forget what we
did on Magic Mount--
484
00:18:09,082 --> 00:18:11,652
Was it Magic Mountain?
485
00:18:11,693 --> 00:18:15,093
both: Splash Mountain.
- [laughs]
486
00:18:15,131 --> 00:18:16,961
You want to lay up there?
- Yes.
487
00:18:21,833 --> 00:18:23,233
[both laughing]
488
00:18:25,228 --> 00:18:28,318
[both laughing]
489
00:18:31,191 --> 00:18:33,801
- This is so cool.
- Just feel it.
490
00:18:33,845 --> 00:18:35,925
- Can you feel the heartbeat?
- You're hot.
491
00:18:35,978 --> 00:18:37,368
You really are.
492
00:18:37,414 --> 00:18:40,374
But you are peaking.
- [laughs]
493
00:18:40,417 --> 00:18:42,417
I feel like we're peaking.
494
00:18:42,463 --> 00:18:45,513
It feels really good.
I liked that therapy.
495
00:18:45,553 --> 00:18:48,163
I got to say, like, it was
nice, and I want to go back.
496
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:49,248
- Yeah.
- Would you go back?
497
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,426
Yeah.
No, I thought it was great.
498
00:18:50,471 --> 00:18:52,471
I couldn't be happier.
499
00:18:52,516 --> 00:18:57,216
It just feels like we're
heading towards being together.
500
00:18:57,260 --> 00:18:59,780
And when--
- Forever.
501
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,348
Yeah, I mean,
I'm a 40-year-old man.
502
00:19:03,397 --> 00:19:04,917
I don't want to waste
your time.
503
00:19:04,963 --> 00:19:07,183
And so, yeah, I mean,
we're having so much fun.
504
00:19:07,227 --> 00:19:10,097
You're a big reason of why
I would want to live here
505
00:19:10,143 --> 00:19:11,193
or stay here.
506
00:19:11,231 --> 00:19:12,451
You want to stay here?
507
00:19:12,493 --> 00:19:14,973
If we ended up together,
of course.
508
00:19:15,017 --> 00:19:16,497
I could stay here.
509
00:19:16,540 --> 00:19:19,240
It would just be awesome.
510
00:19:19,282 --> 00:19:22,072
What are you doing?
- Nothing.
511
00:19:22,111 --> 00:19:24,071
Oh, God.
512
00:19:24,113 --> 00:19:25,333
Well...
513
00:19:25,984 --> 00:19:28,814
[both laughing]
514
00:19:28,857 --> 00:19:31,947
I know it's not
the best time for this, but...
515
00:19:33,731 --> 00:19:35,521
[laughs]
516
00:19:35,559 --> 00:19:38,129
♪
517
00:19:38,171 --> 00:19:40,221
Oh, my God. Yes.
518
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:41,260
Oh, my God.
519
00:19:41,304 --> 00:19:43,264
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
520
00:19:43,306 --> 00:19:44,346
Yes.
521
00:19:44,394 --> 00:19:46,744
---, yes.
522
00:19:46,788 --> 00:19:49,178
Will you be
my emergency contact?
523
00:19:49,225 --> 00:19:51,785
♪
524
00:19:51,836 --> 00:19:54,096
You got to start somewhere.
525
00:19:54,143 --> 00:19:57,363
Yes. I will.
I will.
526
00:20:00,062 --> 00:20:02,062
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.
527
00:20:02,107 --> 00:20:03,107
[laughs]
528
00:20:03,152 --> 00:20:04,282
I was just about to say,
529
00:20:04,327 --> 00:20:05,807
you're gonna get a lot of calls
530
00:20:05,850 --> 00:20:07,940
from the hair replacement
clinic for men.
531
00:20:07,983 --> 00:20:11,293
[laughs]
It's not that bad.
532
00:20:11,334 --> 00:20:12,944
Oh, God.
- Ah!
533
00:20:12,988 --> 00:20:15,248
[both laughing]
534
00:20:15,295 --> 00:20:18,165
It might not look like it,
but this moment is huge for us.
535
00:20:18,211 --> 00:20:21,691
I think my first plan of action
is to get that sex dungeon
536
00:20:21,736 --> 00:20:24,256
that Chris and I have talked
so much about
537
00:20:24,304 --> 00:20:25,744
under construction.
538
00:20:25,783 --> 00:20:28,093
Let's go.
- All right.
539
00:20:28,133 --> 00:20:31,493
Oh, Jesus Christ.
540
00:20:31,528 --> 00:20:35,318
You're a strong woman.
- Mm.
541
00:20:35,358 --> 00:20:38,098
The future for us
has never looked better.
542
00:20:38,143 --> 00:20:40,103
So I'm at least there
for another six months.
543
00:20:40,145 --> 00:20:42,315
You, me and Nelly.
544
00:20:42,365 --> 00:20:43,845
And the Arch.
545
00:20:43,888 --> 00:20:45,278
And the Owl Man.
546
00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:48,455
And Kirsten sometimes.
- Yes.
547
00:20:48,502 --> 00:20:50,942
Some people go,
548
00:20:50,982 --> 00:20:53,162
"Oh, you'll know
when it's the right person
549
00:20:53,202 --> 00:20:54,552
'cause it's just easy."
550
00:20:54,595 --> 00:20:57,985
This is not easy, but I like
things that are hard.
551
00:20:58,033 --> 00:20:59,343
Have you noticed?
552
00:20:59,382 --> 00:21:01,782
And he's hard.
Are you right now?
553
00:21:01,819 --> 00:21:04,429
- Oh, Glaze, come on.
- Sorry.
554
00:21:04,474 --> 00:21:06,084
What a gal.
555
00:21:06,128 --> 00:21:09,128
Let's go get a room.
[both laughing]
41123
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