All language subtitles for F Troop S02E25 Only One Russian Is Coming. Only One Russian Is Coming.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.WB
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1
00:00:03,020 --> 00:00:04,380
I wanna thank you for arranging
2
00:00:04,404 --> 00:00:05,665
this three-day pass for me.
3
00:00:05,689 --> 00:00:07,367
Ah, forget it, buddy.
You deserve it.
4
00:00:07,391 --> 00:00:08,952
Yeah, I guess
you're right, sarge.
5
00:00:08,976 --> 00:00:11,021
The life of a horse
soldier is pretty tough.
6
00:00:11,045 --> 00:00:14,307
Drilling the men, keeping
the horses and the tack clean.
7
00:00:14,331 --> 00:00:16,376
Then there's
always the dusty trail.
8
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,812
What dusty trail are
you talking about?
9
00:00:18,836 --> 00:00:21,013
You spend most of your
time sleeping in your bunk.
10
00:00:21,037 --> 00:00:23,500
Yeah, I know that, but when I
sleep, I keep my windows open,
11
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,602
and a lot of dust
from the trail comes in.
12
00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:28,171
I'm glad I caught you before
the stage arrived, Agarn.
13
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:29,389
What's up, Dobbs?
14
00:00:29,413 --> 00:00:31,057
Well, I got a couple
things I'd like you
15
00:00:31,081 --> 00:00:32,675
to bring back for
me from Dodge City.
16
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,228
Are you kidding? He's not going
to Dodge to do your shopping.
17
00:00:35,252 --> 00:00:37,563
He's got a three-day
pass to relax and unwind.
18
00:00:37,587 --> 00:00:38,582
From what?
19
00:00:38,606 --> 00:00:39,699
The dusty trail.
20
00:00:39,723 --> 00:00:40,950
Thanks, sarge.
21
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,019
Well, Agarn, if you'd
close your window...
22
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,988
I'm warning you, Dobbs!
23
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,039
Agarn, while you're in Dodge,
24
00:00:47,063 --> 00:00:48,808
will you pick me up
a couple of things?
25
00:00:48,832 --> 00:00:51,110
Duffy...
26
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,946
he's not doing any
shopping for you.
27
00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,482
He's going there to
relax from the dusty trail.
28
00:00:55,506 --> 00:00:57,617
I'm warning you, Dobbs!
29
00:00:57,641 --> 00:01:00,670
My buddies at the Alamo
used to shop for me.
30
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:04,157
I remember when Davy
Crockett had a three-day pass.
31
00:01:04,181 --> 00:01:05,342
Forget it, Duffy.
32
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,176
Corporal Agarn, would
you bring me back
33
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,528
a few things from Dodge City?
34
00:01:08,552 --> 00:01:10,730
I am not Corporal Agarn,
that's Corporal Agarn,
35
00:01:10,754 --> 00:01:12,732
and he's not gonna
bring you back anything.
36
00:01:12,756 --> 00:01:14,300
But my watch is ready.
37
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,086
Vandy, you don't need a watch.
38
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:19,005
You can't see the time
on a grandfather clock.
39
00:01:19,029 --> 00:01:20,156
Now, forget it, men.
40
00:01:20,180 --> 00:01:22,024
He's not gonna do any
shopping for anybody,
41
00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:23,009
and that's an order.
42
00:01:23,033 --> 00:01:24,494
Thanks a lot, anytime you...
43
00:01:24,518 --> 00:01:27,163
How do you like that?
44
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,800
Sarge, the way you
look after me is...
45
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,369
just the sweetest
thing in the whole world.
46
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:34,871
Well, what's a buddy for?
47
00:01:35,896 --> 00:01:39,209
Now, here...
few things that I...
48
00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:40,559
want you to bring back for me.
49
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:41,611
That figures.
50
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,196
This is for O'Rourke
Enterprises.
51
00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:44,998
We need some new
beer mugs for the saloon,
52
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,616
some new pipe
for the whiskey still.
53
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,117
I'll take care of everything.
54
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:49,603
At least, I don't
let anybody else
55
00:01:49,627 --> 00:01:50,987
take advantage of you, huh?
56
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:54,557
You know, I never
looked at it that way.
57
00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:56,275
Corporal Agarn.
Oh, captain, sir.
58
00:01:56,299 --> 00:01:58,444
I'm glad I got to say
goodbye to you before you left.
59
00:01:58,468 --> 00:01:59,595
Oh, thank you, sir.
60
00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,082
Now, I want you to just
have fun in Dodge City.
61
00:02:02,106 --> 00:02:04,817
And forget all about F
Troop for the next three days.
62
00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:07,119
The bigger the rank...
63
00:02:07,143 --> 00:02:08,554
the bigger they are in here.
64
00:02:09,597 --> 00:02:11,124
Oh, I almost forgot.
65
00:02:11,148 --> 00:02:13,593
Corporal, would
you mind picking up
66
00:02:13,617 --> 00:02:15,629
a few things for me
while you're in Dodge?
67
00:02:15,653 --> 00:02:17,797
It would be his
great pleasure, sir.
68
00:02:17,821 --> 00:02:20,301
I could have said that!
69
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:27,290
Whoa, ho.
70
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,708
Well, have a good time, buddy.
71
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:30,026
Thanks, sarge.
72
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:32,095
Don't lose your heart
to those dancehall girls.
73
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,463
No chance of that, captain,
74
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:36,121
unless they're dancing
in the general store.
75
00:02:37,107 --> 00:02:39,586
There, there. Well, here we go.
76
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,521
All right, Slim.
77
00:02:41,545 --> 00:02:42,939
Okay, sarge. Take it away.
78
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,880
Come on, giddyup, giddyup.
79
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,063
Wilton!
80
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:52,365
The Russians are coming,
the Russians are coming.
81
00:02:52,389 --> 00:02:53,749
What are you talking about?
82
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,507
Well, read this.
83
00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:00,390
Uh, Jane, only one
Russian is coming.
84
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:03,643
Headquarters says that
a Colonel Dmitri Agarnoff
85
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:06,729
of the Imperial Russian Cavalry
is coming to observe F Troop.
86
00:03:06,753 --> 00:03:08,431
And we're to extend
him all courtesies.
87
00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:09,449
Oh, yes, sir.
88
00:03:09,473 --> 00:03:11,784
I bet he's one of
those Cossacks.
89
00:03:11,808 --> 00:03:15,071
I understand they're
very dashing and romantic.
90
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:17,072
Jane, that's Russian propaganda.
91
00:03:17,096 --> 00:03:20,994
Well, I've read that they're the
greatest horsemen in the world.
92
00:03:21,018 --> 00:03:22,329
That is another legend.
93
00:03:22,353 --> 00:03:25,815
You can bet me that the
lowliest private in the cavalry
94
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,768
is just as good a rider
as any Russian Cossack.
95
00:03:28,792 --> 00:03:30,742
Captain, look.
96
00:03:39,803 --> 00:03:43,054
Tovarisch, I am here!
97
00:04:33,423 --> 00:04:36,152
Y-you must be Colonel Agarnoff.
98
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:40,072
No, no, captain, that's
pronounced Agarnoff.
99
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:44,177
I can't get over it. You look
exactly like Corporal Agarn.
100
00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:47,530
He's my cousin. I came here
to pay him a surprise visit.
101
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:49,131
I'm afraid the
surprise is on you.
102
00:04:49,155 --> 00:04:50,850
Your cousin left for Dodge City.
103
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:54,687
And who is this
charming young lady?
104
00:04:54,711 --> 00:04:56,239
I'm Wrangler Jane.
105
00:04:56,263 --> 00:04:58,708
What a charming name.
106
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,961
I said, your cousin
just left for Dodge City.
107
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:03,896
I heard you, captain.
108
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,398
I'm sure if you
get on your horse,
109
00:05:05,422 --> 00:05:07,016
you can catch right
up with the stage.
110
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:09,018
I know you Cossacks
are great riders.
111
00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,387
We are also great walkers.
112
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,723
Would you be so kind
as to show me around?
113
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:17,227
I'd be delighted, colonel.
114
00:05:17,251 --> 00:05:20,396
But, colonel, he'll
be gone three days.
115
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,598
Captain, I assure
you that three days
116
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,433
will not matter to the czar.
117
00:05:24,457 --> 00:05:29,060
The czarina, yes. She
absolutely adores me.
118
00:05:31,581 --> 00:05:33,559
That Agarn has really
got some kind of a family.
119
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:35,077
First, we get a
cousin from Mexico
120
00:05:35,101 --> 00:05:38,915
and then one from Canada
and now this one from Russia.
121
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:41,000
I can't wait to see
the next one to arrive.
122
00:05:41,024 --> 00:05:43,475
I can't wait to
see this one leave.
123
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,246
Come in.
124
00:05:53,270 --> 00:05:57,650
Sergeant, I was wondering if
you had seen Colonel Agarnoff.
125
00:05:57,674 --> 00:05:59,335
Yes, sir, just riding into town.
126
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,571
In town again? Yes, sir.
127
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,273
I thought he was sent
to observe F Troop.
128
00:06:03,297 --> 00:06:05,141
Well, I think he's a
little more interested
129
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:07,710
in observing Wrangler Jane, sir.
130
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:09,879
You know I have half
a mind to write a note
131
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:11,064
to Moscow and report him.
132
00:06:11,088 --> 00:06:12,665
I don't think the
czar would like it.
133
00:06:12,689 --> 00:06:15,467
Well, I don't think the czarina
would like it very much either.
134
00:06:15,491 --> 00:06:17,703
After all, if I were
sent to Moscow
135
00:06:17,727 --> 00:06:19,305
to observe the Imperial Cavalry,
136
00:06:19,329 --> 00:06:22,141
I wouldn't spend all my
time with Wrangler Olga.
137
00:06:22,165 --> 00:06:24,344
Maybe you ought to
explain to the colonel, sir,
138
00:06:24,368 --> 00:06:26,796
that Wrangler
Jane is your fiancée.
139
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:29,132
Well, there's no point
explaining it to the colonel
140
00:06:29,156 --> 00:06:32,251
when I've never really
explained it to Jane.
141
00:06:32,275 --> 00:06:35,704
Oh, uh, he's riding
in right now, sir.
142
00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:39,059
Oh, is the showoff
standing up in his saddle?
143
00:06:39,083 --> 00:06:40,643
Sure, he's sitting
in his saddle.
144
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:41,778
Good.
145
00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:43,629
And Wrangler Jane
is sitting in his lap.
146
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,286
She's sitting in...
147
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:48,317
Are you all right, sir?
148
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,158
I'm fine, I'm fine.
149
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:55,941
Well, what a pleasant
surprise to see you.
150
00:06:55,965 --> 00:06:57,126
Thank you, Wilton.
151
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,811
Not you, Jane. I
meant the colonel.
152
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,813
We haven't seen
much of him lately.
153
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:04,433
Jane and I have
been... very busy.
154
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,452
I'll bet.
155
00:07:05,476 --> 00:07:07,219
Wait 'till you see
the riding trick
156
00:07:07,243 --> 00:07:09,789
Dmitri taught me,
Wilton. Dmitri?
157
00:07:09,813 --> 00:07:12,408
Yes, he likes to be called that.
158
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,398
Look, Dmitri... Colonel!
159
00:07:15,452 --> 00:07:16,545
Colonel.
160
00:07:16,569 --> 00:07:18,264
I thought you
might like to observe
161
00:07:18,288 --> 00:07:20,266
our Indian
identification lecture.
162
00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:21,818
Some other time, captain.
163
00:07:21,842 --> 00:07:23,953
This afternoon I
promised to give Jane
164
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,873
some recipes for
genuine Russian dishes.
165
00:07:26,897 --> 00:07:30,226
I'm just dying to learn
how to make borscht.
166
00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:31,344
Borscht?
167
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:34,118
Yes, they eat it with
lots of sour cream.
168
00:07:35,405 --> 00:07:37,845
Show them the
trick I taught you.
169
00:07:38,758 --> 00:07:41,843
Remember what I've
taught you,
bublichki.
170
00:07:50,070 --> 00:07:52,353
Now, watch this, Wilton.
171
00:08:07,053 --> 00:08:08,381
How do you like that, Wilton?
172
00:08:08,405 --> 00:08:10,383
Oh, not bad, Jane.
173
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:14,520
Not bad? Ha! I hope
her borscht is that good.
174
00:08:14,544 --> 00:08:16,789
Come, Dmitri. We can't
waste the whole day here.
175
00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:20,342
But of course,
bublichki.
176
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:22,244
Oh, look, there's no
use crowding yourselves
177
00:08:22,268 --> 00:08:23,596
into one saddle.
178
00:08:23,620 --> 00:08:26,215
Why don't you take your own
horse? I had him groomed.
179
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,633
You're very kind, captain.
180
00:08:27,657 --> 00:08:31,404
This way, my dear, we
can both do my favorite trick.
181
00:08:31,428 --> 00:08:34,073
Was nice.
182
00:08:34,097 --> 00:08:36,565
Oh, that'll be fun, Dmitri.
183
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,673
If there's anything I
hate, it's two showoffs.
184
00:08:53,316 --> 00:08:54,910
I'm kind of ashamed
that you've never
185
00:08:54,934 --> 00:08:56,162
learned any trick riding.
186
00:08:56,186 --> 00:08:57,430
Me?
187
00:08:57,454 --> 00:09:00,232
I mean, the men of F Troop
would certainly be impressed.
188
00:09:00,256 --> 00:09:03,286
Yeah, she certainly would.
189
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,521
Uh, Wild Eagle said
190
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,756
that he has a great trick
rider up at the tribe, sir.
191
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,075
Do you think he would teach me?
192
00:09:09,099 --> 00:09:11,794
Just so I could show
off. I mean, for the men.
193
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:16,332
Oh, sure. You know Wild
Eagle he'd be glad to help out.
194
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:20,169
Smokey Bear
champion trick rider.
195
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,354
Him?
196
00:09:21,378 --> 00:09:24,974
Bring out my horse and
teach captain some tricks.
197
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,243
No, really, chief, I
can use my own horse.
198
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,479
Nothing too good
for paleface captain.
199
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,502
Now, that's very
nice of you, chief.
200
00:09:38,861 --> 00:09:40,673
That's your horse, chief?
201
00:09:40,697 --> 00:09:43,509
Chief not good at
big horse any more.
202
00:09:43,533 --> 00:09:45,344
Last time fell off.
203
00:09:45,368 --> 00:09:47,480
Sprained ankle, twisted knee,
204
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:50,633
broke my feathers
and everything.
205
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:53,102
You know, captain, it
might not be a bad idea
206
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,155
to start small and
work your way up.
207
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,212
You might be right at that.
208
00:10:01,701 --> 00:10:04,302
First, get on horse.
209
00:10:09,092 --> 00:10:11,804
Wilton, what are you
doing on that little pony?
210
00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:16,108
Maybe today is his birthday.
Who's taking his picture?
211
00:10:16,132 --> 00:10:19,162
No, no, we're here
on a military mission.
212
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,881
Yeah, the Army is
thinking of crossbreeding
213
00:10:21,905 --> 00:10:24,383
cavalry's horses
with these ponies.
214
00:10:24,407 --> 00:10:28,370
So that wounded soldiers won't
have so far when they fall off.
215
00:10:28,394 --> 00:10:30,889
And we won't have as many
casualties from troopers getting
216
00:10:30,913 --> 00:10:33,292
knocked out of their saddles
by low-hanging branches.
217
00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:36,079
Yeah, now, you just tell that
to your outfit when you go back.
218
00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:38,280
They'd never believe it.
219
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:40,266
What are you
doing up here, Jane?
220
00:10:40,290 --> 00:10:42,685
Well, Dmitri wanted
to see the Indian camp
221
00:10:42,709 --> 00:10:45,655
before we left for Russia.
222
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:48,173
Jane, you're going to Russia?
223
00:10:48,197 --> 00:10:51,560
Well, it looks that way,
Wilton. Dmitri has invited me.
224
00:10:51,584 --> 00:10:53,984
He wants me to meet his family.
225
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,731
They live in Minsk,
226
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:59,017
which is just a ruble's
throw from Pinsk.
227
00:10:59,041 --> 00:11:01,620
Well, in that case, I
hope the two of you
228
00:11:01,644 --> 00:11:03,511
will be very happy.
229
00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,135
Captain, you've
got the wrong horse.
230
00:11:21,364 --> 00:11:23,276
Janey, I want to talk to you.
231
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,711
Later, O'Rourke. I'm
a little busy right now.
232
00:11:25,735 --> 00:11:28,498
I'm cooking my first Russian
meal for Dmitri tonight.
233
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,382
That's what I want
to talk to you about.
234
00:11:30,406 --> 00:11:32,151
Let me tell you,
if you go to Minsk,
235
00:11:32,175 --> 00:11:34,020
which is a stone's
throw from Pinsk,
236
00:11:34,044 --> 00:11:35,304
you got rocks in your head.
237
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,791
Oh, really? Now,
let's see, borscht.
238
00:11:38,815 --> 00:11:41,511
Six beets, one large onion...
239
00:11:41,535 --> 00:11:43,496
Wait a minute, I know your game.
240
00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,148
You're just trying to make
Captain Parmenter jealous.
241
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:49,268
Well, now, what makes you
think I'm not serious about Dmitri?
242
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:50,519
Because I know women.
243
00:11:50,543 --> 00:11:51,737
Well, if you know women,
244
00:11:51,761 --> 00:11:53,055
how come you're not married?
245
00:11:53,079 --> 00:11:54,395
Because I know women.
246
00:11:55,582 --> 00:11:57,459
You seem to forget, sergeant,
247
00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:01,931
that Colonel Agarnoff comes from
a very important Russian family.
248
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,166
Why, they have a
summer home on the Volga
249
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:05,957
with their own boatman.
250
00:12:06,776 --> 00:12:08,854
Oh, come on now, Janey.
251
00:12:08,878 --> 00:12:11,940
You can't be serious
about this Dmitri guy.
252
00:12:11,964 --> 00:12:14,643
Why not? I think
he's very dashing.
253
00:12:14,667 --> 00:12:15,894
You think he's dashing
254
00:12:15,918 --> 00:12:17,996
just because he's the
first guy you ever saw
255
00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:19,665
who could dance sitting down.
256
00:12:19,689 --> 00:12:21,250
If you'll excuse me, O'Rourke,
257
00:12:21,274 --> 00:12:24,003
I've got to get some
meat for my Beef Agarnoff.
258
00:12:24,027 --> 00:12:25,972
Beef Agarnoff?
259
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:28,907
Like his mother used to make.
260
00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:31,065
Wait a minute, Janie.
261
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:41,320
Whoa. Hey, O'Rourke.
262
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,872
Your buddy Agarn's on the stage.
263
00:12:42,896 --> 00:12:44,429
Oh.
264
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,945
Agarn, Agarn.
265
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:51,702
Sarge, here I am.
266
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:55,818
What are you doing back here?
267
00:12:55,842 --> 00:12:57,269
Don't you remember, sarge?
268
00:12:57,293 --> 00:12:59,889
You gave me a list of things
to buy for you in Dodge.
269
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,073
It was either me or them.
270
00:13:01,097 --> 00:13:02,758
Well, come on,
we've got problems.
271
00:13:02,782 --> 00:13:05,044
Sarge, before we do
anything, I got to see captain.
272
00:13:05,068 --> 00:13:06,195
What about?
273
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:07,846
I wanna put in for a
furlough to recover
274
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,198
from that three-day pass.
275
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,300
Never mind that, do
you know who's in town?
276
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,284
Who?
277
00:13:12,308 --> 00:13:14,687
Your cousin, Colonel
Dmitri Agarnoff.
278
00:13:14,711 --> 00:13:16,939
Dmitri? Here?
279
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:19,942
I hope he brought his
mother's recipe for borscht.
280
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:21,026
Listen, my friend,
281
00:13:21,050 --> 00:13:23,161
he brought trouble right
here to Fort Courage.
282
00:13:23,185 --> 00:13:24,280
What trouble?
283
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,531
Well, he made a play for Jane.
284
00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,032
Asked her to go
to Russia with him,
285
00:13:27,056 --> 00:13:29,735
I think she's just foolish
enough she might do it.
286
00:13:29,759 --> 00:13:32,071
Why, this would kill
poor Captain Parmenter.
287
00:13:32,095 --> 00:13:34,657
That's the very problem. We've
got to do something about it.
288
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:38,043
How could Jane fall
for a Russian Cossack
289
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:41,130
who walks around all
day eating borscht, blintzes
290
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,915
and singing "Orchyachoria"?
291
00:13:42,939 --> 00:13:46,485
Don't ask me, but...
292
00:13:46,509 --> 00:13:50,228
I don't know why everybody
says you're so dumb.
293
00:13:52,749 --> 00:13:53,943
Who says I'm dumb?
294
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,327
Oh, forget about that now.
295
00:13:55,351 --> 00:13:57,597
Remember, you've got to
get your cousin out of here
296
00:13:57,621 --> 00:14:00,098
so that you can keep his date
with Wrangler Jane tonight.
297
00:14:00,122 --> 00:14:01,283
Don't worry, sarge.
298
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:03,702
I know the hot-blooded
Cossacks' weakness.
299
00:14:03,726 --> 00:14:05,521
Oh, what's that?
300
00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,456
Gypsies.
301
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:11,099
Beautiful, beautiful.
302
00:14:12,802 --> 00:14:14,185
Come in.
303
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:22,026
Oh, uh, Colonel Agarnoff,
I have a surprise for you.
304
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:25,480
Aah!
305
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,078
Cousin Randolph.
306
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,562
Cousin Dmitri.
307
00:14:30,586 --> 00:14:33,582
Cousin Randolph,
bublichki, let me look at you.
308
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,651
You look wonderful.
309
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,886
Ah, you look great
yourself, Dmitri,
310
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:39,655
Oh, your cousin
finally found out
311
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,013
the real reason that you
came to Fort Courage.
312
00:14:43,199 --> 00:14:44,327
What do you mean?
313
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:47,279
Oh, come on, you can
level with us, Dmitri.
314
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,537
You knew all about
that gypsy camp.
315
00:14:50,073 --> 00:14:51,651
Gypsies?
316
00:14:51,675 --> 00:14:52,701
Sure.
317
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:53,986
As I was coming in on the stage,
318
00:14:54,010 --> 00:14:55,821
I passed them near
Paradise Junction.
319
00:14:55,845 --> 00:14:57,923
Ah, just about five
miles out of town.
320
00:14:57,947 --> 00:15:01,209
Are these real woman
Russian gypsies?
321
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:05,581
Like from Minsk,
balalaikas, bells on their toes.
322
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:07,783
Beating each other over
the head with tambourines.
323
00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:11,537
I tell you, Dmitri,
it's wild, wild!
324
00:15:11,561 --> 00:15:15,541
Then why are we standing
here talking? Sergeant, my horse.
325
00:15:15,565 --> 00:15:16,725
Right, colonel.
326
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,878
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, what am I saying?
327
00:15:19,902 --> 00:15:21,397
What's the matter, Dmitri?
328
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:23,332
I have a date with
Wrangler Jane.
329
00:15:23,356 --> 00:15:25,756
She's bringing my
dinner here tonight.
330
00:15:26,776 --> 00:15:27,869
Well, in that case,
331
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,671
you can just forget
about the gypsies.
332
00:15:29,695 --> 00:15:31,540
If you think you're
gonna have more laughs,
333
00:15:31,564 --> 00:15:33,291
sitting around with
Wrangler Jane,
334
00:15:33,315 --> 00:15:35,127
holding her wool
while she knits,
335
00:15:35,151 --> 00:15:38,414
and looking at stereopticon
slides of her horse.
336
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,382
Yeah, any man would
be a fool to give all that up
337
00:15:40,406 --> 00:15:43,891
just for a camp full
of, uh, wild gypsies.
338
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:49,825
So call me a fool. I want to go.
339
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,111
Why don't we tell Jane
you're on a military mission?
340
00:15:52,135 --> 00:15:53,528
I'm sure she'd understand.
341
00:15:53,552 --> 00:15:56,198
Cousin Randolph,
you're wonderful.
342
00:15:56,222 --> 00:15:58,517
Where did you say
this gypsy camp was?
343
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,136
You go out of town
about five miles.
344
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,071
You turn right and
there's a sign that says,
345
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,322
"This way to Paradise."
346
00:16:03,346 --> 00:16:06,708
And, colonel, believe
me they ain't kidding.
347
00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,528
Cousin Randolph,
you'll come with me, no?
348
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,330
Well, I can't make it now,
349
00:16:12,354 --> 00:16:14,784
but I can sneak
out right after dinner.
350
00:16:14,808 --> 00:16:18,225
Good, I'll see you then. Wait!
351
00:16:20,263 --> 00:16:22,908
If I'm not there by
9:00, start without me.
352
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,352
You know, you were so convincing
I almost went with him myself.
353
00:16:33,376 --> 00:16:35,688
I told you I knew the
Cossack weakness.
354
00:16:35,712 --> 00:16:37,106
Put this on, Agarn.
355
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,441
Please, sergeant,
you will address me
356
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:43,901
by my correct name,
Colonel Dmitri Agarnoff.
357
00:16:45,971 --> 00:16:47,872
Come in.
358
00:16:49,191 --> 00:16:50,769
Excuse me, Wilton.
359
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:52,621
Oh, hello, Jane.
360
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,123
I hope I'm not interrupting you.
361
00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:55,274
No, no, no.
362
00:16:55,298 --> 00:16:57,342
As a matter of fact, I
was just reading this book.
363
00:16:57,366 --> 00:16:59,194
It's called
Mother Russia.
364
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:00,246
Oh?
365
00:17:00,270 --> 00:17:03,432
Yes, she certainly
is a cold mother.
366
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,967
So I've heard.
367
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:06,285
Did you know that in Minsk
368
00:17:06,309 --> 00:17:08,954
the temperature in
winter falls to 20 below?
369
00:17:08,978 --> 00:17:12,346
Well, Dmitri assures me
that he'll keep me warm.
370
00:17:12,949 --> 00:17:15,160
Oh.
371
00:17:15,184 --> 00:17:17,429
What's that I smell,
a new perfume?
372
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,298
No, that's Beef Agarnoff.
373
00:17:19,322 --> 00:17:21,133
Beef Agarnoff?
374
00:17:21,157 --> 00:17:23,268
Yes, that's what I wanted
to talk to you about.
375
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:27,640
Would you mind if I brought
Dmitri dinner in his quarters?
376
00:17:27,664 --> 00:17:29,963
No, no, not at all.
377
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,662
Thank you, Wilton.
You do know, Jane.
378
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,697
Wouldn't you like to
glance through this book?
379
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,016
Some other time, Wilton.
380
00:17:37,040 --> 00:17:38,751
I don't want the
Agarnoff to get cold
381
00:17:38,775 --> 00:17:40,986
or the borscht to get hot.
382
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:42,071
Borscht.
383
00:17:42,095 --> 00:17:44,340
And blintzes for dessert.
384
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:45,908
You've certainly come a long way
385
00:17:45,932 --> 00:17:48,377
from the ham hocks you
cooked for me last week.
386
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:51,330
Yes, I certainly have.
387
00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:53,248
Well,
das vadanya.
388
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,050
"Das vadanya," what's that?
389
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:57,808
That's "goodbye" in Russian.
390
00:18:23,436 --> 00:18:24,863
Good evening, Dmitri.
391
00:18:24,887 --> 00:18:27,782
Oh,
bublichki,
come in, my darling.
392
00:18:27,806 --> 00:18:30,970
Here, let me help
you with the basket.
393
00:18:30,994 --> 00:18:34,456
Jane, you must never
wear perfume like that.
394
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:36,225
It smells terrible.
395
00:18:36,249 --> 00:18:38,828
That's not perfume,
that's Beef Agarnoff.
396
00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,262
But it can't be.
397
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,147
If you follow the recipe,
398
00:18:42,171 --> 00:18:45,751
Beef Agarnoff should
smell like perfume.
399
00:18:45,775 --> 00:18:49,093
Really, Dmitri, I
think you'll like it.
400
00:18:49,912 --> 00:18:53,598
Here, just taste it.
401
00:18:55,017 --> 00:18:56,862
Mmm.
402
00:18:56,886 --> 00:18:58,831
Just like my mother
used to make.
403
00:18:58,855 --> 00:19:00,449
Oh, I'm so happy.
And then my father
404
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:04,186
used to throw it
right out the window.
405
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,555
Dmitri, what's gotten into you?
406
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,024
Did you make the borscht?
407
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:10,659
I can't smell it.
408
00:19:10,683 --> 00:19:12,044
It's in the basket.
409
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:15,364
If you can't smell
borscht, it stinks.
410
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,666
Why don't you just try some?
411
00:19:17,690 --> 00:19:20,135
Mm-hm.
412
00:19:20,159 --> 00:19:22,988
With cooking like this,
you could go far in Russia.
413
00:19:23,012 --> 00:19:25,612
All the way to Siberia.
414
00:19:27,116 --> 00:19:29,828
Dmitri, I've never seen
you act this way before.
415
00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:31,463
You've never
cooked for me before.
416
00:19:31,487 --> 00:19:34,482
A Russian husband
travels on his stomach!
417
00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,918
You can bet your life I'll
never cook for you again.
418
00:19:36,942 --> 00:19:39,555
You've got one last
chance with the blintzes.
419
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:41,457
I don't want another chance.
420
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:45,216
I can tell by the
feel they're terrible.
421
00:19:46,602 --> 00:19:48,129
You're the one who's terrible.
422
00:19:48,153 --> 00:19:52,668
Lots of Russians are terrible.
I'm terrible, Ivan the Terrible.
423
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,536
I don't have to
put up with this.
424
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:57,189
And you who thought you
were going to be my wife.
425
00:19:57,213 --> 00:20:00,192
Ha! Not for a million rubles.
426
00:20:00,216 --> 00:20:01,961
Who thought I was
going to be your wife?
427
00:20:01,985 --> 00:20:05,013
You did, you little flirt.
428
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,598
How can I think I was
gonna be your wife
429
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:08,199
when you're already married?
430
00:20:08,223 --> 00:20:10,052
I am?
431
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,971
I am?
432
00:20:12,995 --> 00:20:14,540
Sir, aren't you
being a little hasty
433
00:20:14,564 --> 00:20:16,324
about applying
for this transfer?
434
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:17,959
No, I think it's time
that I moved on,
435
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:19,895
sergeant, I'm getting
a little restless.
436
00:20:19,919 --> 00:20:22,064
Well, where are you
thinking of transferring to?
437
00:20:22,088 --> 00:20:25,200
Fort Minsk. I mean, Fort Bravo.
438
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:27,820
Now, now, sir, really, if
you just think this over,
439
00:20:27,844 --> 00:20:30,928
I'm sure you'll feel differently
about it in the morning.
440
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,442
Excuse me, captain.
441
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:34,926
Have you seen my cousin?
442
00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:36,862
Oh, Sergeant O'Rourke.
443
00:20:36,886 --> 00:20:39,748
Yes, if you'll come with me
I'm sure that we can find him.
444
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,835
Good, I forgot my
directions to the gypsy camp.
445
00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:44,936
Wait a minute, colonel.
446
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,955
Aren't you having
dinner with Jane tonight?
447
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:49,124
Not while there's a
camp full of gypsies
448
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:51,710
beating each other over
the head with tambourines.
449
00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:53,328
Yeah, colonel, why don't we...?
450
00:20:53,352 --> 00:20:57,799
You, sir, are a cad, standing
up a nice girl like Jane.
451
00:20:57,823 --> 00:21:01,019
I just hope she doesn't find
out you went off with gypsies.
452
00:21:01,043 --> 00:21:04,923
Never mind Jane. I just
hope my wife doesn't find out.
453
00:21:04,947 --> 00:21:06,496
You're married?
454
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:12,080
Leading that sweet girl
on. I take back what I said.
455
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:15,233
Sir, you're not a cad,
you are a blackguard.
456
00:21:15,257 --> 00:21:18,303
What? Where are
your eyes, captain?
457
00:21:18,327 --> 00:21:21,740
Couldn't you see that she was
using me to make you jealous?
458
00:21:21,764 --> 00:21:26,545
Janey is not in love with
me. She's in love with you.
459
00:21:26,569 --> 00:21:28,313
And you were helping Jane?
460
00:21:28,337 --> 00:21:33,240
For a bowl of borscht,
I would do anything.
461
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:42,478
Colonel, I think we'd better
let the captain handle this.
462
00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:44,913
Agarn, if you say anything
to Wilton about this
463
00:21:44,937 --> 00:21:47,482
I'll turn you in for
impersonating an officer.
464
00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:48,733
A Russian officer?
465
00:21:48,757 --> 00:21:51,386
I'm sure that will go
twice as hard on you.
466
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:54,406
Janie, you're making a mistake,
you know Captain Parmenter.
467
00:21:54,430 --> 00:21:56,357
If he thinks you're in
love with another man,
468
00:21:56,381 --> 00:21:59,478
he'll do the decent thing
and step out of your life.
469
00:21:59,502 --> 00:22:01,080
What's so decent about that?
470
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,081
Jane?
471
00:22:03,105 --> 00:22:05,917
Come in.
472
00:22:05,941 --> 00:22:09,226
Jane, I... Excuse me, I
didn't know you were busy.
473
00:22:16,285 --> 00:22:20,015
Jane, why are you
kissing Corporal Agarn?
474
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:21,784
Wilton Parmenter.
475
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:23,335
I just left the
colonel in my office.
476
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:25,370
Humina, humina, humina.
477
00:22:25,394 --> 00:22:27,239
What are you doing
in that outfit, corporal?
478
00:22:27,263 --> 00:22:29,407
Just a little joke,
sir. Little joke.
479
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:31,843
I'm afraid the
joke's on me, Wilton.
480
00:22:31,867 --> 00:22:33,311
Agarn was only trying to help.
481
00:22:33,335 --> 00:22:36,114
He didn't want me to
go to Russia with Dmitri.
482
00:22:36,138 --> 00:22:38,317
That's very nice
of you, corporal.
483
00:22:38,341 --> 00:22:40,785
If you'll excuse us, I would
like to have a word with Jane.
484
00:22:40,809 --> 00:22:42,509
Yes, sir.
485
00:22:49,485 --> 00:22:51,780
I just had a talk with
Colonel Agarnoff,
486
00:22:51,804 --> 00:22:53,464
and he told me
what's been going on.
487
00:22:53,488 --> 00:22:55,433
Please, Wilton, I don't
wanna talk about it,
488
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:57,302
I feel foolish enough already.
489
00:22:57,326 --> 00:23:00,238
No, no, no, I wouldn't
say you were foolish, Jane.
490
00:23:00,262 --> 00:23:02,590
I mean, after all
there's nothing wrong
491
00:23:02,614 --> 00:23:04,726
in trying to get a man
to show his feelings.
492
00:23:04,750 --> 00:23:06,245
Especially if it's a man like me
493
00:23:06,269 --> 00:23:08,913
who has trouble
showing his feelings.
494
00:23:08,937 --> 00:23:10,649
Oh, Wilton, if only just once,
495
00:23:10,673 --> 00:23:12,784
you'd show me
that you're jealous.
496
00:23:12,808 --> 00:23:15,487
Did you really think I was
going to let you go off to Minsk,
497
00:23:15,511 --> 00:23:18,607
which is just a ruble's
throw from Pinsk?
498
00:23:18,631 --> 00:23:20,809
You mean, you weren't
really going to let me go?
499
00:23:20,833 --> 00:23:23,111
Oh-ho. As a matter of
fact, I was gonna show you
500
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:25,363
that anything that Russian
could do, I could do.
501
00:23:25,387 --> 00:23:27,248
Do you really mean that, Wilton?
502
00:23:27,272 --> 00:23:28,917
What do you think
I've been practicing
503
00:23:28,941 --> 00:23:30,624
for the last three days?
504
00:23:34,062 --> 00:23:35,323
Hey.
505
00:23:54,917 --> 00:23:56,662
Mmm. Help yourself, corporal.
506
00:23:56,686 --> 00:23:58,497
The blintzes are
really marvelous.
507
00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:00,961
Oh, thank you, captain.
508
00:24:02,691 --> 00:24:04,286
You know, captain,
this is one thing
509
00:24:04,310 --> 00:24:06,054
we gotta thank my
cousin Dmitri for.
510
00:24:06,078 --> 00:24:07,272
Right, as a matter of fact,
511
00:24:07,296 --> 00:24:09,341
I've ordered the mess
hall to have borscht
512
00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:11,710
with a boiled potato
every Friday night.
513
00:24:11,734 --> 00:24:14,996
Oh. Good evening, sir. Sergeant.
514
00:24:15,020 --> 00:24:17,466
Sarge, have you
seen my cousin Dmitri?
515
00:24:17,490 --> 00:24:20,151
Yes, I just saw him riding north
down towards Paradise Valley.
516
00:24:20,175 --> 00:24:21,335
Paradise Valley?
517
00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:22,921
Well, you won't
believe this, sir,
518
00:24:22,945 --> 00:24:27,025
but there really is a
gypsy camp down there.
519
00:24:27,049 --> 00:24:29,127
Corporal, where are you going?
520
00:24:29,151 --> 00:24:33,053
I've got Russian
blood in me too, sir.
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