All language subtitles for F Troop S02E15 Survival of the Fittest.DVDRip.NonHI.cc.en.WB

Eh.

Uh... How long is it
going to take the men

to store that hay, sergeant?

Agarn, how long is it gonna take

the men to store that hay?

Dobbs, how long is it gonna take

to store the hay?

Duffy, how long is it gonna take

to store that hay?

I don't know, Dobbs.

I don't know, Agarn.

I don't know, sarge.

I don't know, captain.

Do you think they
can finish by noon?

Duffy, can you finish by noon?

Captain, I demand to be relieved

of this detail.

What's the matter, Agarn?

He went under my head to Duffy.

Oh, come on, Agarn,
get ahold of yourself.

Sergeant, we have a visitor.

Uh, Captain Parmenter,
I'm Captain Jonathan Blair,

with orders from
territorial headquarters.

Oh, uh...

well, I'm very happy
to meet you, captain.

Eh, this is Sergeant O'Rourke.

Sir.

Sergeant.

Well, well, this
is very interesting.

They want us to ask for two men

to volunteer for
a survival test.

Survival test?

We wanna see if two men
with only a canteen cup

and a knife can
live off the land

in the event that
they have to fight

the Indians beyond
our supply lines.

If you can get two
men to volunteer

there's a 30-day furlough.

If they survive
the survival test.

I know two men
who will volunteer, sir.

Who's that, sergeant?

Corporal Agarn and myself.

Well, that's certainly
very courageous of you.

Are you sure the corporal
will go along with you?

Oh, of course, captain.

Why, O'Rourke and Agarn
are like Damon and Pythias.

Lewis and Clark,
Caesar and Cleopatra.

Hi, Jane.

Hi, Wilton.

Oh, with the
captain's permission,

I'd like to go alert
Corporal Agarn.

Of course, sergeant.

Thank you, sir.

Captain Blair,

I'd like you to meet
Wrangler Jane.

Hello.

Wrangler Jane,
I'd like you to meet

Captain Blair.

My, you must have every medal

a man can get for
being in the army.

Well, uh, this one
is from the Navy.

The Navy?

I swam out to the Merrimac

and rescued the captain.

Hey, Agarn, I've
got some good news.

We're gonna get
a 30-day furlough.

We are?

Yeah, as soon as we get back

from the survival test.

Careless.

This is for the battle

of the Cheyennes
at Rainbow Bend.

This is for the Apache
attack at Sunset Pass.

What's this one for?

A waltz contest
at Little Bighorn.

Mm, I can see, I'm gonna
have to learn that dance.

Captain, if you're finished,

I would like to get
back to my desk.

Certainly, I'll be back tomorrow

with full particulars
about the test.

I hope I'll be seeing
more of you, Jane.

Oh, I'll be right here, captain.

Mmm...

he must be the bravest
officer in the U.S. Army.

Oh, I don't know.

I know an officer so brave,

he volunteered
for a survival test.

Who's that?

Me.

Oh, now, Wilton,

don't you go doing
anything foolish.

Sergeant. Oh, yes, sir.

I've decided to volunteer

for the survival test.

Ah... congratulations, captain.

I know you two will
both be very happy.

Oh, no, no, corporal, Sgt.
O'Rourke as ranking noncom

will be in charge of the fort.

You and I are going.

Now, Wilton...

Oh, are you still here, Jane?

I thought you were
home learning to waltz.

I'm going to live off
the land for 10 days?

With Captain Parmenter?

With only a knife,
and a canteen cup?

Agarn, hang on, Agarn.

Agarn, hang on.

Ho! Ten-hut.

F Troop all present
and accounted for, sir.

Thank you, sergeant.

At ease.

Men, as you know,
Corporal Agarn and I

are going on a 10
day survival test.

Now, now, now,
now, it's all right.

Now, while I'm gone,

the fort will be
under the command

of Sergeant O'Rourke.

And I expect you to
show him the same respect

that you have always given me.

All right, dismissed.

We're ready, captain.

Good.

With the captain's permission,

I'd like to say, sir,

that F Troop is very proud

that you have volunteered

for this very dangerous mission.

Oh, thank you, sergeant.

But I think Corporal
Agarn, deserves credit, too.

We're all sure proud
of you, corporal.

We could have used
you at the Alamo, corporal.

Eh, captain, may I remind you

that in this survival test,

you have to live off the land.

Oh, y-yes, yes, I-I'm
sure Corporal Agarn

was just a little confused.

That's right, sir.

I always carry a
few snacks with me.

That's right, whenever
we run out of food

at the mess hall, we, uh...
We eat out of Agarn's hat.

Ha, ha. Well,
then now, corporal,

you swear that you're not
carrying any more food on you?

I swear it, s...

Oh, yes, heh.

You mean I'm gonna
be shot for this?

Oh, no, it's... It's
part of the test.

You're not supposed to know
where we drop you off, heh-heh.

Hey, Agarn, we can
play blindman's bluff.

Uh, you do understand,
captain, that, uh,

when we get out there,

you're to take them off.

Oh, y-yes. Of course.

Yes, of course.

All right, men,
uh, help them up.

All right, sir. Mount up.

All right, here we go, sir.

All right, Duffy, uh...

you take charge of the fort

while I'm gone, would you?

Right. This way.

All right, up you go now.

All right.

Are you all right, Agarn?

I would've been better off

if I faced the firing squad.

Oh, yeah...

Whoa.

This looks like a good spot.

We'll dismount here.

Yes, sir.

Woo-ooh, ooh.

You shouldn't dismount
with that blindfold on you.

You could kill yourself.

Well, we have to learn to
survive everything, sergeant.

Oh. You have your army

survival manual, captain?

Yes, captain.

And you both have

your canteen cups and knives?

Yes, captain.

Yes, sir. I have mine.

Good luck to you both,

we'll see you in about
10 days... maybe.

Eh, good luck, sir.

Thank you, serg... Ooh!

Well, eh, good luck, old buddy.

I'll see you in about 10 days.

Don't you worry about a thing.

Worry?

Why should I worry?

Me and the captain,
we're both soldiers.

Been through a lot of
tough campaigns together.

We both have knives
and a canteen cup.

The army has provided
us with survival manuals.

And I'm sure,
somewhere in that manual

is a lovely funeral service.

Oh, now, Agarn,
pull yourself together.

Here now.

I'll be all right,
sarge, it's...

It's just that this
is the first time

I've ever slept away
from my blanket.

Ah.

Mount up, sergeant.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Uh, corporal,

I think the first thing we
should do is build a fire.

But captain, we don't
have any matches.

Oh, of course we don't.

We're supposed
to do it ourselves.

You gather some dried leaves

while I look around for a rock.

Ow.

Oh, captain, once
we get the fire started,

what are we gonna eat?

Well, there's a very nice recipe

in the manual for bullfrog soup.

Bullfrog soup?

Hm, I can hear them croaking,

And when one of them
croaks, we eat him.

That's very good, Agarn.

We can't afford to lose
our sense of humor.

That's right.

This is gonna be
a million laughs.

This rock should do the trick.

Now...

just pile your leaves
around that rock, corporal.

Now, let me see here.

"Fires.

"Starting... matchless."
Here we are.

Uh, it says, "you should
strike your steel knife

downward against the rock."

Here goes.

I don't see any
sparks yet, captain.

Oh, keep trying, keep trying.

Oh, no use, captain.
It's not gonna work.

We're never gonna
get a fire started.

We're never gonna eat a hot meal

and tonight we're
gonna freeze to death.

Oh, don't panic. We
just have to keep trying.

Go on.

Oh, it's no use, captain.

This knife is no
good for starting fires.

Captain! Captain, fire!

Aargh.

Ah.

Boy, that was close.

Corporal... you
just put out our fire.

Oh, captain, I'm sorry, I...

I just lost my head.
I didn't know...

Oh, that's all right.

Now, now, now, we'll just
have to start another fire.

I can't start another fire,

sir, I'm just not the type.

Should have picked
somebody else.

With me out here,
we won't survive.

We'll never stand a chance

and I'm too young
to die, too young...

Captain, you slapped
me in the face.

Sorry, Agarn,

but it says right in
here on Page 27,

that if a man
becomes hysterical,

a slap in the face will
bring him to his senses.

Thank you, captain.
I needed that.

And I want you to
know that even though

I'm your commanding officer,
you're supposed to slap my face.

After I become hysterical.

I did it again, captain.

I'm sorry, captain.

There, sir. I'm better now.

Agarn, I hear a bear growling.

Why are you slapping my face?

Aren't you hysterical?

No, no, I do hear
a bear growling.

Well, you better get
ready to slap my face.

It's the best thing
that happened to us.

How's that, sir?

Oh, now we can get fresh meat.

Huh, just our luck.

The first thing we
find we can eat,

can eat us.

You stay here and
get the fire started.

I'll go after the bear.

Well now,

where was that recipe
for bullfrog soup?

O'Rourke.

Oh, hi, Janey.

Any word from Wilton?

What do you mean
any word from Wilton?

You know we're not
allowed to contact them

when they're out
on the survival test.

I know, but they've
been wandering around

out there for three
days, they might be dead.

Janey, where we dropped them off

there's a lot of water,
wild berries and herbs.

And they, they
might even get lucky,

and catch themselves
a bear, heh.

Lucky for who? Them or the bear?

Jane, now I admit
that Captain Parmenter

is no Davy Crockett.

On the other hand, he's
not afraid of anything

in this world.

And while Agarn
does fly apart a lot,

he's a good soldier
when the chips are down.

And knowing those
two men as I do...

I must have been out of my mind

to leave them out there alone.

Oh, what are we gonna do?

Just relax, will you?

Nobody's seen any
buzzards flying around

over Wild Horse Valley yet.

Speaking of buzzards.

Eh, can we help you, stranger?

You folks got an
undertaker in this town?

No, that's just 'cause
nobody ever dies here.

I'll wait.

Where you coming from?

Dodge City. Came through
that pass at Wild Horse Valley.

You didn't happen
to see two soldiers

wandering around
out there, did you?

Who do you think
I'm waiting for?

Sergeant O'Rourke.

Yes, sir? Ahem.

Sergeant, I'm riding out to meet

Colonel Ferguson,
the inspector general.

Ah, yes, sir.

Hi, sarge.

Oh, hello, O'Rourke.

Wait a minute you two.

Don't give me that
wide-eyed stare.

I know what you've been up to.

Oh, all right, sarge.

But you know I ain't

the first soldier in the cavalry

who sold his horse's shoes

so he'd have a
little extra money

towards the end of the month.

And I know it's
against regulations

but they gave me $5

for playing my bugle
at that wedding.

You played your
bugle at a wedding?

Well, there ain't no organ
around here for 500 miles.

You mean, you weren't
planning to sneak up there

and take some food
to Captain Parmenter

and Corporal Agarn
who are on a survival test.

We weren't planning
anything like that, sir.

We don't even
know where they are.

You didn't know
that they're, uh,

in Wild Horse Valley?

No.

Oh...

Well, I thought you was
gonna sneak up there

with a couple of
saddlebags full of fresh fruit

and hard boiled eggs
and fried chicken,

and leave them
around in the bushes.

You know, so that
the best cavalry officer

in the army could find it.

And your buddy,
Corporal Agarn, heh.

No.

You weren't gonna do that, huh?

You heard him, sarge. No.

Well, I thought you
was gonna do that,

while I was up there
at the Hekawi camp.

So nobody could say
that you disobeyed orders.

And that way I'd
forget about them, uh...

Them horseshoes.

And playing that
bugle at that wedding.

I think he's trying to tell
us something, Dobbs.

Which way is it to
Wild Horse Valley?

I didn't hear that.

Hi, chief. Hi, Craze.

Hi, sergeant.

Hold it, O'Rourke.

Having first fitting on
suit from new tailor.

Him very famous tailor,

name Fighting Ram,
from Eastern tribe.

Me first chief
west of Mississippi

to have natural
shoulder buckskin suit.

All right, never
mind about that.

I gotta talk to you.

Fighting Ram great tailor.

Bring in new style
tapered pants.

Sleeve, 33 and a half.

This is important, chief.

No good.

Ram, you made
the pants too long.

Look, I tell you

this is really important, chief.

All right, finish fitting later.

Uh, come on, sit down.

Chief, I think
you'd better forget

about the tapered pants.

Fighting Ram better
be good fighter.

Where your friend,
Corporal Agarn?

That's what I came
to talk to you about,

he and Captain Parmenter
are on a survival test.

What is survival test?

They blindfold a couple of men

and drop them off
in the wilderness

with a canteen cup and a knife

and see if they can
survive for 10 days.

Who send them out there?

It's an order from Washington.

Why you not bring them
a couple of sandwiches?

Captain Parmenter left
me in charge of the fort,

that's why I want you to go.

We no deliver, O'Rourke.
Only have food to go.

Chief, I just want you to go out

to Wild Horse Valley and
scatter some food around

that they can
accidentally stumble over.

Maybe if price is right,

we could do you this
little favor, O'Rourke.

Crazy Cat, this is no
time to talk about money.

We're trying to save
the lives of two men.

O'Rourke right.

Captain Parmenter, Corporal
Agarn good friends of Hekawis.

This no time to
talk about money.

Right.

What kind food
you want, sergeant?

Well, you know,
some venison chops

and some bear steaks.

And scatter around
a lot of berries,

and maybe couple a
dozen pumpkins, you know.

You got it, sergeant.

I knew I could count on you.

Now is time to talk about money.

Well, lets see now.

What would you like
for dinner tonight, Agarn?

Surprise me, captain.

Well, we could warm up

the left-over birch bark,

if we could get the
fire started again.

Captain, I have a
confession to make.

Confession?

Yes, sir.

You're looking at a renegade.

A renegade?

That's right, sir.

I've been running
guns to the Apache.

And it's your duty as
an officer to arrest me.

Take me back to
the fort and throw me

into the mess hall.

Or the guardhouse.

Uh-oh.

I think you're getting
hysterical again.

But it's true, captain. I'm
only spying on the Army.

You see...

I'm really, a... A
half-breed Indian.

Ohh.

You'd never get me to believe

you're half Indian, Agarn.

But it's true, sir.

Notice how one side
doesn't even crack a twig.

That was my father's side.

You could hear my
mother coming a mile away.

They call her Holly Go-heavy.

An egg.

It is an egg.

Captain, we're saved.

Forgive me, captain.
I lost my head.

There, there, corporal.

Look...

it didn't break.

It's hard-boiled.

Heh-heh, no, no, that can't be.

It must have fallen
out of an eagle's nest.

They just must lay tougher eggs.

Let's just eat it.

Now, wait a minute.

If this fell out of
an eagle's nest,

there must be an
eagle around here.

If we caught it,
we could eat it.

Captain, let's
not kill the eagle

that laid the golden egg.

Now, this could
lead to something big.

Look, tell me it's not a mirage.

Corporal,

I would swear that
that is a chicken leg.

And it's already fried.

Maybe the chicken
was hit by lightning.

No, no, I think if it
were hit by lightning,

it wouldn't be
browned on both sides.

Okay, let's not worry
about that, captain.

Now, what do you
want, the egg or the leg?

Shh.

Private Dobbs.

Dobbs, old buddy.
Give me the banana.

Ah-ah-ah.

I'm surprised at you, Dobbs.

You know this is against orders.

Captain, I wasn't
doing anything.

I was just walking
along in my tumbleweed

when this banana
fell out of my pocket.

Well, what about
the... The fried chicken

and the hard-boiled egg?

Uh, they were Duffy's.

All right, Duffy,

wherever you are, come out.

And bring the rest of
the chicken with you.

Duffy, old pal.

I knew you wouldn't let me down.

Bless you, boy.

Ah-ah-ah.

I'm sorry, Agarn,

but we have to get
the food ourselves

with no outside help.

Uh, Captain Parmenter?

Yes, Dobbs.

Can I have that chicken leg?

I'm not on a survival test.

Oh, of course, Dobbs.

Eating in front
of a starving man,

your little heart
is made of stone.

Oh, Chief Wild
Eagle and Crazy Cat.

Am I glad to see you... Oh.

We been walking
around for hours.

If we not have all that food

we'd have starved to death.

Ah, it's all becoming
very clear to me now.

It's obvious that somebody

has put all of you up to this.

And I think I know
who that somebody is.

It's not Sergeant O'Rourke.

I guess that settles that.

Now, if you gentlemen
will excuse us,

Corporal Agarn and I will
resume our survival test.

Eh, begging the
captain's pardon,

but our horses ran off
and neither one of us

knows how to get
back to the fort.

Well, in that case,
Chief Wild Eagle

can lead you
back to his village.

All right...

Birds always fly
north in winter.

Eh, no, no, no, chief.

Bird always fly
south in the winter.

But sun rise in
west and set in east.

No, no, the sun
rises in the east

and sets in the west.

Captain Parmenter,
you looking at a chief

who don't know his
sunset from his bird.

Hi, Janey.

Did you talk to Duffy and Dobbs?

Yeah, they, uh...
They went up there.

I also made arrangements
with Wild Eagle.

Good, I'm going up there now.

I've got an apple
pie in my saddlebag.

Aha, fine, with
all the food I sent,

that's all they need
is dessert, heh.

At ease, sergeant. Huh.

Uh, Colonel Ferguson,

I would like you to
meet Wrangler Jane.

Pleased to meet you, colonel.

Likewise.

Colonel Ferguson is in charge

of the survival test.

Well, I'm sure Captain
Parmenter and Corporal Agarn

are gonna come
through with flying colors.

Well, I hope so.

I was a little reluctant

to send any men from F Troop.

But I...

Could I be smelling
homemade apple pie?

Oh, y-yes, sir.
You certainly could.

Our cook is famous
for his apple pie, sir.

Just like mother used to make.

My mother used to
make terrible apple pie.

Oh.

I think that we're
smelling apple pie

in this saddlebag.

Now, what would
an apple pie be doing

in my saddlebag?

Taking it to Captain Parmenter?

That's exactly
what I was smelling.

Mighty fine apple
pie, young lady.

I am placing you under arrest,

Sergeant O'Rourke,
for disobeying orders,

O'Rourke didn't talk me
into taking the pie to Wilton.

I thought of it myself.

Y-you hear that, colonel?

Now, I am sure that
Captain Parmenter

made arrangements
with members of his troop

to bring them food.

I demand that Captain Parmenter

be court-martialed.

That's a very serious
charge, captain.

Well, I have more
evidence than this, sir.

I saw two of Sergeant
O'Rourke's men

sneaking out of the mess hall,

with hard-boiled eggs,
fresh fruit and fried chicken.

I don't believe I'd press
those charges, colonel.

Until, uh, you talk to
Captain Parmenter.

Just arriving there now, sir.

Hut, hut, two, three, four.

Troop, halt.

Captain Parmenter, sir.

At ease, captain.

Now, tell me.

What's this all about,

and how did you ever
capture these Indians?

Captured? Oh, no, no.

We didn't capture
these Indians, colonel.

This is Chief Wild
Eagle and Crazy Cat.

They're our friends.

You see that, colonel.

He got friendly Indians
to bring him food, too.

What bring him food?

We ate the whole thing
before we left the teepee.

And he didn't have a bite

of what we brought him.

Then we found out we were lost,

and Captain Parmenter
led us out of the woods,

or we might have
all been goners.

Oh, Wilton, I'm so proud of you.

Mm.

Janey, please, not
in front of the brass.

Captain Parmenter...

I would say that you've
gone above and beyond

the call of duty in
this survival test.

I wouldn't be a bit surprised

if there was a
medal in it for you.

Thank you, colonel.

But d-don't forget now,

Corporal Agarn was with me.

Colonel, instead of that medal.

Could I just have a
piece of that apple pie?

Of course.

I-I don't want to
seem ungrateful

but you were both wrong

to try to get food to us
during that survival test.

It was all my fault, sir.

I just underestimated you.

So did I, Wilton.

Well, next time I'm
on a survival test

don't you dare
send fried chicken.

Baked ham, yes.

Fried chicken always gives me

a touch of indigestion.

Well, uh, I'll
remember that, sir.

By the way, wh-where's
Corporal Agarn?

Well, ever since you
got back to the post

he's just been eating, sir.

I've never seen a man

put away as much food as he has.

You better get over to
the mess hall, captain.

We're running out of food.