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♪ The end of the
Civil War Was near ♪
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♪ When quite accidentally ♪
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00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:11,321
♪ A hero who sneezed
Abruptly seized ♪
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♪ Retreat And
reversed it to victory ♪
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00:00:16,533 --> 00:00:19,146
♪ His Medal of Honor
Pleased and thrilled ♪
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00:00:19,170 --> 00:00:21,881
♪ His proud little
Family group ♪
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00:00:21,905 --> 00:00:24,601
♪ While pinning it on
Some blood was spilled ♪
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♪ And so it was
planned He'd command ♪
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♪ F Troop! ♪
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♪ Where Indian fights
Are colorful sights ♪
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♪ And nobody takes a lickin' ♪
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♪ Where paleface and redskin ♪
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♪ Both turn chicken ♪
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00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,685
♪ When drilling and
fighting Get them down ♪
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♪ They know their
morale Can't droop ♪
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00:00:44,511 --> 00:00:47,173
♪ As long as they
all Relax in town ♪
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♪ Before they resume
With a bang and a boom ♪
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♪ F Troop! ♪
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There's a rider approaching.
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Open the gate.
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Major Duncan from
Territory Headquarters.
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What do you think
he's up to? I don't know,
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but he usually brings a
saddlebag full of trouble.
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00:01:51,795 --> 00:01:52,806
Major Duncan.
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00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,540
It's nice to see you again, sir.
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00:01:54,564 --> 00:01:56,442
Nice to see you
again, Parmenter.
27
00:01:56,466 --> 00:01:59,445
Uh... what brings you
our way this time, major?
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Captain, I got a
saddlebag full of trouble.
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00:02:02,206 --> 00:02:04,284
Oh?
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Actually, I'm here on a...
31
00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:08,655
special assignment
from headquarters.
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00:02:08,679 --> 00:02:09,822
Well, major.
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00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:10,957
Sir.
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00:02:10,981 --> 00:02:12,859
What brings you back
to Fort Courage so soon?
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00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:13,994
Bad luck.
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00:02:14,018 --> 00:02:15,161
Uh,
37
00:02:15,185 --> 00:02:17,280
you were saying about
this special assignment?
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00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,533
Back at headquarters,
we've decided that
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00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:22,702
our, uh, officer candidate
school isn't turning out
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00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:26,206
the high caliber-type men
we need for this man's Army.
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00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,440
So...
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I'm going to visit all
the forts in the territory.
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00:02:30,166 --> 00:02:34,548
Evaluate the enlisted personnel
for commissions in the field.
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00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,917
First thing tomorrow
morning, we start off right here.
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Evaluating, testing.
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If I may say so, major,
an excellent idea.
47
00:02:40,544 --> 00:02:42,973
Our Captain Parmenter
was commissioned in the field.
48
00:02:42,997 --> 00:02:47,043
Yes, yes. They're well aware
of that back at headquarters.
49
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,434
But we're gonna go through
with the scheme anyway.
50
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,898
Captain, I'd like to take a look
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00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,834
at the service records of
all your enlisted personnel.
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00:02:54,858 --> 00:02:57,236
Uh, yes, sir. I have them
in alphabetical order,
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starting with A.
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00:02:58,529 --> 00:02:59,994
Good thinking.
55
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:07,430
Are you going to try for
a commission, sarge?
56
00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:09,966
What? Are you out
of your mind, Agarn?
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00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:12,735
With O'Rourke Enterprises,
the souvenirs, the saloon,
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00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:15,319
if they made me a general
I'd be taking a pay cut.
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00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,679
All right. Shut up, will ya.
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00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:25,615
Hold the talk.
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00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:28,618
Major's gonna be out here to
start the test any minute now.
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00:03:28,642 --> 00:03:30,920
What test, sarge?
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00:03:30,944 --> 00:03:33,504
You heard the sarge!
You heard the sarge.
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00:03:44,308 --> 00:03:46,828
Troop! Ten-hut!
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00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:51,357
F Troop all present,
accounted for, sir.
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00:03:51,381 --> 00:03:52,659
All right, sergeant.
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00:03:52,683 --> 00:03:54,427
Captain Parmenter, carry on.
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00:03:54,451 --> 00:03:55,528
Men!
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00:03:55,552 --> 00:03:57,797
This will be the
physical fitness part
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00:03:57,821 --> 00:03:59,849
of the officer's candidate test.
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00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,884
You will all now run
the obstacle course,
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which has been laid out.
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00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:06,456
And it will be under
simulated battle conditions.
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00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,624
Major Duncan
and I will be firing
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00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,893
live arrows over your head.
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00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,094
Captain.
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00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:14,630
This knee of mine's been
giving me trouble again.
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00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:16,566
It's that old wound I
got at the Alamo, sir.
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00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,034
There we were.
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00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,820
Me and Davy Crockett.
Shoulder to shoulder,
81
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,221
we went back to the wall.
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00:04:22,245 --> 00:04:23,240
Davy, I said! I...
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00:04:23,264 --> 00:04:25,709
I know all about
you and Duffy, Davy.
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00:04:25,733 --> 00:04:27,076
Davy. Duffy.
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00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,346
Sir, may I be excused?
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00:04:29,370 --> 00:04:31,748
You see, I've got this old
horseshoe-pitching elbow.
87
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:36,052
It's probably meines
ankle is... broken.
88
00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:37,787
Yes, sir, I don't feel too good.
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00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,289
I've been having dizzy spells.
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00:04:39,313 --> 00:04:41,391
I think it's from blowing
my bugle too hard.
91
00:04:43,584 --> 00:04:46,395
There, there,
there! I'm sorry, I...
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00:04:46,419 --> 00:04:48,920
Troopers! There, now, there!
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00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:55,192
All right, troop! Ten-hut!
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00:04:56,663 --> 00:05:02,028
Uh, men, this is possibly the
most important part of the test.
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00:05:02,052 --> 00:05:04,748
The first qualification
of a good cavalry officer
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00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:07,583
is that he be in tiptop
physical condition.
97
00:05:07,607 --> 00:05:08,607
Right, major?
98
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:11,387
Are you all right, sir?
99
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:13,723
I'm sorry, sir.
100
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,191
It's all right.
101
00:05:15,215 --> 00:05:16,559
All right. Just... knocked...
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00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:17,861
the wind out of me for a second.
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00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,328
Okay, sir.
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00:05:19,352 --> 00:05:20,563
There, you see, men?
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That's what I was telling you.
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Major Duncan is
a perfect example
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of a well-conditioned officer.
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00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:29,005
Captain Parmenter's
absolutely right, men.
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00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,774
Good officers gotta be
battle sharp, tiptop shape.
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All the time.
111
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:38,447
I'm fine. I'm fine.
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00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:40,883
Oh, boy. Stout fellow.
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Well, did you see, men?
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Captain Parmenter's
in... tiptop shape.
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00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,991
Sergeant, I think we'd
better start the test.
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00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,493
Yes, sir. Troop!
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About face!
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00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:56,087
Forward march!
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Troop, halt!
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00:06:01,661 --> 00:06:04,808
Left face!
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00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,375
All right, you yellow legs.
122
00:06:06,399 --> 00:06:09,145
This is an obstacle course,
and you are gonna run it.
123
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:11,848
I want you to jump
over that hitching rail.
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00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,617
Underneath that hitching
rail and the wagon.
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00:06:14,641 --> 00:06:16,719
Over the bales of straw.
126
00:06:16,743 --> 00:06:19,388
You will then jump
the watering trough.
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00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:23,159
Crawl on your bellies
underneath that infiltration course.
128
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,728
Climb up that rope hand
over hand to the roof.
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00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,763
And jump off
into the straw pile.
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00:06:27,787 --> 00:06:30,533
And then you will come
back the same course.
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00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:32,501
Underneath that
infiltration course.
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00:06:32,525 --> 00:06:34,503
Try not to fall into
the watering trough.
133
00:06:34,527 --> 00:06:36,005
Over the barrels.
Under the wagon.
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00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:38,274
And right back here
to this hitching rail.
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00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:40,532
And you can start now, Dobbs.
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00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,050
Come on!
137
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,688
Dobbs, can't you even
jump over a hitching rail?
138
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,974
Sarge, look what
I did to my bugle.
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00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:58,144
Never mind your Bugle. Just
get on with the obstacle course.
140
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,048
Hoffenmueller.
141
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,936
Parmenter, ready?
142
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,937
Arrows.
143
00:07:07,961 --> 00:07:09,110
Right, sir.
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00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:16,129
My honor.
145
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,820
Help! I can't swim!
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00:07:40,844 --> 00:07:43,022
Help! I can't swim!
147
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:44,046
I can't swim!
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00:07:46,099 --> 00:07:47,398
Help! I can't swim!
149
00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:52,378
Vanderbilt!
150
00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:00,678
A little lob shot.
151
00:08:32,062 --> 00:08:34,440
Cease-fire, Parmenter. Please.
152
00:08:34,464 --> 00:08:36,543
Sergeant O'Rourke!
153
00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:39,128
Tell the men we're
calling the test off.
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00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:40,329
Well, I'll tell 'em, sir,
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00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,397
but I don't know if
they'll hear me or not.
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00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:44,600
Dobbs, help Duffy
with that trick knee.
157
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,419
Come on, Agarn.
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00:08:46,443 --> 00:08:48,687
Oh, I don't think we should
call off the test, major.
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00:08:48,711 --> 00:08:51,457
My men really haven't
been given a chance.
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00:08:51,481 --> 00:08:53,793
Given a chance?
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00:08:53,817 --> 00:08:56,996
Parmenter, do you realize
the United States Cavalry
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00:08:57,020 --> 00:09:00,633
hasn't suffered a defeat
like this since Bull Run?
163
00:09:00,657 --> 00:09:01,867
If I may say so, sir,
164
00:09:01,891 --> 00:09:03,836
I think you were right
in calling off the test.
165
00:09:03,860 --> 00:09:05,771
I'm sure that F Troop
doesn't have any men
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00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,990
who are officer material.
167
00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:09,025
That's where you're
wrong, sergeant.
168
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,060
I think there's one
man in that troop
169
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,612
that's very well-qualified.
170
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:13,613
Well, who's that, sir?
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00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,198
Sergeant O'Rourke.
172
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:18,801
Oh, why, that's wonderful!
173
00:09:18,825 --> 00:09:20,253
Congratulations, sergeant.
174
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,219
Will ya quit worrying
and relax, sarge!
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00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,488
The major's gonna make
you an officer, and that's it!
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00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:41,012
Yeah.
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00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:43,693
Got it! Got what?
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00:09:43,717 --> 00:09:45,460
You tell the major
you can't be an officer
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00:09:45,484 --> 00:09:47,262
or a gentlemen
because of your problem.
180
00:09:47,286 --> 00:09:48,281
What problem?
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00:09:48,305 --> 00:09:50,015
You drink. Of course, I drink,
182
00:09:50,039 --> 00:09:52,385
but in this Army, if ya drink,
they make ya a general.
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00:09:52,409 --> 00:09:53,519
Oh, yeah.
184
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:55,454
I forgot about him.
185
00:09:55,478 --> 00:09:59,725
There has got to be some way...
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00:09:59,749 --> 00:10:01,360
Oh, that's it.
187
00:10:01,384 --> 00:10:02,929
What's it? You
just said something
188
00:10:02,953 --> 00:10:04,397
that may solve
our whole problem.
189
00:10:04,421 --> 00:10:06,465
I told you I'll solve your
problem for ya, sarge.
190
00:10:06,489 --> 00:10:08,034
And you never think
I can come up with
191
00:10:08,058 --> 00:10:10,136
an intelligent suggestion.
What did I say?
192
00:10:10,160 --> 00:10:11,603
We're gonna prove
to Major Duncan
193
00:10:11,627 --> 00:10:13,940
that I could never be an
officer and a gentleman.
194
00:10:13,964 --> 00:10:15,707
Well, that should be
easy for you, sarge.
195
00:10:15,731 --> 00:10:19,267
In my heart, you've
always been a... slob.
196
00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:56,315
Come in.
197
00:10:56,339 --> 00:10:57,416
Hi, Wilton.
198
00:10:57,440 --> 00:10:58,884
Hello, Jane.
199
00:10:58,908 --> 00:10:59,918
Jane, ooh!
200
00:10:59,942 --> 00:11:02,788
Oh, Wilton! I'll help you.
201
00:11:02,812 --> 00:11:04,890
Oh, Wilton. You've
gotta be more careful.
202
00:11:04,914 --> 00:11:08,560
Mm. I-I... Jane! Jane.
203
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,597
A lady does not come
barging into a man's bedroom.
204
00:11:11,621 --> 00:11:12,798
Well, ya told me to come in.
205
00:11:12,822 --> 00:11:14,300
Well, I didn't know it was you.
206
00:11:14,324 --> 00:11:17,103
Well, gee, you shouldn't be
going to bed at 7:00, anyway.
207
00:11:17,127 --> 00:11:20,139
Well, listen, my wise, old
grandmother once said to me
208
00:11:20,163 --> 00:11:22,041
that early to bed
and early to rise
209
00:11:22,065 --> 00:11:24,310
makes a man healthy,
wealthy and wise.
210
00:11:24,334 --> 00:11:26,512
Well, my wise, old
grandmother told me
211
00:11:26,536 --> 00:11:28,280
that if you go to bed
with the settin' sun,
212
00:11:28,304 --> 00:11:29,948
you're sure to
miss a lot of fun.
213
00:11:29,972 --> 00:11:31,384
And she oughta know
214
00:11:31,408 --> 00:11:35,121
'cause she was the highest
paid dance hall girl in Dodge City.
215
00:11:35,145 --> 00:11:38,157
Jane, I really think you
better leave now because
216
00:11:38,181 --> 00:11:41,494
my roommate, Major Duncan,
is going to be back any minute.
217
00:11:41,518 --> 00:11:44,230
All right, Wilton.
218
00:11:46,756 --> 00:11:48,600
Oh, I almost forgot.
219
00:11:48,624 --> 00:11:51,070
I brought you another mousetrap
and some more goat cheese.
220
00:11:51,094 --> 00:11:55,207
Thank you very much, Janey.
Now, would you please leave.
221
00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:57,943
Sure you don't want
me to tuck ya in, Wilton?
222
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,278
Jane!
223
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:28,924
Is that you, Jane?
224
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,693
Captain, I'd like to take a look
225
00:12:30,717 --> 00:12:33,295
at the service records of
all your enlisted personnel.
226
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,563
Oh, come in, major.
227
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,365
Thank you, Parmenter.
228
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:39,535
I was just, uh...
229
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:42,505
Hey, Parmenter, if you're
expecting your lady friend,
230
00:12:42,529 --> 00:12:44,473
I can go and get lost
for a couple of hours.
231
00:12:44,497 --> 00:12:45,741
No, no, no, major.
232
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,843
Oh, but you said... Jane.
233
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,212
I-I did? Yeah.
234
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,514
Uh, well, that... That's
my horse's name. Jane.
235
00:12:51,538 --> 00:12:52,681
Ah.
236
00:12:52,705 --> 00:12:54,550
Your horse in the habit
of coming by at night
237
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:56,302
and... knocking on your door?
238
00:12:56,326 --> 00:12:57,703
Uh, yes.
239
00:12:57,727 --> 00:12:59,555
And I feed her a lump of sugar.
240
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,863
Sure you do.
241
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:04,159
Oh, hold it, major.
242
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,427
Hold it. What's the matter?
243
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:07,829
You're tracking
up my clean floor.
244
00:13:07,853 --> 00:13:09,731
Oh, well, I'm sorry. What
do you want me to do?
245
00:13:09,755 --> 00:13:11,200
Just leap out of my boots?
246
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,036
No, I just like to keep
my quarters tidy, sir.
247
00:13:14,060 --> 00:13:16,471
You know, someday you're
gonna make some woman
248
00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:17,572
a wonderful wife.
249
00:13:17,596 --> 00:13:19,708
Thank you, sir.
250
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,743
Nice little town you got here.
251
00:13:21,767 --> 00:13:24,013
You know, there's not
much action, but it's got...
252
00:13:24,037 --> 00:13:25,580
We're building a
library, you know.
253
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:28,872
Well, that oughta
liven things up, huh?
254
00:13:30,543 --> 00:13:33,789
Look, Parmenter, I don't
expect you to be my orderly.
255
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:36,358
Well, sir, I'm just going by
what my wise, old grandmother
256
00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,659
used to tell me
when I was a boy.
257
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:39,228
Oh? "A place for everything
258
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,063
and everything in its place."
259
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,665
Isn't that funny, huh?
260
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:45,734
You know, my little, old
grandmother used to say
261
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:46,735
the same thing to me.
262
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:47,937
She did? Mm.
263
00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,271
Yeah, it was right after that
264
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:51,540
that I sawed the
rockers off her chair.
265
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:52,942
That wasn't very nice.
266
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,676
Ah, well, made me laugh.
267
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,245
But I figured
anybody going around
268
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:59,036
saying things like that
must be off their rocker, huh?
269
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,918
Well, I don't suppose
there's anything else
270
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:06,288
to do but blow out the
lamps and turn in, hm?
271
00:14:06,312 --> 00:14:07,923
Mind if we have
a little fresh air,
272
00:14:07,947 --> 00:14:10,492
or has your grandmother got
something to say about that too?
273
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,794
Yeah, as a matter of fact,
Granny used to say that...
274
00:14:12,818 --> 00:14:14,896
Ow! What is this?
275
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:16,932
Oh! Oh, here, let
me help you, major.
276
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:20,769
You ever heard of putting a
mousetrap on a window sill?
277
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:23,738
Well, a lot of mice
haven't heard of it either.
278
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,976
Is that you, Jane?
279
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:29,478
Oh, it could be my
horse again. Sure.
280
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:31,246
It's me, captain.
Corporal Agarn.
281
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,549
Oh. Well, come in,
corporal, come in.
282
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:36,251
What seems to be
the problem, corporal?
283
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:37,252
Major.
284
00:14:37,276 --> 00:14:38,520
It's Sergeant O'Rourke, sir.
285
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:40,322
Sergeant O'Rourke?
What happened to him?
286
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:42,624
Nothing. It's... It's just
that, well... Out with it!
287
00:14:42,648 --> 00:14:44,126
Out with it, corporal!
288
00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,361
Oh, goodness, no, sir.
289
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,129
Nobody likes to
turn in a buddy, but...
290
00:14:47,153 --> 00:14:48,630
there's something
you should know
291
00:14:48,654 --> 00:14:50,432
before you can
commission him an officer.
292
00:14:50,456 --> 00:14:52,434
Um, just what are you
talking about, corporal?
293
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:55,070
It's something the major
will have to see for himself.
294
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:57,473
With your permission,
major, I'll saddle up your horse.
295
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,607
Good work, corporal.
296
00:14:58,631 --> 00:15:01,043
I'll be with ya in a moment.
297
00:15:01,067 --> 00:15:02,911
Ah, maybe I should
go along with you.
298
00:15:02,935 --> 00:15:05,014
Hm? Oh, no.
299
00:15:05,038 --> 00:15:08,017
No, you stay here and
play "Hickory Dickory Dock."
300
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:44,019
I don't believe it.
301
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:46,076
Just don't believe it.
302
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,401
Sergeant O'Rourke
is in here every night.
303
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:02,071
He's a disgrace to his troop,
to his uniform, to his stripes,
304
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:05,007
to his horse, to his saddle,
to his boots, to his bunk,
305
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:06,008
to his footlocker.
306
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:08,244
All right, Agarn,
I got the point.
307
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:11,080
Ah, good evening and
welcome to the Playbrave Club.
308
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,349
Uh, may I see your
membership cards?
309
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:15,017
We don't have any
membership cards.
310
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:17,820
We are here to pick
up Sergeant O'Rourke.
311
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:20,022
Sure you wouldn't like
to stay for the evening?
312
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:23,292
Very cheap drinks served by
beautiful Playbrave Squirrels.
313
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:27,363
We are not interested.
Corn silk, peace pipes,
314
00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:28,597
snuff.
315
00:16:28,621 --> 00:16:31,589
Corn silk, peace pipes.
316
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,838
I'd sure like to help
that little squirrel
317
00:16:35,862 --> 00:16:37,673
collect acorns for
the winter, huh?
318
00:16:37,697 --> 00:16:39,575
Major Duncan!
319
00:16:39,599 --> 00:16:42,544
We are here to arrest
Sergeant O'Rourke.
320
00:16:42,568 --> 00:16:44,347
We are? Yes, sir.
321
00:16:44,371 --> 00:16:45,714
What for?
322
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:49,118
For conduct unbecoming
a future officer.
323
00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,220
Oh, that's why we're here.
324
00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:52,843
Sir.
325
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,893
Aha!
326
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,995
Sergeant O'Rourke!
327
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:01,464
Caught you red-handed.
328
00:17:01,488 --> 00:17:03,666
Nothing personal, chief.
329
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,033
What are you doing here, sir?
330
00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:06,301
What's going on here?
331
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:09,004
Nothing to do with
you, chief. It's just, uh...
332
00:17:09,028 --> 00:17:12,374
I was told Sergeant O'Rourke
was up here, so I, uh...
333
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:13,726
I came by to investigate.
334
00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:15,260
Sergeant here every night.
335
00:17:15,284 --> 00:17:18,263
He has membership card
number one in Playbrave Club.
336
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,966
You had to turn in your
best buddy, didn't ya?
337
00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:22,901
I did it for the service, sarge.
338
00:17:22,925 --> 00:17:24,703
I'm a buddy second.
339
00:17:24,727 --> 00:17:27,672
But I'm a soldier first.
340
00:17:27,696 --> 00:17:29,241
I know what
you're thinking, sir.
341
00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:32,328
That I am not fit officer
material, and you are right.
342
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,462
As a matter of fact,
343
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,597
I don't even deserve
these sergeant stripes.
344
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,466
Quite right, sergeant.
345
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,501
Get out!
346
00:17:39,525 --> 00:17:40,869
Don't worry, O'Rourke.
347
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,371
Once you're outta
the guardhouse,
348
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:44,072
you'll work your way
back up the ladder.
349
00:17:44,096 --> 00:17:47,676
Hold on. There's not gonna
be any guardhouse, corporal.
350
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:50,612
Sergeant, I'm commissioning you
351
00:17:50,636 --> 00:17:51,947
second lieutenant.
352
00:17:51,971 --> 00:17:54,483
But, major, how can you do that?
353
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,618
Tut-tut-tut, corporal.
354
00:17:56,642 --> 00:17:58,954
One of the most important
qualities of a good officer
355
00:17:58,978 --> 00:18:00,288
is leadership.
356
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:02,108
Any man who can lead
me to a place like this
357
00:18:02,132 --> 00:18:04,477
is officer material.
358
00:18:04,501 --> 00:18:06,212
Surely, sir, you're
making a mistake.
359
00:18:06,236 --> 00:18:08,380
I mean, you want officers
like Captain Parmenter.
360
00:18:08,404 --> 00:18:09,715
I don't know.
361
00:18:09,739 --> 00:18:12,318
The cavalry's looking for
men, not housekeepers.
362
00:18:12,342 --> 00:18:15,153
Congratulations, O'Rourke.
363
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,255
I have a nice
ringside table for ya.
364
00:18:17,279 --> 00:18:19,124
No, Crazy Cat,
they are my guests.
365
00:18:19,148 --> 00:18:21,627
Well, thank you,
chief. Let's all sit down
366
00:18:21,651 --> 00:18:24,062
and, uh, and go on
with the party, huh.
367
00:18:24,086 --> 00:18:25,464
You in luck, major.
368
00:18:25,488 --> 00:18:28,166
Tonight, we have music
of the Tomahawk Trio.
369
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,135
I'm sure I'm gonna
enjoy them very much.
370
00:18:30,159 --> 00:18:33,060
They held over four
weeks at Little Big Horn.
371
00:18:55,151 --> 00:18:56,895
Well, good
afternoon, lieutenant.
372
00:18:56,919 --> 00:18:58,997
Now, knock it off.
373
00:18:59,021 --> 00:19:02,034
I must say one thing: you
look good as a lieutenant, sarge.
374
00:19:02,058 --> 00:19:04,703
And I'd like to say you look
good as a sergeant, corporal.
375
00:19:04,727 --> 00:19:06,605
Are you pulling
rank on me, sarge?
376
00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:08,073
Err... lieutenant.
377
00:19:08,097 --> 00:19:11,877
Listen. In 24 hours, I've gotta
leave here with Major Duncan.
378
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,312
I'm going to miss ya, sarge.
379
00:19:13,336 --> 00:19:14,746
No, you don't understand.
380
00:19:14,770 --> 00:19:17,449
We gotta think of some way to
get these bars off my shoulder.
381
00:19:17,473 --> 00:19:18,717
But there's no way.
382
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:19,851
We know different,
383
00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,353
but the major
thinks you're great.
384
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:31,146
Hoffenmueller, the only
ones you could wake up
385
00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,648
with that call are
the German army.
386
00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:35,083
Hey, corporal! How 'bout
giving me a chance at the bugle?
387
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:36,652
I should be the one
to blow the bugle.
388
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:37,919
What are you talking about?
389
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:41,156
I'll tell you who's
gonna blow the bugle.
390
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,541
Is that the way to do it, sarge?
391
00:19:42,565 --> 00:19:46,245
Well, actually, Dobbs,
it's in the wrist. You see?
392
00:19:46,269 --> 00:19:49,248
Keep a nice loose
wrist. On your toes.
393
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,384
Keep your eye on his head.
And then follow through.
394
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:56,422
There.
395
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:57,823
Let's go see Captain Parmenter.
396
00:19:57,847 --> 00:19:59,425
Maybe he can
request that I stay here.
397
00:19:59,449 --> 00:20:01,527
Practice, Dobbs.
398
00:20:01,551 --> 00:20:04,430
I'm going into town, captain.
I'll be back around 7:00.
399
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:05,731
Very well, major.
400
00:20:05,755 --> 00:20:07,666
Let's wait till
the major leaves.
401
00:20:07,690 --> 00:20:09,068
You, uh...
402
00:20:09,092 --> 00:20:11,336
haven't set anymore
mousetraps, have ya?
403
00:20:11,360 --> 00:20:12,337
No, sir.
404
00:20:12,361 --> 00:20:13,738
Good.
405
00:20:13,762 --> 00:20:14,973
Oh, one more thing, major.
406
00:20:14,997 --> 00:20:17,042
If you happen to come
home with mud on your boots,
407
00:20:17,066 --> 00:20:18,911
would you mind
leaving them outside?
408
00:20:18,935 --> 00:20:19,912
What?
409
00:20:19,936 --> 00:20:21,479
- I - just washed the floor.
410
00:20:21,503 --> 00:20:22,781
See here, Parmenter.
411
00:20:22,805 --> 00:20:25,083
If you're so afraid of me
messing up your quarters,
412
00:20:25,107 --> 00:20:28,987
there's another officer on this
post I can bunk with, you know.
413
00:20:29,011 --> 00:20:29,988
Who's that, sir?
414
00:20:30,012 --> 00:20:31,373
Lieutenant O'Rourke.
415
00:20:31,397 --> 00:20:33,141
Oh, yes, I forgot about him.
416
00:20:33,165 --> 00:20:34,126
Yeah!
417
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,861
He's my kind of man.
418
00:20:35,885 --> 00:20:37,930
You can bet your boots he
won't meet me at the door
419
00:20:37,954 --> 00:20:41,333
in a... A nightshirt with a
feather duster in his hands.
420
00:20:42,925 --> 00:20:44,292
Oh, come in.
421
00:20:46,429 --> 00:20:47,539
Oh, good evening, major.
422
00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:50,008
Good evening,
lieutenant. Good evening.
423
00:20:50,032 --> 00:20:51,543
Say, I thought
you and I might, uh,
424
00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:56,615
slip up to the Playbrave
Club, you know, and...
425
00:20:56,639 --> 00:20:58,901
But you're all ready
for bed? It's only 7:00.
426
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,469
Sure, now that I'm an officer,
I have new responsibilities.
427
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:04,907
Well, I appreciate that, but...
428
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:07,175
You're wearing lieutenant
bars on your nightshirt?
429
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,617
Pardon, sir, it's just
that I'm so proud.
430
00:21:12,288 --> 00:21:14,899
Now there's a feather
duster you have in your hand.
431
00:21:14,923 --> 00:21:17,869
Oh, yes, yes. I like
to keep my room tidy.
432
00:21:17,893 --> 00:21:20,071
As my wise, old
grandmother once said:
433
00:21:20,095 --> 00:21:23,175
"Cleanliness is
next to godliness."
434
00:21:23,199 --> 00:21:24,876
Uh, is she, by any
chance, related
435
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:27,579
to Parmenter's wise,
old grandmother?
436
00:21:27,603 --> 00:21:29,648
I don't think so, sir. No.
437
00:21:29,672 --> 00:21:31,983
O'Rourke, I hope I didn't
make a mistake with you.
438
00:21:32,007 --> 00:21:34,453
Oh, no, sir. I'm sure I'm
going to be a very good officer.
439
00:21:34,477 --> 00:21:39,191
I'm beginning to have my doubts.
440
00:21:39,215 --> 00:21:40,592
Oh, no, sir.
441
00:21:40,616 --> 00:21:43,228
I-I'm sure that you're
going to be proud of me, sir.
442
00:21:43,252 --> 00:21:46,865
I'm not so sure
about that, O'Rourke.
443
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,488
There we are.
444
00:21:50,693 --> 00:21:52,705
Good heavens. Look
what we've done now.
445
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:53,706
Oh? What?
446
00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:56,274
Well, you've
tracked up my floor.
447
00:21:56,298 --> 00:21:57,542
Oh?
448
00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:00,378
I am... I'm sorry
about that O'Rourke.
449
00:22:00,402 --> 00:22:03,281
It's all right, major. We'll
put it right in just a moment.
450
00:22:03,305 --> 00:22:04,338
All right, where is it?
451
00:22:05,274 --> 00:22:06,251
Where's what, sir?
452
00:22:06,275 --> 00:22:07,720
The mousetrap.
453
00:22:07,744 --> 00:22:09,772
Oh, I've never had any
trouble with mice, sir.
454
00:22:09,796 --> 00:22:12,775
You're sure there isn't any...
455
00:22:14,634 --> 00:22:17,646
But I have been
bothered with bears, sir.
456
00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:19,681
Get me out of this!
457
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:21,449
There you are.
458
00:22:21,473 --> 00:22:22,584
Are you all right, sir?
459
00:22:22,608 --> 00:22:24,586
No. No, I'm not all...
460
00:22:24,610 --> 00:22:28,757
Oh, I'd let you lie on the
bed, sir, but I... I just made it.
461
00:22:28,781 --> 00:22:31,727
I don't think you're gonna
need these anymore.
462
00:22:31,751 --> 00:22:33,662
Sergeant O'Rourke!
463
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:36,164
Oh, well, sir...
464
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:38,900
You're more than welcome
to spend the night, sir.
465
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,568
No, thank you!
466
00:22:40,592 --> 00:22:42,971
I'm... going over
and spend the night
467
00:22:42,995 --> 00:22:46,296
with Captain "Blood
and Guts" Parmenter.
468
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:52,871
Whew.
469
00:23:00,345 --> 00:23:01,523
Did it work, sarge?
470
00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:04,526
Like a charm. Like a charm.
471
00:23:04,550 --> 00:23:05,927
Where we going, sarge?
472
00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:09,865
If we hurry, we can make the
late show at the Playbrave Club.
473
00:23:15,611 --> 00:23:17,456
You are the men of F Troop.
474
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,192
Defenders of the West.
475
00:23:20,216 --> 00:23:22,660
The eyes of Washington
are on all of us.
476
00:23:22,684 --> 00:23:23,883
All of us.
477
00:23:27,022 --> 00:23:29,990
Gravy stains,
Duddleson? Gravy stains?
478
00:23:32,394 --> 00:23:34,728
Hut!
479
00:23:51,247 --> 00:23:53,713
Oh, Dobbs! Dobbs. Aw.
480
00:24:07,029 --> 00:24:08,145
Dobbs.
481
00:24:15,204 --> 00:24:16,982
F Troop all present,
accounted for, sir.
482
00:24:20,526 --> 00:24:22,960
And, uh, the troop is
ready for inspection.
483
00:24:34,690 --> 00:24:36,968
So back to normal,
I see, sergeant.
484
00:24:36,992 --> 00:24:38,225
Yes, sir.
33161
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