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1
00:00:01,914 --> 00:00:04,184
[upbeat music]
2
00:00:04,221 --> 00:00:07,271
Pros and cons of living
in St. Louis vs L.A...
3
00:00:07,311 --> 00:00:09,441
St. Louis pros--less traffic.
4
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:12,357
Less people who are k-uh.
5
00:00:12,403 --> 00:00:14,753
- Less anxiety.
- Throw Chris on there.
6
00:00:14,797 --> 00:00:16,097
Cons, um...
7
00:00:16,146 --> 00:00:17,886
I feel removed
from show business.
8
00:00:17,930 --> 00:00:19,670
I miss a lot of my friends.
9
00:00:19,715 --> 00:00:22,275
I can't get
onstage every single night.
10
00:00:22,326 --> 00:00:24,066
I don't even
think about L.A. right now.
11
00:00:24,111 --> 00:00:26,071
- Think about it right now.
- Okay.
12
00:00:26,113 --> 00:00:28,123
- What are you thinking?
- Like, dirty streets.
13
00:00:28,158 --> 00:00:29,638
Okay. Con.
14
00:00:29,681 --> 00:00:32,551
[both laughing]
15
00:00:32,597 --> 00:00:35,507
♪ I wanna miss my flight
16
00:00:35,557 --> 00:00:37,517
♪ I feel so all alone
17
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:40,609
♪ Out on the road
18
00:00:40,649 --> 00:00:43,909
♪ Can you welcome me home?
19
00:00:43,956 --> 00:00:47,526
[rock music]
20
00:00:47,569 --> 00:00:49,529
[car horn honks]
- Oh,----.
21
00:00:49,571 --> 00:00:50,831
Ooh.
22
00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:52,396
I don't know
why I'm trying to, like, drive
23
00:00:52,443 --> 00:00:56,273
like someone's tailing me
and I have to, like, lose them.
24
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:59,277
So I finally went
to therapy with Chris,
25
00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,710
which is, like,------.
- Good.
26
00:01:01,757 --> 00:01:04,587
I was so excited and nearly
cried at his willingness.
27
00:01:04,629 --> 00:01:06,239
Marriage--
28
00:01:06,283 --> 00:01:10,373
like, those are things that
I've been definitely reluctant.
29
00:01:10,418 --> 00:01:13,508
But I'm not closed off to it
like I was.
30
00:01:13,551 --> 00:01:16,551
Like, where are you feeling
right now you guys stand...
31
00:01:16,598 --> 00:01:18,768
- Well, it was so good.
- Literally today?
32
00:01:18,817 --> 00:01:22,387
He's, like, emotionally
open and going to places
33
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:25,740
that he never could even go
alone with me before.
34
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,221
But I want commitment,
35
00:01:27,261 --> 00:01:29,441
and I want to know
where we're going,
36
00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:31,920
where we're headed,
what the goal is.
37
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:34,571
I hate this limbo.
- Yeah.
38
00:01:34,616 --> 00:01:36,266
Do you think
that you can imagine
39
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:37,623
yourself staying here
without Chris?
40
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:40,452
If Chris and I
don't work out
41
00:01:40,491 --> 00:01:43,451
for some------- reason,
I'll probably want to leave,
42
00:01:43,494 --> 00:01:46,764
because this town
reminds me of him so much.
43
00:01:46,802 --> 00:01:50,242
As much as I want to just take
control right now and be like,
44
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:51,854
"Chris, be my boyfriend,
come on,"
45
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:54,244
I want to be
wanted and I really,
46
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,638
really want him
to define the relationship.
47
00:01:56,681 --> 00:02:00,291
Like, it's weird with you
and Chris because it literally
48
00:02:00,337 --> 00:02:02,247
is putting on the line,
like, whether you stay
49
00:02:02,296 --> 00:02:03,986
in St. Louis
or you go somewhere else,
50
00:02:04,036 --> 00:02:05,556
whether it works out here.
51
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,563
So it's like, I kind of want
it to work out with you guys.
52
00:02:07,605 --> 00:02:09,385
I want so badly
to be able to say, like,
53
00:02:09,433 --> 00:02:10,833
"Let's just------- do it
and get married.
54
00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:13,439
"We've been doing this off
and on for eight years.
55
00:02:13,481 --> 00:02:14,961
Like, what are we doing?"
- Seriously.
56
00:02:15,004 --> 00:02:18,624
If he can't do that, I'm
not gonna stay in St. Louis.
57
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:22,360
I don't want to have to see
his charming, gorgeous face
58
00:02:22,403 --> 00:02:25,453
pop up on my Bumble
as, like, a top pick for me.
59
00:02:25,493 --> 00:02:26,763
And I'm like,
"You're right, Bumble.
60
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:29,448
He was, but he didn't want
what I wanted."
61
00:02:29,497 --> 00:02:31,147
You know we're building,
like, a sex dungeon
62
00:02:31,194 --> 00:02:33,284
in his basement, perhaps?
63
00:02:33,327 --> 00:02:35,457
- [laughing] A dungeon.
- Yeah.
64
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,113
I know, people are being like,
65
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:38,807
"Should we have kids
and buy a house?"
66
00:02:38,854 --> 00:02:42,554
And I'm like, "Should I buy
this chain restraint
67
00:02:42,597 --> 00:02:45,597
that costs $1,000 if
he's not gonna commit first?"
68
00:02:45,643 --> 00:02:47,213
Like, it's so stupid.
- Oh, my God.
69
00:02:49,212 --> 00:02:50,692
What up, dogs?
How you doing?
70
00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:53,215
- What's up?
- What's that?
71
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:55,350
- This is a gift.
- Babe, what?
72
00:02:55,392 --> 00:02:56,742
- This is your own label maker.
- Aw.
73
00:02:56,785 --> 00:02:58,475
You said
you wanted to borrow mine,
74
00:02:58,526 --> 00:02:59,876
and even though I love a world
75
00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:02,008
where you always need
my label maker,
76
00:03:02,051 --> 00:03:03,491
I just thought you'd like this.
- Oh, my God.
77
00:03:03,531 --> 00:03:05,051
Will you set it up for me?
- Of course.
78
00:03:05,097 --> 00:03:07,007
Andrew, do you have anything
you want to label?
79
00:03:07,056 --> 00:03:10,226
Everything.
- Man, I love labeling things!
80
00:03:10,277 --> 00:03:12,757
Everything
but relationship status.
81
00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:14,281
Hey-oh.
82
00:03:14,324 --> 00:03:18,334
[upbeat music]
83
00:03:18,372 --> 00:03:20,422
♪ Going to L.A.
84
00:03:20,461 --> 00:03:22,511
♪ Not gonna wear
85
00:03:22,550 --> 00:03:25,900
♪ 80% of the clothes I bring
86
00:03:27,076 --> 00:03:28,336
Wednesday.
87
00:03:28,382 --> 00:03:30,252
You didn't bring
a toothbrush last trip.
88
00:03:30,297 --> 00:03:31,907
Yeah, I did.
89
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,910
You're gonna get Alzheimer's
from not brushing your teeth.
90
00:03:33,952 --> 00:03:36,132
- What?
- Disease starts in the gums.
91
00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:38,702
- Aziz Ansari?
92
00:03:38,740 --> 00:03:42,700
- Disease Ansari!
- Disease starts in the gums.
93
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:46,444
If you don't brush
your teeth and you use floss,
94
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,227
you're gonna die sooner!
95
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:51,061
[both laughing]
96
00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:55,020
Keep.
97
00:03:55,060 --> 00:03:56,240
Wash.
98
00:03:56,279 --> 00:03:58,409
How many leopard things
do you have?
99
00:03:58,455 --> 00:04:00,365
This is my suitcase
from last week,
100
00:04:00,414 --> 00:04:01,854
and I'm just going through
101
00:04:01,893 --> 00:04:05,033
and seeing if these things
will hold up in L.A.
102
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:08,900
I'm headed to L.A. to do
some work, as I do frequently.
103
00:04:08,944 --> 00:04:11,564
What are you doing in L.A.,
other than our show?
104
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,559
Deciding if I'm gonna move
there or not?
105
00:04:13,601 --> 00:04:15,041
You know, the whole time,
106
00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,130
I'm gonna be having that
in the back of my mind.
107
00:04:17,169 --> 00:04:18,429
As much as I love St. Louis,
108
00:04:18,475 --> 00:04:20,695
as someone who kind of wants
to slow down,
109
00:04:20,738 --> 00:04:24,258
there are things I really miss
about L.A., and I'm torn.
110
00:04:24,307 --> 00:04:26,657
[sniffs] Keep.
111
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:28,141
[sniffs]
112
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:29,970
How do you check if underwear
is clean or not for you?
113
00:04:30,008 --> 00:04:32,748
Do you smell yours?
- Oh, my God.
114
00:04:32,794 --> 00:04:34,324
[whines]
115
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:37,451
Luigi, I wish you could come.
I want you to go with me.
116
00:04:37,494 --> 00:04:40,284
Being in L.A. is beneficial
to me for my career,
117
00:04:40,323 --> 00:04:42,333
because you're not
a flight away.
118
00:04:42,369 --> 00:04:43,889
You're within
driving distance.
119
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,755
And although those take
the same amount of time
120
00:04:45,807 --> 00:04:47,767
to get there
because of traffic,
121
00:04:47,809 --> 00:04:50,029
when you're in L.A.,
people think of you more
122
00:04:50,072 --> 00:04:51,332
for different jobs.
123
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:53,028
Oh, Lu.
124
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:56,465
Why do you look at me
with such curiosity and disdain
125
00:04:56,513 --> 00:04:58,653
at the same time?
126
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:02,353
Do we need to go to therapy?
[smooching]
127
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:05,779
♪
128
00:05:05,827 --> 00:05:06,997
[dog barks]
129
00:05:07,045 --> 00:05:08,955
Oh, Marion's eye gunk--ew.
130
00:05:09,004 --> 00:05:11,184
Why do you have it
on your wrist?
131
00:05:11,223 --> 00:05:13,403
It just got on my finger.
132
00:05:13,443 --> 00:05:14,793
We need to clean
her eyes every day.
133
00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,926
- It's contagious.
- Oh, come here, Marion.
134
00:05:16,968 --> 00:05:18,188
Let's get your eye gunk.
135
00:05:18,230 --> 00:05:19,540
She says,
"I don't want to touch that."
136
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:22,540
Dirty girl, girl, come here.
There you go.
137
00:05:22,583 --> 00:05:25,063
Oh, that's so gunky.
138
00:05:25,107 --> 00:05:26,497
I remember one time
139
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:28,893
I was over at a famous
friend's house,
140
00:05:28,937 --> 00:05:31,327
and Emma Stone came by,
and I didn't know Emma Stone,
141
00:05:31,374 --> 00:05:32,384
and she walks in the door.
142
00:05:32,419 --> 00:05:33,459
I'm like,
"Oh, my God, it's Emma."
143
00:05:33,507 --> 00:05:34,727
And Marion is on my lap.
144
00:05:34,769 --> 00:05:35,989
And Emma doesn't even see me.
145
00:05:36,031 --> 00:05:37,601
She just looks
at the dog and goes,
146
00:05:37,641 --> 00:05:40,081
"Oh, my God, is she 100?"
147
00:05:40,122 --> 00:05:41,652
And I was like, "She's two."
148
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,649
And she was like,
"That's insane."
149
00:05:43,691 --> 00:05:45,481
That's what I love
about Marion--
150
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:48,999
is that she is so ugly
that she's cute.
151
00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:52,184
♪
152
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:54,441
She looks like
a starving polar bear.
153
00:05:54,484 --> 00:05:56,144
So what do
you got planned in L.A.?
154
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:57,841
I'm gonna do a couple spots
around town,
155
00:05:57,879 --> 00:06:00,799
maybe Comedy Store,
Laugh Factory,
156
00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:03,188
dinner with Spade,
Kelly Clarkson.
157
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,972
Kelly?
158
00:06:05,016 --> 00:06:08,186
- Machine Gun Kelly.
- Machine Gun Kelly Clarkson.
159
00:06:08,237 --> 00:06:09,797
[laughter]
160
00:06:09,847 --> 00:06:11,677
There's more action
on both coasts
161
00:06:11,719 --> 00:06:12,979
than there is in St. Louis.
162
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,644
But she's
in the middle of the country.
163
00:06:14,678 --> 00:06:16,638
But right now she might miss
some of the other,
164
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:18,680
more exciting parts
of her career.
165
00:06:18,726 --> 00:06:19,766
I think she's torn.
166
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:20,954
Hanging out with Lizzie,
167
00:06:20,989 --> 00:06:22,469
hopefully hanging out
with Carlisle.
168
00:06:22,512 --> 00:06:26,212
I sure would miss Nikki
if she decided to move to L.A.
169
00:06:26,255 --> 00:06:28,475
I would, too.
170
00:06:28,518 --> 00:06:30,088
Well, it sounds
like a whirlwind time.
171
00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:33,218
I mean, it's going to be
exhaustive, but it'll be fun.
172
00:06:33,262 --> 00:06:36,482
When she's home, she's like,
"Oh, I need to get out to L.A."
173
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,616
And when she's in L.A.,
174
00:06:38,659 --> 00:06:41,749
she probably feels
like she's missing something,
175
00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:43,662
like us.
[both laughing]
176
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:45,187
Just kiddi--just kidding.
177
00:06:45,230 --> 00:06:47,760
So how long will you be gone?
Just for--
178
00:06:47,798 --> 00:06:49,578
Um...
179
00:06:49,626 --> 00:06:51,976
I think I come back on Sunday.
- Okay.
180
00:06:52,020 --> 00:06:53,940
Get some nice meals
for yourselves.
181
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:56,498
Take yourselves out.
- We're gonna--livin' large.
182
00:06:56,546 --> 00:06:58,156
Go get a massage.
Go treat yourselves.
183
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,460
I'll pay for it.
184
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:02,636
I might
if I found a good deal.
185
00:07:02,683 --> 00:07:04,733
No, it doesn't need to be
a good deal.
186
00:07:04,772 --> 00:07:06,472
- If I find a Groupon for it.
- No.
187
00:07:06,513 --> 00:07:08,653
You've never once
bought yourself a massage.
188
00:07:08,689 --> 00:07:11,869
You only get them as presents.
- That's not true at all.
189
00:07:11,909 --> 00:07:13,559
Have I?
- No. Never.
190
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,437
- Sure you have.
- Yeah, I have.
191
00:07:15,478 --> 00:07:16,868
When?
192
00:07:16,914 --> 00:07:20,314
It was about two years ago,
and it was...
193
00:07:20,352 --> 00:07:22,752
- A deal.
- A deal.
194
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:25,100
Find me
a massage parlor, okay?
195
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:28,450
- Pfft, God.
- You're not getting anything.
196
00:07:28,491 --> 00:07:31,451
You're getting zero Gs.
[laughter]
197
00:07:35,803 --> 00:07:39,203
[upbeat music]
198
00:07:39,241 --> 00:07:41,161
Yes. Cali, baby.
199
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:45,639
♪
200
00:07:45,682 --> 00:07:47,472
You ready to do this?
- Yeah.
201
00:07:47,510 --> 00:07:48,860
Welcome to L.A.
202
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:51,433
One thing I love
about being in L.A.
203
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:54,521
is that I'm constantly
in motion.
204
00:07:54,561 --> 00:07:55,781
I'm doing
the Kelly Clarkson Show.
205
00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,003
I'm doing an appearance
206
00:07:57,041 --> 00:07:59,391
on my friend Ben Gleib's
live fundraiser.
207
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:02,865
Yeah, someone said, from
behind, I look like a model,
208
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,957
and then I turn around, they
go, "Oh, no, she's a comedian."
209
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,486
And so that hurt
my feelings a lot.
210
00:08:07,530 --> 00:08:10,490
And I'm trying
to get a show off the ground.
211
00:08:10,533 --> 00:08:12,843
My friend, Bill Lawrence--
he created "Spin City,"
212
00:08:12,883 --> 00:08:15,893
"Scrubs," "Ted Lasso."
213
00:08:15,930 --> 00:08:17,760
I get to work with almost
whoever I want to, right?
214
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,851
And yet, still, even for me,
215
00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,720
there's certain people
that are elusive.
216
00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:23,112
George Clooney--
217
00:08:23,154 --> 00:08:24,944
I've always wanted to actually
work with him.
218
00:08:24,982 --> 00:08:27,382
Also can't seem to make working
with Nikki Glaser happen.
219
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:28,549
So it's like--
- [laughs]
220
00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,505
I have something
in common with Clooney?
221
00:08:30,553 --> 00:08:31,903
Do you think,
though, that the project
222
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,686
that we're kind
of talking about--
223
00:08:33,730 --> 00:08:35,560
Do I think it'll happen
if you live in St. Louis?
224
00:08:35,602 --> 00:08:37,212
- Yeah.
- I always tell people,
225
00:08:37,255 --> 00:08:39,205
if you're thinking about diving
into something,
226
00:08:39,257 --> 00:08:41,647
diving into a show,
diving into a movie, okay?
227
00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,305
Your career is at a place,
228
00:08:43,348 --> 00:08:45,258
as long as you don't get caught
in the permanence of it,
229
00:08:45,307 --> 00:08:46,867
right now you can live
in St. Louis.
230
00:08:46,917 --> 00:08:48,697
- Yeah.
- Everybody out here
231
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:51,005
puts this feeling
of permanence on it.
232
00:08:51,052 --> 00:08:52,532
It's like, "I don't know--what
if my whole life's ruined?"
233
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,705
I'm like, "Well, then you sell
your place and move back.
234
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:55,971
Yeah, what are you doing?"
235
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:57,713
The project
I'm working on with Bill
236
00:08:57,754 --> 00:08:59,234
is one that my friend
Jamie Lee,
237
00:08:59,277 --> 00:09:01,367
who is a writer on "Ted Lasso,"
came up with.
238
00:09:01,410 --> 00:09:03,110
And I can't go into details,
239
00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:06,241
but it involves her and I
as the stars of this show.
240
00:09:06,284 --> 00:09:09,034
I'm not gonna not do
this show with you
241
00:09:09,070 --> 00:09:11,030
'cause you live in St. Louis,
'cause I know you'll move back
242
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,512
when you have to.
- Yes.
243
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:14,682
I've never done
scripted entertainment before,
244
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:17,078
but because Bill Lawrence
believes in me,
245
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:19,381
I'm just like,
"I must be good enough,"
246
00:09:19,428 --> 00:09:21,688
because he knows
better than I do--I know that.
247
00:09:21,735 --> 00:09:23,255
As long as you accept
248
00:09:23,301 --> 00:09:27,311
that in the inevitable peaks
and valleys of your career,
249
00:09:27,349 --> 00:09:29,389
in the peaks, you can be
wherever you want,
250
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,608
and in the valleys, you have to
be here
251
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:32,918
and do whatever you want.
- Okay.
252
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,273
- Does that make sense?
- Yeah.
253
00:09:34,312 --> 00:09:36,452
It means a lot to me,
and I really--
254
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:37,838
I cherish our friendship.
255
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,621
And even though I really
appreciate having you
256
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:41,146
in my life,
I'm not going to St. Louis.
257
00:09:41,189 --> 00:09:43,579
I'm not going to St. Louis,
no matter what.
258
00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:45,016
Thank you, Bill.
259
00:09:46,324 --> 00:09:47,464
I want it all.
260
00:09:47,499 --> 00:09:48,719
Career, dogs.
261
00:09:48,762 --> 00:09:50,372
- Birds.
- Birds.
262
00:09:50,415 --> 00:09:52,025
Kids. Husband.
263
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:53,639
Friends.
264
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,860
[both laugh]
265
00:09:55,899 --> 00:10:00,209
♪
266
00:10:00,251 --> 00:10:02,911
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
267
00:10:02,950 --> 00:10:04,390
Come on in, Heather.
- Look at you.
268
00:10:04,429 --> 00:10:06,779
You go in there--I want
to be closer to the edamame.
269
00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,573
Tony, can I order?
- Yeah, of course.
270
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,519
I'll do
the crispy ones, yeah.
271
00:10:11,567 --> 00:10:13,997
- Actually, do two of those.
- I'm gonna do shishitos.
272
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:15,878
- Shishitos.
- The seaweed salad.
273
00:10:15,919 --> 00:10:17,619
You got the salad section.
274
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:18,840
Let's have some fun.
275
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:20,659
- Thank you.
- Got it. You're welcome.
276
00:10:20,707 --> 00:10:23,267
America's favorite
Midwest comic.
277
00:10:23,318 --> 00:10:26,018
It's a niche, but...
- [laughs]
278
00:10:26,060 --> 00:10:27,980
We want you here.
We want you here.
279
00:10:28,018 --> 00:10:30,108
I used to only hang out
with comedians
280
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,981
every single night of my life
for the past 17 years.
281
00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:34,903
So, until I moved back
to St. Louis,
282
00:10:34,938 --> 00:10:36,638
that was all I knew.
283
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:41,339
Yeah, you should be out here,
mostly to hang out, but also...
284
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:44,599
Actually, no other reason.
[laughter]
285
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:46,524
But as much as I love seeing
my friends and, like,
286
00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,388
getting a lot of work done
and feeling productive,
287
00:10:48,430 --> 00:10:51,000
there's a part of me
that's missing being at home
288
00:10:51,041 --> 00:10:53,831
in a way that I haven't
felt before.
289
00:10:53,870 --> 00:10:57,830
Okay, I feel like most
people in sha-biz
290
00:10:57,874 --> 00:10:59,834
are, like, kind of unhappy.
291
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:01,836
But I'm serious
when I say that you're one
292
00:11:01,878 --> 00:11:03,268
of the most even-keeled people
I know.
293
00:11:03,314 --> 00:11:06,934
Do you think
that's because you are single?
294
00:11:06,970 --> 00:11:10,370
Well, it's always
"grass is greener" syndrome.
295
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:11,798
Yeah.
296
00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,455
Some people are bluffing it
when they're happy,
297
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:15,538
and it's all for those photos
and you just watch them fight,
298
00:11:15,587 --> 00:11:17,717
and you go, "Goddamn,
they hate each other."
299
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:20,854
But I think being single is
hard to switch and be married.
300
00:11:20,897 --> 00:11:22,417
And I think being married,
301
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:24,604
the idea of being single
is very tough.
302
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:25,860
You're right.
303
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:27,032
Because they go,
"What am I gonna do--
304
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:28,777
go to clubs every night?"
305
00:11:28,818 --> 00:11:30,778
I'm starting
to think the grass is browner.
306
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:33,390
- [laughing]
- That's hilarious.
307
00:11:33,431 --> 00:11:35,221
I run into,
where guys are like,
308
00:11:35,259 --> 00:11:36,699
"It's whatever
you want it to be."
309
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,919
And I'm like, "No, no, no.
I want you to want me."
310
00:11:38,959 --> 00:11:40,829
'Cause with my ex-boyfriend,
he's like,
311
00:11:40,874 --> 00:11:42,224
"All right, cool,
whatever you want."
312
00:11:42,266 --> 00:11:44,006
And I'm like, "I want you
to be the one to be like,
313
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:45,401
'Be my girlfriend.'"
314
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:47,493
It scares me that Chris
is never definitive
315
00:11:47,532 --> 00:11:48,802
about what he wants.
316
00:11:48,838 --> 00:11:51,668
When we were together in L.A.,
he still kept
317
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,841
his apartment just in case
things didn't work out.
318
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:55,847
And then we broke up.
319
00:11:55,889 --> 00:11:57,589
You don't want to be
a shoulder shrugger.
320
00:11:57,629 --> 00:12:00,019
I don't want a guy that's
just like, "I mean, yeah."
321
00:12:00,067 --> 00:12:01,627
Shortly after that breakup,
322
00:12:01,677 --> 00:12:03,067
I had to leave town
323
00:12:03,113 --> 00:12:04,993
because I just needed, like,
start anew.
324
00:12:05,028 --> 00:12:08,508
So there is something
about commitment that makes
325
00:12:08,553 --> 00:12:10,163
the other person,
326
00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:13,777
whether it's your leasing
company or your girlfriend,
327
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:15,820
feel safe.
328
00:12:15,865 --> 00:12:17,995
How do you feel about feelings,
being asked by your feelings?
329
00:12:18,041 --> 00:12:19,831
I don't even
like the question.
330
00:12:19,869 --> 00:12:21,389
[laughing]
331
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:28,489
[upbeat music]
332
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,050
This is what I used to do
as a kid.
333
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:33,007
I even knew as a kid that
I needed to keep my face young.
334
00:12:33,056 --> 00:12:34,576
You know
how I would lay out, honestly?
335
00:12:34,623 --> 00:12:36,673
If I was, like,
in Miami or something
336
00:12:36,712 --> 00:12:38,152
and I had to take my shirt off,
337
00:12:38,192 --> 00:12:42,072
I would lay on my stomach
for, like, 95% of the time.
338
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:44,549
Wait, do you still leave
on your shirt with Brenna?
339
00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:47,979
I don't know. Lately, I haven't
been thrilled with my body.
340
00:12:48,028 --> 00:12:50,598
I'm like, "Let's do candlelight
for the shower."
341
00:12:50,639 --> 00:12:52,339
And you only want
to have sex in the shower
342
00:12:52,380 --> 00:12:53,950
'cause it's
dimmer light in there?
343
00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,340
I don't know.
344
00:12:55,383 --> 00:12:57,083
Who likes to have sex
in the bright daylight?
345
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:59,134
Yeah, the other night
Chris filmed us
346
00:12:59,169 --> 00:13:00,689
doing some stuff,
and I was like,
347
00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:04,346
"I don't want
to see that side of myself."
348
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:07,792
And then I saw it,
and I was like, "That's me?
349
00:13:07,830 --> 00:13:09,350
That's my best side."
350
00:13:09,397 --> 00:13:11,567
I was like,
"Now when people are like,
351
00:13:11,616 --> 00:13:13,176
'Which side do you
want to stand on?'
352
00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,187
I'll just bend over
and spread my cheeks."
353
00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:17,139
- [chuckles]
- I'm gonna call Chris.
354
00:13:17,187 --> 00:13:18,487
Please don't mention it.
355
00:13:18,536 --> 00:13:20,356
I don't want him
knowing that I told you that.
356
00:13:20,408 --> 00:13:22,628
I was gonna talk about it.
[laughs]
357
00:13:22,671 --> 00:13:23,721
[line trilling]
358
00:13:23,759 --> 00:13:25,199
Hi.
359
00:13:25,239 --> 00:13:26,199
[laughing]
What are you doing?
360
00:13:26,240 --> 00:13:28,810
I'm laying out.
It's Cali, baby.
361
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,641
Yeah, you are. Oh man.
362
00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,899
It's like a 1950s swimsuit.
363
00:13:32,942 --> 00:13:36,472
Like, I'm, like,
Marilyn Monroe style.
364
00:13:36,511 --> 00:13:38,381
Yeah, you look
like a pinup girl.
365
00:13:38,426 --> 00:13:40,856
- Yes, that's right. Thank you.
- And I like it.
366
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:44,207
It just went from,
like, 70 degrees to, like, 55.
367
00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:47,218
- Oh. Andrew's here.
- How are you?
368
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:50,261
- I'm just yo-yo'ing.
- Yeah, you are.
369
00:13:50,307 --> 00:13:53,087
- I'm bringing it back.
- Do you yo-yo?
370
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,836
- Do I yo-yo?
- Have you yo-yo'd?
371
00:13:55,878 --> 00:13:58,048
I want nothing
to do with this yo-yo joke.
372
00:13:58,098 --> 00:13:59,928
- [laughs]
- I wish you were here.
373
00:13:59,969 --> 00:14:01,409
You're so handsome.
374
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,149
You are.
I mean, you know what I mean.
375
00:14:03,190 --> 00:14:05,060
No, a woman can be handsome.
376
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,235
Okay,
then you're handso--
377
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,890
Well, no,
you're better than that.
378
00:14:07,934 --> 00:14:09,114
Okay, thank you.
379
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,722
I do love Nikki.
380
00:14:10,762 --> 00:14:12,812
And, like, when things
are good, it's amazing.
381
00:14:12,852 --> 00:14:14,202
It's the best.
It's so much fun.
382
00:14:14,244 --> 00:14:15,774
I'm gonna screenshot
your face
383
00:14:15,811 --> 00:14:17,071
'cause you're such a cutie.
384
00:14:17,117 --> 00:14:19,247
Yes! Mwah.
- Don't do it.
385
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,253
I'm gonna drown
in the pool right now.
386
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:23,115
But, like, we've broken up
387
00:14:23,166 --> 00:14:25,816
and gotten back together
100 times,
388
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,385
and 99 of those times
she would have been, like,
389
00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:30,042
"I was ready to get married
390
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:31,566
and spend the rest
of my life with you."
391
00:14:31,609 --> 00:14:33,349
I can't wait
to kiss your face.
392
00:14:33,394 --> 00:14:34,964
Aw.
Look at you.
393
00:14:35,004 --> 00:14:36,924
You can try now--I'll get
really close to the camera.
394
00:14:36,963 --> 00:14:38,573
Mmm-wah!
395
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:40,916
We've thought we were
ready for more before,
396
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,227
and we were wrong.
397
00:14:42,272 --> 00:14:43,972
Are we were wrong this time?
398
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:45,583
[goofy voice]
I don't know.
399
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,153
[normal voice]
All right, I miss you.
400
00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:48,840
- I miss you, too.
- You guys have fun-fun.
401
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,668
- All right. [laughs]
- Yo-yo!
402
00:14:50,715 --> 00:14:52,625
I got to run.
Here comes the po-po.
403
00:14:52,674 --> 00:14:54,204
[laughs].
404
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:59,681
♪
405
00:14:59,724 --> 00:15:01,864
So this is Laurel Canyon, Andrew.
406
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,211
Oh, nice.
407
00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,080
This is where, like,
you know, Joni Mitchell
408
00:15:05,121 --> 00:15:06,561
wrote something once.
409
00:15:06,601 --> 00:15:08,861
[laughter]
410
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:12,478
All right, let's get that
enthusiastic L.A. energy up.
411
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,830
Give it up for Nikki Glaser,
everybody!
412
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:16,000
[cheers and applause]
413
00:15:16,045 --> 00:15:17,955
Hi, guys, how are you?
414
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,484
When I used to live in L.A.
415
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,827
and was doing multiple spots
every single night,
416
00:15:21,877 --> 00:15:22,967
I loved it.
417
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:24,139
It was the dream.
418
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:26,014
My vagina
collects toilet paper,
419
00:15:26,055 --> 00:15:28,445
like, more than the average.
420
00:15:28,492 --> 00:15:32,322
Just finely rolled joints,
like, the most--
421
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:34,316
Like, I'm so impressed
422
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,498
with how perfectly
they're rolled.
423
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:39,724
I'm like, "Is my pussy
the Wu-Tang Clan?"
424
00:15:39,764 --> 00:15:42,034
When I first started comedy,
I remember one night
425
00:15:42,071 --> 00:15:45,031
I was onstage, and they kept
yelling to take my shirt off.
426
00:15:45,074 --> 00:15:46,474
Before I go on a date,
I, like, scour it.
427
00:15:46,510 --> 00:15:48,380
Like, I'll go page by page,
and I'll try to--
428
00:15:48,425 --> 00:15:49,595
Sometimes I don't get
through it all.
429
00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:51,694
And I ended up
running offstage,
430
00:15:51,733 --> 00:15:56,003
and I hid in the storage closet
and called my mom crying
431
00:15:56,042 --> 00:16:00,742
while sitting on a, you know,
a gigantic can of tomato paste.
432
00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:04,179
Make some noise
for Nikki Glaser!
433
00:16:04,224 --> 00:16:07,014
[cheers and applause]
434
00:16:07,053 --> 00:16:08,883
Nikki Glaser!
435
00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:10,974
So it feels really good
436
00:16:11,013 --> 00:16:14,893
to have a crowd, like, erupt
in, like, applause.
437
00:16:14,930 --> 00:16:16,190
I have to go, you guys.
438
00:16:16,236 --> 00:16:18,366
Thank you very much.
Thank you guys very much.
439
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:19,852
I have to go.
Thank you guys very much.
440
00:16:19,891 --> 00:16:22,721
That's my time.
[cheers and applause]
441
00:16:22,764 --> 00:16:24,074
Thank you.
442
00:16:24,113 --> 00:16:26,683
But as good
as I feel right now,
443
00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:29,084
it's never going to be
as satisfying
444
00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:31,428
as being with people that,
like, love you no matter what,
445
00:16:31,468 --> 00:16:33,078
which is what I have
in St. Louis.
446
00:16:33,122 --> 00:16:34,912
I cannot go back to this life.
447
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:38,560
But I need Chris to actually
pursue our relationship
448
00:16:38,606 --> 00:16:41,906
and work towards marriage
and kids and...
449
00:16:41,957 --> 00:16:43,517
weekly owl prowls.
450
00:16:43,567 --> 00:16:44,997
- Good show.
- Yay, thank you.
451
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,177
So good.
452
00:16:46,222 --> 00:16:48,362
But, like,
also with, like, hot sex.
453
00:16:48,398 --> 00:16:51,488
Holy----, I am tired.
454
00:16:56,058 --> 00:16:58,968
[upbeat music]
455
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:02,978
♪
456
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,462
Every time I get in a plaza,
I want to do,
457
00:17:05,502 --> 00:17:08,552
like, Peter Venkman
in "Ghostbusters."
458
00:17:08,592 --> 00:17:11,602
- I've never seen that movie.
- Bad reference, then.
459
00:17:11,639 --> 00:17:14,029
Hi.
460
00:17:14,076 --> 00:17:15,596
When Nikki goes out of town,
461
00:17:15,643 --> 00:17:17,473
you get that little hint
of like,
462
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:20,344
"I miss--I'm missing Glaze."
463
00:17:20,387 --> 00:17:22,217
Wait, look at these I got us.
464
00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:23,828
These are masks
so we can see each other.
465
00:17:23,868 --> 00:17:25,518
This is the dumbest thing
I've ever seen.
466
00:17:25,566 --> 00:17:26,916
We're like doctors...
467
00:17:26,958 --> 00:17:29,308
- We're not like doctors.
- Or, like, sociopaths.
468
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:32,662
And her coming back
is like a--
469
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:33,793
[insect buzzing]
470
00:17:33,835 --> 00:17:35,835
[buzzing stops]
471
00:17:35,880 --> 00:17:37,060
Um...
472
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:38,099
it's a bit of a celebration.
473
00:17:38,144 --> 00:17:39,974
I love this place
more than I love
474
00:17:40,015 --> 00:17:41,495
basically everything.
475
00:17:41,538 --> 00:17:44,888
- Give me an Arch fact.
- It is 630 feet high.
476
00:17:44,933 --> 00:17:47,113
Do you know how wide it is?
477
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:50,333
Um, 36, 25, 34.
478
00:17:50,373 --> 00:17:52,203
That's the Nelly song.
479
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:54,155
Didn't he give
the Arch measurements?
480
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:56,953
- No, it's not that.
- Oh.
481
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,118
I love these pods.
482
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,994
The things we
would do in here.
483
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:03,035
Don't ever forget what we
did on Magic Mount--
484
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,652
Was it Magic Mountain?
485
00:18:05,693 --> 00:18:09,093
both: Splash Mountain.
- [laughs]
486
00:18:09,131 --> 00:18:10,961
You want to lay up there?
- Yes.
487
00:18:15,833 --> 00:18:17,233
[both laughing]
488
00:18:19,228 --> 00:18:22,318
[both laughing]
489
00:18:25,191 --> 00:18:27,801
- This is so cool.
- Just feel it.
490
00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:29,925
- Can you feel the heartbeat?
- You're hot.
491
00:18:29,978 --> 00:18:31,368
You really are.
492
00:18:31,414 --> 00:18:34,374
But you are peaking.
- [laughs]
493
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:36,417
I feel like we're peaking.
494
00:18:36,463 --> 00:18:39,513
It feels really good.
I liked that therapy.
495
00:18:39,553 --> 00:18:42,163
I got to say, like, it was
nice, and I want to go back.
496
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:43,248
- Yeah.
- Would you go back?
497
00:18:43,296 --> 00:18:44,426
Yeah.
No, I thought it was great.
498
00:18:44,471 --> 00:18:46,471
I couldn't be happier.
499
00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:51,216
It just feels like we're
heading towards being together.
500
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,780
And when--
- Forever.
501
00:18:55,308 --> 00:18:57,348
Yeah, I mean,
I'm a 40-year-old man.
502
00:18:57,397 --> 00:18:58,917
I don't want to waste
your time.
503
00:18:58,963 --> 00:19:01,183
And so, yeah, I mean,
we're having so much fun.
504
00:19:01,227 --> 00:19:04,097
You're a big reason of why
I would want to live here
505
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:05,193
or stay here.
506
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,451
You want to stay here?
507
00:19:06,493 --> 00:19:08,973
If we ended up together,
of course.
508
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:10,497
I could stay here.
509
00:19:10,540 --> 00:19:13,240
It would just be awesome.
510
00:19:13,282 --> 00:19:16,072
What are you doing?
- Nothing.
511
00:19:16,111 --> 00:19:18,071
Oh, God.
512
00:19:18,113 --> 00:19:19,333
Well...
513
00:19:19,984 --> 00:19:22,814
[both laughing]
514
00:19:22,857 --> 00:19:25,947
I know it's not
the best time for this, but...
515
00:19:27,731 --> 00:19:29,521
[laughs]
516
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:32,129
♪
517
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:34,221
Oh, my God. Yes.
518
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:35,260
Oh, my God.
519
00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:37,264
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
520
00:19:37,306 --> 00:19:38,346
Yes.
521
00:19:38,394 --> 00:19:40,744
---, yes.
522
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:43,178
Will you be
my emergency contact?
523
00:19:43,225 --> 00:19:45,785
♪
524
00:19:45,836 --> 00:19:48,096
You got to start somewhere.
525
00:19:48,143 --> 00:19:51,363
Yes. I will.
I will.
526
00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:56,062
I have a dentist appointment tomorrow.
527
00:19:56,107 --> 00:19:57,107
[laughs]
528
00:19:57,152 --> 00:19:58,282
I was just about to say,
529
00:19:58,327 --> 00:19:59,807
you're gonna get a lot of calls
530
00:19:59,850 --> 00:20:01,940
from the hair replacement
clinic for men.
531
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:05,293
[laughs]
It's not that bad.
532
00:20:05,334 --> 00:20:06,944
Oh, God.
- Ah!
533
00:20:06,988 --> 00:20:09,248
[both laughing]
534
00:20:09,295 --> 00:20:12,165
It might not look like it,
but this moment is huge for us.
535
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:15,691
I think my first plan of action
is to get that sex dungeon
536
00:20:15,736 --> 00:20:18,256
that Chris and I have talked
so much about
537
00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:19,744
under construction.
538
00:20:19,783 --> 00:20:22,093
Let's go.
- All right.
539
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:25,493
Oh, Jesus Christ.
540
00:20:25,528 --> 00:20:29,318
You're a strong woman.
- Mm.
541
00:20:29,358 --> 00:20:32,098
The future for us
has never looked better.
542
00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:34,103
So I'm at least there
for another six months.
543
00:20:34,145 --> 00:20:36,315
You, me and Nelly.
544
00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:37,845
And the Arch.
545
00:20:37,888 --> 00:20:39,278
And the Owl Man.
546
00:20:39,325 --> 00:20:42,455
And Kirsten sometimes.
- Yes.
547
00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,942
Some people go,
548
00:20:44,982 --> 00:20:47,162
"Oh, you'll know
when it's the right person
549
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:48,552
'cause it's just easy."
550
00:20:48,595 --> 00:20:51,985
This is not easy, but I like
things that are hard.
551
00:20:52,033 --> 00:20:53,343
Have you noticed?
552
00:20:53,382 --> 00:20:55,782
And he's hard.
Are you right now?
553
00:20:55,819 --> 00:20:58,429
- Oh, Glaze, come on.
- Sorry.
554
00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:00,084
What a gal.
555
00:21:00,128 --> 00:21:03,128
Let's go get a room.
[both laughing]
38903
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