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1
00:00:02,741 --> 00:00:04,831
- Were you a scared child?
- Yeah.
2
00:00:04,874 --> 00:00:06,664
You know, going into
your parents' bedroom to sleep.
3
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,362
- Aw.
- Like, I was afraid of Freddy
4
00:00:08,399 --> 00:00:09,789
from "Nightmare on Elm Street."
- Mm-hmm.
5
00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:11,445
You would end up
in your parents' bed a lot.
6
00:00:11,489 --> 00:00:15,189
Oh, I slept in my parents'
bedroom till late eighth grade.
7
00:00:15,232 --> 00:00:17,452
I remember the last time,
because I was old enough
8
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:19,495
to know that
my parents could be having sex.
9
00:00:19,541 --> 00:00:22,461
So I knocked to make sure
that they weren't like,
10
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:23,760
[exasperated voice]
"Yeah?"
11
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:26,326
I'd take my chances
1,000 out of 1,000 times
12
00:00:26,374 --> 00:00:28,164
with Freddy
over my dad's balls.
13
00:00:28,202 --> 00:00:29,992
- Ugh.
- [laughs]
14
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,820
♪ I wanna miss my flight
15
00:00:32,858 --> 00:00:38,208
♪ I feel so all alone
out on the road ♪
16
00:00:38,255 --> 00:00:41,165
♪ Can you welcome me home?
17
00:00:41,215 --> 00:00:44,905
[upbeat music]
18
00:00:44,957 --> 00:00:46,387
You guys, how was Chicago?
19
00:00:46,437 --> 00:00:48,307
Chi-town, what's goin' on, baby?
20
00:00:48,352 --> 00:00:50,012
Is that what you have to say
when you say "Chicago"?
21
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,140
You have to say that
when you--
22
00:00:51,181 --> 00:00:53,101
Chi-town, what's goin' on?
23
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,360
It was awesome.
We went to a bird sanctuary.
24
00:00:55,403 --> 00:00:58,013
- Oh, my gosh.
- That was wild.
25
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,358
Well,
it's just a normal house.
26
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:02,447
There were 70 cages.
I mean, it's crazy.
27
00:01:02,497 --> 00:01:04,367
Oh, my God.
I think this--
28
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,072
this might be it.
- Oh, my...
29
00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:08,239
- Holy----.
- [laughing]
30
00:01:08,285 --> 00:01:10,545
[bird cawing]
- Oh, my God.
31
00:01:10,592 --> 00:01:12,992
Like, Chicago was great.
But it was kind of awkward.
32
00:01:13,029 --> 00:01:14,729
I had to ride the elevator up
33
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:18,120
with my parents and Chris
up to our floor,
34
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:20,725
and they saw us, you know,
go off together,
35
00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:22,336
and probably knew
what was going to happen,
36
00:01:22,386 --> 00:01:24,556
based on my act.
- Wah-wah-wah-wah.
37
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:31,216
So we consummated
our... uh, love?
38
00:01:31,265 --> 00:01:33,265
Um, yeah, we had sex.
39
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,270
Ready for a wild night?
- No.
40
00:01:35,312 --> 00:01:39,142
Presently occupied. Yeah...
41
00:01:39,186 --> 00:01:41,276
I have no regrets.
It was great,
42
00:01:41,318 --> 00:01:44,578
and I feel really secure
about my decision to do that.
43
00:01:44,626 --> 00:01:46,186
I just feel like
it was the most responsible sex
44
00:01:46,236 --> 00:01:48,756
I've ever had.
45
00:01:48,804 --> 00:01:51,374
Still didn't use a condom,
but still responsible.
46
00:01:51,415 --> 00:01:53,105
Kerstin, do you want kids?
47
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:57,155
I mean, I do if it happens.
48
00:01:57,204 --> 00:02:01,384
But I'm not gonna go like to
the ends of the Earth to, like,
49
00:02:01,425 --> 00:02:05,335
"I must have a family
to feel fulfilled!"
50
00:02:05,386 --> 00:02:07,256
Nikki, do you want kids?
51
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:08,951
If we came up with a plan
52
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:12,178
where it was like I wasn't the
one having to do everything.
53
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:16,139
Like, my dad was very--
he played with us all the time,
54
00:02:16,179 --> 00:02:18,049
all the time.
My mom was not, like,
55
00:02:18,094 --> 00:02:19,884
on the floor playing with us.
56
00:02:19,922 --> 00:02:22,622
I feel like I'm ready
to commit to Chris
57
00:02:22,664 --> 00:02:26,104
and move forward,
but to ask him if he's down
58
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:30,926
for marrying me some day
and possibly having a family?
59
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:33,496
We've never talked
about things like that.
60
00:02:33,544 --> 00:02:35,814
We could still do what we've
been doing, but, you know,
61
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,291
with contracts involved.
62
00:02:37,331 --> 00:02:39,071
Does Brenna want kids?
63
00:02:39,115 --> 00:02:41,375
Mm...
Look.
64
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:44,162
By the time we have kids,
she'll be an adult.
65
00:02:44,207 --> 00:02:46,777
[laughter]
66
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:48,388
She's 25.
67
00:02:50,257 --> 00:02:51,777
When I play guitar
and sing in my house,
68
00:02:51,823 --> 00:02:53,223
like,
it's an embarrassing thing.
69
00:02:53,260 --> 00:02:54,830
I don't really like him
to overhear it.
70
00:02:54,870 --> 00:02:56,650
I'd rather you hear me
masturbating, honestly,
71
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:58,398
'cause it sounds
pretty masturbatory.
72
00:02:58,439 --> 00:03:00,049
Yeah, I don't know
what's the difference.
73
00:03:00,092 --> 00:03:02,272
[both laugh]
74
00:03:02,312 --> 00:03:04,492
My howls--
75
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,662
my lonesome howls.
- Yeah, I was like,
76
00:03:05,707 --> 00:03:07,267
"Man,
she hit that note finally."
77
00:03:07,317 --> 00:03:08,447
Yeah.
78
00:03:08,492 --> 00:03:11,672
[calm music]
79
00:03:11,713 --> 00:03:13,503
♪
80
00:03:13,541 --> 00:03:15,241
[knocking]
[dogs barking]
81
00:03:15,282 --> 00:03:16,242
It's you.
Come on in.
82
00:03:16,283 --> 00:03:17,633
- Hey, Julie.
- Hey!
83
00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:19,325
- Hi, how are you?
- Dad, this is Arya.
84
00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:20,503
- Hey, Arya.
- Nice to meet you.
85
00:03:20,548 --> 00:03:22,108
Nice to meet you.
86
00:03:22,158 --> 00:03:24,328
- Hi!
- Hi!
87
00:03:24,378 --> 00:03:25,898
So good to see you.
88
00:03:25,944 --> 00:03:28,034
- Hey, Luigi, please.
- Luigi, quit it.
89
00:03:28,077 --> 00:03:29,207
Just stop it.
90
00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:30,432
You have a lovely home.
91
00:03:30,471 --> 00:03:32,861
Oh, my gosh.
Thank you for being here.
92
00:03:32,908 --> 00:03:34,868
- Absolutely.
- I wanna be taken seriously
93
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:37,350
as a singer,
so I actually started taking
94
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:40,701
singing lessons
a couple months ago with Arya,
95
00:03:40,742 --> 00:03:44,182
and... we haven't
really done much singing.
96
00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,704
[chimes chiming]
97
00:03:46,748 --> 00:03:48,748
You really have awesome skin.
98
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,583
I'm not a Christian
or anything like that.
99
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,141
- Sure, sure.
- But, just like, mother nature
100
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:53,228
give me a sign.
- Right.
101
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:54,536
Universe, give me a sign.
102
00:03:54,582 --> 00:03:56,372
My coach and I
have just become friends,
103
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:59,280
and I haven't sang
one note yet.
104
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:02,626
I guess what I would love for
you to help us with today,
105
00:04:02,677 --> 00:04:04,547
because we are performing
a song--
106
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:05,772
You guys both are?
Together?
107
00:04:05,810 --> 00:04:07,290
Yeah, I'm doing
a live podcasts tonight.
108
00:04:07,334 --> 00:04:09,554
I just learned it
15 minutes ago.
109
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,597
Yeah, I mean,
I learned this song too.
110
00:04:11,642 --> 00:04:14,042
But, you know,
I've only sang it one day.
111
00:04:14,079 --> 00:04:18,559
♪ There's a red truck sittin'
under a street lamp ♪
112
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:21,126
♪ Full of dents and rust
113
00:04:21,173 --> 00:04:23,263
♪ The bed is empty
114
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:24,786
I'll be singing the bulk of it,
115
00:04:24,829 --> 00:04:26,399
but then,
my dad and I want to work
116
00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:28,220
on some harmonies
for the chorus.
117
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,918
Absolutely, absolutely.
118
00:04:29,965 --> 00:04:32,005
Can I have
some vocal warm-ups, maybe,
119
00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,324
that would help?
120
00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:35,100
Yeah.
Do you have a keyboard, or a--
121
00:04:35,144 --> 00:04:36,154
Yeah, right over here.
122
00:04:36,188 --> 00:04:37,538
We have
a tiny piano over there.
123
00:04:37,581 --> 00:04:41,321
It's my first time singing
a sincere original song
124
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:47,898
in front of people,
and I am feeling nervous.
125
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:51,599
I'm a beginner.
I don't think I'm Adele.
126
00:04:51,639 --> 00:04:54,339
I think I'm a Dell computer...
127
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,341
that the speakers
are blown out.
128
00:04:56,383 --> 00:04:58,693
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah
129
00:04:58,733 --> 00:05:00,913
♪ Ah ah ah
ah ah ♪
130
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:03,002
♪ Brr
131
00:05:03,041 --> 00:05:05,131
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
132
00:05:05,174 --> 00:05:07,394
♪ Ah ah ah ah ah
133
00:05:07,437 --> 00:05:10,137
♪ Brr
- Come on.
134
00:05:10,179 --> 00:05:12,049
♪ Brr
135
00:05:12,094 --> 00:05:13,494
All right, all right.
136
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:14,620
I haven't smoked weed
for two months,
137
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:16,272
and my voice
has not changed at all.
138
00:05:16,316 --> 00:05:18,446
Like,
it just feels like I still--
139
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:20,362
like, it's impossible.
140
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:24,147
- Yeah, it is possible.
- So frustrating.
141
00:05:24,193 --> 00:05:25,503
Oh, Nikki.
142
00:05:25,542 --> 00:05:28,462
- I just hate sounding bad.
- You sound great.
143
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,162
I know, but I can't
hit these high notes.
144
00:05:30,199 --> 00:05:32,509
I just wanna be Taylor Swift,
and I can't.
145
00:05:32,549 --> 00:05:34,329
- [laughs]
- I just won't ever be able
146
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,767
to sing.
- You're not gonna--
147
00:05:35,813 --> 00:05:37,953
- Just sing a lower octave.
- In these songs,
148
00:05:37,989 --> 00:05:39,559
you're not gonna
be singing that high.
149
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,650
But I can't even hit octaves
she hits in her low octaves.
150
00:05:41,689 --> 00:05:43,299
Well,
you have a different voice.
151
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,653
- But I want--
- I can't sing
152
00:05:44,692 --> 00:05:46,652
like Frankie Valli,
but big deal.
153
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:48,874
I don't have the best voice.
154
00:05:48,913 --> 00:05:50,523
Can we sing the other song?
- Please.
155
00:05:50,567 --> 00:05:52,047
I would love
to hear the other song.
156
00:05:52,090 --> 00:05:53,700
There is a rasp, honey,
157
00:05:53,744 --> 00:05:56,014
'cause I smoked for many years.
158
00:05:56,051 --> 00:05:57,231
I just, like, seem like
159
00:05:57,269 --> 00:06:00,489
I'm an old, like,
you know, talent agent.
160
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:03,494
[guitar playing]
161
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:05,667
♪
162
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:10,153
♪ Tell me something, Dad
163
00:06:10,195 --> 00:06:15,105
♪ What did I do to make you
so damn mad? ♪
164
00:06:15,157 --> 00:06:17,807
♪ This song's
off the deep end ♪
165
00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:20,205
♪ Where did we go wrong?
166
00:06:20,249 --> 00:06:24,909
♪ I want us to get along
167
00:06:24,949 --> 00:06:26,949
♪ It's too late
for that now ♪
168
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:29,515
♪ I'm kicking you out now
169
00:06:29,563 --> 00:06:32,783
♪ And I'm gonna bang
your mom ♪
170
00:06:32,827 --> 00:06:34,257
♪
171
00:06:34,306 --> 00:06:35,916
♪ I'm gonna bang
172
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,880
♪ I'm gonna bang your mom
173
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:43,930
♪ I've heard you bang,
I've heard you bang my mom ♪
174
00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:45,538
♪ I've heard her moans
- That's not nice.
175
00:06:45,579 --> 00:06:48,539
♪ Because we share a wall
176
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:52,242
♪ This is my impression
of Mom ♪
177
00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:54,241
Oh, God.
I can hear this.
178
00:06:54,283 --> 00:06:59,243
♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh
179
00:06:59,288 --> 00:07:02,158
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
180
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:03,774
♪ Ah-ah-ah
181
00:07:03,814 --> 00:07:09,734
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
182
00:07:09,777 --> 00:07:12,257
♪ This song is so gross now
183
00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:14,611
♪ The end must be close now
- ♪ Must be close now
184
00:07:14,651 --> 00:07:18,701
both: ♪ Where do we go
from here? ♪
185
00:07:18,742 --> 00:07:19,922
♪ We gotta go
186
00:07:19,961 --> 00:07:22,571
♪ We gotta end this show
187
00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:27,186
♪ Grandma's got
another sailor to blow ♪
188
00:07:27,229 --> 00:07:29,059
- [sighs]
- What the----?
189
00:07:29,100 --> 00:07:31,100
That is awful.
190
00:07:31,146 --> 00:07:32,926
That's every bit of hilarious
and more.
191
00:07:32,974 --> 00:07:36,064
- Thanks.
- When did you write that?
192
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:37,587
Last summer.
193
00:07:37,631 --> 00:07:39,551
My mom would love this.
She had a good sense of humor.
194
00:07:39,589 --> 00:07:40,719
- Yeah, yeah.
- She'd definitely approve.
195
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,114
- What about your wife...
- And it's true.
196
00:07:42,157 --> 00:07:43,847
And what about your mother?
About your mother?
197
00:07:43,898 --> 00:07:45,508
Oh, yeah, would you check
with Mom? She's alive.
198
00:07:45,552 --> 00:07:46,902
You can actually check
with Mom.
199
00:07:46,944 --> 00:07:47,904
I'm alive.
I'm right here.
200
00:07:47,945 --> 00:07:49,025
We know you're fine
with it.
201
00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:51,117
Ah, great.
[laughter]
202
00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,255
Facials!
203
00:07:58,303 --> 00:07:59,353
It's like the spa.
204
00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:01,001
Oh, my God.
205
00:08:01,045 --> 00:08:02,605
[laughs]
206
00:08:02,656 --> 00:08:04,306
This ain't too bad.
207
00:08:04,353 --> 00:08:06,493
Do you think facialists
really wanna put, like,
208
00:08:06,529 --> 00:08:07,699
eyes here
and, like, do that top?
209
00:08:07,748 --> 00:08:09,578
Oh, my God, that is so fun.
210
00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:11,139
Oh, I got some eyes.
211
00:08:11,186 --> 00:08:12,396
Okay, this is weird.
212
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:13,668
Just stay still.
213
00:08:13,710 --> 00:08:15,190
- Wait, now smoke a cigarette.
- Here we go.
214
00:08:15,233 --> 00:08:16,633
[laughs]
215
00:08:16,670 --> 00:08:18,020
Mrs. Featherbottom.
216
00:08:18,062 --> 00:08:19,982
[British accent]
What are you girls doing?
217
00:08:20,021 --> 00:08:23,151
You can't smoke inside,
ma'am.
218
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:25,638
Oh, this cigarette's
delicious.
219
00:08:25,679 --> 00:08:27,809
Ma'am, your driver's
waiting out back.
220
00:08:27,855 --> 00:08:30,635
[laughs]
Okay, are you girls done?
221
00:08:30,684 --> 00:08:31,994
Yes.
222
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:34,643
[normally] This has gone
off the track.
223
00:08:34,688 --> 00:08:37,728
[upbeat music]
224
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:39,388
Am I supposed
to be doing anything?
225
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:40,691
You can paddle.
226
00:08:40,737 --> 00:08:43,217
You know what--an issue
I have with canoeing?
227
00:08:43,261 --> 00:08:44,481
What is it?
228
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,354
That you always gotta keep
switching sides.
229
00:08:46,395 --> 00:08:47,785
You actually don't.
If you look at me,
230
00:08:47,831 --> 00:08:49,311
I'm doing the J stroke.
231
00:08:49,354 --> 00:08:51,404
Because I'm missing
a muscle on my left side,
232
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:52,883
I always paddle on the right.
233
00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,583
There's also something
in the front
234
00:08:54,621 --> 00:08:56,751
called a cross-bow
draw stroke,
235
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,627
which is really cool.
236
00:08:58,668 --> 00:09:00,318
Cool.
237
00:09:00,365 --> 00:09:02,235
My dad loves the outdoors.
238
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:03,590
He loves adventure.
He loves canoeing.
239
00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:05,020
He loves trees.
240
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,936
He loves eagles.
He loves hawks.
241
00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:09,291
He loves every single thing
about the outdoors.
242
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:10,851
Listen.
243
00:09:10,898 --> 00:09:12,248
[distant birds calling]
Hear that?
244
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:14,080
No!
245
00:09:14,118 --> 00:09:17,338
And I don't care
about the outdoors.
246
00:09:17,382 --> 00:09:19,522
Did Mom like outdoors
when you first met her,
247
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,039
or did you get her into it?
248
00:09:21,082 --> 00:09:23,742
Um... kind of got her
into it, I guess.
249
00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:26,090
When did you know Mom
was the one?
250
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:27,740
When you got her pregnant?
- I had to work--
251
00:09:27,784 --> 00:09:29,354
- Just kidding.
- [laughs]
252
00:09:29,394 --> 00:09:31,614
How soon did you ask
if she wanted to have kids?
253
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:32,918
Pretty quickly,
'cause if she didn't,
254
00:09:32,963 --> 00:09:34,183
I would just move on.
255
00:09:34,225 --> 00:09:36,395
How do you deal
with conflict with Mom?
256
00:09:36,445 --> 00:09:38,225
Do you tell her right away?
257
00:09:38,273 --> 00:09:39,623
Uh, yeah.
258
00:09:39,666 --> 00:09:42,626
I mean, I do keep my mouth
shut a lot of times.
259
00:09:42,669 --> 00:09:44,109
When it's someone
I don't like romantically,
260
00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:46,848
I can stand up for myself anytime,
261
00:09:46,890 --> 00:09:49,760
but when
it's a romantic pursuit,
262
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:52,026
it becomes literally impossible
263
00:09:52,069 --> 00:09:55,989
because I just am so awkward
when it comes to romance.
264
00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:59,600
Asking the guy you're dating
and sleeping with now
265
00:09:59,642 --> 00:10:02,732
about your future and marriage
and kids
266
00:10:02,776 --> 00:10:04,206
and all of these things
267
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:06,165
that I should probably
already know the answers to--
268
00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:09,304
it's really scary,
and I wanna be the cool girl.
269
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:10,517
I don't wanna be the girl
270
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:11,566
that's pressuring a guy
to get married.
271
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,351
Guys hate that girl.
272
00:10:13,395 --> 00:10:17,265
That's why I'm, like, excited
about Chris more than ever.
273
00:10:17,312 --> 00:10:20,052
I just feel like
he thinks the world of me,
274
00:10:20,097 --> 00:10:21,927
and like I know he loves me.
275
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,839
Look at this battleship.
276
00:10:23,884 --> 00:10:26,804
- What?
- Look at to the right.
277
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,153
Okay, that actually is cool
278
00:10:28,192 --> 00:10:29,112
and worthy
of interrupting my...
279
00:10:29,150 --> 00:10:30,590
That is a battle--[laughs]
280
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:31,940
- Emotional...
- That is so cool.
281
00:10:31,979 --> 00:10:33,679
Look at that.
- Story.
282
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:35,980
So you were saying,
with Chris...
283
00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:38,326
He's so great and so--
he's always there for me.
284
00:10:38,376 --> 00:10:40,546
Look how cool that is.
You know, I read about this.
285
00:10:40,596 --> 00:10:41,986
They have battleship wars.
286
00:10:42,032 --> 00:10:43,342
There's another one
over there.
287
00:10:43,381 --> 00:10:46,471
I feel like one's going
in my heart right now.
288
00:10:47,821 --> 00:10:49,911
Not to make this not romantic,
289
00:10:49,953 --> 00:10:51,873
but you're just a good...
290
00:10:51,912 --> 00:10:53,702
- We're a good team.
- You're a good teammate.
291
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,350
He gets me out of my head and--
- I'm good for perspective.
292
00:10:55,393 --> 00:10:56,533
Yeah.
293
00:10:56,568 --> 00:10:58,308
Anybody could've helped
Nikki with that.
294
00:10:58,353 --> 00:10:59,833
They just had to--
295
00:10:59,876 --> 00:11:02,706
But they don't have sex
with me at the same time.
296
00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:04,529
Your perspective is my back.
297
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:06,616
No!
Stop!
298
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:08,406
Come on.
299
00:11:08,450 --> 00:11:10,710
[both laughing]
300
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:14,938
[upbeat music]
301
00:11:14,978 --> 00:11:15,978
Julie, what do you think
about one of these
302
00:11:16,023 --> 00:11:17,943
in our house?
- Don't touch it.
303
00:11:17,981 --> 00:11:19,641
Hi!
How's it going?
304
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,769
Good.
How are you?
305
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:21,770
Are you guys coming
to the show?
306
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:23,201
Nice!
307
00:11:24,553 --> 00:11:26,293
Oh, look at this mirror.
Did you see this mirror?
308
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:29,947
Yeah.
If you want body dysmorphia...
309
00:11:29,993 --> 00:11:32,003
That's great.
Look, Jules, look.
310
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:33,609
This is so
Hank Williams, Jr.
311
00:11:33,649 --> 00:11:35,389
What about it?
312
00:11:35,433 --> 00:11:37,873
Do you think I haven't seen
one of these mirrors before?
313
00:11:37,914 --> 00:11:39,834
Like, how old are you?
314
00:11:39,873 --> 00:11:41,313
7:00.
Showtime.
315
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:43,572
Nikki, I'm gonna have
to plug in our stuff.
316
00:11:43,615 --> 00:11:44,785
- Okay.
- Yeah.
317
00:11:44,834 --> 00:11:46,234
Andrew, are you ready?
318
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:47,450
- We gotta go sit down.
- We gotta go sit down.
319
00:11:47,489 --> 00:11:48,579
You know I always am.
320
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:50,060
♪
321
00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:51,970
Hi.
Are you Arya?
322
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,275
- I am.
- I'm Chris.
323
00:11:53,321 --> 00:11:54,411
Did I say that right?
- It's nice to meet you.
324
00:11:54,452 --> 00:11:55,722
Nice to meet you.
325
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,018
This is Noa.
326
00:11:57,064 --> 00:11:59,544
She's a producer
on Nikki's podcast.
327
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:01,108
[soft guitar music]
328
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,585
♪ Have you ever done
a podcast? ♪
329
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:03,904
♪ I have
330
00:12:03,940 --> 00:12:05,510
♪ Have you ever done
a live one? ♪
331
00:12:05,550 --> 00:12:06,730
♪ I have
332
00:12:06,769 --> 00:12:08,599
♪ I'm about to go out there
333
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,950
♪ And I'm experiencing
stage fright ♪
334
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:12,861
[music winds down]
335
00:12:12,906 --> 00:12:14,816
I believe in living
your dreams,
336
00:12:14,864 --> 00:12:16,304
but I just don't wanna be
337
00:12:16,344 --> 00:12:19,744
the actress who switches
to singing, and everyone goes,
338
00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:21,572
"Mm, stick to what
you're good at."
339
00:12:21,610 --> 00:12:23,090
Okay, I'm ready.
340
00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:26,443
Like, I don't wanna hear
Taylor Swift do comedy.
341
00:12:26,484 --> 00:12:28,314
[indistinct announcement]
- Here we go.
342
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:29,786
And I fear that Taylor Swift
would be better at comedy
343
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:30,876
than me right out of the gate,
344
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,544
because she's good
at everything.
345
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,711
And here's Nikki!
346
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,315
[cheers and applause]
347
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,938
[upbeat music]
348
00:12:49,986 --> 00:12:52,376
Here's Nikki!
[cheers and applause]
349
00:12:52,423 --> 00:12:56,823
Welcome to "The Nikki Glaser
Podcast" Live Edition!
350
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:59,173
[cheers and applause]
Oh, my God!
351
00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:02,693
Noa, how are we feeling?
352
00:13:02,738 --> 00:13:05,048
- This is unbelievable, Nikki.
- It's so exciting.
353
00:13:05,088 --> 00:13:07,658
Uh, you texted me,
"Mandy's here,"
354
00:13:07,699 --> 00:13:09,659
and I was like, "Who's Mandy?"
355
00:13:09,701 --> 00:13:11,181
And you go, "The masseuse."
356
00:13:11,225 --> 00:13:12,965
She's going to join us
on stage,
357
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:15,229
and she's just gonna rub
my feet during the show,
358
00:13:15,272 --> 00:13:16,622
if that's okay with people,
359
00:13:16,665 --> 00:13:18,615
because embracing my bunions
has been very hard.
360
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,497
Mandy, come on up,
but please don't speak.
361
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:22,368
[cheers and applause]
362
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,370
I'm just kidding.
Welcome Mandy to the stage.
363
00:13:24,412 --> 00:13:26,282
Hi, Mandy.
364
00:13:26,327 --> 00:13:28,587
Thank you so much.
This is, like, amazing.
365
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:31,463
I am so excited for this.
You're welcome.
366
00:13:31,506 --> 00:13:34,156
[laughter]
367
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:36,864
Should we bring in...
Andrew!
368
00:13:36,903 --> 00:13:39,383
[cheers and applause]
369
00:13:39,427 --> 00:13:42,257
Hey, hey.
Buddy, hey.
370
00:13:42,299 --> 00:13:44,389
Hey!
371
00:13:44,432 --> 00:13:46,002
♪
372
00:13:46,042 --> 00:13:47,612
Have you ever seen
a foot like this?
373
00:13:47,652 --> 00:13:48,872
Her dad has the same foot,
I learned.
374
00:13:48,915 --> 00:13:50,385
This bunion's even bigger.
375
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,660
Okay, so I went over
to my parents' house
376
00:13:54,703 --> 00:13:57,793
and had a singing lesson
with my new best friend, Arya,
377
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,837
to coach me and my dad
on a song
378
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:00,882
because there might be
some music
379
00:14:00,927 --> 00:14:02,147
later on in the show.
380
00:14:02,189 --> 00:14:03,709
It makes me feel
really insecure
381
00:14:03,755 --> 00:14:05,405
when I'm singing
in front of people.
382
00:14:05,453 --> 00:14:08,463
I would literally rather do,
like, a donkey show
383
00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:10,239
than this.
384
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,034
But I just have to remember,
385
00:14:12,068 --> 00:14:13,328
doing stand-up
for the first time
386
00:14:13,374 --> 00:14:15,074
my freshman year of college,
I was so nervous,
387
00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:16,415
because a lot
was riding on this.
388
00:14:16,464 --> 00:14:18,254
This didn't work out,
I didn't--
389
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:19,772
I don't know
what I was gonna do.
390
00:14:19,815 --> 00:14:21,505
Oh, my dad called me today,
391
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:23,856
and he told me
that he really wants me
392
00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:26,296
to stop smoking so much pot.
393
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:29,093
He thinks I'm losing interest
in things that I once loved,
394
00:14:29,129 --> 00:14:31,309
which--completely not true,
395
00:14:31,348 --> 00:14:33,788
because I still, like, love
smoking pot.
396
00:14:33,829 --> 00:14:36,179
[laughter]
397
00:14:36,223 --> 00:14:38,573
I remember having my jokes
on a little piece of paper
398
00:14:38,616 --> 00:14:40,656
that was, like, soaked
in sweat,
399
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,005
and as soon as I got
my first laugh,
400
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:43,095
I was like, "Okay, I got this."
401
00:14:43,143 --> 00:14:45,363
So with singing,
that's all I want.
402
00:14:45,406 --> 00:14:47,536
We have just a little more show
left for you,
403
00:14:47,582 --> 00:14:49,982
and it's gonna change the tone
a little bit.
404
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:51,539
Dad, do you wanna set up?
405
00:14:51,586 --> 00:14:52,976
- Sure.
- Okay, my dad, EJ,
406
00:14:53,022 --> 00:14:55,112
is gonna play a song with me.
407
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:58,195
Thank you, Andrew!
Thank you, Noa.
408
00:14:58,245 --> 00:15:00,725
[soft guitar music]
409
00:15:00,769 --> 00:15:02,989
It's a really good song,
by the way. Matt--
410
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:04,862
I love that you have to tell
them that.
411
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:08,124
No, he's a hell
of a songwriter.
412
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:10,298
♪ There's a red truck
413
00:15:10,344 --> 00:15:12,964
♪ Sitting under a streetlamp
414
00:15:12,999 --> 00:15:15,829
♪ Full of dents and rust
415
00:15:15,871 --> 00:15:17,311
♪ But my bed is empty
416
00:15:17,351 --> 00:15:19,441
♪ It's the same deal
417
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:22,273
♪ Up in this hotel room
418
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,232
♪ I've been known to feel
419
00:15:24,271 --> 00:15:26,931
♪ More than my manager
tells me ♪
420
00:15:26,969 --> 00:15:30,969
♪ And I'm praying to you
421
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:34,147
♪ St. Lou
422
00:15:34,194 --> 00:15:39,904
both: ♪ I'm praying to you,
St. Lou ♪
423
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:42,159
♪
424
00:15:42,202 --> 00:15:45,122
[cheers and applause]
425
00:15:45,161 --> 00:15:47,511
Thank you, thank you.
426
00:15:47,555 --> 00:15:49,635
I'm actually really proud
of myself
427
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,167
singing about St. Louis.
428
00:15:51,211 --> 00:15:54,131
The song is amazing,
and I also love St. Louis
429
00:15:54,170 --> 00:15:56,000
because my family's here.
430
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,172
You can sing.
431
00:15:57,217 --> 00:15:58,517
- Ugh, thank you.
- Yeah.
432
00:15:58,566 --> 00:16:01,346
Girl, oh, my gosh.
Thank you.
433
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:02,565
Although it wasn't perfect,
434
00:16:02,613 --> 00:16:04,143
and I could pick it apart
to pieces, like,
435
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:05,570
I'm never gonna sound
like Adele
436
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:07,046
or Ariana Grande,
437
00:16:07,096 --> 00:16:09,576
but you don't really have
to sound perfect.
438
00:16:09,620 --> 00:16:12,190
You just have to sound
like you.
439
00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,452
Lay-nay.
440
00:16:13,494 --> 00:16:14,674
Thank you so much
for coming.
441
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:15,672
Oh, yeah, of course.
442
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:17,153
I was right here
the whole time.
443
00:16:17,193 --> 00:16:18,853
Did you have fun?
- Yeah, it was fun.
444
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:19,980
I mean, the song was great.
445
00:16:20,022 --> 00:16:20,982
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
446
00:16:21,023 --> 00:16:22,203
Thank you.
447
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:23,552
Good to see you.
448
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:24,641
Good night.
449
00:16:24,679 --> 00:16:27,549
♪
450
00:16:27,595 --> 00:16:29,245
Oh, my gosh,
I love your shirt.
451
00:16:29,292 --> 00:16:31,562
You guys were so awesome
when you sang that song.
452
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:32,949
Like, I started crying.
You guys were so great.
453
00:16:32,992 --> 00:16:34,082
- Really?
- Yeah.
454
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:35,173
- Thank you!
- You're amazing.
455
00:16:35,211 --> 00:16:36,731
Thank you.
456
00:16:36,778 --> 00:16:38,348
Bye, girl.
457
00:16:38,388 --> 00:16:40,038
Too bad her zipper
was down.
458
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:42,036
[laughing]
459
00:16:42,088 --> 00:16:43,518
I should've told her.
460
00:16:49,921 --> 00:16:54,191
[upbeat music]
461
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,320
Oh, mother of God!
462
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,233
Jesus Christ.
463
00:16:58,278 --> 00:17:00,058
[sly music]
464
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,016
Hello?
465
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,414
Hello!
- Hey.
466
00:17:03,457 --> 00:17:04,937
- You brought me presents?
- No, it's not for you.
467
00:17:04,980 --> 00:17:06,810
It's for Andrew.
- What?
468
00:17:06,851 --> 00:17:08,291
How you doing?
469
00:17:08,331 --> 00:17:10,331
- Hi!
- How's a gal?
470
00:17:10,855 --> 00:17:11,935
How do they look?
471
00:17:11,987 --> 00:17:13,247
Pretty good, actually.
472
00:17:13,293 --> 00:17:15,083
I'm doing, like, multi-colors.
- Are you doing--
473
00:17:15,121 --> 00:17:16,731
Have you ever painted a nail?
474
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:19,654
We did something
that you were like, very--
475
00:17:19,690 --> 00:17:21,000
Makeup?
476
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,220
Maybe it was makeup.
477
00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:23,738
I just love putting on makeup
478
00:17:23,781 --> 00:17:26,311
'cause guys can look better
with, like, slight makeup.
479
00:17:26,349 --> 00:17:27,999
Yeah, like what?
480
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:30,307
Like, if--I would just define
your brows a little bit more.
481
00:17:30,353 --> 00:17:31,493
What's that supposed to mean?
482
00:17:31,528 --> 00:17:33,308
They're undefined,
just like us.
483
00:17:33,356 --> 00:17:35,486
[light music]
484
00:17:35,532 --> 00:17:37,142
That's really funny.
485
00:17:37,186 --> 00:17:38,876
What did you bring Andrew?
486
00:17:38,927 --> 00:17:40,667
Because I've come over here
and tried to make a pizza,
487
00:17:40,711 --> 00:17:42,241
and I feel like he's desperate
for it,
488
00:17:42,278 --> 00:17:45,328
this guy,
and then a pizza cutter.
489
00:17:45,368 --> 00:17:47,238
Thank you so much!
490
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:49,553
I'm so tired of watching him
saw at things
491
00:17:49,590 --> 00:17:52,590
with a knife that's made
to, like, cut fruit.
492
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:55,026
It's kind of humiliating.
There's a tool for every job.
493
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,164
Yeah.
494
00:17:56,205 --> 00:17:57,505
Oh, did you see Poppy
and Arlo?
495
00:17:57,554 --> 00:17:58,734
- Yeah.
- How'd that go?
496
00:17:58,773 --> 00:17:59,773
It was so cute.
497
00:17:59,817 --> 00:18:01,077
- Yeah?
- They like me so much.
498
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,473
- Yeah!
- So nice.
499
00:18:02,516 --> 00:18:03,596
I always think
they're gonna forget me.
500
00:18:03,647 --> 00:18:04,467
When was the last time
you saw them?
501
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,128
At Lauren's baby sprinkle.
502
00:18:06,172 --> 00:18:07,352
Hi!
503
00:18:07,390 --> 00:18:09,350
When I see you,
I want more of you,
504
00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:11,742
but I'm not guaranteed
to get one like you.
505
00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:16,356
And my sister's pregnant A-F.
She's so pregnant.
506
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,879
How often do you see
your niece and nephew?
507
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:19,662
I think you see them, like,
every day, don't you?
508
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,187
Not every day,
but pretty often.
509
00:18:21,230 --> 00:18:22,840
Do you want kids?
510
00:18:22,884 --> 00:18:27,064
Uh, I think
I could be convinced on kids,
511
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,406
which I know is not the best.
512
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:32,366
I've honed an ability
to ask men questions
513
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:35,025
that I'm deeply invested
in knowing the answers to
514
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,250
in a way that makes it seem
515
00:18:36,289 --> 00:18:37,729
like, "Oh, I don't care
about the answer.
516
00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,338
"Like, it's just a thing
I thought of.
517
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:40,729
"I haven't been thinking
about this for weeks
518
00:18:40,771 --> 00:18:42,211
"and, like, working up
the courage to ask you.
519
00:18:42,251 --> 00:18:43,381
"I'm not really serious.
520
00:18:43,426 --> 00:18:44,946
"Do you wanna be
with me forever, like...
521
00:18:44,993 --> 00:18:46,473
"This is, like, Facebook quiz.
Do you wanna take it?
522
00:18:46,516 --> 00:18:48,946
Like, do you, like, love me?"
523
00:18:48,997 --> 00:18:50,777
So, like, with you and me,
524
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:51,905
do you ever think
about, how...
525
00:18:51,956 --> 00:18:53,176
- No.
- Like, my thoughts about--
526
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,699
[laughs]
527
00:18:55,743 --> 00:18:58,883
I'll pretend not to be
deeply offended
528
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:02,970
by the ease at which that joke
came out of your mouth.
529
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,231
But do you ever think
about that with us?
530
00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:08,064
With what?
531
00:19:08,103 --> 00:19:11,193
Of us having kids.
532
00:19:11,237 --> 00:19:12,927
[lightly edgy music]
533
00:19:12,977 --> 00:19:13,977
Um, yeah, I would.
534
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:17,592
I would do, like, anything for...
535
00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:20,464
like, the person
that I ended up with or...
536
00:19:22,465 --> 00:19:25,285
You know, and I think
that having kids
537
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,818
could be a lot of fun.
538
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:29,816
All right.
539
00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:31,694
Just wanted to throw it
out there.
540
00:19:31,735 --> 00:19:33,555
- I would say--
- Listen, I don't even know
541
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:35,257
if you want me to be
your girlfriend anytime soon.
542
00:19:35,304 --> 00:19:36,744
Neither of us do.
543
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:38,314
I-I would like it, yeah.
544
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:39,661
I know that I would like it.
545
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:42,270
Honestly, if we get
back together,
546
00:19:42,311 --> 00:19:43,881
we should just get engaged.
547
00:19:43,921 --> 00:19:46,621
Oh, yeah?
548
00:19:46,663 --> 00:19:49,753
Sometimes, I'm like,
"Glase just wants to be a wife,
549
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:53,277
"and it's whatever sucker
is willing to do it."
550
00:19:53,322 --> 00:19:54,672
I could be married
right now...
551
00:19:54,715 --> 00:19:56,455
- I'm just kidding.
- If I wanted to be anyone.
552
00:19:56,499 --> 00:19:58,239
No, I know you think that sometimes.
553
00:19:58,284 --> 00:20:00,554
- I'm just kidding!
- You do.
554
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,550
You said it as a joke,
but I know you think that.
555
00:20:02,592 --> 00:20:04,642
- All right.
- You think you're a sucker.
556
00:20:04,681 --> 00:20:06,731
I could find
some schmuck to marry me.
557
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,420
This isn't the hard thing.
558
00:20:08,468 --> 00:20:10,028
I want you, Chris!
559
00:20:10,078 --> 00:20:14,598
I think we just fundamentally
don't understand each other,
560
00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:19,698
and we--we keep failing
to communicate how we feel.
561
00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:21,480
- Nice.
- Um----.
562
00:20:21,524 --> 00:20:23,314
Okay, I gotta go...
563
00:20:23,352 --> 00:20:25,662
jump on some calls.
564
00:20:27,835 --> 00:20:29,445
[laughs]
I'm out of here.
565
00:20:29,489 --> 00:20:30,879
- Yeah, you're ready.
- I'm out.
566
00:20:30,925 --> 00:20:32,135
- We're ready.
- All right.
567
00:20:32,187 --> 00:20:34,097
Let's start right now.
568
00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:37,023
What are you doing
walking around St. Poo-is?
569
00:20:37,061 --> 00:20:38,981
I literally just got poop
on my hands
570
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,330
from not having a bag.
571
00:20:40,369 --> 00:20:41,409
[upbeat music]
572
00:20:41,457 --> 00:20:42,627
Oh!
573
00:20:42,676 --> 00:20:43,756
Golf is the worst.
574
00:20:43,807 --> 00:20:44,767
Ah,----.
575
00:20:44,808 --> 00:20:46,328
Makes me want to throw
a racket!
576
00:20:46,375 --> 00:20:47,895
I've been texting with JR.
577
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:50,292
I'm entertaining the idea
of hanging out with other guys.
578
00:20:50,336 --> 00:20:51,856
Are you an F-boy or a nice guy?
579
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,162
I don't wanna say
I'm a nice guy.
580
00:20:53,208 --> 00:20:54,338
That has the same connotations, right?
581
00:20:54,383 --> 00:20:55,563
That's a good answer.
582
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:57,432
I've still never felt
a feeling before.
583
00:20:57,473 --> 00:20:58,523
It sounds awesome.
584
00:20:58,561 --> 00:20:59,521
I like that you are saying
585
00:20:59,562 --> 00:21:01,092
you don't feel feelings.
586
00:21:01,129 --> 00:21:02,999
[laughs] Busted.
39518
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