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1
00:00:08,926 --> 00:00:11,929
I'm goin' down to South Park,
gonna have myself a time.
2
00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:14,140
Friendly faces everywhere.
3
00:00:14,265 --> 00:00:15,641
Humble folks
without temptation.
4
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:18,602
Goin' down to South Park,
gonna leave my woes behind.
5
00:00:18,728 --> 00:00:20,021
Ample parking day or night.
6
00:00:20,146 --> 00:00:22,064
People spouting,
"Howdy, neighbor!"
7
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,317
Heading on up to South Park,
gonna see if I can't unwind.
8
00:00:25,443 --> 00:00:27,153
Timmy, Timmy, Timmy, Timmy.
9
00:00:27,278 --> 00:00:29,071
Timmy, Timmy,
liv-a-la, Timmy!
10
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:32,742
Come on down to South Park
and meet some friends of mine.
11
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,747
This is gonna be so awesome!
12
00:00:37,872 --> 00:00:38,872
Do we have everything?
13
00:00:38,914 --> 00:00:41,167
Chips, pop, cookies, Kleenex,
toilet paper, flares.
14
00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:43,061
We won't have to leave
the TV room for anything.
15
00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:44,962
- All right!
- Look. It's almost time!
16
00:00:45,087 --> 00:00:48,466
Up next on HBC,
"The Russell Crowe Show".
17
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,926
All right. Here we go.
18
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:53,429
Born in New Zealand in '64.
19
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,848
A hotheaded actor
named Russell Crowe.
20
00:00:55,973 --> 00:00:58,309
He loves to act,
but he loves one thing more.
21
00:00:58,434 --> 00:01:00,770
Fightin' 'round the world.
22
00:01:00,895 --> 00:01:03,064
He fights his directors,
and he fights his fans.
23
00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:04,982
It's a problem
no one understands.
24
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:07,902
If there's two things
he loves, it's fighting and.
25
00:01:08,027 --> 00:01:10,446
Fightin' 'round the world.
26
00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,490
Making movies, making music.
27
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:16,577
And fightin' 'round
the world.
28
00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:18,204
Russell Crowe!
29
00:01:18,329 --> 00:01:19,955
Hello, everybody.
30
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:21,248
I'm Russell Crowe,
31
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,085
and this is
"Fightin' 'Round the World".
32
00:01:24,210 --> 00:01:26,087
We're gonna have
lots of fun today
33
00:01:26,212 --> 00:01:29,673
as we travel all around
and look for some good...
34
00:01:29,799 --> 00:01:33,302
Hey! What the hell do you think
you're doin'?!
35
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,262
You walked right through
my shot, mate!
36
00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:36,514
Do you know who I am?!
37
00:01:36,639 --> 00:01:38,766
Oh, excuse me.
I was just...
38
00:01:38,891 --> 00:01:41,018
Goddamn smart-ass!
39
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:42,143
You think you can...
40
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:44,188
Shelly, we're watching that.
Go back!
41
00:01:44,313 --> 00:01:46,190
Shut up, turd!
I'm watching Buffy.
42
00:01:46,315 --> 00:01:49,110
No, Shelly.
We have to watch HBC!
43
00:01:50,319 --> 00:01:52,363
Get up!
Get up, you little pussy!
44
00:01:52,488 --> 00:01:53,489
"The Russell Crowe Show"?
45
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,449
You turds don't even like
that show!
46
00:01:55,574 --> 00:01:56,854
It's not the show we care about.
47
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:58,970
During one of the commercial
breaks of tonight's episode,
48
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:01,056
they're gonna show the exclusive
never-before-seen trailer
49
00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:02,623
to the new
"Terrance & Phillip" movie!
50
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,108
It's the biggest night
of the year!
51
00:02:04,166 --> 00:02:05,042
That's stupid!
52
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:06,687
See your turdy trailer
some other time.
53
00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,192
The other kids are gonna watch
it and talk about it in school!
54
00:02:09,255 --> 00:02:10,131
No, turds.
55
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,383
Shelly, did I ever tell you
how hot I think you are?
56
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:13,801
Shut up, fat turd!
57
00:02:13,926 --> 00:02:15,678
I'm not a fat turd!
I'm a stocky turd!
58
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,471
We're not watching this.
59
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,265
- Come on!
- Look, I apologize.
60
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:21,034
But, Shelly,
it's "The Russell Crowe Show"!
61
00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:23,339
You said there's nothing you
love more than Russell Crowe.
62
00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,646
There is one thing I love
more than Russell Crowe,
63
00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:28,816
and that is seeing you unhappy,
so Buffy it is.
64
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,526
Shelly, please let us watch!
65
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,611
We'll do anything!
Anything!
66
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:33,821
All right.
67
00:02:33,946 --> 00:02:36,782
I just started my period,
and I need tampons.
68
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,410
If one of you turds go buy them
at the store for me,
69
00:02:39,535 --> 00:02:41,162
you can watch
your stupid turd show
70
00:02:41,287 --> 00:02:44,123
with your stupid turd
movie commercial in it!
71
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,292
Okay.
Deal.
72
00:02:46,417 --> 00:02:50,254
And they better be here when I
come back downstairs, turds!
73
00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:53,841
Well, that was a lot of fun,
wasn't it, kids?
74
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,302
But it looks like if we're
gonna get in more fights,
75
00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:58,137
we're gonna have to go look
for 'em!
76
00:02:58,262 --> 00:02:59,502
Dude, why'd you make that deal?
77
00:02:59,597 --> 00:03:01,658
If we're out buying tampons,
we'll miss the trailer anyway!
78
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:02,474
Yeah!
79
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:04,685
Well, only one of us
has to go to the store.
80
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,021
- The others can watch.
- You'd miss the new trailer?
81
00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:09,231
- Dude, I'm not going.
- We'll have to play for it.
82
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,026
How about if your name
is Butters, you have to go?
83
00:03:12,151 --> 00:03:13,819
- Okay. So what's your name?
- Stan.
84
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,779
- Stan. Okay. What's your name?
- Kyle.
85
00:03:15,905 --> 00:03:18,199
- Kyle. What's your name?
- Butters!
86
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:19,450
Aw, I lose, huh?
87
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:20,993
Oh, yeah, Butters, you lose.
88
00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:22,953
- Sorry. Tough break.
Just hurry, Butters.
89
00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,182
You can probably make it back
before the first commercial.
90
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,958
Oh, Jesus!
I got to run like the wind!
91
00:03:28,083 --> 00:03:29,877
Seems like no one else here wants to fight.
92
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,322
Dude, thank God
for stupid people.
93
00:03:31,420 --> 00:03:32,004
Amen.
94
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,006
Let's ask our old friend
Tugger.
95
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:36,217
Where should we go
fight people next, Tugger?
96
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:39,053
Great idea!
97
00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:42,556
Tugger thinks we should go
to the faraway country of China.
98
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,184
China's one of the oldest
civilizations on Earth,
99
00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,895
and from what I understand,
they love a good fight!
100
00:03:48,020 --> 00:03:49,230
So let's go!
101
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,067
Oh, my God!
It's Russell Crowe!
102
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:55,319
"Oh, my God! It's Russell Crowe!
103
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,738
"Oh, my...
Muh-bluh-bluh-bluh-bluh"!
104
00:03:57,863 --> 00:04:00,783
Why don't you mind your
own business, you scrotum?!
105
00:04:01,951 --> 00:04:04,203
Making movies, making songs.
106
00:04:04,328 --> 00:04:06,038
And fightin'
'round the world.
107
00:04:06,163 --> 00:04:08,165
Dude, why is this guy
always beating everybody up?
108
00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:10,584
What a glorious day
to spend away.
109
00:04:10,709 --> 00:04:12,711
Fightin' 'round the world.
110
00:04:17,007 --> 00:04:18,926
What's wrong with the colors
on your TV, Stan?
111
00:04:19,051 --> 00:04:20,931
- They're all saturated.
- They look fine to me.
112
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:24,877
Just don't mess with it,
Cartman.
113
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,433
No, no.
The cable wire must be loose.
114
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:27,558
J-Just leave it alone.
115
00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:29,812
Do you want to see the trailer
with messed-up colors?
116
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:30,937
I don't.
117
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,022
How's that?
118
00:04:32,147 --> 00:04:32,898
That's worse!
119
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,233
Okay.
How about that?
120
00:04:40,239 --> 00:04:41,573
- Dude!
- God damn it, Cartman!
121
00:04:41,699 --> 00:04:43,117
- You broke it!
- It was just...
122
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,619
I just...
Butters, you asshole!
123
00:04:45,744 --> 00:04:47,347
Dude, the commercials
could start any time!
124
00:04:47,371 --> 00:04:49,099
I don't think we're
watching them on this TV.
125
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,250
God damn it! Come on!
We can watch it at my house!
126
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:53,502
Get all the stuff!
127
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:55,421
Hey, fellas!
I got the tampons!
128
00:04:55,546 --> 00:04:57,047
I didn't miss it, did I?
129
00:04:57,172 --> 00:04:58,612
We're going to Kyle's house
to watch!
130
00:04:58,716 --> 00:04:59,967
Oh, geez!
131
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:03,429
Oh, geez.
Oh, geez.
132
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:06,265
Hurry!
We can't miss the commercials!
133
00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:11,979
But the Palestinian government
134
00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:14,940
uh, is not going to see
any for future...
135
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,235
Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!
136
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,947
And so here we are
in history-rich China!
137
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,949
We made it! It hasn't gone
to commercials yet!
138
00:05:25,159 --> 00:05:26,702
Hey, ima turnl bat.
139
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,454
Oh!
Oh, my God! Oh!
140
00:05:28,579 --> 00:05:30,039
- Ba-ba-ba-ba!
- No, Ike.
141
00:05:30,164 --> 00:05:31,040
They're playing the trailer
142
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,684
to the new "Terrance & Phillip"
movie during the show,
143
00:05:32,708 --> 00:05:33,751
and we have to watch it!
144
00:05:35,377 --> 00:05:38,130
This is Tiananmen Square.
145
00:05:38,255 --> 00:05:41,091
Lots of good fighting has gone
on here throughout the years,
146
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:46,013
including a fantastic massacre
that took place back in '93.
147
00:05:49,266 --> 00:05:52,519
These Chinamen can grow
to over five feet tall
148
00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:56,023
and in a fight are known to kick
with their legs.
149
00:05:56,148 --> 00:05:58,275
Let's see if we can get in
for a closer look.
150
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:02,571
Oi!
151
00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:04,365
I've gotten close enough now
152
00:06:04,490 --> 00:06:06,992
that they're starting to get
real frightened.
153
00:06:07,117 --> 00:06:09,286
You can see the fine hairs
on the back of their necks
154
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:11,372
standing on end.
155
00:06:11,497 --> 00:06:12,748
Gotcha, mate!
156
00:06:15,417 --> 00:06:16,835
Oh, you want to fight, huh?!
157
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:19,046
Think you can take me,
you little buggers?!
158
00:06:26,428 --> 00:06:29,765
God. When is this gonna get
to the commercials?
159
00:06:29,890 --> 00:06:32,434
Kyle, Ike says
you kicked him off the TV.
160
00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:34,412
They're going to show the new
"Terrance & Phillip" trailer!
161
00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:36,289
You know your brother watches
"MacNeil/Lehrer Report"
162
00:06:36,313 --> 00:06:37,313
every night at 10:00.
163
00:06:37,398 --> 00:06:40,067
It has a bunny wubbit
ona night.
164
00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:42,361
But, Dad, this is all
the never-before-seen footage!
165
00:06:42,486 --> 00:06:43,362
It doesn't matter.
166
00:06:43,487 --> 00:06:46,156
10:00 to 11:00 is Ike's time
to watch "MacNeil/Lehrer".
167
00:06:46,281 --> 00:06:48,867
God damn it! Come on, guys.
We got to go to Butters' house.
168
00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:53,247
W-Wait, fellas.
We can't go to my house.
169
00:06:53,372 --> 00:06:55,457
We can't go to my house either.
It's being fumigated!
170
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:56,458
Aah! Wait!
171
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:58,645
Chef just got a plasma-screen TV
with surround sound.
172
00:06:58,669 --> 00:07:00,212
Let's go to his house!
Come on!
173
00:07:01,213 --> 00:07:04,049
...taken place there all
these years is sure to continue
174
00:07:04,174 --> 00:07:06,468
until the governments
of these regions
175
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,233
can actually come about
some resolution...
176
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:10,222
Isa birdie fly.
177
00:07:15,727 --> 00:07:18,856
You guys. I'm seriously.
178
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:20,649
God damn it.
179
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,277
If we miss the commercials,
I'll never forgive my brother!
180
00:07:23,402 --> 00:07:25,404
Hello, there, children.
181
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:26,822
Hey, Chef!
182
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:28,782
Uh, how's it going?
183
00:07:29,992 --> 00:07:31,869
Oh, you wanted to see
the new TV, huh?
184
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,388
- Pretty cool, ain't it?
- Yeah, yeah.
185
00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,414
- How do you change the channels?
I don't know.
186
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,708
This TV has more features
than a space shuttle.
187
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,751
I can't figure it out at all.
188
00:07:39,877 --> 00:07:41,646
- ...bloomin' Taj Mahal.
- You got it! You got it!
189
00:07:41,670 --> 00:07:43,922
Freakin' Indies
really put up a fight!
190
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:45,716
- We made it!
- Oh, thank God!
191
00:07:45,841 --> 00:07:46,884
Russell Crowe?
192
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,649
Children, you shouldn't be
watching a show
193
00:07:48,677 --> 00:07:51,221
about a man who beats people up
because he's insecure.
194
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:53,032
We don't give two craps
about Russell Crowe, Chef.
195
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,850
We just want to see the trailer
196
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,815
that's supposed to play
during the commercials.
197
00:07:56,935 --> 00:07:57,935
All right, everyone.
198
00:07:58,020 --> 00:08:00,147
We're gonna take
our first commercial break.
199
00:08:00,272 --> 00:08:02,024
But be sure not to go anywhere,
200
00:08:02,149 --> 00:08:04,443
because there's lots more people
to beat up!
201
00:08:04,568 --> 00:08:07,237
- Here they come!
- The commercials!
202
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:12,868
Now back to "Russell Crowe:
Fightin' 'Round the World"!
203
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,119
Aww!
204
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:15,412
They didn't play it!
205
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,265
They didn't show the
"Terrance & Phillip" trailer.
206
00:08:17,289 --> 00:08:18,582
I knew they wouldn't play it
207
00:08:18,707 --> 00:08:19,893
during the first
commercial break.
208
00:08:19,917 --> 00:08:21,186
They want everyone
to stick around
209
00:08:21,210 --> 00:08:22,520
and watch more
of this retarded show.
210
00:08:22,544 --> 00:08:24,838
Making movies, making songs.
211
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:26,757
And fightin'
'round the world.
212
00:08:26,882 --> 00:08:27,591
Oi!
213
00:08:27,716 --> 00:08:29,885
Now Tugger's brought me
to one of the greatest places
214
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,013
for fightin' in North America...
Brooklyn, New York.
215
00:08:33,138 --> 00:08:34,264
Lots of minorities here,
216
00:08:34,389 --> 00:08:36,433
and they don't take kindly
to whitey.
217
00:08:36,558 --> 00:08:38,477
Let's get a closer look.
Come on, Tugger!
218
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:47,736
Looks like we got
some black people
219
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,196
and some Puerto Ricans.
220
00:08:49,321 --> 00:08:51,448
Notice the colorful rags
on their heads,
221
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,325
meaning they could be
part of a gang
222
00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,786
and therefore,
real used to fightin'.
223
00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:01,375
Look at that guy over there.
Ain't that that "Gladiator" guy?
224
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,209
Where?
225
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,086
Behind that plant,
next to that tugboat.
226
00:09:05,921 --> 00:09:07,756
Oh, yeah.
I think it is.
227
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,050
"Oh, my God!
It's the 'Gladiator' guy!
228
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:12,636
"Oh, my God! I've never seen
an actor before!"
229
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:16,473
Why don't you choke on some
pig vomit, you stupid sods?!
230
00:09:16,598 --> 00:09:18,600
Why can't this guy control
his temper?
231
00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:19,434
Well?!
232
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,728
You all just gonna stand there
or are you gonna fight?!
233
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:25,482
Oi! Crikey!
You done it now!
234
00:09:25,607 --> 00:09:26,984
This TV is great, Chef.
235
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,403
Yeah, and it's got all kinds
of cool features, too.
236
00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:30,612
Check this out.
237
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,447
You can watch three channels
all at once.
238
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,449
I think if you hit
this button here...
239
00:09:34,575 --> 00:09:35,450
No. No.
Wait.
240
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,202
You hit this button here.
241
00:09:37,327 --> 00:09:39,246
No. That's not it.
Let's see.
242
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:41,373
"Menu"...
"Function"...
243
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:43,542
Put it back, Chef.
More commercials might come on.
244
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:45,669
Let's see. "Menu."
Aw, damn it.
245
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,088
- Get it back to normal, Chef!
- I'm trying, children!
246
00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,693
"Menu", "back", "function",
"enter"...
247
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:52,509
No. No. Back!
"H.E.M."!
248
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:55,887
Human eradication
mode active.
249
00:10:07,065 --> 00:10:09,359
- Oh, God damn it!
- The TV left!
250
00:10:09,484 --> 00:10:11,361
But the next commercials
will be on soon!
251
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,572
Come on!
We got to go somewhere else!
252
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:17,617
Oh, my God!
253
00:10:20,329 --> 00:10:21,580
Where do we go?
Where do we go?
254
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:24,041
The bar!
They've got a TV at the bar!
255
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:28,837
I'm dying!
256
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:38,138
You fight like Norwegians,
you fairies!
257
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:41,099
- We made it.
- This is killing me.
258
00:10:41,224 --> 00:10:43,560
The human body was not meant
to move quickly like that.
259
00:10:43,685 --> 00:10:45,312
These are the Florida Keys,
260
00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:48,231
a remote island chain
just a few miles from...
261
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:50,150
Oi!
Wait a minute!
262
00:10:50,275 --> 00:10:52,611
Wasn't I just in Brooklyn
fighting minorities?
263
00:10:52,736 --> 00:10:53,987
What happened with that?!
264
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,157
It's that goddamn editor!
265
00:10:57,282 --> 00:10:59,451
He cut the Brooklyn scene
short!
266
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,037
Tugger, I'm gonna get him!
267
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:05,082
Yeah, I'm just working.
268
00:11:05,207 --> 00:11:06,875
I'll probably be done
around 7:00.
269
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:10,962
Who the hell
do you think you are?!
270
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,088
I'm the editor.
271
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,674
I know you're
the bloomin' editor!
272
00:11:13,799 --> 00:11:15,175
I mean who do you think you are
273
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:17,636
cuttin' one
of my fightin' scenes short?!
274
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,346
Dude, the director said
to cut it!
275
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:20,889
My fightin' is poetry!
276
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:24,393
You don't edit Russell Crowe's
poetry, you testicle!
277
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:30,816
Well, that guy
is just plain nuts.
278
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:32,484
Hey! Hey! Hey!
279
00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,069
You kids can't be in here!
280
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:35,862
We're not kids.
281
00:11:35,987 --> 00:11:37,489
We're full-grown men
with dwarfism!
282
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,574
How dare you assume
that all midgets are children!
283
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:40,742
We demand an apology!
284
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:43,245
You ain't midgets.
Your lips are too full.
285
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:45,497
Now, get out!
286
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,422
We have to watch the commercials
in this show!
287
00:11:47,499 --> 00:11:50,252
Look, this is a bar.
We can't have children in here.
288
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:52,754
People come here for debauchery
and sin.
289
00:11:52,879 --> 00:11:54,857
Butters will give hand jobs
in the corner for a dollar.
290
00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,217
Sure!
I'm good at all kinds of jobs.
291
00:11:57,342 --> 00:11:58,719
Get out!
292
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:02,514
Come on!
We got to get to a TV!
293
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:04,725
Oh, you've got to be kidding me!
294
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,029
Yes.
Is this customer service?
295
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:20,157
I'm having a problem
with my new television.
296
00:12:20,282 --> 00:12:21,324
It sprouted laser guns
297
00:12:21,450 --> 00:12:23,243
and started walking around
shooting people.
298
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,412
Okay.
299
00:12:25,537 --> 00:12:28,540
Oh! So I press "menu"
then "function"?
300
00:12:29,541 --> 00:12:32,043
Jesus!
301
00:12:32,169 --> 00:12:33,837
No, that didn't work.
302
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:37,758
Did I set the internal clock?
Uh, no.
303
00:12:37,883 --> 00:12:40,677
Oh, really?
Well, how do I do that?
304
00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:52,564
Oi!
305
00:12:52,689 --> 00:12:53,857
We're not too late!
306
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,903
Come on, Tugger, old mate.
Why are you looking so down?
307
00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:02,199
Tugger's in a bit
of a sad state.
308
00:13:02,324 --> 00:13:05,494
Seems his girlfriend and him
had a bit of a row last night.
309
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:10,081
What is this?
310
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,958
Come on.
Cheer up, Tugger.
311
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,710
How can I make you feel better?
312
00:13:13,835 --> 00:13:15,045
I know!
313
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,297
How would you like me to sing
one of the songs
314
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,965
off me new album?
315
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:22,301
What's that, Tugger?
316
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:25,263
You say you really love
the songs on my album?
317
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:28,934
All right, then, Tugger!
318
00:13:31,186 --> 00:13:33,396
You know that you're my baby.
319
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:35,148
You know I need you now.
320
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,609
Don't know where I'm goin'
321
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,110
I got to get there somehow.
322
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:41,196
Yeah, I got to get there
somehow.
323
00:13:42,781 --> 00:13:45,700
Got to get there somehow.
324
00:13:48,370 --> 00:13:50,247
You can stay awake tonight.
325
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,209
But I'm gonna sleep
in these fluffy clouds.
326
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,168
Shout!
327
00:13:55,293 --> 00:13:57,295
I think I feel
your heartbeat.
328
00:13:57,420 --> 00:13:59,506
Can you feel mine?
329
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:02,801
Lady looking lovely,
got to take your love inside
330
00:14:02,926 --> 00:14:04,010
I got to take it...
331
00:14:06,137 --> 00:14:07,138
Tugger!
332
00:14:10,267 --> 00:14:12,310
Tugger shot himself!
333
00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:14,062
Has Russell lost Tugger
for good?
334
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,064
Find out after these messages.
335
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,899
Here we go!
336
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,068
Commercial break number two!
337
00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:27,200
Now back to "Russell Crowe:
Fightin' 'Round the World"!
338
00:14:27,325 --> 00:14:29,119
That's it?
That's all the commercials?
339
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:31,430
They didn't play the "Terrance
& Phillip" trailer again!
340
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,124
I knew it! They're waiting until
the very last commercial break!
341
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:35,268
We're gonna end up watching
342
00:14:35,292 --> 00:14:36,812
this whole retarded
Russell Crowe show.
343
00:14:38,962 --> 00:14:40,046
Tugger!
344
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:43,425
Why'd you do it, Tugger?
345
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:45,927
Doctor!
Tell me how he is, Doctor!
346
00:14:46,052 --> 00:14:47,762
Well, he's a very sick
little tugboat.
347
00:14:47,888 --> 00:14:48,888
What is this?
348
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:50,932
We want to watch
"Puppies From Around the World".
349
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:52,684
Yeah.
We don't like this show.
350
00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:53,685
Okay?!
351
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,812
Old people need to be quiet
right now.
352
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,898
You got to save him, Doc!
353
00:14:58,023 --> 00:15:00,191
Tugger... He's my best friend!
354
00:15:00,317 --> 00:15:02,068
The only friend in the world
who...
355
00:15:02,193 --> 00:15:04,154
H-He's going to live, but...
Oi!
356
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,656
Don't you interrupt me,
you vagina!
357
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,700
I was giving
a heart-wrenching soliloquy
358
00:15:08,825 --> 00:15:10,452
about me feelings for Tugger!
359
00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,620
Sorry.
360
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:12,996
Oh, Tugger!
361
00:15:13,121 --> 00:15:16,333
Tugger, the world wouldn't be
as bright without you, mate!
362
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,043
Give it to me straight, Doctor!
363
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,171
Will Tugger live?
Tell me the truth!
364
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:23,548
- Now?
- Yes. Now is fine.
365
00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:26,051
Oh. Uh, your tugboat's
going to be okay.
366
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:29,137
He just needs an oil change
and a new steam stack.
367
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,890
Oodalolly!
You hear that, everybody?
368
00:15:32,015 --> 00:15:33,892
Tugger's gonna be okay!
369
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:36,853
You know what that makes me
feel like doin'?
370
00:15:36,978 --> 00:15:38,229
Fightin'!
371
00:15:41,691 --> 00:15:44,027
This show is too violent!
Put the puppies back on!
372
00:15:44,152 --> 00:15:45,445
- Yeah!
- Puppies!
373
00:15:45,570 --> 00:15:47,530
Shut up!
Shut the hell up!
374
00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:49,456
We're watching this
until the next commercial,
375
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,951
and that's final, old people!
376
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,620
All right! That does it!
We know how to get our way!
377
00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:56,748
Everyone, on the count of three,
release your bowels!
378
00:15:56,873 --> 00:15:58,500
One, two...
379
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:03,338
Aww!!
380
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,256
Oh, God!
It's horrible!
381
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,217
That's disgusting, dude!
382
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:08,593
God, I hate old people!
383
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,237
We have to go to Butters'
or Cartman's house.
384
00:16:10,261 --> 00:16:11,137
We have nowhere else to go!
385
00:16:11,262 --> 00:16:13,264
I told you...
We can't go to my house!
386
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:14,849
And my house is being fumigated!
387
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:18,019
We'll watch in your house
even if it is being fumigated!
388
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:19,580
Oh... Oh, boy!
We got to hurry, guys!
389
00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:20,730
Hurry! Hurry!
390
00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,315
Come on, you guys!
391
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:29,322
Turn it on! Turn it on!
392
00:16:29,447 --> 00:16:32,742
Crikey! Ol' Tugger looks
healthy, happy, and...
393
00:16:32,867 --> 00:16:34,869
...fit as a whistle!
394
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,955
It's okay.
It's still the show.
395
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,499
But, you know,
Tugger's attempted suicide
396
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:42,711
has made me realize
that I should take up a cause.
397
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,879
Most great actors
take up causes,
398
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,756
and I'm the greatest
of them all!
399
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:50,427
So from now on, I'm gonna
spend all my spare time
400
00:16:50,552 --> 00:16:52,512
fighting cancer.
401
00:16:52,637 --> 00:16:53,346
Right!
402
00:16:53,471 --> 00:16:56,725
Where is that pussy cancer,
anyway?!
403
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:57,892
Oh, dude,
404
00:16:58,018 --> 00:16:59,477
I don't know how long
I can take it.
405
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,311
Me neither.
406
00:17:00,437 --> 00:17:01,855
I'll be dead
before the commercials.
407
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:02,856
Wait a minute!
I forgot!
408
00:17:02,981 --> 00:17:04,792
There's a black-and-white
television back at my house!
409
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,960
Will your sister let us
watch it?
410
00:17:05,984 --> 00:17:07,527
She has to!
411
00:17:08,611 --> 00:17:10,572
Hurry! The commercial's
gonna be on any minute!
412
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:14,534
Oh, God! Oh, God!
413
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:15,952
Oh, Jesus, help me!
414
00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:17,537
Oh!
Oh, I've lost a doughnut!
415
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,834
Oh, my God!
Leave no doughnut behind!
416
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,504
- Oh, Jesus! Wait!
- What?
417
00:17:26,629 --> 00:17:28,131
I never gave Shelly her tampons!
418
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:30,508
She's been this whole time
without them.
419
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:46,357
I told you I needed tampons,
turds!
420
00:17:46,483 --> 00:17:47,525
Look!
421
00:17:47,650 --> 00:17:49,694
Crack addicts with a television!
422
00:17:56,242 --> 00:18:01,039
Well, we couldn't find cancer,
but we found a man with cancer.
423
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,958
Take that, cancer!
424
00:18:04,084 --> 00:18:05,084
And that!
425
00:18:07,295 --> 00:18:10,340
The last commercial break
has to be coming any second!
426
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:20,225
Yes, I pressed "menu"
three times.
427
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,811
No. It's giving me
the same error message!
428
00:18:22,936 --> 00:18:25,105
Yes, I read
the instruction manual.
429
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:27,357
Where do we go?!
430
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:28,682
Oh, Jesus.
Now where do we go?!
431
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:29,775
We've tried everywhere!
432
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:31,921
Butters, are you absolutely sure
we can't go to your house?
433
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,321
I'm sure.
There's no way!
434
00:18:33,446 --> 00:18:34,739
- Why not?
- Because!
435
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:38,284
My parents are out of town,
and I don't have a babysitter!
436
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,329
Oh, God damn it,
you'd better be kidding.
437
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,248
No! I really don't have
a babysitter.
438
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,083
That's why I'm staying
at Stan's.
439
00:18:45,208 --> 00:18:47,489
This whole time, your TV is
in a house with nobody in it?!
440
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:50,338
Come on! Let's just go!
We'll kill Butters later!
441
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,468
Turn it on!
Turn it on! Turn it on!
442
00:18:55,593 --> 00:18:58,847
And so we'll be right back
after these commercials.
443
00:18:58,972 --> 00:19:00,014
We made it!
444
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:03,226
The last commercial break
is starting!
445
00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:05,812
Don't go anywhere.
446
00:19:05,937 --> 00:19:09,482
Russell Crowe will be right back
after a few more commercials!
447
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,361
These commercials
are all so Goddamn stupid!
448
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,780
Jesus Christ! How long is this
commercial break gonna be?
449
00:19:15,905 --> 00:19:17,925
What if they don't show the
"Terrance & Phillip" trailer at all?
450
00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,343
What if we went through all this
for nothing?
451
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,703
They have to show it!
They promised they would!
452
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:22,704
You guys, calm down.
453
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,069
This is what TV shows
always do.
454
00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,002
They make the last
commercial break the longest.
455
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:28,001
That's bullcrap!
TV shows are gay!
456
00:19:28,126 --> 00:19:29,586
Wait a minute!
Look!
457
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,297
"The following preview is..."
This is it! This is it!
458
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:33,923
Coming this summer,
459
00:19:34,048 --> 00:19:37,468
the greatest Canadian duo
of all time is back.
460
00:20:11,878 --> 00:20:14,255
- Whoo-hoo!
- Yeah!
461
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:16,500
- That looks awesome!
- They were wearing cowboy hats!
462
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:17,589
Did you see?!
Did you see?!
463
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,736
Clyde! Clyde!
Did you see it?!
464
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,362
Yeah! Oh, we think
it's gonna be good, too!
465
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,763
I'm so glad we didn't miss it!
466
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,283
You guys, Clyde said he taped it
and kids can come over to see!
467
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:25,307
Oh, dude, let's go!
468
00:20:25,350 --> 00:20:26,785
It looks even better
than their first movie!
469
00:20:26,809 --> 00:20:27,685
Yeah, it sure does!
470
00:20:27,810 --> 00:20:29,038
I wonder if it's all a Western!
471
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,980
How far away is June?
472
00:20:31,105 --> 00:20:33,942
Well, we sure had a good time
today, didn't we, kids?
473
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,319
We fought some Chinamen,
a few Packers,
474
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:39,280
and a lot of Colombians,
to name just a few.
475
00:20:39,405 --> 00:20:43,284
But I sure am glad we got
old Wally B. Back, aren't you?
476
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,787
I'm glad to be back, Russell!
477
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:48,790
Oh, my God.
It's Russell Crowe!
478
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:51,042
"Oh, my God!
It's Russell Crowe!
479
00:20:51,167 --> 00:20:52,919
Oh, my...
Bluh-bluh-bluh"!
480
00:20:53,044 --> 00:20:55,421
Why don't you go flush yourself
down a toilet, you c...
481
00:20:57,966 --> 00:21:00,260
Uh-oh. Tugger's whistle.
482
00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,136
You know what that means.
483
00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:04,430
Tugger's whistle's blowin'
484
00:21:04,555 --> 00:21:06,599
Means we must be goin'
485
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:10,687
No more Russell Crowein'
for you.
486
00:21:10,812 --> 00:21:12,939
But now,
don't you start to whine
487
00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,108
I'll see you again next time.
488
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:19,279
'Cause there's plenty more
a-fightin' left to do.
489
00:21:19,404 --> 00:21:21,781
Making movies, making songs.
490
00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:25,451
And fightin'
'round the world.
491
00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:27,245
See you next time, everybody!
492
00:21:30,248 --> 00:21:34,627
So I'm supposed to press "menu,"
then "function," then "enter."
36493
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