All language subtitles for The Mick S01E16 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

She's inappropriate,
but in charge.

-She's The Mick.
-Can I have some more ice cream?

Oh! Aaah!

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-That's attractive.
-Why would they--

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(Ben and Chip screaming)

What is happening?
Is everything okay?

No, it's not okay!

A frickin' tarantula
almost bit my frickin' arm off!

Aunt Mickey,
do something! I'm scared!

Where?!

Right there!
Right frickin' there!

Are you blind?!

Are you talking
about that?

The itsy bitsy spider?

(whispering): Yeah.

Wow, ladies.

All right, fine, I'll squish it.

No! Don't hurt it!

Oh, my God.

(Ben and Chip screaming)

Are you serious?

You're frickin' suicidal, man.

Guys, that was tough for me
to watch as a parent.

You're not a parent.

Good. 'Cause if I was,
I'd be incredibly ashamed.

You are so soft.

(groans)
Coffee.

Get your own coffee.

Mug.
There are no mugs.

They piled up in the sink.
I found it irritating.

Tossed 'em.

(gulps) Morning.

Morning.

Hi.

Hi. What are you
doing today, Jimmy?

Oh, boy. I was gonna
go down to the airport

and watch the planes land.

Mm. Sounds pressing.
Uh, instead of that though,

why don't you take these
two out for a guys' day?

What? Why?

'Cause, clearly, I'm
failing you as a father.

You two need to learn
to act like men.

This is your idea of a man?
The guy's an animal.

Well, he's the closest
thing we've got.

Maybe you'll all neutralize
each other

and come back
decent human beings.

Eh, no problem.

I'll make men out of 'em.
Well, you don't need

to make men out of 'em.
Just take 'em to a ball game

or something--
you know, guy stuff.

Okay.

I'll do it.

I'm bored.

Let's do something.

Well, I've never tried
mushrooms.

Seems kind of extreme
for-for mid-morning.

Well, what else?

I don't know. Let's do, like,
a girls' day or something.

You know, the guys are
out doing their thing.

I am listening.

Why don't we just be
predictable for once?

Let's head into the city,
grab some brunch,

like ladies do,
get some mani-pedis.

Oh! We should go
to the Armenian part of town

and hit up the hookah bars.

Oh. Uh...

seems a little off theme,
but, sure,

yeah, why not?
Yeah. Okay.

Oh, hey, girl! What do you
got going on today?

Don't answer that.
Listen to this.

City, brunch, manis,
pedis, hookah. In or out?

Out.
What? Was it the hookah?

It was everything. But I have
a doctor's appointment.

You're not feeling well?

It's more
of a consultation.

I'm getting breast implants.

What?! Why?!

I mean, I know
why. But why?

Because I want to.

I thought you were a feminist.

You can be a feminist
and also be sexy.

Oh, my God. Okay.

I can appreciate that you're
young and stupid. I really can.

But let me take you
to school for a second.

Sexy is finding the thing
that you hate most

about yourself
and then shoving it

into somebody else's
face until they think

that you're okay with it.
Yeah.

Like Adrien Brody's nose.
Yeah.

I don't want Adrien Brody's nose
for boobs.

Yeah, okay. Well, I don't want
my knees, but that's life.

What's wrong with your knees?
My knees are disgusting.

That's a weird insecurity.

Stop talking about my knees!

Okay? It's not about
my knees, okay?

You're not getting a boob job.

Your mom's not here,
and I'm not signing off on it.

My mom bought them for me.

They're my
18th birthday present.

Well, you're 17.

I'm gonna
hit the ground running.

Fine. Then I'm coming
with you. There's gonna be

at least one voice
of reason in that room.

Wait, what about brunch?
I'm sorry, Alba,

brunch is canceled on account
of Sabrina's stupidity.

Aw, come...
(clicks tongue)

(crowd cheering)

Whoa, is he okay?

Yeah, he's on top of
the world. Can't you tell?

I don't get
this whole fandom thing.

A bunch
of middle-aged slobs

dressed up like some
kid half their age,

like they're a part of
something. It's pathetic.

Yeah, boys.

I'm gonna get sick today.
I know it.

All right, I was
able to scalp

two tickets together
near the end zone.

Ben and I will be there
with the diehards.

And you are in
section 339, row double-Q.

Might want to wear
some sunblock.

You're gonna get scorched.

Why am I sitting alone?

'Cause I bought the tickets.
I gave you the money.

Okay, let's not get bogged down
in the details right now.

I don't even want to be here.

I like my sports
in high definition.

Buck up, Mary. Part of being
a man's going it alone.

Let's meet at this light post
20 minutes after the game.

There's a million light posts.

Oh, really, are there
a million light posts?

All right, fine.

Then the light post next
to the red car, smart guy.

Let's get in there. I like
to berate the opposing team

during warm-ups.

Turtle town, baby!

Screw this.

Where can I get a ticket?

Thanks.

"Dr. J. Goodby."

Stupid name.
What?

Sabrina, nice
to see you again.

Hi, I'm Dr. Goodby.
Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, you would be.

Please.

Well, clearly very good
at what you do.

Ignore her.

So what brings you in today?

Cut the crap, Goodby.
We all know why we're here.

GOODBY:
Right.

Breast implants.

I see your mom already paid
for everything.

Yeah, she's gunning
for mother of the year.

Well, all you have to do
is choose a size.

What would you recommend?
I don't want to go freakish

with it, I just want
to look more mature.

You already look 25.
Then again, the
last thing I want

is to feel like I
didn't go big enough.
Oh, God.

How do you think a "D"
would look?

Like a broom.
With cantaloupes taped onto it.

Well, we do have
some model implants,

if you'd like to see
for yourself.

Thank you.

There are a couple
of options:

saline, a sterile
saltwater solution;

or silicone,
a sturdier gel substance.

Saline, definitely.
It's more natural.

Mm. Yeah, always going
green, this one.

Go ahead.
You're welcome to touch.

Want to feel?

Well, yeah, I mean,
obviously, I want to feel.

(chuckles)

Yeah. Okay.

Got a real
weight to 'em.
Mm.

Squishy. Nice.

Um...

what do you think about us
taking 'em for a spin?

It's not a used car lot.
Oh, it's no problem.
Let me get a gown.

Oh, no, sorry, I was
thinking more along

the lines of a field test.

Think it'd be pretty good
for this one

to see what people think
about her new friends.

I don't care what people think.

Yeah, but you care enough to get
'em in the first place, so...

It's fine, right?

What do you say? We'll just
take 'em around the block,

have 'em back by supper.

(sighs)

Okay. Just be careful.

You got it.
What do you say,

want to walk a mile
in these boobs?

Good morning. Excuse me.
Hi. Hi there.
Oh, hi.

Excuse me. Hi.
Beautiful day, isn't it?

Excuse me.

What's up? Hey.

How you doing?

Wow.
I mean, my goodness.

Do you feel this energy shift?

I feel like
everyone's staring right at me.

Yeah, maybe it's
because you're working the room

like you're the mayor
of Tit Town.

Yeah. You want to pop 'em on?

This is gonna be you
from now on.

No, it won't.
Mine'll be attached to my body,

not Frankensteined into my bra.

I'll get us a table.

Cool. I'm just
gonna hang back here

and have humongous boobs.

What's shakin', pal?

He said it's gonna be,
like, an hour wait.

Let's get out of here.

Hmm. No, it's okay,

we got plenty of time.

Uh, one thing I'm noticing--

all the women hate me.
You picking up on that?

Yeah. I am.
It's because you're

eye-banging
their husbands.

No, I'm not.
That's what's bugging me.

I'm trying to eye-bang
their husbands,

but I can't seem to make
eye contact with any of them.

Too busy staring at my
tig ol' bitties, you know?

Back's kind of starting to cramp
up, too. I got to be honest,

I'm not seeing a whole lot
of upside to this arrangement.

Just give me the boobs.

Yeah?
Yeah.

That's the spirit.

There we go.
You're good.

Hi. I'm so sorry,

I know you said
it's a really long wait,

but are you sure
there isn't a table?

I'm sorry, you'll...

(clears throat)
You know what?

Follow me.

Great.

How's that for an upside, huh?

(cackles)

Sor-Sorry about that.

Yeah. Yup.

Once they're in the cocoon,

it's like a primordial soup,
you know?

Because their mouth
becomes the butt,

the butt becomes the mouth,

it's a mess.
It's very un...

You've got to be kidding me.

What? What's wrong?

Some guys got no respect,
you know?

They come in here dressed
like that, it really bugs me.

But you don't even know them.

I don't have to know 'em, Ben.

I hate 'em on principle.

Why?

Because they're
different than us.

What if they're nice?

Well, if they were nice,

they wouldn't have
come into your house

and crapped in your cereal.

You know,
this is a good opportunity

to teach you a lesson.

You hungry? You like nachos?

Yeah.

Yeah, good. Me, too.

Here's what I want you to do.

I want you to pour your soda
on this clown's head.

But he didn't do anything.

Oh, Ben. Don't be so naive.

Go ahead, it's fine.

Hey, buddy,
look at me, look at me.

I'm not gonna let
anything bad happen to you.

Okay? I promise.

Now make it rain.

Hey!

What's your
problem, kid?

What's your problem, pal?
You want to pick on somebody

your own size?
FAN: Oh!

(hooting, jeering)

Hey. What's going on here?

Aw, these guys are upset 'cause

their team's getting spanked

and now he's a little sticky.

This guy's full of crap.
Hey,

all right.
It's time to go, gentlemen.

Oh!
What?!

See you later.

Let's go.
Yeah, enjoy your train

back to nowhere.
Come on, man.

Let's go.
Choo, choo!

Let's go.
Choo, choo!

In the back, boys.

Enjoy your cheese
with your whine.

(whooping)
(yells indistinctly)

Yeah!

That is
what I am talking about.

And that, my friend...

is the nacho special.

There you go.
Don't eat the peanut shells.

Hey, why'd they
get kicked out?

The opposing fan
always gets kicked out.

That's the rule.
Otherwise people would just be

hammering 'em the whole game.

Now that the cancer is gone,
we can enjoy ourselves.

They had cancer?

No.

No, no, I hope not.

Geez.

If that were the case,
I'd feel really terrible.

Peanuts.

This is more like it.

Hello, I'm Brian. I'll be
your in-suite concierge today.

Will anyone else
be joining us?

Not today, Brian.
Just me.

Wonderful.
Well, make yourself at home.

We've got food
right over here,

everything from hot dogs
to sushi.

Fridge is fully stocked.
TVs can be tuned

to any channel you'd like.
And, of course,

view's not too bad.

Can I start you
with something to drink?

I could do a water.

Still or sparkling?

Let's go with bubbles.

Coming right up.

(indistinct announcement
over P.A.)

Ah.

Row QQ.

(snorts)

Ladies, here's the check,
whenever you're ready.

Mmm.
And this is from
the gentleman at the bar.

Oh, how nice.

That means nothing.
It happens to me all the time.

Oh, really? When was the last
time it happened to you?

Literally
every single day of my life.

Now let's roll.
I want to be down at the docks

when the fishing boats come in.

See what those guys think
of your new look.

Uh, ugh. Okay, here we go.

What's this?
That's the check.
That's for you.

What do you mean it's for me?
I left my credit card

for the boob deposit.

Well, I don't have any money.

How do you not have any money?

I don't know, Sabrina,

I guess the Dow had a bad day.

You literally said, "Let
me take you to brunch."

And I did. I brought you here.
I didn't realize

I was gonna have
to pay for it also.

I'm not the one
who had 11 Bellinis.

I didn't realize they were gonna

be so teeny-tiny and delicious.

Well, what the hell
are we gonna do?

Just relax, okay?
We'll just sneak out of here

without paying.
I do it all the time.

You do it all the time?

Here's how it's gonna go down.

You're gonna go to the bathroom.

I'm gonna count
to ten Mississippi.

And then I'm just gonna
slip out of here, unnoticed,

like a fart in a Jacuzzi.
You got me?

Good luck with that.
Okay. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Give me the boobs.

What? Why?

Because I feel more confident
with them, all right?

Shut up and give 'em to me.
Told you.

Shut up.

You love 'em.

(whispering):
God, I hate you so much...

Let's go, ladies, you and me.

Um, excuse me, miss.

Oh, yeah.
Um, here's the thing.

(people groaning)

Did you see that?
'Cause

you must be wondering...

Hey, hey, hey, hey!
(screams)

(groans)
You all right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mickey?

Huh? Oh.
(panting)

What the hell
happened to you?

Nothing. It was perfect.

Where's the boob?

What?
The boob.

You're missing a boob.
Oh.

Oh...

That's not good.

...crazy. She must have been on,
like, PCP or, like, bath salts

or, you know, one of those,
like, superhuman drugs.

And she had these
huge, crazy, fake boobs.

What the hell
did you do in there?

Tough to say.

It all happened pretty fast.

I can tell you it was loud.

All right, well, go in there

and turn yourself in
and get our boob back.

(chuckles)
No.

Are you serious?

You will spend
one night in jail.

That boob costs five grand.

Do the math.

Yeah. That plan sucks.

I'm calling Alba.
What? Why?

Because she's reliable and
she's down for anything.

Watch this.

(line rings)
ALBA: What do you need?

Yo, Alba. Hey,
I need your help

getting a breast implant
from a crime scene.

Drop a pin.
I'm on my way.

Boom.

I got to tell you, Brian.

I was pretty
skeptical coming in,

but now I am
totally sold

on the whole live
sports experience.

Well, thanks for spending it
with us, Chip.

It was a pleasure
serving you.

You're welcome.

Can I help you
with a ride home?

You guys do that?

I'll call a car service.

I frickin' love sports.

All right, huh?

Thank you for your service.

Never check you
on the way out.

(whoops)
(phone buzzes)

Whoa.

Ah. Chip got a ride home.

There's hope for him yet.

What's up, guy?
Remember us?

Oh, right. Hey, fellas.

You missed a good one.

In case you couldn't
tell by the cheers,

Tom Brady jammed his size 12
Australian slipper boot

right up your cheesy cornholes.

You got a big mouth, buddy.
You're lucky you're with

your son or we'd roll
on your ass right here.

Yeah. Hey, Ben.

Don't worry about this,
all right? I got it.

Pay attention.

He's not my son.

(grunting)

Ben, this is all part of it.

It's all right, Ben.
I'm in control. (grunts)

(grunting and groaning)

Why aren't we moving?

Sorry, sir. There's people
fighting in the road.

Animals.

(horn honking)

(grunting)

(Mickey sighs)

(laughing)

You're a good man, Johnny.

You go back to school
for you.

(whoops)

Hey!

Alba. Are you drunk?

No.

I'm doing mushrooms.

(laughing)

(laughing and wheezing)

Uh, all right. Alba.

(laughing)

(snorts)
Hey, Alba.

And you're drunk.

What? N-- Oh...

That's right.

I forgot. Girls' day!

This is reliable?
I wasn't planning on this.

Alba, where did you
get mushrooms?

Shh. Let's not get off track.

Catch me up to speed.

Okay. We were having brunch
over in that restaurant.

And we were doing
a boob thing.

Did I hear you say brunch?

You're having brunch without me?

No, but it-it wasn't like that.
No? What's it like, then?

We were doing a social
experiment,

and one of the boob...
You guys,

pull it together, okay?

Alba, are you gonna
help us or not?

Fine.

But we are gonna double back
to this brunch business later.

Understood.
Where is it?

Unclear. It kind of pinballed
all over the place in there.

Why don't you just head on in

and I'll walk you through it,
okay?

One boobie coming up, okay?

Awe... some.

Oh yeah!

It's okay, it's finished.

(laughs)

Alba's really going
for it lately, huh?

Oh, yeah. She's nuts.

I was encouraging it
for a while,

but she's steering
the ship now.

(phone rings)

Hello.

MICKEY:
Okay, let's do this.

Yeah. Who is this?

It's Mickey.

(laughing):
Mickey.

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Where am I going?

Okay. First you're gonna
have to get past that host.

Hi. Can I help you?

I doubt it.

Okay, I'm in.

Wow. That was awesome.

Okay, turn right. Kind of start
heading towards the bar.

We were at a little table
in the middle.

Oh. That must have been
so nice for you.

Have some drinks,
a little of...

Alba. Focus, okay?

Do you see the black guy
with the red hat?

Black guy with red hair?

(laughing):
Oh, no. I never seen anything
like that ever.

Not black guy with red hair,
black guy with red hat.

Oh. Black guy, red hat.

(Alba laughs)

(laughing and wheezing)

Yeah. I see him.

I see him.
Okay, but keep your voice down.

Can he hear you?

Yeah.

He's looking right at me.

What do you want me
to say to him?

I don't want you to say
anything to him.

Just shut up and listen
to the instructions, okay?

I-I'm gonna kill her.

Oh, oh.

I got eyes on it.

Where? You do?

Uh-oh, uh-oh.

Boobie on the move.
Coming right your way.

Wh-Where? I don't see it.

Uh, white baby, blonde hair.

You don't have to say
"white baby," just say "baby."

I see him. I got it. Okay.

God.

Excuse me, excuse me.

Ma'am. Hi there.
Uh, I think your baby

stole something of mine
off the restaurant floor.

SABRINA:
Yeah.

Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry.

He's such a little thief.

(laughing):
That's okay.
He's so adorable.

Isn't he, though?
Yeah. He's so cute.

Oh, I hope you don't
mind a little drool.

Not at all.

What is this, anyway?

Oh, nice. You found
your breast implant.

Good for you.

Oh, gross!

No. No, no!
Wait!

No!
No! Oh, come on.

BEN:
Why are you crying?

(sighs)

'Cause men cry, too, Ben.

Men cry, too.

Thanks for driving, by the way.

You're welcome.

You're a real natural, huh?

Don't be afraid
to use that horn.

(horn honks)

(laughs)
Yeah. Let 'em know
you're coming.

Oh, come on.

Make the light,
make the light.

(engine revs, car horns honk)

What happened to it?

Well, I don't know.

You tell me, Doc.

The damn thing
just exploded.

Yeah. We're lucky
that grenade wasn't inside me.

I mean...
Yeah.

It could have been
really bad.
Oh.

Obviously, we'll have
to charge you for this.

Look, I'm gonna pass
on the surgery.

Just take it out of that.

You are?

Yeah. I don't want
the memory of today

physically attached
to my body.

I'll hold off for now.

Okay.

So my plan worked.

No. It did not.

Well, obviously it did.
You heard her, Goodby.

She's not getting the surgery.

You can give us the
rest of the cash.

This is a doctor's office.

We don't do refunds.

Mmm.

I don't know.
Did you get a haircut?

No, no. Look harder.

Color contacts?

No, come on. Guys.

I got my knees done.

That's a thing?

Yeah. I guess it's a
super common procedure.

Ay. What was wrong
with your old knees?

Those knees were trash,
these ones are awesome.

I honestly can't even
tell the difference.
Mm.

Well, that's a testament
to Dr. Goodby, isn't it?

Woman is amazing.

Hey. Whoa.

How was the game?

I fell down the stairs.
Fun.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I can see that.

Yeah. I botched the first one
and then just kind of...

Oh, yeah.
...rode it out.

Sure. You have to at that point.

Wow.

You look great.

Did you do something
to your knees?

ALBA:
I'm doing mushrooms.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH

Now that you've gotten
to know The Mick,

here are a few more shows
to check out
from Fox.

Mommy has to go
out of town for work.

Something
ain't right here.

The department
is obviously corrupt.

-I understand how you feel.
-No, you don't.

My son is dead.

-MAN:
You should go back to DC.
-(grunts)

Their threats
don't faze me.

This some sort
of game to you?

ASHE: We're taking on
an entire sheriff's department.

Nobody comes out
of this clean.

ANNOUNCER: Shots Fired.
Wednesdays on Fox.