All language subtitles for The Mick S01E07 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

She's inappropriate,
but in charge.

-She's The Mick.
-Can I have some more ice cream?

Oh! Aaah!

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and Lethal Weapon.

-That's attractive.
-Why would they--

Only on Fox.

*

Is he normally
this sweaty?

I don't think
it's normal for anyone

to be this sweaty.
Hmm.

Ah.

Okay.

First off,
I had zero knowledge

of what was going on
with your parents' finances.

Aren't you their money manager?

I know, right?
I mean,

it doesn't feel great
to be left out.

It didn't help
that I found out

about the fiasco
from the NY Insider column

at my
therapist's office.

(gasps)
What?

Oliver Fishburn did
a piece on Mom and Dad?

Who's Oliver Fishburn?

He's only the biggest
gossip columnist in New York.

The man feasts on the elite.

If I were you, I would
take this opportunity

to lay low and cut back
on unnecessary expenses.

You know what we should do?
We should march straight

to the club and confront him.

I mean, he basically uses
that place as his office.

That's the opposite
of what I just suggested.

Uh, look, if I were you, I would

cancel the country club
membership

until we know
the state of your finances.

Don't be a moron, Barry. We're
not canceling the country club.

And why didn't anyone tell me
we have a country club?

You don't have
a country club. We do.

If anything, we should be
spending more time there

so that everybody can see
that the Pembertons are fine.

Yeah, yeah, we're fine.
Not you.

Yeah. If I don't play in the
golf tournament this weekend,

people are gonna know
something's up.

People are gonna notice if a
13-year-old isn't playing golf?

Yeah. It's basically
the social hub of Greenwich.

Remember when the Ostrovskys got
caught up in that Ponzi scheme?

It's all anybody
could talk about.

Former clients
who also ignored my advice.

Oh, remember that one time
you pooped in the pool

and everyone called you
Sabrina Pooperton?

Shut up, Chip.
Back up.

Sabrina pooped the pool?

No. When I was nine,
I ate some chocolate

in the pool
and everybody went crazy.

Oh.
People are idiots.

Eh, mom and dad had to pay
for the drainage fee.

That's basically
admission of guilt.

Yeah.
Guys, I can't
make this any clearer:

this is a bad idea.

Barry, you've been overruled.

Now, let's talk about the food
situation at this club.

Do they do a decent nacho?

I don't mean
to offend you...

Then don't.

You don't fit
the Pemberton brand.

The Pemberton brand seems to
be fugitives and pool poopers.

Hey, pop these
by the first tee for me.

Thanks, chief.
What...

what are you doing?
Chip.

Show some restraint.

I am.
Dad usually gives him 50.

Well, maybe consider
a new financial role model

besides Dad.

What the hell?

I'm not in my usual foursome
with Judge Golder.

(gasps)
There you are.

Oh, you're with
Jerry Berlin.

Oh, the guy from the
concrete company?

It's already happening-- we're
becoming socially radioactive.

(laughs)
Oh, here he comes.

Is that Chippy?
How are you?

How you doing, darling?
(exclaims weakly)

You ready to go make this course
our 18-hole bitch?

I would, and I'd love
to, but me and Sabrina

have to go to the...
No, we don't.

Have fun.
Yeah?

Yeah? Come on, tiger.
Huh? Come on.

All right,
let's go, come on.

I said, "Sweetie, sleeping
with a woman doesn't

make you a lesbian,
it means you're bored."

I know. Right?

100%.

Oh, God.
I'll call you back.

Hey, Oliver.
Sabrina Pemberton.

We met at the Met Gala.

I'm sorry, that night
is a blur of bad Pinot

and intolerable conversation.

I assume you want to
talk about the article?

Oh, that stupid thing?
No. Come on. (chuckles)

I just came over here to
tell you how big of a fan I am.

Aw, sweet.

Thanks for popping by.

No, I just also wanted
to say that, you know,

if you ever needed a resource,

I'm pretty plugged in
around here.

Oh, are you?

I mean,

in my eyeline alone...

Dan Gregor

flipped his car
with a hooker in the front

and an eight ball
in the glove box.

Hmm.

That's it?

I'm just getting started.

Huh.
Jackie Gilford

had her housekeeper deported

because she didn't want
to fire her.

Oh, and Caroline Martin--

she used all the money
from her 9/11 charity fund

to fix that face.

(exclaims softly)
And not that

it's worthy of an article,

but that purebred Goldendoodle
she won't shut up about?

(whispers):
Rescue.

(laughs)

Yeah. So, you know,

as you can see, there are
plenty of stories here

that are far juicier
than my family.

(chuckles)
Girl, you are the story.

(chuckles)
What?
Prominent family

on the brink of collapse
with a daughter

who's got a mouth
like a fire hose?

Wait, I told you that
in confidence.

Ah, you didn't say
"off the record."

Off the record.

Nah.

Okay. I made it all up.

So...

Oh. So you're a liar, too?

What?
Oh! This keeps

getting better and better.
No...

Oh, God!

Oh, God.

Look, all I'm saying is that,
for a fancy establishment,

you do very
piss-poor nachos.

Ma'am, we don't do nachos.

You insisted we make them.

Yeah. Well, you tried, and
you did a really bad job of it.

So I'm not paying for them.

Well, don't
take 'em away.

I'm gonna snack
around a little bit.

I will take another mojito.

You seem to have
a pretty good handle on those.

Thank you. Ah!

One for my girl, too.
Oh, no, no, no. No, no.

Poodle says that
when I'm at the club,

I'm supposed to be invisible.

Alba, when you get a chance
to party at a place like this,

you got to take full advantage.

Oh.
Check out all this stuff

that I snagged.
All for free.
Oh.

Stole this massaging showerhead.
Just unscrewed it,

right off the shower.
Nice, right?
That's nice.

Yeah.
You get the little soaps?

I really like
those little soaps.
You kidding me?

I got a hundred little s...
What the hell

are you doing here?

Oh, yeah, you know what,

I was sitting at home, and then
I remembered you're not my boss.

Place is amazing, by
the way. You're right.

Yeah, well, enjoy it, because
it might be our last day.

What are you talking about,
last day?
Alba,

will you please take Ben
to the playroom?

I need to have a chat
with Mickey.

Well, if you're gonna use bad
words, I already know five.

The B-word you
always call Mickey...

Okay, let's go. Come on.
You like to play.
Wait, I'm not done,

I'm not done. (sighs)
No, no, no, no, no.

Hmm. Was the "B"
for "boisterous"?

What's the matter?
Little plan didn't work?

Not exactly. I think
I poured more gas on the fire.

Oh, hell no. Mm-mm.
I got a tennis lesson tomorrow.

Lead me to him.
I'll handle this clown.

Okay.

Pem-ba-tone.
Pem-ba-ton.

Pemberton.

Peh-ba-tone.

Pa-ba-tone.
Pemberton.

Pem-ba-ten.
Pemberton.

BOTH: Pem-ba...
Okay, you know what,

screw it, all right?
Where's our carts?
Oh, it's the last team

of the day.
No carts left.

(exhales) Fine. I'll get some
waters. We'll be on our way.

Oh, yeah, we ran
out of those, too.

Don't you guys see
what's happening?

We're getting boxed out!
Aw,

relax, kid. Happens
all the time.

Not to me, it doesn't.
It's a slap in the face.

Fine. All right. We'll see
how easy it is for them

to box us out once
we go out there and win

the whole damn tournament!
Who's with me?

ALL:
Hai!

Yeah, yeah, I'm revved up.

Yeah!
Let's do this.

Come on.

* All right

*

(exhales)
Oh. Shanked it.

Seriously?

(piano playing)

Can I help you?

No, I don't think so.
But I can help you.

My name's Mickey.
I'm Sabrina Pemberton's aunt.

Oh, of course. Poodle's sister.

I smell the resemblance.
Is that rum?

Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's rum.
Good nose.

Listen, I know you're
a busy girl and I'm a busy guy,

so I'll just get right down
to business.

Boom.

What is this?

That's $168.

And what am I supposed to do
with it?

I don't care. Put a down payment
on a Chihuahua.

It's a bribe. Take it.

Huh.

(grunts)
There. That's better.

Is there a problem?

No. None whatsoever.

Thanks to $168 and your niece,

I'm flush with material
for the next month.

(chuckles softly)

Okay.

Well, I hope
you've got a good memory.

That wasn't mine.

What's that?

That wasn't mine.

Mm. Mm.

Watch that.

Keep your eyes on that.
Walk away.

Concentrate.
Eye on the ball.

Deep breath.
Nice and easy.

Own it, baby!
G...

Ooh!

Ah. Worm burner.

Damn it!

Easy, buddy.
Stupid...

You okay, tiger?

I'm fine!

You sure?

I'm freaking fine!
Listen,

I heard about your folks,
all right?

Everybody
gets popped

sooner or later.
They'll get through it.
All right, well,

we're not everybody.
Our name is getting stomped on!

I thought if we came here

and won the tournament,

I could've got some
of our glory back.
Mm. I get it.

Look, all you got to do
is change the conversation.

Okay. So how do I, um...

how do I change
the conversation?

Hmm. Well,
you could tell everybody

you tackled
a school shooter.

Okay. That could be nice.
Nah, nah.
You know what,

an injury is always
the safest bet.

You take a line drive
to the sternum right now,

that's all
they'll remember.

Tax fraud who? Murder what?

My family didn't murder anybody.

I'm not asking any questions.
I'm thinking about the kid
with the hole in his chest.

Fine. Do it.

Good man.

*

All right.
Now, I want you

to cover your teeth
and your junk.

Okay.
All right?

Okay.
Cover up.

Here it comes.
All right.

All right.
Only take a second.

(groans)
Won't hurt.

Won't hurt. Here comes. Ready?

(muffled shouting)

Oh!

(chuckles)

What the hell is wrong
with you?!
Come on.

Stop.
Let me buy you an Arnie Palmer,
all right?

Rest his soul. Come on.

I got it.

We chuck hot sauce
in his face.

What's that gonna do?

It's gonna burn him really bad.

Oh, God. You're an idiot.
I'm the idiot?

At least I'm, like, coming up
with stuff here, you know?

Oh, God. I really think
you should slow down.

You're gonna crap yourself.

That's kind of your department.

(grunts)

Huh?

No.
Are you kidding me?

Think about it. We need
something that will overshadow

your family's scandal, right?

We can't.

Oh, we can.

And we will.

We're gonna make Oliver
poop the pool.

Just like you did.

Um...

JERRY:
Ugh. Dead last.

Who would've guessed it?

Literally, anyone.

Yeah, well,
that's the thing about golf.

You know-- ooh.

Hey, have you guys
seen Ben? Yeah.
Yeah, we need his poop.

Wow.

You gonna introduce me
to your friend?

(scoffs) Jerry, Mickey.
Mickey, Jerry.

How are you, blue eyes?
Can I buy you a drink?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, my goodness.

That's a woman.

Hey, hey.

If it isn't the all-stars.

(men laugh)

What happened
out there today, Chip?

Guess your short game fled
the country, too, hey, kiddo?

(men laugh)

Oh, yeah?

Well, get this.

While you good old boys
were busy chuggin' high balls,

Pemberton here
sunk a hole in one.

Really?
Oh, yeah.

That's incredible.
Hey, guys.
Yeah.

The Pemberton kid here
got a hole in one.

(all cheer and clap)

That's my boy, huh?
(laughs)

Yeah, I, uh, I can't believe
you told them that.

Oh, and I can't believe
I was there to see it.

Tell them, Chip.
Take it away.

Y-Yeah.

So, I was, um...
golfing with this guy

and, uh, we were
on the grass

and I reached for my seven iron
and then I switched to a six,

'cause, well, I'm 13.

He's 13!

(laughter)

(chuckles)

You're killing them.
Go ahead, tell them.
Yeah.

So, I, uh, I inhale

some fresh morning air.
Uh-huh.

And-and then I take
a nice swing back

and I rip it, right?

And I thought I overshot it,
I really did,

but it turns out
I hit it right on the pin

and it rolled right in.

(laughs)
A round of drinks on Pemberton.

(cheering and laughter)

Wait, wait, wait, what?

It's tradition.

You get a hole in one,

buy drinks for the whole club.

(whispering):
Hey.

What the hell, Jerry?

I can't afford to pay
for the whole damn club.

(sighs)
Know what? Screw it.

Drink up, you sons of bitches,
it's on the Pembertons!
Pemberton.

(cheering)

Mmm.
(slurps)

Mmm.

What do you think, Benito?
What should we do next?

You want 'em to wrap us
in the detoxifying seaweed

or scrub us down
with the pineapple enzymes?

(slurps)

I want the pineapple
enzyme scrub

and the detoxifying seaweed.

Mmm.

You heard him.

Pineapple
the son of a bitch.

Oh, and put it on
the Pemberton account.

Alba, what are you doing?

Do you have any idea how
much this costs?

That a mojito?
Yeah, it is.

That's my girl.
(Alba chuckles)

(chuckles)
Aunt Mickey,

I'm gonna get
covered in mud.

No kidding, we were looking
to do some mud stuff, too.

Yeah, and I just want
to go on record

and say this was not my idea.

Right, yeah, yeah, this was
totally not her idea. Yeah.

It was, however, based on
the story of her life.

(chuckles)

Ben, what do you say?

You want to do
our family a solid?

Uh, okay.

But can I go to
the bathroom first?

Bingo.

And so finally,
the Jew says to the Mormon,

"Because it's my bank."

(laughter)

Ooh.

What about our boy, huh?

Oh, he's great.
You should've been there.

Yeah, well, they're here now
and we're talking

and you're interrupting.

Oh.

Oh, I get it.

Do you?

Because you're still
here, all right?

So, how about you go
enjoy your free drink

and if we need any
fun facts about gravel,

we'll hit you up,
all right?

(laughter)

(forced chuckle)
All right.

(fake chuckle)

Pardon me, Chip,
may I have a word?

Yeah, sure, Alfie.

One second, boys.

So, what is this about?

A photo op with
the hole-in-one kid?

Well, it's come to my
attention that you may have

embellished your story.

*

(slurps)

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

So, we are gonna
put Ben's poop

(slurring): inside
this gossip columnist?

No. And cool it on the drinks
while I explain the plan.

(loud, sustained slurp)

Go on.

This is gone.

*

Thanks to Sabrina's
cunning and charm,

we know that Oliver goes to
the pool every day after lunch

to work on his tan.

And once our little songbird
finds his perfect perch,

we kick off a tanning day
from hell.

First, we swap out his tanning
oil for cooking grease

so he bakes
like a human brisket.

Ah.

Then, Alba utilizes
her nanny network

to ensure some serious
stink sours his mood.

I know all the babies.

I know you do.
Mm.

Oh, my God.
What are you feeding that thing?

MICKEY: Then Ben will
delicately distract him.

(grunt)
Who the hell did that?

Sorry, mister.

MICKEY:
While I approach

with a not so fresh towel.

No one's unclear
on the poop part.

No toys by the pool.

Okay.

Want to play
Marco Polo?

Get out of here.

MICKEY:
And then...

the coup de grâce.

The most precise and
intricate part of our plan.

(baby crying)
Between the heat,

the smell,
and the crying,

Oliver's left
with only one option.

Really?

This now?

Ugh.

MICKEY:
Get in that pool.

BEN:
Oh, my God!

Is that poop?

What?

No! What?
(kids laughing)

No, you're mistaken!

It can't be.

That's not what that is.

MICKEY:
And just like that,

he becomes the pariah
he tried to make us,

the poop pariah.

Oh, yeah.
Let's do that.

Yeah.

Aunt Mickey,
I really got to go.

Oh, right, right, right.
Yeah. Let's roll.

Why'd you stop?
Mmm.

Can you guys please stop
making eye contact with me?

Well, I just
don't understand

why you're having
such a hard time.

I mean, you're normally like
one of those Play-Doh presses.

Yeah, hurry it up.

This is getting
really weird.

ALBA: Don't worry,
it's taken care of.

Ah!
It's not that,

I stole some fudge
from the kitchen.

Oh.
See?

It does look the same.
All right.
Chill out, Pooperton.

No!

(speaking Japanese)

They're lying!

We don't take these
accusations lightly.

Fortunately, the last member of
your foursome can clear this up.

JERRY:
Oh.

Chippy, Chippy, Chippy,
Chip, Chip.

My line of work,
we have a saying.

Truth is
the best foundation.

The most concrete thing we have.

Jerry, please.

To cheat in golf,
the purest of all games,

why, that could tarnish
your reputation.

I don't see how a man
could ever recover,

not in this country.

Well, you might be able to get
a fresh start overseas.

Well, I don't know.

But I don't actually think

my Pacific Rim friends here
have accused anyone of anything.

They're just confused.

(speaks Japanese)

Ah.

Hole in one.
Hmm.
Hai.

Hai. Hai.
Oh, hai.
Hai!

JERRY:
Hai.

I did the Olympic village
in Nagano Games '98.

Seems to me,
we owe this boy an apology.

Chip, I feel like
I owe you...
(Jerry clears throat)

Mr. Pemberton.
Huh?

Mr. Pemberton, Pemberton.
(clicks tongue)

Right.
Mr. Pemberton,

I hope that you accept
our sincerest apology.

Alfie, Alfie.
Save it, all right?

These things happen.

Thank you.

If you're a moron!

You slander me?

Me?! And you think
you'll get away with it?

I'll have my lawyers
all over your ass,

and by the time
they're done with you,

my name will be
all over this club,

while you're outside mowing
the lawn, you animal!

I don't know
what to say.

CHIP: Say nothing!
Shut your pie hole!

You ought to know bet...

Ah, well, you got
a scary side, kid.

(soft chuckle)
Thanks.

Why'd you help me out?

Ah.

Kid, my old man was a
shoeshine boy for coal miners.

I was born in the dust.

Makes me feel good to be
in a position to help out

a little prince
like yourself.

A Berlin bailing out
a Pemberton, how about that?

Well, thank you.

Don't mention it.

Just get me your aunt's phone
number, we'll be even, huh?

Done.

And here he comes
in three, two...

*

And he will be walking through
that door in three, two...

one. Where is he?
Ugh.

Where is he?
Oh, no.

He's over there.

MICKEY:
Are you serious?

So much for
the master plan.

All right, well, where's Alba?
She's got the stuff.

Oh, yeah, there she is.

Alba!

Screw it.

Hey, Fishburn.

(screams)

(kids laughing)

Sabrina, is that-- oh.

(laughing):
Oh, my God.

Sabrina Pemberton
pooped the pool.

What?

(laughter)

SABRINA:
Oh! No!

Ah! No!

No! No!

It's chocolate.

Ah!

No! I swear, look!

It's chocolate!

(kids screaming)

No, no, no,
no, no, nope.

Please, not again!

Hell no!

Hot sauce!

(screaming)

MICKEY:
Yeah.

It burns the eyes
and the face. See?

My-my eyes!

Hot sau...

I ask you to keep a low profile,
cut back on expenses.

And instead you buy drinks
for hundreds of people?

It's tradition.

Defecate in a pool?
I did not.

And assault a man.

Yeah. Yeah, I did.
Okay.

Guys, this is a very
serious situation.

Close to 30% of your family's
assets have been frozen.

Well, hang on.
What about the rest?

Well, the rest is fine.

For now.

But your family lost
millions of dollars.

Okay, but you are saying

that we still have millions
left to lose.

Well, I wouldn't
put it that way.
CHIP: All right,

way to go, Barry.
We're still rich.
Nice.

I don't think you're hearing me.

We need to make
some real adjustments,

like that apartment
on Ninth Avenue.

It doesn't get much use.

Absolutely not.
Are you kidding me?

MICKEY: We have an apartment
in the city?

You have nothing!

Well, this is news.

Captioning sponsored by
20TH CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

My name is Eric Carter.

Whatever you think
you know about me...
you don't.

Eric. Bin-Khalid's
people found us.

They're coming for you next.

-(phone rings)
-Carter. Where are you?

We're blown.

This is payback.

Killing the Rangers
is only the beginning.

These codes go out,
they launch attacks
all over the country.

WOMAN: Thousands could die.

Carter was the youngest
squad leader in the history
of the Rangers.

He doesn't fail.

Go, go! Go, go, go!

My name is Eric Carter.

Do you two have any idea
what this number is?

-Last night's winning Lotto.
-The number of cats
in your apartment.

It's the amount of money
you two cost the city
working together for three days.

You've been on the job 25 years.
Not a nick on you.

You get partnered with Riggs
three days,

you crashed two cars
and nearly got yourself killed.

-You ever feel like you made
the wrong career choice?
-Yeah, the day I met you.

ANNOUNCER:
Lethal Weapon. Wednesdays.

Man, take
the damn shades off!

Man, put the damn shades
back on.

On Fox.