All language subtitles for The Mick S01E01 1080p Amazon WEB-DL DD+ 5.1 x264-TrollHD_track3_[eng]

She's inappropriate,
but in charge.

-She's The Mick.
-Can I have some more ice cream?

Oh! Aaah!

Catch all-new episodes Tuesdays,

and check out
our other Fox programs--

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and Lethal Weapon.

-That's attractive.
-Why would they--

Only on Fox.

CLERK:
Price check, register three.

Price check,
register three, please.

*

* Yes, I'm a mutating French

* Kissing Andy

* Kissing Jack, kissing Johnny

* Kissing Mike

* Smacking chicks
and licking faces *

* Snugging ladies,
slapping boys, boys, boys *

* Kissing Andy, kissing Jack

* Kissing Johnny, kissing Mike

Ah.
* Smacking chicks
and licking faces *

* Snugging ladies,
slapping boys, boys, boys *

* Going hot

* Tease your daddy,
driving wild, wild nuts... *

* Chorus

* So...

* Wha-uh-uh-oh

(laughing)

* Kill me, kill me.

They're in this cocoon,

but they wake up and it's
like a primordial soup.

Soup, I know.
And their mouth
is the butt...

Please stop.
...and the butt's
the mouth, which is...

I know, I already know!

I just don't want
to hear it again, no offense.

I-- um, you're
driving me nuts.

I'm excited!

I've never been to
a mansion before!

Well, it's not a
social visit, all right?

My sister sucks.

Hey, okay.
That's your sister.

Yeah, you despise
your sister.

Yeah, well, 'cause my
sister's a locksmith.

She lives in a box.

Your sister's a
freakin' millionaire.

Well, no, she married
a millionaire;

there's a big
difference.

(engine running rough)
Oh...

baby got a big old butt!
(laughs)

That's gasoline.

What?

Oh, my God!
(spits)

Why do you have gasoline?

Well, I'm not gonna
pay Greenwich prices.

So you keep it
in a juice jug?!

Yeah. You spit all over my dash.

What'd you want me
to do with it?

I don't know,
deal with...

here we go.

Cop, cop, cop!
Put the gas away.
What happ--

Why?
I got this.

Why, why?
I got you,
I got you.

Howdy.

Everything okay here?

(restrained laughter)

Security.
Yeah.

(laughing)
Yeah.

We're fine, not that
it's any of your concern.

You guys lost?
No.

My sister lives here.

Okay.

Stay out of trouble.

Will do, Officer.

(both laughing)

What the hell was that?

Well...
Guy treats us like
a bunch of lowlifes?

Yeah, welcome to Greenwich.

Yeah, I should have
spit on him.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Jimmy, where you going?

To the barbecue.

Oh, no.

No, you're not coming in
with me.

Why not?

'Cause your embarrassing.
You embarrass me.

I'm embarrassed of you.
(laughs)

Then why the hell did
I just drive up here

from Rhode Island?

So I can drink.

Uh, just pop on the game.

No! I'm not gonna sit out
here like some goon and...

ANNOUNCER: Ortiz checked in
with runners on the corners.

Whoa, uh, ninth, go, go.

Here comes the pitch.

Called strike one.
Everyone, shut up.

(groaning):
Swing at crap!

*

(Mickey gasping)

(coughing)

Can I bum a smoke, please?

(coughing)

No.

Well...

okay, fine. I'll
kick you a dollar.

It's okay,
I already have a dollar.

Thank you, though.

(laughs) Well, it's
just kind of customary

to help out a fellow
smoker in need.

I get the sense that you're
in need a lot.

What's your problem?

I don't have a problem.

You do.

Otherwise, we wouldn't
be having this conversation.

Sorry to bother you.
It's okay.

Intercepted.

Are you serious?

Bitch!

Bitch.

(glass clinking)

BOY: Relax, Mom.
It's only cider.

Hello, everyone.

I'm Chip Pemberton.

I live right up there.

In the spirit
of Labor Day,

let's give it up
to the real laborers,

the caterers,

the valet, and...
Hey, there.

Oh, my God.
Mackenzie.
What?

Hi. What are you, um,
wha-what are you doing here?

Well, you invited me.

But we invite you every year
and you never come.

Huh.
Mackenzie, wow.

(sighing):
Christopher.
(phone buzzing)

What has it been like,
eight, nine years?

Oh, I got to get this.

Whoa.
No, I can't-- okay.

Uh, Liz, look.

Um, this is my sister,
Mackenzie.

Oh, this is the sister.
Yes.

The sister?

What are you? You're the...

Neighbor.
The neighbor?

Well, I'll let you two catch up.

You don't...
Poodle, call me.

Mm-hmm.
Good luck.

Okay.

Did she just call you Poodle?

It's cute, right?

Poodle, huh?
Yeah.

All right.

You look nice.
Thank you so much.

Yeah.

What'd you do to your-- you
did something to your face?

I did, yeah.
I upgraded a bit.

Uh-huh.
BEN:
Mommy?

I got a nosebleed.

Oh, gross.

Get-get--
Alba, could you...?

ALBA:
Oh, yes, Ms. Poodle?

Oh, okay.
Estás bien.

Vámonos, Benito.
Gracias, Alba.

Ay, vamos a limpiar.

They have their own
little secret language.

So annoying.

And you should see Sabrina.
Oh, my-- oh, there she is.

Sabrina, look,
it's your Aunt Mackenzie.

(laughing)

Sabrina.

Wow. Aunt Mackenzie.

I haven't seen you
since you were young.

(laughs)
Sabrina's going
to Yale next year.

I got into Yale; that
doesn't mean I'm going.

Well, you sh...
That's probably a good call.

Cute.

Remind me, what do
you do again?

You know how it goes.

Just kind of
in between things.

(chuckles)
I don't...

but good luck
with your things.

Thank you.
(giggles)

Isn't she amazing?
Oh, she is.

I am amazed.

So, listen,
Yeah?

Poodle.
(chuckles)

Um, I wanted to give
you an opportunity

to invest in my future.
There it is.

This is the Mickey
that I know.

What are you talking about?

I was half your age
when I settled down.

Settle down? You
got knocked up by

some rich guy when you
were working as a stripper.

(whispering): I was waitress
at a strip club.

You were a topless waitress.

Okay.
And that's even worse;

it just means you
couldn't dance.

Hey! I am a great dancer.

FBI!

*

We have a warrant for
the arrest of Christopher

and Pamela Pemberton
for fraud.

...checks the runner at first.

(engine starts)

(woman gasping)

(grunts)
WOMAN:
Who was that?

That ball is laced into the gap,

it'll roll all the way...
(engine squealing)

(yells)

(tires screeching)

JIMMY:
What?!

Watch the shoes.
Oh,

hey, wait, wait,
wait, wait, hang on.

That's my sister.
Poodle!
Hi.

What the hell?
Yeah, I don't know.

Listen. I need you to
watch the kids tonight.

Your kids?
Yeah.

No, no, I-I'm a bad
choice for that job.

Oh, no, no. You just need to

get them to school
in the morning, okay?

Hey.
This whole thing is a
huge misunderstanding.

Have that neighbor lady,
the one with the hat?

Absolutely not.
I'd never hear the end of it.

Uh, babysitter? Don't
you have a babysitter?

Ooh, I know! Get
one of those guys

outside the hardware
store to-to do it.

They'll do it.
Damn it, Mickey.

My hands are kind of
tied right now.

Okay, watch the hair.

Listen, just act like their aunt

for one day and I'll get you
the money that you need, okay?

And don't ruin them!

*

Uh...

(exhales)

So...

your parents are safe

and they just wanted to see

if I could spend a little time
with you guys

while this whole thing
gets sorted.

(laughs)

It will get sorted, okay?

And when it does,

those FBI pigs will be
the ones rotting in jail.

Mommy and Daddy are in jail?

(stammering)

Don't worry, Ben.

The scales of justice tip
in favor of the wealthy.

If we throw enough money
at this thing,

I'm sure it will go away.

And then we'll sue
their asses for defamation,

okay?
Okay.

Okay.

So, I have an idea. Ooh!

Why don't we all
just hunker down

and play poker
all night long,

until this whole
thing blows over?

(scoffs) That's not
gonna work for me.

Yeah, I'm gonna go
to this fund-raiser

for Planned Parenthood.

Probably crash
at my friend's place,

go to the city tomorrow.

So just don't expect
to see me too much.

You know, we probably won't
see each other at all.
Hmm.

But hey,

let's catch up again
in ten years

when you need another loan.

Listen, Sabrina,
I got a lot riding on this gig,

so can you do me a favor
and not be a big,

giant, pain in the ass, please?

Maybe you don't know this,
but Planned Parenthood

provides health care
to over three million women

in this country.

Oh, sweetie, I know all
about Planned Parenthood.

I should have one of those punch
cards that gets you a free sub

every ten visits.

Gross.

No, I just meant...

I-I never got, like... uh...

I just had a bunch of bacterial
infect-- you know what?

Ew.
The point is,

you want to make a difference?

Go out on the front line, right?

Chain yourself to a redwood,

light yourself on fire.

Just not tonight, understood?

I'm sorry,
were you saying something?

I was distracted by how
uneven your eyebrows are.

*

My Uber's here, so I'm out.

I'll be home whenever.

Cool.

What are you drinking?

Oh, just some absinthe.

Want to take a ride?

Seriously?

You're not driving.

(cork squeaks off bottle,
Sabrina sighs)

Sure, what the hell?

(sets bottle on table)
Okay.

(groans)

(shudders)

Yes!
(coughs)

Listen.

(clears throat) I feel like
we got off on the wrong foot,

and I know that you're going
through a lot right now,

um, with your parents and...

Oh, I don't care about that.

Oh.

Okay, well, whether you do
or you don't...

I don't.

All right, well, the point is,

I'm your aunt and I want
to be the cool aunt.

I want you to come to me
with boy problems.

Or girl problems.
I don't assume.

What do you say?

Can we start over?

Please?

Yeah, okay.
Why not?

(grunts)

Mm-hmm.

Um... I just, like,

I'm really happy that we're
talking, and, I don't know,

I just feel like...
there is something

that I wanted to say to you.

Yes, anything, please.

(clears throat)

I know you think
you're pretty clever

with this little plan
to drink me under the table.

But you see,
there are two problems.

You're not.

And you can't.

Peace out, Mackenzie.

(grunts)

Uh-oh.

Something the matter?

No, I'm good, I just felt
kind of funny for a second.

Oh, man.

Funny how?

Funny like you just drank
six different types

of sleep medication funny?

(chuckles)

What?

You got straight played, homie.

No, but you took it, too.

I...
I don't want you
to worry about me.

I can handle my 'Quil.

(stammering)
Why'd you do that?

(stammers mockingly)

Because I own you.

What?
Night-night, princess.

Let's get you into your jams.

No.
Come on, I got you.

No, wait! Wait.
Come on.

Hold on.
(straining):
Upsy-daisy.

(birds chirping)

(gasps)

Keys. Alba.

I need some car keys,
the kids are late.

Oh, the kids go
to school already.

Ms. Poodle likes
to sleep in, too,

so I took care of it.

Oh.

That was easy.

You want me
to make you breakfast?

Well, I mean,

I don't want you to not
make me breakfast.

(both chuckle)

All right,

so what's the deal
with that pool?

Is it heated?

Oh, I don't know.

I never tried.

(mouth full): You're telling me
you're here every single day

busting your hump,

these entitled monkeys
don't even let you get wet?

Oh, I cannot swim.

That's not the point.

The pool's a metaphor.

No, you're getting boxed out,

and I don't like that.
Oh.

I'll tell you what,

as long as I'm here,
you and me, we're equals.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah, in fact...

pull up a chair,
we're eating breakfast together.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

(laughs)
Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, wait, wait, wait.

I mean...

you got to cook the food first.

Oh.
But after that,

equals.

*

Oh.
(groaning)

* I'm having a ball

Yeah, that one'll be fun.
Okay.

Here come the shoes.

Come closer, I can't reach it.

Trust me.

No!
Come on!

* I'm loving it all
No!

Oh, man.

You are a bummer.

Yep.

* I'm having a ball

Oh!
* I'm running the show

Catch it!
Oh, what?
I don't want it.

* How I got stuck
All right.

* With so much love

* I'll never know
(yelling)

(humming)

* Each day I wake up

* And greet

* The world at my feet

* I'm riding high
Whoa!

(yells, then grunts)

* I'm having a ball.

What's the matter with her?

I think she's dead.

She's not dead,
I can see her breathing.

(Mickey gasping loudly,
kids yell)

Oh, hey.

You guys are home.

Cool.

What's everybody
thinking for dinner?

We just ate breakfast.

You were like this when we came
home from school yesterday.

Huh?

Well, where's Alba?

Help!

Somebody!

Oh.

All right, well, uh...

good morning.

What's that crap on your head?

An owl, it's our mascot.

We're unveiling a live
one today at assembly.

It's gonna be awesome.

It's not gonna be awesome,
it's sick.

He's gonna be trapped in a cage

while a bunch of morons poke him

and feed him gummy bears.

Ugh!
Change the record.

This song sucks.

How would you feel if someone
ripped you off your barstool

and threw you in a cage?

I cannot count
the number of times

I've been ripped off a barstool
and thrown in a cage.

Cool story.

We're gonna head out, okay?

Give my regards to the groom.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
How about I drive you guys?

Should probably
get out of the house.

Yesterday kind of
got away from me.

(gears grinding)
MICKEY:
Get in there, you bastard.

Let's do it. Ugh!
(engine stops)

There.
Here we are.

Bye, Sabrina.

Have a great day, I love you.

Auntie loves you all day long.

Morning, Chip.
Hey, Steffi.

How's it going?
'Sup, Chippy?

How are your folks
liking the clink?

Oh!
(laughter)

Freaking Geno Pinero!

I hate that guy.

Yeah.
Well, do something about it.

Like what?

The guy is a maniac.

He stuck a garden hose

up Danny Clerkin's butt

and the water shot out
of his nose!

Okay.

Well, that didn't happen,

but I am delighted
that the rumor exists.

Look, pal, next time
he gives you crap,

yank his pants down
and point at his tiny pecker.

That'll do it.

You're insane, okay?

He-He'll pound me.

No!
Humor trumps violence.

Trust me,
girls want the funny guy.

LIZ:
Mackenzie.

Ah! Oh.
I thought that was you.

Liz, Poodle's friend.

Mm-hmm.
How are you
managing with the kids?

Sabrina can be
a bit of a handful.

Sabrina?

No, she's been very helpful.

I don't know how I'd manage
without her.

Well, I got to run.

Make sure you get some sleep,
you look tired.

Bye, hon.
Bye, hon.

That woman is a real
see you next Tuesday.

What happens on Tuesday?

Tacos.

Two-dollar drink specials.

(school bell rings)

What are you still doing there?

I miss Mommy and Daddy.

*

Well...

I'll tell you what, kid.

Why don't you pop on up front?

You are playing hooky today.
Come on.

But what if I miss
something important?

Like what? How to roll your
boogers between your fingers

till they disappear?

Buckle up.

(car engine starts)

(groans)
I am hungover.

What's hungover?

Well,
(sighs)

you know, it's, like...

you know when you eat
a whole bunch of candy?

Sweet stuff, and at the time
it feels great,

but then the next day
you got, like, a tummy ache?

Uh-huh.

That's hungover.

Have you tried pooping?

Sometimes that makes
my tummy feel better.

I have not.
But I will definitely

take that into consideration.
Thank you.

Uh, hey, Ben, you hungry?

You, uh, feeling like
having some ice cream?

I can't. My mom
says I'm allergic.

Yeah, well, I got
news for you, pal.

Your mom is just projecting her
own eating disorders onto you.

What's projecting?

Great question.
Projecting, that's, like,

when something's wrong with
you, but you think something's

wrong with somebody else.
Hey. Fire!

What? What?
Fire! Help!

Oh, yeah. Somebody get that.
Hey!

(grunting)

Hey!
Here you go, buddy, dig in.

Why didn't we pay for it?

I don't have any money.

Why not?

Some people have
less money than others.

Why?

Look, pal. I'm not gonna just
stop the whole day and explain

the ins and outs of the economy
to you, all right, now?

'Cause it's boring, okay?

And also 'cause I don't totally
have a firm grasp on it myself.

Well, I would have paid for you.

You are so sweet.

Now, don't you go breaking
your piggy bank open.

Is that... is that a Black Card?

* I got that mula, mula,
mula, mula *
(tires screech)

* Queso, queso, queso, queso,
camouflage money *

* They can't see my bankroll
* Nah *

* I been whipping, whipping...
Django, Django *

* Smooth, smooth

* Blame it on the Jame-O
Sabrina?

* I really don't know
why I called *

* Why you call her? *

* I said I really
don't know why I called *
What's up?

* I said I really
don't know why I called *

What is that gross bird
doing in this house?

I stole him from school.
I just couldn't watch him

be treated like that
anymore, you know?
Oh, yes. Yes.

I'm sure he's much happier here
listening to thumping techno

with your moron friends.

(owl screeches)
(shouts)
Control your animal!

Relax. I'm gonna liberate
him in a wildlife preserve

near Stratford.
(chuckles)

Are you insane? Take him back
to school right this second,

before you get busted.

(slams door)
Oh, great!

What happened to you?

I'll tell you what happened.

I tried to trump
violence with humor,

and violence won by a landslide.

Well, clearly
you didn't do it right.

Did you remember to laugh
at his tiny penis?

That part's pretty important.

It was humongous!

I'm lucky he didn't
beat me with it.

Okay. I... uh, go put
a steak on your face or
something, I don't know.

Sabrina, can you please try
and think for a second?

You're the one who told me
to get out on the front lines.

Well, I don't...
I give terrible advice!

Everybody knows that.
Look at me!

I'm grotesque.

I'm gonna sue his ass.
For what?

Battery.

And then I'm going to sue
the school for negligence.

Okay. Pipe down,
all right? You're not

gonna sue your way
into this girl's pants.

Oh, yeah? Watch me!
(doorbell rings)

Now what?

What do you want?

Just checking in. You don't
strike me as much of a cook,

so I brought you a casserole.
Oh, you are so,

so sweet.
(fake gasps)
(gasps)

Oh! Shoot.

You did that on purpose.

Mm-hmm.
Oh, my, what did you

do to him?
No. I didn't do that.

He got pounded at school for
checking out some kid's wiener.

Because of you!

Now Steffi thinks I'm a joke

and Geno's got the raddest
freaking dong in school.

LIZ:
Okay.
(groans)

Mickey, can I have
some more ice cream?

(screaming):
Oh, oh!

That's it. I'm calling the cops.
Why don't you call the
cops from your house?

Get your hands off me.
Lady, I haven't even begun
to put hands on you.

Afternoon, ladies.
Oh, you again.

Is everything okay?
Officer, this woman
assaulted me.

Number one, that is ludicrous.
Number two, this man

is an officer of nothing.

She's a danger
to these children.

The kids are fine.
They do not look fine.

You know what? Why don't you
both get out of my house?
It's not your house.

Can I see some identification?

I'm not showing you dick.
Sabrina?

Don't you go anywhere.
I am not done talking to you.

Do you live here?
Yeah.

Who is this?

No idea.

Okay, ma'am. Why don't
we step outside

until we figure this out?

You are not even a real cop.
You've got a cloth badge.

Don't make me detain you.

With what? You have no gun.

No, I have a Taser.

Bitch, I hope you brought two,
'cause Mama's

got a real high tolerance.

Okay. Here we go.

Oh, no! Oh!
(gasps)

Oh, my God, I'm so sorry!

Oh! Are you okay?
I doubt it.

This is all your fault.
I'm calling the real police

for this...
Oh! Oh!

Whoa! Alba!

Are you serious?

That was unbelievable.

I don't like these people,

but I like you.

So, go stop Sabrina,
and don't worry,

I will clean this up.

Y-Yeah. Yeah.

Just to be clear,
when you say clean it up...?

Oh, I take 'em home,
make sure they're okay.

Okay. Good, good, good.
Thank you!
Mm-hmm.

Sabrina, it's me!

(gears grinding)
Aah!

Listen to me,
you can't just steal owls.

Uh, if you free this owl,

I will murder another one,
just to even the score.

So, know that!

This is an insane message.
Call me back.

Sabrina, where are you?!

(phone rings)
(sighs)

Sabrina, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm cool.
I'm at this loft party in SoHo.

It's all right.

Then what am I doing
at the wildlife preserve?

Pop the trunk.

*

(owl screeching)
(screams)

(chuckles)

No, Ben.
Give me the matches.

Please stay out
of my purse, okay?
(phone rings)

Hello.

POODLE:
Hey, sis, it's me.

Where the hell are you?

Oh, uh, we had
to flee the country.

What? I thought you said
it was a misunderstanding.

It was. It is.
Well...

It's complicated. Listen.

I need you to watch
the kids a little longer.

No. No. Nope.
No, I'm not gonna do that.

I already did my time.
No, my answer's no.

Uh, sorry, Mick, no, yeah,
you-you're breaking up.
No...

I can't hear you.
Oh, no, no, no.

I know what you're doing. Stop
it. I can hear you just fine.

Tell the kids Mommy loves them.
No, Poodle. No.

I'll be back soon. All right.
Poodle, no!

Can't hear you,
hanging up, gotta go.
Don't you hang up the phone.

Hello? Hello?

*

You okay?

You don't look so hot.

I mean, you never look great,

but right now you look,
like, actively bad.

No. I'm fine, Sabrina.
Thank you for your concern.

How are you?

I'm awesome.
This chicken is fantastic.

Oh, sweetheart.

That's not chicken.

(Chip laughs)

Hmm.

*

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org

Now that you've gotten
to know The Mick,

here are a few more shows
to check out
from Fox.

(beeping)

Nicole.
Get to the attic.

No matter what you hear,
don't make a sound.

(breathing quietly)

(Nicole breathing shakily)

-(phone rings)
-Carter?

-They're here.
-My God.

ANNOUNCER: 24: Legacy.

After the Super Bowl, on Fox.