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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,242 Oh, man. What do you guys know about this Oedipus guy? 2 00:00:04,242 --> 00:00:07,147 - Never heard of him. - Well, you're about to. 3 00:00:07,147 --> 00:00:08,150 Wait, what? 4 00:00:08,150 --> 00:00:09,954 How insane is that? 5 00:00:09,954 --> 00:00:11,724 Oh, Oedipus, Oedipus, Oedipus. 6 00:00:11,724 --> 00:00:13,360 Don't spoil it. 7 00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:14,195 This is nothing. 8 00:00:14,195 --> 00:00:15,297 If I lost my eyesight, 9 00:00:15,297 --> 00:00:17,334 I'd bump into my mother a lot too. 10 00:00:17,334 --> 00:00:19,372 both: You're reading it backwards. 11 00:00:19,372 --> 00:00:22,913 Ah! Oedipus, you naughty pioneer. 12 00:00:22,913 --> 00:00:24,281 Hardly pioneering. 13 00:00:24,281 --> 00:00:26,152 This is the top half of my family tree. 14 00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,157 Stupendous? Incest, murder? 15 00:00:28,157 --> 00:00:29,894 Nah, I know the story. 16 00:00:29,894 --> 00:00:30,962 Sucks to be Oedipus. 17 00:00:30,962 --> 00:00:32,900 Sucks to be Oedipus' parents! 18 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,101 - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. 19 00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:36,138 You know what, guys? I don't say this enough. 20 00:00:36,138 --> 00:00:38,544 We're a relatively healthy family. 21 00:00:38,544 --> 00:00:39,546 all: Aww. - I act like 22 00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:41,382 you guys are a burden, and you are, 23 00:00:41,382 --> 00:00:44,923 but I need to appreciate my situation for what it is: 24 00:00:44,923 --> 00:00:46,960 somewhat better than Oedipus. 25 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,029 - Aww. - How nice. 26 00:00:48,129 --> 00:00:50,433 Every goat in the city has been partially eaten, 27 00:00:50,433 --> 00:00:52,438 leaving a trail of blood to the palace gates, 28 00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:54,242 and the people are coming with torches 29 00:00:54,242 --> 00:00:56,312 to demand your father be killed! 30 00:00:56,312 --> 00:00:58,317 [sighs] Maybe I'd rather be Oedipus. 31 00:00:58,317 --> 00:01:01,857 [laughs] Not a chance, stud. 32 00:01:01,857 --> 00:01:04,830 [upbeat mythical music] 33 00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:11,810 ♪ ♪ 34 00:01:26,874 --> 00:01:28,243 [crowd clamoring] 35 00:01:28,243 --> 00:01:30,615 - Dad, did you eat those goats? - Of course not. 36 00:01:30,615 --> 00:01:33,353 I'd remember if I did. Goats are amazing. 37 00:01:33,353 --> 00:01:35,457 They have those little handles on their heads 38 00:01:35,457 --> 00:01:37,628 so you can just... [chomping] 39 00:01:37,628 --> 00:01:40,266 Next time someone asks, shorten that to "no." 40 00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,503 You want me to beat 'em up? 41 00:01:41,503 --> 00:01:44,108 Everyone? In the entire city? 42 00:01:44,108 --> 00:01:45,110 Is that a challenge? 43 00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:47,181 If you beat everyone up, 44 00:01:47,181 --> 00:01:48,450 what am I the king of? 45 00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,889 - Quieter people? - No. 46 00:01:50,889 --> 00:01:52,859 Angry mobs feed on fear and violence. 47 00:01:52,859 --> 00:01:56,265 A smart leader dispels it with calmness and courage. 48 00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:57,234 So you want me standing 49 00:01:57,234 --> 00:01:59,005 right behind you or right in front of you? 50 00:01:59,005 --> 00:02:00,942 Is me on your shoulders too much? 51 00:02:00,942 --> 00:02:03,848 crowd: Angry mob! Angry mob! 52 00:02:03,848 --> 00:02:05,450 Everybody, calm down! 53 00:02:05,450 --> 00:02:07,589 We don't wanna calm down! We're an angry mob! 54 00:02:07,589 --> 00:02:09,626 You won't be if you calm down. 55 00:02:09,626 --> 00:02:11,997 Well, isn't that convenient logic? 56 00:02:11,997 --> 00:02:13,166 crowd: Yeah! 57 00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:15,404 My father did not kill your goats. 58 00:02:15,404 --> 00:02:17,074 Can you at least put out the torches? 59 00:02:17,074 --> 00:02:18,210 They're silly. It's daytime. 60 00:02:18,343 --> 00:02:21,249 Look, if you're gonna be this dismissive of our anger, 61 00:02:21,249 --> 00:02:24,021 don't act shocked by our decision to be a mob! 62 00:02:24,021 --> 00:02:25,390 [crowd clamoring] 63 00:02:25,390 --> 00:02:26,794 You guys, I'm not dismissing you. 64 00:02:26,794 --> 00:02:29,432 Can we just talk? - Nobody talked to my goats. 65 00:02:29,432 --> 00:02:31,436 crowd: Yeah! - Or maybe they did. 66 00:02:31,537 --> 00:02:33,206 But it didn't help! crowd: Yeah! 67 00:02:33,206 --> 00:02:34,577 My point is, our goats are dead. 68 00:02:34,577 --> 00:02:36,814 crowd: Yeah! - You're overexplaining it. 69 00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:38,149 crowd: Oh. - What are you, 70 00:02:38,149 --> 00:02:40,020 my angry mob mentor? crowd: Yes! 71 00:02:40,020 --> 00:02:41,723 Man, our city sucks. 72 00:02:41,723 --> 00:02:44,529 They can't even kill one murderer together. 73 00:02:45,665 --> 00:02:47,836 Everybody, I'm going to create a system 74 00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:51,544 by which you, the people, are in charge of justice. 75 00:02:51,544 --> 00:02:54,115 We'll call it "a justice system." 76 00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:56,486 I don't wanna speak for the whole mob, 77 00:02:56,486 --> 00:02:59,291 but I'm willing to indulge you because this torch is heavy! 78 00:02:59,291 --> 00:03:00,561 crowd: Yeah! 79 00:03:00,561 --> 00:03:03,233 [all grumbling] 80 00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:04,736 - That was close. - Yeah. 81 00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:07,474 For a moment there, you almost spinelessly pandered 82 00:03:07,474 --> 00:03:10,047 to a bunch of dingholes I could've easily killed. 83 00:03:10,047 --> 00:03:10,882 You don't get it. 84 00:03:11,015 --> 00:03:12,853 If the people are in charge of justice, 85 00:03:12,853 --> 00:03:15,524 they'll have to agree on who's guilty or innocent. 86 00:03:15,524 --> 00:03:17,327 Those people can't agree on anything, 87 00:03:17,327 --> 00:03:18,531 so I'll just talk in circles 88 00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,767 until Dad gets away with murder. 89 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:23,941 You don't seriously expect me to admire you for this, do you? 90 00:03:23,941 --> 00:03:26,913 [metallic clanging] 91 00:03:29,052 --> 00:03:31,857 [groans] 92 00:03:31,857 --> 00:03:33,259 [zapping] 93 00:03:36,365 --> 00:03:39,439 Ugh, unbelievable. 94 00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:41,075 What are you doing? 95 00:03:41,075 --> 00:03:42,512 It's called science, Mom. 96 00:03:42,512 --> 00:03:44,716 Don't ever call me Mom. 97 00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:47,021 That's a word my actual children try 98 00:03:47,021 --> 00:03:48,089 and use to leverage me. 99 00:03:48,089 --> 00:03:49,258 I tolerate it from them. 100 00:03:49,258 --> 00:03:50,695 I won't from you. 101 00:03:50,695 --> 00:03:53,300 Now what is the point of this science? 102 00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,203 We can use it to do amazing things, 103 00:03:55,203 --> 00:03:56,840 like give people water. 104 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,142 Like this? 105 00:03:58,142 --> 00:04:00,013 That's also impressive. 106 00:04:00,013 --> 00:04:01,116 Isn't it just? 107 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:02,819 It's called being powerful. 108 00:04:02,819 --> 00:04:05,625 It's why I have a temple and why mortals worship me 109 00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:08,564 and why half-fish stepchildren should know better than to ruin 110 00:04:08,564 --> 00:04:11,302 what was previously a pretty solid day drunk. 111 00:04:11,302 --> 00:04:12,639 Powerful. Got it. 112 00:04:12,639 --> 00:04:14,977 Um, before you go, could you-- 113 00:04:14,977 --> 00:04:16,813 Invent an umbrella. 114 00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:19,152 Quietly. 115 00:04:19,152 --> 00:04:20,220 Dad? 116 00:04:20,220 --> 00:04:22,358 Dad? - [muffled grunts] 117 00:04:22,358 --> 00:04:24,428 - Okay, grab him. - Come on, old man. 118 00:04:24,428 --> 00:04:26,566 When's the last time you fit through any window? 119 00:04:26,566 --> 00:04:29,338 I am not leaving through the window. 120 00:04:29,338 --> 00:04:31,075 I was grabbing my weed. 121 00:04:31,075 --> 00:04:32,445 I'm leaving from the roof. 122 00:04:32,445 --> 00:04:34,449 Why leave? I'm going to exonerate you. 123 00:04:34,449 --> 00:04:37,388 My boy, you're what, 30? I'm thousands. 124 00:04:37,388 --> 00:04:39,592 This is how it works with monsters and humans. 125 00:04:39,592 --> 00:04:42,398 I chill among you a while, then something creepy happens, 126 00:04:42,398 --> 00:04:45,204 you kids grab the torches, and Daddy bones out. 127 00:04:45,204 --> 00:04:46,707 It's been real. - I have a plan. 128 00:04:46,707 --> 00:04:48,309 I already sold the people on it. 129 00:04:48,409 --> 00:04:49,813 It's why they disbanded. 130 00:04:49,813 --> 00:04:53,654 You need me to put my head on the block to save yours. 131 00:04:53,654 --> 00:04:55,424 Well, it sounds bad when you say it. 132 00:04:55,424 --> 00:04:56,660 All right, well, how's this sound? 133 00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:59,398 I'm gonna put my weed plant up on the roof-- 134 00:04:59,398 --> 00:05:01,035 - Flight risk. - [grunts] 135 00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:02,237 Can I hang on to my weed, 136 00:05:02,237 --> 00:05:03,675 or is there a law against that too? 137 00:05:03,675 --> 00:05:05,476 Your weed will always be legal, Dad. 138 00:05:05,476 --> 00:05:07,648 I'm a tyrant, not a crazy person. 139 00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:13,460 Okay, here's how it's going to work. 140 00:05:13,460 --> 00:05:15,497 We're replacing the large angry mob 141 00:05:15,497 --> 00:05:17,935 with a smaller, seated, thoughtful mob. 142 00:05:17,935 --> 00:05:18,737 That's you guys. 143 00:05:18,837 --> 00:05:20,440 You'll decide on guilt or innocence 144 00:05:20,541 --> 00:05:23,847 after hearing all information from both sides. 145 00:05:23,847 --> 00:05:25,952 - Question. - Not your job, but go ahead. 146 00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:29,459 How are you allowed to be king and defend the killer? 147 00:05:29,459 --> 00:05:30,928 It seems janky. - Janky? 148 00:05:30,928 --> 00:05:33,768 That's a word now? - Are you ruling over that too? 149 00:05:33,768 --> 00:05:35,337 - Uh-huh! - I mean, it really does 150 00:05:35,337 --> 00:05:37,341 seem janky. - Okay, okay. 151 00:05:37,341 --> 00:05:38,678 This is not part of the royal court. 152 00:05:38,678 --> 00:05:41,082 This is a separate court, a legal court, 153 00:05:41,182 --> 00:05:42,351 where there is no king. 154 00:05:42,351 --> 00:05:43,654 So who's in charge? 155 00:05:43,654 --> 00:05:45,357 Well, we don't really--okay. 156 00:05:45,357 --> 00:05:47,896 Who is the oldest person in the city? 157 00:05:47,896 --> 00:05:51,136 What? I don't wanna be involved in this hipster crap. 158 00:05:51,136 --> 00:05:52,338 I'm 40! 159 00:05:52,338 --> 00:05:53,574 You don't even have to do anything 160 00:05:53,574 --> 00:05:55,043 but sit there and be old. 161 00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:56,078 Just do it. 162 00:05:57,014 --> 00:05:57,749 Make him do it. - Hey! 163 00:05:57,749 --> 00:05:59,285 I don't have time for this! 164 00:05:59,285 --> 00:06:01,222 I could die any moment! 165 00:06:01,222 --> 00:06:03,359 I'm 40 years old! 166 00:06:03,359 --> 00:06:04,663 Uh, what's this? 167 00:06:04,663 --> 00:06:06,499 That was left there by a carpenter 168 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,470 and clearly has nothing to do with any... 169 00:06:08,470 --> 00:06:09,973 If we could get started, I'd-- - What? 170 00:06:09,973 --> 00:06:12,011 What do you mean "what"? You're banging a hammer-- 171 00:06:12,011 --> 00:06:14,550 When I feel like it? That's what I thought. 172 00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:15,985 Okay, I'm into this job. 173 00:06:15,985 --> 00:06:19,458 I'm not into your music, but I'm into this job. 174 00:06:19,458 --> 00:06:21,195 Proceed. - All right. I'm-- 175 00:06:21,195 --> 00:06:22,765 I'm sorry. What's wrong with our music? 176 00:06:22,765 --> 00:06:25,905 It's a bunch of people banging on drums. 177 00:06:25,905 --> 00:06:28,644 When I was your age, we had to make the drums. 178 00:06:28,644 --> 00:06:30,046 You're five years older than us. 179 00:06:30,046 --> 00:06:34,121 Everything's a number to your generation. 180 00:06:36,594 --> 00:06:37,629 [whooshing] - Aah! 181 00:06:37,629 --> 00:06:38,964 [groans] - My bad! 182 00:06:38,964 --> 00:06:40,467 You've got a great story now, though. 183 00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:41,803 Almost never happens. 184 00:06:41,803 --> 00:06:43,173 [whispers] When I'm sober. 185 00:06:43,173 --> 00:06:44,576 You're too much. 186 00:06:44,576 --> 00:06:45,678 I'm just enough. 187 00:06:45,678 --> 00:06:47,281 I could use a little more. 188 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,051 [both laugh] 189 00:06:49,051 --> 00:06:50,889 [both sigh] 190 00:06:50,889 --> 00:06:53,226 How are you, Herm-Herms? 191 00:06:53,226 --> 00:06:54,729 Just runnin' and funnin'. 192 00:06:54,729 --> 00:06:56,666 Spreadin' words of stuff I heard. 193 00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,436 Speaking of which, so sorry to hear 194 00:06:58,436 --> 00:06:59,906 about all those lost worshippers. 195 00:06:59,906 --> 00:07:01,643 - What do you mean? - Oh, right. 196 00:07:01,643 --> 00:07:03,479 You probably haven't heard because all the other gods 197 00:07:03,479 --> 00:07:05,450 have been talking about it behind your back. 198 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:06,553 The Killassians, 199 00:07:06,553 --> 00:07:07,989 they're worshipping some new god. 200 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:10,126 The Killassians? Well, that's my city. 201 00:07:10,126 --> 00:07:11,462 They pray to me. 202 00:07:11,462 --> 00:07:13,399 What's the name of this new god? 203 00:07:13,399 --> 00:07:15,269 Simon? Séance? 204 00:07:15,269 --> 00:07:16,540 Is it Science? 205 00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:17,976 You know him? Introduce me. 206 00:07:17,976 --> 00:07:20,380 Or you could just turn into a crow and blow me off. 207 00:07:20,380 --> 00:07:21,750 Bitch. 208 00:07:26,826 --> 00:07:28,797 [magical poof] 209 00:07:31,002 --> 00:07:33,039 Where is the fish boy? 210 00:07:33,574 --> 00:07:35,612 To what do we owe the honor? 211 00:07:35,612 --> 00:07:36,747 Playtime is over. 212 00:07:36,747 --> 00:07:38,651 Give me back my Killassians. 213 00:07:38,651 --> 00:07:40,722 I'm sorry, but no. 214 00:07:40,722 --> 00:07:43,594 It sounded like you said "no," 215 00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:45,030 but that can't be right 216 00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:47,802 because it would result in your immediate death. 217 00:07:47,802 --> 00:07:48,737 Killassians, 218 00:07:48,737 --> 00:07:51,342 will you worship Deliria if she kills me? 219 00:07:51,342 --> 00:07:53,714 Killassians: No! Hail Science! 220 00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:55,818 Turns out, you don't have to be a god to be powerful. 221 00:07:55,818 --> 00:07:57,321 You just have to create one. 222 00:07:57,321 --> 00:07:58,924 Killassians: Hail Science! 223 00:07:58,924 --> 00:08:03,633 My life may be infinite, but my patience is not. 224 00:08:03,633 --> 00:08:05,337 You may not care if I live or die, 225 00:08:05,337 --> 00:08:08,476 but my dad does, and you love him. 226 00:08:08,476 --> 00:08:09,846 La la la. 227 00:08:09,846 --> 00:08:11,884 So I guess it's time for you to become outraged 228 00:08:11,884 --> 00:08:14,221 and fake a mysterious reason to leave. 229 00:08:14,221 --> 00:08:15,791 I won't tolerate this 230 00:08:15,791 --> 00:08:20,066 because I'm late to make love to the moon. 231 00:08:21,235 --> 00:08:24,141 Science demands I take a bath, 232 00:08:24,241 --> 00:08:26,613 which is more fun with a friend. 233 00:08:26,613 --> 00:08:28,984 All right! 234 00:08:28,984 --> 00:08:30,721 [sighs] 235 00:08:32,759 --> 00:08:34,061 I don't know if this is helpful, 236 00:08:34,061 --> 00:08:36,031 but depending on when those goats were killed, 237 00:08:36,031 --> 00:08:38,102 I may have been at home masturbating. 238 00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:40,808 It actually depends very little on when they were killed. 239 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,681 Was it in front of a crowd of reputable witnesses? 240 00:08:43,681 --> 00:08:44,783 Bless your heart, son. 241 00:08:44,783 --> 00:08:46,285 I'm not 100 anymore. 242 00:08:46,285 --> 00:08:47,888 Dad, under my new system, 243 00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:50,226 you have the right to say nothing. 244 00:08:50,226 --> 00:08:51,830 I'd like you to do that. 245 00:08:51,830 --> 00:08:53,901 If I say nothing, won't I look guilty? 246 00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,238 Not as much as if you say anything. 247 00:08:56,238 --> 00:08:57,341 I've got a strategy. 248 00:08:57,341 --> 00:08:58,476 I'm going to convince everyone 249 00:08:58,476 --> 00:08:59,612 you were accused 250 00:08:59,612 --> 00:09:02,150 simply because you are a monster. 251 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,252 [echoing boom] 252 00:09:03,353 --> 00:09:04,455 Sorry I'm late. 253 00:09:04,455 --> 00:09:06,192 I walked instead of flying. 254 00:09:06,192 --> 00:09:08,597 Last thing this city needs is more panic. 255 00:09:08,597 --> 00:09:09,932 Excuse me! 256 00:09:09,932 --> 00:09:12,772 We can't just have a sphinx wandering around. 257 00:09:12,772 --> 00:09:16,011 The sphinx's name is Brenda, and I'm here 258 00:09:16,011 --> 00:09:18,416 to represent the goat farmers against your father. 259 00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:21,857 Now you can't make us look anti-monster. 260 00:09:21,857 --> 00:09:24,061 Brenda, why? This isn't who you are. 261 00:09:24,061 --> 00:09:26,365 You love riddles. - I loved one. 262 00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:29,004 It got solved, and we all have to eat, 263 00:09:29,004 --> 00:09:31,710 appropriately, in normal quantities, 264 00:09:31,710 --> 00:09:33,413 with human permission. 265 00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:35,751 [humans cheering] 266 00:09:35,751 --> 00:09:37,822 Everyone, stop being loud and young! 267 00:09:37,822 --> 00:09:39,659 Did you have a backup strategy? 268 00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:41,730 I did, but it was basically 269 00:09:41,730 --> 00:09:44,334 to double down on the first one. 270 00:09:45,938 --> 00:09:48,777 As a trader of pottery, you've seen a lot of stories 271 00:09:48,777 --> 00:09:51,816 painted on a lot of vases, pots, and bowls, correct? 272 00:09:51,816 --> 00:09:54,589 Well, of course. That's why I got into ceramics. 273 00:09:54,589 --> 00:09:55,757 I'm a news junkie. 274 00:09:55,757 --> 00:09:57,629 And how many vases have you seen 275 00:09:57,629 --> 00:09:59,732 depicting monsters as innocent creatures? 276 00:09:59,732 --> 00:10:02,036 - [laughs] None. - You're laughing about that. 277 00:10:02,036 --> 00:10:04,642 Well, it's funny to imagine a vase 278 00:10:04,742 --> 00:10:06,613 showing a monster helping someone. 279 00:10:06,713 --> 00:10:08,283 Nobody would want it. 280 00:10:08,283 --> 00:10:12,157 "Nobody would want it." 281 00:10:12,157 --> 00:10:13,292 Your expert. 282 00:10:13,292 --> 00:10:14,729 Thank you. 283 00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:17,334 Do you ever keep old pottery? 284 00:10:17,334 --> 00:10:19,872 Well, the older a vase gets, the less valuable. 285 00:10:19,872 --> 00:10:23,279 But I do keep an archive of stories that seem important. 286 00:10:23,279 --> 00:10:26,252 Oh? Anything this court might find enlightening? 287 00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:29,458 Well, as a matter of fact, I sure did find something. 288 00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:31,663 This bowl is centuries old. 289 00:10:31,663 --> 00:10:34,001 We can't know what region this was, 290 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:37,140 but you see here a monster that looks like the accused. 291 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:40,380 And these appear to be human babies. 292 00:10:40,380 --> 00:10:44,656 And then this would be the accused eating the babies. 293 00:10:44,656 --> 00:10:45,791 [crowd gasps] - Oh, no. 294 00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:48,496 Oh, that was Mesopotamia. 295 00:10:48,496 --> 00:10:49,599 Or Sumeria. 296 00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:50,801 I get them confused. 297 00:10:50,801 --> 00:10:52,739 One thing is for sure, though: 298 00:10:52,739 --> 00:10:55,276 I have gained weight. 299 00:10:59,051 --> 00:11:00,654 Why didn't you tell me you spent 300 00:11:00,654 --> 00:11:02,725 part of your life eating babies? 301 00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:04,028 I'm on trial for eating goats. 302 00:11:04,028 --> 00:11:05,597 It hardly seemed relevant. 303 00:11:05,597 --> 00:11:06,700 Not to get us off track, 304 00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:07,935 but what do they taste like? 305 00:11:07,935 --> 00:11:09,171 Do not answer that! 306 00:11:09,171 --> 00:11:11,943 Look, I spent some time a thousand years ago 307 00:11:12,043 --> 00:11:14,381 imprisoned in a pit by a tribe of humans 308 00:11:14,381 --> 00:11:17,555 that refused to feed me anything but their enemies. 309 00:11:17,555 --> 00:11:19,725 Who's enemies with babies? 310 00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:21,963 You know, human values have a habit of drifting. 311 00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:24,101 It always starts with "let's get rid of bad people" 312 00:11:24,101 --> 00:11:27,173 and somehow always ends up with a baby pit. 313 00:11:27,173 --> 00:11:29,845 Oh, honey, you're back. I missed you. 314 00:11:29,845 --> 00:11:31,550 - What are you doing? - Whoops. 315 00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:33,921 [crow squawks] Your loss, whoever you are. 316 00:11:33,921 --> 00:11:36,225 I don't care what you do with that slutty bird. 317 00:11:36,225 --> 00:11:38,797 I just need you to do me a small favor. 318 00:11:38,797 --> 00:11:40,834 - Anything, my love. - Kill your son. 319 00:11:40,834 --> 00:11:42,772 Okay, but since he's defending me, 320 00:11:42,772 --> 00:11:44,341 it might be a bit of an issue. 321 00:11:44,441 --> 00:11:46,779 Not our son, your son. 322 00:11:46,779 --> 00:11:48,583 I'd do it, but you know the rules. 323 00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:49,820 "You make 'em, you kill 'em." 324 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:51,022 Nobody's killing anyone. 325 00:11:51,122 --> 00:11:52,691 What do you think Hippocampus did 326 00:11:52,691 --> 00:11:54,061 that would warrant his murder? 327 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:56,733 He took my Killassians away from me. 328 00:11:56,733 --> 00:11:58,002 So what? It's not like 329 00:11:58,002 --> 00:11:59,705 you ever did anything to earn their worship. 330 00:11:59,705 --> 00:12:01,442 You don't earn worship. 331 00:12:01,442 --> 00:12:02,511 Then it's not worship. 332 00:12:02,511 --> 00:12:04,683 If I had to do things to get things, 333 00:12:04,683 --> 00:12:06,252 I'd be one of you things. 334 00:12:06,252 --> 00:12:08,256 Well, if people praised you and never get anything for it, 335 00:12:08,256 --> 00:12:11,663 doesn't it stand to reason that they might stop? 336 00:12:11,763 --> 00:12:13,198 Of course. You're right. 337 00:12:13,198 --> 00:12:14,936 I don't have to kill your brother. 338 00:12:14,936 --> 00:12:16,840 I just have to bribe everyone with gifts 339 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:19,078 so they forget all about that stupid Science. 340 00:12:19,078 --> 00:12:20,814 That's not really what I was saying. 341 00:12:20,814 --> 00:12:22,985 Got what I wanted. Not listening. 342 00:12:22,985 --> 00:12:24,922 Okay, back to what's actually important. 343 00:12:24,922 --> 00:12:26,760 Dad, I'm going to lose this case, 344 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:28,096 and you're going to die. 345 00:12:28,096 --> 00:12:29,799 Look, I know laws just got invented, 346 00:12:29,799 --> 00:12:31,669 but I think your dad needs to break a couple 347 00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:32,705 if he's gonna live. 348 00:12:32,705 --> 00:12:33,740 She's right. 349 00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:34,976 I'll tell people you escaped. 350 00:12:34,976 --> 00:12:37,615 Can you maul and trample me a little? 351 00:12:37,615 --> 00:12:38,851 Oh, in a way that doesn't hurt. 352 00:12:38,851 --> 00:12:40,153 I can't run now, son. 353 00:12:40,153 --> 00:12:41,723 Your people would kill you. 354 00:12:41,723 --> 00:12:43,125 They'll kill you if you stay. 355 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:46,967 But legally, thanks to you. 356 00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:49,437 You're welcome? 357 00:12:51,108 --> 00:12:53,880 Someone in this city killed the goats, folks, 358 00:12:53,880 --> 00:12:56,887 and someone in your city used to eat babies. 359 00:12:56,887 --> 00:12:58,890 Not exactly a riddle. 360 00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:00,794 I'd know. I'm a sphinx. 361 00:13:00,794 --> 00:13:01,997 You want to hear a riddle? 362 00:13:01,997 --> 00:13:03,567 Oh, God. Here she goes. 363 00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:05,236 What has four legs in the morning, 364 00:13:05,336 --> 00:13:07,608 two legs at noon, and three legs at night? 365 00:13:07,608 --> 00:13:11,716 Man because he crawls as a baby and uses a cane when he's old. 366 00:13:11,716 --> 00:13:13,052 Thank you. - Ooh. 367 00:13:13,052 --> 00:13:15,156 - That was a good riddle. - Impressive. 368 00:13:15,156 --> 00:13:16,391 I'm not addressing that riddle 369 00:13:16,391 --> 00:13:18,897 because it has nothing to do with the trial. 370 00:13:18,897 --> 00:13:20,668 Also, not a great riddle. 371 00:13:20,668 --> 00:13:21,703 We liked her riddle. 372 00:13:21,703 --> 00:13:22,872 It's clearly popular, 373 00:13:22,872 --> 00:13:24,474 which is why I won't criticize it, 374 00:13:24,474 --> 00:13:27,782 but it's frustrating when popular things are stupid. 375 00:13:27,782 --> 00:13:29,017 - Come on. - Crazy. 376 00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:31,322 The sphinx's riddle is not on trial, young man. 377 00:13:31,322 --> 00:13:34,028 No, it's not and never has been. 378 00:13:34,028 --> 00:13:36,164 Maybe it should've been. [people grumbling] 379 00:13:36,164 --> 00:13:37,100 Moving on. 380 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:38,436 Excuse me. Not moving on. 381 00:13:38,436 --> 00:13:40,841 I want to know what makes my riddle stupid. 382 00:13:40,841 --> 00:13:41,977 I shouldn't have said that. 383 00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:45,016 That was rude, and I'm sorry. 384 00:13:45,016 --> 00:13:47,120 I just think that a proper riddle 385 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,224 is a solvable linguistic puzzle, 386 00:13:49,324 --> 00:13:51,830 like, what can be touched but not seen? 387 00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,834 The heart. 388 00:13:54,502 --> 00:13:56,472 Can we just find his father guilty now? 389 00:13:56,472 --> 00:13:58,811 You don't wanna hear his closing argument? 390 00:13:58,811 --> 00:14:00,113 Kind of a waste of time. 391 00:14:00,113 --> 00:14:01,984 Yeah, this guy's time is so important. 392 00:14:02,084 --> 00:14:04,254 What are you, late to marry an overrated riddle? 393 00:14:04,254 --> 00:14:06,191 [people booing] 394 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:11,301 Killassians, Deliria has returned. 395 00:14:11,301 --> 00:14:14,542 And I think you're going to like what I brought with me. 396 00:14:14,542 --> 00:14:16,078 An air of desperation? 397 00:14:16,078 --> 00:14:18,684 In my thousands of years on this planet, 398 00:14:18,684 --> 00:14:20,186 I have learned many things, 399 00:14:20,186 --> 00:14:24,528 but mostly how to properly reward my worshippers. 400 00:14:24,629 --> 00:14:26,700 So you're welcome. 401 00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:28,970 Ooh, honey. 402 00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:30,974 Yum, yum, yum. 403 00:14:30,974 --> 00:14:33,279 Bribery? Isn't that beneath you? 404 00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:35,283 - Not if it works. - It won't. 405 00:14:35,283 --> 00:14:36,753 You can offer them anything you want, 406 00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:38,657 but they won't take it. 407 00:14:38,657 --> 00:14:40,026 Asskill, wanna tell her why? 408 00:14:40,126 --> 00:14:42,865 Science has opened our eyes to amazing new concepts. 409 00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:44,602 I mean, the baths alone. 410 00:14:44,602 --> 00:14:45,604 Right, bath buddy? 411 00:14:45,604 --> 00:14:46,740 Not in front of people. 412 00:14:46,740 --> 00:14:49,613 You idiots really believe this nonsense? 413 00:14:49,613 --> 00:14:52,283 I'm a god. I'm real. 414 00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:54,121 It's called faith, Stepmother, 415 00:14:54,121 --> 00:14:56,291 and it's much bigger than you. 416 00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:59,699 But is it bigger than sandals? 417 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,470 Shovels? Dairy cows? 418 00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:04,240 Piles of hair? 419 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:06,879 Killassians: All hail Science! 420 00:15:06,879 --> 00:15:08,617 Shall we talk? 421 00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:10,253 What do you want? 422 00:15:10,253 --> 00:15:12,992 I want you to let me call you Mom. 423 00:15:12,992 --> 00:15:14,294 What? Why? 424 00:15:14,294 --> 00:15:15,964 - Does it matter? - No. 425 00:15:15,964 --> 00:15:17,768 Because it's never going to happen. 426 00:15:17,768 --> 00:15:18,904 Which is exactly why 427 00:15:18,904 --> 00:15:21,208 it's the only thing I will accept. 428 00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:23,312 You do realize it won't mean anything. 429 00:15:23,312 --> 00:15:25,249 You can't make me love you. 430 00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:27,053 Pfft, I don't want your love. 431 00:15:27,053 --> 00:15:28,222 I want power. 432 00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:30,493 You see, every time I call you Mom, 433 00:15:30,493 --> 00:15:32,631 you'll know I beat you. 434 00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,802 That's worth everything. 435 00:15:34,902 --> 00:15:36,706 I am strangely impressed 436 00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:39,244 by your cold, unfeeling calculations. 437 00:15:39,244 --> 00:15:40,680 - I thought you might be. - Fine. 438 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,252 Because you are power-hungry and have proven yourself 439 00:15:43,252 --> 00:15:46,125 a worthy adversary, I will allow you this. 440 00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:48,195 I know you will, Mom. 441 00:15:48,195 --> 00:15:51,268 Ooh, it's like being stabbed in the ears. 442 00:15:51,368 --> 00:15:54,441 Now can we finally get out of this dusty hellhole? 443 00:15:54,441 --> 00:15:57,447 Absolutely. I miss my bed and my lab. 444 00:15:57,447 --> 00:15:59,384 Plus, no matter how much water they get, 445 00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:03,258 these people still smell like half-dead muskrats. 446 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,964 All hail Science or whatever. 447 00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:07,734 Smell ya later! 448 00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:10,072 What are you gonna do about all your lost worshippers? 449 00:16:10,072 --> 00:16:11,275 Well, I'm not too worried. 450 00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:13,145 I have a feeling they'll find their way back. 451 00:16:13,145 --> 00:16:14,916 I might not know what humans like, 452 00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:16,820 but I know what they don't: 453 00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:18,690 locusts! 454 00:16:18,690 --> 00:16:20,126 [buzzing] 455 00:16:20,126 --> 00:16:23,633 [people screaming] 456 00:16:23,633 --> 00:16:26,005 And if a lifetime, which is a series of days, 457 00:16:26,005 --> 00:16:27,207 looks like a single day, 458 00:16:27,307 --> 00:16:30,981 your perspective is so distant that a cane would be a leg, 459 00:16:30,981 --> 00:16:33,119 so it's not just a jumble of metaphors. 460 00:16:33,119 --> 00:16:34,655 It's the best riddle ever, 461 00:16:34,655 --> 00:16:37,093 and I now understand why people like it. 462 00:16:37,093 --> 00:16:38,496 Good enough? 463 00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:41,937 All right, you may begin your closing argument, 464 00:16:41,937 --> 00:16:43,973 but it better be good. 465 00:16:43,973 --> 00:16:47,146 Fact: your goats were eaten. 466 00:16:47,146 --> 00:16:50,621 Fact: my dad... 467 00:16:50,621 --> 00:16:52,390 Ate babies. 468 00:16:52,390 --> 00:16:55,764 Stop telling everyone you ate babies! 469 00:16:55,764 --> 00:16:57,735 Stop talking. 470 00:16:57,735 --> 00:17:00,607 Everything you say is... 471 00:17:02,611 --> 00:17:04,481 True. 472 00:17:04,582 --> 00:17:09,090 My father has never lied in his life. 473 00:17:10,059 --> 00:17:11,028 I should know. 474 00:17:11,028 --> 00:17:13,499 I grew up wishing he would. 475 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:18,309 I also grew up constantly lying about him. 476 00:17:18,309 --> 00:17:21,949 I told people I didn't have a father. 477 00:17:21,949 --> 00:17:24,254 I was ashamed of him 478 00:17:24,254 --> 00:17:26,057 because he's shameless. 479 00:17:26,157 --> 00:17:27,227 It's true. 480 00:17:27,227 --> 00:17:29,532 We want to be good. 481 00:17:29,532 --> 00:17:32,972 We want to set wrong things right. 482 00:17:33,072 --> 00:17:34,842 You know who else wanted that? 483 00:17:34,842 --> 00:17:36,513 These guys. 484 00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:39,184 Chucking babies into a monster's mouth. 485 00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:41,221 What happened here? 486 00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:43,760 If we asked these humans, would they tell us, 487 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,331 or would they say, "It didn't happen that way. 488 00:17:46,331 --> 00:17:48,136 "There's more to it than that. 489 00:17:48,136 --> 00:17:49,303 "The babies were bigger. 490 00:17:49,303 --> 00:17:51,175 "They were very dangerous babies. 491 00:17:51,175 --> 00:17:53,111 You had to be there. Trust me"? 492 00:17:53,111 --> 00:17:55,884 Well, I don't trust them. 493 00:17:55,884 --> 00:17:57,821 They're too human. 494 00:17:57,821 --> 00:17:59,592 They mean too well. 495 00:17:59,592 --> 00:18:01,596 And they want too much. 496 00:18:01,596 --> 00:18:05,136 And they lie too often. 497 00:18:05,236 --> 00:18:07,941 Is there a reason not to let this guy babysit? 498 00:18:07,941 --> 00:18:09,545 Yep. 499 00:18:09,545 --> 00:18:13,151 Are there reasons not to take his grooming advice? Yes. 500 00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:14,822 When you look at him, listen to him, 501 00:18:14,822 --> 00:18:16,225 or watch him do anything, 502 00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:18,864 is it reasonable to be disgusted? 503 00:18:18,864 --> 00:18:20,634 Maybe. 504 00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:23,607 But there's no reason to mistrust him. 505 00:18:23,607 --> 00:18:27,113 He's never pretended to be better than he is. 506 00:18:27,113 --> 00:18:29,919 That's me. That's you. 507 00:18:29,919 --> 00:18:31,689 That's these guys. 508 00:18:31,689 --> 00:18:36,833 That's why humans have to be extra careful about justice. 509 00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:38,236 We're too good at it. 510 00:18:38,236 --> 00:18:41,542 And too wrong, too often. 511 00:18:42,110 --> 00:18:44,280 This guy ate babies. 512 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,753 He didn't eat your goats. Thank you. 513 00:18:46,753 --> 00:18:49,424 - Mm-hmm. - Very impressive. 514 00:18:49,424 --> 00:18:50,527 I'll tell you what happened here. 515 00:18:50,527 --> 00:18:54,367 One of these babies survived and sired my ancestors. 516 00:18:54,367 --> 00:18:59,177 I am the last descendant of the Baby That Got Away. 517 00:18:59,177 --> 00:19:02,752 Son, this is a goat-eating trial. 518 00:19:02,752 --> 00:19:03,920 No, you idiots! 519 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:06,024 The whole point of killing the goats 520 00:19:06,024 --> 00:19:07,293 was to make you understand 521 00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:09,430 you're sheltering an evil beast! 522 00:19:09,430 --> 00:19:12,905 Wait, are you saying you killed our goats? 523 00:19:12,905 --> 00:19:13,940 Look! Goats! 524 00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:16,078 [scared panting] 525 00:19:16,078 --> 00:19:17,180 - Let's go! - Let's get him! 526 00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:18,282 - Come on! - Get him! 527 00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,353 We find the monster innocent. 528 00:19:20,453 --> 00:19:21,956 Get the torches! - Yeah! 529 00:19:21,956 --> 00:19:22,924 [jury cheering] 530 00:19:24,695 --> 00:19:27,300 - Go get him. - [laughs evilly] 531 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,005 Justice is hereby over. Keeping the hammer. 532 00:19:30,005 --> 00:19:31,275 Thank you, son. 533 00:19:31,275 --> 00:19:34,481 You're welcome, you baby-eating old bastard. 534 00:19:34,481 --> 00:19:35,951 [crowd cheering] - Come on! 535 00:19:35,951 --> 00:19:37,453 Get him! - [sobbing] 536 00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,057 - Yeah! - [grunts] 537 00:19:39,057 --> 00:19:40,426 Should they be doing that? 538 00:19:40,426 --> 00:19:42,363 Doesn't everybody have rights now? 539 00:19:42,363 --> 00:19:44,467 Yeah, everybody but that guy. 540 00:19:44,467 --> 00:19:46,438 Let's take the win. - Congratulations. 541 00:19:46,438 --> 00:19:47,708 I had a feeling you were innocent. 542 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:50,313 Are you serious? Then what the hell, Brenda? 543 00:19:50,313 --> 00:19:51,716 Why? - I was hungry. 544 00:19:51,716 --> 00:19:53,921 And they offered me a lot of goat carcasses. 545 00:19:53,921 --> 00:19:54,923 Hey, King Tyrannis, 546 00:19:55,056 --> 00:19:57,193 what's a dick in the morning... - Yep, that's okay. 547 00:19:57,193 --> 00:19:58,763 - And then at night? - We get it. 548 00:19:58,763 --> 00:19:59,798 - You. - Oh, wow. 549 00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,434 Good thing you followed all the way through. 550 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:04,074 What can't hear a dick over the sound of it leaving? 551 00:20:04,074 --> 00:20:06,679 Brenda the Legal Sphinx! 552 00:20:08,082 --> 00:20:09,953 [whoosh] Aah! 553 00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:11,890 both: Whoa! - Holy! 554 00:20:11,890 --> 00:20:12,791 Did you see that? 555 00:20:12,791 --> 00:20:15,463 Sphinx flying just outside the city. 556 00:20:15,463 --> 00:20:17,567 - Mom got it! - Mom, no! 557 00:20:17,567 --> 00:20:19,872 Oh, he's just as much my child as you two. 558 00:20:19,872 --> 00:20:21,174 No, not that. 559 00:20:21,174 --> 00:20:23,478 That was, uh-- we knew her. 560 00:20:23,478 --> 00:20:25,482 Well, she may be alive. 561 00:20:25,482 --> 00:20:27,253 She was making sounds going down. 562 00:20:27,253 --> 00:20:30,459 Not good sounds, but not no sounds. 563 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:32,496 [sighs] Do I have to go and get her? 564 00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:35,703 No, we'll all go get her together. 565 00:20:35,703 --> 00:20:38,609 So I have to go get her slowly. 566 00:20:42,117 --> 00:20:43,553 Ugh. 567 00:20:46,726 --> 00:20:48,563 I say, darling, do you ever think 568 00:20:48,563 --> 00:20:51,569 how lucky you are that you don't have to bathe yourself? 569 00:20:51,569 --> 00:20:54,842 No washing your armpits or legpits or wingpits 570 00:20:54,842 --> 00:20:56,011 or your tailpit? 571 00:20:56,011 --> 00:20:58,014 Can't say that I have. 572 00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:09,337 Have you quite finished? 573 00:21:09,337 --> 00:21:12,443 Well, now I have to start again. 574 00:21:12,443 --> 00:21:13,814 Isn't it strange 575 00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:16,017 how the things you once found cute in a lover 576 00:21:16,017 --> 00:21:19,525 become the very things that end up torturing you forever? 577 00:21:19,525 --> 00:21:21,996 Well, I like the idea of being loved forever. 578 00:21:21,996 --> 00:21:24,066 Then stop that. 579 00:21:28,008 --> 00:21:29,678 I like it too. 580 00:21:31,115 --> 00:21:32,551 Did you get any of that? 581 00:21:35,089 --> 00:21:36,625 Bento. [applause] 41392

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