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DELTA FARCE (2007)
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Ten hut!
3
00:01:01,631 --> 00:01:02,928
At ease.
4
00:01:04,035 --> 00:01:07,005
I'm often asked, ''What makes a hero?''
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Courage, selflessness, sacrifice.
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From Bunker Hill to the Alamo,
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Gettysburg to Normandy,
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Korea to Khe Sanh,
the American fighting man
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has always answered the call of duty.
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These are dangerous times, gentlemen.
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Once more, America is in need
of its best and brightest.
12
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One wonders if there are still heroes.
13
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Somebody say ''hero''?
14
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Hi.
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Two Deadwood meatball subs
16
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with extra tumbleweeds.
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Ah, don't worry about that hair,
l'm using a new conditioner.
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Sugar britches!
19
00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:52,048
-Larry, we need to talk.
-Talk?
20
00:01:52,149 --> 00:01:54,548
What is that, some kind of code
for a lunchtime quickie?
21
00:01:54,785 --> 00:01:57,276
-Diaper table, ladies room.
-No, Larry...
22
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l'm pregnant.
23
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Pregnant. That's great news!
24
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l just got promoted!
Now we can move in together!
25
00:02:05,996 --> 00:02:08,056
-l got an idea, come here!
-No, Larry!
26
00:02:08,166 --> 00:02:09,655
-Just a second...
-Let me...
27
00:02:09,768 --> 00:02:11,428
l gotta do this.
28
00:02:11,536 --> 00:02:13,437
Hey, everybody? Folks,
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00:02:13,539 --> 00:02:15,871
my name's Larry, and I'm your server.
30
00:02:16,175 --> 00:02:20,110
And this precious little lady right here
is my girlfriend, Karen.
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00:02:20,211 --> 00:02:21,179
Hi.
32
00:02:21,279 --> 00:02:24,406
And I'm happy to say
she's having my baby.
33
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Oh!
34
00:02:27,386 --> 00:02:29,876
So, on this special occasion just for today,
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the salad bar will be free for an hour
with all the fixings you can handle.
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00:02:35,127 --> 00:02:36,594
Hold on. Before you all get up there
37
00:02:36,695 --> 00:02:38,685
to get your bacon bits and your chick peas,
38
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there's one more thing I need to do.
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No, Larry. Larry, please.
40
00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:45,534
No, honey, I want to say this
in front of God and everybody.
41
00:02:45,637 --> 00:02:47,627
Larry, please! Larry, I...
42
00:02:47,739 --> 00:02:48,932
Karen,
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00:02:50,340 --> 00:02:52,333
I love you with all my heart,
44
00:02:52,943 --> 00:02:56,503
and you would make me
the happiest man in the world if
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you'd be my wife.
46
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Oh!
47
00:03:02,688 --> 00:03:03,676
l...
48
00:03:03,790 --> 00:03:08,088
No, say it in here. I want the whole world
to share in this special moment.
49
00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:15,460
It's not your baby.
50
00:03:23,409 --> 00:03:24,467
I don't understand.
51
00:03:24,577 --> 00:03:27,942
lt means she's got a bun in her oven
that ain't your recipe.
52
00:03:28,045 --> 00:03:30,707
Now, is the salad bar still free, though?
53
00:03:30,815 --> 00:03:32,147
Why would you care?
54
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:35,776
Doesn't look like you've had a salad
in your whole life.
55
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l'm not telling you again. Now, get in here!
56
00:03:49,799 --> 00:03:52,793
-Die, paleface!
-You little bastards!
57
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:56,201
Hey! Hey, now! Hey, now! Hey!
58
00:03:57,308 --> 00:03:59,777
Hey! Knock that shit off!
59
00:04:00,178 --> 00:04:02,146
Those are my good golf clubs!
60
00:04:02,247 --> 00:04:04,545
My little Rusty. He's a dickens, isn't he?
61
00:04:04,649 --> 00:04:06,742
He's got a nice backswing.
62
00:04:09,821 --> 00:04:11,914
-So, how's Connie?
-Oh, she's great.
63
00:04:12,023 --> 00:04:14,422
Damn it, Bill!
You better control these kids of yours!
64
00:04:14,525 --> 00:04:16,584
They tore up the backyard!
65
00:04:16,793 --> 00:04:19,024
Well, what do you want me to do about it?
66
00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:22,258
Turn the garden hose on them!
l'm busy out here.
67
00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:25,794
l guess this is the kind
of marital bliss l'm missing out on.
68
00:04:25,903 --> 00:04:28,666
Oh, marriage is a wonderful institution.
69
00:04:29,907 --> 00:04:33,537
Of course, 50% of all marriages
end in divorce.
70
00:04:34,778 --> 00:04:37,212
That is, if you're lucky enough
to get a divorce.
71
00:04:38,549 --> 00:04:43,009
That becomes impossible when your wife's
got incriminating photos of you
72
00:04:43,121 --> 00:04:47,581
simply having coffee with a young dancer
'cause she was a great listener.
73
00:04:47,959 --> 00:04:51,862
Now, your life is just one series
of endless humiliations.
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00:04:52,797 --> 00:04:56,255
You lie awake and dream
of the sweet release
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00:04:56,368 --> 00:04:58,700
a murderlsuicide could bring.
76
00:05:00,604 --> 00:05:02,436
But it's good, though. Really good.
77
00:05:02,541 --> 00:05:03,871
Nice move by Orton!
78
00:05:04,608 --> 00:05:07,703
Well, normally, l don't gotta pay for it,
but life is full of sad stories.
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00:05:12,884 --> 00:05:15,045
Oh, my God.
80
00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:17,020
Hey, Victor.
81
00:05:18,690 --> 00:05:20,157
What is this?
82
00:05:20,292 --> 00:05:22,726
When l hired you as a security guard,
83
00:05:22,827 --> 00:05:25,886
l didn't think you was going
to be living here.
84
00:05:25,995 --> 00:05:28,989
This is a storage unit, not an apartment.
85
00:05:29,166 --> 00:05:31,294
As a former law enforcement officer, it...
86
00:05:31,403 --> 00:05:33,199
Law enforcement?
87
00:05:33,437 --> 00:05:36,270
You were a cop for, what, only four days
88
00:05:36,374 --> 00:05:39,071
before you drive your car
right through the beauty parlor?
89
00:05:39,177 --> 00:05:42,008
-lt was a nail salon.
-What the hell's the difference?
90
00:05:42,112 --> 00:05:43,273
Just...
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00:05:43,381 --> 00:05:45,212
Clean this shit up!
92
00:05:46,183 --> 00:05:47,241
Oh,
93
00:05:47,419 --> 00:05:48,910
and keep your eyes open.
94
00:05:49,455 --> 00:05:51,319
Some drunk has been exposing himself
95
00:05:51,423 --> 00:05:54,516
to the waitresses
at the Denny's across the street.
96
00:05:54,659 --> 00:05:58,494
The last time, the crazy bastard
was carrying a samurai sword.
97
00:06:02,532 --> 00:06:04,865
There's a lot of deviants out there,
ain't they, Victor?
98
00:06:04,970 --> 00:06:05,958
But don't you worry.
99
00:06:06,070 --> 00:06:08,699
l'm gonna keep a eye out
when l'm on my next patrol.
100
00:06:08,807 --> 00:06:11,935
l gotta get going.
l've got a big weekend planned.
101
00:06:12,042 --> 00:06:15,012
Look, man, you're better off
without Karen or that crummy job.
102
00:06:15,112 --> 00:06:16,238
Am l?
103
00:06:16,682 --> 00:06:20,673
Larry, listen to me, it's always darkest
right before the dawn, all right?
104
00:06:20,783 --> 00:06:22,876
Now, you remember when l had shingles?
105
00:06:23,119 --> 00:06:25,248
Did l give up? Nope.
106
00:06:25,357 --> 00:06:28,053
l put my nose to the grindstone.
All my hard work paid off.
107
00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:29,457
Hard work?
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00:06:29,661 --> 00:06:31,356
Are you kidding me?
109
00:06:31,496 --> 00:06:33,259
You tripped at the Wal-Mart!
110
00:06:33,365 --> 00:06:36,028
And every day l thank God
for that spill on aisle 6.
111
00:06:36,634 --> 00:06:40,696
Because of that settlement,
l don't gotta work for another 1 1 months.
112
00:06:40,805 --> 00:06:42,295
All right, look. Here's Everett.
113
00:06:42,407 --> 00:06:44,568
Now, come on. lt's our Reserve weekend.
114
00:06:44,676 --> 00:06:47,577
We're gonna have a great time.
We always do.
115
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Thanks for showing up, Everett.
We've only been waiting an hour.
116
00:06:51,648 --> 00:06:54,412
Anybody ever tell you that loitering
is a class D misdemeanor
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punishable by a $50 fine
and 10 hours of community service?
118
00:06:57,689 --> 00:07:00,987
Hey, what's the penalty
for vehicular homicide of a beauty parlor?
119
00:07:01,091 --> 00:07:02,820
lt was a nail salon.
120
00:07:04,861 --> 00:07:07,923
Well, what a great way
to chase away the break-up blues,
121
00:07:08,033 --> 00:07:10,056
spending the weekend with two retards.
122
00:07:15,506 --> 00:07:18,271
Nice shooting! Man.
123
00:07:18,376 --> 00:07:19,399
What's next?
124
00:07:19,510 --> 00:07:20,945
That bathroom scale.
125
00:07:21,047 --> 00:07:24,038
l'm gonna blow up every nice thing
l ever got that woman.
126
00:07:25,150 --> 00:07:27,642
l got her that on Valentine's Day.
127
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l'm a romantic.
128
00:07:29,820 --> 00:07:31,083
Pull!
129
00:07:34,191 --> 00:07:35,387
Everett!
130
00:07:37,963 --> 00:07:39,953
What are y'all doing?
131
00:07:40,465 --> 00:07:42,057
-Shooting shit.
-Grief counseling.
132
00:07:42,266 --> 00:07:43,995
Copy that. Going on a beer run.
133
00:07:50,007 --> 00:07:51,304
Nice!
134
00:07:51,407 --> 00:07:53,740
-l know. l feel better already.
-Good.
135
00:07:53,844 --> 00:07:56,143
Kind of hungry though.
What do you say we hit the mess hall?
136
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Hooters?
137
00:07:58,483 --> 00:07:59,248
Left! Left!
138
00:07:59,248 --> 00:07:59,806
Left! Left!
139
00:07:59,917 --> 00:08:01,941
Left, right, left.
140
00:08:04,222 --> 00:08:07,214
Sir, we just received another
manpower request from Washington.
141
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:09,122
There's increased fighting
outside of Fallujah.
142
00:08:09,226 --> 00:08:10,252
What?
143
00:08:10,361 --> 00:08:13,559
Don't those Pentagon pencil-pushers know
we're stretched to the limit down here?
144
00:08:13,666 --> 00:08:14,996
What about those men down
at Chattahoochee?
145
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,729
l don't think they all reported in.
146
00:08:21,973 --> 00:08:24,908
They drill at the Reserve Center
down on Highway 8.
147
00:08:25,009 --> 00:08:28,376
Perhaps you should send Sergeant Kilgore
down there to see what we have.
148
00:08:28,480 --> 00:08:29,674
Kilgore?
149
00:08:31,483 --> 00:08:33,645
He scares the shit out of me.
150
00:08:34,553 --> 00:08:38,386
All l'm saying is some of them girls hadn't
ought to be wearing little shorty-shorts.
151
00:08:38,490 --> 00:08:39,456
That's all l'm saying.
152
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Well, what's Crystal supposed to do?
153
00:08:40,924 --> 00:08:43,723
You know Hooters
don't got a maternity leave.
154
00:08:43,828 --> 00:08:46,160
Hey. Who's the new guy?
155
00:08:46,265 --> 00:08:48,960
How you doing, Gl Joe? Can l help you?
156
00:08:53,337 --> 00:08:55,134
Sergeant Kilgore.
157
00:08:55,440 --> 00:08:58,897
l'm looking for the men
that didn't mobilize with this unit.
158
00:08:59,743 --> 00:09:02,542
-l ain't seen them.
-l think they went over to...
159
00:09:02,647 --> 00:09:03,944
Who's in charge here, soldier?
160
00:09:04,048 --> 00:09:05,607
-l am.
-l am.
161
00:09:07,152 --> 00:09:08,346
This is
162
00:09:09,855 --> 00:09:10,980
quite a setup you got here.
163
00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:12,078
Oh, yeah, it's nice.
164
00:09:12,190 --> 00:09:13,919
We're like a water-head
at the theme park in here.
165
00:09:14,025 --> 00:09:15,050
lt's real comfortable.
166
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,957
We're about to watch the game.
You can join us if you want. Grab a chair.
167
00:09:19,029 --> 00:09:22,158
l tell you what, son. You know, l like you.
168
00:09:22,833 --> 00:09:25,029
Why don't l grab a chair,
169
00:09:26,069 --> 00:09:28,094
and shove it up your ass!
170
00:09:28,505 --> 00:09:31,167
Now, stand at attention,
you miserable pissants!
171
00:09:31,277 --> 00:09:35,041
From now on,
you will address me as Sergeant Kilgore!
172
00:09:35,146 --> 00:09:37,113
The honeymoon's over, numb nuts!
173
00:09:37,214 --> 00:09:38,805
l am a warrior,
174
00:09:38,915 --> 00:09:40,544
a killing machine,
175
00:09:40,752 --> 00:09:43,652
and your mama's not
here to wet-nurse you.
176
00:09:44,756 --> 00:09:47,781
Larry's mom passed away
about four years ago.
177
00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:48,880
Yeah, that's true.
178
00:09:48,991 --> 00:09:50,322
She went squirrel hunting
with my Uncle Lester...
179
00:09:50,426 --> 00:09:51,622
Shut up!
180
00:09:52,562 --> 00:09:54,532
l don't know what kind
of horseshit monkey business
181
00:09:54,633 --> 00:09:58,067
has been going on down here,
but that's all about to end, ladies.
182
00:09:58,169 --> 00:09:59,760
This is the Army.
183
00:10:00,471 --> 00:10:03,064
We're just state military reserves.
184
00:10:03,508 --> 00:10:04,805
Yeah. Smurfs.
185
00:10:04,908 --> 00:10:06,773
And l'm a leprechaun.
186
00:10:07,378 --> 00:10:09,107
Now, pack your gear.
187
00:10:09,780 --> 00:10:12,113
But we're just weekend warriors.
188
00:10:14,918 --> 00:10:17,046
Well, l'll tell you what, fat body,
189
00:10:17,154 --> 00:10:18,451
this weekend,
190
00:10:18,555 --> 00:10:20,046
l own your ass!
191
00:10:21,391 --> 00:10:22,883
Son of a bitch.
192
00:10:25,429 --> 00:10:28,524
lf there was ever a worse
excuse for a soldier,
193
00:10:28,633 --> 00:10:30,429
l'd like to meet him.
194
00:10:30,534 --> 00:10:31,865
Hey, y'all.
195
00:10:32,036 --> 00:10:35,663
l got Funyuns, beer, and Barely Legal.
Who wants what?
196
00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,410
Well, hey, there, Sarge.
Snap into a Slim Jim.
197
00:10:40,411 --> 00:10:44,471
Well, this looks like a little slice of heaven.
Can they do this to us?
198
00:10:44,681 --> 00:10:46,945
lt's the army, man.
They can do whatever they want.
199
00:10:47,050 --> 00:10:49,485
Welcome to Fort Davis, ladies.
200
00:10:52,791 --> 00:10:55,554
l want another one! Come on! One more!
201
00:10:55,660 --> 00:10:57,718
Up, up, up! Down, up!
202
00:10:57,829 --> 00:11:00,320
All right, you're all mine now.
You ready, Freddy?
203
00:11:00,431 --> 00:11:01,624
Oh, there you go. How about that? Huh?
204
00:11:01,733 --> 00:11:03,200
You like that?
205
00:11:15,545 --> 00:11:18,516
-Get back here!
-What are you doing?
206
00:11:18,817 --> 00:11:20,579
Watch out! Watch out!
207
00:11:21,319 --> 00:11:22,945
Get up there!
208
00:11:31,895 --> 00:11:33,590
Take it like a man!
209
00:11:46,611 --> 00:11:48,102
Get out of here!
210
00:11:49,783 --> 00:11:51,873
You gotta stay clear...
211
00:11:52,183 --> 00:11:54,412
-Come on, Everett. Let me hold it.
-No, no. lt's mine.
212
00:11:55,287 --> 00:11:57,185
Look out!
213
00:11:58,822 --> 00:11:59,881
Yeah!
214
00:12:07,165 --> 00:12:09,429
This is a little harder than l thought.
215
00:12:09,533 --> 00:12:13,230
But l guess it's the price you pay
to be a trained government killer.
216
00:12:14,838 --> 00:12:17,672
l didn't think they could activate us.
217
00:12:17,775 --> 00:12:20,938
l mean, if l wanted to get my ass kicked,
l'd have stayed home with Connie.
218
00:12:21,046 --> 00:12:24,809
l guess it easier for
a samurai-type like myself.
219
00:12:24,915 --> 00:12:26,473
Accept the pain.
220
00:12:26,718 --> 00:12:28,653
lt's cleansing.
221
00:12:29,187 --> 00:12:33,385
Plus, the weekend's almost over.
One more day and we're gone.
222
00:12:39,064 --> 00:12:41,623
Besides, how much worse could it get?
223
00:12:46,337 --> 00:12:48,396
Rise and shine, ladies!
224
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,374
Where the hell is that other fat turd?
225
00:12:52,477 --> 00:12:53,704
Hey, speaking of turds,
226
00:12:53,810 --> 00:12:56,278
l just left one in there
for the Guinness Book.
227
00:12:56,380 --> 00:12:58,713
Stand at attention, soldier!
228
00:13:00,183 --> 00:13:02,175
Congratulations, gentlemen.
229
00:13:02,387 --> 00:13:04,320
We just got our orders.
230
00:13:04,421 --> 00:13:06,356
We're going to paradise,
231
00:13:06,623 --> 00:13:09,057
the land of sand and sun.
232
00:13:09,159 --> 00:13:12,094
-Daytona Beach?
-Fallujah, lraq, numb nuts!
233
00:13:12,697 --> 00:13:15,062
Sarge, excuse me.
234
00:13:16,234 --> 00:13:19,396
Far be it for me to stand in the way
of the war on terror,
235
00:13:19,502 --> 00:13:22,096
but we're supposed to go home tomorrow.
236
00:13:22,539 --> 00:13:25,635
l mean, seriously, we only do this
one weekend a month.
237
00:13:25,745 --> 00:13:28,975
-Yeah, and on Mondays, l cut the grass.
-Wrong, sunshine!
238
00:13:29,081 --> 00:13:30,673
You will be the tip of the spear
239
00:13:30,782 --> 00:13:34,046
Uncle Sam uses to shove
up some insurgent's ass!
240
00:13:34,152 --> 00:13:36,847
Sarge, now that's downright unsanitary.
241
00:13:36,953 --> 00:13:39,981
You know, l read somewhere that them
carpet-fliers don't even use toilet paper.
242
00:13:40,091 --> 00:13:41,649
Can it, dipshit!
243
00:13:42,226 --> 00:13:45,923
And don't worry,
you won't be in the rear with the gear.
244
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:50,466
l plan on volunteering us
for every dangerous assignment there is!
245
00:13:50,767 --> 00:13:53,965
Now, l want every one of you
to look to the man on your right!
246
00:13:54,071 --> 00:13:56,539
Now, look to the man on your left,
247
00:13:56,973 --> 00:13:59,772
'cause your life is in his hands.
248
00:14:03,045 --> 00:14:04,106
Shit!
249
00:14:04,449 --> 00:14:07,577
Fallujah. No, it's not in Louisiana.
250
00:14:08,085 --> 00:14:10,211
-lt's in lraq.
-Why are they sending you to Iraq?
251
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,687
-'Cause l'm going to war!
-War?
252
00:14:12,789 --> 00:14:14,851
-Well, l can't help it.
-Who's gonna mow the grass?
253
00:14:14,959 --> 00:14:16,619
Well, l don't know who's
gonna mow the grass.
254
00:14:16,727 --> 00:14:17,750
God damn it, Bill!
255
00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:19,659
Five hundred dollars?
256
00:14:19,797 --> 00:14:22,061
Damn. Does she have four tits?
257
00:14:23,034 --> 00:14:25,697
Well, how about a military discount?
258
00:14:25,803 --> 00:14:27,430
Hello? Hello?
259
00:14:32,709 --> 00:14:34,941
-Hey, what unit you with?
-101st Airborne.
260
00:14:35,047 --> 00:14:37,014
Screaming Eagles. You?
261
00:14:37,415 --> 00:14:40,714
37th Georgia. The Sleeping Marmots.
262
00:14:41,318 --> 00:14:43,947
What's up, y'all? How'd Connie take it?
263
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:46,318
Let me just put it this way.
l'll be safer in lraq.
264
00:14:46,423 --> 00:14:47,719
Ten hut!
265
00:14:49,159 --> 00:14:51,287
All right, you maggots,
266
00:14:51,696 --> 00:14:53,663
we got a long road ahead of us,
267
00:14:53,763 --> 00:14:55,526
and it won't be easy.
268
00:14:56,234 --> 00:14:59,167
But it's my job as your
sergeant to lead the way.
269
00:14:59,268 --> 00:15:00,234
Gee, thanks, Sarge.
270
00:15:00,336 --> 00:15:02,307
l know l'll feel safer standing
directly behind you
271
00:15:02,406 --> 00:15:04,067
when the bullets start flying.
272
00:15:17,989 --> 00:15:19,718
Can that shit!
273
00:15:22,061 --> 00:15:25,051
Now, Larry,
l'm appointing you acting squad leader.
274
00:15:25,161 --> 00:15:26,891
Don't get too excited.
275
00:15:26,998 --> 00:15:29,261
You beat out a mongoloid and a candy-ass.
276
00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:31,095
He called you a candy-ass.
277
00:15:31,201 --> 00:15:34,194
Gee, thanks, Sarge.
You know, l learned a lot about leadership
278
00:15:34,305 --> 00:15:37,400
when l was secretary
of the Midgeville Gun Club.
279
00:15:38,275 --> 00:15:39,503
And don't you worry about it.
280
00:15:39,609 --> 00:15:41,634
Both those shootings
were ruled accidental.
281
00:15:41,745 --> 00:15:43,440
Keep your hands to yourself!
282
00:15:43,548 --> 00:15:45,845
lt's don't ask and don't tell
in this man's army.
283
00:15:45,949 --> 00:15:48,646
Now, get your candy-asses on that plane.
284
00:15:52,455 --> 00:15:55,357
Did you hear what l said?
l gave you an order.
285
00:15:55,459 --> 00:15:58,553
You said candy-asses. l'm a mongoloid, sir!
286
00:15:58,664 --> 00:16:00,791
Get your ass on that plane!
287
00:16:01,500 --> 00:16:02,796
Candy-ass.
288
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:12,264
Oh, sure.
289
00:16:12,377 --> 00:16:14,606
Killing a man
with your bare hands is real easy.
290
00:16:14,712 --> 00:16:17,202
Aside from the assorted
choke holds and head yanks,
291
00:16:17,315 --> 00:16:19,612
you deliver a hand-spear to a man's temple,
292
00:16:19,716 --> 00:16:23,848
Adam's apple, kidneys, armpits,
solar plexus, testicles,
293
00:16:23,955 --> 00:16:26,686
or coccyx, that's the little
bone down by your back...
294
00:16:26,790 --> 00:16:28,382
That's real informative, Everett,
295
00:16:28,491 --> 00:16:30,790
but come on, l'm trying
to get some sleep here.
296
00:16:30,895 --> 00:16:33,921
Of course, all that pales in comparison
to the heart-punch.
297
00:16:34,065 --> 00:16:38,659
lt's a strong man's attack,
a sharp blow delivered right to the heart.
298
00:16:38,767 --> 00:16:41,294
Chuck Norris used it once
on the set of Walker, Texas Ranger
299
00:16:41,405 --> 00:16:43,701
to kill some smart-ass intern.
300
00:16:45,141 --> 00:16:47,270
Talk about your hush-money.
301
00:16:47,378 --> 00:16:48,469
All right.
302
00:16:48,579 --> 00:16:50,673
All right. That's it.
303
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:56,480
Let's hit it.
304
00:17:05,062 --> 00:17:07,825
l don't think the flight attendant
turned off the fasten seatbelt sign.
305
00:17:07,931 --> 00:17:11,266
Look, y'all, if l'm gonna die tomorrow,
l want to get a good night's sleep.
306
00:17:11,370 --> 00:17:14,997
My Uncle Dave died in his sleep.
That's a peaceful way to go.
307
00:17:15,105 --> 00:17:17,801
Of course, all his friends died
screaming from the back seat
308
00:17:17,907 --> 00:17:19,738
trying to wake him up.
309
00:17:19,843 --> 00:17:21,310
lt was a mess.
310
00:17:21,545 --> 00:17:23,103
Good night, Everett!
311
00:17:23,215 --> 00:17:25,944
-Good night, Larry.
-Good night, Larry.
312
00:17:31,988 --> 00:17:33,718
Who farted?
313
00:17:37,093 --> 00:17:39,620
Severe weather alert until 0600 hours.
314
00:17:39,730 --> 00:17:41,096
With a possible...
315
00:17:43,701 --> 00:17:45,634
l'm losing all pressure
in engines three and four!
316
00:17:45,734 --> 00:17:48,796
Hydraulic pressure down
in the rear stabilizer.
317
00:17:53,576 --> 00:17:55,168
Damn it!
318
00:18:14,163 --> 00:18:16,223
-Oh, this is bad.
-Losing altitude.
319
00:18:16,331 --> 00:18:19,302
We're overloaded.
Get ready to dump the gear.
320
00:18:21,238 --> 00:18:22,933
What the...
321
00:18:33,684 --> 00:18:36,244
Hey! Wait a minute!
322
00:18:38,689 --> 00:18:40,122
Come on!
323
00:18:40,958 --> 00:18:43,222
Hey! Wait a minute!
324
00:18:47,531 --> 00:18:48,521
No!
325
00:19:00,412 --> 00:19:03,709
l'm gonna kill you miserable pissants!
326
00:19:05,249 --> 00:19:07,307
Did you hear something?
327
00:19:08,018 --> 00:19:09,178
That was weird.
328
00:19:09,286 --> 00:19:11,185
For a minute there,
l thought we were goners.
329
00:19:11,287 --> 00:19:12,947
What are we gonna do
about the gear we dumped?
330
00:19:13,055 --> 00:19:16,116
You fill out the paperwork,
and then it's the Army's problem.
331
00:19:16,227 --> 00:19:19,857
Hey, you like meatloaf?
They got a killer meatloaf in Ramstein.
332
00:19:19,963 --> 00:19:21,430
-Yeah?
-Oh, yeah.
333
00:19:32,009 --> 00:19:33,840
Where the hell?
334
00:19:38,115 --> 00:19:39,809
Oh, son of a bitch.
335
00:19:41,819 --> 00:19:44,083
So, this is it, lraq,
336
00:19:46,090 --> 00:19:48,319
jewel of the Middle East,
337
00:19:48,424 --> 00:19:50,290
land of the Hammurabis.
338
00:19:50,796 --> 00:19:52,591
lraq? Oh, damn!
339
00:19:53,029 --> 00:19:55,726
Damn! Hey, we're in... Hey!
340
00:19:55,833 --> 00:19:58,063
We're in lraq! Damn!
341
00:19:58,169 --> 00:19:59,534
Get up! Hey!
342
00:20:01,105 --> 00:20:02,730
Bill, we're in...
343
00:20:05,208 --> 00:20:07,870
What in the name of Siegfried and Roy
are you fellas doing?
344
00:20:07,976 --> 00:20:09,444
Don't ask.
345
00:20:09,546 --> 00:20:10,877
Don't tell.
346
00:20:11,383 --> 00:20:13,212
We're in lraq!
347
00:20:13,316 --> 00:20:14,785
We're in lraq!
348
00:20:15,319 --> 00:20:17,880
-All right, now, Larry, calm down.
-Be careful, Everett.
349
00:20:17,988 --> 00:20:19,454
There's a lot of gear scattered around.
350
00:20:19,557 --> 00:20:22,753
Now, listen to me, Larry.
Pull yourself together.
351
00:20:23,093 --> 00:20:25,062
Now, we're in a hot zone.
352
00:20:25,197 --> 00:20:27,461
lt's time to take it up a notch.
353
00:20:38,943 --> 00:20:40,240
Shot.
354
00:20:41,477 --> 00:20:45,379
Leave it to Everett
to break the only working radio we got.
355
00:20:46,217 --> 00:20:48,514
They drop us in lraq,
they don't even wake us up.
356
00:20:48,619 --> 00:20:52,076
What the hell are we supposed to do now?
l guarantee you this was Kilgore's idea.
357
00:20:52,188 --> 00:20:54,384
All right, let's calm down.
358
00:20:54,792 --> 00:20:58,990
Let's just regroup while we're here.
Last thing we need to do is panic.
359
00:20:59,129 --> 00:21:01,288
Man down! Man down!
360
00:21:01,397 --> 00:21:03,797
Man down! There's a man down!
361
00:21:14,845 --> 00:21:15,971
Sarge?
362
00:21:18,215 --> 00:21:20,114
l think he's dead, y'all.
363
00:21:20,217 --> 00:21:22,379
K.l.A., man! K.l.A.!
364
00:21:23,988 --> 00:21:25,183
Oh, man.
365
00:21:26,424 --> 00:21:28,516
This is gonna be a lawsuit.
366
00:21:35,933 --> 00:21:37,456
Well,
367
00:21:37,568 --> 00:21:39,934
l guess we ought to say a few words.
368
00:21:40,036 --> 00:21:41,094
Bill?
369
00:21:41,204 --> 00:21:43,798
Me? You were closer to him than l was.
370
00:21:44,241 --> 00:21:45,401
Well,
371
00:21:45,809 --> 00:21:47,275
all right.
372
00:21:50,347 --> 00:21:51,507
Lord,
373
00:21:52,116 --> 00:21:55,347
we ask that you be with Sergeant Kilgore.
374
00:21:56,186 --> 00:22:00,451
Sure, he was a mean bastard, incapable
of establishing normal relationships
375
00:22:00,556 --> 00:22:02,423
with any other human being, and...
376
00:22:02,528 --> 00:22:03,994
Larry.
377
00:22:06,364 --> 00:22:07,523
But, Lord...
378
00:22:10,067 --> 00:22:12,001
-Everett!
-Everett!
379
00:22:12,102 --> 00:22:13,068
What the hell are you doing?
380
00:22:13,169 --> 00:22:15,832
When we run out of water,
we're gonna have to drink our own urine.
381
00:22:15,941 --> 00:22:18,567
Desert warfare 101, man!
382
00:22:18,676 --> 00:22:22,044
Everett, now's not the time
to be talking about bodily functions.
383
00:22:22,145 --> 00:22:25,012
We're talking to the Lord here!
384
00:22:25,849 --> 00:22:28,282
-You want to say a few words?
-Yeah.
385
00:22:30,421 --> 00:22:31,911
Dear Lord,
386
00:22:32,023 --> 00:22:34,251
l ask you to take this man,
387
00:22:34,358 --> 00:22:36,087
for richer or for poorer,
388
00:22:36,193 --> 00:22:39,821
as he walks through the valley
of the shadow of death.
389
00:22:39,930 --> 00:22:41,521
And also, dear Lord,
390
00:22:41,632 --> 00:22:43,759
the Powerball's up to 90 million.
391
00:22:43,867 --> 00:22:46,529
So, if you could help me out,
l sure would appreciate it.
392
00:22:46,638 --> 00:22:47,967
Amen!
393
00:22:48,236 --> 00:22:51,697
-That was just great, Everett.
-Yeah, real touching.
394
00:22:54,278 --> 00:22:55,972
Powerball!
395
00:23:35,818 --> 00:23:37,843
Come on! Get some!
396
00:23:37,954 --> 00:23:39,182
Get some!
397
00:23:43,496 --> 00:23:45,223
All right, ladies,
398
00:23:46,362 --> 00:23:48,424
let's git-r-done.
399
00:23:50,601 --> 00:23:53,399
Operation shock and awe!
400
00:23:53,505 --> 00:23:55,063
Here we go!
401
00:23:55,172 --> 00:23:56,934
Kill, kill, kill!
402
00:24:34,377 --> 00:24:36,939
All right, y'all, let's fan out.
403
00:24:38,715 --> 00:24:43,118
l'll secure the perimeter.
That Charlie's a real sneaky bastard!
404
00:24:43,219 --> 00:24:44,208
Charlie?
405
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,346
You think Everett's mom drank
during pregnancy?
406
00:24:46,458 --> 00:24:49,324
Yeah, and l'm guessing
she sniffed paint thinner, too.
407
00:24:59,302 --> 00:25:01,736
Well, what do we have here?
408
00:25:03,574 --> 00:25:05,006
Damn!
409
00:25:05,408 --> 00:25:08,378
You know who that is?
That's the Butcher of Baghdad, buddy.
410
00:25:08,479 --> 00:25:10,446
That's Saddam Hussein.
411
00:25:10,546 --> 00:25:12,208
He's an ugly son of a bitch, isn't he?
412
00:25:12,315 --> 00:25:14,475
Kind of looks like that fellow
that works the register
413
00:25:14,583 --> 00:25:16,052
down there at the Circle K.
414
00:25:16,153 --> 00:25:18,018
You know, Rugburn.
415
00:25:18,122 --> 00:25:19,588
You mean Raji?
416
00:25:20,489 --> 00:25:22,754
Yeah, that little lndian fella.
417
00:25:22,860 --> 00:25:25,591
He's a red-dot lndian though,
not a tomahawk lndian.
418
00:25:25,696 --> 00:25:28,164
You're crazy.
That don't look nothing like him.
419
00:25:28,265 --> 00:25:30,563
Only an idiot would think that.
420
00:25:31,603 --> 00:25:34,469
Oh, look! lt's Raji from Circle K!
421
00:25:34,571 --> 00:25:36,003
Y'all hungry?
422
00:25:41,177 --> 00:25:42,805
What's wrong with it?
Why aren't you eating?
423
00:25:42,912 --> 00:25:44,905
l got spaghetti and meat sauce.
424
00:25:45,014 --> 00:25:46,004
So?
425
00:25:46,582 --> 00:25:48,744
lt gives me bad gas.
426
00:25:49,153 --> 00:25:52,247
Fine. Take my beef stew.
427
00:25:54,024 --> 00:25:56,014
Larry, what the hell is that?
428
00:25:56,126 --> 00:25:57,923
l needed a spit cup.
429
00:26:00,130 --> 00:26:01,756
Just eat around it.
430
00:26:01,864 --> 00:26:04,857
That's gross. Come on.
We gotta get on the road.
431
00:26:26,823 --> 00:26:30,020
Why don't you just admit it? We're lost!
432
00:26:30,128 --> 00:26:31,684
He thinks you're lost!
433
00:26:31,794 --> 00:26:34,559
There's a town right over this next ridge!
434
00:26:37,668 --> 00:26:38,634
Wait a minute.
435
00:26:39,236 --> 00:26:40,293
Nope.
436
00:26:41,405 --> 00:26:42,736
We're lost.
437
00:26:43,340 --> 00:26:45,535
Nothing to report from my patrols.
438
00:26:45,643 --> 00:26:48,304
Damn it, l thought
we was gonna be in the shit.
439
00:26:48,411 --> 00:26:49,878
When am l gonna get to shoot somebody?
440
00:26:49,979 --> 00:26:52,538
Everett, there are specific
rules of engagement.
441
00:26:52,647 --> 00:26:54,207
There are friendlies around.
442
00:26:54,318 --> 00:26:56,548
You can't just run around shooting people.
443
00:26:56,653 --> 00:26:58,677
You got your Geneva Convention
to think about.
444
00:26:58,787 --> 00:27:01,416
Rule is you don't fire
unless you're fired upon.
445
00:27:01,524 --> 00:27:03,516
-You understand?
-Yep.
446
00:27:13,338 --> 00:27:16,794
One shot, one kill! Get some!
447
00:27:16,907 --> 00:27:19,932
Damn it, Everett!
What the hell are you doing?
448
00:27:20,043 --> 00:27:21,304
Nice shooting!
449
00:27:21,410 --> 00:27:24,438
Down on your knees,
hands behind your head!
450
00:27:28,551 --> 00:27:31,645
Easy, man! This ain't Cops.
451
00:27:31,755 --> 00:27:34,917
-l was on Cops once. Remember?
-Who could forget?
452
00:27:35,024 --> 00:27:38,462
High speed pursuit
followed by indecent exposure.
453
00:27:38,562 --> 00:27:41,224
That was the best Thanksgiving ever.
454
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,666
All right, assume the position.
455
00:27:47,204 --> 00:27:49,603
Well, congratulations, Everett!
456
00:27:49,705 --> 00:27:52,072
You just killed yourself a donkey.
457
00:27:52,342 --> 00:27:54,832
We don't even know
if they have a donkey season.
458
00:27:54,945 --> 00:27:56,036
What do we do now?
459
00:28:04,421 --> 00:28:08,290
-Come on. Let me blow them both away.
-Calm down, Everett.
460
00:28:08,792 --> 00:28:11,625
l guess since l'm squad leader,
l ought to do the interrogating.
461
00:28:11,829 --> 00:28:14,388
Besides that, everybody knows
l'm a skilled communicator.
462
00:28:16,732 --> 00:28:18,564
Who are you?
463
00:28:20,571 --> 00:28:23,004
Are you Republican Guard?
464
00:28:23,875 --> 00:28:25,899
Larry,
465
00:28:26,008 --> 00:28:28,375
they're not deaf, they're lraqi.
466
00:28:28,779 --> 00:28:32,910
What we need to do is find out
whether they're Turds or Shitites.
467
00:28:34,052 --> 00:28:36,041
l think you mean Kurds or Shiites.
468
00:28:48,098 --> 00:28:49,156
Hi.
469
00:28:49,265 --> 00:28:51,098
My name's Larry.
470
00:28:52,203 --> 00:28:54,602
We're here to liberate your people.
471
00:28:55,872 --> 00:28:58,534
We bring gifts of freedom and democracy.
472
00:29:00,344 --> 00:29:02,404
Oh, sorry about your donkey.
473
00:29:12,021 --> 00:29:13,922
Freedoms?
474
00:29:14,124 --> 00:29:17,582
Freedom. Yeah, right.
We're here to liberate you.
475
00:29:18,228 --> 00:29:20,196
-Freedoms!
-Freedoms!
476
00:29:20,297 --> 00:29:21,696
-Freedoms!
-Freedoms!
477
00:29:21,798 --> 00:29:23,196
Freedom, yeah!
478
00:29:23,300 --> 00:29:24,767
-Freedoms.
-Freedoms.
479
00:29:24,867 --> 00:29:26,664
Freedoms! Freedoms!
480
00:29:26,769 --> 00:29:27,962
Shut up!
481
00:29:29,707 --> 00:29:33,574
Your village?
ls your village named Baslamabad?
482
00:29:36,579 --> 00:29:38,068
Freedoms!
483
00:29:38,180 --> 00:29:41,911
-Yeah, freedoms.
-This is it, fellas. This is our objective.
484
00:29:42,117 --> 00:29:44,110
Get ready to be heroes.
485
00:29:44,321 --> 00:29:48,382
l wish Sarge was here right now.
He'd be so dag-gum proud of us.
486
00:29:50,529 --> 00:29:51,994
lt's alive!
487
00:29:58,402 --> 00:29:59,562
lraq,
488
00:30:00,471 --> 00:30:02,404
it's a land of miracles.
489
00:30:16,919 --> 00:30:18,683
Where the hell am l?
490
00:30:22,224 --> 00:30:24,191
You gotta be shitting me!
491
00:30:40,445 --> 00:30:44,141
Son of a bitch!
l'm gonna kill those miserable pissants!
492
00:30:51,754 --> 00:30:53,451
What do you see?
493
00:30:54,624 --> 00:30:57,685
Not much. l forgot to take off the lens caps.
494
00:30:58,161 --> 00:31:01,027
-And he's in charge.
-l know.
495
00:31:05,034 --> 00:31:06,092
Well?
496
00:31:06,536 --> 00:31:07,903
lraqi insurgents. Four of them.
497
00:31:08,538 --> 00:31:09,834
Freedoms. Freedoms.
498
00:31:09,940 --> 00:31:12,499
Just hold on, Saddam.
499
00:31:13,542 --> 00:31:16,569
Look, this is what l think we should do.
500
00:31:16,679 --> 00:31:18,943
We just sit tight
until reinforcements get here.
501
00:31:19,049 --> 00:31:20,811
The 101st Airborne is
gonna be here any minute.
502
00:31:20,917 --> 00:31:23,714
These people are in trouble.
l think we're dealing with Fedayin.
503
00:31:23,820 --> 00:31:25,081
Damn right they're in trouble.
504
00:31:25,187 --> 00:31:28,352
l had some of that Fedayin
at the Parthenon Cafe.
505
00:31:29,059 --> 00:31:31,653
Greek food goes right through me.
506
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,753
lrritable bowel syndrome.
507
00:31:40,637 --> 00:31:42,627
lt looks like she needs our help.
508
00:31:42,739 --> 00:31:43,763
She?
509
00:31:44,940 --> 00:31:46,408
l mean ''they.''
510
00:31:48,946 --> 00:31:51,539
They appear to be C-cups.
511
00:31:52,849 --> 00:31:55,283
All right, listen. Our orders are clear.
512
00:31:55,385 --> 00:31:57,013
We have to engage the enemy.
513
00:31:57,120 --> 00:31:58,417
Gentlemen,
514
00:31:58,721 --> 00:32:01,155
you know what they say
in the Army, Semper fi.
515
00:32:01,357 --> 00:32:03,689
That would be the Marines.
516
00:32:05,930 --> 00:32:07,487
Stay here.
517
00:32:07,597 --> 00:32:09,963
Don't worry about anything.
The cavalry is on the way.
518
00:32:10,066 --> 00:32:12,090
They are? Oh, thank God.
519
00:32:12,901 --> 00:32:17,203
l thought for a second you wanted us
to go down there by ourselves.
520
00:32:21,044 --> 00:32:23,842
When this is over, l am so gonna sue you.
521
00:32:27,984 --> 00:32:30,919
What we need is some fighting music.
522
00:32:34,858 --> 00:32:36,759
What the hell's that?
523
00:32:37,994 --> 00:32:39,188
Hold on.
524
00:32:46,370 --> 00:32:47,927
Here we go.
525
00:32:48,038 --> 00:32:49,664
God bless America!
526
00:33:01,719 --> 00:33:03,652
-Should l shoot?
-Hold your fire!
527
00:33:03,753 --> 00:33:05,879
-Did you say fire?
-l said hold your fire!
528
00:33:05,987 --> 00:33:07,979
All right, l'm gonna fire!
529
00:33:08,824 --> 00:33:10,690
lt's Rambo! Let's get out of here!
530
00:33:12,797 --> 00:33:14,231
l'm going in!
531
00:33:41,892 --> 00:33:43,791
On the ground, now!
532
00:33:43,894 --> 00:33:45,860
l'm a trained killing machine!
533
00:33:45,961 --> 00:33:47,428
Everett!
534
00:33:48,364 --> 00:33:50,628
l think you got her, Everett!
535
00:33:53,103 --> 00:33:54,091
Oh.
536
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,870
Where the hell's Larry?
537
00:33:59,476 --> 00:34:01,876
l guess that coward run off, huh?
538
00:34:01,979 --> 00:34:04,776
Not everybody's cut out
for the rigors of combat.
539
00:34:06,649 --> 00:34:08,743
The other three got away,
but l got this guy.
540
00:34:08,853 --> 00:34:10,615
Oh, hey there, Larry.
541
00:34:11,122 --> 00:34:12,316
Thank you for the help, Everett.
542
00:34:12,423 --> 00:34:15,619
l was just telling Bill here,
what a good job you done.
543
00:34:20,263 --> 00:34:22,731
That lraqi is a pretty language, ain't it?
544
00:34:22,833 --> 00:34:24,926
Think they're friendly?
545
00:34:25,035 --> 00:34:26,798
lt's a very delicate situation
546
00:34:26,903 --> 00:34:29,894
that calls for the soft touch
of a diplomat, so...
547
00:34:30,006 --> 00:34:31,997
l am your king!
548
00:34:32,108 --> 00:34:33,802
Bow down before me!
549
00:34:39,214 --> 00:34:41,309
Everett, get down from there!
550
00:34:47,456 --> 00:34:49,389
Not just a job, it's an adventure.
551
00:34:49,490 --> 00:34:52,826
Yeah. That's the Navy,
but l know what you're saying.
552
00:35:06,377 --> 00:35:08,276
Wish the Sarge was here to see this.
553
00:35:21,692 --> 00:35:24,717
At least those idiots left me
something to eat.
554
00:35:32,970 --> 00:35:34,301
Oh, Christ!
555
00:35:39,742 --> 00:35:42,041
Oh, l'll be damned! Hey! Hey!
556
00:35:43,378 --> 00:35:45,210
Hey, am l glad to see you!
557
00:35:45,314 --> 00:35:46,612
Hey...
558
00:35:47,219 --> 00:35:49,584
l don't parla any Espanola,
559
00:35:49,687 --> 00:35:51,677
but either of you two amigos
habla Inglese?
560
00:35:57,993 --> 00:35:59,859
l need a ride to the next town.
561
00:36:00,731 --> 00:36:04,324
El ride-o in el car-o to el town-o.
562
00:36:07,136 --> 00:36:08,298
Hey, tequila, eh?
563
00:36:08,405 --> 00:36:10,338
Si. Tequila!
564
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:12,304
Hey, hey. All right. Okay.
565
00:36:16,713 --> 00:36:17,681
Yeah, well...
566
00:36:17,782 --> 00:36:19,772
You two pissants gonna give me a ride
to the next town?
567
00:36:32,462 --> 00:36:33,520
Oh, good!
568
00:36:35,297 --> 00:36:36,356
Yeah!
569
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:38,862
You're all right, amigo!
570
00:36:39,302 --> 00:36:40,427
Right on!
571
00:36:42,405 --> 00:36:43,634
Right on!
572
00:36:50,481 --> 00:36:53,573
Hey, Everett, why don't you
go guard the prisoner?
573
00:36:53,682 --> 00:36:55,173
Oh, hell, yeah!
574
00:36:59,490 --> 00:37:02,218
Should we be worried
he's too excited about this?
575
00:37:02,324 --> 00:37:03,485
Probably.
576
00:37:04,694 --> 00:37:06,092
Hey, man,
577
00:37:06,194 --> 00:37:07,686
radio's had it.
578
00:37:07,963 --> 00:37:11,025
And l did a house to house search,
and there ain't nothing close to a phone
579
00:37:11,134 --> 00:37:13,033
in this little podunk town.
580
00:37:13,135 --> 00:37:15,228
-So, what now?
-Well,
581
00:37:16,372 --> 00:37:18,532
reckon we ought to maintain
a defensive posture,
582
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:21,166
and then hold our position here
in case there's a counterattack.
583
00:37:21,277 --> 00:37:24,643
And then, we'll link up with
some reinforcements.
584
00:37:25,081 --> 00:37:26,413
l don't even know what that means.
585
00:37:26,517 --> 00:37:27,609
l bought it.
586
00:37:27,718 --> 00:37:29,707
You know, l gotta say,
587
00:37:29,819 --> 00:37:31,150
feeling pretty good.
588
00:37:31,321 --> 00:37:32,789
A couple days ago,
589
00:37:32,889 --> 00:37:35,357
l had more problems
than a Cub Scout at the Neverland Ranch,
590
00:37:35,459 --> 00:37:37,449
but now l think l've found my true calling.
591
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:39,256
Yeah? And what might that be?
592
00:37:39,363 --> 00:37:40,352
Well, think about it.
593
00:37:40,464 --> 00:37:41,795
We're in lraq,
594
00:37:41,898 --> 00:37:44,264
the most dangerous place in the world,
595
00:37:44,367 --> 00:37:47,234
well, except for maybe Detroit,
596
00:37:47,338 --> 00:37:50,362
but the point is, l've been tested
in the crucible of battle,
597
00:37:50,472 --> 00:37:54,705
and my troops seized their objective
and didn't even get a scratch.
598
00:37:56,646 --> 00:38:00,343
l think l'm cut out
for this military stuff after all.
599
00:38:03,619 --> 00:38:06,954
All right, Akmed.
Don't get your burka in a wad.
600
00:38:07,090 --> 00:38:08,147
Jesus.
601
00:38:08,925 --> 00:38:10,858
l thought maybe we'd see
more turbans around here.
602
00:38:10,959 --> 00:38:12,017
Yeah.
603
00:38:15,365 --> 00:38:16,388
Hey!
604
00:38:21,537 --> 00:38:24,473
Boy, them lraqis really know
how to throw a good party.
605
00:38:24,575 --> 00:38:25,542
How are you?
606
00:38:25,643 --> 00:38:27,372
Thank you for saving our village.
607
00:38:27,479 --> 00:38:29,069
Hold on, Abdul! You speak English?
608
00:38:29,178 --> 00:38:32,272
Of course! Many of us do!
You're country is very close to ours.
609
00:38:32,382 --> 00:38:34,111
That's right! Our people are friends
610
00:38:34,217 --> 00:38:36,082
in freedom and democracy.
611
00:38:36,185 --> 00:38:40,144
Oh, right.
We're also very close together literally.
612
00:38:41,557 --> 00:38:44,118
-Somebody ought to get this guy a map.
-Yeah.
613
00:38:44,228 --> 00:38:45,819
Hey, how are you?
614
00:38:52,166 --> 00:38:54,160
Man, that smells delicious!
615
00:38:54,638 --> 00:38:56,934
What do you call this local delicacy?
616
00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,167
-Tacos.
-Tacos?
617
00:38:59,274 --> 00:39:01,298
-Si, si. Tacos.
-You got tacos here?
618
00:39:01,410 --> 00:39:02,707
This is...
619
00:39:02,811 --> 00:39:04,144
Who would have thought
they'd have tacos here?
620
00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:08,009
Tell you what, if they got pork rinds,
l'm never leaving.
621
00:39:10,619 --> 00:39:11,587
That's delicious!
622
00:39:11,687 --> 00:39:14,054
You do realize
that's probably a camel ass taco.
623
00:39:15,225 --> 00:39:18,592
l wish my wife could
cook camel ass this good.
624
00:39:26,035 --> 00:39:28,662
Gentlemen, allow me to introduce myself.
625
00:39:28,769 --> 00:39:30,501
My name is Maria Garcia,
626
00:39:30,606 --> 00:39:34,634
and this is my father, Antonio Garcia,
the mayor of La Miranda.
627
00:39:35,111 --> 00:39:36,738
We owe you our lives.
628
00:39:36,846 --> 00:39:39,610
Thank you for freeing us
from under the thumb of these bandits.
629
00:39:39,716 --> 00:39:41,013
lt's been far too long.
630
00:39:41,116 --> 00:39:42,640
Oh, it's our pleasure, Mayor.
631
00:39:42,752 --> 00:39:44,482
Bill Little, U.S. Army.
632
00:39:45,656 --> 00:39:49,090
lt's my honor to introduce you
to General Eisenhower.
633
00:39:49,491 --> 00:39:52,518
He's currently the ranking officer
in this theater of operations.
634
00:39:54,931 --> 00:39:56,921
You can just call me Larry.
635
00:39:58,165 --> 00:40:02,628
You answered our prayers today, General,
and you were very brave.
636
00:40:02,740 --> 00:40:05,504
Oh, shoot. lt's just part of the job.
637
00:40:05,610 --> 00:40:08,405
This evening is yours.
Our town is your town.
638
00:40:08,510 --> 00:40:10,910
Please, please, enjoy yourselves.
639
00:40:20,455 --> 00:40:22,686
A general?
What the hell did you say that for?
640
00:40:22,792 --> 00:40:26,250
Well, what did you want me to say?
Hey, Maria, meet my buddy, Larry.
641
00:40:26,363 --> 00:40:27,920
He just got fired from Cowboy Franks,
642
00:40:28,031 --> 00:40:30,362
and his girlfriend is carrying
a parolee's baby.
643
00:40:30,465 --> 00:40:31,866
Funny.
644
00:40:33,236 --> 00:40:35,465
l tell you what, though, she is a looker.
645
00:40:35,569 --> 00:40:38,733
You play your cards right,
and you could end up with a war bride.
646
00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:41,036
-War bride?
-Yeah.
647
00:40:41,412 --> 00:40:45,438
lt's the right of every American fighting
man to take a wife in a combat zone.
648
00:40:45,548 --> 00:40:48,675
My Uncle Charlie came home
from Korea with one.
649
00:40:48,784 --> 00:40:50,685
Boy, Aunt Rose was pissed.
650
00:40:51,253 --> 00:40:52,914
-Hey, let's have a toast.
-A toast.
651
00:40:53,022 --> 00:40:54,354
The Army...
652
00:40:55,459 --> 00:40:58,394
-Leave the driving to us.
-Good God, man.
653
00:40:58,494 --> 00:41:00,086
That's Greyhound.
654
00:41:01,864 --> 00:41:04,560
Might as well fess up, Haji,
655
00:41:04,667 --> 00:41:09,502
'cause l'm gonna break you down
till l get the truth out of your ass.
656
00:41:09,873 --> 00:41:12,136
l don't know what you want.
657
00:41:12,241 --> 00:41:14,039
l'm just a poor Mexican.
658
00:41:14,144 --> 00:41:16,872
Oh. A foreign fighter, huh?
659
00:41:16,978 --> 00:41:19,503
Well, that's even worse in my book.
660
00:41:19,615 --> 00:41:23,211
l should just ship you off
to Guantanamera Bay right now.
661
00:41:24,954 --> 00:41:26,945
Don't you mean Guantanamo Bay?
662
00:41:29,560 --> 00:41:34,120
Guantanamo, Gorgonzola!
They're all hell-holes, man!
663
00:41:34,230 --> 00:41:36,824
Hey, Everett, l think we ought to...
664
00:41:36,932 --> 00:41:38,696
What the hell are you wearing?
665
00:41:38,800 --> 00:41:40,200
This is my sniper suit.
666
00:41:40,303 --> 00:41:42,635
l'm doing some serious Psyop
shit here, man.
667
00:41:42,737 --> 00:41:46,037
-We weren't issued any sniper gear.
-l brought it from home.
668
00:41:46,142 --> 00:41:48,737
Well, you look like a retard Chewbacca.
669
00:41:48,846 --> 00:41:50,143
How's it going with this guy?
670
00:41:50,248 --> 00:41:52,612
Oh, he's a tough nut to crack,
but l'm gonna bust...
671
00:41:52,716 --> 00:41:53,876
Let me handle it!
672
00:41:53,984 --> 00:41:55,951
l don't know nothing.
673
00:41:56,052 --> 00:41:58,748
Where are the weapons
of mass destruction?
674
00:42:01,290 --> 00:42:04,782
Are you Republican Guard or Al-Qaeda?
675
00:42:06,262 --> 00:42:08,525
Are you a Turd or a Shitite?
676
00:42:08,631 --> 00:42:10,792
Wait a minute. What...
677
00:42:10,901 --> 00:42:13,266
Weapons of mass destruction?
678
00:42:16,404 --> 00:42:19,397
You guys actually think that you're in...
679
00:42:23,779 --> 00:42:25,473
Hey, what's so funny?
680
00:42:25,614 --> 00:42:28,048
You're not in lraq, gringo.
681
00:42:30,619 --> 00:42:31,779
Gringo.
682
00:42:32,622 --> 00:42:34,612
That's what you say in...
683
00:42:35,724 --> 00:42:37,055
Oh, my God!
684
00:42:37,225 --> 00:42:38,353
What?
685
00:42:40,698 --> 00:42:42,186
Are we in France?
686
00:42:53,776 --> 00:42:55,106
Hey, buddy!
687
00:42:55,711 --> 00:42:59,613
This is gonna sound crazy,
but we might be in Mexico!
688
00:43:07,124 --> 00:43:08,112
Oh.
689
00:43:08,925 --> 00:43:10,551
Well, this is bad.
690
00:43:10,926 --> 00:43:12,587
Really bad.
691
00:43:12,695 --> 00:43:15,322
Slow down. lt's not that big a deal.
692
00:43:15,431 --> 00:43:17,831
We invaded Mexico.
693
00:43:18,035 --> 00:43:19,262
And we're AWOL.
694
00:43:19,368 --> 00:43:22,564
l mean, that alone is 10 years
in Leavenworth.
695
00:43:23,004 --> 00:43:24,562
l can't do time.
696
00:43:25,307 --> 00:43:26,935
Prison's full of chubby-chasers.
697
00:43:27,043 --> 00:43:30,274
Hope you got smokes.
Cigarettes is currency in the joint, man.
698
00:43:30,380 --> 00:43:33,405
You can't buy a prison bitch or a shank
for anything less than a carton of Kools.
699
00:43:33,517 --> 00:43:36,883
Everett, don't you have something else
to be doing?
700
00:43:36,986 --> 00:43:39,477
Yep. l'll go question the villagers.
701
00:43:39,589 --> 00:43:42,286
See if there's been
any bin Laden sightings.
702
00:43:42,392 --> 00:43:44,154
We're in Mexico!
703
00:43:44,260 --> 00:43:45,591
Roger that.
704
00:43:46,896 --> 00:43:48,523
l'm a screw-up.
705
00:43:48,632 --> 00:43:53,659
l finally found something l was good at,
and what l do, invade a friendly nation.
706
00:43:53,768 --> 00:43:56,330
We were asleep during the drop.
707
00:43:56,439 --> 00:43:58,634
Who's to say the Army
doesn't want us to be here?
708
00:43:58,742 --> 00:44:01,766
Why would they want us here?
This is Mexico.
709
00:44:02,111 --> 00:44:06,047
We committed an act of war
inside a sovereign nation.
710
00:44:06,548 --> 00:44:09,382
This is an international incident
just waiting to happen.
711
00:44:09,485 --> 00:44:12,112
One man's international incident
is another man's preemptive strike
712
00:44:12,221 --> 00:44:13,654
in the war on terror.
713
00:44:13,756 --> 00:44:16,122
Those men weren't terrorists.
714
00:44:16,858 --> 00:44:18,724
Hang on. Tell him, Everett.
715
00:44:19,527 --> 00:44:23,428
The U.S. Government defines terrorism
as the unlawful use or threatened use
716
00:44:23,531 --> 00:44:27,434
of force or violence to intimidate
or coerce governments or societies,
717
00:44:27,536 --> 00:44:30,597
often for ideological or political reasons.
718
00:44:32,341 --> 00:44:34,833
Now, l don't know about you,
719
00:44:35,812 --> 00:44:37,710
but those fellows sound
like terrorists to me.
720
00:44:37,813 --> 00:44:39,645
Hell, my wife could be a terrorist.
721
00:44:39,750 --> 00:44:42,546
Look, man, these people
think we're heroes,
722
00:44:42,651 --> 00:44:44,621
and there's nothing we can do
about it right now.
723
00:44:44,721 --> 00:44:46,779
Eventually, somebody's gonna
come get us.
724
00:44:46,889 --> 00:44:48,753
So, l say we just enjoy ourselves.
725
00:44:48,857 --> 00:44:50,348
Senor Bill?
726
00:44:50,458 --> 00:44:53,189
We have more tacos and cervezas for you.
727
00:44:53,563 --> 00:44:56,588
You see?
lf we leave now, the terrorists win.
728
00:45:02,537 --> 00:45:04,367
Everett, where did you get that cannon?
729
00:45:04,472 --> 00:45:07,465
This is an 1875 Napoleon 1 2-pounder.
730
00:45:07,576 --> 00:45:10,340
Only an amateur like yourself
would call it a cannon.
731
00:45:10,447 --> 00:45:12,971
l found it out behind a barn.
732
00:45:13,083 --> 00:45:15,780
l thought that court order said you
wasn't supposed to be around cannons.
733
00:45:15,886 --> 00:45:17,012
Only in the state of Georgia.
734
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,019
General Eisenhower,
735
00:45:19,121 --> 00:45:21,113
how come you're not at the party?
736
00:45:21,390 --> 00:45:25,954
Oh, l'm just strategizing my next
counteroffensive against the insurgents.
737
00:45:26,729 --> 00:45:28,594
Or something like that.
738
00:45:29,331 --> 00:45:31,766
So, you thought this was lraq.
739
00:45:32,335 --> 00:45:34,930
How can that happen? This is Mexico.
740
00:45:35,038 --> 00:45:38,700
Well, we kind of confused our latitudes
with our longitudes,
741
00:45:38,808 --> 00:45:41,776
and our stalagmites with our stalactites.
742
00:45:42,411 --> 00:45:44,879
-lt's a long story.
-Well, l don't care.
743
00:45:44,979 --> 00:45:47,072
You saved our village from those animals.
744
00:45:47,182 --> 00:45:49,379
Yeah, who were those guys?
745
00:45:49,517 --> 00:45:51,417
They are vicious bandidos.
746
00:45:51,854 --> 00:45:56,187
Their leader is a cruel man,
nothing more than a common criminal.
747
00:45:56,424 --> 00:45:58,915
He's preyed upon our village for years,
748
00:45:59,027 --> 00:46:02,021
stealing our crops
and what little else we have.
749
00:46:02,132 --> 00:46:03,758
You think they might be back?
750
00:46:03,966 --> 00:46:06,833
No. They are cowards.
751
00:46:07,437 --> 00:46:11,304
And now we have a brave general here
to protect us.
752
00:46:12,041 --> 00:46:13,976
Well, about that, l'm...
753
00:46:14,210 --> 00:46:16,678
l'm not actually a general.
754
00:46:16,779 --> 00:46:20,771
l am a squad leader though,
and that's pretty high up there.
755
00:46:21,517 --> 00:46:25,078
One day, l hope to travel
across those mountains to the ocean.
756
00:46:25,221 --> 00:46:29,214
And l will open a cantina
on a beautiful beach far away from here.
757
00:46:29,825 --> 00:46:33,091
Well, if you need an assistant manager,
l got some experience.
758
00:46:34,797 --> 00:46:36,286
Maria!
759
00:46:37,133 --> 00:46:39,259
That's my father. l must go.
760
00:46:39,901 --> 00:46:43,565
But perhaps you will allow me the honor
to cook dinner for you some night?
761
00:46:44,808 --> 00:46:47,241
The honor would be all mine.
762
00:46:47,841 --> 00:46:49,902
-Good night.
-Good night.
763
00:46:50,245 --> 00:46:51,474
Oh...
764
00:46:52,148 --> 00:46:53,479
What was the name of that bandit leader?
765
00:46:55,850 --> 00:46:58,821
His name is one that strikes fear
766
00:46:58,923 --> 00:47:01,584
into the hearts
of decent people everywhere.
767
00:47:01,891 --> 00:47:05,658
The bastard's name is Carlos Santana.
768
00:47:18,106 --> 00:47:19,905
Let's get this party started!
769
00:47:20,010 --> 00:47:22,375
Okay, so where's the entertainment?
770
00:47:22,811 --> 00:47:24,575
Bring out the gringo!
771
00:47:25,613 --> 00:47:28,742
El Jefe, l think you're really
going to like this act, Jefe.
772
00:47:28,950 --> 00:47:31,283
We kidnapped him from a hotel in Cancun.
773
00:47:32,288 --> 00:47:35,484
So, without further ado,
por favor, please welcome
774
00:47:35,591 --> 00:47:38,251
the Amazing Ken and Rufus!
775
00:47:40,729 --> 00:47:44,426
Thank you. Quite a crowd.
What do you think, Rufus?
776
00:47:44,833 --> 00:47:46,995
Lots of Mexicans tonight.
777
00:47:47,101 --> 00:47:51,061
Feels like l'm standing
in front of the Home Depot.
778
00:47:52,641 --> 00:47:55,509
Be nice, Rufus. How about a joke?
779
00:47:55,612 --> 00:47:56,601
Okay.
780
00:47:56,712 --> 00:48:02,309
Do you know why there were only
3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo?
781
00:48:02,419 --> 00:48:05,409
-No. Why?
-They only had four trucks.
782
00:48:06,422 --> 00:48:07,582
Boo! Boo!
783
00:48:07,691 --> 00:48:08,851
That's not funny!
784
00:48:09,025 --> 00:48:13,154
Relax, sweetheart.
l did not know this was a gay bar.
785
00:48:14,729 --> 00:48:16,664
He's just kidding.
786
00:48:17,398 --> 00:48:19,629
What is your name, sir?
787
00:48:19,734 --> 00:48:21,498
l am Carlos Santana.
788
00:48:21,604 --> 00:48:24,004
Holy shit! The singer?
789
00:48:24,273 --> 00:48:28,004
No, not the singer!
l'm the real Carlos Santana!
790
00:48:28,111 --> 00:48:31,670
Man of courage, honor. The leader of men!
791
00:48:32,181 --> 00:48:34,978
That other guy, he is just a guitar player.
792
00:48:35,082 --> 00:48:37,451
Yeah, well, l think you both suck.
793
00:48:40,790 --> 00:48:42,451
You shot Rufus!
794
00:48:43,894 --> 00:48:46,453
l was aiming for the Amazing Ken.
795
00:48:54,470 --> 00:48:57,702
Luis, you are back.
How did the pillaging go?
796
00:48:59,575 --> 00:49:01,201
Not so good, Jefe.
797
00:49:01,342 --> 00:49:03,073
What do you mean, not so good?
798
00:49:03,178 --> 00:49:04,770
There was a problem.
799
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:06,313
And we could not get your tribute.
800
00:49:06,414 --> 00:49:07,382
What?
801
00:49:07,483 --> 00:49:10,884
Jefe, you don't understand!
There's nothing we could do.
802
00:49:11,519 --> 00:49:13,215
The American Army show up.
803
00:49:14,723 --> 00:49:17,088
There were hundreds of them.
804
00:49:17,191 --> 00:49:21,094
They captured Ricardo.
Jefe, we barely escaped with our lives.
805
00:49:21,963 --> 00:49:24,454
Gringo soldiers in La Miranda.
806
00:49:24,766 --> 00:49:26,359
lt was good you brought me this news.
807
00:49:26,468 --> 00:49:29,562
Since they shut off the cable,
l can't get CNN.
808
00:49:29,672 --> 00:49:30,865
Hard to stay current.
809
00:49:32,342 --> 00:49:35,175
l thought you were going to kill me.
810
00:49:35,478 --> 00:49:37,604
Kill you?
811
00:49:37,713 --> 00:49:40,239
We have shared
many a great adventure together.
812
00:49:42,651 --> 00:49:45,780
l would never kill you.
813
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,783
Paco and Hector are going to kill you.
814
00:49:53,562 --> 00:49:55,758
Jefe, please don't kill me! Jefe! Jefe, no!
815
00:49:55,864 --> 00:49:58,526
Jefe! Are we going to destroy La Miranda?
816
00:50:00,203 --> 00:50:02,694
No, l don't like to work on the weekends.
817
00:50:02,804 --> 00:50:05,434
Tonight, it's karaoke!
818
00:50:32,067 --> 00:50:34,536
What did you guys do last night?
819
00:50:34,637 --> 00:50:36,936
You missed a hell of a party.
820
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:38,336
You were partying?
821
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:40,464
lt's part of the hero business, man.
822
00:50:41,143 --> 00:50:43,976
For us not to partake in the celebration
would have just been rude.
823
00:50:44,080 --> 00:50:45,047
Relax.
824
00:50:45,348 --> 00:50:48,680
We're goodwill ambassadors
winning over hearts and minds.
825
00:50:48,784 --> 00:50:52,276
Everett, that's exactly why
you shouldn't drink tequila.
826
00:50:52,388 --> 00:50:53,445
Damn.
827
00:50:54,223 --> 00:50:57,158
This always happens when l eat the worm.
828
00:50:57,259 --> 00:50:58,749
Where were you?
829
00:51:00,428 --> 00:51:03,364
You went and saw
that little girl, didn't you?
830
00:51:04,333 --> 00:51:05,663
Did y'all do the chimichanga?
831
00:51:05,768 --> 00:51:08,202
Oh, come on, Bill. Don't be crude, man.
832
00:51:08,303 --> 00:51:10,771
Larry's a gentleman, and Maria's a lady.
833
00:51:10,873 --> 00:51:12,465
Did you bang her?
834
00:51:12,607 --> 00:51:17,273
All right, listen, l was up all night thinking
about our situation.
835
00:51:17,380 --> 00:51:20,871
We just can't be running around
a country we're not supposed to be in.
836
00:51:20,983 --> 00:51:24,385
So, l think we ought to just stay right here
and wait for the Army to pick us up.
837
00:51:24,487 --> 00:51:26,284
-So, we're staying?
-Relax.
838
00:51:26,389 --> 00:51:28,253
This ain't the infield at Talladega.
839
00:51:28,357 --> 00:51:29,915
Since we're stuck here,
840
00:51:30,025 --> 00:51:32,756
l figure we ought to do
what we're supposed to do.
841
00:51:32,862 --> 00:51:34,828
And these folks have
been pretty hospitable.
842
00:51:35,698 --> 00:51:39,896
l think it's time we return the favor.
So, come on, let's get to it.
843
00:51:42,538 --> 00:51:46,907
-You want to change there, senorita?
-Oh, l forgot l had this on.
844
00:51:47,008 --> 00:51:48,567
lt really breathes.
845
00:51:49,478 --> 00:51:52,811
lraq? You guys may want to buy a map, eh?
846
00:51:52,915 --> 00:51:55,315
But what my father means to say
847
00:51:55,417 --> 00:51:57,179
is that we are really appreciative
848
00:51:57,285 --> 00:51:59,413
for what you have done
for our poor village.
849
00:51:59,520 --> 00:52:01,249
We know we messed up,
850
00:52:02,157 --> 00:52:04,681
and kind of hoping
we can keep this our little secret.
851
00:52:04,893 --> 00:52:07,020
We'd like to stick around
and provide perimeter security
852
00:52:07,129 --> 00:52:08,391
and help restore your infrastructure.
853
00:52:08,497 --> 00:52:10,728
lnfrastructure? Okay!
854
00:52:10,833 --> 00:52:13,199
First place you can start is this well.
855
00:52:13,303 --> 00:52:14,930
lt's been dry for years.
856
00:52:15,037 --> 00:52:18,130
We're forced to carry water from the river.
857
00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:19,798
Yeah. No problem.
858
00:52:19,908 --> 00:52:22,173
Thank you for your generosity.
859
00:52:23,278 --> 00:52:24,906
My pleasure, ma'am.
860
00:52:25,014 --> 00:52:27,538
Here's the problem with the well.
861
00:52:29,083 --> 00:52:30,311
lt's dry.
862
00:52:54,942 --> 00:52:57,935
That's right, boys! Can't hate number 8!
863
00:53:14,363 --> 00:53:15,796
They love it!
864
00:53:29,946 --> 00:53:31,276
Hey, where'd you get all those extra nails?
865
00:53:31,380 --> 00:53:34,042
l just pulled them out of that old shed.
866
00:53:38,085 --> 00:53:39,280
Everett!
867
00:53:51,666 --> 00:53:53,636
You know, we're doing a lot of good.
868
00:53:53,736 --> 00:53:55,794
They could really use
these medical supplies.
869
00:53:55,904 --> 00:53:57,337
Copy that.
870
00:54:00,543 --> 00:54:03,511
Oh, man. Guys, you gotta see this.
871
00:54:09,052 --> 00:54:10,985
What do you think happened?
872
00:54:11,085 --> 00:54:12,519
l don't know.
873
00:54:13,056 --> 00:54:15,080
Maybe some wild critters dug him up.
874
00:54:15,190 --> 00:54:17,680
l think it's a more logical explanation.
875
00:54:18,828 --> 00:54:20,124
The Chupacabra.
876
00:54:20,295 --> 00:54:22,058
-What?
-The Chupacabra.
877
00:54:22,164 --> 00:54:24,028
lt's a mythical hairless dog-like creature
878
00:54:24,198 --> 00:54:26,530
that sucks the blood out
of both man and beast.
879
00:54:26,634 --> 00:54:29,195
lt's been terrorizing these parts for years.
880
00:54:29,304 --> 00:54:30,532
Either that, or it's grave robbers.
881
00:54:30,639 --> 00:54:33,870
l mean, you can get top dollar
for a testicle on eBay these days.
882
00:54:35,810 --> 00:54:38,540
Poor bastard. Couldn't even rest in peace.
883
00:54:56,031 --> 00:54:58,522
l am gonna kill you deviant bastards!
884
00:55:22,925 --> 00:55:25,451
What are you doing, Senor Bill?
885
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:29,961
Trying to get this dang radio working.
l need to talk to my superior.
886
00:55:30,064 --> 00:55:32,931
Well, why don't you just use a telephone?
887
00:55:33,568 --> 00:55:35,125
You got a phone?
888
00:55:35,237 --> 00:55:39,230
Well, not here in town,
but l can show you where.
889
00:55:42,278 --> 00:55:44,176
Now, we need to keep this
between you and l.
890
00:55:44,279 --> 00:55:47,374
See, it's a covert op, and we don't want
General Larry interfering.
891
00:55:47,482 --> 00:55:50,883
Why wouldn't you want him to know?
l thought you had to call your superior.
892
00:55:50,986 --> 00:55:53,181
l do. My wife.
893
00:55:53,689 --> 00:55:55,122
Oh, si, Senor Bill.
894
00:55:55,757 --> 00:55:57,349
lt will be our secret.
895
00:55:57,460 --> 00:55:58,858
Good. Now, where the hell is this phone?
896
00:56:03,299 --> 00:56:05,129
Shut up in there! Hello?
897
00:56:05,232 --> 00:56:06,895
Hey, sweetie! lt's me!
898
00:56:07,003 --> 00:56:09,436
Why haven't you called? Are you in Iraq?
899
00:56:09,538 --> 00:56:12,234
No. No, we had a little change of plans.
900
00:56:12,341 --> 00:56:13,365
This better be good.
901
00:56:13,475 --> 00:56:15,669
Yeah, it's actually a pretty funny story.
902
00:56:15,777 --> 00:56:17,268
Quiet in there! I'm talking to your dad!
903
00:56:17,380 --> 00:56:18,937
We're in Mexico.
904
00:56:19,214 --> 00:56:21,375
Mexico? You better get
your ass right back here...
905
00:56:21,482 --> 00:56:23,474
-Senor Bill?
-Hang on a second.
906
00:56:23,584 --> 00:56:25,019
A two-way whore in a rowdy...
907
00:56:25,121 --> 00:56:27,851
No, no, no, no.
Now, you hold on a second, honey.
908
00:56:27,956 --> 00:56:30,891
lt's not like that at all.
l'm not on vacation down here.
909
00:56:30,992 --> 00:56:33,257
Damn right you're not on vacation.
What are you doing down there?
910
00:56:33,362 --> 00:56:34,659
l'm working!
911
00:56:34,764 --> 00:56:37,492
Hey, this is part
of a government sanctioned incursion
912
00:56:37,599 --> 00:56:40,227
into a sovereign nation
as part of Operation Sombrero.
913
00:56:40,335 --> 00:56:41,358
You're a part of a government operation?
914
00:56:41,470 --> 00:56:44,064
Yeah. Yeah, so, tell the boys,
their daddy is a hero.
915
00:56:44,171 --> 00:56:45,800
Senor Bill?
916
00:56:45,909 --> 00:56:46,966
Hang on a second!
917
00:56:47,076 --> 00:56:48,270
Are you coming home or not?
918
00:56:48,378 --> 00:56:50,971
No. l don't know when l'm gonna be home.
919
00:56:51,080 --> 00:56:52,636
Well, l don't know. Hell.
920
00:56:52,747 --> 00:56:54,443
-Wrong!
-Hello?
921
00:56:54,550 --> 00:56:55,880
Connie?
922
00:56:55,984 --> 00:56:57,041
Hello.
923
00:56:58,252 --> 00:57:01,313
-Hey, what is...
-Oh, l'm sorry, senor.
924
00:57:01,423 --> 00:57:03,185
Did l cut you off?
925
00:57:11,065 --> 00:57:12,259
Shit.
926
00:57:12,365 --> 00:57:13,835
Okay, gringo,
927
00:57:13,936 --> 00:57:16,404
how many more men you
got back in La Miranda?
928
00:57:16,506 --> 00:57:19,998
All l gotta tell you
is my name, rank, and favorite cereal.
929
00:57:20,108 --> 00:57:22,473
And that's all you're getting.
930
00:57:24,681 --> 00:57:26,978
l think Ruben likes you.
931
00:57:28,584 --> 00:57:31,882
lt just seems odd that a man of your stature
932
00:57:31,987 --> 00:57:35,150
would embrace alternative lifestyles
amongst his men.
933
00:57:35,258 --> 00:57:37,747
You can't fire someone
because they're gay!
934
00:57:37,858 --> 00:57:39,827
That's discrimination!
935
00:57:39,928 --> 00:57:41,556
You can get sued for that, eh?
936
00:57:41,663 --> 00:57:43,790
Besides, he's my nephew.
937
00:57:43,900 --> 00:57:46,164
You can't choose your familia.
938
00:57:46,768 --> 00:57:49,736
So, he's here, he's queer. Get used to it.
939
00:57:49,837 --> 00:57:52,932
l'm still not telling you anything.
940
00:57:53,041 --> 00:57:56,408
Start talking or l'll tell Ruben
he can marry you.
941
00:57:56,512 --> 00:57:58,069
He wants a wife.
942
00:57:59,347 --> 00:58:01,871
Well, there's just three of us.
943
00:58:01,982 --> 00:58:04,247
We don't have an idea what we're doing.
We thought this was lraq.
944
00:58:04,352 --> 00:58:05,512
Can you believe that? lraq.
945
00:58:05,621 --> 00:58:08,145
Who would make that stupid mistake?
946
00:58:08,958 --> 00:58:11,153
You and you men
have really done some good here.
947
00:58:11,294 --> 00:58:14,593
Oh, well, just goes to show you
what a little hard work
948
00:58:14,697 --> 00:58:16,426
and ingenuity can do.
949
00:58:16,665 --> 00:58:18,793
You must have learned
so much in the Army.
950
00:58:19,201 --> 00:58:22,763
Oh, shoot, yeah.
We're all highly-trained individuals.
951
00:58:23,039 --> 00:58:26,736
Hey, Larry! Help me out with this thing!
952
00:58:26,842 --> 00:58:28,776
Well, most of us, anyway.
953
00:58:28,877 --> 00:58:31,676
-l better handle this. l'll see you later.
-Okay.
954
00:58:40,856 --> 00:58:42,756
l think l got it now.
955
00:58:48,062 --> 00:58:50,030
Look out, you idiot! Not at the village!
956
00:58:50,131 --> 00:58:52,328
-Oh, yeah.
-Turn it!
957
00:58:54,769 --> 00:58:56,099
Stand back!
958
00:58:58,739 --> 00:59:01,471
Damn it! That's been happening all day!
959
00:59:01,576 --> 00:59:03,271
l don't get it.
960
00:59:05,014 --> 00:59:08,075
l'm gonna get this thing working
if it kills me.
961
00:59:10,686 --> 00:59:14,213
-Damn it. Come on, Everett!
-l'm right behind you, buddy!
962
00:59:15,223 --> 00:59:16,416
Damn!
963
00:59:25,400 --> 00:59:27,163
People of La Miranda,
964
00:59:27,768 --> 00:59:31,500
you have disobeyed your Jefe
by not paying my tribute.
965
00:59:31,605 --> 00:59:34,507
Now, come out and take your punishment!
966
00:59:35,077 --> 00:59:36,940
Hold it right there!
967
00:59:37,044 --> 00:59:40,105
You're in a lot of trouble, gringo!
This is not lraq!
968
00:59:40,216 --> 00:59:41,546
l am the law here!
969
00:59:41,650 --> 00:59:43,743
l am Carlos Santana!
970
00:59:45,487 --> 00:59:46,818
The singer?
971
00:59:46,923 --> 00:59:49,289
Definitely not the singer.
972
00:59:51,193 --> 00:59:53,718
We caught your friend here
trying to call his wife.
973
00:59:53,828 --> 00:59:55,160
What?
974
00:59:55,264 --> 00:59:57,730
You found a phone,
and the one person you call is your wife?
975
00:59:57,832 --> 00:59:59,858
She gets moody if l don't check in.
976
00:59:59,968 --> 01:00:02,028
She sounds like a real bitch, senor.
977
01:00:02,138 --> 01:00:04,504
You have to set some boundaries.
978
01:00:06,508 --> 01:00:07,566
All right, turn him loose!
979
01:00:07,676 --> 01:00:10,406
Turn him loose?
We have you outnumbered.
980
01:00:10,513 --> 01:00:14,207
What are you gonna do,
kill us all by yourself?
981
01:00:15,352 --> 01:00:16,409
Nope.
982
01:00:18,421 --> 01:00:20,718
l'm just gonna kill you.
983
01:00:22,657 --> 01:00:23,645
Oh.
984
01:00:24,226 --> 01:00:26,023
l hadn't thought of that.
985
01:00:26,494 --> 01:00:30,329
Well, looks like we got ourselves
a Mexican standoff.
986
01:00:32,001 --> 01:00:35,162
Actually, senor,
down here, we just call it a standoff.
987
01:00:35,269 --> 01:00:36,497
Yeah, okay.
988
01:00:37,105 --> 01:00:38,629
Tell your people to stand back.
989
01:00:38,739 --> 01:00:39,832
This is my town!
990
01:00:39,940 --> 01:00:42,205
You don't give the orders here, l do!
991
01:00:44,914 --> 01:00:47,940
ln just a few minutes,
the entire 101st Airborne
992
01:00:48,049 --> 01:00:49,517
is gonna come down that road.
993
01:00:50,186 --> 01:00:51,414
They are?
994
01:00:52,053 --> 01:00:54,045
Just go with me on this.
995
01:00:54,923 --> 01:00:57,119
Senor, l think you're bluffing!
996
01:01:09,504 --> 01:01:11,735
lraq, it's a land of miracles.
997
01:01:12,574 --> 01:01:13,733
Sarge? You're alive?
998
01:01:13,842 --> 01:01:15,741
Shut up, numb nuts.
999
01:01:17,780 --> 01:01:20,110
Surprised to see me, maggots?
1000
01:01:20,382 --> 01:01:23,248
Can we sort this out later, Sarge?
1001
01:01:23,518 --> 01:01:27,216
-Little bit of a situation on our hands.
-You bet your ass we got a situation.
1002
01:01:27,323 --> 01:01:29,586
You assholes are A-W-O-L!
1003
01:01:31,925 --> 01:01:32,984
What?
1004
01:01:33,093 --> 01:01:36,655
l was just telling these armed men,
the rest of our highly-trained
1005
01:01:36,766 --> 01:01:40,600
firepower-out-the-ass 101st Airborne
was coming up right behind you.
1006
01:01:40,702 --> 01:01:42,168
Are you nuts?
1007
01:01:42,838 --> 01:01:44,066
We're not even in lraq.
1008
01:01:44,373 --> 01:01:46,670
There's no one here! We're alone.
1009
01:01:46,775 --> 01:01:48,675
Now give me that weapon.
1010
01:01:50,712 --> 01:01:52,337
This shit-hole of a country is Mexico.
1011
01:01:52,446 --> 01:01:53,437
Hey!
1012
01:01:53,549 --> 01:01:56,949
You're not exactly a box of chocolates,
eh, sweetheart?
1013
01:01:57,053 --> 01:01:58,781
Mind your own business, Pedro.
1014
01:01:58,887 --> 01:02:02,220
Actually, senor, this is my business.
1015
01:02:06,094 --> 01:02:07,323
Oh, shit.
1016
01:02:15,437 --> 01:02:17,370
Put your hands in the air now!
1017
01:02:17,472 --> 01:02:18,962
You have the right to remain silent!
1018
01:02:19,074 --> 01:02:20,370
You have the right to an attorney!
1019
01:02:20,475 --> 01:02:22,101
What the hell is that?
1020
01:02:22,209 --> 01:02:26,169
This is a Mark 153 shoulder-launch
multipurpose assault weapon.
1021
01:02:28,217 --> 01:02:30,275
Who wants to ride the pain train?
1022
01:02:32,486 --> 01:02:37,050
Well, boys, looks like we got ourselves
a Mexican standoff.
1023
01:02:39,829 --> 01:02:42,388
Hey, Sarge. You still got your testicles?
1024
01:02:42,497 --> 01:02:44,225
Everett? Everett, hand that thing over.
1025
01:02:44,331 --> 01:02:45,299
-No, l can do it.
-Hand it over.
1026
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:46,390
l'm a trained law enforcement officer.
1027
01:02:46,502 --> 01:02:47,526
You're gonna hurt somebody.
1028
01:02:47,635 --> 01:02:48,795
Watch and learn!
1029
01:02:48,904 --> 01:02:50,270
Everett, no!
1030
01:02:54,743 --> 01:02:55,971
lncoming!
1031
01:03:27,510 --> 01:03:28,840
Hell, yeah!
1032
01:03:42,256 --> 01:03:44,418
That's what l'm talking about!
1033
01:03:50,330 --> 01:03:54,894
Not only have you saved us again,
but you've given us the miracle of water.
1034
01:03:56,304 --> 01:03:58,898
-Nice shooting, Everett.
-l know.
1035
01:03:59,007 --> 01:04:03,103
You know what they say?
The Army, toughest job you'll ever love.
1036
01:04:03,278 --> 01:04:05,507
No, that's the Peace Corps.
1037
01:04:06,713 --> 01:04:07,977
Hey!
1038
01:04:08,081 --> 01:04:08,843
Where's Sarge?
1039
01:04:09,415 --> 01:04:10,816
God damn it, Everett!
1040
01:04:10,918 --> 01:04:13,582
l'm gonna tear off your head
and shit down your...
1041
01:04:13,689 --> 01:04:16,521
Say hello to my nephew Ruben.
1042
01:04:20,695 --> 01:04:21,752
Shit.
1043
01:04:24,700 --> 01:04:27,566
Do you really think this is a good idea?
1044
01:04:27,668 --> 01:04:29,831
l mean, we've already buried Sarge once,
1045
01:04:30,170 --> 01:04:33,471
and l don't know
if l can go through this again,
1046
01:04:33,609 --> 01:04:35,336
emotionally speaking.
1047
01:04:35,477 --> 01:04:38,969
Look, he may be an asshole,
but he's our asshole.
1048
01:04:42,050 --> 01:04:43,483
Everett, what are you doing?
1049
01:04:43,819 --> 01:04:47,344
l'm changing the terror level
from orange to red pinata.
1050
01:04:47,454 --> 01:04:49,083
Everett, get down!
1051
01:04:51,326 --> 01:04:54,922
Are you sure you must do this?
This is not your fight.
1052
01:04:55,029 --> 01:04:58,486
Look, once they messed with Sarge,
it became our fight.
1053
01:05:06,174 --> 01:05:07,800
Bin Laden, here we come!
1054
01:05:07,909 --> 01:05:10,207
Shut up, Everett.
1055
01:05:13,615 --> 01:05:14,742
Lock up the prisoner!
1056
01:05:14,851 --> 01:05:16,214
Jefe, are we going
to burn down La Miranda?
1057
01:05:17,818 --> 01:05:20,014
Tonight it's wrestling!
1058
01:05:22,658 --> 01:05:23,715
Yeah!
1059
01:05:24,927 --> 01:05:26,223
El Javalina!
1060
01:05:27,929 --> 01:05:29,622
Who's he fighting, Jefe?
1061
01:05:29,730 --> 01:05:31,722
You and Hector.
1062
01:05:31,834 --> 01:05:33,493
But, Jefe...
1063
01:05:34,668 --> 01:05:36,398
l would love to.
1064
01:05:41,809 --> 01:05:43,969
All right. Does everybody know the plan?
1065
01:05:44,077 --> 01:05:45,135
Yeah.
1066
01:05:45,613 --> 01:05:46,738
Affirmative.
1067
01:05:46,848 --> 01:05:49,041
Crack skulls and kick ass!
1068
01:05:53,689 --> 01:05:57,146
Well, we may never see him again.
1069
01:05:57,259 --> 01:06:00,159
l'm gonna miss that little mongoloid.
1070
01:06:00,262 --> 01:06:03,788
You disable the vehicles.
l'm gonna get Sarge.
1071
01:06:07,635 --> 01:06:09,569
Boy, am l glad to see a friendly face.
1072
01:06:11,272 --> 01:06:14,672
l have had the darnedest time
ever since l left the interstate.
1073
01:06:14,775 --> 01:06:18,074
l think we took a wrong
turn at buenas noches.
1074
01:06:19,281 --> 01:06:20,805
What you have to do is...
1075
01:06:20,915 --> 01:06:23,577
That's what l need to do right there.
1076
01:06:41,802 --> 01:06:44,168
l'm getting too fat for this shit.
1077
01:07:09,398 --> 01:07:11,126
Electric shock, huh?
1078
01:07:11,733 --> 01:07:13,701
Well, in the Mekong Delta,
1079
01:07:13,801 --> 01:07:17,430
the Vietcong stuck bamboo shoots
under my fingernails.
1080
01:07:17,573 --> 01:07:20,474
lt'll take a lot more than that to break me.
1081
01:07:21,409 --> 01:07:23,171
What the hell is this?
1082
01:07:29,184 --> 01:07:30,549
lt's a duet!
1083
01:08:02,450 --> 01:08:04,383
Hey, hey, hey!
1084
01:08:34,247 --> 01:08:37,377
Who else is man enough
to step into the ring?
1085
01:08:37,619 --> 01:08:39,383
Right here, amigo!
1086
01:08:39,621 --> 01:08:41,110
Who is this maricon?
1087
01:08:41,222 --> 01:08:42,622
l don't know,
1088
01:08:42,890 --> 01:08:44,381
but l like him.
1089
01:08:53,968 --> 01:08:55,595
He's got style!
1090
01:08:56,270 --> 01:09:00,297
Muchachos, a masked challenger
is gonna take on El Javalina.
1091
01:09:08,149 --> 01:09:10,879
Hold on, Sarge. l'm coming.
1092
01:09:15,989 --> 01:09:18,685
Come on, Tijuana! You want some?
1093
01:09:18,793 --> 01:09:20,227
You gonna get some!
1094
01:09:20,329 --> 01:09:22,387
Hey, don't you worry about anything, man.
l'm a pro.
1095
01:09:22,497 --> 01:09:23,658
l'm a card-carrying member
1096
01:09:23,766 --> 01:09:26,256
of the Georgia
lndependent Wrestling Alliance.
1097
01:09:26,367 --> 01:09:28,927
Just take a lookout for my trick knee.
1098
01:09:51,425 --> 01:09:53,917
Man, look at the size of that son of a bitch.
1099
01:09:54,029 --> 01:09:56,827
-He'd have ripped you a...
-Get me loose!
1100
01:09:59,533 --> 01:10:01,000
l hate Sonny and Cher.
1101
01:10:01,100 --> 01:10:03,333
Hey, Bill's down by the gate.
l'm gonna go get Everett.
1102
01:10:03,571 --> 01:10:04,561
Okay.
1103
01:10:09,678 --> 01:10:11,109
What are you doing?
1104
01:10:11,211 --> 01:10:12,543
Hey, Sarge.
1105
01:10:13,248 --> 01:10:16,945
You're wearing the enemy's uniform.
l should have known you'd be a traitor.
1106
01:10:17,052 --> 01:10:18,576
No, l'm undercover.
1107
01:10:19,186 --> 01:10:22,180
l'm wrecking the vehicles. Here's the plan.
1108
01:10:22,424 --> 01:10:24,915
l'm putting sugar in their gas tanks.
1109
01:10:26,828 --> 01:10:28,659
l got a better idea.
1110
01:10:29,296 --> 01:10:30,390
Okay.
1111
01:10:53,455 --> 01:10:54,443
Oh!
1112
01:10:54,622 --> 01:10:57,648
l see we're playing
by Panamanian prison rules.
1113
01:11:05,900 --> 01:11:08,835
Yeah, take some of this, amigo!
1114
01:11:22,784 --> 01:11:25,718
You just bought yourself
a six pack of pain, buddy!
1115
01:11:25,853 --> 01:11:27,719
Come get some!
1116
01:11:34,495 --> 01:11:37,191
l'm the king! l'm the king!
1117
01:11:46,406 --> 01:11:49,672
Get set for the full force of the U.S. Military!
1118
01:11:49,777 --> 01:11:51,540
Get them, guys!
1119
01:11:53,882 --> 01:11:54,939
Guys?
1120
01:11:55,217 --> 01:11:56,548
l know you!
1121
01:11:56,718 --> 01:11:59,585
You're that retarded guy with the bazooka!
1122
01:11:59,689 --> 01:12:01,086
lt was a rocket-launcher.
1123
01:12:01,188 --> 01:12:02,780
Kill this cabron!
1124
01:12:05,192 --> 01:12:06,819
Hold it right there!
1125
01:12:06,927 --> 01:12:09,193
You gotta be kidding me!
1126
01:12:09,498 --> 01:12:12,331
You gringos are like
a bad case of the crabs.
1127
01:12:12,433 --> 01:12:13,799
l can't get rid of you!
1128
01:12:13,903 --> 01:12:15,892
Everett, get over here.
1129
01:12:18,238 --> 01:12:22,734
You, senor, are either very brave
or very stupid.
1130
01:12:22,843 --> 01:12:25,335
Either way, you can't kill all of us.
1131
01:12:25,947 --> 01:12:27,379
Probably not.
1132
01:12:28,214 --> 01:12:30,309
l'll just kill you.
1133
01:12:30,552 --> 01:12:33,042
Damn! l keep doing that.
1134
01:12:33,154 --> 01:12:35,018
Good job, Larry.
1135
01:12:35,121 --> 01:12:37,214
l'm out of here. You disarm them,
1136
01:12:37,325 --> 01:12:39,020
and l'll meet you back
at Checkpoint Charlie.
1137
01:12:41,963 --> 01:12:43,328
All right, come on! Let's get out of here!
1138
01:12:55,243 --> 01:12:57,142
Let's go! Shotgun!
1139
01:12:57,244 --> 01:12:59,076
Damn you, Everett!
1140
01:13:09,890 --> 01:13:11,586
They're over there!
1141
01:13:16,764 --> 01:13:19,256
Look at our cars, Jefe.
1142
01:13:19,368 --> 01:13:21,268
Who would do such a thing?
1143
01:13:21,402 --> 01:13:23,097
That's vandalism!
1144
01:13:23,204 --> 01:13:25,535
Saddle up the horses
and bring out Big Bertha!
1145
01:13:25,740 --> 01:13:27,639
Come on! Move, move, move!
1146
01:13:27,742 --> 01:13:28,869
Come on! Let's go!
1147
01:13:28,975 --> 01:13:30,135
Go! Go!
1148
01:13:30,243 --> 01:13:32,838
This is the end of La Miranda.
1149
01:13:42,791 --> 01:13:43,882
You made it back.
1150
01:13:43,991 --> 01:13:45,890
l'm so glad. l was very worried.
1151
01:13:45,993 --> 01:13:48,723
There's still a certain senorita
l gotta take out on the town.
1152
01:13:48,830 --> 01:13:51,526
Or make sweet, sweet love to her
under the stars
1153
01:13:51,634 --> 01:13:56,592
as a mariachi bands serenades you
with a song of romance and desire.
1154
01:13:56,705 --> 01:13:59,469
You saved our village
by killing Carlos Santana.
1155
01:13:59,573 --> 01:14:01,734
Well, not quite.
1156
01:14:01,842 --> 01:14:03,742
Son, make it quick. We gotta get going.
1157
01:14:03,844 --> 01:14:06,336
What? We can't leave.
1158
01:14:06,781 --> 01:14:09,113
Santana might be
on his way down here right now,
1159
01:14:09,216 --> 01:14:11,080
and this village is defenseless.
1160
01:14:11,185 --> 01:14:15,450
Son, you showed me something
by coming to save me, you really did.
1161
01:14:15,623 --> 01:14:18,285
But this is out of my hands.
We have to leave.
1162
01:14:18,960 --> 01:14:20,949
-Bill?
-This isn't lraq.
1163
01:14:21,062 --> 01:14:22,529
lt's Mexico.
1164
01:14:22,630 --> 01:14:25,463
We did what we could do,
but this isn't our fight.
1165
01:14:25,567 --> 01:14:26,863
Sorry, son.
1166
01:14:27,467 --> 01:14:28,435
l'm not leaving.
1167
01:14:28,536 --> 01:14:29,629
Oh, Larry, come on!
1168
01:14:29,737 --> 01:14:32,104
Private, l'm giving you an order.
1169
01:14:32,573 --> 01:14:35,543
l think you guys forgot what our orders are.
1170
01:14:35,644 --> 01:14:37,440
We're supposed to bring
freedom and democracy
1171
01:14:37,545 --> 01:14:39,411
to people that need it.
1172
01:14:39,881 --> 01:14:42,406
l think these people need it.
1173
01:14:43,117 --> 01:14:44,483
l'm staying.
1174
01:14:45,020 --> 01:14:48,786
l'm staying to finish the job.
l'm staying to do what's right.
1175
01:14:53,460 --> 01:14:57,489
Anybody that's with me can cross this line.
1176
01:14:59,001 --> 01:15:01,058
Oh, come on, guys!
1177
01:15:02,135 --> 01:15:06,402
Sarge, look at these people.
They're honest, hardworking.
1178
01:15:07,675 --> 01:15:10,076
They got hopes, dreams.
1179
01:15:11,078 --> 01:15:13,272
Ain't you ever had a dream?
1180
01:15:13,380 --> 01:15:14,609
Shit.
1181
01:15:15,417 --> 01:15:17,009
Hell, you got me.
1182
01:15:19,620 --> 01:15:22,521
l always wanted to be
an aerobics instructor.
1183
01:15:22,956 --> 01:15:23,946
Okay.
1184
01:15:27,662 --> 01:15:31,028
Don't look at me, man.
l got a wife and kids to think about.
1185
01:15:31,132 --> 01:15:34,568
And what would you do if Connie
and the boys lived in a town like this?
1186
01:15:34,668 --> 01:15:36,637
Would you leave them then?
1187
01:15:38,372 --> 01:15:39,361
No.
1188
01:15:40,342 --> 01:15:41,535
Damn it.
1189
01:15:43,345 --> 01:15:44,641
All right.
1190
01:15:45,012 --> 01:15:48,811
Like they say in the Army,
be all you can be.
1191
01:15:49,716 --> 01:15:51,514
You got it right!
1192
01:15:53,721 --> 01:15:55,815
Who am l kidding?
l live in a storage locker.
1193
01:15:55,924 --> 01:15:57,686
l'm not going anywhere.
1194
01:15:57,790 --> 01:16:01,227
All right, then.
We got all day to figure out a plan.
1195
01:16:01,328 --> 01:16:03,694
Come on, we're the Sleeping Marmots!
1196
01:16:03,797 --> 01:16:06,062
What else can Santana do to us?
1197
01:16:06,868 --> 01:16:10,233
Senor! Senor!
l think you better take a look at this.
1198
01:16:24,219 --> 01:16:25,777
A tank?
1199
01:16:25,886 --> 01:16:27,081
Where'd they get that?
1200
01:16:28,589 --> 01:16:31,284
That's a Sherman tank, U.S. Army surplus!
1201
01:16:31,859 --> 01:16:35,523
Back in the '80s, the Mexicans traded
15,000 cases of Chiclets for them.
1202
01:16:35,630 --> 01:16:37,154
You're kidding!
1203
01:16:37,399 --> 01:16:38,627
lncoming!
1204
01:16:41,669 --> 01:16:42,729
Down!
1205
01:16:51,446 --> 01:16:52,412
Get everybody in the church!
1206
01:16:52,514 --> 01:16:54,345
-But what about...
-Now!
1207
01:17:03,358 --> 01:17:04,620
We gotta take that tank out.
1208
01:17:04,725 --> 01:17:06,022
Get the rocket-launcher!
1209
01:17:06,126 --> 01:17:08,788
l got it, Sarge! lt's in the bunkhouse!
1210
01:17:09,196 --> 01:17:10,663
Cover him.
1211
01:17:21,875 --> 01:17:24,173
lf l die, Connie's gonna kill me!
1212
01:17:24,278 --> 01:17:26,212
We gotta take that tank out!
1213
01:17:26,313 --> 01:17:29,338
Don't we have anything
in this town we can use?
1214
01:17:30,652 --> 01:17:32,244
Cover me!
1215
01:17:33,354 --> 01:17:34,446
Cover me!
1216
01:17:34,555 --> 01:17:36,955
You heard the man! Cover him!
1217
01:17:39,593 --> 01:17:41,151
l said cover me!
1218
01:17:43,530 --> 01:17:45,122
Bitch!
1219
01:18:06,354 --> 01:18:07,547
Come on!
1220
01:18:09,423 --> 01:18:10,651
Come on!
1221
01:18:12,260 --> 01:18:14,490
Damn it! Come on!
1222
01:18:22,535 --> 01:18:25,095
Shit. That'll work.
1223
01:18:35,481 --> 01:18:39,578
lt is time for us to stand up to Santana
once and for all!
1224
01:18:47,861 --> 01:18:49,726
Come on! Let's get them!
1225
01:18:50,164 --> 01:18:52,155
Remember the Alamo!
1226
01:18:52,266 --> 01:18:54,666
That is a sore subject around here, senor.
1227
01:19:18,126 --> 01:19:20,320
We did it. We ran them off!
1228
01:19:20,794 --> 01:19:24,628
-Where's Maria?
-Oh, General, Santana has taken her.
1229
01:19:26,533 --> 01:19:28,763
You have any more daughters?
1230
01:19:29,437 --> 01:19:30,596
Lupita.
1231
01:19:32,070 --> 01:19:33,766
l'll go find Maria.
1232
01:19:35,108 --> 01:19:36,598
Stupid gringos.
1233
01:19:36,978 --> 01:19:38,604
They may have won this battle,
1234
01:19:38,713 --> 01:19:42,170
but as usual,
Carlos Santana will win the war.
1235
01:19:42,283 --> 01:19:43,614
Far enough!
1236
01:19:44,084 --> 01:19:45,574
Now let her go!
1237
01:19:47,020 --> 01:19:49,181
What do you see in this fat redneck?
1238
01:19:49,290 --> 01:19:51,258
Fat redneck?
1239
01:19:51,359 --> 01:19:54,521
l swear, on Monday,
l'm starting a low-carb diet.
1240
01:19:55,763 --> 01:19:58,527
Now l'll have to kill both of you.
1241
01:20:02,236 --> 01:20:07,037
lt will take more than one helicopter
to defeat Carlos Santana!
1242
01:20:09,744 --> 01:20:11,507
This is not good.
1243
01:20:42,376 --> 01:20:43,343
Thank you.
1244
01:20:44,811 --> 01:20:46,975
Papa! Oh, thank God!
1245
01:20:47,348 --> 01:20:49,212
Look forward and come this way, please!
1246
01:20:49,383 --> 01:20:50,578
Hey, everybody okay?
1247
01:20:50,752 --> 01:20:52,218
Oh, sure. Everybody's fine.
1248
01:20:52,419 --> 01:20:53,783
Couldn't be better.
1249
01:20:53,886 --> 01:20:54,875
Bill got shot.
1250
01:20:54,988 --> 01:20:56,819
Bill got... What?
1251
01:20:59,793 --> 01:21:02,024
Bill! You all right?
1252
01:21:02,497 --> 01:21:06,126
They got me!
l don't think l'm gonna make it.
1253
01:21:06,368 --> 01:21:07,560
Larry...
1254
01:21:08,703 --> 01:21:10,862
You tell them my story.
1255
01:21:14,508 --> 01:21:17,170
He was shot in the ass. He'll be fine.
1256
01:21:19,046 --> 01:21:21,070
-Sir.
-Colonel Dalton, Delta Force.
1257
01:21:21,180 --> 01:21:23,148
ls there a Bill Little here?
1258
01:21:23,249 --> 01:21:24,411
Yeah. That's me.
1259
01:21:24,518 --> 01:21:26,349
Your wife's a real pain in the ass.
1260
01:21:26,454 --> 01:21:29,321
When she found out you were in Mexico,
she started calling the Pentagon.
1261
01:21:29,524 --> 01:21:32,220
Wouldn't stop till the Joint Chiefs
sent us down here to get you.
1262
01:21:32,326 --> 01:21:33,691
God, l love that woman.
1263
01:21:33,795 --> 01:21:37,730
Yeah. You better mow the lawn
when you get home.
1264
01:21:37,831 --> 01:21:39,264
Yes, sir.
1265
01:21:39,733 --> 01:21:42,635
Hey, Larry, this guy wants to talk to you.
Says he's from the State Department.
1266
01:21:42,736 --> 01:21:46,604
Roger Grabowski,
undersecretary, Central American affairs.
1267
01:21:46,707 --> 01:21:50,165
You hear that? Poor bastard's a secretary.
1268
01:21:50,777 --> 01:21:53,006
Bit of a sticky situation we've got here.
1269
01:21:53,112 --> 01:21:55,581
We're in a lot of trouble, ain't we?
1270
01:21:55,682 --> 01:21:57,982
Maybe not. That is,
1271
01:21:58,086 --> 01:22:00,110
if you guys will cooperate.
1272
01:22:01,320 --> 01:22:03,153
We're all about cooperation.
1273
01:22:03,257 --> 01:22:05,657
Another victory in the war on terror
1274
01:22:05,759 --> 01:22:08,057
as the White House today
announced the success
1275
01:22:08,161 --> 01:22:09,958
of Operation Sombrero
1276
01:22:10,397 --> 01:22:13,562
with strikes against terror camps
located in northern Mexico
1277
01:22:13,667 --> 01:22:18,128
by U.S. personnel operating with
permission from the Mexican government.
1278
01:22:18,239 --> 01:22:21,866
ln a shocking development,
among those captured in the attack
1279
01:22:21,975 --> 01:22:25,140
was Grammy-winning musician,
Carlos Santana,
1280
01:22:25,246 --> 01:22:27,737
known for such hits
as Black Magic Woman,
1281
01:22:27,847 --> 01:22:30,476
Evil Ways, and Oye Como Va.
1282
01:22:32,320 --> 01:22:37,052
Once more, America is in need
of its best and brightest.
1283
01:22:37,424 --> 01:22:42,556
One wonders if there are still heroes
willing to lead us
1284
01:22:42,664 --> 01:22:45,497
through the challenges we face as a nation.
1285
01:22:45,599 --> 01:22:47,532
I say the answer is yes.
1286
01:22:48,901 --> 01:22:52,031
And I am proud to be standing
here with them today
1287
01:22:52,140 --> 01:22:53,868
as we honor their sacrifice.
1288
01:22:53,974 --> 01:22:55,271
Ten hut!
1289
01:23:07,822 --> 01:23:09,254
What's my name?
1290
01:23:09,355 --> 01:23:11,155
Sergeant Kilgore, sir!
1291
01:23:11,560 --> 01:23:14,255
You will be a mean, lean fighting machine.
1292
01:23:14,527 --> 01:23:16,326
One, two, three!
1293
01:23:16,431 --> 01:23:17,863
Move it, fat buddy!
1294
01:23:17,965 --> 01:23:19,830
Oh, yeah! That's the way l like it!
1295
01:23:33,449 --> 01:23:34,676
Get some!
1296
01:23:57,204 --> 01:23:58,329
Hey!
1297
01:23:58,704 --> 01:24:00,264
Stop it! Stop it!
1298
01:24:00,574 --> 01:24:04,376
l'm a government employee!
You can't do this!
1299
01:24:05,046 --> 01:24:06,273
Here you go, honey.
1300
01:24:14,287 --> 01:24:17,257
Oh, l wish l had a thousand of them
just like you, son.
1301
01:24:18,058 --> 01:24:20,822
Any chance l can convince you
to come back to Washington?
1302
01:24:23,230 --> 01:24:25,630
Actually, General, l got other plans.
1303
01:24:51,325 --> 01:24:54,294
Mr. Chile, would you like to sing a song?
1304
01:24:54,395 --> 01:24:55,417
Yes!
1305
01:24:56,830 --> 01:25:00,233
Why don't you sing something
by Carlos Santana?
1306
01:25:00,500 --> 01:25:02,059
Okay.
1307
01:25:26,593 --> 01:25:29,084
-You sing very good.
-Thank you.
1308
01:25:29,697 --> 01:25:32,257
-What did you think of the last guy?
-l did not like the last guy.
1309
01:25:32,365 --> 01:25:33,456
-No?
-No.
1310
01:25:33,567 --> 01:25:35,125
He was squeezing my stick.
1311
01:25:35,234 --> 01:25:37,396
All right, you're gonna love this. Pull!
1312
01:25:37,504 --> 01:25:39,096
Lace thong.
1313
01:25:40,574 --> 01:25:42,907
Wait a second. Those are mine!
1314
01:25:43,010 --> 01:25:44,636
When you address me, you will address me
1315
01:25:44,745 --> 01:25:47,180
as Sergeant... What is my name? Kilgore!
1316
01:25:47,281 --> 01:25:50,148
How you doing, Gl Joe. Can l help you?
1317
01:25:50,451 --> 01:25:51,941
What is my name?
1318
01:25:56,592 --> 01:25:58,785
My last movie was nominated
for two Academy Awards.
1319
01:25:58,892 --> 01:26:00,827
l would like to say that.
1320
01:26:16,177 --> 01:26:20,203
Man, who'd have thought
a woman that fat could move so quick?
1321
01:26:20,413 --> 01:26:22,244
Oh, my God, y'all!
1322
01:26:26,987 --> 01:26:28,214
Sergeant!
1323
01:26:28,321 --> 01:26:30,083
People of La Mirada...
1324
01:26:31,858 --> 01:26:33,791
People of La Miranda!
1325
01:26:34,027 --> 01:26:35,324
Tonight.
1326
01:26:35,495 --> 01:26:37,226
The end of La Mirada!
1327
01:26:37,498 --> 01:26:38,931
Shit!
1328
01:26:49,210 --> 01:26:50,541
Git-r-done!
1329
01:26:59,853 --> 01:27:02,948
Oye como va, bitches. l'm out.
91807
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