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1
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23.976
2
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:55,096
My first sexual experience
was with a gal from LaLolla...
3
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:58,641
that I rode on the bus
down to San Francisco.
4
00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:02,937
And we checked
into a San Francisco hotel, and...
5
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,442
Anyway, she had a friend.
And herfriend came up, and...
6
00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:12,572
So, anyway, we had a real orgy.
Acouple fellows came.
7
00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,158
That's about all I can say.
8
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,454
My husband had a huge cock.
9
00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:24,334
And the first time that I felt it
on our wedding night...
10
00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,253
really, I was in ecstasy.
11
00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:31,466
I just felt like a flock of birds
was flying under my ass.
12
00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,927
Everyone remembers
their first time.
13
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,680
Unless, of course,
you never had one.
14
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:40,558
My name is Eddie Macsalka,
and I'm a 21-year-old virgin.
15
00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:45,480
Hey, it's not by choice.
I'm ready to have sex right now.
16
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,150
The only thing missing is a girl
who feels the same way.
17
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,820
I would never sleep
with a virgin...
18
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:55,365
unless I was a virgin maybe.
But, I'm not.
19
00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:59,494
Eddie seems like he is very shy.
20
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,246
He doesn't like to talk
to girls.
21
00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,707
And... he doesn't have
the game.
22
00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,544
He wouldn't like to hearthis,
but he's more of a friend person.
23
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,672
Friend person?
Wait a second.
24
00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:14,342
What about that guy?
That's my best friend Hans.
25
00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,054
He's got back hair,
man boobs...
26
00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:21,683
and an uncircumcised penis,
and even he's been laid.
27
00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,269
That's one hell of a pina colada.
28
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,771
I don't know what my problem is.
29
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,690
It's not like I haven't tried.
30
00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,316
I know you said
you're dating someone, but...
31
00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,695
-do you want to go out to dinner?
-Sounds good.
32
00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:39,451
-So, what is your number?
-720-11...
33
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:49,878
The number you have reached
is not in service. This is a...
34
00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,257
-Kyle.
-Yeah.
35
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,594
I think she gave me
a wrong number.
36
00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,930
That's it.
I've had it.
37
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,475
I'm tired of being
the only virgin.
38
00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,519
I'm tired of everyone
making fun of me.
39
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:09,856
And I'm really tired
of whacking off.
40
00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,031
Good Lord.
41
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,201
But that's all about to change.
42
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,244
The guys have gotten together...
43
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,455
Johnny, Kyle...
44
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,707
Bryan, Matt...
45
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:30,210
Ghertner and Hans.
46
00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,963
They're taking me to the one place
where even I have a chance.
47
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,674
Mexico.
48
00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:39,928
We're on a quest.
A quest to get me laid.
49
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,856
All right, guys, listen up.
50
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,067
We're gonna get Eddie laid in Cabo.
What counts is gettin'laid.
51
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,070
-Any orifice penetration.
-Anal sex?
52
00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:00,031
Anal sex isn't sex.
So, it wouldn't count.
53
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,991
-Anal sex has to be sex.
-It's not.
54
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,619
You meet a girl
And she is virgin, 'kay?
55
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:08,456
You poke her in the butt.
Now she's fucking not a virgin?
56
00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:12,210
-She's still a virgin.
-Yes! That's why anal sex isn't sex.
57
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,379
Bryan, anal sex...
is it sex?
58
00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,588
-No.
-lf you're a... See?
59
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,132
-Kyle?
-No.
60
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,842
-Is anal sex sex?
-No.
61
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,969
-Matty?
-It has the word "sex". It's sex.
62
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,680
-Yes, thank you.
-So, oral sex is sex? No way.
63
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:27,809
-Oral sex is not sex.
-Ghertner's no. Johnny "Kansas".
64
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,228
Anal sex is sex, Johnny says.
Hans?
65
00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:34,774
It involves a humping motion
into somebody's behind. It's sex.
66
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:38,194
So, majority rules.
Anal sex is sex.
67
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:42,657
Right, we're doing shots. Here's to
Cabo and hittin' chicks in pooper.
68
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,035
Hittin' chicks in the pooper
and gettin' Eddie laid.
69
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,287
-Cheers.
-Yeah, all right.
70
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,125
How do you not knowthat you need
a birth certificate to go to Mexico?
71
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:56,504
I'm pissed off too, but how
was I supposed to know?.
72
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,214
All right.
Let's get out of here.
73
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:04,262
We were all takin' bets
the other night when we were out...
74
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,849
on what kind of chick
you're gonna lose your virginity to.
75
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,685
So, I want to hear what you think.
76
00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:14,731
I thought she was gonna be,
like, uh, sort of slutty hot.
77
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:18,318
Not like slutty slutty, but, like,
slutty hot. You know what I mean?
78
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,363
-That's what I thought.
-I think she'll be cute.
79
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,366
I'm notjust gonna pick
some random girljust because she...
80
00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,743
Well, maybe I will.
I don't know.
81
00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,413
We should take bets
on how long you'll last.
82
00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,208
Oh, I'll be under a minute.
83
00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,261
Hello.
84
00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,099
You're leaving me.
85
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,478
I'll only think about you
the whole time. You know it.
86
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,232
I always do.
You're my baby.
87
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,865
You probably just want me calling
as much as possible, whenever I can.
88
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,453
Okay. I may have a life
while you're gone. I don't know.
89
00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,916
Hopefully, I won't be sitting
by the phone all day long.
90
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,837
-I'll be upset if you don't call...
-I'll call.
91
00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,171
I know you will.
92
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,929
Beautiful Penrose, Colorado.
93
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,141
-Population, 38.
-Where's Mama Mac?
94
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,768
She should run out with pies.
Go, "Eddie! Eddie!"
95
00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,104
Eddie! Hi.
96
00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,274
-Hi. How are you?
-Good. How are you?
97
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,734
-Good.
-You doin' all right?
98
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,235
-Good.
-Do you have my birth certificate?
99
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,613
Yeah, let me get it foryou. I wish
you hadn't have forgotten this.
100
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,163
I got a buddy, he's a virgin.
What do you got for him?
101
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,041
Somethin' good
for a first-timer?
102
00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,961
Ooh, that's a hard one.
I have cock rings.
103
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,213
It helps him last longer...
104
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:06,801
increases size. From a woman
perspective, which is what I love.
105
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:11,222
Well, let's get him the best lube
forthe occasion.
106
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,808
That's my pick.
Eros is the best.
107
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,769
I'm thinkin' maybe
a little crazierthough.
108
00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,646
Crazier?
Gotta have one of those.
109
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,608
No shit. The swing.
This is funckin' sweet.
110
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,404
Do you have, like,
a shopping cart?
111
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,199
What are you guys gonna do
for spring break?
112
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,660
-We'rejust going down to Cabo.
-To Cabo?
113
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,164
-For what?
-What do you mean, for what?
114
00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,999
-For a party.
-For partying.
115
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,669
A lot of things
you don't want to know about.
116
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,297
-We're gonna go down to have fun.
-He's gonna make you proud.
117
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,508
Yes, mom. Obviously.
118
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,094
-We'll be all right, mama.
-He'll make you proud.
119
00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,222
-Okay.
-We're gonna be doin' the bad stuff.
120
00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,766
Yeah. It's a good thing
you're not my mom.
121
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,520
-I love ya.
-Whateveryou do, use protection.
122
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,522
-Oh, okay. Thank you, mom.
-Have a great time.
123
00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,566
-Be very careful.
-I will, thanks, mom.
124
00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:05,944
Pick me up, we'll take a ride
125
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,571
I'll get my things
And wait outside
126
00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,865
-And we can go away
-Bye, mom.
127
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,285
Let's go far away
128
00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:17,414
We're on our way
129
00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,041
We're just little lost
130
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,877
We might be late
131
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,463
But I know we'll get there
132
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:31,845
We're on our way
This timewe'll take it on
133
00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:36,224
You and I on
A one-way trip to somewhere
134
00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:44,441
All right, boys. Let's funckin'
rock and roll to Mexico.
135
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,569
-Holy!
-Oh, you hit that car.
136
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,948
-Oh, shit.
-Youjust hit Bryan's car.
137
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,201
Oh, shit. That was Bryan's car.
Fuck.
138
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,956
Is he comin' out here?
139
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,460
-Bry...
-It's funckin' ass-cold outr here.
140
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:07,881
-I'm sorry, brother.
-Did you do that?
141
00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,257
Yeah.
142
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,677
Pullin' in to get you guys,
I fuckin'...
143
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,431
cut a little close or something.
144
00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:22,645
This time don't wait up for me
145
00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:27,942
-We can't turn back
-1, 2. Move it or lose it. Let's go.
146
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,112
All right, kids,
you ready to rock and roll?
147
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,012
-572?
-We're goin' this way.
148
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,890
-Oh, nelly.
-Let's see what it is.
149
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,685
-Holy shit.
-Look at our deck.
150
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,729
-No way. Look at this shit.
-Jesus Christ!
151
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,067
-Are you kiddin' me with this shit?
-No fuckin' way!
152
00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,236
Look at this view.
Come here.
153
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,655
Oh, God bless you,
Cabo San Lucas.
154
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,700
God bless you,
Cabo San Lucas.
155
00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,788
Holy shit!
156
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,500
There were hot girls everywhere.
157
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:30,630
But unfortunately, I wasn't
the only guy trying to get laid.
158
00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,298
Hey, guys, what can I do forya?
159
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,677
-Hey, Long Island, Long Island.
-All right.
160
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,387
Kamikaze, senor.
161
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,597
There names were
Josh and Alex....
162
00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,933
and they were on a quest
of their own.
163
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,852
Josh is a tall girl virgin.
164
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:48,690
I mean, he macks
on the dwarf girls.
165
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:52,068
But I don't know what happens
when it comes to the tall girls.
166
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,905
It'd be great. You know,
just beautiful, tall woman.
167
00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:59,117
Legs wrapped around my small,
insignificant body.
168
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,537
It would be a dream come true.
I mean, it'd just be wonderful.
169
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:06,374
I'm gonna find Josh the tallest
possible girl I can run in to.
170
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:11,087
And, we're gonna hook him up,
and he's gonna bang her.
171
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:15,550
Okay, everybody, get ready
for the sexual positions contest.
172
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,929
We're gonna enterthe contest. We're
doing the sexual position contest.
173
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,723
Guy-girl teams?
174
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,559
It could be guy-girl, girl-girl,
guy-guy.
175
00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:28,480
Let's get this contest started.
Make some noise!
176
00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,107
Oh, shit
177
00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,641
All right.
Here's our next group!
178
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,018
Let's give'em some love!
179
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,333
-Why don't me and you do it?
-Yeah, I'll do it.
180
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,502
I'll get down,
and we can do the toilet seat.
181
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,170
-You'll do with him?
-I'll do it with Hansy.
182
00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,298
-Go!
-We had a virgin and a fat-ass.
183
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:42,804
But if we wanted to avoid last place
we had to find some willing females.
184
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,140
There names were
Tara and Melissa.
185
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,976
They were sophomores
at the University of Washington.
186
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,646
Here's what we're doin'.
We're each gonna be holdin' you...
187
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:52,897
like holdin' you,
like ridin' you against a wall.
188
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,358
-You hold...
-And you're gonna lean back...
189
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,402
and then you're gonna start
makin' out with Josh...
190
00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,362
as you're leaning back
and then you flash.
191
00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,990
Thirty seconds to leave
your mark on the crowd.
192
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,496
Take it off!.
193
00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,082
-We'll hold you up like this.
-I'd rather go up and flash.
194
00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,960
We'll take it off and grind
overthe top of her.
195
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,171
-I don't understand.
-Okay, listen, listen.
196
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,181
She's gonna lay down
as soon as we get up there.
197
00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,516
I'm gonna take off hertop.
She's taking off my top.
198
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:32,062
We're gonna grind.
We're gonna make out.
199
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,356
-And, wheneveryou guys come in...
-Where are we in this?
200
00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,066
You find your own place.
201
00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,110
This is our final group!
Let'see what they got.
202
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,035
It's time to fuck some ass!
203
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:35,583
We may not have won the contest,
but thanks to Tara and Melissa...
204
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,919
I had already simulated sex.
205
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,798
Hopefully that night,
I'd get the real thing.
206
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:45,719
So, you know what?
It shouldn't be that hard.
207
00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:49,305
It shouldn't be this hard
to find some chik.
208
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,683
-Hey, what's up you all?
-Hey.
209
00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:55,437
How you guys doin'? Have you ever
hooked up with a dwarf before?
210
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,939
-Never.
-No. Man, well, you're missing out.
211
00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,400
This kid's never hooked up
with a tall girl before.
212
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,485
-Why do you guys think that we...
-Why do you have to say this?
213
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,737
That would be good.
214
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:06,823
Tell'em the "L" theory.
Chicks dig that.
215
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,908
-Okay, I wanna hear it.
-Tell us the "L" theory.
216
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,827
All right, the "L" theory is,
like...
217
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:14,372
All right, ready?
You got yourtall guy, and, whoo.
218
00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,251
And then you got your short guy.
219
00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,587
-It's where the arms and legs go.
-Ohh.
220
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,965
We have short arms and legs.
Where do you think our length goes?
221
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:28,053
Hey, how about we all cancel
our return plane ticket?
222
00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:30,305
-Let's do it.
-Let's open up a bar on the beach.
223
00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:33,308
-I'm so forthat. Let's do it.
-So am I.
224
00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:37,562
Wait, we won't hire you 'cause
we're gonna open an all-dwarf ar.
225
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,606
-Guess what we're callin' it?
-Wait.
226
00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,817
-"D-warf." Duh warf.
-'Cause it's on the beach.
227
00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,320
-I don't get it.
-Never mind, never mind.
228
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,406
It was too deep.
229
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,785
-We'll see you guys tomorrowthen.
-All right, nice to meet you guys.
230
00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,244
-Nice to meet you guys.
-Manana.
231
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:56,081
-Peace.
-Adios.
232
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:04,005
Dumb bitches. They didn't laugh.
They didn't get it.
233
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,842
How many people
are gonna get wasted tonight?
234
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,390
How many people
are gonna get some tonight?
235
00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,979
-All right.
-It was our first night out.
236
00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:24,651
And luckily my wingman Hans
was there to loosen up the ladies.
237
00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,365
No!
238
00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,378
Who knew a hairy ass could be
such an icebreaker?
239
00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,046
-What's your name?
-Eddie.
240
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:48,466
Eddie, nice to meet you. I think
you're really cool. You're awesome.
241
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,885
All of a sudden,
I was doin'all right.
242
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:56,599
But across town, Josh and his
wingman Alex were kicking my ass.
243
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,369
-Pretend this is a tall person.
-Okay.
244
00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,456
He's got a mini weenie.
Amini weenie, right?
245
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,750
And then you have your
short gyu.
246
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,794
He's got a big cock.
Like me.
247
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,444
Well, so much for my wingman.
248
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,992
But as it turned out,
I didn't need him anymore.
249
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:41,830
Her name was Maria,
and she really seemed to like me.
250
00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,666
-Where are you from?
-Colorado.
251
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,460
-That's great.
-Are you guys on that?
252
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,588
What's he doing?
253
00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:54,259
I'm gonna walk you home,
all right?
254
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,349
Alex!
255
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,769
Alex!
256
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,523
Donde Alex?
257
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:13,945
That's my boy.
Where's he at? Alex!
258
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,324
This way.
259
00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,661
They told me thst we were
gonna go skinny-dipping later.
260
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,664
I was grabbing hertitties.
She didn't care.
261
00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:28,501
I'd go to a normal bar and try
to do that, I'd get my face slapped.
262
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:35,884
And they're like , "Oh, we have
boyfriends". What the fuck?
263
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,595
-You look way to good.
-You know I'm a virgin?
264
00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,639
I need a little challenge.
265
00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:45,268
I didn't want somethin' that
was like, "Hey, you're the dwarf."
266
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:48,313
Fuck that. Fuck no.
I'm not into that.
267
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,901
I need to work.
See, like, I'm a man.
268
00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:56,613
I need to work a little
for my poontang pie.
269
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,574
That's what it's all about.
270
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,452
I'm gonna kiss you once
on the lips.
271
00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:12,170
I really want you.
272
00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,632
We could go to your room.
And we can do it in the...
273
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,469
-What floor are you guys?
-Third.
274
00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,596
Things were startin'to heat up.
275
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:25,016
But there was one thought
I just couldn't get out of my head.
276
00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:29,270
Whatever you do, honey,
use protection.
277
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,439
Hold on.
I'll be right back.
278
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,566
-Do you have a rubber?
-No, I don't.
279
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,152
Feel this? No, wait.
Take these too.
280
00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:39,614
And take this lube.
281
00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,866
All right. This was it.
282
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,829
After 21 years, 2 months,
and 13 days...
283
00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,790
I was finally gonna get some.
284
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,961
Ah, where the fuck
did she go?
285
00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:57,465
Oh, are you fucking
kidding me?
286
00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:05,181
Howthe fuck big is this place?
Christ!
287
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,894
I'll love you till the end
288
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:20,321
Psyche, I'm just kiddin'
'Cause I hate the things you do
289
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:23,575
-Maria! Maria!
-But I don't know why
290
00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:27,996
I put up with you
291
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:32,834
I put up with you
292
00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:35,337
I got a dollar bet.
Johnny, you ready?
293
00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,672
-Yeah.
-Dollar bet's you pee...
294
00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:41,009
in your shoes,
and then wearthem home.
295
00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:43,219
-Bring it on.
-I want to see a stream.
296
00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,138
Put it down on the ground.
I wanna see...
297
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:47,682
On the ground.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop.
298
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:50,560
You need a stream.
I wanna see a stream.
299
00:21:52,896 --> 00:21:54,981
Other one.
Hold on.
300
00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:58,568
Get her done!
301
00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:01,529
-Get it! Get it!
-Now do some on the roof.
302
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,865
Fuck you dude. There's enough
fuckin' piss in these, all right?
303
00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:07,535
These are so fuckin' heavy.
304
00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:15,210
-Wait. I don't want sand in there.
-Get in there!
305
00:22:15,418 --> 00:22:17,212
-I would be worried...
-Use your other hand.
306
00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,422
-Oh, no.
-Oh, no!
307
00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:22,967
Oh, my...
308
00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,511
Pull that up.
Pull that up.
309
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:27,722
-Hold me up. Hold me up, all right?
-Oh, man, it smells.
310
00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:33,603
Oh, there it was!
311
00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:36,564
These are so funckin' warm.
You have no idea.
312
00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:40,151
-That was fantastic.
-Now give me my fuckin' dollar.
313
00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:04,467
-What are you doing, "fag-salka"?
-Just cleanin' up.
314
00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:11,641
Hey, I'd help you,
but I don't want to move.
315
00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:13,268
-No worries.
-All right. Cool.
316
00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:15,437
Well, you didn't hear
my story about last night.
317
00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:16,938
-No.
-All right.
318
00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:20,442
So, I was walkin' around
with that girl in the red shirt.
319
00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:22,986
I don't know if you know.
A little girl named Maria.
320
00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:25,864
Herfriend was actually the one
sittin' by you when you puked.
321
00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,532
-The... Okay.
-Okay.
322
00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,243
And she's all, "I really like you.
I really want to be alone with you.
323
00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:31,828
Let's go by the pool."
324
00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:36,416
For some reason, she tells me...
She's sayin' somethin' blah, blah...
325
00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:39,461
And then,
"My little girl likes this."
326
00:23:39,753 --> 00:23:42,255
Turns out this little girl
is 18 years old.
327
00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,677
Which makes this girl
in the red shirt, this Maria....
328
00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,349
I would think,
like, 36, 37.
329
00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:55,101
Uh, more? I guess she could be
a little younger.
330
00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:58,438
She's got an 18-year-old kid,
that's 36...
331
00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,065
-orthat's 18 years old?
-Yeah.
332
00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:01,983
Wait.
333
00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,992
-You hungover, Hansy?
-No, I'm still drunk.
334
00:24:11,159 --> 00:24:12,202
-Hey.
-What?
335
00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:18,750
How many fuckin' times a day
do you have to call her?
336
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,919
Tell your wife that I love her.
337
00:24:21,336 --> 00:24:22,837
-Hello?
-Is Shana there?
338
00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:24,839
-Hey.
-What's up?
339
00:24:25,006 --> 00:24:28,551
-Nothin'. How are you?
-I'm good. A little tired.
340
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:31,221
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
341
00:24:31,388 --> 00:24:33,098
I miss ya.
342
00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:35,850
I miss you too. I really wanted
to talk to you yesterday.
343
00:24:36,059 --> 00:24:38,561
I know, I'm sorry.
I wanted to call too.
344
00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:40,522
Well, why didn't you?
345
00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:45,360
-I was just doin'bullshit all day.
-Shana, Ghertner loves you.
346
00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:48,405
-Hold on a second.
-Wish you were here.
347
00:24:48,697 --> 00:24:52,492
-God!
-He's gonna come over here...
348
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:55,453
and beat my ass.
He fuckin' shut the door, dude.
349
00:24:55,787 --> 00:24:57,706
That's fuckin' great.
350
00:24:58,373 --> 00:25:00,000
All right. Sorry.
I had to shut the door.
351
00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,669
What's she doing
for spring break?
352
00:25:02,961 --> 00:25:05,547
Uh, sittin' around thinkin' of him
gettin' laid on the beach.
353
00:25:05,755 --> 00:25:08,425
Sittin' around waitin' forthe call.
"I'm havin' the time of my life."
354
00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:10,969
-Cool.
-No. She needs to fuckin' ease up.
355
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,680
You tell me you're gonna call me and
then you don't. It freaks me out.
356
00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:17,475
-Nothing crazy's goin' on.
-It's just harder on me...
357
00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:20,603
-than I thought it was gonna be.
-Right. I know.
358
00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:23,565
But I kind of have to run.
359
00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:26,067
That really disturbs me when you say
things like, "I have to do this"...
360
00:25:26,276 --> 00:25:29,237
-or "I have to do that."
-Yeah.
361
00:25:31,823 --> 00:25:33,742
Apparently you don't really want
to talk about it.
362
00:25:34,034 --> 00:25:36,036
I'm just getting frustrated.
363
00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:38,204
I know.
It's frustrating for me too.
364
00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:39,998
I know it is, baby.
365
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:42,959
Okay?
366
00:25:44,002 --> 00:25:45,962
-All right. I love you.
-All right, baby.
367
00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,631
-Bye.
-Bye.
368
00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:57,557
-Fuck the bitch, dude.
-Shut up.
369
00:25:58,475 --> 00:26:00,060
Let's go grab
some ho's, Huntington.
370
00:26:00,268 --> 00:26:01,686
-Shut up.
-Come on, dude.
371
00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:13,031
What's up, man?
Where's Josh at?
372
00:26:13,365 --> 00:26:16,451
Josh is overthere.
373
00:26:17,994 --> 00:26:22,123
-I'm glad you guys gonna to do that.
-Yeah, the sexual position contest.
374
00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:24,626
That was crazy.
Wanna sit down?
375
00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:27,420
Were there a lot of
hot girls out last night?
376
00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:29,964
-Yeah.
-Have they treated you well yet...
377
00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:31,633
or still waittin' on it?
378
00:26:32,175 --> 00:26:35,553
My problem is... Like, it's hard
for me to talk to girls.
379
00:26:35,804 --> 00:26:37,931
They're not gonnajust go up
and introduce themselves, so...
380
00:26:38,181 --> 00:26:39,724
They think the exact opposite.
381
00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:42,477
They're sitting there.
They wanna go talk to you.
382
00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:47,190
You don't want to go talk to them.
So, you don't have an interaction.
383
00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:53,279
-I mean...
-Well, it had to come to this.
384
00:26:53,697 --> 00:26:56,783
I was getting advice
from a dwarf.
385
00:26:57,367 --> 00:26:59,661
Was he really qualified?
386
00:27:03,415 --> 00:27:06,042
-That's what I would do.
-Maybe he was.
387
00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:08,962
It's not like I'm looking for
the hottest girl in the word.
388
00:27:09,212 --> 00:27:10,797
'Cause I know I'm not
a great-looking guy, but...
389
00:27:11,548 --> 00:27:13,800
-You need to think more of yourself.
-Yeah.
390
00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:18,013
Let it loose. There's absolutely
nothing to be worried about.
391
00:27:18,263 --> 00:27:20,515
Right. Well, I'm gonna gojump in
the shower. If you want, we live...
392
00:27:20,724 --> 00:27:23,393
on this patio overthere. We live
in room 579 if you wanna come up.
393
00:27:23,643 --> 00:27:25,770
Just come up afteryou guys
get back partying...
394
00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:28,356
-or something.
-We need a pre-party tonight.
395
00:27:28,606 --> 00:27:29,941
We have to go out.
396
00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:31,776
-Later on, man.
-Later.
397
00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:35,030
I'll dollar bet you
to eat this right now.
398
00:27:35,238 --> 00:27:37,240
Only if you feed it
to him like a bird.
399
00:27:37,991 --> 00:27:39,701
-Feed it to him like a bird.
-Fuckin' gross.
400
00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:42,954
-No, it's not. Here.
-Here. No. Let me see that.
401
00:27:43,204 --> 00:27:44,414
I have the dollar bet.
402
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:47,375
I'd rather eat this out of
someone's mouth than a banana.
403
00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:50,003
All right, Johnny.
It's you, buddy.
404
00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:52,380
-Yes, yes.
-All right. What are we doin'?
405
00:27:52,589 --> 00:27:54,966
Dollar bet. I chew it up
and feed you like a bird.
406
00:27:56,509 --> 00:27:58,094
-Fuck it. Let's do it.
-Germ boy, are you gonna do this?
407
00:27:58,261 --> 00:27:59,262
-Yeah, let's do it.
-Oh, shit.
408
00:27:59,429 --> 00:28:01,014
You have to come over here
and feed it to me.
409
00:28:01,264 --> 00:28:03,558
-Like a mama bird.
-Wait. Which is more momentous...
410
00:28:03,850 --> 00:28:07,437
eating germs out of his mouth or him
jumping in the water with sharks?
411
00:28:07,687 --> 00:28:09,773
Oh, God, dude,
this is fucking terrible!
412
00:28:10,023 --> 00:28:12,233
You gotta...
Get up here like a bird.
413
00:28:12,442 --> 00:28:14,569
Drop the shit in
by a foot at least.
414
00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:19,949
I can't do this.
415
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,161
Drop it. I'm gonna choke.
I'm gonna choke.
416
00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:27,874
-Try to get up above him...
-You're chewin' too much, man.
417
00:28:28,124 --> 00:28:31,836
I wanna see, like, banana poo
come outta your mouth.
418
00:28:35,382 --> 00:28:36,675
Ohh! Fucking gross!
419
00:28:36,925 --> 00:28:38,635
I cannot believe
youjust fuckin' did that.
420
00:28:38,968 --> 00:28:43,431
That's the grossest shit
I've ever seen.
421
00:28:45,433 --> 00:28:46,601
Where do you wanna sit?
422
00:28:46,851 --> 00:28:48,603
-There you go, boss.
-He seemed like a nice guy.
423
00:28:49,646 --> 00:28:53,692
-There's a girl foryou.
-Oh, get out of town.
424
00:28:55,026 --> 00:28:59,280
Eddie, get yourface out of
your menu. You can enjoy the view.
425
00:28:59,739 --> 00:29:02,951
-Is that Tara right there?
-Where?
426
00:29:03,326 --> 00:29:05,328
-Sittin' right there.
-I have no idea. Is it her?
427
00:29:06,204 --> 00:29:09,124
I decided to take Alex's advice
and go up to Tara...
428
00:29:09,499 --> 00:29:11,960
my partner from
the sexual positions contest.
429
00:29:14,295 --> 00:29:15,755
-What's Eddie doin'?
-I don't know.
430
00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,298
I was tryin' to figure out that.
431
00:29:17,924 --> 00:29:19,759
Is Eddie overthere
talking to girls?
432
00:29:20,927 --> 00:29:23,221
All i needed to do
was gather my confidence...
433
00:29:24,055 --> 00:29:27,225
and break the seal
with a smooth opening line.
434
00:29:31,229 --> 00:29:33,398
Did you girls want some water?
I'll get you some.
435
00:29:34,149 --> 00:29:35,608
We already have some.
436
00:29:35,859 --> 00:29:37,694
What the hell...
What in God's name are we doing?
437
00:29:50,081 --> 00:29:53,376
-Cuánto es?
-How much? Ten dollars.
438
00:29:53,626 --> 00:29:55,462
-Ten dollars.
-Do the angle thing.
439
00:29:55,795 --> 00:29:58,173
-Can we look around in here?
-Sure.
440
00:29:58,757 --> 00:30:00,175
We want to see more.
441
00:30:00,383 --> 00:30:01,968
Where are the big hats at?
442
00:30:02,719 --> 00:30:04,012
Hola, hola, hola.
443
00:30:05,305 --> 00:30:06,806
Hola, hola.
444
00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:13,229
-Hola.
-Hola.
445
00:30:19,402 --> 00:30:21,613
We left the goal
of getting you laid.
446
00:30:22,197 --> 00:30:25,241
-We need to get back on that.
-It's crunch time.
447
00:30:25,909 --> 00:30:29,037
-What's the plan fortonight?
-Go all out.
448
00:30:29,245 --> 00:30:32,374
Hold nothing back.
Go forthe gold.
449
00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:35,085
Last few days,
we've kind of been draggin'.
450
00:30:35,251 --> 00:30:38,296
Tonight we're on thejob
and we're serious about it.
451
00:30:38,546 --> 00:30:40,256
We are two cool dudes.
452
00:30:48,765 --> 00:30:51,476
-Can you showthe traditional dance?
-How do you do it?
453
00:30:57,065 --> 00:30:58,733
You can dance like this.
454
00:30:59,025 --> 00:31:01,319
Oh, you put the hat down,
and you dance around it?
455
00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:06,950
Like that?
456
00:31:07,325 --> 00:31:08,785
Muy bien.
457
00:31:20,922 --> 00:31:22,507
Don't worry.
We'll be here all week.
458
00:31:23,174 --> 00:31:24,801
The girls that
I was talking to earlier...
459
00:31:28,972 --> 00:31:31,725
Our second night out
was off to a fast start.
460
00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:35,645
-What's your name?
-Eddie.
461
00:31:35,854 --> 00:31:37,605
Eddie, I'm Megan.
462
00:31:37,981 --> 00:31:39,649
Her name was Megan.
463
00:31:40,358 --> 00:31:42,944
She was a junior
at the University of Idaho.
464
00:31:57,042 --> 00:32:01,004
Those are nice boobies.
Can I lick'em?
465
00:32:06,551 --> 00:32:08,261
Can I lick yours?
466
00:32:08,595 --> 00:32:12,682
Hey, my turn.
Share, baby. Share.
467
00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:28,406
Man, it's your mama.
468
00:32:34,245 --> 00:32:36,664
So, you wanna go back
to your room, Edie?
469
00:32:36,831 --> 00:32:38,291
-Yes.
-Where are you staying?
470
00:32:38,541 --> 00:32:41,711
-Plaza Los Gordas.
-Here we come.
471
00:32:42,545 --> 00:32:44,506
We're goin' to the foam party.
472
00:32:45,340 --> 00:32:48,343
Dude, I was told, like,
foam gets like up to here.
473
00:33:28,717 --> 00:33:31,052
Sorry, everybody,
I need your attention here.
474
00:33:31,261 --> 00:33:33,263
We have a bit of an emergency.
475
00:33:33,430 --> 00:33:36,433
We got some little people in the
house and one of them is missing.
476
00:33:36,975 --> 00:33:38,685
His name is Josh.
477
00:33:38,935 --> 00:33:40,770
Josh! Josh!
478
00:33:42,522 --> 00:33:44,983
-Overthere. Overthere.
-Where is he?
479
00:33:46,151 --> 00:33:49,070
-Just one is missing.
-Dude, he's in the foam.
480
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,531
If you feel any little hands
touching you...
481
00:33:51,781 --> 00:33:54,576
-let the security guards know.
-He's over here!
482
00:33:55,952 --> 00:34:00,665
There you go! All right, everybody,
we got him. It's good.
483
00:34:07,130 --> 00:34:08,340
That was my biggest fear ever.
484
00:34:08,548 --> 00:34:10,925
I'd never been to a foam party.
I was like, "We're gonna drown."
485
00:34:11,134 --> 00:34:12,594
-And we almost did.
-We almost did?
486
00:34:12,844 --> 00:34:15,138
I'm, like, still coughing
the shit up.
487
00:34:15,388 --> 00:34:18,892
-Like I...
-How about that one girl though...
488
00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:21,895
Oh, shit, dude,
that was fuckin' tight.
489
00:34:22,145 --> 00:34:23,855
-The foam was perfect.
-The whole foam...
490
00:34:24,147 --> 00:34:27,442
I was, like, copping a feel
the entire time.
491
00:34:27,692 --> 00:34:30,320
Then the foam got too shallow,
so we, like, moved...
492
00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:33,281
until the foam was deep enough.
493
00:34:33,740 --> 00:34:35,533
Oh, shit, dude. I just...
494
00:34:35,784 --> 00:34:39,454
Dude, she was, like,
beyond a dream girl.
495
00:34:39,662 --> 00:34:42,207
Why did this...
Why did it have to end?
496
00:34:57,847 --> 00:35:01,142
Let go
Let go
497
00:35:04,688 --> 00:35:07,565
That was disgusting, but I'm gonna
give you a high 5 forthat, anyway.
498
00:35:12,654 --> 00:35:14,406
Let's get this proverbial show
on the road.
499
00:35:14,572 --> 00:35:17,117
Grab a beer, buddy, and sit down.
We're playing some games.
500
00:35:18,284 --> 00:35:21,287
You come up with a movie title and
replace 1 of the words with vagina.
501
00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:22,747
-All right.
-Okay.
502
00:35:22,997 --> 00:35:26,292
-I don't know if I like this.
-I'm sure you have one good example.
503
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:27,961
Name a movie.
504
00:35:28,211 --> 00:35:30,463
-Natural Born Killers.
-"Natural Born Vaginas."
505
00:35:30,797 --> 00:35:33,174
-"V-Vagina Born Killers."
-There's nothing creative about it.
506
00:35:34,092 --> 00:35:36,261
-Okay, what do you got?
-What do you mean?
507
00:35:36,553 --> 00:35:38,555
All you have to say is, like,
"Jurassic Vagina."
508
00:35:39,723 --> 00:35:42,142
See? Everyone fuckin' laughed
'cause it was funny. It worked.
509
00:35:42,475 --> 00:35:46,312
-Okay, okay. "Sixteen Vaginas."
-Nice.
510
00:35:46,521 --> 00:35:47,981
"Attack of the Killer Vaginas."
511
00:35:48,231 --> 00:35:50,859
-What do you say "Jurassic Vaginas".
-"Look Who's Vagina."
512
00:35:52,444 --> 00:35:54,696
-Oh, my God!
-"Look Who's Vagina's Talking."
513
00:36:04,247 --> 00:36:06,041
Kyle and Bryan were hookin'up.
514
00:36:06,124 --> 00:36:09,085
So I decided to make a move
of my own.
515
00:36:11,755 --> 00:36:13,715
I wanted it to be special.
516
00:36:13,923 --> 00:36:16,801
Something Megan had never
seen before.
517
00:36:17,093 --> 00:36:20,472
Something that would really
turn her on.
518
00:36:27,437 --> 00:36:29,939
And I wasn't finished yet.
519
00:36:41,951 --> 00:36:43,411
I got one. I got one.
520
00:36:43,661 --> 00:36:46,039
All right. You want some vagina,
I'll give you some vagina.
521
00:36:46,748 --> 00:36:48,208
I would like vagina, please.
522
00:36:49,459 --> 00:36:51,294
-All right.
-"Vagina".
523
00:36:51,503 --> 00:36:53,755
-No.
-That's not a movie title.
524
00:36:54,047 --> 00:36:56,883
-That took overfor "Chocolat".
-Shut up!
525
00:36:59,886 --> 00:37:01,388
That is some bullshit.
526
00:37:04,349 --> 00:37:07,936
Do you know any place we can go
to be more alone forthis evening?
527
00:37:08,228 --> 00:37:10,313
-More romantic.
-Dude, where?
528
00:37:10,647 --> 00:37:11,815
I have no idea.
I haven't been around enough.
529
00:37:12,065 --> 00:37:14,317
-Is anyone here by the hotel?
-I don't know.
530
00:37:17,028 --> 00:37:19,155
If we find a room
on that stairwell...
531
00:37:19,989 --> 00:37:21,449
Let me go ask real fast.
532
00:37:21,866 --> 00:37:23,910
-Here.
-Go ask.
533
00:37:29,666 --> 00:37:31,668
-So, what should I do now?.
-I would say...
534
00:37:31,835 --> 00:37:33,920
I would say, go to her room
or some place...
535
00:37:34,170 --> 00:37:36,423
-Go someplace?
-Make out. Play with her boobies.
536
00:37:36,673 --> 00:37:38,133
Whatever.
Then drop the pants.
537
00:37:38,508 --> 00:37:39,801
Hey, Bryan.
538
00:37:40,885 --> 00:37:43,054
-Okay. Do you have any condoms?
-Yeah.
539
00:37:44,222 --> 00:37:46,641
You like that one?
Take two anyway.
540
00:37:48,810 --> 00:37:51,271
-What?
-You want a crazy little blue pill?
541
00:37:51,521 --> 00:37:52,814
Oh, yeah, yeah...
542
00:37:53,231 --> 00:37:54,983
See his face?
543
00:37:56,192 --> 00:37:58,361
Just in case "Little Eddie"
wasn't ready...
544
00:37:58,570 --> 00:38:01,114
Bryan suggested I pop one
of his Viagras.
545
00:38:01,322 --> 00:38:03,491
Give me two actually.
Or maybe I should try three.
546
00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:05,243
I don't think you're supposed
to take more than two.
547
00:38:05,452 --> 00:38:07,328
I think your cock will blow up.
548
00:38:11,541 --> 00:38:14,961
I had the girl, the condoms,
the Viagra.
549
00:38:15,211 --> 00:38:17,172
Everything was looking good.
550
00:38:24,721 --> 00:38:27,057
Megan, we're trying to sleep.
551
00:38:27,807 --> 00:38:31,102
-Let's go somewhere else.
-No, it's okay.
552
00:38:31,478 --> 00:38:35,607
Dude, I hope that chick
didn't cock-block Edster.
553
00:38:36,900 --> 00:38:41,321
-It's 4:00 in the fuckin'morning!
-Oh, it's 4:00 a.m.?
554
00:38:42,572 --> 00:38:44,115
Sorry, Eddie.
555
00:38:44,532 --> 00:38:46,409
What if she freaks out on him or
something and fuckin' doesn't...
556
00:38:46,576 --> 00:38:50,205
doesn't seal the deal? And he's got
a fuckin' boner pill rockin'.
557
00:38:50,830 --> 00:38:53,083
That would suck.
558
00:38:53,291 --> 00:38:56,044
He's gonna be walking around
with a boner for the next week.
559
00:39:02,842 --> 00:39:05,178
You think they have
an uncircumcised version of this?
560
00:39:10,517 --> 00:39:12,018
That hurt, dude.
561
00:39:12,602 --> 00:39:14,771
I just got mowed
with a huge cock.
562
00:39:15,063 --> 00:39:16,898
Are you over
with doing this to Hans?
563
00:39:17,107 --> 00:39:19,067
No. He's definitely gettin'
the cock test.
564
00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,746
Sun's a risin'.
565
00:39:42,298 --> 00:39:43,883
That was so fucked up.
566
00:39:48,555 --> 00:39:49,431
Wake up
Wake up
567
00:39:49,556 --> 00:39:50,765
Wake up
Wake up
568
00:39:50,974 --> 00:39:52,976
Wake up, motherfucker, wake up
569
00:39:54,060 --> 00:39:56,021
-Wake up
-Fuck me, man.
570
00:39:57,564 --> 00:39:59,024
You still hungover?
571
00:40:00,817 --> 00:40:03,069
I'm just constantly nauseous, dude.
572
00:40:04,154 --> 00:40:07,782
-Forgot to bring my suppositories.
-What the fuck are those?
573
00:40:08,324 --> 00:40:11,077
Pills you stick up your ass
to stop nausea.
574
00:40:13,455 --> 00:40:17,459
I thought that's where
Lee Harvey shot, uh, J.F.K.
575
00:40:17,709 --> 00:40:21,796
-At a suppository?
-It was a suppository, wasn't it?
576
00:40:22,130 --> 00:40:24,924
-What?
-Not Lee Harvey.
577
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,388
-Whoever killed J.F.K.
-He shot him in the suppository?
578
00:40:30,638 --> 00:40:34,893
The book suppository. The Texas
book suppository or whatever.
579
00:40:36,686 --> 00:40:38,938
Is that not what it was called?
580
00:40:40,357 --> 00:40:42,859
-I don't know.
-All I know is that "suppository"...
581
00:40:43,109 --> 00:40:44,819
is a pill that you
stick up your butt.
582
00:40:45,028 --> 00:40:49,240
I bet you $15 that the... the thing
that Lee Harvey was hiding out in...
583
00:40:49,491 --> 00:40:53,244
when he capped J.F.K. in the dome
was called a "suppository".
584
00:40:54,871 --> 00:40:57,499
All I want is a suppository
for my butt.
585
00:40:59,125 --> 00:41:03,171
Yo necisito una pastilla
para mi culo...
586
00:41:03,963 --> 00:41:07,133
para stomach-o, nausea.
587
00:41:08,093 --> 00:41:11,388
Poor Johnny's nauseous and he just
wants to shove something up his ass.
588
00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:14,516
Seems to me like "suppository"
would be a universal word.
589
00:41:14,724 --> 00:41:16,101
I think so too, Hans.
590
00:41:16,601 --> 00:41:19,062
Whoa. There it is.
I got it. "Supositorios".
591
00:41:19,354 --> 00:41:22,691
-I "quiero" one of those.
-Es para bebé.
592
00:41:23,566 --> 00:41:26,111
Oh, it's for babies?
That's fine. I got a small ass.
593
00:41:26,319 --> 00:41:29,072
-He's a little guy.
-For "ninos".
594
00:41:29,322 --> 00:41:31,991
That'll be gentle on me.
Let's get these.
595
00:41:32,409 --> 00:41:35,328
Just get that shit. Shove it up
your ass and see what happens.
596
00:41:35,537 --> 00:41:38,873
-Adiós, mi amiga.
-Thanks forthe butt pills!
597
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,337
All right. That's about
as far as I'm going with it.
598
00:42:00,395 --> 00:42:02,272
Come on, Hans!
599
00:42:16,202 --> 00:42:19,164
That's the greatest day
of my life!
600
00:42:30,425 --> 00:42:32,385
Come on, Crystal!
601
00:42:35,263 --> 00:42:36,973
I lost my top.
602
00:42:37,307 --> 00:42:39,893
Get down!
Get down!
603
00:42:54,366 --> 00:42:55,784
Yeah, baby!
604
00:42:59,287 --> 00:43:01,373
I think I'm gonna try to call
that Tara girl tonight.
605
00:43:01,498 --> 00:43:04,542
-Yeah, I think you should, dude.
She said she'd be home around 6:00.
606
00:43:04,918 --> 00:43:07,921
-Yeah? You gonna call her?
-I might ask herto dinner or...
607
00:43:08,171 --> 00:43:10,173
Yeah. Nothing like going on
spring break and going on a date.
608
00:43:10,340 --> 00:43:11,841
I don't wanna do that, but...
609
00:43:12,008 --> 00:43:13,468
I'll probably...
I don't know what I'll do.
610
00:43:13,677 --> 00:43:17,097
-Take her out to dinner?
-Yeah. Exactly.
611
00:43:17,305 --> 00:43:19,140
That's what I'm saying. I don't know
If I want... it's just the way I am.
612
00:43:23,019 --> 00:43:24,396
Taking a piss.
613
00:43:29,776 --> 00:43:32,404
I can't reach.
Can you hold me up?
614
00:43:32,737 --> 00:43:34,698
Yeah. Action!
There you go.
615
00:43:35,615 --> 00:43:37,325
There you go, buddy.
616
00:43:37,534 --> 00:43:39,202
Keep it flowin', buddy.
617
00:43:39,369 --> 00:43:41,955
-It's all good.
-Now we got it.
618
00:43:42,205 --> 00:43:43,748
-I'm good.
-Are you good?
619
00:43:43,998 --> 00:43:46,459
-You guys still pissing overthere?
-Yeah.
620
00:43:46,751 --> 00:43:48,003
Do you need help?
621
00:43:49,963 --> 00:43:52,424
-Now it's my turn.
-True friend.
622
00:43:57,762 --> 00:44:01,266
Keeping the streets safe?
Muy bien.
623
00:44:01,975 --> 00:44:04,477
Hopefully you guys won't have
to see us tonight and arrest us.
624
00:44:06,271 --> 00:44:09,357
-We'll be good. Best behavior.
-Bye.
625
00:44:09,733 --> 00:44:11,651
Oh, my God!
Look! It's midgets!
626
00:44:11,860 --> 00:44:13,945
-Midgets!
-It's "dwarves", dumb ass.
627
00:44:18,158 --> 00:44:20,744
Have you ever had sex
with a short person before?
628
00:44:21,161 --> 00:44:23,621
-On the beach?
-On the beach or anywhere.
629
00:44:23,788 --> 00:44:25,665
-A little person.
-Very good.
630
00:44:26,207 --> 00:44:29,419
A little, little, little guy,
little man. For real.
631
00:44:32,672 --> 00:44:37,093
-I think he wants to get with you.
-What the hell? I'm just asking her.
632
00:44:37,844 --> 00:44:39,763
Is that his penis good?
633
00:44:40,930 --> 00:44:42,640
-I wouldn't know.
-You know.
634
00:44:42,849 --> 00:44:44,142
Muy grande.
635
00:44:45,685 --> 00:44:47,687
-Very good.
-Sí.
636
00:44:47,979 --> 00:44:50,357
-This big?
-Muy grande.
637
00:44:50,690 --> 00:44:53,693
-What's your number on at the hotel?
-524.
638
00:44:54,986 --> 00:44:56,654
Muy bien. We'll see you.
639
00:44:57,739 --> 00:45:00,033
-Bye-bye.
-Adiós.
640
00:45:02,952 --> 00:45:04,913
Hasta lajuego.
641
00:45:05,330 --> 00:45:06,206
I just wanna know, dude.
Wejust talked about it.
642
00:45:06,373 --> 00:45:07,707
I just wanna know why...
643
00:45:10,335 --> 00:45:12,003
haven't you got laid?
644
00:45:12,629 --> 00:45:14,631
Seriously.
I mean, I've known you...
645
00:45:14,798 --> 00:45:16,591
I mean, you were a fuckin'
prom king, were you not?
646
00:45:17,884 --> 00:45:20,095
-But...
-People like you.
647
00:45:20,345 --> 00:45:24,557
I just don't understand
the self-consciousness...
648
00:45:24,808 --> 00:45:27,310
when obviously
you're a well-liked person.
649
00:45:27,519 --> 00:45:28,895
One of the main reason is...
650
00:45:29,562 --> 00:45:31,606
I don't... I can't talk to girls,
first off...
651
00:45:31,856 --> 00:45:34,401
'cause I don't know what to say
and I think I sound stupid.
652
00:45:34,609 --> 00:45:36,069
-You always felt like that?
-Yeah, always.
653
00:45:36,319 --> 00:45:39,781
I can nevertalk to them. Like, I
talked to these girls here today...
654
00:45:40,073 --> 00:45:42,325
and I can talk to them
and we're having a good time...
655
00:45:42,617 --> 00:45:44,661
but there's so many
of those awkward silences...
656
00:45:44,911 --> 00:45:46,621
that I don't know what
to say in between.
657
00:45:46,871 --> 00:45:49,541
That's when you pull out your belly
and shake it around.
658
00:45:49,791 --> 00:45:51,960
Well, yeah, and another reason...
659
00:45:52,252 --> 00:45:54,754
Another reason I feel that way
is 'cause I'm so skinny.
660
00:45:55,171 --> 00:45:57,007
-Now, that's a big reason for it.
-Really?
661
00:45:57,215 --> 00:45:59,759
-Yeah.
-God bless every day you're skinny.
662
00:46:00,010 --> 00:46:00,969
-No, no, no.
-Dude...
663
00:46:01,177 --> 00:46:03,471
it's not what people
have to looks at, man.
664
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,016
This is the best thing I can
tell you. And seriously, Eddie...
665
00:46:06,266 --> 00:46:08,518
I know you can understand
where I'm coming from.
666
00:46:09,394 --> 00:46:11,021
Like, I'm not a looker.
667
00:46:11,312 --> 00:46:14,482
Like, people don't like me
because I look good, okay?
668
00:46:14,858 --> 00:46:17,652
You can't change the way you look.
You're not fuckin' Michael Jackson.
669
00:46:17,861 --> 00:46:20,530
You can't make yourself white,
cut your nose off...
670
00:46:20,739 --> 00:46:23,533
and put a dick on yourface and be,
like, "This is my real nose."
671
00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:26,077
You can't do that.
I mean, seriously.
672
00:46:26,870 --> 00:46:28,246
Man, let's get out of here.
673
00:46:28,496 --> 00:46:30,331
Yeah. Fuck it.
I gotta pee and I gotta shower.
674
00:46:30,540 --> 00:46:32,250
-You know what? If you live...
-Eddie, come on, man.
675
00:46:32,459 --> 00:46:34,336
-Eddie, come here.
-Dude, let's have a little talk.
676
00:46:35,086 --> 00:46:37,881
If you live your life worrying
about what other people think...
677
00:46:39,632 --> 00:46:40,759
you're not living your life
foryourself.
678
00:46:40,925 --> 00:46:43,053
-No, I know. I'll get over it.
-Fuck'em. Fuck'em.
679
00:46:44,804 --> 00:46:47,182
Yeah, fuck'em.
Hans was right.
680
00:46:47,557 --> 00:46:50,518
I was Eddie fucking Macsalka.
681
00:46:51,061 --> 00:46:54,606
I'm calling Tara
and telling her, "Game on".
682
00:47:12,290 --> 00:47:13,708
-Tara?
-Yes.
683
00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:15,627
-Hi. It's Eddie.
-Hi. How are you?
684
00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:17,629
-Good. How are you?
-Good.
685
00:47:20,799 --> 00:47:22,801
Well, here, I don't know what
the guys are gonna do tonight...
686
00:47:22,967 --> 00:47:24,552
but, would you wanna
go to dinner...
687
00:47:24,761 --> 00:47:26,388
at this lighthouse place
across the street?
688
00:47:27,764 --> 00:47:28,765
Yeah.
689
00:47:30,433 --> 00:47:33,937
-What do you say to maybe 8 or 8:30?
-That's fine.
690
00:47:35,522 --> 00:47:37,357
-Okay. Is that all right?
-Yeah.
691
00:47:38,692 --> 00:47:40,902
-Well, I'll stop by then around 8.
-Okay.
692
00:47:41,861 --> 00:47:44,406
-All right, Tara. Bye-bye.
-All right. Bye.
693
00:47:47,534 --> 00:47:49,994
-Where are we taking these girls?
-Where are we taking these girls?
694
00:47:50,286 --> 00:47:53,289
We gotta take'em to the hottest
place and just get'em wasted.
695
00:47:53,540 --> 00:47:55,750
-Yes. Yes.
-Get'em absolutely wasted.
696
00:47:56,042 --> 00:47:59,796
-We have to focus. We can't fuck up.
-Yes.
697
00:48:00,046 --> 00:48:01,548
You looking forward
to this date?
698
00:48:02,757 --> 00:48:05,301
Yeah. A little bit.
Fuck.
699
00:48:05,593 --> 00:48:07,846
You should sit down and, like, get
a bottle of wine or something.
700
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,933
Yeah. I might do that. I didn't
think of that. It's a good idea.
701
00:48:12,142 --> 00:48:14,436
Ether way, just get, like,
a couple nice drinks, you know?.
702
00:48:15,353 --> 00:48:19,441
You should just orderfor her, and
then, you pay for it, obviously.
703
00:48:21,151 --> 00:48:24,237
-Charge herfor her half of it.
-"Hey, can you cover me?"
704
00:48:24,988 --> 00:48:26,948
-Where we going, boys?
-Where we going?
705
00:48:27,323 --> 00:48:29,826
Gonna go to a nice little place
and get some drinks.
706
00:48:30,952 --> 00:48:32,370
Can't say "no" to that.
707
00:48:35,623 --> 00:48:39,669
-We get the deep-fried red snapper?
-Deep-fried red snapper.
708
00:48:39,961 --> 00:48:42,255
We'rejust gonna get one of those
and share it for right now.
709
00:48:42,589 --> 00:48:44,549
And then, we'll get more
for later.
710
00:48:44,716 --> 00:48:46,134
-Thank you.
-Okay. Very good.
711
00:48:47,635 --> 00:48:50,972
I don't know
what to drink with what food.
712
00:48:51,639 --> 00:48:53,767
I think it's, like, red wine
with Italian.
713
00:48:54,017 --> 00:48:55,852
And with, like, steak...
714
00:48:56,353 --> 00:48:58,313
and basically red meat.
715
00:48:58,605 --> 00:49:00,857
And white wine
with fish or chicken.
716
00:49:04,069 --> 00:49:06,404
-They're taking care of the drinks.
-We're taking care of the drinks.
717
00:49:06,654 --> 00:49:08,490
You're taking care of the drinks?
718
00:49:08,698 --> 00:49:09,783
They wanna get us drunk
and take advantage of us.
719
00:49:10,033 --> 00:49:11,201
Yes. Sí.
720
00:49:11,659 --> 00:49:12,827
Cheers.
721
00:49:13,036 --> 00:49:15,163
-Cheers.
-Cheers.
722
00:49:16,331 --> 00:49:19,376
-What music do you listen to?
-I don't listen to much, but...
723
00:49:21,336 --> 00:49:23,046
I'm more of a TV guy.
724
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,548
What are you majoring in?
725
00:49:26,591 --> 00:49:27,634
Communications...
726
00:49:28,343 --> 00:49:30,929
something that'll help me get into
radio, 'cause that's what I want.
727
00:49:31,721 --> 00:49:35,392
-But you don't listen to the radio.
-I don't wanna do music, but talk show.
728
00:49:39,521 --> 00:49:41,314
-Ready. Here you go.
-Go.
729
00:49:43,233 --> 00:49:44,693
That was a graceful lick.
730
00:49:45,276 --> 00:49:47,445
You know, I have a question.
Where do you guys buy your clothes?
731
00:49:48,029 --> 00:49:49,698
-Gap Kids.
-Gap Kids.
732
00:49:49,906 --> 00:49:52,367
I do too! I get my clothes
at Gap Kids too!
733
00:49:53,576 --> 00:49:55,662
Oh, I didn't realize they were
going to bring us this.
734
00:49:56,454 --> 00:49:59,457
-It's okay.
-It's really a scary looking fish.
735
00:50:00,542 --> 00:50:02,919
I'm kind of freaked out
by these eyes here.
736
00:50:04,004 --> 00:50:06,381
How do we eat this?
We just cut into it?
737
00:50:09,134 --> 00:50:10,427
It's pretty good though.
738
00:50:33,116 --> 00:50:36,453
-Glad you came out with me. Thanks.
-Thank you for having me here.
739
00:50:37,412 --> 00:50:38,705
Always.
740
00:50:43,168 --> 00:50:46,171
-You won't be able to do it.
-Get the fuck on.
741
00:50:46,421 --> 00:50:48,965
I'm strong.
We're going to go insane.
742
00:50:49,257 --> 00:50:51,634
-Come on.
-Am I ok?
743
00:50:54,512 --> 00:50:56,389
-Do a toe kick!
-Go.
744
00:51:02,812 --> 00:51:04,814
Because, seriously, they could
get arrested for that.
745
00:51:05,065 --> 00:51:09,110
-Look at that.
-Wrestling. Fouryears varsity!
746
00:51:09,361 --> 00:51:10,862
What's up now?.
747
00:51:11,654 --> 00:51:13,615
-Okay. You kicked my ass.
-I know.
748
00:51:13,823 --> 00:51:14,824
Okay.
749
00:51:15,325 --> 00:51:16,493
I had done everything right.
750
00:51:23,166 --> 00:51:27,170
I took Tara
to a romantic restaurant...
751
00:51:27,420 --> 00:51:29,005
I ordered a nice bottle
of wine...
752
00:51:29,381 --> 00:51:31,633
and I even paid
for her red snapper.
753
00:51:31,883 --> 00:51:33,551
It was clear
what I had to do.
754
00:51:33,802 --> 00:51:35,970
I had to step up, be a man...
755
00:51:36,262 --> 00:51:38,223
And ask her upstairs
to my room.
756
00:51:38,598 --> 00:51:40,308
-Thank you for coming again.
-Thank you.
757
00:51:42,268 --> 00:51:46,523
Or I could completely
fucking choke.
758
00:51:49,275 --> 00:51:52,404
Here we go. Let's go. Let's go.
Alcohol?
759
00:51:53,113 --> 00:51:54,656
Where's the tequila?
760
00:51:55,115 --> 00:51:57,117
No tequila, "senorita".
761
00:51:58,868 --> 00:52:02,664
Vanilla vodca
and citrus vodca.
762
00:52:02,956 --> 00:52:06,459
You mix citrus vodka with Sprite,
you got a legal date-rape drug.
763
00:52:06,710 --> 00:52:08,294
No fucking shit.
764
00:52:08,545 --> 00:52:11,256
-We don't want that.
-I do.
765
00:52:13,258 --> 00:52:16,261
Guys, I think it's time
for us to go.
766
00:52:17,220 --> 00:52:19,014
-Let's go.
-Bye, guys.
767
00:52:19,639 --> 00:52:20,807
Good night.
768
00:52:21,349 --> 00:52:22,934
What the fuck was that?
769
00:52:27,272 --> 00:52:30,525
-Hey guys, where are we going?
-I don't know, but I need a beer.
770
00:52:30,775 --> 00:52:34,029
It had been a lame idea to go on
a date during spring break.
771
00:52:34,404 --> 00:52:37,198
It was time for me to do
what everybody else did in Cabo.
772
00:52:37,490 --> 00:52:40,076
-Hey, can I get four Coronas?
-Get shit-faced.
773
00:52:45,749 --> 00:52:47,917
-Now a shot. Here we go!
-One more!
774
00:52:51,421 --> 00:52:53,423
Hey, can I have
two more Coronas?
775
00:52:56,968 --> 00:52:58,136
Cheers, motherfucker.
776
00:53:14,194 --> 00:53:16,529
Hey, Hans!
Hans, Hans!
777
00:53:25,413 --> 00:53:28,041
Eddie, you can't even keep
your eyes open. You're cut!
778
00:53:30,043 --> 00:53:32,754
Yeah, He's fucking done, dude.
"D-U-N, done."
779
00:53:34,589 --> 00:53:36,049
All right.
Get his ass in there.
780
00:53:38,468 --> 00:53:39,636
Bye.
781
00:53:44,307 --> 00:53:46,434
-Come on, Eddie. Let's go.
-Come on. Up. Step up.
782
00:53:46,643 --> 00:53:49,562
-It's like a cartoon. We can't fit.
-I know.
783
00:53:53,108 --> 00:53:54,734
All right.
Come on, baby. We got it.
784
00:53:54,984 --> 00:53:57,278
-Here, baby.
-I'll be all right.
785
00:53:57,654 --> 00:54:00,281
-I know. Just lay down, baby.
-All right.
786
00:54:00,490 --> 00:54:01,991
-There you go. There you go.
-We're going to fuck with him now.
787
00:54:03,535 --> 00:54:06,287
-This should be easy.
-What we do? Dental floss him?
788
00:54:07,330 --> 00:54:09,207
-Youjust... I'm going in.
-No, no, no. No, you first.
789
00:54:09,666 --> 00:54:11,167
-Fits pretty good, actually.
-Wait, wait, wait.
790
00:54:16,089 --> 00:54:19,426
I'm going to stick this up his ass
and then pull the pen out.
791
00:54:19,759 --> 00:54:22,971
So he's going to wake up with
a condom hanging out of his ass.
792
00:54:23,179 --> 00:54:25,932
-That's kind of funny, actually.
-I don't know if I can do this.
793
00:54:26,683 --> 00:54:29,436
Get a foot. Pull.
Let's just roll him over first.
794
00:54:32,981 --> 00:54:35,191
He's squirming.
He's squirming.
795
00:54:36,526 --> 00:54:38,528
-This is kind of fucked up.
-Isn't that the guy?
796
00:54:38,778 --> 00:54:39,821
That's the guy!
797
00:54:40,697 --> 00:54:42,115
We're going to try it out here.
798
00:54:46,870 --> 00:54:48,204
He's squirming.
799
00:54:49,164 --> 00:54:50,540
-Oh, dude.
-They're sticking it in his ass!
800
00:54:52,375 --> 00:54:54,169
-Oh my God!
-Is it a done deal?
801
00:54:55,378 --> 00:54:56,379
Oh my God!
802
00:54:57,255 --> 00:54:59,049
Oh, they did it!
803
00:55:00,216 --> 00:55:01,760
-He's good, dude. He's good.
-Sweet.
804
00:55:02,010 --> 00:55:03,970
That will teach him
to drink that much.
805
00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,100
So, how did they get
the G-string on me?
806
00:55:09,601 --> 00:55:11,144
It was put on you.
807
00:55:11,269 --> 00:55:14,731
I didn't do it, but did you woke up
with a condom in your ass?
808
00:55:15,357 --> 00:55:18,943
I don't know about that,
but I remember I had a G-string on.
809
00:55:19,194 --> 00:55:21,196
Acondom in my ass? Maybe
it's still up there for all I know.
810
00:55:22,572 --> 00:55:23,782
-Hey.
-What?
811
00:55:23,990 --> 00:55:25,700
-Where are you going?
-Calling Shana.
812
00:55:26,326 --> 00:55:28,536
Why can't youjust go...
I don't understand.
813
00:55:28,745 --> 00:55:31,498
Ok, honestly, I don't understand why
you can't go to Mexico for a week...
814
00:55:31,706 --> 00:55:35,043
and just be like "I love you",
or whateveryou say to her...
815
00:55:35,168 --> 00:55:36,961
and then like
"I'll see you in a week."
816
00:55:38,672 --> 00:55:40,590
What does it matterto you
if I call her? What does it matter?
817
00:55:40,799 --> 00:55:43,968
'Cause I want you to knowthat you
can live without your girlfriend.
818
00:55:44,260 --> 00:55:48,682
I'm not trying to be a dick to Amy,
but I am. What are you going to do?
819
00:55:48,848 --> 00:55:51,476
-First of all, that's your nature.
-I told Amy right when we left.
820
00:55:51,726 --> 00:55:54,562
-We had a little talk and whatever.
-You've been dating for 2 months.
821
00:55:55,730 --> 00:55:57,774
This is the difference
in our relationships.
822
00:55:57,857 --> 00:56:00,443
-What? What are four extra months?
-Five.
823
00:56:01,236 --> 00:56:03,071
Like, what happens
when you break up...
824
00:56:03,571 --> 00:56:06,074
You're the guy, that when
you break up with your girlfriend...
825
00:56:06,241 --> 00:56:09,411
you go like, cry for a fucking year
and don't move and go out.
826
00:56:10,578 --> 00:56:13,289
Wait. Don't go that far, ace.
827
00:56:24,467 --> 00:56:26,094
-Hello.
-What's up?
828
00:56:26,386 --> 00:56:27,887
I haven't really slept at all.
829
00:56:28,388 --> 00:56:30,390
I slept last night finally,
'cause I was so...
830
00:56:30,682 --> 00:56:32,851
just like emotionally
and physically exhausted.
831
00:56:33,184 --> 00:56:34,978
What are you worried about, hon?
832
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,981
I've beenjust concerned about you
for a while...
833
00:56:38,356 --> 00:56:41,818
and it made it worse yesterday,
when I didn't get to talk to you.
834
00:56:43,111 --> 00:56:47,282
Last night I felt like I had a brick
wall and couldn't see anything...
835
00:56:47,657 --> 00:56:50,285
like this is the way I felt and
I couldn't see it ever going away.
836
00:56:50,618 --> 00:56:52,912
-What do you mean "not going away"?
-You didn't call me yesterday...
837
00:56:56,708 --> 00:56:58,752
and I felt like you were
just being insensitive...
838
00:56:59,294 --> 00:57:03,256
to the fact that I was...
that this is hard on me.
839
00:57:03,548 --> 00:57:06,968
-I know and I'm sorry.
-I just want to be able to talk.
840
00:57:11,014 --> 00:57:12,974
-You know what I mean?
-Yeah.
841
00:57:14,142 --> 00:57:17,103
-Okay.
-All right, baby.
842
00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:18,980
I miss you.
843
00:57:20,857 --> 00:57:22,108
Bye.
844
00:57:31,785 --> 00:57:34,454
Day four.
The Booze Cruise.
845
00:57:35,330 --> 00:57:36,664
Welcome to the bar!
846
00:57:37,332 --> 00:57:39,876
The guys thought it was time
for me to meet some new girls...
847
00:57:40,251 --> 00:57:42,295
but I was still
kind of into Tara.
848
00:57:42,587 --> 00:57:44,756
I wasn't sure if she wanted
to hook up...
849
00:57:45,006 --> 00:57:48,259
But three hours trapped at sea
would be a good way to find out.
850
00:57:48,551 --> 00:57:53,056
Ok, everybody! This is a party
boat and everybody wants to party.
851
00:57:53,348 --> 00:57:55,308
Let me hear you make
some noise!
852
00:57:56,559 --> 00:57:58,520
Everything is possible onboard.
853
00:57:59,521 --> 00:58:03,400
You want to dance? Dance!
You want to drink? Drink!
854
00:58:03,775 --> 00:58:06,027
Get crazy!
855
00:58:11,199 --> 00:58:12,367
Do you surf?
856
00:58:12,992 --> 00:58:16,037
No. I've never done it before.
I doubt I could ever do that.
857
00:58:19,499 --> 00:58:22,836
Fat guys and little people?
Women flock.
858
00:58:24,254 --> 00:58:28,049
-How much do you weigh?
-I can squat 330 pounds.
859
00:58:28,258 --> 00:58:30,552
I could pick you up and dance
with you on my shoulders.
860
00:58:31,261 --> 00:58:32,095
Really?
861
00:58:34,931 --> 00:58:36,141
Hold that.
862
00:58:47,569 --> 00:58:49,571
No fucking way!
863
00:58:50,530 --> 00:58:52,532
That's a fucking mind-blower!
864
00:58:54,534 --> 00:58:56,286
That's a fucking mind-blower!
865
00:58:58,246 --> 00:59:00,373
I going to make dumb faces
when I'm in the sun.
866
00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:05,045
-You're very concerned.
-Well, no. I just think it's funny.
867
00:59:05,295 --> 00:59:07,505
-I think you need to be a little...
-When I'm with a pretty girl...
868
00:59:07,714 --> 00:59:09,591
I don't want to be making
dumb faces.
869
00:59:11,051 --> 00:59:13,053
I want you to be you, Eddie.
870
00:59:15,055 --> 00:59:18,016
So what are you saying? "Me" is
making dumb faces, is that it?
871
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:19,851
-I'm just kidding.
-I don't consideryourface...
872
00:59:51,925 --> 00:59:55,679
God bless you for coming.
Free party, our place.
873
00:59:56,137 --> 00:59:58,973
We got a full bar. I want you guys
all to make it. I love you guys.
874
00:59:59,349 --> 01:00:02,435
If you want to make out with me,
it's $5.00.
875
01:00:03,561 --> 01:00:04,479
Come on, guys.
876
01:00:04,729 --> 01:00:07,941
-There was a party at our place.
-It works better with no clothes.
877
01:00:08,233 --> 01:00:10,235
But I really wasn't
that interested.
878
01:00:10,777 --> 01:00:13,321
Tara and I were going back
to her room.
879
01:00:13,738 --> 01:00:15,073
You don't have a key
to your own fucking room?
880
01:00:15,573 --> 01:00:18,034
They don't trust me with the keys,
'cause I loose them every time.
881
01:00:21,246 --> 01:00:25,041
-Hello.
-Things are going to get freaky.
882
01:00:26,793 --> 01:00:28,712
So, maybe I'll see you tomorrow
or something, ok?
883
01:00:35,844 --> 01:00:38,138
What the fuckjust happened?
Shit.
884
01:00:46,646 --> 01:00:48,606
I have a huge head.
885
01:00:48,898 --> 01:00:52,235
-Yeah, we know.
-That's my weapon, you know.
886
01:00:52,569 --> 01:00:54,195
-Give me a head butt, baby.
-God. It's killing me, dude.
887
01:00:55,447 --> 01:00:56,656
Oh, Christ almighty.
888
01:00:58,241 --> 01:00:59,451
I held nothing back.
889
01:00:59,951 --> 01:01:03,079
-Who cares? Who cares?
-Why are your shorts unbuttoned?
890
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,540
They've been unbuttoned
the whole time.
891
01:01:05,790 --> 01:01:08,126
I'll need the key.
I'm going to get some money.
892
01:01:09,794 --> 01:01:11,463
Where are you really
going with her?
893
01:01:12,630 --> 01:01:14,883
-You're not getting money.
-Getting poontang pie.
894
01:01:46,039 --> 01:01:46,998
Have you seen Amy at all?
895
01:01:47,374 --> 01:01:48,958
They're knocking it out L.P. style,
you know what I'm saying?
896
01:01:49,125 --> 01:01:50,835
No, they are not. I am like
best friends with Amy.
897
01:01:51,169 --> 01:01:55,173
-She would not do that.
-That's what you think.
898
01:01:56,341 --> 01:01:57,467
Come here, baby.
899
01:02:02,097 --> 01:02:03,390
Don't stop.
900
01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,351
-Where's Amy?
-She's in my room with him.
901
01:02:06,726 --> 01:02:09,437
-What room number are you in?
-She knows where we are.
902
01:02:09,604 --> 01:02:11,481
I know where it is.
Let's go.
903
01:02:12,357 --> 01:02:14,067
They're going to walk in
on that shit.
904
01:02:14,859 --> 01:02:17,028
They're like
the overprotective friends.
905
01:02:18,697 --> 01:02:21,783
Dude, he probably already
blew his load. Don't worry.
906
01:02:28,832 --> 01:02:30,333
Hey, hon. Let's go.
907
01:03:08,329 --> 01:03:11,541
Hans, I love you to death, buddy,
but we had an agreement.
908
01:03:19,049 --> 01:03:21,760
-Is he completely passed out, though?
-He's pretty done.
909
01:03:22,260 --> 01:03:24,429
-Take care, buddy.
-Hey, don't. Why are you talking?
910
01:03:35,106 --> 01:03:37,108
Sleep like a baby.
911
01:03:37,359 --> 01:03:38,693
All right. Let's go.
912
01:03:38,943 --> 01:03:40,779
Shit. There's a lot of luggage.
913
01:03:50,872 --> 01:03:54,918
That was for everyone who ever
fucked with me. Sorry, Hans.
914
01:04:56,604 --> 01:04:58,940
It was my last day
in Mexico...
915
01:04:59,190 --> 01:05:01,818
and it looked like
I was going home a virgin.
916
01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:07,866
It was time to kick back
on the beach with my friends...
917
01:05:08,158 --> 01:05:10,326
and stop worrying about girls.
918
01:05:21,254 --> 01:05:22,380
Besides...
919
01:05:22,589 --> 01:05:26,176
there are more important things
in life than sex, right?
920
01:05:31,806 --> 01:05:34,184
-Is that Tara right there?
-Where?
921
01:05:34,392 --> 01:05:36,644
-Sitting right there?
-I have no idea.
922
01:05:36,895 --> 01:05:38,271
-How are you?
-Fine.
923
01:05:38,605 --> 01:05:40,607
You're doing well with all
your little boyfriends overthere.
924
01:05:40,857 --> 01:05:44,486
-What?
-I can't talk. My voice is gone.
925
01:05:44,736 --> 01:05:47,864
-Why?
-Because I've been yelling in clubs.
926
01:05:48,073 --> 01:05:49,741
-So you've been a little too crazy.
-Oh yeah.
927
01:05:49,991 --> 01:05:51,159
Do you dance?
928
01:05:52,786 --> 01:05:54,204
Touchy subject?
929
01:05:55,705 --> 01:05:57,332
I think we're going to make
our move back to the pool.
930
01:05:57,665 --> 01:05:59,376
-Are we going to go eat then?
-I think so.
931
01:05:59,542 --> 01:06:01,586
-Going to go in the ocean, buddy?
-I'm going to pee. You want to come?
932
01:06:03,505 --> 01:06:06,007
Hey, Hansy, how are we
getting back?
933
01:06:06,299 --> 01:06:08,885
Watertaxi or walking.
I don't care.
934
01:06:09,260 --> 01:06:12,514
I can't believe he's like 21.
He's hilarious.
935
01:06:13,598 --> 01:06:15,850
-He's quite a guy.
-You know he's peeing right now.
936
01:06:16,101 --> 01:06:20,188
He's got his arms lifted. He doesn't
want to touch his own water.
937
01:06:20,438 --> 01:06:21,773
-He's hilarious.
-I just love him.
938
01:06:22,023 --> 01:06:25,652
He doesn't give a rat's ass about
what anybody thinks about him.
939
01:06:28,988 --> 01:06:30,448
-You're going to the hot tub?
-Yeah.
940
01:06:38,665 --> 01:06:41,126
-Hot tub.
-You got to come to the hot tub.
941
01:06:53,263 --> 01:06:54,597
Hey, Ghertner!
942
01:06:54,806 --> 01:06:57,308
-Oh my...
-Look at this!
943
01:06:57,976 --> 01:06:59,853
Go, Eddie, man!
944
01:07:26,838 --> 01:07:28,340
Gracias, Tito.
945
01:08:02,207 --> 01:08:04,167
-Hello.
-What's up?
946
01:08:04,876 --> 01:08:06,586
Nothing. How are you?
947
01:08:07,128 --> 01:08:08,421
I'm good. How are you?
948
01:08:09,839 --> 01:08:11,341
I just want you to come back.
949
01:08:14,719 --> 01:08:16,930
It's the longest time we've ever
been away from each other.
950
01:08:17,430 --> 01:08:18,515
Ever.
951
01:08:18,890 --> 01:08:20,767
We need to find some girls.
952
01:08:21,893 --> 01:08:25,647
Yeah, we're losers. We're in Cabo
and we can't find girls.
953
01:08:26,189 --> 01:08:29,401
On the other hand,
Ed could be fucking right now.
954
01:08:42,580 --> 01:08:44,582
But I miss you to death.
955
01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:47,210
I can't keep you off my mind.
It's out of control.
956
01:08:47,419 --> 01:08:49,254
I physically could not
sleep last night.
957
01:08:51,506 --> 01:08:54,634
-Seriously.
-I know.
958
01:08:55,468 --> 01:08:58,263
After this drink,
we're on alcohol probation.
959
01:08:59,014 --> 01:09:01,599
-No mas alcohol.
-No mas alcohol.
960
01:09:01,933 --> 01:09:04,102
Or "alcohol",
forthose who can not vote.
961
01:09:04,602 --> 01:09:06,271
"Chicas primera".
962
01:09:07,355 --> 01:09:09,190
-"Ladies first."
-Empty your drink.
963
01:09:12,527 --> 01:09:13,778
Another drink?
964
01:09:14,654 --> 01:09:16,781
-"Uno mas?"
-"Uno mas. Uno mas."
965
01:09:17,449 --> 01:09:20,076
-Hey. Two. "Dos!"
-"Dos! Dos!"
966
01:09:34,299 --> 01:09:36,843
You have to know, like,
when this all done...
967
01:09:37,177 --> 01:09:39,512
you're the only girl
I ever want to be with.
968
01:09:41,139 --> 01:09:44,142
-Are you teary eyed?
-Yeah.
969
01:09:45,185 --> 01:09:47,645
-I love you.
-I love you too.
970
01:09:48,730 --> 01:09:50,940
-Bye.
-Bye.
971
01:09:53,151 --> 01:09:55,487
I am a fucking piece of shit.
972
01:09:56,696 --> 01:09:59,491
-Hey, come here. Come here.
-Hey. No, no, no. Punch me.
973
01:09:59,866 --> 01:10:02,160
-I'll help you.
-Punch me.
974
01:10:02,369 --> 01:10:05,497
-Punch me, punch me.
-Punch you? What side?
975
01:10:11,378 --> 01:10:14,964
No, no, no. I honestly think that
Eddie is knocking it out right now.
976
01:10:15,507 --> 01:10:17,133
-Are you serious.
-I honestly think that.
977
01:10:17,467 --> 01:10:19,928
-Atta boy, Eddie.
-What happened?
978
01:11:04,389 --> 01:11:05,682
-I'm out.
-Okay.
979
01:11:09,602 --> 01:11:11,604
-You give me a call.
-No, you.
980
01:11:11,813 --> 01:11:13,314
-I will, I will.
-Yeah.
981
01:11:13,565 --> 01:11:15,942
Thanks, Tara. Thanks.
I'll see you later.
982
01:12:15,585 --> 01:12:17,754
We did it once then
we took a showertogether.
983
01:12:18,963 --> 01:12:20,590
This guy is a pro already.
984
01:12:21,675 --> 01:12:23,927
And we did it again.
-No fucking way!
985
01:12:24,386 --> 01:12:26,304
The second time was shorter
than the first time though.
986
01:12:30,058 --> 01:12:33,269
You've had sex as many times as
I have in my life, in the last hour.
987
01:12:34,312 --> 01:12:36,147
Look at him, man.
He's a new guy.
988
01:12:37,649 --> 01:12:39,442
-Yeah, look at him.
-Now, he's going to be like...
989
01:12:39,693 --> 01:12:41,861
-He's like "I'm no amateur".
-Yeah.
990
01:12:42,320 --> 01:12:44,781
I do like her. So I'll probably
hang out with her at the meeting.
991
01:12:45,198 --> 01:12:46,866
-Hell, yeah, man.
-Obviously.
992
01:12:49,035 --> 01:12:51,413
-Congratulations.
-That's fucking awesome.
993
01:13:01,089 --> 01:13:02,507
As much as...
994
01:13:02,841 --> 01:13:05,760
we all came down here to have
a great time and everything...
995
01:13:06,094 --> 01:13:07,971
I think everyone knows
the number-one goal...
996
01:13:08,263 --> 01:13:10,682
was to get this guy laid.
997
01:13:11,599 --> 01:13:13,518
And I think that,
I think that's good.
998
01:13:13,893 --> 01:13:16,438
-Nice.
-You did it under your terms.
999
01:13:16,813 --> 01:13:18,982
and you had fun and I think
that's commendable.
1000
01:13:19,232 --> 01:13:21,151
And I'm glad you did, because...
1001
01:13:21,443 --> 01:13:24,195
Now we don't make fun of you
anymore.
1002
01:13:25,405 --> 01:13:26,698
Congrats, Eddie.
1003
01:13:27,449 --> 01:13:28,992
-Here's to all of us, to all of us.
-To everybody.
1004
01:13:29,242 --> 01:13:30,952
-Well, everybody.
-I agree.
1005
01:13:31,453 --> 01:13:33,038
Eddie, here's to you.
1006
01:13:36,332 --> 01:13:40,045
So nowthat we're all done, let's get
fucked up and have a party.
1007
01:13:50,847 --> 01:13:52,599
The quest was complete.
1008
01:13:53,058 --> 01:13:55,894
Thanks to my friend
and Tara, of course...
1009
01:13:56,227 --> 01:13:58,563
I was no longer a virgin.
1010
01:13:59,230 --> 01:14:01,775
But I know what you're thinking.
What about Josh?
1011
01:14:02,025 --> 01:14:03,651
What happened on his quest?
1012
01:14:04,027 --> 01:14:06,196
-You don't have a girlfriend?
-No girlfriend.
1013
01:14:06,446 --> 01:14:08,281
Because I don't have
a boyfriend.
1014
01:14:13,578 --> 01:14:17,582
"Ay, chihuahua."
"Es muy grande."
1015
01:14:17,874 --> 01:14:19,334
I told you.
1016
01:14:36,601 --> 01:14:41,064
I lost my virginity when I was 21
to my photographer husband...
1017
01:14:41,439 --> 01:14:46,653
who had flashlight to see where
he was going because it was so dark.
1018
01:14:47,487 --> 01:14:50,782
I would let him touch my titties
and my pussy...
1019
01:14:51,157 --> 01:14:52,742
and I would touch his...
1020
01:14:52,992 --> 01:14:54,577
I would feel his...
1021
01:14:54,994 --> 01:14:58,039
What do I call?
His what? "Dick"?
1022
01:14:58,498 --> 01:15:01,042
I never did say that, you guys!
1023
01:15:11,219 --> 01:15:13,805
I bet you a dollar he wakes up.
1024
01:15:14,806 --> 01:15:16,766
-Do I again. Do it again.
-Okay.
1025
01:15:22,355 --> 01:15:24,107
Dude, this is awesome.
1026
01:15:26,026 --> 01:15:29,154
My first sexual experience
was with a whore.
1027
01:15:29,779 --> 01:15:31,281
I had sex with a priest.
1028
01:15:31,990 --> 01:15:33,825
ACatholic priest, yes.
1029
01:15:34,993 --> 01:15:37,037
He wasn't very well endowed.
1030
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:39,789
I'm a freaky, crazy
motherfucker.
1031
01:15:40,081 --> 01:15:42,876
I like tojust make her
scream. holler.
1032
01:15:44,252 --> 01:15:46,588
And, you know, I'm pretty successful
at that too.
1033
01:15:47,964 --> 01:15:49,382
You ready? Go.
1034
01:15:50,884 --> 01:15:52,552
-Hanging on?
-Got it.
1035
01:15:52,886 --> 01:15:54,929
I feel like I'm...
Holy fuck!
1036
01:15:55,388 --> 01:15:57,474
This is like four-dwarves tall!
1037
01:15:57,891 --> 01:15:59,434
Honey, you lay down, shut up.
1038
01:16:00,435 --> 01:16:02,479
Somebody get him
some water, please.
1039
01:16:05,357 --> 01:16:07,317
You did not just do that.
1040
01:16:07,567 --> 01:16:10,403
You did notjust do that.
That's totally uncool!
1041
01:16:21,873 --> 01:16:23,500
Ticklish? Ticklish?
Ticklish? Ticklish?
1042
01:16:23,667 --> 01:16:26,127
-Dude!
-Ticklish? Ticklish?
1043
01:16:26,753 --> 01:16:28,088
Yah, what's up now?.
1044
01:16:30,382 --> 01:16:33,218
Good dog!
Good Tyler!
1045
01:16:33,635 --> 01:16:37,055
Drink! Drink! Drink!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
1046
01:16:41,518 --> 01:16:45,230
-He's down, baby. He's down.
-Cut it! Cut it! Got it!
1047
01:16:45,647 --> 01:16:48,191
-I'm coming baby. I'm coming.
-Saved it. Saved it.
78313
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