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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,041 --> 00:00:00,041 23.976 2 00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:55,096 My first sexual experience was with a gal from LaLolla... 3 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:58,641 that I rode on the bus down to San Francisco. 4 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:02,937 And we checked into a San Francisco hotel, and... 5 00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:07,442 Anyway, she had a friend. And herfriend came up, and... 6 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:12,572 So, anyway, we had a real orgy. Acouple fellows came. 7 00:01:13,490 --> 00:01:15,158 That's about all I can say. 8 00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,454 My husband had a huge cock. 9 00:01:19,621 --> 00:01:24,334 And the first time that I felt it on our wedding night... 10 00:01:25,293 --> 00:01:27,253 really, I was in ecstasy. 11 00:01:27,671 --> 00:01:31,466 I just felt like a flock of birds was flying under my ass. 12 00:01:31,841 --> 00:01:33,927 Everyone remembers their first time. 13 00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:36,680 Unless, of course, you never had one. 14 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:40,558 My name is Eddie Macsalka, and I'm a 21-year-old virgin. 15 00:01:41,726 --> 00:01:45,480 Hey, it's not by choice. I'm ready to have sex right now. 16 00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:49,150 The only thing missing is a girl who feels the same way. 17 00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:51,820 I would never sleep with a virgin... 18 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:55,365 unless I was a virgin maybe. But, I'm not. 19 00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:59,494 Eddie seems like he is very shy. 20 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,246 He doesn't like to talk to girls. 21 00:02:01,746 --> 00:02:03,707 And... he doesn't have the game. 22 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:07,544 He wouldn't like to hearthis, but he's more of a friend person. 23 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,672 Friend person? Wait a second. 24 00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:14,342 What about that guy? That's my best friend Hans. 25 00:02:15,635 --> 00:02:18,054 He's got back hair, man boobs... 26 00:02:18,221 --> 00:02:21,683 and an uncircumcised penis, and even he's been laid. 27 00:02:22,017 --> 00:02:24,269 That's one hell of a pina colada. 28 00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,771 I don't know what my problem is. 29 00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,690 It's not like I haven't tried. 30 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,316 I know you said you're dating someone, but... 31 00:02:30,567 --> 00:02:33,695 -do you want to go out to dinner? -Sounds good. 32 00:02:34,696 --> 00:02:39,451 -So, what is your number? -720-11... 33 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:49,878 The number you have reached is not in service. This is a... 34 00:02:52,339 --> 00:02:54,257 -Kyle. -Yeah. 35 00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,594 I think she gave me a wrong number. 36 00:02:58,845 --> 00:03:00,930 That's it. I've had it. 37 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:03,475 I'm tired of being the only virgin. 38 00:03:03,933 --> 00:03:06,519 I'm tired of everyone making fun of me. 39 00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:09,856 And I'm really tired of whacking off. 40 00:03:16,571 --> 00:03:18,031 Good Lord. 41 00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:21,201 But that's all about to change. 42 00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,244 The guys have gotten together... 43 00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,455 Johnny, Kyle... 44 00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:27,707 Bryan, Matt... 45 00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:30,210 Ghertner and Hans. 46 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,963 They're taking me to the one place where even I have a chance. 47 00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:35,674 Mexico. 48 00:03:36,132 --> 00:03:39,928 We're on a quest. A quest to get me laid. 49 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:51,856 All right, guys, listen up. 50 00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,067 We're gonna get Eddie laid in Cabo. What counts is gettin'laid. 51 00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:57,070 -Any orifice penetration. -Anal sex? 52 00:03:57,278 --> 00:04:00,031 Anal sex isn't sex. So, it wouldn't count. 53 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,991 -Anal sex has to be sex. -It's not. 54 00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,619 You meet a girl And she is virgin, 'kay? 55 00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:08,456 You poke her in the butt. Now she's fucking not a virgin? 56 00:04:09,165 --> 00:04:12,210 -She's still a virgin. -Yes! That's why anal sex isn't sex. 57 00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,379 Bryan, anal sex... is it sex? 58 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,588 -No. -lf you're a... See? 59 00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:17,132 -Kyle? -No. 60 00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:18,842 -Is anal sex sex? -No. 61 00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,969 -Matty? -It has the word "sex". It's sex. 62 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:23,680 -Yes, thank you. -So, oral sex is sex? No way. 63 00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:27,809 -Oral sex is not sex. -Ghertner's no. Johnny "Kansas". 64 00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,228 Anal sex is sex, Johnny says. Hans? 65 00:04:30,437 --> 00:04:34,774 It involves a humping motion into somebody's behind. It's sex. 66 00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:38,194 So, majority rules. Anal sex is sex. 67 00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:42,657 Right, we're doing shots. Here's to Cabo and hittin' chicks in pooper. 68 00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:45,035 Hittin' chicks in the pooper and gettin' Eddie laid. 69 00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:47,287 -Cheers. -Yeah, all right. 70 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,125 How do you not knowthat you need a birth certificate to go to Mexico? 71 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:56,504 I'm pissed off too, but how was I supposed to know?. 72 00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:58,214 All right. Let's get out of here. 73 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:04,262 We were all takin' bets the other night when we were out... 74 00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:07,849 on what kind of chick you're gonna lose your virginity to. 75 00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:10,685 So, I want to hear what you think. 76 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:14,731 I thought she was gonna be, like, uh, sort of slutty hot. 77 00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:18,318 Not like slutty slutty, but, like, slutty hot. You know what I mean? 78 00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,363 -That's what I thought. -I think she'll be cute. 79 00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:24,366 I'm notjust gonna pick some random girljust because she... 80 00:05:24,699 --> 00:05:26,743 Well, maybe I will. I don't know. 81 00:05:27,827 --> 00:05:30,413 We should take bets on how long you'll last. 82 00:05:31,247 --> 00:05:33,208 Oh, I'll be under a minute. 83 00:05:43,927 --> 00:05:45,261 Hello. 84 00:05:47,389 --> 00:05:49,099 You're leaving me. 85 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,478 I'll only think about you the whole time. You know it. 86 00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,232 I always do. You're my baby. 87 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:05,865 You probably just want me calling as much as possible, whenever I can. 88 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:10,453 Okay. I may have a life while you're gone. I don't know. 89 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:14,916 Hopefully, I won't be sitting by the phone all day long. 90 00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,837 -I'll be upset if you don't call... -I'll call. 91 00:06:18,962 --> 00:06:20,171 I know you will. 92 00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:27,929 Beautiful Penrose, Colorado. 93 00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:31,141 -Population, 38. -Where's Mama Mac? 94 00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:33,768 She should run out with pies. Go, "Eddie! Eddie!" 95 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:36,104 Eddie! Hi. 96 00:06:37,814 --> 00:06:39,274 -Hi. How are you? -Good. How are you? 97 00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:40,734 -Good. -You doin' all right? 98 00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:42,235 -Good. -Do you have my birth certificate? 99 00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:45,613 Yeah, let me get it foryou. I wish you hadn't have forgotten this. 100 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:53,163 I got a buddy, he's a virgin. What do you got for him? 101 00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:56,041 Somethin' good for a first-timer? 102 00:06:56,833 --> 00:06:59,961 Ooh, that's a hard one. I have cock rings. 103 00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:02,213 It helps him last longer... 104 00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:06,801 increases size. From a woman perspective, which is what I love. 105 00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:11,222 Well, let's get him the best lube forthe occasion. 106 00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:13,808 That's my pick. Eros is the best. 107 00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:15,769 I'm thinkin' maybe a little crazierthough. 108 00:07:16,019 --> 00:07:18,646 Crazier? Gotta have one of those. 109 00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:21,608 No shit. The swing. This is funckin' sweet. 110 00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,404 Do you have, like, a shopping cart? 111 00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:29,199 What are you guys gonna do for spring break? 112 00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,660 -We'rejust going down to Cabo. -To Cabo? 113 00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,164 -For what? -What do you mean, for what? 114 00:07:36,373 --> 00:07:37,999 -For a party. -For partying. 115 00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,669 A lot of things you don't want to know about. 116 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:44,297 -We're gonna go down to have fun. -He's gonna make you proud. 117 00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,508 Yes, mom. Obviously. 118 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,094 -We'll be all right, mama. -He'll make you proud. 119 00:07:49,886 --> 00:07:52,222 -Okay. -We're gonna be doin' the bad stuff. 120 00:07:52,722 --> 00:07:54,766 Yeah. It's a good thing you're not my mom. 121 00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,520 -I love ya. -Whateveryou do, use protection. 122 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:00,522 -Oh, okay. Thank you, mom. -Have a great time. 123 00:08:01,439 --> 00:08:03,566 -Be very careful. -I will, thanks, mom. 124 00:08:04,109 --> 00:08:05,944 Pick me up, we'll take a ride 125 00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:08,571 I'll get my things And wait outside 126 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,865 -And we can go away -Bye, mom. 127 00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,285 Let's go far away 128 00:08:14,452 --> 00:08:17,414 We're on our way 129 00:08:17,747 --> 00:08:20,041 We're just little lost 130 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,877 We might be late 131 00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,463 But I know we'll get there 132 00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:31,845 We're on our way This timewe'll take it on 133 00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:36,224 You and I on A one-way trip to somewhere 134 00:08:40,228 --> 00:08:44,441 All right, boys. Let's funckin' rock and roll to Mexico. 135 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,569 -Holy! -Oh, you hit that car. 136 00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,948 -Oh, shit. -Youjust hit Bryan's car. 137 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,201 Oh, shit. That was Bryan's car. Fuck. 138 00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:59,956 Is he comin' out here? 139 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,460 -Bry... -It's funckin' ass-cold outr here. 140 00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:07,881 -I'm sorry, brother. -Did you do that? 141 00:09:08,131 --> 00:09:09,257 Yeah. 142 00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,677 Pullin' in to get you guys, I fuckin'... 143 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,431 cut a little close or something. 144 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:22,645 This time don't wait up for me 145 00:09:22,979 --> 00:09:27,942 -We can't turn back -1, 2. Move it or lose it. Let's go. 146 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,112 All right, kids, you ready to rock and roll? 147 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,012 -572? -We're goin' this way. 148 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,890 -Oh, nelly. -Let's see what it is. 149 00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,685 -Holy shit. -Look at our deck. 150 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,729 -No way. Look at this shit. -Jesus Christ! 151 00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:09,067 -Are you kiddin' me with this shit? -No fuckin' way! 152 00:10:09,234 --> 00:10:11,236 Look at this view. Come here. 153 00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,655 Oh, God bless you, Cabo San Lucas. 154 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:16,700 God bless you, Cabo San Lucas. 155 00:10:19,911 --> 00:10:21,788 Holy shit! 156 00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,500 There were hot girls everywhere. 157 00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:30,630 But unfortunately, I wasn't the only guy trying to get laid. 158 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:32,298 Hey, guys, what can I do forya? 159 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:35,677 -Hey, Long Island, Long Island. -All right. 160 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,387 Kamikaze, senor. 161 00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,597 There names were Josh and Alex.... 162 00:10:39,889 --> 00:10:41,933 and they were on a quest of their own. 163 00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:43,852 Josh is a tall girl virgin. 164 00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:48,690 I mean, he macks on the dwarf girls. 165 00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:52,068 But I don't know what happens when it comes to the tall girls. 166 00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:55,905 It'd be great. You know, just beautiful, tall woman. 167 00:10:56,072 --> 00:10:59,117 Legs wrapped around my small, insignificant body. 168 00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,537 It would be a dream come true. I mean, it'd just be wonderful. 169 00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:06,374 I'm gonna find Josh the tallest possible girl I can run in to. 170 00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:11,087 And, we're gonna hook him up, and he's gonna bang her. 171 00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:15,550 Okay, everybody, get ready for the sexual positions contest. 172 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,929 We're gonna enterthe contest. We're doing the sexual position contest. 173 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,723 Guy-girl teams? 174 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,559 It could be guy-girl, girl-girl, guy-guy. 175 00:11:24,809 --> 00:11:28,480 Let's get this contest started. Make some noise! 176 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:31,107 Oh, shit 177 00:12:02,138 --> 00:12:04,641 All right. Here's our next group! 178 00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,018 Let's give'em some love! 179 00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:30,333 -Why don't me and you do it? -Yeah, I'll do it. 180 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,502 I'll get down, and we can do the toilet seat. 181 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:34,170 -You'll do with him? -I'll do it with Hansy. 182 00:12:34,379 --> 00:12:37,298 -Go! -We had a virgin and a fat-ass. 183 00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:42,804 But if we wanted to avoid last place we had to find some willing females. 184 00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:45,140 There names were Tara and Melissa. 185 00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:47,976 They were sophomores at the University of Washington. 186 00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:51,646 Here's what we're doin'. We're each gonna be holdin' you... 187 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:52,897 like holdin' you, like ridin' you against a wall. 188 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,358 -You hold... -And you're gonna lean back... 189 00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,402 and then you're gonna start makin' out with Josh... 190 00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,362 as you're leaning back and then you flash. 191 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,990 Thirty seconds to leave your mark on the crowd. 192 00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:08,496 Take it off!. 193 00:13:08,705 --> 00:13:11,082 -We'll hold you up like this. -I'd rather go up and flash. 194 00:13:11,332 --> 00:13:13,960 We'll take it off and grind overthe top of her. 195 00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:16,171 -I don't understand. -Okay, listen, listen. 196 00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,181 She's gonna lay down as soon as we get up there. 197 00:13:26,389 --> 00:13:28,516 I'm gonna take off hertop. She's taking off my top. 198 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:32,062 We're gonna grind. We're gonna make out. 199 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,356 -And, wheneveryou guys come in... -Where are we in this? 200 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,066 You find your own place. 201 00:13:36,316 --> 00:13:39,110 This is our final group! Let'see what they got. 202 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,035 It's time to fuck some ass! 203 00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:35,583 We may not have won the contest, but thanks to Tara and Melissa... 204 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,919 I had already simulated sex. 205 00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:41,798 Hopefully that night, I'd get the real thing. 206 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:45,719 So, you know what? It shouldn't be that hard. 207 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:49,305 It shouldn't be this hard to find some chik. 208 00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,683 -Hey, what's up you all? -Hey. 209 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:55,437 How you guys doin'? Have you ever hooked up with a dwarf before? 210 00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:57,939 -Never. -No. Man, well, you're missing out. 211 00:14:58,189 --> 00:15:00,400 This kid's never hooked up with a tall girl before. 212 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,485 -Why do you guys think that we... -Why do you have to say this? 213 00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:03,737 That would be good. 214 00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:06,823 Tell'em the "L" theory. Chicks dig that. 215 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,908 -Okay, I wanna hear it. -Tell us the "L" theory. 216 00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:10,827 All right, the "L" theory is, like... 217 00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:14,372 All right, ready? You got yourtall guy, and, whoo. 218 00:15:15,874 --> 00:15:18,251 And then you got your short guy. 219 00:15:18,752 --> 00:15:20,587 -It's where the arms and legs go. -Ohh. 220 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:23,965 We have short arms and legs. Where do you think our length goes? 221 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:28,053 Hey, how about we all cancel our return plane ticket? 222 00:15:28,303 --> 00:15:30,305 -Let's do it. -Let's open up a bar on the beach. 223 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:33,308 -I'm so forthat. Let's do it. -So am I. 224 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:37,562 Wait, we won't hire you 'cause we're gonna open an all-dwarf ar. 225 00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:39,606 -Guess what we're callin' it? -Wait. 226 00:15:39,856 --> 00:15:42,817 -"D-warf." Duh warf. -'Cause it's on the beach. 227 00:15:43,068 --> 00:15:45,320 -I don't get it. -Never mind, never mind. 228 00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,406 It was too deep. 229 00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,785 -We'll see you guys tomorrowthen. -All right, nice to meet you guys. 230 00:15:51,993 --> 00:15:53,244 -Nice to meet you guys. -Manana. 231 00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:56,081 -Peace. -Adios. 232 00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:04,005 Dumb bitches. They didn't laugh. They didn't get it. 233 00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:07,842 How many people are gonna get wasted tonight? 234 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,390 How many people are gonna get some tonight? 235 00:16:17,602 --> 00:16:19,979 -All right. -It was our first night out. 236 00:16:20,188 --> 00:16:24,651 And luckily my wingman Hans was there to loosen up the ladies. 237 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:30,365 No! 238 00:16:40,166 --> 00:16:43,378 Who knew a hairy ass could be such an icebreaker? 239 00:16:43,545 --> 00:16:45,046 -What's your name? -Eddie. 240 00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:48,466 Eddie, nice to meet you. I think you're really cool. You're awesome. 241 00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,885 All of a sudden, I was doin'all right. 242 00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:56,599 But across town, Josh and his wingman Alex were kicking my ass. 243 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:16,369 -Pretend this is a tall person. -Okay. 244 00:17:16,578 --> 00:17:19,456 He's got a mini weenie. Amini weenie, right? 245 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,750 And then you have your short gyu. 246 00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:24,794 He's got a big cock. Like me. 247 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,444 Well, so much for my wingman. 248 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,992 But as it turned out, I didn't need him anymore. 249 00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:41,830 Her name was Maria, and she really seemed to like me. 250 00:18:42,580 --> 00:18:44,666 -Where are you from? -Colorado. 251 00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,460 -That's great. -Are you guys on that? 252 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,588 What's he doing? 253 00:18:51,923 --> 00:18:54,259 I'm gonna walk you home, all right? 254 00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,349 Alex! 255 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,769 Alex! 256 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:08,523 Donde Alex? 257 00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:13,945 That's my boy. Where's he at? Alex! 258 00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,324 This way. 259 00:19:18,575 --> 00:19:21,661 They told me thst we were gonna go skinny-dipping later. 260 00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,664 I was grabbing hertitties. She didn't care. 261 00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:28,501 I'd go to a normal bar and try to do that, I'd get my face slapped. 262 00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:35,884 And they're like , "Oh, we have boyfriends". What the fuck? 263 00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,595 -You look way to good. -You know I'm a virgin? 264 00:19:38,762 --> 00:19:41,639 I need a little challenge. 265 00:19:41,806 --> 00:19:45,268 I didn't want somethin' that was like, "Hey, you're the dwarf." 266 00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:48,313 Fuck that. Fuck no. I'm not into that. 267 00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:52,901 I need to work. See, like, I'm a man. 268 00:19:53,068 --> 00:19:56,613 I need to work a little for my poontang pie. 269 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,574 That's what it's all about. 270 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,452 I'm gonna kiss you once on the lips. 271 00:20:09,501 --> 00:20:12,170 I really want you. 272 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:15,632 We could go to your room. And we can do it in the... 273 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,469 -What floor are you guys? -Third. 274 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:21,596 Things were startin'to heat up. 275 00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:25,016 But there was one thought I just couldn't get out of my head. 276 00:20:26,518 --> 00:20:29,270 Whatever you do, honey, use protection. 277 00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:31,439 Hold on. I'll be right back. 278 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,566 -Do you have a rubber? -No, I don't. 279 00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,152 Feel this? No, wait. Take these too. 280 00:20:38,029 --> 00:20:39,614 And take this lube. 281 00:20:39,823 --> 00:20:41,866 All right. This was it. 282 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:45,829 After 21 years, 2 months, and 13 days... 283 00:20:46,037 --> 00:20:48,790 I was finally gonna get some. 284 00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,961 Ah, where the fuck did she go? 285 00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:57,465 Oh, are you fucking kidding me? 286 00:21:02,220 --> 00:21:05,181 Howthe fuck big is this place? Christ! 287 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:09,894 I'll love you till the end 288 00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:20,321 Psyche, I'm just kiddin' 'Cause I hate the things you do 289 00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:23,575 -Maria! Maria! -But I don't know why 290 00:21:24,743 --> 00:21:27,996 I put up with you 291 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:32,834 I put up with you 292 00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:35,337 I got a dollar bet. Johnny, you ready? 293 00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:37,672 -Yeah. -Dollar bet's you pee... 294 00:21:38,173 --> 00:21:41,009 in your shoes, and then wearthem home. 295 00:21:41,176 --> 00:21:43,219 -Bring it on. -I want to see a stream. 296 00:21:43,386 --> 00:21:45,138 Put it down on the ground. I wanna see... 297 00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:47,682 On the ground. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop. 298 00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:50,560 You need a stream. I wanna see a stream. 299 00:21:52,896 --> 00:21:54,981 Other one. Hold on. 300 00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:58,568 Get her done! 301 00:21:58,902 --> 00:22:01,529 -Get it! Get it! -Now do some on the roof. 302 00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:03,865 Fuck you dude. There's enough fuckin' piss in these, all right? 303 00:22:05,408 --> 00:22:07,535 These are so fuckin' heavy. 304 00:22:11,498 --> 00:22:15,210 -Wait. I don't want sand in there. -Get in there! 305 00:22:15,418 --> 00:22:17,212 -I would be worried... -Use your other hand. 306 00:22:17,379 --> 00:22:19,422 -Oh, no. -Oh, no! 307 00:22:21,424 --> 00:22:22,967 Oh, my... 308 00:22:23,259 --> 00:22:24,511 Pull that up. Pull that up. 309 00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:27,722 -Hold me up. Hold me up, all right? -Oh, man, it smells. 310 00:22:32,352 --> 00:22:33,603 Oh, there it was! 311 00:22:33,937 --> 00:22:36,564 These are so funckin' warm. You have no idea. 312 00:22:37,273 --> 00:22:40,151 -That was fantastic. -Now give me my fuckin' dollar. 313 00:23:01,297 --> 00:23:04,467 -What are you doing, "fag-salka"? -Just cleanin' up. 314 00:23:08,638 --> 00:23:11,641 Hey, I'd help you, but I don't want to move. 315 00:23:11,808 --> 00:23:13,268 -No worries. -All right. Cool. 316 00:23:13,476 --> 00:23:15,437 Well, you didn't hear my story about last night. 317 00:23:15,645 --> 00:23:16,938 -No. -All right. 318 00:23:17,230 --> 00:23:20,442 So, I was walkin' around with that girl in the red shirt. 319 00:23:20,734 --> 00:23:22,986 I don't know if you know. A little girl named Maria. 320 00:23:23,278 --> 00:23:25,864 Herfriend was actually the one sittin' by you when you puked. 321 00:23:26,072 --> 00:23:27,532 -The... Okay. -Okay. 322 00:23:27,782 --> 00:23:30,243 And she's all, "I really like you. I really want to be alone with you. 323 00:23:30,493 --> 00:23:31,828 Let's go by the pool." 324 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:36,416 For some reason, she tells me... She's sayin' somethin' blah, blah... 325 00:23:36,583 --> 00:23:39,461 And then, "My little girl likes this." 326 00:23:39,753 --> 00:23:42,255 Turns out this little girl is 18 years old. 327 00:23:44,674 --> 00:23:47,677 Which makes this girl in the red shirt, this Maria.... 328 00:23:50,180 --> 00:23:52,349 I would think, like, 36, 37. 329 00:23:52,557 --> 00:23:55,101 Uh, more? I guess she could be a little younger. 330 00:23:55,310 --> 00:23:58,438 She's got an 18-year-old kid, that's 36... 331 00:23:58,646 --> 00:24:00,065 -orthat's 18 years old? -Yeah. 332 00:24:00,857 --> 00:24:01,983 Wait. 333 00:24:07,947 --> 00:24:10,992 -You hungover, Hansy? -No, I'm still drunk. 334 00:24:11,159 --> 00:24:12,202 -Hey. -What? 335 00:24:16,081 --> 00:24:18,750 How many fuckin' times a day do you have to call her? 336 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,919 Tell your wife that I love her. 337 00:24:21,336 --> 00:24:22,837 -Hello? -Is Shana there? 338 00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:24,839 -Hey. -What's up? 339 00:24:25,006 --> 00:24:28,551 -Nothin'. How are you? -I'm good. A little tired. 340 00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:31,221 -Yeah? -Yeah. 341 00:24:31,388 --> 00:24:33,098 I miss ya. 342 00:24:33,264 --> 00:24:35,850 I miss you too. I really wanted to talk to you yesterday. 343 00:24:36,059 --> 00:24:38,561 I know, I'm sorry. I wanted to call too. 344 00:24:38,770 --> 00:24:40,522 Well, why didn't you? 345 00:24:40,689 --> 00:24:45,360 -I was just doin'bullshit all day. -Shana, Ghertner loves you. 346 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:48,405 -Hold on a second. -Wish you were here. 347 00:24:48,697 --> 00:24:52,492 -God! -He's gonna come over here... 348 00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:55,453 and beat my ass. He fuckin' shut the door, dude. 349 00:24:55,787 --> 00:24:57,706 That's fuckin' great. 350 00:24:58,373 --> 00:25:00,000 All right. Sorry. I had to shut the door. 351 00:25:00,208 --> 00:25:02,669 What's she doing for spring break? 352 00:25:02,961 --> 00:25:05,547 Uh, sittin' around thinkin' of him gettin' laid on the beach. 353 00:25:05,755 --> 00:25:08,425 Sittin' around waitin' forthe call. "I'm havin' the time of my life." 354 00:25:08,591 --> 00:25:10,969 -Cool. -No. She needs to fuckin' ease up. 355 00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:13,680 You tell me you're gonna call me and then you don't. It freaks me out. 356 00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:17,475 -Nothing crazy's goin' on. -It's just harder on me... 357 00:25:17,642 --> 00:25:20,603 -than I thought it was gonna be. -Right. I know. 358 00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:23,565 But I kind of have to run. 359 00:25:23,898 --> 00:25:26,067 That really disturbs me when you say things like, "I have to do this"... 360 00:25:26,276 --> 00:25:29,237 -or "I have to do that." -Yeah. 361 00:25:31,823 --> 00:25:33,742 Apparently you don't really want to talk about it. 362 00:25:34,034 --> 00:25:36,036 I'm just getting frustrated. 363 00:25:36,286 --> 00:25:38,204 I know. It's frustrating for me too. 364 00:25:38,872 --> 00:25:39,998 I know it is, baby. 365 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:42,959 Okay? 366 00:25:44,002 --> 00:25:45,962 -All right. I love you. -All right, baby. 367 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:48,631 -Bye. -Bye. 368 00:25:54,971 --> 00:25:57,557 -Fuck the bitch, dude. -Shut up. 369 00:25:58,475 --> 00:26:00,060 Let's go grab some ho's, Huntington. 370 00:26:00,268 --> 00:26:01,686 -Shut up. -Come on, dude. 371 00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:13,031 What's up, man? Where's Josh at? 372 00:26:13,365 --> 00:26:16,451 Josh is overthere. 373 00:26:17,994 --> 00:26:22,123 -I'm glad you guys gonna to do that. -Yeah, the sexual position contest. 374 00:26:22,624 --> 00:26:24,626 That was crazy. Wanna sit down? 375 00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:27,420 Were there a lot of hot girls out last night? 376 00:26:27,712 --> 00:26:29,964 -Yeah. -Have they treated you well yet... 377 00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:31,633 or still waittin' on it? 378 00:26:32,175 --> 00:26:35,553 My problem is... Like, it's hard for me to talk to girls. 379 00:26:35,804 --> 00:26:37,931 They're not gonnajust go up and introduce themselves, so... 380 00:26:38,181 --> 00:26:39,724 They think the exact opposite. 381 00:26:40,016 --> 00:26:42,477 They're sitting there. They wanna go talk to you. 382 00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:47,190 You don't want to go talk to them. So, you don't have an interaction. 383 00:26:50,777 --> 00:26:53,279 -I mean... -Well, it had to come to this. 384 00:26:53,697 --> 00:26:56,783 I was getting advice from a dwarf. 385 00:26:57,367 --> 00:26:59,661 Was he really qualified? 386 00:27:03,415 --> 00:27:06,042 -That's what I would do. -Maybe he was. 387 00:27:06,418 --> 00:27:08,962 It's not like I'm looking for the hottest girl in the word. 388 00:27:09,212 --> 00:27:10,797 'Cause I know I'm not a great-looking guy, but... 389 00:27:11,548 --> 00:27:13,800 -You need to think more of yourself. -Yeah. 390 00:27:14,050 --> 00:27:18,013 Let it loose. There's absolutely nothing to be worried about. 391 00:27:18,263 --> 00:27:20,515 Right. Well, I'm gonna gojump in the shower. If you want, we live... 392 00:27:20,724 --> 00:27:23,393 on this patio overthere. We live in room 579 if you wanna come up. 393 00:27:23,643 --> 00:27:25,770 Just come up afteryou guys get back partying... 394 00:27:26,062 --> 00:27:28,356 -or something. -We need a pre-party tonight. 395 00:27:28,606 --> 00:27:29,941 We have to go out. 396 00:27:30,233 --> 00:27:31,776 -Later on, man. -Later. 397 00:27:32,235 --> 00:27:35,030 I'll dollar bet you to eat this right now. 398 00:27:35,238 --> 00:27:37,240 Only if you feed it to him like a bird. 399 00:27:37,991 --> 00:27:39,701 -Feed it to him like a bird. -Fuckin' gross. 400 00:27:40,243 --> 00:27:42,954 -No, it's not. Here. -Here. No. Let me see that. 401 00:27:43,204 --> 00:27:44,414 I have the dollar bet. 402 00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:47,375 I'd rather eat this out of someone's mouth than a banana. 403 00:27:47,542 --> 00:27:50,003 All right, Johnny. It's you, buddy. 404 00:27:50,211 --> 00:27:52,380 -Yes, yes. -All right. What are we doin'? 405 00:27:52,589 --> 00:27:54,966 Dollar bet. I chew it up and feed you like a bird. 406 00:27:56,509 --> 00:27:58,094 -Fuck it. Let's do it. -Germ boy, are you gonna do this? 407 00:27:58,261 --> 00:27:59,262 -Yeah, let's do it. -Oh, shit. 408 00:27:59,429 --> 00:28:01,014 You have to come over here and feed it to me. 409 00:28:01,264 --> 00:28:03,558 -Like a mama bird. -Wait. Which is more momentous... 410 00:28:03,850 --> 00:28:07,437 eating germs out of his mouth or him jumping in the water with sharks? 411 00:28:07,687 --> 00:28:09,773 Oh, God, dude, this is fucking terrible! 412 00:28:10,023 --> 00:28:12,233 You gotta... Get up here like a bird. 413 00:28:12,442 --> 00:28:14,569 Drop the shit in by a foot at least. 414 00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:19,949 I can't do this. 415 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,161 Drop it. I'm gonna choke. I'm gonna choke. 416 00:28:23,411 --> 00:28:27,874 -Try to get up above him... -You're chewin' too much, man. 417 00:28:28,124 --> 00:28:31,836 I wanna see, like, banana poo come outta your mouth. 418 00:28:35,382 --> 00:28:36,675 Ohh! Fucking gross! 419 00:28:36,925 --> 00:28:38,635 I cannot believe youjust fuckin' did that. 420 00:28:38,968 --> 00:28:43,431 That's the grossest shit I've ever seen. 421 00:28:45,433 --> 00:28:46,601 Where do you wanna sit? 422 00:28:46,851 --> 00:28:48,603 -There you go, boss. -He seemed like a nice guy. 423 00:28:49,646 --> 00:28:53,692 -There's a girl foryou. -Oh, get out of town. 424 00:28:55,026 --> 00:28:59,280 Eddie, get yourface out of your menu. You can enjoy the view. 425 00:28:59,739 --> 00:29:02,951 -Is that Tara right there? -Where? 426 00:29:03,326 --> 00:29:05,328 -Sittin' right there. -I have no idea. Is it her? 427 00:29:06,204 --> 00:29:09,124 I decided to take Alex's advice and go up to Tara... 428 00:29:09,499 --> 00:29:11,960 my partner from the sexual positions contest. 429 00:29:14,295 --> 00:29:15,755 -What's Eddie doin'? -I don't know. 430 00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,298 I was tryin' to figure out that. 431 00:29:17,924 --> 00:29:19,759 Is Eddie overthere talking to girls? 432 00:29:20,927 --> 00:29:23,221 All i needed to do was gather my confidence... 433 00:29:24,055 --> 00:29:27,225 and break the seal with a smooth opening line. 434 00:29:31,229 --> 00:29:33,398 Did you girls want some water? I'll get you some. 435 00:29:34,149 --> 00:29:35,608 We already have some. 436 00:29:35,859 --> 00:29:37,694 What the hell... What in God's name are we doing? 437 00:29:50,081 --> 00:29:53,376 -Cuánto es? -How much? Ten dollars. 438 00:29:53,626 --> 00:29:55,462 -Ten dollars. -Do the angle thing. 439 00:29:55,795 --> 00:29:58,173 -Can we look around in here? -Sure. 440 00:29:58,757 --> 00:30:00,175 We want to see more. 441 00:30:00,383 --> 00:30:01,968 Where are the big hats at? 442 00:30:02,719 --> 00:30:04,012 Hola, hola, hola. 443 00:30:05,305 --> 00:30:06,806 Hola, hola. 444 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:13,229 -Hola. -Hola. 445 00:30:19,402 --> 00:30:21,613 We left the goal of getting you laid. 446 00:30:22,197 --> 00:30:25,241 -We need to get back on that. -It's crunch time. 447 00:30:25,909 --> 00:30:29,037 -What's the plan fortonight? -Go all out. 448 00:30:29,245 --> 00:30:32,374 Hold nothing back. Go forthe gold. 449 00:30:32,582 --> 00:30:35,085 Last few days, we've kind of been draggin'. 450 00:30:35,251 --> 00:30:38,296 Tonight we're on thejob and we're serious about it. 451 00:30:38,546 --> 00:30:40,256 We are two cool dudes. 452 00:30:48,765 --> 00:30:51,476 -Can you showthe traditional dance? -How do you do it? 453 00:30:57,065 --> 00:30:58,733 You can dance like this. 454 00:30:59,025 --> 00:31:01,319 Oh, you put the hat down, and you dance around it? 455 00:31:05,448 --> 00:31:06,950 Like that? 456 00:31:07,325 --> 00:31:08,785 Muy bien. 457 00:31:20,922 --> 00:31:22,507 Don't worry. We'll be here all week. 458 00:31:23,174 --> 00:31:24,801 The girls that I was talking to earlier... 459 00:31:28,972 --> 00:31:31,725 Our second night out was off to a fast start. 460 00:31:34,060 --> 00:31:35,645 -What's your name? -Eddie. 461 00:31:35,854 --> 00:31:37,605 Eddie, I'm Megan. 462 00:31:37,981 --> 00:31:39,649 Her name was Megan. 463 00:31:40,358 --> 00:31:42,944 She was a junior at the University of Idaho. 464 00:31:57,042 --> 00:32:01,004 Those are nice boobies. Can I lick'em? 465 00:32:06,551 --> 00:32:08,261 Can I lick yours? 466 00:32:08,595 --> 00:32:12,682 Hey, my turn. Share, baby. Share. 467 00:32:26,988 --> 00:32:28,406 Man, it's your mama. 468 00:32:34,245 --> 00:32:36,664 So, you wanna go back to your room, Edie? 469 00:32:36,831 --> 00:32:38,291 -Yes. -Where are you staying? 470 00:32:38,541 --> 00:32:41,711 -Plaza Los Gordas. -Here we come. 471 00:32:42,545 --> 00:32:44,506 We're goin' to the foam party. 472 00:32:45,340 --> 00:32:48,343 Dude, I was told, like, foam gets like up to here. 473 00:33:28,717 --> 00:33:31,052 Sorry, everybody, I need your attention here. 474 00:33:31,261 --> 00:33:33,263 We have a bit of an emergency. 475 00:33:33,430 --> 00:33:36,433 We got some little people in the house and one of them is missing. 476 00:33:36,975 --> 00:33:38,685 His name is Josh. 477 00:33:38,935 --> 00:33:40,770 Josh! Josh! 478 00:33:42,522 --> 00:33:44,983 -Overthere. Overthere. -Where is he? 479 00:33:46,151 --> 00:33:49,070 -Just one is missing. -Dude, he's in the foam. 480 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,531 If you feel any little hands touching you... 481 00:33:51,781 --> 00:33:54,576 -let the security guards know. -He's over here! 482 00:33:55,952 --> 00:34:00,665 There you go! All right, everybody, we got him. It's good. 483 00:34:07,130 --> 00:34:08,340 That was my biggest fear ever. 484 00:34:08,548 --> 00:34:10,925 I'd never been to a foam party. I was like, "We're gonna drown." 485 00:34:11,134 --> 00:34:12,594 -And we almost did. -We almost did? 486 00:34:12,844 --> 00:34:15,138 I'm, like, still coughing the shit up. 487 00:34:15,388 --> 00:34:18,892 -Like I... -How about that one girl though... 488 00:34:19,476 --> 00:34:21,895 Oh, shit, dude, that was fuckin' tight. 489 00:34:22,145 --> 00:34:23,855 -The foam was perfect. -The whole foam... 490 00:34:24,147 --> 00:34:27,442 I was, like, copping a feel the entire time. 491 00:34:27,692 --> 00:34:30,320 Then the foam got too shallow, so we, like, moved... 492 00:34:30,570 --> 00:34:33,281 until the foam was deep enough. 493 00:34:33,740 --> 00:34:35,533 Oh, shit, dude. I just... 494 00:34:35,784 --> 00:34:39,454 Dude, she was, like, beyond a dream girl. 495 00:34:39,662 --> 00:34:42,207 Why did this... Why did it have to end? 496 00:34:57,847 --> 00:35:01,142 Let go Let go 497 00:35:04,688 --> 00:35:07,565 That was disgusting, but I'm gonna give you a high 5 forthat, anyway. 498 00:35:12,654 --> 00:35:14,406 Let's get this proverbial show on the road. 499 00:35:14,572 --> 00:35:17,117 Grab a beer, buddy, and sit down. We're playing some games. 500 00:35:18,284 --> 00:35:21,287 You come up with a movie title and replace 1 of the words with vagina. 501 00:35:21,454 --> 00:35:22,747 -All right. -Okay. 502 00:35:22,997 --> 00:35:26,292 -I don't know if I like this. -I'm sure you have one good example. 503 00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:27,961 Name a movie. 504 00:35:28,211 --> 00:35:30,463 -Natural Born Killers. -"Natural Born Vaginas." 505 00:35:30,797 --> 00:35:33,174 -"V-Vagina Born Killers." -There's nothing creative about it. 506 00:35:34,092 --> 00:35:36,261 -Okay, what do you got? -What do you mean? 507 00:35:36,553 --> 00:35:38,555 All you have to say is, like, "Jurassic Vagina." 508 00:35:39,723 --> 00:35:42,142 See? Everyone fuckin' laughed 'cause it was funny. It worked. 509 00:35:42,475 --> 00:35:46,312 -Okay, okay. "Sixteen Vaginas." -Nice. 510 00:35:46,521 --> 00:35:47,981 "Attack of the Killer Vaginas." 511 00:35:48,231 --> 00:35:50,859 -What do you say "Jurassic Vaginas". -"Look Who's Vagina." 512 00:35:52,444 --> 00:35:54,696 -Oh, my God! -"Look Who's Vagina's Talking." 513 00:36:04,247 --> 00:36:06,041 Kyle and Bryan were hookin'up. 514 00:36:06,124 --> 00:36:09,085 So I decided to make a move of my own. 515 00:36:11,755 --> 00:36:13,715 I wanted it to be special. 516 00:36:13,923 --> 00:36:16,801 Something Megan had never seen before. 517 00:36:17,093 --> 00:36:20,472 Something that would really turn her on. 518 00:36:27,437 --> 00:36:29,939 And I wasn't finished yet. 519 00:36:41,951 --> 00:36:43,411 I got one. I got one. 520 00:36:43,661 --> 00:36:46,039 All right. You want some vagina, I'll give you some vagina. 521 00:36:46,748 --> 00:36:48,208 I would like vagina, please. 522 00:36:49,459 --> 00:36:51,294 -All right. -"Vagina". 523 00:36:51,503 --> 00:36:53,755 -No. -That's not a movie title. 524 00:36:54,047 --> 00:36:56,883 -That took overfor "Chocolat". -Shut up! 525 00:36:59,886 --> 00:37:01,388 That is some bullshit. 526 00:37:04,349 --> 00:37:07,936 Do you know any place we can go to be more alone forthis evening? 527 00:37:08,228 --> 00:37:10,313 -More romantic. -Dude, where? 528 00:37:10,647 --> 00:37:11,815 I have no idea. I haven't been around enough. 529 00:37:12,065 --> 00:37:14,317 -Is anyone here by the hotel? -I don't know. 530 00:37:17,028 --> 00:37:19,155 If we find a room on that stairwell... 531 00:37:19,989 --> 00:37:21,449 Let me go ask real fast. 532 00:37:21,866 --> 00:37:23,910 -Here. -Go ask. 533 00:37:29,666 --> 00:37:31,668 -So, what should I do now?. -I would say... 534 00:37:31,835 --> 00:37:33,920 I would say, go to her room or some place... 535 00:37:34,170 --> 00:37:36,423 -Go someplace? -Make out. Play with her boobies. 536 00:37:36,673 --> 00:37:38,133 Whatever. Then drop the pants. 537 00:37:38,508 --> 00:37:39,801 Hey, Bryan. 538 00:37:40,885 --> 00:37:43,054 -Okay. Do you have any condoms? -Yeah. 539 00:37:44,222 --> 00:37:46,641 You like that one? Take two anyway. 540 00:37:48,810 --> 00:37:51,271 -What? -You want a crazy little blue pill? 541 00:37:51,521 --> 00:37:52,814 Oh, yeah, yeah... 542 00:37:53,231 --> 00:37:54,983 See his face? 543 00:37:56,192 --> 00:37:58,361 Just in case "Little Eddie" wasn't ready... 544 00:37:58,570 --> 00:38:01,114 Bryan suggested I pop one of his Viagras. 545 00:38:01,322 --> 00:38:03,491 Give me two actually. Or maybe I should try three. 546 00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:05,243 I don't think you're supposed to take more than two. 547 00:38:05,452 --> 00:38:07,328 I think your cock will blow up. 548 00:38:11,541 --> 00:38:14,961 I had the girl, the condoms, the Viagra. 549 00:38:15,211 --> 00:38:17,172 Everything was looking good. 550 00:38:24,721 --> 00:38:27,057 Megan, we're trying to sleep. 551 00:38:27,807 --> 00:38:31,102 -Let's go somewhere else. -No, it's okay. 552 00:38:31,478 --> 00:38:35,607 Dude, I hope that chick didn't cock-block Edster. 553 00:38:36,900 --> 00:38:41,321 -It's 4:00 in the fuckin'morning! -Oh, it's 4:00 a.m.? 554 00:38:42,572 --> 00:38:44,115 Sorry, Eddie. 555 00:38:44,532 --> 00:38:46,409 What if she freaks out on him or something and fuckin' doesn't... 556 00:38:46,576 --> 00:38:50,205 doesn't seal the deal? And he's got a fuckin' boner pill rockin'. 557 00:38:50,830 --> 00:38:53,083 That would suck. 558 00:38:53,291 --> 00:38:56,044 He's gonna be walking around with a boner for the next week. 559 00:39:02,842 --> 00:39:05,178 You think they have an uncircumcised version of this? 560 00:39:10,517 --> 00:39:12,018 That hurt, dude. 561 00:39:12,602 --> 00:39:14,771 I just got mowed with a huge cock. 562 00:39:15,063 --> 00:39:16,898 Are you over with doing this to Hans? 563 00:39:17,107 --> 00:39:19,067 No. He's definitely gettin' the cock test. 564 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:31,746 Sun's a risin'. 565 00:39:42,298 --> 00:39:43,883 That was so fucked up. 566 00:39:48,555 --> 00:39:49,431 Wake up Wake up 567 00:39:49,556 --> 00:39:50,765 Wake up Wake up 568 00:39:50,974 --> 00:39:52,976 Wake up, motherfucker, wake up 569 00:39:54,060 --> 00:39:56,021 -Wake up -Fuck me, man. 570 00:39:57,564 --> 00:39:59,024 You still hungover? 571 00:40:00,817 --> 00:40:03,069 I'm just constantly nauseous, dude. 572 00:40:04,154 --> 00:40:07,782 -Forgot to bring my suppositories. -What the fuck are those? 573 00:40:08,324 --> 00:40:11,077 Pills you stick up your ass to stop nausea. 574 00:40:13,455 --> 00:40:17,459 I thought that's where Lee Harvey shot, uh, J.F.K. 575 00:40:17,709 --> 00:40:21,796 -At a suppository? -It was a suppository, wasn't it? 576 00:40:22,130 --> 00:40:24,924 -What? -Not Lee Harvey. 577 00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,388 -Whoever killed J.F.K. -He shot him in the suppository? 578 00:40:30,638 --> 00:40:34,893 The book suppository. The Texas book suppository or whatever. 579 00:40:36,686 --> 00:40:38,938 Is that not what it was called? 580 00:40:40,357 --> 00:40:42,859 -I don't know. -All I know is that "suppository"... 581 00:40:43,109 --> 00:40:44,819 is a pill that you stick up your butt. 582 00:40:45,028 --> 00:40:49,240 I bet you $15 that the... the thing that Lee Harvey was hiding out in... 583 00:40:49,491 --> 00:40:53,244 when he capped J.F.K. in the dome was called a "suppository". 584 00:40:54,871 --> 00:40:57,499 All I want is a suppository for my butt. 585 00:40:59,125 --> 00:41:03,171 Yo necisito una pastilla para mi culo... 586 00:41:03,963 --> 00:41:07,133 para stomach-o, nausea. 587 00:41:08,093 --> 00:41:11,388 Poor Johnny's nauseous and he just wants to shove something up his ass. 588 00:41:11,846 --> 00:41:14,516 Seems to me like "suppository" would be a universal word. 589 00:41:14,724 --> 00:41:16,101 I think so too, Hans. 590 00:41:16,601 --> 00:41:19,062 Whoa. There it is. I got it. "Supositorios". 591 00:41:19,354 --> 00:41:22,691 -I "quiero" one of those. -Es para bebé. 592 00:41:23,566 --> 00:41:26,111 Oh, it's for babies? That's fine. I got a small ass. 593 00:41:26,319 --> 00:41:29,072 -He's a little guy. -For "ninos". 594 00:41:29,322 --> 00:41:31,991 That'll be gentle on me. Let's get these. 595 00:41:32,409 --> 00:41:35,328 Just get that shit. Shove it up your ass and see what happens. 596 00:41:35,537 --> 00:41:38,873 -Adiós, mi amiga. -Thanks forthe butt pills! 597 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:44,337 All right. That's about as far as I'm going with it. 598 00:42:00,395 --> 00:42:02,272 Come on, Hans! 599 00:42:16,202 --> 00:42:19,164 That's the greatest day of my life! 600 00:42:30,425 --> 00:42:32,385 Come on, Crystal! 601 00:42:35,263 --> 00:42:36,973 I lost my top. 602 00:42:37,307 --> 00:42:39,893 Get down! Get down! 603 00:42:54,366 --> 00:42:55,784 Yeah, baby! 604 00:42:59,287 --> 00:43:01,373 I think I'm gonna try to call that Tara girl tonight. 605 00:43:01,498 --> 00:43:04,542 -Yeah, I think you should, dude. She said she'd be home around 6:00. 606 00:43:04,918 --> 00:43:07,921 -Yeah? You gonna call her? -I might ask herto dinner or... 607 00:43:08,171 --> 00:43:10,173 Yeah. Nothing like going on spring break and going on a date. 608 00:43:10,340 --> 00:43:11,841 I don't wanna do that, but... 609 00:43:12,008 --> 00:43:13,468 I'll probably... I don't know what I'll do. 610 00:43:13,677 --> 00:43:17,097 -Take her out to dinner? -Yeah. Exactly. 611 00:43:17,305 --> 00:43:19,140 That's what I'm saying. I don't know If I want... it's just the way I am. 612 00:43:23,019 --> 00:43:24,396 Taking a piss. 613 00:43:29,776 --> 00:43:32,404 I can't reach. Can you hold me up? 614 00:43:32,737 --> 00:43:34,698 Yeah. Action! There you go. 615 00:43:35,615 --> 00:43:37,325 There you go, buddy. 616 00:43:37,534 --> 00:43:39,202 Keep it flowin', buddy. 617 00:43:39,369 --> 00:43:41,955 -It's all good. -Now we got it. 618 00:43:42,205 --> 00:43:43,748 -I'm good. -Are you good? 619 00:43:43,998 --> 00:43:46,459 -You guys still pissing overthere? -Yeah. 620 00:43:46,751 --> 00:43:48,003 Do you need help? 621 00:43:49,963 --> 00:43:52,424 -Now it's my turn. -True friend. 622 00:43:57,762 --> 00:44:01,266 Keeping the streets safe? Muy bien. 623 00:44:01,975 --> 00:44:04,477 Hopefully you guys won't have to see us tonight and arrest us. 624 00:44:06,271 --> 00:44:09,357 -We'll be good. Best behavior. -Bye. 625 00:44:09,733 --> 00:44:11,651 Oh, my God! Look! It's midgets! 626 00:44:11,860 --> 00:44:13,945 -Midgets! -It's "dwarves", dumb ass. 627 00:44:18,158 --> 00:44:20,744 Have you ever had sex with a short person before? 628 00:44:21,161 --> 00:44:23,621 -On the beach? -On the beach or anywhere. 629 00:44:23,788 --> 00:44:25,665 -A little person. -Very good. 630 00:44:26,207 --> 00:44:29,419 A little, little, little guy, little man. For real. 631 00:44:32,672 --> 00:44:37,093 -I think he wants to get with you. -What the hell? I'm just asking her. 632 00:44:37,844 --> 00:44:39,763 Is that his penis good? 633 00:44:40,930 --> 00:44:42,640 -I wouldn't know. -You know. 634 00:44:42,849 --> 00:44:44,142 Muy grande. 635 00:44:45,685 --> 00:44:47,687 -Very good. -Sí. 636 00:44:47,979 --> 00:44:50,357 -This big? -Muy grande. 637 00:44:50,690 --> 00:44:53,693 -What's your number on at the hotel? -524. 638 00:44:54,986 --> 00:44:56,654 Muy bien. We'll see you. 639 00:44:57,739 --> 00:45:00,033 -Bye-bye. -Adiós. 640 00:45:02,952 --> 00:45:04,913 Hasta lajuego. 641 00:45:05,330 --> 00:45:06,206 I just wanna know, dude. Wejust talked about it. 642 00:45:06,373 --> 00:45:07,707 I just wanna know why... 643 00:45:10,335 --> 00:45:12,003 haven't you got laid? 644 00:45:12,629 --> 00:45:14,631 Seriously. I mean, I've known you... 645 00:45:14,798 --> 00:45:16,591 I mean, you were a fuckin' prom king, were you not? 646 00:45:17,884 --> 00:45:20,095 -But... -People like you. 647 00:45:20,345 --> 00:45:24,557 I just don't understand the self-consciousness... 648 00:45:24,808 --> 00:45:27,310 when obviously you're a well-liked person. 649 00:45:27,519 --> 00:45:28,895 One of the main reason is... 650 00:45:29,562 --> 00:45:31,606 I don't... I can't talk to girls, first off... 651 00:45:31,856 --> 00:45:34,401 'cause I don't know what to say and I think I sound stupid. 652 00:45:34,609 --> 00:45:36,069 -You always felt like that? -Yeah, always. 653 00:45:36,319 --> 00:45:39,781 I can nevertalk to them. Like, I talked to these girls here today... 654 00:45:40,073 --> 00:45:42,325 and I can talk to them and we're having a good time... 655 00:45:42,617 --> 00:45:44,661 but there's so many of those awkward silences... 656 00:45:44,911 --> 00:45:46,621 that I don't know what to say in between. 657 00:45:46,871 --> 00:45:49,541 That's when you pull out your belly and shake it around. 658 00:45:49,791 --> 00:45:51,960 Well, yeah, and another reason... 659 00:45:52,252 --> 00:45:54,754 Another reason I feel that way is 'cause I'm so skinny. 660 00:45:55,171 --> 00:45:57,007 -Now, that's a big reason for it. -Really? 661 00:45:57,215 --> 00:45:59,759 -Yeah. -God bless every day you're skinny. 662 00:46:00,010 --> 00:46:00,969 -No, no, no. -Dude... 663 00:46:01,177 --> 00:46:03,471 it's not what people have to looks at, man. 664 00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:06,016 This is the best thing I can tell you. And seriously, Eddie... 665 00:46:06,266 --> 00:46:08,518 I know you can understand where I'm coming from. 666 00:46:09,394 --> 00:46:11,021 Like, I'm not a looker. 667 00:46:11,312 --> 00:46:14,482 Like, people don't like me because I look good, okay? 668 00:46:14,858 --> 00:46:17,652 You can't change the way you look. You're not fuckin' Michael Jackson. 669 00:46:17,861 --> 00:46:20,530 You can't make yourself white, cut your nose off... 670 00:46:20,739 --> 00:46:23,533 and put a dick on yourface and be, like, "This is my real nose." 671 00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:26,077 You can't do that. I mean, seriously. 672 00:46:26,870 --> 00:46:28,246 Man, let's get out of here. 673 00:46:28,496 --> 00:46:30,331 Yeah. Fuck it. I gotta pee and I gotta shower. 674 00:46:30,540 --> 00:46:32,250 -You know what? If you live... -Eddie, come on, man. 675 00:46:32,459 --> 00:46:34,336 -Eddie, come here. -Dude, let's have a little talk. 676 00:46:35,086 --> 00:46:37,881 If you live your life worrying about what other people think... 677 00:46:39,632 --> 00:46:40,759 you're not living your life foryourself. 678 00:46:40,925 --> 00:46:43,053 -No, I know. I'll get over it. -Fuck'em. Fuck'em. 679 00:46:44,804 --> 00:46:47,182 Yeah, fuck'em. Hans was right. 680 00:46:47,557 --> 00:46:50,518 I was Eddie fucking Macsalka. 681 00:46:51,061 --> 00:46:54,606 I'm calling Tara and telling her, "Game on". 682 00:47:12,290 --> 00:47:13,708 -Tara? -Yes. 683 00:47:13,875 --> 00:47:15,627 -Hi. It's Eddie. -Hi. How are you? 684 00:47:15,960 --> 00:47:17,629 -Good. How are you? -Good. 685 00:47:20,799 --> 00:47:22,801 Well, here, I don't know what the guys are gonna do tonight... 686 00:47:22,967 --> 00:47:24,552 but, would you wanna go to dinner... 687 00:47:24,761 --> 00:47:26,388 at this lighthouse place across the street? 688 00:47:27,764 --> 00:47:28,765 Yeah. 689 00:47:30,433 --> 00:47:33,937 -What do you say to maybe 8 or 8:30? -That's fine. 690 00:47:35,522 --> 00:47:37,357 -Okay. Is that all right? -Yeah. 691 00:47:38,692 --> 00:47:40,902 -Well, I'll stop by then around 8. -Okay. 692 00:47:41,861 --> 00:47:44,406 -All right, Tara. Bye-bye. -All right. Bye. 693 00:47:47,534 --> 00:47:49,994 -Where are we taking these girls? -Where are we taking these girls? 694 00:47:50,286 --> 00:47:53,289 We gotta take'em to the hottest place and just get'em wasted. 695 00:47:53,540 --> 00:47:55,750 -Yes. Yes. -Get'em absolutely wasted. 696 00:47:56,042 --> 00:47:59,796 -We have to focus. We can't fuck up. -Yes. 697 00:48:00,046 --> 00:48:01,548 You looking forward to this date? 698 00:48:02,757 --> 00:48:05,301 Yeah. A little bit. Fuck. 699 00:48:05,593 --> 00:48:07,846 You should sit down and, like, get a bottle of wine or something. 700 00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,933 Yeah. I might do that. I didn't think of that. It's a good idea. 701 00:48:12,142 --> 00:48:14,436 Ether way, just get, like, a couple nice drinks, you know?. 702 00:48:15,353 --> 00:48:19,441 You should just orderfor her, and then, you pay for it, obviously. 703 00:48:21,151 --> 00:48:24,237 -Charge herfor her half of it. -"Hey, can you cover me?" 704 00:48:24,988 --> 00:48:26,948 -Where we going, boys? -Where we going? 705 00:48:27,323 --> 00:48:29,826 Gonna go to a nice little place and get some drinks. 706 00:48:30,952 --> 00:48:32,370 Can't say "no" to that. 707 00:48:35,623 --> 00:48:39,669 -We get the deep-fried red snapper? -Deep-fried red snapper. 708 00:48:39,961 --> 00:48:42,255 We'rejust gonna get one of those and share it for right now. 709 00:48:42,589 --> 00:48:44,549 And then, we'll get more for later. 710 00:48:44,716 --> 00:48:46,134 -Thank you. -Okay. Very good. 711 00:48:47,635 --> 00:48:50,972 I don't know what to drink with what food. 712 00:48:51,639 --> 00:48:53,767 I think it's, like, red wine with Italian. 713 00:48:54,017 --> 00:48:55,852 And with, like, steak... 714 00:48:56,353 --> 00:48:58,313 and basically red meat. 715 00:48:58,605 --> 00:49:00,857 And white wine with fish or chicken. 716 00:49:04,069 --> 00:49:06,404 -They're taking care of the drinks. -We're taking care of the drinks. 717 00:49:06,654 --> 00:49:08,490 You're taking care of the drinks? 718 00:49:08,698 --> 00:49:09,783 They wanna get us drunk and take advantage of us. 719 00:49:10,033 --> 00:49:11,201 Yes. Sí. 720 00:49:11,659 --> 00:49:12,827 Cheers. 721 00:49:13,036 --> 00:49:15,163 -Cheers. -Cheers. 722 00:49:16,331 --> 00:49:19,376 -What music do you listen to? -I don't listen to much, but... 723 00:49:21,336 --> 00:49:23,046 I'm more of a TV guy. 724 00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,548 What are you majoring in? 725 00:49:26,591 --> 00:49:27,634 Communications... 726 00:49:28,343 --> 00:49:30,929 something that'll help me get into radio, 'cause that's what I want. 727 00:49:31,721 --> 00:49:35,392 -But you don't listen to the radio. -I don't wanna do music, but talk show. 728 00:49:39,521 --> 00:49:41,314 -Ready. Here you go. -Go. 729 00:49:43,233 --> 00:49:44,693 That was a graceful lick. 730 00:49:45,276 --> 00:49:47,445 You know, I have a question. Where do you guys buy your clothes? 731 00:49:48,029 --> 00:49:49,698 -Gap Kids. -Gap Kids. 732 00:49:49,906 --> 00:49:52,367 I do too! I get my clothes at Gap Kids too! 733 00:49:53,576 --> 00:49:55,662 Oh, I didn't realize they were going to bring us this. 734 00:49:56,454 --> 00:49:59,457 -It's okay. -It's really a scary looking fish. 735 00:50:00,542 --> 00:50:02,919 I'm kind of freaked out by these eyes here. 736 00:50:04,004 --> 00:50:06,381 How do we eat this? We just cut into it? 737 00:50:09,134 --> 00:50:10,427 It's pretty good though. 738 00:50:33,116 --> 00:50:36,453 -Glad you came out with me. Thanks. -Thank you for having me here. 739 00:50:37,412 --> 00:50:38,705 Always. 740 00:50:43,168 --> 00:50:46,171 -You won't be able to do it. -Get the fuck on. 741 00:50:46,421 --> 00:50:48,965 I'm strong. We're going to go insane. 742 00:50:49,257 --> 00:50:51,634 -Come on. -Am I ok? 743 00:50:54,512 --> 00:50:56,389 -Do a toe kick! -Go. 744 00:51:02,812 --> 00:51:04,814 Because, seriously, they could get arrested for that. 745 00:51:05,065 --> 00:51:09,110 -Look at that. -Wrestling. Fouryears varsity! 746 00:51:09,361 --> 00:51:10,862 What's up now?. 747 00:51:11,654 --> 00:51:13,615 -Okay. You kicked my ass. -I know. 748 00:51:13,823 --> 00:51:14,824 Okay. 749 00:51:15,325 --> 00:51:16,493 I had done everything right. 750 00:51:23,166 --> 00:51:27,170 I took Tara to a romantic restaurant... 751 00:51:27,420 --> 00:51:29,005 I ordered a nice bottle of wine... 752 00:51:29,381 --> 00:51:31,633 and I even paid for her red snapper. 753 00:51:31,883 --> 00:51:33,551 It was clear what I had to do. 754 00:51:33,802 --> 00:51:35,970 I had to step up, be a man... 755 00:51:36,262 --> 00:51:38,223 And ask her upstairs to my room. 756 00:51:38,598 --> 00:51:40,308 -Thank you for coming again. -Thank you. 757 00:51:42,268 --> 00:51:46,523 Or I could completely fucking choke. 758 00:51:49,275 --> 00:51:52,404 Here we go. Let's go. Let's go. Alcohol? 759 00:51:53,113 --> 00:51:54,656 Where's the tequila? 760 00:51:55,115 --> 00:51:57,117 No tequila, "senorita". 761 00:51:58,868 --> 00:52:02,664 Vanilla vodca and citrus vodca. 762 00:52:02,956 --> 00:52:06,459 You mix citrus vodka with Sprite, you got a legal date-rape drug. 763 00:52:06,710 --> 00:52:08,294 No fucking shit. 764 00:52:08,545 --> 00:52:11,256 -We don't want that. -I do. 765 00:52:13,258 --> 00:52:16,261 Guys, I think it's time for us to go. 766 00:52:17,220 --> 00:52:19,014 -Let's go. -Bye, guys. 767 00:52:19,639 --> 00:52:20,807 Good night. 768 00:52:21,349 --> 00:52:22,934 What the fuck was that? 769 00:52:27,272 --> 00:52:30,525 -Hey guys, where are we going? -I don't know, but I need a beer. 770 00:52:30,775 --> 00:52:34,029 It had been a lame idea to go on a date during spring break. 771 00:52:34,404 --> 00:52:37,198 It was time for me to do what everybody else did in Cabo. 772 00:52:37,490 --> 00:52:40,076 -Hey, can I get four Coronas? -Get shit-faced. 773 00:52:45,749 --> 00:52:47,917 -Now a shot. Here we go! -One more! 774 00:52:51,421 --> 00:52:53,423 Hey, can I have two more Coronas? 775 00:52:56,968 --> 00:52:58,136 Cheers, motherfucker. 776 00:53:14,194 --> 00:53:16,529 Hey, Hans! Hans, Hans! 777 00:53:25,413 --> 00:53:28,041 Eddie, you can't even keep your eyes open. You're cut! 778 00:53:30,043 --> 00:53:32,754 Yeah, He's fucking done, dude. "D-U-N, done." 779 00:53:34,589 --> 00:53:36,049 All right. Get his ass in there. 780 00:53:38,468 --> 00:53:39,636 Bye. 781 00:53:44,307 --> 00:53:46,434 -Come on, Eddie. Let's go. -Come on. Up. Step up. 782 00:53:46,643 --> 00:53:49,562 -It's like a cartoon. We can't fit. -I know. 783 00:53:53,108 --> 00:53:54,734 All right. Come on, baby. We got it. 784 00:53:54,984 --> 00:53:57,278 -Here, baby. -I'll be all right. 785 00:53:57,654 --> 00:54:00,281 -I know. Just lay down, baby. -All right. 786 00:54:00,490 --> 00:54:01,991 -There you go. There you go. -We're going to fuck with him now. 787 00:54:03,535 --> 00:54:06,287 -This should be easy. -What we do? Dental floss him? 788 00:54:07,330 --> 00:54:09,207 -Youjust... I'm going in. -No, no, no. No, you first. 789 00:54:09,666 --> 00:54:11,167 -Fits pretty good, actually. -Wait, wait, wait. 790 00:54:16,089 --> 00:54:19,426 I'm going to stick this up his ass and then pull the pen out. 791 00:54:19,759 --> 00:54:22,971 So he's going to wake up with a condom hanging out of his ass. 792 00:54:23,179 --> 00:54:25,932 -That's kind of funny, actually. -I don't know if I can do this. 793 00:54:26,683 --> 00:54:29,436 Get a foot. Pull. Let's just roll him over first. 794 00:54:32,981 --> 00:54:35,191 He's squirming. He's squirming. 795 00:54:36,526 --> 00:54:38,528 -This is kind of fucked up. -Isn't that the guy? 796 00:54:38,778 --> 00:54:39,821 That's the guy! 797 00:54:40,697 --> 00:54:42,115 We're going to try it out here. 798 00:54:46,870 --> 00:54:48,204 He's squirming. 799 00:54:49,164 --> 00:54:50,540 -Oh, dude. -They're sticking it in his ass! 800 00:54:52,375 --> 00:54:54,169 -Oh my God! -Is it a done deal? 801 00:54:55,378 --> 00:54:56,379 Oh my God! 802 00:54:57,255 --> 00:54:59,049 Oh, they did it! 803 00:55:00,216 --> 00:55:01,760 -He's good, dude. He's good. -Sweet. 804 00:55:02,010 --> 00:55:03,970 That will teach him to drink that much. 805 00:55:07,640 --> 00:55:09,100 So, how did they get the G-string on me? 806 00:55:09,601 --> 00:55:11,144 It was put on you. 807 00:55:11,269 --> 00:55:14,731 I didn't do it, but did you woke up with a condom in your ass? 808 00:55:15,357 --> 00:55:18,943 I don't know about that, but I remember I had a G-string on. 809 00:55:19,194 --> 00:55:21,196 Acondom in my ass? Maybe it's still up there for all I know. 810 00:55:22,572 --> 00:55:23,782 -Hey. -What? 811 00:55:23,990 --> 00:55:25,700 -Where are you going? -Calling Shana. 812 00:55:26,326 --> 00:55:28,536 Why can't youjust go... I don't understand. 813 00:55:28,745 --> 00:55:31,498 Ok, honestly, I don't understand why you can't go to Mexico for a week... 814 00:55:31,706 --> 00:55:35,043 and just be like "I love you", or whateveryou say to her... 815 00:55:35,168 --> 00:55:36,961 and then like "I'll see you in a week." 816 00:55:38,672 --> 00:55:40,590 What does it matterto you if I call her? What does it matter? 817 00:55:40,799 --> 00:55:43,968 'Cause I want you to knowthat you can live without your girlfriend. 818 00:55:44,260 --> 00:55:48,682 I'm not trying to be a dick to Amy, but I am. What are you going to do? 819 00:55:48,848 --> 00:55:51,476 -First of all, that's your nature. -I told Amy right when we left. 820 00:55:51,726 --> 00:55:54,562 -We had a little talk and whatever. -You've been dating for 2 months. 821 00:55:55,730 --> 00:55:57,774 This is the difference in our relationships. 822 00:55:57,857 --> 00:56:00,443 -What? What are four extra months? -Five. 823 00:56:01,236 --> 00:56:03,071 Like, what happens when you break up... 824 00:56:03,571 --> 00:56:06,074 You're the guy, that when you break up with your girlfriend... 825 00:56:06,241 --> 00:56:09,411 you go like, cry for a fucking year and don't move and go out. 826 00:56:10,578 --> 00:56:13,289 Wait. Don't go that far, ace. 827 00:56:24,467 --> 00:56:26,094 -Hello. -What's up? 828 00:56:26,386 --> 00:56:27,887 I haven't really slept at all. 829 00:56:28,388 --> 00:56:30,390 I slept last night finally, 'cause I was so... 830 00:56:30,682 --> 00:56:32,851 just like emotionally and physically exhausted. 831 00:56:33,184 --> 00:56:34,978 What are you worried about, hon? 832 00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:37,981 I've beenjust concerned about you for a while... 833 00:56:38,356 --> 00:56:41,818 and it made it worse yesterday, when I didn't get to talk to you. 834 00:56:43,111 --> 00:56:47,282 Last night I felt like I had a brick wall and couldn't see anything... 835 00:56:47,657 --> 00:56:50,285 like this is the way I felt and I couldn't see it ever going away. 836 00:56:50,618 --> 00:56:52,912 -What do you mean "not going away"? -You didn't call me yesterday... 837 00:56:56,708 --> 00:56:58,752 and I felt like you were just being insensitive... 838 00:56:59,294 --> 00:57:03,256 to the fact that I was... that this is hard on me. 839 00:57:03,548 --> 00:57:06,968 -I know and I'm sorry. -I just want to be able to talk. 840 00:57:11,014 --> 00:57:12,974 -You know what I mean? -Yeah. 841 00:57:14,142 --> 00:57:17,103 -Okay. -All right, baby. 842 00:57:17,520 --> 00:57:18,980 I miss you. 843 00:57:20,857 --> 00:57:22,108 Bye. 844 00:57:31,785 --> 00:57:34,454 Day four. The Booze Cruise. 845 00:57:35,330 --> 00:57:36,664 Welcome to the bar! 846 00:57:37,332 --> 00:57:39,876 The guys thought it was time for me to meet some new girls... 847 00:57:40,251 --> 00:57:42,295 but I was still kind of into Tara. 848 00:57:42,587 --> 00:57:44,756 I wasn't sure if she wanted to hook up... 849 00:57:45,006 --> 00:57:48,259 But three hours trapped at sea would be a good way to find out. 850 00:57:48,551 --> 00:57:53,056 Ok, everybody! This is a party boat and everybody wants to party. 851 00:57:53,348 --> 00:57:55,308 Let me hear you make some noise! 852 00:57:56,559 --> 00:57:58,520 Everything is possible onboard. 853 00:57:59,521 --> 00:58:03,400 You want to dance? Dance! You want to drink? Drink! 854 00:58:03,775 --> 00:58:06,027 Get crazy! 855 00:58:11,199 --> 00:58:12,367 Do you surf? 856 00:58:12,992 --> 00:58:16,037 No. I've never done it before. I doubt I could ever do that. 857 00:58:19,499 --> 00:58:22,836 Fat guys and little people? Women flock. 858 00:58:24,254 --> 00:58:28,049 -How much do you weigh? -I can squat 330 pounds. 859 00:58:28,258 --> 00:58:30,552 I could pick you up and dance with you on my shoulders. 860 00:58:31,261 --> 00:58:32,095 Really? 861 00:58:34,931 --> 00:58:36,141 Hold that. 862 00:58:47,569 --> 00:58:49,571 No fucking way! 863 00:58:50,530 --> 00:58:52,532 That's a fucking mind-blower! 864 00:58:54,534 --> 00:58:56,286 That's a fucking mind-blower! 865 00:58:58,246 --> 00:59:00,373 I going to make dumb faces when I'm in the sun. 866 00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:05,045 -You're very concerned. -Well, no. I just think it's funny. 867 00:59:05,295 --> 00:59:07,505 -I think you need to be a little... -When I'm with a pretty girl... 868 00:59:07,714 --> 00:59:09,591 I don't want to be making dumb faces. 869 00:59:11,051 --> 00:59:13,053 I want you to be you, Eddie. 870 00:59:15,055 --> 00:59:18,016 So what are you saying? "Me" is making dumb faces, is that it? 871 00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:19,851 -I'm just kidding. -I don't consideryourface... 872 00:59:51,925 --> 00:59:55,679 God bless you for coming. Free party, our place. 873 00:59:56,137 --> 00:59:58,973 We got a full bar. I want you guys all to make it. I love you guys. 874 00:59:59,349 --> 01:00:02,435 If you want to make out with me, it's $5.00. 875 01:00:03,561 --> 01:00:04,479 Come on, guys. 876 01:00:04,729 --> 01:00:07,941 -There was a party at our place. -It works better with no clothes. 877 01:00:08,233 --> 01:00:10,235 But I really wasn't that interested. 878 01:00:10,777 --> 01:00:13,321 Tara and I were going back to her room. 879 01:00:13,738 --> 01:00:15,073 You don't have a key to your own fucking room? 880 01:00:15,573 --> 01:00:18,034 They don't trust me with the keys, 'cause I loose them every time. 881 01:00:21,246 --> 01:00:25,041 -Hello. -Things are going to get freaky. 882 01:00:26,793 --> 01:00:28,712 So, maybe I'll see you tomorrow or something, ok? 883 01:00:35,844 --> 01:00:38,138 What the fuckjust happened? Shit. 884 01:00:46,646 --> 01:00:48,606 I have a huge head. 885 01:00:48,898 --> 01:00:52,235 -Yeah, we know. -That's my weapon, you know. 886 01:00:52,569 --> 01:00:54,195 -Give me a head butt, baby. -God. It's killing me, dude. 887 01:00:55,447 --> 01:00:56,656 Oh, Christ almighty. 888 01:00:58,241 --> 01:00:59,451 I held nothing back. 889 01:00:59,951 --> 01:01:03,079 -Who cares? Who cares? -Why are your shorts unbuttoned? 890 01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,540 They've been unbuttoned the whole time. 891 01:01:05,790 --> 01:01:08,126 I'll need the key. I'm going to get some money. 892 01:01:09,794 --> 01:01:11,463 Where are you really going with her? 893 01:01:12,630 --> 01:01:14,883 -You're not getting money. -Getting poontang pie. 894 01:01:46,039 --> 01:01:46,998 Have you seen Amy at all? 895 01:01:47,374 --> 01:01:48,958 They're knocking it out L.P. style, you know what I'm saying? 896 01:01:49,125 --> 01:01:50,835 No, they are not. I am like best friends with Amy. 897 01:01:51,169 --> 01:01:55,173 -She would not do that. -That's what you think. 898 01:01:56,341 --> 01:01:57,467 Come here, baby. 899 01:02:02,097 --> 01:02:03,390 Don't stop. 900 01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,351 -Where's Amy? -She's in my room with him. 901 01:02:06,726 --> 01:02:09,437 -What room number are you in? -She knows where we are. 902 01:02:09,604 --> 01:02:11,481 I know where it is. Let's go. 903 01:02:12,357 --> 01:02:14,067 They're going to walk in on that shit. 904 01:02:14,859 --> 01:02:17,028 They're like the overprotective friends. 905 01:02:18,697 --> 01:02:21,783 Dude, he probably already blew his load. Don't worry. 906 01:02:28,832 --> 01:02:30,333 Hey, hon. Let's go. 907 01:03:08,329 --> 01:03:11,541 Hans, I love you to death, buddy, but we had an agreement. 908 01:03:19,049 --> 01:03:21,760 -Is he completely passed out, though? -He's pretty done. 909 01:03:22,260 --> 01:03:24,429 -Take care, buddy. -Hey, don't. Why are you talking? 910 01:03:35,106 --> 01:03:37,108 Sleep like a baby. 911 01:03:37,359 --> 01:03:38,693 All right. Let's go. 912 01:03:38,943 --> 01:03:40,779 Shit. There's a lot of luggage. 913 01:03:50,872 --> 01:03:54,918 That was for everyone who ever fucked with me. Sorry, Hans. 914 01:04:56,604 --> 01:04:58,940 It was my last day in Mexico... 915 01:04:59,190 --> 01:05:01,818 and it looked like I was going home a virgin. 916 01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:07,866 It was time to kick back on the beach with my friends... 917 01:05:08,158 --> 01:05:10,326 and stop worrying about girls. 918 01:05:21,254 --> 01:05:22,380 Besides... 919 01:05:22,589 --> 01:05:26,176 there are more important things in life than sex, right? 920 01:05:31,806 --> 01:05:34,184 -Is that Tara right there? -Where? 921 01:05:34,392 --> 01:05:36,644 -Sitting right there? -I have no idea. 922 01:05:36,895 --> 01:05:38,271 -How are you? -Fine. 923 01:05:38,605 --> 01:05:40,607 You're doing well with all your little boyfriends overthere. 924 01:05:40,857 --> 01:05:44,486 -What? -I can't talk. My voice is gone. 925 01:05:44,736 --> 01:05:47,864 -Why? -Because I've been yelling in clubs. 926 01:05:48,073 --> 01:05:49,741 -So you've been a little too crazy. -Oh yeah. 927 01:05:49,991 --> 01:05:51,159 Do you dance? 928 01:05:52,786 --> 01:05:54,204 Touchy subject? 929 01:05:55,705 --> 01:05:57,332 I think we're going to make our move back to the pool. 930 01:05:57,665 --> 01:05:59,376 -Are we going to go eat then? -I think so. 931 01:05:59,542 --> 01:06:01,586 -Going to go in the ocean, buddy? -I'm going to pee. You want to come? 932 01:06:03,505 --> 01:06:06,007 Hey, Hansy, how are we getting back? 933 01:06:06,299 --> 01:06:08,885 Watertaxi or walking. I don't care. 934 01:06:09,260 --> 01:06:12,514 I can't believe he's like 21. He's hilarious. 935 01:06:13,598 --> 01:06:15,850 -He's quite a guy. -You know he's peeing right now. 936 01:06:16,101 --> 01:06:20,188 He's got his arms lifted. He doesn't want to touch his own water. 937 01:06:20,438 --> 01:06:21,773 -He's hilarious. -I just love him. 938 01:06:22,023 --> 01:06:25,652 He doesn't give a rat's ass about what anybody thinks about him. 939 01:06:28,988 --> 01:06:30,448 -You're going to the hot tub? -Yeah. 940 01:06:38,665 --> 01:06:41,126 -Hot tub. -You got to come to the hot tub. 941 01:06:53,263 --> 01:06:54,597 Hey, Ghertner! 942 01:06:54,806 --> 01:06:57,308 -Oh my... -Look at this! 943 01:06:57,976 --> 01:06:59,853 Go, Eddie, man! 944 01:07:26,838 --> 01:07:28,340 Gracias, Tito. 945 01:08:02,207 --> 01:08:04,167 -Hello. -What's up? 946 01:08:04,876 --> 01:08:06,586 Nothing. How are you? 947 01:08:07,128 --> 01:08:08,421 I'm good. How are you? 948 01:08:09,839 --> 01:08:11,341 I just want you to come back. 949 01:08:14,719 --> 01:08:16,930 It's the longest time we've ever been away from each other. 950 01:08:17,430 --> 01:08:18,515 Ever. 951 01:08:18,890 --> 01:08:20,767 We need to find some girls. 952 01:08:21,893 --> 01:08:25,647 Yeah, we're losers. We're in Cabo and we can't find girls. 953 01:08:26,189 --> 01:08:29,401 On the other hand, Ed could be fucking right now. 954 01:08:42,580 --> 01:08:44,582 But I miss you to death. 955 01:08:44,791 --> 01:08:47,210 I can't keep you off my mind. It's out of control. 956 01:08:47,419 --> 01:08:49,254 I physically could not sleep last night. 957 01:08:51,506 --> 01:08:54,634 -Seriously. -I know. 958 01:08:55,468 --> 01:08:58,263 After this drink, we're on alcohol probation. 959 01:08:59,014 --> 01:09:01,599 -No mas alcohol. -No mas alcohol. 960 01:09:01,933 --> 01:09:04,102 Or "alcohol", forthose who can not vote. 961 01:09:04,602 --> 01:09:06,271 "Chicas primera". 962 01:09:07,355 --> 01:09:09,190 -"Ladies first." -Empty your drink. 963 01:09:12,527 --> 01:09:13,778 Another drink? 964 01:09:14,654 --> 01:09:16,781 -"Uno mas?" -"Uno mas. Uno mas." 965 01:09:17,449 --> 01:09:20,076 -Hey. Two. "Dos!" -"Dos! Dos!" 966 01:09:34,299 --> 01:09:36,843 You have to know, like, when this all done... 967 01:09:37,177 --> 01:09:39,512 you're the only girl I ever want to be with. 968 01:09:41,139 --> 01:09:44,142 -Are you teary eyed? -Yeah. 969 01:09:45,185 --> 01:09:47,645 -I love you. -I love you too. 970 01:09:48,730 --> 01:09:50,940 -Bye. -Bye. 971 01:09:53,151 --> 01:09:55,487 I am a fucking piece of shit. 972 01:09:56,696 --> 01:09:59,491 -Hey, come here. Come here. -Hey. No, no, no. Punch me. 973 01:09:59,866 --> 01:10:02,160 -I'll help you. -Punch me. 974 01:10:02,369 --> 01:10:05,497 -Punch me, punch me. -Punch you? What side? 975 01:10:11,378 --> 01:10:14,964 No, no, no. I honestly think that Eddie is knocking it out right now. 976 01:10:15,507 --> 01:10:17,133 -Are you serious. -I honestly think that. 977 01:10:17,467 --> 01:10:19,928 -Atta boy, Eddie. -What happened? 978 01:11:04,389 --> 01:11:05,682 -I'm out. -Okay. 979 01:11:09,602 --> 01:11:11,604 -You give me a call. -No, you. 980 01:11:11,813 --> 01:11:13,314 -I will, I will. -Yeah. 981 01:11:13,565 --> 01:11:15,942 Thanks, Tara. Thanks. I'll see you later. 982 01:12:15,585 --> 01:12:17,754 We did it once then we took a showertogether. 983 01:12:18,963 --> 01:12:20,590 This guy is a pro already. 984 01:12:21,675 --> 01:12:23,927 And we did it again. -No fucking way! 985 01:12:24,386 --> 01:12:26,304 The second time was shorter than the first time though. 986 01:12:30,058 --> 01:12:33,269 You've had sex as many times as I have in my life, in the last hour. 987 01:12:34,312 --> 01:12:36,147 Look at him, man. He's a new guy. 988 01:12:37,649 --> 01:12:39,442 -Yeah, look at him. -Now, he's going to be like... 989 01:12:39,693 --> 01:12:41,861 -He's like "I'm no amateur". -Yeah. 990 01:12:42,320 --> 01:12:44,781 I do like her. So I'll probably hang out with her at the meeting. 991 01:12:45,198 --> 01:12:46,866 -Hell, yeah, man. -Obviously. 992 01:12:49,035 --> 01:12:51,413 -Congratulations. -That's fucking awesome. 993 01:13:01,089 --> 01:13:02,507 As much as... 994 01:13:02,841 --> 01:13:05,760 we all came down here to have a great time and everything... 995 01:13:06,094 --> 01:13:07,971 I think everyone knows the number-one goal... 996 01:13:08,263 --> 01:13:10,682 was to get this guy laid. 997 01:13:11,599 --> 01:13:13,518 And I think that, I think that's good. 998 01:13:13,893 --> 01:13:16,438 -Nice. -You did it under your terms. 999 01:13:16,813 --> 01:13:18,982 and you had fun and I think that's commendable. 1000 01:13:19,232 --> 01:13:21,151 And I'm glad you did, because... 1001 01:13:21,443 --> 01:13:24,195 Now we don't make fun of you anymore. 1002 01:13:25,405 --> 01:13:26,698 Congrats, Eddie. 1003 01:13:27,449 --> 01:13:28,992 -Here's to all of us, to all of us. -To everybody. 1004 01:13:29,242 --> 01:13:30,952 -Well, everybody. -I agree. 1005 01:13:31,453 --> 01:13:33,038 Eddie, here's to you. 1006 01:13:36,332 --> 01:13:40,045 So nowthat we're all done, let's get fucked up and have a party. 1007 01:13:50,847 --> 01:13:52,599 The quest was complete. 1008 01:13:53,058 --> 01:13:55,894 Thanks to my friend and Tara, of course... 1009 01:13:56,227 --> 01:13:58,563 I was no longer a virgin. 1010 01:13:59,230 --> 01:14:01,775 But I know what you're thinking. What about Josh? 1011 01:14:02,025 --> 01:14:03,651 What happened on his quest? 1012 01:14:04,027 --> 01:14:06,196 -You don't have a girlfriend? -No girlfriend. 1013 01:14:06,446 --> 01:14:08,281 Because I don't have a boyfriend. 1014 01:14:13,578 --> 01:14:17,582 "Ay, chihuahua." "Es muy grande." 1015 01:14:17,874 --> 01:14:19,334 I told you. 1016 01:14:36,601 --> 01:14:41,064 I lost my virginity when I was 21 to my photographer husband... 1017 01:14:41,439 --> 01:14:46,653 who had flashlight to see where he was going because it was so dark. 1018 01:14:47,487 --> 01:14:50,782 I would let him touch my titties and my pussy... 1019 01:14:51,157 --> 01:14:52,742 and I would touch his... 1020 01:14:52,992 --> 01:14:54,577 I would feel his... 1021 01:14:54,994 --> 01:14:58,039 What do I call? His what? "Dick"? 1022 01:14:58,498 --> 01:15:01,042 I never did say that, you guys! 1023 01:15:11,219 --> 01:15:13,805 I bet you a dollar he wakes up. 1024 01:15:14,806 --> 01:15:16,766 -Do I again. Do it again. -Okay. 1025 01:15:22,355 --> 01:15:24,107 Dude, this is awesome. 1026 01:15:26,026 --> 01:15:29,154 My first sexual experience was with a whore. 1027 01:15:29,779 --> 01:15:31,281 I had sex with a priest. 1028 01:15:31,990 --> 01:15:33,825 ACatholic priest, yes. 1029 01:15:34,993 --> 01:15:37,037 He wasn't very well endowed. 1030 01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:39,789 I'm a freaky, crazy motherfucker. 1031 01:15:40,081 --> 01:15:42,876 I like tojust make her scream. holler. 1032 01:15:44,252 --> 01:15:46,588 And, you know, I'm pretty successful at that too. 1033 01:15:47,964 --> 01:15:49,382 You ready? Go. 1034 01:15:50,884 --> 01:15:52,552 -Hanging on? -Got it. 1035 01:15:52,886 --> 01:15:54,929 I feel like I'm... Holy fuck! 1036 01:15:55,388 --> 01:15:57,474 This is like four-dwarves tall! 1037 01:15:57,891 --> 01:15:59,434 Honey, you lay down, shut up. 1038 01:16:00,435 --> 01:16:02,479 Somebody get him some water, please. 1039 01:16:05,357 --> 01:16:07,317 You did not just do that. 1040 01:16:07,567 --> 01:16:10,403 You did notjust do that. That's totally uncool! 1041 01:16:21,873 --> 01:16:23,500 Ticklish? Ticklish? Ticklish? Ticklish? 1042 01:16:23,667 --> 01:16:26,127 -Dude! -Ticklish? Ticklish? 1043 01:16:26,753 --> 01:16:28,088 Yah, what's up now?. 1044 01:16:30,382 --> 01:16:33,218 Good dog! Good Tyler! 1045 01:16:33,635 --> 01:16:37,055 Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! Drink! 1046 01:16:41,518 --> 01:16:45,230 -He's down, baby. He's down. -Cut it! Cut it! Got it! 1047 01:16:45,647 --> 01:16:48,191 -I'm coming baby. I'm coming. -Saved it. Saved it. 78313

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