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Previously on SurrealEstate.
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- August Ripley.
- Rochelle Decker.
3
00:00:11,595 --> 00:00:12,863
I get these things.
4
00:00:12,874 --> 00:00:14,624
I can't hear them
anymore, I can't see them.
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,797
But I know them.
6
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,598
You know, I always liked you, Zooey.
7
00:00:18,644 --> 00:00:19,944
She's one of us.
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00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:22,648
One of us. One of us.
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00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,279
I heard about the day
you left the church.
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00:00:25,290 --> 00:00:28,000
The organization
wasn't meeting my needs.
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00:00:28,097 --> 00:00:29,977
Dear Luke, please consider this
12
00:00:29,988 --> 00:00:32,137
my resignation from the Roman Agency.
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00:00:32,148 --> 00:00:33,453
Effective immediately.
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00:00:33,978 --> 00:00:35,528
Susan Ireland.
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00:01:03,355 --> 00:01:05,365
Hasan!
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00:01:36,826 --> 00:01:39,826
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Mina, Tarik,
18
00:01:46,732 --> 00:01:49,612
I can't give you a
guaranteed sale date or price.
19
00:01:49,651 --> 00:01:53,401
Nobody can. The market is
a living, breathing thing.
20
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:56,119
So, what was that number
you gave us five minutes ago?
21
00:01:56,158 --> 00:01:58,368
That is a listing price
that I think will put us
22
00:01:58,410 --> 00:02:00,700
in a very positive
position. I suspect we'll get
23
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,706
several offers above that,
but, well, wait and see.
24
00:02:04,110 --> 00:02:05,289
So,
25
00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:07,794
is there anything else
that I need to know?
26
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,955
- Mmm. No.
- Mmm. No. Nothing. No.
27
00:02:11,006 --> 00:02:12,506
- No, I-I-I don't...
- Sounds great.
28
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,469
I don't think so, no.
29
00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:17,545
These older houses often have, uh,
30
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,426
features and quirks that could impact
31
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,143
the potential sales
price and days on market.
32
00:02:22,684 --> 00:02:24,394
Now, if this is the case,
33
00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,146
we are very good at
managing these things,
34
00:02:26,188 --> 00:02:28,358
but now is the time to tell us.
35
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:30,858
Did you tell him about
the antichrist next door?
36
00:02:30,901 --> 00:02:33,031
- Daria.
- He needs to know.
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00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:36,158
The Masseys.
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00:02:36,385 --> 00:02:37,925
Our neighbors from hell.
39
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,742
Unreasonable neighbors aren't that...
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00:02:44,218 --> 00:02:45,537
unusual.
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00:02:45,548 --> 00:02:47,008
Unreasonable?
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00:02:47,084 --> 00:02:49,094
They've been a problem
since we moved in.
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00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:50,627
We've tried to be good neighbors.
44
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,211
Ask anyone else on the block.
45
00:02:52,428 --> 00:02:55,138
- But with the Masseys?
- If they find out we're selling,
46
00:02:55,766 --> 00:02:57,090
they'll try to sabotage us.
47
00:02:57,101 --> 00:03:00,221
Badmouth us. Scare away the buyers.
48
00:03:00,285 --> 00:03:02,825
Who wants to live next
to murderous psychopaths?
49
00:03:02,836 --> 00:03:04,506
We generally try and
keep those bullet points
50
00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:06,267
out of the marketing materials.
51
00:03:07,368 --> 00:03:08,918
What can we do?
52
00:03:09,009 --> 00:03:10,897
Well, generally, I like
to head off the problem
53
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,031
by reaching out first; Create goodwill.
54
00:03:13,068 --> 00:03:15,488
Goodwill? Good luck.
55
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:18,619
You'd be surprised what a
properly deployed muffin basket
56
00:03:18,657 --> 00:03:20,827
can achieve. Now, are
you done with this?
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00:03:29,977 --> 00:03:31,527
Nice landscaping.
58
00:03:31,538 --> 00:03:33,378
Least they keep the property up.
59
00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,842
That's what they always
say about axe murderers:
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00:03:36,377 --> 00:03:38,716
"Gee, what a surprise.
61
00:03:38,727 --> 00:03:41,477
They took such good care of their yard."
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00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:44,137
Hm.
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00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,114
Hey!
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00:03:58,226 --> 00:03:59,766
Nice greenery.
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Aren't they?
66
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:08,156
So, should be an easy one. A normie.
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00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,786
Hm. Just like Susan suggested.
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00:04:13,628 --> 00:04:15,548
We've always welcomed every client,
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00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,919
regardless of their degree
of metaphysical engagement,
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00:04:17,966 --> 00:04:19,876
so the Hasans should be pretty simple.
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00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,676
Open, show, closing.
72
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,760
But their neighbors have
got them really spooked.
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00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:26,973
Perhaps it's just bad chemistry.
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00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:31,024
Maybe, but, Phil, when you do
the HCP at the Hasan house...
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00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:33,192
I'll check the Massey place, too.
76
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:35,281
Maybe they're just too alike?
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00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,897
I mean, suburbia rots
everyone's brain sooner or later.
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00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:39,614
The Hasans have lived
there for eight years.
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00:04:39,654 --> 00:04:42,164
They never had problems with
anyone else, or so they say.
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00:04:42,199 --> 00:04:44,409
August, I want you in
there sooner than later.
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00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,575
Hasans don't seem like the
type to make this up, but...
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00:04:46,586 --> 00:04:49,956
There was a fascinating
study done on Norwegian rats
83
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,294
... living in close proximity...
84
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:54,917
Tarik? We were just talking about you.
85
00:04:58,605 --> 00:04:59,720
What?
86
00:05:02,573 --> 00:05:04,333
Okay...
87
00:05:04,387 --> 00:05:06,257
you're gonna have to believe us now.
88
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,426
I can't believe a normal person would...
89
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,895
Go all Ozzy Osbourne and
then drop it on our doorstep?
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00:05:11,645 --> 00:05:13,815
I told you, these people are sick.
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00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,360
I can't take this anymore.
92
00:05:18,109 --> 00:05:20,149
You don't have to.
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00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,031
Tarik, this really isn't the time
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00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,913
to get into an altercation
with these people.
95
00:05:28,286 --> 00:05:29,826
Massey!
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00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:34,496
Massey, you cowardly pile of puke!
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00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,633
Come out and face me! Massey!
98
00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:38,920
And don't just send out
your freakishly tall wife
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00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:41,384
to fight your battles!
I want a piece of you!
100
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,684
Man, dial it down a little.
101
00:05:43,970 --> 00:05:45,548
What'd you say about my wife?
102
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,049
I don't think that he meant anything.
103
00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:49,296
She's tall! Freakishly tall!
104
00:05:49,307 --> 00:05:50,887
Abnormally tall!
105
00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:53,071
- You take that back.
- Or what?
106
00:05:53,082 --> 00:05:54,962
You gonna unleash Slenderwoman on me?
107
00:05:54,973 --> 00:05:56,804
I'm gonna do some unleashing, all right.
108
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,945
What kind of a sicko
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00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,444
rips the head off a bird and
puts it on someone's porch?
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00:06:01,455 --> 00:06:02,825
The kind of sicko who's tired of getting
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00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:04,454
a midnight suntan, that's who!
112
00:06:04,465 --> 00:06:07,715
- My porch light, my rules!
- Tariq, put down the rock.
113
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,914
My dog! Your ass! How about that?
114
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:13,083
- Mr. Massey, put down the dog.
- Whoa-ho-ho.
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00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:16,503
And a shadow covers the land
as the 50-foot woman attacks.
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00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,593
Eat a heaping bowl of shit, Hasan!
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00:06:18,744 --> 00:06:20,798
You bird dismemberer!
118
00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:23,089
- You're insane!
- You're a sociopath!
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00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,013
- You're neighbors!
- Come get your bird, Massey.
120
00:06:26,024 --> 00:06:28,524
Okay. Go get 'em, Buttercup!
121
00:06:28,597 --> 00:06:30,137
- Go on!
- No!
122
00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:42,992
Hope he saved me a drumstick.
123
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,276
Hm.
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00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:49,201
The irony is I'm only five-nine.
125
00:06:49,393 --> 00:06:50,872
In heels.
126
00:06:50,883 --> 00:06:52,973
You always had this kind of, um...
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00:06:53,605 --> 00:06:55,096
tension between you?
128
00:06:55,107 --> 00:06:57,197
Tension? They made our lives
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00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:58,838
a living hell ever since we moved in.
130
00:06:59,105 --> 00:07:01,377
- Thought you were here first?
- Oh!
131
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,971
Look. Look at the things they do.
132
00:07:10,841 --> 00:07:12,671
It's a little hard to make out.
133
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,852
Yeah, that's because of
their goddam porchlight.
134
00:07:14,893 --> 00:07:17,483
Thing's gotta be like
a 100 jillion lumens.
135
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,400
It shines right into
our bedroom all night.
136
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,359
Well, did you talk to them about it?
137
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:24,569
Yeah. They suggested
something involving a place
138
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:27,281
where the sun doesn't
shine. It was hurtful.
139
00:07:27,322 --> 00:07:28,952
Yeah, that's not even the worst of it.
140
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:30,823
Here, look at this.
141
00:07:32,513 --> 00:07:33,782
- Does that say... ?
- Yeah!
142
00:07:33,793 --> 00:07:35,081
- The 'f word'.
- Son of a bitch
143
00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:37,392
snuck onto our property at night
and wrote it in huge letters
144
00:07:37,403 --> 00:07:39,490
with a fertilizer
spreader on our front lawn.
145
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:42,091
We had to mow every few days
to keep it from growing taller
146
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,958
and corrupting young people.
147
00:07:43,969 --> 00:07:46,929
Well, you did pin a note
to their door with a knife.
148
00:07:47,182 --> 00:07:48,874
Have you seen their hedges?
149
00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:51,030
They look like the lead singer from...
150
00:07:51,041 --> 00:07:52,628
- What's the name of that band?
- The Melvins.
151
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:55,099
The Melvins! And
they refuse to trim 'em!
152
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,691
You know how something like
that can affect property values!
153
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:00,475
Okay.
154
00:08:01,308 --> 00:08:03,359
Look, you seem okay
for a real estate guy.
155
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:06,190
And if you sell the house,
we'll be glad to see them go.
156
00:08:06,302 --> 00:08:08,752
But... there's no goddamn way
157
00:08:08,775 --> 00:08:10,437
that we are gonna help them do anything.
158
00:08:10,612 --> 00:08:12,142
You mark my words:
159
00:08:12,153 --> 00:08:14,733
If we ever turn up dead
and headless, bleeding out
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00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:17,544
on the porch like that poor
bird Buttercup got hold of,
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00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,500
you'll know the Hasans did it.
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00:08:24,456 --> 00:08:25,572
Well,
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00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:28,764
meanwhile, enjoy the muffins.
164
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,259
Quitting? Already?
165
00:08:35,306 --> 00:08:37,226
Well, you've only been
a real estate agent
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00:08:37,267 --> 00:08:38,847
for a few days.
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00:08:38,893 --> 00:08:41,813
You closed the Dunn-Herberts
when no one else could.
168
00:08:42,082 --> 00:08:44,905
Yeah. And then I went home
and took a 45-minute shower
169
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,651
to wash off the filmy
residue of capitalism.
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00:08:48,379 --> 00:08:49,919
It's called growing up.
171
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,730
No, this was called selling out.
172
00:08:52,741 --> 00:08:55,241
And I just don't think
that it's right for me.
173
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,084
But I also don't want
to let Luke down either.
174
00:08:58,327 --> 00:09:00,711
It's fine to wander when you're young.
175
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,289
Noble, even.
176
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,916
But one must eventually choose a path
177
00:09:04,961 --> 00:09:06,501
and follow it to the end
178
00:09:07,088 --> 00:09:10,628
because old wanderers
lack direction, purpose.
179
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:14,598
And they often pee outdoors.
180
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,095
Ew.
181
00:09:21,083 --> 00:09:22,623
Hi. May I help you?
182
00:09:22,937 --> 00:09:24,767
Oh, I'm-I'm looking for Phil Orley.
183
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:27,074
May I say who is here?
184
00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,238
Philly can't possibly be
185
00:09:29,277 --> 00:09:31,647
important enough to merit
this level of screening.
186
00:09:32,201 --> 00:09:34,690
Oh, Philly.
187
00:09:34,701 --> 00:09:37,285
Hey, Philly. Que pasa?
188
00:09:37,296 --> 00:09:39,623
Abby!
189
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,872
Wh-what are you doing
here? Is everything okay?
190
00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,539
Everything's fine. I was just about to
191
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:47,004
submit a blood sample
to your secretary here.
192
00:09:47,045 --> 00:09:49,015
It's not too late.
193
00:09:49,047 --> 00:09:50,797
This is Zooey, our newest agent.
194
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,930
Zooey, my big sister, Abby.
195
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,469
- Charmed.
- Mm.
196
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:58,063
Okay, come on.
197
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,891
So, Abs, not that this
isn't a treat, but what's up?
198
00:10:04,410 --> 00:10:05,557
I was in town and wondered
199
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,555
if you and Anthony were free for dinner.
200
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:09,116
In town for what?
201
00:10:09,244 --> 00:10:11,574
To take you and Anthony for dinner.
202
00:10:11,721 --> 00:10:13,490
I was taking care of some paperwork
203
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:15,780
from mom and dad's
estate... you're welcome...
204
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,454
and thought what a great excuse to visit
205
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,492
my third-favorite little brother.
206
00:10:19,796 --> 00:10:21,116
Play your cards right and that
207
00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,962
second-favorite slot
might even open up.
208
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:25,997
Okay, well, I'll have to check
with Anthony. He's really busy...
209
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:28,592
How 'bout that place we
all went to last Christmas?
210
00:10:29,056 --> 00:10:32,356
- Fremonts?
- Fremonts. Tomorrow night? 7:00?
211
00:10:32,908 --> 00:10:35,547
Abby, I've got a ton of work on
my plate right now. I don't...
212
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:37,303
I know you're so busy and important.
213
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:38,885
Let's make it 7:30.
214
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:42,521
Give this a quick look.
We'll talk at dinner.
215
00:10:43,017 --> 00:10:45,807
Bye.
216
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,993
My big sister, ladies and gentlemen.
217
00:10:56,030 --> 00:10:58,570
- Yeah, I'm not sure I like her.
- Oh, me neither.
218
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:00,909
Luke wanted you to call him, by the way.
219
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,156
Okay.
220
00:11:03,204 --> 00:11:04,754
Philly.
221
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:07,630
I hate to say it, but
the records look clean.
222
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:10,207
Property line has stayed the
same since it was farmland.
223
00:11:10,559 --> 00:11:12,109
Well, how long have they been there?
224
00:11:12,422 --> 00:11:14,092
That's gonna take a deeper dive.
225
00:11:14,352 --> 00:11:17,012
Farm bureau records,
folklore, anecdotals...
226
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:18,891
Well, these houses
have been here a while.
227
00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:21,178
See if you can track down
who lived here before.
228
00:11:21,222 --> 00:11:23,432
- I love a challenge.
- Hm.
229
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:34,191
Good news is it's a great house
at a reasonable price point.
230
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,275
The buyers should be lined up.
231
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:39,155
I think we know the bad news already.
232
00:11:39,443 --> 00:11:40,983
They live next door.
233
00:11:40,994 --> 00:11:42,704
Honestly, I have to tell you,
234
00:11:42,806 --> 00:11:44,115
I spoke with them and they were...
235
00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:47,462
- Don't say it!
- Reasonable. Even nice.
236
00:11:47,805 --> 00:11:48,917
You were here!
237
00:11:48,928 --> 00:11:51,414
Did you not see the decapitated bird?
238
00:11:51,425 --> 00:11:52,924
They told me their dog did that.
239
00:11:52,975 --> 00:11:54,645
And you believed them?
240
00:11:54,656 --> 00:11:56,196
Honestly, I don't know who to believe.
241
00:11:56,290 --> 00:11:58,500
You did some kind of
extreme stuff to them, too.
242
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,050
He showed you the lawn.
243
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,261
You're not exactly innocents here.
244
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,555
Then maybe we need to
find new representation.
245
00:12:07,602 --> 00:12:09,812
- Mm-hm.
- You'd fire us?
246
00:12:11,147 --> 00:12:12,937
Wow, that is wildly unprecedented
247
00:12:12,982 --> 00:12:15,442
and certainly your
prerogative, but my solution
248
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:17,705
would be to sell your
house as quickly as possible
249
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,447
for the most amount of money possible
250
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:22,239
and put some space
between you and the Masseys
251
00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,453
before you develop a nuclear program.
252
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,711
We have that block party coming up.
253
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,380
A lot of people come to that.
254
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,128
Great! Everybody loves a block party.
255
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,670
Gives people a real chance to
get a feel for the neighborhood,
256
00:12:36,714 --> 00:12:40,014
see how well everybody gets along.
257
00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,431
If it'll get us out of here faster,
258
00:12:44,639 --> 00:12:46,179
we'll fake it.
259
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,774
That is all I want to hear!
260
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,356
Look, you don't need to love them.
261
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,109
Just don't attack them for a while.
262
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,608
We'll try.
263
00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:01,204
And maybe turn off that porch light
264
00:13:01,239 --> 00:13:03,279
that burns like a thousand suns?
265
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:05,406
We'll see.
266
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:08,659
There you go. Peace in our time.
267
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,341
Your greatest advantage is that you live
268
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:18,920
in a highly desirable neighborhood
269
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,885
and no other inventory
is available here.
270
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,795
You get to set the market and...
271
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:31,641
This means war.
272
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,896
I really appreciate
you coming in, Mr. Flynn.
273
00:13:41,907 --> 00:13:44,134
Oh, my office is just around the corner.
274
00:13:44,145 --> 00:13:47,623
Great. So, you used to live
at 4 Sotherfield Lane, right?
275
00:13:47,660 --> 00:13:49,250
Next door to Rowan and Renata Massey?
276
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,117
Ohh... They were the worst.
277
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,255
- How so?
- Arguments.
278
00:13:54,429 --> 00:13:56,389
Noisy. Nasty.
279
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,950
All the time... endless.
280
00:13:58,118 --> 00:13:59,658
About what?
281
00:14:00,849 --> 00:14:03,229
You know, neighbor stuff.
282
00:14:04,791 --> 00:14:06,341
Anything specific?
283
00:14:12,072 --> 00:14:14,032
They killed my cat!
284
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:16,957
- Excuse me?
- They put out a bowl of
285
00:14:16,967 --> 00:14:18,857
antifreeze and poisoned my cat!
286
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,359
- That's dark.
- Weird.
287
00:14:23,237 --> 00:14:24,907
I forgot it until just now.
288
00:14:29,786 --> 00:14:31,696
- Hey.
- Yeah?
289
00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:33,945
You work for Rita.
290
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,036
I'm her assistant.
291
00:14:36,084 --> 00:14:37,884
Hm.
292
00:14:46,810 --> 00:14:50,070
Hey! You never mentioned you
were thinking about selling.
293
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,938
Oh, we been thinking
about it for a while.
294
00:14:51,949 --> 00:14:53,590
You know, we got the nicer house
295
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:56,061
and we're empirically better people,
296
00:14:56,072 --> 00:14:58,916
so why let them set
the market, you know?
297
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,942
Luke! So nice to see you.
298
00:15:02,897 --> 00:15:04,817
I'm afraid this house is a...
299
00:15:04,828 --> 00:15:06,628
tiny bit out of your price range,
300
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,699
but maybe we can help you find
a nice haunted amusement park,
301
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,292
or something.
302
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,745
- Can I have a word?
- Hm.
303
00:15:18,209 --> 00:15:20,089
Look who's over there.
304
00:15:20,128 --> 00:15:22,588
Listen, Rita, there
is something going on
305
00:15:22,630 --> 00:15:24,260
between these neighbors.
306
00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:26,048
A little friction between neighbors?
307
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:27,682
Happens all the time.
308
00:15:27,718 --> 00:15:29,638
You piece of crap!
309
00:15:31,264 --> 00:15:32,934
You had to horn in on our actions!
310
00:15:32,974 --> 00:15:35,064
We have every right to
expose it to the open market,
311
00:15:35,101 --> 00:15:37,941
- just the same as you!
- Swear to God, you better not...
312
00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:40,859
That cow meant everything to us
and you took her for your own!
313
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,188
The cow wandered onto our land!
314
00:15:43,234 --> 00:15:45,154
You were trying to claim him!
315
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:46,824
... whole crop of sorghum!
316
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,913
We will have nothing for
the rest of the season.
317
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,908
- Don't dare tell me what to do!
- I'll bite them off your hand!
318
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,871
- Tarik!
- I've had enough of you, buddy!
319
00:15:54,912 --> 00:15:56,832
Tarik!
320
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:00,504
Remember what we talked about?
321
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,168
Back in the house.
322
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,551
- This isn't over! Swear to God!
- No, it's not over,
323
00:16:07,592 --> 00:16:09,512
because you're not
lying in a pool of blood!
324
00:16:09,552 --> 00:16:12,012
- Hey!
- Not yet! Not yet!
325
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:13,604
No, come on!
326
00:16:14,626 --> 00:16:16,666
So, a little friction, you say?
327
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:19,450
Did you hear what they
were screaming about?
328
00:16:19,461 --> 00:16:22,711
Uh, I dunno. Something about a cow?
329
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:40,456
Hey. I got your text.
I'm working tonight so...
330
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,380
You are not gonna believe this.
331
00:16:42,705 --> 00:16:45,285
It's Abigail. I might.
332
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,551
This is an affidavit
of posthumous variation,
333
00:16:48,591 --> 00:16:50,801
which is a precursor to
post-probate allocation,
334
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,763
- which means...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
335
00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:54,353
Start at the beginning.
336
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,140
My parents were super
involved in our parish church,
337
00:16:59,185 --> 00:17:01,275
my whole life. You know this.
338
00:17:01,312 --> 00:17:03,692
So they always told
us, "When we're gone,
339
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:06,071
everything's split
between you kids except for
340
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,438
this one piece of land.
That's for the church."
341
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:11,106
Like, to build a church, or... ?
342
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:13,235
Who cares? It's a couple
acres of dirt and weeds
343
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:14,952
that I don't think Jesus could find
344
00:17:14,992 --> 00:17:16,952
without the GPS coordinates.
345
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:18,544
- And yet?
- And yet,
346
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,909
when my mom passed it never came up.
347
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:23,461
I just assumed that it
was specified in the will
348
00:17:23,501 --> 00:17:25,041
and then handed over.
349
00:17:26,295 --> 00:17:27,835
Apparently not.
350
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:31,052
It's gone to us kids with
the rest of the estate.
351
00:17:31,759 --> 00:17:33,549
So, it's ours now?
352
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:36,434
Our summer place to graze the ponies
353
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:38,602
and let the corgis run free?
354
00:17:39,628 --> 00:17:43,918
Abigail says that we should
donate it to the church now.
355
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,889
That's what these forms are for.
356
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:47,775
See, you know,
357
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,397
that's what kills me about Abigail!
358
00:17:49,902 --> 00:17:52,202
She doesn't have the
decency to forge my name
359
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:54,238
and do this deal quietly. No!
360
00:17:54,282 --> 00:17:56,492
She has to ambush me and-and-and
361
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,624
knowing perfectly well
that, given enough time,
362
00:17:58,661 --> 00:18:01,751
not only am I going to
say no, but hell, no.
363
00:18:01,789 --> 00:18:04,919
Your relationship with your
sister is... complicated.
364
00:18:04,959 --> 00:18:07,959
She was always the
favorite, the-the good one.
365
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:11,174
It took a big gesture of me
becoming a priest to pull ahead.
366
00:18:11,381 --> 00:18:13,591
Sort of a Hail Mary.
367
00:18:17,994 --> 00:18:19,534
Do you want to keep the land?
368
00:18:19,726 --> 00:18:21,276
No. I mean...
369
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,392
What-what would we do with it?
370
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,059
That's not-that's not the point! The...
371
00:18:27,106 --> 00:18:29,776
The point is... she's asking me.
372
00:18:30,651 --> 00:18:32,191
Me!
373
00:18:32,236 --> 00:18:34,356
To give something that...
with a not-insignificant
374
00:18:34,405 --> 00:18:36,075
dollar value to the church.
375
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,326
The same church that chose to model
376
00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:42,247
the tolerant ministry of Christ
by tossing me out the narthex!
377
00:18:42,288 --> 00:18:45,288
I'm not good enough, but
my inheritance is? No! No.
378
00:18:45,333 --> 00:18:48,173
Okay, great, simple.
379
00:18:49,128 --> 00:18:50,998
- Simple?
- Just tell Abby
380
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,587
what you just told me.
381
00:18:54,675 --> 00:18:56,385
Yes.
382
00:18:57,094 --> 00:18:59,014
No.
383
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,895
Hell, no.
384
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,140
Hell, no.
385
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:20,833
Now that is marketing.
386
00:19:20,868 --> 00:19:23,078
Oh, yeah. Kids at a grade-school rager
387
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,000
are known for their brand loyalty.
388
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,457
I'm going to mingle.
389
00:19:33,381 --> 00:19:34,921
Hey.
390
00:19:35,219 --> 00:19:36,719
I'm Alvin.
391
00:19:37,612 --> 00:19:39,702
I-I work for Rita Weiss.
392
00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:41,900
Oh. Thoughts and prayers, Alvin.
393
00:19:42,212 --> 00:19:44,347
You're with Roman, right?
394
00:19:44,358 --> 00:19:46,358
- Mm-hm.
- What's that like?
395
00:19:46,519 --> 00:19:48,439
It's okay. Most of the time.
396
00:19:48,712 --> 00:19:51,502
I ask because I hear things.
397
00:19:51,899 --> 00:19:53,479
What kind of things?
398
00:19:53,685 --> 00:19:55,225
Like,
399
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,028
you made a pact with the devil
that so you could move people
400
00:19:58,072 --> 00:20:00,322
into different houses so
that he could eat their souls.
401
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,026
Oh...
402
00:20:02,076 --> 00:20:04,286
Yeah, yeah. I can confirm that.
403
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:07,870
Oh!
404
00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:11,132
- You had me there.
- Did I?
405
00:20:13,963 --> 00:20:16,423
- Well, I better get back.
- Gotta make sure
406
00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,585
nobody gets in there with,
you know, sharp objects.
407
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:21,094
We'll lose the deposit. Yeah-ha. Yeah.
408
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:25,181
Thank you for your service.
409
00:20:32,606 --> 00:20:34,316
Wish you'd thought of it, right?
410
00:20:34,671 --> 00:20:38,551
Yeah! The next pre-qualified
toddlers to come by are yours.
411
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:40,856
Listen, we talked to some
of the people who lived
412
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:43,236
in these houses before
the Hasans and Masseys.
413
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,622
- And?
- Let's just say
414
00:20:46,662 --> 00:20:48,372
there's a history of violence.
415
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:51,084
We need to close these places
before they murder each other.
416
00:21:00,847 --> 00:21:02,397
This is a great idea.
417
00:21:06,098 --> 00:21:07,638
There you go.
418
00:21:22,531 --> 00:21:24,071
- Hi.
- Oh!
419
00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:25,656
Here we go!
420
00:22:02,822 --> 00:22:05,322
- Oops.
- Oh!
421
00:22:07,368 --> 00:22:09,238
Oh!
422
00:22:13,153 --> 00:22:15,323
Tariq! Rowan!
423
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,262
Ah!
424
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:22,801
Ahh!
425
00:22:26,428 --> 00:22:28,428
No.
426
00:22:30,099 --> 00:22:31,849
Ahh!
427
00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,741
Ah, ah!
428
00:22:52,227 --> 00:22:54,737
Stay!
429
00:22:54,930 --> 00:22:56,656
- Hey, are you okay?
- I am.
430
00:22:56,667 --> 00:22:58,207
But this is getting out of control.
431
00:22:59,086 --> 00:23:00,626
Well, this is a mess.
432
00:23:00,671 --> 00:23:03,051
Where's that useless assistant of mine?
433
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:06,340
Oh, no, no, no, no.
434
00:23:13,267 --> 00:23:14,807
Alvin bounced.
435
00:23:28,032 --> 00:23:30,162
Well, guess who's picking
up her own dry cleaning
436
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,830
for the rest of the week.
437
00:23:31,869 --> 00:23:33,409
He got knifed, Rita...
438
00:23:34,263 --> 00:23:35,803
and you don't even care!
439
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:38,831
This has gone too far.
440
00:23:38,876 --> 00:23:41,336
- Oh, relax.
- Nobody's pressing any charges.
441
00:23:41,378 --> 00:23:42,958
A stitch here, a tetanus shot there.
442
00:23:43,005 --> 00:23:44,765
No, we are gonna get
on top of this thing.
443
00:23:44,798 --> 00:23:46,468
I'm gonna do a deep dive into the Hasans
444
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:49,678
and I need your go ahead to
do the same at the Masseys.
445
00:23:49,720 --> 00:23:51,300
Your people in my listing?
446
00:23:52,190 --> 00:23:54,978
We're never going to sell
these places until we settle this.
447
00:23:54,989 --> 00:23:58,739
From a pure greed perspective,
can't see how you can refuse.
448
00:24:01,231 --> 00:24:02,771
Well, when you put it that way.
449
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:12,826
No area in the home
is particularly active?
450
00:24:12,868 --> 00:24:15,538
I mean, it's mostly around that side,
451
00:24:15,579 --> 00:24:17,159
closest to them.
452
00:24:19,750 --> 00:24:22,630
Any odd sounds at night?
453
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:25,862
No. Well, rats.
454
00:24:27,716 --> 00:24:30,046
- Rats?
- The Masseys throw dinner scraps
455
00:24:30,094 --> 00:24:32,054
into our yard almost every night.
456
00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:35,302
That brought raccoons.
And then the rats came.
457
00:24:36,094 --> 00:24:37,606
That's despicable.
458
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,153
It was his first gig as altar boy.
459
00:24:40,187 --> 00:24:41,897
- Mm.
- And the cassock was
460
00:24:41,939 --> 00:24:43,479
a little too long.
461
00:24:43,524 --> 00:24:45,574
- Oh.
- Ethan tripped.
462
00:24:45,609 --> 00:24:47,189
- Mm.
- Whoow!
463
00:24:47,236 --> 00:24:49,566
Body of Christ all over the place.
464
00:24:49,613 --> 00:24:51,203
He was devastated.
465
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:53,200
He was so worried Jesus
would be mad at him.
466
00:24:54,137 --> 00:24:55,330
I know that feeling.
467
00:24:55,341 --> 00:24:57,860
Oh, he reminds me so
much of you at that age.
468
00:24:57,871 --> 00:24:59,371
So innocent.
469
00:25:01,811 --> 00:25:03,311
Mm.
470
00:25:03,322 --> 00:25:05,417
Ruggedly handsome, just like his uncle.
471
00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,882
Yeah.
472
00:25:07,923 --> 00:25:09,593
- He's a good boy.
- Yeah.
473
00:25:09,633 --> 00:25:11,223
Obeys his parents.
474
00:25:12,636 --> 00:25:16,256
And so we segue gracefully
into the business of the day.
475
00:25:16,684 --> 00:25:19,056
You knew mom wanted to give
that land to the church.
476
00:25:19,114 --> 00:25:20,664
How could I not?
477
00:25:20,675 --> 00:25:23,136
Every festive dinner over the
last four years of her life
478
00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:27,277
included a dry run of
mother's post-mortem wish list.
479
00:25:27,317 --> 00:25:29,777
And she wondered why the
desserts weren't moving.
480
00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:33,866
But here's the thing, Abs...
481
00:25:34,491 --> 00:25:36,081
back then it was...
482
00:25:36,877 --> 00:25:38,427
it was abstract.
483
00:25:38,654 --> 00:25:41,074
And back then you were a priest.
484
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,038
Yeah.
485
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,090
O-okay, sure, but...
486
00:25:46,283 --> 00:25:48,903
Now? Now it's real.
487
00:25:49,419 --> 00:25:52,716
And now you're a gay guy
who sells real estate.
488
00:25:53,179 --> 00:25:55,470
Yeah, and I feel pretty good
about both, if it matters.
489
00:25:55,512 --> 00:25:58,392
- Yeah, it matters.
- Of course it matters a lot.
490
00:25:59,141 --> 00:26:00,641
But while your world has turned,
491
00:26:00,684 --> 00:26:03,314
like, a thousand times, Mom's hasn't.
492
00:26:03,353 --> 00:26:05,277
Dying will do that to a person.
493
00:26:05,288 --> 00:26:07,349
It's a shitty two acres of nothing.
494
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:08,870
Why do you even care?
495
00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:12,488
I care because you made it personal.
496
00:26:13,769 --> 00:26:16,995
Before it was something
that just happened, like...
497
00:26:17,133 --> 00:26:19,723
February, or rickets, or the playoffs
498
00:26:19,734 --> 00:26:22,234
and all I could say was,
"Well, that happened."
499
00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:24,832
But now you're making me sign off on it.
500
00:26:24,875 --> 00:26:26,925
Endorse it. And it pisses me off!
501
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,130
Do you have any idea
how much you hurt her...
502
00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:31,131
- Oh.
- ... when you left the church?
503
00:26:31,293 --> 00:26:33,553
Every time one of her
friends asked about
504
00:26:34,009 --> 00:26:37,299
her son, the priest...
she had to correct them.
505
00:26:37,346 --> 00:26:40,136
- Yeah. She didn't have to.
- Yes she did. Phil...
506
00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,274
Come on! You knew mom.
507
00:26:43,060 --> 00:26:44,810
She did...
508
00:26:44,853 --> 00:26:46,403
and her heart broke.
509
00:26:47,314 --> 00:26:49,194
Yeah.
510
00:26:49,233 --> 00:26:51,153
I know that feeling, too.
511
00:26:58,700 --> 00:27:02,580
Mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm, mm-hm.
512
00:27:05,952 --> 00:27:09,742
You know what? Let's just try it
back over by the shelves again.
513
00:27:09,753 --> 00:27:12,173
You know, I find myself envying Alvin
514
00:27:12,214 --> 00:27:14,884
and his reliable morphine drip.
515
00:27:14,925 --> 00:27:17,225
Ooh, you're a smart one.
516
00:27:17,469 --> 00:27:19,059
Yeah, I'm a genius.
517
00:27:19,070 --> 00:27:21,347
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
518
00:27:21,390 --> 00:27:24,520
You recognize the ultimate
futility of it all.
519
00:27:25,018 --> 00:27:27,398
The trick is to identify
what we can change
520
00:27:27,437 --> 00:27:31,227
and what we can't. We
can move a coffee table.
521
00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,905
We can't force a lender
522
00:27:32,943 --> 00:27:36,783
to prequalify a buyer
with insufficient income.
523
00:27:37,447 --> 00:27:39,027
Not legally, anyway.
524
00:27:39,074 --> 00:27:41,162
Okay, you're starting
to scare me a little.
525
00:27:41,173 --> 00:27:42,868
That's real estate, kitten.
526
00:27:44,321 --> 00:27:45,871
Oh, Renata! Hi!
527
00:27:45,914 --> 00:27:49,004
Hi. Are you Alvin's replacement?
528
00:27:49,042 --> 00:27:52,712
- God, I hope not.
- Uh, Zooey's, um...
529
00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:57,014
a special consultant here
to evaluate the property.
530
00:27:57,050 --> 00:27:59,010
Yeah, I saw your R-rated lawn outside.
531
00:27:59,052 --> 00:28:01,762
God, the Hasans make it so difficult.
532
00:28:01,805 --> 00:28:03,425
See here!
533
00:28:06,935 --> 00:28:08,555
Double-glazed windows.
534
00:28:08,604 --> 00:28:11,774
The Hasans play their music
from midnight to six AM.
535
00:28:11,815 --> 00:28:14,605
They even put subwoofers on
the ground to shake the walls.
536
00:28:14,651 --> 00:28:17,531
- They're evil people.
- What kind of music?
537
00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:20,951
Show tunes; '80s TV themes;
538
00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:23,911
Hall. And. Oates.
539
00:28:23,952 --> 00:28:25,542
Monsters.
540
00:28:25,579 --> 00:28:27,459
Two o'clock in the morning
and I need to be reminded
541
00:28:27,497 --> 00:28:29,417
that my kiss is on their list?
542
00:28:29,458 --> 00:28:30,998
Why do we even have prisons?
543
00:28:34,338 --> 00:28:36,628
- Just sign it.
- No.
544
00:28:37,066 --> 00:28:39,933
Just no. Emphatically no.
545
00:28:39,968 --> 00:28:41,758
This land thing was their choice,
546
00:28:42,124 --> 00:28:43,303
not yours.
547
00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:45,694
You can leave your property
to whoever you want!
548
00:28:45,705 --> 00:28:47,757
The Humane Society,
Doctors Without Borders,
549
00:28:47,768 --> 00:28:49,478
the Broadway League Foundation.
550
00:28:49,519 --> 00:28:51,269
Leave Anthony out of this, please.
551
00:28:52,356 --> 00:28:53,896
If they wanted it so badly,
552
00:28:53,941 --> 00:28:55,941
why did they forget
to have it in the will?
553
00:28:55,984 --> 00:28:58,954
This is what they wanted.
Does that mean nothing to you?
554
00:28:58,987 --> 00:29:00,447
Clearly it means more to you.
555
00:29:01,770 --> 00:29:03,310
Perfect Abby.
556
00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:05,737
Always does what makes mommy happy.
557
00:29:06,370 --> 00:29:08,000
Never rocks the boat.
558
00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,917
You broke their hearts.
559
00:29:11,959 --> 00:29:14,789
You left the priesthood.
You married a...
560
00:29:15,712 --> 00:29:18,012
A-a wonderful guy who I personally love
561
00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:20,468
and knows every lyric
Stephen Sondheim ever wrote.
562
00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:23,465
And, still, you were their favorite.
563
00:29:26,636 --> 00:29:28,186
Mm-hm.
564
00:29:28,635 --> 00:29:30,135
You won.
565
00:29:31,353 --> 00:29:33,063
My third-favorite little brother.
566
00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:36,864
You went against everything
they ever taught us,
567
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,610
everything they ever dreamed...
568
00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:42,657
and, in the end, they
loved you more, anyway.
569
00:29:45,075 --> 00:29:47,045
Yay for you, Philly.
570
00:29:47,077 --> 00:29:48,617
You won.
571
00:29:51,271 --> 00:29:52,771
You know what?
572
00:29:53,834 --> 00:29:55,844
Sign the papers, or don't.
573
00:29:58,255 --> 00:30:00,135
You can let me know by mail.
574
00:30:12,425 --> 00:30:14,472
You're the boss, Luke, as always.
575
00:30:14,483 --> 00:30:17,069
But there is no sign of
anything psychokinetic,
576
00:30:17,107 --> 00:30:18,687
only evil.
577
00:30:18,734 --> 00:30:20,244
So, your instruments are telling you...
578
00:30:20,277 --> 00:30:24,357
My sense of common decency
tells me the Masseys
579
00:30:24,406 --> 00:30:26,366
should be sealed in a
bell jar and studied!
580
00:30:27,117 --> 00:30:28,697
Hey, Zooey, what did you...
581
00:30:28,744 --> 00:30:30,584
Those people are animals!
582
00:30:30,770 --> 00:30:32,160
So, we agree.
583
00:30:32,205 --> 00:30:33,825
I don't think it's enough for the Hasans
584
00:30:33,874 --> 00:30:35,884
to just be cast into the pit of hell.
585
00:30:36,713 --> 00:30:38,045
The Hasans?
586
00:30:38,211 --> 00:30:40,921
We should set them on fire first!
587
00:30:40,932 --> 00:30:43,420
The Hasans? Innocent victims
588
00:30:43,467 --> 00:30:46,547
of the Masseys' sick,
raccoon-based perversions?
589
00:30:47,304 --> 00:30:49,684
No one should be told at
two o'clock in the morning
590
00:30:49,723 --> 00:30:52,893
that their kiss is on
someone's list. Without consent!
591
00:30:53,336 --> 00:30:54,585
You're insane.
592
00:30:54,596 --> 00:30:56,018
Oh! You're bald!
593
00:30:56,409 --> 00:30:59,179
You wear unnecessary metal in your nose.
594
00:30:59,190 --> 00:31:00,685
- Okay.
- Okay, before we say something...
595
00:31:00,734 --> 00:31:03,244
- Oh, farmer boy!
- Needy girl!
596
00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,108
Needy? You're slipping, August!
597
00:31:05,155 --> 00:31:07,705
Why only use two
syllables when six will do?
598
00:31:07,741 --> 00:31:10,371
You're a quitter! You've
only been a real estate agent
599
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:12,080
for a few days and already you want out!
600
00:31:12,662 --> 00:31:14,372
Your father should
have taught you better.
601
00:31:14,414 --> 00:31:16,084
Oh, wait, you never really had a...
602
00:31:16,124 --> 00:31:17,674
Oh!
603
00:31:30,097 --> 00:31:33,103
August, I am so sorry!
604
00:31:33,114 --> 00:31:34,954
Zooey...
605
00:31:35,644 --> 00:31:39,234
You mean the world to me
and I cannot believe...
606
00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:40,822
I'm so sorry!
607
00:31:41,573 --> 00:31:43,113
Are you guys okay?
608
00:31:43,610 --> 00:31:45,280
How long were you inside those houses?
609
00:31:46,071 --> 00:31:47,781
- Less than three hours.
- Four hours.
610
00:31:49,908 --> 00:31:53,038
But it isn't enough just
to be inside the house.
611
00:31:53,995 --> 00:31:55,575
You need to confront someone
612
00:31:55,622 --> 00:31:58,372
who was recently inside the other house.
613
00:31:58,417 --> 00:32:00,497
That is when the fireworks start.
614
00:32:01,628 --> 00:32:03,798
So, what? It-it'll never end?
615
00:32:04,798 --> 00:32:08,298
People write songs and
sonnets about everlasting love.
616
00:32:09,094 --> 00:32:10,644
But for true staying power...
617
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,180
hate takes the taco.
618
00:32:57,058 --> 00:32:58,598
A cow.
619
00:32:59,853 --> 00:33:01,403
Damn cow.
620
00:33:02,771 --> 00:33:04,311
I hope you're right.
621
00:33:04,483 --> 00:33:07,073
Phil... make it fast.
622
00:33:07,110 --> 00:33:08,650
I'm minutes away.
623
00:33:50,067 --> 00:33:51,607
It's on, alright.
624
00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,240
Bring it! Bring it on!
625
00:33:59,412 --> 00:34:01,872
Don't do this! Don't do this!
626
00:34:02,274 --> 00:34:04,411
Ambrose! Parker!
627
00:34:06,055 --> 00:34:08,768
It's not their fault! It's
a curse... a blood feud.
628
00:34:08,779 --> 00:34:11,239
Listen! Listen!
629
00:34:11,767 --> 00:34:13,897
Back a 100 years ago,
this was all farmland.
630
00:34:15,971 --> 00:34:18,471
Property line in the exact same place.
631
00:34:18,685 --> 00:34:19,977
Parker had cows.
632
00:34:19,988 --> 00:34:21,908
Ambrose grew sorghum.
Everybody got along.
633
00:34:22,640 --> 00:34:25,310
One day one of Parker's cows
got into Ambrose's crops.
634
00:34:26,034 --> 00:34:27,068
Ambrose tied him up
635
00:34:27,107 --> 00:34:29,027
intending to return him by nightfall,
636
00:34:29,067 --> 00:34:30,857
but things got busy and he forgot.
637
00:34:31,444 --> 00:34:34,614
Well, Parker saw that
Ambrose had one of his cows
638
00:34:34,656 --> 00:34:35,993
and got mad as hell.
639
00:34:36,004 --> 00:34:38,158
The two men came to blows
but the families split 'em up
640
00:34:38,201 --> 00:34:40,331
and sent the sons out the
next day to build a fence.
641
00:34:41,567 --> 00:34:43,237
These were hotheaded farm boys
642
00:34:43,437 --> 00:34:44,987
and they started fighting.
643
00:34:45,236 --> 00:34:47,769
First with words, then with knives.
644
00:34:47,780 --> 00:34:49,370
Shovels. Axes.
645
00:34:52,831 --> 00:34:54,751
It turned into a slaughter.
646
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,484
They say the blood
ran into the postholes.
647
00:35:07,689 --> 00:35:09,229
From that day on...
648
00:35:09,274 --> 00:35:11,614
families on either side of that fence...
649
00:35:14,446 --> 00:35:15,986
hated each other.
650
00:35:57,514 --> 00:35:58,746
Ready?
651
00:36:33,149 --> 00:36:35,109
Yo. Philly.
652
00:36:38,571 --> 00:36:40,491
What are you doing here?
653
00:36:40,532 --> 00:36:42,162
The clock radio in my hotel room
654
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:43,780
woke me up this morning
655
00:36:43,827 --> 00:36:45,907
and was playing a Judas Priest song.
656
00:36:46,496 --> 00:36:48,076
And I thought of you.
657
00:36:48,637 --> 00:36:51,214
You know, I'm not sure how I'm
supposed to feel about that, Abs.
658
00:36:55,338 --> 00:36:56,878
I realized
659
00:36:56,923 --> 00:36:59,093
how you must have felt about the church.
660
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,643
Whatever you decide about
the land thing, just...
661
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:05,770
send me the paperwork
and I'll deal with it.
662
00:37:07,264 --> 00:37:08,804
Or not.
663
00:37:12,772 --> 00:37:14,692
Okay. That's it.
664
00:37:14,946 --> 00:37:16,906
Tell Ethan that...
665
00:37:17,402 --> 00:37:19,572
Jesus doesn't mind
when you spill his body,
666
00:37:19,612 --> 00:37:21,572
but if you spill his blood,
667
00:37:21,614 --> 00:37:23,164
mix three parts hydrogen peroxide
668
00:37:23,199 --> 00:37:25,949
to one part dish soap. It
gets the stains right out.
669
00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:30,661
Hm.
670
00:37:31,207 --> 00:37:32,787
You are a good uncle.
671
00:37:43,340 --> 00:37:44,880
Second favorite brother.
672
00:37:58,276 --> 00:37:59,816
Hey.
673
00:38:00,320 --> 00:38:02,660
Luke! It's perfect.
674
00:38:02,697 --> 00:38:04,867
Tarik was just saying now
that the fence is gone,
675
00:38:04,908 --> 00:38:07,658
we can have full-sun hibiscus
running all the way down.
676
00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:10,002
I'm so glad to talk plants
with someone. Mina's hopeless.
677
00:38:10,038 --> 00:38:12,158
So's Rowan.
678
00:38:15,877 --> 00:38:17,957
What a tragic waste of time.
679
00:38:18,004 --> 00:38:20,724
The Masseys just told me
they're no longer selling.
680
00:38:20,757 --> 00:38:22,967
Yeah, the Hasans feel the same way.
681
00:38:23,802 --> 00:38:27,142
Poor Alvin. He nearly
bounced into eternity and...
682
00:38:28,244 --> 00:38:30,124
- died in vain.
- Hm.
683
00:38:30,558 --> 00:38:32,098
Just out of curiosity,
684
00:38:32,685 --> 00:38:34,515
what do you think happens when we die?
685
00:38:34,841 --> 00:38:36,511
I have no idea.
686
00:38:37,273 --> 00:38:39,613
But it probably affects
your credit scores.
687
00:38:55,416 --> 00:38:58,246
No? Hell, no?
688
00:38:58,257 --> 00:38:59,807
No.
689
00:38:59,818 --> 00:39:01,398
Hell, yes.
690
00:39:01,846 --> 00:39:04,006
I signed the damn papers over.
691
00:39:04,102 --> 00:39:08,022
Our ancestral land is going
to be a vacation bible school,
692
00:39:08,555 --> 00:39:10,775
or a... popemobile parking lot,
693
00:39:11,349 --> 00:39:14,139
or a place where they train
Jesuits to fight in the octagon.
694
00:39:15,144 --> 00:39:17,564
Better get a nice fruit
basket from the Vatican.
695
00:39:18,456 --> 00:39:20,046
Oh, honey.
696
00:39:20,057 --> 00:39:21,937
Just wasn't worth the fight, you know?
697
00:39:22,902 --> 00:39:24,572
You're a good person.
698
00:39:25,113 --> 00:39:27,113
Mm. Not really.
699
00:39:27,657 --> 00:39:29,197
But thank you.
700
00:39:29,868 --> 00:39:31,828
Oh, any word from the adoption people?
701
00:39:34,873 --> 00:39:36,583
You gotta know,
702
00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:39,918
as much as you want this baby...
and I do, too, we both do,
703
00:39:39,961 --> 00:39:41,501
don't get me wrong...
704
00:39:42,755 --> 00:39:46,965
please don't feel like we
need a baby to be a family.
705
00:39:47,594 --> 00:39:50,604
Yeah, I know. I-it's just...
706
00:39:50,638 --> 00:39:52,178
Hey...
707
00:39:52,603 --> 00:39:54,153
You and I...
708
00:39:54,601 --> 00:39:56,981
we're a better family than
most people will ever find.
709
00:40:00,726 --> 00:40:02,276
Come here.
710
00:40:07,780 --> 00:40:09,320
We can always get a dog.
711
00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:17,213
- Good night, Zooey.
- Good night, Augie.
712
00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:26,467
Hey.
713
00:40:27,300 --> 00:40:29,930
What August said earlier: Is it true?
714
00:40:30,410 --> 00:40:31,509
Yes.
715
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,480
The metal in my nose is unnecessary.
716
00:40:33,556 --> 00:40:35,516
The other thing.
717
00:40:35,976 --> 00:40:37,476
About quitting?
718
00:40:37,487 --> 00:40:39,027
Not being an agent?
719
00:40:41,314 --> 00:40:42,944
I...
720
00:40:44,907 --> 00:40:46,447
I hate your job.
721
00:40:46,778 --> 00:40:48,398
All of it!
722
00:40:48,947 --> 00:40:52,027
The arguments with stupid
people who think they're smart.
723
00:40:52,075 --> 00:40:53,955
Rita Weiss being my best friend...
724
00:40:54,260 --> 00:40:55,543
the whole thing.
725
00:40:55,974 --> 00:40:57,368
But you're good at it.
726
00:40:57,379 --> 00:40:59,589
Yeah, well, I'm good at karaoke, too!
727
00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,376
Doesn't mean I want
to do it for a living.
728
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:03,958
Look, I...
729
00:41:06,506 --> 00:41:08,916
I don't know what my thing is.
730
00:41:08,967 --> 00:41:10,507
Maybe I'll never find my thing,
731
00:41:11,219 --> 00:41:13,889
but I am absolutely sure that this thing
732
00:41:14,472 --> 00:41:16,022
is not my thing.
733
00:41:17,392 --> 00:41:18,932
I'm really sorry.
734
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,070
You haven't heard from, uh... Susan?
735
00:41:29,445 --> 00:41:30,985
No.
736
00:41:47,839 --> 00:41:50,759
Hi! You've reached Susan Ireland.
737
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:52,640
I'm on a bit of a sabbatical right now,
738
00:41:52,677 --> 00:41:54,847
so if you need immediate assistance,
739
00:41:54,887 --> 00:41:58,217
press one. Otherwise, leave me a message
740
00:41:58,266 --> 00:42:00,176
and roll the dice! Drink the wine!
741
00:42:00,226 --> 00:42:01,766
Because life is a mystery
742
00:42:01,811 --> 00:42:04,401
and the sun is only a morning star!
743
00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,659
Damn it, Susan.
What do you want me to say?
744
00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:22,495
I'm sorry.
745
00:42:23,124 --> 00:42:24,754
I'm sorry that you made it so easy
746
00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:28,342
to laugh at your process, at
your color-coded paperclips.
747
00:42:28,379 --> 00:42:31,629
I am sorry that you
did it so effortlessly
748
00:42:32,258 --> 00:42:34,218
that I forgot how good you really are.
749
00:42:36,512 --> 00:42:39,142
I'm sorry that this place
just doesn't seem to run
750
00:42:40,516 --> 00:42:42,596
as good without you.
751
00:42:42,643 --> 00:42:44,983
And, most of all, I am
sorry that I am saying it
752
00:42:45,021 --> 00:42:48,401
to this credenza instead of your face.
753
00:42:55,893 --> 00:43:00,893
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