Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,706 --> 00:00:09,042
(wine burbles)
2
00:00:09,109 --> 00:00:10,777
- There you go.
3
00:00:10,844 --> 00:00:12,946
(gentle music plays)
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,080
- Okay.
- Ooh!
5
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:17,050
- Oh, oh, oh! I see.
(chuckles)
6
00:00:17,117 --> 00:00:19,185
- Okay, here's to us.
7
00:00:19,252 --> 00:00:20,487
- We did it.
8
00:00:20,553 --> 00:00:22,589
- Just the two of us,
some tasty cocktails.
9
00:00:22,655 --> 00:00:25,058
- Mine's got smoke in it.
- How badass are you?
10
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:27,327
- Hmm. You know who'd love
that smoke thing? Felix.
11
00:00:27,394 --> 00:00:29,963
- Oh! Rrr! Remember our deal?
- Yes, sorry. Yes.
12
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,598
No, no, no. We're not gonna
talk about the kids.
13
00:00:31,664 --> 00:00:33,233
- And we love them,
they're great, but we go
14
00:00:33,299 --> 00:00:35,335
on and on about them
like they're the Royal Family.
15
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:37,504
- Yes. One evening
without talking about kids.
16
00:00:37,570 --> 00:00:40,273
- Thank you.
- Comin' up. Hmm.
17
00:00:41,474 --> 00:00:43,243
- So...
18
00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:47,247
Go ahead.
- Go ahead, me go ahead?
19
00:00:47,313 --> 00:00:48,815
- Yeah.
- Okay, that's um...
20
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:50,717
(Astrid): When you're a parent,
it's not like
21
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,552
your kids are the only
topic of conversation.
22
00:00:52,619 --> 00:00:54,187
(James): It's just that
sometimes, it's hard to think
23
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:56,222
of anything else to talk about
that you haven't already
24
00:00:56,289 --> 00:00:57,857
talked about since having kids.
25
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,826
- Oh, no.
- Huh?
26
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:02,095
- Look at these two.
- Oh, my God.
27
00:01:02,162 --> 00:01:03,863
- So sad! Like strangers.
28
00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:06,833
- Yeah, just a couple of husks.
- Oh!
29
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,202
- Out for a bite.
- Aww!
30
00:01:09,269 --> 00:01:10,570
(sighs)
- Good one.
31
00:01:10,637 --> 00:01:12,405
- Yeah.
(mumbles)
32
00:01:13,673 --> 00:01:15,942
- So, do you think they wash
these tablecloths every night?
33
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:18,044
- Oh, probably a lot of laundry
in a place like this.
34
00:01:18,111 --> 00:01:19,779
- A lot of laundry.
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
35
00:01:19,846 --> 00:01:21,748
- Hello, my name is Gwen.
- Oh, hi.
36
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,917
- And I am genuinely happy
to be serving you this evening.
37
00:01:23,983 --> 00:01:25,218
- How is your night going?
38
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:27,220
- Um, pretty good.
Thank you for asking.
39
00:01:27,287 --> 00:01:28,855
- Yeah? You got a lot
of interesting tables?
40
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,957
Any-any funny, funny patrons?
41
00:01:31,024 --> 00:01:32,826
- I'm sure you've got stories
working in a restaurant
42
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:34,594
like this. Can you imagine?
(James laughs)
43
00:01:34,661 --> 00:01:36,796
- Not really, no.
It's quite peaceful.
44
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:39,132
Although, our owner did bring in
their kids once which was--
45
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,867
- No, no, no.
- Not-not helpful.
46
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:44,170
(Gwen): Okay. Just leave you
with the menus then.
47
00:01:44,237 --> 00:01:45,839
(Astrid): Okay, thank you.
48
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:47,607
(light music)
49
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,409
- And here are your appetizers.
50
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,777
- Alright.
- Oh, wow!
51
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,045
- Split pea soup
52
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,682
with a sourdough dust
and Yorkshire ham foam.
53
00:01:55,748 --> 00:01:59,152
- Ham foam.
Wow, it's like a pork latte.
54
00:01:59,219 --> 00:02:02,055
- What part of the pig
does the foam come from?
55
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,857
- I think the top.
56
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:07,694
Bon appétit. Enjoy.
57
00:02:08,228 --> 00:02:10,130
- All right.
- Okay, here we go.
58
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:11,731
(both slurp)
59
00:02:12,298 --> 00:02:14,567
Wow, it's actually amazing.
60
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,069
- Right? I mean, it is crazy
61
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,037
how much pork they pack
into that ham foam!
62
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:20,306
- Unbelievable. So uh,
anything happen at work?
63
00:02:20,373 --> 00:02:22,142
- Yes, an interesting thing
did happen
64
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,477
and I have a story about it
that you are gonna love.
65
00:02:24,544 --> 00:02:27,113
- That's perfect for what
we're doing, talking. Begin.
66
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:30,116
- Whew. So, I'm sending emails
67
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:32,452
to a yogurt company,
and I was like,
68
00:02:32,519 --> 00:02:35,054
"Boosh, crushed those emails.
69
00:02:35,121 --> 00:02:37,590
My work is done for the day.
70
00:02:37,657 --> 00:02:39,526
I am just gonna chill
until it's time to go home."
71
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:40,660
(Astrid): You said
that to yourself?
72
00:02:40,727 --> 00:02:41,761
(James): And then,
Ennis was like,
73
00:02:41,828 --> 00:02:42,962
"Ooh, actually,
74
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,964
we have a meeting
with Marla later."
75
00:02:45,031 --> 00:02:47,433
He doesn't know what it's about,
all he knows is like,
76
00:02:47,500 --> 00:02:49,669
"Ooh, I got a new app
where you order food
77
00:02:49,736 --> 00:02:51,604
and then date the delivery
person, or whatever."
78
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,773
So, Marla comes in,
and she's like,
79
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,376
"Roar, roar, roar. I'm Marla."
80
00:02:56,442 --> 00:02:58,878
She stands in the middle
of the office and she goes--
81
00:02:58,945 --> 00:03:01,014
(hands clap quickly)
"Attention everybody!
82
00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,349
The rep from Fintekoaly
wants a meeting
83
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:07,153
to discuss metadata and how
it can get more customers
84
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,255
to buy more groceries.
85
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:11,791
And I need everybody
at the top of their game.
86
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:13,159
Roar, roar, roar."
And I'm like,
87
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,862
"Marla, you can go ahead
and call me a murderer
88
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,864
because I'm gonna kill it."
89
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,066
(laughs)
And she-she liked that.
90
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,901
She's a big fan.
And she says to me,
91
00:03:21,968 --> 00:03:24,637
"James... You, I trust.
92
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:28,174
You... I trust!
93
00:03:28,241 --> 00:03:30,610
This is the biggest, most
imd
94
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:32,946
and I need you to check
and make sure
95
00:03:33,012 --> 00:03:34,514
there's enough coffee."
96
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,683
So, Ennis and I
get to the kitchen
97
00:03:36,749 --> 00:03:37,951
and I realize...
(gasps)
98
00:03:38,017 --> 00:03:42,222
...there is no mugs
in the cupboard. None.
99
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,623
(Astrid): You're talking
like that's a big deal.
100
00:03:43,690 --> 00:03:45,091
So, I'm gonna pretend
like it is for now.
101
00:03:45,158 --> 00:03:47,961
(James): Marla wanted coffee.
Coffee goes in mugs.
102
00:03:48,027 --> 00:03:50,997
There's no clean mugs.
We gotta clean those mugs!
103
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,732
- Sorry, I'm just
glancing at the menu.
104
00:03:52,799 --> 00:03:54,701
- So, Beth comes in
and she's like,
105
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,836
"The dishwasher's broken."
(gasps).
106
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,438
"Dun, dun, dun..."
107
00:03:58,504 --> 00:04:00,907
She goes on to like,
blam,
108
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,875
but all I hear is,
"My name is Beth
109
00:04:02,942 --> 00:04:04,744
and I never rinse my plates.
110
00:04:04,811 --> 00:04:07,847
I put in full meals
and cruddy cutlery in there
111
00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,949
'cause I was raised by a...
112
00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:11,684
group of surly wolves."
113
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,152
And everybody in the office
is like...
114
00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:14,587
(together): What are we
gonna do?!
115
00:04:14,654 --> 00:04:15,888
(James): "Oh no.
Are you gonna...
116
00:04:15,955 --> 00:04:17,490
What are we...
How do we... oh!"
117
00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:20,426
And I see this dishwasher,
and I go, "You know what?
118
00:04:20,493 --> 00:04:23,429
I can fix that dishwasher."
119
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:26,032
And I pull that dishwasher
away from the wall
120
00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,368
and I see this hose has got
a little crink on it.
121
00:04:28,434 --> 00:04:30,003
And I take two hands
on that hose
122
00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:31,471
and I smooth out that crink.
123
00:04:31,537 --> 00:04:34,040
(coworkers gasping)
(coworker): Look at that...
124
00:04:34,741 --> 00:04:37,143
(James): Dishwasher fixed.
By me.
125
00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:38,278
Boom!
126
00:04:38,344 --> 00:04:40,013
(coworkers cheer)
Story you haven't heard.
127
00:04:40,079 --> 00:04:41,748
So, double boom!
128
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,283
(clears throat)
- Why did you not just
129
00:04:43,349 --> 00:04:44,617
wash the mugs in the sink?
130
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:47,053
- Why can't you just be proud
of the thing that I did?
131
00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:49,489
- It was a lot of build up.
You should have started with,
132
00:04:49,555 --> 00:04:52,392
"I fixed the dishwasher,"
and then, just called it.
133
00:04:52,458 --> 00:04:54,427
- Okay, you know what?
It's very easy to be a critic
134
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:57,730
when you're not being brave
and bravely going first.
135
00:04:57,797 --> 00:04:59,632
- I'm sorry,
you're the brave one?
136
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:01,000
You're the brave one, James?!
- I mean--
137
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,535
- You're the brave one!
(laughs)
138
00:05:02,602 --> 00:05:04,304
Do you remember when you
thought there was a burglar
139
00:05:04,370 --> 00:05:05,438
in the yard?
140
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:06,706
I was up rocking Morris.
141
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:09,842
- Yeah, no, you said a kid name.
- Damn it! I mean...
142
00:05:09,909 --> 00:05:12,078
I was rocking out,
143
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:15,248
as I often do, alone,
in the dead of night.
144
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:16,749
Then you came down
all freaked out.
145
00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,852
You were like, "I heard
scary noises outside."
146
00:05:19,919 --> 00:05:21,921
- Um... I was alert...
147
00:05:21,988 --> 00:05:24,757
and ready to protect our home.
148
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,259
It was you who was all like,
149
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,595
"Oh! Oh, my God, what if
it's a murderer in the shed?
150
00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:32,498
Because I never, ever
close the shed door.
151
00:05:32,565 --> 00:05:34,334
It's actually crazy how
I forget to close it
152
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,836
like, every time.
Save me, James!"
153
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:38,404
- Well, then we heard
the noise again.
154
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,872
(clattering)
And it was getting closer.
155
00:05:39,939 --> 00:05:42,108
So you were stress eating,
and you were saying,
156
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:44,410
"A-doi, should we
call the cops?"
157
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:47,213
- I was casually eating
a tub of ice cream,
158
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,350
and I said, "Should we yell
into the backyard
159
00:05:50,416 --> 00:05:54,520
that we called the cops to like,
scare them away? Cool move."
160
00:05:54,587 --> 00:05:57,090
(Astrid): I bravely went
to the back door
161
00:05:57,156 --> 00:05:59,025
to check it out.
Then we both freaked out
162
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,626
(stomping)
...because there was a noise
163
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:01,894
in the house.
164
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,230
(tense music building)
165
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,265
Oh no. Yeah, I forgot
166
00:06:06,332 --> 00:06:09,268
the little detectives
got involved.
167
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:10,503
(tense music plays)
168
00:06:10,570 --> 00:06:11,838
The detectives were like...
169
00:06:11,904 --> 00:06:14,073
(siren wailing)
"What are you talking about?
170
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:17,877
Why would you pretend
to be the police?"
171
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:20,613
"Who are you trying to scare?
172
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,715
Is the red ghost involved?"
173
00:06:22,782 --> 00:06:24,350
- Stop. Stop, stop, stop,
you can't just replace kids
174
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,753
with detectives and then pretend
we're not talking about kids.
175
00:06:26,819 --> 00:06:28,187
- All right,
I can skip that part.
176
00:06:28,254 --> 00:06:30,022
- No, you can't skip that
'cause the-the story has more...
177
00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:32,258
detectives in it.
The noise was an opossum
178
00:06:32,325 --> 00:06:34,660
and Viv wanted to keep it.
- Oh, no. We're boring!
179
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,229
- No.
- We've become boring.
180
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:38,631
- How dare you? How very dare.
- No, we are the boring parents
181
00:06:38,698 --> 00:06:40,533
that just have cute stories
about their kids to talk about,
182
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,001
like when Viv made friends
with the tree.
183
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,237
- No, no, we are not boring.
They're the boring.
184
00:06:44,303 --> 00:06:45,638
(uproarious laughter)
- Look at that!
185
00:06:45,705 --> 00:06:47,006
That's way more
interesting than us!
186
00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:48,775
- I don't wanna look.
Look, here's the problem,
187
00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:50,209
the problem is that
we need to do something
188
00:06:50,276 --> 00:06:52,278
that's story worthy, and then--
- Okay.
189
00:06:52,345 --> 00:06:53,913
- ... when we talk about it,
it'll be fresh!
190
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:57,083
- Will you be joining us
tonight for main courses?
191
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:59,118
- Here's something.
- Idea.
192
00:06:59,185 --> 00:07:01,320
- We'll have whatever
the chef wants to make us.
193
00:07:01,387 --> 00:07:03,389
- She'd love to make you
something from the menu.
194
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,491
- The specials.
We never heard the specials.
195
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:07,760
We don't know what they are,
and we don't wanna know.
196
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,796
- Hoo!
- Two specials.
197
00:07:09,862 --> 00:07:12,398
- So, two specials.
Now just FYI
198
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,666
for my favourite table,
199
00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:15,468
we are having a bit of trouble
with our dishwasher.
200
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,736
(Astrid gasps)
So, we are backed up
201
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:18,204
in the kitchen.
- Trouble with the dishwasher,
202
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,273
you say? James?
- Aha, yes.
203
00:07:20,339 --> 00:07:21,574
Well, you have the...
204
00:07:21,641 --> 00:07:22,909
you have the dishwasher
whisperer.
205
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:24,777
(Astrid laughs)
- Is it true, though?
206
00:07:24,844 --> 00:07:25,845
- Huh?
207
00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,413
- Are you a dishwasher
whisperer?
208
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,781
- James, we are in
do-something mode.
209
00:07:28,848 --> 00:07:30,216
You better go over there
and do something!
210
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,151
Go on, James!
- You know what?
211
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:34,086
Take me to your dishwasher.
- Woo! There he goes.
212
00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:35,721
- Okay, dishwasher whisperer.
- I'm just walking
213
00:07:35,788 --> 00:07:37,824
in this direction.
- Yeah, just to your
right there. Absolutely.
214
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,792
- That's my man!
(James): Just doin' it!
215
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:43,529
- I'm confused.
216
00:07:43,596 --> 00:07:45,531
- The dishwasher was a guy.
217
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:48,301
They were having
trouble with a guy.
218
00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:49,635
- Did you try to fix him?
219
00:07:49,702 --> 00:07:51,771
- He did not want
to talk with me.
220
00:07:51,838 --> 00:07:54,340
He's... was going through
some personal stuff.
221
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:55,808
- What took you so long?
222
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:57,743
- I did some of the dishes.
- James...
223
00:07:57,810 --> 00:07:59,745
- I'm sorry. Can we just
talk about the kids?
224
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:01,147
- No!
- I don't care. Who cares?
225
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:02,982
We'll just talk about the kids!
- I think I'm gonna
226
00:08:03,049 --> 00:08:04,784
have to go nuclear. Now, listen,
227
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,552
I have something that
I'm not supposed to share.
228
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:08,287
(gasps)
It's a secret.
229
00:08:08,354 --> 00:08:09,922
- What?!
- It's about Dawn.
230
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,924
- Oh, I'm ready. Please tell me.
231
00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:15,695
- I will tell you everything.
After the break.
232
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:17,497
- What?
- The bathroom break
233
00:08:17,563 --> 00:08:19,298
I'm about to take.
I really gotta go.
234
00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,069
- Yeah, she got me.
235
00:08:27,373 --> 00:08:30,543
Hmm.
- So, you know the old,
236
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:32,979
boring couple from the booth?
- Uh, Milquetoast Mike
237
00:08:33,045 --> 00:08:34,647
and Beige Barbara?
- They're having sex
238
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,983
in the bathroom.
- They're what? They're what?!
239
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:39,952
No. They're trying to outdo us.
- They've already outdone us.
240
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:43,222
What do we have, two new drinks
with probably dumb names?
241
00:08:43,289 --> 00:08:44,690
- This Buffalo Nipple
is delicious
242
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,292
and I ordered us
new cocktails 'cause I thought
243
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:48,594
we'd want drinks when you
tell me the-the Dawn story.
244
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:51,831
- Oh. Oh yeah, okay,
so it's a Dawn and Bo story.
245
00:08:51,898 --> 00:08:53,432
(gasps)
- Oh, my God,
246
00:08:53,499 --> 00:08:55,301
is Bo leaving Dawn?
Wait, don't tell me. Wait.
247
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,069
Is it Dawn leaving Bo?
Wait, don't tell me,
248
00:08:57,136 --> 00:08:58,471
has Corey been dead
the whole time?
249
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:01,641
- Two good guesses
and one great movie, but no.
250
00:09:01,707 --> 00:09:05,578
Okay, so everybody at work
was going for Vietnamese tacos
251
00:09:05,645 --> 00:09:08,814
or vegetarian seafood,
and I was like, pass!
252
00:09:08,881 --> 00:09:09,949
But I was hungry,
253
00:09:10,016 --> 00:09:12,285
so I called Dawn
to see if she was at work.
254
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:14,086
- Get her to buy
you lunch. Smart.
255
00:09:14,153 --> 00:09:15,888
- No, I wanted to make sure
Dawn was at work
256
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,290
because I wanted
to raid her fridge.
257
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:19,926
So, there I am. I'm goin' at it
with the fancy olives,
258
00:09:19,992 --> 00:09:23,195
the leftover Wagyu beef,
these pastries with cheese.
259
00:09:23,262 --> 00:09:25,131
(James): Yeah, Bo's goat cheese
and cranberry parcels.
260
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:26,632
(Astrid): Ooh!
(James): They are to die for.
261
00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:29,168
(Astrid): To die for! And I hear
a noise from upstairs.
262
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:32,471
It's Bo, but like, moaning.
263
00:09:32,538 --> 00:09:34,240
(distant moaning)
And at first, I think,
264
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:36,275
"Is he hurt?
Did he slip in the shower?"
265
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:37,910
But there's something
about the moaning.
266
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,145
(James): No, thank you!
267
00:09:39,211 --> 00:09:41,080
(Astrid): Yeah, so I'm about
to bolt, right,
268
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,583
but then, I see
two empty wine glasses
269
00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:46,052
on the table
and clothes on the floor.
270
00:09:46,118 --> 00:09:48,154
(James): Please tell me
they were not strewn.
271
00:09:48,788 --> 00:09:50,923
(Astrid): They were
totally strewn.
272
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,458
- Bo is cheating on Dawn?
273
00:09:52,525 --> 00:09:53,960
Could you tell by the clothes,
who it was?
274
00:09:54,026 --> 00:09:55,661
- Well, the clothes didn't
look like they were Dawn's,
275
00:09:55,728 --> 00:09:58,097
but then again, I didn't have
two little detectives with me
276
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,433
running DNA samples, James.
277
00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:01,934
- Don't bring them up.
What did you do?
278
00:10:02,001 --> 00:10:04,403
- I texted Dawn and I said
I need to talk to her
279
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,272
and it was an emergency.
280
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:08,207
(tense music)
281
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,777
So, there I am in the park,
waiting for my beloved sister,
282
00:10:11,844 --> 00:10:14,046
wondering how the hell
I'm gonna tell her that--
283
00:10:14,113 --> 00:10:15,548
(James): Where'd you get
the chips?
284
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,149
(Astrid): Chips? I didn't say
I had any chips.
285
00:10:17,216 --> 00:10:18,684
(James): Oh, I was just
picturing you with chips.
286
00:10:18,751 --> 00:10:20,319
Sorry, I-I guess
I'm just hungry. Go ahead.
287
00:10:20,386 --> 00:10:22,722
(Astrid): So, then, Dawn
shows up. And I'm like,
288
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:25,324
"There's something I have
to tell you about Bo."
289
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,860
But before I can get into it,
she goes off about how,
290
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:31,230
"Oh... oh, I'm so lucky
to have such an open-minded
291
00:10:31,297 --> 00:10:34,600
and loving husband who's such
a good dad to our weird son.
292
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:37,236
And we're so rich and our house
smells like a store
293
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,739
and blah, blah, blah, blah."
Then she starts talking about
294
00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:41,641
how good Bo is in bed, saying,
295
00:10:41,707 --> 00:10:44,343
"Oh, our sex life
has never been better.
296
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,345
We're doing it like,
twice a day."
297
00:10:46,412 --> 00:10:47,980
(James): Ugh, with each other?
298
00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:49,782
(Astrid): So, I'm sitting there
listening to her fawn over Bo
299
00:10:49,849 --> 00:10:52,351
and my heart is just breaking.
I'm barely eating my chips.
300
00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:53,853
(James): Ah! You did have chips.
301
00:10:53,919 --> 00:10:56,122
(Astrid): Finally, she's like,
"Sorry, anytime someone
302
00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:59,091
brings up my Bo, I just can't
shut the hell up about him.
303
00:10:59,158 --> 00:11:00,426
But you have Bo news?"
304
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,496
But I-I-I couldn't
bring myself to tell her.
305
00:11:03,562 --> 00:11:04,630
(James): What did you do?
306
00:11:04,697 --> 00:11:06,932
(Astrid): I...
told her that you...
307
00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:09,969
"James lost the beautiful pants
that Bo crocheted for him.
308
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:12,071
And said he cried."
309
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:13,906
(James): What?! Why would you
say that?
310
00:11:13,973 --> 00:11:15,841
I dropped those off
at a cat shelter.
311
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:17,143
Why did you say I cried?!
312
00:11:17,209 --> 00:11:19,545
- I'm so sorry
and I'm-I'm also sorry that--
313
00:11:19,612 --> 00:11:21,447
Bo will make you
a second pair.
314
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,215
(ominous music)
315
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:25,584
So, I go back to the house.
316
00:11:25,651 --> 00:11:26,652
And what do I see?
317
00:11:26,719 --> 00:11:29,188
Bo and one of his
old floozies
318
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:30,990
from his crocheting company.
319
00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:32,992
(James): Ah!
(Astrid): And so, I start
320
00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:34,226
laying into Bo.
321
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:36,862
"Listen, you patchouli huffing
pseudo-hippie,
322
00:11:36,929 --> 00:11:38,964
you flip-flop wearing
grandma humper,
323
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:42,234
how dare you cheat on my sister!
How dare you!"
324
00:11:42,301 --> 00:11:43,769
(James): Yes, how dare!
I love this!
325
00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,271
(Astrid): Oh, oh,
I was going off.
326
00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:48,107
I was literally about to tackle
Bessie or Gertrude
327
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:49,508
or whatever the hell
her name was,
328
00:11:49,575 --> 00:11:51,744
when Dawn comes in,
she starts holding me back!
329
00:11:51,811 --> 00:11:54,246
She's like, "Oh, my God!
Don't attack Myrtle!
330
00:11:54,313 --> 00:11:56,882
She's got crummy bones
from being 400 years old."
331
00:11:56,949 --> 00:12:00,186
And I'm going, uh,
"FYI, your husband
332
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:01,954
thinks those bones are great.
333
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:04,957
That's why he's jumping them
in the middle of the day!"
334
00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:06,892
(James): Ooh! Ya burnt!
335
00:12:06,959 --> 00:12:11,664
(Astrid): Bo,
clueless as ever goes,
"I never jumped on Myrtle."
336
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,266
(James): Barf. Hate it.
(Astrid): Myrtle's like,
337
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:18,604
"She means we're having sex.
Dumbass."
338
00:12:18,671 --> 00:12:21,841
Now, Bo's all flustered
and I go, "Ah, ha, ha! Ha, ha!
339
00:12:21,907 --> 00:12:25,811
She admits it!" But then,
the old lady freaks out,
340
00:12:25,878 --> 00:12:28,314
"If I had a knife, I'd cut you.
341
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,449
You're a liar and a thief!"
342
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:32,685
I look at Dawn for some support,
343
00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,955
and she's laughing her butt off,
"Ha-ha-ha-ha!
344
00:12:36,021 --> 00:12:37,957
Oh, like, how droll?
345
00:12:38,023 --> 00:12:40,159
You snuck in here
to eat our bougie snacks
346
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:41,994
like a peasant,
and the whole time,
347
00:12:42,061 --> 00:12:44,930
Bo and I were like,
fully upstairs having sex.
348
00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:46,766
And you assumed it was like,
Mrs. Claus,
349
00:12:46,832 --> 00:12:49,034
and came back here
to defend my honour?
350
00:12:49,101 --> 00:12:52,471
That's hilarious!
Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha-ha!"
351
00:12:52,538 --> 00:12:54,573
It made me wanna break things!
(glass shatters)
352
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:59,178
- I'm so confused.
- Dawn lied about being at work.
353
00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:00,479
- Yeah.
- Because she didn't wanna
354
00:13:00,546 --> 00:13:01,781
have lunch with me.
- Right.
355
00:13:01,847 --> 00:13:04,416
- Because she was
in the Bo zone.
356
00:13:04,483 --> 00:13:07,453
- But I don't understand
why that's a secret?
357
00:13:07,520 --> 00:13:09,421
- The secret is why.
358
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:13,993
They're trying for another baby.
- What?! No. Really?
359
00:13:14,059 --> 00:13:16,729
- Yes. And they're even
sending Corey away
360
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,998
to Swiss boarding school
so they have more time.
361
00:13:19,064 --> 00:13:20,499
- What?!
(stammering)
362
00:13:20,566 --> 00:13:21,934
This is so exciting!
363
00:13:22,001 --> 00:13:23,736
Our night of blasé
conversation is over
364
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,105
and now it's just
a rollercoaster ride
365
00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:27,773
to fun mountain.
366
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,142
(gasps)
- All right, your main courses.
367
00:13:30,209 --> 00:13:32,478
- Here we go.
(Gwen): There you are.
368
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,214
(Astrid): This is the special?
369
00:13:35,281 --> 00:13:37,283
- Yeah, market chicken
and seasonal vegetables.
370
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,785
Would you care for some
fresh ground pepper?
371
00:13:39,852 --> 00:13:41,887
- I don't understand
how this is a special?
372
00:13:41,954 --> 00:13:43,989
There's nothing
special about this.
373
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:47,193
- Ooh, that's funny,
I didn't see you try it.
374
00:13:47,259 --> 00:13:51,764
And last I checked, you know,
flavour and mouth feel
375
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,465
happen when you ate the food.
376
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,669
So, how about that pepper?
377
00:13:56,735 --> 00:13:58,571
- We'll take all
the help we can get.
378
00:13:58,637 --> 00:13:59,972
(grinder crunches)
379
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:03,676
- You know, keep an open mind.
The chicken is very subtle.
380
00:14:05,511 --> 00:14:08,647
- Well, so much
for fun mountain.
381
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:12,351
(couple laughs)
382
00:14:15,287 --> 00:14:17,389
- I think I have
to go to the bathroom.
383
00:14:17,456 --> 00:14:19,959
- So, go.
- You wanna join me?
384
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:23,162
- Oh, what, really?
- Hmm?
385
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,497
- Well.
- Mm-hmm.
386
00:14:29,768 --> 00:14:31,036
(sniffs)
387
00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:45,251
- I'm sorry about that.
388
00:14:45,317 --> 00:14:47,119
- Don't be sorry.
It was gross in there.
389
00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:49,622
- I'm just a bed guy,
I think. Right?
390
00:14:49,688 --> 00:14:51,123
- How did they do it?
391
00:14:52,791 --> 00:14:54,860
(groans)
- I don't know but they look
392
00:14:54,927 --> 00:14:56,295
like the kinda people
who'd love to tell us.
393
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:58,264
- Maybe we should just
get the bill and go.
394
00:14:58,330 --> 00:15:00,599
- Hey, what's happening?
We're having a night out.
395
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:02,234
Who cares if we don't
do something crazy
396
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:04,770
or if we talk about the kids?
397
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:06,572
- I just hear like,
the young idiots at work
398
00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:08,807
talk about their lives
and their drama,
399
00:15:08,874 --> 00:15:12,544
and sometimes I miss
the story that's just us.
400
00:15:12,611 --> 00:15:14,880
- Well, there's nothing more us
than those kids.
401
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,448
They're literally a mix of us.
402
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,684
- Yeah, I know.
They're all we talk about.
403
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:21,020
- So? I mean,
all Ennis talks about
404
00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:23,289
is the women he dates.
All Marla talks about is work
405
00:15:23,355 --> 00:15:26,859
and fantasy TV. All your mom
talks about is how people died.
406
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,160
(laughs)
- Yeah,
407
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:29,461
that's her love language.
408
00:15:29,528 --> 00:15:31,196
- Well, let's just keep talkin'
about 'em
409
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:33,565
until we're very, very old.
410
00:15:33,632 --> 00:15:36,001
- Yeah, and I'm gonna
have a new niece or nephew
411
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:37,303
to talk about before then.
412
00:15:37,369 --> 00:15:39,204
- Me too! New niece
and nephew for both of us.
413
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,740
- You only hang out with
my family because you love me.
414
00:15:41,807 --> 00:15:43,642
- I love your family.
415
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:45,644
I went to Corey's
theremin recital without you.
416
00:15:45,711 --> 00:15:48,314
I shopped for Bo's birthday
present with your sister.
417
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,816
Your mom and I hung out
at the office one time.
418
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:53,452
I went to Corey's theremin
recital without you.
419
00:15:53,519 --> 00:15:56,288
- Did you say you
hung out with my mom?
420
00:15:56,355 --> 00:15:58,090
- Oh. Um...
421
00:15:58,157 --> 00:16:01,260
Yeah, isn't that a thing
I ever told you?
422
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:02,962
- Refresh my memory?
423
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,564
- So, I was having coffee
with your mom
424
00:16:05,631 --> 00:16:07,533
and she's going on
about her friend Gloria,
425
00:16:07,599 --> 00:16:09,635
who was buried alive,
426
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,337
or her arms fell off,
or something.
427
00:16:11,403 --> 00:16:14,840
But she did say that Gloria
had taken magic mushrooms
428
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:17,676
and had this really
meaningful experience.
429
00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:20,546
And she was kinda dancing
around it, and I was like,
430
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:24,149
"Uh, Nisha,
do you wanna do mushrooms?"
431
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:27,453
And she was like, "I kinda do."
432
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:29,321
But she also swore me
to secrecy,
433
00:16:29,388 --> 00:16:31,423
like I could never
tell you or Dawn.
434
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,058
- Because she's a hypocrite.
435
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,794
She hammered us so hard as kids
to say no to drugs.
436
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:38,063
McGruff the Crime Dog
was the entertainer
437
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:39,398
at Dawn's ninth birthday.
438
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,700
- Wow. Anyway, I go to somebody
439
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:42,835
with a little bit more
experience
440
00:16:42,901 --> 00:16:44,636
about this kinda thing, Ennis,
441
00:16:44,703 --> 00:16:47,306
but he goes,
"Ooh, I haven't done shrooms
442
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:49,508
since the fire department
had to pull me
443
00:16:49,575 --> 00:16:52,111
out of a cherry tree
in High Park."
444
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,413
But then, I feel
a hand on my shoulder,
445
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,647
a voice in my ear.
446
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:57,850
"Looking for a little ego death?
447
00:16:57,916 --> 00:17:01,587
'Cause Mama knows
the way to Smurf village."
448
00:17:01,653 --> 00:17:03,822
- Marla?!
(laughing)
449
00:17:03,889 --> 00:17:06,025
- Marla, right? Marla!
450
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:08,394
So, one night when
you were away with the kids,
451
00:17:08,460 --> 00:17:10,562
Marla invited us
to come to Gero's.
452
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:12,197
- You did it at Gero's?
453
00:17:12,264 --> 00:17:14,867
- Gero's is kinda
Marla's sanctuary.
454
00:17:14,933 --> 00:17:17,903
So, she acts as like,
the guide for the whole thing.
455
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:21,173
She made us this tea
and she was all like,
456
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,809
"I micro-dose all the time
at work.
457
00:17:23,876 --> 00:17:26,211
It keeps the rage at bay.
458
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:29,281
Tell Mr. Gero,
I'll kill ya! Bottoms up!"
459
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,051
(gentle music)
460
00:17:33,318 --> 00:17:36,722
But this, this was no
micro-dose. It was like...
461
00:17:36,789 --> 00:17:38,123
(hazy electronic music)
462
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:40,325
(James): "I'm trippin' balls,
man."
463
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:42,127
"Life is infinity.
464
00:17:42,194 --> 00:17:45,030
Death happens,
but life never stops."
465
00:17:45,097 --> 00:17:46,799
(music continues)
466
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,946
Anyway, at one point,
your mom and I
467
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,916
were just looking at each other
intently for like,
468
00:18:03,982 --> 00:18:07,086
a really long time.
And she says,
469
00:18:07,152 --> 00:18:09,054
"I see the future in your eyes.
470
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:11,824
I see you and I see Astrid,
471
00:18:11,890 --> 00:18:13,826
and I see the children,
and you're happy.
472
00:18:13,892 --> 00:18:16,095
And the world is right.
473
00:18:16,161 --> 00:18:18,163
And I'm at peace."
474
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:23,635
- So, you told me a story
about a dishwasher
475
00:18:23,702 --> 00:18:26,638
when you had a story about
doing shrooms with my mom?
476
00:18:26,705 --> 00:18:30,709
- The point is, my love,
477
00:18:30,776 --> 00:18:32,945
that family is not what stops us
478
00:18:33,011 --> 00:18:36,215
from new, exciting stories.
They're our greatest source.
479
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:38,817
- Hmm. Yeah.
480
00:18:38,884 --> 00:18:42,020
We can still make exciting
things happen for us.
481
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:44,089
- Hmm.
- Like...
482
00:18:44,156 --> 00:18:47,292
I mean, I don't feel like
paying for this crappy dinner.
483
00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:49,661
Do you?
- Well, either,
484
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,363
I mean, you pay for it
or I pay for it.
485
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:53,398
It's the same account,
so I'm not sure what we're--
486
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,534
- No, no, I mean, like...
487
00:18:55,601 --> 00:18:57,469
maybe we shouldn't...
488
00:18:58,770 --> 00:19:01,673
- Oh you're... you're talking
about a dine and dash situation?
489
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,876
- Hmm? Hmm?
490
00:19:04,343 --> 00:19:08,046
- Okay. Uh... yeah. Let's do it.
491
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:09,581
- What?! No!
- Yeah.
492
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:11,116
- Seriously?
- Come on, baby.
493
00:19:11,183 --> 00:19:14,286
We're bad boys.
We're like Bonnie and Clyde.
494
00:19:14,353 --> 00:19:16,188
- Well, they killed people
and robbed banks.
495
00:19:16,255 --> 00:19:17,623
- Right, right,
but we're Hamburglar
496
00:19:17,689 --> 00:19:19,024
and Hamburglar's wife.
497
00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:21,226
Or Hamburglar and her husband.
498
00:19:21,293 --> 00:19:22,861
- James!
- Yeah, no, okay,
499
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:24,796
just start the car
and I'll meet you out front.
500
00:19:24,863 --> 00:19:26,965
- Oh, my God, okay.
- Yeah, it's happening.
501
00:19:27,032 --> 00:19:28,734
- Wait, really?
- Mm-hmm.
502
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,270
Just play cool. Play it cool.
(whistles)
503
00:19:31,336 --> 00:19:33,038
- Are we doing this?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
504
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:34,540
- Oh, my God.
- There you go, breathe.
505
00:19:34,606 --> 00:19:36,241
(Astrid clears throat)
- And make a break for it.
506
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:38,377
- Here I go.
- Love you, baby.
507
00:19:40,279 --> 00:19:41,446
- Ah!
508
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:43,949
- Hey, sorry, excuse me.
509
00:19:44,016 --> 00:19:45,584
Can I pay?
- Oh yeah, for sure.
510
00:19:45,651 --> 00:19:47,085
(Astrid): To have kids
with someone
511
00:19:47,152 --> 00:19:49,221
is to have a topic
of conversation for life.
512
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:50,889
(James): Not that you have
to talk about your kids.
513
00:19:50,956 --> 00:19:52,558
To quote Mark Twain,
"If you have nothing to say,
514
00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:54,193
say nothing."
(Astrid): Yeah, but to quote
515
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,361
Shania Twain, "Let's give 'em
something to talk about."
516
00:19:56,428 --> 00:19:57,896
(James): That is not
a Shania Twain song.
517
00:19:57,963 --> 00:19:59,665
What are you even saying?
(Ag
518
00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:02,301
cool stuff for the stories.
We should go to Vegas!
519
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,369
(James): Let's definitely
talk about it.
520
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,405
- Wow, thanks so much
for the tip!
521
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:09,474
Hmm. Guess they really
liked that ham foam.
522
00:20:12,144 --> 00:20:13,412
- I don't know. I think so.
523
00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,746
- Of course they are.
524
00:20:14,813 --> 00:20:16,515
- Where're you even
getting shrooms, Marla?
525
00:20:16,582 --> 00:20:17,783
- I don't buy drugs, James.
526
00:20:17,849 --> 00:20:19,318
This is my own special blend
527
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,753
of magic and mayhem.
528
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:23,555
- Ooh, that mayhem have a name?
529
00:20:23,622 --> 00:20:27,059
Like the... Wizard's Nightcap.
530
00:20:27,125 --> 00:20:30,329
- Or it's gotta be weirder
and more random than that.
531
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:32,931
Blue Bubble Dog Walker.
532
00:20:32,998 --> 00:20:35,133
- Hmm. Derek's Silver Honda.
533
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,135
- Mashed Potato Sunset.
534
00:20:37,202 --> 00:20:38,570
- The Devil's Side Salad.
535
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:40,472
- Yeah, that's pretty good, or--
536
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:43,742
- The Devil's Side Salad.
537
00:20:45,143 --> 00:20:47,579
- Works for me, yeah.
- That works. Yeah.
538
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:50,682
(♪♪)
539
00:21:21,179 --> 00:21:23,382
Subtitling: difuze
65349
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.