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1
00:00:11,434 --> 00:00:14,069
I'm never doing that again.
2
00:00:14,104 --> 00:00:16,071
What, Mother's Day?
3
00:00:16,105 --> 00:00:19,540
Yeah, Mother's Day.
It should be outlawed.
4
00:00:19,575 --> 00:00:22,580
What? You don't mean that. The
kids made you breakfast. (sighs)
5
00:00:22,615 --> 00:00:25,688
You went to your mom's
house. It was good.
6
00:00:25,723 --> 00:00:28,239
I think you're confusing
Mother's Day with Father's Day.
7
00:00:28,273 --> 00:00:31,593
They are nothing alike. Were
you not here this morning?
8
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,153
(Sue) Axl! Get out here!
Mom's food is getting cold!
9
00:00:37,187 --> 00:00:40,173
(Axl) so? She feeds us
cold food. Now let me sleep!
10
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,218
(Brick) I lost my present!
11
00:00:42,253 --> 00:00:45,201
(gasps) Brick, you just had
it! What is wrong with you?!
12
00:00:45,235 --> 00:00:47,711
They don't really know.
13
00:00:47,746 --> 00:00:49,253
(knock on door)
14
00:00:52,067 --> 00:00:54,542
(Sue and Brick, singsongy)
Happy Mother's Day!
15
00:00:54,576 --> 00:00:57,485
Wow! (chuckles) what a surprise.
16
00:00:57,519 --> 00:00:59,159
(gasps) thanks.
17
00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:01,466
This looks yummy.
18
00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:02,973
God, it's too early!
19
00:01:03,007 --> 00:01:05,780
(sniffles) you woke me up
in the middle of my rem.
20
00:01:05,814 --> 00:01:08,322
Very dangerous time to wake someone up.
21
00:01:08,356 --> 00:01:10,295
Could've killed me.
(sniffles and groans)
22
00:01:10,329 --> 00:01:12,301
(clatters) (sue and Frankie gasp)
23
00:01:12,335 --> 00:01:16,144
She--oh! Ohh. Ohh! Axl! You're so
stupid! You've ruined everything.
24
00:01:16,179 --> 00:01:19,787
Oh, yeah. It's all my fault.
Blame everything on me. Classic.
25
00:01:19,821 --> 00:01:22,828
Hey! I'm not gonna put up
with that crap on Mother's Day.
26
00:01:22,864 --> 00:01:25,569
Do I gotta bang some heads around here?
27
00:01:25,603 --> 00:01:27,574
It's fine, Mike. Really.
Everything's fine.
28
00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:30,414
See? (crunches) fine.
29
00:01:30,449 --> 00:01:32,686
I made you something, mom.
30
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,659
Oh, a macaroni picture frame.
31
00:01:35,694 --> 00:01:37,730
That's great, Brick.
32
00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:39,234
I love it.
33
00:01:39,269 --> 00:01:42,574
And a card from Sue? (laughs)
you guys are spoiling me.
34
00:01:42,609 --> 00:01:46,349
It's gonna be hard going
back to my regular old life.
35
00:01:48,021 --> 00:01:49,789
Oh. Yeah. Right.
36
00:01:49,824 --> 00:01:52,162
Uh... I'm going with
a verbal card this year.
37
00:01:52,196 --> 00:01:55,234
Dear mom, you're my
mom. Pretty cool mom.
38
00:01:55,269 --> 00:01:57,572
Uh, chick stuff here--
feelings, whatever.
39
00:01:57,606 --> 00:01:59,041
Love, Axl.
40
00:01:59,076 --> 00:02:01,746
So, mom, what do you want to
do today? (giggles) (chuckles)
41
00:02:01,780 --> 00:02:03,783
(clatter) (gasps)
42
00:02:03,817 --> 00:02:06,388
My frame! Oh! (sighs) oh,
it's fine. It'll be fine.
43
00:02:06,422 --> 00:02:09,227
Great. Now it looks all thrown together.
I'm trying to get some sleep here!
44
00:02:09,261 --> 00:02:11,464
Have some respect for
other people, people!
45
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:13,867
All right, I'm gonna
go watch "Sportscenter"
46
00:02:13,902 --> 00:02:16,639
And let you hang out with
your kids. It's your day.
47
00:02:16,707 --> 00:02:20,546
See, that's where Mother's Day
and Father's Day are different.
48
00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:23,184
On Father's Day, it really is his day.
49
00:02:25,156 --> 00:02:27,024
(knock on door)
50
00:02:27,059 --> 00:02:29,929
(Sue whispering indistinctly)
51
00:02:29,964 --> 00:02:32,401
(Sue and Brick, singsongy)
Happy Father's Day!
52
00:02:35,407 --> 00:02:37,310
(Sue) we made all
your favorites--
53
00:02:37,345 --> 00:02:39,247
Eggs, sausage, waffles...
54
00:02:39,282 --> 00:02:42,520
And a mini-doughnut dad with bacon arms.
55
00:02:42,555 --> 00:02:44,891
Well, I'll eat him first.
Thanks. This looks great.
56
00:02:44,926 --> 00:02:47,363
You kids really know how to cook.
57
00:02:47,398 --> 00:02:50,069
Yo, pops! H.F.D.! How
about a game of hoops later?
58
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,639
You got it. Bring your "a" game.
59
00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:54,076
It's gonna be epic!
60
00:02:54,110 --> 00:02:56,477
(clicks tongue) I made
you a remote control caddy.
61
00:02:56,512 --> 00:02:58,443
Mom got all the supplies from the store
62
00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:00,375
And then stayed up late last night
63
00:03:00,409 --> 00:03:03,076
To put it all together.
But it was your idea.
64
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:04,411
Wow.
65
00:03:04,446 --> 00:03:06,648
Okay. Let's let your
father enjoy his breakfast
66
00:03:06,682 --> 00:03:09,086
And read his paper in
peace. It's his day.
67
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:12,123
(Sue and Brick) we love you, dad.
68
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,698
My Mother's Day was right on course.
69
00:03:17,732 --> 00:03:19,968
I had choked down some runny eggs,
70
00:03:20,002 --> 00:03:22,338
Burnt waffle and old fried
bologna. (clicks remote)
71
00:03:22,372 --> 00:03:24,274
(TV playing indistinctly)
who would've thought
72
00:03:24,309 --> 00:03:26,210
Old Bologna would be
the star of that show?
73
00:03:26,245 --> 00:03:28,280
Oh, this is torture! Turn it down!
74
00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:32,752
Mom, do you like your breakfast?
You haven't eaten very much.
75
00:03:32,787 --> 00:03:35,156
Yes, I did. When you weren't looking.
76
00:03:35,190 --> 00:03:37,092
And you know, grandma's coming later
77
00:03:37,126 --> 00:03:39,028
For our lunch at Neptune's grill.
78
00:03:39,062 --> 00:03:41,431
I have to save room for the peach pie.
79
00:03:41,465 --> 00:03:43,400
It's my favorite.
80
00:03:43,435 --> 00:03:46,705
Hey, Mike, can you bring
me the stain remover?
81
00:03:46,739 --> 00:03:48,607
(Mike) don't know where it is.
82
00:03:48,642 --> 00:03:51,011
Yes, you do. It's under the
sink. (cabinet door opens)
83
00:03:51,045 --> 00:03:53,380
I see dishwashing soap. Next to that.
84
00:03:53,415 --> 00:03:55,650
Eh, we must be out of it.
85
00:03:55,684 --> 00:03:59,221
No, no. Move stuff around.
Are you moving stuff around?
86
00:03:59,256 --> 00:04:00,991
(grunts) (cabinet door closes)
87
00:04:01,025 --> 00:04:02,926
Is this it?
88
00:04:02,961 --> 00:04:05,263
That's drain cleaner.
So you can't use it?
89
00:04:05,297 --> 00:04:07,165
(sighs) I'll get it later.
90
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,835
Right now I gotta
shower. (exhales deeply)
91
00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:11,304
Well, thank you
92
00:04:11,338 --> 00:04:14,008
For the most wonderful
Mother's Day breakfast.
93
00:04:14,042 --> 00:04:16,978
I think this was my best one yet.
94
00:04:17,013 --> 00:04:20,181
And when I get out, I'll
open the rest of my presents.
95
00:04:20,216 --> 00:04:21,682
Take your time. (door closes)
96
00:04:21,717 --> 00:04:23,150
It's your day.
97
00:04:23,184 --> 00:04:25,151
Grab the coupon drawer.
98
00:04:25,186 --> 00:04:27,653
We got 20 minutes to hit the drugstore
99
00:04:27,687 --> 00:04:30,889
And get your mom something
she'll treasure forever.
100
00:04:31,578 --> 00:04:33,548
I could Te by the look in his eyes,
101
00:04:33,582 --> 00:04:35,553
Mike forgot to get me a gift.
102
00:04:35,587 --> 00:04:37,857
So I decided to take
an extra-long shower.
103
00:04:38,492 --> 00:04:41,327
I thought I'd give 'em time to find me something
nice. Didn't we just do Valentine's day?
104
00:04:42,461 --> 00:04:43,994
This whole thing's a racket.
105
00:04:44,029 --> 00:04:45,562
They trump up these phony holidays
106
00:04:45,597 --> 00:04:47,964
Just so they can sell
you a bunch of crap.
107
00:04:47,998 --> 00:04:50,266
If we had any guts, we
would just say no to this.
108
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,801
That'd be the best gift
I could give your mom--
109
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:54,835
To teach you kids some backbone.
110
00:04:54,870 --> 00:04:57,470
(sighs) all right. Let's find that gift.
111
00:05:01,409 --> 00:05:02,876
Must get sleep.
112
00:05:02,910 --> 00:05:04,711
Yay! Chair.
113
00:05:06,214 --> 00:05:07,647
Ohh.
114
00:05:07,682 --> 00:05:09,149
(thud)
115
00:05:09,183 --> 00:05:11,084
Ahh.
116
00:05:11,118 --> 00:05:13,053
(sighs)
117
00:05:14,055 --> 00:05:15,455
Hey, Mike.
118
00:05:15,490 --> 00:05:17,257
Bob.
119
00:05:17,292 --> 00:05:19,159
You forgot Mother's Day, didn't you?
120
00:05:19,193 --> 00:05:21,494
Well, you know, they
trump up these holidays,
121
00:05:21,528 --> 00:05:23,395
And they expect
people-- forget it.
122
00:05:23,430 --> 00:05:25,831
Mike, let me help, okay?
123
00:05:25,865 --> 00:05:28,767
(sighs) oh, these are great.
You can record your own message.
124
00:05:28,801 --> 00:05:31,336
You could do accents, anything you want.
125
00:05:31,371 --> 00:05:32,704
(British accent) 'Ello, 'ello.
126
00:05:32,738 --> 00:05:34,971
Happy Mum's Day, Frankie. (laughs)
127
00:05:35,006 --> 00:05:37,739
Yeah, okay. I'm in kind of a hurry here.
128
00:05:37,774 --> 00:05:40,042
(Brick) hey, dad? Would mom
like something called "condoms"?
129
00:05:40,076 --> 00:05:41,476
Does she like pleasure?
130
00:05:41,511 --> 00:05:44,679
No! Get out of that aisle!
131
00:05:44,714 --> 00:05:47,615
Dad, look. We have to get this for mom.
132
00:05:48,883 --> 00:05:51,684
"think of the thing you
cannot do, and then do it."
133
00:05:51,718 --> 00:05:54,618
That is so powerful. I know.
134
00:05:54,685 --> 00:05:57,753
No. We got plenty of
fridge magnets at home
135
00:05:57,788 --> 00:06:01,389
From the sewer rooter people,
the pizza delivery guy.
136
00:06:01,424 --> 00:06:04,892
Hey, this is that stain remover
mom was talking about earlier.
137
00:06:04,926 --> 00:06:06,759
We know she wants it.
138
00:06:06,794 --> 00:06:08,227
(clicks tongue)
139
00:06:08,262 --> 00:06:10,963
Okay, I know you said you
wouldn't get it for mom,
140
00:06:10,998 --> 00:06:12,765
But what if you got it for me?
141
00:06:12,799 --> 00:06:14,399
No.
142
00:06:14,434 --> 00:06:17,802
But, dad... Please.
I just love it so much.
143
00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:21,038
Sue, I'm not spending $5
on a magnet we don't need.
144
00:06:21,072 --> 00:06:24,241
We got a gift for mom.
(sighs) what is with you kids?
145
00:06:24,275 --> 00:06:26,142
Stop goofing around and get serious.
146
00:06:26,176 --> 00:06:28,976
Your mom works hard, and
she deserves a nice gift
147
00:06:29,011 --> 00:06:31,112
That shows her how
much we care about her.
148
00:06:32,881 --> 00:06:35,282
We thought of wrapping
it, but then... Didn't.
149
00:06:35,316 --> 00:06:36,683
Who needs wrapping?
150
00:06:36,717 --> 00:06:38,985
Just takes longer to get to the present.
151
00:06:41,823 --> 00:06:44,292
An inflatable foot bath.
152
00:06:44,326 --> 00:06:46,828
Wow.
153
00:06:46,862 --> 00:06:49,597
Wow. You're always
saying your feet hurt,
154
00:06:49,632 --> 00:06:51,699
'cause you're on 'em all
day, and it's inflatable,
155
00:06:51,734 --> 00:06:53,634
So you can take it with
you when you travel.
156
00:06:53,668 --> 00:06:55,402
It's got sloughing bumps
to remove dead skin.
157
00:06:55,436 --> 00:06:58,171
(whispers) sloughing bumps.
158
00:06:59,907 --> 00:07:02,975
And this is what Mike got
for Father's Day last year...
159
00:07:03,009 --> 00:07:04,710
Oh, my God.
160
00:07:04,711 --> 00:07:06,078
No way!
161
00:07:06,112 --> 00:07:07,512
Is this...
162
00:07:07,547 --> 00:07:09,847
Yep! A certified piece
of I.U. Hoosier gym.
163
00:07:09,881 --> 00:07:11,749
Remember we read in the paper
164
00:07:11,783 --> 00:07:14,050
That they were replacing
the floor in assembly hall?
165
00:07:14,084 --> 00:07:16,452
Well, I called the campus
166
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:19,287
To see if we could buy
a piece of the old floor,
167
00:07:19,322 --> 00:07:21,689
And they gave me,
like, a zillion numbers,
168
00:07:21,723 --> 00:07:24,024
But I eventually tracked
down the right guy,
169
00:07:24,058 --> 00:07:26,859
And he told me he would sell me a piece,
170
00:07:26,893 --> 00:07:29,260
But I had to come get it that morning,
171
00:07:29,295 --> 00:07:31,662
So I drove in this
snowstorm to Bloomington,
172
00:07:31,696 --> 00:07:34,063
And, I swear, I had,
like, almost two crashes,
173
00:07:34,097 --> 00:07:36,899
But it was so worth it just
to see this look on your face.
174
00:07:36,934 --> 00:07:39,569
Wow. I can't believe
you thought of this.
175
00:07:39,603 --> 00:07:43,204
Wow. (chuckles) I can't
believe you thought of this.
176
00:07:43,238 --> 00:07:45,941
All right. I'm gonna leave
you alone. It's your day.
177
00:07:45,975 --> 00:07:47,876
Okay.
178
00:07:47,910 --> 00:07:50,678
I'm gonna just relax and
read my "people" magazine.
179
00:07:50,712 --> 00:07:53,013
Also, while we were at the drugstore,
180
00:07:53,047 --> 00:07:56,382
I got some glue, so now I
can fix your picture frame.
181
00:07:56,416 --> 00:08:00,184
Brick, what kind of pasta do you want
182
00:08:00,218 --> 00:08:02,652
At the top of my frame--
elbow or farfalle?
183
00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:04,053
Whatever you want.
184
00:08:04,087 --> 00:08:05,687
It's your day.
185
00:08:05,722 --> 00:08:08,489
And if you can find a picture
of yourself to put in it,
186
00:08:08,523 --> 00:08:10,524
That'd be good, too.
187
00:08:10,559 --> 00:08:14,094
And this is what Mike was
doing on Father's Day...
188
00:08:14,129 --> 00:08:15,462
(clicks remote)
189
00:08:15,497 --> 00:08:18,898
♪
190
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,501
(telephone rings)
191
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:24,769
Could somebody get that?
192
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,237
(ring)
193
00:08:26,271 --> 00:08:28,472
Hello? Anybody? Somebody I
was just talking to, maybe?
194
00:08:28,506 --> 00:08:30,306
(ring)
195
00:08:30,340 --> 00:08:31,574
(sighs)
196
00:08:31,608 --> 00:08:33,008
(ring)
197
00:08:33,042 --> 00:08:34,509
(beep)
198
00:08:34,543 --> 00:08:35,943
(sighs) hello?
199
00:08:35,977 --> 00:08:37,444
God.
200
00:08:37,478 --> 00:08:39,379
Hi, mom.
201
00:08:39,413 --> 00:08:41,481
Okay, change of plans.
202
00:08:41,515 --> 00:08:42,882
I'm going to grandma's.
203
00:08:42,916 --> 00:08:45,051
What? Why? She always
comes here. Yeah, well,
204
00:08:45,085 --> 00:08:47,853
Dad had to go to the shop
'cause of some possum problem,
205
00:08:47,888 --> 00:08:50,022
And since her sciatica's been acting up,
206
00:08:50,057 --> 00:08:52,892
Mom can't feel her feet, so
she can't drive down herself.
207
00:08:52,926 --> 00:08:55,728
So... I don't want her to
be alone on Mother's Day.
208
00:08:55,762 --> 00:08:58,696
I'm gonna have to just
drive up and surprise her.
209
00:08:58,731 --> 00:09:00,631
Oh, my God. This
conversation is so boring,
210
00:09:00,665 --> 00:09:03,399
Yet just loud enough that I
can't sleep through it. All right.
211
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:06,334
I'll try to switch our lunch
reservations to dinner. (clicks remote)
212
00:09:06,369 --> 00:09:09,238
Oh, good. That way I
still get my peach pie.
213
00:09:09,272 --> 00:09:12,873
"the octomom is looking forward
to a nice brunch at home." oh.
214
00:09:12,907 --> 00:09:15,707
Mom, can I come with you to grandma's?
215
00:09:15,742 --> 00:09:17,642
Oh, thank you, Sue. That'll be fun.
216
00:09:17,677 --> 00:09:19,511
A mother-daughter trip on Mother's Day.
217
00:09:19,545 --> 00:09:21,846
The whole way we'll
listen to music and gab.
218
00:09:21,847 --> 00:09:23,714
(inhales deeply)
219
00:09:23,748 --> 00:09:25,649
(sighs)
220
00:09:25,683 --> 00:09:27,950
So you wanna listen to some music?
221
00:09:27,985 --> 00:09:29,851
No.
222
00:09:29,886 --> 00:09:31,220
You wanna talk?
223
00:09:31,254 --> 00:09:32,655
No.
224
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:34,124
Sue, no offense,
225
00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:36,493
But if I wanted to ride in silence,
226
00:09:36,527 --> 00:09:38,394
I would've brought your dad.
227
00:09:38,428 --> 00:09:40,262
What's going on with you?
228
00:09:42,198 --> 00:09:44,999
Honey, what's the matter?
229
00:09:45,033 --> 00:09:46,600
Never mind.
230
00:09:46,635 --> 00:09:49,503
(sighs) Sue, something
is obviously wrong.
231
00:09:49,538 --> 00:09:50,972
Now tell me.
232
00:09:51,006 --> 00:09:53,309
It'll ruin your Mother's Day!
233
00:09:53,344 --> 00:09:55,712
Nothing you can say would do that.
234
00:09:55,747 --> 00:09:57,680
I already got a foot bath.
235
00:09:57,715 --> 00:09:59,849
Ship's pretty much sailed on that one.
236
00:09:59,883 --> 00:10:01,784
I broke a commandment.
237
00:10:01,818 --> 00:10:04,519
Oh! Okay...
238
00:10:04,554 --> 00:10:05,987
Which one?
239
00:10:06,021 --> 00:10:07,855
I stole something.
240
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:10,424
I stole an inspirational fridge magnet.
241
00:10:10,459 --> 00:10:12,426
A what?
242
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:15,228
A magnet, for the fridge,
to hold papers and stuff.
243
00:10:15,262 --> 00:10:17,997
I just loved it so much, and
dad wouldn't buy it for me,
244
00:10:18,031 --> 00:10:19,899
And now I just feel terrible,
245
00:10:19,933 --> 00:10:22,701
And I never thought I
would be the kind of person
246
00:10:22,736 --> 00:10:25,070
To steal anything, but the magnet said,
247
00:10:25,104 --> 00:10:27,973
"think of the thing you
cannot do, and then do it."
248
00:10:28,007 --> 00:10:30,975
So I thought about
it, and then I did it!
249
00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:33,477
Oh, my God. I'm a stealer.
I stole! (sniffles)
250
00:10:33,511 --> 00:10:35,479
(retching)
251
00:10:35,513 --> 00:10:38,481
Sue! Honey...
252
00:10:38,515 --> 00:10:41,483
(crying) see?
253
00:10:41,518 --> 00:10:44,486
See, it's got a dolphin... And a kite.
254
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,488
(retches)
255
00:10:46,522 --> 00:10:48,122
Oh!
256
00:10:48,157 --> 00:10:49,623
(continues retching)
257
00:10:49,658 --> 00:10:51,458
(exhales deeply) it'll be okay, honey.
258
00:10:51,493 --> 00:10:53,793
Clearly, you know
what you did was wrong.
259
00:10:53,828 --> 00:10:56,128
We'll take it back to the store tomorrow
260
00:10:56,163 --> 00:10:58,597
And explain what happened,
and you can apologize.
261
00:10:58,631 --> 00:11:01,132
And about this time on Father's Day...
262
00:11:03,969 --> 00:11:06,938
(retches) you know what?
I'm not even gonna go there.
263
00:11:06,972 --> 00:11:09,440
It's just gonna make me mad. (sighs)
264
00:11:10,606 --> 00:11:12,741
After stopping at a
do-it-yourself car wash
265
00:11:12,775 --> 00:11:15,143
And hosing down the car... And Sue,
266
00:11:15,177 --> 00:11:17,912
We finally made it to grandma's house.
(Barry Manilow) ♪ a true blue spectacle ♪
267
00:11:17,947 --> 00:11:21,014
♪ a miracle come true
♪ ♪ oh, oh, oh, oh ♪
268
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,916
♪ we're together, baby ♪
269
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:25,085
(knocks on door)
270
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:27,354
Oh, my gosh!
271
00:11:27,388 --> 00:11:29,256
Hey, mom.
272
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:30,724
(turns stereo off)
273
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,326
(laughs) what are you girls
doing here? (door closes)
274
00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:36,526
(laughs) we just thought
we'd come up and surprise ya.
275
00:11:36,561 --> 00:11:39,428
Looks like we did. (laughs) oh,
you know, just frosting my hair,
276
00:11:39,462 --> 00:11:42,297
Frying a steak and having
a little glass of white zin.
277
00:11:42,331 --> 00:11:44,632
Okay, o asses. You got me. (laughs)
278
00:11:44,666 --> 00:11:47,000
(chuckle (laughs) oh, you're
looking good out there.
279
00:11:47,035 --> 00:11:49,302
Your leg must be feeling better.
280
00:11:49,337 --> 00:11:52,238
Well, you know how sciatica
. It comes and goes.
281
00:11:52,272 --> 00:11:54,440
It helps to move around,
282
00:11:54,475 --> 00:11:56,842
And nobody gets me going
like Barry. (laughs)
283
00:11:56,877 --> 00:11:59,478
Oh, look at you, chop suey!
284
00:11:59,512 --> 00:12:02,380
Oh, stop growing so fast
and making me feel old.
285
00:12:02,415 --> 00:12:05,183
(giggles) Happy Mother's Day, grandma.
286
00:12:05,218 --> 00:12:06,618
Thank you, sugar.
287
00:12:06,652 --> 00:12:09,453
But you didn't have come
all this way. My gosh!
288
00:12:09,487 --> 00:12:12,823
Are you kidding? We couldn't
let you be alone on Mother's Day.
289
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,191
Oh. (gasps) (Frankie chuckles)
290
00:12:14,225 --> 00:12:15,625
Oh, you nut.
291
00:12:15,660 --> 00:12:20,063
Ohh. Why did you do this?
292
00:12:20,097 --> 00:12:22,098
Ohh.
293
00:12:22,132 --> 00:12:24,499
Ohh!
294
00:12:24,534 --> 00:12:27,434
Oh, my.
295
00:12:27,468 --> 00:12:30,301
Look at th.
296
00:12:30,336 --> 00:12:32,770
A food dehydrator.
297
00:12:32,804 --> 00:12:35,639
Well, I know how much you love
dried apricots and raisins.
298
00:12:35,673 --> 00:12:38,708
So now you can buy apricots
and grapes--make your own.
299
00:12:38,742 --> 00:12:40,143
Oh, boy!
300
00:12:40,177 --> 00:12:41,611
And it's so big!
301
00:12:41,645 --> 00:12:44,451
Why don't I go and make room
for this in the kitchen.
302
00:12:44,485 --> 00:12:45,952
Come on, chop suey.
303
00:12:45,986 --> 00:12:48,420
You can help yourself to the candy drawer.
304
00:12:48,454 --> 00:12:50,821
Your grandpa's blood
sugar's out of whack,
305
00:12:50,822 --> 00:12:52,956
So there's still some
good stuff in there.
306
00:12:52,991 --> 00:12:55,324
I don't serve treat.
307
00:12:55,325 --> 00:12:57,626
I stole an inspirational fridge magnet.
308
00:12:57,661 --> 00:12:59,895
(mouths words)
309
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:02,764
Oh... Honey, we all do stupid things,
310
00:13:02,798 --> 00:13:05,032
But we all deserve chocolate.
311
00:13:05,066 --> 00:13:07,837
Come with grandma. Let's
talk about what happened.
312
00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:12,275
(Nhalesnd Eal deeply)
313
00:13:12,309 --> 00:13:14,210
Ohh. Yea baby.
314
00:13:14,245 --> 00:13:16,779
That's what I'm talking about.
315
00:13:16,813 --> 00:13:19,647
So while a real mom
with more experience than
316
00:13:19,682 --> 00:13:22,049
Was fixing Sue, I could
finally catch a break.
317
00:13:22,117 --> 00:13:24,418
What is it about being at your
mom's house
318
00:13:24,452 --> 00:13:26,787
that lets you completely relax?
319
00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:29,957
Mm.
320
00:13:29,992 --> 00:13:32,227
(inhales deeply) mm.
321
00:13:34,463 --> 00:13:35,896
(sighs)
322
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:37,297
(clicks remote) (TV
playing indistinctly)
323
00:13:37,331 --> 00:13:38,764
Hey, mom. I'm thirsty.
324
00:13:38,799 --> 00:13:41,432
Can you bring me a pop or something?
325
00:13:41,467 --> 00:13:42,833
(man) ...Bunny! (woman giggles)
326
00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:44,301
Oh, buy.
327
00:13:44,335 --> 00:13:46,302
Mmm. Thank you.
328
00:13:46,337 --> 00:13:48,571
Oh. Your hair looks nice.
329
00:13:48,605 --> 00:13:50,973
Oh, yeah? Sue helped me finish it off.
330
00:13:51,008 --> 00:13:52,741
I-it's not too frosted?
331
00:13:52,776 --> 00:13:55,575
No, no. In a couple
weeks, it'll be perfect.
332
00:13:55,610 --> 00:13:57,010
(can fizzes)
333
00:13:57,044 --> 00:13:59,979
(yawns) Oh, how long was I asleep?
334
00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:02,850
I'm starving. Hey, you
know what would be great?
335
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,452
One of your grilled cheese sandwiches
336
00:14:05,487 --> 00:14:07,554
With the potato chips
in the middle. (sniffles)
337
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:09,656
I love the way you make 'em.
338
00:14:09,691 --> 00:14:12,291
O-okay, could you not
lean on my "people"?
339
00:14:12,325 --> 00:14:14,226
You're making it all crinkly.
340
00:14:14,260 --> 00:14:17,528
Sorry. (sniffles) Ahh.
341
00:14:17,562 --> 00:14:20,063
(sniffles) and, mom, in triangles, okay?
342
00:14:20,098 --> 00:14:21,798
I know. Triangles.
343
00:14:21,832 --> 00:14:24,200
♪
344
00:14:24,234 --> 00:14:26,568
How do you guys survive
with just basic cable?
345
00:14:26,603 --> 00:14:28,003
(turns TV off)
346
00:14:28,037 --> 00:14:30,939
Mmm! Thanks, mom.
347
00:14:30,973 --> 00:14:33,875
Ooh. This looks good.
348
00:14:33,909 --> 00:14:35,709
(whiny voice) aw.
349
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:37,210
No chips?
350
00:14:37,245 --> 00:14:39,646
(smacking)
351
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,515
(normal voice) hey, how long
do you think it would take
352
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,450
To make some pudding, Hmm?
353
00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,651
(slurps) Mmm.
354
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,119
HUD)
355
00:14:48,154 --> 00:14:50,254
Are you mad?
356
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:53,157
No. Anything else I can
get you on Mother's Day?
357
00:14:53,191 --> 00:14:55,092
See, now you sound mad.
358
00:14:55,126 --> 00:14:58,728
I mean, I just came all the way up here
359
00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:01,565
So you wouldn't be alone on
Mother's Day. Well, I'm sorry,
360
00:15:01,599 --> 00:15:04,501
But did you ever think
maybe I wanted to be alone?
361
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:07,969
You didn't want to be with your daughter
on Mother's Day? Oh, I didn't say that.
362
00:15:08,003 --> 00:15:10,402
Yeah, you did, mom. You said
exactly that. You said,
363
00:15:10,436 --> 00:15:13,336
"sorry, but did you ever think
maybe I wanted to be alone?"
364
00:15:13,371 --> 00:15:16,272
What are you, a court reporter? I'm
sorry if I drove an hour and a half
365
00:15:16,306 --> 00:15:18,675
To be with my mother on Mother's Day.
366
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:21,077
I had no idea it would
be an inconvenience.
367
00:15:21,111 --> 00:15:23,511
I just thought it would make you happy.
368
00:15:23,545 --> 00:15:25,946
Frankie, I am never alone in this house.
369
00:15:25,980 --> 00:15:27,881
Your dad is
always here--
370
00:15:27,915 --> 00:15:30,316
Asking me about this,
asking me about that.
371
00:15:30,350 --> 00:15:33,286
"Can I eat this?" uh,
"where's my raincoat?"
372
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,256
Now he's out with his possums,
373
00:15:35,291 --> 00:15:38,193
And I just wanted a minute
to frost my damn hair
374
00:15:38,227 --> 00:15:41,095
And drink my damn wine
and listen to my damn music
375
00:15:41,130 --> 00:15:42,563
Without getting anyone anything.
376
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:47,600
With potato chips in the middle!
377
00:15:47,635 --> 00:15:49,069
Oh, my God.
378
00:15:49,103 --> 00:15:51,504
I'll bet your sciatic nerve
isn't really acting up.
379
00:15:51,538 --> 00:15:54,606
I'll bet you just made that
up as an excuse to not see me!
380
00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:56,974
Oh, come on. You know how sciatica is.
381
00:15:57,009 --> 00:15:58,409
It comes and goes.
382
00:15:58,443 --> 00:16:00,510
Oh, I don't know.
383
00:16:00,545 --> 00:16:03,146
You were boogying down
pretty hard there, lady flash.
384
00:16:03,180 --> 00:16:06,448
It comes and goes!
Forget it. Just forget it.
385
00:16:06,483 --> 00:16:08,350
I don't expect you to understand.
386
00:16:08,384 --> 00:16:10,685
I don't understand?!
387
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,621
You think I wouldn't want
to have a house all to myself?
388
00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:16,557
You think I wouldn't love
to be alone on Mother's Day,
389
00:16:16,591 --> 00:16:18,959
Sucking down a glass
of white zinfandel?!
390
00:16:18,993 --> 00:16:22,762
You don't want to be with your daughter
on Mother's Day? Sue, I didn't say that.
391
00:16:22,796 --> 00:16:25,398
Yes, you did! You said exactly that.
392
00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,967
Sue, come on. Well, I'm sorry.
393
00:16:28,001 --> 00:16:30,802
If you guys wanted to be alone, why didn't
you just say so? It's really hard, Sue.
394
00:16:30,836 --> 00:16:33,304
It's really hard to
say you don't want to be
395
00:16:33,338 --> 00:16:34,839
With your family on Mother's Day.
396
00:16:34,873 --> 00:16:36,807
It's really hard to say
397
00:16:36,841 --> 00:16:39,342
You don't want to dry your own fruit.
398
00:16:39,377 --> 00:16:41,744
You didn't like your
dehydrator? It's ridiculous!
399
00:16:41,779 --> 00:16:43,713
I'm gonna go buy
$4-a-pound grapes
400
00:16:43,747 --> 00:16:46,582
And spend hours turning
'em into 99-cent raisins?!
401
00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:48,050
Use your head!
402
00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:49,985
You think that's a horrible gift?
403
00:16:50,019 --> 00:16:52,787
I got an inflatable foot bath!
404
00:16:52,821 --> 00:16:54,889
You don't like your foot
bath? It's ridiculous!
405
00:16:54,923 --> 00:16:58,024
What about me says
I'm the kind of person
406
00:16:58,058 --> 00:17:00,926
That wants to blow something
up and stick my feet in it?
407
00:17:00,961 --> 00:17:02,661
(crying)
408
00:17:02,696 --> 00:17:05,130
Ohh.
409
00:17:05,197 --> 00:17:07,598
(crying)
410
00:17:07,632 --> 00:17:09,733
Ohh.
411
00:17:11,235 --> 00:17:12,702
It took three hours
412
00:17:12,737 --> 00:17:15,204
And two trips to the candy drawer
413
00:17:15,239 --> 00:17:17,706
To undo everything that had been said.
414
00:17:17,741 --> 00:17:20,709
(crying) I don't want us to be
fighting on Mother's Day. Mwah.
415
00:17:20,743 --> 00:17:22,711
(crying) oh, I'm sorry, mom.
416
00:17:22,745 --> 00:17:24,212
I know, honey.
417
00:17:24,246 --> 00:17:25,713
I'm sorry, Sue.
418
00:17:25,747 --> 00:17:27,214
(crying) I know, mom.
419
00:17:27,248 --> 00:17:28,382
(sobs)
420
00:17:28,416 --> 00:17:29,816
Ohh.
421
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:32,159
By the time we were done,
422
00:17:32,193 --> 00:17:35,061
There was no way I was making
it home for Neptune's grill,
423
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:36,996
So I told Mike and the boys
424
00:17:37,030 --> 00:17:39,064
To bring me back some peach pie.
425
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,900
And my Mother's Day dinner...
I'll have a number seven
426
00:17:41,935 --> 00:17:44,136
With double-fried dark
meat and monster fries,
427
00:17:44,170 --> 00:17:46,204
A number four with x-treme cheese tots
428
00:17:46,239 --> 00:17:47,972
And two diet root beers.
429
00:17:48,007 --> 00:17:51,375
And as for Mike's father's day dinner...
Here it is. Your favorite dinner--
430
00:17:51,410 --> 00:17:54,344
Steak and a mashed potato
dad with bacon arms.
431
00:17:54,379 --> 00:17:56,413
Mmm. (Brick) ohh. (chuckles)
432
00:17:56,447 --> 00:17:58,081
Ooh. (chuckles) ohh.
433
00:17:58,115 --> 00:18:00,449
(woman) pull around.
434
00:18:02,252 --> 00:18:04,353
Hey, everybody.
435
00:18:04,387 --> 00:18:07,455
We're back.
436
00:18:07,489 --> 00:18:08,956
(door closes)
437
00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:11,124
Oh, come on!
438
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,360
(sighs)
439
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:19,496
Aw, Brick.
440
00:18:22,799 --> 00:18:24,132
(thud)
441
00:18:24,167 --> 00:18:25,567
Oh, come on!
442
00:18:25,601 --> 00:18:27,868
Hey, you're back.
443
00:18:27,903 --> 00:18:29,269
How's your mom?
444
00:18:29,304 --> 00:18:32,238
Good. (sighs) how was
my Mother's Day dinner?
445
00:18:32,272 --> 00:18:34,807
Not bad. The waitress
thought I was a widower.
446
00:18:34,841 --> 00:18:36,978
She gave us free shrimp balls.
447
00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:39,116
So? What?
448
00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:40,618
My pie?
449
00:18:40,652 --> 00:18:43,521
I'm going back. (sighs)
450
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:47,090
I'm going back right now.
Sweet. Get me more shrimp balls.
451
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:48,726
Oh, forget it.
452
00:18:50,128 --> 00:18:52,127
Some days, from start to finish,
453
00:18:52,161 --> 00:18:53,593
Just blow.
454
00:18:53,628 --> 00:18:56,429
I'm never doing that again.
455
00:18:56,464 --> 00:18:58,631
What, Mother's Day?
456
00:18:58,666 --> 00:19:01,567
Yeah, Mother's Day.
It should be outlawed.
457
00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:04,569
What? You don't mean that.
The kids made you breakfast.
458
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:07,038
You went to see your mom. It was good.
459
00:19:07,072 --> 00:19:09,540
Yeah, you're confusing
mother's day with Father's Day.
460
00:19:09,574 --> 00:19:12,175
Father's day is great, and you know why?
461
00:19:12,209 --> 00:19:14,477
'cause a mom is running it.
462
00:19:14,511 --> 00:19:16,512
You know what you need? (sighs)
463
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:20,649
A foot bath. I'm gonna
blow you up a foot bath.
464
00:19:24,252 --> 00:19:25,719
(exhales deeply)
465
00:19:25,754 --> 00:19:28,255
I'll tell you one thing--
I'm never having kids.
466
00:19:28,289 --> 00:19:30,323
What?
467
00:19:30,357 --> 00:19:32,625
Why would you say that?
468
00:19:32,659 --> 00:19:34,059
It just seems hard.
469
00:19:34,094 --> 00:19:37,028
I couldn't handle it the way you do.
470
00:19:37,063 --> 00:19:38,463
You're good at it.
471
00:19:38,497 --> 00:19:40,765
See, now that's why
you'll love having kids.
472
00:19:40,799 --> 00:19:42,199
Same reason
I do--
473
00:19:42,234 --> 00:19:45,235
'cause after a rough day,
one of 'em will come in,
474
00:19:45,269 --> 00:19:48,537
Give you a hug and say
something like that.
475
00:19:48,571 --> 00:19:51,239
But aren't we the
cause of the rough day?
476
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,307
Well, you can't overthink it.
477
00:19:53,341 --> 00:19:55,844
We cleaned up the kitchen.
478
00:19:55,878 --> 00:19:58,045
Ohh. See?
479
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:59,580
That was exhausting.
480
00:19:59,614 --> 00:20:02,148
I'm beat. (groans)
481
00:20:02,183 --> 00:20:04,684
Oh. Come on.
482
00:20:07,155 --> 00:20:08,788
Aah.
483
00:20:08,822 --> 00:20:10,323
I'll get it.
484
00:20:10,357 --> 00:20:13,325
I just gotta poke a tweezer
in the valve to open it up.
485
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:14,826
(cabinet door opens)
486
00:20:14,860 --> 00:20:16,527
(Mike) where are the tweezers?
487
00:20:16,562 --> 00:20:17,995
Move stuff around.
488
00:20:18,030 --> 00:20:19,930
Mike's right. Mother's Day
is sort of a made-up holiday.
489
00:20:19,964 --> 00:20:22,733
It doesn't always live up to the hype.
490
00:20:22,767 --> 00:20:25,669
And that's what led me
to create a new holiday,
491
00:20:25,703 --> 00:20:28,705
One that's turned out to
be one of my favorites.
492
00:20:28,739 --> 00:20:31,574
I call it "the day after Mother's Day."
493
00:20:32,308 --> 00:20:34,275
Can I get you anything else?
494
00:20:34,309 --> 00:20:35,810
No. M so good.
495
00:20:35,844 --> 00:20:37,711
Mother's Day is for them.
496
00:20:37,746 --> 00:20:40,714
The day after Mother's Day is for me.
497
00:20:40,748 --> 00:20:44,514
It's kinda like
Father's Day for mothers.
498
00:20:44,515 --> 00:20:46,391
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