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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,865 --> 00:00:08,131 Well, that about wraps up 2 00:00:08,251 --> 00:00:09,788 Taco Corp's annual board meeting. 3 00:00:09,985 --> 00:00:11,952 All in favor, say aye. 4 00:00:12,037 --> 00:00:13,070 Yes, Lord. 5 00:00:13,155 --> 00:00:15,038 Cheers, Marshawn. 6 00:00:15,074 --> 00:00:16,540 Cheers to Taco Corp. 7 00:00:16,575 --> 00:00:18,375 Cheers. Well, as you know, 8 00:00:18,410 --> 00:00:20,544 Taco Corp had a record year. 9 00:00:20,579 --> 00:00:23,630 So I'm gonna be paying you your dividend in Skittles. 10 00:00:23,716 --> 00:00:25,883 Come on, man, you know that's my thing, right, brah? 11 00:00:25,918 --> 00:00:27,301 No, I had no idea. 12 00:00:27,386 --> 00:00:28,502 That's how I pay everyone. 13 00:00:28,587 --> 00:00:29,753 What? KEVIN: Taco! 14 00:00:29,805 --> 00:00:31,421 If you're, uh, done with your meeting, 15 00:00:31,507 --> 00:00:32,673 can I have a beer, please? 16 00:00:32,758 --> 00:00:34,424 Yeah, sure. 17 00:00:34,510 --> 00:00:36,343 (groans) Ooh. 18 00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:37,761 Last one. 19 00:00:37,846 --> 00:00:40,147 Just hand it to me, and I'll run it over to him. 20 00:00:40,232 --> 00:00:41,598 Nah, I'll toss it to him. 21 00:00:41,650 --> 00:00:42,933 Just hand it to me. 22 00:00:42,985 --> 00:00:44,017 No need to throw it, man. Come on. 23 00:00:44,103 --> 00:00:45,319 No, it's really easy. 24 00:00:45,404 --> 00:00:46,770 I'll just throw it to him, he'll catch it. 25 00:00:46,822 --> 00:00:48,272 Come on, man, we're so close. I could run it over. 26 00:00:48,324 --> 00:00:49,940 It's just right here. 27 00:00:49,992 --> 00:00:51,658 I just want a beer. 28 00:00:51,744 --> 00:00:52,826 Come on, man, 29 00:00:52,912 --> 00:00:54,995 I can sleepwalk that thing to him, boy. 30 00:00:55,080 --> 00:00:56,363 Come on, man. 31 00:00:56,448 --> 00:00:58,582 All right. Eh. 32 00:00:58,617 --> 00:01:00,534 I think I'm gonna throw it. What's the worst 33 00:01:00,619 --> 00:01:02,419 that could happen? Catch. 34 00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:03,420 What? No, no, no! 35 00:01:03,455 --> 00:01:05,589 No, no, Taco! Oh! 36 00:01:05,624 --> 00:01:06,373 (screaming) Whoa. 37 00:01:08,544 --> 00:01:10,127 I'm on fire! I'm burning! 38 00:01:10,212 --> 00:01:11,345 Help! 39 00:01:11,430 --> 00:01:12,963 Help! Help me! That's why you run it. 40 00:01:13,048 --> 00:01:15,265 Fire! Fire! Fire! 41 00:01:15,301 --> 00:01:16,433 Still think it was the right call. 42 00:01:16,502 --> 00:01:17,434 Fire! 43 00:01:17,554 --> 00:01:22,884 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 44 00:01:23,004 --> 00:01:25,809 ANDRE: Come on, Tottenham! You get 'em there, lads! 45 00:01:25,861 --> 00:01:26,977 Get 'em there! 46 00:01:27,029 --> 00:01:29,146 Ol?, ol?, ol?, ol?... 47 00:01:29,231 --> 00:01:31,148 (groans) Please, please, please, Andre. 48 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:32,282 What? Come on. Stop. 49 00:01:32,318 --> 00:01:33,817 What's the score? Am I winning? 50 00:01:33,869 --> 00:01:36,370 The score is Andre zero and you have zero. 51 00:01:36,455 --> 00:01:37,904 Right. Yeah, 52 00:01:37,990 --> 00:01:39,873 well, there's a six-way tie at the top for first 53 00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:41,325 with zero points. (groans) 54 00:01:41,377 --> 00:01:43,043 Soccer sucks. RUXIN: Fantasy soccer sucks. 55 00:01:43,128 --> 00:01:46,663 We need to figure out a new point system, 56 00:01:46,715 --> 00:01:47,881 'cause there's not enough scoring here. 57 00:01:47,967 --> 00:01:50,801 Like, you get a point every time a dude flops 58 00:01:50,836 --> 00:01:53,553 or the supporters of your team start a riot. 59 00:01:53,639 --> 00:01:56,590 I am so glad that the NFL draft is in Chicago next week. 60 00:01:56,675 --> 00:01:58,342 I cannot wait for football season 61 00:01:58,394 --> 00:01:59,810 to start back up. 62 00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:01,311 I found myself going back to our league site, 63 00:02:01,347 --> 00:02:03,180 just checking in like a serial killer 64 00:02:03,232 --> 00:02:04,632 returning to the scene of his crime. 65 00:02:04,650 --> 00:02:05,732 KEVIN: Speaking of crime scenes, 66 00:02:05,818 --> 00:02:08,185 we are trying to potty train CB... 67 00:02:08,270 --> 00:02:09,569 BOTH: Chalupa Batman. 68 00:02:09,655 --> 00:02:11,438 ...and it is not going well. 69 00:02:11,523 --> 00:02:13,740 So if you see some mounds or puddles on the ground, 70 00:02:13,826 --> 00:02:16,159 just quietly notify us, please. 71 00:02:16,195 --> 00:02:17,944 I did see a wet mound out there in the hallway. 72 00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:19,196 Just assumed it was yours, Kevin. 73 00:02:19,281 --> 00:02:21,281 Very funny. It's not mine. Are you sure? 74 00:02:21,367 --> 00:02:22,699 'Cause there's a bunch of Pete's pubic hair in it. 75 00:02:22,751 --> 00:02:23,700 (whistle blows) 76 00:02:23,786 --> 00:02:25,252 Sorry I'm late, guys. 77 00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:26,620 Went into overtime. 78 00:02:26,705 --> 00:02:27,921 JENNY: Oh, there he is, 79 00:02:28,007 --> 00:02:29,873 the guy who can't get his own life together, 80 00:02:29,958 --> 00:02:31,875 yet runs around on a field telling other people what to do. 81 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,010 What can I say? 82 00:02:33,045 --> 00:02:34,378 I like being a ref. 83 00:02:34,430 --> 00:02:36,096 It's very rare that a man in my position 84 00:02:36,181 --> 00:02:37,964 gets to be a total dictator, and I appreciate it. 85 00:02:38,050 --> 00:02:40,384 You're like the Stalin of JV girls' volleyball. 86 00:02:40,469 --> 00:02:42,269 ANDRE: Um, actually, Pete, I have a question. 87 00:02:42,354 --> 00:02:43,970 Where did you get the outfit? 88 00:02:44,056 --> 00:02:45,472 Foot Locker? (chuckles) 89 00:02:45,557 --> 00:02:47,524 Um, yeah, actually, I did. 90 00:02:47,559 --> 00:02:48,809 That would be the place to get something like that. 91 00:02:48,894 --> 00:02:49,943 KEVIN: It's logical. 92 00:02:50,029 --> 00:02:51,611 So... Burn. 93 00:02:51,697 --> 00:02:53,063 (chuckles) PETE: Yeah. 94 00:02:53,115 --> 00:02:54,981 All right, so, guys, 95 00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:57,234 today is the fantasy football equinox. 96 00:02:57,319 --> 00:02:58,902 The exact midpoint 97 00:02:58,987 --> 00:03:00,787 between the last game of the 2014 season 98 00:03:00,873 --> 00:03:02,656 and the first game of the 2015 season. 99 00:03:02,741 --> 00:03:03,822 Yes. So without further ado, 100 00:03:03,826 --> 00:03:04,991 if you would follow me. 101 00:03:05,077 --> 00:03:07,127 (groans) Just finish up the game. 102 00:03:07,212 --> 00:03:08,328 (blows whistle) Thank you very much. Okay. 103 00:03:08,414 --> 00:03:09,963 Delay of game, let's go. 104 00:03:10,049 --> 00:03:11,498 Let's go. 105 00:03:11,583 --> 00:03:12,966 It's cool that they give you flags. Yeah. 106 00:03:13,052 --> 00:03:14,418 Oh, Andre, 107 00:03:14,470 --> 00:03:17,087 since our Shiva was pretty badly burned last season, 108 00:03:17,139 --> 00:03:19,056 we thought it was appropriate that our champion 109 00:03:19,091 --> 00:03:20,590 got a new trophy. 110 00:03:20,676 --> 00:03:24,061 "Ooh, all right, all right." 111 00:03:24,096 --> 00:03:25,679 Matthew McConaughey. 112 00:03:25,764 --> 00:03:27,147 Behind door number one. 113 00:03:27,232 --> 00:03:28,899 ALL: Ooh. 114 00:03:28,934 --> 00:03:30,851 I like that. 115 00:03:30,936 --> 00:03:33,320 Wait, you made a bronze turd? 116 00:03:33,405 --> 00:03:35,405 Hmm-mm-mm, I found a real turd 117 00:03:35,441 --> 00:03:37,607 and I spray-painted it with bronze paint. 118 00:03:37,693 --> 00:03:38,742 Oh, no, that's gross. 119 00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:39,826 Well, that's how we felt 120 00:03:39,912 --> 00:03:41,278 when you won the championship. 121 00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:42,362 (groans) KEVIN: Well, perhaps you'll like 122 00:03:42,448 --> 00:03:43,613 this one better. 123 00:03:43,665 --> 00:03:46,116 I like to call it "When SheDre Met 124 00:03:46,168 --> 00:03:47,751 HeDre." Huh? 125 00:03:47,786 --> 00:03:48,952 What do you think? 126 00:03:49,037 --> 00:03:50,921 It's actually not bad. I like it. 127 00:03:50,956 --> 00:03:52,122 What? 128 00:03:52,174 --> 00:03:53,256 It's perfect. 129 00:03:53,292 --> 00:03:54,758 Oh, my gosh, I love it. It's great. 130 00:03:54,793 --> 00:03:56,927 Oh, shit. 131 00:03:56,962 --> 00:03:58,595 All right, it's out. Yeah, you don't get that one. 132 00:03:58,630 --> 00:03:59,296 No. What? RUXIN: All right, Andre, 133 00:03:59,381 --> 00:04:00,597 I want you to know 134 00:04:00,632 --> 00:04:02,632 I spent a lot of time, money and thought on this, 135 00:04:02,684 --> 00:04:04,101 and I'm very proud. Just show me the stupid thing. 136 00:04:04,136 --> 00:04:05,635 No, let me finish my mislead. 137 00:04:05,721 --> 00:04:08,221 And so I really hope that you enjoy what I've created. 138 00:04:08,307 --> 00:04:09,106 Okay, thank you. 139 00:04:09,141 --> 00:04:11,358 Ta-da! 140 00:04:11,443 --> 00:04:13,477 This is an original Kluneberg design. 141 00:04:13,562 --> 00:04:15,061 You are wearing a hoodie 142 00:04:15,147 --> 00:04:17,647 just like fellow tainted champion Bill Belichick. 143 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,449 And to that point, 144 00:04:19,485 --> 00:04:21,618 you will also notice that the two footballs here 145 00:04:21,653 --> 00:04:23,403 are just slightly deflated, 146 00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:25,038 like your soggy cum buckets. 147 00:04:25,124 --> 00:04:26,323 KEVIN: The wrinkles in the sweatshirt 148 00:04:26,375 --> 00:04:27,491 are so veiny. 149 00:04:27,576 --> 00:04:28,658 The final statue 150 00:04:28,744 --> 00:04:31,411 will have a fountain feature 151 00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:33,997 with a sour sauce shooting out the top. 152 00:04:34,082 --> 00:04:35,165 No, stop the R & D. 153 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,249 I don't want that. 154 00:04:36,335 --> 00:04:37,384 Ooh! Ooh! My turn. 155 00:04:39,004 --> 00:04:41,171 I present to you... 156 00:04:41,223 --> 00:04:44,341 the fantasy football trophy. 157 00:04:44,426 --> 00:04:46,226 Stuff from M?nage ? Cinq. Yeah. (laughs) 158 00:04:46,311 --> 00:04:47,644 Your business failed. 159 00:04:47,679 --> 00:04:48,645 JENNY: Taco. 160 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,347 It's not 2013. 161 00:04:50,432 --> 00:04:51,848 I know, that's the joke. 162 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:52,983 Wait, what's the joke? 163 00:04:53,018 --> 00:04:55,519 (scoffs) This guy doesn't get it. 164 00:04:55,604 --> 00:04:58,021 Andre, let me show you the trophy you are going to pick. 165 00:04:58,073 --> 00:04:59,156 Oh, exciting. 166 00:04:59,191 --> 00:05:00,407 Da-da-da-da! 167 00:05:00,492 --> 00:05:02,159 Whoa! 168 00:05:02,194 --> 00:05:03,527 The Dre is back, baby. 169 00:05:03,612 --> 00:05:05,245 Oh, not so fast. 170 00:05:05,330 --> 00:05:06,446 It's not done yet. 171 00:05:06,532 --> 00:05:07,948 I call it... 172 00:05:08,033 --> 00:05:09,332 (clinks) 173 00:05:09,368 --> 00:05:11,501 ...Dre on Dre. 174 00:05:11,537 --> 00:05:13,870 Ooh, you can see the point of Dre-nal entry. 175 00:05:13,956 --> 00:05:15,622 Wait, what is the one Dre doing to the other Dre? 176 00:05:15,707 --> 00:05:17,707 It just commemorates the moment that the Dre 177 00:05:17,759 --> 00:05:21,211 really became a living legend and a part of your anatomy. 178 00:05:21,263 --> 00:05:23,880 No, no, I'm not choosing any of these, okay? 179 00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,048 'Cause they suck. 180 00:05:25,133 --> 00:05:26,466 Hey! 181 00:05:26,552 --> 00:05:28,685 We worked really hard on these, Andre. 182 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,604 I'm sorry, Ruxin, I, I don't mean to upset you. 183 00:05:30,689 --> 00:05:32,722 I just feel like when you guys are all coming at me like this, 184 00:05:32,774 --> 00:05:33,940 it's like, I don't know, 185 00:05:34,026 --> 00:05:35,225 you're making fun of me or something. 186 00:05:35,310 --> 00:05:37,310 'Cause I feel like when I look at it at face value, 187 00:05:37,362 --> 00:05:39,863 I just see, like, a big poop, me kissing myself, 188 00:05:39,898 --> 00:05:42,482 me as a dick, a reminder that my restaurant failed, 189 00:05:42,568 --> 00:05:43,650 and me putting my hand in my ass. 190 00:05:43,735 --> 00:05:45,402 I think we're probably just jealous. 191 00:05:45,487 --> 00:05:46,903 Yeah. I mean, you did win 192 00:05:46,989 --> 00:05:47,988 Ted's beach house. 193 00:05:48,073 --> 00:05:49,406 Yeah, some beach house. 194 00:05:49,491 --> 00:05:50,991 Talked to the insurance company today, 195 00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:54,578 and apparently I owe $150,000 due to all the fire damage. 196 00:05:54,663 --> 00:05:55,745 What? 197 00:05:55,797 --> 00:05:57,247 (chuckles) That's so much money. 198 00:05:57,299 --> 00:05:59,299 It's not an asset anymore. It's a deficit. 199 00:05:59,384 --> 00:06:00,584 As a matter of fact, 200 00:06:00,669 --> 00:06:02,252 whoever wins the Sacko this year, 201 00:06:02,304 --> 00:06:03,553 they get the house. 202 00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:04,588 Hmm, that's interesting. 203 00:06:04,673 --> 00:06:05,633 Yeah, I kind of like it. 204 00:06:05,674 --> 00:06:06,973 Speaking of the Sacko, 205 00:06:07,059 --> 00:06:08,225 I do think it's time we turn our attention 206 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:09,341 to this year's loser, Taco. 207 00:06:09,344 --> 00:06:10,594 RUXIN: That could be said 208 00:06:10,646 --> 00:06:12,145 about every year. I think we should begin 209 00:06:12,231 --> 00:06:13,513 with a small 210 00:06:13,599 --> 00:06:14,931 but disgusting task-- 211 00:06:15,017 --> 00:06:16,850 no more toilets for you. 212 00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:19,402 You can only use a Porta Potti for the next month. 213 00:06:19,438 --> 00:06:21,438 Ooh. What about sleeping? 214 00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:23,940 What? No, no, you can't sleep on a toilet either. 215 00:06:24,026 --> 00:06:25,442 So I can only have sex on a toilet? 216 00:06:25,527 --> 00:06:26,076 Okay. 217 00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:27,277 No, stop it. 218 00:06:27,362 --> 00:06:28,411 Harsh. 219 00:06:34,369 --> 00:06:35,452 Pete? 220 00:06:36,788 --> 00:06:37,704 Pete. 221 00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:38,922 Meegan? 222 00:06:38,957 --> 00:06:41,124 Holy shit. Do we hug? 223 00:06:41,209 --> 00:06:43,093 Oh, let's try it. Oh, my God. Hi. 224 00:06:43,128 --> 00:06:44,928 My God, it's so nice to see you. This is crazy. I'm gonna just call it. 225 00:06:44,963 --> 00:06:45,929 What? 226 00:06:45,964 --> 00:06:47,597 Five years. 227 00:06:47,633 --> 00:06:50,050 It's literally been five years since we've seen each other. 228 00:06:50,135 --> 00:06:51,468 Five years, yeah. What is going on? How are you? 229 00:06:51,553 --> 00:06:52,719 I mean, look, you look great. What's happening? 230 00:06:52,804 --> 00:06:53,770 Um, thank you. 231 00:06:53,805 --> 00:06:55,522 I moved out west. 232 00:06:55,607 --> 00:06:56,773 Okay. 233 00:06:56,808 --> 00:06:58,129 I was working in PR. Now I'm back. 234 00:06:58,143 --> 00:06:59,309 What? This is crazy, 235 00:06:59,394 --> 00:07:00,310 'cause I was thinking of you the other day. 236 00:07:00,395 --> 00:07:01,478 Why? 237 00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:02,812 Don't take this the wrong way, 238 00:07:02,864 --> 00:07:04,531 but I saw this really dumb dog eating a pinecone, 239 00:07:04,616 --> 00:07:06,232 and I remembered... 240 00:07:06,318 --> 00:07:08,451 Oh, my God, the Down doggy, which... Down doggy. 241 00:07:08,487 --> 00:07:10,487 You know what? I owe you an apology. 242 00:07:10,539 --> 00:07:12,906 You were right. The difference between, like, 243 00:07:12,991 --> 00:07:15,825 a Down syndrome dog and just a regular dog, 244 00:07:15,911 --> 00:07:17,377 it's like negligible. The difference is, like, 245 00:07:17,462 --> 00:07:18,828 it's that. It's negligible. 246 00:07:18,914 --> 00:07:21,748 It's really nice to see you. 247 00:07:21,833 --> 00:07:23,416 I mean, what's the, what's the, what's the protocol here? 248 00:07:23,502 --> 00:07:25,635 Like, are you busy? Can we get a drink now? 249 00:07:25,671 --> 00:07:27,420 I just, I have to go put money in my meter, 250 00:07:27,506 --> 00:07:28,972 and I don't want to get a ticket, so... Oh, yeah, sure. Well, look, 251 00:07:29,007 --> 00:07:30,840 my number's still the same. We'll do it some other time. 252 00:07:30,926 --> 00:07:32,475 (whoops) Ay... 253 00:07:32,511 --> 00:07:35,178 So is mine. 254 00:07:35,263 --> 00:07:36,730 Oh, is that a skort you're wearing? Know what they say. 255 00:07:36,815 --> 00:07:40,650 Business in the front, party in the back. 256 00:07:42,571 --> 00:07:44,437 PETE: Yeah, I mean, I was a little nervous obviously 257 00:07:44,523 --> 00:07:46,022 'cause I hadn't seen her in forever, Sure. 258 00:07:46,074 --> 00:07:47,657 but, got to say, it was... it was pretty cool. 259 00:07:47,693 --> 00:07:49,442 Great, that's good. Good, that's good, yeah. 260 00:07:49,528 --> 00:07:50,827 So how'd you guys leave it? 261 00:07:50,862 --> 00:07:52,529 Well, she had to run and put money in the meter, 262 00:07:52,614 --> 00:07:54,030 but, you know, I think we'll catch up later. 263 00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:55,198 RUXIN: Hmm. 264 00:07:55,283 --> 00:07:56,533 That's a classic conversation ender. 265 00:07:56,618 --> 00:07:58,368 What are you talking about? I mean, we all have one. 266 00:07:58,453 --> 00:07:59,869 RUXIN: Yeah, when you're in, like, a boring conversation 267 00:07:59,955 --> 00:08:01,371 that you want to get out of, you go like, 268 00:08:01,423 --> 00:08:03,206 "Ooh, criminy, forgot my keys." 269 00:08:04,876 --> 00:08:06,343 And then you bounce, you're out of the convo. 270 00:08:06,378 --> 00:08:07,677 TACO: Yeah, mine's similar. 271 00:08:07,713 --> 00:08:09,793 I say, "Oh, no, I don't want to talk to you anymore." 272 00:08:09,798 --> 00:08:11,181 Fools 'em every time. 273 00:08:11,216 --> 00:08:12,432 Good, good. Doesn't it? 274 00:08:12,517 --> 00:08:14,434 Yeah, well, this was clearly not that. 275 00:08:14,519 --> 00:08:15,719 I'm getting another beer; anybody want anything? 276 00:08:15,804 --> 00:08:16,844 JENNY: No. KEVIN: I'm good. 277 00:08:16,855 --> 00:08:17,887 PETE: All right. 278 00:08:17,973 --> 00:08:19,522 Ooh. JENNY: Oh, man. 279 00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:21,474 He has no idea, does he? Uh-uh. 280 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:22,976 None. Well, we have to tell him. 281 00:08:23,061 --> 00:08:24,444 Feel free. I'm not telling him. 282 00:08:24,529 --> 00:08:25,812 I'm not telling him either. I'm not telling him. 283 00:08:25,897 --> 00:08:26,813 This is great. 284 00:08:26,898 --> 00:08:28,565 Hey, I forgot to tell you: 285 00:08:28,617 --> 00:08:30,984 I ran into Pete today on the street. 286 00:08:31,069 --> 00:08:32,619 I was kind of freaked out, I was like, 287 00:08:32,704 --> 00:08:33,903 "Oh, my God, is he gonna be weird?" 288 00:08:33,955 --> 00:08:35,321 But he wasn't, he was great, 289 00:08:35,407 --> 00:08:38,208 I just... I didn't know what to say to him, you know? 290 00:08:38,243 --> 00:08:39,542 (sighs) 291 00:08:39,578 --> 00:08:40,818 So when are you gonna tell him? 292 00:08:43,298 --> 00:08:45,382 Soon, my love, I promise. 293 00:08:51,841 --> 00:08:53,174 KEVIN: Hello? 294 00:08:53,259 --> 00:08:55,292 Aah, still at the mall. 295 00:08:55,378 --> 00:08:57,011 Which means I have a little alone time. 296 00:08:57,096 --> 00:08:59,547 Watch a little Path to the Dra... 297 00:08:59,632 --> 00:09:00,848 What?! 298 00:09:00,933 --> 00:09:02,933 What is this?! 299 00:09:02,969 --> 00:09:03,851 No, Taco. Hey. 300 00:09:03,936 --> 00:09:04,852 Goddamn it. 301 00:09:04,937 --> 00:09:05,970 What is this? 302 00:09:06,055 --> 00:09:07,021 The newspaper? 303 00:09:07,106 --> 00:09:08,105 It's the Ny Times. 304 00:09:08,141 --> 00:09:10,107 No. No, I'm talking about 305 00:09:10,143 --> 00:09:12,360 the gigantic Porta Potti in my living room. 306 00:09:12,445 --> 00:09:14,111 Oh, well, you guys told me 307 00:09:14,147 --> 00:09:16,147 I can only use Porta Potties to go to the bathroom, 308 00:09:16,149 --> 00:09:17,782 and I always go to the bathroom here, so... 309 00:09:17,817 --> 00:09:19,700 What's wrong with the bathroom at your house? 310 00:09:19,786 --> 00:09:21,152 I haven't had a working one in months. 311 00:09:21,204 --> 00:09:22,903 Don't try to flush a dead raccoon down the toilet. 312 00:09:22,989 --> 00:09:24,071 Does not work. 313 00:09:24,157 --> 00:09:25,790 When is this thing going to be leaving? 314 00:09:25,825 --> 00:09:27,375 Well, that's up to you guys. 315 00:09:27,460 --> 00:09:29,493 But check this out. 316 00:09:29,545 --> 00:09:32,463 Put the Ruxin in there for added humiliation. 317 00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:37,385 I am shamed, sir, I am shamed. 318 00:09:38,888 --> 00:09:40,921 (Ruxin laughs, snorts) 319 00:09:41,007 --> 00:09:43,974 Oh, man, you should really keep it in the house permanently. 320 00:09:44,010 --> 00:09:45,226 It goes with the rest of the decor. 321 00:09:45,311 --> 00:09:46,632 I've been trying to get rid of it, 322 00:09:46,646 --> 00:09:48,396 but the company won't pick it up till next Wednesday. 323 00:09:48,481 --> 00:09:50,898 This punishment totally backfired on me. 324 00:09:50,983 --> 00:09:53,067 Guys, what is my next punishment? 325 00:09:53,152 --> 00:09:55,152 I am loving this. Look, 326 00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:57,021 I know you guys love shoving things into people's butts, 327 00:09:57,106 --> 00:09:58,656 that's all you guys ever talk about. 328 00:09:58,691 --> 00:10:00,691 So I figured that's what was gonna be next, 329 00:10:00,777 --> 00:10:03,744 so I cut a hole in my jeans to make it easier for you. 330 00:10:03,830 --> 00:10:04,862 No. No. 331 00:10:04,947 --> 00:10:06,197 Come on, shove something in there. 332 00:10:06,249 --> 00:10:08,115 Why does it smell like menthol cigarettes? 333 00:10:08,201 --> 00:10:09,867 Taco, no more punishments. 334 00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:11,869 You are not supposed to be enjoying them. 335 00:10:11,921 --> 00:10:13,482 Guys, I realized something about myself. 336 00:10:13,506 --> 00:10:15,539 I love being hazed. 337 00:10:15,591 --> 00:10:17,508 I guess it's because in my everyday life 338 00:10:17,543 --> 00:10:19,260 I'm so in control all the time 339 00:10:19,345 --> 00:10:22,963 that it's so nice to give that up, even for a brief moment. 340 00:10:23,049 --> 00:10:25,182 Come on, shove something in my butt. 341 00:10:25,218 --> 00:10:27,051 Brother, can you spare a finger? 342 00:10:27,103 --> 00:10:29,937 You want your brother to shove a finger up your asshole? 343 00:10:30,022 --> 00:10:31,722 Yeah, it's a little weird. 344 00:10:31,774 --> 00:10:33,974 Ruxin, shove a finger in my butt. 345 00:10:34,060 --> 00:10:36,026 It smells like Bolognese now. 346 00:10:36,062 --> 00:10:38,062 How did it change smells? JENNY: Oh, my God! 347 00:10:38,114 --> 00:10:40,397 - Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. - What? What? 348 00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:42,731 Do you remember how the Bears were having that sweepstakes 349 00:10:42,735 --> 00:10:44,869 for a fan to announce one of the draft picks? 350 00:10:44,904 --> 00:10:46,287 KEVIN: Yeah. I don't remember that. 351 00:10:46,372 --> 00:10:47,404 I won it. 352 00:10:47,490 --> 00:10:49,406 No way. I am going to announce 353 00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:51,542 the third-round draft pick this year! 354 00:10:51,577 --> 00:10:53,744 Holy shit, babe, that's awesome. (laughs) 355 00:10:53,796 --> 00:10:56,380 Uh, and it is my birthday, too. I know it is. 356 00:10:56,415 --> 00:10:57,882 And guess who I get to do it with. Who? 357 00:10:57,917 --> 00:10:59,500 Jim McMahon. 358 00:10:59,585 --> 00:11:00,668 KEVIN: No way! 359 00:11:00,753 --> 00:11:02,419 (gasps) Brian?! 360 00:11:02,505 --> 00:11:04,004 (laughs) What's up, everybody? 361 00:11:04,090 --> 00:11:07,675 I am loving this new kitchen setup. 362 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:10,144 It is so much easier to shit while I cook. 363 00:11:10,229 --> 00:11:12,646 Speaking of which, 364 00:11:12,732 --> 00:11:14,598 who wants garlic bread? (groans) 365 00:11:14,650 --> 00:11:15,566 No. 366 00:11:15,601 --> 00:11:17,601 Fresh out of the oven? 367 00:11:17,687 --> 00:11:19,153 Ooh, ooh, ooh, shove it in here. 368 00:11:19,238 --> 00:11:20,118 RAFI: Oh, look at this. 369 00:11:20,189 --> 00:11:21,906 Taco came dressed to eat. 370 00:11:21,941 --> 00:11:24,108 Just a good old-fashioned garlic bread butt-shove. 371 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:25,025 Ugh. 372 00:11:27,747 --> 00:11:29,246 I feel like I'm having my darkest days 373 00:11:29,282 --> 00:11:30,802 as the Sacko commissioner here. I mean, 374 00:11:30,867 --> 00:11:32,950 how do you haze someone who generally likes being naked, 375 00:11:33,035 --> 00:11:34,001 likes being drugged, 376 00:11:34,086 --> 00:11:35,753 likes week-old sushi. 377 00:11:35,788 --> 00:11:37,121 He didn't even mind it when I put him in a box 378 00:11:37,206 --> 00:11:38,289 and shipped him off to Canada. 379 00:11:38,341 --> 00:11:40,925 I mean, Taco is essentially unsackable. 380 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,126 There has to be something. 381 00:11:42,211 --> 00:11:43,711 Make him read a book. 382 00:11:43,796 --> 00:11:45,296 Make him be monogamous. 383 00:11:45,381 --> 00:11:46,463 Ugh. Yeah. 384 00:11:46,549 --> 00:11:47,631 RUXIN: Well, I can't think 385 00:11:47,717 --> 00:11:48,883 about how to punish this plankton anymore. 386 00:11:48,968 --> 00:11:50,134 I got to get back to work. 387 00:11:50,186 --> 00:11:52,553 Wait. That's it. (whimpers) 388 00:11:52,638 --> 00:11:55,272 What if his punishment is he has to go to work? 389 00:11:55,308 --> 00:11:57,725 Yes, a real job. 390 00:11:57,810 --> 00:11:59,527 Yes. 40-hours-a-week real job. Yeah, 391 00:11:59,612 --> 00:12:01,278 like at a bank as an intern, and he has to wear a suit 392 00:12:01,314 --> 00:12:02,754 and get yelled at, like me every day. 393 00:12:02,815 --> 00:12:05,733 Yes, and he has to try really hard-- no slacking off. 394 00:12:05,818 --> 00:12:07,318 Well, looks like my work here is done. 395 00:12:07,370 --> 00:12:08,619 So... 396 00:12:08,654 --> 00:12:09,987 (blows whistle) 397 00:12:10,039 --> 00:12:12,289 I will be heading off to referee my night game. 398 00:12:12,325 --> 00:12:14,074 Andre, movie tomorrow night? 399 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,210 Uh, uh, yeah. 400 00:12:16,295 --> 00:12:18,295 Maybe. (stammers) I'll just check my thing. 401 00:12:18,331 --> 00:12:21,916 Check your thing? Andre, you have got to tell him. 402 00:12:22,001 --> 00:12:23,500 It's hard, okay? I haven't found the right time. There is no right time. 403 00:12:23,586 --> 00:12:25,586 What are you doing? RUXIN: Yeah, it's like buying 404 00:12:25,671 --> 00:12:27,638 one of your hats. You just hold your nose and do it. 405 00:12:27,673 --> 00:12:29,757 Ah, the joke's on you. I don't choose my hats. 406 00:12:29,842 --> 00:12:31,759 They choose me. 407 00:12:34,180 --> 00:12:36,680 As you know, my birthday is coming up. I know. I'm so excited. 408 00:12:36,766 --> 00:12:39,733 And we both know that you are not the best 409 00:12:39,819 --> 00:12:43,020 at purchasing birthday presents, right? I'm terrible. 410 00:12:43,105 --> 00:12:44,488 The year you got me the fishing pole... 411 00:12:44,523 --> 00:12:46,273 You love fish. Yes. 412 00:12:46,359 --> 00:12:48,909 I also love lobster, but you didn't get me a trap. 413 00:12:48,995 --> 00:12:52,446 - Okay, so this year I'm gonna make it real easy for you, okay? - Mm-hmm. Great. 414 00:12:52,531 --> 00:12:55,583 - All I want for my birthday is to announce the pick. - Okay. 415 00:12:55,668 --> 00:12:58,502 Done. Happy birthday. 416 00:12:58,537 --> 00:13:00,537 I can't do it, babe. 417 00:13:00,590 --> 00:13:03,374 What? Oh... Are you kidding me? 418 00:13:03,426 --> 00:13:04,708 You didn't think that that would be something 419 00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,594 that I would've wanted? Oh, no, I did think that. 420 00:13:06,679 --> 00:13:09,597 Good. And then I won it. And then I was like, 421 00:13:09,682 --> 00:13:12,182 "Well, I'll just get Kevin something better." 422 00:13:12,218 --> 00:13:13,601 (toilet seat lid drops) 423 00:13:13,686 --> 00:13:15,135 What? Is Taco here? 424 00:13:15,221 --> 00:13:17,688 Are they doing garlic bread again in there? 425 00:13:17,723 --> 00:13:20,608 I'm making a pee-pee! 426 00:13:20,693 --> 00:13:22,977 What? Oh, my God. 427 00:13:23,062 --> 00:13:24,561 We're supposed to praise him. 428 00:13:24,647 --> 00:13:28,313 Yay. Yay. Good job, buddy. 429 00:13:33,869 --> 00:13:36,737 (chuckles) This is amazing. Chi-Town is Draft Town. 430 00:13:36,822 --> 00:13:38,538 Oh, man. This is awesome. 431 00:13:38,624 --> 00:13:40,324 Day two of the draft! 432 00:13:40,376 --> 00:13:42,376 Look at this. All access. Oh! 433 00:13:42,461 --> 00:13:45,379 VIP. I want the VIP one. No, I am the VIP. 434 00:13:45,464 --> 00:13:46,964 Can we switch? I want... I am the VIP. 435 00:13:46,999 --> 00:13:49,800 Oh, look, they got Porta Potties, just like home. 436 00:13:49,835 --> 00:13:52,169 You know what, stop. I am mortified 437 00:13:52,254 --> 00:13:54,221 that that's the only place CB will go to the bathroom. 438 00:13:54,306 --> 00:13:56,173 He's Porta Potti-trained. It's not like the rest of his life's 439 00:13:56,258 --> 00:13:59,176 gonna be filled with that many real working toilets. 440 00:13:59,228 --> 00:14:00,560 Hey. The kid's gonna end up 441 00:14:00,646 --> 00:14:02,229 a security guard at motocross events anyway, 442 00:14:02,314 --> 00:14:04,181 so this is good practice. What's that? 443 00:14:04,233 --> 00:14:07,567 Kettle corn?! Sweet and salty! 444 00:14:07,653 --> 00:14:09,319 ANDRE: Calais Campbell and the Honey Badger. 445 00:14:09,355 --> 00:14:11,021 I know they're your favorites. 446 00:14:11,106 --> 00:14:14,358 What do you want, a football or picture? I'll get you both. 447 00:14:14,410 --> 00:14:15,993 Okay, yeah... Hey, Andre. Who you talking to? 448 00:14:16,028 --> 00:14:19,196 Um... Uh, we... Yes, well, start the surgery right away, 449 00:14:19,248 --> 00:14:21,281 and I'll-I'll be there in a few. Work. 450 00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:25,002 Okay. 451 00:14:25,037 --> 00:14:26,870 I'm starving. Oh, hey, skills challenge. 452 00:14:26,955 --> 00:14:29,256 Oh, we can do... Hey, Kevin, real quick, uh, have you noticed 453 00:14:29,341 --> 00:14:32,125 Andre has been... super weird lately? Like, 454 00:14:32,211 --> 00:14:34,211 even for Andre weird? W-Weird? 455 00:14:34,263 --> 00:14:36,847 Yeah. What? No. He's-he's a weird guy. 456 00:14:36,882 --> 00:14:37,848 He's always been weird. 457 00:14:37,883 --> 00:14:40,767 Weird? You're weird. 458 00:14:40,853 --> 00:14:43,103 It's just weird that you would even ask that. 459 00:14:43,188 --> 00:14:46,056 So you-you literally haven't noticed? Anything? 460 00:14:46,141 --> 00:14:48,859 (gulping) 461 00:14:48,894 --> 00:14:50,477 Kevin... 462 00:14:50,562 --> 00:14:51,478 Thirsty? (gulping continues) 463 00:14:51,563 --> 00:14:52,779 Yes! 464 00:14:52,865 --> 00:14:54,398 What is happening? Why... Hey, hey. 465 00:14:54,450 --> 00:14:57,951 Babe, you have got to try the skills challenge. 466 00:14:58,037 --> 00:14:59,820 Look, by the way, the fact that you're not letting him 467 00:14:59,905 --> 00:15:00,871 announce the draft pick on his birthday? 468 00:15:00,906 --> 00:15:01,905 That's just wrong. 469 00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:03,323 Oh, is it, Pete? Yeah. 470 00:15:03,409 --> 00:15:04,658 What are you getting him for his birthday? 471 00:15:04,743 --> 00:15:06,043 I have something very special 472 00:15:06,078 --> 00:15:07,077 for his birthday. Oh, oh, oh... 473 00:15:07,129 --> 00:15:08,409 You know what? Don't answer that. 474 00:15:08,414 --> 00:15:10,497 We already know. 475 00:15:10,582 --> 00:15:12,582 Was gonna say a tandem bicycle with... 476 00:15:12,668 --> 00:15:14,551 penises for handlebars. 477 00:15:14,586 --> 00:15:16,887 Nobody appreciates what I do for this group. 478 00:15:16,922 --> 00:15:17,882 JENNY: Come on, you guys. 479 00:15:17,923 --> 00:15:19,506 I have a very, very important 480 00:15:19,591 --> 00:15:20,841 announcement to make... Oh! 481 00:15:20,926 --> 00:15:22,809 God, Taco, what are you doing here? 482 00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:23,810 What are you doing that for? 483 00:15:23,896 --> 00:15:24,811 Really? 484 00:15:24,897 --> 00:15:26,680 Guys, I love my punishment. 485 00:15:26,765 --> 00:15:27,931 What's the next one? 486 00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:29,896 Taco, you're supposed to be an intern at a bank. 487 00:15:29,902 --> 00:15:31,935 I did exactly what you guys asked me to do. 488 00:15:32,020 --> 00:15:33,687 I put on my suit, I walked into the bank, 489 00:15:33,772 --> 00:15:35,021 I talked to the manager... 490 00:15:35,107 --> 00:15:37,441 Taco, you went into the bank in your McGibblets suit? 491 00:15:37,526 --> 00:15:38,942 Yeah, it's the nicest suit I own. 492 00:15:39,027 --> 00:15:41,361 Hello! 493 00:15:41,447 --> 00:15:44,114 I'm here to apply for the job, please. 494 00:15:44,199 --> 00:15:45,449 Here's my r?sum?. 495 00:15:47,786 --> 00:15:49,169 Interesting r?sum?. 496 00:15:49,254 --> 00:15:50,504 Surprisingly, 497 00:15:50,589 --> 00:15:51,955 I've actually got a job for you. 498 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,206 What do you do? 499 00:15:53,292 --> 00:15:55,125 TACO: Twirl around a sign for CDs. 500 00:15:55,177 --> 00:15:56,510 We got it all at the bank! 501 00:15:56,595 --> 00:15:57,794 And it pays. 502 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,296 Hey, check out my sign! 503 00:15:59,348 --> 00:16:00,464 Hey, lady! 504 00:16:00,549 --> 00:16:03,266 Lady, check out my sign! 505 00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:05,218 Don't make me run after you! Hey! 506 00:16:05,304 --> 00:16:06,984 I don't know how this bank makes any money. 507 00:16:07,055 --> 00:16:08,972 No one buys CDs anymore. 508 00:16:09,024 --> 00:16:10,223 Let's just get going. 509 00:16:10,309 --> 00:16:11,108 Yeah. Come on, we're gonna be late. 510 00:16:11,143 --> 00:16:12,642 All right. 511 00:16:12,694 --> 00:16:13,693 Whoa-ho! 512 00:16:13,779 --> 00:16:15,312 VIP tent, gentlemen! Wow. 513 00:16:15,397 --> 00:16:17,063 Yeah, not a bad place to watch the draft. 514 00:16:17,149 --> 00:16:19,399 Whoa, that is a lot of free food. 515 00:16:19,485 --> 00:16:20,650 Whoo. 516 00:16:20,736 --> 00:16:22,486 Babe, this is amazing. 517 00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:24,237 Holy shit. 518 00:16:24,323 --> 00:16:26,373 Is that Calais Campbell and the Honey Badger? 519 00:16:26,458 --> 00:16:27,791 I gotta go over and meet them. 520 00:16:27,826 --> 00:16:28,825 No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 521 00:16:28,877 --> 00:16:30,494 I'm great with celebrities. 522 00:16:30,546 --> 00:16:33,163 Ah. Good morrow, gentlemen. 523 00:16:33,215 --> 00:16:35,549 Uh, my name is Andre, hi. How are you? 524 00:16:35,634 --> 00:16:37,217 I'm Tyrann. Great to see you. Hi, how are you? 525 00:16:37,302 --> 00:16:38,418 What's going on, Andre? How you doing? Hey, man. 526 00:16:38,504 --> 00:16:39,585 It's pretty awesome, right? 527 00:16:39,588 --> 00:16:40,637 It is pretty awesome. 528 00:16:40,672 --> 00:16:41,872 Happy birthday. But it would be 529 00:16:41,890 --> 00:16:43,757 really awesome if you let me make the pick. 530 00:16:43,842 --> 00:16:45,642 No. That is not gonna happen. 531 00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:46,893 But I will give you this, 532 00:16:46,979 --> 00:16:48,011 so you can get some free drinks. 533 00:16:48,096 --> 00:16:49,012 Oh. 534 00:16:49,097 --> 00:16:50,764 Great. Thank you. 535 00:16:50,849 --> 00:16:53,016 Guys, I am such a huge fan. 536 00:16:53,068 --> 00:16:54,017 And my girlfriend? 537 00:16:54,102 --> 00:16:55,152 She's even a bigger fan. 538 00:16:55,187 --> 00:16:56,353 I was wondering if I could maybe get, 539 00:16:56,438 --> 00:16:57,354 like, a signed football or... Yeah. 540 00:16:57,439 --> 00:16:58,439 ...a picture or something? 541 00:16:58,524 --> 00:16:59,439 Oh, thank you so much. This is great. 542 00:16:59,525 --> 00:17:00,565 You know, um, my girlfriend 543 00:17:00,576 --> 00:17:02,325 actually calls me the Honey Badger. 544 00:17:02,361 --> 00:17:03,910 Why's she call you the Honey Badger? 545 00:17:03,996 --> 00:17:05,529 You know, 'cause I like to, uh, forage around... 546 00:17:05,614 --> 00:17:06,663 No, no, no, no. 547 00:17:06,698 --> 00:17:07,664 Forget I asked, forget I asked. 548 00:17:07,699 --> 00:17:08,865 Okay, yeah, sure, that was... 549 00:17:08,917 --> 00:17:10,283 Uh, girlfriend? What? 550 00:17:10,369 --> 00:17:12,169 What are you talking... Oh, I was joking. 551 00:17:12,204 --> 00:17:14,120 I was joking with my new, my new buds. 552 00:17:14,206 --> 00:17:15,872 This guy with a girlfriend... I wasn't buying it. 553 00:17:15,924 --> 00:17:17,624 Well, it's like, you could buy it, but it was a joke, yeah? 554 00:17:17,709 --> 00:17:19,259 Did sound like a lie. Yeah, I just... 555 00:17:19,344 --> 00:17:20,877 I was lying. That's it. 556 00:17:20,929 --> 00:17:22,462 You ain't got to lie to kick it, man. 557 00:17:22,548 --> 00:17:25,515 No, you don't have to cross out your autograph. Thank you. 558 00:17:25,551 --> 00:17:28,301 - By the way, who's gonna date you, dressing like that? - Good question-- 559 00:17:28,387 --> 00:17:30,147 we've been asking that for years. By the way, 560 00:17:30,189 --> 00:17:32,272 I like you guys a lot, and I just want to say, man, 561 00:17:32,357 --> 00:17:34,891 - big fan, real bullish on the Cards' "D" this season. - Right. 562 00:17:34,977 --> 00:17:36,977 I mean, when you got a player like a Tyrann Mathieu 563 00:17:36,979 --> 00:17:38,311 and a Calais Campbell... Hold on-- 564 00:17:38,397 --> 00:17:39,896 player "like" us? Come on, man, 565 00:17:39,982 --> 00:17:41,982 we hate that. There's no player like me. 566 00:17:42,067 --> 00:17:43,400 There's just me. Well, the ESPN always says that, 567 00:17:43,485 --> 00:17:45,318 I don't know. ESPN'll get you in trouble, man. 568 00:17:45,404 --> 00:17:46,820 Just say Honey Badger. 569 00:17:46,905 --> 00:17:48,455 That's what I would tell him, you know? 570 00:17:48,540 --> 00:17:50,040 Uh, you guys want to take a picture? Ooh, yeah, uh, 571 00:17:50,075 --> 00:17:51,408 actually, here-- use my phone. 572 00:17:51,493 --> 00:17:53,243 Oh, great, I guess, I guess I'm taking the picture. 573 00:17:53,295 --> 00:17:54,494 Get in here, Ruxin. 574 00:17:54,580 --> 00:17:55,829 You guys must love taking pictures. 575 00:17:55,914 --> 00:17:57,914 Oh, looks like somebody might have a girlfriend. 576 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:00,083 ANDRE: Wait... "I want a picture of the Honey Badger 577 00:18:00,135 --> 00:18:01,218 with my Honey Badger." No, no, I... 578 00:18:01,253 --> 00:18:03,637 "Have fun at the draft, lover. Meeg..." 579 00:18:03,722 --> 00:18:05,755 Meegan? 580 00:18:05,807 --> 00:18:07,090 I... Wait, your girlfriend 581 00:18:07,175 --> 00:18:08,558 is my ex-wife? 582 00:18:08,594 --> 00:18:10,677 I can explain. I'm sorry. Hey, Pete, 583 00:18:10,762 --> 00:18:13,480 a guy like an Andre is sleeping with your ex-wife? 584 00:18:13,565 --> 00:18:14,648 (chuckles) Oh, 585 00:18:14,733 --> 00:18:16,013 a Honey Badger don't give a shit! 586 00:18:16,018 --> 00:18:17,734 All right, quiet down, Honey Badger. 587 00:18:17,769 --> 00:18:19,352 That's why she gave me the conversation-ender. 588 00:18:19,438 --> 00:18:21,271 That's why! All I know is that 589 00:18:21,323 --> 00:18:23,106 she joined a fantasy league and she wanted some advice, right? 590 00:18:23,158 --> 00:18:24,441 So she gave me a call, 591 00:18:24,526 --> 00:18:26,359 just a normal call. And then, all of a sudden, 592 00:18:26,445 --> 00:18:27,494 that turned into a coffee 593 00:18:27,579 --> 00:18:29,112 and then into some lovemaking. 594 00:18:29,197 --> 00:18:30,247 Oh, disgusting. 595 00:18:30,282 --> 00:18:32,032 Coitus? Aah, more disgusting! 596 00:18:32,117 --> 00:18:33,450 Okay, look, I don't know what you want me to tell you. 597 00:18:33,535 --> 00:18:35,001 Why did she even come to you for advice? 598 00:18:35,087 --> 00:18:36,419 That's the worst part of this whole thing. 599 00:18:36,455 --> 00:18:38,121 Uh, well... 600 00:18:38,173 --> 00:18:39,789 I am the champ. 601 00:18:39,841 --> 00:18:40,957 Criminy. Ooh. That's my... key. 602 00:18:41,009 --> 00:18:42,759 I got to get my keys. 603 00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:44,628 Oh, that's it, you son of a bitch. I know you're mad... 604 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,129 Oh, I'm not mad, I'm just gonna kill you. 605 00:18:46,181 --> 00:18:47,681 ANNOUNCER: Washington has traded the pick. 606 00:18:47,766 --> 00:18:49,683 Seattle is on the clock. 607 00:18:49,768 --> 00:18:51,468 Oh, aah! Sorry, sorry. Andre! 608 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:52,886 Oh, shit. I'm gonna kill you. 609 00:18:52,971 --> 00:18:54,104 Whoa, whoa. I'm gonna kill you! 610 00:18:54,139 --> 00:18:56,389 Fidelio! Fidelio! 611 00:18:56,475 --> 00:18:59,643 Oh! You're dead, Andre, you're dead! 612 00:18:59,695 --> 00:19:02,312 I can't believe I am here... I am here, I'm doing this 613 00:19:02,397 --> 00:19:04,064 with you. I am with Jim McMahon 614 00:19:04,149 --> 00:19:05,148 at the dr... Just call me Jim. 615 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,533 Really? Okay, Jim. 616 00:19:06,618 --> 00:19:08,818 And I am not with any of my stupid friends. 617 00:19:08,904 --> 00:19:11,821 Hey, man, you okay? He's out. (phone rings) 618 00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:16,159 What do I... 619 00:19:17,329 --> 00:19:18,628 Hello? 620 00:19:18,664 --> 00:19:19,663 Fermy. Uh, 621 00:19:19,715 --> 00:19:20,675 this is Kevin MacArthur. 622 00:19:20,749 --> 00:19:21,998 Kevin... 623 00:19:22,050 --> 00:19:23,667 Do we have a Kevin? No Kevin. 624 00:19:23,719 --> 00:19:25,335 Hey, Kevin, 625 00:19:25,387 --> 00:19:26,803 this is John Schneider, I'm the general manager 626 00:19:26,838 --> 00:19:28,088 of the Seattle Seahawks. 627 00:19:28,173 --> 00:19:29,589 Look, we're gonna make a trade here, okay? 628 00:19:29,675 --> 00:19:31,675 Oh, a trade? Oh, I'm the man for the job, Mr. Schneider. 629 00:19:31,727 --> 00:19:33,677 Um, I'm the commissioner of my league, 630 00:19:33,762 --> 00:19:35,145 so this is like a dream come true for me. 631 00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:36,479 Quite the opposite for me, partner. 632 00:19:36,515 --> 00:19:37,681 Don't worry, I know my stuff. 633 00:19:37,766 --> 00:19:39,065 He doesn't. Who we picking? 634 00:19:39,151 --> 00:19:41,351 We're picking Tyler Lockett from Kansas State. 635 00:19:41,436 --> 00:19:42,686 Taylor Lockett, okay. Taylor Lockett. Taylor Lockett? 636 00:19:42,738 --> 00:19:44,270 No, what do you think, Taylor Lautner? 637 00:19:44,356 --> 00:19:45,438 What are you, Team Jacob? What? 638 00:19:45,524 --> 00:19:47,691 Tyler Lockett, Kansas State. 639 00:19:47,776 --> 00:19:50,026 Do you see trade cards? There's a trade card for 640 00:19:50,112 --> 00:19:51,861 Jacksonville, a trade card for Indy... 641 00:19:51,913 --> 00:19:53,196 Do you see one with Washington? 642 00:19:53,248 --> 00:19:54,414 Whoa... Uh, uh, I'm sorry, 643 00:19:54,499 --> 00:19:55,782 some of these cards have a little bit 644 00:19:55,867 --> 00:19:57,367 of ketchup on them. Are you eating right now? 645 00:19:57,419 --> 00:19:59,202 Yes. I get hungry when I'm nervous. 646 00:19:59,254 --> 00:20:00,787 It's actually my slider, Schneider. 647 00:20:00,872 --> 00:20:02,288 No, it's not, we picked it out together. 648 00:20:02,374 --> 00:20:04,874 Man, you fantasy guys. You all think you can run your own team 649 00:20:04,926 --> 00:20:07,344 and then it gets to nut-cuttin' time and you just fall apart. 650 00:20:07,379 --> 00:20:09,512 Every time I'm on the clock I just shit the bed. 651 00:20:09,548 --> 00:20:11,514 Last year in the first round I took Doug Martin. 652 00:20:11,550 --> 00:20:12,849 Yeah. And you know how that ended up. 653 00:20:12,884 --> 00:20:14,634 It was real message board fodder, Schneider. 654 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:15,769 Hey, Kevin, come on, the clock's ticking. 655 00:20:15,854 --> 00:20:17,134 I need you to fill that thing out 656 00:20:17,139 --> 00:20:19,439 and turn that card in, okay? Right, yes, okay, 657 00:20:19,524 --> 00:20:20,690 - um... - ANNOUNCER: One minute on the clock for Seattle. 658 00:20:20,726 --> 00:20:22,559 Schneids. Tyrannosaurus Rux here. 659 00:20:22,611 --> 00:20:24,110 Tyrannosaurus what? I just want you to know that I've got 660 00:20:24,196 --> 00:20:26,730 ESPN Insider up and running. 661 00:20:26,782 --> 00:20:29,399 Mel Kiper's hair is gonna tell us who to help you. 662 00:20:29,451 --> 00:20:30,731 We don't care about his hair. Go. 663 00:20:30,736 --> 00:20:32,235 Give me this. Okay, 664 00:20:32,287 --> 00:20:34,237 Mr. Schneider, I got the card. Uh, do I sign it? 665 00:20:34,289 --> 00:20:35,572 No, you don't sign it. 666 00:20:35,657 --> 00:20:36,873 Can I sign it? No. 667 00:20:36,908 --> 00:20:38,509 Can I take a selfie with it? No, just go. 668 00:20:38,543 --> 00:20:41,077 Kevin, come on. The clock's ticking. Kevin, go. 669 00:20:41,129 --> 00:20:42,412 Okay, okay, I'm going. Good-bye! ANNOUNCER: 15 seconds on the clock. 670 00:20:42,464 --> 00:20:44,497 Okay, I don't have time for this. 671 00:20:44,583 --> 00:20:46,132 Oh! 672 00:20:46,218 --> 00:20:47,801 Uh, I... Ooh, sorry. 673 00:20:47,886 --> 00:20:50,503 Here! 674 00:20:50,589 --> 00:20:51,671 Is the trade in? Trade's in. 675 00:20:51,757 --> 00:20:53,089 Card in? Card's in. 676 00:20:53,175 --> 00:20:56,226 (panting) I need a nap. 677 00:20:56,261 --> 00:20:58,178 So what's the story with the coffee scene 678 00:20:58,263 --> 00:20:59,512 in Seattle? Is it beat 679 00:20:59,598 --> 00:21:00,847 or is it still popping off? 680 00:21:01,983 --> 00:21:03,400 Slapdicks. 681 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:05,672 ANNOUNCER: Chicago has made their pick. 682 00:21:05,758 --> 00:21:08,058 Thank you. 683 00:21:08,093 --> 00:21:09,927 All right, Jenny, it's game time. 684 00:21:10,012 --> 00:21:12,513 You ready? I was born ready. 685 00:21:12,598 --> 00:21:14,598 Let's do this. Oh, my God. 686 00:21:14,683 --> 00:21:17,351 I got it in. Look, with Seattle, 687 00:21:17,436 --> 00:21:19,152 it's proof you got to run it in. Okay, all right, enough. 688 00:21:19,238 --> 00:21:20,854 Don't move. Stay here. 689 00:21:20,940 --> 00:21:22,606 Get away from me. What did I miss? 690 00:21:22,658 --> 00:21:24,525 Jets just picked, Chicago's on the clock. 691 00:21:24,610 --> 00:21:25,993 Jenny's about to announce the pick. 692 00:21:26,078 --> 00:21:27,744 Well, don't be so sure. 693 00:21:27,780 --> 00:21:30,080 I might have told Taco there's one more Sacko punishment. 694 00:21:30,115 --> 00:21:31,498 Hello, Chicago, 695 00:21:31,584 --> 00:21:33,450 it's great to be home. (whoops) 696 00:21:33,536 --> 00:21:36,203 And here to announce Chicago's next pick, 697 00:21:36,288 --> 00:21:39,172 please welcome Ms. Jenny MacArthur. (whoops) 698 00:21:39,258 --> 00:21:42,626 (whoops, exclaims) 699 00:21:42,678 --> 00:21:45,462 Hi, Ellie, hi, CB, Mommy loves you! 700 00:21:45,514 --> 00:21:49,266 Okay, the 71st pick of the 2015 701 00:21:49,301 --> 00:21:51,101 draft, the Chicago Bears Oh, wow. 702 00:21:51,136 --> 00:21:52,269 would like to select... Ha, ha, ha! 703 00:21:52,304 --> 00:21:53,804 No, Taco! I got it. 704 00:21:53,889 --> 00:21:55,806 My card, my punishment. Hey, give me that! 705 00:21:55,891 --> 00:21:57,808 Happy birthday, Kevin. Thank you. 706 00:21:57,893 --> 00:21:59,977 This is great... Don't touch me. 707 00:22:00,062 --> 00:22:01,612 Give me that...Give me that! Ow, ow! 708 00:22:01,647 --> 00:22:04,147 Hey, ain't those the people from earlier? 709 00:22:04,199 --> 00:22:05,449 Yeah, man, they got to be the dumbest people 710 00:22:05,484 --> 00:22:06,700 in all of Chicago, man. 711 00:22:06,785 --> 00:22:08,285 Give me... It's mine, it's mine! 712 00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:09,369 What the hell? 713 00:22:09,455 --> 00:22:11,154 This is the weirdest draft ever. 714 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:12,289 Give it to me. (laughs) 715 00:22:12,324 --> 00:22:13,624 That is my pick! Whoa! 716 00:22:13,659 --> 00:22:15,459 Oh! Whoa! Ooh! 717 00:22:15,494 --> 00:22:17,244 Yes, I got it! 718 00:22:17,329 --> 00:22:18,996 Jim, Jim, Jim! Oh... 719 00:22:19,081 --> 00:22:21,131 Oh... KEVIN: Easy, easy, easy... 720 00:22:21,166 --> 00:22:22,666 Oh! Okay, 721 00:22:22,718 --> 00:22:24,635 with the 71st pick, the Bears select 722 00:22:24,670 --> 00:22:28,088 the center from Oregon, Hroniss Grasu. 723 00:22:28,173 --> 00:22:29,306 (applause, cheering) (groans) 724 00:22:29,341 --> 00:22:31,675 Baby, baby, you okay? How did I do? 725 00:22:31,727 --> 00:22:33,844 You're out of here! Yay, whee! (whoops) 726 00:22:33,896 --> 00:22:37,180 You're in a lot of trouble. Ooh, another punishment? 727 00:22:37,266 --> 00:22:38,231 Is this the butt stuff? 728 00:22:38,317 --> 00:22:40,690 Oh, you guys must be so excited! 729 00:22:40,810 --> 00:22:51,386 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 730 00:22:51,436 --> 00:22:55,986 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 53091

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