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1
00:00:01,094 --> 00:00:03,345
Hi, I'm Andre Nowzick.
2
00:00:03,465 --> 00:00:05,150
I'm a successful
plastic surgeon.
3
00:00:05,152 --> 00:00:08,086
But I'm also a
single human person.
4
00:00:12,075 --> 00:00:14,633
Experience Andre.
5
00:00:14,635 --> 00:00:16,198
(grunts)
6
00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,067
I sweat like a man.
7
00:00:18,069 --> 00:00:19,560
And I smell like... Ow!
8
00:00:19,616 --> 00:00:21,623
(deep voice): I work
the street like a man.
9
00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:24,358
I order my steak
rare like a man.
10
00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,329
(chimp screeches)
11
00:00:29,001 --> 00:00:31,047
Taco?! What are you doing?
12
00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:33,308
TACO: Say, "I operate
on women like a man."
13
00:00:33,310 --> 00:00:34,377
I'm in surgery.
14
00:00:34,379 --> 00:00:36,350
Are those boobs? Gross!
15
00:00:36,352 --> 00:00:37,553
Are you eating in here?
16
00:00:37,555 --> 00:00:38,655
I'm just snacking. Chip?
17
00:00:38,657 --> 00:00:40,661
No. Get out of here!
18
00:00:40,781 --> 00:00:41,788
Experience Andre.
19
00:00:46,862 --> 00:00:51,211
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
20
00:00:51,331 --> 00:00:53,415
RUXIN: Anyway, after this
Sukkot fiasco, does not look
21
00:00:53,444 --> 00:00:56,097
like baby Jeffrey will be
attending a Jewish preschool.
22
00:00:56,217 --> 00:00:58,126
But I think I found
a better solution.
23
00:00:58,246 --> 00:01:00,013
I'm going to hire
some live-in help.
24
00:01:00,015 --> 00:01:00,681
KEVIN: Wait.
25
00:01:00,683 --> 00:01:03,151
You're not talking about...
Indeed, I am.
26
00:01:03,153 --> 00:01:06,221
I am getting an au pair.
27
00:01:06,223 --> 00:01:07,689
PETE: Oh, no.
28
00:01:07,691 --> 00:01:08,790
Oh, yeah.
29
00:01:08,792 --> 00:01:09,958
Son of a bitch.
30
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:11,828
I've always wanted an au pair.
31
00:01:11,830 --> 00:01:13,663
I want a kid so I can
have an au pair.
32
00:01:13,665 --> 00:01:15,865
Even the words au pair, they just, like...
Au pair!
33
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:17,566
Son of a...
don't make that face.
34
00:01:17,568 --> 00:01:18,967
Au pair!
35
00:01:18,969 --> 00:01:20,235
(grunts) Pair!
36
00:01:20,237 --> 00:01:23,806
Ooh, hey, ooh!
37
00:01:23,808 --> 00:01:29,044
Hello, champion of the dating video.
Whoo!
38
00:01:29,046 --> 00:01:31,012
All due to this guy right here, Mr.
Taco.
39
00:01:31,014 --> 00:01:31,880
I gotta ask.
40
00:01:31,882 --> 00:01:34,582
Have you just been getting a
bunch of numbers from dudes?
41
00:01:34,584 --> 00:01:37,117
Guys, online dating is a
perfectly acceptable way for
42
00:01:37,119 --> 00:01:41,722
those society has shunned to get together
and ideally colonize another planet.
43
00:01:41,724 --> 00:01:45,659
No, no, I'm not judging on the concept,
just mortified by the execution.
44
00:01:45,661 --> 00:01:48,763
Yeah, what's up with the images
of the animals having sex?
45
00:01:48,765 --> 00:01:50,665
Is that...
Those were subliminal messages.
46
00:01:50,667 --> 00:01:53,134
Taco, they can't be subliminal
if they're on for 20 seconds.
47
00:01:53,136 --> 00:01:53,968
That's just obvious.
48
00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:57,938
No, obvious would be human beings having
sex, and Andre made me take those
49
00:01:57,940 --> 00:01:58,705
images out.
50
00:01:58,707 --> 00:02:01,875
My video went viral, and the women
have been coming in in droves.
51
00:02:01,877 --> 00:02:02,642
Really?
52
00:02:02,644 --> 00:02:06,813
Look what the cat dragged in...
if the cat was into dragging in chicks.
53
00:02:06,815 --> 00:02:09,683
If we're looking at photos, I got
some photos of, au pair applicants.
54
00:02:09,685 --> 00:02:10,117
All right.
55
00:02:10,119 --> 00:02:12,218
Let's do a little...
Let's do a little photo-off here.
56
00:02:12,220 --> 00:02:13,086
Let's see what we got.
57
00:02:13,088 --> 00:02:13,953
See what we got.
58
00:02:13,955 --> 00:02:15,821
All right, well, let's
get rid of any man.
59
00:02:15,823 --> 00:02:16,822
That is not the point.
60
00:02:16,824 --> 00:02:17,556
Let me see.
61
00:02:17,558 --> 00:02:20,793
We need someone who can cook, must be
good with kids, must know how to read.
62
00:02:20,795 --> 00:02:23,863
Actually, I have the same requirements,
but, uh, I don't care that much about
63
00:02:23,865 --> 00:02:24,197
the reading.
64
00:02:24,199 --> 00:02:25,365
Okay, this is the one.
65
00:02:25,367 --> 00:02:26,767
Ashley R. This is my girl.
66
00:02:26,769 --> 00:02:28,168
This is... Oh, my God.
She's adorable.
67
00:02:28,170 --> 00:02:31,238
I'm going to go on the record and say
that I think this is a bad idea.
68
00:02:31,240 --> 00:02:32,807
You're inviting trouble
into your house.
69
00:02:32,809 --> 00:02:33,241
Temptation.
70
00:02:33,243 --> 00:02:34,943
I'm not gonna try
to sleep with her.
71
00:02:34,945 --> 00:02:35,877
Have you seen my wife?
72
00:02:35,879 --> 00:02:36,711
She's crazy hot.
73
00:02:36,713 --> 00:02:37,379
Yeah, super hot.
74
00:02:37,381 --> 00:02:40,383
Yeah, I need Jeffrey to get used to
hanging out with super hot women.
75
00:02:40,385 --> 00:02:44,053
I don't want my kid going to the park and
getting his dong cleaned by some uggo
76
00:02:44,055 --> 00:02:45,088
with a 'stache.
77
00:02:45,090 --> 00:02:46,156
She's in high school.
78
00:02:46,158 --> 00:02:47,725
Your au pair needs an au pair.
79
00:02:47,727 --> 00:02:49,159
Oh, double au pair.
80
00:02:49,161 --> 00:02:50,761
Double au pair!
81
00:02:50,763 --> 00:02:52,263
Ooh, ooh!
82
00:02:52,265 --> 00:02:53,397
What are we doing?
83
00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:55,400
I don't know how this
thing's gonna play out.
84
00:02:55,402 --> 00:02:57,602
She's gonna be in the house
24/7, always around.
85
00:02:57,604 --> 00:02:59,637
JENNY: Ruxin is
going to hate that.
86
00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:00,071
I know.
87
00:03:00,073 --> 00:03:01,239
I feel bad for the girl.
88
00:03:01,241 --> 00:03:02,107
She cute?
89
00:03:02,109 --> 00:03:03,742
What? No.
90
00:03:03,744 --> 00:03:05,143
Wow. She must be really hot.
91
00:03:05,145 --> 00:03:06,645
Why, why would you say that?
92
00:03:06,647 --> 00:03:09,014
Because you said, "What? No."
93
00:03:09,016 --> 00:03:09,581
What?
94
00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:11,350
You say that every time you lie.
95
00:03:11,352 --> 00:03:14,053
What? No. No, I don't.
96
00:03:14,055 --> 00:03:17,958
Please. The night you proposed, I said,
"What's the bulge in your pocket?"
97
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:21,094
And you said, "What?
I've got testicular cancer."
98
00:03:21,096 --> 00:03:22,662
I was trying to be romantic.
99
00:03:22,664 --> 00:03:23,863
Super romantic.
100
00:03:23,865 --> 00:03:26,833
Um, I need a little help from
you with my lineup, whether I
101
00:03:26,835 --> 00:03:28,201
should play Ochocinco...
No, I can't, babe.
102
00:03:28,203 --> 00:03:28,734
Why?
103
00:03:28,736 --> 00:03:29,902
I have to get back to work.
104
00:03:29,904 --> 00:03:32,371
Sorry.
But really quick though..
105
00:03:32,373 --> 00:03:32,938
Yes?
106
00:03:32,940 --> 00:03:35,240
My laptop is moving super slow.
107
00:03:35,242 --> 00:03:37,376
Have you been looking
at porn on my computer?
108
00:03:37,378 --> 00:03:39,678
What? No. Ooh.
109
00:03:39,680 --> 00:03:42,181
Right. Thank you.
110
00:03:42,183 --> 00:03:44,116
You know what? Ask me again.
111
00:03:44,118 --> 00:03:46,786
Give me, give me the question
one more time. Come on.
112
00:03:46,788 --> 00:03:49,255
Kevin, have you been looking
at porn on my computer?
113
00:03:49,257 --> 00:03:52,709
What? Oh, wow, wow.
114
00:03:52,829 --> 00:03:53,731
See?
115
00:03:56,283 --> 00:03:57,684
ALL: Hi!
116
00:03:57,804 --> 00:03:58,348
What are you doing here?
117
00:03:58,468 --> 00:04:00,191
Oh, I was just checking out
houses in the neighborhood.
118
00:04:00,313 --> 00:04:01,862
There's nothing around
here you can afford.
119
00:04:01,864 --> 00:04:02,896
I thought we had plans.
120
00:04:02,898 --> 00:04:04,464
I never make plans
with you, Andre.
121
00:04:04,466 --> 00:04:06,666
Just lending you that bike
pump you were asking for.
122
00:04:06,668 --> 00:04:08,969
Oh, the one with my name on it
that's in my garage normally?
123
00:04:08,971 --> 00:04:10,870
I'm just here to check
out the au pair.
124
00:04:10,872 --> 00:04:12,271
I appreciate your
transparency, Taco.
125
00:04:12,273 --> 00:04:14,040
I also need to use your urinal.
126
00:04:14,042 --> 00:04:16,075
We don't have a urinal, just
a shower that you pee in.
127
00:04:16,077 --> 00:04:16,475
What?
128
00:04:16,477 --> 00:04:19,711
Look, you guys can all hang out here
and watch the games, but that is it.
129
00:04:19,713 --> 00:04:21,246
Do not blow this for me, okay?
130
00:04:21,248 --> 00:04:22,080
Okay.
131
00:04:22,082 --> 00:04:23,247
Fine.
132
00:04:23,249 --> 00:04:27,018
ASHLEY: Come on, do you want to
play the fishing game with me?
133
00:04:27,020 --> 00:04:28,186
Cool. Got this one?
134
00:04:28,188 --> 00:04:29,487
You don't want to play?
135
00:04:29,489 --> 00:04:30,822
Sorry. Am I distracting you?
136
00:04:30,824 --> 00:04:31,990
ALL: No, no.
137
00:04:31,992 --> 00:04:33,158
I don't mean to.
138
00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,493
Football's just
like white noise.
139
00:04:35,495 --> 00:04:37,329
You want to watch, like,
MTV or something?
140
00:04:37,331 --> 00:04:38,196
Oh, that'd be cool.
141
00:04:38,198 --> 00:04:38,797
Mommy?
142
00:04:38,799 --> 00:04:39,798
16 and Pregnant marathon.
143
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,100
Oh, my gosh, I love
16 and Pregnant!
144
00:04:42,102 --> 00:04:43,335
My friend was on
that last week.
145
00:04:43,337 --> 00:04:44,303
It was really cool.
146
00:04:44,305 --> 00:04:46,506
This guac is delicious,
by the way.
147
00:04:46,508 --> 00:04:48,040
Oh, my gosh, thank you.
148
00:04:48,042 --> 00:04:49,509
Thank you.
I never made it before.
149
00:04:49,511 --> 00:04:52,111
And so I just threw in, like,
some asparagus, and I hope
150
00:04:52,113 --> 00:04:52,946
you don't mind.
151
00:04:52,948 --> 00:04:53,714
That's unique.
152
00:04:53,716 --> 00:04:54,247
It's delicious.
153
00:04:54,249 --> 00:04:54,882
(baby fussing)
154
00:04:54,884 --> 00:04:56,817
I think he's, I think
he's actually happy.
155
00:04:56,819 --> 00:04:57,951
Yeah, don't, don't shake him.
156
00:04:57,953 --> 00:04:59,453
(laughs)
157
00:04:59,455 --> 00:05:00,454
SOFIA: Okay, let's go.
158
00:05:00,456 --> 00:05:00,988
Sleepy time.
159
00:05:00,990 --> 00:05:01,955
Yes, It's time to go.
160
00:05:01,957 --> 00:05:03,991
Why don't you take him? Yeah.
161
00:05:03,993 --> 00:05:04,758
Okay, okay.
162
00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:05,058
No!
163
00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:05,926
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
164
00:05:05,928 --> 00:05:07,261
We were having fun!
165
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:09,263
You can put him down, Sofia.
166
00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:12,000
Gotta say, guys, good
vibes on the au pair.
167
00:05:12,002 --> 00:05:13,968
Got an A-plus in the
au pair department.
168
00:05:13,970 --> 00:05:14,469
Thanks, guys.
169
00:05:14,471 --> 00:05:15,770
And she's pretty.
170
00:05:15,772 --> 00:05:16,471
Pretty?
171
00:05:16,473 --> 00:05:18,774
I think the word you're
looking for is "plain."
172
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:20,943
You know, because she has those
big, fat meat earlobes.
173
00:05:20,945 --> 00:05:21,910
Yeah, yeah, the meat lobes.
174
00:05:21,912 --> 00:05:22,478
Yeah, meat lobes.
175
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:23,245
Really pointy elbows.
176
00:05:23,247 --> 00:05:25,547
Bet you if you checked her out,
you'd find out she's got
177
00:05:25,549 --> 00:05:26,882
a big old retrograde
uterus in there.
178
00:05:26,884 --> 00:05:28,750
You know, my sister has
a retrograde uterus.
179
00:05:28,752 --> 00:05:31,986
I didn't mean...
That's why you can't get a girl.
180
00:05:31,988 --> 00:05:34,221
And then you wonder why
you're dating online.
181
00:05:34,223 --> 00:05:36,123
That's a choice, Sofia.
182
00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,191
Really? Retrograde uterus?
183
00:05:38,193 --> 00:05:39,359
What do you want me to say?
184
00:05:39,361 --> 00:05:41,727
Just something between
earlobes and uterus.
185
00:05:41,729 --> 00:05:42,261
You took it all!
186
00:05:42,263 --> 00:05:44,331
You leave me out there
like an island.
187
00:05:44,333 --> 00:05:46,866
The only thing I could say was
uterus after elbows over here.
188
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:49,069
Look, I know what you guys
are trying to pull here.
189
00:05:49,071 --> 00:05:51,004
I think you're laying on
the charm a little thick.
190
00:05:51,006 --> 00:05:51,305
No!
191
00:05:51,307 --> 00:05:52,239
I thought it was subtle.
192
00:05:52,241 --> 00:05:54,342
We're trying to, you know,
help you out a little bit.
193
00:05:54,344 --> 00:05:55,176
Oh, yeah, yeah.
194
00:05:55,178 --> 00:05:56,311
Let me make this very clear.
195
00:05:56,313 --> 00:05:59,047
Ashley's here to touch baby
Jeffrey's dinger, none of yours.
196
00:05:59,049 --> 00:06:00,215
I'm looking at you, Taco.
197
00:06:00,217 --> 00:06:02,251
I already have two au pairs
touching my dinger.
198
00:06:02,253 --> 00:06:03,886
I don't need a third.
199
00:06:03,888 --> 00:06:04,753
You know what?
200
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:07,723
As a favor to you, Ruxin, I
am going to power down--
201
00:06:07,725 --> 00:06:08,457
boof-- the charm machine.
202
00:06:08,459 --> 00:06:10,725
Was that the charm machine
that you just shut down?
203
00:06:10,727 --> 00:06:11,059
Yeah.
204
00:06:11,061 --> 00:06:12,894
Why does it have a crank on it?
205
00:06:12,896 --> 00:06:14,829
'Cause, uh, you know,
it's old school.
206
00:06:14,831 --> 00:06:15,863
Is it steam powered?
207
00:06:15,865 --> 00:06:16,664
It's hydraulics.
208
00:06:16,666 --> 00:06:18,465
By the way, guys, don't
touch the guacamole.
209
00:06:18,467 --> 00:06:19,299
Is it gross?
210
00:06:19,301 --> 00:06:20,334
It's nasty.
211
00:06:20,336 --> 00:06:21,334
Oh, it looks disgusting.
212
00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:22,736
Oh, shut up. Shut up.
213
00:06:22,738 --> 00:06:23,470
Here we go.
214
00:06:23,472 --> 00:06:24,905
San Diego's about to score.
215
00:06:24,907 --> 00:06:27,474
My boy, Matthews, give
me those points.
216
00:06:27,476 --> 00:06:29,877
Uh, your boy, Matthews is
sitting on the bench.
217
00:06:29,879 --> 00:06:32,213
Norv Turner just took
him out of the game.
218
00:06:32,215 --> 00:06:33,481
My boy Tolbert coming out.
219
00:06:33,483 --> 00:06:34,482
There we go!
220
00:06:34,484 --> 00:06:36,284
And just fall into the goal.
221
00:06:36,286 --> 00:06:36,985
Yes!
222
00:06:36,987 --> 00:06:38,486
Oh, come on!
223
00:06:38,488 --> 00:06:40,155
That's his third
touchdown of the day.
224
00:06:40,157 --> 00:06:41,156
Three yards? Are you kidding?
225
00:06:41,158 --> 00:06:43,759
The guy is vulturing
all my points.
226
00:06:43,761 --> 00:06:45,494
Vulturing's the way to go, man.
227
00:06:45,496 --> 00:06:46,729
Minimum effort,
maximum results.
228
00:06:46,731 --> 00:06:47,896
(squeals like a vulture)
229
00:06:47,898 --> 00:06:49,164
Yeah, exactly.
230
00:06:49,166 --> 00:06:51,366
Ryan Matthews is
getting the job done.
231
00:06:51,368 --> 00:06:53,502
And that guy gets
all the glory.
232
00:06:53,504 --> 00:06:54,035
Not fair.
233
00:06:54,037 --> 00:06:56,238
Oh, you want to talk about fair, Mr.
Eight-way trade?
234
00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:57,105
Oh, don't bring this up.
235
00:06:57,107 --> 00:06:58,106
Payback's a bitch, huh?
236
00:06:58,108 --> 00:07:00,442
You know what's fair is Jenny not
being on your team anymore.
237
00:07:00,444 --> 00:07:02,310
Where... why all of a sudden
you're coming at me?
238
00:07:02,312 --> 00:07:03,244
'Cause you suck.
239
00:07:03,246 --> 00:07:05,980
She is not on my team...
You're not even...
240
00:07:05,982 --> 00:07:09,450
(everyone talking at same time)
241
00:07:09,452 --> 00:07:12,053
Watch this, watch this! Oh!
242
00:07:12,055 --> 00:07:14,155
Hey, guys.
243
00:07:14,157 --> 00:07:15,323
And congratulations. Hey.
244
00:07:15,325 --> 00:07:18,059
Even if you don't win this week,
you're a great guy, and
245
00:07:18,061 --> 00:07:19,828
you're going to have a
great week next week.
246
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:21,730
Friendship is the most
important thing that's ever
247
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:22,264
happened to me.
248
00:07:22,266 --> 00:07:24,199
I love hats with words on them.
249
00:07:24,201 --> 00:07:25,033
Aw, thanks, pal.
250
00:07:25,035 --> 00:07:27,069
I just wanted to make
sure you guys were okay.
251
00:07:27,071 --> 00:07:28,070
You... you don't need anything.
252
00:07:28,072 --> 00:07:29,071
You know what?
253
00:07:29,073 --> 00:07:31,140
More guacamole or...
The guacamole has been incredible.
254
00:07:31,142 --> 00:07:31,941
We would love some more.
255
00:07:31,943 --> 00:07:33,910
It did not make my
stomach sick at all.
256
00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:36,179
That's a first for me, so great.
I'm...I'm learning.
257
00:07:36,181 --> 00:07:37,080
Okay. I'll be right back.
258
00:07:37,082 --> 00:07:38,248
All right.
259
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:38,949
Great. Bye.
260
00:07:38,951 --> 00:07:40,284
Bye, Ash.
261
00:07:40,286 --> 00:07:41,485
What was that?
262
00:07:41,487 --> 00:07:43,320
Andre, I thought you were
turning off the charm machine.
263
00:07:43,322 --> 00:07:44,488
I know.
264
00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:47,090
It went on accidentally.
265
00:07:47,092 --> 00:07:48,292
Okay. Great. Guys?
266
00:07:48,294 --> 00:07:49,192
You're good?
267
00:07:49,194 --> 00:07:49,760
Yeah.
268
00:07:49,762 --> 00:07:50,494
Just go grab a drink.
269
00:07:50,496 --> 00:07:51,128
Do you need money?
270
00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:51,762
Yeah. Yeah.
271
00:07:51,764 --> 00:07:53,496
No. We don't need...
No, we don't need money.
272
00:07:53,498 --> 00:07:55,064
All right, just don't go crazy.
273
00:07:55,066 --> 00:07:55,764
Have fun.
274
00:07:55,766 --> 00:07:56,331
Not long.
275
00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:57,032
I have money.
276
00:07:57,034 --> 00:07:58,700
Okay.
Want to go to the strip club?
277
00:07:58,702 --> 00:08:01,302
No. I'm not going...
It is nice to catch up, brother.
278
00:08:01,304 --> 00:08:02,871
This is not catching up, Taco.
279
00:08:02,873 --> 00:08:05,207
Catching up is when two parties
have actually done something.
280
00:08:05,209 --> 00:08:06,107
Yeah, that's true.
281
00:08:06,109 --> 00:08:06,875
You don't do much.
282
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,810
You guys still doing
missionary Wednesdays?
283
00:08:08,812 --> 00:08:11,079
Oh, I can't believe
I told you that.
284
00:08:11,081 --> 00:08:13,849
Whoa. Look at the twins.
285
00:08:13,851 --> 00:08:15,685
They're not twins, Taco.
286
00:08:15,687 --> 00:08:16,653
Do they even look like sisters?
287
00:08:16,655 --> 00:08:17,721
What's wrong with you?
288
00:08:17,723 --> 00:08:18,922
Excuse me?
289
00:08:18,924 --> 00:08:20,190
Whoa.
290
00:08:20,192 --> 00:08:21,459
Taco, that's Matthew Berry.
291
00:08:21,461 --> 00:08:22,293
Mr. Sunshine?
292
00:08:22,295 --> 00:08:25,096
Matthew Berry, you dummy.
293
00:08:25,098 --> 00:08:27,464
Matthew Berry,
the Talented Mr. Roto.
294
00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:28,966
Matt Damon's here?
295
00:08:28,968 --> 00:08:33,304
Taco, Matthew Berry, the ESPN
Fantasy Football expert.
296
00:08:33,306 --> 00:08:35,806
I send you his podcast every week.
Don't you listen to it?
297
00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,074
I don't listen to you.
298
00:08:37,076 --> 00:08:38,976
I need to win this year.
299
00:08:38,978 --> 00:08:40,778
That guy right there, he's
going to help me win.
300
00:08:40,780 --> 00:08:43,947
Matthew Berry is the prettiest
girl in this bar, and
301
00:08:43,949 --> 00:08:46,082
I'm going to go hit on him.
302
00:08:46,084 --> 00:08:46,883
Hello?
303
00:08:46,885 --> 00:08:48,051
No, no, no, no, no.
304
00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:49,485
You've been married for a while.
305
00:08:49,487 --> 00:08:50,820
You don't know how to do this.
306
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,221
Dude, you stay here,
play it cool.
307
00:08:52,223 --> 00:08:52,988
Okay.
308
00:08:52,990 --> 00:08:55,390
When he goes to the bathroom,
follow him in there,
309
00:08:55,392 --> 00:08:56,491
I'll offer him some weed.
310
00:08:56,493 --> 00:08:59,827
What are you... Gah, oh... What...
now... Can I get a beer?
311
00:08:59,829 --> 00:09:01,896
Compliments of the
gentleman over there.
312
00:09:01,898 --> 00:09:02,630
Oh, thanks.
313
00:09:02,632 --> 00:09:04,231
Hello, you.
314
00:09:04,233 --> 00:09:05,766
(laughing) Thank you.
315
00:09:05,768 --> 00:09:06,267
I'm Matthew.
316
00:09:06,269 --> 00:09:07,268
Hey, Matthew, big fan.
317
00:09:07,270 --> 00:09:08,268
I'm, uh, Kevin.
318
00:09:08,270 --> 00:09:09,270
Nice to meet you, Kevin.
319
00:09:09,272 --> 00:09:10,171
Appreciate this.
320
00:09:10,173 --> 00:09:11,438
Yeah. Oh, no problem at all.
321
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,306
My pleasure.
322
00:09:12,308 --> 00:09:14,508
I'm sure you get a lot of people
coming up to you all the
323
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,777
time: "Oh, my fantasy guy does this.
" "I don't know what to do
324
00:09:16,779 --> 00:09:17,444
with that."
325
00:09:17,446 --> 00:09:19,880
Every once in a while...
That's not me. That's not my
326
00:09:19,882 --> 00:09:20,447
game, all right?
327
00:09:20,449 --> 00:09:22,516
If I was that guy, I'd be, like,
"Oh, is LaGarrett Blount
328
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:23,784
a flash in the pan?
329
00:09:23,786 --> 00:09:25,085
Or is he...
or, you know, the real deal?"
330
00:09:25,087 --> 00:09:26,086
Actually, I don't think so.
331
00:09:26,088 --> 00:09:27,455
I... I have a good
Blount stat for ya.
332
00:09:27,457 --> 00:09:29,156
Ah, don d even...
you don't even have to bother.
333
00:09:29,158 --> 00:09:30,658
I know you get it all
the time, you know.
334
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:31,159
No worries.
335
00:09:31,161 --> 00:09:31,860
I appreciate that.
336
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:32,861
I didn't mean to cut you off.
337
00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,997
You said something about LaGarrett Blount.
I... I... I
338
00:09:34,999 --> 00:09:36,098
interrupted you.
339
00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,467
What do I do if my defense
is playing my quarterback?
340
00:09:38,469 --> 00:09:40,937
I mean, how do I handle
a situation like that?
341
00:09:40,939 --> 00:09:43,173
Is Kevin Kalb a top-ten quarterback in...
in... Well, actually...
342
00:09:43,175 --> 00:09:44,907
Because I'm thinking about...
Gentlemen. Hi.
343
00:09:44,909 --> 00:09:46,042
No touching. Creeps him out.
344
00:09:46,044 --> 00:09:46,809
Great.
345
00:09:46,811 --> 00:09:47,310
Hi.
346
00:09:47,312 --> 00:09:48,210
Taco, Matthew Berry.
347
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:49,478
Taco, I'm Matthew.
348
00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:51,480
So you get paid to give
fantasy football advice?
349
00:09:51,482 --> 00:09:52,147
Oh, my God.
350
00:09:52,149 --> 00:09:52,881
I do, actually.
351
00:09:52,883 --> 00:09:53,482
I'm very lucky.
352
00:09:53,484 --> 00:09:54,115
You know what?
353
00:09:54,117 --> 00:09:54,949
I should do that, too.
354
00:09:54,951 --> 00:09:55,917
No you shouldn't.
355
00:09:55,919 --> 00:09:56,985
I won my league in 2006.
356
00:09:56,987 --> 00:09:58,252
Nice. Congrats.
357
00:09:58,254 --> 00:09:59,887
When was your last title?
358
00:09:59,889 --> 00:10:04,124
I, uh, what... what... Uh, it was...
it was the year...
359
00:10:04,126 --> 00:10:05,258
No, no, he never won.
360
00:10:05,260 --> 00:10:07,694
I don't know why you
didn't remember that.
361
00:10:07,696 --> 00:10:09,229
I'm sorry. I come close
so many years in a row.
362
00:10:09,231 --> 00:10:11,165
No, no. He never even made it to the finals.
I don't know.
363
00:10:11,167 --> 00:10:13,802
All right. Why don't you...
You okay?
364
00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:14,836
That's, uh, that's tough.
365
00:10:14,838 --> 00:10:16,238
You have no idea what I
go through, Matthew.
366
00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:17,039
They make fun of me.
367
00:10:17,041 --> 00:10:19,975
They say hurtful things about
me and my manhood and...
368
00:10:19,977 --> 00:10:22,244
Oh, yeah, and the worst
stuff behind his back.
369
00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,380
All right. I... I... I...
I think I get it.
370
00:10:24,382 --> 00:10:25,514
Listen, I'm here to help.
371
00:10:25,516 --> 00:10:27,716
This is what I do for a living.
372
00:10:27,718 --> 00:10:29,518
So over the season, just
give me a call or an email.
373
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:31,286
Just shoot it real quick, and, uh...
374
00:10:31,288 --> 00:10:32,153
No, no, no. He's fine.
375
00:10:32,155 --> 00:10:33,021
You put your hand down.
376
00:10:33,023 --> 00:10:33,755
Ow.
377
00:10:33,757 --> 00:10:35,357
Uh, listen, I didn't
want to insult you.
378
00:10:35,359 --> 00:10:36,058
Yeah, no.
379
00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:38,226
Uh, yeah, I'll just...
I'll hang onto this, see if...
380
00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:39,995
I don't know if I'll even
ever really need it.
381
00:10:39,997 --> 00:10:41,863
All right. But, uh, Kevin...
Hey.
382
00:10:41,865 --> 00:10:42,530
...thanks for the beer.
383
00:10:42,532 --> 00:10:43,765
All right.
384
00:10:43,767 --> 00:10:44,399
Taco, nice meeting you.
385
00:10:44,401 --> 00:10:45,233
Yeah.
386
00:10:45,235 --> 00:10:45,933
See you guys.
387
00:10:45,935 --> 00:10:46,801
See you later, Matthew.
388
00:10:46,803 --> 00:10:47,368
Take care.
389
00:10:47,370 --> 00:10:48,403
Be good, buddy.
390
00:10:48,405 --> 00:10:50,872
I know a fake business
card when I see one.
391
00:10:50,874 --> 00:10:51,806
Hey guys.
392
00:10:51,808 --> 00:10:52,540
Hey.
393
00:10:52,542 --> 00:10:54,810
Did you guys have fun down here?
394
00:10:54,812 --> 00:10:57,713
Uh, you know, it's just...so boring...
...boring.
395
00:10:57,715 --> 00:10:58,481
...upstairs.
396
00:10:58,483 --> 00:11:00,350
Look, we've got another hour
and a half on the babysitter.
397
00:11:00,352 --> 00:11:01,351
Want to go?
398
00:11:01,353 --> 00:11:02,219
Yeah. Sure. Follow you.
399
00:11:02,221 --> 00:11:04,888
Oh, well, we met, uh...
Uh, silence, silence.
400
00:11:04,890 --> 00:11:06,823
♪ Ruxin's home alone!
401
00:11:06,825 --> 00:11:08,825
Ready to rock!
402
00:11:08,827 --> 00:11:11,027
Crackers on the table!
403
00:11:11,029 --> 00:11:13,095
♪ Some jelly, too!
404
00:11:13,097 --> 00:11:14,263
Jellies and crackers!
405
00:11:14,265 --> 00:11:16,799
What you gonna do
with that ♪ cracker?
406
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,967
Mm-mm! Mm-mm!
407
00:11:18,969 --> 00:11:22,170
Uhh...
♪ Sweet, salty, crunchy, too.
408
00:11:22,172 --> 00:11:23,738
Sweet and salty, crunchy, too.
409
00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:25,339
Sweet and salty... ♪
410
00:11:25,341 --> 00:11:26,374
Mr. Ruxin?
411
00:11:26,376 --> 00:11:27,174
Yeah?
412
00:11:27,176 --> 00:11:30,044
Hello?
413
00:11:30,046 --> 00:11:31,245
Yeah.
414
00:11:31,247 --> 00:11:35,516
Mr. Ruxin, are you home?
415
00:11:35,518 --> 00:11:36,884
Oh, hey.
416
00:11:36,886 --> 00:11:38,152
Oh, hello, Ashley.
417
00:11:38,154 --> 00:11:39,520
I didn't know you were home.
418
00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:42,590
Just having a martini after a
long day of defending the
419
00:11:42,592 --> 00:11:44,192
innocent, but don't you worry.
420
00:11:44,194 --> 00:11:45,994
I always drink responsibly.
421
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:48,997
Uh-huh, so I had a great
day with baby Jeffrey.
422
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:50,164
We went to the park.
423
00:11:50,166 --> 00:11:52,334
He got some chocolate pudding on his face.
He's asleep now.
424
00:11:52,336 --> 00:11:53,335
Normal bowel movement.
425
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:53,902
Uh-huh.
426
00:11:53,904 --> 00:11:55,804
I'm just going to make a
peanut butter and jelly.
427
00:11:55,806 --> 00:11:57,907
We're out of jelly.
428
00:11:57,909 --> 00:12:01,478
So that girl contacted you
with romantic interest?
429
00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:02,145
This is crazy.
430
00:12:02,147 --> 00:12:03,813
I mean, these girls are
legitimately cute.
431
00:12:03,815 --> 00:12:05,481
Vanessa... she is hot.
432
00:12:05,483 --> 00:12:06,782
This is like au pair quality.
433
00:12:06,784 --> 00:12:07,917
I know.
434
00:12:07,919 --> 00:12:08,817
I gotta step up my game.
435
00:12:08,819 --> 00:12:11,120
I've got the perfect first
date restaurant, the perfect
436
00:12:11,122 --> 00:12:13,822
first date outfit and the
perfect first date activity.
437
00:12:13,824 --> 00:12:15,156
Which is?
438
00:12:15,158 --> 00:12:16,924
Rock climbing.
439
00:12:16,926 --> 00:12:19,727
Wow. That's a...
that's a bold choice.
440
00:12:19,729 --> 00:12:22,495
Tell me a girl who's not a fan
ofMission Impossible 2.
441
00:12:22,497 --> 00:12:24,063
And you look just
like Tom Cruise.
442
00:12:24,065 --> 00:12:26,733
Well, up there with the lack of oxygen,
everyone looks like Tom Cruise.
443
00:12:26,735 --> 00:12:29,102
Best part is you get her up there,
you look all studly with
444
00:12:29,104 --> 00:12:30,803
the gear, which I researched
on Google, all right?
445
00:12:30,805 --> 00:12:32,171
And there's like a 65 %
446
00:12:32,173 --> 00:12:34,307
chance that she'll hurt herself
while she's up there, and I
447
00:12:34,309 --> 00:12:35,141
gotta save her.
448
00:12:35,143 --> 00:12:37,510
But who would save her from you?
449
00:12:37,512 --> 00:12:38,111
Uh, the rope.
450
00:12:38,113 --> 00:12:39,278
Hey, hey.
451
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,346
Check it out.
452
00:12:40,348 --> 00:12:41,147
What?
453
00:12:41,149 --> 00:12:41,914
Look at this.
454
00:12:41,916 --> 00:12:43,015
Hold it still. I can't see.
455
00:12:43,017 --> 00:12:44,517
Look at this. Boom.
456
00:12:44,519 --> 00:12:45,718
Matthew... Matthew Berry?
457
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:46,786
Boom.
458
00:12:46,788 --> 00:12:48,187
Check this out.
459
00:12:48,189 --> 00:12:50,356
Vanessa E...
Andre, nobody cares about
460
00:12:50,358 --> 00:12:52,525
some cat-hoarding loner
you're dealing with.
461
00:12:52,527 --> 00:12:53,793
This is the ultimate hookup.
462
00:12:53,795 --> 00:12:54,961
Tell me everything.
463
00:12:54,963 --> 00:12:55,528
What happened?
464
00:12:55,530 --> 00:12:56,395
I am at a hotel bar.
465
00:12:56,397 --> 00:12:57,063
I see Matthew Berry.
466
00:12:57,065 --> 00:12:58,030
So I get my nerve up.
467
00:12:58,032 --> 00:12:59,098
Did you neg him?
468
00:12:59,100 --> 00:13:00,066
Did I neg him?
469
00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:01,033
It's disrespectful.
470
00:13:01,035 --> 00:13:03,202
No! I made eye contact with him,
I didn't inundate him with
471
00:13:03,204 --> 00:13:05,071
football, I talked about
some other things.
472
00:13:05,073 --> 00:13:07,307
If this was a first date, it would
be the greatest first date
473
00:13:07,309 --> 00:13:07,941
of all time.
474
00:13:07,943 --> 00:13:09,475
Oh, you took him rock climbing?
475
00:13:09,477 --> 00:13:11,778
Why the hell would I
take him rock climbing?
476
00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:13,680
What happened when
Jenny found out?
477
00:13:13,682 --> 00:13:15,049
She must have freaked out.
478
00:13:15,051 --> 00:13:20,255
She... Oh... When she's... she...
Oh, I see what's going on here.
479
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:21,489
You are cheating
on Jenny, Kevin.
480
00:13:21,491 --> 00:13:23,791
No, I'm not cheating on Jenny.
481
00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:24,725
You didn't tell her.
482
00:13:24,727 --> 00:13:26,327
You're cheating on your
wife with Matthew Berry.
483
00:13:26,329 --> 00:13:27,695
No, no. There's no cheating.
484
00:13:27,697 --> 00:13:29,197
I just got a phone
number, and that's all.
485
00:13:29,199 --> 00:13:30,098
Nothing's gonna happen.
486
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,266
Kevin? This feeling in your
loins right now, this is
487
00:13:32,268 --> 00:13:33,834
emotional cheating, and
this is not acceptable.
488
00:13:33,836 --> 00:13:35,035
Oh, I'm throbbing.
489
00:13:35,037 --> 00:13:36,203
Hey, what I miss?
490
00:13:36,205 --> 00:13:38,705
I got Matthew Berry's
phone number.
491
00:13:38,707 --> 00:13:39,873
What the tits?
492
00:13:43,394 --> 00:13:44,864
Ruxin, big news.
493
00:13:44,984 --> 00:13:46,851
I have a date with
Matthew Berry.
494
00:13:46,853 --> 00:13:49,386
We were trading emails back and
forth, and we're going to
495
00:13:49,388 --> 00:13:50,488
get together for some drinks.
496
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:51,822
Can you believe this?
497
00:13:51,824 --> 00:13:53,157
Why are you here?
498
00:13:53,159 --> 00:13:56,427
'Cause I don't really want to tell
Jenny about my date with Matthew.
499
00:13:56,429 --> 00:13:57,161
So lie to her.
500
00:13:57,163 --> 00:13:59,030
No way. She...
She'll read me like a book.
501
00:13:59,032 --> 00:13:59,930
She knows.
502
00:13:59,932 --> 00:14:00,731
So?
503
00:14:00,733 --> 00:14:03,801
So I need you to teach
me how to be a liar.
504
00:14:03,803 --> 00:14:05,303
You don't need to whisper.
505
00:14:05,305 --> 00:14:06,437
We're at a law firm.
506
00:14:06,439 --> 00:14:08,105
Lying is encouraged here.
507
00:14:08,107 --> 00:14:09,940
Look, I am not
your guy for this.
508
00:14:09,942 --> 00:14:11,908
You need a low-level
maintenance liar like Pete.
509
00:14:11,910 --> 00:14:14,043
No, I have never
been married before.
510
00:14:14,045 --> 00:14:16,812
Yeah, I definitely
own my own home.
511
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:18,246
No. This isn't a cold sore.
512
00:14:18,248 --> 00:14:22,450
I'm the guy who you come to when you're
ready to perjure yourself to protect an
513
00:14:22,452 --> 00:14:23,818
Australian mining consortium.
514
00:14:23,820 --> 00:14:26,788
Ruxin, you are the best
worst person I know.
515
00:14:26,790 --> 00:14:27,455
Thank you.
516
00:14:27,457 --> 00:14:32,660
I am very flattered and insulted by that.
So... All right.
517
00:14:32,662 --> 00:14:34,663
I have to run some
errands this afternoon.
518
00:14:34,665 --> 00:14:35,864
Don't hit my desk, okay?
519
00:14:35,866 --> 00:14:38,200
This came over on the Mayflower.
520
00:14:38,202 --> 00:14:40,836
Really? Oh, you're good.
521
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:42,004
That's what I'm talking about.
522
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:45,007
Did I get this chocolate stain on there?
Absolutely not.
523
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,476
I don't even eat chocolate.
524
00:14:46,478 --> 00:14:48,311
So you're going to fix
it for me for free?
525
00:14:48,313 --> 00:14:52,782
Maybe starch the collar, too.
526
00:14:52,784 --> 00:14:55,017
I don't know why I haven't
been losing any weight.
527
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:57,420
I've been exercising,
staying away from the bar.
528
00:14:57,422 --> 00:15:00,122
I haven't eaten chocolate
in, like, a month.
529
00:15:00,124 --> 00:15:02,424
Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
We can't replace this for you.
530
00:15:02,426 --> 00:15:03,926
These are little bite marks.
531
00:15:03,928 --> 00:15:06,161
I mean, maybe your son was
chewing on the phone.
532
00:15:06,163 --> 00:15:08,029
I don't have a son.
533
00:15:08,031 --> 00:15:10,732
If you must know, I
work at an orphanage.
534
00:15:10,734 --> 00:15:13,001
This child's parents vanished two
years ago in a parasailing
535
00:15:13,003 --> 00:15:13,434
accident.
536
00:15:13,436 --> 00:15:16,038
I can bring him in here, and
you can tell him about the
537
00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,841
crushing loneliness that he's going
to feel not having a parent.
538
00:15:18,843 --> 00:15:24,848
Uh, no. I... I can...
I'll get you another one right away.
539
00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:26,783
God, that was exhausting.
540
00:15:26,785 --> 00:15:28,185
You never told the truth once.
541
00:15:28,187 --> 00:15:29,653
I don't how you do it.
542
00:15:29,655 --> 00:15:31,988
When you're faced with your own
deception, you need to buy
543
00:15:31,990 --> 00:15:33,022
yourself some time.
544
00:15:33,024 --> 00:15:34,824
Were you just looking
at that waitress?
545
00:15:34,826 --> 00:15:35,691
What?
546
00:15:35,693 --> 00:15:36,859
What? Uh... You look away.
547
00:15:36,861 --> 00:15:37,993
What? No.
548
00:15:37,995 --> 00:15:39,261
You immediately seem guilty.
549
00:15:39,263 --> 00:15:41,997
You need to look that person dead
in the eyes and repeat the
550
00:15:41,999 --> 00:15:42,798
question.
551
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:45,467
Did I just look at that waitress?
Absolutely not.
552
00:15:45,469 --> 00:15:46,868
Then you flip it on them.
553
00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:49,971
But what does that say about you?
What's going on with you today?
554
00:15:49,973 --> 00:15:52,207
It hasn't been the easiest day,
I mean, Ellie's got a...
555
00:15:52,209 --> 00:15:53,841
Oh, you just did it.
556
00:15:53,843 --> 00:15:55,209
You... you flipped it around.
557
00:15:55,211 --> 00:15:59,147
I didn't...
Think of tonight as a dress
558
00:15:59,149 --> 00:16:00,716
rehearsal for the perfect date.
559
00:16:00,718 --> 00:16:03,419
Yeah, yeah.
But what is this date for exactly?
560
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:07,223
To impress her, so she'll eventually,
you know, have sex with me.
561
00:16:07,225 --> 00:16:09,192
Why don't you just have sex
with her when you meet her?
562
00:16:09,194 --> 00:16:11,193
You can't just have sex with
a girl when you meet her.
563
00:16:11,195 --> 00:16:12,661
It's like a three-step process.
564
00:16:12,663 --> 00:16:15,030
I'm picking them up.
I'm taking them out to a nice dinner.
565
00:16:15,032 --> 00:16:17,732
We're going to go see some
hot jazz or, you know...
566
00:16:17,734 --> 00:16:19,501
Oh, yeah. Then you have sex with
her there so you don't have
567
00:16:19,503 --> 00:16:21,503
to go back to her place
and have sex...
568
00:16:21,505 --> 00:16:23,439
No. I'm not going to have sex
with her at the jazz place.
569
00:16:23,441 --> 00:16:25,875
Why? The jazz place
doesn't have a bathroom?
570
00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:27,043
No. It has a bathroom.
571
00:16:27,045 --> 00:16:29,211
Uh, look, just engage...
I can't tell where my
572
00:16:29,213 --> 00:16:31,179
conversation skills are if you're
not engaging with me, all
573
00:16:31,181 --> 00:16:31,646
right?
574
00:16:31,648 --> 00:16:32,647
I... I understand that.
575
00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:34,449
But why aren't you
inside of me right now?
576
00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,918
I'm not going to be inside...
Whoa. Hi.
577
00:16:36,920 --> 00:16:38,053
I don't mean to interrupt.
578
00:16:38,055 --> 00:16:39,320
But are you guys ready to order?
579
00:16:39,322 --> 00:16:41,055
Actually, that is a
great question.
580
00:16:41,057 --> 00:16:43,191
That's the number one question
I have tonight, which
581
00:16:43,193 --> 00:16:44,692
is wine. Is that too stuffy?
582
00:16:44,694 --> 00:16:45,959
I have a whole wine list.
583
00:16:45,961 --> 00:16:46,726
Okay.
584
00:16:46,728 --> 00:16:48,996
Why don't you just order
what Pete ordered?
585
00:16:48,998 --> 00:16:49,863
He's doing fine.
586
00:16:49,865 --> 00:16:53,834
Pete... He vultured my date.
587
00:16:53,836 --> 00:16:55,602
He vultured my date.
588
00:16:55,604 --> 00:16:56,804
Go get it, Pete.
589
00:16:56,806 --> 00:16:58,005
Who's Pete?
590
00:16:58,007 --> 00:17:00,908
He's a friend of ours who's going
to have sex with Andre's date.
591
00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:02,643
What do you think
about skydiving?
592
00:17:02,645 --> 00:17:04,745
Hi. Vanessa E. Remember me?
593
00:17:04,747 --> 00:17:05,913
No.
594
00:17:05,915 --> 00:17:07,715
What are you doing here?
595
00:17:07,717 --> 00:17:10,952
Well, interestingly enough,
Vanessa and I have a shared
596
00:17:10,954 --> 00:17:11,920
interest in rock climbing.
597
00:17:11,922 --> 00:17:12,920
Yeah.
598
00:17:12,922 --> 00:17:13,888
But you need to be careful.
599
00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:14,622
You almost fell.
600
00:17:14,624 --> 00:17:15,857
Well, you saved me.
601
00:17:15,859 --> 00:17:17,058
Rock climbing.
602
00:17:17,060 --> 00:17:19,227
Wow, what a great
first date idea.
603
00:17:19,229 --> 00:17:21,496
Where'd you get that, you vulture?
You come in right when
604
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:24,298
I'm about to score on the one-yard
line, you vulture my date.
605
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,701
You're the Mike
Tolbert of my life.
606
00:17:26,703 --> 00:17:27,835
I will call you, Vanessa E.
607
00:17:27,837 --> 00:17:29,137
Well... Yeah, not tonight.
608
00:17:29,139 --> 00:17:32,941
Going to be a little late, so...
609
00:17:32,943 --> 00:17:34,309
Taco, we're going!
610
00:17:34,311 --> 00:17:35,009
No, no.
611
00:17:35,011 --> 00:17:38,212
I'm going to stick around and
date Nikki in the bathroom.
612
00:17:38,214 --> 00:17:41,916
Why, yes, Matthew Berry, I can
meet you whenever you like.
613
00:17:41,918 --> 00:17:42,683
(screams)
614
00:17:42,685 --> 00:17:44,919
Hey.
615
00:17:44,921 --> 00:17:45,686
Hey.
616
00:17:45,688 --> 00:17:46,287
Hi.
617
00:17:46,289 --> 00:17:47,856
You pulled in, like,
ten minutes ago.
618
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:48,456
What are you doing?
619
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:50,025
Have you been on the
phone this whole time?
620
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:55,830
Wha... Um... Have I been on
the phone the whole time?
621
00:17:55,832 --> 00:17:56,931
Absolutely.
622
00:17:56,933 --> 00:17:58,399
With my work.
623
00:17:58,401 --> 00:18:01,802
It's just an important case, but,
you know, enough about me.
624
00:18:01,804 --> 00:18:02,403
Hmm.
625
00:18:02,405 --> 00:18:03,971
How was your day at work today?
626
00:18:03,973 --> 00:18:05,039
You know what?
627
00:18:05,041 --> 00:18:06,674
It was kind of miserable.
628
00:18:06,676 --> 00:18:07,241
Oh.
629
00:18:07,243 --> 00:18:09,343
I have these new clients, and they
just have no idea what they
630
00:18:09,345 --> 00:18:09,977
want.
631
00:18:09,979 --> 00:18:12,648
So we saw, like, 20 houses, and
they were all awful, you know.
632
00:18:12,768 --> 00:18:15,433
Thank you, Rux... Ruxin.
633
00:18:19,889 --> 00:18:20,789
Hello?
634
00:18:20,791 --> 00:18:22,480
Dr.
Andre Nowzik for two, please.
635
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,960
And, uh, McArthur, table
for two, I believe.
636
00:18:24,962 --> 00:18:25,828
What the hell?
637
00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:26,395
Hello.
638
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,997
How did you know
about this place?
639
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:28,732
Pete told me.
640
00:18:28,734 --> 00:18:29,265
Pete.
641
00:18:29,267 --> 00:18:30,600
He's been bogarting everything.
642
00:18:30,602 --> 00:18:32,802
Look, that date in there, I
want it to go really well.
643
00:18:32,804 --> 00:18:33,903
So do not interfere.
644
00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:36,105
Andre, I'm not going to
interfere as long as you don't
645
00:18:36,107 --> 00:18:37,640
bogart my date with
Matthew Berry.
646
00:18:37,642 --> 00:18:38,140
Fine.
647
00:18:38,142 --> 00:18:42,044
Fine.
648
00:18:42,046 --> 00:18:42,878
(sighs)
649
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,046
Matthew Berry.
650
00:18:44,048 --> 00:18:45,680
With Melanie B.
651
00:18:45,682 --> 00:18:47,616
He's vulturing my date.
652
00:18:47,618 --> 00:18:48,350
Not again.
653
00:18:48,352 --> 00:18:49,684
Andre, please be cool.
654
00:18:49,686 --> 00:18:51,553
For the first-- Oh, my God.
655
00:18:51,555 --> 00:18:54,155
Seriously, before I got married,
like, dating was such a nightmare.
656
00:18:54,157 --> 00:18:56,692
Listen, I know a number of single guys...
What the hell?!
657
00:18:56,694 --> 00:18:58,761
Matthew Berry, you're
vulturing my date.
658
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,363
I'm not vulturing
your date, dude.
659
00:19:00,365 --> 00:19:02,666
Oh, I know what vulturing looks
like, and you're vulturing.
660
00:19:02,668 --> 00:19:03,366
Excuse me for a second.
661
00:19:03,368 --> 00:19:04,000
Sure.
662
00:19:04,002 --> 00:19:06,103
Listen, normally, I do fantasy
advice, but let me give
663
00:19:06,105 --> 00:19:07,204
you some life advice here.
664
00:19:07,206 --> 00:19:09,073
How many dates have you
been on with this woman?
665
00:19:09,075 --> 00:19:09,940
Like, I don't know.
666
00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:10,841
Two, two and a half.
667
00:19:10,843 --> 00:19:14,111
Okay, when she's asking me to set
her up with guys before your
668
00:19:14,113 --> 00:19:15,879
third date, that's a bad sign.
669
00:19:15,881 --> 00:19:18,782
She's just being, you know,
cautiously optimistic.
670
00:19:18,784 --> 00:19:20,250
We have different
definitions of that word.
671
00:19:20,252 --> 00:19:21,852
Are you pulling
me from the game?
672
00:19:21,854 --> 00:19:23,253
Are you pulling
me from the game?
673
00:19:23,255 --> 00:19:23,954
No, no, listen.
674
00:19:23,956 --> 00:19:24,654
You got your shot.
675
00:19:24,656 --> 00:19:26,056
You got first down,
you got second down.
676
00:19:26,058 --> 00:19:27,824
You really think you're getting
it done on third down?
677
00:19:27,826 --> 00:19:28,658
I'll get it done.
678
00:19:28,660 --> 00:19:29,659
I could punch it in, right?
679
00:19:29,661 --> 00:19:30,660
See, you're creeping her out.
680
00:19:30,662 --> 00:19:31,227
This is the problem.
681
00:19:31,229 --> 00:19:32,195
I'm not creeping her out.
682
00:19:32,197 --> 00:19:33,129
I'm just-- I'm trying.
683
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:34,096
Come on, give me the ball.
684
00:19:34,098 --> 00:19:35,197
Listen, it's okay, it's okay.
685
00:19:35,199 --> 00:19:35,998
I'm on Twitter.
686
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,934
Listen, a lot of guys move the
chains, and then someone
687
00:19:37,936 --> 00:19:39,402
else comes in and
scores a touchdown.
688
00:19:39,404 --> 00:19:40,036
That's okay.
689
00:19:40,038 --> 00:19:40,837
We need chain movers.
690
00:19:40,839 --> 00:19:43,007
This woman has been set
up for another guy.
691
00:19:43,009 --> 00:19:43,908
That's awesome by you.
692
00:19:43,910 --> 00:19:44,709
I'm the guy!
693
00:19:44,711 --> 00:19:45,410
Let me be the guy.
694
00:19:45,412 --> 00:19:46,244
Come on, let me score.
695
00:19:46,246 --> 00:19:48,112
Okay, now you're creeping
everyone else out in the bar.
696
00:19:48,114 --> 00:19:49,781
I'm not creeping
everybody else out.
697
00:19:49,783 --> 00:19:51,115
Everyone knows that I can score.
698
00:19:51,117 --> 00:19:52,818
You don't seem...
Oh, really? I don't?
699
00:19:52,820 --> 00:19:53,685
I'll convert right now.
700
00:19:53,687 --> 00:19:54,753
I'll convert right now on you.
701
00:19:54,755 --> 00:19:55,720
You want me to convert on you?
702
00:19:55,722 --> 00:19:57,221
Listen, there's no reason
to talk like that.
703
00:19:57,223 --> 00:19:58,223
Oh, really? Here.
704
00:19:58,225 --> 00:20:00,425
Let's let's not
talk, let's fight.
705
00:20:00,427 --> 00:20:02,427
(groaning)
706
00:20:02,429 --> 00:20:03,128
Ow!
707
00:20:03,130 --> 00:20:03,962
All right, listen.
708
00:20:03,964 --> 00:20:06,264
Work on the dating, then
work on the punching.
709
00:20:06,266 --> 00:20:08,632
You will be dating a Chicago
Bear by the end of the week.
710
00:20:08,634 --> 00:20:09,133
Excuse me.
711
00:20:09,135 --> 00:20:09,833
Bye, Matt.
712
00:20:09,835 --> 00:20:10,935
No, no, Matthew, come back!
713
00:20:10,937 --> 00:20:11,869
Come back!
714
00:20:11,871 --> 00:20:15,006
Maybe we can go away
for the weekend!
715
00:20:18,309 --> 00:20:18,942
Oh, hey.
716
00:20:18,944 --> 00:20:19,777
What are you doing up?
717
00:20:19,779 --> 00:20:21,678
What the hell you
doing in my house?
718
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,813
Just making a little tea.
719
00:20:22,815 --> 00:20:23,447
For me?
720
00:20:23,449 --> 00:20:25,716
No.
721
00:20:25,718 --> 00:20:28,218
(groans)
722
00:20:28,220 --> 00:20:29,920
Did you vulture my au pair?
723
00:20:29,922 --> 00:20:32,189
Did I vulture your au pair?
724
00:20:32,191 --> 00:20:33,992
Absolutely not.
725
00:20:33,994 --> 00:20:36,227
I vultured baby
Jeffrey's au pair.
726
00:20:36,229 --> 00:20:38,296
Good night.
727
00:20:40,865 --> 00:20:43,467
Eye contact?
728
00:20:43,469 --> 00:20:45,002
And a half chub?
729
00:20:45,004 --> 00:20:45,760
Ugh.
730
00:20:47,161 --> 00:20:57,519
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www.addic7ed.com
731
00:20:57,569 --> 00:21:02,119
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