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1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:04,268
PETE:
That was amazing.
2
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:07,099
You're so dirty.
But that's what I love about...
3
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:09,468
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know
that you guys were there.
4
00:00:09,642 --> 00:00:12,202
Hello, gentlemen.
And welcome to the playoffs.
5
00:00:12,378 --> 00:00:14,369
[ON PHONE]
Game one, very exciting.
6
00:00:14,547 --> 00:00:19,780
We've got Ruxin versus Andre,
making a rare appearance in the playoffs.
7
00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:22,113
- [ON MONITOR] Good on you, kid.
- You know it. I'm ready.
8
00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:26,486
Game two,
we've got your three-peat champion...
9
00:00:26,659 --> 00:00:29,127
...taking on Kevin.
Or actually, should I say Jenny?
10
00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,354
No. I'm gonna make
my decisions this year.
11
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:34,727
So the three out-of-town idiots
have already shat the bed, of course.
12
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:37,835
Taco, looks like your dial-up connection
finally caught up with you.
13
00:00:38,003 --> 00:00:40,164
TACO: Come on, Internet.
- Are you even getting this?
14
00:00:40,339 --> 00:00:42,830
There's a reason that Meegan and I
have gotten a divorce.
15
00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:45,499
[ON MONITOR]
I was in love with another woman, Shiva.
16
00:00:45,678 --> 00:00:47,976
Our high-school valedictorianhas become my trophy wife.
17
00:00:48,147 --> 00:00:51,514
And I don't think she's going anywhere
any time soon, guys.
18
00:00:51,684 --> 00:00:53,015
[ON MONITOR]
What's that?
19
00:00:53,519 --> 00:00:56,215
Oh, you naughty little minx.
20
00:00:56,388 --> 00:00:57,412
Okay.
21
00:00:57,590 --> 00:00:59,251
[GRUNTS THEN SIGHS]
22
00:00:59,425 --> 00:01:01,222
All right, sweetie, I'll be gentle.
23
00:01:01,393 --> 00:01:03,884
- That's not necessary.
- [ON MONITOR] It's okay. You can watch.
24
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,724
Oh, Shiva.
25
00:01:05,898 --> 00:01:07,331
Okay, enough. Out.
26
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:08,694
See you on the gridiron, boys.
27
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:09,892
[MOANS]
28
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:17,704
SOFIA: It's really sweet to be here
with you, alone. Without the baby.
29
00:01:17,877 --> 00:01:20,311
Mm-hm. I think it's good.
It's good we get a little break.
30
00:01:20,479 --> 00:01:21,810
We go home. We enjoy him.
31
00:01:21,981 --> 00:01:24,279
He gets a little break from us.
He learns to be on his own.
32
00:01:24,450 --> 00:01:26,941
Yeah, but is it important
to have a break right now?
33
00:01:27,119 --> 00:01:30,555
You know, at this age, I feel like
we should be with him all the time.
34
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,588
RUXIN:
Um...
35
00:01:32,758 --> 00:01:34,225
No, I think it's natural to...
36
00:01:34,627 --> 00:01:38,085
Oh, my God, we were talking about our son
and you were staring at another woman.
37
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,960
I was just seeing
if she would be a good nanny.
38
00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:44,068
I looked over at you
and you were just down her cleavage.
39
00:01:44,236 --> 00:01:46,932
No. First of all, I couldn't see
down her cleavage from this angle.
40
00:01:47,106 --> 00:01:49,404
Second, I was looking at her
because I look at everyone...
41
00:01:49,575 --> 00:01:52,908
...because I, as you know, am a keen
observer of the human experience.
42
00:01:53,546 --> 00:01:55,605
Right? I'm like a Ken Burns documentary.
43
00:01:55,781 --> 00:01:58,875
If anything, I was checking her out
to see how you stacked up.
44
00:01:59,051 --> 00:02:02,418
And let me tell you, you just won.
This is like the final four, okay?
45
00:02:02,588 --> 00:02:05,819
So you just passed through that bracket
and now you're playing Syracuse.
46
00:02:05,991 --> 00:02:09,051
Which is that surprisingly fit 40-year-old
a couple booths back.
47
00:02:09,228 --> 00:02:10,490
You are a pig.
48
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:13,154
Are we still gonna go to Pinkberry
on the way home?
49
00:02:13,332 --> 00:02:15,129
No. You suck.
50
00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:18,599
Welcome to mediation.
51
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:20,898
- You understand how this works?
- I think so. Yeah.
52
00:02:21,073 --> 00:02:22,904
- You think so?
- I believe so.
53
00:02:23,075 --> 00:02:25,236
I'd love for you to know so,
so I'll tell you quickly.
54
00:02:25,411 --> 00:02:27,436
I have Meegan's assets here...
55
00:02:27,613 --> 00:02:29,604
...that she has given me.
Her financial statements.
56
00:02:29,782 --> 00:02:31,682
Been waiting on yours.
I hope you brought them.
57
00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:34,513
- I do have them with me.
- You did bring them today. Outstanding.
58
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:38,453
I do apologize. I realize I'm a little bit tardy.
I wanted to get somewhat organized.
59
00:02:38,624 --> 00:02:42,458
We got mostly business stuff in the baggie.
Might be an errant thing or two.
60
00:02:42,628 --> 00:02:44,823
- And you can make your way.
- Sure.
61
00:02:44,997 --> 00:02:48,990
Uh, that is not how you spell "receipts,"
but I assume these are receipts from 2008?
62
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:50,795
I was just chicken scratching it out.
63
00:02:51,437 --> 00:02:53,530
Was there...? There was food
in this bag at some point?
64
00:02:53,706 --> 00:02:56,504
At some point,
there were some food items in the bag.
65
00:02:58,642 --> 00:02:59,631
These are just batteries.
Are these an asset?
66
00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:02,335
Those are rechargeable.
I wouldn't mind having those.
67
00:03:02,470 --> 00:03:04,938
- Was there food also in the shoebox too?
- No food.
68
00:03:05,105 --> 00:03:08,131
- Where's the food smell?
- Some of the receipts might be from...
69
00:03:08,309 --> 00:03:09,901
...a taco bag.
- It's also from the box.
70
00:03:10,077 --> 00:03:11,567
It's from the box and the bag a bit.
71
00:03:11,745 --> 00:03:14,976
Oh, there is only one very specific request
that Meegan has made...
72
00:03:15,149 --> 00:03:18,380
...which is she would like
the Benjamin Button DVD.
73
00:03:18,552 --> 00:03:21,612
I would like to make a statement
of goodwill and buy her a new one.
74
00:03:21,789 --> 00:03:23,814
Just have it sent over.
Just bury the hatchet.
75
00:03:23,991 --> 00:03:27,085
- Oh, okay. Oh, that is such a good movie.
- Mm.
76
00:03:27,261 --> 00:03:28,285
[PHONE BUZZES THEN BEEPS]
77
00:03:28,462 --> 00:03:32,262
Especially when they get to New Orleans.
Are you texting on your phone?
78
00:03:32,433 --> 00:03:35,698
I got a little, uh, Roethlisberger update
on the elbow.
79
00:03:35,870 --> 00:03:38,566
- It's just kind of a knee-jerk reaction.
- Is that code for something?
80
00:03:38,739 --> 00:03:40,502
- I don't know what that is.
- Sorry about that.
81
00:03:40,674 --> 00:03:42,369
- I hope you're taking this seriously.
- I am.
82
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:44,841
I can assure you that
Meegan is taking this very seriously.
83
00:03:45,012 --> 00:03:46,036
[SIGHS]
84
00:03:46,213 --> 00:03:48,306
You can't answer your phone
during a mediator session.
85
00:03:48,482 --> 00:03:50,211
- It was a player alert.
- It doesn't matter.
86
00:03:50,384 --> 00:03:52,648
This guy holds your life in his hands.
87
00:03:52,664 --> 00:03:55,064
- You know what, I know what this is.
- What? What is this?
88
00:03:55,233 --> 00:03:56,860
You're not concerned about
my well-being.
89
00:03:57,035 --> 00:03:59,401
You might be concerned about
our match-up.
90
00:03:59,571 --> 00:04:01,903
- I'm not concerned at all.
- You wanna put a wager behind it?
91
00:04:02,073 --> 00:04:03,404
Sure. What do you wanna bet?
92
00:04:03,575 --> 00:04:05,065
- The usual bet.
- The usual bet.
93
00:04:05,243 --> 00:04:06,733
- Mm-hm.
- Let's do it, buddy.
94
00:04:06,911 --> 00:04:08,708
Ooh, confidence, swagger.
95
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,246
So this is what happens
when I'm not around.
96
00:04:11,416 --> 00:04:12,974
- Oh, no.
- Oh, boy.
97
00:04:13,151 --> 00:04:14,345
KEVIN: No.
- What?
98
00:04:14,519 --> 00:04:16,316
- You look like Powder.
- Love that movie.
99
00:04:16,488 --> 00:04:18,718
What outfit lost to this one? Huh?
100
00:04:18,890 --> 00:04:20,983
What outfit did you hold up
and you were like, "No"?
101
00:04:21,187 --> 00:04:23,121
Where you been the last few weeks?
You're a ghost.
102
00:04:23,289 --> 00:04:26,588
- Heh.
- I called you and you didn't answer.
103
00:04:26,759 --> 00:04:28,420
KEVIN: Mm-hm.
- Did you call?
104
00:04:28,595 --> 00:04:29,653
- Are you seeing this?
- Yeah.
105
00:04:29,829 --> 00:04:33,128
We got odd behavior,
avoidance of friends, change of schedule.
106
00:04:33,299 --> 00:04:34,891
- Check, check, check.
- Girlfriend.
107
00:04:35,068 --> 00:04:37,400
- First of all, let's say I have a girlfriend.
KEVIN: Uh-huh.
108
00:04:37,570 --> 00:04:40,232
But if I did have a girlfriend,
a gentleman never tells.
109
00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:42,271
- Oh, bullshit.
PETE: Bullshit.
110
00:04:42,442 --> 00:04:43,636
- What?
KEVIN: Stop, dude.
111
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:45,300
A gentleman never tells if she's ugly.
112
00:04:45,478 --> 00:04:49,073
If she's hot, he takes a picture of her
and mass texts it to all his friends.
113
00:04:49,249 --> 00:04:51,080
Okay, I'm buying you guys a drink.
114
00:04:51,251 --> 00:04:52,343
Taco, what are you drinking?
115
00:04:52,518 --> 00:04:54,486
TACO: Hey.
- Whoa. Jesus, where'd you come from?
116
00:04:54,654 --> 00:04:55,916
Bathroom window was open.
117
00:04:56,089 --> 00:04:59,388
You know what,
I'll take a glass of three-penis wine, please.
118
00:04:59,826 --> 00:05:01,885
- What is, uh, that?
TACO: It's Chinese.
119
00:05:02,061 --> 00:05:04,552
It's made from the penis of a dog,
a snake and a deer.
120
00:05:04,731 --> 00:05:07,256
- Of course.
- It enhances male virility.
121
00:05:07,433 --> 00:05:08,457
Your second choice?
122
00:05:08,635 --> 00:05:11,570
- Two-penis wine would be good.
- I'm just gonna get you a Bud Light.
123
00:05:11,738 --> 00:05:15,230
I'm a little embarrassed to say this,
but I haven't been with a woman...
124
00:05:15,408 --> 00:05:17,137
...in over a week and a half.
- Oh.
125
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:19,335
PETE: Oh, my gosh.
ANDRE: Oh, no.
126
00:05:19,512 --> 00:05:22,481
Hey, Frank, dirty, dirty, rocks
with a splash of Tabasco.
127
00:05:22,649 --> 00:05:23,673
PETE:
Whoa, hard stuff.
128
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,910
- What ails you, Satan?
- My wife. She's super-pissed at me.
129
00:05:27,086 --> 00:05:29,179
You're lucky, it's Christmas.
Get her a little gift...
130
00:05:29,355 --> 00:05:31,915
No, I wish I could buy my way out,
but it's not gonna happen.
131
00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:38,030
The only thing Sofia wants right now
are these ridiculous Chinese figurines.
132
00:05:38,197 --> 00:05:41,598
So I need to go down
to Chinatown to buy them.
133
00:05:41,768 --> 00:05:43,201
I do not like that place.
134
00:05:43,369 --> 00:05:44,996
It smells like hot garbage.
135
00:05:45,171 --> 00:05:47,196
I'll take you.
I know my way around there.
136
00:05:47,373 --> 00:05:49,341
I have to pick up
some three-penis wine anyway.
137
00:05:49,509 --> 00:05:52,034
So we go down there, and we'll get...
138
00:05:52,912 --> 00:05:54,937
Sorry. What was the product
that you wanted?
139
00:05:55,114 --> 00:05:56,672
Don't even worry about it.
140
00:05:57,850 --> 00:06:00,114
I don't know what to do here.
Kurt Warner? Peyton Manning?
141
00:06:00,286 --> 00:06:01,810
Which one do I start?
142
00:06:01,988 --> 00:06:04,183
JENNY: Manning got us here.
We gotta stick with him.
143
00:06:04,357 --> 00:06:05,517
[SIGHS]
144
00:06:05,692 --> 00:06:06,989
- I'm gonna go with Warner.
- Don't.
145
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,651
- I'm making an executive decision.
- I think you're freaking out.
146
00:06:09,829 --> 00:06:11,797
- You're making an executive decision?
- No. Yep.
147
00:06:11,964 --> 00:06:14,194
And it is over. My decision's been made.
148
00:06:20,582 --> 00:06:24,018
I'm thinking with my gut, like a man.
149
00:06:24,185 --> 00:06:25,345
Wearing those man pants.
150
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:26,680
Yes. Man pants.
151
00:06:26,855 --> 00:06:28,618
- Maybe just a little too snug.
- Nope.
152
00:06:28,790 --> 00:06:30,519
- Really?
- Thirty-one, 32's.
153
00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:33,589
- Thirty-four, 32's.
- Okay.
154
00:06:33,762 --> 00:06:35,753
- Go with Peyton.
- I don't want to.
155
00:06:35,930 --> 00:06:38,228
- You're being a child.
- I'm not being a child.
156
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,233
- Why are you not listening to me?
- I wanna listen to myself.
157
00:06:41,403 --> 00:06:43,701
Enjoy losing.
We could have won, one year.
158
00:06:46,621 --> 00:06:49,590
KEVIN: We're spending 20 minutes
at Craig's, then we're out of here. Got it?
159
00:06:49,758 --> 00:06:52,488
- Fine. Please, hold my lip gloss.
- No, I can't hold your lip gloss.
160
00:06:52,661 --> 00:06:54,060
I've got a whole system.
161
00:06:54,229 --> 00:06:57,392
Back left pocket, wallet.
Front right pocket, cell phone.
162
00:06:57,566 --> 00:06:59,056
Front left pocket, freedom...
163
00:06:59,234 --> 00:07:01,828
...for a possible leg crossover
during conversation.
164
00:07:02,003 --> 00:07:03,903
"That's an interesting point."
Boom, I'm there.
165
00:07:04,072 --> 00:07:06,734
I had no idea
how complex man pants actually were.
166
00:07:06,908 --> 00:07:08,773
- I'm not gonna be your lip-gloss Sherpa.
- Fine.
167
00:07:08,944 --> 00:07:12,038
- Carry your own shit.
- I will hold my lip gloss. Put in Manning.
168
00:07:12,214 --> 00:07:13,841
- This is my team, and my...
PETE: Hey.
169
00:07:14,015 --> 00:07:15,141
- Hey.
- Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson.
170
00:07:15,317 --> 00:07:16,409
- Hey. Hi.
- Merry Christmas.
171
00:07:16,585 --> 00:07:17,984
- Pete. How are you?
- Happy holidays.
172
00:07:18,153 --> 00:07:19,586
Uh, anything I can help out with?
173
00:07:19,754 --> 00:07:21,312
- No.
- Mm-mm. We're good.
174
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:23,685
- Anybody seen Craig around?
- No. Just got here.
175
00:07:23,859 --> 00:07:25,326
All right, I'm gonna go find him...
176
00:07:25,494 --> 00:07:27,758
...say something witty,
so he knows I was here.
177
00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,920
And then I am out. You should join me.
178
00:07:30,098 --> 00:07:31,690
- We'll be right behind you.
PETE: Don't dally.
179
00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:33,767
- Could we get out of here now?
- I'm doing you a favor.
180
00:07:34,069 --> 00:07:35,093
Bryce.
181
00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:37,102
- Uh, hello.
- Mr. Eckhart.
182
00:07:37,273 --> 00:07:39,241
Nice to see you.
183
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:43,440
I gotta say it's a little awkward
seeing you here after the mediation.
184
00:07:43,612 --> 00:07:45,136
No. Let's not let it be weird.
185
00:07:45,314 --> 00:07:46,781
- This is Bryce at a party.
- Yeah.
186
00:07:46,949 --> 00:07:48,940
- We're not in the mediation room.
- Great.
187
00:07:49,118 --> 00:07:51,382
- I'm just here as a friend of Craig's.
- Excellent.
188
00:07:51,553 --> 00:07:55,421
- How do you guys know each other?
- We are in a soup group together.
189
00:07:55,591 --> 00:07:57,218
- Soup group.
- You know what that is?
190
00:07:57,380 --> 00:08:01,373
We forage, uh, in public places
and, like, city parks...
191
00:08:01,551 --> 00:08:04,452
...and forest preserves
and along the lakeshore...
192
00:08:04,621 --> 00:08:08,648
...and we make soups
out of only found items.
193
00:08:08,825 --> 00:08:09,849
[CHUCKLES]
194
00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:11,960
- It wasn't a joke.
- Uh, it's not a joke?
195
00:08:12,829 --> 00:08:13,955
Why would I joke about that?
196
00:08:14,731 --> 00:08:16,323
Well, I, uh...
197
00:08:16,499 --> 00:08:18,228
I'm gonna, um...
198
00:08:18,401 --> 00:08:19,629
- I'm just gonna...
- Okay.
199
00:08:19,802 --> 00:08:21,667
PETE: Yeah.
- Make it weird. Gonna make it weird.
200
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:25,491
These figurines are awesome.
I appreciate you helping me.
201
00:08:27,435 --> 00:08:29,960
- I am so hungry.
- Oh, me too.
202
00:08:30,138 --> 00:08:32,402
- Oh, brother. I am hung...
- All right.
203
00:08:32,573 --> 00:08:34,370
Yummy. Yum, yum, yum.
204
00:08:34,542 --> 00:08:38,239
My three-penis wine
is gonna get me out of my sexual funk.
205
00:08:38,412 --> 00:08:41,779
It's made from snake penis,
dog penis and deer penis.
206
00:08:41,949 --> 00:08:44,076
I'm pretty sure the deer penis
does most of the work...
207
00:08:44,252 --> 00:08:46,049
...and the two are just kind of for taste.
208
00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:50,054
You realize drinking that stuff is just, like,
one step away from chugging dongs, right?
209
00:08:50,224 --> 00:08:51,623
Potato, potato.
210
00:08:52,727 --> 00:08:54,160
Aw...
211
00:08:54,695 --> 00:08:56,253
Look at that little guy.
212
00:08:56,430 --> 00:08:57,761
Look at him with the chair.
213
00:08:58,933 --> 00:09:00,798
Oh, getting comfy. Getting co...
214
00:09:00,968 --> 00:09:04,062
Aw, chewing on his tongue like it's gum.
215
00:09:04,238 --> 00:09:09,301
Now, a guy like that,
is he slow or is he a frittata?
216
00:09:09,477 --> 00:09:13,311
Well, the guy that I knew like that,
I used to call him, um, Tony.
217
00:09:13,481 --> 00:09:16,245
But that was his name. So I...
218
00:09:16,417 --> 00:09:18,009
Are you a Tony?
219
00:09:18,386 --> 00:09:19,819
I'm Taco.
220
00:09:20,388 --> 00:09:21,753
Poor Chinese frittata.
221
00:09:21,923 --> 00:09:23,049
[WAITER SPEAKING IN MANDARIN]
222
00:09:23,457 --> 00:09:25,254
- Oh, hey. Hello, sir.
- All right.
223
00:09:25,426 --> 00:09:27,690
I would love a, uh, green tea.
224
00:09:27,862 --> 00:09:30,023
- Oh, yeah.
- We don't.
225
00:09:30,198 --> 00:09:31,222
Hot tea.
226
00:09:31,399 --> 00:09:32,491
[SLURPS]
227
00:09:32,667 --> 00:09:35,033
TACO: Yeah.
- Oh, okay. Oh, this. Thank you.
228
00:09:35,203 --> 00:09:36,534
This is very helpful.
229
00:09:36,704 --> 00:09:39,036
How about...? What's this?
Can we get some of this?
230
00:09:39,207 --> 00:09:40,265
[WAITER SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]
231
00:09:40,441 --> 00:09:41,499
Well, should we get them?
232
00:09:41,676 --> 00:09:43,007
[WAITER SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]
233
00:09:43,177 --> 00:09:45,509
Okay, you're saying, "Oh, no, you didn't."
234
00:09:45,680 --> 00:09:46,806
[SPEAKS IN MANDARIN]
235
00:09:46,981 --> 00:09:49,313
"Oh, girl, no, don't disrespect me."
236
00:09:49,483 --> 00:09:50,507
[SIGHS]
237
00:09:50,685 --> 00:09:53,153
Okay. Did we just order anything?
238
00:09:53,321 --> 00:09:54,788
I think maybe we're getting soup.
239
00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:58,084
- What makes you say that?
- He was like, "soup." Soup sound.
240
00:09:58,259 --> 00:10:00,193
Hey, he's getting tea.
241
00:10:00,361 --> 00:10:02,261
He got here after us.
How is he getting it first?
242
00:10:02,430 --> 00:10:03,556
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
243
00:10:03,731 --> 00:10:05,164
How is that guy getting tea?
244
00:10:05,333 --> 00:10:07,164
Oh, he can't even drink it properly.
245
00:10:07,386 --> 00:10:09,911
Oh, now, that's my beef and broccoli.
246
00:10:10,089 --> 00:10:12,751
TACO:
Oh, that looks so good.
247
00:10:12,925 --> 00:10:14,017
RUXIN:
Oh, I'm so hungry.
248
00:10:14,193 --> 00:10:15,182
Mm.
249
00:10:17,277 --> 00:10:18,107
Now he's throwing it in our face.
250
00:10:18,412 --> 00:10:21,643
Oh. This guy has had a full meal
before we have even had a bite to eat.
251
00:10:21,815 --> 00:10:24,477
And you know why?
Because we don't speak the language.
252
00:10:24,651 --> 00:10:27,814
We are less equipped
than this mentally handicapped person.
253
00:10:27,988 --> 00:10:30,047
I mean, at this point we're sub-frittata.
254
00:10:30,223 --> 00:10:32,020
MAN:
Mm.
255
00:10:35,362 --> 00:10:38,525
Ladies and gentlemen.
I have a very special surprise for you all.
256
00:10:38,699 --> 00:10:42,533
We're gonna play America's
favorite parlor game, charades.
257
00:10:42,703 --> 00:10:45,263
- So, uh, let the games begin.
- No, no.
258
00:10:45,439 --> 00:10:47,600
- Charades?
- I would rather go to a Klan rally.
259
00:10:47,774 --> 00:10:50,504
- The games are on. We're missing them.
- I'm making a quick exit.
260
00:10:50,677 --> 00:10:52,804
We're gonna follow you.
We're out of here, right?
261
00:10:52,979 --> 00:10:54,844
Mm... Or we stay.
262
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:57,944
- Hey.
- Hi.
263
00:10:58,118 --> 00:11:00,348
- Charades, right?
- Yeah, exactly.
264
00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:02,750
- You're not leaving are you?
- You know, I was just...
265
00:11:02,923 --> 00:11:04,515
Oh, my God, you can't leave.
We need you.
266
00:11:04,691 --> 00:11:06,886
- You need me?
- A smart guy like you. Come on.
267
00:11:07,060 --> 00:11:09,028
- It's gonna be a hoot.
- Yeah.
268
00:11:16,069 --> 00:11:17,093
WAITER:
Hey.
269
00:11:17,270 --> 00:11:18,760
[WAITER SPEAKING IN MANDARIN]
270
00:11:18,939 --> 00:11:21,066
Okay. Right on, buddy.
271
00:11:21,241 --> 00:11:23,209
[ZIPPER UNZIPS THEN
[URINE SPLASHING]
272
00:11:23,377 --> 00:11:26,107
[MOANS THEN GULPS]
273
00:11:26,279 --> 00:11:29,248
Chinatown urinal. I'm forever unclean.
274
00:11:29,416 --> 00:11:30,678
[MAN LAUGHING]
275
00:11:30,851 --> 00:11:32,580
RUXIN: Don't laugh.
- Piss.
276
00:11:32,753 --> 00:11:34,414
I didn't piss on my hand.
277
00:11:34,588 --> 00:11:35,612
[LAUGHING]
278
00:11:35,789 --> 00:11:37,654
Old-Chinese-man piss.
279
00:11:37,824 --> 00:11:39,655
Whoo! It's a tough one. Okay.
280
00:11:40,093 --> 00:11:42,084
[BRYCE LAUGHS]
281
00:11:42,262 --> 00:11:43,422
[SIGHS THEN SHIVERS]
282
00:11:43,597 --> 00:11:44,894
BRYCE:
Um...
283
00:11:45,065 --> 00:11:47,124
KEVIN: Okay.
- Eyes? Focus.
284
00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,268
That was to the team,
not part of the game.
285
00:11:49,436 --> 00:11:51,233
PETE: The Karate Kid?
- The Animal?
286
00:11:51,405 --> 00:11:52,429
PETE:
The...
287
00:11:52,606 --> 00:11:56,633
Would you like to wait for a gesture,
or would you like to keep guessing? Okay.
288
00:11:57,144 --> 00:11:58,270
JENNY: Ten?
- Ten words?
289
00:11:58,445 --> 00:12:00,777
- Ten words?
JENNY: Second word?
290
00:12:00,947 --> 00:12:03,074
CRAIG: A Funny Thing Happenedon the Way to the Forum?
291
00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:04,911
Yes, yes, yes. Nice.
292
00:12:05,085 --> 00:12:09,681
- All right. Go team. Good job, Bryce.
- Good.
293
00:12:09,856 --> 00:12:12,347
Can you tell sexual orientation
by how much he loves charades?
294
00:12:12,526 --> 00:12:14,118
- Absolutely.
- Yeah, I think so.
295
00:12:14,694 --> 00:12:16,127
- TV show.
KEVIN: Boy in the Bubble.
296
00:12:16,296 --> 00:12:17,524
BRYCE:
TV show. Two words.
297
00:12:17,697 --> 00:12:18,789
- Sounds like...
- Giant prick.
298
00:12:18,965 --> 00:12:20,557
- Rose.
JENNY: Melrose Place.
299
00:12:20,734 --> 00:12:23,134
- Melrose Place. Nice.
- Yay!
300
00:12:23,303 --> 00:12:24,861
BRYCE: Nice, Craig.
PETE: Yay.
301
00:12:25,238 --> 00:12:27,468
ALL:
Movie? One word.
302
00:12:27,641 --> 00:12:29,040
- Equus.
CRAIG: Hoosiers.
303
00:12:29,209 --> 00:12:30,437
BRYCE:
Dune? Dune?
304
00:12:30,610 --> 00:12:31,668
Is it Dune? Is it Dune?
305
00:12:31,845 --> 00:12:33,779
- It's not Dune.- Space Walk? Moonwalker?
306
00:12:33,947 --> 00:12:35,414
PETE: Garbage?
JENNY: Man on the Moon?
307
00:12:35,582 --> 00:12:38,346
CRAIG: Repo Man.
- You're tired. You're mad.
308
00:12:38,518 --> 00:12:40,543
- You're a mad farmer?
- Beaches.
309
00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:42,483
Beaches. Come on.
310
00:12:42,656 --> 00:12:46,148
You were acting like a mad, space hobo.
I'm sorry.
311
00:12:46,326 --> 00:12:47,350
[KEVIN SIGHS]
312
00:12:47,527 --> 00:12:49,085
That was bad.
313
00:12:49,262 --> 00:12:50,729
[BRYCE SIGHS]
314
00:12:50,897 --> 00:12:54,856
So we are down by eight.
We have one round to make it up.
315
00:12:55,035 --> 00:12:57,333
Let's do this, guys, come on.
Let's do this, come on.
316
00:12:57,504 --> 00:12:59,972
ALL [CHANTING]:
Let's win, let's win, let's win.
317
00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:01,732
Let's win, let's win, let's win.
318
00:13:01,908 --> 00:13:03,170
Please get me out of here.
319
00:13:03,343 --> 00:13:05,709
- Okay, great. Put in Manning, we'll leave.
- Really?
320
00:13:05,879 --> 00:13:08,575
Change your lineup.
The afternoon game hasn't even started.
321
00:13:08,748 --> 00:13:11,911
- Fine, I'll do it. Can we get out of here?
BRYCE: Let's win. Whoo!
322
00:13:12,085 --> 00:13:13,416
- Wow, okay.
BRYCE: Here we go.
323
00:13:13,587 --> 00:13:14,849
Phew. Yikes, toughie.
324
00:13:15,021 --> 00:13:16,386
- Time.
- Let's go, let's go.
325
00:13:16,957 --> 00:13:18,822
Uh... Uh...
326
00:13:18,992 --> 00:13:21,586
ALL:
Book. First word.
327
00:13:21,761 --> 00:13:23,285
PETE: Little.
- Small word.
328
00:13:23,463 --> 00:13:25,829
- The. Second word.
CRAIG: Let's go.
329
00:13:25,999 --> 00:13:28,024
- Uh...
JENNY: Face. Your face.
330
00:13:28,201 --> 00:13:29,725
Gay.
331
00:13:29,903 --> 00:13:33,202
Uh, sorry.
I didn't mean that in terms of you.
332
00:13:33,373 --> 00:13:36,206
It was more in terms
of the character you were portraying.
333
00:13:36,376 --> 00:13:39,140
I was standing perfectly still,
pointing at my face.
334
00:13:39,312 --> 00:13:40,711
KEVIN:
Mask.
335
00:13:41,181 --> 00:13:42,671
We're not doing it anymore.
336
00:13:42,849 --> 00:13:46,285
- Bryce, I'm so sorry that this happened.
- Good day.
337
00:13:46,453 --> 00:13:49,616
- Craig, I will see you at soup group.
KEVIN: I'm sorry.
338
00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:51,620
Did you say you would see him
at soup group?
339
00:13:51,791 --> 00:13:53,554
- Soup group.
- Wonderful.
340
00:13:53,727 --> 00:13:56,218
Mr. Eckhart, I will have my decision
by the end of the week.
341
00:13:57,130 --> 00:13:59,360
- I bid you adieu.
KEVIN: Oh, dear God.
342
00:13:59,533 --> 00:14:01,057
[PETE SIGHS]
343
00:14:01,234 --> 00:14:03,293
- Not good.
- Yeah.
344
00:14:04,604 --> 00:14:05,628
[TACO SIGHS]
345
00:14:05,805 --> 00:14:07,102
How was the bathroom?
346
00:14:07,507 --> 00:14:09,737
It was fine. I just washed my hands.
347
00:14:09,910 --> 00:14:11,172
Did you order anything yet?
348
00:14:11,344 --> 00:14:12,504
No. They didn't come by.
349
00:14:12,679 --> 00:14:16,547
I cracked open the penis wine and I've
never had it on an empty stomach before.
350
00:14:16,716 --> 00:14:18,183
It is really, really working.
351
00:14:21,370 --> 00:14:22,735
You have really thick, lustrous hair.
352
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,372
No, I don't. I use Rogaine.
353
00:14:24,540 --> 00:14:27,566
- Dirty secretary glasses.
- I'm not a dirty secretary.
354
00:14:32,453 --> 00:14:35,013
- What are they?
- I think he's talking about you.
355
00:14:35,189 --> 00:14:37,555
[MAN SPEAKING IN MANDARIN]
356
00:14:37,725 --> 00:14:39,556
I washed my hands in the urinal.
357
00:14:40,128 --> 00:14:41,152
So?
358
00:14:41,329 --> 00:14:43,490
[ALL LAUGHING]
359
00:14:43,664 --> 00:14:48,863
And now he's making jokes at me,
like some tiny frittata Don Rickles.
360
00:14:49,037 --> 00:14:50,061
[MAN MAKES CRYING SOUNDS]
361
00:14:50,238 --> 00:14:52,229
[ALL LAUGHING]
362
00:14:52,407 --> 00:14:54,398
I didn't cry. I did not cry in there.
363
00:14:55,543 --> 00:14:57,272
I didn't piss on my hands. Exc...
364
00:14:57,445 --> 00:14:59,743
Excuse me. I did not piss on my hands.
365
00:14:59,914 --> 00:15:03,281
You're being very mean. Thank you.
366
00:15:03,451 --> 00:15:04,543
[MAN MAKES URINATING SOUNDS]
367
00:15:04,719 --> 00:15:06,619
[ALL LAUGHING]
368
00:15:06,788 --> 00:15:09,188
Your words hurt people.
You need to know that.
369
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,524
That is not very nice.
370
00:15:13,499 --> 00:15:14,830
You have such silky...
371
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,467
- Taco!
- Sorry.
372
00:15:16,669 --> 00:15:17,601
He cry.
373
00:15:17,770 --> 00:15:18,634
[ALL LAUGHING]
374
00:15:21,812 --> 00:15:24,747
- Did Andre even call you?
- No. I just told everyone to meet us here.
375
00:15:24,915 --> 00:15:27,645
JENNY: Pick it up, guys,
because the game's almost over. Come on.
376
00:15:28,585 --> 00:15:30,951
- Good, good, good. Hi.
- Hey.
377
00:15:31,121 --> 00:15:33,089
KEVIN: Happy holidays.
- What can I get you?
378
00:15:33,257 --> 00:15:35,191
Was wondering if you could turn
that television...
379
00:15:35,359 --> 00:15:36,792
...to the Philly-San Francisco game.
380
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,325
- You gotta be kidding me.
KEVIN: No.
381
00:15:38,495 --> 00:15:41,487
I understand the Bears game is close,
and that game is a blowout.
382
00:15:41,665 --> 00:15:43,826
- There's a lot of implications on the line.
- Whole lot.
383
00:15:44,001 --> 00:15:46,868
We both have players on the Eagles.
He's got Brian Westbrook.
384
00:15:47,037 --> 00:15:49,096
I've got Donovan McNabb.
It's very close.
385
00:15:49,273 --> 00:15:51,070
It would mean a lot to us.
You understand?
386
00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:52,606
It was a Fantasy Football thing...
387
00:15:52,776 --> 00:15:53,800
- Yes.
- Yes.
388
00:15:53,977 --> 00:15:56,241
- That was my fault initially.
- You'll change the channel?
389
00:15:56,413 --> 00:15:57,675
No. We can't do it.
390
00:15:57,848 --> 00:15:59,076
I will drink a lot.
391
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,945
She is a lush.
She will drink this whole bar down.
392
00:16:02,119 --> 00:16:05,384
- She will vomit in her hair. Trust me.
- Everyone here will remember it.
393
00:16:05,555 --> 00:16:08,888
She will not do any of these things,
because she is a respectable mother.
394
00:16:09,059 --> 00:16:10,549
One second.
395
00:16:11,094 --> 00:16:12,288
- No love.
RUXIN: Hey, hey, hey.
396
00:16:12,462 --> 00:16:15,363
- What's going on with the game?
- Warden won't change the channel.
397
00:16:15,532 --> 00:16:18,933
- Where have you guys been?
- I had to go get some figurines for my wife.
398
00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:20,865
- Wonderful.
- Hey, Pete. How's it going?
399
00:16:22,239 --> 00:16:24,469
Uh, just he fondled me.
What's the word here?
400
00:16:24,641 --> 00:16:25,665
Oh, Dr. Octopus here?
401
00:16:25,842 --> 00:16:29,039
He drank a bunch of three-penis wine
and he's been trying to give me a handy.
402
00:16:29,212 --> 00:16:30,474
Stop it. We were play-wrestling.
403
00:16:30,647 --> 00:16:32,478
What's going on? I got DeSean Jackson.
404
00:16:32,649 --> 00:16:35,777
If he scores a touchdown, I beat Andre
and I'm going to the Shiva Bowl.
405
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,615
Let's get this figured out.
Really? We're gonna watch it on a phone?
406
00:16:38,789 --> 00:16:41,417
- Well, this is the best we can do.
- They're in the red zone.
407
00:16:41,591 --> 00:16:44,924
KEVIN: And Philly, first and goal at the six.
- Oh, brother.
408
00:16:45,095 --> 00:16:48,656
You know what, guys, I'm not going to
experience my beautiful victory over Kevin...
409
00:16:48,832 --> 00:16:50,857
...on a 3-inch screen
that's constantly refreshing.
410
00:16:51,034 --> 00:16:53,559
We're gonna do this,
we're gonna do this right.
411
00:16:54,371 --> 00:16:56,635
KEVIN: Buffering 37 percent.
JENNY: Oh, oh, oh!
412
00:16:56,807 --> 00:16:59,332
PATRONS: Whoa! No, no, no.
- One second.
413
00:16:59,509 --> 00:17:01,306
- One second, guys.
- Are you insane?
414
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,639
- Not the menu button.
- Hit the aux button.
415
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,076
Put the Bears back on.
416
00:17:05,248 --> 00:17:07,148
Philly's first, Bears right... One second.
417
00:17:07,317 --> 00:17:09,444
- Go to all channels.
MAN: You don't put the Bears on...
418
00:17:09,619 --> 00:17:12,486
...I will murder the shit out of you.
- All right, enough, sir.
419
00:17:13,490 --> 00:17:15,754
- God, Kevin.
MAN: What are you doing, man?
420
00:17:15,926 --> 00:17:18,087
- Hey.
- My figurine.
421
00:17:18,261 --> 00:17:19,455
- Come on. Put the...
JENNY: Whoa.
422
00:17:19,629 --> 00:17:22,496
Down, ape man. You all just back off.
423
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,099
All of you.
424
00:17:24,267 --> 00:17:27,725
I worked really hard this year
to put together an amazing team.
425
00:17:27,904 --> 00:17:29,929
I have studied the waver wire.
426
00:17:30,107 --> 00:17:31,699
I know all the sleepers.
427
00:17:31,875 --> 00:17:34,207
I have done the bi-week plug-ins.
I've done it all.
428
00:17:34,378 --> 00:17:38,747
And all I wanna do is watch the game,
and find out how my team does.
429
00:17:38,915 --> 00:17:40,542
It's really my team. She doesn't really...
430
00:17:40,717 --> 00:17:42,548
JENNY:
Yeah. Hold my purse, Kevin.
431
00:17:42,719 --> 00:17:44,653
- Boys, let's go. Come on.
- Cut you, bitch.
432
00:17:44,821 --> 00:17:46,049
RUXIN:
Oh, my God.
433
00:17:46,223 --> 00:17:47,815
- Wow. Jenny, nice work.
JENNY: Whoo!
434
00:17:47,991 --> 00:17:49,720
PETE: Whoa.
- Jesus, gangster.
435
00:17:49,893 --> 00:17:51,690
PETE: Nice, Xena.
- Why did you do this?
436
00:17:51,862 --> 00:17:53,887
KEVIN: Refresh.
JENNY: Come on, come on, come on.
437
00:17:54,264 --> 00:17:56,391
JENNY & KEVIN: Westbrook, Westbrook.
- Refresh.
438
00:17:56,566 --> 00:17:58,397
- Come on, McNabb.
JENNY: Come on.
439
00:17:58,568 --> 00:18:00,331
- McNabb touchdown.
- Touchdown, McNabb.
440
00:18:00,504 --> 00:18:02,301
- He's poor. He's divorced.
- Damn it.
441
00:18:02,472 --> 00:18:04,406
He's in the Shiva Bowl. Thank you.
442
00:18:04,574 --> 00:18:06,269
- Who'd he throw to?
- lf I'd played Warner...
443
00:18:06,443 --> 00:18:07,933
- Who'd he throw to?
...7 extra points.
444
00:18:08,111 --> 00:18:10,636
- Did he throw it to DeSean Jackson?
KEVIN: Will you not?
445
00:18:10,814 --> 00:18:14,375
He threw to not DeSean Jackson.
446
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,178
[PETE LAUGHS]
447
00:18:16,353 --> 00:18:17,945
No!
448
00:18:18,121 --> 00:18:20,749
My wife is pissed at me.
I ruined her Christmas present.
449
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:24,125
And my season is over.
My season is over!
450
00:18:25,262 --> 00:18:26,729
Hey, what are you doing? I need that.
451
00:18:26,897 --> 00:18:31,163
Not as much as I do.
I'm gonna, ugh, make my wife happy.
452
00:18:32,436 --> 00:18:34,301
TACO:
Oh, that's too much.
453
00:18:35,005 --> 00:18:37,473
- Good luck, Hulk.
- See you, Ruxin.
454
00:18:37,808 --> 00:18:38,832
[TACO SIGHS]
455
00:18:39,009 --> 00:18:40,772
TACO:
My nipples are rock hard.
456
00:18:40,944 --> 00:18:43,276
I gotta go home and take care of this.
I'll see you guys.
457
00:18:43,447 --> 00:18:45,972
- I thought I had it this year.
JENNY: I can't believe that.
458
00:18:46,149 --> 00:18:47,946
KEVIN:
And now it's just... It's over, so...
459
00:18:48,318 --> 00:18:50,081
Well, it's not officially over, actually.
460
00:18:50,253 --> 00:18:53,950
There's still a small matter of the bet.
461
00:18:54,124 --> 00:18:56,524
- Yeah. The usual bet.
PETE: Mm-hm.
462
00:18:56,693 --> 00:18:58,490
You didn't make that same bet again?
463
00:18:58,662 --> 00:19:02,291
It's weird though, the usual bet may have
to take a unusual turn this year...
464
00:19:02,466 --> 00:19:06,960
...due to the fact that I technically
did not really run my team.
465
00:19:07,137 --> 00:19:08,764
PETE: That's an excellent point.
- Yeah.
466
00:19:08,939 --> 00:19:12,204
Jenny, you have made it emphatically clear
that you set the lineups.
467
00:19:12,375 --> 00:19:14,775
You do the trades.
You do most of the work, so...
468
00:19:14,945 --> 00:19:17,175
- You're really gonna make me do this?
- Yeah.
469
00:19:17,347 --> 00:19:19,975
You always say
you wanna be one of the boys, Jenny.
470
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:23,313
And boys do stupid things,
like get naked in alleyways.
471
00:19:23,487 --> 00:19:25,182
Yep. For a minimum of two minutes.
472
00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:29,184
Don't worry though. I'm gonna
hold your purse and your lip gloss.
473
00:19:29,359 --> 00:19:30,724
JENNY:
Yeah. Fine.
474
00:19:32,662 --> 00:19:34,254
No?
475
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,194
- A bet's a bet.
- You ready?
476
00:19:39,369 --> 00:19:40,996
You sure?
477
00:19:41,671 --> 00:19:42,501
Two minutes.
478
00:19:44,856 --> 00:19:47,222
PETE:
Wow, she's actually doing it.
479
00:19:47,392 --> 00:19:49,189
KEVIN:
A bet's a bet.
480
00:19:49,534 --> 00:19:52,332
By the way,
can you believe Andre actually won?
481
00:19:52,504 --> 00:19:55,064
He's in the Shiva Bowl.
He's not even here to enjoy it.
482
00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:56,332
[SCOFFS]
483
00:19:57,042 --> 00:19:59,033
I did it. I did it.
484
00:19:59,188 --> 00:20:01,986
- I'm going to the Shiva Bowl, baby. Shiva.
WOMAN: Andre?
485
00:20:02,625 --> 00:20:04,217
Uh, I'm in here.
486
00:20:04,627 --> 00:20:05,651
- Hey.
- Hey.
487
00:20:05,828 --> 00:20:08,023
- What are you doing?
- Just finishing up some work.
488
00:20:08,698 --> 00:20:11,565
- Mm, how's it going?
- It is going great, Shiva.
489
00:20:11,734 --> 00:20:13,292
- Absolutely great.
- Hee-hee.
490
00:20:13,469 --> 00:20:15,232
- Ready for bed?
- Indeed, I am.
491
00:20:15,404 --> 00:20:18,305
- Mm.
- Indeed I am, Shiva.
492
00:20:21,744 --> 00:20:24,042
Oh, yeah, baby. Come to Taco.
493
00:20:24,555 --> 00:20:27,615
You look like that actress
from The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.
494
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:29,851
Yeah, you wanna steal
that other woman's baby.
495
00:20:30,027 --> 00:20:31,289
Yeah. Oh, come on, come on.
496
00:20:31,462 --> 00:20:32,622
Come on. No, no, no.
497
00:20:32,797 --> 00:20:33,991
Hey.
498
00:20:34,165 --> 00:20:35,826
No, no, no. Hey.
499
00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:37,024
This is...
500
00:20:37,201 --> 00:20:38,691
[SCOFF THEN SIGHS]
501
00:20:38,869 --> 00:20:39,893
Uh!
502
00:20:39,943 --> 00:20:44,493
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