Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:05,599
[Snoring]
2
00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:09,814
[Snoring]
3
00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:14,617
- [Jingling]
- Hey! Hi.
4
00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,611
Hey.
5
00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:19,163
Come back to bed and snuggle with me.
6
00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:22,862
Oh. [Chuckles]
I wish I could, but I got to go to work.
7
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:24,730
But there's cab fare on the nightstand.
8
00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:27,511
That's the third morning in a row
you've done that.
9
00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:30,387
We're married. I'm already home, silly.
10
00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,227
Right. Y-You're here.
We're married, and that's cool.
11
00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,853
I'm psyched, dude.
That's great. So you're... Yeah. Okay.
12
00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,196
Well, you could use
the cab fare to get to work.
13
00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,908
- Oh, I don't work.
- Oh.
14
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:42,073
Okay. I just thought maybe
you weren't going to work recently...
15
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,399
because we were going through
a little bit of a honeymoon phase.
16
00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:47,144
- But you're saying that you don't have a job.
- No job.
17
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,537
- No job at all.
- Mmm.
18
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:50,358
- Wow.
- All yours.
19
00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:53,750
- All mine. All mine all the time.
- All the time.
20
00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:57,294
Okay. Except on my work days.
I do have to go to work.
21
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,631
So, that's cool though.
You can just hang out here, I guess...
22
00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:02,844
and sort of get used
to the lay of the land or whatever.
23
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,533
Although don't go
snooping around too much.
24
00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,682
'Cause this has all happened very fast and
I haven't really had time to do a pass yet.
25
00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,445
Don't... Don't look in those drawers.
26
00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:12,373
What... What's in those drawers?
27
00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,752
My sex tapes. Yeah.
28
00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:17,388
- All right, I got to go to work.
- I love you.
29
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:20,357
[Chuckles]
I love you too, Maureen.
30
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,115
Uhh!
31
00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,519
- [Growls]
- [Growls]
32
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,561
- [Growls]
- [Grunting]
33
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:29,955
[Both Laughing]
34
00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,367
[Charlie]
Okay. Look, dude.
35
00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,555
All I'm saying is that you started off
our domestic partnership...
36
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,794
on some very shaky, uh...
very bullshitty ground, dude.
37
00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:14,194
And I'm saying, Charlie,
you should get over it, move on.
38
00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:17,067
You signed the prenup. Case closed.
39
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,050
You told me it was the phone bill, man.
Of course I signed it.
40
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,933
Why would you think
that you needed to sign a phone bill?
41
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,057
Uh... I can't keep track
of our financial comings and goings.
42
00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,320
When he hands me something to sign and
it's about money and papers, I sign it.
43
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,973
- [Door Opens]
- Hey-o!
44
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,103
Look who got a brand-new car.
45
00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:39,781
I'm still a little bit confused as to why in the
hell you two got married in the first place.
46
00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:43,590
Yeah, Charlie gets health insurance,
and I get diddly squat.
47
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,967
He's gonna get some perks.
He doesn't trust me.
48
00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,609
Why in the hell
are you bathing yourself in the sink?
49
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,552
Because I don't have a home anymore.
50
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,117
- This is where I take a shower. This is where I live, Dennis.
- [Cell Phone Vibrates]
51
00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,166
Texting me again. This is pathetic.
52
00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,979
Back me up on this, Dennis.
You got a prenup with Maureen, right?
53
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,323
Uh, no, I did not. Should I have?
54
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:06,273
- [Vibrates]
- Should you have? You are screwed!
55
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,266
Typical. This is so typical.
56
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,819
My God! Dee, you clearly have something you want to say.
So let's just get it over with.
57
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,846
Oh, no. No, it's no big deal.
It's just Bill Ponderosa.
58
00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,872
He's, like, obsessed
with me now or something.
59
00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:21,794
He's texting me all the time. He calls me,
like, nonstop. He bought me a new car.
60
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,798
Dee, are you seriously bragging about
sleeping with a married man?
61
00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,999
Yeah, one second you're on your high horse
about how great marriage is...
62
00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:31,082
and now you're destroying one?
63
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,277
- I'm not the one who's married. I didn't do anything wrong.
- You let him buy you a car.
64
00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:36,677
Well, Frank, I'm not gonna
go passing on free cars.
65
00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:38,626
Guys. Guys, guys, guys, guys.
66
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:42,138
All this talk about marriage and Dee being
such a whore has got me thinking.
67
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,725
I never got a bachelor party.
We should go to the strip club.
68
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,396
- Right now?
- Yeah! Immediately!
69
00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:52,191
And since you would have been my best man,
you should probably throw it for me. Yeah.
70
00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,482
What? No way, dude. I'm so pissed at you
for throwing me out of the apartment.
71
00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:58,275
Yeah, and I'm still pretty pissed about
you not throwing me a bachelor party.
72
00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:00,631
So this way I figure we'll be even.
73
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,844
I'm ready for this. Being married to
Charlie's got me all confused.
74
00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,740
I gotta get my hetero on.
75
00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,442
[Woman]
Wanna get dirtyDirty
76
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,554
[Man]
I'm gonna makeyour body hot, girl
77
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,932
Make you sweat
78
00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:14,155
I'm gonna give youthe time of your life, yeah
79
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:16,677
[Continues]
80
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,516
I like that move.
What is that, a little motorcycle?
81
00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,386
That's pretty...
Yeah, not like that though.
82
00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,771
It's pretty good. But you gotta use
a little bit more shoulder.
83
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,150
I like the way he's doing it.
84
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,415
'Cause I'm like...
I'm-I'm bending the bike.
85
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,697
But that's not really
how you drive a motorcycle.
86
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,936
- Yeah, but you're not really driving a motorcycle.
- It's my thing, okay?
87
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,792
- All right.
- If you're not gonna take it seriously...
88
00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,823
- then don't do it.
- I felt like I was doing it pretty good.
89
00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:37,602
- I feel like you're taking it too seriously.
- [Vibrates]
90
00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,867
- Let's not fight. It's a bachelor party.
- Oh!
91
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,023
I got a text.
I got a text from the woman. "Miss you."
92
00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:46,823
I'll just write back "Miss you too."
93
00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,873
Now do I write the word "too,"
or should I write the number "2"?
94
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,510
- What's the best way to do that when we're texting?
- Who cares, dude?
95
00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:54,092
I'll do the word.
96
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:56,547
Okay, great!
Frank, what's with the purse?
97
00:04:56,929 --> 00:05:00,239
This is my money bag.
I'm gonna make it rain, baby.
98
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,927
Whoa! Hold on. Make it rain? What is that?
You're gonna chuck money everywhere? Don't do that.
99
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:07,337
- Will you lighten up?
- I'd like to make it rain. Can I make it rain, Mac?
100
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,297
Why are you asking me?
101
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:12,355
Dude, 'cause I can't fund
my own bachelor party. That's just tacky.
102
00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:16,152
[Sighs]
Fine. Excuse me. Hi.
103
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,373
What is the recommended
amount of money for one to make it rain?
104
00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,249
I'd say at least a thousand.
105
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:25,651
How much would it cost for this gentleman
and I to get a nice couple's dance?
106
00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,132
Uh, sorry.
You have to be a couple for that.
107
00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,651
We are a couple. Charlie, documents.
108
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,690
- All right, this is what it was all for.
- Mm-hmm.
109
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:37,203
- Look at this. We're married.
- [Frank] Yeah.
110
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,694
Oh, you guys are cute.
You're still gonna have to pay full price.
111
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,424
- Screw this. I'm gonna go make it rain.
- All right.
112
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,560
Hang on a second. Give me some money.
113
00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:49,229
Let's go. I'm your husband.
Give me some money.
114
00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:53,868
- Here it is.
- What is this?
115
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,233
I'm tightening the purse strings
on this relationship...
116
00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,489
until there's a little bit
of give-and-take.
117
00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,785
You know what? Keep your money.
I don't need your little allowance.
118
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,587
- We'll see.
- [Vibrates]
119
00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:06,462
Oh, "miss you more."
That's classic Maureen right there.
120
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,553
She's always got to one-up me for some...
some reason.
121
00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,869
And so I'll write back what?
122
00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,075
I don't care.
123
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:17,567
"Miss you most." Most.
Can't get more than most, right?
124
00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,217
So that should...
that should be the end of it, right?
125
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,220
So I hope so.
126
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,310
Oh, man.
You just cannot get enough, huh?
127
00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:33,480
Sorry for just showing up,
but you weren't responding to my texts.
128
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:37,586
No, I totally get it.
Once you pop, you can't stop, am I right?
129
00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:41,474
Actually, I came clean to my wife,
and she kicked me out of the house.
130
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,781
- Ooh. Ouch.
- Yeah.
131
00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,943
Bet you wish you could
take that one back, huh?
132
00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:48,172
So I was thinking maybe
I could stay here tonight.
133
00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,968
- Oh.
- Well, you are somewhat responsible for this.
134
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:54,717
No. No, no, no, no.
Can't you stay in a hotel or something?
135
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,328
I would, but she froze my assets.
136
00:06:57,683 --> 00:07:00,523
Yikes. Shit's getting
pretty real for you, huh?
137
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:05,027
But nonetheless, uh, I really, like I said,
I don't want you in my space.
138
00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:08,148
So there's got to be a lot of other places
that you could stay...
139
00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:10,371
that aren't, you know, here.
140
00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:12,126
Dee, I gave you a car.
141
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:15,528
- Oh, you're gonna jam the car in my face, huh?
- Mmm.
142
00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:17,495
Come in.
143
00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,226
Thanks.
144
00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,817
["The Boys AreBack In Town"]
145
00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,703
-
The boys are back in town
-
Boys are back in town
146
00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,806
The boys are back in town
147
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,122
Da da da da da
148
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,050
Da da da da da
149
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,695
Da da da da da
150
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,357
Da da da da da da da da da
151
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,920
The boys are back in town
152
00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:46,180
- Whoo!
- Dennis!
153
00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,109
[Together]
Hey!
154
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,331
What are you doing? It is 2:00
in the morning. I was sleeping, Dennis.
155
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:55,084
That's cool. Well, you're up now,
baby girl. So let's do some shots!
156
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:59,238
No. I don't drink. You know that.
I think it makes people look ugly.
157
00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,712
- I...
- Maybe I should go to my room.
158
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:06,722
That is not your room anymore. It is my
craft studio. So kindly stay out of there.
159
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,246
- Don't freak, dude. It's-It's all good, dude.
- What?
160
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,249
She turned it into her craft studio
where she makes terrible sweatshirts...
161
00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:15,212
out of cats, or puts cats in sweatshirts...
162
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,798
and then I'm, like, dude,
what the hell did you do?
163
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,564
What? Dennis, do not talk to me that way.
I am your wife.
164
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,637
Please show me some respect
in front of your friends.
165
00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:25,775
Uh, you know what? I'm not entirely
certain that you are my wife.
166
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,139
'Cause I remember marrying
Maureen Ponderosa.
167
00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:31,194
And you are no Maureen Ponderosa.
168
00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,814
That doesn't even...
I don't know what that... What?
169
00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,260
- Divorce!
- What? What did you just say?
170
00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,136
I will divorce you, Maureen. I'll do it.
171
00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,692
Okay, you're drunk.
Why don't we just go to bed...
172
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:47,294
I'm not drunk. I'm more sober
than I've ever been in my entire life.
173
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:51,404
Okay, I'm a little bit drunk...
I'm totally drunk, but my mind is sober.
174
00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,801
And my mind's telling me the following:
175
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,883
I don't love you, Maureen.
I don't love you. I never loved you.
176
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,146
You're annoying, and you're strange.
177
00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,252
I don't know what to say.
178
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:04,034
Don't say anything. 'Cause every time you
open your mouth, I'm, like, ohh!
179
00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:07,633
It's like her breath is,
like, always so bad.
180
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,877
It's like a dead tooth...
It's the dead tooth.
181
00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:12,872
I'm saying it now. I'll say it. You have
a dead tooth. You realize that, right?
182
00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,749
And I hate it! And it's annoying!
183
00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:20,345
I want you and your boy toy
out of my apartment now!
184
00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,863
[Both Laughing]
185
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:25,640
I'm the boy toy.
186
00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,618
You're my boy toy.
No, I'm not gonna leave our apartment...
187
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,818
Or should I say my apartment...
'cause it's my apartment.
188
00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,461
Oh, yeah? How about
if you guys don't leave...
189
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,890
I call the cops
and I tell them you beat me?
190
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,523
What in the hell are you talking about?
I didn't touch you.
191
00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,465
What-What...
What are you doing? What is that?
192
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,588
- I recognize that. What is that?
- Oh, shit!
193
00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,617
That's from...
That's from Fear, dude.
194
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,702
- Oh, that's Marky Mark.
- That's Marky Mark.
195
00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,164
That's what Marky Mark does.
He does that. And then, um...
196
00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,837
Oh, shit, and then
the cops come and he gets...
197
00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,675
- The police think that William Peterson...
- And he gets it.
198
00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,224
- The guy from C. S. I.-
- Go! She means business.
199
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:01,575
- She means business.
- Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
200
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:10,922
Oh, my God.
201
00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,670
- You are really making yourself at home here, huh?
- Yeah.
202
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,240
- Sorry. You want to have sex?
- What? No.
203
00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:20,770
No. God, no.
Please close your legs up. That's...
204
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:24,413
Listen, I-I don't want to get into your
personal life, you know what I mean?
205
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:28,734
It's not really any of my business.
But this is really bumming me out, okay?
206
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:32,288
So here's what I'd like to do.
I'd like to talk game plan with you, okay?
207
00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:36,455
And number one,
and most importantly, uh, the car.
208
00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:39,436
Now hear me out. It was kind of a gift.
209
00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,509
So it'd be pretty rude of you to try and...
210
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,147
- I don't give a shit about the car, okay?
My life is in ruins. - Mm-hmm.
211
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:45,683
- I'm gonna lose my kids.
- Okay, great.
212
00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:47,661
So we're in agreement.
I keep the car. That's wonderful.
213
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:51,260
Now secondly... and this is gonna
be kind of hard to hear...
214
00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:54,684
but, um, get out!
215
00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,312
Get out!
216
00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:01,471
You gotta go back to your wife, okay,
and get out of my place!
217
00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:03,767
Okay, well, I'm gonna need
the car to get over there.
218
00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:05,766
Well, the car's off the table, okay?
219
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:09,105
We just discussed the car and we came to an agreement that...
Stop bringing up the car, okay?
220
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,622
So I'll get dressed and I'll drive you
over there and I'll drop you off.
221
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,641
- Okay.
- Okay. Well, get up.
222
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:16,959
Oh, God. I don't... I don't...
Okay, I'm gonna go in here. Jesus.
223
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:21,708
You know, I wouldn't have imagined
the whole thing going down the way it did.
224
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,638
It was a little uncomfortable. I'm glad
we got our little "heart-to-heart"...
225
00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,981
or whatever you want to call it...
out of the way.
226
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:31,039
I feel like now we can set aside our differences
and settle this whole divorce pretty amicably.
227
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,434
- You think it's gonna be that easy, dude?
- Well, yeah, of course.
228
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:38,734
I mean, marriage and divorce these days is
like more of a formality than anything else.
229
00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:42,321
It's just sort of something
that you do, right?
230
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,492
Don't snap at me, Charlie!
You bring nothing to the table!
231
00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:47,778
- Oh! Oh!
- Nothing! This is my money!
232
00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,857
- I bring nothing to the table!
- You bring nothing to the table!
233
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,226
Oh, really? Do you ever stop
for one second and think about...
234
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:55,418
"Hey, hey, where do all
of the groceries come from...
235
00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:56,871
- Frank, okay?"
- Ohh!
236
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,043
"Oh, how did my laundry get so clean?"
237
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,495
"Oh, oh, who washed all the dishes today?"
238
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:06,214
Nobody washes the dishes! We eat the food
directly off the coffee table and you know it!
239
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,152
I cannot stand being married to you!
240
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,234
You can't stand it?
I'm gonna pull the plug.
241
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,403
- You're gonna flush our marriage down the toilet?
- Right down the toilet!
242
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,042
- Flush it, big boy!
- Yes! There we go!
243
00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,230
- Flush it down the toilet 'cause I don't care!
- Oh, yeah?
244
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,679
I'm gonna pull the plug, but first
I'm gonna draw up some documents.
245
00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,528
This is gonna be an ugly-ass divorce.
We're gonna get a mediator.
246
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:26,041
Okay, I got it. We'll get that idiot lawyer
that helps us out. He does good by us.
247
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,989
Yeah, he's excellent. But he slapped a
restraining order on us. We can't use him.
248
00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,476
- Also, you need a lawyer too. We should talk about that.
- I need a lawyer? For what?
249
00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,733
How are you not grasping this situation?
250
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,119
- Oh, for the divorce. Yeah.
- The divorce.
251
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:40,948
- You getting a divorce?
- Yeah.
252
00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,537
All right, so it's going around.
253
00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:45,195
Okay, I think I know someone
who will take both our cases.
254
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,618
Ah. Is it you?
255
00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:49,894
[Dennis]
Is it?
256
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,712
'Cause if it's you, I'm not interested.
257
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:54,374
Well, I have a family member
who's a lawyer. I bet he'd do it.
258
00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:02,351
It's coming up here.
This... Yeah, this is it right here.
259
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,618
- Ponderosa's Ponderosa.
- [Scoffs]
260
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:09,048
Could you wait a minute?
I just want to make sure it's okay.
261
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:12,298
Yeah, you know, whatever it's gonna take
to wrap this up, really.
262
00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:15,733
[Exhales]
263
00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:20,625
[Scoffs]
264
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,793
[Dial Tone, Beeping]
265
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,035
- [Cell Phone Jingle]
- Maureen?
266
00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:27,675
No, it's Dee.
267
00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,217
How are things going on your end?
268
00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,995
Oh, not bad. Yeah, not bad.
I'm getting a divorce. [Chuckles]
269
00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:36,691
Well, I know how that goes. Got a messy
situation going on on my end too.
270
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,689
Had to let my guy go.
Had to cut him loose.
271
00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:43,275
I tell you what though.I do love the car.
Hands-free, Blue...
272
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:46,629
- I can do all kinds of stuff with both hands.
- [Laughing]
273
00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:49,172
- [Laughing]
- Dennis? Did we get cut off?
274
00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:52,488
- Okay, hop in there.
- Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this? What are you doing?
275
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,925
Here he goes. Okay, go, go.
276
00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:56,137
- What?
- Go! Go!
277
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,585
- Oh, my God!
- [Tires Squealing]
278
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,352
I'm so glad you called, Charlie.
279
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,920
Your uncle never hears from you anymore.
280
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,348
Well, you're kinda the only
actual lawyer I know...
281
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,414
who doesn't have
a restraining order against me...
282
00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,756
- so I sort of had to call you...
- Hey, hey, I-I miss you too, bud.
283
00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,653
Mmm, with the touching.
With the touching. None of that.
284
00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:20,686
You're put off by my hands. I know they're
very small. It's been very hard on me.
285
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,890
There's nothing wrong with your hands,
okay? Can we just focus on the law?
286
00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,640
[Uncle Jack]
Of course. All right.
287
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,978
As far as shared assets,
I'm not seeing much.
288
00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,734
- I'm keeping the hot plate!
- Over my dead body!
289
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:34,736
Hey, hey, hey! Easy, boys.
Don't let the dog off the leash, okay?
290
00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:38,467
Remember, the bigger man walks away first.
291
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,558
He can have the hot plate.
292
00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,336
Oh! Hot dog!
Now we're cooking with gas!
293
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:47,439
Moving along to art holdings.
All I'm seeing is a series of drawings of elephants.
294
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,010
- Mmm.
- Oh.
295
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,211
Oh, yeah. Well, Charlie
did the elephant drawings.
296
00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:54,151
- Yeah, but...
- You should keep 'em.
297
00:14:54,426 --> 00:14:56,796
- I did those for you, man.
- I like 'em.
298
00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,776
Well, you should like 'em.
I put a lot of work into 'em.
299
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:02,479
And thank you for saying you like 'em.
300
00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:04,918
- I've seen 'em, and I like 'em too.
- Yeah, they're good.
301
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,581
I'll keep the drawings, okay?
302
00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,149
If I didn't know any better...
303
00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,777
I'd say there's a lot
of love in this room.
304
00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,226
Look, Jack, we just want to
get back to where we were.
305
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,159
Sounds like what you guys
want is an annulment.
306
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,952
It would essentially
void your partnership.
307
00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:22,571
- Yeah. Right. That sounds perfect.
- Marriage blows.
308
00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,198
Preaching to the choir, fellas.
[Chuckles]
309
00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:28,547
All right. I just need
both your signatures on here.
310
00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:30,668
All right, that's easy enough.
311
00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,663
Easy-peasy.
312
00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,835
[Uncle Jack]
One.
313
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,477
Two! We did it!
314
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:39,395
That's it. Your union
has hereby been dissolved.
315
00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:42,328
Why did we have to do all the touching
and the hand holding if it was just...
316
00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,551
It was fun. Hey, Mac.
317
00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,047
You mind snapping a photo
for the Web site?
318
00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,723
But keep my hands out of the shot.
I'll put 'em down here.
319
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:53,275
You guys. You guys, I need help.
I don't know what to do.
320
00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,486
I just kidnapped Bill Ponderosa's kids.
321
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,008
All right.
Are the kids confined in any way?
322
00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:03,550
- Maybe in a crawl space or a backyard bunker?
- No. They're out in the car.
323
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,790
- Have you touched them yet?
- Absolutely not. What... Who is this man?
324
00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,474
- [Tires Screeching]
- Don't... You're... You don't need to...
325
00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:13,206
- [Woman] What is she, some cheap tramp?
- Oh, no!
326
00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:16,645
Oh, my God! You are such an asshole!
I followed you, okay?
327
00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,662
- I knew you were seeing someone else!
- Honey, no...
328
00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:20,754
Hi. Hi, there. I'm Dee.
329
00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,660
Uh, I understand that.
330
00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:26,348
Listen, I want to just say
I'm really sorry about... about the kids.
331
00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:28,845
I tell you what,
I did not mean to kidnap them.
332
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:30,888
That was all... That was all this guy.
333
00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:32,830
They're not my kids.
334
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,995
- Aren't you his wife?
- No. I'm his mistress.
335
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:37,722
Well, what the hell, man?
336
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,833
- I'm taking my car back.
- Nuh-uh. That's my car.
337
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,275
- Actually, I loaned it to both of you ladies.
- [Tires Screeching]
338
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,684
[Woman #2]
You son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill you!
339
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:46,647
What? How many mistresses do you have?
340
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,549
Mistress?
I'm his wife! Kids, let's go.
341
00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:52,025
- Yeah, come on, kids. Let's go home.
- No, no, no, no, no.
342
00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:56,358
Not you, Bill.
Now I want this to be over with right now!
343
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,792
- So how much does he owe you?
- What?
344
00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:02,078
How much does he owe you, whore?
How much does he owe you for the sex?
345
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:04,454
Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
346
00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,280
I'm not a prostitute.
I think that's... that's clear.
347
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,383
- You know?
- Oh. Well, congratulations.
348
00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:13,409
You're the only woman
he didn't have to pay to sleep with.
349
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:15,442
You must be very proud of yourself.
350
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:16,994
- [Tires Squealing]
- Wait!
351
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,456
No, no! Oh, goddamn it!
352
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:20,978
[Tires Squealing]
353
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,257
Yeah.
354
00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:28,365
Well, the, uh,
gravity of my situation just set in.
355
00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,074
- So...
- Let's go get you a divorce, huh?
356
00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:33,317
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely.
- Yep.
357
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,154
You guys, uh, have any questions?
358
00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:39,829
Yeah, I got a question.
What's in the fanny pack?
359
00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:44,145
- [Knocks]
- Oh, check this out, Mac and Dennis.
360
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,313
Just a little victory dance.
361
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,738
Thought maybe we could hang out later.
362
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,482
No... Um...
363
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,420
Oh, Mr. Reynolds.
364
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,822
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
What are you doing here?
365
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,728
Well, when I heard
you were getting divorced...
366
00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,943
I... I felt compelled to involve myself.
367
00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,696
I'm sorry. How would you
have heard that I was getting a divorce?
368
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,516
I-I-I may have told him.
369
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,642
I so enjoyed listening to you
drunkenly explain all that at 3:00 a.m.
370
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:17,066
I enjoyed it so much
that I tracked down Maureen here...
371
00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:20,489
and I offered her my services,
pro bono, of course.
372
00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,896
- [Chuckles]
- Hold on, fellas.
373
00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,285
I'm Jack Kelly. I'm a lawyer.
374
00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:28,737
Hello, Jack Kelly.
The pleasure is all mine.
375
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:33,311
- It's a pleasure to meet you.
- The pleasure's still...
376
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,086
- Why don't we just get started?
- Why don't we just get started?
377
00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:40,918
Ahh.
378
00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:47,246
- Boy, the old place, huh?
- Uhh...
379
00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:50,349
- Yeah.
- Some good memories... here.
380
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,316
All of us.
381
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:54,935
[Mumbles]
382
00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,567
[Exhales]
383
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,170
Hey, um...
384
00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,356
- So I was like...
- I'm gonna go.
385
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,631
No, no, no. No, stick around, dude.
Stick... Stick around.
386
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,237
- Please don't...
- I don't want to though.
387
00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:07,438
- No, you should stay.
- Yeah.
388
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,906
- Shea butter.
- Oh.
389
00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,728
- Assorted lanolin products.
- Oh, God.
390
00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:14,176
I'm serious. You could be a hand model.
You've got the goods.
391
00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:16,086
Well, that was quick, guys.
392
00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:17,695
Open-and-shut case, Dennis.
393
00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:19,506
- Okay.
- Did you get the apartment back?
394
00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:20,961
I sure did.
395
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,183
- You did? You did?
- [Cheering]
396
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:27,479
And you also acquired
Miss Ponderosa's debt.
397
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,150
What? You're in debt?
398
00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:31,618
Not anymore. But you are. About 90K.
399
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,674
This guy seems to think
you don't have a case...
400
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:35,642
and I'm inclined to agree with him.
401
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:40,221
Yeah. When I found out that Miss Ponderosa
here had been cast out of her marital home...
402
00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,399
I-I only thought it was fair
that you assumed her debt...
403
00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:45,955
in addition to the alimony payments,
of course.
404
00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:49,038
Wait a second. So I gotta pay alimony
payments? Uncle Jack, what the hell?
405
00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:51,238
I... I froze up. He's great.
406
00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:53,867
Oh, congratulations, Ms. Ponderosa.
407
00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,719
Oh, congratulations to you.
408
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,149
[Chuckles]
See you around, Dennis.
409
00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:01,048
- Yeah.
- Mac.
410
00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:05,963
Hey, Mac, would you mind taking
a shot of the three of us for the Web site?
411
00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:07,932
Come on, Dennis.
412
00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:11,633
And would it be okay
if you put your hands on top of mine...
413
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,697
- like they're my hands?
- Like that?
414
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:14,999
- Yes.
- Okay.
415
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,554
- That looks like my hands.
- Yeah.
416
00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:18,745
- [Winding]
- [Uncle Jack] For the Web site.
417
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,516
- We're lawyers.
- [Shutter Clicks]
418
00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:07,376
[Voices Speaking Backwards]
419
00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:13,474
English - US - SDH
420
00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:18,074
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36368
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.