All language subtitles for Philadelphia s06e02 Dennis Gets Divorced.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,969 --> 00:00:05,599 [Snoring] 2 00:00:07,974 --> 00:00:09,814 [Snoring] 3 00:00:11,077 --> 00:00:14,617 - [Jingling] - Hey! Hi. 4 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:16,611 Hey. 5 00:00:16,883 --> 00:00:19,163 Come back to bed and snuggle with me. 6 00:00:19,552 --> 00:00:22,862 Oh. [Chuckles] I wish I could, but I got to go to work. 7 00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:24,730 But there's cab fare on the nightstand. 8 00:00:24,991 --> 00:00:27,511 That's the third morning in a row you've done that. 9 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:30,387 We're married. I'm already home, silly. 10 00:00:30,797 --> 00:00:33,227 Right. Y-You're here. We're married, and that's cool. 11 00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:35,853 I'm psyched, dude. That's great. So you're... Yeah. Okay. 12 00:00:36,236 --> 00:00:38,196 Well, you could use the cab fare to get to work. 13 00:00:38,538 --> 00:00:39,908 - Oh, I don't work. - Oh. 14 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:42,073 Okay. I just thought maybe you weren't going to work recently... 15 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,399 because we were going through a little bit of a honeymoon phase. 16 00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:47,144 - But you're saying that you don't have a job. - No job. 17 00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:48,537 - No job at all. - Mmm. 18 00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:50,358 - Wow. - All yours. 19 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:53,750 - All mine. All mine all the time. - All the time. 20 00:00:54,254 --> 00:00:57,294 Okay. Except on my work days. I do have to go to work. 21 00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,631 So, that's cool though. You can just hang out here, I guess... 22 00:01:01,094 --> 00:01:02,844 and sort of get used to the lay of the land or whatever. 23 00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:05,533 Although don't go snooping around too much. 24 00:01:05,932 --> 00:01:08,682 'Cause this has all happened very fast and I haven't really had time to do a pass yet. 25 00:01:09,135 --> 00:01:10,445 Don't... Don't look in those drawers. 26 00:01:10,703 --> 00:01:12,373 What... What's in those drawers? 27 00:01:12,672 --> 00:01:14,752 My sex tapes. Yeah. 28 00:01:15,108 --> 00:01:17,388 - All right, I got to go to work. - I love you. 29 00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:20,357 [Chuckles] I love you too, Maureen. 30 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,115 Uhh! 31 00:01:23,349 --> 00:01:24,519 - [Growls] - [Growls] 32 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,561 - [Growls] - [Grunting] 33 00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:29,955 [Both Laughing] 34 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,367 [Charlie] Okay. Look, dude. 35 00:02:05,625 --> 00:02:07,555 All I'm saying is that you started off our domestic partnership... 36 00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:10,794 on some very shaky, uh... very bullshitty ground, dude. 37 00:02:11,264 --> 00:02:14,194 And I'm saying, Charlie, you should get over it, move on. 38 00:02:14,667 --> 00:02:17,067 You signed the prenup. Case closed. 39 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,050 You told me it was the phone bill, man. Of course I signed it. 40 00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:23,933 Why would you think that you needed to sign a phone bill? 41 00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:27,057 Uh... I can't keep track of our financial comings and goings. 42 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,320 When he hands me something to sign and it's about money and papers, I sign it. 43 00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:32,973 - [Door Opens] - Hey-o! 44 00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,103 Look who got a brand-new car. 45 00:02:35,421 --> 00:02:39,781 I'm still a little bit confused as to why in the hell you two got married in the first place. 46 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:43,590 Yeah, Charlie gets health insurance, and I get diddly squat. 47 00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,967 He's gonna get some perks. He doesn't trust me. 48 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:48,609 Why in the hell are you bathing yourself in the sink? 49 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,552 Because I don't have a home anymore. 50 00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:53,117 - This is where I take a shower. This is where I live, Dennis. - [Cell Phone Vibrates] 51 00:02:53,506 --> 00:02:56,166 Texting me again. This is pathetic. 52 00:02:56,609 --> 00:02:59,979 Back me up on this, Dennis. You got a prenup with Maureen, right? 53 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,323 Uh, no, I did not. Should I have? 54 00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:06,273 - [Vibrates] - Should you have? You are screwed! 55 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,266 Typical. This is so typical. 56 00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:12,819 My God! Dee, you clearly have something you want to say. So let's just get it over with. 57 00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,846 Oh, no. No, it's no big deal. It's just Bill Ponderosa. 58 00:03:16,262 --> 00:03:17,872 He's, like, obsessed with me now or something. 59 00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:21,794 He's texting me all the time. He calls me, like, nonstop. He bought me a new car. 60 00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:25,798 Dee, are you seriously bragging about sleeping with a married man? 61 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:28,999 Yeah, one second you're on your high horse about how great marriage is... 62 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:31,082 and now you're destroying one? 63 00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:34,277 - I'm not the one who's married. I didn't do anything wrong. - You let him buy you a car. 64 00:03:34,747 --> 00:03:36,677 Well, Frank, I'm not gonna go passing on free cars. 65 00:03:37,016 --> 00:03:38,626 Guys. Guys, guys, guys, guys. 66 00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:42,138 All this talk about marriage and Dee being such a whore has got me thinking. 67 00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:45,725 I never got a bachelor party. We should go to the strip club. 68 00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,396 - Right now? - Yeah! Immediately! 69 00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:52,191 And since you would have been my best man, you should probably throw it for me. Yeah. 70 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:55,482 What? No way, dude. I'm so pissed at you for throwing me out of the apartment. 71 00:03:55,935 --> 00:03:58,275 Yeah, and I'm still pretty pissed about you not throwing me a bachelor party. 72 00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:00,631 So this way I figure we'll be even. 73 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,844 I'm ready for this. Being married to Charlie's got me all confused. 74 00:04:04,310 --> 00:04:05,740 I gotta get my hetero on. 75 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:07,442 [Woman] Wanna get dirty Dirty 76 00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,554 [Man] I'm gonna make your body hot, girl 77 00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:11,932 Make you sweat 78 00:04:12,285 --> 00:04:14,155 I'm gonna give you the time of your life, yeah 79 00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:16,677 [Continues] 80 00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:19,516 I like that move. What is that, a little motorcycle? 81 00:04:19,926 --> 00:04:21,386 That's pretty... Yeah, not like that though. 82 00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,771 It's pretty good. But you gotta use a little bit more shoulder. 83 00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:25,150 I like the way he's doing it. 84 00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,415 'Cause I'm like... I'm-I'm bending the bike. 85 00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,697 But that's not really how you drive a motorcycle. 86 00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:31,936 - Yeah, but you're not really driving a motorcycle. - It's my thing, okay? 87 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,792 - All right. - If you're not gonna take it seriously... 88 00:04:34,073 --> 00:04:35,823 - then don't do it. - I felt like I was doing it pretty good. 89 00:04:36,142 --> 00:04:37,602 - I feel like you're taking it too seriously. - [Vibrates] 90 00:04:37,877 --> 00:04:39,867 - Let's not fight. It's a bachelor party. - Oh! 91 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,023 I got a text. I got a text from the woman. "Miss you." 92 00:04:43,483 --> 00:04:46,823 I'll just write back "Miss you too." 93 00:04:47,353 --> 00:04:49,873 Now do I write the word "too," or should I write the number "2"? 94 00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,510 - What's the best way to do that when we're texting? - Who cares, dude? 95 00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:54,092 I'll do the word. 96 00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:56,547 Okay, great! Frank, what's with the purse? 97 00:04:56,929 --> 00:05:00,239 This is my money bag. I'm gonna make it rain, baby. 98 00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:03,927 Whoa! Hold on. Make it rain? What is that? You're gonna chuck money everywhere? Don't do that. 99 00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:07,337 - Will you lighten up? - I'd like to make it rain. Can I make it rain, Mac? 100 00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,297 Why are you asking me? 101 00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:12,355 Dude, 'cause I can't fund my own bachelor party. That's just tacky. 102 00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:16,152 [Sighs] Fine. Excuse me. Hi. 103 00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,373 What is the recommended amount of money for one to make it rain? 104 00:05:19,819 --> 00:05:21,249 I'd say at least a thousand. 105 00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:25,651 How much would it cost for this gentleman and I to get a nice couple's dance? 106 00:05:26,292 --> 00:05:28,132 Uh, sorry. You have to be a couple for that. 107 00:05:28,461 --> 00:05:30,651 We are a couple. Charlie, documents. 108 00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,690 - All right, this is what it was all for. - Mm-hmm. 109 00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:37,203 - Look at this. We're married. - [Frank] Yeah. 110 00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:40,694 Oh, you guys are cute. You're still gonna have to pay full price. 111 00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,424 - Screw this. I'm gonna go make it rain. - All right. 112 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,560 Hang on a second. Give me some money. 113 00:05:46,979 --> 00:05:49,229 Let's go. I'm your husband. Give me some money. 114 00:05:52,318 --> 00:05:53,868 - Here it is. - What is this? 115 00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,233 I'm tightening the purse strings on this relationship... 116 00:05:56,589 --> 00:05:58,489 until there's a little bit of give-and-take. 117 00:05:58,825 --> 00:06:00,785 You know what? Keep your money. I don't need your little allowance. 118 00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,587 - We'll see. - [Vibrates] 119 00:06:02,862 --> 00:06:06,462 Oh, "miss you more." That's classic Maureen right there. 120 00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,553 She's always got to one-up me for some... some reason. 121 00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,869 And so I'll write back what? 122 00:06:12,205 --> 00:06:14,075 I don't care. 123 00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:17,567 "Miss you most." Most. Can't get more than most, right? 124 00:06:18,077 --> 00:06:20,217 So that should... that should be the end of it, right? 125 00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,220 So I hope so. 126 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:30,310 Oh, man. You just cannot get enough, huh? 127 00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:33,480 Sorry for just showing up, but you weren't responding to my texts. 128 00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:37,586 No, I totally get it. Once you pop, you can't stop, am I right? 129 00:06:38,164 --> 00:06:41,474 Actually, I came clean to my wife, and she kicked me out of the house. 130 00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:43,781 - Ooh. Ouch. - Yeah. 131 00:06:44,103 --> 00:06:45,943 Bet you wish you could take that one back, huh? 132 00:06:46,272 --> 00:06:48,172 So I was thinking maybe I could stay here tonight. 133 00:06:48,508 --> 00:06:50,968 - Oh. - Well, you are somewhat responsible for this. 134 00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:54,717 No. No, no, no, no. Can't you stay in a hotel or something? 135 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,328 I would, but she froze my assets. 136 00:06:57,683 --> 00:07:00,523 Yikes. Shit's getting pretty real for you, huh? 137 00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:05,027 But nonetheless, uh, I really, like I said, I don't want you in my space. 138 00:07:05,658 --> 00:07:08,148 So there's got to be a lot of other places that you could stay... 139 00:07:08,561 --> 00:07:10,371 that aren't, you know, here. 140 00:07:10,696 --> 00:07:12,126 Dee, I gave you a car. 141 00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:15,528 - Oh, you're gonna jam the car in my face, huh? - Mmm. 142 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:17,495 Come in. 143 00:07:20,206 --> 00:07:21,226 Thanks. 144 00:07:21,507 --> 00:07:23,817 ["The Boys Are Back In Town"] 145 00:07:27,213 --> 00:07:29,703 - The boys are back in town - Boys are back in town 146 00:07:30,116 --> 00:07:32,806 The boys are back in town 147 00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,122 Da da da da da 148 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,050 Da da da da da 149 00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,695 Da da da da da 150 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:40,357 Da da da da da da da da da 151 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:43,920 The boys are back in town 152 00:07:44,430 --> 00:07:46,180 - Whoo! - Dennis! 153 00:07:46,499 --> 00:07:48,109 [Together] Hey! 154 00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:51,331 What are you doing? It is 2:00 in the morning. I was sleeping, Dennis. 155 00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:55,084 That's cool. Well, you're up now, baby girl. So let's do some shots! 156 00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:59,238 No. I don't drink. You know that. I think it makes people look ugly. 157 00:07:59,812 --> 00:08:02,712 - I... - Maybe I should go to my room. 158 00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:06,722 That is not your room anymore. It is my craft studio. So kindly stay out of there. 159 00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,246 - Don't freak, dude. It's-It's all good, dude. - What? 160 00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,249 She turned it into her craft studio where she makes terrible sweatshirts... 161 00:08:12,692 --> 00:08:15,212 out of cats, or puts cats in sweatshirts... 162 00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,798 and then I'm, like, dude, what the hell did you do? 163 00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,564 What? Dennis, do not talk to me that way. I am your wife. 164 00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:22,637 Please show me some respect in front of your friends. 165 00:08:22,935 --> 00:08:25,775 Uh, you know what? I'm not entirely certain that you are my wife. 166 00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,139 'Cause I remember marrying Maureen Ponderosa. 167 00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:31,194 And you are no Maureen Ponderosa. 168 00:08:31,644 --> 00:08:33,814 That doesn't even... I don't know what that... What? 169 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,260 - Divorce! - What? What did you just say? 170 00:08:36,616 --> 00:08:39,136 I will divorce you, Maureen. I'll do it. 171 00:08:39,552 --> 00:08:41,692 Okay, you're drunk. Why don't we just go to bed... 172 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:47,294 I'm not drunk. I'm more sober than I've ever been in my entire life. 173 00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:51,404 Okay, I'm a little bit drunk... I'm totally drunk, but my mind is sober. 174 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:53,801 And my mind's telling me the following: 175 00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:56,883 I don't love you, Maureen. I don't love you. I never loved you. 176 00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:59,146 You're annoying, and you're strange. 177 00:08:59,472 --> 00:09:01,252 I don't know what to say. 178 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:04,034 Don't say anything. 'Cause every time you open your mouth, I'm, like, ohh! 179 00:09:04,443 --> 00:09:07,633 It's like her breath is, like, always so bad. 180 00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:09,877 It's like a dead tooth... It's the dead tooth. 181 00:09:10,182 --> 00:09:12,872 I'm saying it now. I'll say it. You have a dead tooth. You realize that, right? 182 00:09:13,319 --> 00:09:15,749 And I hate it! And it's annoying! 183 00:09:16,155 --> 00:09:20,345 I want you and your boy toy out of my apartment now! 184 00:09:20,993 --> 00:09:23,863 [Both Laughing] 185 00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:25,640 I'm the boy toy. 186 00:09:25,898 --> 00:09:28,618 You're my boy toy. No, I'm not gonna leave our apartment... 187 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,818 Or should I say my apartment... 'cause it's my apartment. 188 00:09:32,271 --> 00:09:34,461 Oh, yeah? How about if you guys don't leave... 189 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,890 I call the cops and I tell them you beat me? 190 00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,523 What in the hell are you talking about? I didn't touch you. 191 00:09:42,715 --> 00:09:45,465 What-What... What are you doing? What is that? 192 00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,588 - I recognize that. What is that? - Oh, shit! 193 00:09:47,887 --> 00:09:49,617 That's from... That's from Fear, dude. 194 00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,702 - Oh, that's Marky Mark. - That's Marky Mark. 195 00:09:52,024 --> 00:09:54,164 That's what Marky Mark does. He does that. And then, um... 196 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,837 Oh, shit, and then the cops come and he gets... 197 00:09:56,095 --> 00:09:57,675 - The police think that William Peterson... - And he gets it. 198 00:09:57,964 --> 00:09:59,224 - The guy from C. S. I.- - Go! She means business. 199 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:01,575 - She means business. - Oh, shit. Oh, shit. 200 00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:10,922 Oh, my God. 201 00:10:11,210 --> 00:10:13,670 - You are really making yourself at home here, huh? - Yeah. 202 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,240 - Sorry. You want to have sex? - What? No. 203 00:10:17,750 --> 00:10:20,770 No. God, no. Please close your legs up. That's... 204 00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:24,413 Listen, I-I don't want to get into your personal life, you know what I mean? 205 00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:28,734 It's not really any of my business. But this is really bumming me out, okay? 206 00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:32,288 So here's what I'd like to do. I'd like to talk game plan with you, okay? 207 00:10:32,765 --> 00:10:36,455 And number one, and most importantly, uh, the car. 208 00:10:37,036 --> 00:10:39,436 Now hear me out. It was kind of a gift. 209 00:10:39,839 --> 00:10:41,509 So it'd be pretty rude of you to try and... 210 00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,147 - I don't give a shit about the car, okay? My life is in ruins. - Mm-hmm. 211 00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:45,683 - I'm gonna lose my kids. - Okay, great. 212 00:10:45,911 --> 00:10:47,661 So we're in agreement. I keep the car. That's wonderful. 213 00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:51,260 Now secondly... and this is gonna be kind of hard to hear... 214 00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:54,684 but, um, get out! 215 00:10:56,122 --> 00:10:58,312 Get out! 216 00:10:58,691 --> 00:11:01,471 You gotta go back to your wife, okay, and get out of my place! 217 00:11:01,927 --> 00:11:03,767 Okay, well, I'm gonna need the car to get over there. 218 00:11:04,096 --> 00:11:05,766 Well, the car's off the table, okay? 219 00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:09,105 We just discussed the car and we came to an agreement that... Stop bringing up the car, okay? 220 00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,622 So I'll get dressed and I'll drive you over there and I'll drop you off. 221 00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,641 - Okay. - Okay. Well, get up. 222 00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:16,959 Oh, God. I don't... I don't... Okay, I'm gonna go in here. Jesus. 223 00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:21,708 You know, I wouldn't have imagined the whole thing going down the way it did. 224 00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,638 It was a little uncomfortable. I'm glad we got our little "heart-to-heart"... 225 00:11:25,051 --> 00:11:26,981 or whatever you want to call it... out of the way. 226 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:31,039 I feel like now we can set aside our differences and settle this whole divorce pretty amicably. 227 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:34,434 - You think it's gonna be that easy, dude? - Well, yeah, of course. 228 00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:38,734 I mean, marriage and divorce these days is like more of a formality than anything else. 229 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:42,321 It's just sort of something that you do, right? 230 00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,492 Don't snap at me, Charlie! You bring nothing to the table! 231 00:11:45,938 --> 00:11:47,778 - Oh! Oh! - Nothing! This is my money! 232 00:11:48,107 --> 00:11:49,857 - I bring nothing to the table! - You bring nothing to the table! 233 00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,226 Oh, really? Do you ever stop for one second and think about... 234 00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:55,418 "Hey, hey, where do all of the groceries come from... 235 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:56,871 - Frank, okay?" - Ohh! 236 00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,043 "Oh, how did my laundry get so clean?" 237 00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,495 "Oh, oh, who washed all the dishes today?" 238 00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:06,214 Nobody washes the dishes! We eat the food directly off the coffee table and you know it! 239 00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,152 I cannot stand being married to you! 240 00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,234 You can't stand it? I'm gonna pull the plug. 241 00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,403 - You're gonna flush our marriage down the toilet? - Right down the toilet! 242 00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,042 - Flush it, big boy! - Yes! There we go! 243 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,230 - Flush it down the toilet 'cause I don't care! - Oh, yeah? 244 00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:18,679 I'm gonna pull the plug, but first I'm gonna draw up some documents. 245 00:12:19,038 --> 00:12:21,528 This is gonna be an ugly-ass divorce. We're gonna get a mediator. 246 00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:26,041 Okay, I got it. We'll get that idiot lawyer that helps us out. He does good by us. 247 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,989 Yeah, he's excellent. But he slapped a restraining order on us. We can't use him. 248 00:12:30,516 --> 00:12:33,476 - Also, you need a lawyer too. We should talk about that. - I need a lawyer? For what? 249 00:12:33,953 --> 00:12:36,733 How are you not grasping this situation? 250 00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:39,119 - Oh, for the divorce. Yeah. - The divorce. 251 00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:40,948 - You getting a divorce? - Yeah. 252 00:12:41,227 --> 00:12:42,537 All right, so it's going around. 253 00:12:42,795 --> 00:12:45,195 Okay, I think I know someone who will take both our cases. 254 00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,618 Ah. Is it you? 255 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:49,894 [Dennis] Is it? 256 00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:51,712 'Cause if it's you, I'm not interested. 257 00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:54,374 Well, I have a family member who's a lawyer. I bet he'd do it. 258 00:12:58,511 --> 00:13:02,351 It's coming up here. This... Yeah, this is it right here. 259 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:04,618 - Ponderosa's Ponderosa. - [Scoffs] 260 00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:09,048 Could you wait a minute? I just want to make sure it's okay. 261 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:12,298 Yeah, you know, whatever it's gonna take to wrap this up, really. 262 00:13:14,593 --> 00:13:15,733 [Exhales] 263 00:13:19,665 --> 00:13:20,625 [Scoffs] 264 00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,793 [Dial Tone, Beeping] 265 00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:26,035 - [Cell Phone Jingle] - Maureen? 266 00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:27,675 No, it's Dee. 267 00:13:27,907 --> 00:13:29,217 How are things going on your end? 268 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,995 Oh, not bad. Yeah, not bad. I'm getting a divorce. [Chuckles] 269 00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:36,691 Well, I know how that goes. Got a messy situation going on on my end too. 270 00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:39,689 Had to let my guy go. Had to cut him loose. 271 00:13:40,085 --> 00:13:43,275 I tell you what though. I do love the car. Hands-free, Blue... 272 00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:46,629 - I can do all kinds of stuff with both hands. - [Laughing] 273 00:13:47,092 --> 00:13:49,172 - [Laughing] - Dennis? Did we get cut off? 274 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:52,488 - Okay, hop in there. - Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this? What are you doing? 275 00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,925 Here he goes. Okay, go, go. 276 00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:56,137 - What? - Go! Go! 277 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:58,585 - Oh, my God! - [Tires Squealing] 278 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,352 I'm so glad you called, Charlie. 279 00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,920 Your uncle never hears from you anymore. 280 00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:08,348 Well, you're kinda the only actual lawyer I know... 281 00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,414 who doesn't have a restraining order against me... 282 00:14:10,716 --> 00:14:13,756 - so I sort of had to call you... - Hey, hey, I-I miss you too, bud. 283 00:14:14,253 --> 00:14:16,653 Mmm, with the touching. With the touching. None of that. 284 00:14:17,056 --> 00:14:20,686 You're put off by my hands. I know they're very small. It's been very hard on me. 285 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,890 There's nothing wrong with your hands, okay? Can we just focus on the law? 286 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:25,640 [Uncle Jack] Of course. All right. 287 00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:27,978 As far as shared assets, I'm not seeing much. 288 00:14:28,334 --> 00:14:30,734 - I'm keeping the hot plate! - Over my dead body! 289 00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:34,736 Hey, hey, hey! Easy, boys. Don't let the dog off the leash, okay? 290 00:14:35,307 --> 00:14:38,467 Remember, the bigger man walks away first. 291 00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:40,558 He can have the hot plate. 292 00:14:40,846 --> 00:14:43,336 Oh! Hot dog! Now we're cooking with gas! 293 00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:47,439 Moving along to art holdings. All I'm seeing is a series of drawings of elephants. 294 00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,010 - Mmm. - Oh. 295 00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:52,211 Oh, yeah. Well, Charlie did the elephant drawings. 296 00:14:52,691 --> 00:14:54,151 - Yeah, but... - You should keep 'em. 297 00:14:54,426 --> 00:14:56,796 - I did those for you, man. - I like 'em. 298 00:14:57,196 --> 00:14:59,776 Well, you should like 'em. I put a lot of work into 'em. 299 00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:02,479 And thank you for saying you like 'em. 300 00:15:02,868 --> 00:15:04,918 - I've seen 'em, and I like 'em too. - Yeah, they're good. 301 00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:06,581 I'll keep the drawings, okay? 302 00:15:06,839 --> 00:15:08,149 If I didn't know any better... 303 00:15:08,407 --> 00:15:10,777 I'd say there's a lot of love in this room. 304 00:15:11,176 --> 00:15:13,226 Look, Jack, we just want to get back to where we were. 305 00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,159 Sounds like what you guys want is an annulment. 306 00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,952 It would essentially void your partnership. 307 00:15:19,351 --> 00:15:22,571 - Yeah. Right. That sounds perfect. - Marriage blows. 308 00:15:23,088 --> 00:15:25,198 Preaching to the choir, fellas. [Chuckles] 309 00:15:25,557 --> 00:15:28,547 All right. I just need both your signatures on here. 310 00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:30,668 All right, that's easy enough. 311 00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,663 Easy-peasy. 312 00:15:32,965 --> 00:15:34,835 [Uncle Jack] One. 313 00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,477 Two! We did it! 314 00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:39,395 That's it. Your union has hereby been dissolved. 315 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:42,328 Why did we have to do all the touching and the hand holding if it was just... 316 00:15:42,741 --> 00:15:44,551 It was fun. Hey, Mac. 317 00:15:44,877 --> 00:15:47,047 You mind snapping a photo for the Web site? 318 00:15:47,413 --> 00:15:49,723 But keep my hands out of the shot. I'll put 'em down here. 319 00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:53,275 You guys. You guys, I need help. I don't know what to do. 320 00:15:53,786 --> 00:15:55,486 I just kidnapped Bill Ponderosa's kids. 321 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:58,008 All right. Are the kids confined in any way? 322 00:15:58,390 --> 00:16:03,550 - Maybe in a crawl space or a backyard bunker? - No. They're out in the car. 323 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:07,790 - Have you touched them yet? - Absolutely not. What... Who is this man? 324 00:16:08,334 --> 00:16:10,474 - [Tires Screeching] - Don't... You're... You don't need to... 325 00:16:10,836 --> 00:16:13,206 - [Woman] What is she, some cheap tramp? - Oh, no! 326 00:16:13,605 --> 00:16:16,645 Oh, my God! You are such an asshole! I followed you, okay? 327 00:16:17,142 --> 00:16:18,662 - I knew you were seeing someone else! - Honey, no... 328 00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:20,754 Hi. Hi, there. I'm Dee. 329 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:22,660 Uh, I understand that. 330 00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:26,348 Listen, I want to just say I'm really sorry about... about the kids. 331 00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:28,845 I tell you what, I did not mean to kidnap them. 332 00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:30,888 That was all... That was all this guy. 333 00:16:31,190 --> 00:16:32,830 They're not my kids. 334 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,995 - Aren't you his wife? - No. I'm his mistress. 335 00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:37,722 Well, what the hell, man? 336 00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:39,833 - I'm taking my car back. - Nuh-uh. That's my car. 337 00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:42,275 - Actually, I loaned it to both of you ladies. - [Tires Screeching] 338 00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:44,684 [Woman #2] You son of a bitch! I'm gonna kill you! 339 00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:46,647 What? How many mistresses do you have? 340 00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:49,549 Mistress? I'm his wife! Kids, let's go. 341 00:16:49,975 --> 00:16:52,025 - Yeah, come on, kids. Let's go home. - No, no, no, no, no. 342 00:16:52,378 --> 00:16:56,358 Not you, Bill. Now I want this to be over with right now! 343 00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:58,792 - So how much does he owe you? - What? 344 00:16:59,118 --> 00:17:02,078 How much does he owe you, whore? How much does he owe you for the sex? 345 00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:04,454 Oh. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no. 346 00:17:04,790 --> 00:17:07,280 I'm not a prostitute. I think that's... that's clear. 347 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:10,383 - You know? - Oh. Well, congratulations. 348 00:17:10,829 --> 00:17:13,409 You're the only woman he didn't have to pay to sleep with. 349 00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:15,442 You must be very proud of yourself. 350 00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:16,994 - [Tires Squealing] - Wait! 351 00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:19,456 No, no! Oh, goddamn it! 352 00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:20,978 [Tires Squealing] 353 00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,257 Yeah. 354 00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:28,365 Well, the, uh, gravity of my situation just set in. 355 00:17:29,114 --> 00:17:31,074 - So... - Let's go get you a divorce, huh? 356 00:17:31,417 --> 00:17:33,317 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. - Yep. 357 00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:37,154 You guys, uh, have any questions? 358 00:17:37,489 --> 00:17:39,829 Yeah, I got a question. What's in the fanny pack? 359 00:17:40,225 --> 00:17:44,145 - [Knocks] - Oh, check this out, Mac and Dennis. 360 00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,313 Just a little victory dance. 361 00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:48,738 Thought maybe we could hang out later. 362 00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,482 No... Um... 363 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,420 Oh, Mr. Reynolds. 364 00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,822 Oh, uh, I'm sorry. What are you doing here? 365 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:00,728 Well, when I heard you were getting divorced... 366 00:18:01,013 --> 00:18:03,943 I... I felt compelled to involve myself. 367 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:06,696 I'm sorry. How would you have heard that I was getting a divorce? 368 00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,516 I-I-I may have told him. 369 00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:13,642 I so enjoyed listening to you drunkenly explain all that at 3:00 a.m. 370 00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:17,066 I enjoyed it so much that I tracked down Maureen here... 371 00:18:17,529 --> 00:18:20,489 and I offered her my services, pro bono, of course. 372 00:18:20,966 --> 00:18:22,896 - [Chuckles] - Hold on, fellas. 373 00:18:23,235 --> 00:18:25,285 I'm Jack Kelly. I'm a lawyer. 374 00:18:25,637 --> 00:18:28,737 Hello, Jack Kelly. The pleasure is all mine. 375 00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:33,311 - It's a pleasure to meet you. - The pleasure's still... 376 00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:36,086 - Why don't we just get started? - Why don't we just get started? 377 00:18:40,018 --> 00:18:40,918 Ahh. 378 00:18:44,756 --> 00:18:47,246 - Boy, the old place, huh? - Uhh... 379 00:18:47,659 --> 00:18:50,349 - Yeah. - Some good memories... here. 380 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,316 All of us. 381 00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:54,935 [Mumbles] 382 00:18:55,167 --> 00:18:57,567 [Exhales] 383 00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,170 Hey, um... 384 00:19:00,806 --> 00:19:02,356 - So I was like... - I'm gonna go. 385 00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:04,631 No, no, no. No, stick around, dude. Stick... Stick around. 386 00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,237 - Please don't... - I don't want to though. 387 00:19:06,478 --> 00:19:07,438 - No, you should stay. - Yeah. 388 00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:08,906 - Shea butter. - Oh. 389 00:19:09,148 --> 00:19:10,728 - Assorted lanolin products. - Oh, God. 390 00:19:11,016 --> 00:19:14,176 I'm serious. You could be a hand model. You've got the goods. 391 00:19:14,686 --> 00:19:16,086 Well, that was quick, guys. 392 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:17,695 Open-and-shut case, Dennis. 393 00:19:17,956 --> 00:19:19,506 - Okay. - Did you get the apartment back? 394 00:19:19,791 --> 00:19:20,961 I sure did. 395 00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,183 - You did? You did? - [Cheering] 396 00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:27,479 And you also acquired Miss Ponderosa's debt. 397 00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,150 What? You're in debt? 398 00:19:29,368 --> 00:19:31,618 Not anymore. But you are. About 90K. 399 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:33,674 This guy seems to think you don't have a case... 400 00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:35,642 and I'm inclined to agree with him. 401 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:40,221 Yeah. When I found out that Miss Ponderosa here had been cast out of her marital home... 402 00:19:40,879 --> 00:19:43,399 I-I only thought it was fair that you assumed her debt... 403 00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:45,955 in addition to the alimony payments, of course. 404 00:19:46,318 --> 00:19:49,038 Wait a second. So I gotta pay alimony payments? Uncle Jack, what the hell? 405 00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:51,238 I... I froze up. He's great. 406 00:19:51,557 --> 00:19:53,867 Oh, congratulations, Ms. Ponderosa. 407 00:19:54,259 --> 00:19:56,719 Oh, congratulations to you. 408 00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:59,149 [Chuckles] See you around, Dennis. 409 00:19:59,498 --> 00:20:01,048 - Yeah. - Mac. 410 00:20:01,333 --> 00:20:05,963 Hey, Mac, would you mind taking a shot of the three of us for the Web site? 411 00:20:06,672 --> 00:20:07,932 Come on, Dennis. 412 00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:11,633 And would it be okay if you put your hands on top of mine... 413 00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,697 - like they're my hands? - Like that? 414 00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:14,999 - Yes. - Okay. 415 00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,554 - That looks like my hands. - Yeah. 416 00:20:16,815 --> 00:20:18,745 - [Winding] - [Uncle Jack] For the Web site. 417 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,516 - We're lawyers. - [Shutter Clicks] 418 00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:07,376 [Voices Speaking Backwards] 419 00:21:12,604 --> 00:21:13,474 English - US - SDH 420 00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:18,074 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 36368

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