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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,629 Well, does it hurt when you pass water? 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:06,955 - No. - Flow? 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,560 It's like I'm trying to run a bath, but someone's got a tap on in the other room. 4 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,716 - It takes ages. - Righto. 5 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:14,149 I'm going to need more than "righto". 6 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:17,112 - Daniel, what do you want from me? - Some help? 7 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,391 Dr Baxter is a very busy man, Daniel. 8 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:22,078 Look, why are you even here? 9 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:25,715 Well, you've nothing to hide from Auntie. I've picked up your undies, remember. Hmm. 10 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,832 Yellow at the front, brown at the back, just like a Battenberg, Roger. 11 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:31,110 They take you for granted, don't they? 12 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:35,073 They do. And it's not as if we haven't noticed that his tinkles take longer. 13 00:00:35,120 --> 00:00:36,109 Eh, hound? 14 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:39,877 Dog in the surgery, that's OK, is it? 15 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:42,115 Pistachio is always welcome. 16 00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,709 It's nice to have a male in the room that doesn't have faulty waterworks. 17 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:49,795 Unbelievable. 18 00:00:49,840 --> 00:00:53,549 Daniel, you clearly only need reassuring. 19 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:57,479 Look, you probably have a slightly swollen prostate. 20 00:00:57,520 --> 00:00:59,397 Quite normal in a man of your age. 21 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,511 What does he mean, a man my age? 22 00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,516 Oh, what a fuss you do make. 23 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:05,834 Help me. 24 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:08,678 You want me to put my finger up your bum, don't you? 25 00:01:08,720 --> 00:01:10,711 No. 26 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,797 - Not if it's not necessary. - Well, that's the test. 27 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,877 Why do you want Dr Baxter to finger your bottom, Daniel? 28 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,388 - I don't want it. - Right. 29 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:23,712 Pop behind the curtain, pull your pants aside and relax. 30 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,589 Aside? 31 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:44,000 Ripped By mstoll 32 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:56,196 All right, Charlotte, on you get. 33 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,549 - Ashley, yeah. - Emma! 34 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,194 - Emma. - Hey. 35 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,194 - Blimey, are you all right? - Yeah, of course. 36 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,038 How come you're out of breath? You only ran from over there. 37 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:11,640 - I'm fine. - Sir, you've gone grey. 38 00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,513 You've got a nerve talking about my face, son. You look like the Angel of the North. 39 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:18,235 I would say come with us, but there are a lot of hills. 40 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:19,679 Oh. 41 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:21,950 And it would be awful if you had a massive fatal heart attack. 42 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,036 What's your nan wearing today? 43 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:27,152 It's just cos, well, you've got her clothes, so... 44 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:28,599 Prick. 45 00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:32,155 Yeah, that's enough, thank you. Get on the bus, you lot. 46 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,357 You need to start looking after yourself. 47 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,152 You wouldn't say that if you saw me down the gym. 48 00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,270 I would pay money to see you at the gym. 49 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:41,038 - Hey, Dan. - Oh, God. 50 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,719 - Coming along? - No, he's got a workout. 51 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,830 Yeah, right, good one. 52 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,518 Wobble, wobble! 53 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,312 I'll save you a seat, Miss Lipsey. 54 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,715 Hope you've been brushing up on your I Spy. 55 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,432 I have, Alistair. 56 00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:54,799 Hmm. 57 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,149 How come you're sitting next to that knob? 58 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:58,997 You wouldn't sit next to me on the Burghley Castle trip. 59 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,157 Yeah, well, he doesn't fall asleep. Your head weighs a ton. 60 00:03:02,200 --> 00:03:03,838 What, and he's got a light head, has he? 61 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,674 Bye, then! 62 00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:15,712 Oh. Oh, no. 63 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,549 Oh! Oh, hello, everyone! 64 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,511 I wonder who I'm related to! 65 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,596 Oh, good! Oh, no! Family tree! 66 00:03:23,640 --> 00:03:25,039 What are you doing here? 67 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:27,230 Smoking you out of your nerd hole. It's lunchtime. 68 00:03:27,280 --> 00:03:28,838 Will you keep your voice down? 69 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,030 Oh, we mustn't talk in the library! 70 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,992 We must have a little mint that we get out of our pocket, where our tissue is. 71 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,553 Oh, family tree! 72 00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,318 I've had a fucking nightmare today already. 73 00:03:37,360 --> 00:03:40,636 Baxter's put me on cock pills. Seriously, I think it's the endgame, mate. 74 00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:42,557 Sh! 75 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,909 Do you know what my body looks like these days? 76 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:49,158 Looks like an inbred toddler has picked the pastry off a pork pie 77 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:51,919 and squeezed the meat into what he thinks is the shape of a man. 78 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:56,192 Be quiet. Maybe if you'd taken a single day of exercise in your life... 79 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:57,639 Oh, how should I get fit? 80 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:59,910 I thought I'd come down the library and look at my family tree. 81 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,633 You think you've had a bad morning? 82 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,672 The stuff the microfiche has thrown up has been... well, devastating. 83 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,188 - I wonder if... - Oh, ho-ho-ho! 84 00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,755 Oh, can I have some books, please? Books of my friends. 85 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:13,711 Family tree! Oh. 86 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:19,549 Oh, hello. 87 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,797 I like the library. 88 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:25,909 What are you doing? 89 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:28,954 Oh, God. 90 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:35,749 What are you reading? 91 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:39,836 Oh, Market... I've read that. 92 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,599 It's got... It's got really good markets in it. 93 00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:44,949 Bye. 94 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:51,159 Anyway, I'm going to get down the gym, hit it hard. 95 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,590 I'm going to cut out the carbs and I'll walk past that tool from maths 96 00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:56,756 and I'll lift a filing cabinet above my head 97 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:01,112 and I'll go, "Yeah! Hi, Alistair! Fancy a game of I Spy?" 98 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:05,153 And then, and here's the twist, Brian, I'm going to deliberately shit myself. 99 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,192 Could we, for once, not talk exclusively about you? 100 00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,879 Hello. What can I get you? 101 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:12,069 What are you doing? 102 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,076 What's it look like? I'm taking your order. Come on. 103 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,155 You work here? 104 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,636 Yes, obviously. Come on, get a wriggle on. Order! 105 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,193 What the fuck? Bob! 106 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,151 Shakira, hang on. I was... 107 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,031 Calm down. 108 00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:30,112 Lovely little run, that. 109 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:33,992 What just happened? 110 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:38,238 Oh, that? An idea me and my careers adviser came up with. Stealth work. 111 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:39,713 Stealth work? 112 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,159 Not a lot of jobs about, and my CV's rubbish, 113 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,795 so, if someone leaves their post, bam! I'm in. 114 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:48,469 Until I'm caught, I'm employed, and it goes on the CV. 115 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,593 That was nine minutes of catering. It's going to look pretty sweet on here. 116 00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,358 It's creative. 117 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:56,277 It's madness. 118 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:58,151 No employer will be interested in a CV 119 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:01,749 comprising of a few stolen moments in someone else's job. 120 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,475 God! If I could just have one day off your stereo bullshit! 121 00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:09,274 What is wrong with you, Tache? You've been in a right egg since the library. 122 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:11,231 Doesn't matter. Better get back to work. 123 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:14,869 He's right, 124 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:16,831 no rest for the wicked. 125 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:18,909 Jo? 126 00:06:21,280 --> 00:06:23,999 - Excuse me, sir! You can't park there! - Oi! Come back! 127 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:28,189 Shakira, do you think I'm fat? 128 00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,229 As fuck. 129 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,998 - Are you Dan? - Yeah. 130 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:38,359 You want a personal trainer, yeah? 131 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:41,233 Yeah, you know, I just thought I might tone up a bit. 132 00:06:41,280 --> 00:06:43,999 - How old? - 43. 133 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,154 Tongue? 134 00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,112 Nah. Nah, mate, sorry. 135 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,628 - What do you mean? - You're too far gone. 136 00:06:52,680 --> 00:06:53,829 I'm what? 137 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:56,519 You've slipped over the edge, mate. I'm not a magician. 138 00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,391 Fucking hell! You must be able to do something. 139 00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:01,989 If anything, I'd just make you worse. Hang on, look at this. 140 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,508 - Er... - This. 141 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:07,757 This. All of this. This... This. 142 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,791 - You're on cock pills, yeah? - No. 143 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,239 Yeah, you are. You're on cock pills. 144 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:16,070 It's all gone, mate, all of... this. It's all gone all bad now. 145 00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:21,439 Oh. 146 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:26,030 Oh! Hi. You're... You're from the... 147 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,911 - The library. - Yeah. 148 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:31,635 Yeah, you, um... been to the old gym, yeah? 149 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:32,749 Yeah, yeah. 150 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:36,634 I've just been getting back into the, um... kickboxing. Getting back into that. 151 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,433 Oh, you're a kickboxer? 152 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,914 Oh, God, I used to be. Yeah. 153 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:46,397 I mean, now it's just a really cool way of keeping in shape, you know. 154 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:49,119 Do a round dose. 155 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,072 Your hair looks good wet. I mean... 156 00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:55,191 ...it would be good dry, it... I like the wet. 157 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:58,312 In the '80s, we would all wear wet hair gel. 158 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,828 It made everyone look like a paedophile. I wasn't a paedophile. 159 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,553 Cos that'd be madness with you, cos you... 160 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:05,591 What are you? In 1989, you would be what? 161 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:07,153 Two. 162 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:10,272 Two? Fuck me! I'd had three cars. 163 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,910 You're not going to give me your number, are you? 164 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,951 No, so... 165 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,149 Oh, yeah! 166 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:33,317 Look at it! Look at it! 167 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,636 Listen to some of the text banter we've had. 168 00:08:39,680 --> 00:08:42,513 I said, "Fancy going out tonight, then?" 169 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:45,120 And then I said, "It's Dan, the tall guy from the gym." 170 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,436 And she didn't respond straightaway, so I thought, "Ah, I'd better play it cool." 171 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,393 So, I said, "No biggie if you're not up for it. All cool." 172 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:54,396 And then straight off the back of it, I said, 173 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,000 "I'm probably just going to go clubbing or whatever. Let me know." 174 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,632 And then she didn't respond 175 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:01,069 so in the end I said, "Look, are you getting these texts? 176 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,076 "We're heading into out-of-order territory here." 177 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:05,793 And then she replied. 178 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:09,389 She said, "Sorry, I was in the other room. 179 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,159 "Yes, I could come out. Sounds fun." 180 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:15,078 Mate, I'm old enough to be her dad and she said I sound fun. 181 00:09:17,560 --> 00:09:19,915 Buy your own Flumps. 182 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,154 What is wrong with you? 183 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,751 Binmen. 184 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:25,789 What? 185 00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:30,638 My ancestors were binmen. 186 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,829 I thought I'd come from a long line of financial advisers or something. 187 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:37,791 I thought I knew who I was. 188 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:40,593 And to find out like that, in the library of all places. 189 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,359 You've seen the binmen on our estate, 190 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:47,870 barking at each other in a... a lexicon only they understand. 191 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:51,833 Pat Bellows next door complained - they just left an old fish on his lawn. 192 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,598 Anarchy. 193 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:58,031 To think I've got that blood coursing through my veins. 194 00:09:58,080 --> 00:09:59,957 And yet... 195 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,479 Go on. 196 00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:07,193 I can't deny some part of me finds it thrilling. 197 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:10,118 God, I'm so confused. 198 00:10:11,520 --> 00:10:13,033 Go to them. 199 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,752 What? 200 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,712 I think I've found my happiness in Lottie, Brian, and it's... 201 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,910 it's time for you to find yours. 202 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,911 Go to them. 203 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:25,958 Sounds like a cracking idea. 204 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,150 Oi! Oi, you! 205 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:35,074 These bloody cock pills are ridiculous. 206 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:38,476 I'm going off like a riot hose. I'm waterboarding a rat here. 207 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,431 Exciting about Lottie, though. 208 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,757 She's amazing, mate. 209 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:48,509 So stressful, though. Where do you take a young hipster? 210 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:51,836 I know just the place, really cool bistro in town. 211 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:53,108 - Yeah? - She'll love it. 212 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:57,119 I worked there, day before yesterday. Sweet seven minutes 20. 213 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:59,435 Guys! Guys. 214 00:11:00,480 --> 00:11:03,040 You'll never guess what they've got over there. 215 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,469 An old teddy strapped to a bin lorry. 216 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,353 Gary and Macca seem like really nice guys. 217 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,710 I told them all about my ancestors, and, get this, 218 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:15,116 they've invited me along on their bin round later. 219 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,354 They do a night round. 220 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,153 Want to come over and meet the boys? See the bear? 221 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,236 No? 222 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,589 I've ironed those clothes, Daniel. 223 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,552 Are you sure they'll fit? You haven't worn them for years. 224 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,158 Mind your own business. 225 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,475 And can you not come in here when I'm in the bath, old woman? 226 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:40,071 I'm very excited about this new girlfriend. Does she like gardening? 227 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,236 Cos I could do her some cuttings. 228 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,750 She is a cool younger woman with a bod made for sin. 229 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,870 She doesn't want to join arthritic pottering club. 230 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:50,593 Yes, stop fussing, Polly. 231 00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:53,677 What do I have to do to stop you both from coming into my flat? 232 00:11:53,720 --> 00:11:55,472 I don't need you to wash my hair! 233 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,317 Why on earth would I want to wash your hair? 234 00:11:57,360 --> 00:12:00,238 You said you wanted a new youthful appearance 235 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:04,273 and it's all natural, none of your shop-bought rubbish. 236 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:08,393 I'm sorry? Sorry? Please tell me you haven't dyed my hair. 237 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,557 Well, of course I've dyed your hair! You said you wanted to look younger. 238 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:17,919 Sometimes it's just good to freshen your look up, isn't it? 239 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:20,838 I... I just didn't recognise you at first. 240 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:22,393 No. Ha! 241 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,829 Ohh... 242 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,677 Uh-oh. 243 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:28,551 Here comes the 1950s. 244 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:31,717 Now, then, you two. Welcome, welcome. 245 00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:34,354 You've had a chance to peruse the menus, I hope? 246 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:36,152 Yeah, just two tequilas to get us going, please. 247 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,714 No, before we start, um... may I ask, er... 248 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:41,593 how this sauce, er... came to arrive at your table? 249 00:12:41,640 --> 00:12:43,949 Yes, I brought it over. Two tequilas, please. 250 00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,911 We don't help ourselves to condiments. 251 00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:49,635 So, I'll pop that over here 252 00:12:49,680 --> 00:12:53,116 and, when you're ready, give me a little call and I'll bring it over. 253 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:54,832 Now then, drink? 254 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,713 - Two tequilas, please. - Ladies first. That's how we do things. 255 00:12:57,760 --> 00:13:01,230 - Just a small Merlot, please. - Oh, cool, yeah. 256 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,350 Yeah, we should. We should just ease into it. 257 00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,472 That's so cool. Yeah, I'll just have a pint, please. 258 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,670 - We only do wine. - Yup. 259 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,278 A pint of wine? 260 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,878 Yes. 261 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,751 You want a pint of wine? 262 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:16,075 Yes, if that's all right? 263 00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,112 Well, I'll have to open another bottle, but, er... 264 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,838 Man! What's his problem? 265 00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,750 Ah, did you have a good day? 266 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,234 Yeah, yeah, thanks. 267 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,397 - What did you do? - Just shopping. 268 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:37,274 Oh, shopping. Oh, wow. Where... Where were you shopping? 269 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,038 Just at the market. 270 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,116 You... You bought some... 271 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,469 Just bought some vegetables. 272 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,192 Oh, veget... 273 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:48,038 I love veg. Mmm! 274 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:50,435 I love them. 275 00:13:51,760 --> 00:13:53,830 Oh. 276 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:55,711 I ate a whole bag of potatoes once. 277 00:13:57,560 --> 00:14:00,438 Oh, look out. 278 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:04,996 Oh, um... 279 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,838 can we have some ketchup for our table, please? 280 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,874 You... You haven't got your food yet. 281 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,239 No, but you said if I wanted some, I should... 282 00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:18,034 Right! I felt a little bit uncomfortable with the pint of wine. 283 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,992 You don't need sauce on your table, do you? 284 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,029 Or do you? 285 00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,514 You want your sauce when you've got your food! 286 00:14:24,560 --> 00:14:29,236 I'll bring the condiments when there's food on the table! 287 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:34,229 I can't be making multiple journeys to your table when there's no food here! 288 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:37,078 When you've got your food, I'll bring your sauce! 289 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:42,956 But I won't do it before! I won't bring it to an empty space! I just won't do it! 290 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:47,995 Jesus. 291 00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,871 Phew. 292 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,717 Cheers. 293 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,591 Mm. Mm! 294 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:59,517 Mm-mm-mm. 295 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,149 Mm. 296 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,191 Mm. 297 00:15:04,240 --> 00:15:05,912 Mm. 298 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,996 Mm-mm! 299 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:10,909 Ah. 300 00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:16,112 Do you like potatoes? 301 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,355 Yeah, very good! 302 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:25,600 Nearly there! Whoa! Yeah! 303 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,030 Excellent work, Macca! You reversed the hell out of that! 304 00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:30,354 Fuck! 305 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:33,796 God, it feels good to let loose. 306 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,554 Did you see his face when I ordered that second pint of wine? 307 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,591 We're mad, aren't we, you and me, Lottie? 308 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,358 Oi, nice jeans, mate. 309 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,358 Have a bit of respect, son. These are Haçienda originals. 310 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:46,072 You look like a 1980s snooker player. 311 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,120 Oh, yeah? See if you think that when I'm pilled-up on the dance floor later. 312 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:50,878 - What's that? - Eh? 313 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,114 Drugs? 314 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,673 He hasn't got no drugs, mate. Look at him. 315 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,790 I might have some drugs. 316 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:58,070 He hasn't got any drugs. He's about 50. 317 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,759 Yeah? Well, what are these, then? 318 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,030 - Yeah, what are they? - What? 319 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,559 Ah, no, these... these are fine. 320 00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:07,876 These are alpha-blockers. They're for a swollen prostate. 321 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,076 I haven't got a swollen prostate. 322 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,314 Well, you're about the right age. 323 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:16,717 For your information, I've used that container to smuggle E's and poppers in. 324 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,433 So. And you've got a nerve, talking about my age. 325 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,517 You look like Tom Cruise's dad, his fat dad. 326 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:25,711 You look like Tom Cruise's fat dad. 327 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:26,749 Lottie, shall we? 328 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,036 Tom Cruise! Cocktail. 329 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,436 - Oh, God. Of course you're working here. - Best one yet. 330 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,996 I've been here two hours. No-one's batted a bloody eyelid. How's the date going? 331 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,634 Shit, thanks to you. That restaurant was rubbish. 332 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,240 It must have got bad after I left. Sorry. 333 00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,679 - Free cocktail? - No. 334 00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,473 I can't have any fluids. The bouncers have got my cock pills. 335 00:16:57,520 --> 00:16:59,875 Look at me. I'm swelling up like a greedy bee. 336 00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,832 - I've got an idea. - No, no, you don't do anything. 337 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,836 Dan, trust me, yeah? 338 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,792 Problem one, you want Lottie to think you're cool, right? 339 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,273 Yes. 340 00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:11,117 Problem two, you haven't got a drink. 341 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:13,435 No! I can't have any... 342 00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,948 Oh, Lottie, this is my friend Jo. 343 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:19,709 Hi, Lottie. Dan's a well good laugh, isn't he? 344 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,111 Special! Special! Special! 345 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:25,991 Special! 346 00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,190 Special! Special! Special! 347 00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:30,754 Neck it! Neck it! 348 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,439 Neck it! Neck it! 349 00:17:37,360 --> 00:17:39,999 Ah, guys. 350 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,598 Small point, er... but I noticed 351 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:44,438 that we left a few polystyrene curls on the road back there. 352 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,914 I mean, I know, technically, they should be recycled, 353 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,918 but, er... we've just got to use our common sense here, right? 354 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:52,838 Don't want people saying we ain't making the effort to keep the place looking tidy. 355 00:17:52,880 --> 00:17:54,916 Right? 356 00:17:57,120 --> 00:17:59,031 Yorkie? 357 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,156 Mate. 358 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:07,234 All right? 359 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,113 Could I have those pills back? 360 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,674 I lied. They are for my prostate. 361 00:18:12,720 --> 00:18:14,039 You hurt me. 362 00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:15,479 Sorry? 363 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:17,909 - You all right there, Terry? - This is him. 364 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,394 Well. You thoughtless man. 365 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,829 - Tom Cruise's dad? - Fat dad. 366 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,393 Tom Cruise's fat dad? 367 00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,396 I was embarrassed. 368 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,556 You thought you'd take it out on me. Lovely. 369 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,636 It's his birthday an' all. How would you feel, 370 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:34,355 being likened to a 50-year-old's obese father on your special day? 371 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:36,356 - I'm sorry. - Are you? 372 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,197 Are you sorry? 373 00:18:38,240 --> 00:18:41,949 Yeah. Now, please, lads, can I have those pills? 374 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:44,070 I'm puffed up like Barbapapa down here. 375 00:18:44,120 --> 00:18:46,190 You'll have a birthday pint with him first. 376 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:48,071 - What? - Make amends. 377 00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,348 Would be nice. 378 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:51,998 Oh, Christ. 379 00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:54,439 Another thing, one time, 380 00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,358 he blew a massive bubble-gum bubble and it all went in my hair. 381 00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,356 Wicked. 382 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:05,469 Bear with me. 383 00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,671 You all right? 384 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:10,597 Yeah, yeah. 385 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:12,676 I hope Jo didn't say anything too weird. 386 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:15,029 No. Nothing weird. 387 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,640 I'm just going to go to the toilet. 388 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,956 Hi, guys. Let's get a bit old school. 389 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,675 New DJ, new vibes. We're going back to the '80s. 390 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,519 Oh, my God! 391 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,790 Come on, Grandad! Let's conga! 392 00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:32,829 Fuck off! 393 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,075 Your hips playing up, mate? 394 00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:38,237 Do you want me to conga, Lottie? 395 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,838 Well, fuck it! Let's conga, then! 396 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,155 Yeah, Macca. Bit of bad news, I'm afraid. 397 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:51,397 You're not supposed to block the air flow 398 00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,352 through the front grille of the old beast here. 399 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,198 I'm afraid old teddy will have to come off. 400 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,754 Er... yeah, guys. 401 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:03,759 Just saying to Macca, um... the bear at the front... 402 00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:06,275 ...guys... 403 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,199 Guys? 404 00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,232 Just let... Just let me! 405 00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:24,073 Er... just let... 406 00:20:24,120 --> 00:20:25,473 Can I just... 407 00:20:27,720 --> 00:20:29,915 No! No! 408 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,789 What the fuck? 409 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,275 Oh, fuck! It's happening! 410 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,311 No! It's happening! 411 00:20:47,360 --> 00:20:49,954 Aargh! 412 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,114 Don't be too hard on him, Lottie. He means well. 413 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:07,639 Yes. 414 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:10,911 If Brian was here, it wouldn't happen. Brian's the sensible one. 415 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,797 But it's good to have different types of friends, isn't it? 416 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:29,870 A lot of this is, um... just flush water from the urinal. It's... 417 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:33,392 Well, it's not all piss. 418 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,315 It's OK, I get it. 419 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:38,918 What? 420 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,235 Look at me. 421 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:42,872 You're not into this, are you? 422 00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,753 I mean, how would I know? I don't know what you're into. You never say. 423 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,155 But you're not into this. 424 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,949 I would tell you what I was into, but you never shut up, 425 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:54,956 you... 426 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,592 silly lovely man. 427 00:21:56,640 --> 00:21:59,598 Oh. 428 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,629 Lottie? 429 00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:02,669 Yes, Dan? 430 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,238 What are you into? 431 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:09,238 That's it! Put them in the fucking bag! 432 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:11,794 - Aah! - Oh! Oh! 433 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:13,708 - Spin them! - What? 434 00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:14,715 Spin them! 435 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,557 - What? - Fuck, yes! 436 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,114 - How much are they? Fuck! - I don't know! 437 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,594 How much are your fucking apples? 438 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,518 - 50p a pound. - Oh! Sell them to me. 439 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,551 Apples! 50p a pound! 440 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:30,479 - Properly! - Apples! Get your apples! 441 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:31,953 - Yes! - Aah! 442 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:33,991 - Oh! Fuck me! - Oh! 443 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:35,917 - Oh! - Fuck me, market boy! 444 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,359 I'm trying! 445 00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,709 You dirty working-class bastard! 446 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:42,035 I'm not into this! 447 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:47,314 Has she gone? 448 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:51,113 She's gone, Nesta. 449 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,120 Please. Please. 450 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,549 Leave me alone. 451 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:00,990 I knew she was no good for you, young lamb like that. 452 00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:03,156 You need a woman with proper hips. 453 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:04,872 Christ! 454 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:09,277 I think you should stick to wooing that nice Emma girl. 455 00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,709 She's ever so sweet. 456 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:16,197 I mean, what do I have to do, to stop you both from coming into my flat? 457 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:18,629 Oh, come on, come on, come on, come on. 458 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,638 Oh. Oh, well, there's one bit of good news. 459 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:24,638 Your prostate's still working OK. 460 00:23:55,500 --> 00:24:03,500 Ripped By mstoll 34199

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