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1
00:00:05,777 --> 00:00:07,677
(smooth jazz plays)
2
00:00:09,777 --> 00:00:10,357
(groans)
3
00:00:12,333 --> 00:00:13,333
What's up?
4
00:00:13,858 --> 00:00:15,421
What? What's-what...?
5
00:00:15,422 --> 00:00:15,762
What?
6
00:00:15,772 --> 00:00:16,772
What is that music?
7
00:00:17,835 --> 00:00:20,422
Are we listening to the
funeral home station?
8
00:00:20,423 --> 00:00:23,138
No, we're listening to my prototype.
9
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,189
JEN: Wha...?
10
00:00:24,613 --> 00:00:25,421
(Greg grunts)
11
00:00:25,422 --> 00:00:28,543
Yeah, it's turning Lark's cries
12
00:00:28,663 --> 00:00:30,886
into soothing music.
13
00:00:31,203 --> 00:00:33,911
May I present: CryTunes.
14
00:00:34,497 --> 00:00:37,422
Yeah. I posted it at my work.
15
00:00:38,616 --> 00:00:39,764
We're live, baby,
16
00:00:39,796 --> 00:00:41,173
and raising funds.
17
00:00:41,221 --> 00:00:44,239
Oh, so you are
crowdfunding your own idea.
18
00:00:44,290 --> 00:00:44,834
Yeah.
19
00:00:44,866 --> 00:00:46,190
See, got a little description,
20
00:00:46,203 --> 00:00:48,421
and these are all the
rewards that backers can get.
21
00:00:48,422 --> 00:00:50,421
"$100,
22
00:00:50,422 --> 00:00:52,145
personalized mixtape."
23
00:00:52,204 --> 00:00:54,421
Well, yeah, I mean,
I'm the king of those.
24
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,754
So what do you think?
25
00:00:57,422 --> 00:00:58,422
Who? Oh, me?
26
00:00:58,735 --> 00:00:59,811
Um...
27
00:00:59,853 --> 00:01:01,073
You don't like it.
28
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:01,656
I...
29
00:01:01,702 --> 00:01:03,648
You know what, it feels a little bit
30
00:01:03,768 --> 00:01:07,068
like I'm, like, shopping for curtains
31
00:01:07,081 --> 00:01:09,507
at a high-end outdoor mall.
32
00:01:09,545 --> 00:01:11,775
Well, uh, you can change the music.
33
00:01:12,422 --> 00:01:13,865
- (electronic dance music plays)
- Huh?
34
00:01:13,878 --> 00:01:16,326
No. No, no, no.
35
00:01:16,345 --> 00:01:19,047
Well, no, I mean, you can...
it can be any kind of music.
36
00:01:19,067 --> 00:01:19,826
It doesn't have to be...
37
00:01:19,831 --> 00:01:21,836
- Yeah, not this one.
- It doesn't have to be these two,
38
00:01:21,846 --> 00:01:23,234
but the music will keep going
39
00:01:23,244 --> 00:01:25,421
as long as Lark keeps crying.
40
00:01:25,422 --> 00:01:28,421
Greg, L-Lark is crying.
41
00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:30,201
- No, no. No, Lark is crying.
- Oh.
42
00:01:30,216 --> 00:01:31,214
Yeah, she's a living baby.
43
00:01:31,239 --> 00:01:32,422
- (Lark crying)
- Sorry!
44
00:01:33,504 --> 00:01:33,981
(chimes)
45
00:01:34,016 --> 00:01:35,766
Yes! 25%.
46
00:01:35,853 --> 00:01:38,422
Take that, documentaries about anime.
47
00:01:41,422 --> 00:01:43,126
Hey, babe. What are you doing here?
48
00:01:43,165 --> 00:01:45,750
Um, I came for my mixtape.
49
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:46,993
You donated?
50
00:01:47,326 --> 00:01:48,244
Yeah, yeah.
51
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,451
You know, I was... I was
feeling bad about this morning.
52
00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:54,422
I feel like I gave your
idea lukewarm support,
53
00:01:54,423 --> 00:01:56,322
and it should have been hot, you know?
54
00:01:56,346 --> 00:01:59,421
It should have been a
steaming pile of hot support.
55
00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:00,971
So you believe in it?
56
00:02:01,018 --> 00:02:02,847
Honestly, more than anything, I...
57
00:02:03,204 --> 00:02:05,302
was thinking about
how much I believe in you.
58
00:02:05,981 --> 00:02:07,428
Thank you, honey.
59
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:11,028
Now, if you believe in me
just a hundred bucks more,
60
00:02:11,041 --> 00:02:12,421
your reward is a caricature.
61
00:02:12,422 --> 00:02:14,067
Now, I can give you
big eyes or big boobs.
62
00:02:14,102 --> 00:02:14,623
Which do you want?
63
00:02:14,651 --> 00:02:16,491
- I draw 'em both the same.
- (computer chimes)
64
00:02:16,638 --> 00:02:17,828
GREG: 30%!
65
00:02:20,128 --> 00:02:20,825
(chimes)
66
00:02:20,865 --> 00:02:22,121
Hey, there, Greg.
67
00:02:22,122 --> 00:02:23,774
Saw you posted something
on our Web site.
68
00:02:23,829 --> 00:02:25,026
Yeah, yeah.
69
00:02:25,051 --> 00:02:27,121
I mean, you can still get
in on the ground floor,
70
00:02:27,122 --> 00:02:29,121
you know, get rich.
71
00:02:29,122 --> 00:02:31,674
I'm already rich. See, here's the thing.
72
00:02:31,932 --> 00:02:35,121
Posting your own product is,
uh, it's a conflict of interest.
73
00:02:35,122 --> 00:02:37,121
You know, it's like, uh...
74
00:02:37,122 --> 00:02:38,827
oh, it's like taking your sister-in-law
75
00:02:38,837 --> 00:02:41,229
to a drive-in movie
and getting her drunk
76
00:02:41,241 --> 00:02:45,121
on a little apple wine
and making out with her...
77
00:02:45,122 --> 00:02:47,121
and-and then regretting it later.
78
00:02:47,583 --> 00:02:48,744
It's just not done.
79
00:02:48,820 --> 00:02:52,121
But, uh, we-we... we're-we're 50% funded
80
00:02:52,122 --> 00:02:53,534
in-in just under three hours.
81
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,226
I mean, even the ball wipe guys,
82
00:02:55,241 --> 00:02:57,121
it-it took them a month to do that.
83
00:02:57,122 --> 00:02:59,381
The creators of Cleanuts
don't work here.
84
00:02:59,501 --> 00:03:02,121
They smoke weed and throw
food at each other's balls.
85
00:03:02,122 --> 00:03:03,642
That's how they came up with the idea.
86
00:03:04,015 --> 00:03:05,679
Are you saying the entire
time that I work here,
87
00:03:05,699 --> 00:03:07,122
I can't do anything creative ever?
88
00:03:07,371 --> 00:03:09,122
I'm not saying that.
89
00:03:09,324 --> 00:03:10,839
I want people to be creative.
90
00:03:10,859 --> 00:03:14,417
If you want to, you know, mix
flavors at the soda fountain
91
00:03:14,448 --> 00:03:16,121
or bring in a jigsaw puzzle,
92
00:03:16,363 --> 00:03:18,290
(chuckles) I think it'd be great.
93
00:03:18,984 --> 00:03:21,907
The point is I would take
it down, if I were you,
94
00:03:22,085 --> 00:03:23,123
but that's just me.
95
00:03:24,728 --> 00:03:25,728
You dig?
96
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,121
Anyway, I'm just glad Greg's
feeling inspired, you know?
97
00:03:32,122 --> 00:03:35,443
I mean, aside from Lark and
our smoke alarm going off
98
00:03:35,473 --> 00:03:37,122
every time we cook a steak,
99
00:03:37,123 --> 00:03:39,121
there's really not much
excitement in our house.
100
00:03:39,654 --> 00:03:43,593
Well... that's about to change.
101
00:03:45,343 --> 00:03:46,623
Uh, what's up?
102
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:56,800
Hi.
103
00:03:56,909 --> 00:03:58,321
Uh, you're-you're home early.
104
00:03:58,627 --> 00:04:02,321
Yeah, well, um, I got some big news.
105
00:04:02,322 --> 00:04:03,752
Uh, so-so do I. Um...
106
00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:05,321
Yeah, well, let me go
first, 'cause I'm taller.
107
00:04:05,322 --> 00:04:09,528
So CryTunes has reached
twice its funding goal
108
00:04:09,551 --> 00:04:10,501
in its first day.
109
00:04:10,533 --> 00:04:12,093
Wow, that-that's amazing.
110
00:04:12,148 --> 00:04:15,423
And how would you feel about
me maybe quitting my job
111
00:04:15,441 --> 00:04:17,910
to focus solely on... on CryTunes?
112
00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:20,950
And before you answer, know that
I may have already quit my job.
113
00:04:22,214 --> 00:04:24,804
You-you... you "may have" quit your job?
114
00:04:26,401 --> 00:04:27,401
I quit my job.
115
00:04:28,254 --> 00:04:31,321
There were ultimatums
given, uh, of a legal nature
116
00:04:31,322 --> 00:04:32,321
I-I don't want to bore you with...
117
00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:33,199
I'm a lawyer, Greg.
118
00:04:33,231 --> 00:04:34,859
But after you came in,
119
00:04:34,884 --> 00:04:36,443
it just really pumped me up, you know?
120
00:04:36,462 --> 00:04:39,121
And-and I can't do this without you,
121
00:04:39,122 --> 00:04:41,122
so I know it's gonna
be hard around here.
122
00:04:41,123 --> 00:04:43,122
You know, we're gonna have
to tighten some belts...
123
00:04:43,129 --> 00:04:45,832
Actually, I think I'm
gonna have to loosen mine.
124
00:04:48,393 --> 00:04:49,393
I'm pregnant.
125
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,122
(smooth jazz plays)
126
00:05:00,647 --> 00:05:02,020
Whatever happened to Murph?
127
00:05:02,140 --> 00:05:04,152
Oh, Murph. Hell of a pilot.
128
00:05:04,272 --> 00:05:05,620
He died at an airshow.
129
00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:07,835
Oh, damn. Damn. A daredevil, though.
130
00:05:07,955 --> 00:05:09,703
No, he choked on a funnel cake.
131
00:05:09,957 --> 00:05:11,857
_
132
00:05:12,554 --> 00:05:14,162
John was there from the beginning,
133
00:05:14,185 --> 00:05:16,655
when Karyl and I first
worked the same flight.
134
00:05:16,711 --> 00:05:17,827
Yeah, I remember that.
135
00:05:18,065 --> 00:05:19,244
Carol was my copilot,
136
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:22,114
and Karyl with a "K" was a stewardess.
137
00:05:22,234 --> 00:05:24,269
Uh, I remember I asked
'em to bring some nuts
138
00:05:24,294 --> 00:05:26,399
up to the cockpit, but
they were in the lav.
139
00:05:26,415 --> 00:05:29,558
And-and, you know, nuts were
the last thing on their mind.
140
00:05:29,574 --> 00:05:30,278
(laughing)
141
00:05:30,286 --> 00:05:31,648
Hey, Aunt Carol.
142
00:05:31,695 --> 00:05:33,309
- Hi!
- Oh, sweetheart.
143
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,031
Oh, hi.
144
00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:34,946
Hi.
145
00:05:34,947 --> 00:05:37,553
Congratulations on your wedding.
146
00:05:37,576 --> 00:05:39,327
JOAN: Isn't it wonderful, honey?
147
00:05:39,342 --> 00:05:40,946
Over 35 years,
148
00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:42,721
and now they can make it legal.
149
00:05:42,745 --> 00:05:44,447
And now you can, too, huh?
150
00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:45,567
What's that?
151
00:05:45,825 --> 00:05:46,569
Nothing.
152
00:05:46,775 --> 00:05:47,417
Oh.
153
00:05:47,686 --> 00:05:49,327
(laughing): What? What is it, Mom?
154
00:05:49,371 --> 00:05:51,381
Oh, it-it... it's wine, honey.
155
00:05:52,414 --> 00:05:53,535
Okay, what-what's happening?
156
00:05:53,548 --> 00:05:55,771
Why will no one make
eye contact with me?
157
00:05:55,783 --> 00:05:56,947
Aunt Carols?
158
00:06:00,006 --> 00:06:01,946
Fasten your seatbelt, hon.
159
00:06:01,947 --> 00:06:04,265
Okay, you guys, come
on, I'm a grown-up.
160
00:06:04,305 --> 00:06:06,257
Whatever it is, I can handle this.
161
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:07,893
Your mother and I aren't married.
162
00:06:10,142 --> 00:06:11,142
Mommy?
163
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,783
Honey, it was 1980.
164
00:06:14,044 --> 00:06:16,244
Carol and Karyl couldn't get married,
165
00:06:16,364 --> 00:06:19,341
so your dad and I divorced in protest.
166
00:06:19,389 --> 00:06:23,514
So you've been divorced for 35 years?
167
00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:25,946
Uh, yeah.
168
00:06:25,947 --> 00:06:28,411
We've always been very
married in our hearts,
169
00:06:28,443 --> 00:06:29,827
which is all that matters.
170
00:06:29,866 --> 00:06:31,277
This explains so much.
171
00:06:31,296 --> 00:06:33,449
This is... I'm a child of divorce.
172
00:06:33,468 --> 00:06:35,651
This is why I lick
doorknobs, this is why...
173
00:06:35,714 --> 00:06:37,298
Wait, do Matt and Greg know about this?
174
00:06:37,349 --> 00:06:39,654
We thought it best
not to tell all of you,
175
00:06:39,673 --> 00:06:41,725
- so, please, don't bother your brothers...
- Matt!
176
00:06:41,763 --> 00:06:43,995
- Oh, Heather, please.
- Matt!
177
00:06:44,115 --> 00:06:46,417
She never was my best listener.
178
00:06:46,664 --> 00:06:47,664
Mmm.
179
00:06:48,070 --> 00:06:51,134
Colleen, we work together...
180
00:06:51,254 --> 00:06:52,533
- (door opens)
- HEATHER: Matt!
181
00:06:52,998 --> 00:06:53,998
Matt...
182
00:06:54,797 --> 00:06:56,260
Uh, am I interrupting something?
183
00:06:56,333 --> 00:06:57,482
Huh? No. What's up?
184
00:06:58,527 --> 00:07:00,032
I have got some news
185
00:07:00,406 --> 00:07:02,306
that is going to shake you to...
186
00:07:02,337 --> 00:07:04,079
Okay, can you please turn her around?
187
00:07:04,269 --> 00:07:05,269
Yeah.
188
00:07:06,999 --> 00:07:07,946
Okay,
189
00:07:07,947 --> 00:07:10,474
Mom and Dad got a divorce,
190
00:07:11,045 --> 00:07:12,946
and they never told us.
191
00:07:13,426 --> 00:07:14,250
What?
192
00:07:14,370 --> 00:07:15,370
Yeah.
193
00:07:15,641 --> 00:07:16,642
Is this my fault?
194
00:07:16,762 --> 00:07:19,404
Oh, no, no, it's not your fault.
195
00:07:19,524 --> 00:07:21,733
Am I going to have to choose
whose garage to move into?
196
00:07:22,493 --> 00:07:24,412
JOHN: Now, whatever happened to Murph?
197
00:07:24,431 --> 00:07:26,646
Oh, Murph. Hell of a pilot.
198
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:27,921
He died at an airshow.
199
00:07:27,946 --> 00:07:30,144
Oh, damn. Damn. A daredevil, though.
200
00:07:30,195 --> 00:07:31,962
No, he choked on a funnel cake.
201
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,083
- Oh...
- (door opens)
202
00:07:33,457 --> 00:07:34,646
You know, for all the times you guys
203
00:07:34,647 --> 00:07:35,646
judged me for getting divorced.
204
00:07:35,647 --> 00:07:36,919
At least I told people, or, you know,
205
00:07:36,924 --> 00:07:39,195
they saw the cop car in the
front yard and just assumed.
206
00:07:39,381 --> 00:07:40,854
HEATHER: All right, the
only way to handle this
207
00:07:40,974 --> 00:07:42,815
is you have to get remarried.
208
00:07:43,273 --> 00:07:44,273
Right now.
209
00:07:44,356 --> 00:07:46,791
You know, I think
you're both overreacting.
210
00:07:46,828 --> 00:07:47,951
Overreacting?
211
00:07:47,979 --> 00:07:50,010
We now come from a broken home.
212
00:07:50,026 --> 00:07:52,050
I'm probably going to end
up becoming a stripper.
213
00:07:52,070 --> 00:07:52,330
Yeah.
214
00:07:52,403 --> 00:07:54,219
JOHN: Well, look, it
didn't affect anything.
215
00:07:54,231 --> 00:07:55,752
Honestly, we just forgot.
216
00:07:55,872 --> 00:07:57,368
Well, we didn't both forget.
217
00:07:57,388 --> 00:07:59,891
Yeah, we didn't want to
disrupt the family over this.
218
00:07:59,928 --> 00:08:01,646
Oh, so-so-so all this time,
219
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:03,646
you just... you stayed
divorced for the kids?
220
00:08:03,647 --> 00:08:04,646
Yeah!
221
00:08:04,647 --> 00:08:07,523
You're such a wonderful family.
222
00:08:07,524 --> 00:08:09,485
JOAN: Karyl is just glowing.
223
00:08:09,730 --> 00:08:11,148
I'm happy for you both.
224
00:08:11,854 --> 00:08:12,646
Cheers.
225
00:08:12,647 --> 00:08:13,984
Are you a little jealous?
226
00:08:14,435 --> 00:08:15,435
No!
227
00:08:15,536 --> 00:08:16,346
A little bit?
228
00:08:16,347 --> 00:08:18,346
I mean, I always thought
we'd get remarried,
229
00:08:18,347 --> 00:08:19,346
but it doesn't matter.
230
00:08:19,347 --> 00:08:20,838
It's never too late.
231
00:08:20,885 --> 00:08:22,056
Ask him to marry you.
232
00:08:22,057 --> 00:08:23,057
I'd never do that.
233
00:08:23,514 --> 00:08:24,876
I asked Karyl.
234
00:08:25,075 --> 00:08:26,938
We were flying back from Guatemala.
235
00:08:26,988 --> 00:08:27,850
Customs asked me
236
00:08:27,875 --> 00:08:29,227
if I had anything to declare.
237
00:08:29,262 --> 00:08:30,612
I said, "Six cartons of cigarettes
238
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:32,012
and the love of this good woman."
239
00:08:32,031 --> 00:08:33,346
(both laugh)
240
00:08:33,602 --> 00:08:34,610
Wonderful.
241
00:08:34,730 --> 00:08:36,104
GREG: Liars!
242
00:08:36,291 --> 00:08:39,224
Well... they just told Greg.
243
00:08:40,668 --> 00:08:41,814
When did they divorce?
244
00:08:42,973 --> 00:08:43,973
1980.
245
00:08:44,910 --> 00:08:45,925
- 1980?
- Yeah.
246
00:08:46,347 --> 00:08:47,347
No.
247
00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:49,652
I-I-I was born in 1981.
248
00:08:49,772 --> 00:08:51,515
Uh...
249
00:08:53,106 --> 00:08:55,015
which means...
250
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,772
I'm a...
251
00:08:56,892 --> 00:08:57,847
bastard.
252
00:08:57,848 --> 00:08:59,347
Oh, oh, oh.
253
00:09:01,953 --> 00:09:04,346
God, it almost makes it worth it.
254
00:09:04,347 --> 00:09:06,098
You old bastard.
255
00:09:09,698 --> 00:09:11,976
You're playing with an app
that changes your hairstyle.
256
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,464
Hey, look at this handsome guy.
257
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,288
_
258
00:09:17,107 --> 00:09:19,530
Oh, man, I am so glad I got this thing.
259
00:09:19,531 --> 00:09:21,119
This way, I can look
at my patients' files
260
00:09:21,148 --> 00:09:24,365
and I can video conference
with my fellow doctors.
261
00:09:24,405 --> 00:09:26,618
You're playing with an app
that changes your hairstyle.
262
00:09:26,738 --> 00:09:28,028
Well, that may not seem important
263
00:09:28,029 --> 00:09:30,683
to able-haired people like
yourself, but to me, it is.
264
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:32,545
Ugh, I don't know how you
can sit there and do that
265
00:09:32,551 --> 00:09:35,683
knowing that my parents'
marriage is a complete fraud.
266
00:09:35,692 --> 00:09:36,803
It's not a fraud.
267
00:09:36,804 --> 00:09:37,881
It was just a lie
268
00:09:37,906 --> 00:09:39,851
that they told you for your entire life.
269
00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:41,802
Hey, check out this handsome fella.
270
00:09:41,922 --> 00:09:42,922
God, put it away.
271
00:09:42,958 --> 00:09:44,446
- (door closes)
- SOPHIA: Hi, Mom.
272
00:09:44,566 --> 00:09:46,292
Oh, hey, sweetie!
273
00:09:46,602 --> 00:09:47,802
How was school?
274
00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,303
Same stuff, different day.
275
00:09:49,304 --> 00:09:50,802
Oh...
276
00:09:51,061 --> 00:09:53,138
How was Samantha's Student
of the Month ceremony?
277
00:09:55,698 --> 00:09:56,802
Oh, God. Oh, no.
278
00:09:56,803 --> 00:09:59,179
I should've known something
was wrong when I had free time!
279
00:09:59,196 --> 00:10:01,355
No mother with free
time is a good mother!
280
00:10:01,379 --> 00:10:02,471
Come on, maybe we can still make it.
281
00:10:02,495 --> 00:10:04,499
You can't. It was hours ago.
282
00:10:04,546 --> 00:10:06,138
- Maybe there's a chance!
- There's no chance.
283
00:10:06,141 --> 00:10:07,579
Maybe the speeches ran long.
284
00:10:07,602 --> 00:10:09,305
- Come on, let's go. Ow!
- Oh!
285
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:11,401
- Oh, honey! Honey, you okay?
- (groaning)
286
00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:12,906
- Here, come on. Come on.
- Aah!
287
00:10:12,921 --> 00:10:14,362
- We gotta go. Hang onto me. Hang onto me.
- Huh-uh. Huh-uh.
288
00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:16,545
- Yes, you can. Yes.
- I can't... I can't make it.
289
00:10:16,584 --> 00:10:17,899
I-I had two lunches.
290
00:10:17,922 --> 00:10:19,197
- Go on without me!
- No! Honey,
291
00:10:19,237 --> 00:10:20,851
I would never go on without you.
292
00:10:20,971 --> 00:10:22,931
I want you to be there so
you can share the blame.
293
00:10:23,132 --> 00:10:23,689
Oh!
294
00:10:23,809 --> 00:10:26,428
There she is! You looked so great
295
00:10:26,448 --> 00:10:27,512
up there, sweetie.
296
00:10:27,513 --> 00:10:28,383
I'm so sorry we couldn't stay
297
00:10:28,405 --> 00:10:29,670
and give you a hug and a ride home,
298
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,557
but your dad, he hurt his ankle
299
00:10:31,570 --> 00:10:32,647
- and we had to rush out.
- Yeah.
300
00:10:32,685 --> 00:10:34,091
I know you weren't there.
301
00:10:34,211 --> 00:10:34,845
What's that?
302
00:10:34,965 --> 00:10:35,884
I was the only kid
303
00:10:35,890 --> 00:10:38,125
without a proud parent
holding up a cell phone.
304
00:10:38,150 --> 00:10:39,772
- It was humiliating.
- Sam...
305
00:10:39,791 --> 00:10:41,503
Sam, Sam, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
306
00:10:42,526 --> 00:10:45,173
Okay, yes. You're right.
We-we weren't there.
307
00:10:45,226 --> 00:10:46,801
And the real reason
308
00:10:46,825 --> 00:10:47,878
that we weren't there
309
00:10:47,902 --> 00:10:49,503
was because...
310
00:10:49,504 --> 00:10:51,164
we were out buying you this.
311
00:10:51,180 --> 00:10:54,212
Hey, hey... Hey, hip,
hooray! Hip, hooray!
312
00:10:54,213 --> 00:10:54,872
I thought you said
313
00:10:54,886 --> 00:10:57,147
I couldn't have one of
my own until I was 16.
314
00:10:57,179 --> 00:10:59,503
Well, that was before
we were so proud of you.
315
00:10:59,504 --> 00:11:00,932
Thank you! I love it!
316
00:11:00,963 --> 00:11:02,503
Oh, I love you, honey.
317
00:11:02,901 --> 00:11:03,978
Uh, use the railing.
318
00:11:04,016 --> 00:11:05,728
It's not just there for decoration, now.
319
00:11:05,848 --> 00:11:07,503
(laughing)
320
00:11:07,504 --> 00:11:08,781
Yeah, so, enjoy!
321
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,383
What are you doing? That was mine!
322
00:11:10,422 --> 00:11:12,986
What? Oh, come on. That
was an epic parent fail.
323
00:11:13,005 --> 00:11:15,178
You have to do something
big to make up for that.
324
00:11:17,124 --> 00:11:19,837
I've made a list of all the
things you've missed of mine.
325
00:11:19,838 --> 00:11:21,825
Hope the birth isn't on there.
326
00:11:22,047 --> 00:11:23,938
HEATHER: Uh, okay.
"One ballet rehearsal,
327
00:11:23,965 --> 00:11:25,062
two soccer games..."
328
00:11:25,078 --> 00:11:26,899
I figure that all of this
329
00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:29,502
is worth an overnight trip to Disneyland
330
00:11:29,868 --> 00:11:32,198
with a souvenir and a giant turkey leg.
331
00:11:32,318 --> 00:11:33,670
Oh, those turkey legs...
332
00:11:33,885 --> 00:11:36,502
I'll go get started on the hotel rez.
333
00:11:36,854 --> 00:11:38,502
Do you see the lessons
that we teach them
334
00:11:38,503 --> 00:11:40,502
when we try to buy their forgiveness?
335
00:11:40,871 --> 00:11:42,707
You know what? You are right.
You are absolutely right.
336
00:11:42,739 --> 00:11:44,021
We have to take that tablet back.
337
00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:45,502
What? No. Then she'll hate us.
338
00:11:45,755 --> 00:11:47,061
Yeah, that's how we know
339
00:11:47,077 --> 00:11:48,843
that we're being good parents.
340
00:11:49,595 --> 00:11:51,115
Then I don't want to be a good parent.
341
00:11:53,117 --> 00:11:55,033
So we made two mistakes today.
342
00:11:55,153 --> 00:11:56,989
We forgot your award,
343
00:11:57,012 --> 00:12:00,081
and then we tried to buy your
forgiveness, which is worse.
344
00:12:00,201 --> 00:12:01,201
We're sorry.
345
00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:02,805
I understand.
346
00:12:02,925 --> 00:12:04,894
Oh, great, 'cause we're
gonna have to take this back.
347
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,572
What are you... what
are you doing? Mom...
348
00:12:06,612 --> 00:12:07,768
Wait, wait, wait. Before
you get upset again,
349
00:12:07,776 --> 00:12:10,871
just know that we are going to
celebrate your accomplishments
350
00:12:10,903 --> 00:12:12,812
with something better
than an old tablet,
351
00:12:12,852 --> 00:12:13,852
you know?
352
00:12:14,071 --> 00:12:15,202
Dinner!
353
00:12:15,837 --> 00:12:16,613
Weren't you going
354
00:12:16,644 --> 00:12:17,873
to feed me dinner anyway?
355
00:12:17,928 --> 00:12:19,202
No, out. Tonight.
356
00:12:19,203 --> 00:12:21,198
Anywhere you want.
357
00:12:22,338 --> 00:12:23,083
Fine.
358
00:12:23,122 --> 00:12:24,402
I want to go to that vegan place
359
00:12:24,429 --> 00:12:25,456
that gives Dad the trots.
360
00:12:25,501 --> 00:12:26,692
Hmm, hmm...
361
00:12:26,915 --> 00:12:28,202
And I want to bring all my friends.
362
00:12:28,203 --> 00:12:29,703
Yeah! Yeah, yeah. Great.
363
00:12:29,732 --> 00:12:31,960
We will go to the restaurant
that gives your dad the trots
364
00:12:32,004 --> 00:12:34,628
and we will watch you and your
friends text for two hours.
365
00:12:34,748 --> 00:12:35,203
Really?
366
00:12:35,204 --> 00:12:36,202
Yeah.
367
00:12:36,203 --> 00:12:38,203
This is going to be awesome.
368
00:12:40,356 --> 00:12:41,983
Okay, I took a preemptive Imodium.
369
00:12:42,009 --> 00:12:42,963
Let's do this.
370
00:12:42,999 --> 00:12:44,852
Okay. Come on, Sophia.
We're gonna take Sam
371
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:46,064
and her friends out to dinner.
372
00:12:46,179 --> 00:12:46,996
You can't take Sam
373
00:12:47,021 --> 00:12:49,202
and her dumb friends to dinner.
374
00:12:49,634 --> 00:12:52,202
Tonight is the party for
Uncle Matt and Colleen's book.
375
00:12:52,203 --> 00:12:54,597
- Oh, sh...
- Seriously?!
376
00:12:56,889 --> 00:12:58,486
Here, we got you this.
377
00:13:04,027 --> 00:13:05,527
_
378
00:13:06,089 --> 00:13:07,927
(indistinct chatter)
379
00:13:08,192 --> 00:13:09,337
This is such a good book.
380
00:13:09,363 --> 00:13:10,224
Oh, thank you.
381
00:13:10,231 --> 00:13:11,871
You know, I have an idea
for a children's book.
382
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:12,558
Oh.
383
00:13:12,678 --> 00:13:14,885
I-I went bald when I was really young
384
00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,012
and I sucked at football
385
00:13:16,031 --> 00:13:17,393
and my only friend was my beagle.
386
00:13:17,412 --> 00:13:19,902
So what about a story like that?
387
00:13:20,459 --> 00:13:22,675
You mean like Charlie Brown?
388
00:13:24,454 --> 00:13:27,287
(exhales) Colleen,
uh... we worked together.
389
00:13:27,407 --> 00:13:28,675
We made a book together.
390
00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:31,675
Now I want to make a life together.
391
00:13:34,306 --> 00:13:35,674
Will you marry me?
392
00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:37,675
(slurping sounds)
393
00:13:42,681 --> 00:13:43,865
I liked the last one better,
394
00:13:43,871 --> 00:13:45,674
when you compared her to a river.
395
00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:46,675
Powerful stuff.
396
00:13:46,949 --> 00:13:48,245
Whatcha doing?
397
00:13:48,297 --> 00:13:50,009
I'm sucking out these donut guts
398
00:13:50,010 --> 00:13:51,674
and putting them back in.
399
00:13:51,675 --> 00:13:53,675
And no one's the wiser.
400
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:55,793
Hey, Soph.
401
00:13:55,920 --> 00:13:57,120
- Hmm?
- What you just heard...
402
00:13:57,843 --> 00:13:59,674
I need you to keep that quiet, okay?
403
00:13:59,869 --> 00:14:02,662
And I need you to put
these donut carcasses
404
00:14:02,681 --> 00:14:05,030
back on the buffet table.
405
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,316
You got yourself a deal.
406
00:14:10,991 --> 00:14:12,674
Hi, Mom!
407
00:14:12,675 --> 00:14:15,674
Hi, Joanie, sweetheart.
408
00:14:15,675 --> 00:14:17,009
I'm sorry I'm late,
409
00:14:17,010 --> 00:14:19,103
but my Uber got caught in traffic.
410
00:14:19,148 --> 00:14:19,667
Oh.
411
00:14:19,939 --> 00:14:21,674
Hello, I'm Huber.
412
00:14:21,928 --> 00:14:23,674
He's my boyfriend.
413
00:14:23,675 --> 00:14:25,674
Oh, of course he is.
414
00:14:25,922 --> 00:14:28,038
I told him if he wants to marry me,
415
00:14:28,069 --> 00:14:29,869
he's got to buy me a ring.
416
00:14:29,989 --> 00:14:31,436
Because my grandson
417
00:14:31,493 --> 00:14:33,235
called dibs on mine.
418
00:14:33,285 --> 00:14:34,285
What?
419
00:14:34,869 --> 00:14:35,674
He did?
420
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,294
I got to keep my trap shut.
421
00:14:37,326 --> 00:14:39,353
Mom, get something to eat.
422
00:14:39,378 --> 00:14:40,727
And I'll be right back.
423
00:14:40,746 --> 00:14:41,372
I just have
424
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:43,532
to find, um, somebody.
425
00:14:45,205 --> 00:14:46,205
All right.
426
00:14:48,281 --> 00:14:50,134
GiGi just told me about the ring.
427
00:14:50,190 --> 00:14:50,863
Oh, no.
428
00:14:50,910 --> 00:14:51,739
You don't have to tell me
429
00:14:51,757 --> 00:14:54,019
what's going on, but if you're proposing
430
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,173
to Colleen, just blink.
431
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:03,497
Mom, I got to blink.
432
00:15:03,513 --> 00:15:04,745
- I got to... no!
- You're proposing!
433
00:15:04,774 --> 00:15:05,797
(shushing)
434
00:15:06,077 --> 00:15:08,259
Please, please, please
don't say anything, okay?
435
00:15:08,278 --> 00:15:10,154
I waited until this book signing
so I could do it on a night
436
00:15:10,169 --> 00:15:11,152
that's special to both of us.
437
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:12,961
Oh, it will be special.
438
00:15:13,585 --> 00:15:15,674
And I know your dad and
I aren't married, honey,
439
00:15:15,675 --> 00:15:18,452
but that doesn't mean marriage
isn't a beautiful thing.
440
00:15:18,882 --> 00:15:22,185
And you two, you... you
just belong together.
441
00:15:23,838 --> 00:15:24,838
Thank you, Mom.
442
00:15:25,442 --> 00:15:27,276
All right, I got to go
get the ring from GiGi.
443
00:15:27,296 --> 00:15:30,062
Oh, she thinks her
nurse is her boyfriend,
444
00:15:30,076 --> 00:15:31,593
so just go along with it, you know,
445
00:15:31,608 --> 00:15:33,178
so she doesn't make a scene like she did
446
00:15:33,184 --> 00:15:35,208
when they canceled Walker, Texas Ranger.
447
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:36,542
Right.
448
00:15:40,486 --> 00:15:41,491
- Here you go.
- What?
449
00:15:41,504 --> 00:15:43,180
No, have you forgotten I can't drink?
450
00:15:43,368 --> 00:15:45,438
Oh, right, well, I could drink for two.
451
00:15:45,451 --> 00:15:46,396
Yeah, okay, just give it to me.
452
00:15:46,401 --> 00:15:47,674
I'm gonna pretend.
453
00:15:47,693 --> 00:15:48,926
I don't want to tip off your sister.
454
00:15:48,943 --> 00:15:50,903
She's like a bomb-sniffing
dog for pregnant women.
455
00:15:51,334 --> 00:15:52,863
- Hey!
- Hi.
456
00:15:52,895 --> 00:15:53,926
Getting your drink on?
457
00:15:53,946 --> 00:15:54,674
You know it.
458
00:15:54,675 --> 00:15:56,141
Oh, my God, I'm thirsty!
459
00:16:01,062 --> 00:16:02,062
Oh, thank God.
460
00:16:02,599 --> 00:16:03,030
Hi.
461
00:16:03,065 --> 00:16:04,647
Oh! There he is!
462
00:16:04,675 --> 00:16:06,928
My grandson, the famous artist.
463
00:16:06,943 --> 00:16:08,009
Hi, GiGi.
464
00:16:09,047 --> 00:16:11,604
I am so proud of you and your book.
465
00:16:11,624 --> 00:16:13,563
Oh, thank you. Do you like it?
466
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:14,842
No.
467
00:16:15,289 --> 00:16:19,076
I like stories that have
a message about manners
468
00:16:19,114 --> 00:16:21,102
and justice Texas-style.
469
00:16:21,222 --> 00:16:23,891
Okay, uh, GiGi, uh, did
you bring me anything?
470
00:16:23,946 --> 00:16:25,989
Oh, I almost forgot.
471
00:16:29,311 --> 00:16:32,129
Don't let Huber see you talking to me.
472
00:16:32,161 --> 00:16:34,682
He fills with jealousy and rage.
473
00:16:34,728 --> 00:16:35,203
Got it.
474
00:16:35,241 --> 00:16:36,241
(crickets trilling)
475
00:16:37,203 --> 00:16:38,568
All right, here we go.
476
00:16:38,591 --> 00:16:40,142
Get your camera ready.
477
00:16:40,262 --> 00:16:41,845
I am so excited.
478
00:16:42,142 --> 00:16:43,674
I thought this day would never come.
479
00:16:43,675 --> 00:16:45,878
(chuckles) Me, neither.
480
00:16:47,437 --> 00:16:48,570
Okay, everyone, uh,
481
00:16:48,586 --> 00:16:49,416
can we have your attention?
482
00:16:49,428 --> 00:16:51,028
Uh, thanks, son. I'll take it from here.
483
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:52,674
Dad, uh, what are you doing?
484
00:16:52,675 --> 00:16:54,674
There's something I should've
done a long time ago.
485
00:16:54,675 --> 00:16:56,674
Joanie, would you come
up here for a moment?
486
00:16:56,675 --> 00:16:59,929
No, honey, I'm sure whatever
this is, it can wait.
487
00:16:59,976 --> 00:17:01,674
No, it's waited long enough.
488
00:17:01,675 --> 00:17:03,880
Uh, Joan Pirkle Short,
489
00:17:04,094 --> 00:17:04,963
you're not my wife
490
00:17:04,979 --> 00:17:06,551
and you're not my ex-wife,
491
00:17:06,784 --> 00:17:08,257
but you're my soul mate.
492
00:17:08,906 --> 00:17:11,008
And I believe that...
493
00:17:11,848 --> 00:17:13,952
- Hmm?
- keeping it fresh
494
00:17:14,072 --> 00:17:15,674
keeps it special.
495
00:17:16,123 --> 00:17:17,614
- Okay.
- Joanie?
496
00:17:18,588 --> 00:17:21,144
Will you marry me again?
497
00:17:21,794 --> 00:17:22,656
Yes.
498
00:17:22,776 --> 00:17:23,442
(laughs)
499
00:17:23,465 --> 00:17:24,613
Again.
500
00:17:25,675 --> 00:17:26,675
(applause)
501
00:17:27,242 --> 00:17:29,551
Are you kidding me?
502
00:17:29,552 --> 00:17:31,861
A toast, a toast to Mom and Dad!
503
00:17:31,916 --> 00:17:32,556
Hear, hear!
504
00:17:32,589 --> 00:17:33,460
What's wrong with you?
505
00:17:33,492 --> 00:17:34,767
I'll tell you in a
minute. Okay, everybody.
506
00:17:34,794 --> 00:17:35,984
Can, uh, can we sit down, please?
507
00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:39,112
Wow, that was a surprise, huh?
508
00:17:39,128 --> 00:17:40,684
We weren't expecting that.
509
00:17:40,941 --> 00:17:41,974
But, uh, I tell you what,
510
00:17:41,975 --> 00:17:43,778
that's-that's not the only big news
511
00:17:43,804 --> 00:17:45,409
that we have today.
512
00:17:45,464 --> 00:17:46,975
- Um, uh...
- (Heather screams)
513
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:49,295
(gasps) Baby! Baby!
514
00:17:49,415 --> 00:17:50,476
Jen's pregnant!
515
00:17:50,477 --> 00:17:51,648
Son of a bitch.
516
00:17:51,687 --> 00:17:52,975
(all gasping)
517
00:17:53,326 --> 00:17:54,344
Surprise.
518
00:17:54,363 --> 00:17:55,974
(all cheering)
519
00:17:56,094 --> 00:17:58,193
Ooh, another grandbaby!
520
00:17:58,209 --> 00:17:59,579
GREG: We wanted to wait to tell you
521
00:17:59,602 --> 00:18:01,289
until I got my job back, but...
522
00:18:01,320 --> 00:18:02,565
You lost your job?
523
00:18:02,587 --> 00:18:03,205
Yeah.
524
00:18:03,252 --> 00:18:04,590
He's an inventor now.
525
00:18:04,646 --> 00:18:05,974
(chuckles)
526
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:08,168
Okay, all right.
527
00:18:08,192 --> 00:18:10,251
Anybody else got any, uh,
big announcements to make?
528
00:18:10,274 --> 00:18:11,974
Bombshells to drop? Surprises?
529
00:18:11,975 --> 00:18:13,476
No? Everyone's good?
530
00:18:13,930 --> 00:18:15,085
Okay. Oh, hey, Tyler.
531
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:16,614
What about you? You got anything?
532
00:18:19,328 --> 00:18:20,668
We got married.
533
00:18:20,788 --> 00:18:21,310
What?
534
00:18:21,706 --> 00:18:22,974
Is this a joke?
535
00:18:22,975 --> 00:18:25,974
No, this ring is no joke.
536
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,560
Thanks, GiGi.
537
00:18:27,670 --> 00:18:28,974
Tyler got the ring?
538
00:18:29,029 --> 00:18:30,974
You are way too young to be married!
539
00:18:31,420 --> 00:18:33,216
Why-why aren't you saying anything?
540
00:18:33,241 --> 00:18:35,476
He can't hear you. He just got laid.
541
00:18:35,477 --> 00:18:38,521
Yeah, why isn't everyone
doing it all the time?
542
00:18:39,688 --> 00:18:40,974
GiGi?
543
00:18:40,975 --> 00:18:42,367
Cuff links.
544
00:18:42,724 --> 00:18:44,974
To remember this night by.
545
00:18:44,975 --> 00:18:46,975
Don't sell them for grass.
546
00:18:51,378 --> 00:18:52,378
Okay.
547
00:18:52,894 --> 00:18:53,696
You okay?
548
00:18:53,740 --> 00:18:55,305
Huh? Oh, yeah, the hell with it.
549
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:56,654
Don't even want to do it anymore.
550
00:18:57,091 --> 00:18:57,974
What? What are you talking about?
551
00:18:57,975 --> 00:18:58,974
Do what? Do what anymore?
552
00:18:58,975 --> 00:19:00,625
Ask you to marry me.
553
00:19:01,835 --> 00:19:03,056
You were gonna ask me to marry you?
554
00:19:03,081 --> 00:19:04,732
Yeah, but who cares now? It's stupid.
555
00:19:04,744 --> 00:19:06,479
I mean, I'm just gonna
look like a copycat.
556
00:19:07,122 --> 00:19:07,695
Matt?
557
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:08,760
What?
558
00:19:14,043 --> 00:19:14,756
Come with me.
559
00:19:14,775 --> 00:19:15,775
Okay.
560
00:19:21,196 --> 00:19:22,974
Okay, this obviously
561
00:19:22,975 --> 00:19:23,897
didn't go the way that I planned,
562
00:19:23,917 --> 00:19:26,116
but nothing about us has.
563
00:19:28,037 --> 00:19:29,108
I love you.
564
00:19:30,522 --> 00:19:32,974
And that is one thing
that has not changed.
565
00:19:33,724 --> 00:19:34,975
And it never will.
566
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:39,788
(chuckles)
567
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:41,685
Colleen Brandon Ortega?
568
00:19:43,328 --> 00:19:44,684
This floor is wet.
569
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:45,159
Oh.
570
00:19:45,205 --> 00:19:45,975
Um,
571
00:19:46,021 --> 00:19:47,684
will you do me the honor of...
572
00:19:47,685 --> 00:19:48,974
man, I really hope this is water...
573
00:19:48,975 --> 00:19:49,975
of, uh,
574
00:19:49,976 --> 00:19:52,868
making me the happiest man on Earth
575
00:19:52,883 --> 00:19:54,685
for the rest of my life?
576
00:19:56,579 --> 00:19:57,974
A pair of chicken cuff links?
577
00:19:58,337 --> 00:19:59,232
It's us.
578
00:19:59,248 --> 00:20:00,248
(laughing)
579
00:20:00,285 --> 00:20:01,591
Please marry me.
580
00:20:01,607 --> 00:20:02,310
Yes!
581
00:20:02,542 --> 00:20:04,584
Yes! I love you.
582
00:20:04,616 --> 00:20:05,978
I love your whole crazy family.
583
00:20:06,098 --> 00:20:07,215
I love all of it. I love you.
584
00:20:07,245 --> 00:20:08,245
Yes!
585
00:20:17,273 --> 00:20:19,262
If this is gonna go past kissing,
586
00:20:19,297 --> 00:20:21,178
I'm just gonna sneak out of here.
587
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:26,172
Guys?
588
00:20:27,116 --> 00:20:29,116
We're engaged.
589
00:20:29,676 --> 00:20:30,893
Can someone stop this?
590
00:20:30,949 --> 00:20:32,438
She's so old.
591
00:20:32,787 --> 00:20:33,388
COLLEEN: Wow.
592
00:20:33,768 --> 00:20:34,354
That was not
593
00:20:34,402 --> 00:20:35,667
the reaction I expected.
594
00:20:35,787 --> 00:20:36,787
(gasps)
595
00:20:44,271 --> 00:20:45,720
I guess that is her boyfriend.
596
00:20:47,821 --> 00:20:52,821
Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
597
00:20:52,871 --> 00:20:57,421
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