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Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -
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_
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- Hey, man.
- Hey.
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Uh, I was thinking about
getting a tattoo here.
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All right.
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It looks like you
already took all of them.
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Well, I mean, we also do piercings,
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branding, genital spearings...
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I think I only have time
for the one mutilation today.
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I gotta make a big splash with
my wife for Valentine's Day.
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I was thinking
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maybe something like that?
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You sure you want to get that?
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Tattoos are forever.
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- I gave it a lot of thought.
- Okay.
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Where do you want to get it?
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Huh.
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Good... good question.
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Hey, brother.
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In law.
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Want to see something cool?
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Check it out!
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For Valentine's Day,
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I got Heather's name tattooed
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- on my shoulder.
- Aw... oh...
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- "I heart Heater."
- Ha-ha.
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No, it says "I heart Heather."
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No, dude, that says "I heart Heater."
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What?
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- I can't...
- Okay.
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Uh, uh, Timmy, I'm just
gonna take a picture of it.
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I'm gonna want this in a frame anyway.
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See?
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No!
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No! She held up a mirror,
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but, you know, I mean,
it's like a haircut...
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after an hour, you're
all out of conversation
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and you just want to get out of there.
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Your haircuts take an hour, do they?
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Look. This is what I wrote down.
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"I heart Heather."
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No, "I heart Heater."
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- That says "Heather"!
- It...
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I'm a doctor! I have terrible penmanship.
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Well...
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Do you think if I go back in there,
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she could squeeze an "H" in there?
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I don't think that you got the room, man.
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I mean, I think maybe she
could squeeze a "T" in front.
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"I Heart... I Heart Theater."
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Yeah, but I don't heart theater.
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Not since that dude in
a catsuit sat in my lap.
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Hey, Heater.
54
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- "Heater"?
- Yeah.
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Yeah, I was thinking you need a nickname,
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so I'm gonna start calling you Heater.
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Why Heater?
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Well, because you keep me warm
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and you're hot
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and... portable.
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So... Heater.
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Yeah, I-I-I gotta say,
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- I'm not loving it.
- No?
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You know, maybe we just
stick to Honey or Pumpkin?
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No, I don't want to call
you some kind of food.
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I want to call you
something that gets food hot.
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- Mmm.
- So get on over here, Heater.
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Keep Daddy warm.
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Okay, don't-don't call me that.
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And don't call yourself Daddy.
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Hey, Heater.
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Hey! Look at that!
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It's really catching on.
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(gasping): Ah... he's a good kid.
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Such a... good kid.
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HEATHER: "If you can't take the Heater,
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get out of her kitchen."
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Yeah.
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Huh.
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Happy Valentine's Day.
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(gasps)
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You didn't have to do that.
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Ah, no, yes, I did.
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I wanted to. And do you know why?
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Because, Heater, you
are the love of my life,
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and I wanted to give you a gift that...
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No, y-you got to stop
calling me that, okay?
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I-it makes me feel like a truck driver.
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It's weird and masculine and off-putting.
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Yeah, but you'll be true to your nickname
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- and you'll warm up to it, Heater.
- Okay.
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Yeah, really. The more I hear it,
the more turned off I get.
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Okay, no. You don't need
to take your robe off.
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That's the wrong direction.
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00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:09,834
If you call me that one more time, I...
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I don't have to.
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"I heart Heater"?
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That was supposed to
say "Heather," wasn't it?
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I...
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I feel like I really blew
it with the anniversary gift,
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so I wanted to get you
something that was forever.
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I-I love that you did this.
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I love that you were willing
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to disfigure your body
to prove that you love me.
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(laughs)
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I do love you, Heather.
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I know you do.
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Yeah.
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Hey, you know what?
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For tonight...
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- I'll let you call me Heater.
- All ri... aah!
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- Don't touch it, don't touch it!
- I'm sorry, okay, I know.
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- It's fresh, it's fresh.
- Ah...
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Hey, what are you guys
doing for Valentine's Day?
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Oh, we're babysitting Lark.
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It's not babysitting if it's your kid.
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Yeah, well, Greg likes calling it that.
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He thinks it makes it more fun.
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- Oh.
- He's not right.
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Well, fortunately, Colleen
is not into Valentine's Day.
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- Ah.
- Nah... I know what
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you both are going to say:
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that any woman whose
favorite color is pink,
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has a dog named Princess
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and wants to get married at Disneyland
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loves Valentine's Day,
but she made it very clear.
127
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- Yeah...
- Okay
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00:04:18,838 --> 00:04:20,718
so when you hear yourself say that,
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do you think, (A) I'm an idiot.
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(B) I'm an idiot.
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(C) I'm an idiot.
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or( D) All of the above?
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I gotta make dinner reservations.
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Mm-hmm.
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- I'm an idiot.
- Yeah.
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Really?
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00:04:40,237 --> 00:04:41,757
You got nothing at 7:00?
138
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Okay. Um... how about 8:00?
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9:00? 11:00.
140
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No, no. You're-you're absolutely right.
141
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I should have planned better. Thank you.
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You-you are, hands down,
her favorite restaurant.
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Really? Nothing at 11:00?
144
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Well, then, let's-let's
circle back around, shall we?
145
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6:00? 5:00. 4:00.
146
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Really? So you have no tables for two?
147
00:05:03,046 --> 00:05:04,913
Do you have any tables?
148
00:05:04,915 --> 00:05:06,047
Yeah, we'll take that.
149
00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:09,551
Thank you. Thank you. (sighs)
150
00:05:09,553 --> 00:05:11,252
Now, if you'll excuse me...
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- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
152
00:05:13,295 --> 00:05:14,656
Hey. Reservation for Short.
153
00:05:15,459 --> 00:05:16,858
Oh. Table for four.
154
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:18,359
- Yeah.
- Is your entire party here?
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They sure are.
156
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All right, troops, let's go!
157
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There's no one there, sir.
158
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You're talking to a coat rack.
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There were people in
those coats a second ago.
160
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(both chuckle) No, they're
all in the bathroom.
161
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We don't mind starting without them.
162
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I'm sorry, I can't seat you
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until your entire party is here.
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- Really?
- Yeah.
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00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,512
- Why is that?
- You wouldn't believe it,
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00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,514
but sometimes couples
try and beat the system
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on Valentine's Day by booking a four-top
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00:05:41,169 --> 00:05:42,450
when all the two-tops are gone.
169
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Well, that is not us.
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I don't know if you could tell,
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but I fashion myself after Abraham Lincoln.
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00:05:47,856 --> 00:05:49,190
- Hmm.
- Old Honest Abe.
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00:05:49,408 --> 00:05:50,416
- Mm-hmm.
- You know, in fact,
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00:05:50,536 --> 00:05:52,356
the president shows up from time to time.
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He's moved out of his log cabin,
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looking for a new place to live,
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perhaps in your pants.
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00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:57,732
I'm not wearing pants.
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00:05:58,208 --> 00:05:59,568
- Perhaps in your...
- Of any kind.
180
00:06:00,603 --> 00:06:02,303
Look, I'm sorry, but you
have a 15-minute grace period,
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00:06:02,305 --> 00:06:03,571
or I'm gonna have to give your table away.
182
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:06,474
- Thank you.
- Okay.
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00:06:08,264 --> 00:06:09,243
Everything okay?
184
00:06:09,245 --> 00:06:10,778
Uh-huh, yeah. It's great.
It's great. (giggles)
185
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:12,951
You know... there's actually a proposal
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00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:14,274
happening at our table right now.
187
00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:14,982
- No. (gasps)
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
188
00:06:15,102 --> 00:06:16,345
But it's taking a little long
189
00:06:16,386 --> 00:06:18,599
because she can't find the ring
in the souffl�, but it's okay,
190
00:06:18,613 --> 00:06:18,981
they're on it...
191
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- they're helping her dig it out.
- Okay.
192
00:06:21,691 --> 00:06:22,271
You know,
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after all that time with Chad,
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I just taught myself not to
expect special days like this.
195
00:06:29,306 --> 00:06:30,831
But, honestly, you bringing me here tonight
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restores my faith in love
197
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,636
and makes me feel like
I'm worth it, finally.
198
00:06:36,888 --> 00:06:38,405
Wow, I'm really glad we're here.
199
00:06:38,525 --> 00:06:39,303
Yeah.
200
00:06:41,014 --> 00:06:42,810
Um, would you excuse me for a second?
201
00:06:45,380 --> 00:06:47,648
(laugh track plays on TV, phone buzzes)
202
00:06:50,667 --> 00:06:51,238
Hi.
203
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:52,352
MATT: Hey, hey.
204
00:06:52,354 --> 00:06:53,687
Um, hey. Emergency.
205
00:06:53,689 --> 00:06:55,255
So I need you guys to meet me
206
00:06:55,257 --> 00:06:57,191
at a fancy dinner, like,
you know, right this moment.
207
00:06:57,193 --> 00:07:00,556
Oh, yeah, well, we got a bunch
of nerds on our front lawn
208
00:07:00,602 --> 00:07:01,929
taking pictures of a bird,
209
00:07:01,931 --> 00:07:03,931
and I'm eating shredded
cheese with a baby spoon.
210
00:07:03,933 --> 00:07:06,201
So, no can doozle.
211
00:07:10,614 --> 00:07:11,538
There we go.
212
00:07:11,658 --> 00:07:12,716
Heather, it's Matt. I, uh...
213
00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:15,108
Yeah, I-I'm kind of busy over here.
214
00:07:15,110 --> 00:07:15,936
Who is it, Heater?
215
00:07:16,928 --> 00:07:17,833
Oh, my God, that worked?
216
00:07:18,258 --> 00:07:18,836
Bye.
217
00:07:23,217 --> 00:07:24,611
(groans)
218
00:07:26,322 --> 00:07:27,420
This is such a surprise.
219
00:07:27,422 --> 00:07:29,089
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thanks.
220
00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:31,554
It's so sweet of you to include us
221
00:07:31,576 --> 00:07:33,727
in your first Valentine's Day together.
222
00:07:34,630 --> 00:07:36,247
Remember our first one, Joanie?
223
00:07:36,298 --> 00:07:38,164
- We-we never even made it to dinner.
- Oh.
224
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,213
- Oh.
- Yeah.
225
00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:41,769
That was a long time ago.
226
00:07:41,811 --> 00:07:44,130
Well, you're just as
beautiful now, darling.
227
00:07:44,961 --> 00:07:46,320
Come here, sweetheart.
228
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:52,078
(both moaning)
229
00:07:54,715 --> 00:07:56,883
(both groan)
230
00:07:56,885 --> 00:07:58,117
Rib eye's looking tasty.
231
00:07:58,119 --> 00:07:59,786
Yep, wonder if it's got the bone in?
232
00:07:59,788 --> 00:08:01,354
- I shouldn't have said that.
- No.
233
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:02,589
(moaning)
234
00:08:02,827 --> 00:08:03,790
This isn't as romantic
235
00:08:03,792 --> 00:08:05,124
as I'd hoped it was gonna be.
236
00:08:05,244 --> 00:08:06,254
I was just trying to give you
237
00:08:06,266 --> 00:08:07,627
a Valentine's Day you'd remember.
238
00:08:08,213 --> 00:08:09,559
(laughs) I'm gonna remember it.
239
00:08:09,582 --> 00:08:10,459
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
240
00:08:10,877 --> 00:08:12,291
And not just because your dad
241
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,267
thinks that my foot is your mom's.
242
00:08:14,445 --> 00:08:15,545
Hmm? Oh.
243
00:08:15,977 --> 00:08:17,830
- Uh, sorry, sweetheart.
- Oh!
244
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:18,636
So sorry.
245
00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,332
- No, no, no...
- No, no...
246
00:08:21,358 --> 00:08:22,809
- That's...
- Are you guys hungry?
247
00:08:24,645 --> 00:08:26,324
I want you to go back to that store
248
00:08:26,334 --> 00:08:27,708
and I want you to get your guitar.
249
00:08:28,213 --> 00:08:30,568
- Come on.
- Thanks.
250
00:08:30,586 --> 00:08:33,099
- Go pretend to be the man you'll never be.
- I will.
251
00:08:33,536 --> 00:08:35,436
_
252
00:08:37,246 --> 00:08:38,035
This one's cool.
253
00:08:38,059 --> 00:08:39,196
I have underwear this color.
254
00:08:39,198 --> 00:08:40,464
Oh, I haven't seen those.
255
00:08:40,466 --> 00:08:42,065
They like boy shorts or like...?
256
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,554
(Irish brogue): I can get
you a good deal on that.
257
00:08:44,813 --> 00:08:45,702
Is it any good?
258
00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:46,722
You tell me.
259
00:09:06,795 --> 00:09:07,791
Nice.
260
00:09:07,793 --> 00:09:09,059
That is the worst riff
261
00:09:09,179 --> 00:09:10,460
I've ever played in my life.
262
00:09:10,707 --> 00:09:11,428
I wouldn't sell it to you
263
00:09:11,430 --> 00:09:12,293
even if you wanted me to.
264
00:09:13,958 --> 00:09:14,446
Do you play?
265
00:09:14,766 --> 00:09:15,899
Um, rhythm guitar.
266
00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:17,167
It's actually for me.
267
00:09:17,526 --> 00:09:18,069
May I?
268
00:09:20,871 --> 00:09:22,505
Long nails on your right hand.
269
00:09:22,507 --> 00:09:24,174
Short nails on your left because,
270
00:09:24,176 --> 00:09:25,842
well, you finger with it.
271
00:09:25,844 --> 00:09:27,977
Here's the hand I finger with.
272
00:09:27,979 --> 00:09:29,245
You know, I think we should go.
273
00:09:29,247 --> 00:09:32,515
Uh, I'm also considering a banjo.
274
00:09:32,517 --> 00:09:33,983
(sputters)
275
00:09:33,985 --> 00:09:35,333
(no accent): Oh, hey,
Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan.
276
00:09:35,364 --> 00:09:36,926
Brian asked me to go get
burritos for everybody,
277
00:09:36,955 --> 00:09:39,122
but can you do it, please?
278
00:09:39,124 --> 00:09:41,324
(tuning guitar)
279
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,294
Hey, where's your new guitar?
280
00:09:44,414 --> 00:09:45,628
Oh, the old one's fine.
281
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,032
Oh, that's not good.
282
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:51,334
All right, what's really going on here?
283
00:09:52,182 --> 00:09:54,102
The guitar salesman started
hitting on Clementine,
284
00:09:54,148 --> 00:09:54,818
so we left.
285
00:09:55,799 --> 00:09:56,252
All right, look.
286
00:09:57,110 --> 00:09:59,257
I got a little experience
in this area, okay?
287
00:10:00,230 --> 00:10:01,843
Your mom was the hottest girl
288
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:03,599
in my college, and I was just
289
00:10:03,613 --> 00:10:06,782
some bald guy whose mustache
connected to his sideburns.
290
00:10:06,784 --> 00:10:07,631
Was that a thing?
291
00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:09,552
Yeah, in the 1870s.
292
00:10:09,554 --> 00:10:12,202
Look, the point is, I wasn't cool, Tyler.
293
00:10:12,217 --> 00:10:14,291
But when I was with your mom, I acted cool,
294
00:10:14,327 --> 00:10:15,096
and that's the trick.
295
00:10:16,543 --> 00:10:17,812
Look, I want you
296
00:10:17,848 --> 00:10:19,129
to go back to that store,
297
00:10:19,144 --> 00:10:20,454
and I want you to get your guitar.
298
00:10:21,017 --> 00:10:23,356
- Come on.
- Thanks.
299
00:10:23,377 --> 00:10:25,301
Go pretend to be the man you'll never be.
300
00:10:25,303 --> 00:10:26,184
I will.
301
00:10:26,583 --> 00:10:27,656
You're not cool, Dad.
302
00:10:27,690 --> 00:10:29,138
Neither are you, kid. Proud of you.
303
00:10:29,140 --> 00:10:30,706
(door opens)
304
00:10:36,292 --> 00:10:38,054
(Irish brogue): Well, welcome back.
305
00:10:38,627 --> 00:10:40,282
I just wanted to stop by again
306
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:42,985
with my girlfriend.
307
00:10:44,096 --> 00:10:45,054
Oh, did you want that plugged in?
308
00:10:45,056 --> 00:10:46,917
- Oh, no, no, no. It's fine, it's fine.
- I'm sorry, oh!
309
00:10:46,939 --> 00:10:47,315
It's just, yeah...
310
00:10:47,338 --> 00:10:48,891
- I was just shredding a little bit.
- Yeah, yeah, sure.
311
00:10:48,893 --> 00:10:50,626
- Making sure this thing can hold my sound.
- Sure.
312
00:10:50,628 --> 00:10:53,562
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I really like how old this one is.
313
00:10:53,564 --> 00:10:54,997
Oh, you like older equipment, do you?
314
00:10:55,518 --> 00:10:57,232
Actually, I think this one
315
00:10:57,234 --> 00:10:58,661
is a little bit nicer.
316
00:10:58,781 --> 00:11:00,387
And, uh, a few years newer.
317
00:11:00,424 --> 00:11:01,737
This one's pretty cool.
318
00:11:01,739 --> 00:11:03,672
Yeah, yeah, no. You can't
go wrong with that one.
319
00:11:03,728 --> 00:11:06,108
But when you're ready to
take it to the next level,
320
00:11:06,389 --> 00:11:09,511
you can trade that one in for
something professionals use.
321
00:11:09,891 --> 00:11:10,609
Unless
322
00:11:10,915 --> 00:11:13,879
Hendrix wasn't a professional.
323
00:11:25,594 --> 00:11:26,895
Looking cool, buddy.
324
00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:28,230
Just like my dad.
325
00:11:28,232 --> 00:11:30,098
- Want me to play drums?
- Nope.
326
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,500
Tim?
327
00:11:31,819 --> 00:11:34,330
Did you charge something for $2,500?
328
00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:36,765
- That was $2,500?!
- You told me to stand my ground!
329
00:11:36,784 --> 00:11:38,740
Wasn't there some $100
ground you could've stood?
330
00:11:38,809 --> 00:11:41,025
Hendrix played this. I mean,
I could be just like him now.
331
00:11:41,085 --> 00:11:43,979
Dead and in estate battles
over who owns his rights?!
332
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:46,286
Okay, that is going back today.
333
00:11:46,321 --> 00:11:47,315
We are driving you.
334
00:11:47,317 --> 00:11:48,550
(no accent): I swear to God I was not
335
00:11:48,552 --> 00:11:49,951
the last person to use the bathroom.
336
00:11:49,953 --> 00:11:51,319
I don't even do that at work, okay?
337
00:11:51,321 --> 00:11:52,654
- Hi, excuse me?
- (Irish brogue): Hello.
338
00:11:52,656 --> 00:11:54,516
Um, my-my son needs
339
00:11:54,539 --> 00:11:55,857
to return this guitar.
340
00:11:56,030 --> 00:11:57,859
Well, it is against store policy.
341
00:11:58,472 --> 00:12:01,563
But I suppose I could override it.
342
00:12:02,424 --> 00:12:04,684
I'd have to check your I.D. to
make sure your his mom, though.
343
00:12:05,038 --> 00:12:06,835
There's no way you could have a teenager.
344
00:12:07,272 --> 00:12:09,810
Well, I-I was very young when I had him.
345
00:12:09,839 --> 00:12:11,754
All right, thanks, buddy,
we really appreciate it,
346
00:12:11,805 --> 00:12:13,258
from one musician to another, so...
347
00:12:13,378 --> 00:12:14,075
Oh, yeah?
348
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:15,643
What did you play... the tuba?
349
00:12:15,645 --> 00:12:17,312
Oh! No, the guitar.
350
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:19,580
And a little tuba in high school.
351
00:12:19,582 --> 00:12:20,150
Tuba!
352
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,697
Compensating for a tiny horn, eh?
353
00:12:22,726 --> 00:12:23,618
Oh, hardly!
354
00:12:23,738 --> 00:12:24,986
Tuba's the biggest horn there is.
355
00:12:25,106 --> 00:12:26,301
Wraps all the way around your body.
356
00:12:26,323 --> 00:12:28,207
Just like this girl's gonna do tonight.
357
00:12:28,242 --> 00:12:30,071
- Isn't that right, honey?
- Sure.
358
00:12:30,253 --> 00:12:31,018
If you'd like to get back
359
00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:32,894
into the guitar, uh, I could point you
360
00:12:32,896 --> 00:12:34,327
to the beginner's section, but you know,
361
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:36,815
this area here's more for rock stars
362
00:12:36,837 --> 00:12:38,599
and their groupies.
363
00:12:38,601 --> 00:12:40,067
(chuckles)
364
00:12:40,187 --> 00:12:41,244
So...
365
00:12:42,064 --> 00:12:43,877
why did you buy that guitar?
366
00:12:44,762 --> 00:12:45,773
(sighs)
367
00:12:46,576 --> 00:12:48,109
Because that guy was hitting on you.
368
00:12:48,111 --> 00:12:48,737
So?
369
00:12:49,157 --> 00:12:50,209
So it bummed me out.
370
00:12:51,115 --> 00:12:51,746
Look, I want you
371
00:12:51,748 --> 00:12:52,845
to stay with me forever.
372
00:12:54,672 --> 00:12:56,817
That sounds like I'm
gonna murder you, sorry.
373
00:12:57,022 --> 00:12:59,350
Look, Tyler, everybody hits on me.
374
00:12:59,705 --> 00:13:01,255
Like all the time.
375
00:13:01,375 --> 00:13:02,590
I love that shirt.
376
00:13:02,882 --> 00:13:03,375
Thanks.
377
00:13:03,955 --> 00:13:05,192
She wasn't looking at my shirt.
378
00:13:05,194 --> 00:13:06,193
Hmm?
379
00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:07,661
Look, I am with you,
380
00:13:07,663 --> 00:13:09,797
because I want to be with you.
381
00:13:09,799 --> 00:13:10,888
Don't worry about it.
382
00:13:10,939 --> 00:13:12,097
I'm your girlfriend.
383
00:13:16,781 --> 00:13:19,285
Well, bad news is I
couldn't return your guitar.
384
00:13:19,322 --> 00:13:22,443
But I did manage to pick up
a little something for myself.
385
00:13:23,122 --> 00:13:24,978
It did set me back $4,000.
386
00:13:24,980 --> 00:13:26,647
But that'll just encourage me
387
00:13:26,649 --> 00:13:27,697
to learn how to play it.
388
00:13:28,087 --> 00:13:29,429
You are insane.
389
00:13:31,826 --> 00:13:34,154
Yeah, we really showed that Scotsman, huh?
390
00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:35,556
I thought he was Irish.
391
00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:36,946
Don't be racist.
392
00:13:39,693 --> 00:13:40,894
You have the baby.
393
00:13:40,896 --> 00:13:42,748
If you realize that it's too soon,
394
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,275
I'll take it. Yeah, I mean,
395
00:13:45,294 --> 00:13:47,247
I'm your sister, so it's
like it's half mine anyway.
396
00:13:47,707 --> 00:13:49,507
_
397
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,913
Uh, so I just got a, uh,
calendar alert on my phone.
398
00:13:56,304 --> 00:13:57,937
Yeah, it's Valentine's Day.
399
00:13:57,939 --> 00:13:59,939
Why do you think I matched
my underwear to my bra?
400
00:13:59,941 --> 00:14:01,867
Oh, no, no, no, no, it's not that.
401
00:14:02,275 --> 00:14:03,742
Uh, today's the day that we said
402
00:14:03,744 --> 00:14:05,077
we'd start trying for another baby.
403
00:14:05,729 --> 00:14:06,209
Remember?
404
00:14:06,753 --> 00:14:09,148
Valentine's Day, 10:00 a.m., make a baby.
405
00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:11,450
Wait, what, that... that's... that's now?
406
00:14:11,678 --> 00:14:13,252
- Yeah.
- That's... wow.
407
00:14:13,254 --> 00:14:15,287
That-that-that-that
happened so soon.
408
00:14:15,407 --> 00:14:17,609
I mean, how can we have a baby?
409
00:14:17,638 --> 00:14:19,291
We... we already have a baby.
410
00:14:19,808 --> 00:14:22,450
Uh, well, we said that we wanted
them to be two years apart,
411
00:14:22,479 --> 00:14:24,363
and Lark is eight months old,
412
00:14:24,365 --> 00:14:26,532
and it took seven months to
get pregnant last time, so...
413
00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,128
Right, okay, but...
414
00:14:28,737 --> 00:14:33,275
but-but-but-but-but-
but-but-but... but...
415
00:14:33,529 --> 00:14:38,380
uh, that plan was devised
in a pre-Lark world,
416
00:14:38,424 --> 00:14:41,783
and post-Lark world is very different.
417
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:45,117
It is... it's-it's darker, you know?
418
00:14:45,119 --> 00:14:46,934
It's-it's grittier.
419
00:14:46,998 --> 00:14:48,253
It's sleepier.
420
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:50,280
It's... saggier.
421
00:14:50,782 --> 00:14:52,795
So you don't want to have another baby.
422
00:14:53,363 --> 00:14:55,365
It's very saggy, Greg.
423
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,231
I have to go make a dinner reservation.
424
00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:00,699
HEATHER: Yeah, buddy, yeah.
425
00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:01,750
I'm an idiot.
426
00:15:04,524 --> 00:15:06,453
Hey, Heater, question for you.
427
00:15:06,465 --> 00:15:07,658
What was the bigger transition...
428
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,542
Going from one kid to two or two to three?
429
00:15:10,544 --> 00:15:12,977
- Mmm... oh, my God.
- What?
430
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:14,289
- You're gonna have a baby.
- No.
431
00:15:14,323 --> 00:15:15,162
- Baby!
- No!
432
00:15:15,184 --> 00:15:16,347
- Baby! Baby!
- (coughing): No.
433
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:18,383
(coughing)
434
00:15:18,574 --> 00:15:20,718
No. No, we're not having a baby;
435
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:22,782
we're thinking about having a baby.
436
00:15:22,796 --> 00:15:23,937
We're trying to, you know,
437
00:15:23,951 --> 00:15:26,381
zone in on the exact perfect time to...
438
00:15:26,418 --> 00:15:27,158
You have the baby.
439
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:29,317
If you realize that it's too soon,
440
00:15:29,967 --> 00:15:31,874
I'll take it. Yeah, I mean,
441
00:15:31,888 --> 00:15:33,816
I'm your sister, so it's
like it's half mine anyway.
442
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,811
Intriguing proposition. Okay.
443
00:15:35,931 --> 00:15:36,391
Well, uh...
444
00:15:36,426 --> 00:15:38,169
- I'm gonna bring these facts to Jen.
- Yeah.
445
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:39,904
And, uh, I'll get back to you.
446
00:15:39,906 --> 00:15:42,674
Hey, and I will carry it for
you, too, if that's the issue.
447
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:44,524
- Now I can get behind that.
- Oh.
448
00:15:44,567 --> 00:15:46,186
You are so hot when you're pregnant.
449
00:15:47,044 --> 00:15:49,347
Something about you and
I having the same profile
450
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:50,314
really gets me going.
451
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:51,282
Mmm.
452
00:15:52,599 --> 00:15:54,924
JOAN: Oh, we just heard the great news.
453
00:15:54,976 --> 00:15:56,206
My goodness.
454
00:15:56,577 --> 00:16:00,035
My baby is having another baby.
455
00:16:00,239 --> 00:16:01,856
Oh. Oh, well, um, thank you,
456
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,128
but, no, no, I'm not... I'm not pregnant.
457
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,195
- No, we're waiting.
- Oh.
458
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,137
Maybe. Or not.
459
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,441
- W-w-w-we don't know.
- Okay.
460
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:09,532
I think you're supposed to
cut down on the sauce a little
461
00:16:09,546 --> 00:16:11,983
during this time, darling, but you do you.
462
00:16:12,048 --> 00:16:13,337
- She's not pregnant.
- Not pregnant.
463
00:16:13,457 --> 00:16:14,109
Think you should wait.
464
00:16:14,726 --> 00:16:16,930
- Yeah?
- When kids are too close in age,
465
00:16:17,148 --> 00:16:18,888
you know, it strains the relationship,
466
00:16:18,912 --> 00:16:20,965
and the younger one always
ends up sucking at sports.
467
00:16:20,997 --> 00:16:21,912
Greg, heads up.
468
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:24,951
JOAN: You know, I think
you two are making this
469
00:16:24,979 --> 00:16:26,260
much too complicated.
470
00:16:26,914 --> 00:16:28,803
When it's time to have
another baby, you'll know.
471
00:16:29,175 --> 00:16:30,187
We-we will?
472
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,489
Yes, there'll be a sign.
473
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:34,892
Just like there was when
we got pregnant with Greg.
474
00:16:34,894 --> 00:16:35,722
There was a sign?
475
00:16:35,842 --> 00:16:37,490
We were all around the table,
476
00:16:37,554 --> 00:16:40,197
and somehow a chair from the dining room
477
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:41,581
had made its way into the kitchen.
478
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,746
I looked at that empty chair,
479
00:16:43,757 --> 00:16:45,914
and I knew something was missing.
480
00:16:47,024 --> 00:16:49,619
And that something was another baby.
481
00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:51,218
What about me, Mom?
482
00:16:51,955 --> 00:16:53,210
What was the sign you should have me?
483
00:16:53,507 --> 00:16:54,119
Oh.
484
00:16:55,207 --> 00:16:56,861
Remember what that sign was?
485
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:57,892
I do.
486
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:00,065
"Ten minute loading zone."
487
00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:02,586
(laughs)
488
00:17:03,375 --> 00:17:06,089
(sighs) Finally, some peace of mind.
489
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,457
It's not up to us, you know?
490
00:17:07,459 --> 00:17:09,226
If it was up to us, we
wouldn't know what to do.
491
00:17:09,228 --> 00:17:10,661
- But it's not up to us.
- No.
492
00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:12,195
- No, it's up to fate.
- Yeah.
493
00:17:12,225 --> 00:17:13,530
So we don't have to find the answer,
494
00:17:13,532 --> 00:17:14,831
- it'll find us.
- That's right.
495
00:17:14,833 --> 00:17:15,954
- (bird squawking)
- (gasps)
496
00:17:17,108 --> 00:17:18,373
- Is that...
- A stork?
497
00:17:19,446 --> 00:17:20,527
Yes, it is.
498
00:17:22,169 --> 00:17:22,604
Wow.
499
00:17:24,328 --> 00:17:26,896
Thought we'd have, like,
at least an hour or two
500
00:17:26,937 --> 00:17:28,221
before we saw a sign.
501
00:17:28,341 --> 00:17:29,107
Yeah, yeah.
502
00:17:31,810 --> 00:17:32,993
Yeah. Let's go make a baby.
503
00:17:36,438 --> 00:17:37,761
Happy Valentine's Day.
504
00:17:38,881 --> 00:17:40,459
That's no stork. It's a crane.
505
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,893
- What? Really?
- Yeah.
506
00:17:43,758 --> 00:17:45,022
Storks are not indigenous
507
00:17:45,051 --> 00:17:47,134
- to this area. And are silent.
- No.
508
00:17:47,185 --> 00:17:48,233
That thing was squawking.
509
00:17:48,270 --> 00:17:49,118
- I mean, you heard it.
- Squawk, squawk, squawk.
510
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:51,768
- I mean, it's a crane. It's a crane.
- That's a crane. That's a crane.
511
00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:54,366
Oh, that is a crane.
So-so-so it's not a stork.
512
00:17:54,614 --> 00:17:56,026
- So it's not a sign.
- Mm-mm.
513
00:17:56,049 --> 00:17:57,018
So we shouldn't be trying
514
00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:57,884
- for a baby.
- No.
515
00:17:58,476 --> 00:18:00,486
Wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
516
00:18:00,606 --> 00:18:01,697
I'm okay with that. Are you okay with that?
517
00:18:01,817 --> 00:18:03,942
- It's not up to us. You know?
- No.
518
00:18:03,983 --> 00:18:05,239
I mean, it's a... it's a crane.
519
00:18:05,262 --> 00:18:06,592
- It's a dang crane.
- Dang it.
520
00:18:06,785 --> 00:18:08,187
- (groans)
- Yeah.
521
00:18:08,396 --> 00:18:10,677
- Universe. So mad.
- Yeah.
522
00:18:10,921 --> 00:18:12,255
(chuckling): You know?
523
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:14,258
All right, I'm gonna put on sweatpants.
524
00:18:17,173 --> 00:18:18,904
(quietly): You can stay in the outfit.
525
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,107
(knocking)
526
00:18:22,277 --> 00:18:24,188
Hi there! I'm, uh, Chip Baggins
527
00:18:24,223 --> 00:18:26,201
from SoCal Bird Watchers.
And if you don't mind,
528
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,174
I'd like to document
that stork on your lawn.
529
00:18:28,568 --> 00:18:30,773
- Oh, that's no stork. It's a crane.
- No,
530
00:18:30,805 --> 00:18:34,710
it's a stork. Genus
Ciconia, species Ciconia.
531
00:18:34,712 --> 00:18:36,465
- Yeah, I don't know what that is.
- What is that?
532
00:18:36,479 --> 00:18:39,173
But I Wikipedia'd the hell out
of that, and that's a crane.
533
00:18:39,615 --> 00:18:41,887
It's got a chip in it.
That's how we tracked it here.
534
00:18:42,424 --> 00:18:44,070
It's a white stork that's broken
535
00:18:44,092 --> 00:18:46,151
from its normal migratory patterns.
536
00:18:46,761 --> 00:18:48,151
It's a pretty big deal, actually.
537
00:18:48,216 --> 00:18:50,449
Oh, this is tough news
to break to you, Chip,
538
00:18:50,479 --> 00:18:52,262
but it's not a big deal.
It's a very tiny baby deal,
539
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,018
because it's not a stork.
540
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:54,497
Yeah, if it was a stork, it would be
541
00:18:54,499 --> 00:18:55,698
- a big deal, because then...
- Big deal.
542
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:58,234
- we can get busy making baby number two.
- Yeah.
543
00:18:58,489 --> 00:19:00,236
That's a fairy tale, actually.
544
00:19:00,356 --> 00:19:02,238
Well, for you, maybe, Chip,
545
00:19:02,290 --> 00:19:04,789
but, for us, making
love is very, very real.
546
00:19:04,831 --> 00:19:06,757
- GREG: Yeah. We take it very seriously.
- But, uh,
547
00:19:06,808 --> 00:19:08,177
alas, Mommy's in sweatpants
548
00:19:08,179 --> 00:19:09,979
'cause it's a crane. So... (chuckles)
549
00:19:10,185 --> 00:19:12,281
- boo-hoo. But bye-bye. (chuckles)
- Take care. Bye-bye.
550
00:19:12,283 --> 00:19:14,149
But it just... what...
it would be... but...
551
00:19:18,635 --> 00:19:19,825
(gobbling sounds)
552
00:19:21,678 --> 00:19:23,327
- (vehicle approaching)
- Ooh.
553
00:19:23,593 --> 00:19:24,137
Hi.
554
00:19:24,507 --> 00:19:25,399
MAN: Guys, there it is, guys.
555
00:19:26,175 --> 00:19:27,264
MAN 2: Let's set up over here.
556
00:19:27,266 --> 00:19:28,191
MAN 1: I'll back up the truck.
557
00:19:28,311 --> 00:19:30,034
Oh. I'm gonna put you back down.
558
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,402
(indistinct chatter)
559
00:19:31,522 --> 00:19:32,808
WOMAN: In three, two...
560
00:19:34,135 --> 00:19:37,007
The appearance of a stork
has a Mar Vista couple asking,
561
00:19:37,358 --> 00:19:38,221
what the flock?
562
00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:40,440
It's a crane! Leave us alone!
563
00:19:41,782 --> 00:19:43,343
- Honey.
- Yeah, I know.
564
00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:46,636
- It's a stork.
- Okay,
565
00:19:46,687 --> 00:19:48,604
you know what, give me
a 30-minute head start.
566
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,306
I'm gonna climb back into that lingerie.
567
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:52,222
We're gonna knock dem boots, okay?
568
00:19:52,224 --> 00:19:52,859
Let's wait.
569
00:19:53,547 --> 00:19:54,007
Wait, what?
570
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:57,328
Let's wait.
571
00:19:58,528 --> 00:19:59,846
Lark is so amazing right now.
572
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:02,266
And I know whoever is
gonna come around next
573
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:05,002
is gonna be just as amazing.
But right now I'm not ready
574
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:06,352
to give up this special time
575
00:20:06,384 --> 00:20:08,008
that we have with just us and Lark.
576
00:20:08,211 --> 00:20:09,136
Yeah, I feel the same way.
577
00:20:09,793 --> 00:20:10,673
- You do?
- Yeah.
578
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:12,157
I love just us.
579
00:20:13,511 --> 00:20:15,017
You know? We can, like, each take
580
00:20:15,031 --> 00:20:16,917
one of her hands and
swing her in between us.
581
00:20:16,953 --> 00:20:18,453
We couldn't do that if
there was another kid.
582
00:20:18,573 --> 00:20:20,129
Okay. New plan.
583
00:20:20,535 --> 00:20:21,333
- You ready?
- Mm-hmm.
584
00:20:21,369 --> 00:20:23,842
The new plan is no plan.
585
00:20:25,685 --> 00:20:26,519
I like that plan.
586
00:20:26,874 --> 00:20:27,476
You do?
587
00:20:27,747 --> 00:20:29,209
Mm-hmm. And I love you.
588
00:20:29,526 --> 00:20:30,331
I love you, too.
589
00:20:33,364 --> 00:20:35,999
(pecking)
590
00:20:36,617 --> 00:20:37,286
What's that sound?
591
00:20:39,291 --> 00:20:41,660
That's the stork pecking at our window.
592
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,769
- I'm gonna go turn on the sprinklers.
- Yeah.
593
00:20:46,819 --> 00:20:51,369
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