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1
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(indistinct conversations)
2
00:00:02,652 --> 00:00:05,085
CHARLIE: Oh, that's fresh, dude.
Yeah, that's real nice.
3
00:00:05,121 --> 00:00:07,054
Seriously, you're gonna bring
that up again? Jerry, Jerry,
4
00:00:07,089 --> 00:00:08,856
Jerry... I'm so sick of hearing
about Jerry, man.
5
00:00:08,891 --> 00:00:11,091
- Everything is "Jerry" out of you mouth.
- Hey, hey, hey, uh,
6
00:00:11,127 --> 00:00:12,146
Ch-Charlie, I need a new keg.
7
00:00:12,147 --> 00:00:13,147
- This one's tapped, buddy.
- Yeah, give me a second.
8
00:00:13,162 --> 00:00:15,763
Like, if Jerry jumped off a
bridge would you jump off it, too?
9
00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,297
- Which bridge?
- Guys, guys...
10
00:00:17,333 --> 00:00:18,699
- Which bridge, really?
- Yeah, yeah.
11
00:00:18,734 --> 00:00:20,401
Guys, guys, please stop arguing, okay?
Can you just...
12
00:00:20,436 --> 00:00:22,609
can you do your jobs today?
We got a bunch of customers in here.
13
00:00:22,644 --> 00:00:23,604
I want to take advantage of it.
14
00:00:23,639 --> 00:00:25,572
Look, can you just tell him
to get rid of Jerry first?
15
00:00:25,608 --> 00:00:27,007
I'm sorry,
I don't even know who that is.
16
00:00:27,043 --> 00:00:28,976
- My tapeworm.
- You have a tapeworm?
17
00:00:29,011 --> 00:00:29,977
- Yeah, he got a worm.
- Yeah. Got a tapeworm.
18
00:00:30,012 --> 00:00:30,878
And you named it?
19
00:00:30,913 --> 00:00:32,079
- Jerry.
- Jerry.
20
00:00:32,114 --> 00:00:33,347
Yeah, okay, great. Look, guys,
can we not do this?
21
00:00:33,382 --> 00:00:35,783
Can we not talk about worms
or sewers or rats today, with all these
22
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:37,718
people in here?
We got a good thing going.
23
00:00:37,753 --> 00:00:39,920
- Charlie, new keg.
- Well, I just think maybe I'm a little sensitive
24
00:00:39,955 --> 00:00:42,029
because it's Valentine's
Day and I don't really
25
00:00:42,064 --> 00:00:43,652
want to hear about Jerry all day long.
26
00:00:43,687 --> 00:00:44,425
But, yeah, fine, what do you want...
27
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:45,926
you want me to put pink ink in
the beer or something,
28
00:00:45,961 --> 00:00:47,561
- make it all inky and pink?
- I... No, no, no, no.
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00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,396
I don't want to do
Valentine's Day shit, okay?
30
00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:51,298
I don't want to do that.
All right, look, all these people
31
00:00:51,333 --> 00:00:53,300
are in here today because they
don't have people who love them
32
00:00:53,335 --> 00:00:55,269
and get them shit on Valentine's Day.
All right?
33
00:00:55,304 --> 00:00:57,504
So, can we not remind them
of that with inky beer?
34
00:00:57,540 --> 00:00:59,239
All right, fine. Can you just
tell him to get lost, then?
35
00:00:59,275 --> 00:01:00,741
And then we'll go back
to the way things were.
36
00:01:00,776 --> 00:01:02,042
- Who?
- Jerry.
37
00:01:02,078 --> 00:01:03,644
- The worm?
- Yeah.
38
00:01:03,679 --> 00:01:06,287
It's an intestinal parasite,
incapable of complex thought.
39
00:01:06,322 --> 00:01:08,515
You just described my ex-husband.
40
00:01:08,551 --> 00:01:10,651
- Oh... (laughing)
- Oh...
41
00:01:10,686 --> 00:01:11,856
- Yeah, he's a...
- He can't think, yeah.
42
00:01:11,857 --> 00:01:12,657
That's pretty funny.
43
00:01:12,722 --> 00:01:14,888
- Hey, Dee! Yeah!
- All right, Dee!
44
00:01:14,924 --> 00:01:18,058
(chanting): Dee! Dee!
Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee! Dee!
45
00:01:18,094 --> 00:01:19,693
Dee is in the house, uh,
Dee is in the house,
46
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- uh, Dee is in the house.
- Oh... - Oh...
47
00:01:21,697 --> 00:01:23,497
- Thanks for the chant, guys. What's up?
- Yeah, no,
48
00:01:23,532 --> 00:01:25,733
we were talking about the new Dee,
the funny one.
49
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- Her?
- Yeah.
50
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:27,736
- Yeah.
- Why are you calling her Dee?
51
00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:30,070
Oh, well, she's like a new regular.
She's been coming in here.
52
00:01:30,105 --> 00:01:31,271
You know, trying
to make her feel more at home.
53
00:01:31,307 --> 00:01:34,074
- It's a nickname, short for Dottie.
- Then call her Dot.
54
00:01:34,110 --> 00:01:36,443
Nah, we already started calling
her Dee and it kind of stuck.
55
00:01:36,479 --> 00:01:38,312
You know, can't really change it now.
It's locked in.
56
00:01:38,347 --> 00:01:39,680
That's my nickname, bitch.
Don't you take my nickname.
57
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Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hey, hey, hey!
58
00:01:41,117 --> 00:01:42,883
- You bitch! Get out of here!
- What are you...
59
00:01:42,918 --> 00:01:44,251
Don't-don't yell at the customers, okay?
60
00:01:44,286 --> 00:01:45,886
Look, we got a good thing
going here, all right?
61
00:01:45,921 --> 00:01:47,421
We got a bunch of new customers in here.
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00:01:47,456 --> 00:01:49,123
We got a regular,
we might get more regulars.
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- Let's not screw this up.
- MAC: Guys, guys.
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00:01:50,726 --> 00:01:52,960
- I've got news, I've got glorious news.
- Oh!
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00:01:52,995 --> 00:01:55,028
(chanting): Mac! Mac! Mac! Mac!
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00:01:55,064 --> 00:01:56,730
Mac is in the house,
Mac is in the house.
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00:01:56,766 --> 00:01:58,732
Thanks for the chant, guys.
Listen, I need everybody
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00:01:58,768 --> 00:02:00,734
to drop everything and
come out to the back alley.
69
00:02:00,770 --> 00:02:03,036
There is an unopened crate out there.
70
00:02:03,072 --> 00:02:04,938
- An un... an unopened crate?
- Crate? Oh! - Crate?
71
00:02:04,974 --> 00:02:07,040
- Hey, there's a crate!
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
72
00:02:07,076 --> 00:02:07,858
- We got a crate.
- Let's go!
73
00:02:07,859 --> 00:02:08,759
- We have a crate.
- No.
74
00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:10,077
- What, what?
- Stop, hey, stop!
75
00:02:10,112 --> 00:02:11,378
- What? What?
- Stop! Stop.
76
00:02:11,413 --> 00:02:13,247
We got a bar full of customers here.
77
00:02:13,282 --> 00:02:15,349
So what? Oh! Oh, shit, okay,
okay, you know what I'll do?
78
00:02:15,384 --> 00:02:17,284
Um, I can put a fan
next to the yuck puddle,
79
00:02:17,319 --> 00:02:19,186
- and the smell's gonna clear everybody out.
- Oh!
80
00:02:19,221 --> 00:02:20,788
I don't want to clear everybody out.
I'm saying
81
00:02:20,823 --> 00:02:22,456
why are we running out
of the bar to-to look
82
00:02:22,491 --> 00:02:24,992
- in some dumb crate?
- Well, it's not about the crate.
83
00:02:25,027 --> 00:02:26,326
It's about the mystery of
what's inside the crate
84
00:02:26,362 --> 00:02:27,728
- that gets us.
- Yeah, the straw.
85
00:02:27,763 --> 00:02:29,573
- Yeah. Well, not the straw, though.
- No.
86
00:02:29,573 --> 00:02:30,544
- Not the straw?
- No, not the straw.
87
00:02:30,545 --> 00:02:31,845
- Whatever's in the crate, like...
- Oh.
88
00:02:31,934 --> 00:02:33,375
- Yeah, it's worth a look.
- It's not worth a look.
89
00:02:33,375 --> 00:02:35,102
It's trash. There's nothing in there.
There never is.
90
00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:36,303
This is what I'm saying. Why...
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00:02:36,338 --> 00:02:37,805
We're always running outside,
92
00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,706
out into the world,
looking for riches and treasures
93
00:02:39,742 --> 00:02:42,009
when we've got everything
we need right here.
94
00:02:42,044 --> 00:02:45,078
Oh, you're saying we do, like,
a booze for money type scheme.
95
00:02:45,114 --> 00:02:46,964
That's good. Who came up with that?
96
00:02:46,965 --> 00:02:47,665
- Oh. Was it me?
- Who came up with that?
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00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,416
Whoever invented the idea of a bar.
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00:02:49,451 --> 00:02:51,084
Which is what we decided to do years ago
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00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:53,420
when we bought this goddamn place.
So, can we please,
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00:02:53,455 --> 00:02:55,222
for once in our lives,
not go chasing after crates?
101
00:02:55,257 --> 00:02:57,324
You know, and talk about worms?
102
00:02:57,359 --> 00:02:59,159
Right?
Yelling at the customers and shit?
103
00:02:59,195 --> 00:03:02,095
Can we just do the one
thing we've never tried?
104
00:03:02,131 --> 00:03:04,631
Can we just do our jobs?
105
00:03:06,702 --> 00:03:08,936
106
00:03:29,515 --> 00:03:30,648
-
- (indistinct conversations)
107
00:03:30,683 --> 00:03:32,149
'89, good.
108
00:03:34,687 --> 00:03:36,153
Damn drunks.
109
00:03:37,857 --> 00:03:39,857
Rum and Coke, tequila soda.
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Pay me.
111
00:03:42,728 --> 00:03:45,262
All right, that's gonna be five.
112
00:03:45,298 --> 00:03:46,730
Out of 20.
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00:03:51,664 --> 00:03:53,030
Yup.
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00:03:53,065 --> 00:03:54,631
Aw, she wants another mojito.
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00:03:54,667 --> 00:03:56,366
Looks like our regular's
got herself a usual.
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00:03:56,402 --> 00:03:57,701
You bet.
117
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,304
- (chuckles)
- Yo. I am all done with my work.
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00:04:00,339 --> 00:04:02,072
Can we go check out that crate now?
119
00:04:02,108 --> 00:04:03,507
What? You're not done.
120
00:04:03,542 --> 00:04:04,842
Shit, how'd you know?
121
00:04:04,877 --> 00:04:06,110
Because the bar's still open.
122
00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:07,845
You're not done till we close.
123
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:09,546
Hey, what do you say you
and me go out the back
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00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,148
and check out that crate.
Just the two of us...
125
00:04:11,183 --> 00:04:13,383
No one else has to know.
Just to get it off our minds.
126
00:04:13,419 --> 00:04:15,519
It's not on my mind, okay?
Let it go. Christ, five people
127
00:04:15,554 --> 00:04:17,354
have walked in here since we
started this conversation.
128
00:04:17,389 --> 00:04:19,423
Can you go check their IDs
so we don't get another
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00:04:19,458 --> 00:04:21,291
underage drinking
situation on our hands?
130
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:22,926
- Just got my mind on that crate.
- Right, well,
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00:04:22,962 --> 00:04:24,394
- get your mind on your job.
- FRANK: Done, done, done.
132
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:26,474
- Done with my work.
- Oh, Christ, they're like dominoes.
133
00:04:26,509 --> 00:04:27,431
Frank, you're not done
134
00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:29,733
- until the end of the day.
- I already cooked the books.
135
00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,835
How about you don't cook the
books so we can actually tell
136
00:04:31,871 --> 00:04:33,303
- how the business is doing?
- Oh, well...
137
00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:34,905
It's crazy. How are we ever gonna...
138
00:04:34,940 --> 00:04:36,240
Oh, the soda gun's clogged.
139
00:04:36,275 --> 00:04:37,708
Dude, can you go clear the lines for me?
140
00:04:37,743 --> 00:04:39,343
Trick Charlie into doing it.
141
00:04:39,378 --> 00:04:40,878
Well, I want you to do it.
142
00:04:40,913 --> 00:04:42,045
I can't trick Charlie.
143
00:04:42,081 --> 00:04:44,715
Charlie's pretending to ignore me
because he's jealous of Jerry.
144
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:46,383
I-I don't want you to trick Charlie.
145
00:04:46,418 --> 00:04:47,718
- I want you to clear the lines.
- Speaking of Jerry...
146
00:04:47,753 --> 00:04:48,886
- Break time.
- What do you mean?
147
00:04:48,921 --> 00:04:50,087
Lunch.
148
00:04:50,122 --> 00:04:51,255
I'm craving salty,
149
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:52,523
but Jerry likes sweet.
150
00:04:52,558 --> 00:04:55,225
What are you doing? Don't-don't
reach your hands directly in the...
151
00:04:55,261 --> 00:04:57,060
- This is sweet.
- Oh, Jesus Christ, get out of here,
152
00:04:57,096 --> 00:04:58,328
Frank, you're an animal.
153
00:04:58,364 --> 00:04:59,830
He won't stop eating,
154
00:04:59,865 --> 00:05:01,098
- yet he's just wasting away.
- Yeah.
155
00:05:01,133 --> 00:05:02,900
I mean, can you believe them?
156
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,468
You know, I can't even play
Night Crawlers with him anymore
157
00:05:04,503 --> 00:05:05,903
'cause he doesn't want to offend Jerry.
158
00:05:05,938 --> 00:05:07,271
I'm gonna stop you there,
Charlie, because
159
00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:09,714
I've exhausted my daily quota
of worm talk and worm-related issues.
160
00:05:09,749 --> 00:05:10,607
- What are you doing?
- Yeah.
161
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:11,842
- Don't reach your hands in there!
- Why not?
162
00:05:11,877 --> 00:05:13,343
Jesus Christ... Oh, God. Look,
163
00:05:13,379 --> 00:05:15,979
can you just... can you please
go clear the lines for me?
164
00:05:16,015 --> 00:05:16,980
Are they clogged?
165
00:05:17,101 --> 00:05:17,937
Yeah.
166
00:05:18,037 --> 00:05:20,271
- Just trick Dee into it.
- It's not a tri...
167
00:05:20,306 --> 00:05:21,939
See, this is the problem.
You guys all think that work
168
00:05:21,974 --> 00:05:24,429
is tricking people. It's not.
It's just your job.
169
00:05:24,464 --> 00:05:25,676
So, can you please go do it?
In all the time
170
00:05:25,712 --> 00:05:27,511
that we've talked about tricking
each other into doing our jobs
171
00:05:27,547 --> 00:05:28,979
we could've made 1,000 drinks.
172
00:05:29,015 --> 00:05:30,247
Yeah, maybe.
173
00:05:30,283 --> 00:05:31,849
All right, let me see if I can
trick Mac into it first.
174
00:05:31,884 --> 00:05:34,303
Don't trick anybody, just do it...
Oh, goddamn.
175
00:05:34,338 --> 00:05:36,087
I need two shots of whiskey.
176
00:05:36,122 --> 00:05:38,289
Two shots of whiskey. Okay, yes, nice.
177
00:05:38,734 --> 00:05:40,267
Finally, somebody's actually working.
178
00:05:40,302 --> 00:05:41,835
You know what, I appreciate that, Dee.
179
00:05:41,871 --> 00:05:44,238
- I appreciate you.
- All right, what are you doing?
180
00:05:44,273 --> 00:05:45,906
No, no, no, no, no.
181
00:05:45,941 --> 00:05:47,407
- That was a big one. Thank you.
- The other one, too.
182
00:05:47,443 --> 00:05:48,942
Yeah, that's what this is. Okay, so,
183
00:05:48,978 --> 00:05:50,577
clearly, you're not busy,
so, I need somebody
184
00:05:50,613 --> 00:05:52,246
to clear the lines.
The soda gun's clogged.
185
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:54,615
Did Charlie ask you to trick me?
186
00:05:54,650 --> 00:05:56,383
Trick you? No, the... It's not a trick.
187
00:05:56,418 --> 00:05:58,352
The soda gun is clogged,
I cannot make drinks.
188
00:05:58,387 --> 00:05:59,787
I don't know.
I don't trust Charlie today.
189
00:05:59,822 --> 00:06:01,221
You know, I made him a valentine...
190
00:06:01,257 --> 00:06:03,190
He hasn't given me shit yet in return.
191
00:06:03,225 --> 00:06:05,959
Why the hell did you do that?
We don't do valentines anymore.
192
00:06:05,995 --> 00:06:08,923
I know, but we used to, and it was fun,
you know? It was a goof.
193
00:06:08,948 --> 00:06:10,648
It wasn't a goof. You guys were
supposed to give valentine's
194
00:06:10,683 --> 00:06:12,783
cards to each other, but instead
you were just sticking hate mail
195
00:06:12,818 --> 00:06:14,785
in a suggestion box covered in hearts.
196
00:06:14,820 --> 00:06:16,787
I'll give it to you, though...
it got a little nasty at the end.
197
00:06:16,822 --> 00:06:18,022
A-A little bit nasty?
198
00:06:18,057 --> 00:06:19,657
One of you put anthrax in the box.
199
00:06:19,692 --> 00:06:21,425
Or do you not remember
the anthrax scare?
200
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,627
Oh, ho, I remember the anthrax scare.
201
00:06:23,663 --> 00:06:26,797
To many,
9/18 was the delivery world's 9/11.
202
00:06:26,832 --> 00:06:28,832
(chuckles) That's a good point.
No, I'm talking about
203
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:30,601
a different anthrax scare,
but it shouldn't concern you.
204
00:06:30,636 --> 00:06:32,770
- Stop it!
- She just talks too much.
205
00:06:33,419 --> 00:06:34,939
- Hey-oh!
- Oh!
206
00:06:34,974 --> 00:06:36,473
- Cricket!
- Cricket!
207
00:06:36,509 --> 00:06:38,008
- Cricket!
- Hey, you guys mind
208
00:06:38,044 --> 00:06:40,210
if I go in the bathroom
and smoke some PCP?
209
00:06:40,246 --> 00:06:41,579
- CHARLIE: No, dude, you do you!
- FRANK: Go for it.
210
00:06:41,614 --> 00:06:42,680
MAC: You do you!
211
00:06:42,715 --> 00:06:44,181
- You do you!
- You do you!
212
00:06:44,216 --> 00:06:45,816
We don't judge, Cricket, we don't judge.
213
00:06:45,851 --> 00:06:49,148
What are you doing? Guys, guys, guys,
what in the hell are you doing?
214
00:06:49,148 --> 00:06:50,100
- Cricket.
- Cricket.
215
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:52,022
Yeah, Cricket. This has got to stop,
you guys. This is nuts.
216
00:06:52,058 --> 00:06:53,991
We can't go around
encouraging homeless men
217
00:06:54,026 --> 00:06:55,659
to smoke PCP in our restrooms,
218
00:06:55,695 --> 00:06:57,628
you know, trying to trick
each other into doing our jobs
219
00:06:57,663 --> 00:07:00,397
and getting fired up at the-the
mere mention of a crate.
220
00:07:00,433 --> 00:07:02,299
- Oh, but it's just such a mystery, isn't it?
- Yeah.
221
00:07:02,335 --> 00:07:03,801
- Cool crate.
- It's a big box.
222
00:07:03,836 --> 00:07:05,402
Yeah, yeah, it really isn't though.
It's just trash.
223
00:07:05,438 --> 00:07:07,404
It's trash that somebody left behind.
224
00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,073
Hey, but if it's mystery you want,
225
00:07:09,108 --> 00:07:11,108
you know, what about the
mystery of the yuck puddle?
226
00:07:11,143 --> 00:07:13,410
What the hell is that thing, you know?
Why won't it dry up?
227
00:07:13,446 --> 00:07:14,778
Why won't it harden?
228
00:07:14,814 --> 00:07:16,580
It shifts. I've seen it shift.
229
00:07:16,616 --> 00:07:18,749
He's seen it shift.
You see, we shouldn't have
230
00:07:18,784 --> 00:07:20,684
an amorphous shifting blob
in the bar, you know?
231
00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,853
So why don't you and Mac go solve
232
00:07:22,888 --> 00:07:24,888
that goddamn mystery
by cleaning it up, you know?
233
00:07:24,924 --> 00:07:26,991
And, oh, what about the mystery
of the clogged soda gun,
234
00:07:27,026 --> 00:07:28,592
you know? Dee, why don't
you and Frank go solve
235
00:07:28,628 --> 00:07:30,828
that mystery by clearing the lines?
236
00:07:30,863 --> 00:07:33,030
Well, that's-that's not such a mystery.
237
00:07:33,065 --> 00:07:34,460
And we could probably trick
Cricket into doing it.
238
00:07:34,461 --> 00:07:35,261
Oh, why don't we just trick...
239
00:07:35,334 --> 00:07:36,667
Cricket doesn't work here though.
240
00:07:36,702 --> 00:07:38,002
- But that's free labor.
- Yeah, yeah.
241
00:07:38,037 --> 00:07:39,336
- That's kind of better.
- Get him for free.
242
00:07:39,372 --> 00:07:40,404
You're not... you're not getting...
243
00:07:40,439 --> 00:07:41,739
Hey, just do your jobs!
244
00:07:41,774 --> 00:07:43,507
Just do your jobs.
245
00:07:50,230 --> 00:07:51,530
(bubbling)
246
00:07:51,565 --> 00:07:53,078
Why isn't it getting any smaller?
247
00:07:54,221 --> 00:07:56,431
Can I be honest, dude?
I think this thing's alive.
248
00:07:56,432 --> 00:07:58,145
Oh, that must be what
all the bubbling's about,
249
00:07:58,146 --> 00:07:59,646
'cause it's, like,
trying to communicate.
250
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,561
It definitely feeds.
I-I've found bones in it, man.
251
00:08:02,596 --> 00:08:04,596
- So it wants to live.
- Yeah, dude, I don't know
252
00:08:04,632 --> 00:08:06,013
what I'm gonna do during
the next inspection,
253
00:08:06,014 --> 00:08:07,502
'cause I-I can't get rid of this thing.
254
00:08:07,537 --> 00:08:10,669
(sighs) So Dennis has sent us
in here to do the impossible.
255
00:08:10,704 --> 00:08:13,038
Absolutely. Dude, what is
going on with him, right?
256
00:08:13,074 --> 00:08:15,674
Like, there's got to be something
in this whole "do your job" angle.
257
00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:17,047
'Cause that doesn't
sound like Dennis to me,
258
00:08:17,048 --> 00:08:17,848
- you know what I mean?
- I know, dude.
259
00:08:17,945 --> 00:08:20,045
He's acting, like, so weird,
especially towards me.
260
00:08:20,081 --> 00:08:21,923
I think it's because I'm gay
and he's, like,
261
00:08:21,924 --> 00:08:22,924
- totally uncomfortable with it.
- Y...
262
00:08:22,984 --> 00:08:25,517
Well, no, 'cause he's known that
forever, so it's, you know...
263
00:08:25,553 --> 00:08:27,565
Well, he may have suspected it before,
but there's no way
264
00:08:27,565 --> 00:08:30,037
he could have known for sure.
'Cause I show no outward signs
265
00:08:30,037 --> 00:08:31,780
of being gay, and that's just
the end of the story, all right?
266
00:08:31,780 --> 00:08:34,572
But, look, either way, he's been acting
very distant towards me,
267
00:08:34,572 --> 00:08:37,204
and I feel like he sent me in
here to punish me or something,
268
00:08:37,204 --> 00:08:39,972
because, I agree, the whole,
like, "do your job" angle
269
00:08:39,972 --> 00:08:42,634
- just seems, like, totally out of the blue, and, like...
- It's, like, a bullshit thing, right?
270
00:08:42,670 --> 00:08:45,257
- Like...
- Unless... Oh, my God.
271
00:08:45,313 --> 00:08:46,040
What?
272
00:08:46,222 --> 00:08:49,248
Charlie, he doesn't want us
to work at all.
273
00:08:49,751 --> 00:08:51,751
- (gasps) He doesn't?
- No.
274
00:08:51,786 --> 00:08:53,986
He doesn't want us to
mop up the yuck puddle.
275
00:08:54,022 --> 00:08:57,957
- He wants us to "mop up the yuck puddle."
- Oh!
276
00:08:57,992 --> 00:08:59,091
Of emotions.
277
00:08:59,734 --> 00:09:00,493
Of what?
278
00:09:00,528 --> 00:09:02,528
- It's a metaphor.
- For what?
279
00:09:02,563 --> 00:09:05,464
He wants us to talk through our
personal issues and be more open
280
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:08,000
with our feelings because
it's Valentine's Day.
281
00:09:08,036 --> 00:09:11,570
Oh! Weird. That doesn't
sound like Dennis, but, uh...
282
00:09:11,606 --> 00:09:12,767
- Go with me here, dude.
- Okay.
283
00:09:12,768 --> 00:09:15,136
Valentine's Day is an entire
day dedicated to feelings,
284
00:09:15,171 --> 00:09:18,110
- something that Dennis doesn't have.
- Right, that's true.
285
00:09:18,146 --> 00:09:20,513
And so that's why he hates
Valentine's Day so much.
286
00:09:20,548 --> 00:09:23,182
But he's entrusted me,
because I'm a gay man
287
00:09:23,217 --> 00:09:25,551
- and clearly more sensitive than the rest of you,
- Well, no,
288
00:09:25,586 --> 00:09:27,653
- to break down those walls.
- but okay. All right.
289
00:09:27,689 --> 00:09:29,455
- All right, cool. Yeah, yeah.
- Yes, okay, so I'll share first.
290
00:09:29,490 --> 00:09:31,824
- Okay.
- Okay. I have a huge surprise
291
00:09:31,859 --> 00:09:34,226
for Dennis, but I feel like he's
not emotionally available to...
292
00:09:34,262 --> 00:09:36,696
Uh, uh, Frank's gonna
leave me for Jerry, man.
293
00:09:36,731 --> 00:09:39,265
Oh, uh, I was talking. But, uh,
294
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,867
I guess we'll, um...
we'll do your thing first.
295
00:09:41,903 --> 00:09:44,070
You know he's only doing this
to get a rise out of you, right?
296
00:09:44,105 --> 00:09:46,338
- Oh, that's so Jerry.
- No,
297
00:09:46,374 --> 00:09:47,740
not Jerry. Not the worm. Never the worm.
298
00:09:47,775 --> 00:09:49,108
We're talking about Frank, okay?
299
00:09:49,143 --> 00:09:51,043
If you just pretend to like the worm,
300
00:09:51,079 --> 00:09:52,712
then he'll probably just get rid of it.
301
00:09:52,747 --> 00:09:53,979
Oh, shit. You think so?
302
00:09:54,015 --> 00:09:55,681
I know so, buddy.
303
00:09:55,717 --> 00:09:57,928
- Nice, man. All right.
- Yeah. Okay, now back to my thing.
304
00:09:57,963 --> 00:09:59,096
- Yeah, that just gave me a great idea.
- If I just give...
305
00:09:59,096 --> 00:10:00,532
- Thanks, Mac.
- Charlie, if you just...
306
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:01,733
You're not gonna let me talk?!
307
00:10:02,623 --> 00:10:05,558
So, uh, you're gay, huh?
308
00:10:05,593 --> 00:10:07,727
For pay or for free?
309
00:10:07,762 --> 00:10:10,296
Uh, for free, I guess.
310
00:10:10,331 --> 00:10:12,531
Chump.
311
00:10:16,404 --> 00:10:17,903
- It's taking forever.
- (grunts)
312
00:10:17,939 --> 00:10:20,181
- Ugh.
- Try sucking on the other end, maybe.
313
00:10:20,216 --> 00:10:21,941
I'm not sucking on the other end.
Get that shit in my mouth?
314
00:10:21,976 --> 00:10:24,577
No, thanks. And what the hell's
going on with Dennis?
315
00:10:24,977 --> 00:10:26,746
Since when does he
care how the bar does?
316
00:10:26,781 --> 00:10:29,215
(grunts) I don't know.
It doesn't add up.
317
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:32,351
I can't get a read on him these days.
He's just always cranky and irritated.
318
00:10:32,386 --> 00:10:34,253
- Rage-filled, rape-y.
- It's like,
319
00:10:34,288 --> 00:10:36,188
as the years go by,
he just gets more and more irrational.
320
00:10:36,224 --> 00:10:39,125
- Yeah, yeah.
- Especially with this whole "work the bar" angle.
321
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,761
- I mean, what is that?
- (scoffs)
322
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,063
Unless...
323
00:10:44,689 --> 00:10:46,132
Oh, my God.
324
00:10:46,545 --> 00:10:49,034
Dennis doesn't want us to work the bar.
325
00:10:49,070 --> 00:10:50,511
- He doesn't?
- No!
326
00:10:50,512 --> 00:10:53,215
He wants us to work on ourselves.
327
00:10:53,641 --> 00:10:55,341
What the shit are you talking about?
328
00:10:55,376 --> 00:10:57,109
Just go with me here.
It's Valentine's Day, right,
329
00:10:57,145 --> 00:10:59,145
a day we all used to love
and enjoy until we turned
330
00:10:59,180 --> 00:11:00,980
on each other with the hate mail.
331
00:11:01,015 --> 00:11:03,082
Dennis wants us to work
through our personal issues
332
00:11:03,117 --> 00:11:05,117
so we can enjoy Valentine's Day again.
333
00:11:05,153 --> 00:11:07,486
- I got it.
- Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna go first.
334
00:11:07,522 --> 00:11:10,656
I'm so mad at Charlie,
because I made him a valentine,
335
00:11:10,691 --> 00:11:12,691
and, you know what,
he didn't even really...
336
00:11:12,727 --> 00:11:14,260
I gave myself Jerry on purpose.
337
00:11:14,295 --> 00:11:17,563
Well, I was right in the middle
of a sentence, but... what?
338
00:11:17,598 --> 00:11:19,064
I gave myself the tapeworm.
339
00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:20,933
- Well, that is the most disgusting thing I've...
- How, you're wondering.
340
00:11:20,968 --> 00:11:22,401
No, I don't. No, thanks.
341
00:11:22,436 --> 00:11:23,602
I bought poop on the dark Web
342
00:11:23,638 --> 00:11:25,304
and stuffed it up my
butt to lose weight.
343
00:11:25,339 --> 00:11:26,872
- Jesus Christ. Uh, that's enough.
- Yeah.
344
00:11:26,908 --> 00:11:28,507
- Well, it took about four ounces of it.
- I-I...
345
00:11:28,543 --> 00:11:29,475
That's enough! I don't want to know!
346
00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:30,409
With the tip of a teaspoon.
347
00:11:30,444 --> 00:11:31,911
- Okay... Frank!
- How else?
348
00:11:31,946 --> 00:11:34,346
Stop answering questions
I'm not asking, okay?
349
00:11:34,382 --> 00:11:35,524
- I'm done, I'm done.
- I had to hold my knees
350
00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:36,725
above my head for a half hour
351
00:11:36,918 --> 00:11:38,184
- and clench my sphincter.
- Stop! Stop!
352
00:11:44,761 --> 00:11:47,261
(indistinct chatter)
353
00:11:47,297 --> 00:11:48,163
(muttering) Charlie, I'm mad,
354
00:11:48,164 --> 00:11:49,664
- and I think we need to clear the lines.
- Huh?
355
00:11:49,768 --> 00:11:53,002
- Uh, just-just trick somebody else into it.
- No, that's not what I'm...
356
00:11:53,037 --> 00:11:54,704
Wh-What are you doing?
357
00:11:54,739 --> 00:11:57,840
(sighs) I'm trying to write a valentine.
I just...
358
00:11:57,876 --> 00:12:00,543
Oh. (chuckling): Okay.
359
00:12:00,578 --> 00:12:03,279
Uh, okay.
Well, I'll just, uh, let you finish.
360
00:12:03,314 --> 00:12:04,747
- Didn't mean to interrupt.
- Okay.
361
00:12:04,782 --> 00:12:06,916
I also got you
a box of chocolates, so...
362
00:12:06,951 --> 00:12:08,584
- (chuckles)
- Right.
363
00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:09,852
Oh, oh! Wait, wait, wait, wait!
Dee, Dee, Dee.
364
00:12:09,888 --> 00:12:11,754
- Yeah.
- Um, c-can you think
365
00:12:11,789 --> 00:12:14,056
of a word that rhymes with "Jerry"?
366
00:12:15,059 --> 00:12:16,959
- What?
- I can't think of one.
367
00:12:16,995 --> 00:12:19,462
Are you making a valentine
for Frank's tapeworm?
368
00:12:19,497 --> 00:12:22,031
Well, not if I can't think of a
word that rhymes with "Jerry."
369
00:12:22,066 --> 00:12:23,900
- You son of a bitch.
- What?
370
00:12:23,935 --> 00:12:26,135
- I can't believe you don't know!
- I have no idea!
371
00:12:26,170 --> 00:12:28,671
Oh, and literally everything
rhymes with "Jerry," okay?
372
00:12:28,706 --> 00:12:31,941
- Scary, hairy, Mother Mary, quite contrary.
- (stammering)
373
00:12:31,976 --> 00:12:34,544
Woozy, woozy. Woozy from sucking lines.
374
00:12:34,579 --> 00:12:36,661
- Ho. (whoops)
- All right, Frank, Frank, Frank,
375
00:12:36,662 --> 00:12:38,262
before you do another thing,
376
00:12:38,349 --> 00:12:40,950
- I wanted to give you a valentine.
- Unbelievable!
377
00:12:40,985 --> 00:12:42,170
Right in front of me?
378
00:12:42,171 --> 00:12:43,471
- You did?
- Yeah-huh.
379
00:12:43,521 --> 00:12:46,122
- Charlie. Well...
- Well, it's for both of you guys, but, these,
380
00:12:46,157 --> 00:12:49,135
- these are just for Jerry.
- (Dee gasps) No.
381
00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:50,960
- Charlie. Oh.
- Yeah. (laughs)
382
00:12:50,995 --> 00:12:53,070
- Oh, that's so sweet.
- Look at that.
383
00:12:53,071 --> 00:12:53,871
- Thank...
- You dick.
384
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:56,299
- You shouldn't have. Mmm.
- No! No, he didn't.
385
00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:57,833
Listen to me, I got these
for him, all right?
386
00:12:57,834 --> 00:12:58,534
- So no.
- Mmm?
387
00:12:58,536 --> 00:12:59,869
- I got these.
- Our blood sugar's low. Mmm.
388
00:12:59,904 --> 00:13:02,672
- Oh, guess what, I bought these for him.
- Mmm...
389
00:13:02,707 --> 00:13:04,140
- (laughs)
- (Frank moaning)
390
00:13:04,175 --> 00:13:05,875
You fool!
391
00:13:05,910 --> 00:13:07,977
- It's so good, Charlie.
- Those chocolates
392
00:13:08,012 --> 00:13:10,313
that you're so gleefully devouring
393
00:13:10,348 --> 00:13:14,216
are chock-full of Bye-Bye Jerry pills.
394
00:13:16,054 --> 00:13:17,620
You wouldn't.
395
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:19,322
Oh, but I would, Frank.
396
00:13:19,357 --> 00:13:21,857
You see, I knew you'd never
take the pills willingly.
397
00:13:21,893 --> 00:13:23,292
But Jerry...
398
00:13:23,328 --> 00:13:25,394
Jerry likes sweet, doesn't he?
399
00:13:26,021 --> 00:13:27,126
You poisoned me.
400
00:13:27,165 --> 00:13:28,865
- (grunting)
- No. No, he poisoned me.
401
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:30,199
At worst, you're properly medicated.
402
00:13:30,235 --> 00:13:31,267
(laughs)
403
00:13:31,302 --> 00:13:32,268
(groans) You son of a bitch.
404
00:13:32,303 --> 00:13:34,305
- Charlie.
- Bye-bye... Jerry!
405
00:13:34,305 --> 00:13:35,789
(Frank groans) I'm poisoned.
406
00:13:35,824 --> 00:13:37,090
- (shouts)
- Poisoned! I'm poisoned.
407
00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:37,991
What are you doing?
408
00:13:38,026 --> 00:13:39,526
- We've been poisoned.
- No, No.
409
00:13:39,561 --> 00:13:40,694
No, no, no, nobody's been poisoned.
410
00:13:40,729 --> 00:13:41,995
- They're just...
- CHARLIE: Plenty more poison
411
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,096
- where that came from!
- (bar patrons gasp)
412
00:13:43,131 --> 00:13:44,531
- DENNIS: Uh, there is no...
- So, don't even think
413
00:13:44,566 --> 00:13:45,832
about trying to get another worm, Frank.
414
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:47,000
And there are no-no worms.
415
00:13:47,035 --> 00:13:48,468
- Nobody has worms.
- Well, not anymore
416
00:13:48,503 --> 00:13:49,536
- they don't.
- (Dennis groans)
417
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:51,137
DENNIS: Don't leave.
Please, don't leave.
418
00:13:51,173 --> 00:13:52,372
Guys, what are you doing?
419
00:13:52,407 --> 00:13:53,640
Take this discussion someplace else.
420
00:13:53,675 --> 00:13:56,109
No, I'm good because I've
had a great Valentine's Day.
421
00:13:56,144 --> 00:13:57,143
Bye-bye, Jerry.
422
00:13:57,179 --> 00:13:58,211
Are you serious?!
423
00:13:58,246 --> 00:14:00,714
You son of a bitch, Charlie.
You screwed me, okay?!
424
00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:01,781
- What are you talking about?
- You know what...
425
00:14:01,817 --> 00:14:03,383
screw you, Charlie!
426
00:14:03,418 --> 00:14:05,618
I'm not gonna let some worm
beat me on Valentine's Day.
427
00:14:05,654 --> 00:14:06,853
- Don't talk about...
- Why are you going on and on about it?
428
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,688
I... I did this for you, Charlie.
429
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:09,756
What?
430
00:14:09,791 --> 00:14:11,558
I gave myself Jerry on purpose.
431
00:14:11,593 --> 00:14:12,892
Why would you do that?
432
00:14:12,928 --> 00:14:14,594
To slim down for you.
433
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:17,063
Why would you...
why would you slim down for me? What?
434
00:14:17,099 --> 00:14:18,898
Because I overheard you
on the phone saying,
435
00:14:18,934 --> 00:14:20,633
"He got flabby."
436
00:14:20,669 --> 00:14:22,736
No, no, no, buddy.
I never said that.
437
00:14:22,771 --> 00:14:26,373
I sa... I-I-I said you were crabby
because you smelled crabby...
438
00:14:27,008 --> 00:14:28,008
'cause you've been eating
439
00:14:28,043 --> 00:14:29,676
- all those sewer crabs, man, but..
- (Dennis stammers)
440
00:14:29,711 --> 00:14:31,311
- Take it outside.
- It was a compliment. I love when you
441
00:14:31,346 --> 00:14:33,013
- smell like crab, Frank.
- (Dennis pounds on bar)
442
00:14:33,048 --> 00:14:34,381
Take the conversation someplace else.
443
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:35,882
- (door opens, closes)
- Okay? Don't do it here.
444
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:37,150
You-you didn't think I was too fat?
445
00:14:37,185 --> 00:14:40,920
Well, no, you were fat as shit, pal,
but I loved you that way, Frank.
446
00:14:40,956 --> 00:14:42,322
- Fat and crabby.
- (door opens)
447
00:14:42,357 --> 00:14:44,824
FRANK: So, you want to try and get
this dead worm out of me?
448
00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:45,925
CHARLIE: I would love
to pull that dead worm out of you.
449
00:14:45,961 --> 00:14:47,694
Yeah?! Come on.
Come on, now oh...
450
00:14:47,729 --> 00:14:49,866
Stop, stop! Goddamn it, stop.
What are you guys doing?
451
00:14:49,901 --> 00:14:50,744
- Huh?
- What are you talking about?
452
00:14:50,779 --> 00:14:52,165
- Getting the worm.
- You-you're gonna talk
453
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,700
about pulling a dead
worm out of his ass?
454
00:14:53,735 --> 00:14:55,301
Don't do that. Please,
don't talk about these things.
455
00:14:55,337 --> 00:14:57,871
Now, by the grace of God,
we somehow still have Dottie here
456
00:14:57,906 --> 00:14:59,272
so, please, don't scare her away.
457
00:14:59,307 --> 00:15:00,273
Sorry, Dottie.
458
00:15:00,308 --> 00:15:02,308
- Who's ready to die, bitches?!
- DENNIS: Dee...
459
00:15:02,344 --> 00:15:03,168
- FRANK: Whoa!
- No.
460
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,169
What are you doing
with the Valentine's box?
461
00:15:04,246 --> 00:15:06,112
- Put that down.
- All right, just think
462
00:15:06,148 --> 00:15:07,280
about what you're doing, Dee.
463
00:15:07,315 --> 00:15:08,581
I know exactly what I'm doing.
464
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:09,816
Okay, okay, fine.
Dee, just don't mention...
465
00:15:09,851 --> 00:15:11,751
- I am busting out the anthrax.
- CHARLIE: No!
466
00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:13,586
- And I'm out.
- DENNIS: Dottie, no.
467
00:15:13,622 --> 00:15:14,521
No, you don't have to go.
468
00:15:14,556 --> 00:15:15,688
- Oh, goddamn it!
- Charlie.
469
00:15:15,724 --> 00:15:19,492
I'm getting a goddamn valentine
right goddamn now, or so help me God...
470
00:15:19,528 --> 00:15:20,860
I will end us all.
471
00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:22,228
No, don't.
Give the bitch what she wants.
472
00:15:22,264 --> 00:15:23,730
- I will...
- I'm so frustrated right now.
473
00:15:23,765 --> 00:15:24,798
Okay, fine, Dee.
You know what I'm gonna do?
474
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:25,932
I'm gonna sing you a song.
475
00:15:25,967 --> 00:15:27,434
Okay? A Valentine's Day song?
476
00:15:27,469 --> 00:15:28,401
All right? Is that... will that work?
477
00:15:28,437 --> 00:15:30,336
- Fine. Sing a song.
- Okay.
478
00:15:30,372 --> 00:15:32,639
Uh... a Dee song.
479
00:15:34,176 --> 00:15:36,389
- Nothing rhymes with Dee.
- Every...!
480
00:15:36,872 --> 00:15:38,244
(whispering):
Everything rhymes with Dee.
481
00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:39,579
- I mean, literally, everything rhymes...
- Okay.
482
00:15:39,614 --> 00:15:40,747
Okay, fine. I'll-I'll think of things.
483
00:15:40,782 --> 00:15:42,682
Okay, j-j-just relax. Uh, uh...
484
00:15:42,717 --> 00:15:43,983
Dee...
485
00:15:44,019 --> 00:15:47,620
You're sweeter than a bee... tle
486
00:15:47,656 --> 00:15:48,688
- Just say bee.
- Uh, bee.
487
00:15:48,723 --> 00:15:49,856
Right? I didn't think of that.
488
00:15:49,891 --> 00:15:51,157
Uh...
489
00:15:51,193 --> 00:15:54,127
You're the honey
that the bee... makes
490
00:15:54,162 --> 00:15:55,795
You're the...
491
00:15:55,831 --> 00:16:00,467
Sugar on the pound... carrot
492
00:16:00,502 --> 00:16:01,668
What's a pound carrot?
493
00:16:01,703 --> 00:16:02,735
Go with pound cake.
494
00:16:02,771 --> 00:16:04,437
Cake!
Right, good. Uh...
495
00:16:04,473 --> 00:16:07,841
You make life sweet, Dee
496
00:16:07,876 --> 00:16:09,342
You make
497
00:16:09,377 --> 00:16:14,214
Life sweet for... I
498
00:16:15,917 --> 00:16:19,085
A-and I...
499
00:16:19,121 --> 00:16:22,522
Love... you.
500
00:16:25,127 --> 00:16:26,926
Thanks, Charlie.
501
00:16:26,962 --> 00:16:28,361
(lightly chuckles)
502
00:16:29,631 --> 00:16:31,331
You can't rhyme very well, but...
503
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:32,699
(chuckles)
504
00:16:32,734 --> 00:16:34,434
That was...
505
00:16:34,469 --> 00:16:36,336
that was really...
506
00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,238
(laughing): really pathetic.
507
00:16:38,273 --> 00:16:39,472
- What?
- (laughing)
508
00:16:39,508 --> 00:16:41,908
(laughs)
509
00:16:41,943 --> 00:16:44,377
(laughing): I wrote a couple
words on a construction paper,
510
00:16:44,412 --> 00:16:47,447
pink and red, and you sing
a heart song for me?!
511
00:16:47,482 --> 00:16:48,548
(shouts)
512
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:49,716
You made me do it!
513
00:16:49,751 --> 00:16:51,818
Yeah! And you said you loved me!
514
00:16:51,853 --> 00:16:54,020
- Ew! (Dee laughing)
- You bitch!
515
00:16:54,055 --> 00:16:55,388
Look, that song was
derivative of a song I wrote
516
00:16:55,423 --> 00:16:56,723
- for the waitress, anyway, then.
- Yeah, but guess what?
517
00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:57,790
Frank, grab that anthrax!
518
00:16:57,826 --> 00:16:59,025
- Grab it! Grab it!
- (Dee screams)
519
00:16:59,060 --> 00:17:00,026
Hey! Hey, hey, hey, hey!
520
00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,761
Stop! Stop! Stop.
521
00:17:01,796 --> 00:17:03,897
What are you...
what are you guys doing?!
522
00:17:03,932 --> 00:17:05,698
All right, this is nuts! This is crazy!
523
00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:08,601
I mean, I-I-I can't believe
we blew another opportunity
524
00:17:08,637 --> 00:17:10,036
to have a working bar.
525
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,438
To have a successful business together!
526
00:17:12,474 --> 00:17:15,041
Because you assholes get so
worked up over Valentine's Day,
527
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:17,076
the dumbest holiday that ever existed!
528
00:17:17,112 --> 00:17:19,112
But I thought you were
trying to get us to focus
529
00:17:19,147 --> 00:17:20,547
on ourselves and focus
on Valentine's Day.
530
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:21,714
What?!
531
00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:23,383
Are-are you insane?!
532
00:17:23,418 --> 00:17:27,187
I... All I've been saying is
to please focus on the bar!
533
00:17:27,222 --> 00:17:28,688
But you just couldn't do it!
534
00:17:28,723 --> 00:17:30,390
Dennis, I got to say,
I feel like this is
535
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:31,324
just about something else.
536
00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:33,993
It's... It's not about
something else, it's...
537
00:17:34,029 --> 00:17:35,628
- The bar is fine.
- Yup.
538
00:17:35,664 --> 00:17:36,930
- This is... something else is up.
- It's always fine, yeah.
539
00:17:36,965 --> 00:17:38,498
CHARLIE: You know what it is?
540
00:17:38,533 --> 00:17:40,400
- This is 'cause you hate Valentine's Day.
- It's not because
541
00:17:40,435 --> 00:17:41,601
I hate Valentine's Day.
542
00:17:41,636 --> 00:17:42,902
- It's because I-I just want...
- No, that's what it is.
543
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,771
- He's trying to distract us from Valentine's Day.
- Mm-hmm.
544
00:17:44,806 --> 00:17:47,006
- That's it.
- I'm not trying to distract anybody from Valen...
545
00:17:47,042 --> 00:17:48,641
- Yeah, you know why, though, you guys?
- That's the thing, yeah.
546
00:17:48,677 --> 00:17:50,410
It's because he doesn't
have any feelings and we do.
547
00:17:50,445 --> 00:17:51,911
Yeah, because we have feelings
and you don't,
548
00:17:51,947 --> 00:17:53,713
and that's why you hate Valentine's Day.
549
00:17:53,748 --> 00:17:55,715
Oh, stop! Goddamn it!
550
00:17:55,750 --> 00:18:00,053
I hate Valentine's Day because
you assholes never got me anything!
551
00:18:01,323 --> 00:18:03,289
Okay, and I have feelings!
552
00:18:03,325 --> 00:18:04,457
Of course I have feelings!
553
00:18:04,492 --> 00:18:06,226
I have big feelings, okay?!
554
00:18:06,261 --> 00:18:07,860
A-and it hurts.
555
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:10,029
Okay, so...
556
00:18:10,065 --> 00:18:12,432
so... that's why I hate Valentine's Day,
557
00:18:12,467 --> 00:18:15,335
and that's why I put anthrax in the box.
558
00:18:15,370 --> 00:18:16,736
That was you?
559
00:18:16,771 --> 00:18:18,404
Yes, it was me.
560
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,405
I just... (sighs)
561
00:18:19,441 --> 00:18:20,840
I just wanted it to stop.
562
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,773
Okay? And it's powdered sugar,
by the way.
563
00:18:22,808 --> 00:18:25,011
- Oh, he's already eating it.
- I knew that.
564
00:18:25,046 --> 00:18:25,979
(sighs)
565
00:18:26,014 --> 00:18:27,213
MAC: Dennis.
566
00:18:27,249 --> 00:18:28,414
DENNIS: What?!
567
00:18:28,450 --> 00:18:29,482
I got the crate.
568
00:18:29,517 --> 00:18:30,550
So what?!
569
00:18:30,585 --> 00:18:31,517
Open it.
570
00:18:31,553 --> 00:18:33,720
I'm not gonna open a goddamn crate, Mac!
571
00:18:33,755 --> 00:18:34,887
There's nothing in it!
572
00:18:34,923 --> 00:18:36,122
Just open it.
573
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,690
You want me to open the crate?
I'll open the goddamn crate.
574
00:18:37,726 --> 00:18:39,325
If it'll get you to stop
focusing on it and get you
575
00:18:39,361 --> 00:18:41,628
to stop focusing on this goddamn
Valentine's Day bullshit.
576
00:18:42,532 --> 00:18:44,564
I don't know why you're so excited
about this goddamn thing.
577
00:18:44,599 --> 00:18:46,532
There's never anything insi...
578
00:18:51,239 --> 00:18:52,438
What is this?
579
00:18:52,474 --> 00:18:53,473
It's a gift.
580
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:55,174
I got it for you.
581
00:18:55,210 --> 00:18:56,409
For me?
582
00:18:56,444 --> 00:18:57,644
Yeah.
583
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:59,712
You, uh...
584
00:19:03,585 --> 00:19:05,818
You got this for me?
585
00:19:05,854 --> 00:19:07,820
I ordered it off the dark Web.
586
00:19:07,856 --> 00:19:09,522
I wanted it to be a surprise.
587
00:19:10,392 --> 00:19:12,859
Yeah.
588
00:19:13,828 --> 00:19:16,262
And how did you, um... (sniffs)
589
00:19:16,298 --> 00:19:19,499
How did you know that I wanted an RPG?
590
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,034
'Cause I know you, man.
591
00:19:21,069 --> 00:19:24,737
Also, you casually mention RPGs,
like, a weird amount.
592
00:19:25,778 --> 00:19:26,906
- Is this true?
- CHARLIE: Yeah.
593
00:19:26,941 --> 00:19:28,541
- You were talking about rocket launchers today,
- Yeah, you talk about them.
594
00:19:28,576 --> 00:19:30,243
- I think, yeah.
- DEE: That was today.
595
00:19:32,981 --> 00:19:34,947
This is, uh...
596
00:19:34,983 --> 00:19:37,283
this is cool.
597
00:19:37,319 --> 00:19:40,787
I still think Valentine's Day is
a bullshit holiday, but, um...
598
00:19:40,822 --> 00:19:42,722
(clears throat)
599
00:19:42,757 --> 00:19:44,023
...this is nice.
600
00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:45,458
(sighs)
601
00:19:45,493 --> 00:19:46,859
Want to shoot it?
602
00:19:47,865 --> 00:19:49,060
(quietly): Yes.
603
00:19:50,332 --> 00:19:51,431
Where's the rocket?
604
00:19:51,466 --> 00:19:52,999
Yeah, that should be,
605
00:19:53,034 --> 00:19:55,768
uh... shit, I... there's no rocket.
606
00:19:55,804 --> 00:19:57,136
- No rocket in there?
- There's no rocket?
607
00:19:57,172 --> 00:19:58,438
Ah, there's no rocket!
608
00:19:58,473 --> 00:19:59,639
They forgot to put the rocket in there!
609
00:19:59,674 --> 00:20:00,940
Dude, I'm so sorry!
610
00:20:00,975 --> 00:20:03,309
Mac, I don't care.
611
00:20:03,345 --> 00:20:04,577
I love it.
612
00:20:06,014 --> 00:20:08,381
You figured out the one thing
I wanted more than anything else
613
00:20:08,416 --> 00:20:09,415
in the entire world
and you got it for me.
614
00:20:09,451 --> 00:20:11,184
And...
615
00:20:12,087 --> 00:20:14,287
...it's perfect.
616
00:20:14,322 --> 00:20:16,022
Happy Valentine's Day.
617
00:20:16,057 --> 00:20:18,758
Yeah.
618
00:20:20,562 --> 00:20:22,428
Charlie, let's go get
this worm out of my ass.
619
00:20:22,464 --> 00:20:24,230
- Let's do it, man. All right.
- Okay.
620
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:27,569
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www.addic7ed.com
621
00:20:27,619 --> 00:20:32,169
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