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1
00:00:01,130 --> 00:00:02,260
Hey, guys. Here we go.
2
00:00:02,330 --> 00:00:03,670
- I'm ordering it.
- Drop the bluff, Dee.
3
00:00:03,730 --> 00:00:05,280
No one believes
you're in an actual movie.
4
00:00:05,370 --> 00:00:07,410
You guys are gonna feel hella
stupid when you see me
5
00:00:07,420 --> 00:00:10,130
acting in a feature film.
"Hella." Are we saying "hella" now?
6
00:00:10,250 --> 00:00:12,640
'Cause I like it.
No, we're not saying "hella," okay?
7
00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:14,160
No.
Nobody's saying "hella" anymore.
8
00:00:14,210 --> 00:00:15,960
I never really got to say it.
"Hella" came and went. Me, neither.
9
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,600
Dee, can we watch
something else?
10
00:00:17,630 --> 00:00:19,630
Can we watch, like,
a superhero movie or something?
11
00:00:19,630 --> 00:00:21,600
This is such a waste of our...
12
00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,140
Oh, that's a nice opening shot.
Symmetrical vista.
13
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,550
It's beautiful.
14
00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,810
Directed by Pedro Vyes. Who's he?
15
00:00:27,860 --> 00:00:29,690
He's, like, this foreign
art house director.
16
00:00:29,780 --> 00:00:32,480
Oh. Ooh...
Foreign director. Very impressive.
17
00:00:32,970 --> 00:00:34,270
Okay, you guys, be quiet.
This is my scene.
18
00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:36,220
Pretty early for a whiskey.
19
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:38,270
Or pretty late.
20
00:00:38,350 --> 00:00:40,300
Why don't you make it a double.
21
00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:43,640
Oh, yeah? A little hair
of the dog that bit you?
22
00:00:43,730 --> 00:00:45,230
Yeah, Dee,
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00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,890
I got to hand it to you.
Y-You've been talking
24
00:00:46,950 --> 00:00:50,910
about doing this for years,
and... Is that Richard Grieco?
25
00:00:52,570 --> 00:00:54,540
Hi.
26
00:00:54,570 --> 00:00:56,570
Aw, Grieco. I love that
guy. Where's he been?
27
00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:58,820
Richard Grieco
is in an art house movie?
28
00:00:58,910 --> 00:01:01,550
That seems odd. That's a little strange.
Yeah, it's a little stra...
29
00:01:01,580 --> 00:01:03,880
But, you know, they-they always
got to get some kind of a name
30
00:01:03,910 --> 00:01:06,460
- in order to finance the mo...
Oh, now he's being blown. - Right.
31
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,970
Okay. Now-now this makes sense.
32
00:01:12,060 --> 00:01:14,560
So, Dee, you clearly made a porn.
This is a porno!
33
00:01:14,590 --> 00:01:16,640
What? No? It's not
a porn. You guys,
34
00:01:16,730 --> 00:01:19,590
the-the foreigners, they have
a much more evolved view of sex.
35
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:20,930
This is... this is art.
36
00:01:24,270 --> 00:01:25,820
Dee, what channel
did you order this from?
37
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:26,730
Cinemax.
38
00:01:26,770 --> 00:01:28,190
Cinemax?!
39
00:01:28,270 --> 00:01:30,350
Dee, Cinemax doesn't make art.
40
00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,770
You guys, Pedro is-is
an edgy, foreign director.
41
00:01:33,860 --> 00:01:34,940
Where's he from?
42
00:01:34,990 --> 00:01:36,860
Puerto Rico.
Oh!
43
00:01:36,950 --> 00:01:38,000
Puerto Rico? Puerto Rico?
Puerto Rico!
44
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,780
Oh, man.
45
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:42,580
Dee, you made a Skinemax flick
with a Puerto Rican pervert.
46
00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:44,790
Congratulations. Good thing
you got us all together.
47
00:01:44,870 --> 00:01:47,340
Listen, hey, I did
not make a smut film.
48
00:01:47,420 --> 00:01:49,040
Gobble that cock.
49
00:01:59,990 --> 00:02:10,310
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
50
00:02:14,160 --> 00:02:15,150
Now, why is Grieco
51
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,790
resorting to Skinemax?
52
00:02:16,820 --> 00:02:18,430
He's got a great career.
He's doing fine.
53
00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:19,880
Actually, it makes sense.
I mean,
54
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,740
erotic films
are very, very in right now.
55
00:02:21,830 --> 00:02:23,550
I mean, Grieco probably didn't
realize he was doing a porn.
56
00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:25,000
I think he thought
he was doing the next
57
00:02:25,050 --> 00:02:26,380
Fifty Shades
of Grey or whatever.
58
00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:27,300
I mean, it's a...
it's a fine line
59
00:02:27,330 --> 00:02:28,800
these days between art and smut.
60
00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,000
It really is.
Art's a tricky thing.
61
00:02:30,090 --> 00:02:32,090
The whole art world
is bullshit nowadays.
62
00:02:32,170 --> 00:02:34,510
I mean, like, anything can be
considered art. I'll bet you
63
00:02:34,590 --> 00:02:37,340
Charlie's doodlings could be
considered art by some people.
64
00:02:37,430 --> 00:02:40,730
Well, that's 'cause my drawings
are art.
65
00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:43,100
You're not an artist, dude.
You're drawing with chalk.
66
00:02:43,180 --> 00:02:45,350
No, I'm drawing with marker
and, like, pen and stuff.
67
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,520
I'm just eating the chalk.
68
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,020
Charlie, don't eat chalk.
69
00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,020
Well, it settles my stomach.
70
00:02:49,070 --> 00:02:50,110
My stomach's a little...
71
00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:51,520
If your stomach hurts,
eat a Tums.
72
00:02:51,610 --> 00:02:53,240
What's the difference?
One is chalk!
73
00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:54,490
Well, I don't like wasting Tums.
74
00:02:54,530 --> 00:02:56,080
Tums is very good to draw with.
75
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,530
This maniac is an artist?
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00:02:57,620 --> 00:02:59,030
I'll bet you if I hung one
77
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:00,280
of Charlie's doodles
in a modern art gallery,
78
00:03:00,370 --> 00:03:01,530
people would not know
the difference.
79
00:03:01,620 --> 00:03:03,370
Mm. No. No, I disagree.
80
00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:05,540
No, art has to come
from a more meaningful place.
81
00:03:05,590 --> 00:03:07,210
It can't just be silly nonsense.
82
00:03:07,260 --> 00:03:08,540
I mean, take my erotic memoirs,
83
00:03:08,590 --> 00:03:10,540
for example.
84
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:13,050
Now, that was art.
That was smut.
85
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,960
No, dude, what I do is art.
And you know what else?
86
00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:17,180
I think I should film it.
Yeah.
87
00:03:17,220 --> 00:03:19,970
I mean, guys, I'd be a fool not
to ride this erotic tidal wave
88
00:03:20,050 --> 00:03:21,890
our culture seems to be on,
film it,
89
00:03:21,970 --> 00:03:24,310
do the next Fifty Shades
of Grey, my style, you know?
90
00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:26,440
My film would be real,
it would be tasteful,
91
00:03:26,530 --> 00:03:28,060
it would be...
it would be subtle.
92
00:03:28,110 --> 00:03:29,860
It wouldn't be some goddamn
Puerto Rican smut.
93
00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:32,980
I'm down to try this, like,
art gallery idea of yours.
94
00:03:33,070 --> 00:03:34,980
What do you think
Grieco would do?
95
00:03:35,070 --> 00:03:36,870
He wouldn't eat chalk.
96
00:03:44,380 --> 00:03:46,800
Yes, but I just don't understand
why you're choosing
97
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:48,660
to dress like Richard Grieco.
98
00:03:48,750 --> 00:03:50,970
Well, because he's a cool bro
and I'm a cool bro.
99
00:03:51,050 --> 00:03:53,000
I just want to do a Grieco
thing. I'm vibing with it.
100
00:03:53,090 --> 00:03:54,920
I'm vibing with it, man. Stop saying
that you're vibing and "bro."
101
00:03:54,970 --> 00:03:56,640
You know what, why don't you go
mingle, and Frank and I
102
00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:58,260
will handle this. Thank you.
All right, you do it.
103
00:03:58,340 --> 00:04:00,310
All right, Frank. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Leave him alone.
104
00:04:00,390 --> 00:04:02,090
Look, here's a spot. Here's a spot.
What?
105
00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:04,260
Yeah.
Just keep... keep an eye out.
106
00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:08,020
Okay.
107
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:09,770
That's good. That's good.
Mmm.
108
00:04:09,820 --> 00:04:11,740
Oh, yeah. Looks perfect.
109
00:04:11,770 --> 00:04:14,410
Oh, wow. I like this one.
Oh.
110
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:17,110
That's art. That's art. I like that piece.
Yes, that's...
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00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:24,330
She's going for it.
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00:04:24,420 --> 00:04:27,120
She loves it.
113
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,010
She loves it.
She's going for it.
114
00:04:30,090 --> 00:04:32,010
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What the
hell are you doing? Whoa. Hey, lady. Lady.
115
00:04:32,090 --> 00:04:33,880
You can't throw
art in the trash.
116
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,040
Oh, that wasn't art.
It was garbage.
117
00:04:36,130 --> 00:04:37,960
Wait, wait, wait a second.
Wait a second.
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00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:40,020
I mean, how-how is that art
119
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:42,270
and this is trash?
I mean, who's to say, really?
120
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:44,520
Well, I'm to say.
It's my gallery.
121
00:04:44,610 --> 00:04:46,190
Okay. Then please explain to me
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00:04:46,270 --> 00:04:47,520
how that is art
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00:04:47,610 --> 00:04:48,890
and this is garbage.
124
00:04:48,980 --> 00:04:50,940
Well, it's all about context.
125
00:04:50,980 --> 00:04:53,980
The story behind each piece
is part of what endows it
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00:04:54,030 --> 00:04:56,030
with meaning.
For example, this artist
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00:04:56,120 --> 00:04:57,820
worked for 30 years
128
00:04:57,900 --> 00:05:00,150
before finally finding
his voice.
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00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,570
He left his home
when he was a boy
130
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:06,120
to escape the Nazis,
fled to Paris,
131
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:09,130
and painted the poor children
he saw in the streets.
132
00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:14,550
The
ambiguity he uses to paint children
133
00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:18,550
and animals.
134
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,640
His work provokes.
135
00:05:20,670 --> 00:05:22,980
It raises questions.
136
00:05:23,010 --> 00:05:24,310
Are we children?
137
00:05:24,350 --> 00:05:26,400
Are we animals?
138
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:31,070
Are children animals?
139
00:05:40,690 --> 00:05:42,360
If it's context
140
00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:44,450
you want... Context. Okay.
141
00:05:44,530 --> 00:05:48,120
Well, the artist that did this,
his life is, like, total shit.
142
00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:50,370
I mean, like, way worse
than this Nazi painter.
143
00:05:50,420 --> 00:05:52,370
Oh. Hey, Charlie?
144
00:05:52,460 --> 00:05:54,420
Yeah, uh... What-what
are you doing, man?
145
00:05:54,510 --> 00:05:57,130
What's up, bro?
Hey, uh,
146
00:05:57,210 --> 00:05:59,930
this is Charlie. He's the,
uh... he's the artist.
147
00:06:00,010 --> 00:06:02,630
C-Could you tell the lady
how your... Don't do that.
148
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,300
Okay, can you just explain to
her how your life is garbage
149
00:06:05,390 --> 00:06:07,220
so that she... It's not sw...
Oh, my life's pretty sweet, bro.
150
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,100
Hang out at a bar all day
with my bros.
151
00:06:09,190 --> 00:06:11,560
You know? Go on lots of
adventures. I'm really kind of
152
00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:13,610
a sweet businessman
when I think about it.
153
00:06:13,690 --> 00:06:17,400
He's an illiterate janitor whose
mother tried to abort him in...
154
00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:20,320
Frank, Frank, tell her, please.
Huh?
155
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:21,450
What is it?
156
00:06:21,540 --> 00:06:23,870
What-what is it?
157
00:06:23,900 --> 00:06:26,370
It's-it's what we discussed. It's
what we've been discussing. Oh.
158
00:06:26,410 --> 00:06:28,870
Tell her that Charlie's life
is a piece of shit. Please.
159
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:30,790
Thank you. I've got one of
those hella sweet lives...
160
00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:31,990
Stop saying "hella"!
He doesn't...
161
00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,460
he doesn't normally
say "hella."
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00:06:33,550 --> 00:06:35,160
I don't know where
he picked this up.
163
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:37,720
I'm sorry. I'm just not interested.
Okay,
164
00:06:37,750 --> 00:06:39,000
well, wait, wait, we just need to take
one... I'm not interested, either.
165
00:06:39,090 --> 00:06:40,670
I go for more
of the Pam Anderson type,
166
00:06:40,750 --> 00:06:42,750
you know what I mean?
Oh, my God. Okay, look...
167
00:06:42,810 --> 00:06:45,640
I'm not interested. Goddamn it.
Why did I even bring you two?
168
00:06:47,980 --> 00:06:51,400
"A man enters.
169
00:06:51,430 --> 00:06:55,100
"The room wouldn't be the
only thing he'd enter that day.
170
00:06:55,150 --> 00:06:57,990
His name was Dennis."
171
00:06:58,070 --> 00:06:59,910
I'm-I'm sorry--
what is happening?
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00:06:59,940 --> 00:07:01,020
"Silence."
Okay.
173
00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:03,110
"He said. 'A woman's mouth
174
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,940
"'is not for the exiting
of words
175
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,610
"but for the entrance
of a man's... dick.'
176
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:12,450
"And then he did
put it in there.
177
00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:14,450
In her mouth, I mean."
178
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:16,200
Okay.
179
00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:18,790
And then they-they have sex
all over the library.
180
00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:22,130
Okay, I, uh,
181
00:07:22,210 --> 00:07:24,090
I-I'm sorry, I don't know
what's happening here.
182
00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:25,710
You must think
I'm somebody else.
183
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,050
Look, look. Sure, I could
leave here right now,
184
00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:30,300
I could take this to Frank
and he would finance it.
185
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:31,940
But he's gross, you know?
186
00:07:31,970 --> 00:07:34,310
He's basically, like,
the Cinemax of humans.
187
00:07:34,390 --> 00:07:36,830
Okay, I think I'm catching up
here. So you want to make a film
188
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,940
based on the pornographic book
you're reading from.
189
00:07:38,980 --> 00:07:42,400
Look... this is my
Fifty Shades of Grey, lady.
190
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,980
All right? Was the guy
who wrote that gross?
191
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:46,150
It was written by a woman.
192
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,370
Na... You... no, I know.
193
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:50,990
That it was written by a woman.
194
00:07:51,070 --> 00:07:52,740
Everybody knows that.
195
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:54,580
Yeah, but that's why you needed
to let me get to the...
196
00:07:54,660 --> 00:07:57,000
This was also written
by a woman. Yeah.
197
00:07:57,050 --> 00:07:59,750
Writ-Written and to be
directed by...
198
00:07:59,830 --> 00:08:01,500
my sister.
199
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,920
What do you think?
200
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:09,140
Hey, Dee.
201
00:08:09,180 --> 00:08:11,480
Dee, you're not doing
anything that matters, right?
202
00:08:11,510 --> 00:08:13,430
You know, I think I'm
finally figuring out
203
00:08:13,510 --> 00:08:16,100
this editing software, and I
have to say I put together
204
00:08:16,180 --> 00:08:18,350
a pretty prime-time
acting reel here.
205
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,520
I doubt it.
Don't show it to me. I don't...
206
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,610
Pretty early for a whiskey.
207
00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:29,690
A little hair of the dog
that bit you?
208
00:08:29,780 --> 00:08:31,500
Using a multi-tiered distribu...
209
00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,580
Multi-level marketi...
210
00:08:32,670 --> 00:08:33,870
The Invigaron system.
211
00:08:35,170 --> 00:08:37,420
Brains.
212
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:40,960
It i...
213
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:42,090
it's missing something,
isn't it?
214
00:08:42,180 --> 00:08:43,540
Nah, it's great.
215
00:08:43,630 --> 00:08:44,790
Uh, Dee, you know what I think
216
00:08:44,850 --> 00:08:46,130
the real problem, though,
217
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:47,800
with the acting business is?
Uh-huh?
218
00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,050
Every actor these days
is a multi-hyphenate.
219
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,380
They're doing everything--
they're writing,
220
00:08:51,470 --> 00:08:52,850
they're directing, you know.
221
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:55,020
Mm.
So here's a thought I just had.
222
00:08:55,060 --> 00:08:57,270
How would you like to, um,
223
00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,390
direct my erotic memoirs?
224
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:00,980
I've always wanted to direct.
225
00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:02,310
And you want me to do it?
226
00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,700
Yeah, yeah.
Smart.
227
00:09:03,730 --> 00:09:06,030
Smart. You bring
a female perspective in.
228
00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:08,030
Mm-hmm. It's a very interesting layer.
I like that.
229
00:09:08,070 --> 00:09:09,780
Yeah, it's-it's a good layer.
That's really smart of you.
230
00:09:09,870 --> 00:09:11,200
Yeah, I'll do that.
I'll do that for you.
231
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,040
Okay, so, um... great.
232
00:09:13,070 --> 00:09:15,320
So you'll do that, and, um...
Yeah, yeah.
233
00:09:15,410 --> 00:09:18,880
now we just need a star that we
can attach on-on short notice.
234
00:09:18,910 --> 00:09:21,910
Don't worry, I got... I got
an idea. I got a lot of ideas.
235
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,860
All right, what about
this one? You know,
236
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,950
I had a dream about, um,
you know, boiled eggs.
237
00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:42,750
So, I, uh... Okay. What do
the...what do the eggs represent?
238
00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:45,200
Eggs, you know? Like,
uh... from a chicken.
239
00:09:45,260 --> 00:09:48,120
Just eggs? No.
Charlie, you're not getting it.
240
00:09:48,210 --> 00:09:50,880
I need you to draw something
that's profound, you know?
241
00:09:50,930 --> 00:09:52,790
That comes from someplace deep.
242
00:09:52,880 --> 00:09:55,550
But is also childlike
and stupid, to prove my point.
243
00:09:55,630 --> 00:09:57,720
Hey, bro, uh, maybe stop telling
me what to do all the time,
244
00:09:57,770 --> 00:10:00,050
you know? 'Cause if you tell
me what to do, then, like,
245
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:01,850
you know, that's, like,
I got, like, a lame,
246
00:10:01,890 --> 00:10:03,220
kind of square dude telling me
247
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,890
what to do, you
know? And that's
248
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,690
not really where art comes from.
Okay, you...
249
00:10:06,730 --> 00:10:08,890
And so I'm gonna draw eggs
that represent eggs, bro.
250
00:10:08,980 --> 00:10:10,860
And it's gonna... it's
gonna be hella cool, man.
251
00:10:10,900 --> 00:10:12,200
You're gonna like these eggs.
252
00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:13,200
Can I ask you a question?
Do you... do you
253
00:10:13,230 --> 00:10:14,570
want to sell this art or not?
254
00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:15,870
Bro, is this about
making money for you
255
00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,400
or is it about
proving your point?
256
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,010
Like, I don't even
know what it is, man.
257
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,120
It's becoming about both
for me. I don't know
258
00:10:20,210 --> 00:10:21,160
what it's becoming for you.
259
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,240
Come on, man.
260
00:10:22,290 --> 00:10:23,740
I'm ripping this up.
261
00:10:23,790 --> 00:10:24,790
I'm ripping this up.
That's it.
262
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:25,790
Bro, stop ripping up
my art, man!
263
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,750
Get in there!
Hey.
264
00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:29,710
You stink!
Ugh.
265
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:32,250
I found him turning tricks
in the scrap metal yard.
266
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,250
Good news, Charlie. We're
gonna use Cricket now.
267
00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:37,420
Oh. Use me how?
Use what part of me?
268
00:10:37,510 --> 00:10:40,220
Relax. You are gonna be
the face of Charlie's art.
269
00:10:40,260 --> 00:10:42,090
What? Why, man?
270
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:43,760
Because he's got, like,
the worst life imaginable,
271
00:10:43,850 --> 00:10:45,680
and that's clearly
what those people want.
272
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,430
That's true, I do have the worst life.
273
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:48,770
You know what, Cricks, why
don't you come over here,
274
00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:50,940
why don't you tell Charlie
what to draw.
275
00:10:50,990 --> 00:10:52,520
Okay. Tell me wh... I don't
want to draw his drawings.
276
00:10:52,610 --> 00:10:54,520
No, Charlie,
this is gonna work, all right?
277
00:10:54,610 --> 00:10:56,570
Just jump on board,
jump on board. Okay, go ahead.
278
00:10:56,580 --> 00:10:58,740
All right, bro... bro.
279
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,110
Oh, all right, fine.
280
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,780
Talk to me, brother.
281
00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:04,920
What's up?
282
00:11:06,290 --> 00:11:07,840
What is he doing?
283
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,290
He's doing, like,
a Grieco thing.
284
00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:10,590
Okay. Uh, all right.
285
00:11:10,620 --> 00:11:12,260
Well, what do you
want to hear about?
286
00:11:12,290 --> 00:11:13,960
You want to hear
about a... dog orgy
287
00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:15,680
or when a cat bit off my toe?
288
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:16,790
Dog orgy, brother.
289
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:17,880
Dog orgy. Okay.
290
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,350
This is going great.
291
00:11:19,430 --> 00:11:21,130
Okay, now, Frank, I need you
292
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,220
to go talk to that gallery
owner. Convince her to come
293
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:25,540
to Paddy's for an art opening
that we're gonna have here.
294
00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:27,520
Oh. You know? Flash
a little cash.
295
00:11:27,610 --> 00:11:30,310
Pretend you're, like,
a high-society art type.
296
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,440
Oh, I got this. I-I used to hang
with an art crowd in the '70s.
297
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,480
I know these people.
298
00:11:35,530 --> 00:11:39,230
O-Okay. All right. But-but...
play it subtle, all right?
299
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,120
Subtle. Yeah.
300
00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:44,490
Frank. Play it subtle.
I got it.
301
00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:47,040
Subtle.
302
00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:50,130
Hello!
Hello?
303
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:53,130
Ango Gablogian,
the art collector.
304
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:55,170
Charmed, I'm sure.
305
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:57,220
Yes.
I'm gonna invite you to a show.
306
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,840
Okay.
But first...
307
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,510
allow me to destroy
your gallery.
308
00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:03,010
Bullshit.
309
00:12:04,180 --> 00:12:05,980
Bullshit.
310
00:12:06,010 --> 00:12:08,510
Derivative.
311
00:12:08,570 --> 00:12:11,150
That... I love.
312
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:14,150
I absolutely love.
313
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:16,990
Um, that's just
the air conditioner.
314
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:18,490
I want it.
315
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,990
It's everything.
316
00:12:20,030 --> 00:12:21,990
I mean, look at us.
317
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:24,660
We're just air conditioners.
I mean, after all,
318
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,580
we're just walking around
on the planet, breathing,
319
00:12:27,670 --> 00:12:29,580
conditioning the air.
320
00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:31,920
I condition it hot,
321
00:12:32,010 --> 00:12:34,090
that conditions it cold.
322
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:36,540
I mean, it's symbiotic, no?
323
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:38,710
No, it is. I mean, we're
just the air conditioners
324
00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:40,210
walking around on this planet,
325
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,380
screwing each
other's brains out.
326
00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:45,050
So true. I never
thought of it like that.
327
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:51,110
Oh... hello, you.
328
00:12:57,950 --> 00:12:59,480
This room won't be
the only thing
329
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:01,070
that I'll be entering today.
330
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:02,490
- Hey, teach.
- Cut!
331
00:13:02,570 --> 00:13:06,340
A woman's mouth is not
for exiting of words,
332
00:13:06,410 --> 00:13:09,280
but for the entrance
of a man's penis.
333
00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:11,560
- Cut!
- Grieco, Grieco, Grieco, come on, man.
334
00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:13,680
Shoot her tits. I need some...
I need a couple... Just...
335
00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:16,480
Get mostly tits on this
one. Lots of emotion.
336
00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:18,930
And I want to feel
a little bit of, uh,
337
00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:22,770
of sadness coming from
your tits. And, action.
338
00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:25,110
- A woman's mouth...
- Cut!
339
00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:28,080
"Not for the exiting of words,
it's for the entrance..."
340
00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,660
- Dee, can you just let him...
- Is there really...
341
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:31,410
is there really a frigging
difference between "exiting"
342
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,750
and "entering"? Hey! Excuse me, every...
You know what?
343
00:13:33,830 --> 00:13:35,700
Is there a difference between
"exiting" and "entering"?
344
00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:38,370
I know there is, but is there...
but words exit.
345
00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:40,920
Okay, okay, you know what?
I-I need a seaweed break.
346
00:13:41,010 --> 00:13:42,760
Grieco, you've had 15
packages of seaweed today.
347
00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,200
Guys, Richard needs
a seaweed five.
348
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:45,590
Another...?
Oh, goddamn it!
349
00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:47,050
Can we just get
the scene, please?
350
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:48,210
Just like it was in high school?
351
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:49,680
You know, about that.
352
00:13:49,720 --> 00:13:51,160
What exactly happened
in high school?
353
00:13:51,190 --> 00:13:52,900
'Cause it sounds like
you had sex with a teacher.
354
00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:55,840
Uh, well no, she wasn't a teacher,
she was a hot young librarian.
355
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,440
Are you talking about Miss Clinsky?
Yeah.
356
00:13:57,560 --> 00:13:59,940
She was like 50.
Yeah, she looked good for her age.
357
00:14:00,030 --> 00:14:01,050
She looked like Rick Moranis.
358
00:14:01,170 --> 00:14:02,980
Moranis was always in
pretty good shape, yeah.
359
00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:04,900
Plus, when she took
her hair out of the bun,
360
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:06,730
she went from Moranis to Alanis.
361
00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,280
Gross. You were 14.
362
00:14:08,370 --> 00:14:10,240
So, technically, you were raped.
363
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:12,960
It wasn't rape. Can't rape a guy.
Huh?
364
00:14:13,040 --> 00:14:14,740
You can't rape...
I was... I was willing.
365
00:14:14,830 --> 00:14:16,660
You know, you can't
rape... I mean, it's cool.
366
00:14:16,740 --> 00:14:18,580
Like, I bedded an older
woman. That's cool.
367
00:14:18,630 --> 00:14:20,910
Right, Grieco?
You know what?
368
00:14:20,970 --> 00:14:23,550
Let me use your pain in the scene.
What are you talking about?
369
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:25,000
You can't use somebody
else's pain, Grieco.
370
00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:26,420
Do you know how acting works?
371
00:14:26,470 --> 00:14:27,800
Look...
372
00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:30,340
Touch my finger...
373
00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:33,260
- and transfer your pain into me.
Mm-hmm, it's a good idea.
374
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,060
Touch... touch my finger. I'm
not touching your finger, man.
375
00:14:35,100 --> 00:14:36,930
I'm not touching your finger!
Dennis.
376
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:39,600
Seriously, touch my finger. What
the hell is...? You know what?
377
00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:41,730
Why don't you just shoot
me doing the goddamn scene?
378
00:14:41,770 --> 00:14:43,490
I'll seduce the librarian.
379
00:14:43,570 --> 00:14:45,850
You know what? That seaweed's
making me a little sick.
380
00:14:45,940 --> 00:14:48,690
Uh, can I get a chalk break,
or something like that? Uh-oh.
381
00:14:55,950 --> 00:14:58,870
I call this one
"Dog Three-Way."
382
00:14:58,950 --> 00:15:01,670
'Cause I was recently
in a dog three-way.
383
00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,920
Actually, four with
me, so, four-way.
384
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,510
I was in a dog orgy.
385
00:15:05,590 --> 00:15:07,930
God, he's making a mockery
of my art, bro.
386
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:09,300
- Oh.
- Well,
387
00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:10,850
the shoot was a total disaster.
388
00:15:10,930 --> 00:15:12,850
Dee's incompetent
and a bitch, which we all knew.
389
00:15:12,930 --> 00:15:14,300
But, I mean, Richard Grieco.
390
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:16,140
The man is obsessed
with seaweed. It's...
391
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,300
Pump your brakes.
You met Grieco?
392
00:15:18,390 --> 00:15:19,690
Yeah, I met Grieco.
Yeah, he-he was in my movie,
393
00:15:19,770 --> 00:15:21,270
but, uh, it didn't go very well.
394
00:15:21,310 --> 00:15:23,480
What-what are you doing?
Are you doing a Grieco thing?
395
00:15:23,530 --> 00:15:25,480
Yeah, I'm doing a Grieco thing,
'cause-'cause Grieco's the man.
396
00:15:25,560 --> 00:15:27,810
You know, is he the man?
No, not really.
397
00:15:27,870 --> 00:15:29,370
Ah, he used to be big.
No. Yeah, no.
398
00:15:29,450 --> 00:15:32,480
Hello, boys.
399
00:15:32,570 --> 00:15:34,790
Is that how you play it?
That is way over the top.
400
00:15:34,820 --> 00:15:37,540
What are you talking about? This
is it. This is the way they are.
401
00:15:37,630 --> 00:15:41,960
Frank, did you buy an air conditioner?
Yes, and I bought a painting for 35 K.
402
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,160
Why? Because I liked it,
and that's what it cost.
403
00:15:45,220 --> 00:15:46,920
Is nobody understanding what we're
trying to do?
404
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,550
I am trying to prove
that this is all bullshit,
405
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:50,040
and you guys are all
buying into it.
406
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:51,640
Oh. Oh, ho, ho, ho.
Oh, hi.
407
00:15:51,670 --> 00:15:54,470
Hi.
Here's the darling.
408
00:15:54,510 --> 00:15:56,730
Oh.
That sold me...
409
00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:58,590
not a painting.
410
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,400
Mm.
A revelation.
411
00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:02,510
Oh. Hi, Ango.
Oh, oh.
412
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:03,980
Mm. Oh.
Oh, great.
413
00:16:04,020 --> 00:16:05,570
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, Ango.
414
00:16:05,650 --> 00:16:07,270
Yes. Thank you very much.
415
00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:09,190
And thank you for coming.
Oh. Oh, my pleasure.
416
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:10,690
Yes, we have... we
have many paintings by
417
00:16:10,780 --> 00:16:12,570
our featured artist,
Rickety Cricket. Ah...
418
00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:14,280
Okay, well, Ango
clearly has a great eye.
419
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:15,860
I do have a great eye.
420
00:16:15,950 --> 00:16:17,860
So I'm excited
to see what you have.
421
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,750
Yes, yes. Well, here
we have a Cricket.
422
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:22,000
Oh.
423
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,750
Yes, yes, and, uh, here
we have another Cricket.
424
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,420
Uh-huh.
And, uh...
425
00:16:26,510 --> 00:16:28,540
Oh, here we have
the artist himself.
426
00:16:28,590 --> 00:16:31,010
This is Rickety Cricket.
Hey-o.
427
00:16:31,050 --> 00:16:34,350
Wow. Yeah, he literally has
the worst life imaginable.
428
00:16:34,380 --> 00:16:35,800
He ain't lying.
429
00:16:35,880 --> 00:16:37,270
So now you got some perspective
430
00:16:37,350 --> 00:16:39,050
and some context.
Uh-huh.
431
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,300
And like a story or whatever
it is that you people need,
432
00:16:41,390 --> 00:16:42,890
so...
Uh-huh.
433
00:16:42,940 --> 00:16:44,500
We don't have
to talk numbers right now,
434
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:46,230
- but I feel like it should be...
- Hey, guys.
435
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,030
I figured this art opening
would be the perfect place
436
00:16:49,060 --> 00:16:52,030
to premiere
my directorial debut.
437
00:16:52,070 --> 00:16:53,570
No, Dee, absolutely not.
438
00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:55,530
- That's a hard "no."
Yeah.
439
00:17:13,890 --> 00:17:15,640
Oh, come on. There were...
440
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,590
No, Dee.
This is ridiculous.
441
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,400
_
442
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,010
_
443
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,430
_
444
00:17:30,790 --> 00:17:33,460
_
445
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:37,940
_
446
00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:42,280
Hey, hoser, remember when
I raped you in the library?
447
00:17:42,350 --> 00:17:46,120
Hoser, hoser, hoser, hoser,
hoser, hoser, hoser...
448
00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:48,200
Okay, thank you. Thank you very
much. I'm sorry. That was, uh...
449
00:17:48,290 --> 00:17:50,290
That's not part
of the, uh, whole thing.
450
00:17:50,340 --> 00:17:52,460
It's very disturbing.
It's very avant-garde.
451
00:17:52,510 --> 00:17:55,010
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
What do you think it's all worth?
452
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:57,130
Good question.
Ango, what do you think?
453
00:17:57,210 --> 00:17:59,130
Millions.
454
00:17:59,220 --> 00:18:01,470
I'd trade my limbs for it.
455
00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:05,270
Well, the market is dictated
by what people will pay, so...
456
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,940
Well, right, but how much
are you willing to pay for it?
457
00:18:07,980 --> 00:18:09,530
Me?
Yeah.
458
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:11,640
Oh, no, no.
459
00:18:11,700 --> 00:18:14,650
I'm really not interested
in buying anything.
460
00:18:14,730 --> 00:18:16,230
But you own an art gallery.
461
00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:17,730
Oh, no. Oh.
462
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:19,320
I rent an art gallery,
463
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,540
or more accurately,
my parents rent one for me.
464
00:18:21,620 --> 00:18:23,740
What?!
465
00:18:23,820 --> 00:18:26,160
So that painting I bought
from you was worthless?
466
00:18:26,210 --> 00:18:27,580
Of course not.
467
00:18:27,660 --> 00:18:29,160
It meant something to you.
468
00:18:29,210 --> 00:18:31,500
It's worth
exactly what you paid.
469
00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:33,800
I want to sell it back. Okay.
470
00:18:33,830 --> 00:18:35,670
In that exchange,
it would only be worth
471
00:18:35,720 --> 00:18:39,050
what I would pay for it,
which is, again, um, nothing.
472
00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:40,510
I-I don't get it.
473
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:42,010
When is stuff art?
474
00:18:42,090 --> 00:18:44,810
Uh, hey, guys,
guys, um, if I may,
475
00:18:44,850 --> 00:18:47,260
I think I can sum this all up.
476
00:18:47,350 --> 00:18:48,600
You see, art
477
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,820
is an ambiguous thing, yeah?
478
00:18:50,850 --> 00:18:53,270
Yeah, just because you make
some art, it doesn't mean
479
00:18:53,350 --> 00:18:55,440
that you're an artist.
480
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,110
But, also, it does mean
you're an artist.
481
00:18:58,190 --> 00:19:00,030
But does it mean that that art
482
00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:02,490
is good art?
483
00:19:02,530 --> 00:19:06,280
Is art good just because
the right people say it's good?
484
00:19:06,370 --> 00:19:08,750
Yes. Yes.
485
00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,590
That's-that's how it works.
486
00:19:10,670 --> 00:19:12,450
Yeah, but keep in mind,
you know,
487
00:19:12,540 --> 00:19:14,290
a lot of modern art is...
is trash.
488
00:19:14,380 --> 00:19:15,790
I mean, it's shitty.
It's not...
489
00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:17,340
You know, it's not good.
It's terrible.
490
00:19:17,380 --> 00:19:19,340
You know? And yet,
it's a fine line
491
00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:22,680
between van Gogh and Van Damme,
492
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,550
you know,
between Depp and Grieco,
493
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,520
between Banksy and Charlie,
494
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:29,940
that makes it very difficult to
determine what's good art.
495
00:19:30,020 --> 00:19:31,390
You know, what's high art?
496
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,030
What has worth?
What has meaning?
497
00:19:33,060 --> 00:19:34,530
Yeah?
498
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,400
But if one thing
499
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,450
has become abundantly clear
to me today--
500
00:19:38,530 --> 00:19:41,780
and it should be to all of you,
as well--
501
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:45,740
is that I wasn't raped.
502
00:19:45,820 --> 00:19:47,570
Hmm?
503
00:19:47,630 --> 00:19:49,790
We had a good time, she and I.
504
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:52,630
Yeah? It was a...
it was a two-way road.
505
00:19:52,710 --> 00:19:55,130
The whole thing was... mutual.
506
00:19:56,970 --> 00:20:00,640
And the woman in no way
looked like Rick Moranis.
507
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,750
You know?
508
00:20:02,810 --> 00:20:05,970
She totally did. I remember her.
Remember her? Yeah.
509
00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:08,160
Um...Oh, no.
I wouldn't even sleep with her.
510
00:20:08,210 --> 00:20:12,760
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