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ADAM: Previously on I'm Dying Up Here...
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How stupid are you?
3
00:00:07,959 --> 00:00:09,125
Hey, come on, man. Is that necessary?
4
00:00:09,208 --> 00:00:10,291
Oh!
5
00:00:10,375 --> 00:00:11,417
Hey, man, there's no need for that.
6
00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,389
Step the fuck back. Now.
7
00:00:13,461 --> 00:00:15,250
Thank you. I love it.
8
00:00:15,333 --> 00:00:17,834
Want to know a not so little secret?
9
00:00:17,917 --> 00:00:19,654
Jesse's not her nephew.
10
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He's her son.
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I was... I was just wondering if, uh,
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00:00:23,417 --> 00:00:26,500
maybe you'd want to go to
dinner with me sometime.
13
00:00:27,409 --> 00:00:28,433
[LAUGHS]
14
00:00:28,458 --> 00:00:30,464
Yeah, but just let me write
you more material for Carson.
15
00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:32,458
So you saw Girls Are Funny Too,
16
00:00:32,542 --> 00:00:34,756
but it doesn't air until this Saturday.
17
00:00:34,781 --> 00:00:36,364
William Morris does its homework.
18
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ANNOUNCER: From Hollywood, California,
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it's Girls Are Funny Too,
20
00:00:41,143 --> 00:00:42,264
starring...
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00:00:42,677 --> 00:00:43,813
[MALE ANCHOR] We interrupt your regularly
22
00:00:43,838 --> 00:00:45,975
scheduled program for this special report.
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00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:47,709
The devastation left behind
24
00:00:47,734 --> 00:00:50,033
from a category five tornado that landed...
25
00:00:50,058 --> 00:00:52,558
Minor setback, but let's
talk in a day or two.
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00:00:52,583 --> 00:00:53,907
Okay, great. Thank you so much.
27
00:00:53,932 --> 00:00:55,376
If you think that's too much to ask,
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00:00:55,458 --> 00:00:57,048
here's 1,000 bucks.
29
00:00:57,807 --> 00:00:58,917
I am finished
30
00:00:59,296 --> 00:01:00,754
being put through the wringer
31
00:01:01,043 --> 00:01:04,166
while you find new ways
to fuck up both our lives.
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00:01:05,542 --> 00:01:07,500
[JAZZY PERCUSSION]
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?
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Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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00:01:16,709 --> 00:01:19,542
[JOE COCKER'S "FEELIN' ALRIGHT?" PLAYING]
36
00:01:19,625 --> 00:01:22,625
?
37
00:01:23,012 --> 00:01:24,125
[LAUGHS]
38
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:27,667
[LAUGHS]
39
00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:32,378
? Seems I got to have a change of scene ?
40
00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,625
? Every night I have the strangest dreams ?
41
00:01:36,709 --> 00:01:37,941
Mmm, I miss that.
42
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:40,500
It's good to be back in L.A.
43
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:41,698
Yeah.
44
00:01:41,698 --> 00:01:43,346
It's nice to get some time away, though.
45
00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:44,538
Mm-hmm.
46
00:01:45,033 --> 00:01:46,284
Nice to have
47
00:01:47,303 --> 00:01:48,427
some perspective.
48
00:01:48,502 --> 00:01:49,892
What is the Wink perspective?
49
00:01:49,917 --> 00:01:51,329
Is it like the Titanic perspective
50
00:01:51,413 --> 00:01:52,767
with fewer lifeboats?
51
00:01:52,792 --> 00:01:53,969
Serious.
52
00:01:55,352 --> 00:01:56,870
In Wink you have two options.
53
00:01:57,853 --> 00:01:59,475
Day shift or night shift.
54
00:02:01,179 --> 00:02:02,595
But going back home was
55
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,878
a good reminder of why I came out here.
56
00:02:07,913 --> 00:02:09,945
And why this is so important and
57
00:02:10,705 --> 00:02:12,513
why I know I'm gonna make it.
58
00:02:12,914 --> 00:02:14,455
?
59
00:02:14,976 --> 00:02:16,868
Why are you looking at me like that.
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00:02:17,039 --> 00:02:18,576
Mostly because I love you.
61
00:02:20,809 --> 00:02:22,489
And probably because I'm peeing.
62
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:27,517
?
63
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,767
[GIGGLES]
64
00:02:30,675 --> 00:02:32,204
Where'd you learn this?
65
00:02:32,702 --> 00:02:34,350
Lifeguarding on the Cape.
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00:02:34,433 --> 00:02:36,256
Did they teach you how to grab a boob?
67
00:02:36,798 --> 00:02:37,894
[LAUGHS]
68
00:02:37,918 --> 00:02:39,251
Well, the first thing they teach you
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00:02:39,276 --> 00:02:40,536
when someone is drowning
70
00:02:41,408 --> 00:02:43,244
is that they try and drag you under.
71
00:02:43,244 --> 00:02:45,419
You'll be out there trying to save them
72
00:02:45,868 --> 00:02:47,535
and they'll be strangling you,
73
00:02:47,618 --> 00:02:49,496
wrapping their legs around you,
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00:02:50,016 --> 00:02:51,848
trying to take you down.
75
00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,977
We'll do anything to survive.
76
00:02:57,403 --> 00:02:58,987
Ah, they're just scared shitless.
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00:02:59,071 --> 00:03:02,445
?
78
00:03:02,528 --> 00:03:07,362
? Whoa, you feelin' alright ?
79
00:03:07,445 --> 00:03:11,063
? Yeah, not feeling that good myself ?
80
00:03:14,498 --> 00:03:15,815
[KEYS JINGLE]
81
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,987
[DIAL TONE BEEPING]
82
00:03:27,112 --> 00:03:28,208
Amanda?
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00:03:29,779 --> 00:03:31,737
[STATIC CRACKLING SOFTLY]
84
00:03:34,904 --> 00:03:36,169
[DIAL TONE CONTINUES]
85
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,279
- [CLATTERING]
- [GASPS]
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00:03:44,333 --> 00:03:45,416
[SCREAMS]
87
00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:46,885
[GLASS SHATTERS]
88
00:03:49,042 --> 00:03:50,119
Oh, my God.
89
00:03:53,314 --> 00:03:54,397
[SIGHS]
90
00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:58,952
Everything hurts on my body.
91
00:03:59,237 --> 00:04:00,264
Nick.
92
00:04:01,497 --> 00:04:02,747
Yeah, I'm here.
93
00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,437
You mind dropping him off?
94
00:04:05,439 --> 00:04:06,611
I do mind.
95
00:04:07,158 --> 00:04:08,261
Come on, Bill.
96
00:04:12,142 --> 00:04:14,035
Let's go, Fuckuardo.
97
00:04:14,487 --> 00:04:15,979
- Thanks, Ralph.
- Mm-hmm.
98
00:04:20,289 --> 00:04:21,306
Hey.
99
00:04:23,924 --> 00:04:25,632
Crazy motherfucker.
100
00:04:29,528 --> 00:04:31,337
BILL: Hey, asshole. Grab my bag.
101
00:04:32,624 --> 00:04:33,711
Ah.
102
00:04:36,612 --> 00:04:37,718
- All right.
- I'll get 'em!
103
00:04:37,795 --> 00:04:38,904
Yeah.
104
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:41,779
Thanks a lot, Ralph. Thanks.
105
00:04:43,528 --> 00:04:44,779
- In.
- The bags go in.
106
00:04:44,862 --> 00:04:46,636
- In.
- There you go.
107
00:04:46,636 --> 00:04:47,869
There you go.
108
00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:51,970
- [SIGHS]
- East on Fountain
109
00:04:52,094 --> 00:04:53,053
still the quickest way
to get to your place?
110
00:04:53,078 --> 00:04:54,757
Uh, yeah. Definitely.
111
00:04:54,936 --> 00:04:57,513
It's not really my place anymore.
112
00:04:58,979 --> 00:05:01,353
I may have neglected to pay the rent.
113
00:05:01,436 --> 00:05:02,852
Then is there a particular park
114
00:05:02,936 --> 00:05:04,525
that you'd like to sleep in tonight?
115
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,061
Fuck me.
116
00:05:08,686 --> 00:05:09,959
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
117
00:05:10,562 --> 00:05:12,144
[INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER]
118
00:05:12,908 --> 00:05:14,517
I... I really didn't get a good look.
119
00:05:14,542 --> 00:05:16,413
He ran by so fast that he...
120
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:17,683
Best thing we can do right now
121
00:05:17,766 --> 00:05:19,100
is make a list of what's missing.
122
00:05:19,183 --> 00:05:20,599
[EXHALES SHARPLY] Just the cash.
123
00:05:20,683 --> 00:05:21,995
Grocery money or...
124
00:05:22,654 --> 00:05:24,654
Oh, it was a little less than $10,000.
125
00:05:28,058 --> 00:05:29,933
Yeah, and, no, no...
126
00:05:30,016 --> 00:05:32,266
It was not in an envelope on my nightstand,
127
00:05:32,349 --> 00:05:33,860
marked "my rainy day fund."
128
00:05:33,860 --> 00:05:35,750
No, it was... tucked away.
129
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:36,894
It was...
130
00:05:36,895 --> 00:05:39,196
Maybe he was just lucky or...
131
00:05:40,235 --> 00:05:42,353
Is there anybody else who
knows where you hid your money?
132
00:05:44,944 --> 00:05:46,030
Ma'am?
133
00:05:47,177 --> 00:05:48,301
Oh, it's nothing.
134
00:05:49,818 --> 00:05:51,217
I have a daughter.
135
00:05:51,824 --> 00:05:54,264
She's a pain in the ass, not a thief.
136
00:05:54,886 --> 00:05:56,783
Do you know where we can
find her, check it out?
137
00:05:58,387 --> 00:05:59,948
Mm. No.
138
00:06:01,818 --> 00:06:03,074
Mind if we look inside?
139
00:06:03,074 --> 00:06:04,255
Yes, please do.
140
00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:12,158
You know I've been in a
shooting gallery for heroin
141
00:06:12,241 --> 00:06:13,824
but never one for masturbation.
142
00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:15,619
That's funny. You got a plan?
143
00:06:16,533 --> 00:06:17,766
Plan.
144
00:06:18,235 --> 00:06:19,623
Ooh, plan.
145
00:06:19,623 --> 00:06:21,873
I am sleeping on Bill Hobb's couch.
146
00:06:22,491 --> 00:06:24,879
What part of that sentence
makes you think I plan?
147
00:06:25,408 --> 00:06:27,233
Hey, hey. One second, Hobo Nick.
148
00:06:27,542 --> 00:06:28,631
What?
149
00:06:28,690 --> 00:06:30,022
There's rules at this men's shelter.
150
00:06:30,047 --> 00:06:31,297
Can you make it brief? Because that picture
151
00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:32,464
of your mother's giving me blue balls.
152
00:06:32,547 --> 00:06:33,795
Yeah, well...
153
00:06:35,539 --> 00:06:37,172
First off, you can't just sit on the couch.
154
00:06:37,255 --> 00:06:38,973
Okay, you have to be invited.
155
00:06:38,998 --> 00:06:40,192
You know, like I was on Carson.
156
00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:41,380
- Remember that?
- Oh, my God.
157
00:06:41,464 --> 00:06:42,714
- Remember?
- You are just gonna
158
00:06:42,797 --> 00:06:45,422
dine out on that forever, aren't you?
159
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:47,214
No, no, I'll mix it up.
160
00:06:47,297 --> 00:06:50,437
Occasionally it'll be about
me having a home, a car,
161
00:06:50,818 --> 00:06:52,296
and then I'll throw in the fact
162
00:06:52,380 --> 00:06:53,880
that I'm not an IV drug user like you.
163
00:06:53,963 --> 00:06:55,464
I just want to keep this relationship
164
00:06:55,547 --> 00:06:56,617
nice and fresh, Nick.
165
00:06:57,104 --> 00:06:58,172
Bill.
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00:06:59,815 --> 00:07:01,344
Why do I make you so insecure?
167
00:07:01,596 --> 00:07:03,396
Maybe I'm overcompensating, Nick.
168
00:07:04,271 --> 00:07:05,928
For the fact that my
cock is bigger than yours.
169
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:08,386
If your mother loved you
just a little bit more,
170
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:09,636
I would be asleep right now.
171
00:07:09,719 --> 00:07:13,376
There's a jizz blanket and
a jizz pillow in that closet,
172
00:07:13,376 --> 00:07:15,127
and breakfast is whenever you wake up.
173
00:07:15,209 --> 00:07:16,994
Just walk down the street and buy it.
174
00:07:17,918 --> 00:07:19,032
Hey, Bill.
175
00:07:21,399 --> 00:07:22,439
Thanks.
176
00:07:24,021 --> 00:07:25,173
It's cool.
177
00:07:26,035 --> 00:07:27,196
Do me a favor.
178
00:07:27,877 --> 00:07:29,479
We're not on the road anymore, Nick.
179
00:07:30,393 --> 00:07:31,543
[SCOFFS]
180
00:07:33,334 --> 00:07:35,501
[WIND BLOWING]
181
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,793
[SQUEAKING]
182
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:43,251
[THUMPING, RATTLING]
183
00:07:52,251 --> 00:07:55,251
[SQUEAKING]
184
00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:03,086
[METALLIC SCRAPING]
185
00:08:03,168 --> 00:08:05,085
[SOFT THUDDING]
186
00:08:06,535 --> 00:08:07,785
[CHAIR THUDS]
187
00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:09,620
[UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
188
00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:10,953
Morning, ladies.
189
00:08:11,787 --> 00:08:13,484
Jesus, Ron. Close your robe.
190
00:08:13,537 --> 00:08:14,715
[ADAM] Man, put that shit away.
191
00:08:14,740 --> 00:08:15,832
[LAUGHS]
192
00:08:15,857 --> 00:08:18,164
Your dick looks like a
character from Doonesbury.
193
00:08:18,189 --> 00:08:19,481
Getting tired of these
early morning calls, man.
194
00:08:19,506 --> 00:08:20,595
It's really wearing on me.
195
00:08:20,620 --> 00:08:21,638
A, it's noon;
196
00:08:21,638 --> 00:08:23,177
B, I'm not sure it's
the early morning calls
197
00:08:23,177 --> 00:08:25,356
as much as it is the
early morning call girls.
198
00:08:25,381 --> 00:08:27,395
They are not call girls. Okay?
199
00:08:27,856 --> 00:08:29,053
They're extras.
200
00:08:29,259 --> 00:08:31,593
They've still got another
year or two of dashed hopes
201
00:08:31,618 --> 00:08:33,082
before crossing that finish line.
202
00:08:33,107 --> 00:08:34,594
Hey, Ron, I want to take
Gloria to this place,
203
00:08:34,677 --> 00:08:36,184
but I can't get reservations.
204
00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:39,133
Think you can throw around
some Benny weight for me?
205
00:08:39,215 --> 00:08:40,469
Yeah, man, of course.
206
00:08:40,469 --> 00:08:41,923
I'll call and make the reservation.
207
00:08:42,006 --> 00:08:43,506
Uh, what time is the early bird special?
208
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:45,329
Four or five?
209
00:08:45,587 --> 00:08:46,672
Ha ha.
210
00:08:46,697 --> 00:08:48,291
Ha ha ha. Okay, I get it.
211
00:08:48,369 --> 00:08:50,096
Gloria's older. So what?
212
00:08:50,328 --> 00:08:52,869
All right, she's beautiful, she's cool,
213
00:08:53,135 --> 00:08:55,601
and she's twice as smart
as everybody I've ever met.
214
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:57,827
Sure, she's twice as everything.
215
00:08:57,911 --> 00:08:59,219
She's like two
25-year-olds.
216
00:08:59,219 --> 00:09:01,020
- [RON GIGGLES]
- I expected better from you.
217
00:09:01,020 --> 00:09:02,247
Not comedically.
218
00:09:02,247 --> 00:09:03,831
Comedically you're exactly
where I had you slotted.
219
00:09:03,914 --> 00:09:05,456
That's just because I'm
saving up my best material
220
00:09:05,540 --> 00:09:06,832
for Roy's Tonight Show appearance.
221
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:08,248
Getting out the notebook.
222
00:09:08,331 --> 00:09:09,498
Oh, no, no, no. Let the man tell his jokes.
223
00:09:09,793 --> 00:09:10,931
Life is good.
224
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:12,676
I just performed in Africa.
225
00:09:13,009 --> 00:09:14,581
My manager called me
after the show and asked,
226
00:09:14,665 --> 00:09:16,039
"Did you click with the audience?"
227
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:17,373
I said, "What are you crazy?"
228
00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:19,415
I can't learn a language that fast."
229
00:09:21,330 --> 00:09:22,331
It's Africa.
230
00:09:22,403 --> 00:09:24,535
That language with the noises.
231
00:09:24,535 --> 00:09:25,743
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Clicks and stuff.
232
00:09:25,828 --> 00:09:26,828
Yeah, I know.
233
00:09:28,684 --> 00:09:30,256
Pearls before swine.
234
00:09:34,308 --> 00:09:36,868
Not everybody reads
National Geographic, Eddie.
235
00:09:38,046 --> 00:09:41,670
Sammy says, "My friend told
me cocaine makes him paranoid",
236
00:09:41,753 --> 00:09:44,363
gives him the sniffles,
and he can't stop talking.
237
00:09:44,628 --> 00:09:47,226
"I told him you're not getting
high; you're getting Jewish."
238
00:09:47,452 --> 00:09:49,836
- [MEN GRUNT SOFTLY]
- Not so much.
239
00:09:50,586 --> 00:09:52,711
Sammy says, "Last Sunday
I went to a black church",
240
00:09:52,794 --> 00:09:54,128
and I mean really black.
241
00:09:54,211 --> 00:09:56,003
"The communion wafers were menthol."
242
00:09:56,086 --> 00:09:57,878
[LAUGHTER]
243
00:09:57,961 --> 00:09:59,419
Is that yours, Ralph?
244
00:09:59,502 --> 00:10:01,358
No, mine was the Jewish joke you shit on.
245
00:10:01,424 --> 00:10:03,549
I didn't shit on it. It wasn't funny.
246
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:06,035
Oh, but the six other black
jokes, those were hilarious.
247
00:10:06,081 --> 00:10:07,711
Hey, you want to be the
one who says what's funny?
248
00:10:07,794 --> 00:10:09,502
You create your own show.
249
00:10:11,224 --> 00:10:12,702
Look, I'm just saying,
250
00:10:13,128 --> 00:10:15,003
last month we had Burt Reynolds on.
251
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:16,992
All the jokes weren't
about him being white.
252
00:10:17,252 --> 00:10:21,045
RALPH: Sammy is a great
singer, dancer, entertainer,
253
00:10:21,882 --> 00:10:23,003
ladies' man.
254
00:10:23,107 --> 00:10:25,230
There's more to him than just being black.
255
00:10:25,473 --> 00:10:28,599
Five of these six black jokes are yours.
256
00:10:28,681 --> 00:10:30,264
So save the raised fist.
257
00:10:30,504 --> 00:10:32,046
REUBEN: We shoot in three days.
258
00:10:33,092 --> 00:10:34,972
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
259
00:10:35,178 --> 00:10:36,810
- Hi, Cassie.
- Hey.
260
00:10:36,835 --> 00:10:38,169
Is Bob ready?
261
00:10:38,252 --> 00:10:40,345
Oh, I'm sorry. Bob just got pulled
262
00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:41,889
into an emergency meeting.
263
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,563
Can we reschedule?
264
00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:44,901
Oh.
265
00:10:44,984 --> 00:10:47,031
This is a rescheduled meeting.
266
00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:49,359
It's... it's actually our
second rescheduled meeting.
267
00:10:49,442 --> 00:10:51,636
Yeah, Bob's gonna call you.
268
00:10:52,026 --> 00:10:53,042
Pilot season.
269
00:10:53,042 --> 00:10:55,024
Things are just a little
crazy here right now.
270
00:10:55,049 --> 00:10:56,166
- Right.
- Yeah.
271
00:10:56,817 --> 00:10:59,979
Well, I-I look forward to
our next glass of water.
272
00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:01,488
[LAUGHS] Sorry.
273
00:11:01,596 --> 00:11:02,763
- It's okay. It's okay.
- Yeah.
274
00:11:02,846 --> 00:11:04,641
Okay. Bye, guys. Have a great day.
275
00:11:04,666 --> 00:11:05,713
[CHUCKLES]
276
00:11:05,999 --> 00:11:09,342
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
277
00:11:13,915 --> 00:11:14,962
[THUD]
278
00:11:15,536 --> 00:11:17,244
What the... what are you doing?
279
00:11:17,524 --> 00:11:18,604
Sorry.
280
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:19,952
Goldie?
281
00:11:20,327 --> 00:11:21,490
Who are you?
282
00:11:22,286 --> 00:11:23,411
Dawn Lima?
283
00:11:23,631 --> 00:11:25,207
I just got in town.
284
00:11:26,025 --> 00:11:27,057
Look, sorry, Goldie,
285
00:11:27,057 --> 00:11:28,933
but you got some deaf
motherfuckers working for you.
286
00:11:29,038 --> 00:11:31,040
I was knocking on that door forever.
287
00:11:31,189 --> 00:11:32,732
And they wouldn't let
me into the coffee shop
288
00:11:32,757 --> 00:11:33,966
across the street to use the ladies' room.
289
00:11:34,049 --> 00:11:35,216
All right, okay, I got it.
290
00:11:35,241 --> 00:11:36,694
Yeah, Mickey Sherman called.
291
00:11:36,719 --> 00:11:38,173
He told me not to put you up. Why is that?
292
00:11:38,301 --> 00:11:39,639
He's an asshole?
293
00:11:39,711 --> 00:11:41,711
He told me you had no gratitude.
294
00:11:42,089 --> 00:11:44,169
Which I took to mean you wouldn't fuck him.
295
00:11:45,148 --> 00:11:46,501
Anymore.
296
00:11:46,585 --> 00:11:47,585
[SCOFFS]
297
00:11:47,668 --> 00:11:49,085
Shit. Eat.
298
00:11:49,168 --> 00:11:50,514
Pretty fuckin' simple.
299
00:11:50,918 --> 00:11:52,410
Never is, though.
300
00:11:55,102 --> 00:11:56,557
Where else you go up?
301
00:11:57,228 --> 00:11:58,956
Everywhere in the East Coast.
302
00:11:58,957 --> 00:12:01,165
Um, Playboy clubs.
303
00:12:01,248 --> 00:12:02,385
Chitlin' Circuit.
304
00:12:02,385 --> 00:12:04,593
I sat at the knee of
Lawanda Page for a spell.
305
00:12:04,678 --> 00:12:06,142
Yeah, she called too.
306
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:09,052
Come back tonight. I'll put you up.
307
00:12:09,647 --> 00:12:11,403
- All right.
- Oh, and for future,
308
00:12:11,427 --> 00:12:12,694
there's a gas station
309
00:12:12,719 --> 00:12:14,287
about a half a block down that way.
310
00:12:14,524 --> 00:12:16,207
- Good to know.
- Uh-huh.
311
00:12:18,183 --> 00:12:19,770
EDGAR: So your regular comic fell out,
312
00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:20,939
and you need a new one.
313
00:12:20,939 --> 00:12:23,039
If I had a nickel for
every time that happened...
314
00:12:23,064 --> 00:12:24,606
Oh, wait a second, I do,
315
00:12:24,690 --> 00:12:25,773
because that's my business.
316
00:12:25,856 --> 00:12:26,940
[CHUCKLES]
317
00:12:27,022 --> 00:12:28,862
I'd be happy to get somebody for you.
318
00:12:29,209 --> 00:12:30,439
The fuck you doin'?
319
00:12:30,672 --> 00:12:32,547
I'm trying to make some money, that's what.
320
00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:33,630
Screw.
321
00:12:35,251 --> 00:12:37,339
Anyway, one of my best guys is available.
322
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:38,589
I got Edgar Martinez.
323
00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:40,302
- [SCOFFS]
- Great comic.
324
00:12:41,249 --> 00:12:42,838
And I got somebody else too.
325
00:12:43,294 --> 00:12:44,878
Another guy, he's okay.
326
00:12:44,962 --> 00:12:46,754
He's the opener. Arnie Brown.
327
00:12:46,837 --> 00:12:48,136
You good with queers?
328
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,996
I'm joking. Okay.
329
00:12:51,186 --> 00:12:53,330
Well, I might be able to get both guys.
330
00:12:53,736 --> 00:12:54,879
For...
331
00:12:54,962 --> 00:12:56,300
A hundred bucks.
332
00:12:57,316 --> 00:12:58,400
Each.
333
00:12:59,735 --> 00:13:00,828
Okay.
334
00:13:01,317 --> 00:13:03,464
Will do. They'll see you tonight.
335
00:13:04,907 --> 00:13:07,217
The Lookout. 9:00 p.m.
336
00:13:07,300 --> 00:13:09,217
San Diego. Tonight.
337
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,884
Hundred bucks. You're fuckin' welcome.
338
00:13:11,967 --> 00:13:13,717
Fuckin' A, man!
339
00:13:14,096 --> 00:13:16,174
I got my eye on some pony
colored suede seat covers
340
00:13:16,258 --> 00:13:18,537
for my 'stang for months now.
341
00:13:19,301 --> 00:13:21,941
- Why do you do that?
- Why do I do what?
342
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:25,646
I mean, just once I'd
like to have a conversation
343
00:13:25,647 --> 00:13:27,065
where it didn't end with me
344
00:13:27,065 --> 00:13:28,677
feeling overwhelming pity for you.
345
00:13:29,453 --> 00:13:31,562
Hey, shit stain, what about Goldie?
346
00:13:31,968 --> 00:13:34,132
She finds out we booked
ourselves somewhere else,
347
00:13:34,132 --> 00:13:35,508
from her club no less?
348
00:13:35,591 --> 00:13:37,925
Okay, that's the beauty of this operation.
349
00:13:38,582 --> 00:13:40,050
We didn't book us.
350
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:41,547
Mort did.
351
00:13:42,418 --> 00:13:43,359
Right?
352
00:13:43,384 --> 00:13:44,752
I don't know.
353
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:47,381
What are you looking around for?
354
00:13:47,406 --> 00:13:49,781
She's not fucking invisible. All right?
355
00:13:49,889 --> 00:13:52,316
After the gig, Mort's dead.
356
00:13:53,135 --> 00:13:55,590
We get the 100 bucks, we call it a day.
357
00:13:56,261 --> 00:13:57,287
Yeah.
358
00:13:57,287 --> 00:13:58,931
- Harold Baker has the flu.
- [GROANS]
359
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:00,634
Now can you think of anyone that can play
360
00:14:00,659 --> 00:14:02,180
Santa at the church fair?
361
00:14:07,966 --> 00:14:09,121
[KNOCK]
362
00:14:13,597 --> 00:14:15,102
It's Benny time.
363
00:14:15,211 --> 00:14:16,503
Wait, wait.
364
00:14:17,260 --> 00:14:18,426
Wait, Ron.
365
00:14:18,451 --> 00:14:19,999
You're late on the cue again.
366
00:14:20,701 --> 00:14:22,131
Shit. Sorry.
367
00:14:22,131 --> 00:14:23,701
Are you okay? You look wiped.
368
00:14:23,726 --> 00:14:25,208
A little tired.
369
00:14:25,266 --> 00:14:26,804
Yeah, why don't you grab a cup of coffee
370
00:14:26,805 --> 00:14:27,930
and we'll go again.
371
00:14:28,011 --> 00:14:29,838
Okay, hey, let's take ten, everyone.
372
00:14:29,863 --> 00:14:31,563
- MAN: Actors back in ten.
- Sorry.
373
00:14:31,563 --> 00:14:33,604
- [BELL RINGS]
- MAN: That's right, take ten.
374
00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:35,063
Late night, buddy?
375
00:14:35,146 --> 00:14:36,896
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
376
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:38,813
MC'd at Goldie's, and then Canter's,
377
00:14:38,896 --> 00:14:40,931
then a couple strip clubs and then
378
00:14:40,931 --> 00:14:42,061
I ended up at a cock fight.
379
00:14:42,086 --> 00:14:43,122
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
380
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:44,973
Man. Wow.
381
00:14:45,057 --> 00:14:46,764
Hey, y-you see this?
382
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:48,682
- Mm.
- All this?
383
00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:50,989
All this has family.
384
00:14:50,989 --> 00:14:52,094
Say that with me.
385
00:14:52,119 --> 00:14:53,690
- Family.
- No, man, don't say it.
386
00:14:53,715 --> 00:14:55,262
I'm being condescending to make a point.
387
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:56,806
- Oh, sorry.
- All right?
388
00:14:57,723 --> 00:15:00,141
This show, our show,
389
00:15:00,473 --> 00:15:02,095
feeds those families, you dig?
390
00:15:02,459 --> 00:15:03,505
Yeah.
391
00:15:03,941 --> 00:15:04,989
Good.
392
00:15:05,615 --> 00:15:06,941
Now learn your motherfuckin' lines
393
00:15:07,024 --> 00:15:09,149
for the network run-through
so we can all keep eating.
394
00:15:09,731 --> 00:15:10,765
You got it?
395
00:15:13,508 --> 00:15:15,137
That was brutal.
396
00:15:15,397 --> 00:15:18,568
Rene's pep talks. Not the call
to arms he thinks they are.
397
00:15:19,106 --> 00:15:20,333
I hear you.
398
00:15:20,981 --> 00:15:23,064
Well, let me know if you want my help.
399
00:15:23,992 --> 00:15:25,632
[SNICKERS] How would you help?
400
00:15:26,147 --> 00:15:29,229
I got something you might find
a little peppier than coffee.
401
00:15:31,778 --> 00:15:33,188
MAN: Because there was a minor present,
402
00:15:33,272 --> 00:15:34,852
it's actually a felony.
403
00:15:35,630 --> 00:15:37,797
With a felony, you could
be looking at jail time.
404
00:15:38,483 --> 00:15:41,338
But after talking with the
arresting officer and a judge,
405
00:15:42,154 --> 00:15:43,196
I think I worked something out.
406
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:44,399
Oh, goody.
407
00:15:44,688 --> 00:15:47,433
How about you shutting up and listening?
408
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:48,964
They want an apology.
409
00:15:48,964 --> 00:15:50,488
You pay a $500 fine.
410
00:15:50,488 --> 00:15:52,388
Do that, everything's honkey dory.
411
00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:54,349
[LAUGHS] Here's my apology.
412
00:15:55,363 --> 00:15:57,697
They can go fuck themselves.
413
00:15:58,101 --> 00:16:01,183
That guy almost broke his kid's arm.
414
00:16:01,606 --> 00:16:02,690
I called him out.
415
00:16:03,003 --> 00:16:04,168
I'm the good guy.
416
00:16:04,168 --> 00:16:05,959
Wh-you think that's what this is about?
417
00:16:06,044 --> 00:16:07,336
You being a good guy?
418
00:16:07,630 --> 00:16:08,879
Look, I'm from there. You're not a hero.
419
00:16:08,963 --> 00:16:11,067
You're just a condescending
prick from Hollywood
420
00:16:11,092 --> 00:16:13,547
telling them why they're not good enough.
421
00:16:15,641 --> 00:16:16,849
If you're looking at me
422
00:16:16,933 --> 00:16:18,223
because you think I'm on your side,
423
00:16:18,493 --> 00:16:19,702
look away.
424
00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:22,431
GUNTON: It's the best I
can do. Take it or leave it.
425
00:16:23,813 --> 00:16:24,819
[SCOFFS]
426
00:16:24,844 --> 00:16:26,893
Let me know what Lenny Bruce decides.
427
00:16:27,409 --> 00:16:28,575
GOLDIE: We'll do that, Dick.
428
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,934
Thank you so much for coming by,
429
00:16:30,934 --> 00:16:32,392
your hard work and everything.
430
00:16:32,475 --> 00:16:33,766
Thank you.
431
00:16:33,850 --> 00:16:34,808
- [MURMURS INDISTINCTLY]
- Good seeing you.
432
00:16:34,891 --> 00:16:36,302
Mm, best to the family, huh?
433
00:16:40,084 --> 00:16:41,789
Ball's in your court, Nick.
434
00:16:41,814 --> 00:16:43,355
I am not a crusader.
435
00:16:43,380 --> 00:16:44,813
That's not what this is.
436
00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,445
You got your favor. Do
what you will with it.
437
00:16:50,326 --> 00:16:51,367
[SIGHS]
438
00:16:51,493 --> 00:16:52,667
[BELL RINGS]
439
00:16:53,926 --> 00:16:55,653
Well, Harold Barker
440
00:16:55,967 --> 00:16:57,123
has the flu.
441
00:16:57,347 --> 00:16:58,675
Then who's gonna play
Santa for the children?
442
00:16:58,759 --> 00:16:59,759
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
443
00:16:59,842 --> 00:17:02,009
It's B... Benny time!
444
00:17:02,092 --> 00:17:03,605
[LAUGHTER]
445
00:17:03,630 --> 00:17:05,071
RENE: Hey, Benny, what
are you doing Christmas Eve?
446
00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:06,363
- Because we have a situation...
- Oh, what I do every year.
447
00:17:06,444 --> 00:17:07,694
A few of us bachelor mailmen get together,
448
00:17:07,778 --> 00:17:08,986
you know, drink a little schnapps,
449
00:17:09,070 --> 00:17:11,278
read children's letters to Santa
from the dead letter department,
450
00:17:11,362 --> 00:17:13,028
and then just take turns shaking hands
451
00:17:13,112 --> 00:17:14,454
- underneath the mistletoe.
- Hold up. Hold up.
452
00:17:14,479 --> 00:17:15,572
Hold up.
453
00:17:15,654 --> 00:17:17,657
Ron. A second?
454
00:17:17,682 --> 00:17:18,931
Ernie, what's going on?
455
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:20,951
They're... they're... Look at 'em
laughing. That's a fantastic take.
456
00:17:20,951 --> 00:17:22,205
- No, no, it's great, Ron.
- And it's killing.
457
00:17:22,206 --> 00:17:23,408
It's great. We just need you
to take it down a little bit.
458
00:17:23,492 --> 00:17:25,242
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
How little?
459
00:17:25,325 --> 00:17:26,402
Not much. Just, like, a hundred percent.
460
00:17:26,427 --> 00:17:27,552
Okay, you got it.
461
00:17:27,577 --> 00:17:28,821
All right, everybody, from the top!
462
00:17:29,489 --> 00:17:30,640
[DOOR SLAMS]
463
00:17:31,523 --> 00:17:33,356
EDDIE: When Johnny asks,
"What's it like to be back
464
00:17:33,381 --> 00:17:34,523
in L.A., Roy?"
465
00:17:34,607 --> 00:17:35,892
I was thinking you could say...
466
00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:38,029
All right.
467
00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:39,482
Let's see.
468
00:17:39,913 --> 00:17:41,160
"I wouldn't know.
469
00:17:41,185 --> 00:17:43,488
You booked me a hotel out in Torrance."
470
00:17:43,762 --> 00:17:45,454
Cute. "I'm not sure yet.
471
00:17:45,538 --> 00:17:47,038
Ask me again when the pills kick in."
472
00:17:47,063 --> 00:17:48,097
Funny.
473
00:17:48,886 --> 00:17:49,926
"Terrible."
474
00:17:49,951 --> 00:17:52,354
I got invited to the Play-girl Mansion.
475
00:17:53,090 --> 00:17:55,693
"I like my bunnies without the carrots."
476
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:57,783
Should be "without carrots."
477
00:17:57,808 --> 00:18:00,283
It's funny, but that'll
get Carson's panties
478
00:18:00,308 --> 00:18:01,333
all in a bunch.
479
00:18:01,358 --> 00:18:02,942
So let's go with A and B.
480
00:18:03,341 --> 00:18:04,425
Okay.
481
00:18:04,507 --> 00:18:05,876
Torrance and pills it is.
482
00:18:06,337 --> 00:18:08,754
So? How you feel? You excited?
483
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:10,920
Oh, Christ, kid, I've
seen this picture before.
484
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,296
Yeah, but it's Carson. I mean...
485
00:18:13,569 --> 00:18:15,045
Still means something.
486
00:18:15,559 --> 00:18:16,636
I'd be pissing myself.
487
00:18:16,661 --> 00:18:18,953
What, you want me to
tell you a bedtime story?
488
00:18:19,036 --> 00:18:20,227
No. I'm just...
489
00:18:20,889 --> 00:18:22,637
Just wondering what it feels like.
490
00:18:23,334 --> 00:18:24,762
It feels like...
491
00:18:27,443 --> 00:18:28,525
[GASPS]
492
00:18:31,108 --> 00:18:32,826
[LAUGHS] Wow.
493
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:34,691
Sort of like that. [LAUGHS]
494
00:18:36,517 --> 00:18:38,180
What the hell did you do that for?
495
00:18:38,223 --> 00:18:40,429
Will you lighten up? Huh?
496
00:18:40,468 --> 00:18:41,972
You're gonna have a fuckin' heart attack
497
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,638
before you lose your virginity.
498
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:48,457
Look, you want me to be honest?
499
00:18:48,766 --> 00:18:51,652
I don't remember what
anything feels like anymore.
500
00:18:53,394 --> 00:18:55,957
Shit blurs. You know?
501
00:18:56,024 --> 00:18:58,472
Yeah, but, I mean, not seminal shit, right?
502
00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:01,412
Shit blurs.
503
00:19:01,495 --> 00:19:02,656
All of it.
504
00:19:02,745 --> 00:19:04,161
Seminal? What?
505
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:06,776
My mother died ten years ago.
506
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,241
Cancer.
507
00:19:09,144 --> 00:19:11,987
I took the red-eye out the
night before her funeral,
508
00:19:12,144 --> 00:19:13,372
I buried her,
509
00:19:14,084 --> 00:19:17,892
and I did two shows that
night at the Flamingo,
510
00:19:17,917 --> 00:19:20,451
and I don't remember shit.
511
00:19:22,139 --> 00:19:24,347
You mean that's the kind of fucking seminal
512
00:19:24,430 --> 00:19:25,715
you're talking about?
513
00:19:27,014 --> 00:19:28,503
Oh, God.
514
00:19:28,806 --> 00:19:31,222
Oh, Eddie, what am I gonna do with you?
515
00:19:31,305 --> 00:19:32,994
You're too fuckin' eager.
516
00:19:33,347 --> 00:19:34,409
[SCOFFS]
517
00:19:34,447 --> 00:19:36,969
They're gonna be able to
see your asshole from space
518
00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,629
before they're done with you.
519
00:19:39,873 --> 00:19:42,540
Compromises are coming your way, boychick.
520
00:19:42,761 --> 00:19:44,833
If you hate it so much, why
don't you just fucking quit?
521
00:19:49,696 --> 00:19:51,310
Let's get the fuck outta here.
522
00:19:51,943 --> 00:19:53,206
[SIGHS]
523
00:20:00,082 --> 00:20:03,040
[AMBIENT MUSIC]
524
00:20:03,123 --> 00:20:08,248
?
525
00:20:19,915 --> 00:20:22,581
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]
526
00:20:22,665 --> 00:20:23,706
Sit.
527
00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:30,964
I know you can keep a secret.
528
00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,701
Yeah, you know I know how
to keep my mouth closed.
529
00:20:33,926 --> 00:20:35,899
I have not told the others yet.
530
00:20:37,257 --> 00:20:40,029
Roy Martin and I are
opening another Goldie's.
531
00:20:40,339 --> 00:20:41,611
In Santa Monica.
532
00:20:41,611 --> 00:20:42,998
Congratulations.
533
00:20:43,225 --> 00:20:45,286
I'm telling you because
Roy's gonna headline
534
00:20:45,311 --> 00:20:46,590
for the first month or so,
535
00:20:46,615 --> 00:20:48,144
get the place up and running,
536
00:20:48,228 --> 00:20:49,857
and I want you to open for him.
537
00:20:50,428 --> 00:20:52,574
Then when Roy hits the road,
538
00:20:52,575 --> 00:20:55,324
I will find someone to open for you.
539
00:20:56,191 --> 00:20:58,150
Once you are headlining,
540
00:20:58,232 --> 00:20:59,524
we'll cut you in.
541
00:20:59,608 --> 00:21:01,025
- Half the door.
- What?
542
00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:02,683
- That...
- [LAUGHS]
543
00:21:02,683 --> 00:21:04,683
Goldie, that's... And you've already done
544
00:21:04,767 --> 00:21:06,316
so much for me.
545
00:21:06,341 --> 00:21:08,058
- Thank you.
- Pleasure.
546
00:21:08,141 --> 00:21:09,536
- [LAUGHS]
- That's good.
547
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:11,802
Ah, that's the good stuff.
548
00:21:16,873 --> 00:21:19,266
Hey, uh, can I ask you something?
549
00:21:19,572 --> 00:21:20,580
Always.
550
00:21:21,264 --> 00:21:22,433
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay.
551
00:21:22,516 --> 00:21:26,099
So if a guy wanted to
take you out on a date,
552
00:21:26,686 --> 00:21:27,973
where would you want to go?
553
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,016
Is this a bit?
554
00:21:34,568 --> 00:21:35,642
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
555
00:21:35,725 --> 00:21:37,130
It's a... a bit.
556
00:21:37,155 --> 00:21:39,184
Just something I'm working on.
557
00:21:39,184 --> 00:21:40,238
Mm.
558
00:21:43,558 --> 00:21:44,757
Chasen's.
559
00:21:45,061 --> 00:21:46,422
- Chasen's.
- Hmm.
560
00:21:47,338 --> 00:21:48,615
That's, uh...
561
00:21:48,806 --> 00:21:51,058
That's the spot where movie stars go.
562
00:21:51,726 --> 00:21:54,455
I want to impress this girl, but...
563
00:21:54,865 --> 00:21:56,851
It's on me. Hmm?
564
00:21:56,935 --> 00:21:58,562
Give me a time. I'll set it up.
565
00:21:59,471 --> 00:22:01,143
What... really? No, no, no.
566
00:22:01,168 --> 00:22:02,496
Goldie, I can't ask you to do that.
567
00:22:02,521 --> 00:22:03,810
- That's...
- I know you can't.
568
00:22:03,893 --> 00:22:05,499
Why the fuck you think I'm doing it?
569
00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:09,000
- Right on! Yeah!
- Ha ha!
570
00:22:09,085 --> 00:22:10,167
Thank you.
571
00:22:10,251 --> 00:22:12,668
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
572
00:22:12,942 --> 00:22:14,668
RALPH: Oh, look, he just ordered another
573
00:22:14,751 --> 00:22:16,835
nonconsensual sex on the beach.
574
00:22:16,860 --> 00:22:17,893
[LAUGHTER]
575
00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:19,072
DAWN: Jesus,
576
00:22:19,184 --> 00:22:21,273
I know without you, I can do nothing.
577
00:22:22,108 --> 00:22:23,452
But with your strength,
578
00:22:23,577 --> 00:22:24,872
I can do it all.
579
00:22:25,616 --> 00:22:26,625
Amen.
580
00:22:26,651 --> 00:22:27,912
If there's such a thing
as fresh from Philly,
581
00:22:27,937 --> 00:22:30,395
but give it up for Ms. Dawn Lima!
582
00:22:30,478 --> 00:22:34,270
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
583
00:22:42,270 --> 00:22:43,293
[CLACK]
584
00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:49,978
[FEEDBACK RINGS]
585
00:22:54,778 --> 00:22:56,336
I fucked a bum today.
586
00:22:56,645 --> 00:23:00,270
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
587
00:23:01,353 --> 00:23:03,167
Anybody out here ever fuck a bum?
588
00:23:04,973 --> 00:23:06,932
It ain't nothing to be ashamed of.
589
00:23:07,390 --> 00:23:08,856
I like bums.
590
00:23:09,914 --> 00:23:11,199
They grateful.
591
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,499
A fuck and a sandwich for a bum,
592
00:23:14,499 --> 00:23:16,833
that's like Bum Disneyland.
593
00:23:18,251 --> 00:23:19,681
I'm serious.
594
00:23:19,681 --> 00:23:21,306
If you fuck a bum and
then give him a sandwich,
595
00:23:21,389 --> 00:23:23,179
you set for life.
596
00:23:23,959 --> 00:23:25,662
That bum will take a motherfucking bullet
597
00:23:25,687 --> 00:23:26,889
for your ass.
598
00:23:27,405 --> 00:23:29,972
Pussy and a sandwich is
like what a bum pictures
599
00:23:30,055 --> 00:23:31,551
heaven to be like.
600
00:23:32,792 --> 00:23:33,963
Talking about...
601
00:23:34,625 --> 00:23:37,491
[GRUNTING] Oh, man.
602
00:23:38,375 --> 00:23:40,042
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Mmm, mmm.
603
00:23:41,099 --> 00:23:43,349
Oh, man!
604
00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:45,218
Who the fuck is that?
605
00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:47,928
Just got in from Philly.
606
00:23:47,928 --> 00:23:49,199
Dawn something.
607
00:23:49,386 --> 00:23:51,260
[WHIMPERING] Oh, man!
608
00:23:51,344 --> 00:23:53,010
Fucking and a sandwich!
609
00:23:53,211 --> 00:23:55,687
I should've drank myself to death
610
00:23:55,687 --> 00:23:57,296
years ago.
611
00:23:57,678 --> 00:24:00,177
Oh! [LAUGHS]
612
00:24:00,260 --> 00:24:02,297
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
613
00:24:02,419 --> 00:24:04,045
Now, blowing a bum,
614
00:24:04,678 --> 00:24:06,250
now that's just wrong.
615
00:24:06,352 --> 00:24:08,630
Even a bum will tell you that's fucked up.
616
00:24:09,966 --> 00:24:12,761
But if you do fuck a bum,
617
00:24:12,976 --> 00:24:14,250
give him a sandwich,
618
00:24:14,404 --> 00:24:15,648
and then blow him?
619
00:24:15,932 --> 00:24:17,023
Shit.
620
00:24:17,330 --> 00:24:19,366
That bum don't even
believe in Jesus no more.
621
00:24:20,363 --> 00:24:21,598
It's just you.
622
00:24:22,442 --> 00:24:24,488
Jesus could walk up to try to talk to you
623
00:24:24,513 --> 00:24:25,577
and the bum will be like...
624
00:24:25,602 --> 00:24:28,199
[GRUNTING]
625
00:24:28,224 --> 00:24:30,558
And take off that crown of thorns.
626
00:24:30,583 --> 00:24:32,927
You in the presence of a lady.
627
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,404
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
628
00:24:42,602 --> 00:24:43,688
[LAUGHTER]
629
00:24:43,688 --> 00:24:45,113
ADAM: Hey, man, that girl burned that place
630
00:24:45,197 --> 00:24:47,031
to the fuckin' ground tonight.
631
00:24:47,056 --> 00:24:49,450
Yeah. I mean, where do
you go from bum fucking?
632
00:24:49,654 --> 00:24:50,946
Eddie, apparently.
633
00:24:51,030 --> 00:24:52,113
[LAUGHTER]
634
00:24:52,197 --> 00:24:53,858
I thought she was so great.
635
00:24:53,935 --> 00:24:55,894
Well, needless to say, you're funny too.
636
00:24:56,978 --> 00:24:58,685
I know. [CHUCKLES]
637
00:24:58,779 --> 00:25:00,685
Did anyone say I wasn't?
638
00:25:00,967 --> 00:25:02,124
Oh, boy.
639
00:25:02,381 --> 00:25:03,964
No, that's the point.
Nobody would say that.
640
00:25:04,047 --> 00:25:05,464
So then why'd you think you had to say it?
641
00:25:05,548 --> 00:25:07,339
EDDIE: I didn't think I had to say it,
642
00:25:07,364 --> 00:25:08,964
and I did say "needless to say."
643
00:25:09,047 --> 00:25:10,673
Yeah, but you said it.
644
00:25:11,034 --> 00:25:13,502
BILL: Just roll over. Let her
feast on your entrails, Eddie.
645
00:25:13,502 --> 00:25:15,720
It's like watching a
guillotine in slow motion.
646
00:25:15,720 --> 00:25:17,712
Yeah. Thank you.
647
00:25:17,751 --> 00:25:20,168
Oh, my God! Hey!
648
00:25:20,252 --> 00:25:22,085
Oh, wow, you're cutting your own hair now.
649
00:25:22,110 --> 00:25:23,164
[LAUGHTER]
650
00:25:23,209 --> 00:25:24,438
Jesus Christ!
651
00:25:24,626 --> 00:25:26,087
That shit tonight,
652
00:25:26,425 --> 00:25:27,979
shit was crazy, girl.
653
00:25:27,979 --> 00:25:29,508
That was the game plan.
654
00:25:29,508 --> 00:25:31,063
Did you really fuck a bum?
655
00:25:31,536 --> 00:25:33,396
I don't know, do you really deliver mail?
656
00:25:33,479 --> 00:25:34,479
BILL: Give it six months.
657
00:25:34,562 --> 00:25:35,812
EDDIE: He does!
658
00:25:35,896 --> 00:25:37,604
How do you guys know each other?
659
00:25:37,687 --> 00:25:40,302
We worked together at the Playboy Club.
660
00:25:40,427 --> 00:25:41,482
Chicago.
661
00:25:41,482 --> 00:25:43,520
We worked, played,
662
00:25:43,604 --> 00:25:45,341
did a little of everything in Chicago.
663
00:25:45,341 --> 00:25:46,786
- BILL: Oh, shit.
- EDDIE: Oh, good for you.
664
00:25:46,811 --> 00:25:48,020
You really did fuck a bum.
665
00:25:48,176 --> 00:25:49,385
[LAUGHTER]
666
00:25:49,410 --> 00:25:50,587
What brings you out...
667
00:25:50,587 --> 00:25:51,721
RON: You know, I, uh,
668
00:25:52,290 --> 00:25:53,882
I almost slept with a black woman.
669
00:25:53,965 --> 00:25:55,548
What happened? She couldn't break a twenty?
670
00:25:55,632 --> 00:25:56,548
[LAUGHTER]
671
00:25:56,632 --> 00:25:58,756
RON: No, she... She had her chance.
672
00:25:58,868 --> 00:25:59,999
ADAM: That's good.
673
00:26:00,048 --> 00:26:03,215
[FUNK MUSIC]
674
00:26:03,298 --> 00:26:08,423
?
675
00:26:14,196 --> 00:26:15,864
Hey! Dawn!
676
00:26:17,511 --> 00:26:19,407
You know this a dangerous
neighborhood, right?
677
00:26:19,407 --> 00:26:21,383
I know. I live here.
678
00:26:21,493 --> 00:26:22,719
Yeah, near me.
679
00:26:22,952 --> 00:26:24,445
Come on. I'ma give you a ride.
680
00:26:24,470 --> 00:26:25,515
All right.
681
00:26:27,219 --> 00:26:28,678
God damn, Cleopatra.
682
00:26:29,317 --> 00:26:31,202
Go beat somebody's ass with that pipe.
683
00:26:31,286 --> 00:26:32,871
[TIRES SQUEAL]
684
00:26:33,077 --> 00:26:34,618
Really shook the place up tonight.
685
00:26:35,495 --> 00:26:36,612
I've been hearing.
686
00:26:36,612 --> 00:26:37,994
Ain't no Carson in there,
687
00:26:38,077 --> 00:26:39,351
but funny as hell.
688
00:26:39,351 --> 00:26:40,977
Ain't no Carson anyway.
689
00:26:41,159 --> 00:26:43,368
A black woman whose name's not Mabley?
690
00:26:43,451 --> 00:26:45,409
I ain't exactly holding my breath.
691
00:26:46,835 --> 00:26:47,953
What brings you to L.A.?
692
00:26:48,633 --> 00:26:50,432
There's a comedy gold rush on.
693
00:26:50,433 --> 00:26:51,600
Haven't you heard?
694
00:26:51,684 --> 00:26:52,733
Yeah.
695
00:26:53,017 --> 00:26:54,057
Family?
696
00:26:54,996 --> 00:26:56,101
Here and there.
697
00:26:56,184 --> 00:26:57,228
You?
698
00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,311
L.A. and thereabout.
699
00:26:59,776 --> 00:27:01,546
Used to live around here.
700
00:27:02,223 --> 00:27:03,379
This neighborhood?
701
00:27:03,379 --> 00:27:05,087
Used to be all white, believe it or not.
702
00:27:05,171 --> 00:27:07,021
My parents were original blockbusters.
703
00:27:08,212 --> 00:27:09,594
Real estate speculators.
704
00:27:09,619 --> 00:27:12,037
You know, they'd buy
a home in a white area,
705
00:27:12,062 --> 00:27:13,416
sell it to a black family,
706
00:27:13,714 --> 00:27:15,867
then buy up the remaining
homes from the whites
707
00:27:15,892 --> 00:27:18,386
trying to get the fuck out of
there before the niggas came.
708
00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:20,131
Pay jack shit,
709
00:27:20,131 --> 00:27:22,297
then sell it to a black
family for a huge markup.
710
00:27:22,380 --> 00:27:24,657
Mm. Now, that sounds about right.
711
00:27:24,657 --> 00:27:26,725
There ain't a fair
fight to be had anywhere.
712
00:27:35,255 --> 00:27:37,338
[PHONE RINGS]
713
00:27:41,089 --> 00:27:43,672
[RINGING CONTINUES]
714
00:27:47,662 --> 00:27:48,776
Hello?
715
00:27:48,801 --> 00:27:50,390
SID: Burning the midnight oil?
716
00:27:52,305 --> 00:27:53,551
It's, like, 3:00 in the morning;
717
00:27:53,634 --> 00:27:54,841
how'd you know I was here?
718
00:27:54,841 --> 00:27:56,083
I tried the house.
719
00:27:56,513 --> 00:27:58,134
Where the hell else would you be?
720
00:27:58,729 --> 00:27:59,922
Out dancing?
721
00:28:01,130 --> 00:28:02,622
Hey, little fun fact.
722
00:28:03,229 --> 00:28:05,570
Got a visit from the LAPD today.
723
00:28:06,010 --> 00:28:07,597
They were looking for Amanda.
724
00:28:08,086 --> 00:28:09,188
GOLDIE: And?
725
00:28:09,270 --> 00:28:11,355
They were following up a lead, Gold.
726
00:28:13,445 --> 00:28:14,728
From her mother.
727
00:28:15,279 --> 00:28:17,023
Is that supposed to sting, Sid?
728
00:28:17,752 --> 00:28:19,106
Your own daughter, Gold?
729
00:28:19,805 --> 00:28:21,086
Is that who you think she is?
730
00:28:21,086 --> 00:28:22,295
That she'd rob you?
731
00:28:22,295 --> 00:28:23,668
That you'd go there?
732
00:28:23,921 --> 00:28:25,046
You're pathetic.
733
00:28:25,082 --> 00:28:26,703
Not like I'm pathetic. Like...
734
00:28:28,188 --> 00:28:29,749
Like McTeague's wife.
735
00:28:31,045 --> 00:28:33,254
Spreading gold coins on her
bed, rolling around in 'em,
736
00:28:33,337 --> 00:28:35,268
while your daughter lives on the street.
737
00:28:35,482 --> 00:28:37,182
She left, Gold.
738
00:28:38,135 --> 00:28:39,720
That's why you called the police, isn't it?
739
00:28:39,745 --> 00:28:41,712
That's why you sent 'em looking for her.
740
00:28:41,796 --> 00:28:44,462
Because she left you.
741
00:28:44,546 --> 00:28:45,766
She left you.
742
00:28:46,170 --> 00:28:48,049
Someday we'll all be in jail.
743
00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:52,737
Till then, I wouldn't
be waiting by the mailbox
744
00:28:52,737 --> 00:28:53,917
Mother's Day.
745
00:28:54,403 --> 00:28:55,570
If I were you.
746
00:28:55,595 --> 00:28:56,807
You're drunk, Sid.
747
00:28:56,807 --> 00:28:58,386
So you know it's all true.
748
00:29:00,077 --> 00:29:01,559
Pleasant dreams, sweetheart.
749
00:29:02,083 --> 00:29:03,295
Pleasant dreams.
750
00:29:28,671 --> 00:29:30,208
How'd you find me?
751
00:29:30,291 --> 00:29:31,958
Tell yourself otherwise, but...
752
00:29:32,980 --> 00:29:35,545
I suspect it's because
you wanted to be found.
753
00:29:36,372 --> 00:29:37,538
What do you want, Daddy?
754
00:29:39,401 --> 00:29:40,894
Just see you is all.
755
00:29:41,471 --> 00:29:43,208
You are still my daughter.
756
00:29:44,327 --> 00:29:46,929
I thought you said good-bye
to her two years ago.
757
00:29:48,125 --> 00:29:51,291
You see, we serve the flesh and blood
758
00:29:51,374 --> 00:29:52,801
at the peril of the soul.
759
00:29:53,515 --> 00:29:55,209
You don't think I've been where you are?
760
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,798
That I don't know torment?
761
00:29:57,798 --> 00:29:59,401
You are my torment.
762
00:30:00,004 --> 00:30:01,879
I have as much soul as anybody.
763
00:30:01,962 --> 00:30:03,203
More, even.
764
00:30:04,569 --> 00:30:05,801
Go home, Daddy.
765
00:30:08,033 --> 00:30:09,616
I don't want your money.
766
00:30:12,990 --> 00:30:14,574
That's for the flesh and blood.
767
00:30:20,264 --> 00:30:21,925
Yes, hi. I was calling to see
768
00:30:22,007 --> 00:30:24,161
if there were any
messages for Cassie Feder?
769
00:30:24,925 --> 00:30:26,174
WOMAN: Good afternoon, Ms. Feder.
770
00:30:26,257 --> 00:30:27,414
Yes, you have three messages.
771
00:30:27,439 --> 00:30:28,498
Great.
772
00:30:28,523 --> 00:30:30,495
Joseph Teagarden from Hollywood Talent
773
00:30:30,495 --> 00:30:32,746
called to reschedule
your meeting on Friday.
774
00:30:32,828 --> 00:30:34,920
He has a client emergency
he needs to handle.
775
00:30:34,945 --> 00:30:36,411
Got it. Thanks.
776
00:30:36,494 --> 00:30:38,870
Wally Kent from William
Morris is going out of town
777
00:30:38,953 --> 00:30:41,043
on a family emergency and
will call to reschedule.
778
00:30:41,168 --> 00:30:42,178
Okay.
779
00:30:42,203 --> 00:30:43,536
And David Barron cancelled.
780
00:30:43,620 --> 00:30:45,660
An unspecified emergency came up.
781
00:30:45,707 --> 00:30:48,999
Well, we've really run the
gamut on agent emergencies.
782
00:30:49,248 --> 00:30:50,944
Who knew they were so prone to crisis?
783
00:30:50,945 --> 00:30:52,820
Maybe I should just call
911 to get a hold of 'em.
784
00:30:52,903 --> 00:30:53,991
[CHUCKLES]
785
00:30:56,359 --> 00:30:57,401
Hello?
786
00:30:57,484 --> 00:30:58,890
I'm still here, dear.
787
00:30:58,932 --> 00:31:00,812
Oh, okay, 'cause I just didn't...
788
00:31:00,837 --> 00:31:01,793
Yep.
789
00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:03,084
I didn't hear you s...
790
00:31:03,387 --> 00:31:05,432
Okay. Thank you. Bye.
791
00:31:09,954 --> 00:31:11,039
Anything?
792
00:31:12,216 --> 00:31:15,116
Apparently everyone's in
varying states of emergency.
793
00:31:15,442 --> 00:31:16,526
Oh, shit.
794
00:31:17,559 --> 00:31:18,650
Sorry.
795
00:31:19,433 --> 00:31:20,591
It's okay.
796
00:31:20,591 --> 00:31:21,901
It's just rescheduling.
797
00:31:21,926 --> 00:31:23,287
It's not the end of the world.
798
00:31:25,447 --> 00:31:27,489
Your stuff is gonna kill tonight.
799
00:31:27,637 --> 00:31:30,330
Yeah, you'd think it was me going up there.
800
00:31:30,330 --> 00:31:31,711
Well, they're your jokes.
801
00:31:31,736 --> 00:31:32,884
Some of them.
802
00:31:33,084 --> 00:31:35,038
[CLEARS THROAT] Most of them.
803
00:31:35,538 --> 00:31:36,756
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
804
00:31:37,801 --> 00:31:40,003
Ah, fuck, my stomach is sweating.
805
00:31:43,705 --> 00:31:44,880
[EXHALES]
806
00:31:49,256 --> 00:31:51,696
What if this is as close
as I ever get to Carson?
807
00:31:54,383 --> 00:31:55,556
Eddie.
808
00:31:56,765 --> 00:31:58,616
All my eggs are in this basket.
809
00:31:59,854 --> 00:32:01,362
I'm 29 years old.
810
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:05,152
Wait tables and tell jokes at
a Polish deli in the Valley.
811
00:32:08,185 --> 00:32:09,936
You know I was gonna be a history teacher?
812
00:32:15,605 --> 00:32:16,698
[SIGHS]
813
00:32:18,011 --> 00:32:19,542
It's gonna be okay.
814
00:32:21,377 --> 00:32:22,418
[SNORTS]
815
00:32:22,502 --> 00:32:24,502
So? What do you think?
816
00:32:25,279 --> 00:32:26,477
Oh, wow.
817
00:32:26,737 --> 00:32:29,195
Are you planning to eat
off the top of her head?
818
00:32:29,220 --> 00:32:31,376
What? Platforms are the style.
819
00:32:31,376 --> 00:32:32,420
What are you talking about?
820
00:32:32,906 --> 00:32:34,540
Oh, can I borrow your car, man?
821
00:32:34,540 --> 00:32:36,415
Yeah, yeah, sure. Keys are
out there. Do you want a bump?
822
00:32:36,499 --> 00:32:38,540
I hear some of these
bingo games go pretty late,
823
00:32:38,624 --> 00:32:39,959
like, 10:00, 10:15.
824
00:32:40,249 --> 00:32:42,730
Look, the woman swims a hundred laps a day.
825
00:32:43,429 --> 00:32:44,693
You almost pulled a muscle
826
00:32:44,693 --> 00:32:46,118
trying to get the cereal this morning,
827
00:32:46,231 --> 00:32:47,412
so shut the fuck up.
828
00:32:47,888 --> 00:32:49,101
I hadn't stretched.
829
00:32:49,224 --> 00:32:50,239
[PHONE RINGS]
830
00:32:50,264 --> 00:32:51,318
[SNICKERS]
831
00:32:51,824 --> 00:32:53,074
I got you.
832
00:32:54,872 --> 00:32:55,912
Hello.
833
00:32:56,922 --> 00:32:57,988
Hey, Gloria.
834
00:33:00,591 --> 00:33:01,611
Oh.
835
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:03,307
Oh... okay.
836
00:33:03,883 --> 00:33:05,728
Y-yeah. Yeah. Work is work.
837
00:33:07,632 --> 00:33:10,081
Ah, yeah, for sure. Another time.
838
00:33:11,674 --> 00:33:12,830
All right. Bye.
839
00:33:14,807 --> 00:33:15,985
Oh, no.
840
00:33:16,296 --> 00:33:18,380
What happened? Let me guess.
841
00:33:18,799 --> 00:33:21,062
That glass of warm milk's
really kicking her ass, huh?
842
00:33:21,549 --> 00:33:23,050
Fuck you. All right?
843
00:33:23,133 --> 00:33:24,424
[RON CHUCKLES]
844
00:33:24,507 --> 00:33:25,841
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
845
00:33:25,924 --> 00:33:27,716
Hey. Eddie's coming over.
846
00:33:27,799 --> 00:33:29,674
We're gonna watch his de
facto Tonight Show appearance.
847
00:33:29,758 --> 00:33:31,924
Why don't you take a knee, pull up a line?
848
00:33:31,949 --> 00:33:33,588
We'll make a night of
it. I can call some girls.
849
00:33:33,737 --> 00:33:35,893
Nah. I ain't in the mood.
850
00:33:36,648 --> 00:33:38,818
I'll just try to go to Goldie's and go up.
851
00:33:39,427 --> 00:33:40,636
Clear my head.
852
00:33:40,813 --> 00:33:41,952
Thank you, though.
853
00:33:41,952 --> 00:33:43,372
- All right, man.
- I'll catch you, though.
854
00:33:43,397 --> 00:33:44,958
I'll be here. [SNORTS]
855
00:33:46,561 --> 00:33:47,636
[SCOFFS]
856
00:33:47,661 --> 00:33:49,744
Fuck, those shoes are awesome.
857
00:33:49,828 --> 00:33:51,480
- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
- Thank you.
858
00:33:52,740 --> 00:33:54,036
Great chair, Johnny.
859
00:33:54,119 --> 00:33:55,661
Does it come in an adult size?
860
00:33:55,744 --> 00:33:56,910
Hmm?
861
00:33:57,432 --> 00:33:58,932
EDDIE: Edward G. Robinson?
862
00:33:59,016 --> 00:34:01,283
Close. Karl Malden.
863
00:34:03,515 --> 00:34:05,640
ROY: Good to see you, Johnny.
864
00:34:05,665 --> 00:34:07,040
Um, sorry, Helen.
865
00:34:07,065 --> 00:34:08,678
I'm just gonna watch the...
866
00:34:09,131 --> 00:34:10,432
television now.
867
00:34:10,515 --> 00:34:12,307
JOHNNY: And you're back in Los Angeles.
868
00:34:12,332 --> 00:34:13,515
How is that for you?
869
00:34:13,540 --> 00:34:14,772
ROY: Well, actually, I wouldn't know
870
00:34:14,772 --> 00:34:16,440
because you booked me a motel in Torrance.
871
00:34:16,523 --> 00:34:17,897
- JOHNNY: I-I...
- ROY: Thank you for that.
872
00:34:17,981 --> 00:34:19,355
ROY: But actually on the plus side,
873
00:34:19,380 --> 00:34:21,927
the asphalt is beautiful this time of year.
874
00:34:21,952 --> 00:34:23,551
- [LAUGHTER]
- JOHNNY: So I hear.
875
00:34:23,576 --> 00:34:25,644
Is there a difference
876
00:34:25,669 --> 00:34:27,932
between the Las Vegas
877
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,293
comedy audience and L.A.'s?
878
00:34:30,557 --> 00:34:32,183
ROY: Well, there's a lot less crime.
879
00:34:32,208 --> 00:34:34,995
The L.A. crowd, well,
they're like a game of craps.
880
00:34:35,077 --> 00:34:36,618
- Craps?
- You know, they're fun,
881
00:34:36,702 --> 00:34:38,658
they're loud, they're explosive.
882
00:34:38,658 --> 00:34:42,456
Where a Vegas crowd is
more like slots, right?
883
00:34:42,456 --> 00:34:44,706
Tight, cheap, and so old
884
00:34:44,788 --> 00:34:46,539
you'd be lucky to find three cherries.
885
00:34:46,622 --> 00:34:48,038
[LAUGHTER]
886
00:34:48,401 --> 00:34:49,429
Yes!
887
00:34:50,049 --> 00:34:51,667
I made Johnny Carson laugh!
888
00:34:53,406 --> 00:34:54,822
I made Johnny laugh.
889
00:34:55,552 --> 00:34:58,907
That joke should go well
with my Rat Pack potatoes.
890
00:34:59,401 --> 00:35:00,568
- Yeah.
- [LAUGHS]
891
00:35:00,652 --> 00:35:02,819
JOHNNY: Ah, you're gonna have to look hard.
892
00:35:02,902 --> 00:35:04,193
[ROY] Yeah, no kidding.
893
00:35:08,625 --> 00:35:10,401
What are you loading
up on those things for?
894
00:35:10,401 --> 00:35:13,260
You got dinner at Chasen's
at, what, less than an hour?
895
00:35:13,961 --> 00:35:15,442
It's not happening.
896
00:35:16,222 --> 00:35:17,615
She cancelled on me.
897
00:35:17,615 --> 00:35:19,336
Shit. What happened?
898
00:35:20,667 --> 00:35:21,729
Work.
899
00:35:22,198 --> 00:35:23,667
At least that's what she said.
900
00:35:24,032 --> 00:35:26,257
Well, people gotta work, baby.
901
00:35:26,739 --> 00:35:27,989
Yeah, I guess.
902
00:35:28,673 --> 00:35:29,827
Don't do that.
903
00:35:31,949 --> 00:35:33,141
Do what?
904
00:35:34,331 --> 00:35:37,123
Give away your power like that.
905
00:35:38,724 --> 00:35:40,294
Say it is rejection.
906
00:35:40,554 --> 00:35:41,938
That's their bullshit.
907
00:35:42,563 --> 00:35:44,522
You can't buy into their definition
908
00:35:44,522 --> 00:35:46,053
of what makes you you.
909
00:35:46,918 --> 00:35:49,450
That's a long, dark
fucking well to fall down.
910
00:35:51,575 --> 00:35:54,143
So what you're saying, I'm just
supposed to be cool with it?
911
00:35:54,144 --> 00:35:55,612
Damn straight.
912
00:35:58,768 --> 00:36:00,912
Either way, both long
913
00:36:01,351 --> 00:36:04,162
fucking wells to fall down into.
914
00:36:04,162 --> 00:36:05,353
[LAUGHS]
915
00:36:08,037 --> 00:36:09,371
Hey, would you mind slowing down?
916
00:36:09,454 --> 00:36:11,834
You want to get us killed
before your jokes air?
917
00:36:11,881 --> 00:36:13,287
[CHUCKLES] Sorry.
918
00:36:15,816 --> 00:36:17,765
So was it everything you dreamed?
919
00:36:17,765 --> 00:36:19,224
[SIGHS]
920
00:36:19,307 --> 00:36:20,579
More, I think.
921
00:36:21,435 --> 00:36:22,651
Good.
922
00:36:23,058 --> 00:36:24,479
Make sure you celebrate.
923
00:36:25,659 --> 00:36:26,797
Oh, I will.
924
00:36:27,117 --> 00:36:29,080
Tonight. Don't wait.
925
00:36:30,058 --> 00:36:33,142
Otherwise it'll be... next time.
926
00:36:33,167 --> 00:36:35,058
Right? Next time I get asked
927
00:36:35,141 --> 00:36:37,940
to the couch or have my own show or...
928
00:36:38,111 --> 00:36:39,393
get an Emmy.
929
00:36:39,766 --> 00:36:42,224
Trust me, kid. Next time and never,
930
00:36:42,307 --> 00:36:43,896
they run neck and neck.
931
00:36:43,921 --> 00:36:45,429
Yeah, I think I'll, uh,
932
00:36:46,557 --> 00:36:49,266
maybe go out and grab a bite
to eat with a few friends.
933
00:36:49,349 --> 00:36:50,599
That's not celebrating.
934
00:36:50,682 --> 00:36:53,085
That's being entertained. It's passive.
935
00:36:53,361 --> 00:36:55,557
It's like sitting in a tub of your own fat.
936
00:36:55,891 --> 00:36:57,807
Celebration is action.
937
00:36:57,891 --> 00:37:01,258
It's... it's taking in the whole
of all the shit you had to eat.
938
00:37:01,724 --> 00:37:04,099
It says, "Fuck you, I beat you."
939
00:37:04,767 --> 00:37:06,635
I beat you."
940
00:37:07,247 --> 00:37:08,414
You understand?
941
00:37:08,439 --> 00:37:10,046
It's like a... A victory lap
942
00:37:10,130 --> 00:37:12,342
around everyone who ever shook their head
943
00:37:12,342 --> 00:37:13,551
when you weren't looking.
944
00:37:18,720 --> 00:37:22,218
So you're telling me I
should, uh, celebrate Carson
945
00:37:22,301 --> 00:37:24,030
by saying "fuck you" to people?
946
00:37:25,135 --> 00:37:27,301
You don't celebrate Carson, you idiot.
947
00:37:27,385 --> 00:37:28,822
Carson's a thing.
948
00:37:29,469 --> 00:37:31,203
You're celebrating you.
949
00:37:32,332 --> 00:37:35,894
The gift of success is now
you can love your hardship.
950
00:37:36,812 --> 00:37:39,265
I may not remember much
about my Carson appearances,
951
00:37:39,265 --> 00:37:42,062
but I remember every
injury that got me there.
952
00:37:42,451 --> 00:37:44,200
Well, maybe I should go back to Boston
953
00:37:44,225 --> 00:37:45,537
and do a lap around my mother.
954
00:37:46,829 --> 00:37:48,226
Good one, kid.
955
00:37:51,634 --> 00:37:53,321
[LAUGHTER]
956
00:37:53,321 --> 00:37:54,404
What a blast!
957
00:37:54,488 --> 00:37:55,780
It was fun. Good show.
958
00:37:55,863 --> 00:37:57,577
- Yeah.
- Great show.
959
00:37:57,602 --> 00:37:58,732
All right.
960
00:37:59,673 --> 00:38:01,529
My cousin has a club in Palm Springs.
961
00:38:01,853 --> 00:38:02,905
Take his card.
962
00:38:03,119 --> 00:38:05,493
I will tell Mort to expect your call
963
00:38:05,518 --> 00:38:07,318
about booking us again next Thursday.
964
00:38:07,619 --> 00:38:09,566
All people used to want to hear was music.
965
00:38:10,332 --> 00:38:11,672
Now they want to hear comedy.
966
00:38:11,672 --> 00:38:13,252
The world gets weird and scary,
967
00:38:13,252 --> 00:38:14,832
the everyman wants to laugh,
968
00:38:15,050 --> 00:38:17,341
wants to forget about
the wars and the lies...
969
00:38:17,366 --> 00:38:18,687
Okay, take care of yourselves.
970
00:38:21,427 --> 00:38:23,641
To Mort, long may he live.
971
00:38:23,678 --> 00:38:24,867
To Mort!
972
00:38:25,265 --> 00:38:26,317
To Mort.
973
00:38:26,661 --> 00:38:27,733
To Mort.
974
00:38:27,734 --> 00:38:29,758
Hey, I got a couple of
great comics for you.
975
00:38:29,783 --> 00:38:32,616
It's good to see Mr.
and Mrs. Shaft showed up.
976
00:38:32,641 --> 00:38:33,881
Thank you so much for coming out.
977
00:38:33,906 --> 00:38:35,258
[LAUGHTER]
978
00:38:35,283 --> 00:38:36,574
Shaft. Two bad mother...
979
00:38:36,657 --> 00:38:38,150
Shut it down tonight.
980
00:38:39,369 --> 00:38:41,075
I bet he shut down the restaurant.
981
00:38:41,158 --> 00:38:42,817
Look at how husky this boy is, huh?
982
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,604
What would you bet?
Linebacker? Half-backer?
983
00:38:45,604 --> 00:38:46,659
All the backers?
984
00:38:46,684 --> 00:38:48,949
[LAUGHTER]
985
00:38:49,033 --> 00:38:50,955
Yeah, thank you for coming
out, Mr. and Mrs. Shaft.
986
00:38:50,980 --> 00:38:52,454
I appreciate you, man.
987
00:38:53,522 --> 00:38:55,147
Mrs. Shaft better buckle in.
988
00:38:55,230 --> 00:38:56,814
That's a heavy boy, ma'am.
989
00:39:01,605 --> 00:39:02,730
What can I do ya?
990
00:39:03,715 --> 00:39:06,188
You are not gonna believe
the shit I just heard.
991
00:39:06,272 --> 00:39:07,410
Hmm.
992
00:39:07,730 --> 00:39:11,230
So it seems there's some
complicated motherfucker,
993
00:39:11,313 --> 00:39:13,258
all full of piss and vinegar,
994
00:39:13,647 --> 00:39:15,169
and he's in some deep shit.
995
00:39:15,927 --> 00:39:18,195
But he won't get out of his
own way to make things right
996
00:39:18,195 --> 00:39:19,414
with the law. [SCOFFS]
997
00:39:20,596 --> 00:39:22,903
Sounds like a fucking asshole.
998
00:39:22,987 --> 00:39:24,241
Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
999
00:39:25,030 --> 00:39:26,736
But hold up, 'cause it gets crazier.
1000
00:39:26,761 --> 00:39:27,842
Mm.
1001
00:39:28,278 --> 00:39:30,908
All this cat has to do is say sorry
1002
00:39:30,908 --> 00:39:32,503
and he won't do it again,
1003
00:39:32,995 --> 00:39:34,238
it all goes away.
1004
00:39:34,870 --> 00:39:36,220
Just like that?
1005
00:39:36,658 --> 00:39:37,891
Just like that.
1006
00:39:38,745 --> 00:39:41,225
No jail. Free and clear.
1007
00:39:41,250 --> 00:39:42,959
I mean, he can go on to
doing whatever he was doing,
1008
00:39:42,984 --> 00:39:44,092
not a care in the world.
1009
00:39:44,491 --> 00:39:46,985
Let me guess. He won't.
1010
00:39:47,163 --> 00:39:48,240
Nope.
1011
00:39:49,994 --> 00:39:52,431
And here's the really crazy part.
1012
00:39:54,781 --> 00:39:55,981
He shouldn't.
1013
00:39:58,555 --> 00:40:00,389
'Cause that's who he is.
1014
00:40:01,668 --> 00:40:03,472
And that's what people love about him.
1015
00:40:04,114 --> 00:40:07,281
More importantly, it's
what he loves about himself,
1016
00:40:07,306 --> 00:40:09,014
even though he don't know it yet.
1017
00:40:09,071 --> 00:40:11,163
[SOFT PIANO MUSIC]
1018
00:40:11,188 --> 00:40:14,582
And if he gives up that thing
1019
00:40:15,305 --> 00:40:17,352
that makes him love that part of himself,
1020
00:40:17,352 --> 00:40:20,369
that... he thinks makes him so unlovable,
1021
00:40:21,310 --> 00:40:23,247
so unworthy of love,
1022
00:40:25,102 --> 00:40:27,957
then that motherfucker's lost forever.
1023
00:40:28,894 --> 00:40:32,852
?
1024
00:40:33,241 --> 00:40:34,811
So I say fuck 'em all.
1025
00:40:38,393 --> 00:40:39,988
And he should stick to his guns.
1026
00:40:41,227 --> 00:40:46,393
?
1027
00:40:47,899 --> 00:40:49,013
[CHUCKLES]
1028
00:40:52,215 --> 00:40:55,203
You know what, first dates in
L.A. should be called pilots.
1029
00:40:57,798 --> 00:41:00,298
'Cause nine out of ten of
'em get canceled, all right?
1030
00:41:00,381 --> 00:41:02,592
This is the only city
1031
00:41:02,592 --> 00:41:04,319
where a woman can call and cancel on you
1032
00:41:04,319 --> 00:41:05,753
while you getting out the shower.
1033
00:41:06,273 --> 00:41:07,371
Okay?
1034
00:41:07,788 --> 00:41:09,636
You hanging up the phone in a towel like,
1035
00:41:11,058 --> 00:41:13,044
"I just washed my whole ass for no reason."
1036
00:41:15,954 --> 00:41:17,663
This is why I love women
from the South, all right.
1037
00:41:17,746 --> 00:41:20,717
Southern women, they never cancel on you.
1038
00:41:20,759 --> 00:41:22,462
Fuck that. Uh-uh.
1039
00:41:22,704 --> 00:41:25,303
Woman will show up to the
restaurant, covered in blood,
1040
00:41:26,015 --> 00:41:28,411
knife stabbed in her chest and everything,
1041
00:41:29,002 --> 00:41:32,079
saying shit like, "I'm so
sorry that I'm late, okay?"
1042
00:41:32,162 --> 00:41:34,719
Please say that you ordered without me."
1043
00:41:36,857 --> 00:41:38,371
Fucking love Southern women.
1044
00:41:38,632 --> 00:41:40,444
It's like in L.A. "I would love to go out
1045
00:41:40,444 --> 00:41:41,527
on a date with you" just means,
1046
00:41:41,610 --> 00:41:44,027
"Yeah, look at this stupid
motherfucker here, mm-hmm."
1047
00:41:45,076 --> 00:41:47,443
Yeah, let me see if I
can crush your spirit.
1048
00:41:47,527 --> 00:41:50,236
Yeah, you smiling now,
you beautiful bastard.
1049
00:41:50,319 --> 00:41:53,190
Let's see if you smiling when
you got shampoo in your hair
1050
00:41:53,215 --> 00:41:55,215
"and I call and cancel on your ass."
1051
00:41:56,578 --> 00:41:59,789
I think that's probably why God asked Noah
1052
00:41:59,814 --> 00:42:01,512
to build the ark, okay? A man.
1053
00:42:02,550 --> 00:42:03,591
Don't get sensitive.
1054
00:42:03,675 --> 00:42:05,823
A man. All right?
1055
00:42:06,780 --> 00:42:08,863
'Cause he knew that if he
asked a woman from L.A.,
1056
00:42:08,947 --> 00:42:10,448
she'd probably say yeah
1057
00:42:10,474 --> 00:42:12,974
and then call him and
cancel 20 minutes before
1058
00:42:12,999 --> 00:42:14,155
it started to rain.
1059
00:42:14,931 --> 00:42:16,681
You'd just have a bunch of drowned animals
1060
00:42:16,764 --> 00:42:19,854
and a few people clinging
to a soggy piece of wood.
1061
00:42:19,854 --> 00:42:22,415
Just... cold as a motherfucker.
1062
00:42:23,667 --> 00:42:26,068
But to be fair, like,
God didn't even the balls
1063
00:42:26,093 --> 00:42:29,813
to ask a woman to do any
of this Noah shit, okay?
1064
00:42:30,744 --> 00:42:32,592
Woman would be standing there, thinking,
1065
00:42:33,917 --> 00:42:35,200
"Wait a minute."
1066
00:42:37,458 --> 00:42:38,798
Wait, girl. Shut up.
1067
00:42:41,917 --> 00:42:44,185
Did he just ask me to build a boat?
1068
00:42:46,330 --> 00:42:49,575
What kind of god just gonna
pop some shit out like that
1069
00:42:49,575 --> 00:42:50,805
last minute?
1070
00:42:50,805 --> 00:42:52,866
No, no, no, 'cause if he
was the all-seeing god,
1071
00:42:52,949 --> 00:42:55,157
"he would know that I got
shit to do this weekend."
1072
00:42:55,241 --> 00:42:58,533
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
1073
00:42:59,694 --> 00:43:00,979
Checking out the talent, huh?
1074
00:43:00,997 --> 00:43:02,577
In a manner of speaking.
1075
00:43:02,577 --> 00:43:04,366
Well, your future awaits.
1076
00:43:04,398 --> 00:43:05,994
- Well, he is why I'm here.
- Wh...
1077
00:43:06,244 --> 00:43:08,125
Yeah, I wanted to talk
about the record business,
1078
00:43:08,150 --> 00:43:10,525
and we had dinner plans
and I had to cancel.
1079
00:43:10,550 --> 00:43:12,693
So... but I got out a little
earlier than I thought.
1080
00:43:12,995 --> 00:43:15,952
Ask a man to do some shit like that, okay?
1081
00:43:15,952 --> 00:43:18,403
I don't think dinner and business advice
1082
00:43:18,428 --> 00:43:20,081
is all he had in mind, huh?
1083
00:43:20,662 --> 00:43:21,745
[LAUGHS]
1084
00:43:22,340 --> 00:43:23,911
It's okay. Neither did I.
1085
00:43:25,712 --> 00:43:27,412
Fellas, if I'm wrong, you can correct me.
1086
00:43:27,495 --> 00:43:28,870
He's a little green, no?
1087
00:43:29,390 --> 00:43:31,078
Neither of us were kids at his age.
1088
00:43:31,162 --> 00:43:33,375
She gonna say, "Okay."
1089
00:43:35,498 --> 00:43:36,870
- [LAUGHS] It's okay.
- I got it.
1090
00:43:37,930 --> 00:43:39,281
[INHALING SHARPLY]
1091
00:43:39,306 --> 00:43:41,427
So we're calling you on this big-ass boat.
1092
00:43:42,597 --> 00:43:43,612
Hey.
1093
00:43:43,945 --> 00:43:45,116
Look, that's my time, y'all.
1094
00:43:45,141 --> 00:43:46,930
Don't worry. I wouldn't be here
1095
00:43:47,012 --> 00:43:48,054
if I didn't see the special in him.
1096
00:43:48,137 --> 00:43:49,929
Hmm. He is special.
1097
00:43:50,012 --> 00:43:51,458
Stay beautiful, baby!
1098
00:43:52,002 --> 00:43:53,940
- So good to see you.
- You too.
1099
00:43:54,220 --> 00:43:55,679
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1100
00:44:02,929 --> 00:44:04,062
MAN: All right.
1101
00:44:04,854 --> 00:44:06,320
There's Adam Proteau.
1102
00:44:08,620 --> 00:44:09,900
Thought you were working.
1103
00:44:10,236 --> 00:44:11,652
Mm, I finished early.
1104
00:44:11,677 --> 00:44:13,177
I had thirty dates to cancel,
1105
00:44:13,260 --> 00:44:15,177
and I was building an ark, so...
1106
00:44:17,301 --> 00:44:18,546
You still hate women?
1107
00:44:19,468 --> 00:44:21,479
Nah. You all right.
1108
00:44:21,993 --> 00:44:23,032
Hmm.
1109
00:44:23,057 --> 00:44:25,116
We had dinner reservations
for Chasen's, but...
1110
00:44:25,141 --> 00:44:27,058
pfff, you know.
1111
00:44:27,646 --> 00:44:29,567
You know what, Mel's is still open.
1112
00:44:30,438 --> 00:44:32,088
I could do a cheeseburger.
1113
00:44:32,593 --> 00:44:34,065
Good, 'cause you're paying.
1114
00:44:34,065 --> 00:44:36,316
I just gave you a whole
lot of new material.
1115
00:44:37,291 --> 00:44:39,524
Oh, oh. I'm with that.
1116
00:44:40,692 --> 00:44:42,859
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
1117
00:44:49,025 --> 00:44:50,983
[SOMBER MUSIC]
1118
00:44:51,066 --> 00:44:52,859
CASSIE: You sure he's asleep?
1119
00:44:52,941 --> 00:44:54,551
Hmm, conked out.
1120
00:44:54,817 --> 00:44:56,608
Him and his friend Luke went swimming
1121
00:44:56,692 --> 00:44:58,126
down at Little Sandy's pond.
1122
00:44:58,126 --> 00:44:59,917
CASSIE: Remember how we
used to sit on the dock
1123
00:44:59,942 --> 00:45:02,245
and let the little
fishies bite at our toes?
1124
00:45:02,496 --> 00:45:04,121
It's kind of a creepy feeling.
1125
00:45:04,204 --> 00:45:05,538
[LAUGHS]
1126
00:45:06,299 --> 00:45:07,939
You sure you can't wake him up?
1127
00:45:08,196 --> 00:45:11,154
?
1128
00:45:11,589 --> 00:45:12,764
You okay?
1129
00:45:13,565 --> 00:45:14,890
Why wouldn't I be?
1130
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,275
Had a bad week? I get it.
1131
00:45:18,813 --> 00:45:20,481
You couldn't possibly get it.
1132
00:45:21,043 --> 00:45:23,112
What do you want me to say, Cass?
1133
00:45:24,011 --> 00:45:25,459
You're sorry.
1134
00:45:25,543 --> 00:45:26,655
Sorry?
1135
00:45:27,251 --> 00:45:28,954
[SCOFFS] For what?
1136
00:45:29,543 --> 00:45:30,570
Hmm?
1137
00:45:30,595 --> 00:45:33,929
You're saying you wish
you married Rowley Cotton?
1138
00:45:34,774 --> 00:45:36,732
Lived in that little
yellow shithole he owns
1139
00:45:36,816 --> 00:45:39,158
with this 442 car engine
dangling from a chain
1140
00:45:39,158 --> 00:45:40,534
on a tree out front?
1141
00:45:40,768 --> 00:45:42,518
You were 17 and pregnant
1142
00:45:42,601 --> 00:45:44,226
and you hated this place.
1143
00:45:44,626 --> 00:45:46,434
[TEARFULLY] I was 17.
1144
00:45:46,947 --> 00:45:48,239
Why did you take him?
1145
00:45:48,322 --> 00:45:49,613
Why didn't you help me?
1146
00:45:54,618 --> 00:45:56,380
Oh, Cass.
1147
00:45:58,488 --> 00:45:59,707
What you need to realize
1148
00:45:59,732 --> 00:46:01,606
is as soon as Jesse was born,
1149
00:46:03,137 --> 00:46:05,226
it wasn't about you anymore.
1150
00:46:08,004 --> 00:46:09,712
Go to bed, Cassie.
1151
00:46:10,089 --> 00:46:12,922
[DAVID BOWIE'S
"ALL THE YOUNG DUDES" PLAYING]
1152
00:46:13,005 --> 00:46:18,172
?
1153
00:46:22,091 --> 00:46:24,713
EDDIE: So then he did the
joke about how his love life
1154
00:46:24,797 --> 00:46:27,262
is going great according to
Hollywood's top divorce lawyer
1155
00:46:27,681 --> 00:46:29,667
and how the lawyer's
glad Roy is dating again
1156
00:46:29,667 --> 00:46:30,963
because he's having a pool put in.
1157
00:46:31,081 --> 00:46:32,291
[LAUGHS]
1158
00:46:32,958 --> 00:46:34,897
First part is Roy's; the pool part is mine.
1159
00:46:35,214 --> 00:46:36,284
There you go.
1160
00:46:38,058 --> 00:46:40,208
Fuck, man. Carson.
1161
00:46:41,174 --> 00:46:42,675
You made Carson laugh.
1162
00:46:42,757 --> 00:46:43,775
Yep.
1163
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,162
I mean, I didn't.
1164
00:46:47,578 --> 00:46:49,127
But, I mean, I kinda did.
1165
00:46:50,052 --> 00:46:51,116
[SNICKERS]
1166
00:46:52,219 --> 00:46:53,492
Fucking surreal.
1167
00:46:54,103 --> 00:46:55,302
- Yeah.
- Just surreal.
1168
00:46:58,001 --> 00:46:59,763
Well, the show's not on for a while.
1169
00:46:59,764 --> 00:47:01,097
Let's go celebrate, huh?
1170
00:47:01,410 --> 00:47:02,488
You name the place.
1171
00:47:02,488 --> 00:47:04,590
We're using Benny bucks,
so money's no object.
1172
00:47:06,649 --> 00:47:08,233
Call Cassie. We'll make it for three.
1173
00:47:08,436 --> 00:47:09,895
Yeah, she's not feeling well.
1174
00:47:09,895 --> 00:47:11,156
- That's a shame.
- It'll just be us.
1175
00:47:11,156 --> 00:47:12,464
Yeah, I know you're upset.
1176
00:47:12,526 --> 00:47:13,726
You're disappointed.
1177
00:47:14,564 --> 00:47:15,982
Come on. Let me buy you dinner.
1178
00:47:16,007 --> 00:47:17,060
You pick the spot.
1179
00:47:18,156 --> 00:47:19,162
All right.
1180
00:47:19,739 --> 00:47:21,197
Think I know where I want to go.
1181
00:47:23,186 --> 00:47:25,584
[SOFT JAZZY MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO]
1182
00:47:25,609 --> 00:47:26,768
?
1183
00:47:26,852 --> 00:47:28,894
[DOORBELL RINGS]
1184
00:47:28,977 --> 00:47:34,852
?
1185
00:47:44,178 --> 00:47:45,427
[CHUCKLES] What are you doing here?
1186
00:47:45,452 --> 00:47:46,411
Hello.
1187
00:47:46,569 --> 00:47:47,919
Well, I hear you got robbed.
1188
00:47:48,192 --> 00:47:50,683
The serial killer who
works for you told me.
1189
00:47:51,400 --> 00:47:53,251
Fucking Arnie. He's got a big mouth.
1190
00:47:54,144 --> 00:47:55,496
Caught you on Carson.
1191
00:47:55,741 --> 00:47:56,812
It's funny.
1192
00:47:56,812 --> 00:47:58,716
Well, all grist for the mill.
1193
00:47:59,978 --> 00:48:01,202
So...
1194
00:48:01,519 --> 00:48:02,811
I can get you something to eat.
1195
00:48:02,894 --> 00:48:03,978
Ah.
1196
00:48:06,352 --> 00:48:08,561
- Look at that.
- Wuh-huh.
1197
00:48:08,644 --> 00:48:09,700
[LAUGHS]
1198
00:48:09,700 --> 00:48:11,602
I'll get you... I'll get you a drink then.
1199
00:48:11,686 --> 00:48:12,745
- Here. Hold on.
- Whoa.
1200
00:48:12,770 --> 00:48:14,326
- What about that?
- Oh!
1201
00:48:14,894 --> 00:48:16,974
You got any entertainment in there?
1202
00:48:16,974 --> 00:48:18,516
Well, Neil Diamond cried like a bitch
1203
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:19,642
when I stuffed him in the bag.
1204
00:48:19,725 --> 00:48:22,061
- So I brought this.
- Oh-ooh.
1205
00:48:22,086 --> 00:48:24,903
Oh. Fantastic.
1206
00:48:26,686 --> 00:48:28,472
I'll get silverware and stuff.
1207
00:48:28,497 --> 00:48:29,645
All right.
1208
00:48:29,740 --> 00:48:34,724
?
1209
00:48:36,934 --> 00:48:38,090
Ah.
1210
00:48:38,159 --> 00:48:39,929
[BOTH SIGH]
1211
00:48:39,929 --> 00:48:41,471
Why do you think stolen
food tastes so much better
1212
00:48:41,496 --> 00:48:42,820
than when you pay for it?
1213
00:48:42,845 --> 00:48:44,887
Ah, must be the body sweat.
1214
00:48:46,748 --> 00:48:49,292
By the way, kudos on
clean-snatching that whole box
1215
00:48:49,317 --> 00:48:51,709
of Slim Jims right under
the cashier's lazy eye.
1216
00:48:52,124 --> 00:48:53,707
I know, I think it was just because
1217
00:48:53,790 --> 00:48:55,707
he was so dazzled by your celebrity.
1218
00:48:55,790 --> 00:48:56,832
Yeah, he really was.
1219
00:48:56,915 --> 00:48:58,456
I mean, I could tell by the
way he was looking at me.
1220
00:48:58,481 --> 00:48:59,872
Or the magazine rack.
1221
00:48:59,897 --> 00:49:01,480
You know, it's hard to
tell with the lazy eye.
1222
00:49:03,375 --> 00:49:04,834
To the funniest fuck I know.
1223
00:49:05,082 --> 00:49:05,999
Hmm.
1224
00:49:07,701 --> 00:49:09,136
And to the runner-up.
1225
00:49:09,707 --> 00:49:10,683
Douche.
1226
00:49:11,341 --> 00:49:12,578
Two in a row.
1227
00:49:13,734 --> 00:49:15,341
I never have this kind of luck in Vegas.
1228
00:49:15,424 --> 00:49:17,383
Ah, spoken like a true degenerate.
1229
00:49:17,466 --> 00:49:18,508
[LAUGHS]
1230
00:49:18,708 --> 00:49:19,869
It's true.
1231
00:49:20,660 --> 00:49:22,613
You know, my place was robbed there.
1232
00:49:23,174 --> 00:49:24,738
I never went back to it.
1233
00:49:26,132 --> 00:49:28,049
The odds of it happening a second time
1234
00:49:28,132 --> 00:49:30,202
are, like, a billion to one.
1235
00:49:30,675 --> 00:49:32,633
That's why you're such a bad gambler.
1236
00:49:32,967 --> 00:49:34,508
It's one of the reasons.
1237
00:49:34,592 --> 00:49:36,342
[LAUGHS]
1238
00:49:41,039 --> 00:49:42,134
What?
1239
00:49:42,217 --> 00:49:43,409
It's nothing.
1240
00:49:44,467 --> 00:49:46,661
Got something on your mind, just say it.
1241
00:49:47,711 --> 00:49:50,508
I wish I'd never mentioned
Amanda to that police.
1242
00:49:50,592 --> 00:49:52,134
It... [SIGHS]
1243
00:49:52,217 --> 00:49:53,476
They called Sid.
1244
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:56,504
Sid called me and, Christ,
1245
00:49:56,529 --> 00:49:57,717
he went to town on it.
1246
00:49:57,800 --> 00:49:59,300
Oh, fuck Sid.
1247
00:49:59,383 --> 00:50:01,300
I've had funnier surgeries.
1248
00:50:02,883 --> 00:50:04,098
[LAUGHS]
1249
00:50:12,675 --> 00:50:14,550
I sort of kind of wish it was her.
1250
00:50:17,550 --> 00:50:18,731
Goldie.
1251
00:50:19,425 --> 00:50:21,334
Amanda will come around.
1252
00:50:21,717 --> 00:50:22,928
She will.
1253
00:50:24,884 --> 00:50:26,301
Eventually.
1254
00:50:27,759 --> 00:50:30,179
How many "eventually" s
do you think we get in life
1255
00:50:30,204 --> 00:50:32,930
before we realize that
what's in front of us
1256
00:50:33,335 --> 00:50:34,433
is it?
1257
00:50:37,097 --> 00:50:39,805
Okay, are you done with
the pep talk, Sylvia Plath?
1258
00:50:39,830 --> 00:50:42,743
Because, uh, I have a
third game to win, please.
1259
00:50:42,876 --> 00:50:44,960
[BOTH LAUGH]
1260
00:50:46,079 --> 00:50:49,126
Oh, I think I've got to call it a night.
1261
00:50:51,773 --> 00:50:53,061
Okay.
1262
00:50:57,411 --> 00:50:58,888
Would you mind if I, uh,
1263
00:50:59,668 --> 00:51:00,990
stick around a bit?
1264
00:51:01,793 --> 00:51:03,926
You crash, and I'll, uh...
1265
00:51:04,152 --> 00:51:05,880
I'll let myself out in a while.
1266
00:51:06,252 --> 00:51:07,346
How's that?
1267
00:51:10,562 --> 00:51:11,683
Okay.
1268
00:51:12,802 --> 00:51:13,831
Thank you.
1269
00:51:15,139 --> 00:51:16,312
Sure.
1270
00:51:17,898 --> 00:51:19,018
Okay.
1271
00:51:20,484 --> 00:51:21,509
Okay.
1272
00:51:21,776 --> 00:51:23,068
- Good night.
- Thanks for the chicken.
1273
00:51:23,150 --> 00:51:24,234
Sure.
1274
00:51:24,317 --> 00:51:28,484
?
1275
00:51:39,359 --> 00:51:40,565
[MUSIC FADES]
1276
00:51:40,590 --> 00:51:43,360
[CRICKETS CHIRPING]
1277
00:51:54,025 --> 00:51:56,025
[DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE]
1278
00:51:59,026 --> 00:52:00,136
Mmm.
1279
00:52:02,026 --> 00:52:03,068
Hey.
1280
00:52:05,317 --> 00:52:07,224
I thought you weren't feeling well.
1281
00:52:08,265 --> 00:52:09,339
I rallied.
1282
00:52:09,535 --> 00:52:10,621
Mmm.
1283
00:52:13,394 --> 00:52:14,621
You all right?
1284
00:52:14,941 --> 00:52:16,692
You were funny tonight.
1285
00:52:18,205 --> 00:52:19,936
Sorry I couldn't be there.
1286
00:52:20,742 --> 00:52:21,951
I missed you.
1287
00:52:24,614 --> 00:52:25,860
What's going on?
1288
00:52:29,484 --> 00:52:32,400
[BOTH MOANING]
1289
00:52:34,014 --> 00:52:35,116
Shit.
1290
00:52:35,577 --> 00:52:37,026
I don't have a rubber.
1291
00:52:39,526 --> 00:52:40,734
That's okay.
1292
00:52:40,818 --> 00:52:42,227
You can just pull out.
1293
00:52:43,984 --> 00:52:46,443
REUBEN: Here's one for
the country club sketch.
1294
00:52:47,114 --> 00:52:48,740
Sammy's a bartender.
1295
00:52:48,901 --> 00:52:50,400
Uh, he's making a cocktail for Cher.
1296
00:52:50,484 --> 00:52:52,234
They banter. Blah, blah, blah.
1297
00:52:52,317 --> 00:52:55,017
Cher says she'd do anything
for a black Russian.
1298
00:52:55,818 --> 00:52:58,026
Sammy says, [RUSSIAN ACCENT]
"Let us start with dinner
1299
00:52:58,109 --> 00:52:59,651
at my place, no?"
1300
00:52:59,734 --> 00:53:01,776
[LAUGHTER]
1301
00:53:01,859 --> 00:53:02,818
It's...
1302
00:53:02,901 --> 00:53:05,526
[LAUGHTER]
1303
00:53:05,609 --> 00:53:07,567
[SOFT LAUGHTER CONTINUES]
1304
00:53:07,651 --> 00:53:10,192
[LAUGHTER FADES]
1305
00:53:10,275 --> 00:53:12,638
[LAUGHING]
1306
00:53:20,034 --> 00:53:21,483
I guess Ralph likes it.
1307
00:53:22,234 --> 00:53:26,068
[LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]
1308
00:53:34,068 --> 00:53:35,400
Black Russian!
1309
00:53:35,484 --> 00:53:37,651
[LAUGHING]
1310
00:53:40,984 --> 00:53:43,984
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYING]
1311
00:53:44,068 --> 00:53:49,192
?
1312
00:54:06,150 --> 00:54:07,560
What're you drinking?
1313
00:54:08,526 --> 00:54:10,109
Seven and seven.
1314
00:54:12,377 --> 00:54:13,420
Hey.
1315
00:54:13,983 --> 00:54:15,468
Two of these, please.
1316
00:54:16,109 --> 00:54:21,234
?
1317
00:54:26,901 --> 00:54:30,068
[BOTH MOANING]
1318
00:54:31,454 --> 00:54:32,526
Hey, Cass.
1319
00:54:32,924 --> 00:54:34,244
We're gonna have to stop.
1320
00:54:34,244 --> 00:54:35,494
No, baby, it's okay.
1321
00:54:35,578 --> 00:54:36,786
It's okay.
1322
00:54:36,870 --> 00:54:38,078
Cum.
1323
00:54:38,161 --> 00:54:39,828
[BOTH MOANING]
1324
00:54:40,752 --> 00:54:41,995
It's okay.
1325
00:54:42,078 --> 00:54:44,286
[GROANS]
1326
00:54:44,369 --> 00:54:46,286
[BOTH PANTING HEAVILY]
1327
00:54:46,369 --> 00:54:49,327
[AMBIENT MUSIC]
1328
00:54:49,411 --> 00:54:53,536
?
1329
00:54:58,078 --> 00:54:59,619
It's okay.
1330
00:55:02,744 --> 00:55:04,161
It's okay.
1331
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It's okay.
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It's okay.
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[GENTLE ROCK MUSIC]
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Synced and corrected by louvette
www.addic7ed.com
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Repair and Synchronization by
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89399
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