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1
00:00:00,689 --> 00:00:03,974
(Joy) "Hot in Cleveland" is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,326 --> 00:00:06,860
Owen, calm down.
3
00:00:06,912 --> 00:00:08,695
I'm just a little tense
4
00:00:08,747 --> 00:00:11,364
because I've got something
big to tell my mom.
5
00:00:11,616 --> 00:00:13,500
I'm getting married.
6
00:00:13,535 --> 00:00:15,752
Congratulations!
7
00:00:15,787 --> 00:00:17,954
Who's the lucky guy?
8
00:00:19,674 --> 00:00:22,542
Guy?
Elka, I'm not gay.
9
00:00:22,594 --> 00:00:24,043
Huh.
10
00:00:25,797 --> 00:00:29,132
I have a son... With a woman.
11
00:00:29,184 --> 00:00:31,518
Whatever.
12
00:00:32,554 --> 00:00:34,053
The thing is,
you know how my mom
13
00:00:34,105 --> 00:00:35,939
and her friends do crazy stuff?
14
00:00:35,974 --> 00:00:37,974
I just want to make sure
they don't embarrass me
15
00:00:38,026 --> 00:00:39,726
at the wedding.
16
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,611
Hi, Owen.
17
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,151
Bob and I are going undercover
at a swingers' sex club.
18
00:00:48,203 --> 00:00:50,286
Yeah, today we're not
Mom and Bob.
19
00:00:50,322 --> 00:00:52,739
We're Julie and Stash.
20
00:00:54,376 --> 00:00:56,125
Owen, are you okay?
21
00:00:56,161 --> 00:00:57,210
Is something wrong?
22
00:00:57,245 --> 00:00:59,245
I got engaged to Andrea.
23
00:00:59,297 --> 00:01:01,464
That's fantastic!
24
00:01:01,499 --> 00:01:03,750
Ow!
25
00:01:03,802 --> 00:01:06,336
What can I do to help?
Name it; It's done.
26
00:01:06,388 --> 00:01:09,639
Well, Andi's parents
are a little conservative,
27
00:01:09,674 --> 00:01:12,842
so could you and your friends
not make a scene at the wedding?
28
00:01:12,894 --> 00:01:15,345
Okay, got it, no scenes.
29
00:01:15,397 --> 00:01:16,397
[Bird squawks]
30
00:01:16,398 --> 00:01:18,598
Oh, hi, Owen.
This is Barry.
31
00:01:18,650 --> 00:01:21,351
My ex-husband, Clark,
is on expedition in Africa,
32
00:01:21,353 --> 00:01:23,653
so I have custody of our parrot
for a while.
33
00:01:23,688 --> 00:01:25,655
Victoria, wonderful news.
34
00:01:25,690 --> 00:01:27,073
Owen's getting married.
35
00:01:27,108 --> 00:01:29,192
Oh, congratulations.
36
00:01:29,244 --> 00:01:31,027
(Barry)
Oh, congratulations.
37
00:01:31,029 --> 00:01:33,196
He repeats everything he hears.
38
00:01:33,248 --> 00:01:36,532
Joy's too old
for leather shorts.
39
00:01:40,121 --> 00:01:42,455
Oh, good, somebody lend me
20 bucks so I can pay the cab.
40
00:01:42,507 --> 00:01:43,840
I'll explain in a minute.
41
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:45,208
Thanks.
42
00:01:47,212 --> 00:01:49,045
[Knock at door]
43
00:01:49,097 --> 00:01:52,599
I have a summons
for Elka Ostrovsky.
44
00:01:52,634 --> 00:01:54,968
You were seen speeding
45
00:01:55,020 --> 00:01:56,719
down Euclid Avenue
shooting paintballs
46
00:01:56,771 --> 00:01:58,938
at women in fur coats.
47
00:01:58,974 --> 00:02:01,140
That was not me.
48
00:02:01,192 --> 00:02:02,558
We have your driver,
Mamie Sue Johnson's
49
00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:03,977
signed confession.
50
00:02:04,029 --> 00:02:07,480
My wheel man squealed.
51
00:02:10,235 --> 00:02:12,568
Okay, so I meet this great guy
last night,
52
00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:13,903
and I stay at his place.
53
00:02:13,905 --> 00:02:15,038
And then he has to leave early,
54
00:02:15,073 --> 00:02:16,513
so I go outside
to get the newspaper,
55
00:02:16,541 --> 00:02:18,625
and then the door locks
behind me.
56
00:02:18,660 --> 00:02:20,540
Lucky me, it's trash day,
so I just made a dress
57
00:02:20,545 --> 00:02:21,961
out of this trash bag.
58
00:02:21,997 --> 00:02:24,130
But don't look in the back;
There's a weird hole.
59
00:02:24,165 --> 00:02:25,665
Weird hole?
60
00:02:27,802 --> 00:02:30,803
Well, Owen, I see now why
you might be a little worried
61
00:02:30,839 --> 00:02:34,007
that Joy and her friends will
embarrass you at the wedding.
62
00:02:34,059 --> 00:02:35,391
Wedding?
You're getting married?
63
00:02:35,427 --> 00:02:38,261
Oh, yay! Yay, oh.
64
00:02:38,313 --> 00:02:39,595
Is your father coming?
65
00:02:39,597 --> 00:02:41,314
Uh, no, I tried to reach him,
66
00:02:41,349 --> 00:02:43,766
but he's embedded
in Afghanistan.
67
00:02:43,768 --> 00:02:46,352
Bob, I was wondering
if you wanted to give the toast
68
00:02:46,404 --> 00:02:47,987
at the rehearsal dinner.
69
00:02:48,023 --> 00:02:50,940
Give the toast?
70
00:02:50,942 --> 00:02:53,326
[Tearfully]
Well, I'd�I'd love to.
71
00:02:54,946 --> 00:02:58,164
Oh, no.
I'm ruining my sex makeup.
72
00:03:01,086 --> 00:03:05,038
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
73
00:03:05,874 --> 00:03:09,008
Ba-ba, ba-ba
74
00:03:09,044 --> 00:03:10,343
Hey!
75
00:03:10,378 --> 00:03:12,345
Won't this be
a beautiful rehearsal dinner?
76
00:03:12,380 --> 00:03:14,013
Victoria's picking up the ring.
77
00:03:14,049 --> 00:03:15,515
Melanie's getting the cake.
78
00:03:15,550 --> 00:03:18,601
Bob's flight arrives
in a few hours.
79
00:03:18,636 --> 00:03:20,470
Everything is perfect.
80
00:03:20,472 --> 00:03:21,888
I got the cake.
81
00:03:21,940 --> 00:03:23,690
Ooh, how did it turn out?
82
00:03:23,725 --> 00:03:26,442
You know how Owen's fianc?e
wanted a fairy tale-themed cake
83
00:03:26,478 --> 00:03:28,144
with a castle and turrets?
84
00:03:28,196 --> 00:03:29,729
I'm sure it's fine.
85
00:03:29,781 --> 00:03:31,821
I'm probably seeing something
that's not even there.
86
00:03:39,791 --> 00:03:41,741
Oh, my God.
87
00:03:41,793 --> 00:03:43,826
I was excited to see the cake,
88
00:03:43,878 --> 00:03:47,130
but it looks like the cake
is excited to see me.
89
00:03:48,383 --> 00:03:51,000
Hello, everyone.
90
00:03:51,002 --> 00:03:52,502
Oh, wow.
91
00:03:54,055 --> 00:03:55,338
Hung like a horse.
92
00:03:55,390 --> 00:03:57,223
Barry!
93
00:03:58,643 --> 00:04:00,343
Okay, fine.
94
00:04:00,345 --> 00:04:03,513
Last night, I watched a movie
called Hung Like a Horse.
95
00:04:03,515 --> 00:04:04,814
I thought it was gonna be
a Western,
96
00:04:04,849 --> 00:04:07,567
but it turned out to be porn.
97
00:04:07,602 --> 00:04:10,069
How long did you watch it
before you figured it out?
98
00:04:10,105 --> 00:04:11,821
Two hours.
99
00:04:13,358 --> 00:04:14,524
(Owen)
Mom, are you in there?
100
00:04:14,576 --> 00:04:16,826
Oh, my God, Owen's here.
Hide the cake.
101
00:04:16,861 --> 00:04:18,494
What's wrong with the cak�
102
00:04:18,530 --> 00:04:20,830
holy crap!
103
00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:22,865
Cover that thing up.
104
00:04:22,917 --> 00:04:24,700
Andi and her parents
are right behind me.
105
00:04:28,373 --> 00:04:29,622
Uh-oh.
106
00:04:29,674 --> 00:04:32,291
Hello. You must be Andi.
I'm Joy.
107
00:04:32,343 --> 00:04:33,343
Oh!
108
00:04:33,344 --> 00:04:36,129
Great to meet you, Joy.
109
00:04:36,181 --> 00:04:37,764
Oh, your hands are so soft.
110
00:04:37,799 --> 00:04:38,799
What's your secret?
111
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,216
Vaseline intensive care.
112
00:04:40,268 --> 00:04:43,052
Yours are so soft too.
What's your secret?
113
00:04:43,054 --> 00:04:45,388
I'm 28?
114
00:04:46,808 --> 00:04:49,225
Mom, these are Andi's parents,
Gerald and Maureen.
115
00:04:49,227 --> 00:04:50,476
It's a pleasure.
116
00:04:50,528 --> 00:04:51,644
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
117
00:04:51,696 --> 00:04:53,229
And these are my mom's friends.
118
00:04:53,281 --> 00:04:55,064
There's Melanie and�
119
00:04:55,116 --> 00:04:56,899
and Elka.
120
00:04:58,319 --> 00:05:01,204
Excuse me.
Is that real fur?
121
00:05:01,239 --> 00:05:03,239
Of course.
I'd never wear faux.
122
00:05:03,241 --> 00:05:05,041
So tacky, right?
123
00:05:05,076 --> 00:05:07,326
Super tacky.
124
00:05:11,966 --> 00:05:12,999
See you tonight
at the big party.
125
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,384
Tonight at the big party.
126
00:05:20,475 --> 00:05:23,142
Did you see that fur coat?
127
00:05:23,178 --> 00:05:27,146
Why didn't I bring
my paintball gun?
128
00:05:27,182 --> 00:05:28,731
Victoria?
129
00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,102
Why did you dive
under the table?
130
00:05:33,104 --> 00:05:35,688
I don't remember.
No reason.
131
00:05:35,740 --> 00:05:37,273
Okay, we have a bigger problem.
132
00:05:37,325 --> 00:05:39,325
I was on the elevator with Andi
a little while ago.
133
00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:40,827
I didn't know it was her,
134
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,278
and I overheard her
telling her mom
135
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:43,529
that she's got cold feet.
136
00:05:43,581 --> 00:05:44,947
What if she's calling off
the wedding?
137
00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:46,032
What are we gonna do?
138
00:05:46,084 --> 00:05:48,451
Absolutely nothing, that's what.
139
00:05:48,453 --> 00:05:50,002
Plenty of brides get cold feet.
140
00:05:50,038 --> 00:05:51,504
It's perfectly normal.
141
00:05:51,539 --> 00:05:54,874
We are not going to get involved
and risk embarrassing Owen.
142
00:05:54,926 --> 00:05:56,175
Agreed.
143
00:05:56,211 --> 00:05:59,212
Do you know where
the nearest paint store is?
144
00:06:01,633 --> 00:06:03,132
So, honey, you still
want to go shoe shopping
145
00:06:03,134 --> 00:06:04,517
before the ceremony?
146
00:06:04,552 --> 00:06:05,852
No, I'll wear the sandals.
147
00:06:05,887 --> 00:06:07,436
They go with my dress,
148
00:06:07,472 --> 00:06:09,856
and I'm not really worried
about having cold feet anymore.
149
00:06:11,726 --> 00:06:14,443
Sweetheart, your flight
got in early.
150
00:06:14,479 --> 00:06:16,145
[Upbeat]
Mm-hmm.
151
00:06:17,615 --> 00:06:19,649
How about I come join you?
152
00:06:19,651 --> 00:06:22,318
[Suggestively]
Mm-hmm.
153
00:06:27,375 --> 00:06:28,491
[Chuckles]
154
00:06:28,493 --> 00:06:29,493
Simon!
155
00:06:32,330 --> 00:06:34,413
Hello, Joy.
156
00:06:34,465 --> 00:06:35,965
What are you doing here?
157
00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:37,250
Our son's getting married.
158
00:06:37,302 --> 00:06:38,918
But you're supposed to be
in Afghanistan.
159
00:06:38,970 --> 00:06:40,303
I know.
160
00:06:40,338 --> 00:06:42,221
I thought about the whole
surprising-you-in-bed thing
161
00:06:42,257 --> 00:06:44,590
on the flight over,
and it worked.
162
00:06:44,642 --> 00:06:45,758
You seem surprised.
163
00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:47,560
No, Simon.
164
00:06:47,595 --> 00:06:49,478
I'm with someone else now.
165
00:06:49,514 --> 00:06:51,847
It's Mitch, isn't it,
that handsome devil?
166
00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:53,733
No, it's not Mitch.
It's Bob.
167
00:06:53,768 --> 00:06:55,851
[Laughs]
168
00:06:59,023 --> 00:07:00,740
Seriously?
169
00:07:00,775 --> 00:07:03,025
I'm in love with Bob,
170
00:07:03,077 --> 00:07:05,745
and he's more man
than you'll ever be.
171
00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:07,330
You sure?
172
00:07:10,201 --> 00:07:11,250
Joy, surprise.
173
00:07:11,286 --> 00:07:13,669
I brought fudge
from the airpo�oh.
174
00:07:13,705 --> 00:07:15,371
It's not what it looks like.
175
00:07:15,423 --> 00:07:19,258
Bob, it's exactly
what it looks like.
176
00:07:19,294 --> 00:07:21,210
Simon, I don't know
what you're thinking,
177
00:07:21,212 --> 00:07:23,045
but Joy is my woman now,
178
00:07:23,047 --> 00:07:26,349
and if anyone's gonna be in bed
with her, it's gonna be me.
179
00:07:28,803 --> 00:07:30,186
Now, I suggest you leave.
180
00:07:30,221 --> 00:07:31,354
I'm not going anywhere.
181
00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:32,389
Oh, yes, you are.
182
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:33,439
- Oh, no, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
183
00:07:33,474 --> 00:07:36,309
Stop it right now!
184
00:07:36,361 --> 00:07:39,278
I can only handle one of you
at a time.
185
00:07:39,314 --> 00:07:42,031
Mom?
186
00:07:42,066 --> 00:07:44,066
Owen.
187
00:07:44,118 --> 00:07:45,952
Look, your dad's here.
188
00:07:47,488 --> 00:07:49,822
And Bob.
189
00:07:49,874 --> 00:07:51,207
I can see that.
190
00:07:51,242 --> 00:07:55,328
I just came by to introduce you
to Reverend Matsuta,
191
00:07:55,380 --> 00:07:57,463
who will be officiating
our wedding.
192
00:07:58,967 --> 00:08:01,751
Oh, my.
193
00:08:05,399 --> 00:08:07,982
So typical of Simon
to appear without any warning.
194
00:08:08,284 --> 00:08:10,568
Well, the good news is,
Simon showing up
195
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:12,486
makes anything else
that might go wrong
196
00:08:12,488 --> 00:08:14,789
seem so small.
197
00:08:15,074 --> 00:08:18,292
Why do you say that?
198
00:08:18,327 --> 00:08:22,162
Okay, you know my job
was to pick up the wedding ring,
199
00:08:22,214 --> 00:08:26,050
and, well, you know how parrots
are attracted to shiny things?
200
00:08:26,085 --> 00:08:27,584
Barry ate the ring?
201
00:08:27,636 --> 00:08:29,086
We're never gonna get it back.
202
00:08:29,138 --> 00:08:30,421
Oh, don't worry.
203
00:08:30,423 --> 00:08:32,756
Found the exact same ring,
same size
204
00:08:32,758 --> 00:08:34,425
at a pawn shop downtown.
205
00:08:34,477 --> 00:08:35,559
Andi will never know.
206
00:08:35,594 --> 00:08:38,729
Look, there's even
a nice inscription.
207
00:08:38,764 --> 00:08:42,015
"United in Satan."
Victoria!
208
00:08:42,068 --> 00:08:45,903
Oh, I thought it said Santa.
209
00:08:45,938 --> 00:08:47,771
Melanie, Elka, guess what.
210
00:08:47,823 --> 00:08:48,906
Simon's back.
211
00:08:48,941 --> 00:08:50,274
Really?
212
00:08:50,276 --> 00:08:53,043
Well, that makes
whatever else could go wrong now
213
00:08:53,079 --> 00:08:54,745
seem so small.
214
00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:56,914
Why does everybody
keep saying that?
215
00:08:56,949 --> 00:08:58,415
Melanie, what did you do?
216
00:08:58,451 --> 00:08:59,917
I didn't do anything.
217
00:08:59,952 --> 00:09:01,702
Elka, on the other hand,
218
00:09:01,754 --> 00:09:03,787
snuck into Andi's mom's closet
219
00:09:03,789 --> 00:09:06,790
to ruin her fur coat
with spray paint.
220
00:09:06,842 --> 00:09:09,376
But because it was so dark
in there, she accidentally
221
00:09:09,428 --> 00:09:12,963
spray-painted the only other
white thing in the closet.
222
00:09:14,967 --> 00:09:17,851
"Murder"?
Oh, my God.
223
00:09:17,887 --> 00:09:21,188
(Gerald)
Excuse me.
224
00:09:21,223 --> 00:09:23,974
Ladies,
have any of you seen Andi?
225
00:09:23,976 --> 00:09:26,310
My wife says she's a bundle
of nerves.
226
00:09:26,362 --> 00:09:27,311
Is that
my daughter's wedding dress?
227
00:09:27,363 --> 00:09:28,363
Can I take a little peek?
228
00:09:28,364 --> 00:09:29,480
What?
229
00:09:29,532 --> 00:09:31,982
No, no, this is a wedding dress,
230
00:09:32,034 --> 00:09:34,868
but it's actually my dress
for the wedding.
231
00:09:36,122 --> 00:09:38,238
You're wearing a wedding dress
to the wedding?
232
00:09:39,492 --> 00:09:42,126
Now that I hear it,
it's a terrible idea.
233
00:09:42,161 --> 00:09:43,544
I'll wear something else.
234
00:09:43,579 --> 00:09:46,079
Disaster averted.
Thank you.
235
00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:51,835
Victoria, why do you keep hiding
236
00:09:51,887 --> 00:09:53,387
every time
you see Andi's father?
237
00:09:53,422 --> 00:09:55,556
Hiding?
I'm not hiding.
238
00:09:55,591 --> 00:09:58,008
Women went under the table all
the time in Hung Like a Horse,
239
00:09:58,060 --> 00:09:59,643
and no one said anything.
240
00:10:05,684 --> 00:10:07,401
Whatever head game
you're playing, stop it now.
241
00:10:07,436 --> 00:10:09,403
Elka, keep your fur politics
to yourself.
242
00:10:09,438 --> 00:10:11,738
And, Melanie, fix the cake.
243
00:10:11,774 --> 00:10:13,106
I'll take this
to the hotel cleaners
244
00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:14,691
and see if they can repair it.
245
00:10:14,743 --> 00:10:16,410
Oh, poor Joy.
246
00:10:16,445 --> 00:10:18,028
I wish there was something
we could do
247
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,329
to make up for our mistakes.
248
00:10:19,365 --> 00:10:20,948
Cold feet, cold feet.
249
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,367
Barry's right!
Andi's cold feet.
250
00:10:23,419 --> 00:10:25,252
Her dad even said
that she's got the jitters.
251
00:10:25,287 --> 00:10:27,254
She's definitely thinking
of calling off this wedding.
252
00:10:27,289 --> 00:10:30,007
We could really help Joy
by talking to Andi
253
00:10:30,042 --> 00:10:32,626
and calming her down
and easing her through it.
254
00:10:32,678 --> 00:10:35,846
But Joy told us
not to get involved.
255
00:10:35,881 --> 00:10:37,548
Yes, she did.
256
00:10:37,550 --> 00:10:39,967
I had a lot of wedding jitters,
257
00:10:40,019 --> 00:10:41,435
but I went through with it,
258
00:10:41,470 --> 00:10:43,437
and it worked out just fine.
259
00:10:43,472 --> 00:10:46,056
Of course, I did
get divorced, you know,
260
00:10:46,058 --> 00:10:49,226
but our marriage
had the stress of children.
261
00:10:49,278 --> 00:10:51,195
Owen already has a child.
262
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,696
Right.
263
00:10:52,731 --> 00:10:58,151
Andi, I know a little
about pre-wedding nerves.
264
00:10:58,204 --> 00:10:59,653
I've been married six times.
265
00:10:59,705 --> 00:11:04,241
Seven, if you count my marriage
to your future mother-in-law.
266
00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:05,993
You were married to Joy?
267
00:11:06,045 --> 00:11:08,745
Never consummated.
268
00:11:08,797 --> 00:11:13,500
I just want you to know,
I do believe Owen is straight.
269
00:11:15,504 --> 00:11:17,221
You thought Owen was gay?
270
00:11:17,256 --> 00:11:18,805
Totally.
271
00:11:18,841 --> 00:11:21,225
But that shouldn't even
enter your mind.
272
00:11:21,260 --> 00:11:23,844
- It didn't.
- Don't let it.
273
00:11:25,347 --> 00:11:27,014
Jerry, no one can know about us,
274
00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:28,732
especially
at your daughter's wedding.
275
00:11:28,767 --> 00:11:29,766
(Gerald)
But I don't know how long
276
00:11:29,818 --> 00:11:31,768
I can keep this secret
from my wife.
277
00:11:31,820 --> 00:11:33,904
Well, but if she finds out,
then the press will find out,
278
00:11:33,939 --> 00:11:36,073
and then it'll be everywhere.
279
00:11:36,108 --> 00:11:38,108
Okay.
280
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,661
Thank you.
You are a dear, sweet man.
281
00:11:40,696 --> 00:11:41,862
I could kiss you right now.
282
00:11:41,914 --> 00:11:42,914
[Chuckles]
283
00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:46,917
And surely you understand
why this has to be a secret.
284
00:11:46,952 --> 00:11:49,086
I mean, if people find out
we went to high school together,
285
00:11:49,121 --> 00:11:51,038
they'll figure out my true age.
286
00:11:51,090 --> 00:11:53,206
But your friends
must know your true age.
287
00:11:53,259 --> 00:11:57,261
They know a true age,
not the true age.
288
00:11:59,515 --> 00:12:01,298
Oh, damn it, you're dressed.
289
00:12:02,801 --> 00:12:05,769
Simon, you can't keep
barging into my room.
290
00:12:05,804 --> 00:12:07,721
And why are you wearing a kilt?
291
00:12:07,773 --> 00:12:10,140
It's for the rehearsal dinner.
292
00:12:10,192 --> 00:12:11,692
That's another thing
you and I have in common:
293
00:12:11,727 --> 00:12:14,861
We both have the legs
to pull off a skirt.
294
00:12:14,897 --> 00:12:17,481
Stop flirting with me.
295
00:12:17,483 --> 00:12:19,283
You can't charm your way
back into my life.
296
00:12:19,318 --> 00:12:21,034
I'm with someone else now.
297
00:12:21,070 --> 00:12:22,903
I plan to change that.
298
00:12:22,955 --> 00:12:25,489
Tonight I'm gonna
make a toast to first love,
299
00:12:25,491 --> 00:12:27,291
like Owen and Andi,
like you and me.
300
00:12:27,326 --> 00:12:28,326
Simon�
301
00:12:28,327 --> 00:12:29,793
Joy, we're a family.
302
00:12:29,828 --> 00:12:31,044
What more could a boy want
303
00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,560
than his parents
to get back together?
304
00:12:32,581 --> 00:12:35,916
Let's make this
a perfect wedding for our son.
305
00:12:35,968 --> 00:12:37,134
[Phone chirps]
306
00:12:37,169 --> 00:12:38,468
Oh, damn it!
307
00:12:38,504 --> 00:12:39,824
The dry cleaner
can't get "Murder"
308
00:12:39,838 --> 00:12:41,171
out of the wedding dress.
309
00:12:41,173 --> 00:12:43,223
- What?
- Never mind.
310
00:12:43,258 --> 00:12:44,298
I've got to go down there.
311
00:12:47,429 --> 00:12:49,179
Simon.
312
00:12:51,650 --> 00:12:54,267
Bob.
313
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:56,603
Are you coloring your hair?
314
00:12:56,655 --> 00:12:59,022
That's not important.
315
00:12:59,074 --> 00:13:03,360
What is important is, I heard
everything you said to Joy,
316
00:13:03,412 --> 00:13:05,445
and I think
you're absolutely right.
317
00:13:05,497 --> 00:13:06,997
You do?
318
00:13:07,032 --> 00:13:09,750
Yes, you're her first love.
319
00:13:09,785 --> 00:13:11,284
She's never gonna get over that.
320
00:13:11,337 --> 00:13:15,038
It's time for me to accept
that fact and move on.
321
00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:18,175
I'm gonna get dressed
and get out of Joy's life.
322
00:13:18,210 --> 00:13:20,544
Oh, one more thing.
323
00:13:20,546 --> 00:13:22,045
Owen's wedding ring
324
00:13:22,047 --> 00:13:23,880
is in the pocket
of my suit in that closet.
325
00:13:23,932 --> 00:13:25,382
Why don't you get it?
326
00:13:25,384 --> 00:13:28,051
You should be the one
to present it at the wedding.
327
00:13:28,103 --> 00:13:30,520
Sure.
328
00:13:30,556 --> 00:13:32,105
And thank you.
329
00:13:39,148 --> 00:13:40,564
[Pounding on door]
330
00:13:40,616 --> 00:13:41,782
Hey, what's going on?
331
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:45,263
And I'd like to thank my mom
332
00:13:45,299 --> 00:13:48,884
for a wonderful, uneventful
evening.
333
00:13:49,186 --> 00:13:50,435
- Hear, hear.
- Hear, hear.
334
00:13:50,470 --> 00:13:51,936
I guess all that's left
is the cake.
335
00:13:51,972 --> 00:13:54,222
The cake is fine, right?
336
00:13:54,274 --> 00:13:55,274
Don't worry.
337
00:13:55,275 --> 00:13:56,724
I was very explicit
with the baker.
338
00:13:56,777 --> 00:14:00,228
I told him absolutely
no penis on this cake.
339
00:14:04,901 --> 00:14:08,736
Oh, my.
340
00:14:08,738 --> 00:14:12,707
There's "Absolutely no penis"
on this cake.
341
00:14:13,910 --> 00:14:16,795
I miss them too.
342
00:14:19,332 --> 00:14:22,750
No, that's what it says
on the cake:
343
00:14:22,752 --> 00:14:25,837
"Absolutely no penis."
344
00:14:30,060 --> 00:14:31,060
Mom?
345
00:14:31,094 --> 00:14:32,677
No, no, no, no, honey,
I can explain.
346
00:14:32,729 --> 00:14:35,513
See, the first cake
was a fairy tale cake
347
00:14:35,565 --> 00:14:36,931
with a castle and turrets
348
00:14:36,983 --> 00:14:39,317
that looked like, well, penises.
349
00:14:40,604 --> 00:14:42,687
But I told the baker
on this cake,
350
00:14:42,739 --> 00:14:43,938
absolutely no penis,
351
00:14:43,990 --> 00:14:45,773
and he, you know,
took me literally.
352
00:14:47,360 --> 00:14:49,244
Well, Reverend,
I suppose there's nothing sinful
353
00:14:49,279 --> 00:14:50,778
about eating a cake like that.
354
00:14:50,831 --> 00:14:52,447
Just the calories.
355
00:14:52,449 --> 00:14:53,748
[Laughter]
356
00:14:55,702 --> 00:14:57,085
[Glass dinging]
357
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:59,037
Everyone, I know
Simon was planning
358
00:14:59,089 --> 00:15:00,338
to make the toast tonight,
359
00:15:00,373 --> 00:15:01,923
but he doesn't seem
to be here at the moment.
360
00:15:01,958 --> 00:15:05,376
I�I guess he had
something better to do,
361
00:15:05,428 --> 00:15:07,095
not to besmirch
the name of the man
362
00:15:07,130 --> 00:15:09,013
who knocked Joy up
as a teenager, left her,
363
00:15:09,049 --> 00:15:12,467
and returned several times
just to break her heart again.
364
00:15:12,519 --> 00:15:13,968
But I digress.
365
00:15:15,438 --> 00:15:17,021
To love.
366
00:15:19,059 --> 00:15:21,893
(Simon) First love.
Here's to first love!
367
00:15:21,945 --> 00:15:23,111
Simon?
368
00:15:23,146 --> 00:15:24,195
Where are you?
369
00:15:24,231 --> 00:15:29,651
(Simon)
I'm up above in the air duct!
370
00:15:29,703 --> 00:15:31,152
Bob locked me in the closet,
371
00:15:31,204 --> 00:15:34,239
but I burst through the ceiling
and crawled my way over here.
372
00:15:34,291 --> 00:15:38,209
What a ridiculous story
from a ridiculous man.
373
00:15:38,245 --> 00:15:40,078
You know,
on this happy occasion,
374
00:15:40,130 --> 00:15:42,747
it's hard not to think
of the great Canadian comedian
375
00:15:42,799 --> 00:15:45,667
Howard "Howie" Mandel.
376
00:15:45,719 --> 00:15:49,053
(Simon) Or the great Scottish
poet Shirley MacLaine, who said:
377
00:15:49,089 --> 00:15:51,806
[Speaking Scottish Gaelic]
378
00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,562
Scottish?
Sounds like Klingon.
379
00:16:00,901 --> 00:16:02,350
Joy is mine now, Simon.
380
00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:03,735
She's never coming back to you.
381
00:16:03,770 --> 00:16:05,737
She'll be mine again, Bob.
382
00:16:05,772 --> 00:16:07,188
You wait and see.
383
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:08,356
Stop it.
384
00:16:08,358 --> 00:16:09,857
You're ruining
the rehearsal dinner.
385
00:16:09,859 --> 00:16:12,076
It doesn't matter.
386
00:16:12,112 --> 00:16:13,861
There's not gonna be a wedding.
387
00:16:13,863 --> 00:16:16,247
Andi, what are you saying?
388
00:16:16,283 --> 00:16:19,033
Melanie and Victoria and Elka
came to my room this afternoon
389
00:16:19,035 --> 00:16:20,702
and changed my mind
about getting married.
390
00:16:20,704 --> 00:16:23,371
- You what?
- Oh, no, Andi.
391
00:16:23,373 --> 00:16:25,340
We were reassuring you
that marriage is good,
392
00:16:25,375 --> 00:16:27,542
because in the elevator,
you said you had cold feet.
393
00:16:27,544 --> 00:16:28,843
What?
394
00:16:28,878 --> 00:16:30,511
I was talking about
whether I should wear sandals
395
00:16:30,547 --> 00:16:32,764
with my wedding dress,
'cause my feet might be cold.
396
00:16:32,799 --> 00:16:37,352
[Together]
Oh.
397
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:40,605
Owen, the other reason I can't
go through with the wedding is,
398
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,190
how can I believe in marriage
399
00:16:42,225 --> 00:16:44,392
when my own father is
having an affair with Victoria?
400
00:16:44,394 --> 00:16:46,561
[Together]
What?
401
00:16:46,613 --> 00:16:47,812
Don't deny it.
402
00:16:47,864 --> 00:16:49,447
I overheard you two whispering
in the hall.
403
00:16:49,482 --> 00:16:51,199
(Gerald)
Oh, no, sweetheart.
404
00:16:51,234 --> 00:16:54,402
We're not�we are not
having an affair.
405
00:16:54,454 --> 00:16:56,955
Victoria and I were whispering
406
00:16:56,990 --> 00:16:58,623
because we went
to high school together,
407
00:16:58,658 --> 00:17:00,158
and she was begging me
408
00:17:00,210 --> 00:17:03,161
not to tell everyone
that we graduated in 19�
409
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:08,800
well, nice scene, Mom.
410
00:17:08,835 --> 00:17:10,718
You promised
you wouldn't embarrass me.
411
00:17:10,754 --> 00:17:11,754
I'm sorry, Owen.
412
00:17:11,755 --> 00:17:13,755
But this time, I'm gonna fix it.
413
00:17:13,807 --> 00:17:17,508
Everyone, sit down and be quiet.
414
00:17:18,928 --> 00:17:21,346
Andi, you're getting married
tomorrow,
415
00:17:21,398 --> 00:17:23,097
because you love my son.
416
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:27,185
But no wedding is perfect,
because love isn't perfect.
417
00:17:27,237 --> 00:17:30,938
Tomorrow your dress
is going to say "Murder" on it.
418
00:17:37,197 --> 00:17:41,032
And your wedding band
will read, "United in Satan."
419
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:47,338
But none of that matters,
because you're in love,
420
00:17:47,374 --> 00:17:49,674
and people who are in love
should get married.
421
00:17:51,127 --> 00:17:53,845
Which is why I'm not
marrying you, Simon.
422
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:54,962
I'm marrying Bob.
423
00:17:55,015 --> 00:17:56,931
- You are?
- You are?
424
00:17:56,966 --> 00:17:58,383
You are?
425
00:17:59,519 --> 00:18:01,469
Yes, I am.
426
00:18:01,521 --> 00:18:03,271
Is this a proposal?
427
00:18:03,306 --> 00:18:04,306
No!
428
00:18:04,307 --> 00:18:06,107
Yes.
429
00:18:06,142 --> 00:18:08,276
Well, then let's do this right.
430
00:18:08,311 --> 00:18:11,312
Joy...
431
00:18:11,364 --> 00:18:13,865
You're the most amazing woman
I've ever met.
432
00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:16,984
I love you, and I always will,
433
00:18:16,986 --> 00:18:19,821
and I wish I had a ring
434
00:18:19,873 --> 00:18:21,739
to put on your beautiful
finger right now.
435
00:18:21,791 --> 00:18:23,041
[Bird squawks]
436
00:18:23,076 --> 00:18:24,158
[Ring clatters]
437
00:18:29,082 --> 00:18:35,053
Well, seems the bride's
real ring has been... released.
438
00:18:36,005 --> 00:18:38,172
So I can give you this one.
439
00:18:38,174 --> 00:18:40,808
Joy, will you marry me?
440
00:18:40,844 --> 00:18:43,511
Oh, Bob, yes.
441
00:18:43,513 --> 00:18:45,763
[Applause]
442
00:18:51,187 --> 00:18:53,020
Congratulations.
443
00:18:53,073 --> 00:18:56,023
Speaking of weddings,
can we get back to mine?
444
00:18:57,110 --> 00:18:59,243
Does this mean
that there might be one?
445
00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:00,528
Yes.
446
00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:02,080
Oh, thank God,
447
00:19:02,115 --> 00:19:03,831
because even though my mom
and her friends
448
00:19:03,867 --> 00:19:05,116
will always be around
449
00:19:05,168 --> 00:19:09,754
and no one will be more insane
than they are,
450
00:19:09,789 --> 00:19:12,507
no one will ever love you
more than I do.
451
00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,759
I love you too, Owen.
452
00:19:20,717 --> 00:19:23,050
Hung like a horse.
453
00:19:29,109 --> 00:19:30,942
Oh, my.
454
00:19:39,223 --> 00:19:40,305
Are you okay?
455
00:19:41,408 --> 00:19:43,409
I will be.
456
00:19:43,894 --> 00:19:45,310
Joy'll be happy with Bob.
457
00:19:45,362 --> 00:19:47,195
He's a good guy.
458
00:19:47,231 --> 00:19:48,864
He is.
459
00:19:48,899 --> 00:19:51,533
And so are you.
460
00:19:51,568 --> 00:19:53,203
Thank you.
461
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:57,327
Well, I guess I better
get in touch with the front desk
462
00:19:57,351 --> 00:19:59,351
and see about
getting a room.
463
00:20:00,375 --> 00:20:02,675
I've got plenty
of room here...
464
00:20:07,099 --> 00:20:09,799
Elka...
What are you implying?
465
00:20:10,023 --> 00:20:12,423
I think
I'm being rather clear.
466
00:20:17,747 --> 00:20:18,947
What the hell.
467
00:20:18,971 --> 00:20:21,671
Let's give 'em
something to talk about.
468
00:20:24,895 --> 00:20:28,795
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
469
00:20:28,845 --> 00:20:33,395
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