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Hot in Cleveland is recorded
in front of a live studio audience.
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Aw, damn it.
3
00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:09,910
This guy I'm playing
Words with Friends with
4
00:00:09,945 --> 00:00:10,995
is killing me.
5
00:00:11,030 --> 00:00:12,205
Who is it?
6
00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,345
I don't know.
7
00:00:13,380 --> 00:00:16,416
But as a detective,
I've cobbled together a profile.
8
00:00:16,451 --> 00:00:19,453
Mid-40s, foul-mouthed,
and extremely intelligent.
9
00:00:19,488 --> 00:00:21,321
He's beat me 20 times in a row.
10
00:00:21,356 --> 00:00:23,957
Let's make it 21.
11
00:00:27,427 --> 00:00:32,464
Well, smartass 93-year-old
was my second guess.
12
00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:34,801
Hey, Elka, we should play.
I'm really good at Scrabble.
13
00:00:34,836 --> 00:00:36,703
You know what my nickname
was in high school?
14
00:00:36,738 --> 00:00:38,403
Pizza face?
15
00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:41,875
Back brace? Four eyes?
16
00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:43,909
Yes.
17
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,044
But it was also Word Nerd.
18
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:48,732
While everyone else
was drinking and dancing
19
00:00:48,767 --> 00:00:51,385
at the prom, I was at home
playing Scrabble.
20
00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:53,137
With my mom.
21
00:00:53,172 --> 00:00:54,820
Okay, everybody.
22
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,890
You can play your games,
but let's keep the competition
23
00:00:56,925 --> 00:00:58,090
at a friendly level.
24
00:00:58,125 --> 00:01:00,227
Remember, Wilbur's staying
with us this week.
25
00:01:00,262 --> 00:01:02,329
Oh, I love when your grandson
comes to stay.
26
00:01:02,364 --> 00:01:03,695
He is such a sweet little boy.
27
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:05,732
Yeah, he reminds me of myself at that age
28
00:01:05,767 --> 00:01:07,332
back in Canada.
29
00:01:07,367 --> 00:01:08,901
You know, if he plays his cards right,
30
00:01:08,936 --> 00:01:11,271
he too may one day
be captain of the high school
31
00:01:11,306 --> 00:01:12,840
maple tapping team.
32
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Have his pick.
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- Of the girls?
- No, of the trees.
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00:01:18,714 --> 00:01:21,647
Well, enough of my glory days.
35
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:24,151
We still have to figure out
our presentation for tomorrow.
36
00:01:24,186 --> 00:01:25,818
It's career day at Wilbur's school.
37
00:01:25,853 --> 00:01:28,322
Bob and I are gonna talk
about being detectives.
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00:01:28,357 --> 00:01:29,655
Shall we head back to the office?
39
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:31,625
No, you go. I was gonna stop by that place.
40
00:01:31,660 --> 00:01:32,791
Oh, pick me up a thing.
41
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,361
Yeah, but not the one with the stuff.
42
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Ha! No, what a mess.
43
00:01:35,797 --> 00:01:36,728
Yeah.
44
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,465
- Bye.
- Bye.
45
00:01:38,500 --> 00:01:39,731
Wow.
46
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,468
You and Bob almost seem like a couple.
47
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What? No.
48
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:45,973
I mean, Bob is great,
but that special something
49
00:01:46,008 --> 00:01:47,239
is missing.
50
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,642
You know how when you love someone,
51
00:01:48,677 --> 00:01:50,010
there's sort of a glow about them?
52
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An aura?
53
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:54,348
Yeah. I want a guy that glows too.
54
00:01:54,383 --> 00:01:57,017
I had a guy who glowed.
55
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Sinatra.
56
00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,688
Can you get through one day
without mentioning
57
00:02:01,723 --> 00:02:03,357
that you slept with Sinatra?
58
00:02:03,392 --> 00:02:08,061
I can. But I won't.
59
00:02:08,096 --> 00:02:09,094
Hello, all.
60
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,947
Hey. Oh, cute outfit.
61
00:02:10,982 --> 00:02:12,766
We went outdoor spinning.
62
00:02:12,801 --> 00:02:14,032
You mean biking?
63
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,034
Don't make it sound cheap.
64
00:02:16,069 --> 00:02:18,303
- You remember Barney.
- Hi, everyone.
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00:02:18,338 --> 00:02:20,941
Vic, I'm gonna go fill up
our water bottles.
66
00:02:20,976 --> 00:02:23,544
- Oh, that is so sweet.
- This woman is awesome.
67
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:30,883
Is he a friend of Wilbur's?
68
00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:35,289
You make your jokes, but dating
a younger man is fantastic.
69
00:02:35,324 --> 00:02:37,892
You know, coming to Cleveland
took a few years off me.
70
00:02:37,927 --> 00:02:40,460
And winning an Oscar
took a few more years off me.
71
00:02:40,495 --> 00:02:44,062
If I win a Grammy, I could go to prom.
72
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:49,770
Or stay home and play Scrabble
'cause that's a fun night too.
73
00:02:49,805 --> 00:02:52,271
Hey, babe. It is so beautiful outside.
74
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,342
What if we kept going
and biked the lake route?
75
00:02:55,377 --> 00:02:56,978
Unless you're not up for it.
76
00:02:57,013 --> 00:02:58,544
Oh, no, I'm totally up for it.
77
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,214
No, I'll... I'll meet you out there.
78
00:03:00,249 --> 00:03:02,482
- Bye.
- Bye.
79
00:03:05,152 --> 00:03:06,552
What are you waiting for?
80
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:10,858
Uh, my very young-looking legs
seem to have seized up a little.
81
00:03:26,406 --> 00:03:29,643
Finally. George Clooney is starving.
82
00:03:29,678 --> 00:03:30,742
I'm sorry, George.
83
00:03:30,777 --> 00:03:34,646
I have your Cesar Savory Delights.
84
00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:37,885
I think he has a little crush
on the dog on the package.
85
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,505
Looks like a boy dog.
86
00:03:40,540 --> 00:03:43,055
Don't judge, Melanie.
87
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,008
Okay, Word Nerd. It's your turn.
88
00:03:45,043 --> 00:03:46,927
Oh, I have a really good word too.
89
00:03:46,962 --> 00:03:48,160
Kahlua.
90
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:50,797
Oh, I also have a really good
recipe for Kahlua.
91
00:03:50,832 --> 00:03:54,501
Then why are we playing this stupid game?
92
00:03:54,536 --> 00:03:55,934
Well, I hate to admit it,
93
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:58,555
but Barney might be wearing me out.
94
00:03:58,590 --> 00:04:01,106
Really? What'd you do last night?
95
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:05,078
Ugh, we went to a midnight movie
and then dinner after.
96
00:04:05,113 --> 00:04:07,798
I was so tired when the meal came,
97
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:10,449
I might accidentally have eaten it.
98
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:14,187
Is there a food called nachos,
or was I dreaming?
99
00:04:14,222 --> 00:04:17,891
Victoria, maybe it's time
to admit that he's maybe
100
00:04:17,926 --> 00:04:19,291
too young or you're maybe too...
101
00:04:19,326 --> 00:04:22,229
Bup, bup, bup, bup... I cannot
hear the end of that sentence.
102
00:04:22,264 --> 00:04:27,132
Well, when you get old,
your hearing goes too.
103
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:30,504
Well, would a person who is old
be going to meet her boyfriend
104
00:04:30,539 --> 00:04:32,757
to play laser tag?
105
00:04:32,792 --> 00:04:34,975
Oh, [bleep] my life.
106
00:04:38,712 --> 00:04:40,814
So you see, kids, our detective agency
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00:04:40,849 --> 00:04:42,716
specializes in cases of...
108
00:04:42,751 --> 00:04:44,751
infidelity.
109
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:50,224
And this woman here is the best
honey trap in the business.
110
00:04:50,259 --> 00:04:51,490
- Bob.
- Hmm?
111
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:55,796
Grandma? What's a honey trap?
112
00:04:55,831 --> 00:04:58,964
Wilbur, let me explain.
113
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,585
Say you're a man and you have a cookie.
114
00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:04,136
And you've had that cookie for a while.
115
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:07,140
And it's just not making
your mouth water anymore.
116
00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:10,477
It's become dried up and... unappetizing.
117
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,881
That doesn't happen to all cookies.
118
00:05:14,916 --> 00:05:17,050
Some retain their gooey freshness.
119
00:05:17,085 --> 00:05:21,487
Oh, yes, they do.
120
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:25,058
Anyway, kids, you go
looking for a new cookie,
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00:05:25,093 --> 00:05:27,194
your old cookie may get upset.
122
00:05:27,229 --> 00:05:28,360
And hire us.
123
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:30,697
And the original cookie might get a new car
124
00:05:30,732 --> 00:05:33,031
in the divorce.
125
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:35,568
That's right, Mrs. Johnson.
126
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,588
It's Miss O'Roarke now.
127
00:05:37,623 --> 00:05:39,538
Are you two married?
128
00:05:39,573 --> 00:05:40,941
Well, that's an interesting question.
129
00:05:40,976 --> 00:05:42,326
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
130
00:05:42,361 --> 00:05:43,642
No, uh, we're colleagues.
131
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:48,482
I'm Wilbur's grandmother,
and Bob is Wilbur's... Bob.
132
00:05:48,517 --> 00:05:52,151
It's true. I am his Bob.
133
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:56,388
Okay, boys and girls.
Time to retrieve your lunches.
134
00:05:56,423 --> 00:06:00,127
Thank you for coming in today,
Mr. Moore and Ms. Scroggs.
135
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,322
- Here we go.
- Ah, thank you.
136
00:06:12,357 --> 00:06:14,842
You guys make the cutest family.
137
00:06:14,877 --> 00:06:16,675
Oh, we're not a family.
138
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,513
I mean, Wilbur and I
are related, but Bob is my boss.
139
00:06:19,548 --> 00:06:20,646
Yes.
140
00:06:20,681 --> 00:06:23,150
Like Colin Firth
and his Portuguese housekeeper
141
00:06:23,185 --> 00:06:24,516
in Love Actually.
142
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:27,904
Or Hugh Grant and his assistant,
also in Love Actually.
143
00:06:27,939 --> 00:06:31,258
A lot of people end up falling
in love with their bosses.
144
00:06:31,293 --> 00:06:35,828
That was the message of that movie.
145
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:39,233
So, Wilbur, I saw a big kid
step on your lunch.
146
00:06:39,268 --> 00:06:42,201
That's Aiden. He does it every day.
147
00:06:42,236 --> 00:06:45,072
I didn't see that.
Wilbur, why didn't you tell me?
148
00:06:45,107 --> 00:06:47,074
'Cause big boys don't like
to be tattletales,
149
00:06:47,109 --> 00:06:48,040
do they, Wilbur?
150
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:52,678
Yeah. Sometimes he pushes me down.
151
00:06:52,713 --> 00:06:54,581
You know, if I taught you a little karate,
152
00:06:54,616 --> 00:06:56,434
you could fight back if you had to.
153
00:06:56,469 --> 00:06:58,252
Or you could talk to Aiden and tell him
154
00:06:58,287 --> 00:06:59,818
you don't like being pushed
155
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,089
because fighting doesn't solve things.
156
00:07:02,124 --> 00:07:03,455
Hey, cutie.
157
00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:05,092
Do you want to see the machine
that made your milkshake?
158
00:07:05,127 --> 00:07:07,662
Yeah.
159
00:07:07,697 --> 00:07:10,197
Bob?
160
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,999
You know what? I'm gonna talk to Melanie.
161
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,570
She did conflict resolution
at her kids' school in LA.
162
00:07:16,605 --> 00:07:17,836
She'll know what to do.
163
00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,174
Bullies don't speak conflict resolution.
164
00:07:20,209 --> 00:07:21,140
You've got to talk to them
165
00:07:21,175 --> 00:07:22,943
in the only language they understand.
166
00:07:22,978 --> 00:07:24,343
Force.
167
00:07:24,378 --> 00:07:27,047
This may surprise you,
but I once knew someone
168
00:07:27,082 --> 00:07:28,213
- who was bullied.
- It's you.
169
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,251
Yes, but that was gonna be
the twist ending.
170
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:35,455
I would like to thank
Aiden's parents, Pete and Kim,
171
00:07:35,490 --> 00:07:38,358
for joining us in conflict resolution.
172
00:07:38,393 --> 00:07:40,058
We call this the talking stick.
173
00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:42,829
The person holding it
can share their feelings
174
00:07:42,864 --> 00:07:45,265
without any fear of judgment.
175
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:46,565
I'm confused.
176
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:52,239
If that's the talking stick,
what do we call Joy?
177
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:00,879
Oh, I'm sorry.
178
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,465
I... I was up until 4 a.m.
179
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,982
You see, I'm dating this guy
180
00:08:04,017 --> 00:08:05,652
who's 20 years younger than I am.
181
00:08:05,687 --> 00:08:07,754
20 years younger. Really?
182
00:08:07,789 --> 00:08:10,591
Yeah, he's 60.
183
00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:13,992
Elka.
184
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,898
I've got the stick. I can say what I want.
185
00:08:17,933 --> 00:08:19,800
That's not how the stick works.
186
00:08:19,835 --> 00:08:21,668
Pete, would you like to start off?
187
00:08:21,703 --> 00:08:23,068
Sure.
188
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,239
This whole thing feels like
a lot of LA nonsense.
189
00:08:26,274 --> 00:08:29,376
This is just a simple case
of boys being boys.
190
00:08:29,411 --> 00:08:31,044
Young men have a lot of energy.
191
00:08:31,079 --> 00:08:35,848
Huh, that's for damn sure.
192
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:39,419
If you ask me, your son
needs to learn right from wrong.
193
00:08:39,454 --> 00:08:42,321
Oh. Look who's preaching morality.
194
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,525
Aiden told us that you trap men
into doing things
195
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:45,859
by giving them cookies.
196
00:08:45,894 --> 00:08:49,094
With your legs.
197
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,296
Give me that stick. I can explain.
198
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:54,601
First off... Yes, Joy has amazing legs.
199
00:08:54,636 --> 00:08:57,836
Long and shapely and one can only imagine
200
00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:01,344
what they'd feel like wrapped
around one's shoulders.
201
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:06,712
Sorry, what was the question?
202
00:09:06,747 --> 00:09:08,615
Why does everyone want boys to act
203
00:09:08,650 --> 00:09:10,484
like well-behaved little girls?
204
00:09:10,519 --> 00:09:11,750
Pete's right.
205
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,854
I have a purse full of pills
the pediatrician wants me
206
00:09:13,889 --> 00:09:14,987
to give Aiden.
207
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,591
But I'm not gonna give my kid Adderall.
208
00:09:17,626 --> 00:09:19,992
Adderall, you say?
209
00:09:20,027 --> 00:09:23,797
Isn't that what college kids
take to stay up all night?
210
00:09:23,832 --> 00:09:25,364
This is a waste of time.
211
00:09:25,399 --> 00:09:27,534
I say we just let the kids
work it out for themselves.
212
00:09:27,569 --> 00:09:29,134
Oh, so you plan to do nothing?
213
00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:31,705
You're happy to just let
your evil spawn continue
214
00:09:31,740 --> 00:09:32,806
to bully my grandson?
215
00:09:32,841 --> 00:09:33,872
Let's go, Pete.
216
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:36,441
Oh, that's great. Just walk away.
217
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:38,679
Just know that if your little
thug lays another hand
218
00:09:38,714 --> 00:09:40,045
on my sweet grandchild...
219
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:42,115
- Control your wife, Bob.
- We're not a couple.
220
00:09:42,150 --> 00:09:45,252
- I'm not his wife.
- Not yet.
221
00:09:47,955 --> 00:09:50,057
What are you doing? How is that helpful?
222
00:09:50,092 --> 00:09:51,158
Oh, Joy, calm down.
223
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:56,061
Oh, my God.
224
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,099
Did you just ask a woman to calm down?
225
00:09:59,134 --> 00:10:02,102
I don't remember. I... I don't think so.
226
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:07,574
Look, I think we should go back
to my plan of Wilbur
227
00:10:07,609 --> 00:10:08,574
defending himself.
228
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,809
I already told you... I don't want that.
229
00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:13,146
Look, we should just sit down
together and talk through this.
230
00:10:13,181 --> 00:10:14,546
But we're not together. We're not a couple.
231
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,885
I can't make it any more clear.
There is no "we," Bob.
232
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,019
And there never will be.
233
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:25,023
Okay.
234
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,394
But that doesn't stop me
from caring about Wilbur.
235
00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:29,194
That's sweet.
236
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:34,368
When it comes to us,
you have got to move on.
237
00:10:34,403 --> 00:10:37,069
I hear you.
238
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:39,940
Maybe I ought to head up
to Canada for a couple of days.
239
00:10:39,975 --> 00:10:42,576
Take some walks in the woods.
240
00:10:42,611 --> 00:10:44,411
Tap a few trees.
241
00:10:54,209 --> 00:10:55,632
Mmm.
242
00:10:55,667 --> 00:10:58,688
I am much better at Kahlua
than I am at Words with Friends.
243
00:10:58,723 --> 00:11:01,709
And the great thing about our
Kahlua is I don't feel drunk,
244
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,964
because you put extra coffee in it.
245
00:11:03,999 --> 00:11:07,751
And I don't feel wired because
we put extra vodka in it.
246
00:11:09,999 --> 00:11:12,048
Oh, poor Wilbur, being bullied.
247
00:11:12,083 --> 00:11:14,999
You know, I had a bully when I was a kid.
248
00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:17,090
Kaylin Boosalis.
249
00:11:17,125 --> 00:11:22,382
I had a bully too. Adolf Hitler.
250
00:11:22,417 --> 00:11:24,999
You know, I am two Kahluas away
from calling that jerk
251
00:11:25,034 --> 00:11:26,964
and giving her a piece of my mind.
252
00:11:26,999 --> 00:11:29,834
In gym class, she used to steal
the basketball away from me
253
00:11:29,869 --> 00:11:30,999
and bounce it off my head.
254
00:11:31,034 --> 00:11:32,964
It was the worst.
255
00:11:32,999 --> 00:11:37,000
Did you not hear me say
my bully was Hitler?
256
00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:43,507
Hey! You're still up.
257
00:11:43,542 --> 00:11:45,834
Victoria, are you just getting
back from your date with Barney?
258
00:11:45,869 --> 00:11:46,841
Oh, it was great.
259
00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:48,299
We went to see a band, and then we danced,
260
00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:52,083
and then we walked home
instead of taking a cab.
261
00:11:52,118 --> 00:11:53,999
Where did all this energy come from?
262
00:11:54,034 --> 00:11:55,883
Oh, Barney makes me feel young.
263
00:11:55,918 --> 00:11:59,500
I'm exercising now, so I have
my own natural reserves.
264
00:11:59,535 --> 00:12:03,083
Plus, I stole Adderall
out of that bully mom's purse.
265
00:12:03,118 --> 00:12:04,048
What?
266
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:05,215
You stole her pills?
267
00:12:05,250 --> 00:12:06,999
Honey, that's not what they're for.
268
00:12:07,034 --> 00:12:08,674
Elka, can you believe this?
269
00:12:08,709 --> 00:12:14,292
All I got was a Starbucks card
from the dad's coat.
270
00:12:14,327 --> 00:12:18,643
Why are you guys stealing from our guests?
271
00:12:18,678 --> 00:12:22,924
Because they didn't bring a hostess gift.
272
00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:25,334
Victoria, you should not need
pills to keep up
273
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:26,549
with your boyfriend.
274
00:12:26,584 --> 00:12:27,999
He should love you for who you are.
275
00:12:28,034 --> 00:12:29,090
Oh, grow up, Melanie.
276
00:12:29,125 --> 00:12:32,632
Nobody loves anybody for who they are.
277
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:34,549
These pills are the only thing
keeping me going.
278
00:12:34,584 --> 00:12:39,292
But I've only got one left,
and I need it to get upstairs.
279
00:12:39,327 --> 00:12:40,632
What am I gonna do?
280
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:43,125
I need to get more Adderall
so that I can make it
281
00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:44,841
through Barney's birthday party.
282
00:12:44,876 --> 00:12:46,542
See, he's the first one
in our group turning 30,
283
00:12:46,577 --> 00:12:49,542
so it's a big one.
284
00:12:51,751 --> 00:12:54,438
Oh, Joy, honey, I'm sorry.
Did we get you up?
285
00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:57,125
No, I couldn't sleep. Just feeling anxious.
286
00:12:57,160 --> 00:12:58,466
About Wilbur?
287
00:12:58,501 --> 00:13:00,688
No, I'm gonna talk to his teacher tomorrow.
288
00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:02,876
Honey, why do you keep checking your phone?
289
00:13:02,911 --> 00:13:04,997
Well, Bob usually texts me at night.
290
00:13:05,032 --> 00:13:07,083
He lays out three pairs of pajamas,
291
00:13:07,118 --> 00:13:09,058
and I pick the ones I like.
292
00:13:09,093 --> 00:13:10,964
I mean, I'm glad he stopped.
293
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,083
It's just weird not to get the text.
294
00:13:13,118 --> 00:13:16,830
It's a little weird either way.
295
00:13:16,865 --> 00:13:20,507
Just admit it. You miss Bob.
296
00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:22,479
It's not that. I'm just used to him.
297
00:13:22,514 --> 00:13:24,382
But I don't want to think about Bob.
298
00:13:24,417 --> 00:13:26,250
I should be concentrating on Wilbur.
299
00:13:26,285 --> 00:13:28,215
You know what might be helpful?
300
00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:31,250
Getting a prescription
for Wilbur for Adderall.
301
00:13:31,285 --> 00:13:32,215
What?
302
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:34,187
I wouldn't give him Adderall.
303
00:13:34,222 --> 00:13:36,125
Oh, and I wouldn't want you to.
304
00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:44,876
And the bully is Aiden.
305
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:46,424
I'm not surprised.
306
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:50,876
That kid's a soul patch away
from getting expelled.
307
00:13:50,911 --> 00:13:52,632
So what do we do?
308
00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:54,479
The school has a whole process.
309
00:13:54,514 --> 00:13:56,257
Witness reports, evaluations.
310
00:13:56,292 --> 00:13:57,918
I gotta tell you... It could take weeks.
311
00:13:57,953 --> 00:14:01,083
- Weeks?
- I'll go get the forms.
312
00:14:18,751 --> 00:14:21,299
Wilbur? Did you throw that snowball?
313
00:14:21,334 --> 00:14:23,876
You're not supposed to let
people know your strength.
314
00:14:23,911 --> 00:14:25,048
What?
315
00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:28,542
When you lose your temper,
you can really hurt people.
316
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,834
Now I want you to promise
never to do it again.
317
00:14:30,869 --> 00:14:33,334
And shake on it. Aww!
318
00:14:33,369 --> 00:14:36,799
Too hard.
319
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,542
You know the doctor said those gamma rays
320
00:14:38,577 --> 00:14:40,413
made you super strong.
321
00:14:40,448 --> 00:14:42,215
Is Wilbur the Hulk?
322
00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:47,125
I'm not allowed to say. But yes.
323
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:50,083
Just don't make him angry.
324
00:14:57,125 --> 00:14:59,549
Oh.
325
00:14:59,584 --> 00:15:02,999
All right. Enough of that, you go play.
326
00:15:13,836 --> 00:15:16,471
Thank you guys for coming to my birthday.
327
00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:19,776
And thank you, Victoria,
for making this happen.
328
00:15:19,811 --> 00:15:22,076
Being with you makes me so happy.
329
00:15:22,111 --> 00:15:25,948
And being with you makes me so... tired.
330
00:15:29,085 --> 00:15:31,454
You passed out in the birthday cake?
331
00:15:31,489 --> 00:15:33,087
Oh, it was awful.
332
00:15:33,122 --> 00:15:35,658
Just as I was thinking, "This is
one of the worst moments"
333
00:15:35,693 --> 00:15:37,558
"of my life," the waitress asked me
334
00:15:37,593 --> 00:15:42,198
if I'd be paying
for my son's birthday party.
335
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:44,367
Oh, I'm sorry...
336
00:15:44,402 --> 00:15:46,502
I wasn't there.
337
00:15:49,072 --> 00:15:50,173
So you broke up with Barney?
338
00:15:50,208 --> 00:15:51,506
Yeah.
339
00:15:51,541 --> 00:15:54,427
I mean, dating a younger guy
is like driving a convertible.
340
00:15:54,462 --> 00:15:57,956
It's fun at first, but then
you realize your hair is a mess,
341
00:15:57,991 --> 00:16:01,451
you're sun burnt, and everyone
assumes you rented it anyway.
342
00:16:04,287 --> 00:16:05,655
Hey, Joy. Where you been?
343
00:16:05,690 --> 00:16:07,555
Out driving around.
344
00:16:07,590 --> 00:16:11,527
Trying to sort through some feelings.
345
00:16:11,562 --> 00:16:14,347
I saw it. I saw the aura.
346
00:16:14,382 --> 00:16:17,133
I think I'm in love with Bob.
347
00:16:17,168 --> 00:16:19,067
What changed things?
348
00:16:19,102 --> 00:16:21,137
He clobbered a seven-year-old
with a snowball
349
00:16:21,172 --> 00:16:23,972
to protect Wilbur.
350
00:16:24,007 --> 00:16:27,377
It was the most romantic thing
anyone's ever done for me.
351
00:16:27,412 --> 00:16:31,147
- Is the kid hurt?
- Who cares?
352
00:16:31,182 --> 00:16:32,480
I'm in love.
353
00:16:32,515 --> 00:16:34,384
And I'm finally seeing what everyone else
354
00:16:34,419 --> 00:16:36,019
was already seeing.
355
00:16:36,054 --> 00:16:37,585
We're a couple.
356
00:16:37,620 --> 00:16:40,957
I used to think,
"He's not Simon. He's not Mitch.
357
00:16:40,992 --> 00:16:42,357
He's Bob."
358
00:16:42,392 --> 00:16:45,895
But now I think,
"He's not Simon. He's not Mitch.
359
00:16:45,930 --> 00:16:49,332
He's Bob."
360
00:16:52,368 --> 00:16:55,805
She is so gonna say "aw" when she wakes up.
361
00:16:58,908 --> 00:17:00,775
Oh, Bob.
362
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:03,179
I'm so glad you're here.
363
00:17:03,214 --> 00:17:05,513
Joy, this is a surprise.
364
00:17:05,548 --> 00:17:07,950
There's so much I need to tell you.
365
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,050
I was at the school today,
366
00:17:09,085 --> 00:17:10,853
and I saw what you did for Wilbur.
367
00:17:10,888 --> 00:17:12,520
Oh. I'm sorry.
368
00:17:12,555 --> 00:17:14,188
I know you told me to butt out,
but it's just...
369
00:17:14,223 --> 00:17:15,925
he was on my mind the whole time
I was in Canada and I just...
370
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:18,393
No, no. No, I loved it.
371
00:17:18,428 --> 00:17:21,397
And I'm sorry about
what I said the other night.
372
00:17:21,432 --> 00:17:24,367
Joy, you never need
to apologize to me for anything.
373
00:17:24,402 --> 00:17:27,721
Sure, I cried a few manly tears at first,
374
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,616
but... then in
the bracing Saskatchewan cold,
375
00:17:30,651 --> 00:17:33,476
who should I run into
but my old girlfriend?
376
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:35,462
Canadian Joy. She...
377
00:17:35,497 --> 00:17:37,378
Oh. Sorry to interrupt.
378
00:17:37,413 --> 00:17:39,716
No, not at all. You two should meet.
379
00:17:39,751 --> 00:17:41,784
Joy, Joy. Joy, Joy.
380
00:17:41,819 --> 00:17:44,852
- Joy.
- Joy.
381
00:17:44,887 --> 00:17:47,390
Hey, babe, I couldn't get
the vending machine to work.
382
00:17:47,425 --> 00:17:49,259
Ah, that machine is temperamental.
383
00:17:49,294 --> 00:17:51,059
That's why I treat it like a woman.
384
00:17:51,094 --> 00:17:54,731
Just keep putting money into it
till it gives me what I want.
385
00:17:56,165 --> 00:17:57,332
He's funny.
386
00:17:57,367 --> 00:18:01,002
Cut the crap, Cleveland Joy.
387
00:18:01,037 --> 00:18:03,204
I know you want him, but he's mine.
388
00:18:03,239 --> 00:18:05,241
You make one move on him,
and I'll chop you up
389
00:18:05,276 --> 00:18:08,111
and feed you to my sled dogs.
390
00:18:08,146 --> 00:18:09,777
Damn, my hand is stuck.
391
00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:12,882
Be right there, Bob. Isn't he cutest?
392
00:18:12,917 --> 00:18:15,585
Say yes and I'll kill you.
393
00:18:24,673 --> 00:18:26,809
Well, that's the last of the Kahlua.
394
00:18:26,844 --> 00:18:28,043
Should we make some more?
395
00:18:28,078 --> 00:18:29,343
Oh, I don't know.
396
00:18:29,378 --> 00:18:31,780
I drunk dialed my old bully last night
397
00:18:31,815 --> 00:18:34,148
and left a long and rambling message.
398
00:18:34,183 --> 00:18:36,952
Oh, I wouldn't worry about it.
Maybe she didn't get it.
399
00:18:36,987 --> 00:18:39,354
Hey, Melanie. Are you in there?
400
00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:41,757
It's her. It's my bully.
401
00:18:41,792 --> 00:18:44,560
I guess she got it.
402
00:18:52,301 --> 00:18:53,502
Melanie.
403
00:18:57,873 --> 00:19:00,841
Hi.
404
00:19:00,876 --> 00:19:02,976
Hi, Kaylin. What a surprise.
405
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:06,048
Well, I got your message,
and so I asked my pilot
406
00:19:06,083 --> 00:19:07,750
to stop here on my way to New York.
407
00:19:07,785 --> 00:19:09,418
Your pilot? What, you have a plane?
408
00:19:09,453 --> 00:19:11,652
Well, two.
409
00:19:11,687 --> 00:19:14,139
I am uber successful.
410
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:16,592
Because I created Uber.
411
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:18,992
This is for you.
412
00:19:19,027 --> 00:19:21,029
You're not gonna hit me with it, are ya?
413
00:19:21,064 --> 00:19:22,731
Of course not. Think fast!
414
00:19:22,766 --> 00:19:25,399
Oh, God!
415
00:19:25,434 --> 00:19:28,602
Oh, nobody ever flinched like you, Moretti.
416
00:19:28,637 --> 00:19:31,106
It's a gift for you signed
by the basketball team I own.
417
00:19:31,141 --> 00:19:32,339
Oh, well, okay,
418
00:19:32,374 --> 00:19:35,844
so it's an apology gift
for the way you treated me.
419
00:19:35,879 --> 00:19:38,112
No, no. It's more like a thank-you.
420
00:19:38,147 --> 00:19:40,415
You taught me how great it feels
to intimidate
421
00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:44,751
even the most likable person.
422
00:19:44,786 --> 00:19:48,090
You're the reason I'm so successful.
423
00:19:48,125 --> 00:19:49,123
Now give me a hug.
424
00:19:49,158 --> 00:19:50,792
Oh, no. No, I'm not... not gonna hug you.
425
00:19:50,827 --> 00:19:54,663
- I said a hug.
- Okay.
426
00:19:54,698 --> 00:19:58,098
Wow. You got boobs.
427
00:19:58,133 --> 00:19:59,601
Never thought that was gonna happen.
428
00:20:02,905 --> 00:20:06,175
Well, guess I got my apology.
429
00:20:06,210 --> 00:20:09,276
Is that what happened?
430
00:20:09,311 --> 00:20:11,613
Yeah, that's how I choose to look at it.
431
00:20:11,648 --> 00:20:13,916
I choose to see the glass as half full.
432
00:20:13,951 --> 00:20:16,051
Not for long.
433
00:20:16,101 --> 00:20:20,651
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