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1
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,901
I can't believe it's been
four years to the day
2
00:00:06,952 --> 00:00:09,654
since we crash-landed in Cleveland.
3
00:00:09,656 --> 00:00:10,872
We should celebrate.
4
00:00:10,906 --> 00:00:12,574
Oh, wait. We can't do this without Elka.
5
00:00:12,625 --> 00:00:14,325
You know what's really strange?
6
00:00:14,376 --> 00:00:17,295
In four years, we've never
been inside Elka's house.
7
00:00:17,329 --> 00:00:18,630
Yeah, she always has some excuse.
8
00:00:18,664 --> 00:00:20,665
"Oh, don't come in. The place is a mess."
9
00:00:20,667 --> 00:00:22,166
"Don't come in. I have a man in here."
10
00:00:22,168 --> 00:00:25,086
"Don't come in. I don't like you."
11
00:00:25,137 --> 00:00:27,088
You know what? This is silly.
12
00:00:27,139 --> 00:00:28,172
We should just go over there.
13
00:00:28,174 --> 00:00:30,425
Yeah.
14
00:00:30,476 --> 00:00:31,843
[Knock on door]
15
00:00:31,894 --> 00:00:32,927
Don't come in.
16
00:00:32,978 --> 00:00:35,647
I don't like you.
17
00:00:35,681 --> 00:00:36,898
Elka, come on.
18
00:00:36,932 --> 00:00:38,016
We want to celebrate with you.
19
00:00:38,018 --> 00:00:39,067
Today is the anniversary
20
00:00:39,101 --> 00:00:40,485
of when we moved to Cleveland.
21
00:00:40,519 --> 00:00:41,736
I know.
22
00:00:41,770 --> 00:00:43,988
You arrived, LeBron left.
23
00:00:44,023 --> 00:00:45,773
Worst trade ever.
24
00:00:45,824 --> 00:00:47,609
Will you just let us in?
25
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:49,027
All right.
26
00:00:49,029 --> 00:00:51,496
But don't freak out.
27
00:00:51,530 --> 00:00:52,497
[All gasp]
28
00:00:52,531 --> 00:00:53,698
- What the...
- [Laughs] Wow.
29
00:00:53,749 --> 00:00:54,699
Oh, my God.
30
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,700
All right.
31
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,418
Come on in.
32
00:00:57,453 --> 00:00:59,203
How is this possible?
33
00:00:59,254 --> 00:01:00,705
The short explanation is the house is built
34
00:01:00,756 --> 00:01:02,540
over a portal to another universe.
35
00:01:02,542 --> 00:01:03,758
But how does...
36
00:01:03,792 --> 00:01:06,210
I could go into the exact whys and hows,
37
00:01:06,261 --> 00:01:07,595
but you'd need to read this book
38
00:01:07,630 --> 00:01:09,514
on string theory first.
39
00:01:09,548 --> 00:01:11,299
- It's fine.
- We're good.
40
00:01:11,350 --> 00:01:13,351
We don't really know
how botox works either.
41
00:01:13,385 --> 00:01:16,020
Oh, mein Gott. We have visitors.
42
00:01:16,055 --> 00:01:18,222
Oh, yeah, and the dog talks.
43
00:01:18,224 --> 00:01:20,525
Why is George Clooney
wearing socks and sandals?
44
00:01:20,559 --> 00:01:21,893
He's German.
45
00:01:21,895 --> 00:01:23,895
Technically, ich bin Pomeranian.
46
00:01:23,897 --> 00:01:25,279
I don't know about anyone else,
47
00:01:25,314 --> 00:01:26,864
but I could go for a driving montage.
48
00:01:26,899 --> 00:01:28,733
Melanie, where are your manners?
49
00:01:28,735 --> 00:01:30,118
Opening credits first.
50
00:01:32,154 --> 00:01:36,290
- Synced and corrected by oykubuyuk -
- www.addic7ed.com
51
00:01:36,325 --> 00:01:36,708
Look over there.
52
00:01:36,753 --> 00:01:40,256
It's the beautiful Cuyahoga river.
53
00:01:41,051 --> 00:01:45,688
And there's the Cleveland Indians' stadium.
54
00:01:45,723 --> 00:01:47,140
And that must be Severance Hall,
55
00:01:47,221 --> 00:01:49,723
where the world-renowned
Cleveland orchestra plays.
56
00:01:54,979 --> 00:01:56,763
[Tires screech]
57
00:01:56,765 --> 00:01:57,764
[Grunts]
58
00:01:57,766 --> 00:01:59,016
Oh, no.
59
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:01,268
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is closed.
60
00:02:01,319 --> 00:02:03,937
I think I have something
that can open that.
61
00:02:03,988 --> 00:02:05,689
So do I.
62
00:02:08,910 --> 00:02:10,827
And that, ladies, is how you get inside
63
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:13,864
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
64
00:02:19,254 --> 00:02:21,421
[Grunting]
65
00:02:21,456 --> 00:02:24,341
Hey, get me out of here.
66
00:02:24,375 --> 00:02:26,960
[Wailing] Wow!
67
00:02:27,011 --> 00:02:28,795
Steven Tyler?
68
00:02:28,797 --> 00:02:30,214
Mr. Tyler, I'm a huge fan.
69
00:02:30,265 --> 00:02:32,299
Aah! Look at those hands.
70
00:02:32,301 --> 00:02:33,800
Lady looks like a dude.
71
00:02:33,851 --> 00:02:35,102
What were you doing in the trunk
72
00:02:35,136 --> 00:02:36,637
of Janis Joplin's Porsche?
73
00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:38,639
I got in an argument with Stevie Nicks
74
00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:40,474
about who wears scarves better.
75
00:02:40,476 --> 00:02:42,476
Before I knew it, she cast a spell on me
76
00:02:42,478 --> 00:02:43,777
and locked me in a trunk.
77
00:02:43,811 --> 00:02:46,146
And damn it, now I either have to grant you
78
00:02:46,148 --> 00:02:48,649
three wishes or be your Butler for life.
79
00:02:48,651 --> 00:02:50,534
All: Wishes. We want wishes.
80
00:02:50,568 --> 00:02:51,952
Okay, okay.
81
00:02:51,986 --> 00:02:54,204
I know everybody's first wish
is world peace, so...
82
00:02:54,239 --> 00:02:55,872
All: Eternal youth and beauty.
83
00:02:55,907 --> 00:02:56,873
You all want in?
84
00:02:56,908 --> 00:02:58,325
- All: Yes.
- I'll opt out.
85
00:02:58,376 --> 00:02:59,993
The secret to my happiness is doing
86
00:03:00,044 --> 00:03:02,079
the opposite of these three loons.
87
00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:03,330
No problem.
88
00:03:03,381 --> 00:03:05,666
You and I will pass the time
together, right, cutie?
89
00:03:05,668 --> 00:03:07,634
- Dream on.
- Wow!
90
00:03:07,669 --> 00:03:10,137
So that's what rejection
from a woman feels like.
91
00:03:10,171 --> 00:03:12,806
Eternal youth and beauty
for three coming right up.
92
00:03:12,840 --> 00:03:14,891
[Scats]
93
00:03:14,926 --> 00:03:16,310
Oh, my God.
94
00:03:16,344 --> 00:03:17,644
We're in Paris.
95
00:03:17,679 --> 00:03:18,845
But why are we here?
96
00:03:18,896 --> 00:03:20,681
This isn't what we wished for.
97
00:03:20,732 --> 00:03:22,015
Maybe we're finally going to Paris
98
00:03:22,066 --> 00:03:23,567
like we intended four years ago,
99
00:03:23,601 --> 00:03:25,319
when we crash-landed in Cleveland.
100
00:03:25,353 --> 00:03:28,071
[Men murmuring, chuckling]
101
00:03:28,106 --> 00:03:29,940
Hey, we thought Cleveland was the ticket
102
00:03:29,991 --> 00:03:31,024
to eternal youth and beauty,
103
00:03:31,026 --> 00:03:33,410
but we seem to be hot in Paris too.
104
00:03:33,444 --> 00:03:34,828
[Bell rings]
105
00:03:34,862 --> 00:03:35,829
Male narrator: The models came out
106
00:03:35,863 --> 00:03:37,247
in two straight lines.
107
00:03:37,282 --> 00:03:40,200
The smallest one was 5'9".
108
00:03:40,202 --> 00:03:41,335
- [Giggles]
- [Moans]
109
00:03:41,369 --> 00:03:42,452
All: Aw.
110
00:03:42,503 --> 00:03:44,371
We need eternal youth and beauty.
111
00:03:44,373 --> 00:03:45,789
[Shimmering tone]
112
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:47,257
What are these tickets?
113
00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,842
Ladies,
114
00:03:48,876 --> 00:03:53,463
follow me to the institute
of eternal youth and beauty.
115
00:03:53,514 --> 00:03:55,048
You're not an example of the work
116
00:03:55,099 --> 00:03:56,183
that they do, are you?
117
00:03:56,217 --> 00:03:59,219
Beauty is in the soul.
118
00:03:59,221 --> 00:04:01,054
That better not be
the lesson we're learning.
119
00:04:01,105 --> 00:04:03,273
Walk this way.
120
00:04:03,308 --> 00:04:07,728
What didn't you understand
about "walk this way"?
121
00:04:09,397 --> 00:04:11,648
Bonne chance.
122
00:04:22,744 --> 00:04:25,912
[Grunting]
123
00:04:25,914 --> 00:04:26,963
Nailed it.
124
00:04:26,998 --> 00:04:28,248
Elka?
125
00:04:28,250 --> 00:04:29,883
Wilhelmina Wonka.
126
00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:32,085
I'm your ticket to youth and beauty.
127
00:04:32,087 --> 00:04:33,503
[Upbeat music]
128
00:04:33,554 --> 00:04:37,057
Who can take your wrinkles
129
00:04:37,091 --> 00:04:40,477
whisk them all away?
130
00:04:40,511 --> 00:04:42,095
Make your skin as smooth
131
00:04:42,097 --> 00:04:44,314
as if you've bathed in retin-a?
132
00:04:44,349 --> 00:04:45,932
The beauty man can
133
00:04:45,983 --> 00:04:47,434
you're really not a man
134
00:04:47,436 --> 00:04:50,270
But "woman" wouldn't scan.
135
00:04:52,273 --> 00:04:53,774
[All gasp]
136
00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:55,776
Welcome to my world,
137
00:04:55,827 --> 00:04:58,912
a world of pure rejuvenation.
138
00:04:58,946 --> 00:05:02,366
Fauna and flora designed by Sephora.
139
00:05:02,417 --> 00:05:07,421
Hair extensions growing in the trees.
140
00:05:07,455 --> 00:05:12,626
And should you find occasion
for microdermabrasion...
141
00:05:12,628 --> 00:05:15,262
There's sodium chloride crystals
142
00:05:15,296 --> 00:05:19,015
on the breeze
143
00:05:19,050 --> 00:05:20,967
is this real?
144
00:05:20,969 --> 00:05:23,970
A skin peel just by dunking
145
00:05:23,972 --> 00:05:26,189
my head in this fountain
146
00:05:26,224 --> 00:05:29,226
not just that, lose your fat
147
00:05:29,277 --> 00:05:33,814
at the top of lipo mountain
148
00:05:33,865 --> 00:05:35,699
the birdies in the skies
149
00:05:35,733 --> 00:05:38,735
have lasers in their eyes to zap
150
00:05:38,786 --> 00:05:43,373
unwanted facial hairs away
151
00:05:43,408 --> 00:05:46,326
All:
yes, nothing can go wrong
152
00:05:46,377 --> 00:05:50,580
here in beauty land
153
00:05:50,631 --> 00:05:54,634
so in beauty land
154
00:05:54,669 --> 00:06:00,674
we'll stay
155
00:06:02,009 --> 00:06:03,226
A word of caution, though.
156
00:06:03,261 --> 00:06:05,395
Don't let your vanity
get the better of you.
157
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,931
For example, this river of pure botox...
158
00:06:07,982 --> 00:06:10,233
river of botox, you say?
159
00:06:10,268 --> 00:06:11,234
Stop!
160
00:06:11,269 --> 00:06:12,519
Do you want the same fate
161
00:06:12,570 --> 00:06:14,771
as the real housewives of Beverly Hills?
162
00:06:14,822 --> 00:06:16,273
What's going to happen to them?
163
00:06:16,324 --> 00:06:18,024
Oh, we recycle.
164
00:06:18,075 --> 00:06:19,109
[Saw blade whirring]
165
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,577
Nothing goes to waste here.
166
00:06:20,611 --> 00:06:23,330
We use their implants for toss-a-cross.
167
00:06:23,364 --> 00:06:25,031
Hey, who are they?
168
00:06:25,082 --> 00:06:26,533
Those are the Mamie Sues,
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00:06:26,584 --> 00:06:28,502
the little people who work for me.
170
00:06:28,536 --> 00:06:29,953
All: Work with you.
171
00:06:30,004 --> 00:06:33,123
Ongoing labor dispute.
Shall we continue the tour?
172
00:06:35,543 --> 00:06:36,710
An inflatorator?
173
00:06:36,712 --> 00:06:38,128
What does that do?
174
00:06:38,179 --> 00:06:40,380
All: It pumps and plumps your boobs and ass
175
00:06:40,431 --> 00:06:43,183
enough to put on any glass.
176
00:06:43,217 --> 00:06:45,969
But it's still very much
in the experimental stage.
177
00:06:46,020 --> 00:06:48,722
Now, come on.
178
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,355
[Mechanical whirring]
179
00:06:57,389 --> 00:06:58,556
Ooh.
180
00:06:58,607 --> 00:07:03,477
Someone's a bit handsy.
181
00:07:03,529 --> 00:07:05,313
They're right here.
182
00:07:05,364 --> 00:07:07,698
Oh. Oh, I say.
183
00:07:08,817 --> 00:07:11,319
Joy, this is unsanctioned behavior.
184
00:07:11,370 --> 00:07:12,486
Look, I've always wanted this.
185
00:07:12,538 --> 00:07:15,656
I just don't know how big I should go.
186
00:07:19,328 --> 00:07:21,796
Oh! This is wonderful.
187
00:07:21,830 --> 00:07:24,749
Oh, my back hurts already.
188
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:26,584
More!
189
00:07:26,635 --> 00:07:28,252
[Cackles]
190
00:07:28,254 --> 00:07:30,338
More!
191
00:07:30,389 --> 00:07:32,723
Whoa!
192
00:07:32,758 --> 00:07:35,760
Help!
193
00:07:36,812 --> 00:07:38,346
All:
boob jobs, butt jobs
194
00:07:38,397 --> 00:07:39,730
silly silicone
195
00:07:39,765 --> 00:07:43,935
you're better off being flat and alone
196
00:07:43,937 --> 00:07:45,937
Melanie, tie Joy to your wrist,
197
00:07:45,939 --> 00:07:47,438
and we'll carry on.
198
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:48,573
- [Thud]
- Ow.
199
00:07:48,607 --> 00:07:49,824
Sorry.
200
00:07:49,858 --> 00:07:51,108
This room contains
201
00:07:51,159 --> 00:07:53,778
the most cutting-edge
revitalization technology
202
00:07:53,829 --> 00:07:55,079
in the world.
203
00:07:55,113 --> 00:07:56,781
It's amazing. Both: Oh.
204
00:07:56,832 --> 00:07:59,083
Pills... What do these do?
205
00:07:59,117 --> 00:08:01,285
All: Much stronger by far
than any ablution.
206
00:08:01,336 --> 00:08:04,538
For aging, this is the perfect solution.
207
00:08:04,590 --> 00:08:07,291
I call it "the ever-younger stopgobber."
208
00:08:07,293 --> 00:08:09,126
I have a major announcement to make.
209
00:08:09,177 --> 00:08:11,345
I want an ever-younger stopgobber.
210
00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:14,382
They're not ready yet.
211
00:08:16,635 --> 00:08:18,936
Ooh, a modelizer?
212
00:08:18,971 --> 00:08:20,638
What does this turn you into?
213
00:08:20,689 --> 00:08:23,774
All: A teenage model, a human coat hanger,
214
00:08:23,809 --> 00:08:25,726
the kind that makes fellows say,
215
00:08:25,777 --> 00:08:27,478
"I'd love to bang her."
216
00:08:27,529 --> 00:08:29,480
- I'm there.
- There are drawbacks.
217
00:08:29,531 --> 00:08:31,315
I'm... There.
218
00:08:31,366 --> 00:08:33,734
The process destroys brain cells.
219
00:08:33,785 --> 00:08:36,203
Oh, they say the same thing about wine.
220
00:08:36,238 --> 00:08:39,824
- [Rattling]
- [Grunts]
221
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:42,743
I'm stuck in here.
222
00:08:42,794 --> 00:08:44,161
You need to push.
223
00:08:44,212 --> 00:08:46,914
Which way is that again?
224
00:08:46,965 --> 00:08:49,834
[Hissing]
225
00:08:49,885 --> 00:08:52,803
Oh, my God. You're so young.
226
00:08:52,838 --> 00:08:55,306
And thin. You can eat anything.
227
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:57,341
Yeah, but I can't remember what.
228
00:08:57,392 --> 00:09:00,344
Do I eat meat or am I a "vetenernarinan"?
229
00:09:00,346 --> 00:09:01,679
Oh, brother.
230
00:09:01,730 --> 00:09:04,982
All:
models are a vapid, boring breed
231
00:09:05,017 --> 00:09:09,353
you're better off just going to seed
232
00:09:09,404 --> 00:09:10,738
Oh, my God.
233
00:09:10,772 --> 00:09:12,523
Joy's a balloon, and Melanie's an idiot.
234
00:09:12,525 --> 00:09:16,360
Where are my chill pills?
235
00:09:16,362 --> 00:09:19,030
Oh, I feel better and younger.
236
00:09:19,081 --> 00:09:20,164
I feel 40.
237
00:09:20,198 --> 00:09:22,917
I don't want to be 40.
238
00:09:22,951 --> 00:09:27,788
Stop. Don't.
239
00:09:27,839 --> 00:09:29,457
Look at her now.
240
00:09:29,508 --> 00:09:33,177
Look, all my hand toes can point.
241
00:09:33,211 --> 00:09:35,346
Oh, my God. Look at me.
242
00:09:35,380 --> 00:09:37,631
I'm bald and fat.
243
00:09:37,683 --> 00:09:38,799
All:
three failed stabs
244
00:09:38,850 --> 00:09:40,685
at turning back your clocks
245
00:09:40,719 --> 00:09:45,022
proves you dumb as a trio of rocks
246
00:09:45,057 --> 00:09:47,108
Steven Tyler, take us back.
247
00:09:47,142 --> 00:09:48,859
This wish didn't work!
248
00:09:48,894 --> 00:09:50,561
[Wailing] Wow!
249
00:09:50,563 --> 00:09:52,279
[Playing guitar]
250
00:09:52,314 --> 00:09:53,397
What happened?
251
00:09:53,448 --> 00:09:54,732
You look as old as when you left.
252
00:09:54,783 --> 00:09:55,983
Let's just say we had some problems,
253
00:09:56,034 --> 00:09:57,284
and leave it at that.
254
00:09:57,319 --> 00:09:58,652
You know, we don't have
to improve ourselves
255
00:09:58,704 --> 00:09:59,954
to be attractive to men.
256
00:09:59,988 --> 00:10:00,955
We should wish they're attracted to us
257
00:10:00,989 --> 00:10:02,373
just the way we are.
258
00:10:02,407 --> 00:10:04,158
Did you get that, Steven Tyler?
259
00:10:04,209 --> 00:10:06,210
We want men to be crazy about us.
260
00:10:06,244 --> 00:10:08,212
Hordes of men hungry for us.
261
00:10:08,246 --> 00:10:10,414
Drooling over us.
262
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:13,334
So you all agree that's the second wish?
263
00:10:13,385 --> 00:10:15,970
You want men to be hungry for you.
264
00:10:16,004 --> 00:10:17,088
Coming right up.
265
00:10:17,090 --> 00:10:18,923
[Inhales deeply, plays pitch pipe]
266
00:10:18,925 --> 00:10:21,892
[Wailing] Wow!
267
00:10:21,927 --> 00:10:23,594
What are we doing here?
268
00:10:23,645 --> 00:10:24,979
And where are all the men,
269
00:10:25,013 --> 00:10:27,264
hungry and drooling for us?
270
00:10:27,266 --> 00:10:28,265
[Glass shatters] [All scream]
271
00:10:28,267 --> 00:10:29,433
[Zombies groaning]
272
00:10:29,484 --> 00:10:30,434
[Door closes]
273
00:10:30,485 --> 00:10:32,737
I'm returning your corkscrew.
274
00:10:32,771 --> 00:10:36,357
And by the way, there's
a zombie apocalypse going on.
275
00:10:36,408 --> 00:10:38,159
Well, they are hungry for us.
276
00:10:38,193 --> 00:10:39,527
If there's one thing I hate,
277
00:10:39,578 --> 00:10:42,113
it's zombies and what Joy's wearing.
278
00:10:42,164 --> 00:10:44,248
Really? Now?
279
00:10:44,282 --> 00:10:46,167
I think we should reason with them.
280
00:10:46,201 --> 00:10:48,619
They may be undead,
but they're still people.
281
00:10:48,670 --> 00:10:51,622
Do any of you zombies want to talk
282
00:10:51,673 --> 00:10:54,792
about healthier eating
options than human flesh?
283
00:10:54,794 --> 00:10:57,344
Ooh. Ooh, my.
284
00:10:57,379 --> 00:10:58,546
[Zombies groaning]
285
00:10:58,597 --> 00:11:01,298
Those zombies made some excellent points.
286
00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:03,300
Also, I'm a zombie now.
287
00:11:03,302 --> 00:11:04,468
[All scream]
288
00:11:04,519 --> 00:11:07,471
[The Walking Dead theme]
289
00:11:07,522 --> 00:11:14,311
290
00:11:14,313 --> 00:11:15,312
Who would have thought you could
291
00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:17,148
kill zombies with Tae Bo?
292
00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,649
I did.
293
00:11:18,651 --> 00:11:20,151
Do you know what the sad part is?
294
00:11:20,153 --> 00:11:21,819
No, Victoria, please tell us
295
00:11:21,821 --> 00:11:24,155
what the sad part about
being attacked by zombies is.
296
00:11:24,157 --> 00:11:26,157
Yeah, I'd like to know too.
297
00:11:26,159 --> 00:11:27,825
[Growls]
298
00:11:27,827 --> 00:11:29,827
- Mamie Sue!
- Sorry.
299
00:11:29,878 --> 00:11:31,962
[Clears throat] The sad part is
300
00:11:31,997 --> 00:11:33,497
we have all these men that wanted us
301
00:11:33,548 --> 00:11:35,716
really badly, and they're all gone.
302
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:36,750
That's true.
303
00:11:36,802 --> 00:11:38,335
If only there was some way to take
304
00:11:38,386 --> 00:11:40,921
these body parts
and create the perfect man.
305
00:11:40,972 --> 00:11:42,173
There are enough body parts here
306
00:11:42,224 --> 00:11:44,008
to make four perfect men.
307
00:11:44,059 --> 00:11:45,676
But how would we do that?
308
00:11:45,727 --> 00:11:48,145
You could always go to Elka's secret lab.
309
00:11:49,681 --> 00:11:51,348
Did I never mention the secret lab
310
00:11:51,399 --> 00:11:53,517
I have under the house?
311
00:11:55,353 --> 00:11:57,521
How long have you had this underground lab?
312
00:11:57,572 --> 00:11:58,906
Oh, forever.
313
00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:00,357
My license with the city says
314
00:12:00,408 --> 00:12:01,992
it's a build-a-bear workshop.
315
00:12:02,027 --> 00:12:04,361
In fact, before we re-animate our men,
316
00:12:04,412 --> 00:12:06,614
you have to choose one of these outfits.
317
00:12:06,665 --> 00:12:09,416
$300 for a denim cap?
318
00:12:09,451 --> 00:12:10,534
That's where they get you.
319
00:12:10,585 --> 00:12:12,703
Is everyone ready?
320
00:12:12,705 --> 00:12:14,788
Mine will be the most beautiful creature
321
00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,340
you've ever seen.
322
00:12:16,374 --> 00:12:17,341
I didn't go for looks.
323
00:12:17,375 --> 00:12:18,759
I went for personality.
324
00:12:18,793 --> 00:12:21,045
My perfect man is nice, smart,
325
00:12:21,047 --> 00:12:23,347
and, above all, honest.
326
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:25,766
Robert Redford.
327
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,135
David Beckham.
328
00:12:28,186 --> 00:12:30,104
George Clooney.
329
00:12:30,138 --> 00:12:32,139
- Ja?
- Not you.
330
00:12:32,190 --> 00:12:34,191
Okay, but admit it's confusing.
331
00:12:34,226 --> 00:12:37,695
Abraham Lincoln.
332
00:12:37,729 --> 00:12:40,364
What? You know what they say
about men with big hats?
333
00:12:40,398 --> 00:12:41,448
That's shoes.
334
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:43,484
Really?
335
00:12:43,535 --> 00:12:44,735
Oh.
336
00:12:44,786 --> 00:12:47,571
You ladies ready?
337
00:12:47,622 --> 00:12:50,124
[Electricity hums]
338
00:12:50,158 --> 00:12:52,209
Hello.
339
00:12:52,244 --> 00:12:54,245
Well, hello.
340
00:12:54,247 --> 00:12:56,547
Hello, gorgeous.
341
00:12:56,581 --> 00:13:00,251
I propose we form a perfect union... naked.
342
00:13:00,253 --> 00:13:02,887
Our men are falling
in love with each other.
343
00:13:02,921 --> 00:13:04,722
We found the perfect gay men?
344
00:13:04,756 --> 00:13:07,057
[Scoffs] We could have done that in L.A.
345
00:13:07,092 --> 00:13:09,176
Whoops, we programmed
the men to fall in love
346
00:13:09,227 --> 00:13:11,345
with the first person they see.
347
00:13:11,396 --> 00:13:13,597
De-animate them! De-animate them!
348
00:13:13,648 --> 00:13:15,349
[Electricity buzzes]
349
00:13:21,106 --> 00:13:23,607
[Electricity hums]
350
00:13:23,658 --> 00:13:25,743
My God.
351
00:13:25,777 --> 00:13:29,280
You are the most beautiful
woman I've ever seen.
352
00:13:29,282 --> 00:13:31,582
You got that right, Sundance.
353
00:13:31,616 --> 00:13:33,417
This is fantastic.
354
00:13:33,451 --> 00:13:34,618
It certainly is.
355
00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:38,372
What could possibly go wrong?
356
00:13:38,423 --> 00:13:40,257
Nothing has gone wrong.
357
00:13:40,292 --> 00:13:42,293
Well, kind of a mixed bag.
358
00:13:42,295 --> 00:13:43,427
- [Giggling]
- Ooh.
359
00:13:43,461 --> 00:13:46,797
Nothing could ruin our happiness.
360
00:13:46,799 --> 00:13:48,799
Nothing has ruined our happiness.
361
00:13:48,801 --> 00:13:50,634
[Hissing]
362
00:13:50,685 --> 00:13:52,720
I need coffee.
363
00:13:52,771 --> 00:13:54,638
Robert Redford snores louder than I did
364
00:13:54,689 --> 00:13:56,307
during The Great Waldo Pepper.
365
00:13:56,358 --> 00:13:58,642
Sure, you can bend it like Beckham,
366
00:13:58,693 --> 00:14:00,311
but would it kill you to bend over
367
00:14:00,362 --> 00:14:02,646
and pick up a wet towel once in a while?
368
00:14:02,697 --> 00:14:04,315
You think you have it bad.
369
00:14:04,317 --> 00:14:06,951
George Clooney's so hot to save the planet
370
00:14:06,985 --> 00:14:10,404
he put fluorescent bulbs
over my bathroom mirror.
371
00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,577
Well, now that we're
getting everything out,
372
00:14:16,628 --> 00:14:19,129
honest Abe could cut back
on the honesty a little.
373
00:14:19,164 --> 00:14:20,631
Do you like this dress on me?
374
00:14:20,665 --> 00:14:24,501
Eh, it's not exactly
giving me a Lincoln log.
375
00:14:24,503 --> 00:14:27,171
So we didn't create perfect men after all.
376
00:14:27,173 --> 00:14:29,006
It turns out even sexy, athletic,
377
00:14:29,008 --> 00:14:32,142
talented, political
icons are still just men.
378
00:14:32,177 --> 00:14:33,510
Maybe we're not being fair.
379
00:14:33,561 --> 00:14:35,512
We couldn't make ourselves
into perfect women either.
380
00:14:35,563 --> 00:14:38,182
So maybe we should cut them some slack.
381
00:14:38,184 --> 00:14:39,516
[Upbeat music playing]
382
00:14:39,518 --> 00:14:41,185
It's coming from the garage.
383
00:14:41,187 --> 00:14:43,187
384
00:14:43,238 --> 00:14:46,273
and I'm happy just to be alive
385
00:14:47,776 --> 00:14:49,026
Oh, dear God.
386
00:14:49,077 --> 00:14:51,945
They've started
a middle-aged man garage band.
387
00:14:51,997 --> 00:14:53,614
Oh, yeah. They gotta go.
388
00:14:53,665 --> 00:14:54,615
Now.
389
00:14:54,666 --> 00:14:56,333
But how do we get rid of them?
390
00:14:56,368 --> 00:14:59,453
I could eat.
391
00:14:59,504 --> 00:15:02,039
- [Men scream]
- [Chewing, gnawing]
392
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:06,901
You ladies are probably starting
393
00:15:06,935 --> 00:15:09,803
to figure out that these
wishes have catches to them,
394
00:15:09,838 --> 00:15:11,472
so I'm sure you'll be careful
395
00:15:11,506 --> 00:15:12,806
when you make your next wishes.
396
00:15:12,841 --> 00:15:15,342
I wish LeBron never left Cleveland.
397
00:15:15,377 --> 00:15:16,644
All right.
398
00:15:16,678 --> 00:15:20,014
[Wailing] Wow!
399
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:23,551
Welcome to Cleveland,
400
00:15:23,602 --> 00:15:25,352
city of champions.
401
00:15:25,387 --> 00:15:27,755
That means they won the title.
402
00:15:27,789 --> 00:15:31,058
Mamie Sue, you look fantastic.
403
00:15:31,109 --> 00:15:33,110
And so does Cleveland.
404
00:15:33,144 --> 00:15:35,479
A little confidence changes everything.
405
00:15:35,530 --> 00:15:38,032
They say that in women's
magazines all the time,
406
00:15:38,066 --> 00:15:39,733
but for once it's really true.
407
00:15:39,784 --> 00:15:41,068
We should go to our bar
408
00:15:41,070 --> 00:15:45,322
and toast our amazing new city.
409
00:15:45,373 --> 00:15:47,575
Excuse me, we're regulars here, so...
410
00:15:47,577 --> 00:15:49,159
I don't think so, ladies.
411
00:15:49,211 --> 00:15:52,830
You're not quite right
for this establishment.
412
00:15:52,881 --> 00:15:55,633
Oh, my God.
413
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:57,334
He just said we're not hot...
414
00:15:57,385 --> 00:15:58,919
In Cleveland.
415
00:15:58,970 --> 00:16:00,804
Cleveland is overflowing
416
00:16:00,839 --> 00:16:02,723
with powerful, attractive people now.
417
00:16:02,757 --> 00:16:05,726
Even the Browns and Indians
have won championships.
418
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,678
But the best part of being a Cleveland fan
419
00:16:07,729 --> 00:16:09,763
is the complaining about the teams.
420
00:16:09,765 --> 00:16:11,732
Your wish ruined Cleveland.
421
00:16:11,766 --> 00:16:14,101
We gotta go talk to LeBron.
422
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:23,494
[All gasp]
423
00:16:23,528 --> 00:16:27,498
Who dares approach
the great and powerful LeBron?
424
00:16:27,532 --> 00:16:30,834
Hey, what's up, dog?
425
00:16:30,869 --> 00:16:33,837
King James, you need to fix Cleveland.
426
00:16:33,872 --> 00:16:35,422
What are you talking about?
427
00:16:35,457 --> 00:16:37,341
I fixed it. We're cool.
428
00:16:37,375 --> 00:16:38,759
We win championships.
429
00:16:38,793 --> 00:16:40,210
We even have our own Batman.
430
00:16:40,262 --> 00:16:42,346
Don't tell them it's you.
431
00:16:42,380 --> 00:16:44,465
Way ahead of you.
432
00:16:44,467 --> 00:16:47,268
Anyway, Cleveland has
pretentious food trucks
433
00:16:47,302 --> 00:16:50,054
and spin classes and hipsters and vegans.
434
00:16:50,105 --> 00:16:51,388
You know what that sounds like.
435
00:16:51,439 --> 00:16:52,606
Success?
436
00:16:52,641 --> 00:16:54,858
No, Los Angeles.
437
00:16:54,893 --> 00:16:56,694
We came here from Los Angeles
438
00:16:56,728 --> 00:16:58,312
and discovered a special place,
439
00:16:58,314 --> 00:17:01,198
totally different from what we left behind.
440
00:17:01,232 --> 00:17:02,816
And now it's all gone.
441
00:17:02,867 --> 00:17:05,869
I miss the Fanny Packs, the chili fries,
442
00:17:05,904 --> 00:17:09,323
the jean shorts, and Marshall
Tucker Band tank tops.
443
00:17:09,325 --> 00:17:11,575
I loved complaining that you couldn't find
444
00:17:11,626 --> 00:17:13,794
anything in a size 0 here.
445
00:17:13,828 --> 00:17:15,913
I loved being objectified, whistled at,
446
00:17:15,964 --> 00:17:18,465
and yes, once, in a dunkin' donuts, goosed.
447
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,085
And after all, isn't feeling
good about yourself
448
00:17:21,136 --> 00:17:22,970
really just feeling better than others?
449
00:17:23,004 --> 00:17:25,089
Oh, do something, LeBron.
450
00:17:25,140 --> 00:17:28,342
Forgive me. Your words have moved me.
451
00:17:28,344 --> 00:17:29,893
People say a lot of things about me,
452
00:17:29,928 --> 00:17:31,428
but I never want them to say Batman...
453
00:17:31,479 --> 00:17:34,648
I mean, LeBron...
454
00:17:34,683 --> 00:17:36,483
robbed a lady of her hotness.
455
00:17:36,518 --> 00:17:37,685
I don't know why I just said "Batman,"
456
00:17:37,687 --> 00:17:40,521
because I'm obviously not him.
457
00:17:40,572 --> 00:17:42,022
Batman.
458
00:17:42,024 --> 00:17:43,657
But what will you do?
459
00:17:43,692 --> 00:17:44,775
I'll move on.
460
00:17:44,826 --> 00:17:45,993
I've recently had an offer
461
00:17:46,027 --> 00:17:47,695
from the Okinawa Lady Pantsers.
462
00:17:47,697 --> 00:17:50,698
[Japanese pop song]
463
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:52,199
464
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:55,085
- Hey, aren't you...
- no, I don't think so.
465
00:17:55,120 --> 00:17:56,370
I know this city.
466
00:17:56,421 --> 00:17:58,005
Cleveland won't mind if I leave.
467
00:17:58,039 --> 00:17:59,456
Maybe they won't even notice.
468
00:17:59,507 --> 00:18:00,958
This is perfect.
469
00:18:01,009 --> 00:18:03,010
I already feel like the city is ours again,
470
00:18:03,044 --> 00:18:04,595
and things will be back to normal.
471
00:18:04,629 --> 00:18:07,214
Good-bye, Cleveland.
472
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,767
- [Car horns honking]
- [Overlapping shouting]
473
00:18:09,801 --> 00:18:13,053
[Car alarms blaring, explosions]
474
00:18:13,055 --> 00:18:14,388
It's okay.
475
00:18:14,439 --> 00:18:15,806
Nobody knows we're responsible.
476
00:18:15,857 --> 00:18:18,142
[Indistinct shouting]
477
00:18:18,193 --> 00:18:19,727
There they are! Get 'em!
478
00:18:19,778 --> 00:18:21,362
[All scream]
479
00:18:21,396 --> 00:18:25,399
All: Steven Tyler, take us back.
480
00:18:25,401 --> 00:18:27,201
We want everything back the way it was.
481
00:18:27,235 --> 00:18:28,485
We've learned our lesson.
482
00:18:28,536 --> 00:18:30,237
Instead of chasing after
what we don't have,
483
00:18:30,288 --> 00:18:32,072
we should appreciate what we've got.
484
00:18:32,074 --> 00:18:33,824
Isn't that right, Steven Tyler?
485
00:18:33,875 --> 00:18:35,325
No.
486
00:18:35,377 --> 00:18:36,794
That's not the lesson.
487
00:18:36,828 --> 00:18:38,379
Well, then what is the lesson?
488
00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:40,497
Listen close and write this down.
489
00:18:40,548 --> 00:18:45,552
[Scatting, clicking tongue]
490
00:18:45,587 --> 00:18:48,138
I was with you until "diggy-diggy-dah."
491
00:18:48,173 --> 00:18:50,057
As hot as you all are,
492
00:18:50,091 --> 00:18:53,644
you'd be the least
hot women I ever slept with,
493
00:18:53,678 --> 00:18:55,396
except you, Elka.
494
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:56,764
That's the lesson?
495
00:18:56,766 --> 00:18:58,232
That's what I got out of it.
496
00:18:58,266 --> 00:18:59,349
See you.
497
00:18:59,401 --> 00:19:01,602
[Wailing] Wow!
498
00:19:01,604 --> 00:19:03,570
How do we get back?
499
00:19:03,605 --> 00:19:05,155
Well, according to String theory...
500
00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:06,774
- Just do it.
- [Snaps fingers]
501
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:08,547
[Exhales] Oh, my God.
502
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,480
I can't believe that just happened.
503
00:19:09,581 --> 00:19:10,514
Now that it has,
504
00:19:10,615 --> 00:19:12,415
how can anything ever be the same?
505
00:19:12,980 --> 00:19:15,081
We can't un-know what we know.
506
00:19:15,182 --> 00:19:17,984
My advice is to forget it ever happened
507
00:19:18,085 --> 00:19:19,252
or it'll make you crazy.
508
00:19:19,353 --> 00:19:23,856
That's my advice to you too.
509
00:19:23,991 --> 00:19:24,991
Hey, Elka.
510
00:19:25,075 --> 00:19:25,992
Der schnitzel's getting cold.
511
00:19:26,093 --> 00:19:29,362
I mean, "woof."
512
00:19:29,496 --> 00:19:32,081
Must've left the door open.
513
00:19:35,753 --> 00:19:37,754
Welcome to my world,
514
00:19:37,871 --> 00:19:40,256
a world of pure rejuvenation,
515
00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:45,378
and should you find occasion
for microdermabrasion...
516
00:19:45,512 --> 00:19:51,050
There's sodium chloride
crystals on the breeze
517
00:19:51,185 --> 00:19:53,186
is this real?
518
00:19:53,270 --> 00:19:54,954
A skin peel
519
00:19:55,055 --> 00:19:58,441
just by dunking
my head in this fountain
520
00:19:58,559 --> 00:20:02,261
not just that, lose your fat
521
00:20:02,362 --> 00:20:06,733
at the top of lipo Mountain
522
00:20:06,867 --> 00:20:08,066
the birdies in the skies
523
00:20:08,067 --> 00:20:09,766
have lasers in their eyes
524
00:20:10,165 --> 00:20:14,965
to zap unwanted facial hairs away
525
00:20:16,065 --> 00:20:23,865
so in beauty land we'll stay
526
00:20:23,915 --> 00:20:28,465
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