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The following is a paid
political announcement.
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Elka Ostrovsky seems
like a sweet, old lady.
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But how well do we know her?
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We know she's been in jail.
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We know she's was married to the mob.
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[Gunfire]
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We know she lives with three single women.
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[Buzzer]
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What's that about?
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Is this the kind of person
you want approving appointees
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to the municipal utilities commission?
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I don't think so.
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Vote Jim Powell for City Council.
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I'm a disabled
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African-American Ohio state football hero,
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and I approve this message.
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Elka, as your campaign manager,
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my first job is to go after this guy
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and all of his vicious,
ridiculous, embarrassing lies.
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There's just one problem.
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All that stuff is true!
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Okay, we'll just add that to the equation.
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[Sighs]
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You now have a .001% chance
of winning this election.
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In exactly three days
and seven bottles of wine,
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the Academy Award nominations
will be announced...
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And it will either be an honor
just to be nominated,
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or I'll kill myself.
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[Phone beeps]
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Oh, it's my agent.
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One of the on-air nomination
announcers dropped out,
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and they want me to replace her.
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- That's so exciting!
- Wow.
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Oh, my God!
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I will be standing
in front of the whole world
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when I find out if I'm nominated or not.
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Oh, my God.
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I will be standing
in front of the whole world
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when I find out if I'm nominated or not.
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Don't worry.
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I'll fly out with you
and help you through it.
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Well, maybe I can come too.
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Although I'm meeting my
new boss this afternoon.
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Might be a bit awkward to ask for time off.
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Keep in mind that
a person's impression of you
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is made within the first
ten seconds of meeting them,
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and it's very difficult to
change that initial assumption.
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When I first met Joy,
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I thought she was a prostitute.
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Just backing him up.
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Oh, my God.
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Hi. You must be Joy.
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- Joy.
- I'm Mitch.
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And I can tell you're a great detective
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because you're observing me very closely.
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And... ugh, I'm an idiot,
I forgot to feed the meter.
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I'll be right back.
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I'm leaving this message
because I want this documented.
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I've an overwhelming feeling that
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I just met the man I'm going to marry.
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- Synced and corrected by oykubuyuk -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Normally I'd mock anybody
who'd say something like this,
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which only makes me believe it more.
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I'm gonna sing at this one. I am.
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Look, it's my wedding.
I can do what I want!
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Sorry about that.
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00:03:14,499 --> 00:03:16,967
Oh, no worries. Happens to me all the time.
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Do I detect a British accent?
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You jolly well do.
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I know, Americans love my accent.
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Not this one.
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My ex-wife was British,
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so that accent sort of turns my stomach.
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You even look like her.
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Really? Do you have a picture?
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Yes, I carry around a photo
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of the woman who ripped my heart out
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and crushed it in her hands.
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So we're both detectives.
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Let's get to know each other.
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The slight tremor in your hand indicates
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you're on your third cup of coffee.
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Your posture tells me that
you had early ballet training,
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but your attractive toes
say you didn't stick with it.
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And I can tell
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by the way you checked your
reflection in the door window
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that you recently changed your hairstyle,
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and you're not sure whether you like it.
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And your posture tells me you went to Brown
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and majored in psychology.
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00:04:02,047 --> 00:04:04,848
I may have looked that one up online.
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The haircut is good, by the way.
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00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:07,368
Thanks.
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00:04:07,466 --> 00:04:09,770
So what do you think
your greatest strength is
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00:04:09,804 --> 00:04:11,271
as a private investigator?
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00:04:11,306 --> 00:04:14,274
Without a doubt,
it's my attention to detail,
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a 360-degree awareness
of my environment at all times,
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scanning, sensing, almost catli...
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- Joy.
- Ah!
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I... I brought you this folder.
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I thought you might need it
because you wrote
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"don't forget this folder" on it.
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Thank you.
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Oh, Mitch, this is my friend Melanie.
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Melanie, this is Mitch.
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Hello, Melanie.
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Hi.
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Well, I'll let you two
get back to your meeting.
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How do you keep from touching her?
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Excuse me?
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Melanie is an incredibly beautiful woman.
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Oh, but who am I kidding?
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She would never go out with old Mr. Fatty.
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- Who?
- Me.
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Oh. I keep forgetting.
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Until recently, I was really fat.
117
00:05:04,609 --> 00:05:06,360
In fact, I was on The Biggest Loser.
118
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Is that where you lost all the weight?
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No, I was the first one kicked off.
120
00:05:10,565 --> 00:05:15,619
So you were the biggest loser
on The Biggest Loser.
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Ha, ha. Yes, the castrating British wit.
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No, I didn't start losing the weight
until my ex-wife Cressida left me.
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I was so depressed, I stopped eating.
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Well, it's hard to believe now.
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You're in such great shape.
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Do you have a picture
of how you used to look?
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Yes, I keep photos of me
when I was 500 pounds.
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They're right next to
the pictures of my ex-wife.
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You shouldn't get so down on yourself.
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When I first saw you, I didn't think,
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"oh, there's a fat guy.
I hope he doesn't come near me."
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Oh, my God, the phone message!
133
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Oh, uh, Victoria,
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do you have any celebrity
friends who could endorse Elka?
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00:05:51,322 --> 00:05:54,241
I've crunched the numbers,
and if we go with you to L.A.
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And get some celebrity backing,
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we could raise her awareness
by double digits.
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These crunchy numbers...
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do they work on stuff
that people actually care about,
140
00:06:03,418 --> 00:06:05,419
like Academy Awards?
141
00:06:06,638 --> 00:06:09,139
I suppose I could build
a composite of blogs
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and press coverage
143
00:06:10,391 --> 00:06:11,758
and then establish a model
for meta-analysis.
144
00:06:11,792 --> 00:06:14,478
Okay,Big Bang Theory.
145
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I'll get you your endorsements
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if you find out whether or not
I'm gonna be nominated.
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Don't listen to the answering machine!
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Don't listen to the answering machine!
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[On answering machine]
This'll be a great thing
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to play at my wedding.
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I'm gonna sing at this one. I am.
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Look, it's my wedding.
I can do what I want.
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Joy!
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This is so exciting. Who is he? Who is he?
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[Gasps] Your new boss? He's so handsome.
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Him? No! [Laughs]
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That message is about
someone entirely different.
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- [Phone ringing]
- Oh, one second.
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Hello?
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Joy, it's Mitch.
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I can't stop thinking about Melanie.
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Uh-huh.
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00:06:50,548 --> 00:06:54,051
And from your tone,
I deduce you are with her now.
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Okay, pretend I'm someone else.
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So good to hear your voice, mother.
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Oh, say hi to your mom!
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Melanie says hi.
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00:07:01,276 --> 00:07:04,344
Really? She says hi to me?
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Yes. To you, mother.
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Oh, okay.
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00:07:09,684 --> 00:07:11,818
So what's the deal?
Is she free at all this weekend?
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Um, well, this weekend
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we're all going to L.A. with Victoria.
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That's perfect. I'll go too.
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What flight are you guys booked on?
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What am I saying?
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I'm a private detective. I'll find out.
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Say good-bye to me
like you would to your mother.
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All right. Go to hell!
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Wow!
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Sounds like you and your mom
are getting along better.
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Okay, so who is this guy
you're gonna marry?
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Well, it's...
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Anybody got any lactaid?
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I'm in the mood for cheese,
but I wanna be preemptive.
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Sorry.
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Mm.
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It's him.
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- Him?
- Him.
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Funny, handsome, lactose-intolerant him.
191
00:07:58,783 --> 00:08:00,617
Wow, Nate.
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00:08:00,668 --> 00:08:03,537
I did not pick up on that.
You gonna ask him out?
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00:08:03,571 --> 00:08:04,621
No!
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00:08:04,672 --> 00:08:07,424
No, uh, it's just a crazy thought.
195
00:08:07,458 --> 00:08:11,077
So let's not speak of this
ever, ever again.
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00:08:11,095 --> 00:08:12,629
- [Singsong] Nate!
- What are you doing?
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00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,581
I'm gonna make a love connection.
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00:08:14,599 --> 00:08:15,915
No, no, no!
199
00:08:15,933 --> 00:08:18,218
Come on, come on. I'm really good at this.
200
00:08:18,252 --> 00:08:20,103
Nate, do you find Joy attractive?
201
00:08:20,138 --> 00:08:21,972
Oh, God, yes.
202
00:08:22,023 --> 00:08:23,440
Melanie, please.
203
00:08:23,474 --> 00:08:25,058
And, Joy, would you like
to go out with Nate?
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00:08:25,092 --> 00:08:27,944
How can I say no?
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00:08:27,979 --> 00:08:30,447
I am good at this!
206
00:08:35,651 --> 00:08:37,568
I can't help it.
207
00:08:37,603 --> 00:08:40,104
I've always been a sucker
for long, dark hair.
208
00:08:40,155 --> 00:08:42,740
[Laughs] Have you?
209
00:08:42,774 --> 00:08:44,408
And big, brown eyes.
210
00:08:44,443 --> 00:08:46,410
Yeah, I get that.
211
00:08:46,445 --> 00:08:49,997
And killer curves.
212
00:08:50,032 --> 00:08:52,033
Typical.
213
00:08:53,669 --> 00:08:55,002
But I have no confidence.
214
00:08:55,037 --> 00:08:57,088
When I look at Melanie, I'm just
this tongue-tied fat kid
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00:08:57,122 --> 00:08:58,623
who doesn't stand a chance.
216
00:08:58,674 --> 00:09:00,908
Look, it's not rocket science.
217
00:09:00,926 --> 00:09:04,078
Try noticing something about
her and ask about it.
218
00:09:04,096 --> 00:09:06,214
She'll answer, you'll say something back,
219
00:09:06,248 --> 00:09:08,382
and before you know it you'll be talking.
220
00:09:08,416 --> 00:09:09,383
I can do that.
221
00:09:09,417 --> 00:09:10,801
I'm a detective. I notice things.
222
00:09:10,853 --> 00:09:12,770
Although even detectives can be blind
223
00:09:12,804 --> 00:09:14,105
to what's right in front of them.
224
00:09:14,139 --> 00:09:17,191
Ha, not this detective.
225
00:09:20,479 --> 00:09:22,596
I'm just so nervous.
226
00:09:22,614 --> 00:09:24,932
I mean, Joy is amazing,
227
00:09:24,950 --> 00:09:29,320
but she's like a 9.2, and I'm a 6.3.
228
00:09:29,371 --> 00:09:31,989
Although some women
have drunk me up to a 6.9.
229
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,294
Oh.
230
00:09:36,328 --> 00:09:38,462
Oh. Sorry.
231
00:09:38,497 --> 00:09:39,997
I would say it's okay,
232
00:09:40,048 --> 00:09:42,583
but you told me not to talk to you.
233
00:09:42,617 --> 00:09:44,669
Well, you never know
what kind of a gabby loser
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00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:46,137
is sitting next to you.
235
00:09:46,171 --> 00:09:48,723
[Laughs] Been there.
236
00:09:48,757 --> 00:09:49,891
- Joel Mandel.
- [Sighs]
237
00:09:49,925 --> 00:09:52,760
I work for Price Waterhouse.
238
00:09:52,794 --> 00:09:54,595
Price Waterhouse?
239
00:09:54,629 --> 00:09:58,599
The accountants who tally up
the academy nomination ballots?
240
00:09:58,633 --> 00:10:00,851
You handle that account?
241
00:10:00,903 --> 00:10:04,355
Well, I'm not allowed to say.
242
00:10:04,406 --> 00:10:06,691
Although I have in the past.
243
00:10:06,742 --> 00:10:08,609
In fact, last year I was up onstage
244
00:10:08,643 --> 00:10:11,946
holding this very briefcase.
245
00:10:11,980 --> 00:10:13,331
I thought so.
246
00:10:13,365 --> 00:10:17,001
You know, I remember saying to myself,
247
00:10:17,035 --> 00:10:19,486
who is that drop-dead gorgeous accountant
248
00:10:19,504 --> 00:10:21,172
next to Ryan Gosling?
249
00:10:21,206 --> 00:10:22,707
[Laughing]
250
00:10:22,758 --> 00:10:25,659
- That was me!
- Oh.
251
00:10:28,463 --> 00:10:31,299
- Hi.
- Hi.
252
00:10:33,101 --> 00:10:34,051
So...
253
00:10:34,102 --> 00:10:37,355
You like penis?
254
00:10:37,389 --> 00:10:39,223
[Stammering] I mean peanuts!
255
00:10:39,274 --> 00:10:41,559
P-peanuts. I...
256
00:10:41,610 --> 00:10:43,060
I meant peanuts, 'cause you're eating...
257
00:10:43,111 --> 00:10:44,395
those are peanuts.
258
00:10:44,446 --> 00:10:45,846
I've gotta stop saying "peanuts."
259
00:10:45,864 --> 00:10:47,865
I gotta go.
260
00:10:51,036 --> 00:10:55,522
I'm so glad Melanie told
me about your secret crush.
261
00:10:55,540 --> 00:10:58,042
As am I.
262
00:10:58,076 --> 00:10:59,526
I never would've guessed.
263
00:10:59,544 --> 00:11:02,213
I mean, even now it
seems like you don't like me.
264
00:11:02,247 --> 00:11:04,248
And I know what you're thinking...
265
00:11:04,299 --> 00:11:06,717
"oh, Nate. He's made of
numbers, like a computer."
266
00:11:06,752 --> 00:11:08,886
[Laughs]
267
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,171
But, uh, answer me this.
268
00:11:10,205 --> 00:11:13,140
Can a computer make out with a human?
269
00:11:13,175 --> 00:11:16,510
It cannot. Trust me.
270
00:11:16,544 --> 00:11:19,814
Would you excuse me for a moment?
271
00:11:23,518 --> 00:11:25,019
God, I'm a wreck!
272
00:11:25,053 --> 00:11:28,022
Can't help you. Keep moving.
273
00:11:29,324 --> 00:11:32,576
I don't want your booze.
I want your advice.
274
00:11:32,611 --> 00:11:34,662
I have to pretend to be in love with Nate
275
00:11:34,696 --> 00:11:37,231
for annoying, noble reasons
I can't get into,
276
00:11:37,249 --> 00:11:38,916
but I don't think I can pull it off.
277
00:11:38,950 --> 00:11:40,785
You can't upset him.
278
00:11:40,836 --> 00:11:42,620
I need him to win the election.
279
00:11:42,671 --> 00:11:46,007
I applaud you for your dream, Elka, but no!
280
00:11:46,041 --> 00:11:48,542
You've slept with thousands of guys.
281
00:11:48,576 --> 00:11:50,428
What's one more?
282
00:11:50,462 --> 00:11:52,463
Do it.
283
00:11:54,132 --> 00:11:56,717
Can I talk to you, Joy? It's urgent.
284
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,295
My husband has a bucket list.
285
00:12:26,298 --> 00:12:27,448
[Sighs]
286
00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:28,999
I'm getting nowhere with Melanie.
287
00:12:29,051 --> 00:12:31,135
I need conversation practice, Joy.
288
00:12:31,169 --> 00:12:33,587
[Sighs] Fine.
289
00:12:33,621 --> 00:12:35,556
Just relax and talk.
290
00:12:35,590 --> 00:12:37,091
I'll start.
291
00:12:37,125 --> 00:12:39,727
So, Mitch, what got you
into detective work?
292
00:12:39,761 --> 00:12:41,762
Oh, I started out as a cop,
293
00:12:41,796 --> 00:12:43,147
but after you eat so many doughnuts,
294
00:12:43,181 --> 00:12:46,517
you come to realize that
the real hole is in your center.
295
00:12:46,568 --> 00:12:48,602
Oh, that's sad.
296
00:12:48,636 --> 00:12:50,104
There's a sadness about you.
297
00:12:50,138 --> 00:12:52,473
- Which Melanie will hate.
- No!
298
00:12:52,491 --> 00:12:54,909
No, women like that vulnerability.
299
00:12:54,943 --> 00:12:57,311
Now let's find common
ground... Books, movies.
300
00:12:57,329 --> 00:12:58,579
What do you like?
301
00:12:58,613 --> 00:13:00,998
Well, as a detective, I like
Peter Diamond Mysteries.
302
00:13:01,032 --> 00:13:03,200
I love Peter Diamond!
303
00:13:03,251 --> 00:13:05,753
How about movies?
I've always loved Casablanca.
304
00:13:05,787 --> 00:13:08,322
I've only seen it about 20 times.
305
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:10,157
Did you know, at the end,
when they're on the runway...
306
00:13:10,175 --> 00:13:12,176
the actors in the
background are little people,
307
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:13,594
and the airplane is cardboard?
308
00:13:13,628 --> 00:13:15,880
Yes! That just makes me love it even more.
309
00:13:15,931 --> 00:13:18,165
Me too. This is fun.
310
00:13:18,183 --> 00:13:20,384
Yes. I'm having a lovely time.
311
00:13:20,435 --> 00:13:23,387
Good. Then I'm ready for Melanie.
312
00:13:29,861 --> 00:13:31,645
So... [Laughs]
313
00:13:31,679 --> 00:13:34,281
Me again.
314
00:13:34,316 --> 00:13:36,867
I'm sorry we got off to sort of
an awkward start there.
315
00:13:36,902 --> 00:13:39,120
Oh, that's okay.
316
00:13:39,154 --> 00:13:40,988
So what's your favorite movie?
317
00:13:41,022 --> 00:13:42,573
Princess Bride.
318
00:13:42,624 --> 00:13:43,958
I love that movie.
319
00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:46,693
"Incontheivable!"
320
00:13:46,711 --> 00:13:49,196
I'm sorry?
321
00:13:49,214 --> 00:13:52,133
That's a line from the movie.
322
00:13:52,167 --> 00:13:54,535
I have not seen that movie.
323
00:13:54,553 --> 00:13:58,222
Excuse me.
324
00:14:00,175 --> 00:14:01,308
Hey, hey, hey!
325
00:14:01,343 --> 00:14:02,543
What are you doing with that briefcase?
326
00:14:02,561 --> 00:14:04,595
The guy from Price
Waterhouse just fell asleep.
327
00:14:04,646 --> 00:14:06,147
I need to break into this case
328
00:14:06,181 --> 00:14:07,548
and see if there are
any Oscar ballots inside.
329
00:14:07,566 --> 00:14:09,883
No! Victoria, you can't do that!
330
00:14:09,901 --> 00:14:12,486
Oh, I think I can.
331
00:14:12,521 --> 00:14:15,072
You forget I did a two-episode
arc on MacGyver.
332
00:14:15,106 --> 00:14:18,609
All I need is a paper clip,
hair spray, and some matches.
333
00:14:18,660 --> 00:14:21,829
No, Victoria. [Groans]
334
00:14:21,863 --> 00:14:23,897
That was a disaster.
335
00:14:23,915 --> 00:14:26,417
With you, it's so effortless.
336
00:14:26,451 --> 00:14:29,587
It's so much harder when you
have feelings for the person.
337
00:14:30,956 --> 00:14:33,624
[Alarm blaring]
338
00:14:33,675 --> 00:14:35,576
[Victoria screams] My hair! Help!
339
00:14:35,594 --> 00:14:38,295
I'll save you, Melanie!
340
00:14:47,696 --> 00:14:52,333
Victoria, what were you thinking?
341
00:14:52,367 --> 00:14:54,385
Why am I the bad guy?
342
00:14:54,419 --> 00:14:56,971
Although, come to think of it,
343
00:14:57,005 --> 00:14:59,090
on MacGyver I was the bad guy too.
344
00:15:01,176 --> 00:15:02,560
You got us kicked off the plane,
345
00:15:02,594 --> 00:15:04,729
and now we have to drive all
night to get to L.A. on time.
346
00:15:04,763 --> 00:15:07,881
I was desperate to find out
if I'd been nominated or not.
347
00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:10,184
Nate, have you crunched the numbers yet?
348
00:15:10,218 --> 00:15:13,387
I have, and I would not put
money on you being nominated.
349
00:15:13,405 --> 00:15:14,939
Oh, God.
350
00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:16,890
So I have to get up
in front of billions of viewers
351
00:15:16,908 --> 00:15:18,492
with singed hair and no sleep
352
00:15:18,527 --> 00:15:20,278
and be happy for other people?
353
00:15:20,329 --> 00:15:23,030
[Groans] Where's my damn Xanax?
354
00:15:23,064 --> 00:15:25,733
I'd just like to point out
how well Melanie is driving.
355
00:15:25,751 --> 00:15:28,202
Thumbs up, Mel.
356
00:15:28,236 --> 00:15:29,704
The good news is, Victoria,
357
00:15:29,738 --> 00:15:31,372
it's not too late
for you to help the campaign.
358
00:15:31,406 --> 00:15:32,757
- [Sighs]
- I was thinking,
359
00:15:32,791 --> 00:15:34,508
when you get up in front
of those billions of viewers,
360
00:15:34,543 --> 00:15:36,711
why not mention our website, Voteelka.com?
361
00:15:36,745 --> 00:15:38,129
No!
362
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:40,548
No, I have too much
to take care of already.
363
00:15:40,582 --> 00:15:43,584
I hardly am gonna have
any time to glue on eyebrows
364
00:15:43,602 --> 00:15:46,304
and buy a wig and... and get my dress ready.
365
00:15:46,355 --> 00:15:48,105
I can help with the dress.
366
00:15:48,140 --> 00:15:51,942
And just pluck some hair
off joy's arm for your eyebrows.
367
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:56,364
You know, Joy, I own this exact car.
368
00:15:56,398 --> 00:15:58,783
It seats two adults and four children.
369
00:15:58,817 --> 00:16:00,318
And my mother.
370
00:16:00,369 --> 00:16:04,271
- Did you hear that, Joy?
- Yeah, I did.
371
00:16:08,627 --> 00:16:09,943
And the nominees
372
00:16:09,961 --> 00:16:12,129
for best direction in a motion picture...
373
00:16:12,164 --> 00:16:15,299
Harold Israel for Winter's Long Gone.
374
00:16:15,334 --> 00:16:17,084
Victoria's holding up okay, right?
375
00:16:17,118 --> 00:16:18,386
Sure!
376
00:16:18,420 --> 00:16:20,588
If you didn't know she was
highly medicated, drunk,
377
00:16:20,622 --> 00:16:22,506
and hasn't slept in 36 hours,
378
00:16:22,557 --> 00:16:25,343
you might think, "what an odd woman."
379
00:16:25,394 --> 00:16:27,812
Oh, no, Victoria's category
is coming up next.
380
00:16:27,846 --> 00:16:30,348
And now best actress in a supporting role.
381
00:16:30,399 --> 00:16:32,316
Victoria, the nominees?
382
00:16:32,351 --> 00:16:33,567
Yeah, sure. Why not?
383
00:16:33,602 --> 00:16:36,354
Oh, let's see.
384
00:16:36,405 --> 00:16:38,305
Marion Cotill...
385
00:16:38,323 --> 00:16:42,309
you know, the French chick who
gets nominated for everything.
386
00:16:42,327 --> 00:16:45,329
Ivy Johnson for Night of the Hereafter.
387
00:16:45,364 --> 00:16:47,865
Oh! Well, here's a big surprise.
388
00:16:47,916 --> 00:16:50,000
Damn Helen Mirren.
389
00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:51,985
That's "dame" Helen Mirren.
390
00:16:52,003 --> 00:16:53,821
I know what I said.
391
00:16:53,839 --> 00:16:55,373
Oh, Violet Hemsworth.
392
00:16:55,424 --> 00:16:57,825
Well, we all know how she got nominated,
393
00:16:57,843 --> 00:17:00,661
the big slut.
394
00:17:00,679 --> 00:17:02,380
And the final nominee...
395
00:17:02,431 --> 00:17:06,517
Is Victor...
396
00:17:06,551 --> 00:17:09,603
oh, my God!
397
00:17:09,638 --> 00:17:11,171
Victoria Chase!
398
00:17:11,189 --> 00:17:13,107
- Oh!
- She did it! She did it!
399
00:17:13,141 --> 00:17:15,309
And it is such an honor
400
00:17:15,343 --> 00:17:18,312
to be nominated with these amazing women.
401
00:17:18,346 --> 00:17:21,181
We are all so talented.
402
00:17:21,199 --> 00:17:25,403
- Is everything all ready?
- Yep, all set.
403
00:17:25,454 --> 00:17:27,204
What?
404
00:17:27,239 --> 00:17:29,573
What's this?
405
00:17:29,624 --> 00:17:33,244
Who's MacGyver now?
406
00:17:36,916 --> 00:17:37,999
Oh, thanks, Angelina.
407
00:17:38,033 --> 00:17:40,552
And give my love to Brad, Shiloh, Knox,
408
00:17:40,586 --> 00:17:43,588
Vivienne, Pax, Zahara, and Maddox.
409
00:17:45,541 --> 00:17:48,176
Victoria, you don't even remember
the names of your own children.
410
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:52,094
Oh, I will, now that
their mother is an A-lister.
411
00:17:52,128 --> 00:17:54,179
I made such a fool out of myself
412
00:17:54,213 --> 00:17:55,914
with Melanie on that trip.
413
00:17:56,410 --> 00:17:59,728
Look, you don't need tricks or smooth lines
414
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:01,664
to get a girl like Melanie.
415
00:18:01,698 --> 00:18:03,249
Just make her laugh.
416
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,567
She's a sucker for a guy
who can make her laugh.
417
00:18:05,586 --> 00:18:07,620
I guess I could give it a shot.
418
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:11,040
Trust me... you're a...
a very appealing guy.
419
00:18:15,963 --> 00:18:18,080
[Inhales]
420
00:18:18,098 --> 00:18:20,466
- [Laughing]
- [Phone beeps]
421
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,219
Ooh.
422
00:18:23,253 --> 00:18:24,586
Oh, my God, it worked.
423
00:18:24,605 --> 00:18:26,639
Elka, great news!
424
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:27,923
Thanks to the dress stunt,
425
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:31,444
you are now front-runner
for Cleveland City Council!
426
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,112
[Excited chatter]
427
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,947
And speaking of dresses,
428
00:18:34,982 --> 00:18:36,616
Armani, Dior, and Valentino
429
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:40,102
are jostling for the honor
of designing my Oscar dress.
430
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,404
- [Laughs]
- [Phone ringing]
431
00:18:41,438 --> 00:18:43,322
Ooh, an international number.
432
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,625
Hello?
433
00:18:45,659 --> 00:18:47,043
Konbanwa!
434
00:18:47,077 --> 00:18:49,161
It's the Mrs. Ladypants people
calling from Japan
435
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,579
to congratulate me.
436
00:18:50,613 --> 00:18:53,666
Oh, thank you! Uh-huh.
437
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:55,951
What?
438
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:59,588
[Laughs] Are you absolutely sure?
439
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:02,591
All right. Uh, yes.
440
00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:05,261
I-I certainly will look into that.
441
00:19:05,295 --> 00:19:08,297
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sayonara.
442
00:19:08,315 --> 00:19:10,466
What's wrong, sweetie?
443
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:12,151
Apparently, years ago,
444
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,020
when I didn't think that I had
445
00:19:14,071 --> 00:19:17,239
a chance in hell of getting
nominated for an Academy Award,
446
00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:19,492
I signed a rather unusual contract
447
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:23,029
with the Mrs. Ladypants people.
448
00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:25,531
I have to wear
449
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:27,750
a Mrs. Ladypants
450
00:19:27,784 --> 00:19:32,004
absorbent gown to the oscars,
451
00:19:32,039 --> 00:19:36,592
now with crystal litter box technology.
452
00:19:41,998 --> 00:19:46,001
You're gonna wear diapers to the oscars?
453
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,054
They are not diapers.
454
00:19:48,105 --> 00:19:51,173
It's an absorbent gown!
455
00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:52,475
Well, look at the bright side.
456
00:19:52,509 --> 00:19:53,809
You won't need a seat filler
if you have to go
457
00:19:53,843 --> 00:19:56,028
to the bathroom during the ceremony.
458
00:19:56,063 --> 00:19:59,532
[Laughs] You're very funny.
459
00:19:59,566 --> 00:20:01,067
Now what am I gonna do?
460
00:20:01,118 --> 00:20:03,569
You're gonna celebrate.
We're all gonna celebrate!
461
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:06,489
Honey, you could win an Oscar!
462
00:20:06,523 --> 00:20:08,991
And, Elka, you could win an election!
463
00:20:09,025 --> 00:20:10,743
You know what, Melanie is right.
464
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:12,694
She's beautiful too.
465
00:20:12,713 --> 00:20:15,381
Somebody else talk.
466
00:20:17,367 --> 00:20:18,700
Okay, I will.
467
00:20:18,719 --> 00:20:23,389
So here's to everyone
getting exactly what they want.
468
00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:25,441
[Chuckles]
469
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:30,041
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