All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s06e09 The Big Record.eng

( theme song playing )

SCHULTZ:
Achtung!

KLINK:
At ease, men.

Now, uh, as your commandant,

I'm proud to announce
further proof

of the Third Reich's

considerate treatment
of its prisoners.

You will each be allowed

to record one personal message

to be sent home
to your loved ones.

Hey, great,
we're going to make a record!

Very generous
of you, Commandant.

Naturally, we can say
anything we want on the record, right?

Well, not exactly anything.

We have to observe some security
precautions, naturally.

Now, I've prepared

some sample messages
that you can use.

They're quite nice
and personal.

For instance, number one:

"How are you? I am fine.
I am treated well."

That's lovely.

Gets you right here.

Number two:
"We have good quarters

and plenty of fine,
nourishing food."

Excuse me, sir.

Is there one about Goldilocks
and the three bears?

Goldilocks
and the...

Oh, that's
a good one.

Is it in there?

This privilege
can be revoked, you know.

You have one hour.

Only messages on this list.

Schultz.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Here, Colonel Hogan.

Now, I'm going
to explain it to you.

Stop me if I'm too technical.

Now, you talk in there and...

Hey, hey, plenty
of newsy little items here.

Look at number six:

"Adolf Hitler sleeps
with a night-light."

( laughter )

Where does it say that?

Number six.

KLINK:
Schultz.

Take these men back
to the barracks immediately.

SCHULTZ:
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

Well, you heard him.

Raus, everybody, raus.

Take this
with you.

Raus, raus, raus,
raus, raus!

SS men? What are they
doing here?

I think we have to
rewrite number one.

We are not fine; we
are in big trouble.

What do you think
they want the rec hall for?

I don't know, but it's a cinch
they're not there

for the Chinese
checker playoffs.

Schultz's coming.

Hey, maybe
he could tell us

what they want
the place for.

But he wouldn't
tell us anything about that.

I don't expect him
to tell us,

but he might tell
my dear old mum.

Turn on the machine.

Achtung.
Here's your new...

Shh, shh,
he's recording a letter to home.

Shh.

As I was saying, Mom,

we were just thrown out
of the recreation hut,

probably because
Schultz wanted the place

to play Ping-Pong
or something.

Ping-Pong? Me?

Shh!
Shh.

So forget
all those nice things

I told you about him.

He turned out to be

just another big,
nasty Kraut.

I'm not a big, nasty Kraut.

I'm a big, nice Kraut.

Don't listen to him,
it isn't true!

Would you kindly stay
out of my letter

and stop fibbing to Mama?

But I wouldn't...

( gasps )
What a terrible thing to say.

It wasn't me;
it was the SS men.

Oh, come on, Schultz.

Those guys
don't play Ping-Pong.

Yeah, he's like
all the others, Mom,

so you can stop
knitting those socks

you were making for him--
he's a meanie.

I'm not a meanie!

It was orders by
General Burkhalter, Mama.

He needed the place
for Colonel Schneider.

( chuckles )

Look at me, Mama.

Do I look like
a fibber, huh?

Well, I, uh, guess
I was wrong, Mom.

You can go back to knitting
the socks for Schultz.

Oh, thank you. Danke.

Oh, oh. Size 13.

Size 13, Mama.

And good-bye.

Who's this
Colonel Schneider?

I never heard
of him.

All we got
is a name.

We don't know who he is
or what he's doing here, do we?

The name is
all we need.

Klink can tell us
the rest.

Klink? You don't
expect him

to fall for that
"letter to Mama" bit.

No, but he might
just tell us

all we want to know
about Schneider,

provided he thinks
we already know.

( knock at door )

Come in, come in.

Oh, it's you.

Colonel, we need
some infor... Dismissed!

My string quartet
is rehearsing

in town this morning
and I'm leaving.

We just need a few facts
for the camp newspaper, sir.

Camp newspaper?

Uh, yes, sir--
we'd like to put one out

with the records
that we send home, sir,

just to let people know
what's going on in camp.

Request denied.
There will be no newspaper.

I see absolutely
no reason for it, whatsoever.

Well, we were hoping to write
the story of your life

in serial form.

The story of my life?

Front-page stuff, sir.
Inspiring.

Well, now,
come to think of it,

a camp newspaper might not be

such a bad idea.

It could be
very educational.

He's right, sir.

Absolutely.

We want to show
the other Klink--

the one the world
doesn't know--

the patron
of the arts.

Of course.

Did you know that I patterned
my entire violin technique

after the great
Kleinschmidt himself?

You know, I have
all of his recordings.

Here, this one is my favorite.

Oh, this is
exciting.

Yeah, be sure to get this
all down, Newkirk.

Even if I say so
myself, my playing

has been compared
to his, you know,

and quite favorably.

( violin music begins )

What other officer
is so versatile?

Not General Burkhalter.

Not Colonel Schneider.

Not even...
Colonel Schneider?

Did you say
Colonel Schneider?

Yeah, the officer that's coming
here this afternoon.

Now, about
your violin, sir...

How did you know that?

We read it in
a German newspaper.

We were using it
to light a fire.

Newspaper? What newspaper?

I think it was
the Schweinfurt Shopping News

or something
like that, sir.

Anyway, you were saying
about the violin...

But it couldn't be.

What did it say?

Well, it was talking about
the meeting with Burkhalter

inasmuch as Schneider
is the, um...

The new air force
liaison officer.

Yeah, yeah, that's it,
and it said

they were going to be
discussing the, uh...

Luftwaffe ground support plan?

Uh, right,
and it also said, sir,

that they were
going to talk about the, uh...

Colonel,
you know.

Of course,
of course...

I got it right
on the tip of me tongue.

No... it didn't mention

they would be briefing officers
on the German war effort?

Exactly. Right.

That's all we read, though,
because the page was torn.

Somebody wanted to get to
the funnies on the other side.

But I don't understand--
it's top secret.

It simply could not be
in the Shopping News.

Well, obviously
it was.

How else would we
know all about it?

Right.

Top secret.

I can't attend,
and it's in a newspaper?

On the other side
of the funnies.

Well, you've got
to rehearse.

We'll see you later.

Sorry, Hogan, I couldn't be
more help to you.

But you were,
Colonel, you were.

High-level strategy meeting?

Yeah, this Schneider and his men
will be meeting

right in our rec hall.

What are we going
to do, Colonel?

I don't know what we can do.

Work hard to make this
a nice place,

something like this comes up,
and there goes the neighborhood.

Don't tell me
you wouldn't like

to listen in
on that meeting.

Like to? We got to.

But with the SS on
guard, it won't be easy.

We can't tunnel
in there,

not by this afternoon.

And we can't plant
a microphone there, either.

There's just no way
to string a wire across.

HOGAN:
There just might be.

Sure, of course.

Today's Monday.

Monday's wash day.

Aha!

( chuckles )

A little old
rub-a-dub-a-dub, huh?

Right, Schultz.

Louis, I don't know

how you get
your collars so white.

I use a German
miracle soap.

They come out
whiter than white.

Of course they're khaki, so
they're supposed to be brown.

Hey-- two more loads coming up.

No more room on the line.

What a shame.

We wanted to look good
for the important visitors.

So, why don't you
put up another line?

Now, why didn't we
think of that?

Yeah, yeah.

Where can we, uh...

can we attach the other end
of this, Schultz?

Should be some place.

Yeah, the wall
of the rec hut, huh?

That Schultz--
he's done it again.

Yeah, would you mind
doing it for us, Schultz?

Oh, no,
I'd be glad to.

And make it high enough
so that the long underwear

doesn't drag
on the ground, huh?

All set at this end.

All right, now
I'll attach the mic

to the other end
of the clothes wire,

drop it through
their back window,

and we're in business.

I don't know,
Colonel.

I don't think
it's going to be all that easy.

Those SS men
are sharp,

and they
play rough. Mm-hmm.

There's nothing
to worry about.

Nobody's going
to beat us

in our own ballpark.

It may be
our ballpark,

but they just
hit a home run.

Hey, they're bringing
some stuff in

for the big
meeting.

NEWKIRK:
Must be the maps

of the new
attack plan.

Boy, if we could just
get a look at them.

Well, maybe we can
get close enough

through one
of the windows, huh?

SS MAN:
What is this?

LeBEAU:
All right, all right.

We're moving.

Okay, okay.

CARTER:
All right, we're moving.

SCHULTZ ( with shower running ):
* Swanee, ach ich lieb dich, ach ich lieb dich... *

What the heck is that,
an air raid?

Don't you recognize it?
It's Schultz.

Schultz?

It's the NCO barracks.

He's singing in the shower.

Either singing
or drowning.

Hey, let's wait
a minute.

I want to see
if he can crack the glass.

I think he
can do it.

He's already got
the paint peeling off the wall.

At least
somebody's happy.

( Schultz continues
singing merrily )

Wait a minute,
that's it.

That's how we can
crack the meeting.

What, are you going
to get Schultz

to blow the
wall down?

Let's hope his voice
holds out.

Then we'll have something
to sing about.

( panting ):
What is it, Colonel Hogan?

Carter told me
you wanted to see me

about something
right away.

Right, Schultz--
we've got to find out

who it was
we heard singing

in the NCO shower
about 15 minutes ago.

And for that you had me
run all the way?

It's very important,
Schultz.

Newkirk's uncle's a big
impresario in London.

Newkirk worked for him
as a talent scout.

I tell you something,

the person with that
golden voice is big-time--

big big-time.

And that's
one of our men?

Yeah-- all
we've got to do

is record that voice,
get it to London,

and his fortune
is made.

And ours, too.

But first we have
to find this genius.

He's a genius?

And he's here?
Mm-hmm.

But you don't know
who it is.

No, all we know is

he was singing "Swanee."

My hair stands on end
when I think about it.

Well...

I'll try to help you
to find him. Mm-hmm.

NEWKIRK:
You'd be starting a friend

on that stairway
to the stars, Schultz.

Let me see.

You are looking
for a man

who was singing "Swanee,"

and he was in the shower room
15 minutes ago.

I got it.

It was me.

Oh, come on!

( laughter )

Good old Schultz
with the jokes.

Look, we can't keep
the machine much longer.

Now, go find him.

But Colonel Hogan,
it was me.

I was in the shower room
15 minutes ago.

Look, see--
squeaky clean.

Is it possible?

Only one way
to find out, sir.

Sing, Schultz.

♪ Swanee, ach ich lieb dich,
ach ich lieb dich ♪

♪ Mein altes Swanee... ♪

A star is born.

That's great;
now we record.

Yeah, look, we'll talk
about contracts later.

Right now, we
want you to sing.

The world is waiting.

( recorder whirring )

♪ Swanee, ach ich lieb dich,
ach ich lieb dich ♪

♪ Mein altes Swanee ♪

♪ Du bist der schönste Fluss ♪

♪ Ich schick dir grossen Kuss
nach D-I-X-I-E ♪

♪ Mammy... ♪

( grunts )

♪ Mammy, ich... ♪

What's wrong?

The voice?

No, the voice is
glorious, Schultz--

out here,
but in there...

It's the acoustics,
darn it!

What a pity this room
just doesn't do you justice.

We need a big place--

something to give you
a concert hall sound.

The rec hall would be perfect,
but of course we can't use it.

You mean...kaput?

Eh, maybe it's
just as well, Schultz.

Stardom carries
a heavy price.

I mean, sure,
it means fame and fortune,

but is that really
all there is to happiness?

Sounds all right
to me.

No, call it an omen.

The fact that we can't get into
that rec hall for ten minutes

has probably saved you
the unhappy trap

of parties, yachts
and starlets.

Of course, it'd mean
giving up your military career,

serving under officers
like Colonel Klink.

Yeah, it'd be too terrible
a sacrifice, Schultz.

I don't mind the big sacrifice,

and as far as money and starlets
is concerned,

it's something I will
have to learn to live with.

I have to get into the rec hall.

But how?

I'll think
of something.

Perhaps we have
to clean inside.

I've got it.

We have
to clean inside.

He's done it again!

( laughs )

That's it!

SCHULTZ:
Eins-zwei-drei, eins-zwei-drei...

What is all this?

Oh, they're a special
cleaning detail.

Cleaning?
I wasn't told.

Don't worry-- I'll be
with them every minute.

There are secret papers
in there and maps.

But they are covered.

Besides, we will be
on the other end of the room.

Well...

It's all right.

The box is full of
cleaning rags, that's all.

Make it quick.

Ja, just cleaning rags.

I said all right.

It looks like a big box
for cleaning rags,

but that's what it is.

Rags, that's all-- rags!

SCHULTZ:
Did you see how I fooled that stupid trooper

and told him there were
only cleaning rags in the box?

HOGAN:
Yeah-- very sharp, Schultz.

SCHULTZ:
Only cleaning rags!

HOGAN:
Yeah, told him five or six times.

Um... Schultz,
you ought to do some breathing exercises.

Face the wall.

Deep breath.

( breathes deeply )

The mic is connected
to the lights. (tuning voice)

It will start
recording when you turn on the switch.

Schultz, we're all set.

This is it.

Oh, I'm so excited.

Wh-Why is it closed?

NEWKIRK:
Oh, that's professional technique.

We don't want the
sound of the machine to get on the record

do we, Schultz?

Well... this is it.

Go right ahead,
songbird.

Here comes
the bad news for Nelson Eddy.

I'll be back in an hour with
Colonel Schneider and his staff.

Have all security precautions
been strictly observed?

Oh, Herr General,
don't I always do a good job for you?

If you did,
I wouldn't be asking.

One more thing,
General Burkhalter.

I find that I will be able
to rearrange my schedule,

so if you like, I can be
present at your meeting.

No, this is a highly
confidential matter.

I can't attend and a reporter
of the Shopping News

knows all about it?

Klink, you need a vacation.

SCHULTZ ( in background ):
* Swanee, ach ich lieb dich, ach ich lieb dich *

♪ Mein altes Swanee... ♪

( Schultz continues
singing inside )

♪ Und Mammy, meine Mammy,
liebe Mammy... ♪

KLINK:
What's this?

SCHULTZ:
Nothing, Herr Kommandant.

Just singing and...
and... and cleaning.

You know this place
is restricted.

Is this one of
your ideas, Hogan?

Nein,
Herr Kommandant.

Uh, the prisoner Newkirk,
he has an uncle

who is an impresario
in London.

He makes
people famous

from music and concerts
all over the world,

so I send him
this record,

even though it means
a big sacrifice

and I have to take away

all the starlets
from Nelson Eddy.

That will do,
Schultz-- dismissed!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

HOGAN:
We'd better be going, fellas.

KLINK:
No, Hogan, uh... you stay here.

I'm not quite finished
with this yet.

We were just trying
to do Schultz a favor, sir.

KLINK:
Newkirk?

Uh... sir?

Tell me about this
uncle of yours, eh?

Uh... oh, yes, yes.

Well, there's not much
to tell really, sir.

He... he's just an uncle.

He's a tall fellow,
about this big

and, uh...
he's married to my aunt.

And, uh... he's
an impresario, huh?

Oh...

And you came here
to record this for your uncle

because of Schultz's
magnificent voice?

It's really not bad, sir.

With a little bit of training,
he could probably...

You know, Hogan, I find
this whole thing quite strange.

Quite strange indeed.

Why him, when you
could have recorded

some really fine
violin music, eh?

You mean you?

You might consider?

Well, we never dared hope, sir.

You know, Hogan, the trouble
with you is you don't think big.

I will assemble
my string quartet,

and you can send
that impresario

some music
that he can really use.

NEWKIRK:
Absolutely smashing idea, sir.

We'll do it first thing
in the morning, sir.

Why wait?
Let's do it right now. Now?

You take this machine
back to my office.

I will gather my musicians
and we will record immediately.

And I promise you,
it'll be a wonder.

Yes, sir.

I'll be a wonder
all right.

Ready, Herr Hüper?

Herr Räder, Herr Eugen.

And now, gentlemen,

the Hammelburg Quartet
will perform for posterity.

It's a privilege
to be present, sir.

Are we ready to go
on the air, huh?

Yes, sir.

On the air is right.

That's all there is
in this box.

Let's hope he
doesn't find out,

because it won't
take him long

to figure where the
real recorder is.

( musicians warming up )

Ready to roll, Hogan?

All right, gentlemen, let's go.

One, two, three.

( quartet playing
disharmoniously )

( musicians playing off key )

Now, gentlemen,
Colonel Schneider will brief you

on the Luftwaffe ground support
plan for our coming offensive.

Thank you, General.

We have six new
squadrons of fighter...

We need
more light in here.

We have six new squadrons
of fighter bombers.

They will operate
in coordination

with the Panzer battalions
beginning on the 21st.

Communications will be
on the 15-meter band.

The meeting
has started.

So has
Klink's concert.

I don't know which way to look
for the explosion.

( quartet playing
disharmoniously )

( violins clashing )

The second group will form
at the Rhine bridge on the 22nd.

The code word is "Walküre."

They will advance
toward the north.

( off-key playing continues )

The aircraft will be concealed
at the Stuttgart airdrome.

( all stop playing )

Ah, General Burkhalter.

How did the, uh...
you-know-what go?

The meeting is over,

but what is
going on here?

KLINK:
Oh, we're just having a little musicale.

Oh, by the way,
General Burkhalter,

may I present the members
of the Hammelburg Quartet?

Herr Hüper, Herr Räder,
Herr Eugen.

We are recording Mozart's
D-major Quartet.

Köchel number 499.

I play the
first violin, of course.

BURKHALTER:
How nice, Klink.

HOGAN:
We'll be running along, Commandant.

A very compelling performance.
Naturally.

Herr General,
would you like to hear the record?

I'm really quite busy.

Oh, it'll just
take a moment.

Hogan, why don't you play
the record we just made?

The general would
like to hear it.

You know, it's really
quite marvelous,

especially the
second movement. ( humming )

BURKHALTER:
Klink, forgive me.

Amateur musicals have
little fascination for me.

I happen to be
in the middle of a war.

( beautiful recording
of Mozart's quartet playing )

Not too bad.

Mmm, if I close my eyes,

I'd think it was
Kleinschmidt himself.

( beautiful music
continues playing )

I don't understand why
I haven't heard from them.

I arranged for that record to
get to London two weeks ago.

It just might be
that they would prefer more popular music.

Popular?

Yeah, we wrote down
some of the current favorites

as best
we could remember.

These might have
more appeal, sir.

Oh, really, you think
they might, huh?

Yeah.

Oh, good-- key of C.

It might be worth a try.

You understand, Colonel,
it is important

that Berlin does not
hear about all our losses

from that last
Luftwaffe attack plan.

I still don't understand
what went wrong.

They had more planes
in the air than we did.

That American Air Corps--

I never want to hear
about them again ever!

( violin music coming
from Klink's headquarters )

( playing U.S.
Air Force anthem )

Not bad, huh?

He's doing beautifully.

And after he gets
this done,

he's going to tackle
"Anchors Aweigh"

and "America
the Beautiful."

( Klink playing passionately,
finishes with flourish )

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0