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1
00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:17,851
( theme song playing )
2
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,719
I'm still trying on
your call to Berlin,
3
00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:53,720
General von Schlomm.
4
00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:54,805
It should be
any minute.
5
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,181
Thank you, my dear.
6
00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,182
Just call me.
7
00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,434
I will, General
von Schlomm.
8
00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:00,978
( chuckles )
9
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,522
The Führer is sleeping
late this morning.
10
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,149
The Führer works
all night, Klink.
11
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,652
My meaning exactly,
General von Schlomm.
12
00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,613
Oh, and what marvelous
work he does.
13
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,825
Heil Hitler.
14
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,868
Heil Hitler.
15
00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,371
And may I say,
General von Schlomm,
16
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,249
what a privilege it is
to be even a small part
17
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,917
of this momentous mission.
18
00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:28,839
Klink, this mission
is top, top secret.
19
00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:29,840
Top secret.
20
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,091
Sir Charles
knows of it,
21
00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,468
Lady Chitterly knows of it,
I know of it
22
00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,512
and the Führer knows of it,
23
00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:39,141
but no one else,
definitely including you, Klink,
24
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,727
must either know of it
or mention it.
25
00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,729
Trust me not to breathe
a word...
26
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,189
until after England
surrenders.
27
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,524
Klink!
28
00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:50,986
What did I say?
29
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,196
General von Schlomm is calling
Hitler in Berlin
30
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,740
to tell him you
and Lady Chitterly
31
00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,533
are ready to take off
for the capital.
32
00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,744
But dash it all, Hogan,
I'm not ready.
33
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,662
I'm being held
prisoner down here
34
00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,997
by a group of prisoners
35
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,540
and that's simply
not done.
36
00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,876
You know it, Sir Charles,
and I know it,
37
00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,419
but von Schlomm
doesn't know it.
38
00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,670
Well, he'll
soon find out.
39
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:09,838
Why? Colonel Crittendon
40
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,214
looks enough like you
to be your twin.
41
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,884
Oh, absolute balderdash.
42
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,094
And even if he could
fool von Schlomm,
43
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,888
he could never out fool
Lady Chitterly.
44
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,598
Maybe she wants
to be fooled.
45
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:23,435
That, sir, is
the remark of a cad.
46
00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,479
Colonel, I think
this is it.
47
00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,231
Hitler's headquarters
or Hitler himself?
48
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,691
Hitler himself.
49
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,068
Yes, mein Führer,
they are both here now.
50
00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:34,446
Lady Chitterly arrived
early this morning.
51
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:38,909
I quite understand
mein Führer.
52
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:39,910
To Berlin immediately.
53
00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,411
It shall be done,
mein Führer.
54
00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,496
Heil Hitler.
55
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,788
Heil Hitler.
56
00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,081
Klink, prepare
my car for traveling.
57
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,208
Prepare your car
for traveling--
58
00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,459
of course,
General von Schlomm.
59
00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,294
I shall need a motorcycle
escort heavily armed.
60
00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,545
Motorcycle escort
heavily armed--
61
00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:51,713
of course,
General von Schlomm.
62
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:52,756
To leave within
the hour.
63
00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,882
To leave within
the hour--
64
00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,050
of course,
General von Schlomm.
65
00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,427
Oh, General von Schlomm,
would the General like me
66
00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,595
to accompany him
to Berlin?
67
00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:58,803
Why?
68
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,431
Prepare your car
for traveling--
69
00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,849
of course,
General von Schlomm.
70
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,103
What now, Colonel?
71
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,939
( sighs )
72
00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,774
I wish I knew.
73
00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,502
Thanks, Crittendon.
74
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,962
We don't have
too much time.
75
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:32,963
Where's Lady Chitterly?
76
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,173
In the bedroom,
resting I think.
77
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,591
You better get
her in here.
78
00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,426
Hogan, a deucedly attractive
woman and all that,
79
00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,803
but do you think
it's wise,
80
00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,638
her being in such close
quarters with me?
81
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,973
What are you talking about?
82
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,475
Psychological problem, Hogan.
83
00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,560
I mean, the woman's ready
to kill her husband
84
00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,354
because he's a traitor,
and here am I,
85
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,814
a dead-ringer for Sir Charles.
86
00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,441
Crittendon, she won't put
a knife in you, believe me.
87
00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,527
No, no, no, that's not
what I meant.
88
00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,987
I'm on her side.
89
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,239
The pressure on her,
Hogan, it's...
90
00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,824
it's almost too strong.
91
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,158
To do what?
92
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,910
( clearing throat )
93
00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,245
It's a bit obvious, isn't it?
94
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,622
Oh, yeah, yeah.
95
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:08,832
Play it safe.
96
00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,917
Only give her about
20% of your charm.
97
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,836
Yes.
98
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:13,878
Do my best.
99
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,674
( loudly ):
Uh, Leslie my dear...
100
00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,467
( whispers ):
In case anybody's listening.
101
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,677
Yeah, mm-hmm.
102
00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,012
Yes?
103
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,055
Lady Chitterly, we've
got to make this fast.
104
00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,598
von Schlomm just
talked to Hitler
105
00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,392
and he wants you
in Berlin right away.
106
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:28,935
And since Hitler
knows your husband,
107
00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,812
he's not going to be
fooled by Crittendon.
108
00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,647
I'm not sure
of that, Hogan.
109
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,732
Well, I am.
110
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,650
So whatever we set up
to abort this mission,
111
00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,027
it's got to be done
from here.
112
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,653
I see.
113
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,865
You have placed yourself
in charge, Colonel Hogan.
114
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,575
Call it what you will.
115
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:47,162
And as our leader, how are you
persuading General von Schlomm
116
00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,664
that we should go
against Hitler's orders?
117
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,750
( sighs )
118
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,917
I'll think of something.
119
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,461
Not good enough.
120
00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,838
I don't know you
well enough
121
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,673
and I don't trust
you far enough.
122
00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,551
How far do you think
I can trust you?
123
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,845
Married to Axis Charlie
for five years,
124
00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,263
been in Berlin
for three months
125
00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:06,389
cozying up to the Nazis.
126
00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,266
What kind of security
clearance is that?
127
00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,768
( clearing throat )
128
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,270
I can personally vouch
for Lady Chitterly, Hogan.
129
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:13,563
Who asked you?
130
00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:16,232
I think, Colonel Hogan,
I shall have to go my own way.
131
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,776
How?
132
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,527
( chuckles )
133
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,613
I shall think
of something.
134
00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:22,822
( knocking )
135
00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:23,907
SCHULTZ:
Sir Charles?
136
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:24,991
It's the guard.
137
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:25,116
What shall I tell him?
138
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,536
Tell him
to guard something.
139
00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,211
Gracious lady,
Sir Charles.
140
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,505
I have the honor to request
your presence
141
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,925
on behalf of General von Schlomm
in the Commandant's office
142
00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,384
for your trip to Berlin.
143
00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,970
All right, Schultz,
we'll be right there.
144
00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,015
Danke, Sir Charles,
thank you, gracious lady.
145
00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:52,227
I remain as always
at your service--
146
00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,395
Sergeant Schultz.
147
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,940
Gracious lady,
Sir Charles...
148
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,275
Colonel Hogan?
149
00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,360
See you later, Schultz.
150
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,653
We've got a problem here.
151
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,113
Problem? What problem?
152
00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,574
Do-do-do-don't tell me.
153
00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,451
I see nothing!
154
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,120
I know nothing!
155
00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:14,624
My dear Sir Charles,
I really do not understand you.
156
00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,292
You wish to see
the Führer,
157
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,961
the Führer wishes
to see you.
158
00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,671
He assured me of it
over the phone
159
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,256
just a few moments ago.
160
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,967
Now you hesitate
over going to Berlin.
161
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,927
No hesitation.
162
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:26,052
Indecision.
163
00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,974
Do stop being tiresome, Charles.
164
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,559
Of course, we're going
to Berlin.
165
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,601
We are?
166
00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,978
Naturally.
167
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,688
Dolf is a crashing bore,
168
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:40,316
but this prison camp
is even worse.
169
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,068
Exactly, Lady Chitterly.
170
00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,611
Were I able
to get away myself...
171
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,655
Klink, you can.
172
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,617
Then, we can go.
173
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,077
Where?
174
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,996
To Berlin.
175
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,205
Berlin!
176
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,334
Have you a few moments
with Colonel Hogan,
177
00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,377
Herr Kommandant?
178
00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,586
Absolutely not!
179
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,838
No visitors, cut off the phone.
180
00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,089
I will talk to no one.
181
00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,340
Hope I'm not interrupting,
Kommandant,
182
00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,925
but I've got to talk
to you again
183
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,051
about those meals
we're getting.
184
00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,096
Out! Shultz, throw this man out
immediately.
185
00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,764
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
186
00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,182
Which one?
187
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,976
Hogan. Out!
188
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,145
Klink, what kind of a camp
are you running here?
189
00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,521
Glad you asked that
question, General.
190
00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:19,731
Colonel Robert Hogan.
191
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,399
When you tell those
good people in Berlin
192
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,109
about the kind of food
they're serving here,
193
00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,402
I'm sure we'll
get some action.
194
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,695
Throw him out!
195
00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:33,036
Robert... Robert Hogan!
196
00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:33,161
My darling.
197
00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,919
She knows this man?
198
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,173
I'll ask her
when I get a chance.
199
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,217
Leslie.
200
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:53,431
Leslie, old girl.
201
00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:56,893
But of course, you remember
Hogan, Charles.
202
00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,436
Hi.
203
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,564
That mad summer
before he was shot down.
204
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:05,651
That mad, marvelous
romantic summer,
205
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,361
just the three of us,
206
00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,697
remember?
207
00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,741
Can't say that
I do, no.
208
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,076
Charles?
209
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,161
Oh, well, Hogan.
210
00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:18,164
Thought she
said Grogan.
211
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:21,542
What super luck
finding you here.
212
00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,003
And what a marvelous dividend
213
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,255
for surrendering England.
214
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,258
Your car's ready,
General von Schlomm.
215
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,929
Ah. I'm terribly sorry
to break this up, but...
216
00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,722
Be a dear boy
217
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,558
and tell Dolf to wait three
or four days, will you?
218
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,936
You'll stay with us
at his quarters.
219
00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,438
Amusingly ghastly,
220
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,442
but it'll be just like it was
that mad summer.
221
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,028
Lady Chitterly,
I-I couldn't possibly
222
00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,280
tell the Führer...
223
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,448
I have his direct orders.
224
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,201
Then you will tell him
to change them.
225
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,495
Come, Robert.
226
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,373
But...
227
00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,041
Sir Charles...
228
00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:05,211
Sorry, dear boy.
Like to help you.
229
00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:07,547
Going to be a dull few
days for me, what?
230
00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,218
Klink, Klink,
what shall I do?
231
00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,886
Cancel the staff car?
232
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,013
Excellent idea,
Herr Kommandant.
233
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,599
Hilda, cancel
the staff car.
234
00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,563
What is happening here?
235
00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,196
Ah, a thousand pardons.
236
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,073
Just looking in to see
if everything is satisfactory.
237
00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:35,825
General von Schlomm
is still trying
238
00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,118
to reach the Führer,
239
00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,370
but you know how it is with
him-- busy, busy, busy.
240
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,247
Have the operator check
his phone.
241
00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,707
( chuckles )
242
00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,875
I trust you found
the wine satisfactory,
243
00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:45,918
Lady Chitterly, Sir Charles?
244
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,003
Now ask me.
245
00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,254
Why should I ask you?
246
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,463
'Cause I'm a wine snob
247
00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,841
and this just doesn't make it.
248
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,342
But this is my best wine.
249
00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,344
It's brave enough
in the bottle,
250
00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,305
but draw the cork
and it panics.
251
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,347
But, but, but...
252
00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,974
Do better for dinner, dear boy.
253
00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,809
Your place in history
depends on it.
254
00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,854
It shall be done,
Sir Charles. Somehow.
255
00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,689
Thanks terribly
for stopping by.
256
00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:10,151
Lady Chitterly,
Sir Charles.
257
00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,027
Hogan.
258
00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,489
At least Hitler
doesn't know yet.
259
00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,532
That's something.
260
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:19,118
But he will soon.
261
00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,537
Hogan, perhaps
I shouldn't ask,
262
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,874
but did you and Leslie...
Lady Chitterly,
263
00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:28,669
really have a bit of a thing
going in England?
264
00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,881
Crittendon, I was not a member
of the Clivedon set.
265
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,591
I shouldn't have asked.
266
00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:36,093
Are we going to
review the past, Colonel Hogan?
267
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,970
I thought there were
problems enough
268
00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:38,971
with the present.
269
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,598
I wasn't trying
to review the past.
270
00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:43,017
None of my business
if you did, of course.
271
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,353
Crittendon, I never
saw her before last night.
272
00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,979
Now can we get on
to something important?
273
00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,773
Naturally.
274
00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,441
Lovely bit of acting
you did then.
275
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:54,153
Idea just came into your head,
I suppose.
276
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,989
I never would have thought
of something clever like that.
277
00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,075
Oh, Crittendon.
278
00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,576
Later, Colonel.
279
00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,579
Hogan has something
frightfully important to say.
280
00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,914
I certainly do...
281
00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,415
like reality.
282
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,292
Like when Hitler finds out
that you're not coming,
283
00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,044
he's going
to send for you.
284
00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,046
Oh, but I'll insist
on you coming along,
285
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,589
and that will
solve everything,
286
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:14,924
won't it,
Colonel Hogan?
287
00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:17,009
No, it won't and
you know it won't.
288
00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,385
Another bit
of reality.
289
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,096
The Gestapo's going
to get involved in this
290
00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,223
if they aren't
in already.
291
00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:24,100
How long do you think
we can fool them?
292
00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,268
I'm sure that by now
you've got some
293
00:11:26,393 --> 00:11:28,020
frightfully
brilliant scheme
294
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,856
that will tie it all
up in a neat package.
295
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,274
Well, not yet, no.
296
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,777
Bet my last pound note
that you have.
297
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,446
But of course.
298
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,739
Well, could we have it
299
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,450
or is it just between
you two Chitterlys?
300
00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,035
( door creaks open )
301
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,954
Hope I'm not intruding.
302
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,580
What's up?
303
00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,374
Nothing, sir.
Just checking in.
304
00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:49,959
How are you, Colonel
Crittendon? All right?
305
00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,460
You are Colonel
Crittendon, aren't you?
306
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,629
I dare say.
307
00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,549
You haven't seen Sir Charles
around anywhere, have you?
308
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:57,675
He got away?
309
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,385
More or less, sir, yes.
310
00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,554
Well, find him
right now and fast.
311
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:02,972
Don't worry, sir, I'll do it.
312
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,807
I'll be right on the job, sir.
Don't worry.
313
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,309
( growls )
314
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,394
( barking )
315
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,483
( growling, barking )
316
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,735
Go away, go away.
Down, sir.
317
00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,946
Go away, you dreadful beasts.
318
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,531
Klink! Klink!
319
00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:21,615
Help, please.
320
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,242
Of course, Sir Charles,
immediately.
321
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:23,367
Shoo! Shoo!
Immediately.
322
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:25,452
Go away.
Here.
323
00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:26,453
There, Sir Charles.
324
00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:27,496
Please.
325
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,706
Down. Down.
326
00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,165
( groans ):
Oh.
327
00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,166
Oh.
328
00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,418
Oh, my dear fellow.
329
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,503
You've no idea how
glad I am to see you.
330
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,588
Oh, not at all.
331
00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:38,507
Now, Sir Charles,
for your dinner tonight,
332
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,635
I have planned
a terribly insouciant
333
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,305
Pouilly-Fuisse 1937.
334
00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,015
How does that
strike you, eh?
335
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,516
What are you
talking about?
336
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,184
Wine for your dinner.
337
00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:50,561
But don't you realize
338
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,855
where I've been
or how I got there?
339
00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:54,356
You have been in
the dog kennel.
340
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,275
And I suppose you got there
from my quarters
341
00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,235
after you changed
your clothes.
342
00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,445
How did you get there?
343
00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,487
Kidnapped.
344
00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,072
By your dreadful prisoners.
345
00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,658
And kept down there in
their miserable tunnels.
346
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,536
You're Commandant of a
blasted ant hole, Klink.
347
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,954
Impossible--
didn't I just talk
348
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,165
to you and your wife
in my quarters, huh?
349
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:14,001
That was a ruddy impostor.
350
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,211
How is he getting on
with Leslie?
351
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,088
Very well, I thought.
352
00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,758
Take me there at once,
dear boy, at once.
353
00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,176
Of course, Sir Charles.
354
00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:24,094
Schultz, report immediately.
355
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,220
Schultz!
356
00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,850
Where are they?
357
00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,560
I just left them
a few minutes ago.
358
00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:32,895
I mean, the three of them.
359
00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,313
What three of them?
360
00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:35,397
Why, you...
361
00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,400
I mean, the impostor,
your wife and Hogan.
362
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,236
He seemed to be a friend
of Lady Chitterly's.
363
00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,404
Hogan?!
364
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,907
He's the leader
of the ant colony.
365
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,450
Perhaps they're in
the bedroom.
366
00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,243
What, the three of them?
367
00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,912
Schultz,
look in the bedroom.
368
00:13:49,953 --> 00:13:51,497
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
369
00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,961
And if they do not wish
to be disturbed...?
370
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,005
Oh, balderdash, man!
371
00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,678
How did they get out?
372
00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,222
Aha!
373
00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:09,556
Through the stove.
374
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,603
"Through the stove"?
375
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,567
( sizzles )
376
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,320
( groans )
377
00:14:23,403 --> 00:14:24,655
Through the stove?
378
00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,323
Of course, man.
After them.
379
00:14:26,406 --> 00:14:28,367
They kidnapped Leslie.
380
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,952
Uh, Sir Charles,
you wait right here.
381
00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,954
Schultz, I will get
General von Schlomm.
382
00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,122
Schultz will
guard the door.
383
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,623
No one will
come in or out.
384
00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:35,541
Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.
385
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,382
So, Klink, eh?
386
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:43,507
Remarkable news.
387
00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,219
Very remarkable,
Major Hochstetter.
388
00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:49,471
May I say
how reassuring it is
389
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,014
to have the Gestapo
investigate...
390
00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:52,516
Klink...
a situation like this.
391
00:14:52,599 --> 00:14:55,310
Where has the real one
been while the impostor
392
00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:57,020
has been with
Lady Chitterly?
393
00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,314
Held prisoner he says.
394
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,400
Held prisoner?
By whom?
395
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,610
He claims by the prisoners.
396
00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,863
By the prisoners. Ah.
397
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,322
Where?
398
00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,576
In their barracks?
Camped outside your window?
399
00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,619
Well, I believe,
he did mention something
400
00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,705
about underground tunnels.
401
00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:17,416
Oh, underground tunnels?
402
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,209
It does sound
a little farfetched.
403
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,962
No more lies, Klink!
404
00:15:22,045 --> 00:15:23,881
I may say, Hochstetter,
405
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,049
that when I arrived
late last night,
406
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:27,926
this man was drinking...
407
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,469
and totally disoriented.
408
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,349
And you reported this
to Berlin, eh?
409
00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,519
No, I thought
it was a small matter.
410
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:40,480
You thought it was
a small matter, eh?
411
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,983
We're here negotiating
the surrender of England.
412
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,485
What to you is
a large matter?!
413
00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:46,904
Hochstetter, you are talking
414
00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,114
to the personal envoy
of the Führer.
415
00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:51,617
And it is a good thing
I am talking to him.
416
00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,702
He needs talking to.
417
00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:54,786
Gentlemen,
gentlemen...
418
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,413
I am sure that
when we straighten out
419
00:15:56,496 --> 00:15:59,041
this little misunderstanding
about the two Lord Chitterlys,
420
00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:01,293
we can all go on to more
important things.
421
00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:04,963
Yeah, like for you,
the next train to Pinsk.
422
00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,048
Pardon me.
423
00:16:06,089 --> 00:16:08,508
Yes, Major Hochstetter.
424
00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:14,681
So, Klink, which is this, eh?
425
00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,391
The real or the ersatz?
426
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,559
Sir Charles,
you're in luck.
427
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,977
Major Hochstetter
of the Gestapo
428
00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,646
is here to investigate
your story.
429
00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,397
What story, dear boy?
430
00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:25,108
Why, being captured,
the underground tunnel,
431
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,401
and the secret entrance
432
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,487
through that stove
over there.
433
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,238
Stand back.
434
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,950
( sizzling )
435
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,244
( yells )
436
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,747
My last warning, Klink!
437
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,916
Warning? About what?
438
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,584
Say, you're just in time
for champagne.
439
00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,379
What is this man
doing here?!
440
00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:47,089
Excellent question, Major.
441
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,423
General von Schlomm?
442
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:52,219
He seems to be a friend
of the Chitterlys.
443
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:55,555
This is the most dangerous
man in all Germany
444
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,265
and you are allowing him
to negotiate
445
00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,850
the surrender of England?!
446
00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,269
Call on me anytime, Major.
Champagne?
447
00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,979
I'm placing you
all under arrest.
448
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,941
I am placing you
under arrest.
449
00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:06,942
( telephone rings )
450
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:07,984
Most likely for me.
451
00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,611
Do not touch that!
452
00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,446
( ringing )
453
00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:15,909
Hello.
Major Hochstetter here.
454
00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,702
Ja, of course.
455
00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:18,870
Heil Hitler.
456
00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:20,580
The Führer is calling
from Berlin.
457
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,541
I will put him on
immediately.
458
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,000
The Führer will speak with you.
459
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:26,211
Awfully sorry.
( clears throat )
460
00:17:26,294 --> 00:17:28,922
Dreadful frog in my throat.
461
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,465
The Führer is waiting.
462
00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,516
Is that you, Dolf?
463
00:17:39,599 --> 00:17:42,978
Leslie, dear.
How are you?
464
00:17:43,019 --> 00:17:47,607
Charles will talk to you,
but he's such a sweet stupid,
465
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:51,153
you and I better finish
the business part.
466
00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,946
Oh, no.
467
00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,490
No, we're not coming
to Berlin. No time.
468
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,951
The minute Charles
is discovered missing,
469
00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,245
all our crowd will be
under house arrest.
470
00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:06,501
I take it von Schlomm
has the surrender terms.
471
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,421
Good.
472
00:18:09,504 --> 00:18:12,465
One small change of plan--
473
00:18:12,507 --> 00:18:15,927
send every man-of-war you have
along with some troops
474
00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:19,264
sailing toward England.
At once.
475
00:18:19,347 --> 00:18:21,850
You simply must,
Dolf.
476
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:25,604
We can never sell the surrender
without an invasion threat.
477
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:29,983
( shouting in German )
478
00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:33,904
Don't shout so, Dolf.
479
00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:37,324
We must all do things we don't
want to do, there's a war on.
480
00:18:37,365 --> 00:18:39,284
Here's Charles.
481
00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,250
Lovely talking
with you, Dolf.
482
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,252
And a great big kiss
for Joe Goebbels.
483
00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,174
Heil Hitler.
484
00:18:54,215 --> 00:18:56,051
Careful with that thing,
Crittendon.
485
00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:58,720
And if you're cornered,
don't try to fight it out,
486
00:18:58,803 --> 00:18:59,804
just throw it away.
487
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,932
They'll never take me
this time, Hogan.
488
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,433
All the way to
jolly old England.
489
00:19:03,516 --> 00:19:05,185
Right, Leslie?
490
00:19:05,226 --> 00:19:07,312
But of course.
All the way.
491
00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:09,105
And jolly good fun, too.
492
00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,524
Colonel,
everything's on schedule.
493
00:19:11,566 --> 00:19:13,193
Two German line cruisers,
six destroyers
494
00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:14,486
and a couple of transports
495
00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:16,905
are right now in the middle
of the English Channel.
496
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,074
Allied planes will hit them
any minute.
497
00:19:19,115 --> 00:19:20,492
Ripping, we actually
pulled it off.
498
00:19:20,575 --> 00:19:21,743
Sure looks that way.
499
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,620
I don't know if I can
adjust to success.
500
00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:27,749
Things always seem to go
the other way with me.
501
00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,584
All due to you,
of course.
502
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,419
You, too.
503
00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:34,589
Do give me a moment
with Hogan, will you?
504
00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,675
What?
505
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,677
Oh, uh... naturally.
506
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,844
( chuckles nervously )
507
00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,471
All the time you want,
of course.
508
00:19:41,554 --> 00:19:45,558
I'll just... check
my weapons again.
509
00:19:58,571 --> 00:20:00,115
What about Charles?
510
00:20:00,156 --> 00:20:01,366
We're going
to release him
511
00:20:01,449 --> 00:20:02,951
inside the camp
in about five minutes.
512
00:20:03,034 --> 00:20:05,161
You promised
to turn him over to me.
513
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,789
I didn't think
you'd want him.
514
00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,291
No.
515
00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,876
No, you're right.
516
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,795
What makes you
so wise, Hogan?
517
00:20:13,878 --> 00:20:16,131
Association with you.
518
00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:17,757
It's been quite
an operation.
519
00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:22,554
I don't know why--
520
00:20:22,637 --> 00:20:25,306
chances of our seeing one
another again are very small--
521
00:20:25,348 --> 00:20:28,393
but I want
to explain myself.
522
00:20:28,476 --> 00:20:29,310
May I?
523
00:20:29,352 --> 00:20:32,564
Why not?
524
00:20:32,647 --> 00:20:34,065
You don't make it easy.
525
00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:35,984
No, I don't.
526
00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:40,113
To say I never went along
with Charles just isn't true,
527
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,740
I did... to some degree.
528
00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:44,242
Mainly, I went fox hunting.
529
00:20:44,325 --> 00:20:46,578
The war changed things.
530
00:20:46,661 --> 00:20:48,746
Changed me.
531
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:56,171
And then... those last
three months in Berlin...
532
00:20:56,254 --> 00:21:00,175
Well, I'm really grateful
to Hitler, you know.
533
00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:03,178
I might have gone on for years
more dead than alive
534
00:21:03,219 --> 00:21:04,929
and not caring very much
either way.
535
00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:11,102
What I saw in Berlin
picked me up and shook me.
536
00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:14,772
And when you see things like
that, you make a commitment...
537
00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:19,903
one way or the other.
538
00:21:19,986 --> 00:21:22,405
That's all.
539
00:21:27,744 --> 00:21:31,247
I'm glad you took
the time to tell me.
540
00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:32,999
So am I.
541
00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,379
Just thought of
something, Leslie.
542
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:39,714
What if we, uh...
543
00:21:39,964 --> 00:21:41,549
uh...
544
00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:44,969
Oh. Well, it, uh,
can wait, of course.
545
00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:49,432
No, no hurry at all.
546
00:21:56,689 --> 00:21:58,524
To the all victorious
Fatherland
547
00:21:58,566 --> 00:21:59,734
and to the Führer.
548
00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:01,611
To the all
victorious Führer.
549
00:22:01,694 --> 00:22:02,612
Heil Hitler.
550
00:22:02,695 --> 00:22:03,905
Heil Hitler.Heil Hitler.
551
00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:05,114
Excuse me.
552
00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:06,532
I'm sorry to complain, sir,
553
00:22:06,574 --> 00:22:08,785
but the men over in the barracks
can't get much sleep
554
00:22:08,868 --> 00:22:09,869
with this party going on.
555
00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:11,287
Then let them stay awake.
556
00:22:11,371 --> 00:22:13,373
Tonight will go down
in history.
557
00:22:13,414 --> 00:22:14,499
Really, what's up?
558
00:22:14,582 --> 00:22:16,000
( telephone rings )
559
00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:19,170
That call is announcing
the surrender of England.
560
00:22:19,253 --> 00:22:19,295
Want me to get it?
561
00:22:20,546 --> 00:22:22,674
I'll take care of it
if you don't mind.
562
00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:23,800
( ringing )
563
00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:28,596
von Schlomm here.
564
00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:30,765
Yes, General von Kottenhorn.
565
00:22:30,848 --> 00:22:32,934
The chief of
the general staff.
566
00:22:32,976 --> 00:22:35,770
The invasion fleet is...
567
00:22:35,853 --> 00:22:38,564
sunk?
568
00:22:38,606 --> 00:22:38,690
There must be some
mistake, my General.
569
00:22:40,775 --> 00:22:43,695
General von Kottenhorn,
we took every... ( line clicks )
570
00:22:43,778 --> 00:22:44,445
General?
571
00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:46,114
Hello?
572
00:22:46,197 --> 00:22:47,949
Hello?
573
00:22:53,287 --> 00:22:55,790
The invasion fleet was sunk?
574
00:22:55,873 --> 00:22:58,668
Went down like lead.
575
00:22:58,751 --> 00:23:00,461
Destroyed.
576
00:23:00,503 --> 00:23:03,131
A massive ambush.
577
00:23:03,172 --> 00:23:05,091
I do not understand it.
578
00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:08,344
Now, General,
I understand.
579
00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:10,680
Prison.
You are under arrest.
580
00:23:10,763 --> 00:23:12,223
Call the guards.
581
00:23:12,306 --> 00:23:13,725
Jawohl, Major Hochstetter.
582
00:23:13,808 --> 00:23:15,351
Major Hochstetter,
may I remind you
583
00:23:15,435 --> 00:23:17,645
that I am the person envoy
of the Führer.
584
00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,731
Well, I guess my men
can get some sleep now.
585
00:23:19,814 --> 00:23:20,857
And...!
586
00:23:20,940 --> 00:23:22,608
You are also under arrest.
587
00:23:22,650 --> 00:23:25,319
You and your friends,
the Chitterlys.
588
00:23:25,361 --> 00:23:26,904
Well, I know
where he is,
589
00:23:26,988 --> 00:23:28,656
but she seems to have
disappeared, Major.
590
00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:30,283
I will find her.
591
00:23:30,324 --> 00:23:32,910
You have my
complete cooperation, Major Hochstetter.
592
00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:34,537
HOCHSTETTER:
And you are under arrest.
593
00:23:34,620 --> 00:23:36,831
We shall get to the bottom
of your tales of impostors
594
00:23:36,914 --> 00:23:41,335
and underground tunnels and
prisoners holding prisoners.
595
00:23:41,419 --> 00:23:45,923
Certainly have to admire
your principles, Major.
596
00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:49,010
You admire
my principles, why?
597
00:23:49,051 --> 00:23:50,595
Jeopardizing
an open-and-shut case
598
00:23:50,678 --> 00:23:53,639
just to check out an
obviously impossible story.
599
00:23:53,681 --> 00:23:57,518
Jeopardizing an open-and...
600
00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,812
Klink, your story is
completely impossible.
601
00:23:59,854 --> 00:24:01,314
A brilliant conclusion, Major.
602
00:24:01,355 --> 00:24:03,691
And, Hochstetter, we must
get to the bottom of this.
603
00:24:03,774 --> 00:24:05,902
The bottom?
Our invasion fleet is on the bottom.
604
00:24:05,985 --> 00:24:07,820
That is bottom enough.
605
00:24:07,862 --> 00:24:08,863
( door opens )
606
00:24:08,946 --> 00:24:10,448
Take him away.
607
00:24:12,408 --> 00:24:14,952
Hochstetter, this is
not the end of this.
608
00:24:18,372 --> 00:24:18,456
I say, chaps, terrific news.
609
00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:21,417
I've escaped again.
610
00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:22,835
Frightfully good
to see you all.
611
00:24:22,877 --> 00:24:24,170
You're under arrest
for treason.
612
00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:25,463
Take him away.
613
00:24:27,256 --> 00:24:29,467
Beastly bore being a fascist.
614
00:24:29,517 --> 00:24:34,067
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