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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:13,305 --> 00:00:17,851 ( theme song playing ) 2 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:52,719 I'm still trying on your call to Berlin, 3 00:00:52,803 --> 00:00:53,720 General von Schlomm. 4 00:00:53,804 --> 00:00:54,805 It should be any minute. 5 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,181 Thank you, my dear. 6 00:00:56,264 --> 00:00:57,182 Just call me. 7 00:00:57,265 --> 00:00:59,434 I will, General von Schlomm. 8 00:00:59,476 --> 00:01:00,978 ( chuckles ) 9 00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:03,522 The Führer is sleeping late this morning. 10 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:06,149 The Führer works all night, Klink. 11 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,652 My meaning exactly, General von Schlomm. 12 00:01:08,694 --> 00:01:11,613 Oh, and what marvelous work he does. 13 00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:14,825 Heil Hitler. 14 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,868 Heil Hitler. 15 00:01:16,952 --> 00:01:19,371 And may I say, General von Schlomm, 16 00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,249 what a privilege it is to be even a small part 17 00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:23,917 of this momentous mission. 18 00:01:24,001 --> 00:01:28,839 Klink, this mission is top, top secret. 19 00:01:28,880 --> 00:01:29,840 Top secret. 20 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:31,091 Sir Charles knows of it, 21 00:01:31,174 --> 00:01:33,468 Lady Chitterly knows of it, I know of it 22 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:35,512 and the Führer knows of it, 23 00:01:35,554 --> 00:01:39,141 but no one else, definitely including you, Klink, 24 00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:41,727 must either know of it or mention it. 25 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:43,729 Trust me not to breathe a word... 26 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,189 until after England surrenders. 27 00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:47,524 Klink! 28 00:01:47,566 --> 00:01:50,986 What did I say? 29 00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,196 General von Schlomm is calling Hitler in Berlin 30 00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:54,740 to tell him you and Lady Chitterly 31 00:01:54,823 --> 00:01:56,533 are ready to take off for the capital. 32 00:01:56,616 --> 00:01:58,744 But dash it all, Hogan, I'm not ready. 33 00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,662 I'm being held prisoner down here 34 00:02:00,704 --> 00:02:01,997 by a group of prisoners 35 00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,540 and that's simply not done. 36 00:02:03,623 --> 00:02:05,876 You know it, Sir Charles, and I know it, 37 00:02:05,917 --> 00:02:07,419 but von Schlomm doesn't know it. 38 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:08,670 Well, he'll soon find out. 39 00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:09,838 Why? Colonel Crittendon 40 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,214 looks enough like you to be your twin. 41 00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,884 Oh, absolute balderdash. 42 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:16,094 And even if he could fool von Schlomm, 43 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,888 he could never out fool Lady Chitterly. 44 00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,598 Maybe she wants to be fooled. 45 00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:23,435 That, sir, is the remark of a cad. 46 00:02:23,518 --> 00:02:25,479 Colonel, I think this is it. 47 00:02:25,562 --> 00:02:28,231 Hitler's headquarters or Hitler himself? 48 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,691 Hitler himself. 49 00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:32,068 Yes, mein Führer, they are both here now. 50 00:02:32,110 --> 00:02:34,446 Lady Chitterly arrived early this morning. 51 00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:38,909 I quite understand mein Führer. 52 00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:39,910 To Berlin immediately. 53 00:02:39,951 --> 00:02:41,411 It shall be done, mein Führer. 54 00:02:41,453 --> 00:02:42,496 Heil Hitler. 55 00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,788 Heil Hitler. 56 00:02:43,872 --> 00:02:45,081 Klink, prepare my car for traveling. 57 00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:46,208 Prepare your car for traveling-- 58 00:02:46,249 --> 00:02:47,459 of course, General von Schlomm. 59 00:02:47,542 --> 00:02:49,294 I shall need a motorcycle escort heavily armed. 60 00:02:49,377 --> 00:02:50,545 Motorcycle escort heavily armed-- 61 00:02:50,587 --> 00:02:51,713 of course, General von Schlomm. 62 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:52,756 To leave within the hour. 63 00:02:52,839 --> 00:02:53,882 To leave within the hour-- 64 00:02:53,924 --> 00:02:55,050 of course, General von Schlomm. 65 00:02:55,091 --> 00:02:57,427 Oh, General von Schlomm, would the General like me 66 00:02:57,469 --> 00:02:58,595 to accompany him to Berlin? 67 00:02:58,637 --> 00:02:58,803 Why? 68 00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:01,431 Prepare your car for traveling-- 69 00:03:01,515 --> 00:03:02,849 of course, General von Schlomm. 70 00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,103 What now, Colonel? 71 00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,939 ( sighs ) 72 00:03:08,980 --> 00:03:10,774 I wish I knew. 73 00:03:28,583 --> 00:03:30,502 Thanks, Crittendon. 74 00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:31,962 We don't have too much time. 75 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:32,963 Where's Lady Chitterly? 76 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:35,173 In the bedroom, resting I think. 77 00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:36,591 You better get her in here. 78 00:03:36,633 --> 00:03:38,426 Hogan, a deucedly attractive woman and all that, 79 00:03:38,468 --> 00:03:39,803 but do you think it's wise, 80 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,638 her being in such close quarters with me? 81 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:42,973 What are you talking about? 82 00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:45,475 Psychological problem, Hogan. 83 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,560 I mean, the woman's ready to kill her husband 84 00:03:47,644 --> 00:03:49,354 because he's a traitor, and here am I, 85 00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:50,814 a dead-ringer for Sir Charles. 86 00:03:50,897 --> 00:03:53,441 Crittendon, she won't put a knife in you, believe me. 87 00:03:53,483 --> 00:03:55,527 No, no, no, that's not what I meant. 88 00:03:55,610 --> 00:03:56,987 I'm on her side. 89 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,239 The pressure on her, Hogan, it's... 90 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:00,824 it's almost too strong. 91 00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,158 To do what? 92 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:03,910 ( clearing throat ) 93 00:04:03,994 --> 00:04:05,245 It's a bit obvious, isn't it? 94 00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:07,622 Oh, yeah, yeah. 95 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:08,832 Play it safe. 96 00:04:08,873 --> 00:04:10,917 Only give her about 20% of your charm. 97 00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:12,836 Yes. 98 00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:13,878 Do my best. 99 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,674 ( loudly ): Uh, Leslie my dear... 100 00:04:17,757 --> 00:04:19,467 ( whispers ): In case anybody's listening. 101 00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:20,677 Yeah, mm-hmm. 102 00:04:20,719 --> 00:04:22,012 Yes? 103 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,055 Lady Chitterly, we've got to make this fast. 104 00:04:24,139 --> 00:04:25,598 von Schlomm just talked to Hitler 105 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:27,392 and he wants you in Berlin right away. 106 00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:28,935 And since Hitler knows your husband, 107 00:04:29,019 --> 00:04:30,812 he's not going to be fooled by Crittendon. 108 00:04:30,854 --> 00:04:32,647 I'm not sure of that, Hogan. 109 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:33,732 Well, I am. 110 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,650 So whatever we set up to abort this mission, 111 00:04:35,692 --> 00:04:37,027 it's got to be done from here. 112 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,653 I see. 113 00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:41,865 You have placed yourself in charge, Colonel Hogan. 114 00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:43,575 Call it what you will. 115 00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:47,162 And as our leader, how are you persuading General von Schlomm 116 00:04:47,203 --> 00:04:49,664 that we should go against Hitler's orders? 117 00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,750 ( sighs ) 118 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:52,917 I'll think of something. 119 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,461 Not good enough. 120 00:04:54,544 --> 00:04:56,838 I don't know you well enough 121 00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:58,673 and I don't trust you far enough. 122 00:04:58,715 --> 00:05:01,551 How far do you think I can trust you? 123 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,845 Married to Axis Charlie for five years, 124 00:05:03,887 --> 00:05:05,263 been in Berlin for three months 125 00:05:05,346 --> 00:05:06,389 cozying up to the Nazis. 126 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,266 What kind of security clearance is that? 127 00:05:08,349 --> 00:05:09,768 ( clearing throat ) 128 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,270 I can personally vouch for Lady Chitterly, Hogan. 129 00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:13,563 Who asked you? 130 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:16,232 I think, Colonel Hogan, I shall have to go my own way. 131 00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:17,776 How? 132 00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,527 ( chuckles ) 133 00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,613 I shall think of something. 134 00:05:21,696 --> 00:05:22,822 ( knocking ) 135 00:05:22,906 --> 00:05:23,907 SCHULTZ: Sir Charles? 136 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:24,991 It's the guard. 137 00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:25,116 What shall I tell him? 138 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,536 Tell him to guard something. 139 00:05:32,832 --> 00:05:36,211 Gracious lady, Sir Charles. 140 00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:38,505 I have the honor to request your presence 141 00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:41,925 on behalf of General von Schlomm in the Commandant's office 142 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:43,384 for your trip to Berlin. 143 00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,970 All right, Schultz, we'll be right there. 144 00:05:46,054 --> 00:05:49,015 Danke, Sir Charles, thank you, gracious lady. 145 00:05:49,098 --> 00:05:52,227 I remain as always at your service-- 146 00:05:52,268 --> 00:05:54,395 Sergeant Schultz. 147 00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,940 Gracious lady, Sir Charles... 148 00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,275 Colonel Hogan? 149 00:05:59,317 --> 00:06:00,360 See you later, Schultz. 150 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:01,653 We've got a problem here. 151 00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:04,113 Problem? What problem? 152 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,574 Do-do-do-don't tell me. 153 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,451 I see nothing! 154 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,120 I know nothing! 155 00:06:11,162 --> 00:06:14,624 My dear Sir Charles, I really do not understand you. 156 00:06:14,666 --> 00:06:16,292 You wish to see the Führer, 157 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,961 the Führer wishes to see you. 158 00:06:18,002 --> 00:06:19,671 He assured me of it over the phone 159 00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:21,256 just a few moments ago. 160 00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,967 Now you hesitate over going to Berlin. 161 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,927 No hesitation. 162 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:26,052 Indecision. 163 00:06:28,304 --> 00:06:30,974 Do stop being tiresome, Charles. 164 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:32,559 Of course, we're going to Berlin. 165 00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,601 We are? 166 00:06:33,643 --> 00:06:34,978 Naturally. 167 00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,688 Dolf is a crashing bore, 168 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:40,316 but this prison camp is even worse. 169 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,068 Exactly, Lady Chitterly. 170 00:06:42,151 --> 00:06:43,611 Were I able to get away myself... 171 00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,655 Klink, you can. 172 00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,617 Then, we can go. 173 00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:51,077 Where? 174 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:52,996 To Berlin. 175 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:54,205 Berlin! 176 00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,334 Have you a few moments with Colonel Hogan, 177 00:06:58,376 --> 00:06:59,377 Herr Kommandant? 178 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:00,586 Absolutely not! 179 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,838 No visitors, cut off the phone. 180 00:07:01,921 --> 00:07:03,089 I will talk to no one. 181 00:07:03,172 --> 00:07:04,340 Hope I'm not interrupting, Kommandant, 182 00:07:04,382 --> 00:07:05,925 but I've got to talk to you again 183 00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,051 about those meals we're getting. 184 00:07:07,135 --> 00:07:10,096 Out! Shultz, throw this man out immediately. 185 00:07:10,179 --> 00:07:11,764 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 186 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:13,182 Which one? 187 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,976 Hogan. Out! 188 00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,145 Klink, what kind of a camp are you running here? 189 00:07:17,186 --> 00:07:18,521 Glad you asked that question, General. 190 00:07:18,563 --> 00:07:19,731 Colonel Robert Hogan. 191 00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:21,399 When you tell those good people in Berlin 192 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,109 about the kind of food they're serving here, 193 00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,402 I'm sure we'll get some action. 194 00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:25,695 Throw him out! 195 00:07:29,782 --> 00:07:33,036 Robert... Robert Hogan! 196 00:07:33,077 --> 00:07:33,161 My darling. 197 00:07:40,209 --> 00:07:41,919 She knows this man? 198 00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:45,173 I'll ask her when I get a chance. 199 00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:48,217 Leslie. 200 00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:53,431 Leslie, old girl. 201 00:07:53,514 --> 00:07:56,893 But of course, you remember Hogan, Charles. 202 00:07:56,934 --> 00:07:58,436 Hi. 203 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,564 That mad summer before he was shot down. 204 00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:05,651 That mad, marvelous romantic summer, 205 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,361 just the three of us, 206 00:08:07,403 --> 00:08:09,697 remember? 207 00:08:09,739 --> 00:08:11,741 Can't say that I do, no. 208 00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,076 Charles? 209 00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,161 Oh, well, Hogan. 210 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:18,164 Thought she said Grogan. 211 00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:21,542 What super luck finding you here. 212 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:24,003 And what a marvelous dividend 213 00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:26,255 for surrendering England. 214 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:29,258 Your car's ready, General von Schlomm. 215 00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,929 Ah. I'm terribly sorry to break this up, but... 216 00:08:32,970 --> 00:08:34,722 Be a dear boy 217 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:37,558 and tell Dolf to wait three or four days, will you? 218 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,936 You'll stay with us at his quarters. 219 00:08:40,019 --> 00:08:42,438 Amusingly ghastly, 220 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,442 but it'll be just like it was that mad summer. 221 00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:49,028 Lady Chitterly, I-I couldn't possibly 222 00:08:49,111 --> 00:08:51,280 tell the Führer... 223 00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:52,448 I have his direct orders. 224 00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:55,201 Then you will tell him to change them. 225 00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,495 Come, Robert. 226 00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,373 But... 227 00:09:00,498 --> 00:09:02,041 Sir Charles... 228 00:09:02,124 --> 00:09:05,211 Sorry, dear boy. Like to help you. 229 00:09:05,294 --> 00:09:07,547 Going to be a dull few days for me, what? 230 00:09:10,341 --> 00:09:12,218 Klink, Klink, what shall I do? 231 00:09:12,301 --> 00:09:13,886 Cancel the staff car? 232 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:16,013 Excellent idea, Herr Kommandant. 233 00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:18,599 Hilda, cancel the staff car. 234 00:09:21,435 --> 00:09:23,563 What is happening here? 235 00:09:30,945 --> 00:09:32,196 Ah, a thousand pardons. 236 00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,073 Just looking in to see if everything is satisfactory. 237 00:09:34,156 --> 00:09:35,825 General von Schlomm is still trying 238 00:09:35,866 --> 00:09:37,118 to reach the Führer, 239 00:09:37,159 --> 00:09:39,370 but you know how it is with him-- busy, busy, busy. 240 00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:41,247 Have the operator check his phone. 241 00:09:41,330 --> 00:09:42,707 ( chuckles ) 242 00:09:42,790 --> 00:09:44,875 I trust you found the wine satisfactory, 243 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:45,918 Lady Chitterly, Sir Charles? 244 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,003 Now ask me. 245 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,254 Why should I ask you? 246 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,463 'Cause I'm a wine snob 247 00:09:49,505 --> 00:09:51,841 and this just doesn't make it. 248 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,342 But this is my best wine. 249 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:55,344 It's brave enough in the bottle, 250 00:09:55,386 --> 00:09:57,305 but draw the cork and it panics. 251 00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:58,347 But, but, but... 252 00:09:58,389 --> 00:09:59,974 Do better for dinner, dear boy. 253 00:10:00,016 --> 00:10:01,809 Your place in history depends on it. 254 00:10:01,851 --> 00:10:04,854 It shall be done, Sir Charles. Somehow. 255 00:10:04,895 --> 00:10:06,689 Thanks terribly for stopping by. 256 00:10:06,772 --> 00:10:10,151 Lady Chitterly, Sir Charles. 257 00:10:10,192 --> 00:10:11,027 Hogan. 258 00:10:13,696 --> 00:10:15,489 At least Hitler doesn't know yet. 259 00:10:15,531 --> 00:10:16,532 That's something. 260 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:19,118 But he will soon. 261 00:10:19,201 --> 00:10:21,537 Hogan, perhaps I shouldn't ask, 262 00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:24,874 but did you and Leslie... Lady Chitterly, 263 00:10:24,915 --> 00:10:28,669 really have a bit of a thing going in England? 264 00:10:28,711 --> 00:10:31,881 Crittendon, I was not a member of the Clivedon set. 265 00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,591 I shouldn't have asked. 266 00:10:33,674 --> 00:10:36,093 Are we going to review the past, Colonel Hogan? 267 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,970 I thought there were problems enough 268 00:10:38,054 --> 00:10:38,971 with the present. 269 00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:40,598 I wasn't trying to review the past. 270 00:10:40,681 --> 00:10:43,017 None of my business if you did, of course. 271 00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:45,353 Crittendon, I never saw her before last night. 272 00:10:45,394 --> 00:10:46,979 Now can we get on to something important? 273 00:10:47,063 --> 00:10:48,773 Naturally. 274 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:50,441 Lovely bit of acting you did then. 275 00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:54,153 Idea just came into your head, I suppose. 276 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,989 I never would have thought of something clever like that. 277 00:10:57,073 --> 00:10:59,075 Oh, Crittendon. 278 00:10:59,116 --> 00:11:00,576 Later, Colonel. 279 00:11:00,618 --> 00:11:03,579 Hogan has something frightfully important to say. 280 00:11:03,621 --> 00:11:04,914 I certainly do... 281 00:11:04,997 --> 00:11:06,415 like reality. 282 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,292 Like when Hitler finds out that you're not coming, 283 00:11:08,375 --> 00:11:10,044 he's going to send for you. 284 00:11:10,086 --> 00:11:12,046 Oh, but I'll insist on you coming along, 285 00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,589 and that will solve everything, 286 00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:14,924 won't it, Colonel Hogan? 287 00:11:14,965 --> 00:11:17,009 No, it won't and you know it won't. 288 00:11:17,093 --> 00:11:18,385 Another bit of reality. 289 00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,096 The Gestapo's going to get involved in this 290 00:11:20,137 --> 00:11:22,223 if they aren't in already. 291 00:11:22,264 --> 00:11:24,100 How long do you think we can fool them? 292 00:11:24,141 --> 00:11:26,268 I'm sure that by now you've got some 293 00:11:26,393 --> 00:11:28,020 frightfully brilliant scheme 294 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,856 that will tie it all up in a neat package. 295 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,274 Well, not yet, no. 296 00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,777 Bet my last pound note that you have. 297 00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:37,446 But of course. 298 00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:38,739 Well, could we have it 299 00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:41,450 or is it just between you two Chitterlys? 300 00:11:41,492 --> 00:11:43,035 ( door creaks open ) 301 00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:44,954 Hope I'm not intruding. 302 00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,580 What's up? 303 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,374 Nothing, sir. Just checking in. 304 00:11:48,457 --> 00:11:49,959 How are you, Colonel Crittendon? All right? 305 00:11:50,042 --> 00:11:51,460 You are Colonel Crittendon, aren't you? 306 00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,629 I dare say. 307 00:11:53,671 --> 00:11:56,549 You haven't seen Sir Charles around anywhere, have you? 308 00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:57,675 He got away? 309 00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,385 More or less, sir, yes. 310 00:11:59,468 --> 00:12:01,554 Well, find him right now and fast. 311 00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:02,972 Don't worry, sir, I'll do it. 312 00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,807 I'll be right on the job, sir. Don't worry. 313 00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,309 ( growls ) 314 00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,394 ( barking ) 315 00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,483 ( growling, barking ) 316 00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,735 Go away, go away. Down, sir. 317 00:12:16,819 --> 00:12:18,946 Go away, you dreadful beasts. 318 00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:20,531 Klink! Klink! 319 00:12:20,614 --> 00:12:21,615 Help, please. 320 00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,242 Of course, Sir Charles, immediately. 321 00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:23,367 Shoo! Shoo! Immediately. 322 00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:25,452 Go away. Here. 323 00:12:25,494 --> 00:12:26,453 There, Sir Charles. 324 00:12:26,495 --> 00:12:27,496 Please. 325 00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,706 Down. Down. 326 00:12:28,789 --> 00:12:30,165 ( groans ): Oh. 327 00:12:30,207 --> 00:12:31,166 Oh. 328 00:12:31,208 --> 00:12:32,418 Oh, my dear fellow. 329 00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:34,503 You've no idea how glad I am to see you. 330 00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:35,588 Oh, not at all. 331 00:12:35,671 --> 00:12:38,507 Now, Sir Charles, for your dinner tonight, 332 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:41,635 I have planned a terribly insouciant 333 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,305 Pouilly-Fuisse 1937. 334 00:12:44,388 --> 00:12:46,015 How does that strike you, eh? 335 00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,516 What are you talking about? 336 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,184 Wine for your dinner. 337 00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:50,561 But don't you realize 338 00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:52,855 where I've been or how I got there? 339 00:12:52,896 --> 00:12:54,356 You have been in the dog kennel. 340 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,275 And I suppose you got there from my quarters 341 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,235 after you changed your clothes. 342 00:12:58,319 --> 00:12:59,445 How did you get there? 343 00:12:59,528 --> 00:13:00,487 Kidnapped. 344 00:13:00,529 --> 00:13:02,072 By your dreadful prisoners. 345 00:13:02,156 --> 00:13:04,658 And kept down there in their miserable tunnels. 346 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,536 You're Commandant of a blasted ant hole, Klink. 347 00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:08,954 Impossible-- didn't I just talk 348 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,165 to you and your wife in my quarters, huh? 349 00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:14,001 That was a ruddy impostor. 350 00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,211 How is he getting on with Leslie? 351 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,088 Very well, I thought. 352 00:13:18,172 --> 00:13:20,758 Take me there at once, dear boy, at once. 353 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:22,176 Of course, Sir Charles. 354 00:13:22,217 --> 00:13:24,094 Schultz, report immediately. 355 00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,220 Schultz! 356 00:13:28,682 --> 00:13:29,850 Where are they? 357 00:13:29,892 --> 00:13:31,560 I just left them a few minutes ago. 358 00:13:31,643 --> 00:13:32,895 I mean, the three of them. 359 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,313 What three of them? 360 00:13:34,396 --> 00:13:35,397 Why, you... 361 00:13:35,439 --> 00:13:38,400 I mean, the impostor, your wife and Hogan. 362 00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:41,236 He seemed to be a friend of Lady Chitterly's. 363 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:42,404 Hogan?! 364 00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,907 He's the leader of the ant colony. 365 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,450 Perhaps they're in the bedroom. 366 00:13:46,533 --> 00:13:48,243 What, the three of them? 367 00:13:48,285 --> 00:13:49,912 Schultz, look in the bedroom. 368 00:13:49,953 --> 00:13:51,497 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 369 00:13:54,792 --> 00:13:57,961 And if they do not wish to be disturbed...? 370 00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,005 Oh, balderdash, man! 371 00:14:05,177 --> 00:14:06,678 How did they get out? 372 00:14:06,762 --> 00:14:08,222 Aha! 373 00:14:08,263 --> 00:14:09,556 Through the stove. 374 00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,603 "Through the stove"? 375 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:20,567 ( sizzles ) 376 00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:23,320 ( groans ) 377 00:14:23,403 --> 00:14:24,655 Through the stove? 378 00:14:24,738 --> 00:14:26,323 Of course, man. After them. 379 00:14:26,406 --> 00:14:28,367 They kidnapped Leslie. 380 00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:29,952 Uh, Sir Charles, you wait right here. 381 00:14:30,035 --> 00:14:31,954 Schultz, I will get General von Schlomm. 382 00:14:32,037 --> 00:14:33,122 Schultz will guard the door. 383 00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:34,623 No one will come in or out. 384 00:14:34,706 --> 00:14:35,541 Jawohl, Herr Kommandant. 385 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,382 So, Klink, eh? 386 00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:43,507 Remarkable news. 387 00:14:45,425 --> 00:14:47,219 Very remarkable, Major Hochstetter. 388 00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:49,471 May I say how reassuring it is 389 00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:51,014 to have the Gestapo investigate... 390 00:14:51,098 --> 00:14:52,516 Klink... a situation like this. 391 00:14:52,599 --> 00:14:55,310 Where has the real one been while the impostor 392 00:14:55,352 --> 00:14:57,020 has been with Lady Chitterly? 393 00:14:57,104 --> 00:14:59,314 Held prisoner he says. 394 00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:01,400 Held prisoner? By whom? 395 00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:03,610 He claims by the prisoners. 396 00:15:03,652 --> 00:15:05,863 By the prisoners. Ah. 397 00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:07,322 Where? 398 00:15:07,406 --> 00:15:10,576 In their barracks? Camped outside your window? 399 00:15:10,659 --> 00:15:12,619 Well, I believe, he did mention something 400 00:15:12,661 --> 00:15:14,705 about underground tunnels. 401 00:15:14,788 --> 00:15:17,416 Oh, underground tunnels? 402 00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:19,209 It does sound a little farfetched. 403 00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,962 No more lies, Klink! 404 00:15:22,045 --> 00:15:23,881 I may say, Hochstetter, 405 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,049 that when I arrived late last night, 406 00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:27,926 this man was drinking... 407 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,469 and totally disoriented. 408 00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:34,349 And you reported this to Berlin, eh? 409 00:15:34,433 --> 00:15:37,519 No, I thought it was a small matter. 410 00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:40,480 You thought it was a small matter, eh? 411 00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,983 We're here negotiating the surrender of England. 412 00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:45,485 What to you is a large matter?! 413 00:15:45,527 --> 00:15:46,904 Hochstetter, you are talking 414 00:15:46,987 --> 00:15:49,114 to the personal envoy of the Führer. 415 00:15:49,197 --> 00:15:51,617 And it is a good thing I am talking to him. 416 00:15:51,700 --> 00:15:53,702 He needs talking to. 417 00:15:53,785 --> 00:15:54,786 Gentlemen, gentlemen... 418 00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,413 I am sure that when we straighten out 419 00:15:56,496 --> 00:15:59,041 this little misunderstanding about the two Lord Chitterlys, 420 00:15:59,082 --> 00:16:01,293 we can all go on to more important things. 421 00:16:01,376 --> 00:16:04,963 Yeah, like for you, the next train to Pinsk. 422 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:06,048 Pardon me. 423 00:16:06,089 --> 00:16:08,508 Yes, Major Hochstetter. 424 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:14,681 So, Klink, which is this, eh? 425 00:16:14,723 --> 00:16:16,391 The real or the ersatz? 426 00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,559 Sir Charles, you're in luck. 427 00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:18,977 Major Hochstetter of the Gestapo 428 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:20,646 is here to investigate your story. 429 00:16:20,729 --> 00:16:22,397 What story, dear boy? 430 00:16:22,439 --> 00:16:25,108 Why, being captured, the underground tunnel, 431 00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:26,401 and the secret entrance 432 00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,487 through that stove over there. 433 00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,238 Stand back. 434 00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,950 ( sizzling ) 435 00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,244 ( yells ) 436 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:38,747 My last warning, Klink! 437 00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,916 Warning? About what? 438 00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,584 Say, you're just in time for champagne. 439 00:16:42,668 --> 00:16:45,379 What is this man doing here?! 440 00:16:45,420 --> 00:16:47,089 Excellent question, Major. 441 00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,423 General von Schlomm? 442 00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:52,219 He seems to be a friend of the Chitterlys. 443 00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:55,555 This is the most dangerous man in all Germany 444 00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:57,265 and you are allowing him to negotiate 445 00:16:57,307 --> 00:16:58,850 the surrender of England?! 446 00:16:58,934 --> 00:17:01,269 Call on me anytime, Major. Champagne? 447 00:17:01,353 --> 00:17:02,979 I'm placing you all under arrest. 448 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,941 I am placing you under arrest. 449 00:17:06,024 --> 00:17:06,942 ( telephone rings ) 450 00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:07,984 Most likely for me. 451 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:09,611 Do not touch that! 452 00:17:09,653 --> 00:17:11,446 ( ringing ) 453 00:17:12,948 --> 00:17:15,909 Hello. Major Hochstetter here. 454 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:17,702 Ja, of course. 455 00:17:17,786 --> 00:17:18,870 Heil Hitler. 456 00:17:18,954 --> 00:17:20,580 The Führer is calling from Berlin. 457 00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:22,541 I will put him on immediately. 458 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:24,000 The Führer will speak with you. 459 00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:26,211 Awfully sorry. ( clears throat ) 460 00:17:26,294 --> 00:17:28,922 Dreadful frog in my throat. 461 00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:30,465 The Führer is waiting. 462 00:17:37,556 --> 00:17:39,516 Is that you, Dolf? 463 00:17:39,599 --> 00:17:42,978 Leslie, dear. How are you? 464 00:17:43,019 --> 00:17:47,607 Charles will talk to you, but he's such a sweet stupid, 465 00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:51,153 you and I better finish the business part. 466 00:17:51,236 --> 00:17:52,946 Oh, no. 467 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:55,490 No, we're not coming to Berlin. No time. 468 00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,951 The minute Charles is discovered missing, 469 00:17:57,993 --> 00:18:00,245 all our crowd will be under house arrest. 470 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:06,501 I take it von Schlomm has the surrender terms. 471 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,421 Good. 472 00:18:09,504 --> 00:18:12,465 One small change of plan-- 473 00:18:12,507 --> 00:18:15,927 send every man-of-war you have along with some troops 474 00:18:16,011 --> 00:18:19,264 sailing toward England. At once. 475 00:18:19,347 --> 00:18:21,850 You simply must, Dolf. 476 00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:25,604 We can never sell the surrender without an invasion threat. 477 00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:29,983 ( shouting in German ) 478 00:18:30,025 --> 00:18:33,904 Don't shout so, Dolf. 479 00:18:33,987 --> 00:18:37,324 We must all do things we don't want to do, there's a war on. 480 00:18:37,365 --> 00:18:39,284 Here's Charles. 481 00:18:45,290 --> 00:18:47,250 Lovely talking with you, Dolf. 482 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,252 And a great big kiss for Joe Goebbels. 483 00:18:52,005 --> 00:18:54,174 Heil Hitler. 484 00:18:54,215 --> 00:18:56,051 Careful with that thing, Crittendon. 485 00:18:56,134 --> 00:18:58,720 And if you're cornered, don't try to fight it out, 486 00:18:58,803 --> 00:18:59,804 just throw it away. 487 00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,932 They'll never take me this time, Hogan. 488 00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,433 All the way to jolly old England. 489 00:19:03,516 --> 00:19:05,185 Right, Leslie? 490 00:19:05,226 --> 00:19:07,312 But of course. All the way. 491 00:19:07,395 --> 00:19:09,105 And jolly good fun, too. 492 00:19:09,189 --> 00:19:11,524 Colonel, everything's on schedule. 493 00:19:11,566 --> 00:19:13,193 Two German line cruisers, six destroyers 494 00:19:13,234 --> 00:19:14,486 and a couple of transports 495 00:19:14,569 --> 00:19:16,905 are right now in the middle of the English Channel. 496 00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,074 Allied planes will hit them any minute. 497 00:19:19,115 --> 00:19:20,492 Ripping, we actually pulled it off. 498 00:19:20,575 --> 00:19:21,743 Sure looks that way. 499 00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,620 I don't know if I can adjust to success. 500 00:19:23,703 --> 00:19:27,749 Things always seem to go the other way with me. 501 00:19:27,791 --> 00:19:29,584 All due to you, of course. 502 00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:31,419 You, too. 503 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:34,589 Do give me a moment with Hogan, will you? 504 00:19:34,673 --> 00:19:36,675 What? 505 00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:38,677 Oh, uh... naturally. 506 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,844 ( chuckles nervously ) 507 00:19:39,928 --> 00:19:41,471 All the time you want, of course. 508 00:19:41,554 --> 00:19:45,558 I'll just... check my weapons again. 509 00:19:58,571 --> 00:20:00,115 What about Charles? 510 00:20:00,156 --> 00:20:01,366 We're going to release him 511 00:20:01,449 --> 00:20:02,951 inside the camp in about five minutes. 512 00:20:03,034 --> 00:20:05,161 You promised to turn him over to me. 513 00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,789 I didn't think you'd want him. 514 00:20:07,831 --> 00:20:10,291 No. 515 00:20:10,333 --> 00:20:11,876 No, you're right. 516 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:13,795 What makes you so wise, Hogan? 517 00:20:13,878 --> 00:20:16,131 Association with you. 518 00:20:16,172 --> 00:20:17,757 It's been quite an operation. 519 00:20:20,176 --> 00:20:22,554 I don't know why-- 520 00:20:22,637 --> 00:20:25,306 chances of our seeing one another again are very small-- 521 00:20:25,348 --> 00:20:28,393 but I want to explain myself. 522 00:20:28,476 --> 00:20:29,310 May I? 523 00:20:29,352 --> 00:20:32,564 Why not? 524 00:20:32,647 --> 00:20:34,065 You don't make it easy. 525 00:20:34,149 --> 00:20:35,984 No, I don't. 526 00:20:36,025 --> 00:20:40,113 To say I never went along with Charles just isn't true, 527 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:42,740 I did... to some degree. 528 00:20:42,824 --> 00:20:44,242 Mainly, I went fox hunting. 529 00:20:44,325 --> 00:20:46,578 The war changed things. 530 00:20:46,661 --> 00:20:48,746 Changed me. 531 00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:56,171 And then... those last three months in Berlin... 532 00:20:56,254 --> 00:21:00,175 Well, I'm really grateful to Hitler, you know. 533 00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:03,178 I might have gone on for years more dead than alive 534 00:21:03,219 --> 00:21:04,929 and not caring very much either way. 535 00:21:06,306 --> 00:21:11,102 What I saw in Berlin picked me up and shook me. 536 00:21:11,186 --> 00:21:14,772 And when you see things like that, you make a commitment... 537 00:21:14,856 --> 00:21:19,903 one way or the other. 538 00:21:19,986 --> 00:21:22,405 That's all. 539 00:21:27,744 --> 00:21:31,247 I'm glad you took the time to tell me. 540 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:32,999 So am I. 541 00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,379 Just thought of something, Leslie. 542 00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:39,714 What if we, uh... 543 00:21:39,964 --> 00:21:41,549 uh... 544 00:21:41,591 --> 00:21:44,969 Oh. Well, it, uh, can wait, of course. 545 00:21:46,638 --> 00:21:49,432 No, no hurry at all. 546 00:21:56,689 --> 00:21:58,524 To the all victorious Fatherland 547 00:21:58,566 --> 00:21:59,734 and to the Führer. 548 00:21:59,776 --> 00:22:01,611 To the all victorious Führer. 549 00:22:01,694 --> 00:22:02,612 Heil Hitler. 550 00:22:02,695 --> 00:22:03,905 Heil Hitler. Heil Hitler. 551 00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:05,114 Excuse me. 552 00:22:05,198 --> 00:22:06,532 I'm sorry to complain, sir, 553 00:22:06,574 --> 00:22:08,785 but the men over in the barracks can't get much sleep 554 00:22:08,868 --> 00:22:09,869 with this party going on. 555 00:22:09,911 --> 00:22:11,287 Then let them stay awake. 556 00:22:11,371 --> 00:22:13,373 Tonight will go down in history. 557 00:22:13,414 --> 00:22:14,499 Really, what's up? 558 00:22:14,582 --> 00:22:16,000 ( telephone rings ) 559 00:22:16,084 --> 00:22:19,170 That call is announcing the surrender of England. 560 00:22:19,253 --> 00:22:19,295 Want me to get it? 561 00:22:20,546 --> 00:22:22,674 I'll take care of it if you don't mind. 562 00:22:22,757 --> 00:22:23,800 ( ringing ) 563 00:22:25,927 --> 00:22:28,596 von Schlomm here. 564 00:22:28,638 --> 00:22:30,765 Yes, General von Kottenhorn. 565 00:22:30,848 --> 00:22:32,934 The chief of the general staff. 566 00:22:32,976 --> 00:22:35,770 The invasion fleet is... 567 00:22:35,853 --> 00:22:38,564 sunk? 568 00:22:38,606 --> 00:22:38,690 There must be some mistake, my General. 569 00:22:40,775 --> 00:22:43,695 General von Kottenhorn, we took every... ( line clicks ) 570 00:22:43,778 --> 00:22:44,445 General? 571 00:22:44,529 --> 00:22:46,114 Hello? 572 00:22:46,197 --> 00:22:47,949 Hello? 573 00:22:53,287 --> 00:22:55,790 The invasion fleet was sunk? 574 00:22:55,873 --> 00:22:58,668 Went down like lead. 575 00:22:58,751 --> 00:23:00,461 Destroyed. 576 00:23:00,503 --> 00:23:03,131 A massive ambush. 577 00:23:03,172 --> 00:23:05,091 I do not understand it. 578 00:23:05,133 --> 00:23:08,344 Now, General, I understand. 579 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:10,680 Prison. You are under arrest. 580 00:23:10,763 --> 00:23:12,223 Call the guards. 581 00:23:12,306 --> 00:23:13,725 Jawohl, Major Hochstetter. 582 00:23:13,808 --> 00:23:15,351 Major Hochstetter, may I remind you 583 00:23:15,435 --> 00:23:17,645 that I am the person envoy of the Führer. 584 00:23:17,729 --> 00:23:19,731 Well, I guess my men can get some sleep now. 585 00:23:19,814 --> 00:23:20,857 And...! 586 00:23:20,940 --> 00:23:22,608 You are also under arrest. 587 00:23:22,650 --> 00:23:25,319 You and your friends, the Chitterlys. 588 00:23:25,361 --> 00:23:26,904 Well, I know where he is, 589 00:23:26,988 --> 00:23:28,656 but she seems to have disappeared, Major. 590 00:23:28,698 --> 00:23:30,283 I will find her. 591 00:23:30,324 --> 00:23:32,910 You have my complete cooperation, Major Hochstetter. 592 00:23:32,994 --> 00:23:34,537 HOCHSTETTER: And you are under arrest. 593 00:23:34,620 --> 00:23:36,831 We shall get to the bottom of your tales of impostors 594 00:23:36,914 --> 00:23:41,335 and underground tunnels and prisoners holding prisoners. 595 00:23:41,419 --> 00:23:45,923 Certainly have to admire your principles, Major. 596 00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:49,010 You admire my principles, why? 597 00:23:49,051 --> 00:23:50,595 Jeopardizing an open-and-shut case 598 00:23:50,678 --> 00:23:53,639 just to check out an obviously impossible story. 599 00:23:53,681 --> 00:23:57,518 Jeopardizing an open-and... 600 00:23:57,560 --> 00:23:59,812 Klink, your story is completely impossible. 601 00:23:59,854 --> 00:24:01,314 A brilliant conclusion, Major. 602 00:24:01,355 --> 00:24:03,691 And, Hochstetter, we must get to the bottom of this. 603 00:24:03,774 --> 00:24:05,902 The bottom? Our invasion fleet is on the bottom. 604 00:24:05,985 --> 00:24:07,820 That is bottom enough. 605 00:24:07,862 --> 00:24:08,863 ( door opens ) 606 00:24:08,946 --> 00:24:10,448 Take him away. 607 00:24:12,408 --> 00:24:14,952 Hochstetter, this is not the end of this. 608 00:24:18,372 --> 00:24:18,456 I say, chaps, terrific news. 609 00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:21,417 I've escaped again. 610 00:24:21,501 --> 00:24:22,835 Frightfully good to see you all. 611 00:24:22,877 --> 00:24:24,170 You're under arrest for treason. 612 00:24:24,212 --> 00:24:25,463 Take him away. 613 00:24:27,256 --> 00:24:29,467 Beastly bore being a fascist. 614 00:24:29,517 --> 00:24:34,067 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 42454

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