All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s05e03 The Klink Commandos.eng

( theme song playing )

SCHULTZ:
LeBeau.

Ici.

Carter.
Aye.

Newkirk.
Ici.

Kinchloe.
Yeah.

Hogan.

Yeah, here.

Everybody here?

Don't question it,
Schultz, enjoy it.

You are so right,
Colonel Hogan.

The end of
a perfect day.

I couldn't ask
for anything...

KLINK:
Report!

Report!

Herr Kommandant,
beg to report that...

You beg to report
that what?

Klink, darling!

I have come back to you!

To me?

Look at him, Waffy.

Is he not beautiful?!

Oh, Klinky...

Oh...

Crush me in your strong arms,
Klink, darling.

Hold me, hurt me--

it's what I've been
longing for.

What do you make
of that, Colonel?

Things were running
too smoothly

is what I make of it.

I didn't know
she had a thing going with Klink.

She could
not, never.

Pure as the
driven snow...

practically.

LeBeau, do me a favor...

Hold it.

Look at our other
visiting fireman.

Waffy, dear,

this is my gorgeous
Kommandant Klink.

Mmm!

Look upon him and eat
your Prussian heart out.

Sir, I assure you,
for my part,

I have not made
the slightest overtures,

nor the most
delicate innuendoes.

Do not concern yourself,
Klink, darling.

Waffy and I are merely
as brother and sister--

nothing.

Oh, did I say that this
is Count von Waffenschmidt?

Oh, Count von
Waffenschmidt,

it's a great
honor, sir.

And once more
may I say

that I categorically
state that I...

Is it possible to transact
our affairs inside?

Or should we stand here
like vegetable merchants?

Oh, into my office,
by all means.

It's a great honor,
Count von Waffenschmidt.

Schultz,
the door, the door.

Jawohl, Herr
Kommandant.

Do not be jealous
of him, Klink, darling.

He is nothing to me.

You are everything.

Huh?

How very kind of you.

Hmm...

She has come
to see me, I feel it.

Did she look
over here once?

Once?!

She could not
trust herself.

That should be
an interesting conversation, Colonel.

Yeah, let's
listen in, huh?

That's very interesting,
Count von Waffenschmidt.

So you are going
to the Russian front?

That's a wonderful
place to visit,

but I wouldn't want
to die there.

There's a train running
by here in the morning.

Marya and I will be on it.

You have only tonight
for love, Klink.

Enough?

( chuckles softly )

Tell him,
Klink, darling.

As a matter of fact,

I believe I'm on
guard duty tonight.

Oh, you're so right,
Klink, darling.

En garde...

Merely transact your sordid
affairs out of my sight.

And your quarters, Klink,
do they carry out the, uh...

decor of your office--
"Early Grubby"?

( laughs nervously )

"Grubby"-- grubby,
yes, but home, sir.

Good, I will sleep there.

Do not disturb me.

Waffy is petulant,
Klink, darling,

because I forced him
to come here.

Be realistic--
what can you do

with a suitcase
chained to your wrist?

Really, Marya, what possible
difference does it make

if I ignore you
with one hand or two?

Hah!

You beg to be a courier so you
can be a refugee from life.

Pooey.

It is all
a crushing bore:

you, this, him, the Russian
front, everything.

If you will
excuse me,

I must post
the guard now.

Oh, no, no, no.

The evening belongs
to me, Klink, darling.

Where can we go that
is intimate, romantic?

The mess hall?

Anywhere, Klink, darling--
with you, anywhere.

I wonder...

How could she?!

Klink?! Bah!

LeBeau, you're
around the bend.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute--

I'm trying
to sort this out.

I don't trust her, but
I don't underestimate her.

She knows we've got Klink's
office bugged, right?

Or she's got
a pretty good idea.

So that conversation
might have been meant for us.

It's just possible.

Now, what do we got?

A courier on his way
to the Russian front

with an attaché case
chained to his wrist,

and he's sleeping in
Klink's quarters tonight.

Hey, maybe
she wants us

to steal
that attaché case.

While she takes Klink
out of the way.

You see, and you doubted her.

That may be it--
maybe.

So what do we do?

Wait till we find out
definitely?

They're leaving camp
tomorrow morning.

So we go
to work tonight.

Was there
something you wanted?

Wasn't this
the room

that called
for a plumber?

A fine example,
I believe, of gallows humor.

Schultz!

Now, stand
right over there...

and quietly,
most quietly.

You wouldn't believe

we were looking for
a red-headed bird named Ginger?

No.

No, I didn't think
you would somehow.

Count von
Waffenschmidt,

Sergeant Schultz
reporting,

alert
and on guard...

Colonel Hogan,
Newkirk.

Hi, Schultz.

Nice to see
you, Schultzy.

I see you know
these men, Schultz.

Of course, Count
von Waffenschmidt.

Those are our
prisoners of war.

Any idea how they got in here?

Not the slightest.

Then I will tell you.

They came right past your nose
as you were sleeping.

Oh, a brilliant conclusion,
Count von Waff...

I will deal
with you later, Schultz.

Colonel Hogan,
would you like to know

the contents of this?

If it wouldn't
be prying.

It contains honey,

and you are the first fly
to catch his feet in it.

Glad you told me.

I should be more specific.

We have been troubled

for the past
six months by spies.

Our general staff
sends battle plans

to the Russian front,

but somehow
the Russians have them

before our own troops.

Obviously a very
clever ring.

My, uh, sympathies
to the general staff.

This time we do things
a bit differently.

I carry the battle plans
to the front myself.

With me is Marya, whom we have
been watching for some time.

Now, if she
cares to detour along the way,

I allow it--

such as our stopover here
at Stalag 13.

You begin to get
the picture, Hogan?

Certainly looks bad
for Klink, doesn't it?

Oh, not Klink... you.

You are the first of her
contacts I have apprehended,

and in a short while
I will have the whole ring.

Now, Schultz, both
of these men will remain

under the most
stringent security

until I return
from Russia.

At that time, the Gestapo
in Berlin will undertake

the interrogation under
my personal direction.

Should either
of them escape,

your life
will be forfeit.

Understand?

Count von Waffenschmidt,

while I certainly
am honored

by this assignment,
there are guards here

who are younger
and...

more in need of
recognition and...

You, Schultz!

Now take them away.

Jawohl.

Until my return,
Colonel Hogan,

when we shall become
more closely acquainted.

Colonel Hogan,
Newkirk!

You will stay away
from the front lines?

Definitely.

Reporting for
duty, Colonel.

I know what you are
thinking, mon colonel,

but she is
innocent, innocent.

And you're out of your mind,
but keep your voices down.

She is innocent.

Then what are
we in here for, double parking?

All right, look--
they set a trap and we walked into it.

I could get you out
of here, Colonel.

See, all I got
to do is pour

a couple of drops
of nitroglycerin

into the cell
door lock there

and she swings
right open.

Not good enough.

Well, surely
that's better

than doing a waltz
with the Gestapo in Berlin, sir.

I'm not planning
on doing either.

Somehow I'm going to get
my hands on those plans

in that attaché case.

But won't they
be on that train tomorrow morning

that's going to
the Russian front?

So will we.

Maybe I should go home
for that nitroglycerin.

Go with LeBeau.

Get into a German general's
uniform, special forces.

Tell Kinch to go out

and set a time bomb
on the tracks of that train.

I want it delayed
for about three hours.

Oui--
that I understand.

Colonel, is there
anything special you want me to do

as a German general?

Recruit us all
into the Wehrmacht.

We're joining
the German army?

Just for a short time.

Oh, well, if it's
only for a short time.

On a suicide mission
to the Russian front.

Herr Kommandant,
they went to the train station.

Are you sure?

The woman, too?

Count von Waffenschmidt
and the woman.

Oh, what a relief.

I'm a prisoner in my own camp.

All night I've been
trying to avoid her.

I should get involved
with a Russian

traveling with
a jealous count?

Oh, Herr Kommandant,
it was a very hard night.

Perhaps we both
could take the day off.

Excellent idea,
Schultz.

Ah, my own quarters,
a warm glass of milk

in my own warm bed.

So!

9:00 in the morning

and already
we're going to bed.

What is this,
a rest camp or a prison camp?!

Achtung!

Ah, how very nice
to see you, General, uh...

Reifschneider-- a name
you will not soon forget!

No, certainly,
General Reifschneider.

A great pleasure,
General Reifschneider.

You see,
Sergeant Schultz and I

were just having
a bit of a joke,

as you might call it.

"Treason" I would call it.

In Berlin we have two words
for sleeping on the job--

boom, boom.

"Boom, boom."

Correct, sir.

You're absolutely right.

Remember that, Schultz.

Me, Herr Kommandant?

So!

Where is your
security here, Klink?!

No one told you
when I arrived!

No one called you when
I came to the gates, no!

General Reifschneider,
heads will roll.

You can be assured
of that.

I am-- a very shiny one.

Very clever,
General Reifschneider.

No one enjoys a good laugh
more than I do, but...

Enough small talk.

Of course,
General Reifschneider.

I mean after all,
two busy men like us

have no time for small...

Enough, Klink!

Enough, Klink!

Yes, sir.

Now prop open your eyes
and listen to me.

I have come from Berlin

to recruit a very
special squad--

men who have nothing
to live for

and so will not be
afraid to die.

In a word, prisoners.

Prisoners?

Oh... ( chuckles )
take all you want--

Liberty hall.

About five will do
for a suicide squad to the Russian front!

After Stalag 13,
they would go anywhere,

if I may say so, sir.

You just did.

Thank you for noticing it,
General Reifschneider.

Schultz!

Round up five prisoners!

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

CARTER:
Klink!

If I had wanted you
to pick the prisoners,

I could have stayed in Berlin!

I will pick the men!

And you will do a much better
job, General Reifschneider.

Schultz, countermand that order.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Come! When I see the men
I will know them.

Certainly, General
Reifschneider.

Schultz, you come with us.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Herr Kommandant...

And after that,
could I have the day off?

Schultz.

CARTER:
Klink!

Ah, Klink.

SCHULTZ:
Achtung!

Achtung!

Ah...

Restricted area.

Back to the barracks
at once.

I'm sorry, General
Reifschneider.

Their names?

Corporal LeBeau,
Sergeant Kinchloe.

Corrective discipline will be
taken at once, trust me, sir.

I shall take them.

KLINK:
Excellent idea, General Reifschneider.

Fit them with
German uniforms-- Wehrmacht.

They fall out
for the Russian front within the hour.

Wait a minute!
Don't we have a choice?

None!

You are volunteers.

Who's in there?

Oh, uh, top-security prisoners

held by Count von Waffenschmidt
and the Gestapo, sir.

Good.

I shall look at them.

KLINK:
But General Reifschneider, I... I...

But, General Reifschneider,
my instructions are most specific.

These men are
to be held here

until Count von
Waffenschmidt returns.

If they're not here,
I will be shot.

If you don't release
them to me,

you shall be shot now.

It is your choice.

I think I should prefer
to be shot later.

Congratulations.

You men have just volunteered

for a glorious suicide mission
to the Russian front.

I need one more.

Uh, General,

Sergeant Carter
of our outfit

would be
a very good choice.

Why?

Well, he's not
too bright.

Perfect volunteer.

I'll take him.

Uniforms for all;
they have a train to catch.

KLINK:
Guards!

The prisoners have just
joined the Wehrmacht.

Call the quartermaster.

Uniforms for everybody.

Klink, one thing more.

Please, General...

Klink, I am trying
to help you.

Really?

If you do not
wish to be around

when Count
von Waffenschmidt returns,

how about a transfer?

Oh, anywhere, anywhere at all,
General Reifschneider.

Good!

You shall be the leader
of the suicide squad.

Fall out with full field pack
in ten minutes.

I'm returning to Berlin.

But...

Well, uh,
congratulations, sir.

Just what you've
always wanted.

Hogan, where
did I go wrong?

( train whistle blowing )

Getting colder, isn't it?

Oh, uh, colder.

Yes, definitely.

Every mile now,
colder.

Every half mile
even-- colder.

Yeah, getting colder, all right.

I know it's cold.

I can feel it,
I'm freezing.

Why do you have to keep
reminding me of it?

That's a good sign--
irritable.

Means he's honed
to a fine edge for combat.

Hogan, why do you have
to keep saying that?

Honed to a fine edge
for what?

I don't even know
what our mission is.

Well, we'll probably
get sealed orders

when we get
to the front.

That's the way these
things usually work.

Why?!

What is the rhyme
or reason of it?

Why do I have to be
snatched away

from a warm,
dry, safe Stalag 13

and be sent on
some suicide mission by some madman?

General
Reifschneider, sir?

Yes, General
Reifschneider!

I'm not afraid
to say it.

And I shall certainly deny
that I did.

Courageous
stand, sir.

She is coming, Colonel, Marya.

Marya?

The Russian?

From what direction?

This way, sir.

I'm going
that direction.

She was the cause
of it all.

Somehow I feel that
she's responsible.

She couldn't
help herself, sir.

It's your
legendary charm.

I will not let her spoil
my last few miserable hours.

Better go with him--

make sure he doesn't
jump off the train, huh?

And you will see,
mon colonel,

she's completely
innocent.

And the Russian front
is a summer resort.

See you later.

Oh, you look lovely
in your little uniform.

And you in yours.

After eternities!

Alone at last.

Hold me, Hogan.

Hold you after
what you did?

I could strangle you.

The small one,
how he trusts me.

What a lesson for you
in his beautiful faith.

Look, do you have
any idea at all

what you're doing?

Von Waffenschmidt
used you to trap me,

and he's going
to do the same thing

with all
your other contacts.

How diabolical.

It happens to be true,

which is one
of the reasons I'm here.

Oh, how sad.

I thought
you pursued me out of passion.

Look, stop the fun and games
for a minute

and listen to what
I'm telling you.

Von Waffenschmidt
knows you're an agent.

After he grabs
all your contacts,

he's going to grab you.

I know.

How long
have you known?

From the beginning.

Then why this business
at Stalag 13?

You knew we had
Klink's office bugged.

You practically told us

you were getting him
out of the way

so we'd make a grab
for the case.

The attaché case
is of no importance;

we already
have the plans.

Then why did you have me
stick my neck out?

Because I needed your
help, Hogan, darling,

in the larger plan.

Was that your way
of getting me to help you?!

You're here.

Hmm?

All right, all right.

What's it all about?

First, say you trust me.

Not for a second!

I like you.

Now, there
are generals

on the German
general staff

who wish to bring
down Hitler.

Every battle plan
for the Eastern front

is transmitted
by them in code

to a secret station
in Switzerland.

From there it finds
its way to Russia.

Naturally the Germans
know there is a leak.

Von Waffenschmidt
is trying to find it.

Simple, no?

And that's how
you already have

the information
he's carrying with him.

Brilliant,
Hogan, darling.

This whole operation
is just to throw

von Waffenschmidt
off the track,

act as a red herring.

Please, I'm
a White Russian!

Got to get rid
of him somehow.

Or discredit him.

Don't worry, you'll
think of something.

I'll think
of something, I will?

Of course you will.

I've already drugged
his brandy.

He'll be out at least
another half hour.

That's all, 30 minutes?

Do not waste time.

That leaves only
20 minutes for love.

( train whistle blowing )

NEWKIRK:
I think this is the one, Colonel--

same one as
almost opened it before.

Here we go.

Ah.

There, sir.

Okay, Newkirk,
good work.

Right, shouldn't
I get to work on the case, sir?

Just take your knife
and cut the seal.

What-- all this
and you don't even want to open it?

It just has to look
like it's been opened.

He is brilliant.

Trust him as I do.

Cut, Newkirk.

Okay, sir--
it's your show.

( brakes screeching )

( grunts )
Hmm...

It looks like our boys
got the train stopped.

What a marvelous way
to take advantage of me.

( chuckles softly )

( gears slam loudly )

Hey, LeBeau,
you sure you know

how to run an engine?

Of course I am sure
I know how to run an engine!

Forward, I know how
to run an engine!

Backward, I have not
had much practice!

Probably
a new crew.

On my last trip
must I be

bounced around
like a bean bag?

( engine chugging )

Well, I guess
they got it going now...

I hope.

Personally,
I'm in no hurry.

Does it seem to you

like the train is
going backwards?

( groans )

Oh, my head.

( groans )

What did you...

You drank
too much, Waffy.

One drink?

That was too much.

Might be the climate.

Now, you are Hogan.

Well... now, how
did you get here?

Better check the seal.

Looking for this?

Oh, he forced me
to tell.

So, now you shoot me?

Not necessarily--
but the Gestapo might.

Why?

Several reasons.

For losing
the battle plans?

They're still
in there.

But we might
have made copies.

What happens then?

You deliver them,

the Russians already
have the plans,

you get shot
as a traitor.

But if I say the plans
might have been tampered with?

They shoot
for inefficiency, Waffy.

I see.

Well, then...

Go ahead... shoot.

Too messy.

But you
might defect.

You could get me
out of Germany?

It's possible.

But I would be branded.

They would consider me the head

of the spy ring
I was sent to catch.

They would take vengeance
on my wife.

You love her
that much, Waffy?

I will defect.

You could be
a great asset to the free world.

What are we
talking about?

We are on a train bound
for the Russian front.

Stalag 13.

The Russian front.

When Hogan says something,
Waffy, dear, believe him.

Stalag 13?

HOGAN:
Rise and shine, commandant,

we're here.
Hmm?

Hmm, we're... we're here?

Yeah-- the rest
of the commandos

are already
off the train.

Commandos?

Klink's Commandos.

Oh...

Oh, it's terribly cold.

Yeah, brisk, sir.

Oh, thank you, Hogan.

You know, Hogan,
I just want to say,

despite our
little differences,

I've always regarded you
as a kindred spirit.

"Kindred spirit"-- it's
very decent of you, sir.

And, you know,
when this is over and we should meet

on that great
parade ground in the sky,

just call me Wilhelm.

Well, thank you.

And I know what
a great disappointment

this is to you.

Disappointment?

It's a disaster!

No, no, I mean
the mission being called off.

Called off?

Yeah, change
of orders.

I thought
you heard.

But where are we?

At the station
near Stalag 13.

Stalag 13?!

Tough break, Wilhelm.

"Wilhelm"?

Commandant Klink,
Hogan.

Yeah, good
to be home again.

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