All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s04e08 Color the Luftwaffe Red.eng

( theme song playing )

That's it.

Better get
a shot of it.

The light's bad.

Still, I'll
give it a try.

Watch it!

Mirror, mirror in my hand,

who's the prettiest in the land?

Mama, you're flipping again.

Oh, I can't help it, sonny.

Just being in town
drives me crazy.

Come on, Mama.

( coughs )

My, my, now,
there's a handsome lad

in his uniform.

Danke,
gnädige Frau.

It's a pity you're not
in the service, sonny,

and you could wear
a uniform.

They wouldn't take me.

And I love war.

I already had my snowshoes
for the Russian front.

Oh, Mama, if only I...

Hush, hush, angel.

He's a little scrambled
upstairs.

He's my own flesh and blood,
but I have to admit it.

What's going on
in there?

Having a party?

Little wingding perhaps?

I think I'll go in
and do my imitation

of Marlene Dietrich.

Luftwaffe
headquarters.

Verboten.

Oh, couldn't Mama go in
and rest a little?

She's very tired.

I'm not a well woman.

I'm as weak as a cat lately.

Nein!

Verboten.

Raus!

Not very gemütlich,
is he, sonny?

We're all Nazis
together, you know.

Heil Hitler.

Raus!

A few moments ago,
I was a gnädige Frau.

How quickly
they change.

HOGAN:
Hold it.

This all you got?

The outside
of the building?

Well, that's all we
could manage, Colonel.

Yeah, the guard on the door,
sir, was a real hard case.

We never had a chance
with him.

Not very efficient,
gnädige Frau.

Leave off.

It's Luftwaffe Intelligence
headquarters.

It's important
we get a bug in there.

Yeah, and we can't
plant the bug

unless we know
the layout inside.

SCHULTZ:
Heraus, everybody! Heraus!

Roll call!
Everybody outside.

Line up.

LeBEAU:
All right, all right.

All the prisoners outside.

That means you, too, madame.

Oh, I'm going.

And please be quick
about it, madame.

"Madame"?

They're rehearsing
a play, Schultz.

Those two jokers
are actors?

Show him.

( melodramatically ):
Philip, give me the letter.

I must have
the letter, Philip.

What letter?

Good, huh?

Terrible.

That's the trouble
with this war.

Everybody's a critic.

Heraus, you two!

All right,
we're "rausing."

Could you
unbutton me, please?

Oh, I'd be glad to.

( grunts )

Raus, everybody!

That is the estimate
for painting the interior

of the new headquarters, sir.

This is labor
and materials?

Yes, General.

A local company.

450 marks
and 12 pfennigs.

For painting?

That's an outrage.

KLINK ( over kettle radio ):
I agree with you, General Burkhalter.

I wouldn't pay it,
if I were you.

BURKHALTER:
I won't.

I admire your strength
in these situations.

But you will.

What?

You will pay for it...

out of the very generous
allowance

Berlin gives you
to run Stalag 13.

But, General Burkhalter,
that's impossible.

I can barely manage as it is.

You are
a Luftwaffe officer.

Yes, sir.

Strange as
it may seem at times.

Thank you, sir.

The new Intelligence
headquarters is

a Luftwaffe operation.

Therefore, it becomes
your problem.

But why should that
responsibility fall upon me?

What would you rather have
fall upon you--

responsibility or snowflakes?

I can assure you,
General Burkhalter,

we will use a very good brand
of paint.

Burkhalter's got Klink
on the ropes.

Right where we want him.

Gentlemen, his little problem

is going to solve
our little problem.

We are now in the paint
contracting business.

Hogan, I have been
sitting here for hours

trying to cut expenses,
and you are asking

for an extra loaf of white bread
a week for your men.

And a few cookies.

And a few cookies.

Anything special
you would like?

Chocolate chip
would be fine.

( feigns chuckling ):
Chocolate chip...

Or raisin.

Tell you what--
mix them up.

Surprise us.

Hogan, not only is
your request denied,

but I will take away

that loaf of white bread
you're getting now

and instead give you
regular camp bread rations.

Back to the sawdust.

Dismissed.

Sir...

I realize we're enemies,

but we're also
human beings.

I can tell, something's
disturbing you, huh?

Yes, you're disturbing me.

Dismissed.

Colonel, if we can't help
each other, why are we here?

It's that painting job,
right?

How do you know that?

I've been reading
your desk.

Everything here's secret.

450 marks to paint
the interior of the building.

That's no secret.

It's an outrage!

That's exactly what
General Burkhalter said.

Uh... we could do the job

for 350 marks.

"We"?

Two of my men,
before the war,

were interior decorators.

Sergeant Carter's the best house
painter in Muncie, Indiana.

Is that so?

Mm-hmm.

I must say,
I'm very impressed.

350 marks-- a saving
of a hundred marks.

Buy a lot of monocles, sir.

Yes.

Why are you making
this offer?

We don't want you
to economize.

We want to save
that loaf of bread.

Oh, so you can go to town,
try a little escape...

You have my word

as an officer and
a gentleman-- no escape.

I'm afraid not.

It's against
all regulations.

Uh... 350 your best price?

Rock bottom, and we're
losing money on the job.

But we want to keep you
as a customer.

I'm afraid it's impossible.

Tell you what--
if there's any paint left over,

we'll do a quick touch-up
on your office.

It's beginning
to look shabby--

( whispering ):
rather embarrassing.

All right.

Paint the Luftwaffe
headquarters...

and my office
for 350 marks.

One more thing.

Schultz.

No!

I can't paint anything
else at that price.

Schultz will guard you,

and if there's any attempt
at an escape,

his orders will be

shoot to kill.

Not exactly union conditions,

but we'll take the job.

How long will
this job take?

Well, it's hard
to say.

We're dealing
with experts here.

I mean,
they can't be rushed.

I want these men
out of here tonight!

( phone rings )

Now, listen, Hogan,
this job has got...

You idiot!

I'm sorry, sir.

I want this job finished
as quickly as possible.

You can depend
on us, sir.

We won't hold up
the war.

It's the only war
we got.

There's one
other war, Sergeant.

The one with icicles.

LeBEAU:
How much turpentine you put in?

Well, there's
a larger question.

What's turpentine?

Hogan...

these men
are experts?

Haven't you ever
heard that before?

That's an old
painter's joke.

( all chuckle )

Schultz,
you're in charge.

I'm making you
personally responsible.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

And be alert.

Or as alert as you
can possibly be.

Carry on.

All right, everybody,
pay attention.

You heard
the commandant.

I am in charge,
and I'm supervising,

and I want you to do
a very good job!

You don't know anything
about painting.

That makes
two of you.

LeBEAU:
My father used to have a painting store...

( arguing )

Quiet, everybody!

Get to work!

Schultz is
in charge.

Come on.

( arguing continues; fades )

CARTER:
You think we ought to sand these walls?

NEWKIRK:
Don't be stupid.

Well?

Well, it shouldn't be too
difficult planting a bug.

There's plenty of wiring
coming into the place.

Mm-hmm.

Remember, I promised
Klink a good job.

We aim to please, sir.

We'd like to have more of
your hidden microphone work.

Gut.

( phone rings )

Get me General Müller.

General Müller,
Major Vogel here, sir.

Heil Hitler.

Sir, we have received copies

of the Section 489 maps
from headquarters.

Yes, sir-- fighter deployment
location and unit strength.

Top secret.

Shall I send them
to your office, Herr General?

At once.

Heil Hitler.

( Hogan whispers indistinctly )

CARTER:
Excuse me, sir.

We need your help.

What is it?

Was there any
special color, sir,

you wanted us
to paint the walls?

Why bother me
with that?

Can't you see
I'm busy?

VOGEL:
I am not an interior decorator!

NEWKIRK:
Well, I never thought you were, sir.

Although, one never
can tell, can one?

Would you just look
at this, sir?

Just look at it.

It's called a gay,
happy chartreuse.

NEWKIRK:
Now, just watch the way it goes on, sir.

Watch this.

See how the room
becomes alive.

CARTER:
It's very ordinary.

I'm a blue man,
myself.

CARTER:
What do you think of that?

NEWKIRK:
It doesn't capture the real Luftwaffe.

Now, here is something that will
stimulate the old optic nerve.

VOGEL:
You have both put the same color on the wall.

NEWKIRK:
It challenges the imagination, doesn't it, sir?

Paint it the
regulation color!

Well, what
color is used

in military
buildings?

Your army or ours?

I don't care
what color!

( stomps foot )

Just paint it!

It's so hard
to bring beauty

into
some people's lives.

SCHULTZ:
One, two, three, four.

I came with four,

I leave with four.

What about me,
Schultz?

You are
an officer, Colonel,

you do not count.

The count is correct.

I take
the prisoners back

to Stalag 13,
Herr Major.

Halt!

Search them.

There is top-secret material
in this room, Sergeant.

Search them!

( giggles )

SCHULTZ:
Nothing, sir.

Next.

Nothing, sir.

Next.

Raise your arms.

Raise your arms.

Nothing... sir.

Don't tickle, Schultz.

Nothing, sir.

You forgot to look
in that pocket.

( gasps )

My watch!

Can't be too careful
these days.

Next.

Raise your arms, sir.

Nothing, sir.

VOGEL:
What are you doing?

Turn that light back on!

The light's
giving off too much heat--

the room will
dry too fast.

You don't want
tacky paint, do you?

All I want is for you to finish
and get out

as quickly as possible.

Major, you read my mind.

SCHULTZ:
All right, everybody, raus, raus, raus, raus.

This just came in
from London, Colonel.

Hold it.

London's sending a special
courier for the map.

They'll drop him in
when we're ready,

fly him out the following night.

And it's signed "Anxious."

Be nice if we had
the bloody thing for him.

But we haven't.

The Krauts are going to find

that map any minute.

And then
they'll find us.

You guys are
knocking yourselves out

for no reason at all.

I don't consider
a firing squad

"no reason at all."

Are you figuring

to try for it
again, Colonel?

Like, tomorrow?

That's
ridiculous!

Come off it,
sir, please.

We were supposed
to put

a microphone
in there.

We did it,
c'est fini.

Matter of fact,
I was a bit rushed on that bug;

I should check it.

Okay, but the map
is the big bonus.

I still think
we ought to forget it.

I already have.

Let's talk about girls.

They're sending
a special courier.

Give him an IOU.

It's a map of German
fighter deployment.

Any idea what
that would mean

to our bomber command?

Sure, that's the places
they'd hit first.

And sabotage
on the ground.

The Krauts would get wise
to that right away and redeploy.

Right. But it would take them
a month to rearrange themselves.

In that time, having the map

could save maybe
a hundred bomber crews.

I say it's worth another shot.

But how?

Tomorrow when they take us
to that building,

we get into room,
take the map out of the lamp,

signal London we're ready
and that's it.

Absolutely nothing
to worry about.

Or is there?

Now you're coming over
to our side.

Why not?

Let's all be scared together.

( conversing in German )

The Major's orders
are not to let you in.

He's busy.

Tell him
we have to get

into the office,
Schultz.

( translates )

Nein, das ist
verboten.

You heard
what he said.

About face,
back to the...

( arguing loudly )

Attention!

What's going
on here?

We want to go in
and finish the job, Major.

As far as I am concerned,
you are finished.

We should inspect the work
and check the paint

to make sure
it's drying properly.

Take them
back to camp.

Jawohl, Herr Major.

Last officer to go against
Burkhalter's orders

is missing in action!

General
Burkhalter?

About that high,
about that wide,

walks like a duck.

I know what
he looks like.

You're under
his orders?

Yeah, he's a great guy.

All right, all right,
inspect the paint...

then out!

SCHULTZ:
All right, inspect the paint.

Come on, everybody,
inspect the paint.

( chattering )

What makes them
so happy?

Oh, they have to be--
union regulations.

( conversing )

Hold it, men.

( conversing continuing )

Hold it!

Not enough light in here.

Can't inspect the paint
unless you can see.

You told us to keep
the lights off

or the paint would
not dry properly.

That was yesterday.

You got to keep up
with the times.

Must be the bulb
or the wiring.

I'll check it.

Hey, Schultz,
don't lean against it.

It's still wet.

Don't you think I know
wet paint when I see it?

Sure you do.

Excuse me, sir.

What do you think
of the color?

Yes, do
you like it?

Don't
bother me!

He likes it.

All right, LeBeau...
let's try it.

Right, sir.

Ha, see?

Loose bulb.

The paint is drying
very well, Colonel.

Yes, I'm satisfied.

Oh, that's
good enough for me.

Kinch, everything
where it ought to be?

You know what
they say, Colonel:

There's a place
for everything

and the thing
is in its place.

See, Major, it
only hurt a minute.

Raus, raus, raus.

SCHULTZ:
Well, gentlemen,

you did a very good job
on the painting.

You did not make any trouble.

There was no monkey business.

You didn't try to escape.

You did not steal anything.

We must
be slipping.

Just to show you
my appreciation,

I'll take you all out
to the Hofbrau for a beer.

That's very, very
decent of you, Schultz.

NEWKIRK:
Oh, you're all Kraut and a yard wide.

Yeah, but
we can't accept.

Why?

It's against regulations.

Regulations?

That's my job.

Yup, take us
back to camp, huh?

SCHULTZ:
Wait a minute, Colonel Hogan.

I want to buy
you a drink.

I'm paying.

Can't turn him down, sir.

It's military courtesy.

I didn't want
to tell you this,

but I don't
feel too well.

What's wrong, Colonel?

Back there
in the office

I got a sudden pain--
right here.

And he wants
to get rid of it, right, Colonel?

HOGAN:
As quickly as possible.

If a man gets caught
with a pain like this,

I mean, he could be
very, very sick.

Yeah, every minute
he has it

is dangerous.

Yeah, but,
Colonel Hogan,

a beer will make you
feel much better.

I don't think so.

Thanks anyway, Schultz.

OTHERS:
Thank you, Schultz.

Halt!

I am in charge here.

And I decided to take you down
the street for a beer

and anybody who refuses
will be shot trying to escape!

He's gone mad.

That's not like him.

Schultzy, you sound
like a killer.

( growls )

I can't help it...

I'm thirsty.

( men cheering )

Here we go.

( chattering )

Thank you
very much.

Now, gentlemen...

to our wives
and sweethearts.

May they
never meet.

( laughs )

"May they never meet"!

SCHULTZ:
Oh, you feel better, Colonel?

HOGAN:
Yeah, having a ball, Schultz.

Some more beer,
next and last one...

Sergeant Schultz?!

Yeah...

Jawohl.

Major Vogel reports

you permitted these men

to leave Luftwaffe
headquarters

without
being searched.

I was thirsty...

I mean, I forgot.

You forgot?!

Search them.

On your feet, all of you.

Line up!

Very
friendly type.

It's their country.

It's also their map,

but the firing squad
will be ours.

Just what do you
think you're doing?

It's a bit warm, sir.

Oh, really?

That was very stupid.

No wonder you British
are losing the war.

Oh, did you
hear that, chaps?

We're losing the war.

That's the first
I've heard of it.

I must write
to my mum and dad.

They're going
to be shocked.

Silence!

Aha... you stole that.

Well, I prefer

to think of it,
sir, as borrowed.

Well?

All right... as you were.

Make sure that man
is punished.

And, Sergeant, next time
observe regulations.

Understood?

Understood!

Oh, boy, is it understood.

Yeah, remember
that pain

I had
a while ago?

It's gone.

I told you, Colonel,

a beer will make
you feel much better.

Who's got it?

You mean,
it's catching?

There we are,
sir, allow me.

Danke.

Not at all, sir.

There is no reason

why this war can't
be a helpful one,

is there, sir?

As long as you Engländers
know your place.

Right, sir.

Auf Wiedersehen.

Auf Wiedersehen,
to you, sir.

( softly ):
And drop dead about it while you're on the way.

About that pain, sir,

I think
I've got it now.

It is catching.

Let's get
back to camp.

Yeah, before someone else
catches it.

SCHULTZ:
How much is it?

I put it in
the old geezer's coat

and took it out
while he was leaving.

Newkirk, I wish
I could give you

a medal for this.

Well, the truth
is, sir...

Don't tell me.

He'll never miss it.

350 marks, 12 pfennigs--

one of the greatest bargains
of World War II, sir.

I'd like it in cash.

Not so fast,
my friend.

I have a little
bill for you.

Commandant, you've been
painting behind my back?

Transportation,
the use of a truck into Hammelburg, 150 marks.

Overtime for
Sergeant Schultz,

190 marks
and 12 pfennigs.

190 marks for Schultz?

You've got to be kidding.

He's a sergeant,
remember?

A corporal could
have guarded us.

You wouldn't have
saved a great deal,

perhaps ten percent.

Look, we made a deal,
we did a good job;

we want the money.

Dismissed.

I'd like the cash, sir.

I said "dismissed."

Is that your final word?

It is, indeed.

Okay.

Hold it!
( men talking loudly )

Knock it off!

HOGAN:
Fellows, knock it off!

We lost
the contract.

Wait a minute...

Where are you going?

Just a minute.

Hogan!

My office, who's going
to paint it, huh?

If I were you,
I'd get someone with experience.

Hey, how about
that little corporal

with the mustache?

Out.

Is he busy?

Out!

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