All language subtitles for Hogans Heroes s03e25 LeBeau and the Little Old Lady.eng

( theme song playing )

Why is it me always
has to go on this mission?!

Why do I always
have to risk my life?

And for what?

To give a message
to an old lady who hates me.

Isn't anyone going
to say something?

Gin.

That's not what he
wanted to hear, Carter.

It's not what I
wanted to hear either.

And you're all supposed
to be my buddies.

Ha! I would get
more sympathy

from the dirty Boches.

Come on, LeBeau,
it's not our fault

the underground picked

a crotchety
little old lady

to run their
message center.

But why am I always
the one to go?!

It's your own fault.

You never should
have told everyone

what a mean
old goat she is.

Here you are, LeBeau.

Maybe this will help.

What is this?

It's the address of
the chaplain in my unit.

Write to him
about your troubles.

Still here, LeBeau?

He's hoping
one of us'll volunteer

to deliver the message.

Come on, you know
they've all had

their share
of dangerous assignments.

It's not the danger
I mind,

but every time I have
to meet that old lady

I get sick
to my stomach.

It can't be that bad.

It can't?

Her apartment is over
a German restaurant.

Maybe you'll
get lucky today

and pick up a tailwind.

Some pals.

Gin.

You didn't even
pick a card.

Right, I got it
on the deal.

How many points
do you have in your hand?

Plenty.

Kinch, you're my friend.

Why don't you take my place?

You're talking to a man
on a three-way blitz.

The way his luck is going today,

he'd never make it
out the tunnel.

Why don't you just
deliver your message

to your old lady,
like a good lad?

All right, I'll go.

I hope
with all this

you haven't forgotten
the message.

"London advises
the troop train will arrive

at the Weingarten railroad yard
at exactly 4:28 p.m. tomorrow."

Right.

Hey, LeBeau.
What?

Her name's "Wilhelmina"?

Yes, why?

Well, that's Dutch, isn't it?

Right.

Would you ask her if it's true

about that little kid
that put his finger in the dike?

Carter, do you think

that's all LeBeau's
got to do

is ask her stupid
questions like that?

Thanks, Newkirk.

I want you to ask
that little old lady

about Hans Brinker
and his silver skates.

You're all very amusing.

They make jokes
when they're worried.

Nothing to worry about--

the Boches
will never get me.

Look, we know it's
a dangerous assignment,

but if that little
old lady's as bad

as you've told us she is,

it's better that
the same man be the contact.

I guess she's not
so terrible.

It's like visiting
your grandmother once a week.

Hello, Wilhelmina.

Hello, LeBeau.

Did you have any trouble
getting by the Gestapo?

No, not much.

Would you like
some coffee?

Yes.

I always worry.

It's so dangerous.

But sometime I would think

they would send
one of the other men.

Somehow none of the other men
ever volunteered.

( electronic beeping )

Emergency message
from headquarters.

Bad news?

The Gestapo's
got a drive on.

They're picking up agents
from all over the area.

Anyone we know?

Come on, I only need
one card for gin.

I know that, mate.

( chuckles softly )

Well, you're not
getting that.

I'd go to my grave
with this, love.

Gin.

Weren't you saving tens?

That's what
I thought you thought.

Just add up your points.

Thirty-five.

That's
a three-way blitz!

Should have gone out
with LeBeau.

I don't think so.

Is something
wrong, sir?

We just got
a radio message from London.

One of our
Resistance units,

Wooden Shoes,
got picked up by the Gestapo.

Yeah, they must have gotten

the information
about Wilhelmina.

They could have picked her
and LeBeau up by now.

He's been gone all day.

And you know he delivers
the message to the old lady

and gets out of that apartment
as fast as he can.

The patrol has
just gone around the corner, LeBeau.

This would be a good time
for you to leave.

But I just got here.

You've been here
since morning,

and it's almost dark.

Now, please go.

Oh, there is something
I have to ask you.

What is it?

Is the story true
about a little Dutch boy

who put his finger
in a dike?

If I didn't believe that,

I wouldn't be
in the underground.

Now go-- you'll miss
your roll call.

Somebody
will cover for me.

Unlike the Gestapo,
who stops everybody

for questioning.

I will avoid them.

LeBeau,
in a few moments

the restaurant below
starts cooking dinner.

I'll go.

And thank you again.

The information
on the troop movements

means so much to those
who fight for our cause.

I understand.

I like you,
Wilhelmina.

And I like you, LeBeau.

Do you like me for myself
or my troop movements?

What do you think?

I don't know
about the rest of you guys,

but I feel like a heel.

After all these weeks
on that assignment,

LeBeau was bound to be
pressing his luck.

I feel rotten, too.

If he'd said Wilhelmina
was a young blonde,

we'd all broken our backs
to go out.

I would've gone
to meet her with a Union Jack

singing
"God Save the King."

Look, you've all taken
your share of risks.

Stop feeling guilty.

I'll tell you one thing,
if he ever gets back,

I'll never let him go see
that old crow again.

That goes for me, too.

Sir, you can add
my name to the list.

( trapdoor rattles )

HOGAN:
LeBeau.

NEWKIRK:
LeBeau!

Louis, what have
you been doing?

Mon ami, we were
worried about you.

What happened?

What were you all
worried about?!

The Gestapo will
never get me!

What are you shouting for?

Oh, I'm sorry, Colonel.

You see, I'm so used to
yelling at that old lady.

She's hard of
hearing, you know.

You're not going
to be yelling at her any longer.

What do you mean?

The Gestapo picked up one
of the underground units

that she's worked with.

One way or another,

they usually find
the radio.

HOGAN:
Where are you going?

To save her.

Forget it--

they probably
picked her up already.

But I've got to try.
No deal--

the whole town
will be filled with Krauts

looking
for the apartment.

But we can't
turn our backs on that old lady.

With her rheumatism,
she couldn't make it down the stairs.

With her bad eyes, she
couldn't see the Gestapo.

And when they
told her to halt,

she wouldn't hear them
and they would shoot her.

Well, your getting captured
isn't going to help her,

so forget it.

Nobody leaves camp--
including you.

Yes, sir.

( grunts sleepily )

( whimpering )

He's not in
any of the tunnels.

I couldn't find him
anywhere, sir.

Neither could I.

You sure you
looked everywhere?

Can only mean
one thing--

he sneaked out to help
that little old lady.

Yeah, he's
a good-hearted little guy.

Sure, and if
he's caught,

he blows our
whole operation.

You want us
to go after him, Colonel?

No, the Gestapo
are everywhere.

What do we do,
sir?

In time of trouble,

there's always one
man I can turn to.

Who's that?

Klink!

Raus, everybody, raus.

Roll call!

Colonel Hogan,
roll call.

Everybody, raus.

Forget roll call, Schultz.

Everybody's here
but LeBeau.

He's escaped.

I'm not interested
in rumors.

I'm telling you, Schultz,
he's gone.

There's no escape
from Stalag 13.

That's an order
by Kommandant Klink.

Now raus!

Raus, everybody!

Okay, Schultz,
have your roll call.

See for yourself.

I see nothing.

Now, raus, raus,
raus, raus, raus.

Come on, mach schnell.

Raus, everybody.

Now, come on, roll call!

What's the matter
with you?

Roll call, mach schnell!

Now, everybody,
roll call.

Stand at attention,
do you understand?

( sighs )

Okay, Schultz,
have your roll call.

I don't have to--
everybody's here.

I demand
you have a roll call.

I don't have to!

Under the Geneva Convention,

you've got to have
a roll call every day.

All right-- Hogan.

Here.

Newkirk.
Here!

Carter.
Here!

LeBeau-- here.

Okay.

Wait a minute, Schultz--

I heard that.

Report!

Herr Kommandant!

All present and
accounted for.

KLINK:
Dis... missed!

Dis...

Just a minute,
Kommandant,

one of my men
is missing.

Missing from what?

Stalag 13--
he's escaped.

Schultz, didn't you say

that all men were present
and accounted for?!

Herr Kommandant,
will you take the word

of an irresponsible
American prisoner

or the word of one
of your most trustworthy,

loyal and efficient
sergeants?

If you're smart,
Schultz,

you'll rephrase
the question.

Hogan, which one
of your men is missing?

LeBeau.

Oh, Herr Kommandant,
please do not listen

to him.

LeBeau!

Here.

When I just
called LeBeau,

did you say "here"?

Oh, did you call LeBeau,
Herr Kommandant?

I thought you
were calling Schultz.

You just got to face it,
Kommandant, LeBeau has escaped.

Don't use that word
in my presence.

Did you check
the de-lousing station?

Oh, a very good idea,
Herr Kommandant.

Forget it--

you'll never find him
in this camp.

Schultz!
Here.

Dummkopf, I know
you're here.

Sound the alarm,
release the dogs.

Jawohl, Herr Kommandant.

LeBeau will not
get away with this.

When he is captured,

he will get 60 days
in the cooler!

Dis... missed!

( alarm bell ringing )

( dogs barking )

Why'd you turn
him in, Colonel?

So Klink could capture him
instead of the Gestapo.

Right?
Right.

He needs a bloodhound
to find the camp.

He'll never
capture LeBeau.

That's why
we're going to help him.

And you mean to tell me
that in two hours

you didn't find a trace
of that prisoner?

Sir, I assure you

I've already taken
some very drastic action.

All right,
read me back that letter.

"To: General Burkhalter.

"Subject: Personnel
replacement.

Dear General."

That's as far
as you got, sir.

Right.

Dear General,
this is an urgent request

to replace four members
of my camp personnel--

DerWolfgang, Heidi,
Hans and Gerta,

our German shepherd guard dogs.

They have become lazy,
inefficient and vicious.

I thought they were supposed

to be vicious.

Not to me.

Dogs and kids
are great judges of character.

Hogan, I am not amused.

My sense of humor
left with LeBeau.

Dismissed.

My kindest regards
to Frau Burkhalter,

et cetera, et cetera.

Heil Hitler.

Would you like me to send

the daily prisoner roll call
with this, sir?

Not until I recapture
the prisoner who did not escape.

Hogan,
I said dismissed.

Okay,
I just dropped by

to tell you where
LeBeau's hiding.

The day you tell me where one
of your prisoners is hiding

is the day you send
a birthday gift to Goering.

Ask Hermann who sent him
the girdle last year.

Out! Out! Out!

I just hope the Gestapo
doesn't get into this.

If Major Hochstetter has
to recapture your prisoner,

you'll never hear the end of it.

Why would Major Hochstetter's
men find LeBeau before my men?

His dogs are smarter.

They use Belgian shepherds.

You use German.

The German shepherd dog is
the smartest dog in the world.

They couldn't find
the mess hall,

but I can find LeBeau for you.

Hogan, why are you being
so helpful?

Because I don't want
Major Hochstetter

and the Gestapo to get him.

All right.

Where's the prisoner
hiding?

Not so fast.

I knew there was
a catch to it.

There's no catch,
just a simple deal.

You take Newkirk, Carter
and me with you

and we'll show you where
to find the prisoner.

You call that
a simple deal?

We don't want your
trigger-happy guards

to get him.

And what if I refuse?

Then the Gestapo
picks up LeBeau,

your escape-proof record
is ruined,

loud-mouth Hochstetter
spreads it all over Berlin,

and you're standing
on a corner in Stalingrad

thumbing through
a Russian/German dictionary.

For the last time, Schultzy,
open that door.

You heard him,
Schultz.

Colonel Hogan said
we're going downtown.

I do not take any orders
from Colonel Hogan.

Open the door, Schultz.

Jawohl, Colonel.

But, Colonel Hogan,
wait a minute.

Colonel Hogan...

Oh, Commandant Klink.

Never mind,
Schultz.

Just get in the car
and start driving.

Jawohl,
Herr Kommandant.

Schultz!

( tires screeching )

Wilhelmina calling
Wooden Shoe.

Wilhelmina
calling Wooden Shoe.

Come in, please,
Wooden Shoe.

( sighs )

Now will you leave?

I can't.

I told you the Gestapo
has picked him up.

They are sure to be
looking for you.

I must remain here.

My other contact,
Windmill, needs me.

They don't
need you dead.

Wilhelmina calling
Wooden Shoe.

Come in, please,
Wooden Shoe.

There are still
no soldiers

around this building.

Come.

I am not going.

If your contacts knew
you were in danger,

they would want you
to leave.

Please, LeBeau, you go.

No, if you stay,
I stay.

But why would you
want to stay?

Don't you know by now?

If you want me to go,
I'll go.

All right, Schultz,
here it is.

Our deal with Klink
is for you to stay here.

We'll bring him out.

Jawohl,
Colonel Hogan.

( door slams )

That poor old lady
died this morning

and this is
her replacement.

Sorry to hear that.

We've been had, mates.

Boy,
have we been had.

I got to hand it
to you, LeBeau.

It's the greatest snow job
since Mount Everest.

Hi, I'm
Colonel Hogan.

Hello, I'm
Wilhelmina.

Junior.

I guess you probably
won't be needing this ear trumpet.

Nor this shawl and cane.

Throw them out the window.

I don't understand.

You brought that
for me?

From LeBeau's
description,

we expected
a little old lady.

Well, when you're
five-foot-three,

you can't take chances.

Funny, I always thought
you were six-foot-three.

If we don't get out of here,
we'll all be three-foot-six.

Do you have a plan
to get her out, Colonel?

We have to get her to the
flower shop on the Bundesplatz.

The underground
will take her from there.

That's if you can
get down the stairs with your rheumatism.

Newkirk.

Hey, LeBeau, you've known
Wilhelmina the longest,

so you can be the last
to kiss her good-bye

and I shall be the first.

HOGAN:
Hold it!

What's the matter,
Colonel?

Hochstetter just arrived.

Do you think he
spotted this house?

He should.

He's brought
every tracking device

but an Apache scout.

Who is Hochstetter?

Your friendly neighborhood
Gestapo dealer.

Is he sending
his men up?

Not yet.

Klink's giving him
a bad time.

( arguing )

Attaboy!

Way to go, Klink!

Let's hear it for
our favorite Kraut!

Maybe
we could make it

out the back
of the building.

No, we came in
through the front door.

We'll go out
through the front door.

Stand aside,
Klink.

My men are going
to search this house.

Major Hochstetter,
that won't be necessary.

The prisoner
will be brought out

by my efficient, trusted
and dependable sergeants.

Oh, I didn't know

they sent a replacement
for Schultz.

Oh, they haven't.

Sergeant Schultz is perfectly
capable of taking...

( dogs barking )

Are those
Belgian shepherd dogs?

Of course.

May I ask where you got them,
Major Hochstetter?

Never mind
the dogs now, Klink.

There is a radio operator
for the underground

hiding in this house.

Major Hochstetter,
the underground is your problem

and the escaped prisoner
is my problem.

Don't tell me what
is Gestapo business!

Would you mind lowering
your voice, Major?

You're going to bring
the property values down

in the neighborhood.

What is this man
doing here?

You see,
Major Hochstetter,

the prisoner's here
and my efficient, trusted

and dependable
sergeants.

Where?!
Where?!

If you would run your
camp properly, Klink,

he would have never escaped
in the first place.

Can you fellas finish
this discussion later?

We're dying to get back to camp.

What is this man
doing here?

Major Hochstetter,
I assure you that...

Klink, you have delayed
me long enough.

We are going to search
this building.

For what?

He thinks that there's
an underground contact here.

Oh, we didn't see anybody.

Do you see,
I told you so.

What is this man
doing here?!

You're shouting again.

Somebody's going
to call a cop.

You don't have to take
Colonel Hogan's word, sir.

Ask her.

Excuse me, Fraulein,

but have you seen
anyone suspicious

in this building?

What is it you say,
young man?

Speak right in there.

Excuse me, Fraulein,

but did you see
anyone suspicious

in this building?

Jawohl, in the
apartment number five.

Five.

Come!

All right, everyone
into the car.

Just a minute,
Colonel.

Hogan,
what is it?

Fraulein,
may we give you a lift?

May we give you a lift?

Danke schon.

That would be
very nice.

I go to
the Bundesplatz.

Oh, it's right on our way.

Hogan, you should
not have invited that old lady.

You can speak up.

She's deaf as a post.

Hogan, you should
not have invited that old lady.

That's not very nice,
Colonel.

She's doing her part
for the war effort--

working at the canteen,
selling doughnuts and coffee,

dancing with the troops.

Hogan, you're
impossible.

We better hurry, sir.

I don't want
to miss roll call.

You get in first, Newkirk,
and I'll sit on your lap.

Oh, come on, you weigh a ton.

You get in first.

I think we should
get in first.

LeBeau's
right.

I will decide
where you sit.

Newkirk, in.

Carter,
on his lap.

Right.

Then Hogan,
then LeBeau,

and then
this old lady.

Now let's go.

All set back here,
Schultz.

Schultz!

( tires screeching )

Bet you haven't seen
too many prisoners

kissing little old
German ladies, Kommandant.

No.

You know something?

LeBeau is really
quite sentimental.

Mm-hmm.

So am I.

I'm not going
to give him

60 days
in the cooler.

You're not?

30 days is enough.

Colonel,
you've got a heart

as big as
the whole Reichstag.

Gin.

Right again.

( thumping )

KINCH:
Hey, good news, LeBeau.

What's that?

Message from London.

The old crow is safe
and sends her love.

Dinner's on me tonight,
gentlemen.

That's the name
and address

of the new
underground contact.

"Juliana."

Sounds like another doll.

Who wants to volunteer?

Not you, LeBeau.

Newkirk, how about you?

If you don't mind, sir,
I'll pass.

Lightning seldom strikes twice
in the same place.

Carter, you want
to take a chance?

I've always had bad luck
on blind dates, sir.

No, no,
not me, sir.

Well, somebody's got to go.

Juliana?

Yeah.

( chuckling )

They're never going
to believe me.

Well, well, well.

Hello, Colonel.

NEWKIRK:
Hail, the conquering hero comes.

Well, sir,
what was she like?

Do the numbers 38, 26, 36
mean anything to you?

Oh, sure.

( group chuckles )

Sorry, Colonel, I'm not
going to be fooled again.

I still pass.

Yes, sir,

I'm afraid you're
still stuck with her.

Have to get up pretty early
in the morning to fool you guys.

( whistling jauntily )

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